Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - BEST OF: Proposal Gone Wrong (w/ Paul Scheer)

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

While we're on hiatus, we're revisiting one of Nicole's favorite episodes! Comedian and actor Paul Scheer (The League, Black Monday) joins Nicole to chat about how his proposal to June Diane Raphael went terribly wrong, how June's wedding ring was stolen from her finger, and why you should never propose in a hot air balloon. June sits nearby, fact-checking Paul's stories.Originally aired 05/21/2021.California! New York! Come see Nicole live in October. Get tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken.Watch full video episodes of the podcast on our upcoming YouTube channel! Subscribe to Why Won't You Date Me on YouTube.Follow Nicole Byer:Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have two shows coming up that I want you to come to. I'm doing a show in LA on October 4th, and then I'm doing a show in New York on October 18th. And you can get that info at NicoleBioWasTaken.com or the link in my Instagram bio or my Twitter bio or maybe on TikTok in the bio. But you should come for the fun. Hi, everyone, it's me, Nicole.

While we're on hiatus, I'm so excited to share one of my all-time favorite episodes with you. Today, we're re-releasing my conversation with the incredibly funny Paul Scheer, who you might know from The League, Black Monday, or his very funny podcast that I've been on, How Did This Get Made? He's also married to the fabulous June Diane Raphael.

Paul Scheer's his hilarious proposal story involving a beach night, a surprised and maybe slightly angry future bride and an unexpected spectator heckling them. Plus, while telling the story, Paul is in fact checked in real time by June and I've never seen Paul so embarrassed before. It was truly so absolutely adorable.

I am also excited to announce that Why Won't You Date Me has a new YouTube channel. Search Why Won't You Date Me on YouTube or check the link in the episode descriptions and subscribe for our first video podcast. Drop! You all asked for it. And then I said, sure, I'll do it after a bunch of years. We're so excited to be bringing the podcast to video form and we'll be coming with video episodes very very soon. Okay with that out of the way are you ready for a fun little podcast? Okay let's hear that theme! Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me?

Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single single even though you could take me up in a hot air balloon and push me out I would still date you. My guest today, oh boy I'm very excited. You've seen him on Black Monday, you've heard his voice on Big Mouth, you've seen him in Veep, Fresh Off the Boat, oh boy, he's got podcasts, Unspoiled,

How Did This Get Made? He was the executive producer on a little watched show called Party Over Here. Ha ha ha ha! He's the husband to June Diane Raphael, it's Paul Sphere! I am so excited to be here. What a great introduction. And I wanna talk about one thing

that you just said immediately, which is you said if someone pushed you out of a hot air balloon, you would still date them. And I once shot something in a hot air balloon, a sketch for Human Giant. And we were up there with a real hot air balloon guy. And we said to him, like, you know, what's the main clientele that you get?

And he's like, well, mostly proposals. You know, we normally bring people up here to do that. And we're like, well, what happens if it goes badly? And he goes, oh, it happens a lot, a lot more than you think. You know, they get up in a hot air balloon. Now, the thing with a hot air balloon is like, it really is in control. The wind hot air balloon. Now the thing with a hot air balloon is like, it really is in control.

The wind controls the balloon. It's not like, so he's like, it's so hard because it will go bad and then I have to figure out how to get us down quickly, but I can't get us down quickly because the balloon, like we need to land in the right spot. He's like, it's the most panicked I ever am because I'm also supposed to not be there. Like he's like, I's the most panicked I ever am. Because I'm also supposed to not be there. Like he's like, I try to blend into the background

and it's a basket that is maybe like two feet by four feet. So you can't really hide. And so he's like, but he tries to make himself real small. Like the idea of that moment, like it doesn't go well. And then the balloon guy like, uh-huh. Oh, there's a field. There's a field. We can get that field right now.

That's so funny to think about. I guess people never think past I'm proposing. It's cool if you do a public proposal, you're involving somebody else. Oh, it's a lot. And I know that there's people who hire these photographers to go take pictures of them while they do it. I'm glad I didn't do that for my proposal,

because I think what I realized with proposing is it should be, well, okay, for me, I liked it that it was a private moment, right? Because I don't wanna make a big grand statement because it's like, I don't need to bring everybody in on that, like I'll have a party, we'll do all that other stuff, but in that one moment you are making a giant commitment, you're saying something, like I don't need everyone to pop'll do all that other stuff. But like in that one moment, you are making a giant commitment.

You're saying something like, I don't need everyone to pop out of the bushes with champagne. Like I want to celebrate with the person that I'm with. And when I did it with June, you know, I always know with June and my time dating her and everything, being with her, that I can't get her to a second location. Like it's never like dinner and a movie.

It's like dinner or a movie. And so we really lucked out right before quarantine started where we found places that served dinner and a movie at the same time. So the whole day that I knew I was gonna propose, I was like, we're gonna go to this dinner at this great restaurant and oh, you know what? On the way back home, I want to stop at this one spot.

And I knew I had to seed that early in the day because if I was at any attempt of getting her to the second location, I really needed to like make sure that it was not a surprise. And as it turned out, we had our dinner and then I was like, oh, I really want to bring you to this place. And she was like, oh, I'm tired. I knew, and I was like, oh no, I said,

well, please come on, come on. And we go, and it was this beach at night. And what happens at this beach at night was like, oh, I'm tired. I knew it. And I was like, oh no, I said, well please, come on, come on. And we go, and it was this beach at night. And what happens at this beach at night was like, there's like all these like giant bonfires. It was really beautiful. And we found our own little nook and cranny away from a lot of people. And I asked you to propose, which is a whole story,

but that at the end. Well, tell it. All right, all right. Come on, give me the dirt, give me the juice. So I guess I, I guess I may have, here's the thing, we were not one of those couples

that like talked about getting married before we did it. We were not one of those couples that like went and picked out a ring. I know that a lot of couples like, this is the ring I want, if you ever gonna do it, like were not one of those couples that went and picked out a ring. I know that a lot of couples are like, this is the ring I want. If you ever gonna do it, do it with this ring. I woke up one morning and we had been going out for a long time and I was like,

I think I wanna marry June. And I didn't never really had that thought in my head. Like not in the sense of like, I did not think, I just, you know, just kind of like, it felt like really organic. And I remember thinking to myself like, all right, I love this feeling, I'm into this feeling, let me give it a month and let me see where I am in a month.

And like, I don't know. A month. A month and like see where I'm at. And you know, and a month passes and I feel the exact same way. And maybe even then that month, like looking at it and being more confident in my decision. And I start, you know,

and I start going looking for a ring and I do this whole thing and in many respects, very much without June as part of the equation, you know. And so when I brought her down to this beach, I proposed to her and her reaction to me was anger. Anger and she was like, what the fuck are you doing? I proposed to her and her reaction to me was anger. Anger and she was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's watching me right now. She's watching me tell the stories

in the other room looking at, but she was angry at me, thought it was a bit because I had done- You brought up marriage never, not once. Okay, as she said over here, she said, I never brought up marriage not even once. And I think what made it worse was, you want to come and just like pop in and just say,

all right, so she's listening. She's gonna. She goes, I'm listening. She said, I never brought up marriage, which I think what made it worse for you June was that you had lunch with your friends that week. And you literally said to your friends, like, I don't think we're going to get married.

