Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dating as an Olympian (w/ A'ja Wilson)

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

WNBA superstar and Olympic gold medalist A'ja Wilson joins Nicole to discuss how her 6'4" height shapes her dating experiences, what it's like to be single and mingle amongst Olympians, and the special treatment of being a WNBA icon. Meanwhile, Nicole is enjoying her own singledom. Check out A'ja's new book, Dear Black Girls, wherever books are sold. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single, even though you could lay me down on a basketball court, dribble on my head and say, oh, no, the earth is vibrating. My guest today is a phenomenal athlete and two-time WNBA champion and Olympic gold medalist known for her incredible

work on the basketball court. She's also an author and her new book, Dear Black Girls, is now available. It's Asia Wilson. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hello. How are you? Oh, listen, I'm doing great. I... My intro is weird because I was like, oh, no, I don't know what to say. And then I was like, well, basketball's a thing. Okay, Asia, when did you start playing basketball? Tell me about it. Oh, yes. I was a late bloomer, so I don't have the, like, story of like, oh, I was born and the basketball's in my hand and I was like, grew up about it. Oh, yes. I was a late bloomer. So I don't have the story of like, oh, I was born and the basketball's in my hand. And I was like, grew up with it. I probably started playing basketball when I was maybe, I want to say like 13 years old.

But I wasn't really good at it. I was awful for my first two years until I was maybe like 15 years old to where I was like, OK, I have some coordination here. It's pretty decent. I just did not like to sweat. So that kind of like stopped me from wanting to be active. Fair. I guess that I too do not like to sweat even in my adult years. So you said you're a late bloomer. Would you say that you were a late bloomer in love? Yes, I felt like I was. I felt like I was just like really to myself. I was kind of like,

hey, if it comes to me, it comes to me. If it doesn't, cool. Especially at a young age, I wasn't really looking for a lot of different things. Like boys were cute. And I was also like growing up and I wanted to be tall and I'm like lanky and I was quirky. So I was still not in my glow up stage yet. So in my mind, I was like, no one wants me because I don't, I wouldn't want myself. So it was kind of like So in my mind, I was like, no one wants me because I wouldn't want myself. So it was kind of like one of those things where I would like googly eyeball voice from afar, but it was never like, oh, let me show you guys

what I'm working with. But you seem so chill about it. You're like, if it comes, it comes. And oh boy, would I like to have just a little bit of chill. So wait, were you tall in your youth? No, I really wasn't. I probably didn't hit my growth spurt until maybe I was like a sophomore in high school. And I always gauged my height to my mom.

And my mom was like 5'9", 5'10". And I like was slowly starting to like wear her shoes a little bit and like slowly starting to see the top of her head. Like that's when I was like, OK, I'm starting to starting to get tall but other than that like I was really kind of normal for the most part and then of course when I get to high school it's like okay here here comes our growth spurt and now my clothes are fitting weird and I'm like I'm looking weird and I have I have thin eyebrows at the time and I had baby teeth and so it was just like struggling honestly what a funny visual like just a very tall person with little eyebrows and little teeth but just like very very tall

so was that like good for dating or bad for dating were the gentleman like too tall i feel like i was that type of girl where they were like oh but she's cool like she's chill she's cool to be around you know they never really say like oh no never it was more so like she's a cool person like her personality is good so i think it was a healthy balance like it could have been i was tall and like guys at that time were probably like oh i wouldn't imagine dating a girl that's like taller than me and of course I do not like short kings. Sorry. I can't date anyone shorter than me. I feel like there's too many tall men in the world for me to even settle to that. So I never settled for a small king. And I feel like at that point of my life and like growing up in high school, I don't think they ever could do a taller woman or a woman that looked at them

eye to eye. So I think it really wasn't, it didn't help me in that way but then I was a cool person to be around so it was kind of like okay like I could maybe put up with you wait how tall are you I'm six four oh yeah that's pretty tall that's pretty tall okay yeah wait have you run into because there's a bunch of videos on like Instagram of this man, he's in Venice or Santa Monica or whatever, and he's like, how tall are you? And these guys are like, 6'2". And he's like, can I measure you? And they're like, no. And some of them are like, sure.

All the shorter ones are like, no, please don't measure me. All right, fine. And then it's like, dude, you're 5'8". So have you ever gone out with someone who said that they were like 6'4", 6'5", and you get on the date and you're like on the date you're like yeah I didn't really had anyone that lied about their height I did have like I did kind of I won't even say date because I did not like using that word it was always kind of like not friends with benefits but kind of like you're my I'm comfortable with you like you cool I can maybe be seen out with you but like we don't go together so like that was one instant where I was like okay like we're the same height like I couldn't wear heels around you so it's like

we're the same height cool but yeah I've never really kind of got the never really been lied to when it came to height really I find that so funny because I feel like on dating are you on the apps no I'm not on the apps I'm no man we're meeting the people in person okay so you can uh verify and validate the height because i feel like i've gone out with guys where i like looked at their height and it said like six foot and then we get on the date and i'm like but i can see into your eyes that's not six foot i'm not six foot i'm pretty little exactly like you get a girl's word you're're like, oh, I'm six feet. I guess I'm much taller than I thought I was.

