Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Singles Mixers (w/ Rashida "SHEEDZ" Olayiwola)

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

Comedian Rashida "SHEEDZ" Olayiwola (Jury Duty) joins Nicole to discuss the best places to go for singles mixers, the time she learned her date was homeless, and the struggle of finding men who can listen to your basic needs. Plus, Nicole realizes her birth control is making her depressed. Write something dirty to Nicole! Submit it to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on air. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single. But honestly, nobody knows, so I'm just talking to fun people having a nice time. And my guest today is a hilarious comedian, actress, and writer

known for her work on Southside, Insecure, and a black lady sketch show. You've recently seen her stealing scenes as Officer Nikki on the Emmy-nominated series Jury Duty, which I thought was very funny. I'm thrilled she's here today. I might fuck up her last name, but I'm gonna try really hard. It's Rashida Sheeds Olayiwola.

Oh, no. I did so bad. You did it. No, you did it. You said Olayiwola. I tried so hard. I... It's such a pretty name that I was like, I don't want to fuck this up. Sheets, how are you? I'm so good. How are you? I'm good. I'm thriving. I'm living my best life as a single woman. Are you single? I am single. I don't want to be, but I am. And so I'm doing good.

Shit. OK, so you don't want to be single. What are you doing to combat being a single lady? So, you know, I go to a lot of therapy with my black woman therapist. And what I'm not doing, which I think is important, is I'm not settling. So I'd rather be single than settling. And I decided in 2024, I'm not going to be on any apps because I don't like meeting people through apps anymore. It's a nightmare. And I've tried them all.

Raya, Hinged. I actually liked Hinged, but it was just, the more that my life blows up, it's blowing up. It's hard to decipher through, like, I was meeting dudes who act like they like me, and then I would get to the date, and they'd be like, yeah, so I got this script. And I'm like, oh, my God.

No. That's only happened to me once, which is very, it's, like, disarming, because you're're like wait a minute you you want me to to read to read a script on this date with you right or you want me to talk about how you can get into a room or it's it's really like you said it's disarming and it's gross it's like you don't like me so what we doing here i might take a cue from you and get off the apps in 2024 because they're not good they're not like i haven't been on a date in forever i i've been swiping the last person i matched with messaged me but then was having a bunch of problems and they couldn't meet up and i was like i don't know you I don't want any of this

if you could if you if you want to go out with me let's go out but if you don't leave me the fuck alone that's me that's my whole mo man like and I had something similar happen to me the last day I went on like I actually like the dude because he made me laugh anybody who like makes me laugh I'm attracted to him you know I was like oh this is cool and then he just it just started being weird not we met on um Hinged and then like we had we went on two dates and for both dates he was late I was like why does this band keep being late like what is it what's going on so then the after he asked me out a third time I was like you know i don't i said i value my time i'm like clearly you don't and i was like 10 minutes okay five cool but 20 and 30 minutes

what's going on and that's when i found out that he was a liar he lied about having a car this man was literally taking the train all the way from Englewood to closer to like to wherever. I don't know. I'm not from L.A., so I don't know how their train system works. I didn't even know they had one. But he was lying. And it was just like, if you're lying about that, what else are you lying about? So I was just so turned off.

And he was like, oh, you just I thought you weren't like that. It's not because I have I don't have a car because this. And I was like, it ain't about, I thought you weren't like that. It's not because, I don't have a car because this. And I was like, it ain't about that you don't have a car. You were lying about why you were late. So that turns me off. And like you said, I don't know you. We met on an app and I just, I'm such a, if anybody knows me, I'm so personable. Like I'm organic.

Most of my relationships, even in industry and out of the industry are so organic my friendships all of that and I don't like the feeling of like having to be on this app warm up shout out to anybody who met their husband wife partner on these things tell me what I'm doing wrong because this whole like hey what's up what's up what you doing what you doing hey then a day or two goes past and I'm just like I don't have time so what I'm doing to answer your question to put myself I am putting myself out there I'm going to more events because I like you know I spent a lot of time like working while God works and and doing the dream work to where sometimes I don't get to go to as much things as I like, but now I'm going to more things. My friends invite me to, whether it's a concert,

whether it's everyday people in LA, that's bomb. And events where I'm like, I can meet good people. I also talk to all of my good friends. I had a meeting with them at the end of the year. Yes, with them at the end of the year yes I did uh-huh I said I need y'all to look out for a sister if you know a suitable man preferably black man or of the diaspora or afro-latino I don't listen I'm at that point I'm like uh-huh tell them about me because I'm noticing a lot of other friend groups that I heard from they talk to they like hook people up or be like hey I know her you should meet her so I talked to them about their narrow life say less because I ain't got time that's smart I mean I've tried to do that with my friends but I feel like I know everyone they know and it's a bunch of comedy people or people I don't want to date and And it's like, oh, boy.

And then I'm having trouble because I'm like, well, apps are the only way I have dated for the last, I don't know, six, seven, eight, maybe 10 years. And I'm like, I don't want to do it anymore. It feels useless. But I guess I just have to leave my house go to things we do sis we do that's like i'm i'm i'm stepping out on faith and we have a whole plan and i'm like i'm done with these apps i'm like and and we paying for them like uh-huh i'm i'm i'm sorry i save my $75 a year from Raya and I can save my $21.99 from Hinge. I love that you know the exact prices that you pay on each app. Look, Apple won't let you forget. They creep up on you. You'd be like, damn, wait a minute.