Yes. And every time I brought up marriage, you said I think you weren't into it. You said a number of times. This is not true. She said that I said a number of times I was not into marriage. I didn't say that, I just didn't,

look, I didn't know if it was a necessary part of the equation, but it wasn't against marriage. It was not against, you wanna come, you wanna stand far away, it's an audio podcast. Tell Junta to come on over. Just come on, you're not gonna be on camera. Yeah, there you go. It's an audio podcast. Tell June to come on over. Just come on. You're not going to be on camera. Yeah, there you go.

Is that Nicole? Yeah. Nicole. It's me. Hi, June. Hi, my love. I am doing some just like light fact checking. Okay. From the other room.

I like it. I love it. I want to hear your side of this now. Well, I know I'm not a guest, but I just kind of come in real quick and say, because I do feel like I have to justify my reaction. I genuinely, like, just please know, Nicole, that he had never once, not a single time,

we'd been together for six years, not a single time, had brought up, thank you. Six years, had never brought up wanting to be married. That's not true. Babe, so when I say I was stunned. We talked about having kids. Yes, but I thought we were going to be like a Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell type thing. Okay, got it.

You know, which I had like reconciled. And so I was really, and I was much more positive about the idea. And he had never, not once said it was something he was interested in. So please just know that when you hear what my reaction was because I was genuinely, I thought he was doing a bit. How do you, yeah. And then my anger was like,

my anger was honestly like, I felt that he had left me out. Okay, I feel like this is a valid reaction. I would also, in six years, if somebody never mentioned marriage, I'd be like, great, we're not gonna do that. And then they propose, I'd be like, well, go fuck you. This is not it. Absolutely.

Fuck you very much. Absolutely, and I felt very angry. Do you remember how you reacted? Yes, I was yelling at you and screaming at you and I was mad, mad, mad. I popped up, I popped up from my unbended knee because it seemed like it was going south real quick. I felt like I was in that hot air balloon.

And now I feel badly, but I'm like, but at the same time, and he said something beautiful that night, which was like, I definitely wanted to do this gesture, but from here on out, we make every decision together. Cause I felt like I was not a part of it, you know? And it felt very strange. And I gotta say though, here's the thing, and for all your listeners who are out there

who have done this, it's no slight on you. I just didn't wanna do that thing where we agree that I'm going to ask you, then we look at the ring together, and then I drop it on you at some point. I think that that's a little, I wanted a little bit of that surprise. Now did I?

Was it a surprise? I did ask her dad, I did all the traditional, yeah. Oh, that's cute. That was very. But truly, it seemed like it was all behind your back. It was. But that's how it's supposed to be, right? Isn't that the thing?

It's not like I bought a house or used a credit card. I felt betrayed. And that's how you're supposed to start holy matrimony by being betrayed. Exactly, the feeling of betrayal and upsetment. Okay, Nicole, I love you. Be well. I love you.

I've got one ear on this conversation, so I'll come in again if I have to. Yeah, I should pop that. If I have to. I love it. Thank you, June. So when we were on the beach and then the initial response kind of subsided,

we did kiss and we were just there in this moment of a little bliss and all I hear is this voice from the distance, get a room. And it was like a 12 year old kid on a sand dune, like watching this whole thing, we never saw him, but he was like, watch the whole thing happen, get a room. And it was the best ending of that night's proposal

of just like having that kid underscore it. And that is why I think, by the way, also June's reaction is why I believe that everyone should do it privately. Because actually I think we were able to like, we were able to reconcile all these things. And we actually had a really nice night and we took like that night into,

I think like maybe the midpoint of the next day before we even told anybody. And that was actually, that was kind of great. Like we had like our time to do it. And I feel like that's my word of advice to anybody out there that is planning on getting married. And take a long shot. Maybe the ring won't be perfect.

You can always switch it back. You can figure out the return policies. Get a new ring. Yeah, it's not a permanent thing. Yeah, but it's nice. Did you have to get a new ring? No, she liked my ring. She liked it very, very much. She liked it very, very much.

She liked it very, very much. And it was stolen recently right off her hand while she was shooting. Wait, how, what? She was shooting a movie, long shot that, and they were shooting, I forget, I feel like they were shooting in Columbia. I could be wrong. They were shooting in some area that was far away

and she was getting on a boat and some man who was helping her get on the boat, like, oh, let me help you. I'll hold your hand as you get on the boat. And in that moment, just pulled that ring right off. And so then I had to go. And so what I did, here's another thing that I did in secret.

She told me that she was so upset about it. So the minute I hung up the phone with her, I frantically called the place where I bought the ring. And I was like, can I find it? And then now the place that I bought it, they had closed down, but there was another one in Texas. And I found it and they're like, well, we have this one, but we don't, it's not the exact same style.

But then we searched for it, I found it, I got it shipped to me, I got the ring. And I was able to give her a, I would say actually, a plused up version of the ring I got her. It's still, it's still like, it's better, but it is the same ring, yeah. I love that, that's so sweet that you did that. And honestly, it's good advice for anyone who wants a different ring,

but doesn't know how to tell their partner. Have someone in Colombia steal it. Right off your finger. But by the way, that's why I don't actually travel a lot with my wedding ring, because I'm not a wedding ringer. I'm not a wedding ringer. but doesn't know how to tell their partner. Have someone in Colombia steal it. Right off your finger. But by the way, that's why I don't actually travel a lot with my wedding ring on.

This was happening at the time. She didn't realize it was happening at the time. Maybe it was giving you a really firm grip. She realized it gave her a firm grip. These are details that I feel like I covered. But the... I think I knew it was covered. But the... But... I knew it was happening.

Well, okay, yeah. I don't think I was alluding to the fact that you understood you're getting robbed. The... The... She, but... How did you guys meet? Cause you guys fit together so well.

We do. I love her so much. We met at the UCB theater, which was in New York City at the time. Well, it still is in New York City. She was coming out of NYU. She had done this really hilarious show at NYU that Owen Burke, the artistic director, had seen there.

They were both in classes, taking classes, but this show was like the talk of the town, her and Casey Wilson. And they came over to UCB and they were asking some of the people in the comedy community to kind of watch and just give them notes. Cause they were coming more from, they just done a really funny show out of NYU and then they were gonna go

to the Aspen Comedy Festival. So I had seen their show and I went backstage to give notes or thoughts or whatever, just say hi, actually. That was actually it, cause I was gonna their show and I went backstage to give notes or thoughts or whatever, just say hi actually. That was actually it, because I was gonna go have lunch with them to give them some thoughts. And June completely like gave me, like just blew me off.