That's wait. So wait, how are you? Are you in a relationship now? Yes, I am. And I'm very happy where I am. I'm loving where I am. I'm very just at peace. How did you meet?

Oh, how do we meet? I can't I can't give you all the tea but just know that like you gotta wait your time like I feel like this is this is God sent he's like this is you this is your your match and you got to be happy in that so I feel like that's just like a beautiful thing for me and I love it I'm kind of like you know you're like dang I waited long enough but it's like one of those moments where I'm very like just happy and at peace where i am i'm comfortable uh but yet he makes me uncomfortable and i really can appreciate that i like that sounds like he challenges you and that sounds nice and healthy my god i'm just like when is my time i just had a tarot card reading where i specifically asked i was like when is the next person and then they drew the devil card and i I was like, wait, what?

And they were like, yeah, it's going to look bad for a minute. And I was like, this is simply not what I want. This is not the treat I asked for. I don't want to hear about the devil coming for me. That's rude. Yeah, no. But at least that means sunshine's coming after. Like the devil can't stay forever.

You got to, you're going to break through. And I feel like that's kind of maybe how you can look at it you gotta look at it like okay I may go through this thunderstorm but that sunshine that rain it's gonna be there you know what you're right that's what they said during the reading they were like it's not all bad it does get better and I'm like but when and they're like we can't look that far into the future. And I said, okay. So you played, did you play in Europe or just your dad? Your dad played for 10 years overseas? Yes, my dad played in Sweden for majority of his overseas career.

Yep, he played in Europe. Did you get to go to Sweden or were you back? No, I was not even born yet. I was like, I may be a thought. I think my mom was maybe pregnant with me for his last couple of years. But I, and I, even then I think it was just when he was coaching, but no, I was never really, wasn't there vibing out in Sweden. You were like, truly not even a little morsel on this earth yet. But you didn't play overseas at all, no? I played in China for maybe like not even two years after my rookie year.

And yeah, I got hurt and I was just like, I'm good. Like this isn't, let me try something else. And I got an amazing team that helped me get my coin over here in the States that I haven't left since. What was it like playing in China? Because I know in China,

the people of the black persuasion are pretty far and few in between. And then you're also a taller black. What a wild way to say that. You're a taller black. Well, you're a taller black person. Was that weird? And did people like stop you to take pictures and stuff? Very weird. I mean, my dad was over there actually with me. And I remember us being in the mall. And all of a sudden, all these people started coming around us. And we're just there eating.

And my dad was like, what's going on? And I was like, I think we are like a show. I think we're the museum for them. They're like, like in awe of us. And it was very, it was a little culture shock for me. It was a lot of, lot of people. And like, we were in a small town and a small town to them is like 2 million people, if that. And so it was, it was a little different.

But the thing that I love about overseas basketball is that it has no gender. I feel like in the United States, it's very like men, women, like. But like overseas, it's kind of like, no, we love the game of basketball and we love the way that it's played and we're going to support it no matter what. So it was like sold out arenas, like everyone came in to watch us play. And so like the feel of that, it was pretty cool. That's exciting. I love that. Did you date at all when you were in China or no? I was in a relationship. Yes. And it was... With someone in China or someone back here? No, someone in the United States. in a relationship. Yes. And it was someone in China or someone back? No, someone in the United States. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, I was not I didn't deal with anything

over there. But I was in a relationship at that time. It was a lot of just a lot of face times, obviously. And at times where like, I was going to sleep, and he was getting up for school, I think at the time. So it was very like, we could only talk at like a certain amount of hours because by the time I'm waking up and going through a practice, he's already about to go back to sleep. So it was very, very hard just to navigate through that. And obviously like everyone's cuddles, everybody wants to be around somebody and like hug and like, it's particularly just overseas. And it's, it's not easy. I don't think it gets talked about for us as women that have to sometimes play overseas.

Like, that's a long season of being away from your loved ones. And so it's like sometimes you will be in the dumps and you may have that season of depression. And, like, you want that person, your person to be there. And they can't. So it's hard. But, yeah, after that, we kind of went our separate ways. And I wish nothing but the best for him. But, yeah, it was a moment where I was definitely like, long distance is different.

I don't see how people do it. I don't know how people do it either. Also, I love how diplomatic you are. I wish them the best. I never wish exes the best. I say, I hope you're sad. No, I'm kidding. I also wish them the best.

You have nails. Is it hard to do basketball with nails? So I just got them short for the season. So yeah, this is like my short basketball playing nails. But sometimes in the off season, I do go a little long. I've broken not as many as I thought I would. It seems like I only break them in like big games when I'm like holding a trophy or something. I'm like, of course, my thumb's about to be everywhere. But I'm a glam girl. I love getting my lashes done, my nails done, my brows, hair, all that. I have to be snatched sometimes. That's how I feel. I like to look in the mirror and be like, look at her. She's so pretty. Sometimes I'll just put on makeup for the sake of putting on makeup and being like okay well i guess i'll take it right off and go to sleep it is midnight

also here's another wait how long is your season how long is the basketball i don't know anything about sports no it's fine that's i'm here i got you girl our season is it starts in may well the draft is this month april and then it starts in may and Well, the draft is this month, April. And then it starts in May, and then you'll probably play until October. But this year is a special year because the Olympics is right in the middle of our season. So it's a little longer. We may run, but it doesn't really go over October. It may just go instead of two weeks into October, it might be three.