That is the first thing I did this year uh in 2024 i stopped paying for the apps because i was like i don't open them i'm never on them i'm not doing it so it's like why am i just throwing my money away that was like the very first thing i did and then the second thing i did was get covid so i can't go out and then the third thing i'm gonna do is once i'm healthy is gather all my single friends and then have like i think i'm gonna try to like go out once a week to like a bar or i don't really want to do singles mixers i just that just feels a little i don't know to putting myself out there in a way that doesn't feel good but i'm like once a week I can go to a bar I can get a drink I could you know try to talk to one dude uh and that's that's not hard I could do that as of recently I've noticed I didn't know Soho House the the nice the nice ones like the one in

West Hollywood the one in Malibu they have these happy hour events and they be bust like I didn't even know I just was there working one day and then the waiter came over and was like hey we just want to let you know we're about to start our happy hour mixers girl they are bomb so that's something i'm trying to go to like every thursday evening because and at least i know them people in there maybe not all of them because some people they be guests of the people who have the memberships and shit but at least i know i'm 70 people have a job i'm like 70 of them have a job that you know i know they ain't lying about taking the train here so um i just i just have been stumbling apart or or just like i know like you and I and other folks were in like

the TV Academy and all that they have these things they have events that I'm like I used to ignore all the time and I'm like you know what I'm gonna see if one of my best friends wants to go to this Academy mixer just to you know you don't know where your person's gonna be but I'm like if I'm gonna take myself off these apps I'm gonna do the work of like going putting myself out there like single sheets is determined to not be single no more because i'm i'm tired of i'm tired i ain't doing this life by myself i can do it by myself but i don't want to yeah that is the distinction that i think uh because sometimes people are like oh if you're so desperate you could just you know uh date any old person I'm like it's not desperation right I would like to

share my life with somebody I would like to come home to somebody I really love and you know tell them about my day and shit but it's so annoying because like the dating somebody in the beginning is so hard it's hard to like get to know people it's hard to like put yourself out there but then once you're in the relationship you're like oh i'm comfortable with this person that's nice and then you gotta make it work and then that's the hard part it's so hard it's so hard i have a dude i hope he well even if he listened to this i don't care he's uh interested in me now and like he just refuses to do the work and i I'm just like, I told him to call me before I had to go out of town for some work. And he was like, oh, okay.

Didn't call. And the next week he was just like, man, you've been looking so good on these red carpets. Like, it should have been me on your arm. And I'm like, bro, you didn't even call. It could have been you. You didn't call. You didn't do the, that's the wildest thing. It's wild.

I'm asking you to do one thing. And it's like, you can't do one tiny little thing, which is call me. You don't even got to leave your house. You just have to pick up your fucking phone, which is probably already in your hand. And dial a number. You don't even have to dial a number. You find my name and you hit send and you call me. Listen, with all these damn iPhone updates it they making it easier and easier for you to call people you even see the damn picture when you call them now and they pop

up I know what outfits you got on bruh so stop playing with me but it's like you said it's like you couldn't even do the simplest shit but now you want to I'm supposed to listen to how good I look and how you were supposed to be no I'm sorry no no thank you yeah man it's tough in these streets you're one of 72 grandchildren that's so many grandchildren yeah do your parents are your parents still together um no i don't even think my parents were ever together um but i my father is nigerian so he's in africa somewhere i don't know where he is but that's how that's how that i got that last name you know i'm proud of everything i am and my mom is born and bred uh first generation in chicago so i'm shigerian my grandparents

migrated from the south and so when i was younger my grandparents used to always say wealthy back then for black folks was a big family like having they have so my mom is one of 12 children so if each of those children have like five or six it's easy to see how I'm one of like 70 you know and that's like all of us together so I come from a very huge large fertile ass family that's wild 72 grandchildren is so many your family reunions must be wild yes and my birthday parties when I was little I never got to invite friends from school because they was like uh-uh it's already you got your cousins I used to be like damn y'all can't buy one more extra pack of hot dogs like I want to invite some of my friends for school but I couldn't because it was like all my cousins my cousins were at my birthday parties until I was at least like 11 12 years old um do you feel

like your cousins or anything were like protective of you when you started dating or no uh yes um even as a recently um so one of my cousins he's in the business and like little real howry when people find out that we're related they're like what the hell so they are protective his brother had came in to visit us and um so my big cousin matt i had just got out of my, my last relationship was the toughest year for all of us. 2020. It was, it had ended in 2020. And so he had came like early 2021 and he was like, man, cause you doing so good.

You looking so nice, blah, blah. Where's your guys at? Where's, and I was like, well, I just got out of a relationship. It was, it ended terribly. And he was like, well, what that nigga what that nigga do like he they they don't play like they're and because of the kind of heart and mind I have and how I move throughout the world they always are like we know you didn't do nothing what did they do or like um even when I talk to real and I'm just like yo tell me about your friend he's like I don't want you with none

of them or I'm just like or he was like I'm gonna find a good dude for you or I'll you know but even my family my cousins back at home I don't think I want none of the people they would hook me up with because my last they still in the hood and shit and my last cousin when I was home this is a funny story I was home visiting and there are certain areas I can't go to no more because yeah and um so my cousin my cousin birdie was like oh my god like you he's good he got his own crib blah blah they look out for stuff like that and um he was like he loyal I'm like oh okay come to find out this man is on house arrest of course he's loyal where the fuck can he go he can't go anywhere he was like but he's not gonna be on house arrest for long

he's only on house arrest because before he started his car business he was I'm like I don't even want to know no more like this man is on house arrest why do I want a man with an ankle bracelet like so but they are protective of me um even when we were little I have so many stories of just like things that happened when I don't know if you you want to hear it if you got time but it's one that's hilarious if I can tell you the dynamic so when when I was little, I played basketball and soccer. I was really good. And for those, anybody out there who grew up in the inner cities, we would play basketball in the alley.

We would hang a milk crate on the phone booths, cut the bottom out, and that's how you play basketball. And so I'm 11 or 12, and I'm like hooping. And all the dudes, I was like one of the only girls they would pick to be on our team because I was really good. You know, I didn't know what sexism was at a young age. I don't think any of us did. So one day I go up for the, you know, the layup. And when I come down, I'm bleeding.

I don't know where this blood is coming from. Okay. Pause'm bleeding. I don't know where this blood is coming from. Okay. Pause real quick. For those who have put two or two together, I started my period. Yes. I didn't know that. And they didn't know that. I fell.

And the dude who, like, tried to block my shot, when my cousin saw me bleeding, they, like, was beating this dude's ass. Like, what'd you do like that you hurt her and i'm in and mind you i'm putting on a full fucking drama acting class i'm like oh so my cousin birdie kk shining man listen to these nicknames y'all i am from the ghetto so um i don't know if anybody's ever seen the movie or if you've seen the movie nicole menace of society when kane when kane got shot how they picked him up he the man got shot in his shoulder but he you would have thought he was just being assassinated so they carry me in the house like i'm kane off menace society the blood is all over my pants it's now it's on my shirt

and my grandma's like, what happened? What happened? And they're like, they hit her. She went up for the basketball. So my grandma's like looking and she's like, where does it hurt? And I was like, it doesn't hurt. And she's like, well, she took me in her bedroom. She's like, well, where is it coming from?

And I was like, and I pointed to my crotch area. And she was like, oh, baby, sit down. So she called my mom from work. I was like, and I pointed to my crotch area and she was like, oh baby, yeah, sit down. We finna, so she called my mom from work. It was a whole thing. But my cousins, like literally till this day was like,

yeah, we beat his ass because we, they didn't know. That's how protective shit was. And like that story till this day makes us all laugh

because now we're all adults and they're like, man, we beat up. And the dude across the street that they beat up his name was rabbit and they were like we beat him up for no reason i'm like well you didn't know i mean rabbit probably goes through life being like i gotta treat women right uh i can't i can't be doing shit to women so maybe it was good for rabbit to get it was good for rabbit and then once that once that that chapter happened in my life

rabbit was i i was wondering why rabbit was liking on me i was like okay so rabbit was one of my first boyfriends after that oh my 12 year old boyfriend that's adorable also it's so funny that you didn't get like taught about your period until that moment until it was like until that moment which i i think a lot of women go through that where it's like i don't know i don't know what's happened my sister didn't know what was happening to her the only reason why i knew what a period was because i had an older sister and then i read this book called are you there god it's me margaret and i was like when is it gonna happen to me and it happened so late and i was so sad about it but now i'm like let's go back to those days where I don't have it.

I don't like it. Right? My shit. I didn't. You are so. I did not know. And I was like, why didn't they? But, you know, that's a whole nother topic.

But I didn't know until that moment. And of all places, whooping in an alley with a bunch of sweaty boys. I mean, that is a way to be like, oh, I guess women are different than men. My period has never been regular. And then I got birth control. And then it became even less regular. I get it so, like, I'll have my period for like seven days.

It goes away for three. Then I get it again for seven days. And then I was like, I've been sad this year. And I was like was like wait is my birth control making me sad and then I googled it birth control can make you depressed and I was like why didn't anyone tell me this when I got it and then when I was sad why didn't anyone go do you have birth control because I've never been depressed like this before um so I'm getting it taken out because i'm not controlling any births right now so the least you can do is control like the emotions and shit yeah the emotion the ups and downs and then hopefully my period will go back to like being non-existent because that was delight i used to get it for like three days it would hurt for two but it would last for three. And I was done for the month. That's me. Bring that back.

Hurts for two. I have it for like three, four. And then I'm cool. Yeah, that's what I want. I want to get back to that. Real quick. We got to take a break. Where in Chicago are you from?

My whole family lives on the South Side. Yeah, so I was born on the West Side of Chicago. And then after, like around high school time, South Side of Chicago. So I always be like Chicago of everything. I am truly like a born and bred Chicagoan. I love Chicago. The only thing about Chicago that I don't love is it's so segregated in a way that is so wild to me. Because I remember when I was little, anytime I saw a white, like anytime a white person was like, oh, I'm from Chicago.

I'm like, you're from the suburbs. I've never seen you on the south side. And I went to the north side and I was like, there's so many. There's so many and less potholes. Oh, gosh, yes. You said it. You fucking said it. It's wild. It's wild because they built it that

way i'm such a nerd like history nerd science nerd but they built it that way in like the 40s the way that they built the train system that's why they call it the red line the red line runs through it's segregated so even not just like with the black people and with the expressways the way that they built the bridges the bridges go up at night you're separated like the streets that connect yeah that's a lot of things that people don't know or like certain train lines that stop running at a certain time i remember like being out all night and i couldn't get home one time i was like what the fuck and they were like well the red line doesn't go to 95th after 10 o'clock and you're like well why does the fuck does it still go up north to Sedgwick

and it's just like a lot of little things that they're trying to get better at now but people be like well why all the best food on the south side and the west as well that's where it's mostly seasoned that's where we're at you know even though Chicago in its entirety whether you black white hispanic latino uh greek we have so many mixtures at the end of the day we don't play about Chicago like that's the one thing we come together on is like we don't play about our city we don't play around our food we don't play about our sports things but it is very like you want to see the black people they're here you want to see the white folks they're either up north or in the suburbs you want to see you got to go to chinatown you're

gonna go to greektown you're gonna even pockets of like those broken down by cultures little italy it's really everybody is where they're at and we come together during like the summers and the festivals but it was awesome growing up there and being from there is dope I love Chicago did you find dating in Chicago to be easier so wait did you move from Chicago to LA no you were in New York for two years right I was in New York for two years like a year and a half two years which I and it was crazy after every ended relationship I like moved somewhere but but I did find it it's way way way more easier dating in Chicago and New York as a black woman yeah I always say New York is easier I've never really dated in Chicago because

I would just spend my summers there and stuff um or like spend a couple weeks at a time but la is tough la is really really really really really hard uh as you know a black woman and then also as a fat black woman because i see the black women who go out with people and i'm like oh yeah well i don't think i'll ever look like that nor do i want to uh i love the way i look uh and that is a hard thing to be like I love the way I look but like other people might not and right I don't know sometimes it gets sad but other times I'm like well I mean at least I like what I see in the mirror and at least you keep it away who's not for you um but out here is so hard for me what I've come to see is hard to date because as the story we were talking about in the beginning, I have to decipher who there it be some men who literally one of my first dates I ever went out with in L.A. This dude was homeless and I didn't even know.

He kept trying to get me to come near. He kept saying Wilshire. He's like, we could find a spot to go to on Wilshire, Wilshire, Wilshire. And I'm like, why is come near he kept saying Wilshire he's like we could find a spot to go to on Wilshire Wilshire Wilshire and I'm like why is this dude hung up on Wilshire he's like well it has to be before eight he had all these weird it's because his ass was trying to get back to the shelter before eight or he's gonna lose the bed he needs to be in nice looking dude all that but he was he was broke he was trying to come up off of me other ones are just like you know just speaking my truth you see a lot of black men who date not non-black women

out here who want what we have like I have friends who are black men all the time and they're like they'll complain to me about these non-black women and I'm like well I don't understand and also you don't get to do that shit with me because I'm like we got everything you quote-unquote want but what is it or you have the dudes where there are people looking for a come up they see that you've made it they haven't sung shit into you but they want a way into the industry and I'm just like I'm I'm trying to have a good day in a good time and you're trying to prey on my success which is insane after jury duty came out do you feel like you had more people in the dms more people trying to go out with you because it was such a hit

yes after so it started to really get become a way um because I'm such a multi. And I know that I'm sure you can relate to this because you are outstanding in every avenue you do, sis. I just want to give you your flowers on that. Thank you. Shit. flowers because I and I and it's going to be genuine but I salute you and I've watched everything you've done and I see how you treat people so congrats I'm a multi-faceted person too I'm a comedian an actress a writer uh we can add producer on the list but I there's so many hats that I work in award shows like they pull me to write for the I've written for those I write for several different television shows and now on screen I've blown up and it's gonna continue with other projects coming out this year and the next it's really my DMs be on fire I had to tell someone last week they got upset at me because they were just like quick question and I was like hello happy new year how are you and it turned into my bad

dang this and I'm like no I was like I don't even get greeted no more by some of these folks where it's just like and then you get mad at me because you want and like you want something let me get this straight you want something you don't greet me don't say hello. And I'm just supposed to be like, oh, cool. Yeah, here. It's crazy to me. Or just like people who are, I'm writing a book, but I want you to write it. Can we do lunch? That's why. You want me to be a ghostwriter?

That's a whole other job. I'm not doing that shit. But they don't see it as that. They see it as just like, you know, and I'm a firm believer of giving grace, but not being no goofy. So I give grace. But at the same time, you're not going to play with me. You're not going to play with my time. We work very hard and we have to have our time and space for us, too, to be able to be and to thrive, especially as black women, because people do it to us so much and be like oh well she's okay

well you don't know if I'm okay you didn't even ask so yeah it's it's after jury duty it like exploded um I'm not a person who pays attention to social media like that I only have one social media account it's my Instagram I've been begged to be on TikTok all that stuff but I don't I just don't want to it's not me I like to move how I move so people will like my Instagram exploded in a year it was just like I was cool with my 12 I had like 12.5 the last then I wake up and look up and my friends who are into like social media and stuff yeah you got 105,000 I'm like I don't know y'all i'm like i don't i swear to god i don't know what what's going on i'm literally trying my best to just like you know i'm always gonna be she's but this shit it can get wild and then you do have a lot of dudes who come in my dms

and say little stuff or like man you look good or i had a crush on you or oh like you should give me some of your time and i'm like after i deciphered through it'd be the same dudes who don't do what's required to like that dude i was telling you about like i told you to call me you have the number to the bed line and you didn't use it one dude asked me out on a date i told him i was like cool, we can go to this place. He's like, what place you want to go to? I'm like, well, I never tried this place, Bevel. It was a place called Bevel or something.

He was like, oh, I know the chef. Let me hit him up. He's like, what time do you want to do? I said, anytime before nine because I don't eat after nine o'clock anymore. Dude, it's just my own health and things that I have that was going on. And he's like, you don't eat after nine o'clock anymore dude it's just my own health and things that I have that was going on and he's like you don't eat after nine well I was thinking 9 30 oh like Nicole please explain to me I swear to god I still have the message I had to screenshot it because I literally couldn't believe what the hell I was listening to. I said, well, if you want to go to dinner by yourself at 9.30, that's fine.

I was like, but all I said was I don't eat after 9 anymore. I can't. It literally makes me physically sick to eat after 9 p.m. He was like, oh, well, maybe next week I'll see if you want to go to dinner at. And also, who's starting dinner at nine o'clock like dude i mean i have been to dinner at nine o'clock when there's no reservations i really want to eat exactly but if somebody said to me that i'm trying to take out i cannot eat after 9 p.m i would go oh i I don't think I'm gonna be able to get us into that restaurant before 9. 9 30 is the earliest is there another place you want to go or maybe here here's

my suggestion we go to this place they have reservations girl you know 7 38 that's so wild to then get mad at you like oh so you can't and it gets worse here's the thing we're both not so like I have to go to New York this weekend there you don't have it gets worse here's the thing we're both not so like I have to go to New York this weekend there you know how many dinners I'm gonna go to that's after nine o'clock that I'll go to because we know that's how the scene is I probably won't eat anything I may have a drink or something but yeah exactly what you said it gets worse because I'm like I said well okay well maybe when I get back in town he goes well now I gotta see if I can get my reservation deposit back now mind you I have his number in my phone because what you gonna do is

never play play me I sent I looked up the reservation deposit for bevel I sent this man $25 I was like so now you don't have to worry about it. He was like, oh my God, why would you do that? Don't worry about it. Because you brought it up. Yes. You brought it up. So now not only do you have your reservation deposit back, you're never getting dinner with me ever.

I don't want dinner with you. Wow. No, that's so wild. Let me see if I can get my $25 back. And it's like, yeah, maybe everyone doesn't have 25 to like throw around but why did you make the reservation before confirming the time with you and then why would you do that if you were saying it's not he was like it's not about money i wasn't i'm sorry if i said it like that no i i feel like you're a control freak and you say this to women all the

time and i'm not that type of woman where you can say things like that to. I'm actually very clear, very confident in who I am. And I thought that we could have had a good time, but you blew it. But you had to go fuck it up. You had to go fuck it up. Ike. So you go to the Sequoia Mountains twice a year. Is that to like find yourself, ground yourself? What is that? What is that about? I've never been to the Sequoia Mountains twice a year. Is that to like find yourself, ground yourself?

What is that? What is that about? I've never been to the Sequoia Mountains. So what is it? I do. I actually, it's my happy place. It became my happy place in 2020. And how I found out about it, I was 11 years old.

My teacher, Mr. Gershon, fifth grade teacher, shout out to him. I hope he's still alive. Last time I checked, he was. He so I went to Chicago Public Schools and, you know, we don't see things like that. We didn't. So he came in from spring break with pictures with him and his children at the Sequoia Mountains. And during recess, I wanted to look at those pictures all day every day because I couldn't believe my brain couldn't connect that there were places that looked like this and he told me he

said you're gonna go there one day and I was like I hope so he said there's a giant forest there mind you I'm just like I'm 11 years old like what so 2020 was a tough year for, I mean, for everybody. But I also had something tragic happen that year. My niece was killed that year, my teenage niece. But at the same time, all this beautiful stuff was happening. I had just broke, really broke, breaking into the scene where Diallo, Riddle, and Bashir Salahuddin had hired me as one of their main writers on South for this show, Southside. Shout out to my Southside fam. And then Sherman Showcase. And I was just like, oh man, all this stuff is happening. But it was still like this, I don't

know. Like I was not happy. I was like, what is it? So after we wrapped a room, I was like what is it so after we wrap a room I was learning from other writers and comedians and um just creators like they're like where are you gonna go we're about to wrap where are you gonna go you should treat yourself and Ashley Nicole Black was one of those people she's like she's after after you finish anything always treat yourself whether it's you know whether it's a bag you want or you know a dinner or a trip and I was like well I don't know we're in COVID so I can't get on a plane and then um I remembered one of the assistants in our room his name is Paul he was like well I'm gonna go to Big Bear he's like you know California has all these uh national parks and I was like oh man there's this one national park I want to go to

I was like it's called the Sequoia Mountains and he's like oh man there's this one national park I want to go to I was like it's called the Sequoia Mountains and he's like that's three and a half hours up that way when I tell you I lost my shit so my friend uh one of my very close friends Markita she helped me research everything and um I'm very spiritual so I and I also give respect to space and time I do not play about time and space so I research like the Native Americans who own the properties there and connected with this guy named Chief Paul he's a part of the Yoku tribe in the Sequoia Mountains connected with um my he's now my dear friend Christian his family of Native descent owns like these luxury cabins there because it's like pay respect i'm

coming to somebody's hood i want to i want to go the right way they set it all up when i called chief paul i kid you not he was like rashida what's crazy is me and my wife jessica we were just doing sunrise prayer we knew you were gonna come here before you came here it's time like i was just like oh my god went there for the first time I'm talking about shook there's you drive first of all for any of the people who don't know it's three and a half hours outside of LA but then you have to drive another hour to get up to the trees in the giant forest in the mountains because sequoia trees are the largest trees in the world they only grow in this one area and they only start growing at 9 000 feet elevation and then the highest the giant forest is 15 000 feet elevation

so you're driving up and up and up you have to literally physically go up prepare to go up to see all these wonders as you're going up there's waterfalls there's a lake running through I was just like what is this and then uh so we're in the car when this um car and chief paul goes all right you ready we're about to enter the giant forest and there's a sign that says entering giant forest y'all I didn't even know I was like crying oh I like I was like crying it's just I couldn't stop and because when you start to go on the giant forest there's these two big sequoia trees that are connected they're called the twin that they're called the twin flame sequoias they just grew like that sequoia trees they grow in

pods so they're very family oriented trees have their own communication system it's crazy y'all I have never it's something that a picture won't do it justice the 11 year old me couldn't do it just it's like you're a dot compared to these massive trees that only grow here and it's just like um it's my happy place it restores me it grounds me it balances me it connects me it It grounds me. It balances me. It connects me. It stabilizes me. Just like the sun. The sun heals, charges, warms, illuminate, nourishes the moon.

I love the moon. It manifests, reverts, clears, enhances intuition. What does the ocean do? Nicole, it cleanses. It refreshes. It invigorates. It releases. So I had all of that in this one place.

And I just like, I made it my business to go twice a year I go either in the beginning of the year or the end or I go in the end or the beginning so I just came back from there I this was my first thing in my first new year's there and the best thing about it is sharing it with friends who are like I want to go to that place with you that can't be any friend. You got to be right. Or like sometimes it'll be like some friends who have just gone through something because I know what that feels like. But every time they go, they come back. They're like, this is magic. This is insane. I love that. I love that so much. You did mention water. Water

is where I feel the most serene and the most calm, truly in the middle of the ocean where I cannot see land because I feel like a dot. Like I feel like the smallest little thing. And then my life feels like it's not that important. And the world is so much bigger than it. And whatever shit I'm like feeling or whatever, it's like it kind of melts away. And then when there's like a rainbow, I'm oh god it's just so pretty yeah I I love a place like I love going to a place and feeling

serenity and calm and happiness and I love that you saw the Sequoia you know National Forest as an 11 year old and then as an adult got to go like that's just really magical to me yes that man it's one of my favorite places in the world and you're absolutely right when we're in places such as like the ocean and the forest and these huge forces that like are untouched and you are it is you the other shit is irrelevant it's like space i feel like the ocean is just space think about this 80 of the earth is covered by water right and only 30 of those waters have been even researched like let you let our brains connect to that yeah it's so there's so much shit in the ocean that we don't know we don't know there many fish, there's so many animals, there's so many plants. There's so much that we just, we don't know. Maybe we'll never know. And I think that's so magical. It is. It is very magical. And that's why we feel the way we feel when we connect with

these things. So it's like, even when we circling back to the day thing, it's like, look at all these beautiful things we do for ourselves. You think'm gonna let somebody play with me like that no but that's one of my one of my dreams and I even wrote I write it down in our journal I'm like I can't wait to share that happy special place with my guy with my person because I know it's gonna be beautiful yeah the thought of being on a boat with someone that I love romantically is it just like brings a smile to my face, especially if they feel connected to the ocean in the way that I do. Or just that they're happy watching me connect to the ocean. They don't have to be connected to it. It's like as long as you're happy watching me being happy, that that makes me that brings me joy.

That's and that's the way it should be. That brings me joy. And that's the way it should be. And vice versa. I said, I can't wait till a person see me looking at those trees, the way I look and hike through that forest, the way I love to hike and walk through. That would just make my day.

Sharing these spaces with someone, it is important. Wanting to build a life with someone, that shit is important, man. Real quick, we do have to take a break and oh we're back so jury duty did was there there wasn't a script it's unscripted so like how how do you like stay in character for that like i feel like that's that that's a talent that I don't know if I have. Definitely, definitely, definitely. You got to be a talented mofo to do what we did. Because I still sometimes look back and I love that what Quinta said after the Emmys when she was like, she gave us a special shout out. She was like, shout out to the cast of Journey because we were up against avid and the bear and all them for comedy series of the year and she's like that was some of the best comedic

acting i've ever seen in my life because and it was unscripted we literally not only did we have to stay these characters we had we were building as we went like when i got called for the audition for bailiff nikki she didn't she just a name, a first name and a last name. And that was it. And on paper, it was like bailiff of the court, officer of the court. She runs the court with the judge, blah, blah. I had to give her a personality. I had to give her words.

I had to give her like to have a certain care for these people, but also like a black woman. You're not going to play with me because she is. also like a black woman you're not gonna play with me because she is she was a black woman law enforcement I researched I had to do the work and then I had to become and stay this character for two months it was so hard but also it was so fun because that is shit that I love to do I come from a very strong improvisational acting background. I am an alumni of the second city of Chicago, Improv Olympics, Annoyance Theater in Chicago. Chicago is one of the comedy capitals of the world. And one of the things that I just remember learning from, and being one of 72 grandchildren,

we used to play with each other all that. That's what I thought improv was called. I tell everybody this. I'm like, y'all, I didn't know improv had a name. When you grow up in a black household, it's called go outside and play. Go find something to do. And me and my cousin would play. Go find anything to do.

Yes. Just don't be in the house. Right. They used to be like, go outside and play. Go do something. We wrote hip hop songs. We wrote parody songs. We made up.

We played it all day. We used to play house. And so when you put someone like me in that world that gives it structure and gives it a name, I'm like, oh, okay, I got this. So with all of us, we just had a lot of trust and it was a lot of gift giving like making sure we give gifts and also just being in the in that moment and making sure this ronald dude don't figure shit out and he didn't did you do like briefings every day to be like this is what's happened this is you uh like what we want you to try to go for today like what a I know it's a very technical question but I'm very interested but it's a good question because

we did you're right we absolutely had I know for I can't speak for the others because they at one point they had to separate me and um the rest of the cast me and the judge like the legal team and i had a my green room was upstairs my like you know we couldn't have trailers because of course that so they had these hidden rooms in the courthouse exactly they had hidden rooms in the courthouse um and my room was upstairs was like a little apartment up there and whenever they needed me they so in the morning our call times were like 4 35 a.m the morning because remember this is court so we have to be there before to get ready for court and then we're sequestered I have to go get Ronald from the from the uh hotel then so they would come to me like we would have briefings at like 7 a.m after I got on my like

cop suit and all this shit and my director Jake and and showrunner Cody and Nick Hatton, they would be like, okay, Rashida, here are the daily beats. But first, what do you know that we need to know that's going on through his head? So I would be like,

well, he spoke to his girlfriend on, because he only got two phone calls. I'm like, well, this is what's going on. Or even if it was other cast shit that was being loose, I'm like,

well, these two need to tighten up because I seen how he was looking at this. So we had briefings. And then at the end of the day, after we would drop him and other, the ones who were sequestered in the hotel and we would have another end of day briefing at like the same time, like 7 p.m. And then in the morning,

I'd get my beats of like, so you're going to go pick them up. Court's going to start this time. Get the lunch orders this time. The rest was all just us like making this shit up as we go. I love it. That's so fun. That's so collaborative and just like a special way to make a TV show.

Yeah, it was cool. It was like I didn't know what I was getting into because when I auditioned, it just said court show and we didn't know what it was. And then when we all came to the table read, which was just like us talking to each other, they were like, yeah. So it's going to be like The Office meets Sacha Baron Cohen meets Truman Show. We were just like okay you know but everybody right everybody committed to it and and we made something great and it's gotten all of the rec like I mean we're golden globe and all of the shit that you know people want it's gotten that and it's blown it's done what it needs to do I know um a lot of people ask like well you were working before this I'm like yeah I was dog

working before this but what it did for my life on screen to let people know like oh she's she cold like she's dope she can like we get it you can also see my writer brain you can see my comedian brain and you can see my comedic my comedic actor brain all in this one character, which has blown up my life tremendously. And I'm excited for my future. I love that. You also did the CBS showcase. I did the CBS showcase. It was an interesting experience. Right, right. Did you do the show or no? I didn't do the show. I'm able to talk about it now because they have, well, the new people have since then apologized for things that I went through in 2017.

It was a lot. I mean, it's no secret. They had to remove people during that time. But, you know, I faced a lot of racism. I faced a lot of everything. And to the point where I didn't do the showcase, I actually left with my material because I was told at that time I was too black and too smart, which I thought was something I'm supposed to embrace, which I do embrace, which is why I left. And now here we are seven years later. And I know there's an alumni showcase coming up where shout out to Dory Porter.

He came to me because of what happened. And I told this story before and he was like, we want to make this right. We are proud of you. He was like, I wasn't in a position to be to do what I'm able to do now. But there's an alumni like there's some type of alumni show that's coming up with all the big wigs like those who are able to do it and they wanted me to be a part of it and like reparations too like I'm all about being black in this world like there's shit that we go through that people couldn't even imagine or probably they'd be like how do y'all do that we shouldn't have to but we do it I'm all about

making stuff right for the next person behind me who have to stand on my shoulders't have to, but we do it. I'm all about making stuff right for the next person behind me who have to stand on my shoulders, who have to stand on your shoulders, Nicole. Like, that's what I'm about. And how they came at me after, like, knowing and hearing it, I'm like, sure. I'm not stupid. Like, you don't want bad blood with a person who's taken off.

And I'm truly a good person. I don't even have to say that shit, but be for real. But my experience with the showcase then was not it wasn't you know but uh there's ways to hopefully it you know from here people can see that also stand on your integrity don't fold on who you are and that's what I'm about a very good lesson that it's like you don't have to eat shit in order to like that far you can also you can succeed on your own merit you can say yes to things that you believe in you can say no when something it doesn't feel right right and it didn't feel right and I move

with integrity goodness and I like I don't I'm not gonna you're not gonna tell degrade me and then I'd be like yeah that was great but I'm dying inside no I was like I'm out I to you're not going to tell the gray me. And then I'd be like, yeah, that was great. But I'm dying inside. No, I was like, I'm out. I see all around. And here I am seven years later seeing you around. You also went to school. So you you were a black studies major with a minor in theater.

You were going to study astronomy. Were you trying to get to NASA? You already know it, baby. I was trying to be out there with the stars and shit. I've been connected to space since I was a little kid. It was like either I was going to be an astronaut DJ or what I'm doing now. And I'm doing what I'm doing now and I love it so much. But also, how about I get to write?

Maybe I want to be an astronaut and play that one day or just I I love space so much and then I love music the way that I can do build and do a music drop I just embrace everything that I am but I I was like my friends were pissed off at me in college because um we had to take you know yeah you got to take electives to graduate and shit. And two of my friends, Jasmine and Siobhan, they needed two electives to graduate. And, um,

I was like, y'all should take this astrology class for me. And they were like, oh, okay. Is it easy? I'm saying yes. Cause it was easy for me.

I got all A's. Everybody in the program loved me. My, one of my professors, professor Kevin, I used to stay after class and talk with him about the polar ice capsules on mars my two friends was like bitch are you serious i'm getting a d i have to graduate so i helped them out and helped them to pass the class but they were like don't you

ever in your life suggest a class for us to take like we thought you was gonna suggest like dance one-on-one but i was like it's easy are you kidding me they suggest like dance one on one. But I was like, it's easy. Are you kidding me? They're like, it's math involved in shit. And I'm like, I'm such a nerd, though. That came easy to me. I love that. I would be one of the friends that was like, don't do that to me.

I don't know math like that. Space is space. Space got stars and it's dark. Right. They was like, bitch, you're goofy as well. Who does that? I'm like like i'm sorry uh do you have any advice for fellow single people out there i do i would say the advice

that i would give to my fellow single people we won't which none of us will be single for too much longer because we're gonna our person is gonna come to us and we're gonna come to them but I would say don't fold on your like the things you truly believe in like and don't settle like don't don't don't be desperate because what's for us is gonna come for us like in the person and that's for people too and every time I've ever folded in my life or I've ever given into something it always ends up worse. Like I'll never. It may feel good for that moment, but in the long run, it ain't no long run. So that's the advice I would give.

And I'm sending positive, good vibes to all those who are looking to be single no more. I like that. I'll take those good vibes because I think 2024 is the year I find somebody. It is. And I'm very excited about it. So if I could say to anybody listening who feel that they're compatible with me or interested and you ain't know, you know, you got your life together. Come on in and go slat in my DMs. Oh, I like that. I that i mean hey say what's up

you see me outside don't be on no weird shit or no creep shit but just you know say what's up i i mean put it out there put it out there you heard it getting those dms uh do you have anything that you want to promote? Just, you know, be on the lookout for things that I have coming up. I know Good Times on Netflix is coming out this year. Excited about that. Ironheart on Marvel is be on the lookout at that. And just you'll see me everywhere as I continue to work and lean into the goodness of things.

I'm excited. I love that. I ask all my guests this. I've forgotten it a couple times, but would you date me? Hell yeah. Yes! Thank you. The way you love yourself? Absolutely.

Sheets, thank you so much for doing this. I'm a very big fan of yours. I think you're great. I think you're so funny and uh yeah I just I I'm happy for your success I love seeing another you know black woman fucking killing it so I'm so happy that you're you're doing this shit thank you and vice versa to you sis like I'm so proud of you from every from Netflix to Hulu to NBC. I'm proud of you. Thank you. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me,

you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, you can give me five stars on iTunes. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to whywontyoudatemepodcast.gmail.com, I will read it. This nice person said, we meet at a bar and I'm immediately obsessed with your sweet smile and soft curves.

I invite you back to my apartment and we play with my sex toy collection till all the batteries die. Then it's back to the old fashioned way. I go down on you for hours. What I lack in experience, I make up with enthusiasm. I'm licking and sucking your clit while my fingers explore your warm center until you come over and over and over again. When you've had enough, it's morning. We get breakfast sandwiches and I take you to a nearby lake to see local ducks before you have to fly home. That's Sheen's face. Goodbye.

You've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with nicole byer this show is produced by me mars with guest research by lindsey kemp it's executive produced by adam sacks nick leo and jeff ross at team coco with guest booking by paula davis gina batista and maddie ogden got a dirty message for nicole write it to why won't you datepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.