Like really was like, not like, and not even rude, just like had no time to even just a nice greeting. Like I was invited there to do this. It wasn't like I was like, let me give you some notes. So she kind of blew me off. So I had a nice relationship with Casey there, but then we went out to lunch and we had both kind of gotten out

of these long-term relationships and we were being single for the first time. I think at that point, maybe June was in the middle of like a kind of a short term relationship. I think I was, I was kind of playing it when I talked to her a little bit more loose because I kind of liked her, but I didn't know where I should be, where I should be saying I was. And then that kind of developed into like a year long back and forth

where it was very like New York city ask, which I love, like we would see each other at parties and then we would go leave the party and then go get dinner and hang out and then stay out until all hours of the night, but then not kiss or anything like that, but then I think we were both leaving going like, oh, but we were also dating people too. So it wasn't like we weren't doing anything weird.

We were just kind of like, we kept on meshing and we lived very close to each other or we grew up very close to each other. We were friends, Jin saying we were friends. We were friends, we were friends. And so it just kind of grew organically and then there came a point where we both weren't dating anybody.

And then it just kind of, it worked out. Although, let me tell you this, Nicole. This is the worst part of the story. And I'm sorry, I feel like I've not let you really even ask a question yet. It's okay, I just like hearing about it. One of my favorite things is listening to someone talk about their partner that they really love.

Because it radiates and you're like, it just, like I haven't stopped smiling. Like I like hearing about it. Well, I enjoy telling it. So we, all right, so June and I, I, I enjoy telling it. So we, all right. So June and I, we're in this zone where we couldn't quite just figure out like what we were. Right. And it was sort of, because it was a little bit more than friends, but it wasn't in a way,

you know what, it was just a weird no ground. So we decide to go out to dinner. Let's go out to dinner. And it felt like that was gonna be a little bit more of a date. We're gonna go out to dinner and we're gonna go dancing at this place called Don Hills, which is like this dance club,

like they did 80s night or whatever it was. And we went out to dinner and we're having a great time. It was like, oh, this is working. This is not like after a night out, we made an intentional plan, we're having a great time, it's really working out great. And then my friend who was dating one of her friends,

they both came in because they were gonna join us for dancing. They were drunk, they were like happy hour drunk. And they came down, changed the whole mood, right? Because all of a sudden like we're having this like sweet romantic kind of time and then they're like, whoa, let's party. And then two drunk people, yeah.

So we're like, okay, and then we kind of get on that zone and we go to this dance club and we are having fun. We're actually having fun. We're dancing, we're doing everything. And then what happens here is, this is how I see it. My friend comes back to me and is like, hey, just so you know, she's not really into you. She likes you as a friend, but that's about it.

And I was like, oh. And it was like a, like Nicole, it was like a dagger that like went through, like, cause imagine like having the best date and then be like, no, everything that you felt is not, it's this is, it's a tease right now. Oh, and I got like, it just gutted me. Here she's standing over my shoulder again.

I feel, I see the eyes watching. Well, but yeah, but it's not your fault. So she, so I feel gutted. If you wanna just, I mean, the standing over my shoulder is making me nervous. Okay. So I feel gutted. If you wanna just, I mean, the standing over my shoulder is making me nervous. Okay. So I feel gutted here. And here's the moment that was a good moment for me,

which was I made a very conscious decision. I said, you know what? I'm having such a good time tonight and I'm having such a good time with her. My normal instinct would be to go home. I would be like, pack my shit, get out of here. I'm embarrassed myself. I'm a fucking idiot. I would be like, pack my shit, get out of here. I'm embarrassed myself. I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm done. And I didn't. I was like, you know what? I had this moment of Zen more. I was like, this is fun. I'm having a good time. Okay, she didn't like me, but you know what? This is fun.

Why would I leave something that is fun? And I continued to dance with her and we had a great time and there was no energy that was like, oh, she's not into me. But there was, but I was just, and I just kind dance with her and we had a great time and there was no energy that was like, oh, she's not into me, but there was, but I was just, and I just kind of went with it and then we walked home and that was the night that we had our first kiss.

And I was shocked because when it all went down, I was like, wait, what's going, wait, wait, hold on, because I had already adjusted myself to this new reality. So then it was, it took us a while to connect our stories and find out that our two friends went to the bathroom. They were both playing coy for both of us. So she was like, does he like her? And she was like, I don't know, does she like him?

I don't know, I think they're like friends. So they both screwed us over because they both knew that we both liked each other, but they were trying to hold their cards close. So they basically sent us both signals that we were not interested in each other. And it- Wait a minute, are you still friends with these people?

We are, we are. And I think it's, I know I think, but I don't think it was done intentionally with malice. I think it's like one of those things where, hey look, you're younger and you feel like, oh, I don't wanna review my friend as being into somebody. But if I would have went home, it would have been, I would never have reached out to June again, really.

I would have just, you know. But I stuck it through and she stuck it through and we walked home together. I'm so glad we did because that really then, I mean it made it more confusing because I was like, well what does this mean? And I didn't wanna, yeah, that was like, it was a pregnant pause and then we kind of figured

it all out but yeah, that was a real, that was a tough moment. We got through that moment. Both those people had our wedding. So they did come to our wedding. They shouldn't have been. I would have been like, the wedding might not have happened because of you people.

I know but isn't it it funny how that kind of stuff can happen? I think you're so vulnerable when you are dating and you don't wanna open yourself up too much because I think maybe it's a high school thing, maybe it's a middle-aged thing, or I mean a middle school thing where you're like, if she knows I like her, I'm weak or I'm this,

or you feel like you're so vulnerable. And I feel like your friends do that. Like they do kind of like get in the way or build you up or take you out. Like, well, don't, who cares? Don't do it. Like they can almost talk you out of a good relationship because they're protecting you from being too vulnerable,

I think, or some level, something like that. I don't know. I think that makes sense. I'm the opposite. I'm like, ugh, you seem to like me. Great, I think, or some level, something like that, I don't know. I think that makes sense. I'm the opposite. I'm like, ugh, you seem to like me. Great, I love you. Whether I actually like them or not, I'm like, okay, you like me, this is good for me.

How long have you guys been together total? I think we're like at a total like over 15 years. That's such a nice long time. Yeah, it's a long, long time. We dated for six, we've been married for 10. Yeah, we had our 10 year anniversary last year. This year is our 11th year. Yeah, so like, yeah, 15, 16 years. We just had our anniversary of our first date in January. So we have all these little, I mean, we didn't, either of us acknowledge it.

It's in our calendar and I heard June acknowledge it to somebody else, but we didn't acknowledge it to each other. But yeah, we did like a nice thing for our 10 year anniversary. It's pretty amazing. And I, I think it's a else, but we didn't acknowledge it to each other. But yeah, we did like a nice thing for our 10 year anniversary.

It's pretty amazing. And I think I got into trouble with this because I was talking to somebody about like love and the whole idea of like what love is. And I think like, like, I think there's like three, or I don't know, three, like there's a stage of love where it is like that lust, like when you're first like into somebody where you're just like, I wanna fuck,

I wanna like have fun, I wanna like, this is the person. And that is awesome. And that will fade ultimately, however long. I mean, and then you have to go a little bit deeper, right? You have to be like, well, what else is here? Because we have to continue. And you can have that kind of big attraction and then it's got to dwindle down.

And it's so funny because we were talking about like the relationships that make the biggest impact on you. Like sometimes, you know, it's sort of like, well, I wouldn't compare the love that I have with June to something that was like a fleeting thing. But sometimes those fleeting things can hold like a very strong part in your memory. Like, I don't know if you've ever like had like a hookup or had a very shorteting thing, but sometimes those fleeting things can hold a very strong part in your memory. I don't know if you've ever had a hookup

or had a very short term thing, but you're like, oh, in my pantheon of relationships, that one is above the other ones. And I was trying to figure out what that is, because obviously nothing tops June, but there are these things that you look at your career of dating. You're like, oh right, there were these things

and it's all different lengths. Like sometimes a long relationship I was in, I wouldn't put in that pantheon, oddly enough. Interesting. Yeah, it's sort of like I think a way it makes you feel or something like that, I don't know. Are you a serial monogamous? Do you go from relationship to relationship?

Ish. Or did you? Did I, like I guess, I mean it's been so long. I definitely, I definitely dated, I would have like I think about a year break in between relate like a long relationship. But then I was in like I think I am very selective about who I like, cause I think I see it selective about who I like, cause I think I see it and this is so,

I don't mean to see it like this, but I feel like I see it almost like a chess game in a way. Like I'm like looking at it too analytically. So I'm not like into a super casual thing. Like I've, and like, I'm like, Oh, I don't like that person. That, that thing rubs me the wrong way. I don't know. I can't, I can't do it. And it's not like it's a, it's a myriad of different factors, but I feel like between my long-term relationship

that I was in for a while and then before dating June, I definitely was like a lot more on that date and it'd be fun. And it was actually, it was fun, but it was like, it was a little bit unfulfilling, honestly. That's for me again, it was like a little bit like, okay, it was fine. But it wasn't like, it was like, oh, I didn't really,

there wasn't anybody in there that was like, that made me like, be like, okay, it was fine. But it wasn't like, I was like, oh, I didn't really, there wasn't anybody in there that was like, that made me like, be like, ooh, I want, and I guess what I felt like in that time was, I felt people like, sometimes being like, ooh, I want this to be more than what it is. And that was really hard for me. So I feel like that was made me like, back off, because I was like, I don't know,

I felt like bad, like I was giving out wrong signals or something like that. And I don't know how to like, I don't know how to hold that back, or I don't know, I was like, we're having fun, but I'm not like, I mean, I wrong signals or something like that. And I don't know how to hold that back or I don't know, we're having fun, but I'm not like, I mean, I don't wanna be like that typical guy who's like, oh yeah, this is like, but that was, I just, yeah, I don't know.

I wasn't fully in. So I feel like I kind of like, I tried to make myself more casual because I didn't wanna give people wrong signals. Does that make sense? I don't know. That does make sense. I'm very much like, I don't like casual things.

I would prefer if after the second date of someone was like, I don't see this going anywhere to just be like, Nicole, I don't see this going anywhere. We can hang out and fuck or like we can be done depending on like what you need. But people don't talk like that. And I wish they did. We need it.

Like who are we protected? That's exactly how I feel. Like honestly like that. Like I went on a lot of one or two dates and it was like, and some people I'm friends with still to this day and it's great. But you're right, I think that there also needs to be like that, a clear delineation of the fuck buddy relationship role.

And I think people are so, you really need two cool people to agree on that. You know what I get? Like, you know what? It's like an honesty that needs to be there and be like, this is what we have agreed to, let's go. But I don't know. I feel like everyone's always gonna get hurt. Again, I've been out of the game for so long.

It's even crazy that I'm like trying to even, I analyze dating. I'm like. Yeah, you've missed out on all of the apps. I know. And let me tell you, Paul, you're not really missing anything. They're hard to navigate and everyone is bad.

Well, here's the thing. I'm obsessed with it. Like I'm obsessed with, and again, because I don't have to be on it. I'm not looking for anything on it, but I'm like, all right, so there's that one app called like Raya. I don't know if you're on Raya, right?

But Raya is like, I guess was billed as like the celebrity app or whatever, you know, and I would look at people's like Raya profiles and they all have to pick a song. It's like Instagram, but you had to pick a song. And it's like, what's the song that you have and what's the picture that you have and are you shirtless and are you like,

like showing your best life? And I'm like, I want to go so deep in that. I love that. I'm like, I wanna just voyeuristically look at that. And I'm not even to make fun, I'm just like, what are people putting out there? And what are these conversations like? Because it's so cold.

It's like cold calling. It's like when you call up for a political candidate or something like that. But now, as a woman, are you just getting like, is it just like an immediate like you're like creep or like, yeah, like what's the creep to like, okay, interesting conversation ratio. Interesting conversations happen,

I would say very rarely, like one out of 10 people will have something interesting to say. A lot of it is like, how has your week been? What are your plans for the weekend? And people have not adjusted it since COVID. And I'm like, my week was boring. The weekend will be more of yesterday. Like we're not doing anything. What do you think the secret is?

Do you think that you need to come in like almost like, like the game, I don't know if you know the game, like the game, like that guy who, you know, you game women. That man who wore a fedora and told you to nag women, like fucking insult them and they'll love you? I think, here's where I think that that guy is right. Not in the insulting women,

but I think he's right in the idea of, there's something I read in that book, because we did a sketch on it on Human Giant, and I got obsessed with him too. I'm obsessed, and I watched the show, Pick Up Artists on VH1, it was great. But I thought there was something I read in that book, because we did a sketch on it on Human Giant, and I got obsessed with him too. I'm obsessed, and I watched the show Pick Up Artists on VH1, it was great. But I thought there was something great. He said that there was a,

you would go up to a girl at a bar, and say, oh my God, did you see that fight outside? And the girl would be like, oh no, and he's like, oh, it's crazy, there's two guys, this guy. And it was like, so you initiate a conversation with some, I mean, yes, it's a lie. But it gets you into something. So I guess in my mind it would be like,

and I'm trying to figure out the non-dickish way of doing it, but I can't ask you what your week is gonna be. I'm not gonna ask what your weekend is, but I'm gonna be like, hey, look, I just wanna ask you, I can't date you unless you like adventures and babysitting. Or like, you know, like some sort of a bold, at least is engaging you on some level. Like you can come back to that on some, you know, I don't know, is that wrong?

Am I being totally off base or like, I don't know like what the way to, how do you get in? No, I think that's interesting to be like, we can go out, but you have to like this movie. I'd be like, oh, that's fun. That's a unique way to do it. For a hot second on Bumble, because the lady has to initiate,

I was asking people weird questions like, would you rather turn into a potato at midnight, or like ride a giraffe for six hours every Saturday? And- By the way, that's what I'm talking about. Like that, yes. So that, like that is like, but by the way, cause it's something to like,

you can see a personality on you and the other person, the way they respond. And it's like, that's all you want, right? I think. Yes. But I will tell you, people would respond. They would make these weird questions so boring. Ugh.

So boring. Because for me, if someone was like, would you want to ride a giraffe for six hours every Saturday or turn into? A potato at night. I would be like well. What are the rules of the potato? Do I have a roommate? Yeah, my roommate eat me do I have to travel to the giraffe? I'd be like give me like I would turn into a conversation Yeah, it's a conversation starter like that. That's what I'm saying like I would initiate That way I always thought that that was the interesting part like you initiate in a way that like is not just like, how was your day, right?

Cause it's never going to be good. It's the same thing with real, real conversations. It's like you get stuck in like part, I mean parties, but you and you, she's been such a long time, but. Remember a party, oh boy. But like you have to, you do have to like work that beginning really hard. I think, you know, and I think, you know,

and I think you have to like find some reason to like connect. And I feel like people are too, like what do they want you to say? Like, oh yeah, this weekend I'm going, like you have to, it puts it all on you. It gives you nothing. It gives you nothing. Like they give you nothing about themselves.

Yeah. So that, but it's interesting's interesting how I feel like there's a lot of sad sacks on these things too. I also think a lot of people are sad. I think people are more sad in general just in this world than they care to admit. Yes, and don't you think that this has brought this out in a way, I feel like people are almost okay with their sadness, but I also think that people are,

again, talking about that vulnerability thing. I remember my sister-in-law told me this story. And she found this guy on a dating site, and they were talking, and she's like, well, do you have any dreams? They were out, they had progressed their relationships. She's like, do you have any dreams, or things you want to accomplish in life? And he said, oh man, you know,

sometimes I just sit in my car and I pretend like I'm Spider-Man and I would be like, how cool would it be if I had like webs and I would just be able to swing over traffic? And she's like, oh, so you want to get out of traffic? He's like, yeah, it would be so cool to be out, swing over traffic.

And I was like, and that to me, like sums up internet dating. I was like, your dream is to just get swing over traffic. I was like, and that to me, like sums up internet dating. I was like, your dream is to just get out of traffic as, but not like I want to be Spiderman, cause that's okay. That's, that's got its own other Pandora's box issues, but, but I just want to be Spiderman to get home quicker out of traffic. Very funny.

I just want to be-Man, you know? Tired of sitting in my car. I don't like red lights. Yeah. But then I would truly be like, that doesn't feel right. What are you gonna like web your car with you? You're just gonna leave your car in the traffic?

Yeah. Sir, this is a very bad dream. It is flawed. It's like, but if anyone ever asked you like, what's your dream? Might say dream? That's my dream? It's like, well, they would ever ask you like, what's your dream? My dream? That's my dream? It's like, well, my dream, I guess, is to get a solid eight hours of sleep.

What's yours? Well, let me ask you a question, because I love the show. I think you are absolutely fantastic as a human being. Forget you as like a personality and comedian, because we all know that. We got, you got that locked up. We don't have to worry about that. But I'm saying as far as like, why and comedian, because we all know that, you got that locked up. We don't have to worry about that.

But I'm saying as far as like, why won't people date you? Let me ask you two questions. First of all, do you find that unfortunately, the world that you are in, it's tricky, right? Because you are in a comedy world, an acting world, and we see the same people a lot of the time. And there's an energy of like, I don't wanna really date inside this thing

or I have dated it. So kind of like automatically a lot of your social hangs involve the same, it's hard to get new people in that ecosystem. Yes. So with that being said, would you ever do, and I've heard about this and I was like, oh, that's interesting.

Maybe I would have done that if I was single, group dating where it's like 15 people and you're all going roller skating, or 15 people and you're all going bowling. So you're all single, no one is putting a match together for you, but you're all doing this thing. You're gonna learn karate,

you're all gonna do wine tasting, you're gonna do whatever the group activity was. I think from my other sister-in-law, it was bowling night. And they had some way to switch it up so you're playing with a bunch of different people throughout the whole night. Would you do something like that?

So it's kind of like speed dating just updated. Yeah, because without the pressure of speed dating, because speed dating is like, I'm connecting with you. This is a casual, like, oh, you said something funny here, it wasn't even necessarily towards me, but I like that. Or like, you can kind of figure out who you want to approach or pull away from.

And there's no one there trying to either reject you or put, you know, it's like, this is like, it creates like a fake ecosystem. It like stocks the pond. Would you, I mean, and obviously you're a celebrity and you know, people know you, but would that be something that would be appealing to you? I don't think so, specifically because I feel like

a group setting with a bunch of people I don't know is a pressure that I don't ever wanna put on myself. Okay, that's interesting, yeah. I guess it's like when I go do shows, it's for a bunch of strangers, and I go, here's the funniest thoughts I have. I hope you like them. And then it's like, okay, so I'm going to bowl

with a group of people I don't know. Well, will I be good at bowling? I'm pretty competitive, so that's gonna come out. And then I'm like, I need to make these people laugh because I want these strangers to like me. How will I connect with the, I think it's just like, it's too much. So how do you, like ideally,

how would you like to meet somebody? Like what is your best way in? I guess it would be nice if like one of these dates from the apps worked out or if a friend had a friend, I've never been set up because a lot of my friends are like, well, they're single for a reason. And then people coming off a divorce, they need a little bit of time.

So I think it would be nice if a friend set me up with somebody. Can I tell you what I've noticed as a straight male in LA? There are a lot of women that I know that are perfect candidates for a girlfriend, a wife or whatever, a partner, just say partner. And the guy quality is not as high because I feel like the women who are available, like you don't go, she's single for a reason,

but almost all the guys are like, I don't know. Like cause June will ask me sometimes, what about that person? Like, you know, it's like, like there isn't, there is an energy sometimes when you get past a 40 something and you have not locked it down on some level level like that you have to be and I know you're not that I'm just saying but well on a guy's side it's dangerous it's a dangerous because it's also like then you're almost like then you're almost having to like reinvent them because they're like so stuck in their ways yeah then you're like oh well now I'm fucked here too

I gotta like you gotta do so much work. It's too much work. I feel like there needs to be a better way for women to find good men. And I feel like LA is not the spot. I feel like good men get, I guess I think good men get eaten up a lot quicker than women. Then that's obviously in a heterosexual relationship.

I don't know how it goes in the other way. But that's what I've noticed relationship. I don't know how it goes in the other way. But that's what I've noticed. I don't really know how it goes in the other way either. But I do feel like women have been taught and conditioned to be like, get married, get married young, have kids, you gotta find a man. And then men are taught to be like, you can do that, or you can play the field and have a very nice time.

You can fuck whoever you want have a very nice time. You can fuck whoever you want and nobody's gonna care. You're gonna be like a stallion or whatever they call gentlemen who fuck. And then it's like, you're a slut. You sleep around, you fucking slut. Right, yeah. Although I have to say, I've heard some guys

who've been called sluts though too. You get in a certain pond for a little while and people will talk. I will say this. There is like, you're right. Like there's this thing, like I remember this guy, he said to me, like I was dating June early on and I was moving out to LA. I was in New York and I was going out to LA and I had, at this point, I think human giant had been on or whatever best week ever, whatever it was,

it was early on in my career. And, and he was like, I can't believe that you are dating someone right now, don't you wanna go out to LA and date a young starlet? And the thought of that was so weirdly gross to me. I was like, ooh, but it's like, do I wanna date this thing that doesn't, what is that, what is that?

It's like, it's not like, oh no, no, that? Like, what is that? It's like, it's like, I don't like, it's not like you like, oh, no, no, you would give up the person that you actually have a connection with. You're like, you know, it's not like, oh, wouldn't you like to date this other person that is also really cool and does all this. Just this idea of a person. An idea, like an idea of like, and that like,

that to me was, but I feel like I've heard that conversation so many times and I've seen two of those people that have talked like that living that life to this day. And they've never dated a young starlet and only have heard weird stories about them. So there, I don't know. I can't imagine dating anyone for, because I feel like when people are like, I wanna date a young starlet. It's Yeah, I can't imagine dating anyone for,

cause I feel like when people are like, I wanna date a young star. It's like, I wanna date someone who's aesthetically pleasing to other people's eyes. I might not even connect with the fucking person, but I just want people to see me with this person, which to me is insane. I guess it's cause I'm a fat lady,

but I'm just like, oh, I guess I don't have a body that is like, considered desirable to most. So for me, I'm like, maybe someone won't date me because they don't wanna be seen with me, but I'm like, I just wanna be with someone who's nice and funny and like hot to me, which might not be hot to everybody. But that's what I think everybody is, right?

I think it's like that idea, like it just needs to be hot to everybody. But that's what I think everybody is, right? It's like that idea, like it just needs to be hot to you. But I think there is something interesting also probably, and you've probably talked about this too, like about being like a female comedian. Like you are, you, I imagine on some level, are intimidating to people who might know you, right? Know you as this thing because it's like, oh, she can cut me down, she can do this thing.

Do you feel that? Do you feel like there's a little hesitancy on that level ever? Like that people are nervous to be like, oh, I'm gonna be too nerdy for her. I'm gonna be not cool enough for her, yeah. Well, I've had people, it's either like, they're the funny ones in their relationship,

so like we'll have a good conversation and then like a upmanship, is that it? Yeah, yeah, a one-upmanship, yeah. A one-upmanship happens where I'll say something funny and they're like, what about this? And I'm like, oh, okay, then, but also I do improvs. I'm like, if that's true, what else is true? I can heighten anything to crazy or whatever.

So then, and I felt like, it was one guy in particular, I felt like would get mad at me when I said something funnier than him for the second time. And then I'd be like, all right, I guess I be quiet now? It was just a very tough thing to navigate. I did a talk show one time. It was like one of my first things,

I was first kind of doing something and it was a talk show host and they were like, okay, so you go out there and if you say something funny, that person might respond to you with a funny thing. Don't, whatever you do, don't say something funny after that person has said the funny thing. And I was like, oh, okay, wow, okay, sure. It was like warning me not to like one up,

or not one up, but play along. When have you ever been in a conversation where you've even thought about it? Like I'm not like, okay, how about this? I was just like, well, that's the conversation. We've just, we're joking. Like I just thought that that was like a funny warning. Like do not, do not, if they make a joke,

you don't say anything. I was like, don't do it. That's so wild. Real quick, Paul, we have to take a break. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have to take a break. Can I ask, so you live with June, you're married to June, you also work with June, you have

a podcast together, and you're both in comedy, and you both have had very successful careers. At any point, was it hard to work together and or did you guys get jealous of each other? That's two questions. So there you go. No, I'll answer it all. No, it's great. I'm gonna say this. It's tricky.

It's always gonna be tricky in this kind of a field, but I think that as we came up together, right? So I think there are certain points in our career where maybe June was experiencing a little bit more success than I was and then there were moments where I was experiencing some more success than June was. And now that we've been together for such a long time, it kind of like, it kind of almost balanced out

to a certain degree, like, you know, on a certain level. I think there will always be a slight, like if I'm being completely honest, like a slight level of like, oh, I wish I was doing this. If you're feeling in that zone, cause we I'm being completely honest, like a slight level of like, oh, I wish I was doing this. If you're feeling in that zone, because we all get in those zones, like I'm not working, I haven't done this thing,

I haven't, I got nothing going on. And you can get in that zone where you're literally watching your partner get to do something and you're in the zone where like, ah, it's not clicking for me in the second. So yes, but at the other side of it, we're not going out for the same stuff, right? You know, and that to going out for the same stuff, right?

And that to me is really the dividing factor. And I was in a relationship before June where we were both in comedy and we both, we did so much together that our relationship became our career. And that I did not like. And that's something I would never recommend to anybody. The podcast that Jun and I do is so easy.

You know, we basically do it in different rooms now in the quarantine of it all. But like, you know, we show up, we get to do it. It's an hour of our week or every other week even. It's not even an ever weekly thing. And then it's over. And so it's not like there's no work there. It's fun.

There's no like business side to it. How did this get made? We are all, everyone there is equally important, but I do all that other stuff. I do the mini episodes, I do the research. So basically June and Jason just pop in, do be hilarious and then go. So to them, and I think that's part of the

why that really works really well is because it's like it's in, it's gone, and we're back to our day. And June and I get to go away on, if we get to go on tour together, that's really fun because we only get to look at it night out. So I'll say that and I'm gonna continue to answer this and say that, you know, I think that when we have worked together,

like when we did NTSF on Adult Swim together, I was the boss and she was somebody I cast in the show and I was aware of her as that, but we were not, again, co-creators. We were not like, you know, like, and she would come when she had to be on set and leave when she didn't. And, you know, and she, like,

we had to respect for each other. So I think to me, the secret of that is not building yourselves together. Like it's not like, like, and I'm impressed with people who do like when I look at like Natasha and Moshe, like I'm like, oh, that's amazing. They get to go off and do standup together. And I actually really, it seems like it may actually

work really well together. They get to do it and they're their own thing. I just feel like if you're writing everything together, if you're doing everything together, like who are you as a performer and who are you? Because I think what I love is being able to come home and be like, oh my God, X, Y, and Z, or this person driving me crazy.

And we have separate lives. Like this morning, I was out on, we were taking a walk, we're on an Airbnb right now, and we were taking a walk and she was telling me about this thing about, she was pitching me this idea that she's been working on. And it felt so great not to be like a collaborator in that idea. Yeah, like I already know about this

and we're like working it out. It's just like, ooh, that's a good idea. I have fresh eyes. I can give you feedback and notes and whatnot. Yeah. And I can walk away from it. And so that, so yeah. So long story short,

I think you would be lying to yourself. You said that there's nothing there, but when you're both working and you're both feeling fulfilled, there's no problem. And then I think it'd be lying to yourself. You said that there's nothing there, but when you're both working and you're both feeling fulfilled, there's no problem. And then I think it's those moments where you hit a dry spot or you're unhappy in something and you see somebody else being happy in something.

You're like, fuck, I wanna do that. I wish I was doing that. I would like to go away on, shoot a movie. So highs and lows. And I think the hardest thing that we ever kind of went through was, cause now we have kids, we went, when June was shooting Long Shot,

we went with our amazing nanny and our two kids, and we were in Vancouver, and it was so cold. It was so cold that when you went outside, it was hard to breathe. I had no friends around, I couldn't perform. We were kind of like locked in this apartment where the kids were riding bicycles up and down the hallways, the carpeted hallways, because they couldn't go outside.

So that was hard, and she was basically gone 14 hours a day. And then working late on a Friday night and sleeping in until one or two in the afternoon. So that was okay. And then we couldn't do anything, so that felt very trapped. But I would say that was the only really tough time,

because I felt like I couldn't, I couldn't even like have my outlet of like going to UCB or, or, or, or working and that thing. So that, yeah, so that's a long answer. Would you like to date someone who is in like a comic comedian, an actor? Like, would you have any rules? I think my rule is if I were to date a comedian or an actor, I'd like to date someone who's at the same level as me just to eradicate anyone being jealous or me feeling some type of way.

I don't think, yeah, I mean, I'm a human. So like, I do think I would be a little bit jealous if someone was a little bit further than me and- Right, you're always gonna feel it, but you've also achieved enough right now where you are like a thing, like you are established. That's never gonna go away, like you may go higher.

By the way, I wanna talk to you about this. You are on a show that I'm so excited about. Phil Jackson, I love Phil Jackson, he created this show and this cast is amazing. It's like you, it's Carl Tartt, right? It's Echo is in it too, right? It's an awesome cast. I'm so excited about this show,

but now you are about to go on network. I mean, yes, nailed it is giant. Nailed it is giant and I know it and I know it from being on it and how people recognize me from it. I can only imagine what you get, but you are now gonna be like young Sheldon. You are out there for the masses.

There might be a poster of you in someone's room. Like, what is that? Like, how do you prep for that? Like, cause now you're like, are you, I mean, I know it's like putting the carpet before the horse, but are you prepping at all? Like, you're gonna be a lot more in a public way, even though you already are, but it's more.

It's more, it's networked to be as more. It's also a different presentation of myself. Like, it's acting. So that's different. And acting is like what I love. And I love comedy. I love smart comedy. I love smart comedy, I love dumb comedy.

And it's got like a mixture of all of that in there and I love Phil so much. And the cast is like so fun, but no, I haven't really like thought about it. Like what's gonna happen after it comes out other than I guess I'm just like, ooh, people will see me as an actress. Right, okay.

And I think that's the most exciting thing for me. And I hope more comes from it. I don't know, network television is such a, it's an elusive thing to me. I've never been on a network show as a series regular. I've done some pilots where the network said, no, no, no, we don't want this. But I'm like really fucking excited.

I think it's gonna be fun. Well, you are great. And like I said, in all those creative ways, but I wonder if this podcast is gonna get a lot more interesting when that show comes on and it becomes like a thing. Like you watch these shows and like however you, or let me ask you this,

because I don't know much about the show. I was literally before lockdown, Phillip asked me, he's like, can you come to the table read of this thing? I was like, yep, I'll be there. And then it was like, everything's shut down. So, but how are you portrayed on this show? Like what is your MO?

It's me. Like my name on it's Nikki, it's based on me. It's like, it's me. This is a great thing. You followed the Will Smith model, which is Will Smith said, "'If you ever do a TV show, "'name the character after yourself,

"'because no matter what, "'they're always gonna call you by that show. "'They're always gonna remember it.'" Like someone who has been called Andre a million times from the league. I recognize that. So you, good, that's already great. You're being called roughly by your same name.

But if you're you, that's an ad for dating. For what they're gonna get. I do believe, I think this show could open up doors for you in the dating world to different types of people. Like a very different type of person. I didn't even think about that. Because nailed it truly. It seems as if the people who watch it are children,

parents of children and stoners. People who love smoking the wacky tobacco, love to watch me roll off tables. What would you, saying you were a single man, this is an alternate universe. What do you respond the most to? Like how, like if a woman hit on you, say you were a single man, this is an alternate universe, what do you respond the most to? Like how, like if a woman hit on you, what would you like the most?

Oh man, that's a great, that's a great question. Or do you not like women hitting on you because you like to make the first move? Oh no, I mean, if you're gonna offer me a woman hitting on me, I will take it. Okay. 100%. I have no, I have no, I'm nervous, cause I never know when I'm reading a signal,

when I'm not reading a signal. That was always something that I think I was very bad at when I was single. Like I was like, cause people, like I remember somebody actually said to me many years later, like, oh yeah, I always thought you didn't like me like that. I was like, oh no I did, I didn't get anything. I never knew, like I needed like, cause people like, like I remember somebody actually said to me many years later, like, oh yeah, I always thought you didn't like, like me like that. I was like, oh no, I did.

I didn't get anything. I never knew, like I needed like, I was a person who needed a lot of verbal confirmation. I was like, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make a move that's gonna make you feel uncomfortable. Cause I, all I saw, and this is what I was saying about playing out my chess game in my head

was all the ways it would go badly. Like I would see like if I did this, I would go bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, and I'd see the dominoes fall for like a mile. So no, I think, you know, honestly, everybody they've ever connected with, it is just, I think it's like a fun, what you're describing where someone's getting competitive with you, it's that without the competitiveness.

It's like a playful, fun, like we're in each other's face, not in each other's face, but like, you know, it's like, it's a, like, I feel like that energy has always been good for me where it's, it's a little like, it's a little playful, but it's like, I don't wanna say rough, but it's not like a giant, I'm not like, oh, hey, how are you?

What kind of drink are you having? That's not my, my thing is being out with people and having fun and kind of connecting and finding a little like, like a little like cove in a conversation. Oh, we're at a big dinner and then we've kind of partnered off where we go and we're walking like two feet behind,

everybody else is walking. Those are the people, cause like, oh I wanna keep on talking to this person. I feel like the people that I've always dated are the people that I want to talk to on the phone with. Like, and that is something I don't want to talk on the phone with many people ever. And in this day and age,

so like if I wanna like continue a conversation and not just make it over text, or get like butterflies when a text comes in, like that's when I know, like these are the things that I look out for. But it is playful. I think playful is the thing I like.

Okay, I could be playful. I mean, Nicole, you are perfect. Like this is the thing that boggles my mind. You're perfect. I mean, like across the board, this is the bigger mystery than cereal, this show. Because it makes no sense. I thought you meant like cereal you eat. I was like, there's no mystery. Because it makes no sense.

For a hot second, I thought you meant like cereal you eat. And I was like, there's no mystery, you put milk in it. But I get it, cereal the podcast. Yeah, the podcast. Because it's like, I can't figure it out. That's why I think we need to get you out of this pond. I feel like you're in too small of a pond. I don't think that LA is a great place for dudes.

I think that once you've kind of seen, you have to really wait for somebody special to kind of drop in. Maybe you're waiting for that divorce to happen, or you're waiting for that year to pass from the divorce. You got to play it in such a different way. And everyone's going to be diving in on that person. That's when we need to expand the thing. Because all right, you're beautiful, you're funny, you're successful, and you wanna do fun stuff.

What else would you wanna do? That's all I ever wanna do, fun stuff. I was gonna try to import someone from Amsterdam because my friend Michelle, Michelle Butow, her husband's from Amsterdam, and she was like, oh yeah, they love black women over there, and I was like, ooh, okay. Get on that.

So then I tried to join a dating site in the Netherlands, which I think is where Amsterdam is, I don't know. Yeah, you're right. I should first probably learn where the place is. No, that's good, you don't need to, it's a direct flight, just get on the flight, they'll go. I joined it, I filled out all the things,

and then it was like, we need $30 a month, and I was like, but I don't even know if this is legit. I had to translate the page. So then I gave up as quickly as the idea came to me. I think, look, you're gonna get something weird, because all of a sudden, you're talking about a 90-day fiance situation. We both know what's going on in that show.

So I don't wanna see you do that. I would like to see you book some shows in the Netherlands and then see what happens. Like, let's do it that way. Let's do it the right way. I don't wanna see you do that. I would like to see you book some shows in the Netherlands and then see what happens. Like, let's do it that way. Let's do it the right way. Let's not get on this $30 a month thing because then I don't wanna have to watch you on Lifetime

and then after the 90 days, before the 90 days, I wanna see any of that stuff. But I just love 90, no, I could never be on 90 Day Fiance. That show's too wild. It's wild. I fucking love it. It's truly a treat to watch these people be lunatics. But now you also travel around the country.

Yes. And that doesn't, like, people are not coming up to you after a show? Not really. For the most part, my audience isn't really like straight men. I have, I would say, I used to say I had like eight straight male fans. I think I have like 12 to 14,

because like three or four have recently DM'd to be like, I'm a straight male fans. I think I have like 12 to 14, because like three or four have recently DM'd to be like, I'm a straight male fan, and my girlfriend also loves you. People love to slide into my DMs to tell me that them is a couple like me, or they love me, but they're a gay man, and I don't have the parts that they want. But, and I never get dick pics. I used to get dick pics from this one man who had a whole family, which was so strange to me.

He would send them. And then I clicked on his little icon and I was like, wait, you're posting pictures of your family and your wife and how much you love her, but then you're sending me your slightly mediocre dick? I don't know. Nobody slides my DMs. Well, first I have two questions here.

Is there any, this is a question I think only, well, I don't know. Nobody slides in my DMs. Well first I have two questions here. Is there any, this is a question I think only, well I don't know if you can answer it because maybe I don't have enough experience with it. Are there any good dick pics? Is it possible to take a good dick? I don't think that that's a photograph that ever is gonna be looking good.

I think a good dick pic is not just the penis. I think it's like Playgirlgirl or like a tasteful nude. Like that Geraldo Rivera one where he was in the, or what he was going for in that shot. Was that like a mirror selfie? Yeah, yeah, and he had a lot of muscles, but it was not the right person, but the right person. All right, the other thing was this,

I get that all the time with June. I will have so many women tell me that June is their crush. So I am basically fielding a lot of gay women who are just like, tell your wife that I love her. And I'm like, oh, and I will, I am happy to. But I also feel like they might take me out. Yeah. That's funny.

That must feel nice to be like, oh, my partner is wanted by so many people and I get to have her. I got her, I got her. But you know what I think, back to everything, we talked about this the other day too, the idea like, yes, it is amazing to be in a great relationship, but it's not easy.

And I think that there's like this fat, like this people are so, I think people get out of relationships because they think, well, it's not fun anymore. It's like, of course it's not fun because the work comes in and the work is what you need to continue to build. And it gets, not that it gets big, it's more fulfilling and it's better. And there are so much fun, so many fun moments in it, but it's not like just an autopilot thing.

Like, and I feel like, you know, and I think that like one of the best things about June and I, I, and she's not over my shoulder, but she would, I think agree to it, is that we would, we can, and we do fight. And I think that people who don't fight, I'm always worried about. Why are you not fighting?

You're living with this person, you're with this person, you can fight and you can also fight and not be afraid that you're gonna lose this person. Like, you know, and I think that, and I think that fighting is part of like working the issues out, figuring out what's going on, but being respectful of each other. And sometimes maybe you're not,

but you have to, I think you have to like dig in and it gets uncomfortable. And I will say in the 15 or 16 years we've been together, there've been patches where you're like, okay, this has been a rough patch. I would even say like, here's like three or four months that have just been like, okay, fine. I mean, I don't never stop loving her with all my heart,

but it's like, it's not clicking right now. It's just like, it's being a little bit like, okay, we're just getting through and that's okay. And then it pulls back up. Like I think cycles of everything go through that. You know, and again, it's being a little bit like, okay, we're just getting through and that's okay. And then it pulls back up. Like I think cycles of everything go like through that. You know, and again, it's not, again, 15 years in, like it's a different level of like, we're not clicking. It's just sort of like, you're like, okay, yeah,

we're just on each other's case a lot right now. And what is it? And you have to figure out what that is. And then you figure it out and then you move on. Yeah. I mean, it's nice to hear that like it is hills and valleys and that's something to expect. But Paul, we've come to the end.

Oh my gosh. And I ask all my guests this. Yes. Would you date me? Oh, Nicole, I've already said it a hundred percent. Come on. There's nothing to debate. It's, this is, I'm now obsessed with finding somebody who,

look, I think the world is your oyster, honestly. I feel like- Well, do you have single friends? I told you, no, no one that you need to be with. No, honestly, I have to say that my only single friend, I only have one left, I have one left, I believe. Yeah, is that right? Yeah, one, holy cow, Jason Manzuchis, that's it.

Has he been on this show? He hasn't been on this show because, actually, well, I'm gonna tailor a show for him because he was like, I don't really wanna talk about my personal dating life and I was like, that's fine. I've had like two episodes where the, I knew that they didn't really wanna talk

about their dating life, so I asked one question and then was hit with an answer that circumvented it and I was like, all right, cool. So I was like, I'm just gonna figure out how to, I'm gonna tailor an episode for him because I think he's so funny and so wonderful. He is the best. But again, he's somebody to work with,

so it's tricky or some work with occasionally. Nicole, this has been such a pleasure. You're the best. And if I find somebody, I'm gonna let you know. But I think this NBC thing is gonna be- Uh-oh, is a child crying? Do you gotta go? I feel like this is gonna be, that's my exit cue.

Okay, I'll let you go. I'll do the outro by myself. Bye, Paul. Bye. If you liked that episode of Why Won't You Deate Me, you can like, you can subscribe, you can rate it five stars on Apple podcasts, and if you send me something hitting on me, I'll read it. This person says, hi Nicole, I've been trying to think

of a clever way to hit on you for a while, and I finally got it. I set up a time to meet at your house late at night. My spouse and I will come in the night. Fuck you so good, you pass out. You'll wake up in the morning feeling sore between your legs, but not from having a lot of memories from the night before. Uh oh. Doh. You'll start to think to yourself, did I just get fucked by ghosts? Okay, maybe not that clever, but I tried. You know, that was, it got a

little dicey for me at a set, like a moment where I didn't know what was happening, but then it was ghosts. I get what you were trying to do. I think it's OK. OK, bye bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by all the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people.

Adam Sacks, Joanna Solo Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening! I love you, thank you so much! We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream!