Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Forget About the Dating "Icks" (w/ Boman Martinez-Reid)

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Actor/TikToker Boman Martinez-Reid (@Bomanizer) joins Nicole to discuss the pitfalls of launching your relationship on social media, witnessing his ex compete on a TV dating show and become a fan favorite, and his advice on why we should all forget about the "icks" when dating. Meanwhile, Nicole has started bargaining with her house spiders.Got a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me and Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could take me skiing and say, this is a bunch of snow, but it's actually just a bunch of your cum.

My guest today is a TikTok sensation. My guest today is a TikTok sensation known for his hilarious reality TV parodies on TikTok and I like them. And you've seen him judge, guest judge on Canada's Drag Race Season Two. Now he stars in a new mockumentary comedy series called Made for TV.

Streaming on Crave, it's Bowman Martinez Reid. Hello, hello. Or Bowmanizer, is that what you said? Bowman Martinez Reed. Hello, hello. Or Bowmanizer, is that what you said? Bowmanizer, yes. Yes, Bowmanizer. Where did Bowmanizer come from? So I am a Britney Spears stan,

and I have been since she stepped on stage at the 2007 VMAs. Oh. And I saw her and said, that's my girl. Every gay has to have one queen to obsess over for the rest of their lives. For me, it's Brittany. And so I became a stan and then the circus album, she was rolling that out. And then she had this song called Womanizer.

And I walked around the schoo she had this song called Womanizer. And I walked around the school yard singing the song Womanizer. And then I started changing the lyrics to Bowmanizer. And that's how that happened. I love it. Personalizing it, making it iconic. So you had girlfriends before coming out in eighth grade. So were you singing Bowmanizer while you had girlfriends

and they were like, oh my God, Teehee Oh my God, he's really into what I'm into. I, that's actually absolutely it. They were like, Oh my God, we have so much in common. I love Britney Spears too. Um, so that was exciting for me. They had no idea. Actually, um, it's quite shocking to me how many people had no idea, but then I'm also like, did they really have no idea? Like, come on now. Here's the thing I've learned in my old age. I'm 62 years old, and I have learned that when somebody tells you, like, reveals something about themselves that you maybe already know,

you just go, oh my God, wow. Mm-hmm. You don't, oh, wow, I didn't know. A lot of people did that to me, funny enough. Now that you mention it, a lot of people were very surprised. So maybe there's something to that. That's very interesting.

Then there's just a separate group chat that was like, we all knew, right? And they're like, yeah, yeah. Okay, but I still, you know what? I have some friends that were asked like so inquisitive about girls. I had a friend that had a crush on me. And so I'm like, there's no way

that you actually believed that. Even my mom, I came out to my mom by putting on a cape and jumping out of the closet. And I was, that was 2012, 13, I was 14. That's very funny. Yeah, not in the moment though. Nobody was laughing in the moment. And actually I put on the cape, I jumped out of the closet.

I said, mom come upstairs. So I stood in the closet for the moments that it took her to climb up the stairs. She came into my room, I jumped out, and then I said, tada, and then she was like, what? That's, oh my, way to like just take the wind out of your sails or from under your cape, so to speak. Yeah, exactly, I thought I was soaring with that cape on.

Turns out I was shot right out of the sky. And she had no idea I really had to like drive it home to her. I was actually quite tough. Wow. So you had to be like, oh, I'm jumping. I'm coming out of the closet. And she was like, but why were you in the closet? Were you picking out a different cape?

Yes. She had no idea. And to this day, she's like, I thought you had girlfriends. You were like, I thought you had a crush on Britney Spears. Mom. That is very funny. That's very funny to be like, he liked Britney. And it's like, yeah, Britney's moves.

Britney, okay. You were dancing just like her, like. Her performance at the VMAs when Blackout came out and she, I didn't think that was such a bad performance. When you look back, history reveals itself. It's very revealing. The way that we treated that woman. That performance, she looked good.

She was fit. She was kind of killing it. The rehearsal footage came out and it showed that it is exactly, she did exactly what is like what they rehearsed. So to me, she kind of slayed, like, I don't know. And she, I think what was bad about it, like what everybody else thought was bad about it,

I thought was great. Like she kind of gave this like air of like, I just had like a night out yesterday and now I gotta like go to work. Like that's so real. Yeah. And then Blackout was that album. Blackout's a great album. It is one of the best.

And I think that performance and the backlash really stopped the momentum that Blackout had. Yeah. I could talk about this all day. I thought she looked, I mean, okay, the hair was not great. But you know, white people. The hair wasn't great, no. It took them a minute to really figure out, you know, extensions and wigs and shit.

But she was whipping it around. I agree. It was a night out. One of the videos is her in a club having a nice time. I think it might be the video for that song. That one, she's like a stripper, but like still, she's a stripper. Like, I don't know. It was a cultural reset. You know how many of these pop girlies today would love to go on the VMA stage and make a cultural reset.

That was a cultural reset. Yeah, JoJo Siwa's trying her best. She's trying her darndest. She really is. And I'm loving these bedazzled construction worker ensembles. I did see that. I did watch that video. And she's like speaking coherently

for the first time ever. I did see that. I love it. I'm living for it. She's like, yeah, this is what I'm doing. I'm like, okay, JoJo Siwa, you do it, baby. She is that, she's the same person as the meme that's like, so we moved to LA,

my father gets a job at the bomb restaurant. The queen of Melrose. The queen of Melrose. That is JoJo Siwa, they're the same person. Funny. So, okay. I know that you hopped in, because I watched a video where you explain

how you got into TikTok, and it was because you were dating somebody who wasn't funny at the time, and they went viral on TikTok, and you were like, well, if they can do it, I can do it. And I love that mentality. Yes.

I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be on the world stage somehow. And I actually, I thought to be seen, I wanted to be on the world stage somehow. And I actually, I thought to myself like, oh, I should have made YouTube videos because back in the day, like, that was how you got out there, like it was YouTube. Then the YouTubers weren't growing anymore. It was just like these huge creators that everybody was watching. Nobody was watching new YouTubers. So then I was like, damn it, I missed my shot. Then this twink goes viral. And I'm like, oh my God, you're not funny at all. In fact, I'm actively talking about how unfunny you are to my friends.

So I was, I saw my opening and girl, I opened that door up and ran through it. So do people slide into your DMs being like hey? At the beginning yes at the beginning for sure they would slide in actually girls would slide in and I used to get really really excited about that but it's weird I feel like now that, so I'm in a relationship now and I'm kind of like, oh my God, nobody slides in anymore. And then I actually had this,

I had this thought very recently and I was like, am I ugly now? Am I getting old? Like has my time passed? Not that I'm like looking for it, but. Well, have you made it known that you're in a relationship? I've made it quite known. We haven't hard launched yet, but I am,

we've been in the soft launch phase for a year and a half, not a year and a half, but a year and change. So I'm definitely soft launching the same boy for a long time. I, you know, sometimes a soft launch is all you need. You don't need a hard launch. I like little treats, just little, like little, little, do, do, do, do, do, do, there it is.

You know what? It is actually so wonderful to like date somebody. And it's like, we just are each other. It's like, nobody knows about this. Or it's not that we're trying to like keep it a secret, but it's just like nobody, it's not for other people. We don't have to worry about like posting or Instagram or it's quite wonderful to just be together.

I love it. It's very, very mature of you. I do really love when people hard launch and it lasts for a couple months. And then you're like, where'd they go? Where is it? Where are they at? And then you have to scroll back and you're like,

oh, they scrubbed them clean. I guess it didn't end well. But that's kind of like part of the, it's part of the lore. Like I feel like I'm in, I am like tuned into that stuff. Like that's the lore. But I will say I have been there where I soft launched somebody years ago and I made a big deal about it.

I was like, oh, the big now on my social media is that I'm soft launching somebody. Like that's how I'm gonna drive up my engagement. And I think two weeks later we broke up. Ooh. Two weeks into the soft launch we were done. And I think I learned my lesson with that. Yeah, I mean, I do think it's interesting to be like, oh, I can use my relationship to like, you know,

increase my engagement or get what I want. And it's like, wait a minute, what am I actually doing? Maybe this is just, this should be just for me. Or maybe it was like, you just weren't that serious about it and you're like, oh, I mean, they're fun. We're having a nice time, whatever. Yeah, it was like, I hadn't, it was my first time like dating somebody seriously as I,

if you can't see, I just did air quotes because it wasn't serious. But for some reason at the time I was like, oh my God, this is my person. And as we do, and I think that I just didn't know what to, how to like be a public figure and also date somebody on the internet. Like it just made no sense to me.

So I was like, let me like dive head first into this. And it really backfired. Well, it's an interesting thing because nobody gives you tips or tricks about being a public thing. You kind of just have to figure it out as you go along. And then you're like, what am I comfortable sharing? What am I comfortable seeing over and over again? What am I comfortable when people aggregate shit

to their own, you know, articles about you or whatever. And you're like, okay, like my Wikipedia has my dog's names in it. And that to me is very strange. That's interesting. That's really random. My Wikipedia just, there's one line, it's like a little blurb about me.

And then there's one line that says he is out as gay. line that's like a little blurb about me and then there's one line that says he is out as gay. He is out as gay. And I actually never like came out as, I don't know who wrote that, but it's in there I guess. And here's the wildest thing about Wikipedia. There's a cited source. There is a source that is cited in the footnotes that you can click on. You're like, oh, I did say it. Okay. Oh, they're talking about me.

All right, there you go. He, he, he, he. May I ask where you met your current partner? I met him through a friend. So my best, not my best friend, but it was one of my friends who does content, is best friends with his best friend. That's why I was getting the best mixed up

because there's some best friends in this situation. So yeah, and we all do content. So we all like are on social media and know each other from that. It's quite interesting how it all happened. And so my friend, so my friend was visiting me here. So, and then he was like, oh, you should meet my friend. And that's my now boyfriend.

And he was like, he showed me a photo and I'm thinking like, oh my God, I'm gonna see the Loch Ness monster. Like, cause anybody that's like, you should date my gay friend is like, it's never what you want it to be. And turns out he was like pretty and I was like, wait, and it said follow back. So I was like, wait. Oh, already looking at your shit. And literally. And then we

I started talking to him. And then it's funny. So I started talking to him because on TikTok, when you both follow each other, it creates a conversation. So we started talking that way. And then I told my friend, oh, I'm talking to your friend. Like we've been like chatting for a while. And he goes, yeah, I don't know. I think it's like giving like friends vibes between you two.

Your friend said this? Yes. And I was like, wait, what? Like, why would you say that? You just set me up with him. And now you're like trying to like friendzone me? I was so in my head about it for like two months because he worked long distance. So I can't like hang out with him. So we were talking for like weeks and I was like, are we just friends? And it literally was like that up until our second date. I didn't know if we were on a date or not, even on the first date.

Like it was so confusing for me. That is dating. Dating is confusing. It's so confusing. What are we doing? What do you want from me? Are we? Because you never know what somebody wants.

Like you're the main character in your story. They're the main character in their story. And they may want something completely different from you. Are you guys still long distance? We are, yeah. We have been long distance for a year and two months. Is it hard and how do you handle it? It has its challenges.

The great moments are fantastic. The low moments are really hard because I just, we just want to be together. And it's actually, it's not even the big moments of like, I'm in a show or he's doing something or like we are, like it's not even those moments of like wanting to be there for the person. It's the small moments of like,

I was out at a coffee shop. I want to like bring him back a cookie or like a donut or like I'm out at the grocery store. I want to be able to just like text him and be like, do you want anything? Like when I was sweet, we dated for a year and in that year I was shooting my show. And while I was shooting, he visited me for like five days or whatever it was. And I was on set and he texted me, what would you like for dinner today? And that was the first time in a year nearly

that he had ever messaged me that. And it was like, I mean, I wanted to cry. I was like, oh my God, that's like, we get to play domestic. This is so fun. That's so cute. Yeah. There's nothing hotter than someone changing a light bulb in my

house. Yeah, I'm just like, oh, I didn't have to do it. You big and strong. I know. I know. And I just want to be able to do that stuff for him or like kill a bug. Like I just like like, let me

kill your bugs. I don't know that. That's the that's what's tough about bugs. I don't know that though. That's the, that's what's tough about it. We just want to be together. There's obviously this other side of it. That's like, we get designated space to live our own lives, which is actually quite nice in a relationship. Like he gets to do his thing. I get to do my own thing. We also both are influencers and content creators, so like we both need that time to go off and do our own thing. But it is challenging. We're very lucky though too. It's like I say that we're long distance and we are, but some people who are long distance don't see each other for like three, four months at a time. I think I see him monthly.

don't see each other for like three, four months at a time. I think I see him monthly. Oh yeah, that's great. That's lovely. It's still quite great. But then when we do go a month without seeing each other, we are suffering. A month is a month. You know what I mean?

It's 30 days, sometimes 31 and sometimes 28. Sometimes 28, yeah. Which to me is wild. Why do we do that? Why would the second month out of the year, they're like, it's gonna be a short one. We're gonna really get through this. It's funny that you were like,

I want someone to kill bugs in my house. I talked to the bugs in my house, which sounds insane. Okay. So I don't wanna kill them. Okay, so it's spider season by me. So there's just a ton of spiders outside. So I tell them, I'm like, hey, I either have to knock you down or you have to move.

You have to go up higher into the tree. And they listen to me and I sound crazy saying that. They listen to you, no, they don't listen to you. They do, because I'll talk to them and I'll come home and they'll be higher up. Okay. Okay. Oh my gosh.

I'm the insane woman in my neighborhood being like, hello, little spider. I know you work really hard on this web, but I need you to go up a little further so I don't bump into you. You know what? I need you in my house. I need you to talk to the wasps. So I have a wasp problem

and I want you to communicate with them because somebody has a wasp problem and I want you to communicate with them because I, somebody has a wasp nest on their balcony, on the balcony next to me or above me or something. It's ruining the vibe. Like summer, and when you live in on the East Coast, like summer is important and it's ruining the vibe. The other day I watched a wasp. It was caught, I was standing at my window and I saw a wasp and I was like, oh my God, that's so crazy. It's nature channel.

And I watched it in a spider's nest. And it was like pretending to be caught. It was pretending to be caught. It was pretending to be caught? Yes, and then it was pretending to be caught and the spider was like gonna pounce on it like a cat. And so it like inched slowly towards it and then it pounced and then the wasp

turned around and ate it. I watched this all happen. It was actually traumatic and crazy that a wasp was playing dead. It knew how to do that. Okay, I think you should talk to them and be like, hey, that was really impressive. Well, that's what I need you to do.

I didn't love it, but if you could do that on any other balcony, I would love it. I would just love it. And the male move? Yeah, just try it. Okay, I'll try it, yeah. I think animals, they hear you, they listen, although there was a possum that was dead outside and I was like, oh my God, I have to call animal control.

Called animal control and they're like, where is it? And I was like, here. And he was like, what was it? I was like, a possum. He was like, it's playing dead. And I was like, oh no. Yeah, possums play dead. Oh my God, why did they do that?

They do it so people don't, or I guess other animals don't try to eat it because it's like, oh, I don't know how long that's been dead. Oh, interesting. You know, animals are smart. We think that they're dumb. They're not. They're very, very smart.

Yeah, scary. Very scary. Wait, so you graduated during the pandemic, which is pretty fucking wild. Yeah. Did you think that, like, you're like, OK, I graduated. I'm going to go out into the world. Obviously, that was your plan.

And then the pandemic hit and you're like, oh, yeah. So I graduated 2020 like April 2020. Well, I didn't graduate. That was like my last class. And I was definitely like scared. But I was definitely like scared, but I was TikTok famous by then. So I didn't really have to worry. I wasn't worried.

I was just so caught up. I was so caught up in my moment that I wasn't really like thinking about what I was gonna do. But I actually had like a moment the summer before where I was thinking to myself like, oh my gosh, I was gonna do. But I actually had like a moment the summer before where I was thinking to myself like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna graduate and I'm gonna have to get like a job.

That's crazy. But I, for some reason I was like, don't worry. There's no chill. Like it's not that serious, it'll come. And that's what I, that's the advice I give the young students that that are going to graduate into a recession. Don't worry. Don't worry. It's gonna come. It's gonna come. Here's the thing. You can say that all you want, but you were also doing the work. Like you can't just

literally be chillin'. I was putting in work. You got to do a little bit of the work and then believe in yourself. Yes. You know what? I bit of the work and then believe in yourself. Yes. You know what? I was doing the work that came naturally to me. Like the work that I was doing never is so cliche. Of course, it never felt like work. It felt like I was just having fun.

It was a lot of work to have that much fun, but I was still like sticking to it. It's actually crazy how when I started making TikToks, my priorities shifted. Suddenly I saw a future for myself. I was at the, I was at university and my program was so easy, I was bored. And I was boy crazy, boy obsessed.

I would go from boy to boy to boy to boy. And then if one of them ghosted me, I would be miserable. Like I would let it affect me so deeply. And then I started making TikToks and I was like, wait, I am like, I slay, like what am I talking about? Like, why am I obsessing over these men? Like I have so much work to do. And so then I became TikTok famous

and then the boys didn't matter anymore. The boy is not yours. Exactly. I kind of feel the same way when I'm busy and working and touring and doing all the shit that I do. I like, I'm like, okay, whatever, boys matter, but also they don't, because I'm doing what I love to do.

Exactly. And yeah, I've been like, TikTok is so, it's fun, but like you're having fun. One of the last jobs I had was this show called Grand Crew, and I think we did good work. I think our episodes were really funny, but we also had a fucking blast. Like we had so much fun.

There would be days I wasn't working and I'd text the boys and be like, hey, is fun stuff happening? Like, oh! Ha ha ha ha ha! But that's like the best part. Like, yeah. It's so interesting how people don't,

I feel like people who just engage with the content don't really think about the fact that like, this was a job that we were showing up to every day and there was like, people involved and there was a set and we got to like, enjoy our time and make jokes and have fun. I feel like that's so like lost, like people don't really understand that. It's so much about like, if it's like successful or if it flops or whatever. But that girl is just having fun. Well, I just think your job should be fun. Like I worked at Lane Bryant, which is a fat lady clothing store. And I would pick songs to dance up and down the aisles to. And all the other girls were like,

God, she's weird. And then after a while they'd be like, all right, let's see Nicole dance. And then we would have fun. And I was like, there is no, I cannot fathom being somewhere for eight fucking hours and not tee hee hee and giggling and having a nice time. Like if I have to be trapped in here, let's all have a good time.

Absolutely. When I would work my nine to five-ers, I remember having those exact to five-ers, I remember having those exact same thoughts of like, I don't really care about the work that I'm gonna go in and do today. I just more so care about A, what I'm gonna have for lunch, B, if the cafe is gonna have my croissant,

and C, the jokes I'm gonna be making with my coworkers. Like that is, the coworkers change everything. And you'd be surprised sometimes, like the coworkers that you actually get along with too. Yeah, like a really, I worked with this really old lady. I wish I could remember her name, but she was so nice and we really got along. She was like 60 or 70 years old.

I was like, that's my bitch. And she'd be like, don't call me that. And I'd be like, I'm gonna. And she'd be like, own it, co. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, nice to Mr. Henry. He was so nice to me. Mr. Henry. Mr. Henry. Yeah. And he was always looking out for me. And he was like, Nicole, this lady needs another size. And I'd be like, okay. And I'd skip on over. It's crazy that friends you'd make like, I worked at a tech company, but they did tech support for other corporations. So like really boring. And for some reason they needed somebody, an intern to do their video work. I have no idea why they needed video content, but that's what I was doing. So I had nothing to do basically.

And I was seated next to this guy who was a nerd. Like, he was a nerd down. No offense to him if he's listening, but he was so nerdy. And I literally thought to myself, oh my God, what am I gonna have in common with this guy? And we hit it off. He gave me advice. I remember I had a crush on this guy at the time.

And I was so, as I was saying before, I was boy crazy at the time. And I was so, as I was saying before, I was boy crazy at the time. I was so obsessed with this boy and I told, I turned to him and I was like, how do I know if somebody likes me? Like, how do I know if that guy, talking to this boy, I have no idea if he likes me.

And he said to me, talk about something that you're passionate about and see how he responds. And that will tell you how much he likes you. I was like, wow, that's foolproof. Like I had no idea. So anyway, we hit it off in like immensely. And then one day he came into work and halfway through the day, he was like, I just got fired.

And the rest of my time working there, I sat there alone and I was miserable. Oh, that sucks. I was fired. Oh, my best fucking friend. Okay. Wait, that is so smart to just talk about something that you're very passionate about

and see if they get on board. Cause with my friends, when they tell me boring shit that I don't give a shit about, I'm always like, yes, girl, you better work. Yes, Legos, let's get them. Exactly, exactly. Exactly. It shows.

And even if they don't care, at least they would put it on. Because then they're fighting for you. I've been on dates where I had to like fight for like to like be attentive and care. Yes. I've been on very, very boring, boring, boring dates. There was, I went on one day, I've talked about it so many times, but I don't care.

It was a man who smelled like an old dish rag and he was in an open relationship. And I was like, is this open because she was like, you're stinky, get out of here. Or does she like like that dishrag smell? I was like, how is this man collecting people? How can you be stinky and sticking your dick in all these other people?

Like how? I simply don't get it. Or people who have like really strong family sense. And maybe that's what you're talking about with the dish rag thing. Like some people have like really potent strong family sense. And I'm always like, how do you date? How do people date? Like people are attracted to those pheromones. That's crazy. Yeah. Oh, maybe that was his natural scent. That never occurred to me. I was like, you gotta ring it out.

You gotta wash your shit. You gotta do something. This isn't good. This is not good. Yeah. Real quick, we have to take a break. We're back. Okay, so you said you were hopping from boy to boy to boy to boy to boy. When was your first relationship, your first real one? Okay, my first real relationship was in grade 10 in high school.

Oh my God, starting young. You're an early bloomer. I started young. Okay, real relationship. So there's two, two really long relationships. In grade 10, I dated somebody for like a year and a half. He was my first kiss. He was my first boyfriend. But looking back, our relationship was not so much about creating a healthy, loving relationship. It was more so just two teenage boys getting the work done. Like we were, we didn't do anything else except for the do. So that's what we were doing.

And we fought like cats and dogs. He was so, he was such a jealous person. I couldn't have anything. Like I would go, I was in theater in high school. I went to a performing arts school. And so we were both in the theater program. If I performed a scene or something, or like my exam or something, if I performed and I did well and everybody cheered and applaud or if I got like great

feedback, he would not talk to me. He would, he would literally not talk. It has given me so much trauma. I was a child at the time, like to have to like experience that. Oh my gosh, horrific. Looking back on that relationship, it's really set me up for failure. And then my first real relationship was the boy after that. This was like grade 12 and first year of university. And he was, we were kind of long distance because he went to a university two hours away, but we would still find a way to see each other every week. That was a very

interesting relationship. I think that he and I, I loved him. I really loved him. Nobody else did, I really loved him. Nobody else did, oddly enough. For their own reasons, actually. Like, aside from all of my friends, did not like him for their own reasons. So that's that. We dated for two years and change. And then we broke up because I was like,

I just need to be single. I can't do this anymore. I have to move on. And then I learned that because I was like, I just need to be single. I can't do this anymore. I have to move on. And then I learned that he was cheating on me. Oh no. That's when I learned that. And actually it's crazy. I turned a blind eye to so many things,

the Grindr account, my friend who was his roommate telling me that a boy came over late at night, they didn't know why. I turned a blind eye to so much. Yeah. And then I like started talking to a different boy. And I said, I think I said in passing to him like, Oh my god, it's crazy how we both dated this guy. And then he was like, Yeah. And then I was like, Wait, when was the last time you guys like, He was like, yeah. And then I was like, wait, when was the last time you guys did anything? And he said a month, like the summer before that,

which we were dating. So then I was like, oh, that's awesome. I simply don't understand how people cheat. I've said it before. I'll say it again. I don't have the bandwidth. I don't have the concentration. I don't have the concentration. I would just be like, wait, did I tell you

or did I tell the other person? I would just get so confused with what I told. Yes. I'd mess it up. Like there's no way. It's just like, for me, I think about it in the same way. It's like being a criminal. Like how do you be a criminal in this day and age

and you think you're gonna get away away with it with all the forensics. I know. All like there's nothing you can do basically. You're like they're gonna know. They're gonna find out. They're gonna get you. There's no way you can cheat and nobody's gonna know. No, you can't. But I watched this video. This is nothing to do with cheating. This lady left her baby in a car at a casino and she like- I saw this. I saw this. She comes outside and she's lady left her baby in a car at a casino. And she like, I saw this.

I saw this. She comes outside and she's like, I was only in there for 20 minutes. And like, then how come you walked in at 8 AM and it's 2 PM now? I was like, damn. And she was just like, I was looking for the baby's dad. I was like, wait, ma'am, they literally told you

that you were lying. The story was hard to follow. The story was, I was like, the story was hard. She was in there for 20 minutes and then she was there at 5 a.m. And then she was like, it just made no sense. And then I saw one comment that was like, who was watching the tapes and just sat there?

Pfft. Like what? Truly, yeah. Who was like, oh, Miss Lainey might've left her baby in the car. Let's see how long she takes. Let's find out how long she takes, okay. Did she win any money? Did she win any money?

Not enough to bail her out. I'll say that much. No. Also, I can't imagine leaving a baby in a car. I would be so distracted. Do you know what I mean? I'd be like, I don't know, I'll place this bet, but also my baby's in the car? But then I actually, okay, I don't want to like out myself or telling myself here, but

I think there's a lot about babies that I've learned that has told me I maybe should really consider when I want to become a father, like really think about it. Somebody told me very recently that you're not supposed to give a baby water. No, did you know this? I had no idea. Oh my God. I would have been giving, giving my baby lemon water. I would have been giving my baby like infused waters and like a

sprite if she wants, like I had no idea it's breast milk or bust. Yeah, it's breast milk or formula, which is made with water, but there is nutrients and shit in there. I would have done like a liquid IV. Like I have no idea. Oh my God, this baby is hydrated. But here's the thing.

I know that you can't give a baby water, but I don't know what happens to the baby. If you give it water? Yeah. That's a great question. Maybe it develops superpowers. We don't know.

Maybe, maybe that baby becomes storm and can control the waters of the sky. Hurricane. Yeah. I would love to have an X-Men baby. I think that would be really fun. That would be really fun. I can't imagine what the commitment is. Look at these moms who are driving their babies

to dance practice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Karate. Imagine you have an X-Men baby. You have to drive it to this. To Professor Xavier's house. Doomsday event. Yeah.

Professors event. It just is so much. Yeah. Maybe it would be too much. Maybe I don't want that. I also don't want children. I was just talking to you about that today. No.

And anytime I say that to like a new person, they're like, you'll want them eventually. And I'm like, I'm 72 years old. Like I, if I wanted a baby, I would have wanted it by now. Yeah. I don't know how I feel. I don't know. I think when I don't know.

I think when I envision my life in the future, I see me, my man, our brownstone in New York City. We're insanely wealthy. And I see twins involved. I see kids. But I see it with a nanny. So I think in my head, like, kids are like, after I become, you know, Bill Gates rich.

I need the Oprah money first. I think that's good. Some people are like, nannies are bad, da da da da. And I'm like, but are they? It's just a little help. Are they like, it's just help. Like I, I actually, recently I ran into Janaye Iko on the street and she is, we are friendly. So I was like, Oh my God, lovely to see you.

But she was with her baby. Obviously there was like, she had a guard. She had like, there was people around, but she was so, and I was like, wow, like what a great mom. Like she definitely has, she definitely has help. Like she's Jene Aiko, she's on tour. But I'm like, there's no other way to do it. Like how else would, I mean, maybe you have like

a really involved grandparent. Maybe, but I don't know. I think a nanny's good and fine. My friend had a party for her kid. And, uh, my other friend went to the party and she was telling me that some people are so rich that they have a mom party and then a nanny party, two separate parties for this kid. That means the moms bring like bring their kids to this one party. So the moms can hang out with the kids.

And then there's another party because the nannies are friends and aren't necessarily friends with the moms. So then the nannies get to hang out with the kids. And I was like, funny. That's crazy. Iconic. That's crazy. A fucking comic. But I kinda get it.

I get it. I get it. Cause otherwise it's like, will the moms mingle with the nannies or like, you know? Or imagine you're one of the nannies and you're like mingling with everybody and you have to say, oh, I'm a nanny. Like I feel like maybe they don't want to just like have to constantly, cause if I was there,

I'd be weeding out who's the mom and who's the nanny in the room. That, and it's like, so then it's like, you're having, you know, a fruit punch, whatever's being served. And then the kid starts crying and it's like, so then it's like you're having, you know, a fruit punch, whatever's being served. And then the kid starts crying and it's like, well, who's gonna get it? I mean, I'm here, but also you're here. Oh my God, who's gonna get the bandaid?

Who's gonna, wow. Who's gonna do this? Who's gonna change the baby, yeah. Yeah, and it's like, if it's just moms, the mom will. If it's just nannies, the nannies will. And I was like, these kids are living the best, two parties for one birthday? That's incredible.

The kids get the best end of the stick. They really do. Yeah, that's so true. I don't know. It's like, I feel like if I had a nanny though, I'd have to make sure that like the kid liked me more. I think that is like, how do you really make sure? I simply don't think I would care,

and that's why I shouldn't have kids. Ha ha ha ha. Like if my kid was like, oh, I like Bridget better, I'd be like, well good, go live with Bridget. Go home with her at night. I'll stop working for you. Maybe we need to get you away from the kids, yeah. But I wasn't nanny for a while, ironically enough. You were.

Best birth control I could ask for. Because I was like doing shows at night, nannying during the day. So when they napped, I would nap. And then there'd be a little face in my face being like, can I have a snack? And I'd be like, don't you want to sleep more? No? OK, I guess we're all up and we're getting snacks.

That is the thing about kids. I don't think I could actually do it. I just don't think I could do it. My showrunner for my show was a, she was a mom and she was like a full-on showrunner and a mom. Like you, you will always be something and a mom. You will always like, it's too, you're working two jobs and the commitment is crazy. She, at one point she was like, I have to leave early. My daughter, I have to go pick her up because she sneezed at daycare. She sneezed. If you sneeze at daycare, like they you have to go get your child. They send them home. Like, crazy commitment up the wazoo.

Like, that's a lot of work. That's wild. That also reminds me of this meme I saw where it's a text conversation where someone texted this person, we have your child, and they said, what do you want for ransom? They're like, we're the daycare. Can you come get your kid?

And it made me laugh so hard. I was like, that's me as a mom. What do you want for her? That's funny. What do you want for ransom? They're like, we're the daycare. Can you come get your kid? And it made me laugh so hard. I was like, that's me as a mom. What do you want for her? That's funny. What do you want? I have the money. What do you want? I'll wire it to you.

Just give me the name. Just give me the name. Yeah, give me the bank account. You can keep them. Real quick, we have to take another break. [♪ music playing, fades out. Do you have, okay, so you're in a relationship, but you've been single before. What is, like, one of the worst dates you've been on?

And then, what's one of the best dates you've been on? Good question. Okay. I had, I went on a date with somebody and it's funny we talked about Britney Spears but I went on a date with somebody who hates Britney Spears and it's wild if you find one thing that you don't have in common that one thing is so loud like he and he was very loud and we were on this date and he was just so mean and I was like he you are the reason you are why Britney Spears is where she is right. It's people like you that you did that this to her like it's oh my god made me, made me so mad. I couldn't sit, I couldn't sit through the date.

And then I've been on other dates too, where because we're both men, it's hard to pay. The paying situation gets so weird. And that can be really, really tough because I used to date guys who didn't have jobs. They were auditioning actors and they didn't really do anything. And so that was always like really, really challenging, but the worst date I ever went on has come to me. We went to, I was seeing this guy.

He was, I should have known. I should have known when we went on the first date and I went to the bathroom, came back and then the next day my friend said, oh apparently he was making out with one of the drag queens while you were in the bathroom. Oh no. I should have known when he would say to my friends, I would introduce him to like my other guy friends and he'd be like, you look great in that shirt. Like we should go to the beach. Like, do you want to come with me and my friends tomorrow

to the beach? And I'm standing right there. I should have known then, but no, I found out when we were on this date and he asked me about my, this's actually funny, he asked me about my show. This was three years ago now. And we had just, I had just signed a development deal and I was so excited to like get this project up and running and stuff. He was asking me about it and he was so condescending. And remember I told you, talk about something that you're passionate about

and you'll see how the other person reacts. I saw how he reacted. He was so condescending. He was like, oh, what? That's the concept for your show? Oh, okay, ew. And I started to get really, really closed off and uncomfortable because I'm like,

I'm sitting here like pouring my heart out about all of these exciting things that I'm doing and things that I'm so excited about. Why are you acting like that? Like you're embarrassing yourself. And so that was that. And then I got really, really quiet. And then he was like, you know what, whatever. We're done. We're done. And I was like, what? We're done. We're done. What? And I was like, what? He takes, he takes the wine bottle in his hand, the Pringles that I have. So it is during COVID, this was three years ago. So there's not many people out there. We are in the middle. Everybody can see what's going on.

So uncomfortable. Eventually we get the bill, we left, and we walked, I had to walk back to his house because I had parked there. So I walk with him to his house. He walked five steps in front of me the whole way. He didn't speak to me. And whenever I would say, can we, can we like talk like what's going on? He would turn around and scream at me. Whoa.

This was during the summer. And we, we, this was during the summertime, we were walking through patios full of people. And he was turning around and screaming at me, and I can't win with you. I don't understand. I can't win with you. I can't, I don't understand what you want from me. Crazy. So incredibly like just a vile human.

Earlier that day, I was at the beach with him. And some guy came up to us and came up to him and said, Oh my God, hey, I haven't seen you since last weekend when we were at that orgy. Oh my God. I should have known then. So it just was a horrible day. It was a horrible date. And funnily enough, Funnily enough, that boy is on a dating show in Canada, it's airing right now, and all of the comments are obsessing over him. Oh no.

About how much they love him, about how exciting he is, how charming he is, how he's the one that should win. Wild. Also wild, but it's like during the day, someone's like, good to see you out of the orgy. And then he's screaming at you. I don't know where you're from. It's like, sorry, but the sun, you sun poisoning?

Are you sick? What's going on? Are you damaged? What's going on? And I actually saw him very recently. And that was like a month and a half of us seeing each other and going on dates and stuff. I saw him recently after he had, it actually didn't end there, we continued dating.

We tried it for like. Listen, I get it, I get it, I get it. When you're like, I see a little bit of light, I have stayed in some of the shittiest things because I'm like, you know, it's not a real relationship where you're not my boyfriend, but like maybe one day. It's crazy what you'll tell yourself. And the thing is, and they can be so manipulative.

Anyway, we stayed in it and we actually stopped dating because we went to a bar together. He really wanted me to buy him a drink, but he disappeared all night. And he was really mean about it. And then at the end of the night at this bar, they put on the TVs, like you have eight minutes left to buy a drink at the end of the night.

So he texted me and said, you have eight minutes left to buy me a drink by the way. And I turned to my friend and said, we're leaving. And so we left and then he posted on his Instagram story, these TikTokers, it's giving broke because I wouldn't buy him a $16 drink. So that's why it ended. But I saw, and we never spoke, we never spoke until very recently, all these years later, I saw him and I went up to him and I was like, because we avoid each other. I avoid him.

He doesn't look at my direction. Like we avoid each other. So I went up to him and I said, hi. I just wanted to say hi. We're always in the same spaces. I thought I'd just like move forward. And then I said, congratulations on your show, whatever and he goes, who are you?

Remind me your name again, what's your name? No. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Wow, what a wild person. I know, horrible But you know what? I never took it all that personally. I was never like I was letting him do these really horrible things to me.

But I just in my head, I was always like, that's you. This is you. You have problems. It has nothing to do. This is a you problem. Like you're going to fumble me and that's on you. Like I'm so sorry. But anyway, to answer your question, the best date I've ever been on, I think I really wanna say that my first date

with my now boyfriend, it was truly just like, it was one of those dates where it just one thing led to another and then we're on a hike, and now we're going to get dinner, and then we're going to go get froyo, and now we're going to this place. Like it just kept unraveling and going, going, and going. Wait, a hike, dinner, froyo?

Yeah. What time did this date start? That boy, it started early, it was like midday. That boy, I texted him that morning, because I was visiting LA at the time, and I what do you what should we do for our hang today? And he sent me ten options and They were titled it was like this is the adventurous option. This is the social option. This is the extravagant option This is the cozy option like wait and you put in work as to whether or not this person liked you I had no idea.

Let me tell you the story about how this actually turned into me when I found out. So we go on that whole day. It was wonderful. I was like, oh my God, I like this boy a lot. And I went back to my, he drove me back to my hotel. We didn't kiss, we hugged. I said bye and I was punching the pillow. I was like, oh my God, I have to go back to Canada now

and I'm just gonna like never talk to him. Like what happens now? So I went out that night with my friends and they were like, just text him. So I sent him a text. I was like, I have one more day. I would love to see you again. He was like, of course, I would love to.

I was like, okay. That morning, something woke me up and said, he loves chocolate covered strawberries. You should bring him chocolate covered strawberries on this date on our, on our second date now. So then I was like, I have to go. So I go to pavilions, I call and I'm like, can you make chocolate covered strawberries? They could.

My friend drove me to go pick them up. I drove to his house. I go to his house with a bag of chocolate covered strawberries. And I am kind of like, I'm like a little bit embarrassed to be holding this bag of like a surprise, but I'm in his house and I give it to him and I'll never forget. He goes, he immediately opens up. I thought I was going to like give him a speech like you put in so much effort into our day yesterday. I just wanted to like give you this. No, he immediately opens it up, looks in the bag and goes, Oh, you brought me chocolate covered strawberries and puts them on the table. Oh, my God. I was like, Oh, my God, I read the, oh my God.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I read the vibes wrong. He just wants to be my friend. And I just got this guy that wants to be my friend. Chocolate covered strawberries. Which is very romantic.

Which is really romantic. And now I'm in your house for the first time. This is so uncomfortable. So whatever, we sit on the couch and I like tried so hard to forget that. That was horrible. But then we sat on the couch, we talked and we talked and I was finding my footing again. We're flirting. Eventually we go to get pizza. We pick up the pizza and I'm like, okay, he's like bumping my shoulder a lot. And I'm like, okay, maybe he does like me. We get the pizza, we bring it home

and he puts it on the counter and he goes, I just want to apologize by the way, about how I reacted about the strawberries. And I said, oh my God, no, that's okay. And then he goes, it's because he opens the fridge and he had made me a tray of chocolate covered strawberries that morning. Oh my God.

Wait, that is so fucking cute. Yeah, and I will never forget how that felt. Every time I tell that story, I feel that again of like just the rush through my whole body of like, oh, we both woke up that morning and said chocolate covered strawberries. That's crazy. That's so lovely.

I love that so much. Oh, I start weeping. I'm like, ah, love is real. I know. Okay, we do have to wrap it up, ah, love is real. I know. Okay, we do have to wrap it up, but I do wanna ask, do you have any advice for single people? Of course I do. Okay, my advice for single people,

this is the advice that I give my friends all the time. Always give a second date. I think that a second date, you explore so much more of each other. Nobody's 100% on the first date. Nobody at all. And my other advice is forget about the icks. I think that the ick culture that we are in has ruined dating.

Nobody can be themselves because the second you show your vulnerability or anything, it's icky. And then it's like, if you find something in someone that you don't like or it scares you, it frightens you, you start to believe that that's an ick, and then you've ruined this shot at what could be really, really wonderful. Just like lean into the icks.

It's kind of fun to be icky. Like just kind of like lean in. Sometimes some icks are like unforgivable, but yeah. What's an unforgivable ick? I think being obnoxious or rude is like, I think that there should be a different word. I think that's just like obnoxious and rude. I don't think that that's icky.

But definitely those types of icks are like, listen to those. I think you're right. I do think icks have ruined things. Cause I mean, I am an ick. I'm such a strange person that it's like, you really, you gotta accept a lot of shit. We all are. And you know what, like people have so much confidence

to be themselves on a date. And the second they are themselves, they should not be disqualified for that. I agree. Yeah. I have another question. Yeah. Would you date me?

I would love to date you. I think that we would have a lovely life together with a litter of children. No nannies, by the way. I think you can handle it on your own. We can handle it all on our own. It's gonna be so good. Yeah. Bowman, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. This was so fun. Thank you. I try to keep it light you for having me. This was so fun. Thank you. I try to keep it light, chill, fresh and fun. It's my, I love doing this podcast. I love hearing stories about love. The fact that you two made chocolate covered strawberries

on the same day, it's just so, I think the word's kiss met. It's just so fucking special and wonderful. And your love makes me so happy. Oh, thank you. That's really sweet. Oh, well, I'm a sweetie. Do you have anything you want to promote? Oh.

Um, if you are Canadian, you can watch my TV show, Made for TV, um, on Crave, streaming July 12th. If you are not a Canadian, you can call up your local streaming services and beg them to purchase Made for TV with me, Boman Martinez-Reed, to have it on their streaming services. And you can follow me at Bomanizer on all platforms. Thank you so much for being here. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe,

you can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you write to me to whywon'tudatemepodcast at gmail.com hitting on me, you have to say something real nasty hitting on me, I will read it. This person said, I'm gonna use my tongue to spell B-A-B-B-E-L on your clit, then yell babble into your pussy.

Oh God. Changing your default language to Spanish. Then I'll frantically finger you in a panic because I don't know how to change it back to English. Oh my God. Well, ready then. Bye bye. There you go, bye.

Bye. Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by The New York Times. Ready then, bye bye! and Maddie Ogden. Got a question? Crazy dating story? Or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to WhyWon'tYouDateMePodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening! We'll see you next week with a brand new episode! D-d-d-d-d-d-d-bye-bye! This has been a Teen Coco production.