But yeah, it's pretty much the summer. We have a lot of fun going to all these different places. But yeah, it's pretty much the summer. We have a lot of fun going to all these different places. But yeah, it's Olympic year. So what used to be our all-star break will now be Olympic break. So we'll head over to Paris and compete for a gold medal. Wait, so do you get to just be on the Olympic team? How does that work? So it's crazy because I'm currently here

in Cleveland competing. So we have these different training camps that we go to. And then they come out with a 12 player roster. I think maybe somewhere before, I think June, maybe I don't even know when the list comes out, but you just better hope you're on it. But we do these different camps and we have a committee that overlooks everything and they just kind of figure out who they want to be on the team. Well, who's a good teammate who's obviously great at putting the basketball in the hole, and go from there. But it's been great so far.

I've won my first one in 2021 in Tokyo. So, yeah, it's been good. Okay. So you won your first gold medal in 2021. Were you in a relationship then or no? No, I wasn't. Okay. So all these athletes get to, like, mingle around and everyone is, like, I wasn't. Okay. So all these athletes get to like mingle around and everyone is like hot. What is that like?

I mean, I guess because it was COVID that it really wasn't really anything different. Like we were kind of used to being in that quarantine space of just kicking in. But I think it's also a beautiful thing to see where a lot of people try to pin us against each other. They really try to be like, oh, well, the NBA is just doing this for the WNBA because they need the money and da, da, da, da. But in actuality, it is like a brother and a sisterhood that we really kind of link together. And we're really cool. And to realize that we can all be normal in our space, because I feel like as professional athletes, we have to put that mask on and be this certain person. But then when you're surrounded by people that are like minded, you're kind of like I can kind of be free. I can take that mask off and be myself and play video games and just kick it and talk about all of our experiences in the locker room. So it's been pretty cool.

I don't think it got too crazy at all. But like do the other sports like co-mingle? Like were you hanging out with divers and like gymnasts? So they were actually in the village. We didn't have the opportunity to stay in the village. So we weren't around other sports until opening ceremony. That was the time where we all really got to see the different sports in like, obviously, our country. So it was pretty cool to just really be like

no we're the best athletes for united states like best athletes in the world right here and we're all wearing the same like polo ralph lauren outfit and it's like we had these it was so hot it was ridiculously hot i was almost sweating through my denim jeans and that says a lot um but it was pretty cool just to see kind of like everyone just really come together and like be fans of us and it's like oh my god i used to watch you guys like running track or i used to like see you guys on the sand volleyball well like pits so it's kind of cool to really see everybody come together i love that you were like the athletics of it all the sports of it all and i'm truly so horny that i'm like did you all fuck i would have just been like oh wow

teach me about this sport oh my god your your um your little house is next to mine in the village maybe we'll like see each other later did you have roommates at the village or no you didn't stay at the village so yeah we were just us like it was just really just solo dolo that and then you did that after playing in the bubble right yes so it was like it was the following year so we had a pretty much normal season heading into the uh olympics that year but it was definitely kind of fresh it was like the first thing everyone was doing that involved a lot of other people post-covid so still was definitely kind of fresh. It was like the first thing everyone was doing that involved a lot of other people post-COVID. So still people were kind of like, I don't want to

be the one to get COVID and get sent back or sent in my room. So everyone was like, hey, let's be cautious here. What was it like? Because there was no, I want to say audience, but that's not what, spectators? There were no spectators at the bubble? Yeah, no, it wasn't at all. Particularly in the Olympics, it was no one. It was quiet. I mean, opening ceremony, there was no one in the seats. So you're just like waving, like, hey, mom, hopefully you see me on TV. And then in the bubble, yeah, it was just, we were playing in front of curtains.

It was really just like an awkward feel um because you just couldn't people could hear everything it was just really just like cringy yeah that sounds really wild it's like did it feel like a practice or did it feel like like a like a what's it called uh like a dress rehearsal type feel it was just yeah it kind of just gave like a, what's it called? Like a dress rehearsal type feel. It was just, yeah, it kind of just gave like a weird vibe. Like, yeah, we were all just here. It kind of felt like a camp. Like we all just had camp days. Like you just go to camp, you play your games and you go home.

Like that was really pretty much everything. And it was just, I missed the thing. You never know how much you miss something until it's gone, obviously. And I was like, dang, like I miss the hecklers. I miss booing. I wish the cheering was here because I want it and so when it's gone it's like dang it's we have to create our own energy you have to like bring it every single day and sometimes we rely on the fans to like hype us up so when you don't have that you're

like I gotta go play against this team again we're in the same uniform like with nobody there and it's just like no one to tell me that i'm good or bad again um i played basketball just a little bit yes what was it middle school i think it was i don't know it was so hard the only good thing that i can do is box out because i got a fat ass period like the whole running back and forth my god that shit's hard oh i feel i feel you like i'm i'm right there with you don't i feel like we can't get like distracted by the accolades that up and down for 94 feet gets exhausting and sometimes i look at the statue and i'm like how did i even do that that if you asked me to do this without wearing an aces uniform I would probably laugh in your face what position do you play I am a power forward so I'm not too much of the big centers but I'm also not like the guards so I'm right in between I can do

a little bit I try to do a little bit of everything wait that means you're good at boxing out right if you're a power forward I think I was a power forward. I think. I truly don't remember. I just remember being like, can we just stay here for a little bit? How about, you know, you just try to hit the hoop again. And then we just rest for a little bit before running all the way back to the other side. I like that idea.

It's just so much running. It's like track and field. And then you have to dribble. And then it's like double dribbles. And it's like, much running i can't it's like track and field and then you have to dribble and then it's like double dribbles and it's like oh my god it's a lot but it's exciting it is it's it's my passion i love it real quick we have to take a break And we're back. Okay, so after you got in the WNBA, were you in a relationship when you got into the WNBA? Yes. Yes, I was. Oh, you're taking me back.

I'm like thinking about, was I? Was I? Yes, I was. Yes, I was in a relationship. Did success change the relationship at all um oh that's a good question I I guess you can say yes because but then at the same time I feel like I didn't see myself as being that successful at the time but it was just certain things where I would think back to where my mom was just like you know not, not everybody can go with you. And it's just one of those places where I was like,

I got love for you. Like, I promise you this is no hard feelings, but like, I'm trying to go somewhere where I really don't need anyone else. And it's one of those things where it's like, it's not you, it's me. But like, for real, like, honestly, it was one of those things where I was like, I need, I started to prioritize a lot of different things before me. And I lost myself in that. And I feel like I was, I feel like I probably still am someone that falls in love with the potential of someone instead of seeing the person straight up. So I wouldn't say success was like, oh, the reason like, oh, you're getting all this, you're gone. It was more so like that potential that I saw in you started to not be realistic. And I had to be real with myself. And that moment I was just like, all right, I think it's time for me to kind of

split my ways. But it was cool for the most part. I mean, at the time I was probably like, obviously I felt like I was like on a tense. I was like, period. But then I started to really be real with myself. I get that. I sometimes, most of the time, fall in love with someone's potential. And I'm like, one day you'll get this. One day. And then it's like you wake up one day and you go, huh, I don't know if their one day is going to ever come. But my one day has.

So maybe it is time for me to like move on in a graceful way yeah um but that's also it's just like hard to realize what your mom's saying you can't take everyone with you I love that so much because it's very true like you can have a lot of love for somebody but you know sometimes it's not meant to be yes and that's the hard part because you're like dang I wish you well. I don't want to make you seem like I'm like cutting you off or doing this. But it's like I just where I want to go and where I see myself, it doesn't involve a lot of people. Sometimes it's just me and reflecting within myself and saying, like, what do I want to do? How can I better myself? And sometimes you just can't take everybody with you. So, yeah, it's it's been hard. It's been a long journey, but I'm finally at peace with that. And I was happy that I could do that.

It was about time, you know? I get that. Okay. When you got your first paycheck from the WNBA, do you remember the first thing you bought when I got my first check for something where I was like I have extra money I bought a purple Michael Kors bag that I still have it was like $280 and I was like I can't believe I'm spending $280 on a purse but I still have it and I look at it I'm like yes I did that I bought that for myself. Do you have anything like that? Oh, mine is definitely not as cool and cute. It's actually the MacBook that I'm on now. It was my laptop where I'm like, yes, I finally have a MacBook. Like, stop playing with me. It's the air. Like, it's like the small little, it's thin. Like, it's the one I see everywhere on the campaign. so yeah that was

my first big purchase like I and I was shaking going into Apple because that was like my first time I was like I don't belong up in here I go to T-Mobile get my phone and I'm out like so when it was going to like Apple stores I was like oh my god Steve Jobs is about to come get me because somebody helped me so yeah I would shake my mom. I remember being on the phone with my parents and like, just go in there. You would think I was going into like a sex shop. Like, just go in there. You good. And I'm like, okay. So yeah. It is funny though, when you're like, okay, I don't normally spend this much money all at once. And you're like, I'm going to give you all of this money all at once you're like i

don't know what to do i don't know how to act i don't i truly don't know what to do yes yes and i carried the shit out of that bag i carried that bag everywhere i wouldn't let people touch it i it would i would like get another seat at a restaurant to be like my purse needs its own seat please that's like yeah i was the same i was waiting for the bank to like hit me with the fraud text message i was like bitch what you doing i promise it's me so yes do you remember like the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you see like'm, I feel like I'm a sap. Like I just like the most romantic thing to me is just like the thought, like just having like an edible arrangement waiting for me, like in my locker, in my house, like that is like so romantic to me because it's thoughtful. Like you did not

have to do that. So I think that was pretty much the most romantic thing is the thing. Cause I'm a nosy person. Like I know a lot of surprises. I can see a lot of things coming from a mile away because I'm in the business. So when something gets under, it gets past me, I'm like, hmm, that is pretty romantic. And good job. Well done. Because I didn't see that one coming. I also love that you said an edible arrangement.

Always thinking about eating healthy. You said you surprised me with fruit and flowers so okay when you're on the road do you get to fly private is that a wild question to ask no it's not a wild question to ask i know we do not get to fly private we don't get to fly private until playoffs i think until the finals like last last layer they're like all right here you go you're almost done so here so and it's like the the travel time is quick so we would need to be there obviously like just to be rested so yeah but other than that no we are on uh commercial flights this year we're gonna keep manifest and that, no, we are on commercial flights this year. We're going to keep manifest and then it's going to change. Yes, manifest those private flights. What is it like traveling? So how long have you been on the current team that you're on right now? Well,

I was drafted to this team. So this will be my seventh year, I want to say. Yeah, seventh year. So yeah, it's been a minute. been a minute and has it been the same teammates the whole time or no um no we I think it's been the same like recently for maybe the last three years uh but the first four it's been a big difference so so we've gotten a lot more we weren't the best so we got we continue to get draft picks. And people retire and people just kind of change or go to a different team. But for the most part, the core that we have now has been together for a good three years. Okay.

Are they like your besties? Do you guys like Gab? They are my besties. They're literally my sisters. Some days I can't stand them. Some days I can't live without them. I'm so excited to see them coming into training camp uh but if you would have asked me this in November I would have been like I cannot stand those women keeping me away from them so they are my they're my sisters they're my besties uh we do a lot of things together like our team chemistry is immaculate I feel like no one it's very hard to match it

because we just we're very like we're not clicky but we're like no these are homegirls like she down I'm down so um yeah we do kind of our locker room is oh my gosh it is a it's a it's a wild place to be in it's a lot sometimes we got to warn our newcomers uh but it's a ton of fun have you ever seen the movie eddie with whoopie goldberg where she plays the head coach of the new york knicks no i have not seen that movie before okay fair very few people have seen this movie but i was like is it really what it's like to be in professional basketball but alas you've never seen it um what's like do you remember like your first kiss you said that you were a late-ish bloomer so

do you remember when that first kiss was i had to be like eighth grade maybe that's not late i think that's a on time bloomer oh really thank you for that I feel like all my friends are like, girl, you late. We passed that. You still on first base. But yeah, I think I was, I think it was eighth grade. I had to be, I had to do it before high school. I wasn't that, I wasn't that corny. But yeah, it was just there. And we were just kind of like kicking it. I think. Yeah, it was nothing really crazy. It wasn't like spectacular like it is in the movies. I feel like every first kiss is very much like, well, that was it. That's a thing. Okay, goodbye. Yeah, my first kiss, I remember it just being like,

okay. And I was like, oh, there was no like, there was no sparks right no fireworks no like my leg picking up like none of that yeah none of that shit you're just like okay would you say that you are a serial monogamist or a person who spent some time being single i i feel like i've spent some time being single. I like to kind of be by myself. I like just like kind of just chilling. That's my biggest thing. It's like I'm not really going to be out and about like that. You're not. If you catch me,

I was kind of like, oh, hey, what's up? But I'm really to myself like my teammates will go out and I'm like, I'm cool. Like I can't deal with a lot of people, let alone in my space. So, yeah, I feel like I kind of give myself time to be single because that's a lot. I don't think people really think about when you're in a relationship, like everything, it really goes from me to we. And that is a lot for a person that's so used to me. So, like, when it is, when I do, like, break off or when it happens or whatever, I have to give myself some time just to kind of get used to being me again. And then I can realize, OK, am I ready to kind of welcome in that we space? So, yeah, I do kind of chill out.

And then, like I said, if it comes, comes, if it goes, goes, cool. I'm happy at where I am. I got my puppies, so I'm good. Oh, what kind of puppy? I have Australian Shepherds mixed with poodles they're mean oh no that's so fucking cute yeah two boys ace and deuce they have my whole heart that's so cute i also just love how chill you are and i love that you were like oh in between relationships i like to like kind of root myself and feel me again and feel what it's like to be in my body by myself again. And I think that's really important for people because I have

friends where I'm like, how are you jumping from person to person? Who are you? Like, do you know who you are? Like, don't you want just like silence a little bit? Yes. And in this era of me being single i am now enjoying that i don't have anybody to like answer to or be like oh i'm thinking about doing this thing i can just like leave town i have to you know find someone to take care of my dog but i can just leave town and not check in not have to call anyone when i'm out of town. And it's funny because at first I was like, oh man, I want that. I want to like have, you know, a home base to like call or whatever. But now I'm just really enjoying being single. And I think that's something I needed before I try to dive into something else. Yeah, it's big. It's huge because I feel like that

also allows you to then when that time is ready to then. It's huge because I feel like that also allows you to then when that time is ready to then give what you know you can give to that person. And I think that's why I enjoy it the most because I'm like, okay, if I know I'm ready from within, like now I can wholeheartedly give you what I've been trying to build and grow and hopefully you protect it and take care of it. And that's what I love about just kind of like the companionship of it all. It's just like, okay, now we can meet in the middle. Like we're not perfect. I promise you, I'm going to fuck up a lot. Like it's going to be crazy. I'm going to cry. My emotions is all over the place, especially in season. But it's kind of like, but that's what you're here for.

Like that's what you're supposed to kind of take care of that other side. But I feel like I would never do that if I didn't have that time to myself to really gather myself. like I would never do that if I didn't have that time to myself to really gather myself. Yeah. A thing I'm like working on alone is like telling people how I feel in the moment. I have such a hard time doing it. Like if someone hurts my feelings, I'm very good at being like, let's get another drink. I'm fine. And now I'm trying to be like, okay, that did hurt my feelings. And the way I can articulate it is like, it's not, you know, it's not, I'm not commenting on you as a person, but I really didn't love what was just said. And I'm feeling a little certain way.

And I have such a hard time doing it. And in a relationship, I think that's like super invaluable to be able to say how you feel in the moment or say how you feel two days down the line. Be like that thing you said. It's just I've been holding it and I'm trying to do it more with friends so I can like bring it into a relationship. You seem so fucking grounded. How did this happen?

I mean, between my parents and between just the people that I have in my life currently and that I've been through it, that was kind of like my lessons. I feel like I've just kind of really gotten to with myself and knew exactly what I wanted, what I didn't want. And sometimes it hurts. It really does hurt because it's like you want the best. Like you're like, come on, I really want this. Like we were rooting for you. Like, come on.

And then it's like crash and burn and then I just felt like I got so tired of just being stuck in that crash and burn stage that I just really kind of got in tune with myself and I prayed a lot and I was just like what am I missing what do I need more of who can I give to like that's just me and then later on as time went by and like I said I just kind of let it go and then it's just like here you are like this is who you can be like, this is who you can be happy with. This is who you can be yourself with. And then I turned to my parents and they're just like, hey, you look good. Like you're looking like you're just yourself. So go for it. And so I think that's kind of where it comes from. It's just learning those lessons and then being like, this is me. And also communicating wasn't my best thing. Like

I wasn't really a good and it's crazy because I'm like in the locker room I could talk to my teammates like that I like yes but then when it comes to a guy I'm like oh because I don't know how that will make you feel but I know how it makes me feel and I don't know how to communicate that to you so that learning part for me and finding someone like that that I can trust to be like, I can really take you through this step by step and we can communicate together. It's been fun to kind of watch it grow. Yeah. The whole communication thing for me is hard because I'm like, what if I tell you how I feel and you leave?

And then my therapist was like, well, if they leave, they leave. You don't own them. Also, isn't that great? Isn't that so nice that you said how you felt and they couldn't handle it? So they left because they couldn't meet you halfway. That means that's not your person. And I was like, oh, my God, it makes sense, lady. But like, right.

It still hurts. Yes. Yes. It is not the easiest thing, but we learn and we grow and we go from there. Yeah. Real quick. We have to take another break. And we're back. You mentioned earlier that sometimes your teammates like go out and stuff.

That's wild to me when your whole thing is like I have to play basketball for however long a game is and I'm gonna go out right before doing like that's so wild I barely do physical activity and if I drink the night before I do a physical activity I'm bad it may not be right before but they like we definitely just kind of we're still human like we're still gonna do a little we're still gonna be out and about. I just get annoyed easily. And I'm just very, I'm a homebody. So they know if I come out, it's like special occasion.

And I'm the one where I'm like, if you're rolling with me, we leaving at this time. Get ready. So they really kind of utilize it. They're like, OK, Asia's coming out. Let's utilize her time right now. So they're always a lot of fun just to kind of hold my hand as I I go through there because I'm like, I ain't trying to be here. But for you guys, I'm down for it. For you, I'll get out of my bed and put on something nice. When y'all go out together, you're like a bunch of tall people, I would imagine. Do people go, oh, are you basketball players? And then do they give you free shit? Yes.

Yes. And especially just being in Vegas. Like when I tell you Vegas shows us so much love. And they showed us love before like winning championships, which I am forever grateful for. But they show us so much love. They make sure that we're good. They shout us out. And they're like, hey, like these are the queens of Vegas right here.

Y'all are in the midst of some greatness. So like act accordingly. So it's pretty cool to kind of have that feeling in the city of this entertainment. Like you could be doing a million things in Vegas, but we have a fan base that sells out our crowd a lot of games. And I'm like, y'all could be anywhere, but you guys are here rooting and cheering for us. So we've had a lot of fun in the city.

I love that. So is your home base Vegas? Yes. Yeah. Do you? Okay. So do you live like in, obviously you don't live on the Strip. That would be insane.

I did. I did for my first couple years. Wait, you did? Yes. You lived on the Strip? Yes. I lived literally, it was like a walkway to MGM. I don't know how familiar you are with Vegas.

Yeah, you're familiar with Vegas. I've been a couple times. It's like literally, it was one where it's not a casino inside of it. So it's kind of like calmer. But it was like Bachelorette City, like Bachelor, Bachelorette City. It was like, no, every time I saw the girls with the shirts, it's like, I'm the crazy one. I'm the chaperone. And I'm like, I'm the crazy one. I'm the chaperone. And I'm like, I'm just trying to get to my room.

Like, I'm just trying to get to my apartment. You just want to go to sleep. So, yeah, I lived for a couple of years and then I finally moved off. And it was just like a whole nother world. I'm like, peace. Why was I doing this? I feel like living on this trip is like living in Times Square. It's like, good Lord, seems insane.

Just truly wild. Has anything wild happened during games? Because I feel like people in Vegas are like, I'm going to get the drunkest I've ever been in my whole life tonight. Yes, but then I feel like that's like the norm. So it's not wild. I would say we had an earthquake that was literally going on during our game and I thought that Beyonce came to our game so I mean everyone was like oh like they

were screaming so I was like girl the queen is here whole time the jumbotron's like shaking above my point guard and she's trying to call a play and we're like oh my god it's an earthquake so we had to cancel the game um and it was just a hot mess but yeah i was very disappointed that beyonce was not there but it was like an earthquake i truly love that you felt rumblings and saw things shaking and you were like beyonce but it's vegas it could have been beyonce right i like i can't put anything past vegas so i'm like it's beyonce and then when they said it was an earthquake i was very disappointed no i fully get that how do you feel about cowboy carter i have not finished it yet okay but so far

so good i would say i've skipped a couple songs and I normally don't skip a Beyonce album. But sometimes I'm like, oh, I can't listen to that right now. I feel like you got to be in a different setting to like, listen to it. And I normally listen to it if I'm like working out or on my way to a workout. And sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't need that vibe right now. But I'm not finished yet. But it's Queen B. So I like it so far. far i'll tell you something i'm going to the hoedown i love it yaya is one of my favorite songs it's so good yes when i heard the i was like these boots are made for walking because i loved that song when i was a kid it was just like the sassiest song i could think of and i just loved it and i was like i can't believe she's sampling Nancy Sinatra. I've liked Cowboy Carter. I'm having a good time. Asia, I have a question.

Okay. Do you have any advice for single people out there? I would have to say, particularly for the single woman, don't be afraid to shoot your own shot. Like, I feel like we're stuck into this phase of like, well, we're just waiting, like, sit around and wait. But I'm like, if you feel it, go for it. Like go for it 100% because you never know. There's a lot of guys that are just equally as shy as we are. So you've got to give yourself a chance. But at the same time, don't force it. Don't force it at

all. Like what is for you will be for you. And just know that like the path that you're on, just keep it. You're going to find the right person. Your soulmate is waiting for you at the end of the rainbow and just have fun with it. Oh, that's so nice. You have an older brother named Ronaldo. Is he single?

I think he is single. Last time I checked, he is. Okay, tell him about me. Tell him you met this really nice lady who's single and she's she he he ha ha has a nice time I got you I got you I'm loving you shooting your shot right now I got you yeah I got you girl there it is and I'm doing it there it is there it is um you were also named one of Forbes 30 under 30. What does that feel like? Was that like, were you like, made it? Yes. I was just like, I am on the Forbes list. Everybody get out my way. Like, it does not matter what y'all talking about. I was on a Forbes list. Like, stop talking. But I do wish that I was on it when we weren't like in COVID, if that makes sense.

Because I wanted to kind of go because we just did a virtual kind of like meet and greet with everyone else on the list. But I was like, oh, I would love to like go and actually network with these people and like kind of get their pick their brain. But I'm definitely blessed. It's something that they can't take away from me. So I'm happy there. I can imagine that like COVID did take away a lot of stuff from people it never occurred to me that like high school seniors

or like college seniors missed seasons of their sports and shit and it's like that was robbed from them and I was like oh yeah this the whole thing fucking sucks it's not good at all

you wrote a book Dear Black girls what's it about yes dear black girls is really a book um a journey of how well a journal really of how i just navigated my life and how i was shooting myself and how i became who i am it's just like it's not a telling people what to do or how you should be. It's more so of like, this is my life. This is the human side of Asia that not a lot of people can see because they normally just see me in a uniform. And it was just like a lot of different stories, like dealing with racism, dealing with grief, happiness as well, winning when success is kind of lonely. You're kind of, you don't know, you can't figure it out sometimes and you lose yourself in that. But it's a book of just guiding young people particularly, but also Black women.

Because obviously I can relate to them on a very personal level of just like being true to ourselves and giving ourselves some grace and understanding that this world is not nice. Which means we don't have to be nice. We can still be true to ourselves. And I had a lot of fun writing it and also reading it. I did an audio book as well. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I wrote a book, but it has more pictures than it does words anyway. So when you spoke about racism, were you talking about being one of the few black students in your school growing up? Is that like the racism you faced? Yeah, I went to a private school for 12 years. And it was not a lot of Black people at all, let alone the Black woman or Black young girl.

So yeah, it was a lot of different instances where I'm just like, no one looks like me. And no one can relate to me. And I don't know how I feel about that. And I had a lot of instances where it was just like, you're but I don't know my parents don't like you and so it's kind of like I'm a young girl and we're friends and I'm just like what do you mean like huh like it was very so my parents kind of had had that talk and I even said in the book I was like you know black boys get the talk all the time like the police talk sex talk everything but the young black girl doesn't really get that it's kind of like good luck girl do your thing but watch your back and it's like no we need that talk too like we're navigating the world as well

so yeah it was it's a lot of ups and downs of my life but it made me who I am today I like that you speak about that because I too grew up in um a town of a bunch of white people where me and my sister were like the few black kids yeah and it was like a weird talk with my mother where she's like you know boys might not bring you home because of their parents or this that and the other and you're just like wait what right and it's a wild thing because i feel like i was an other and it felt like the majority like the white kids didn't ever have to have that conversation do Do you know what I mean? Like it wasn't like, oh, you might not be accepted in this group because it's like, well, they're the majority.

So like. Why not? That's the norm. Right. Right. And it is a very weird way to like have to present yourself to the world being like, oh, I might just be rejected because of just literally the way I was born. And I can't change that. Yes, I was like, we're really just like a double minority.

I'm a woman and I'm a Black woman. Like, it's just like, girl, good luck navigating this crazy world because you're not like doing a bunch of levels. It's like, all right, cool. And then to add on that, you had dyslexia. So was that hard? Or was it like a thing where it was like, oh, I'm having trouble with reading because I have dyslexia so was that hard or was it like a thing where it was like oh I'm having trouble with reading because I have dyslexia or was it like we don't know what's going on

um it was very it was very hard it was one of those moments where it was just like I tried and I studied so hard and I worked so hard and then when I would get into the classroom it was like I didn't even know that I was like reading the wrong subject and for me it was hard for my family because it was hard for me to be vocal about it because I'm just like, I don't know what's going on, mom. I promise you I'm looking at the material like we're literally studying it together. And then my parents are like, well, you're just being lazy. Like start doing your work, work harder. And I'm like, I am. And then that's when I finally was just like, OK, Asia, we're going to get you tested for a learning disability.

And I remember doing all those courses. And I'm just like, oh, my God, just tell me what's wrong with me. And then finally, they said that I was diagnosed with dyslexia. And from there, my whole life changed because I was just like, well, now I'm this high-profile athlete. Does the world need to know? Do my teachers need to know? Do I tell my friends? I don't want people to think I can't read. So I was just like really battling with myself. Like, what do I do? Where am I?

Like, what do I need to say? And then slowly I just started to read a lot more. My coach made me read scriptures. Like she was just like, no, we're going to help you be a lot better. Like it's no cure, but you're definitely going to be more comfortable. And then once I got that, I was like, you know what? Every child needs these resources. So that's when I started my foundation. And I'm just like, let's get these resources out to these young kids to make sure they understand that this isn't just a disability that's going to hold you back from success. Like you can live it and be true to you.

So it was a struggle in the beginning, but now I live it and I love it. I kind of make jokes about it, too. So it's kind of good. I lighten the mood. I get it. I grew up with ADHD and everyone was like, why can't she concentrate? Why doesn't she just do her work? And I truly couldn't be like, I just can't.

Like, I physically cannot sit here and do this work. I physically cannot sit here and concentrate on this. And I didn't find out till I was like way older, but like growing up and then being an adult and I'm like, so wait, everyone thought I was just lazy. Like the whole thing about being a kid is like obey adults. Like that's what you're told as a kid. So you're like, that's all I want to do. So it's like when you can't, let's look deeper and try to maybe it is a learning disability. Maybe it is dyslexia or ADHD or whatever.

It's like I truly felt like people were like, oh, you woke up today and you were like, you're not going to listen. And I'm like, no, no. I woke up being like, I'm going to listen so hard today, but there is a bird outside. And I think I need to tell someone a story about a dog that I saw. And it's like, yes. Well, life is hard Asia here's another question yeah you think that there's like somebody out there for everybody like do you think there's like a puzzle piece for everybody or do you think there are some people who are meant to be sad and alone? Oh, I do think that there is, I think there is a match for everybody.

Yes, 100%. I think someone out there is like your soulmate. I really do think that. I believe in that. I feel like we are all put on this earth to love, to be kind to one another. And like when you find your match, I think that is when it's really gonna like come together. And it's kind of like you have your eureka aha moment so yeah i

don't think no one should be by themselves i feel like that is not the way god may intended us to be and so yeah everyone's match is out there somewhere oh wait are you religious has me saying curse words been bad do you hate me hell no girl okay good good good good because we have come to the end asia do you have anything that you want to promote oh i mean like i can always promote my candles i have a candle business it's called burt wax candles it's named after all of my accolades that i have so it's like a little piece of me in your home. It's a lot of fun. I love candles.

I love aromatherapy. It's something that my mom and I started. My business partner, let me say that, business partner slash mom started. And it's been tons of fun just watching it come to life. We just got a Dear Black Girls candle that smells amazing. So yeah, you can go online. We have a Facebook. We have a Instagram and obviously an online site to buy the candles.

So, yes, go get you a candle. I love that. And your book is available, Dear Black Girls. Yes. Asia, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Okay. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me,

you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe and give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me and you can submit it to whywontyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com, I will read it. Okay. This person said,

oh my God, these are all so long. You guys, they don't have to be this long. Okay. These are so long. Okay. What's her name? Hi, Nicole. First, I'd like to take you on a date for a romantic dinner at the beach. After we'd return to my place where we'd sip on wine and engage in conversation. However, about 30 minutes in the conversation, I'll start asking you oddly specific questions. Who played Carla Purdy in The Nutty Professor? You look at me confused. Who's the actress who played Niobe in The Matrix?

You're still not sure. I continue. Who is the actress who has alopecia? Finally, you catch on and say, are you talking about Jada Pinkett Smith? At which point I'll screw with the top of my lungs, keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth, and then slap you across the face with my 10-inch cock.

Shocked, you'll say, well, why did you just cock slap me? And and i'll repeat keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth and put my cock in it at which point you'll suck me off to completion and then we'll teeheehee about the most obscene moment in television history that was the wildest one and i loved it there's no way. Bye-bye. Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. With talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Ogden.

Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye.