Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - BEST OF: Booty Call Horror Story (w/ Jameela Jamil)

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

Actress Jameela Jamil (The Good Place) joins Nicole to share her most horrifying booty call story. They dive into the wild pressure women face to be sexy, why so many play it small for men, and how the relentless pursuit of the 'bad boy' often leads to heartbreak—and HPV.Originally aired 09/06/2018.Write to Nicole! Submit your dirty pick-up lines, dating stories, or questions to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everyone, it's Nicole. While we're on hiatus, I am so excited to share one of my all time favorite episodes with you. Today we're re-releasing my conversation with the incredible Jamila Jamil. You probably know her from The Good Place or her podcast, I Way with Jamila Jamil, where she's a fierce advocate for body positivity.

Honestly, I had such a good time talking to her. It was so fun and Jamila tells one of the wildest dating stories that truly I have ever heard. I attend her date going horribly wrong. Her date mixed Viagra with cocaine, which ended in disastrous results. This story had me and my producer, Mars's jaw on the floor.

We also dive into our shared awkward teenage experiences and the feeling of not fitting in, plus the joys and terrors of a booty call. I'm excited to bring this one back for you, so get ready because this is one episode you don't wanna miss. Ready? Let's hear that theme music. ["Why Won't You Date Me?" by The Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches of the Bunches Why won't you date me?

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where I try to figure out how I'm still single even though I will kiss you without talking to you for very long. My guest today, you know her from the Good Place. Also, if you're in England, you know her because she's a model and a presenter, which is a

host in England. It's a host. Yes, but they say presenter because they're fancy. Jamila Jamil. Boo boo boo. Hello. Your name is so pretty, but also it feels like a trick because Jamila Jamil. It's like it's starting to say your first name again with your last name.

It's an Indian Duranduran. Yes. You know what I mean? That's a very good way to put it, an Indian Duran Duran. Yeah. You're on The Good Place, which is such a funny show. You are wonderful on it. That's so nice of you. You are so funny and I'll be honest, I saw the previews and I was like, no way she'll be funny. She's too pretty. But then you were so funny and I was like, well, that's not fair. That's not fair. That's not fair at all. Yeah.

You're just like naturally funny too. It's not forced. And I think it's like a combination of good writing and then you're also a very good actress. Okay. Now I'm going to date you. So we've stopped. We don't need to do the podcast anymore because Nicole and I are going to date. Oh, baby.

Honestly, that would be a dream come true if someone was like, you, today, I want it. So how long have you been in LA? I'm literally about to climb over this table and just hump your leg. I can't wait. I'm honest, I'm being very genuine. You're very kind.

When I say it. It's not kind when it's true. And I feel like people don't give compliments the way they should. I think if you see something and if it's good, you should just say it. Why not? I also love it when girls support other girls. I also think you are a fantastic force. You're incredibly talented and smart.

And so this sounds awful, but it means more to me if a compliment about comedy comes from someone genuinely very funny and talented and smart. And I think you are all of those things. So I'm very flattered. Thank you. You're welcome. Do you, did you just fall into,

are you a comedic actress or were you doing comedy before? No, no, I've never done anything. Are you a comedic actress or were you doing comedy before? No, no, I've never done anything. I came here not wanting to be on television anymore because I found television, I don't know, I wasn't particularly excited by the television I'd been doing for a while in England and I was hosting shows about music

that I didn't think was very good a lot of the time. And so it felt a little bit soul destroying. And also you get pigeonholed a lot as a woman and you aren't given a lot of funny things to do, especially in England, they can be quite sexist and very, very ageist. And I felt really under stimulated. And also because England is the size of like a naval or a cat's bumhole compared to America, it's very easy to be famous there for nothing. And I found myself very much so in the public eye for no reason. I hadn't written a hit album or done anything of any significance. Yeah, but it's a bit weird to announce stuff and then for people to care about you so much and photograph you outside your house. So I think it

was just all a little bit not right for me and I wasn't even intellectually stimulated enough for it to be worth the invasion of my privacy. Does that make sense? Oh, absolutely. Not that anything's really that worth it, but at least if you're really like living for what you do. So I moved to America with no ambition to really be on television, but I did want to write for television because I've loved comedy since I was a child. It's the only thing that helped me survive what was quite a hard childhood, it was comedy.

And so I really think comedy is a medicine for people. It's an emotional medicine. And a great thing to put out into the world. I wanted to write it. I got signed as a writer by Three Arts, that company, they make a lot of comedy. And this audition came out of the blue. I had run out of money and my manager told me about this part and he said, it's an annoying Indian

English woman. You've got this. It's you. You're playing yourself. That's you. Just go in there. Don't even say the lines. Just be yourself. Totally unbearable. Go for the part. And so I went to the audition, not thinking I would ever get the part, but thinking maybe I could just meet Mike Sir and then maybe I could hand him some writing eventually. And he cast me because I guess everyone else died that day. But now I am an actress, a comedic actress, and I would never have known that I would love this so much. I can't believe what a chance he gave me because I had never, I never would have

seen this for myself. I never would have dared because it is such an incredible profession to me, but it is my favorite thing I've ever done. That's good. And I think it shows. It shows that everybody on the shows having a good time. Everyone really connects in a way that's so genuine and nice. And I've only met Mike Scher once, and he's a very whimsical man. He radiates this happiness. And I feel like all of his projects, yes.

Yeah, all of his projects I think are influenced by that as well. So I think for your first project, that's like you like just not winning the lottery, but like I think you were meant to be there at that time. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. But also after me too, I do feel like I won a lottery. Like he is the least rapey or inappropriate boss I've ever met.

He's not unkind, he doesn't have double standards for women, he doesn't care about what weight we are, we never feel objectified in any way. He just treats everyone as equal and he respects us as comedians and he challenges us and pushes us and never patronizes anyone. I like that about him.

Yeah, which is incredible and should be the norm. I know. And it's not, and it's mind boggling when you work at something like, like with a man who calls you honey off the bat and you're like, I don't fucking know you. Oh yeah, I had a photographer call me Bubba throughout the whole thing,

as if like I'm his little baby. It was really weird and creepy. That is very strange. Come to me, Bubba, come on, Bubba. Crawl at me, Bubba. And I was like, I'm not going to crawl at you. I'm 32 years old. That is so strange. So you do a lot of modeling, yes?

No, I do. I've not really... I became... I got signed as a model when I was 15, because I'd managed to master an eating disorder at 15. That was a very bad time in my life, a very stupid bad time in which I took my body for granted and hurt myself a lot. And then I was lucky to be hit by a car shortly afterwards, short six months into my modeling career, I was hit by a car, broke my back, gained 75 pounds, much needed and gained some sense and stopped taking my body for granted and stopped starving myself and realized that there are people who are literally starving in the world. They are dying of famine and I am choosing while surrounded by food,

by good food to deny myself of it. I am a horror and disgrace to myself. And obviously eating disorders are part of a mental health problem and you shouldn't, I don't think shame is the way out of it. But to look at it logically, I think sometimes can be quite empowering to be like, what am I doing? I deserve more than this treatment. This voice in my head is evil. I need to eat. That's wild that it took a car hitting you. But also sometimes you need something that jolts you back into your mind. Sometimes you're living like out of your mind, being like, I need to do all these things and I don't know. And then you get jolted and then you're like, Oh, what was I doing this whole time?

Well, it's because I'm a woman and I'm being hazed with shame. And I have been since the minute I could understand. So therefore like this, there's just like, I'm in shame smoke all the time. And it's sometimes it does take a big car coming out of the blue or something like that, like a huge life moment to remind you of your mortality and remind you that, you know, this is real, life is real and we only get one shot and don't deliberately mess it up because enough other things are going to try and mess it up for you. Truly, the world will try to keep you down, but you got to just keep yourself up. So I never modeled again. And then I became a TV host and a personality, I guess, in England.

And via that, I kind of did like branding modeling. Do you know what I mean? So it's way better. People treat you better. You're not treated like a piece of meat. You're never really pressured to look a certain way. You get to be yourself. You have autonomy because you're doing it as yourself. So I think I've kind of done, been photographed, but I don't think I've ever really modeled.

I've never had to fit in someone else's image. So you never had to like wash a car in a bikini and be like, eat a hamburger. No, no. Jesus, thank God. What a blessing. Yes. Yeah, I don't know, I'm not good at being sexy,

so I don't think I could ever do that. I think I'm a sexy person, but the way the world visualizes sexy women, that's not who I am. 100% I'm the same. And I feel like a lot of women aren't like that. So it's very interesting. I mean, I guess it's just men's idea of what sexy is, is what we've adapted to being.

No, I think it was, I mean, I hear you, but I believe it was a couple of men's idea. And then they broadcast it so heavily that other men grew up thinking, well, that's what they're supposed to find sexy. I don't know if some men actually genuinely find something sexy that they're just conditioned to believe is sexy. And then they sort of force themselves into finding things alluring that aren't necessarily alluring. It's a bit like us with the bad boy. With with, you know, we're trained to like the guy in the leather jacket and the bike who can't get his life together, but we're going to be the girl that's

going to make him turn his shit around. Um, you know, and I've had so many female friends when I've kind of tried to set them up with a good looking, nice, wonderful, smart, funny friend of mine. They're like, Oh, he's just a bit nice. He's just a little too nice. You're so destroyed by Hollywood. You want the difficult bad boy who treats you like shit. What is that conditioning that comes from our media?

It's not, stay away from the bad boys, gonna give you HPV. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That should be put on a T-shirt, stay away from the bad boys, they're gonna give you HPV. Yeah. I love it. You have an Instagram that is dedicated to celebrating women's bodies, right?

No. No. I have an Instagram that is dedicated to celebrating women's lives. Lives, okay. In spite of their bodies. Yes, okay. I knew that bodies were in there somewhere. They were totally in there.

I can't sit here as like a size US six and be like, love, I'm not gonna tell you how to feel about your body or your face or anything. I hope that you find a way to love yourself as I have had to at the various different sizes I've been. I've both been very, very small and I've been very, very large and I've learned how to love myself and accept myself

at every different size and every incarnation and with every type of acne or no acne that I've ever had. I can't tell you how to feel about the way that you look, but what I can tell you is that the way that you look should never dictate the way you feel about yourself as a whole. It's one tenth at best of what should be important to you and the media and society, the media that's bled into the society and into our culture, or the culture that's then bled into our society tells you that it's the most important thing about you. Men are brought up to, they are raised to believe that they should aspire towards success and strength and one day be able to marry the Victoria's Secret model. We are taught that we should just be the Victoria's Secret model. It's devastating and so demeaning and so pathetic. And so I think that it's

nice to appreciate the way you look and enjoy fashion and wear a bit of makeup and be proud of your body and have feelings about that. But that should never be more than one component of what makes you up as a human being. Because it isn't, when you're on your deathbed, you're not gonna be thinking about how flat your stomach was. You're gonna be thinking about what you did, like what you saw, how you made people feel, how they made you feel.

There are women who have survived cancer, they cure cancer, they lead countries, they raise people, they feed people. We are incredible, multifaceted, interesting, intelligent creatures, And we are reduced to something so menial and depressing. And so what I weigh is it's at I underscore weigh, it's just a lit, I want women to weigh themselves in their accomplishments and in the things that they have overcome in their lives and their story. I want to know women's story.

I'm tired of just seeing women's fucking arses. I don't care about your ass. I don't want to see your asshole. I don't care how bleached it is. Like, it's great. But what if I spend a lot of money and it's real white? I know. And like at a UV party, I'm sure it looks amazing and it lights up. But I want to know about the woman inside that asshole. What is she thinking? What's she feeling?

What is she going through? Who is this woman behind this asshole? I'll see your asshole. I'll like it. I'll double click. But after I've seen your asshole, I would also like to know some more about your life. Show me your family. Show me who you are, what do you care about?

What do you feel like you're being an activist about? I don't just want to see a million facetuned pictures of you. And that's what we're being reduced to. I like that. And men don't know how interesting we are because we don't show men a lot of the time how interesting we are. It is so depressing and strange to me when I see women, even women that I love, who are so funny, so dirty, so interesting, and coarse, and savage in their intelligence,

water it down as soon as a man is in the room, even a man that they're not attracted to. They completely change, they become coy, and weird. That is a very interesting thing that women do. And they start stroking inanimate objects. Yes, I have one friend who I think is one of the funniest people, fearless on stage, but the minute a man gets in the room, she'll like sit in their lap, she'll stroke them,

and I always want to shake her and say, you don't have to do that. You don't have to be liked by every man who's in a room. They start leaning on stuff a lot. It's like they suddenly can't hold up their own weight. And then their hair is messed up and they have to just keep fixing it and smiling and blinking and it's like, do you need visine? What is happening? You are a completely different person.

We're not judging you. We're just urging you to know that you don't need to do that because who you are in a room where you would feel natural is the person that you are supposed to be in every room. My god, this is like going to church. I am feeling so good. Are we falling in love? I think we are. Am I sexually harassing you? I'm sorry. I'll stay here on my side. No, this is perfect. I love it so much. So you, do you mind talking about like growing up in England?

What was, I've never been to England. I don't know what it's like. Were you born and raised in England? I was born and raised mostly in London. I did move to, I moved wherever the pound was the strongest because I was poor. So we would move to like Spain and my grandmother had a house there and we'd go live with her sometimes and Spain was so cheap to live and you could live a really lovely lifestyle with the same money that you would live in abject poverty in England at the time and then take that up an extra gear in Pakistan where we then would like go to whenever we would really

need money. But generally I lived in London. I'm London born and raised and I love London, but I do think that I was ready to live somewhere else by the time I hit 30. Can I ask growing up, were you in a lot of relationships or are you a single person, like a serial monogamist or did you stay single? Nobody wanted to have sex with me until I was 22. That's the first time someone actually wanted to have sex with me. I had my first kiss, I think, at 21. I was just too tall. I was 5'10", by the time I was like 12.

And all the boys were really short, and they didn't fancy bigger girls. I was also, I was just bigger than the other girls. I was extremely curvaceous and in a time in the 90s where heroin chic was like the style and so everyone kind of was emulating Kate Marston, jutting hip bones were like a kind of badge of honor for girls. And so I was just made to feel as though I was fat and I was made to feel like as though I was too tall and I had bad skin because I was hormonal and also unhappy and eating the wrong food and I was reacting all over my face and I had

glasses and braces and I also just didn't, I was a tomboy, whatever the hell that means. You know, my dad definitely raised me to be more of a boy than a girl, which I'm glad for now because actually I think there's a lot of toxicity sometimes in growing up in a girly way because what even is girly? Inverted comments. Growing up in a girly way is a game you play is play house where you have like a little house and a vacuum cleaner and like a frying pan. So playing to me is cooking and cleaning.

Yeah, so I was much more active and playing like, you know, war games, which isn't great either. But the point is, is that I grew up, you know, I wasn't girly, I wasn't sensual. I just didn't know, I didn't know how to be this thing that I was seeing in the movies and in the magazines. Like I didn't know how to be flirty. You know, I just knew how to kind of be funny or be honest and sincere and play. You know, I was a very innocent, I was a young 12 year old. I was, I think a proper 12 year old. You know, I wasn't hypersexualized.

I wasn't, I was still listening to the Beatles at that age. I wasn't listening to the young pop starlets who were, you know, or Madonna or people who were singing about sex all the time. I just was maybe behind my times. And so I was an awkward kid who only became more socially anxious and more awkward as I got older. And then I didn't drink and I never drank and I'm still not ever drunk.

And I think that means that I had extra social anxiety. I was hugely unpopular at school. No one spoke to me. Honestly, I had like one friend who only wanted to be my friend on the weekend. And she was not very nice to me on the weekend even. And then at school would completely blank me because I had like social leprosy.

And the more that happens, the worse you become socially. And so just the more anxious you become around girls and women, and they pick up on that because women are hypersensitive. And then just people just don't want to be near you. I would literally sit and eat lunch on my own every single day. And girls would walk up to me at school and look at me and just go, oh, really? And then just walk off in a group. Or there was one time I was

sitting at my house, not this is like a sob story, but it'll explain why I'm such a weirdo. I was sitting at my house alone on a Saturday night watching like the Eurovision song contest of my mother and 12 girls from school turned up at my house and rang on my doorbell. And I was thinking, Oh my God, are they going to invite me out? And they turned up just to ask me what I was doing and I was like, I'm just watching Eurovision Song Contest with my mom, but I'm free and they were like, oh, we were just wondering, we're going out somewhere really fun, bye.

And then just like walked off. So they just wanted, they came all the way to my house and found out my address just to humiliate me and show me that I'm in watching TV with my mother and they are like all out having fun together in a big group. Never got invited to birthday parties. That is so mean. Yeah, man. Girls are tough. They were tough. And it was also like a very racist time in

England and I was one of the only Pakistani girls in the whole school. So it was just like I had a brutal, brutal teenage years and I think it just all messed up my confidence. And then I just didn't really, I just didn't fit any mold that any boy seemed to want. And then I met and then my best friend basically fell in love with me when I was like 20, 21. And he was my first kiss and it took him nine months to get the courage up to kiss me because I was giving him zero signals. I still give men no signals. You have to be deep inside me before I even realize that you like me. Before it registers, you're like, oh, okay, there you go. He likes me a lot. I'm very bad at signals. I'm bad at giving them. I'm bad at receiving them.

I think my confidence has been so battered as a child that I don't believe that anyone would find me attractive because I don't find myself attractive. And so that's something that I continue to work on because that's just me bullying myself now. Yeah, and it's very interesting what you see in the mirror versus what the world sees. I think a lot of women struggle with that. I struggle with that. But like I've, it took me a while, but I've grown to very much love the body that I'm in. I love the face that I have. I, when I grew up, I was also like one of,

I don't know, five black kids in my whole town. And it's so much fun. And me, my sister. Yeah, it was very weird, but we were lucky. We weren't like made fun of or anything. And no one was overtly mean to us because rap was popular and like Eminem, people loved Eminem. People loved to like, you know, explain hip hop to me.

And I'd be like, sure, okay. If that's, sure, that's what you think, whatever, okay. So it was like, Our poo is still the coolest thing that Indian people have ever done in mainstream culture. Who's played by a white man, by the way. Okay. So go ahead. Uh-huh. Which is insane. Yeah.

And I do think, whatever, we don't even have to get into that. But I do think they should, whatever. So like, it was more people were curious about me and my sister and the rest of the black kids in town. And they like wanted to be cool and like having a black person around kind of cosigned things. But that also fucks you up because then you're like, well, you like me on a surface level, but like, I had never been like hit on by a boy. I don't think my first kiss was until no. I had my first kiss I think in seventh grade, but then like nothing for a very, like there was like a thing that happened

and then nothing else until like I was 21, 22-ish. And I was like, but why? And then growing up I was like, oh, it's because it's like, my mother used to say, these white boys aren't gonna bring you home to their mom. What would their mother say? Their mother boys aren't gonna bring you home to their mom. What would their mother say? Their mother probably wouldn't be happy about it.

And hearing that from my mom, I was like, oh, you're just like kinda hating on me. Like, you're just like being really mean. But then you grow up and some of the people I went to high school with are fervent Trump supporters and you hear what they really think. And you're like, oh yeah, had they brought me home, their mother wouldn't be happy about it.

They probably would have had something to say. So I think that explains a little bit of why I didn't date growing up. But also I was very pimply, very oily. And oh, I thought I dressed real cute, but looking back, it wasn't good. Oh my God, snake skin leather flares. And I used to wear flares and then wear a skirt on top of my flares. What a dream! This is until I was 22.

I would also wear like gloves that went all the way up to my elbow, like inside a club. And I would wear a scarf inside a club because I was just trying to cover it. I look like Kenny from South Park. That was my style. Just cover up as much as possible. Extra large men's track suits, you know.

And so it was, yeah, it's just amazing looking back. I'm sure one day I'll probably look back at the stuff that I've worn in my 20s and 30s and be like, I looked insane. Why on earth would I do that? We need to take a quick break, but we'll be back. And we're back. Okay, Jamila, I would like you to look at my Tinder profile. Okay.

Cause you're not on any apps. No. Have you ever been on an app? Yes, for two weeks. Really, which one? Tinder. And how was it? Well, I just, I met, I got, I was afraid of murder. Really? Which one? Tinder. And how was it?

I was afraid of murder, okay, Nicole? And so I met every single day at 11 a.m. each day, different dates. Wait, you went on dates at 11 a.m.? Near a police station. No! It wasn't conducive to a sexy vibe. That's really funny. They didn't think it was very funny.

So funny. If someone set up a date with me at 11am next to a police station, I would think they were the funniest person I'd ever met. That is it. The things that women find funny or sexy or cool, men do not find funny and sexy or cool. What was one of the worst dates you went on from Tinder? One of the worst dates I went on from Tinder, they were actually all fine. They were all

fine. But it just felt like a meeting because it was 11am outside a police station. And the day has just started. They're still on their best behavior. So I didn't, I had like, I had one bad date that I, around the same time with a man who I'd gone on a couple of dates with. This is a disaster actually. This is a real, this is like the most, this is the worst date anyone's ever been on. Okay, so are you ready? So, so I went on a date with this man and he was lovely to me. And so we went on a second date and he was lovely to me. On the third date, like he brought me to kind of meet some of his friends and I was like, wow, this is going so well. He's so charming and

funny and nice and handsome. And he's introducing me to people, which means he's not ashamed of my personality, which is rare. And so then he comes over to my house at like, he comes over like 10 PM. So I was like, I've kissed seven people ever. One of them is Manny, who's on the show. And that's a contractually obliged kiss on camera. That's adorable. But it isn't, it isn't. Like it's not. No, that's, I think, adorable. It's sad and it makes me sad.

Out of your seven, one is work. Yeah. Yeah. And I still count seven, one is work. Yeah. And I still count it, which is pathetic. No, that's the best. So anyway, I was like, I'm about to have my first booty call. I was so excited because I'd heard about them for years. And it was finally happening to you. I've been watching Sex and the City.

I really felt like I was ready for my first booty call. He turns up at my house, walks in. I've never told this story publicly. Walks in, takes three steps in, kisses me on the cheek, and then collapses face forward and has a seizure, a violent seizure. He breaks all of his teeth when he falls. And so the teeth and blood just explode all over my house. Bear in mind, I'd been in America. I'd moved to America 10 days prior to this.

Oh my God! So I don't know anyone here apart from other men from Tinder, but I can't really call them in this situation. Although that'd be very funny if you did. So amazing. This woman I met at 11 a.m. across from the police station just called me to say that her friend had a seizure. And so this man is now like bleeding

and seizing all over my floor. There's teeth everywhere. I have to call 911 like in the movies, which I've never done in my life. I'd never had to call an emergency services before. And they send a, uh, uh, uh, uh, an ambulance and a fire truck for some reason. We don't do this in England. It's very overdramatic America. And you need to know yourself and chill out. Just chill the fuck out. So 20 men pour into the house, like all in uniform to save this guy's life. And they're trying to resuscitate him.

They managed to finally bring him back round. And they're like, you know, have you taken any drugs? And he was like, well, I had a bit of cocaine earlier, but I've been taking that for like 20 years. And I'm normally been fine. I was like, oh, flag, that's a red flag, 20 years of cocaine. 20 years? Good Lord. I was like, dad of three, dad of three, and single dad of three. And so, so he then they're

like, if you take anything else, and he was like, no, no, I definitely haven't taken anything else. So okay, cool. So they put the blanket over him and they start to like, um, pull the blanket over his body. And after they go past his cock, he gets a raging erection, which point it becomes quite clear that somebody gets impotent from their cocaine use and they take Viagra, both of which have a very different effect on the heart. And so clearly the cocktail just, and he collapsed. He collapsed. He had like temporary heart failure. And so now it's very embarrassing because he's got a boner. He's had to admit that he's had Viagra. And look me in the eyes,

he says it. He's got no teeth. There's blood everywhere. And we have to carry him out of my house at 11 PM at night in the middle of West Hollywood with no teeth, covered in blood and a big boner. Honestly, that's the best story I've ever heard. He's got no teeth, he's high on coke and he's got a boner and he's like, can we still fuck? Yeah, he's just being carried out of my house on a stretcher. Have you ever had a booty call since?

No! Oh my god that's one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Oh it pleases me to know and I'm sorry that happened. I've been sent a sign from the universe that I'm destined to never be allowed to have casual sex as long as I live. So I've only ever slept with people that I've been in long relationships with. There are worse things that could happen.

I guess. But that's wild. Did he clean? Did he give you money to clean? He did, actually. He actually took me shopping to Target two days later to replace all my furniture that was covered in his blood. That's so funny.

Did he call you to set that up or did he text you? I want to take you to Target. He texted me. My blood is all over your furniture. That's incredible. Okay. I still have his blood stain on the back of my couch. Really?

Yeah. Oh my God. Gross. It's gross but also what a nice breaker. Anyway, enough about me. Show me your Tinder profile. Okay. Yep.

That's my Tinder. So if you would like to look along, you can go to Facebook.com Nicole Byer Comedy, and I posted the pictures there. Oh my God. This is amazing. Tell them what you see. Okay. So there is a picture of you next to Kim Kardashian.

You are mimicking exactly her pose. She's topless, she's wearing noodles, she's eating noodles, and she's got pink hair. You are doing exactly that. You look really hot in this picture. Thank you. You've really committed, which I really admire. Yes, it's my favorite picture. I think it's really funny.

There's another stunning photograph of you. We're holding a pineapple on top of your head and pretending it's coming out of your head, I suppose. You look fucking insane in the photograph, but you look beautiful. You look mad and beautiful. And fun. There's a photograph of you next with a child's toy car

and you are posing like you are on the cover of a hip hop album. Or like a Slav. You know, you've seen Slav squatting on Instagram. Yes. That's lovely. What is Slav is... Slum and Slavic. So it can be like someone from that kind of part of the world, like

Russian or from Poland or... And then there's another picture of you looking hot as all fuck in a, in a wonderfully ridiculous t-shirt holding... Is that a giant dildo? It's a giant blue dildo? Mm-hmm. It's a giant blue dildo. Mm-hmm. Can you get that inside you?

I've never tried. Christ. I found it, there's this show, it's a stand-up show in a sex shop. What is that, two feet? I think it's like two feet. It was huge. So I was walking around the sex shop and I was like, oh, that's a huge dildo. I have to take a picture with it.

Agreed. That's why I have it, oh, that's a huge deal. I have to take a picture with it. So that's why I have it. Cause it was so big and silly. God, there's no part of that that would get in me. No. It is really scary. Then there's you in a onesie, climbing an empty bookcase. And I don't understand the point of this photograph

other than to show that you have a wonderful ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show them what they're gonna get. There's a picture of you in glasses looking, you know, smart, inverted commas, and beautiful. These are all wonderful photographs and I feel like they really reflect you. They show that you are a very silly woman

and you are a very beautiful woman and you have a wonderful bottom and you seem really fun. So how's it going? Why are you still single? I don't know. So how is the, what's the traffic like from your Tinder? I'm sorry, I just threw your phone at you like Naomi Campbell. It landed, it didn't break. The traffic on my Tinder right now has slowed. So before

my first picture was the dildo picture. So I would get a lot of gentlemen asking about it, and rightfully so, and that would be kind of like the icebreaker, but then I was like, maybe I don't want that to be the icebreaker. So then I just put the Kim picture there, and that has gotten me no hits. I also, I'm on Bumble, do you know what Bumble is? Yes, that's why the woman approaches the man.

Yes. So I started saying silly things to men in hopes that they would be silly back. Like I started one conversation with this man and I said, what would you do if a penguin walked into your room right now? And then he had a very logical answer and I was like, I don't want logic. I want a fun whimsical answer. I was like, he was like, what would you do? I was like, keep it, raise it, raise it with my dog, make it a good boy penguin.

And then I asked this guy, Gary, I said, would you rather turn into a hot dog every night or turn into a hot air balloon every day for 15 minutes at 11 45. And then he just said balloon. And I know that's an answer, but I asked a very silly specific question. Right. So I was like, why wouldn't you answer it?

But then like, ask me why I thought of it or, or like think of the logistics of it. I don't know. I feel like a lot of people are boring. I think a lot of people are boring, but I also think the one-dimensional way in which women have been portrayed in mainstream media and in porn is, is even more boring. And so I think that the problem that you're facing here is that women find funny men attractive,

men are far less inclined to find a funny woman attractive. It is just because that has not been something that has been in their filter. It's almost like if there's an algorithm that has been taken out of the algorithm that men see in their full periphery around women. And this is such a deep, deeply rooted and deeply upsetting issue. And it's a massive part of why no one often wants to have sex with me. I've, I've, um, I have referred to myself as a serial erection killer because of my ability to turn people off with my personality. Um, and however I

might look, because I've got big breasts and I've got long legs and I dress somewhat provocatively sometimes I am today. It's very hot outside. Um, so I think some men, well, whatever, like I'm just saying, I don't know what provocative even means, but I've got the girls are out, they're out, they're staring at you. Um, the point is, the point is that I dress like in a way that, that it looks like I've made an effort, I've bathed

sometimes. And so I will be approached by men, but within seconds and sometimes minutes of meeting me, people are not interested anymore. Because I don't give off a vibe, I give off a vibe that they associate with a mum or a friend because I'm being like funny and friendly and open and I'm not being guarded about myself and I'm not being mysterious and I don't know what the fuck the big deal about mystery is. I don't fucking have any. I'm never going to have any fucking mystery. I am what I am. Surely my being okay with what I am should be a good thing. I don't want you to think I'm a murderer. I'm not French and I don't have a cigarette.

And you do know what I'm thinking because I'm going to fucking tell you all the time. And hopefully you like my thoughts. I'm finally in a relationship where I'm with someone who definitely, I know in fact I've always dated nice men who've accepted my personality, but I'm in a relationship with someone currently who really does just accept all of my weirdness. And I fully let my freak flag fly with this person. And he accepts all of my, like, Indian characters that I am in the house and all these different things.

But this has been so hard to find someone who accepts me for not being, like, some sort of ingenue in a movie. Because this is what men are seeing. This is what they're seeing in pornography. This is what they're seeing in the movie.'s what they're seeing in the movie and the lead character of the movie is never funny. And if she is funny, it's because her life is in a mess and she's got a drinking problem and she's a, you know, whatever she's sleeping around too much. Those are the only women allowed to be funny and they're not often allowed

to be attractive at the same time. All of our kind of funny or our color or our personality has to be kind of like filtered through into something that is digestible and palatable to the patriarchy. It's ridiculous. And so I think what you might be struggling with is the fact that men are a little bit like maybe surprised by the fact that you're going out there trying to be funny rather than conforming to patriarchal expectation just by like pushing your tits out there and looking like, have you seen this new, what the fuck is going on on Instagram where everyone has started to look like,

grown women are doing the face of like, I'm just a little lost girl. And they're pouting their lips and they're opening their eyes, making them look very doe eyes. And they look very lost and confused. And these are like, some of them, I know these, some very confused. And they look very lost and confused. And these are like some of them, I know these, some of these women and they're smart women and they're talented women, they're earning loads of money,

they're successful, they're driven. But what you see of them on Instagram is just hundreds of photographs of them looking like they don't really know what's going on. Like they're perplexed and lost and scared and vulnerable. And it's like this Lolita thing. Now Lolita is creepy as fuck. Lolita is creepy as fuck. Creepy as all fuck and Lolita is still in style and Jane, like Jane Birkin, I don't know,

I'm not gonna throw that Jane Birkin, she's a gorgeous woman, but that kind of style of like, I'm just like, I don't, I just need a big man to come and rescue me. I get it, but if we keep perpetuating that narrative around women, the men are gonna be terrified when they come across smart women who do know where they are. They're fully aware of their location.

They don't feel afraid. And they've got some opinions and they've got some jokes to tell you and they wanna be real and natural around you. Men are just not accustomed to us being ourselves. They have no idea. A lot of them have no idea who we are. My boyfriend, I will stop talking in a second, sorry.

No, you're fine. My boyfriend hasn't had loads of female friends in his life until now, because women have been so weird around him. And he's also a singer who people, like is known to some people. And so women are even weirder around him. And it's almost like they just switch into a different character when they're around him.

It makes sense. They just sort of, they become quite mysterious. And I think he used to find that a little bit disconcerting and would never really get to know people. And now that he's going out with me and I've got lots of female friends who, because he's my boyfriend, they are not trying to shag him, thankfully. And so therefore are completely being themselves. And I've got very funny, very raw, very intelligent, very strong women around me in my life. And he's met them and it's been such an eye-opener to him to meet, to see what women are really like. He really didn't know. And now he's got loads of female friends and he adores the female company.

He just didn't know he would because he hadn't met real women until now because women couldn't stop being weird around him. I'm sure all those women he met were probably really interesting and had loads of humanity, but they hid it from him because they were trying to conform to the narrative that they thought he would want because he might watch porn or watch movies. That's so interesting as to why maybe a lot of men don't have female friends because women do act a certain kind of way around men. How long have you guys been together? Three and a half years. Okay, that's a good chunk of time. When did you, so did you ever feel like you couldn't be yourself around him? Or was there like a certain day we were like, hmm, I'm just gonna do this like little weird thing and see what happens.

No, I've always been straight out the gate with guys. I just can't, I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered. I got rejected so much in my teens. And I used to be the girl that used to write messages for the pretty girls to the boys. They used to get me to write funny stuff or like stuff that boys would be interested about on instant messenger Do you remember I am oh yeah, and then the boy would walk straight past me at the party And I'm the girl that he's really been talking to online for ages and like we've been connecting Oh my he would never look twice at me

And he looks through like through me and almost as like rude to me as he's walking past you're like and then He's rom-com. I am a 90s rom-com. Except like no one ever kissed me. I never, like I took the glasses off and I took off the ponytail and I was still a fucking virgin. And they were still like, we don't want it. You're like, but I did everything I was supposed to.

They were like, you have a really like unsexy personality. And so what was the question? I've totally no you answered it. Where did you guys meet? I met my boyfriend at work. But no, so I because I've got so rejected as a teenager, basically, I just decided that you know what, I'm just gonna have to, I'm gonna have to be okay with me. Otherwise, I'm just gonna end up being rejected later. You know, if I pretend to be someone else, I can't be bothered to keep up the game. I can't. It's why I don't wear Spanx. It's why I don't wear Wonder bras. I am just like, I am on dates and stuff like that. Cause I'm just like, what you see is what you get. I don't wear a lot of makeup when I'm going out with boys. I'm just trying

to make sure that they know who I am. So I'm not going to have to keep up something. I'm messy from the start. I bring all my flaws out straight away so that you get to decide. Because otherwise we are a bit like used car salesmen in relationships, all human beings, where we show the best version of ourselves for a year. And we can't keep that up. You're very right. To be yourself. Be the best version of yourself that you intend to be in a realistic way, but be yourself.

I also don't wear Spanx. I don't understand them. They don't make Spanx. I don't understand them. They don't make you any smaller. They just make you smooth. Yeah, and on TV that could be nice because you're moving around in some weird positions. It could be smoother. And it does feel like you're being cuddled, but generally I don't wear Spanx.

I don't like the feeling. I can't breathe. I don't like them either. No. They're too tight for nothing. Yeah, my vagina feels sad. It does. It feels sad. And then the ones with the hole for your vagina, you're too tight for nothing. Yeah, my vagina feels sad. It does. And then the ones with the hole for your vagina, you're like, all right. So it's like airing out a little bit. This is this. But that's just to pee, which I think is super gross. Yes.

Precarious. You just open it up and pee. Like you're giving birth to your own piss. It's really bizarre. But the fact that I've never altered my personality for men when I meet them is also why I've been tremendously unsuccessful in dating. You know, and there was a patch between 24 and 27 where I didn't even kiss anyone. Really? Yeah. No one, like, didn't hold hands with a person. You're giving me hope because I'm currently in a dry spell.

I haven't... I don't think I've kissed anyone since last October, maybe November-y. I, yeah, I've been like busy one, two. It feels like so much work to get to know someone like on an app and then meet them and then be like, this doesn't work. I guess I'll sleep with you anyway. And then be like, this wasn't good. This didn't fulfill anything. But online dating is just, it is the worst. It is the worst. I understand it, especially

for busy people. And it is kind of cool that you get to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. And in Los Angeles, you're not walking around the streets. You know, you're not bumping into people. You're not going to local coffee shops very often. So in particular, I do understand that. But it is just this menu of genitals. And people are lazy because they have this sense of too much choice. That's why we stopped watching TV is because we had too many channels. And, you know, we just stopped committing to things.

We stopped sitting down and we stopped having a sense of ceremony. You know, there's just we are not good good with too much choice and there's too much choice and you just swipe and it's so depersonalized and it's based on your, like you often don't even look through the second or third or fourth picture. You just see the first picture and you make an instant like snap decision that has no sense of context or anything to do with that person. And there's no, you can't get a pheromonal vibe from someone, which you get from just meeting someone and walking past them or having a small

interaction at a traffic light. And so I think that online dating anyway is the worst and a really hard way to gauge and read people. I spoke to an Uber driver about this three years ago, and she just said, she was telling me she'd been married for a really long time. And I said, what do you think is the secret to me? I was single at the time. And I said, what do you think is the secret to finding love? Because I find Uber drivers can be quite wise, because they spend a lot of time therapy zing people in the back of their car. Yeah, they talk to a lot of people. And she just said, go and do what you love, and you'll find the man who is right for you when you are doing something that you love. And that made a lot of sense to me of like, find your people.

She's like, don't mess around with all of this online shit. It's got nothing to do. You haven't really like got any sense of, of an algorithm as to like who you are. That there's nothing that you have in common other than like, Oh, I like that picture of yours. You like this picture of mine. It's nothing. This is so common other than like, oh, I like that picture of yours, you like this picture of mine. It's nothing, this is so surface-like, surface level and shallow and gross and depersonalized. Go and do hobbies, like get out of the house,

go and do things, pursue things that make you happy, things that you love, and then you are obviously so much more likely to gravitate towards someone who's got at least, at the very least, similar interests, and then they have a chance to get to know you, to hear your voice, to pick up in your pheromones. Like that is how you're going to. And I did, I met someone in my job where I was there doing something that I loved. And that was where I met someone like-minded and we fell in love and we are together. It's the best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And we have so

much in common and we are such similar beasts and I think that that is the way forward. I do wonder if perhaps online dating is perhaps not doing you any favors, especially because of the prejudice that exists around women having a fucking personality. Maybe, but then I just, I don't know where I'd find somebody. Well what are your hobbies? I don't have where I'd find somebody. Well, what are your hobbies? Do you feel like you- Don't have any hobbies.

Well, get some fucking hobbies. I don't have time for hobbies. Well, make some time for some hobbies. You've only got one life. I know, but like, I do comedy and I act and I tour and like, my job kind of is what some would say is a hobby, like someone who takes like a stand-up class, because they're like, I don't know, I'm the funniest person at my job.

So I do understand that. To be fair, I forgot that you are a stand-up comedian. I do not know any stand-up comedian who finds it very easy to find love because of the like instability of your lifestyle. It's a crazy lifestyle. I'm out of town mostly like every weekend. If I get a job, then I'm gone for like 12 hours out of the day, you know, during the week. Sometimes I'll book something that immediately takes me out of town and I'm gone for a while.

And then I do spend a lot of time in New York. So it's, I don't know. It's like my schedule is so unpredictable that even if I got a hobby, I don't know how often I'd get to my hobby I guess I could like maybe I like pottery. Maybe I'll start pottering potter do some potting But also what about friends a friends not like bringing like setting you up with people you socializing at all I'm friends with a lot of comedy people who are friends with a lot of other broken comedy people

who are friends with a lot of other broken comedy people. So I feel like all of the people in comedy that are available to date are not available. Like the ones that I would are already snatched up. Camera operators on sets are usually married. Like all crew members are married. And then you have PAs who are young. And they're still trying to figure out what they want to do because I don't think anyone's a career PA. Maybe they

are. I don't know. And then actors, non comedic actors, I think are hard to talk to because I think to be an actor, you have to be like a little vacant, but then also incredibly self-absorbed. Yeah, I mean, what else would draw you into a career where you spend all of your life pretending to be someone else? Yes. That's damage. Yeah, and then you're also not even adding your own thing, really?

Like you're not adding jokes to it. Like in a comedy, you're like, don't you think it's funny if I say it this way? Like you're constantly thinking and adding to your character? I understand. I don't know. I mean, this is an industry that is full of damaged narcissists, which you and I probably are as well. Oh, absolutely.

And so, you know, we are just sitting here in a room talking about ourselves. What does that say? It's the definition of damaged narcissism. We're both damaged narcissists. And so this is a polluted pool to find love in. I do wonder that when you do meet people, how much are you yourself? I am myself. I would say-

Like yourself, yourself. I would say I'm like 75% on, like just like, you know, getting zingers in and being fun and funny and then like 25% like here's an actual fact about me. I do put up some walls I know. Both my parents are dead and it's something something I work a work in and therapy about putting up walls about people leaving my life and that that's the way life goes. So if you never really give yourself out then no one can really leave the real you. And I just started I would say within like the last year and a half trying to be vulnerable and vulnerability is a very hard thing for me. Okay can I so I have an almost like, I have a deathly lack of filter.

Can I say something really honest to you? Okay. So the first time I met you, I did not get a gauge of who you were at all. Not one bit. And fair enough, we were in a situation that probably isn't conducive to us being our most relaxed and our most ourselves, but I had no idea who you were. It was night and day compared to the woman that I'm now in a room with. And I love this woman very much. And I didn't dislike that woman, but I felt zero connection with that woman because I felt like you were being a character. Like almost like, it's almost like,

and it's, it's funny and entertaining, but it is almost like there's a kind of cartoony thing that I am definitely someone who does, and I've been called out on this many times, which is how I can even recognize it in other people. And it's a defense mechanism because I was so rejected, um, my whole life. And so therefore I'm just kind of like, you're not rejecting me. You're rejecting my character. And I used to be much more manic and I used to be very animated, always telling stories, always performing. And this someone who's now my best friend,

but at the time I was kind of trying to hook up with and that didn't go anywhere. And he turned out to be hella gay. But he just said to me one day kind of on a date and he was like, aren't you tired? And I was like, what do you mean? He said of this like thing you're doing this performance you're putting on aren't you tired? He I was like, what do you mean? He said of this like thing you're doing, this performance you're putting on, aren't you tired? He's like, because it's fucking exhausting to watch. And I had to like crawl under the table that we were sitting at and just hide from him because I felt so deathly exposed. And I sensed a little bit of that in you. That performative thing. And that is something that perhaps then gives off the signal that you are not interested in connecting with someone.

So therefore then they pick up a signal, even subliminally, that you do not want them to connect with you. So therefore they shouldn't try to connect with you. And that is, and I don't mean that in an attacking way, but it's been really interesting to see you today because I, I adore the women that I'm sitting opposite. You are real, you're intelligent, you speak in a different voice even than I first met you with. And when we first met, it was like walking into a situation where I was incredibly nervous. Oh, well you did. You were brilliant on the day.

Very, very nervous. I had an audition for the part. So coming in, I was like, well, did. You were brilliant on the day. Very, very nervous. Yeah. I had an audition for the part. So coming in, I was like, well, here's what I want to do. Okay, well, here's what we're trying to do. Okay. That's not quite what we're not seeing. It was like a little bit. You were also fucking exceptional for whatever it's worth.

But I will say that I maybe had a wall up because I was like, I want to be liked. I have to come back for three days. So don't be too aggressively loud. Try to be funny when appropriate. Oh no, you were brilliant in that situation. I didn't find you anything other than a complete joy and perfect work within that situation. All I was wondering is that, is there any part of that version of you that comes out when you were in a romantic or social environment? Yes, it used to very, very much.

That's all I'm trying to say is that because my mania used to come out any time I was nervous. So it didn't, it wasn't work nerves, it wasn't love nerves, it wasn't sex nerves, it was all nerves. So I was just wondering if that's something similar. I would say like a year and a half ago, that would be my go-to, the way I would be on a date. Now I try to like, before I go on a date, it's been a while since I've been on one, but I try to like ground myself, center myself, and be like, okay, let's be, what is,

how does Nicole feel today if I don't feel like being performative, then we'll just talk. And then sometimes I do feel like being on, and I do feel like being very silly. And then sometimes I don't take my ADD medication and I'm out of my mind. So yeah, and that's also another thing when I work, sometimes I don't take my ADHD medication.

So I'm in my brain going, don't be annoying. Please don't take that as a criticism of how you were. I was just trying to say that on a social level, to work with you were. I was just trying to say that on a social level to work with, you were a dream. I was just wondering on a social level if that's also the way you'll come across. Because then in that case, then that doesn't quite work as well because that's not good for human connection. It was perfect for the environment in which we met. And I left with no judgment of you. It was only seeing you today and seeing you be very different that I was like,

oh, I wonder if you're like this version of you when you're socializing. I would say it's a mixture. Yeah. So do you get that I'm not criticizing the way that you were? Yes, I do. But I just, that first day I lost my mind. Okay, but you didn't seem like that. You just didn't seem, you almost didn't seem real. Like we were just sort of not being able to communicate in a human way, which almost a billion percent you would have felt about me two years ago. But I've had therapy. I do. I did something called EMDR therapy, which is a type of like trauma therapy that helps break

patterns and breaks defense mechanisms and stuff. It's unbelievable. And I highly recommend it basically to anyone who's got a bad habit or bad patterns or bad trauma that they can't seem to overcome. Or if you keep being drawn back to the same negative situation because that is something that reflected something that happened to you in your youth and you just keep going at it like a fucking moth to a flame. So it was just something that I picked up on because it's something that I used to do. And people respond so weirdly to the version of ourselves that we create because we aren't okay with who we are and because we are afraid. And that fear comes out in a way that is hard to relate to. And so I think for whatever it's worth, and I'm sure you have so much confidence in

certain areas of your life, but there's certainly a part of you that I that clearly you are not fully okay with otherwise you would allow that woman in the same way that you would a friend. If your friend wasn't feeling on you would say to your friend like, Hey, just relax just be yourself. But you're not allowing yourself that same luxury. And I think that that's something to really look at is that be your best friend. Treat yourself as you would your best friend, allow yourself the same things you would allow a best friend. Don't pressure yourself the way that you would, not pressure a best friend. I don't mean to lecture you.

No, but that's also good. I think my mom used to say you have to be nice to yourself and I never understood that until in therapy, my therapist would say you have to be nice to yourself. Yeah, talk to them, stand up for yourself. You can't be mean to yourself because you are yourself. Also, we up for yourself. You can't be mean to yourself, because you are yourself. Yeah. Also, we're never going to get rid of the mean voice in our head,

because we're women, and that mean voice has come from every single, like via osmosis, we've adopted that mean voice. It's almost now like in our fucking DNA. So all you can do is have the mean voice and then have the voice of the best friend in your head that's going to stand up to that mean voice. I have that mean voice. And then I also have another voice that tells that voice to shut the fuck up.

And that's a voice that maybe you need to activate in a stronger way. That's the voice that needs to be a little louder. Yeah. We do have to wrap up. Oh no. Is there anything that you would like to promote? I'm on a show called The Good Place and we're about to have season three released in about three weeks from when this airs. So September 27th on NBC, it's going to be on Netflix and on NBC and it's

very good and it's very funny. I've also made a documentary for the BBC about consent within sex and trying to educate people about it rather than shout at them. I think that's wonderful. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. But also before I go, I just want you to say, I love the woman that you are. You're great. And you're funny and you're smart and you're beautiful.

Thank you. And you're strong and you're talented. And you're just, you have so much to be proud of and so much to enjoy about yourself. And I am glad that you are working on that. And I hope that continues to grow because you're so great. Oh, thank you. I find you fabulous and you're wonderful and you're inspiring

and it's a real treat to talk to you. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me? You can subscribe on iTunes and you can rate it five stars. And if you write me a nasty little review, I will read it. This is from BwayCD. It says, I wish this podcast was every day or maybe twice a week. Nicole, you're so funny.

I wanna lick your open mouth. Thank you. Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo! Toodle-oo!