Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The 90 Day Fiancé Interview (w/ Alex Roshon)

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Relationship therapist and star of 90 Day Fiancé: Love in Paradise, Alex Roshon, is here to answer all of Nicole's burning relationship questions. What's it like to apply for 90 Day Fiancé? What's her foolproof method for approaching someone for a threesome? Alex shares her terrible dating stories that led her to date overseas, and her experience dating a man who loved to wear women's panties. Nicole tries to find love at the Sonic The Hedgehog-themed cafe.Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where Mina Kullbier was trying to figure out why I'm still single, even though you could throw out all of my clothes and say, I don't know, uh oh, accident. My guest today is a relationship therapist who's featured on this season of 90 Day Fiance

Love in Paradise. And I feel like I've talked about it a lot on this show. Love me some 90 Day. It's Alex Rashawn. OK, Alex, how did you end up on my favorite television show, 90 Day Fiance and one of its many spin offs, Love in Paradise? Well, I met lovely Adriano a year and a half ago. And as we were talking, I was like,

hey, just for shits and giggles, do you wanna, you know, apply for this show? And he was just like, sure, let's do it. And so we just kind of, you know, applied, went through the process, and now here we are. Wait, how easy was it? You truly make it sound like it's the easiest thing in the world. It really wasn't that easy.

Okay. There was a whole process where we had to like, uh, talk to one cast member or I guess a producer or somebody, talk to one person, tell them our story. And then we had to go and talk to another person and they'd be like, so tell me about y'all's relationship again. I'm just like, I just told y'all this a couple of months ago. And so we had to tell our story again to another person. And then was the Zoom interview. And so that is with some other people.

And so it was me and two other of my friends. So I had a friend that they interviewed to see if we would be a good fit for a show. And then they had another one of my friends that they interviewed. And then, um, I think they also interviewed a couple of, um, Adriano's friends as well to see if you've, I think they wanted to see if we had enough drama for the show. No, I get that because it is drama. So, and then after that, I guess they approved us.

And then once they approved us, then we went to the next level of actually talking to a couple of the executive producers on the show, and then it just kind of went from there. Mm-hmm. Have you dated internationally before or is Adriano the first? Tell me about it. He is my first international man. He is just like my first met him.

I was just like, oh, my gosh, I was talking about the thirst was real. It was it was real. It was real, girl. It was there. I love that. I mean, he is very handsome. So, okay, you're a love and relationship expert. When you said on the show, okay, did this like, when you watched it back, were you like, oh, no, I said that? Because you were like, I'm 30, time is running out.

And I was like, girl, I'm past 30. Is my time done? I think it is one of those things where I think that was like, that didn't age well. Because I'm just like, no, I don't think that like I'm 31 now. And I'm just like, no, I still think I have time. Like, I'm still trying to figure stuff out myself. So, yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that one. I truly was just like, oh, no, but you have so much.

You have until you're dead, which is a whole lifetime to find love. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and love yourself as well. Yes. Were you on dating apps prior to meeting Adriano? And love. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And love yourself as well. Yes. Were you on dating apps prior to meeting Adriano, or were you meeting people in person? A little bit of both. I think there was a point in time where I was so tired of dating apps.

I'm like, y'all are not real on here. Okay? Y'all know. And so I got off the dating apps for a little bit, and then I started doing in person. But of course, when I went to Italy, I was like, no, I gotta get back on the dating app, I gotta see who's here.

I was off the apps for a little bit this year. In the beginning of the year, I was like, new year, new me, we're gonna meet people in person. And then that ended up being very bad. Uh, I went out with a friend, we didn't get any bites. people in person and then that ended up being very bad. I went out with a friend. We didn't get any bites. So then I was like, let me hop right back on these fucking apps. And honestly, it's going much better. I think now that I've taken a break, I think my mindset is a little bit better.

And I'm like, it's not the end all be all. If I meet someone, I meet someone. I'm just having fun. There we go. There we go. This is what it's all someone. I'm just having fun. There we go. There we go. That's what it's all about. It's about having fun. Yeah, I'm with this dating journey. I mean, it's tough, and that's what it is. It's a real journey.

What do you think the most surprising cultural differences that you found while dating an Italian man? Well, I don't know if all Italian men are like this, but I was gonna speak for him though. It's the more, I need a, you need a caterer to me. I, you need to cook me breakfast, lunch and dinner. I need to have my coffee three times a day.

I need you to clean. You know, I'm a working girl. I can't be doing nothing. I can't be catering to you to clean. You know, I'm a working girl. I can't be doing nothing. I can't be caring to you to look like that. So I think that's really like the cultural difference that I know Adriana and I have for sure. So he has a thing. His thing is, I want threesomes.

And you're like, I simply don't want it. Was that like a thing he was like constantly asking for? Like, would you go out to dinner and he'd be like, look at the server, they could be our third. He could not get enough of this. I'm just like every day, I'm so confused by this. Why is this a thing? So yeah, no, he definitely,

he likes to bring it up all the time. Even like when we go out, we went out in Italy one time and he was like, this girl came up to me real cute. And she was just like, oh my gosh, you're just so cute. Dancing and partying with the girl. And he was sitting there having a good old time. Thinking, we about to take the girl home. And I'm just like, really?

Can I not have a good time? So anytime you like met a woman, having fun with a woman, he was like, great, three sometime. We're doing it. Yeah, a good time. So, any time you like met a woman, having fun with a woman, he was like, great, threesome time, we're doing it. Yeah, every single time. I truly don't think I've ever met a person so thirsty for a threesome. It's so wild. Yeah, you could go the whole ocean. I mean, he'd still be wanting water, like, come on now.

Did it make you feel like you weren't enough at times? Where you were like, why do you want a third person? Why do you need somebody up in here? SHANNON COFFEY Yeah, no, like, that is a conversation we have had. And I was just like, the issue I'm having with this, because honestly, you know, the threesome is a threesome thing, whatever, that is something I really don't want. but I don't think I would be so like, what's the word, like, I don't think I would be like so irritated about it if he didn't bring it

up all the time, you know? So like one, like one conversation we had, I was just like, you know, I feel like I'm enough for you. And like, why do you feel like you need another girl when I'm here and if I'm not enough for you? He's like, you are enough. I just want, you know, another girl that you're not answering questions or not at all. Cause clearly I'm not enough for you. So yeah, we definitely had that conversation

and I still don't think I am, to be honest. Oh no, that's such an awful thing to feel. So, okay, if someone came to you, because you're a love and relationship and family therapist, and someone presented the problem to you, what would you say to them? Don't be like me, no.

Ah! Ah! It's funny that you say that, because I actually did have someone in the head came up to me, asked's funny that you say that because I actually did have somebody that came up to me ask me about that. Um, she, so basically I would be like, you know, you are enough. Like if you can handle it, you know, go with it, but if you absolutely cannot handle it, then don't do it. And so that's usually my advice to people is like, you know, you got two options.

You have to choose one. Mm-hmm. I mean, that makes sense. That's just sometimes... It's like, you know it in your head, you just need someone like outside of it to say it, so you're like, okay, I know a decision I have to make. While dating in like the US, did you... Like, how was dating in the US for you?

Like are you an early bloomer, a late bloomer? I'm a late bloomer. It's been crazy, okay? There's a reason why I went over and started dating me in Italian. Because I needed something different. Wait, what was going on over here? Well, let's see. The first guy I started dating after college,

he liked to wear women's underwear. Okay. I mean, if you're into it, you're into it. If you're not, that might be not fun. Like after we'd been talking for like months, he was like, Alex, I have this thing. And I'm like, what is this thing? He was like, I have a box.

I was like, what is this box? He was like, I have a box. I was like, what is this box? Why are you being so secretive? He was just like, basically, you know, I'm into this, that, and the 30 and I to wear women's underwear. And I'm like, oh, all right, that's cool. I don't know what we do with that information. I mean...

Well, did you ever try it? Were you ever like, okay, let's wear matching panties and have a nice time? Well, did you ever try it? Were you ever like, okay, let's wear matching panties and have a nice time? We'll see who looks better in this thong. You know what, like us together, no, I didn't do that. But we became really good friends. So afterwards I was like, look, I saw these really cute underwear.

You wanna like have matching underwear. He was like, sure, I saw these really cute underwear. You want to, you know, like, have matching underwear. He's like, sure, let's go do it. So, yeah, I was in New York one day, and I was just like, yeah, you know, let's actually go and find this underwear that I was talking about, and we actually did it. And so, yeah. I love that. I think that's really sweet.

I'm also like, I am a person who like, listen, I don't kink shame, whatever the fuck you like, that's what you like, but that doesn't also mean that like I have to be into it. I'm just not gonna shame you, but like I'll try anything once. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, mm, it might freak me out a little bit,

but like I'm willing to try it. And then if like during something I'm like, you know what? No, thank you, no, thank you, no, thank you. I'm very happy to go. I said, I had too much faith in myself to go through with this. I gotta, I gotta retreat. What kind of advice do you have? Wait, do you have any other like bad dating stories

that sent you overseas looking for someone? Girl, because that was just a little, that was just like a snippet of my life. So there's this one guy today and he basically, I mean, like he was cool or whatever, like he used to like throw parties and stuff. And so one day was like, hey, we're gonna take a road trip to LA and just stop. You know, I'm from Texas, so Texas to LA, that's a long drive, but we was gonna make it a thing and stop in all these places.

How long were you dating before you said, I'm gonna go on a road trip with this person? Um, it's been like four, I wanna say like four months, four or five months. Okay, that's a decent amount of time. You know them, you spend time with them. Yeah, so I was like, I think I could be comfortable enough to go on this long ass road trip with you. So we uh

We're on the road trip. And so the plan was once We got to vegas was gonna like explore vegas drop the um rental car off and then like take the megabus So that's exactly what we did. We took the megabus all the way what we tried to anyways, so we took we got on the Megabus So apparently when you know the Megabus they like stop at like different cities and really they stopped They had the tick the bag out, you know, I'm talking about I think and so We went and was in Riverside. I think it's a call. I can't think of that City, but I'm pretty sure like Riverside and like they were taking all the bags off the bus and he was like Oh my god, someone's gonna steal my bag and I was like no one's thinking about your bag

So they just stay in the bus and then he's like no I'm gonna go outside and I'm see someone stole my bag I was like when the world, and if someone did, who cares? And so he basically goes out the car or goes out the bus, starts yelling at the bus driver because he thinks that the bus driver stole his bag. And I was like, you have got to be kidding me. I'm sitting inside the bus, like, do I sit in this bus or do I go outside and try to do something about it? So I'm standing here in the bus like, let me go outside and then we go figure this out. And then so like I go outside the bus was like, you know what, both y'all can stay outside. And I was like, what? So we got kicked off the bus. Oh my God. I was like, you have got to be

kidding me. And then so the bus driver, this is summertime. So it was like, you have got to be kidding me. And then, so the bus driver, this is summertime. So it was like summertime, Southern California is like a hundred and something degrees outside. And he locks everybody in the bus, no AC, nothing. And so if people started getting upset and started like banging on the windows, they went out to the door,

was like trying to kick the door out. Like it was crazy. And I'm sitting here outside the bus, like you have got to be kidding me. You got him yelling. There's the people inside, like kicking down, trying to kick down the door and like banging on the window. And you got this bus driver. I don't know what he's doing. So he goes in and then he tries to like, I guess turn the bus back on so, you know Everybody can have the AC but when he was doing that like everybody like sworn him and started like cursing him out And I was like dude get your ass and we were like Like snuck into the back of the bus so we can get back in the bus because I was just like I am

About to get stuck in this city that I don't even know and And then after that, I was like, no, you gotta go. And honestly, after that, I stopped dating in America. So how soon after the bus riot, did you like break up with it? Like, was it after you made it to your destination or did you like think about it and you're like, maybe I'll break up with him? Or yeah, how did it end?

Immediately after girl, I was like, no, I can't do this. No, you gotta go. Yeah, I mean, a man inciting a riot, I would be like, yeah, I can't be with you. You're too much, you're doing a lot, you know? You're too much, you're doing a lot, you know? So like as a relationship and love and family therapist, what is advice, like what's some advice that you would give some single people?

Love being single. Love being single, how does one do that? Like doing the things that you want to do. Because if you doing the things that you want to do. Because if you do the things that you want to do, most likely you won't probably find somebody in that space that you love doing. So if it's travel, you might find somebody that you like traveling. If it's bowling, you might find somebody that you like bowling. Just love being you at the moment so when that person comes, then it'll just be easy.

You know, it'll just be easy for you to, like, you know, try, I mean, to, like, be with that person, sit with that person, love that person, and have, like, a healthy relationship. SHANNON I mean, I went to the Sonic the Hedgehog themed cafe in Chino Hills, California. That's something I love, but I certainly did not meet anyone to date there.

You don't know that girl? Oh, I know. I saw all the people inside the Sonic the Hedgehog Speed Cafe. Nobody was very dateable and also a lot of children. So that takes them right out of the dating pool. I'm truly just looking for someone to watch the Knuckle six-part event with me on Paramount Plus, which is not an ad.

I just love Sonic the Hedgehog so much. I started it and I'm like, it would be nice to finish it with a partner. Alex, what are you looking for in a partner? I want a partner who does dumb shit with me, who likes me, who's nice to me, who loves me, who's like, game to do silly things with me. Yeah, I think that's, I don't know.

The list gets, it changes. It changes per day. What's on yours? I want somebody that I can be adventurous with. Like, I love a man that can just be like, oh, let's go somewhere Let's let's go out. Let's go to this club. Let's go to you know This country or whatever. That's the type of man. I want in a man. I'm a man that is like confident in himself

That's what I like that's about what's the most adventurous thing you've done I've done a lot. So I guess the most adventurous I have done is probably... So I went to Mykonos by myself. And while I was at Mykonos, I went to this beach club and... Lindsay Lohan's beach club? Which one is that? I don't know the name of it, but I know Lindsay Lohan had Beach Club? Which one is that? I don't know the name of it, but I know Lindsay Lohan had a beach club in Mykonos, and I was in Mykonos

and they still have the signs up, which I think is very funny. Um, depending on the year you went, it was open or closed. Oh, so this was like two years ago, so was it open then? Oh, I think it was closed, because I was in Mykonos last year,

and there was a sign still up for it, but they were like, oh, it closed. C'est la vie. So there was this one beach club I went to and I met this guy. I met this guy and this girl from Austria. So the guy was actually Italian too. I see a theme. Yes. And the guy was Italian and he was a soccer player. And

so, and then I met this girl, she's Australian. And I was hanging out with her, we was having a good time. And he comes up to me and was like, you know, I'm going to talk to you, blah, blah. And then the girl was, I wasn't trying to talk to him. So I was just like, I'm by myself. I need to be safe. Like I'm not trying to do all that. And then the girl was, I wasn't trying to talk to him. So I was just like, I'm by myself. I need to be safe. Like I'm not trying to do all that. And then so the girl was like, oh no, you need to talk to him. He's cute.

And I was like, he is kind of cute. And I'm in McNose. You know, yeah. So I think I'm gonna talk to him. So yeah. And then I found out he was a soccer player, went to his house, so me and the girl went to his house. And, like, we had a blast, okay?

Did you have a threesome? No. Oh, okay. I was like, oh, no, get Adriano in the house. It could have turned out that way too, but I was like, no, I was a little selfish on, you know, in this occasion because this guy was actually really cute. And so yeah, like we, I mean, talking about we didn't skin you did, but we had like bra and panties,

you know, pool. I mean, we had such a good time with this man. I'm just sitting here like, oh my gosh, like I'm by myself and I'm over here doing this. Like what in the world? I was like, what is happening? What am I doing? And so, yeah, so we had that wonderful night. And then like the next day we kind of just, we went to another island and I was just like,

why am I over here hanging out with these random people? I don't even know y'all. And I'm over here island hopping. Like, this is crazy. So yeah, like that has to be so far, like my most adventurous time. The wildest thing I ever did overseas, I don't know if I told this story on the podcast,

I've been doing it for so fucking overseas, I don't know if I told this story on the podcast, I've been doing it for so fucking long, I don't know anymore, but I was in Barcelona, I was with my friend and I had gotten robbed, someone took my whole purse and they spent $900 on a family dinner or food and I was like, well, you know, can't knock it. That's what I would do if I stole someone's whole ass purse

at dinnertime, I'd go get me dinner. And then she was leaving the next day and I was staying there for I think two extra days by myself, because she had a job or something. So she left me a bunch of cash. I went and bought like a little teeny tiny rinky dink purse. And then I like walked around, had a nice time. And then I went to this club called Jamboree.

I'll never forget it. Wait, was it Jamboree? I think so. I don't know. But I went, I was by myself. I met this couple and they were very nice. They only spoke Spanish. I didn't speak Spanish.

They didn't speak English. And I think we did, Molly. I don't know. But we like took, I was rolling. I was on didn't speak English, and I think we did, Molly. I don't know, but we like took, I was rolling, I was on something, and we just took care of each other all night and we kept saying love. And it was delightful.

I had the best time, I don't know how I made it back to the Airbnb, okay, but I did. Look, girl, Molly would do it to you, okay? I know, I love it. I was like, these are my best friends. I've never been safer. I love Barcelona. I forgive the man who robbed me or woman.

I don't wanna take a nice lady thief out of the picture. What advice do you have for like traveling abroad or just like in the States alone? Yeah, that's a good question. Cause really I feel like be safe. That's all I got for you. Be safe, you know, always make sure you check your surroundings and listen to your intuition too.

Because if your gut is telling you that something ain't right, it's probably not what you need to move on. Yeah, I think that's good. But have fun though. Have fun. Have fun, but dress that dang gut. Okay, Alex, real quick, we gotta take a break. And we're back. Okay, Alex, so I know you don't want to do threesomes, but if Adriana was like, okay,

let's throw a man in the mix, would you be game if it was two men? Look, yes. You know what? Yes. Cause you know, I, we had this conversation before. I was like, it was two guys. I don't think I will mind too much to be honest, but again, not excessively.

Cause that's really the problem. You begin a little, you do it too much. But if we've been talking for a while and you just happen to bring it up or it just happened, I won't be too mad at it. OK. And you said on the show that you've done threesomes with women before, so, and you're like, not for me anymore. So how did you, like, navigate that, like, your sexuality?

Well, I mean, I ain't gonna mean, I did a lot, okay? I dated a man who we did three songs together. So we will travel to different places. I lived in Texas, he lived in New Orleans, and we'll travel to, like, Atlanta, we'll travel to LA, we'll travel, I think there, we went to New York one time, and we will do three songs. That is what we did.

And it was a great time. I mean, we had an amazing time. But I think after a while, I was like, oh, I'm tired out of this. I'm gonna do some more. Okay, so you're going out with this person, you're flying around the country. How do you approach someone for a threesome?

Normally, so we will go out to a bar or whatever, and it would be me. He wouldn't do it. So I will go out and be like, oh my gosh, hey girl, like blah, blah, blah. I'll just start talking to women. And then all of a sudden, you know, you know when you're at the bar,

you've been drinking and you can tell when someone is flirting with you. No. And so it's really like a vibe thing. Uh-huh. So it's just like, oh, like, you know, flirting with this girl, but it has to be like natural. It's not one of those things I'm going into like intentionally

like this is what I'm doing. This is something that is happening naturally. That if we go out, I just happen to find a girl and we just click very well and then, you know, we have a threesome. Like, for me personally, I just never had an issue with finding a girl in threesome. You know, it's a threesome thing. So, would you say you had a hundred percent success rate,

or did you ever have a girl be like, get out of here, no, I don't want this. No, so personally no, like you know, it's so funny you bringing this up, I was like, I never thought of it that way, but no, like I never had a girl ever. Wow, must feel nice. Do you think you were doing it because like you enjoyed it, Wow, ever. Wow, must feel nice.

Do you think you were doing it because like you enjoyed it or were you like more so because this man wanted it? Or were you like, no, no, this is fun for me too. So initially it was fun for me too. But I think after a while when I'm like, ooh, I kind of actually want to slow stuff down, settle down, as when I was like, OK, maybe I want to do it more for him, and then maybe more. So, yeah, it was initially, it didn't start off that way,

but after a while, I was like, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm definitely doing it for him. Mm-hmm. Have you ever thought of telling Adriana that you would do it on special occasions or quarterly, once a quarter? Would you ever do that? Or you're just like, I simply don't want to? I simply don't, yeah.

Because, see, I started to thought about doing it. I was like, because really in my heart, I'm like, you know, if you are for me, you're going to be for me. And if it happens, it happens. But I can't put that on the table because then he's going to expect it all the time. So that's why I'm just like, no, this a no, no, no, no, we're not doing this. So I wanted to bring it to him, but I was like, no, I'm doing that because

if once I do that, it's over. He gonna continue to talk about it and, no. It's a whole, if you give a mouse a cookie, it'll want a glass of milk. I remember reading that book as a child, and I was like, well, what's wrong with that? And then my mother was like, yeah, but like, you have to be content with the things that you have.

You can't just keep asking for things. And I was like, hmm, yeah, but if you're gonna give me a cookie, I want milk. And if I want milk, I'm gonna need a napkin. And she was like, Nicole! And I was like, hmm, yeah, but if you're gonna give me a cookie, I want milk. And if I want milk, I'm gonna need a napkin. And she was like, Nicole! And I was like, I'll never learn! Um, what is a thing that people come to you and like talk to you about in therapy sessions?

Like, what's like the biggest thing? What are the therapy trends of 2024? Relationships. Hands down, whether it be platonic or romantic. Oh, what is the most, what's like the biggest problem in platonic relationships? My, it's like, oh, my friend, I'm outgrowing my friends. So I need to find new ones. Ooh, damn, wow.

And then what is the biggest problem in romantic relationships? It's more like a, I'm wanna man. I'm tired of being single. So I even have a client that's actually thinking about doing three selves with her boyfriend right now. So I'm just like, hey, you know. If that's what you want.

I mean, I'm truly lamenting to my therapist every Monday at 1 p.m. about how single I am. And she's always like, you know, it takes a little bit of time. There's somebody for everybody. And the other week I was just like, what if there isn't for me? She was like, Nicole, you gotta just stop.

You have to stop with like extreme statements. And I said, ma'am, I have been single long enough that it feels fucking extreme, okay? Oh, it's wild how single I've been. Alex, are you a serial monogamist? I wish I was. I wish I could serialize being in something. Or do you take long breaks?

Long breaks, honey. I was point in time, I was single I wish I could serialize being in something. Or do you take long breaks? Long breaks, honey. I was, point in time, I was single for like four years. Until I met Adriana. Oh, four years. Were you getting a degree? Yes, I was. Yes. Oh, okay. I was making a joke, but it is funny that you were.

Mm-hmm. I really was. It's like you said, I really was. But talking about looking at degree and being single, that too, okay, I was really just, well, I guess it depends on what you mean about single, because I mean, I had dudes, I just weren't dating them. No, I get it. Some people have a really nice life where they get to hook up with people in between people.

That's not my life. God does not sprinkle any crumbs for me. I only get whole fucking things or nothing at all. It's either a drought or like the water is flowing and I don't know why. The universe is mean. I was like, okay, now I got to be your therapist. Come on with the extreme thoughts now, girl. Oh yeah, here I go again.

Oh, my God. That's just who I am. I'm an extremist. Okay, Alec, you seem to be good at catching dick. Um, how do I do that? How do I catch a dick? Girl, you just got to put it in your mouth. I know that! I can do that! I'll crawl around fucking going yum, yumum-yum-yum-yum. But like, in the world, when the dick's not out,

when we're fully clothed and I'm like in a bar, like, what do I say to like, pick up a man? I mean, what do you normally say? Hi! Or nothing. And then how they react? Um, I feel like anytime I talk to a guy, he's like, my girlfriend, or like, my wife, or, get out of here, you stupid bitch.

No, I'm kidding, no one's ever said that to me. But I feel like I always talk to people who are, like, in relationships, it's truly wild. But like, also they could be lying, maybe they don't like me. I don't know, maybe I'm not saying the right thing, Alex. Oh! Girl, it's a girl. But like also they could be lying. Maybe they don't like me. I don't know. Maybe I'm not saying the right thing Alex. Oh Girl, it's a girl. Okay, first of all if they are if they are like team screw them Okay, and just go on to the next one. I

Said put in your mouth. I've met that in like in literal terms and also like rhetorically, you know, he's gotta talk to people Just keep talking. Oh my God, it's so exhausting to just keep talking. I talk for a living, and then I gotta talk to these fucking people at the bar. I went to the bar, so I told this story before, but I went to the bar with my friend Poonam, and we sent a group of guys shots, and then they didn't say thank you,

and they didn't reciprocate, and I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Like, I simply, I don't know if the decorum has left dating or like people are getting ruder. I don't know. Well, what I have to say to that is, it's not you, it's them. Okay? Like, who's gonna turn down some shots?

No, no, they took them. They just didn't reciprocate. They didn't give us shots or anything, and they didn't say thank you. Oh yeah, so they just rude. You don't want them type of people in your life anyways. No, you're right. So I guess it was the universe being like, they're bad.

Okay, Alex, how many days should you wait before sleeping with someone? That's subjective. Because, I mean, I've met people who have sex with their man the first day and they are happily married, okay? And then, you know, I've met people who have waited and they are still single. So, like, that right there, I just, like, a very, like, subjective question. So I don't even know, because it really does depend. That's what Google said.

I was trying to figure it out, because I was like, what I'm doing is not fucking working. So I Google it, and Google was like, hey, it's different for everybody. And I was like, this sucks. I would like a definitive answer, because I simply don't know. But that's life, though. Life is just, like, this sucks. I would like a definitive answer because I simply don't know. But that's life though.

Life is just like gray. It's like we never know. We never know what's gonna come the next day. So we just gotta roll with it. I guess so. Roll with the punches. Real quick, we have to take another break. Okay, here's another question.

When you first start dating, what is the most important thing you do to get a relationship? Okay, here's another question. When you first start dating somebody, how often are you supposed to text them? Um, anytime you want to, and if they don't text back, then... Fuck. Okay, I Googled that too, and they were like, however much you think. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm Googling this because I don't fucking know.

I don't know if it's too much. I don't know if it's too much. I don't know if it's too little. Have you seen Baby Reindeer? I started it yesterday. It's wild. It doesn't get better. It's a wild ride. But this lady, I'm not ruining anything.

She sends like a bunch of emails and texts. And I was like, oh my God, am I Baby Reindeer? Am I this lady who's just like, got to text, got to text, got to text? Because I'm always texting people, and I love texting, and I was like, is it too much? Am I... Is it me? Is it sent from my iPhone? Is it me? Oh my God.

A hint every once in a while, the person like you, he gonna text you back, for sure. Okay. I'm bad at hints. I'm bad at like intuition. I'm bad at like... Like someone could literally be like, I'm bad at hints. I'm bad at intuition. I'm bad at like, like someone could literally be like, I like you. And then I'll Google if they say they like you, does it mean they actually like you? Because I'm like, I don't know. I simply don't know.

I'm always doubting things. Girl, well, don't doubt yourself then. Don't doubt it. The first person I told that I love them, I Googled, how do you say I love you? And then... It didn't say this on wikihow.com, but then I wrote down everything I wanted to say

and then read it to them. And you would be like, oh my God, that's so cute. Did that happen when you were 12? This happened last year. I was 30, I don't know, I'm 52 now. I was 51 years old and reading a little letter to a man. Oh. What did he say after that? He did laugh because it was funny.

I cannot write anything sincere. I lack vulnerability. So it was very funny, but I did say all the things I needed to say. And then he said it back eventually, but it did take a little bit of time. I was like, are you sure? Are you sure you don't want me?

But yeah, I truly doubt myself. And I'm like, but like how, because I don't understand relationships. I don't know how people do it. Well, I mean, I guess it depends because everything is a relationship. You know, you got relationship with your work, you know, relationship with your friends.

Like, so how are you able to navigate that? Well, I know my friends love me and those are my friends. And if I feel like they're falling off or whatever, I go, what's going on? And we have a conversation about it. But you can't do that with people you're dating in the beginning, because then you scare them away and you're supposed to like, let them chase you.

And I have a hard time with that because, gotta go fast, I'm Sonic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But yeah, like you can't, like you can't be in it, like in a month and then be like, what are we?

Because then you're moving too fast. And I know that it's hard. Everything's so hard. I mean, it's really not that hard because you got to be yourself, honey. That's it. So if you want to say I love you to the first to the person on the second day, didn't say that on the second day, Alex, this is bad advice. This is maybe the worst advice anyone's ever said to you. So if you want to say I love you to the first, to the person on the second day, then say that on the second day.

Alex, this is bad advice. This is maybe the worst advice anyone's ever said to me. Don't on the second day. Oh my God. That's what you want to do. Yes. If that's something you want to do, if you want to say, I love you on the second day, then that's, Hey, say it, say it with your chest girl.

then that's, hey, say it, say it with the chest, girl. And if he do not reciprocate, then leave him alone and go get somebody else. Oh my God, I can't even imagine on the second day being like, I love you. Although I have thought about it. I certainly have been like, I love this person, I love them so much. I did tell this guy rather early on,

I was like, can we just like be exclusive? And he was like, I don't know if I love them so much. I did tell this guy rather early on, I was like, can we just like be exclusive? And he was like, I don't know if I believe in monogamy. I don't know, I'm seeing other people, da da da da. And then he got married and I was like, so you do believe in monogamy, but also they might be open, I don't know, but I don't think so.

And I was like, wow, I feel lied to. Yeah, well at least he was honest up front. I guess that's the whole point I'm trying to get at. It's like, as long as you are honest upfront with everything you want, then, and if they don't reciprocate, then that's gonna be on them. I guess you're right. Oh boy, Alex, I'm a mess.

What other advice, Alex, can you give us single people? So you're like, talk, be honest, what else? It really just be yourself. Like that's really the best of it all, is being yourself. Okay. Doing things you like to do. I do like this advice.

I once had a therapist come on this show and tell me that I was too much, and I needed to tame myself down a little bit. That was like an earlier episode. I did not like him. He was bad. I was like, that's not good advice. Not good advice at all. He was so mean.

And then I later saw him on a show. It was the most insane premise I've ever seen for a show. So it was a couple that talked about their sex life, And then I later saw him on a show. It was the most insane premise I've ever seen for a show. So it was a couple that talked about their sex life, and he was one of the therapists that they talked to. I think there was three therapists. And then they give them sex advice, and then they go into this room on the stage

while mic'd and literally have sex in the room while they, while they, um... while they, like, talk about what they should and shouldn't be doing. I didn't like him. He was so rude. He told me I was too much. I said, "'Sir, you gotta go home.'" Anyway, okay, I like this advice. I think it's good. Well, Alex, we've come to the end.

Is there anything you wanna promote? Well, you guys can follow me at AlexRoshon, A-L-E-X-R-O-S-H-O-N. I am a therapist, so you can find me on different platforms like Psychology Today and watch the show, 90 Day Fiance, Love and Paradise. Make sure y'all watch and see the ending. Yes, it airs on TLC, but you can also watch it on Max.

Oh, also before you go, I asked most of my guests this. I would say 99% and I've forgotten a couple of times because I'm a Looney Dune. Would you date me? I would. You sound like a good time, girl. We go everywhere, everywhere together. Thank you.

Especially that story in Barcelona, girl. I'm just like, ooh, that sounds like a good time. Oh, I'll take drugs from anyone. If you open a handout, I will take your drugs. I was in, where was it? It wasn't Columbia. Oh my God, Peru? No, it was, wait, shit.

I can't remember where I was, Costa Rica. And I ran into a friend and she literally had Molly on her hand and had me lick it off. And I was like, yay! Anyway, I'm always having fun. Thank you for being here, Alex. Thank you for having fun. Thank you for being here, Alex. Thank you for having me. Thank you.

And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, you can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me, podcast at gmail.com, I will read us. Okay, these people, you guys, short, short, but I'm gonna read a very long one.

Okay, Nicole, you have repeatedly said that what you wanted most was a dick so large, ha ha ha ha, that it would be a genuine challenge. Yes, I will take up this challenge and travel the width and breadth of the whole world in search of the biggest dicks humanity has to offer. Once I have gathered this hung host, I will literally take up this challenge and travel the width and breadth of the whole world in search of the biggest dicks humanity has to offer. Once I have gathered this hung host, I will lead them to you and we will place ourselves at your pleasure.

After you have inspected our ranks and find our equipment sufficient for your purposes, we will take up your challenge in earnest. We will spend three days and three nights administering to your every sexual whim. No position, practice, orifice, or kink will be overlooked. Our exertion will destroy furniture, and we will consume every snip of poppers and every gallon of lube in a 10-mile radius.

Only after 72 continuous hours of intercourse, finding yourself drenched in a mix of sweat, semen and fluid of dubious origin, will you find your challenge fulfilled. At this point, you will orgasm with a previously unknown intensity. Your screams of pleasure will be heard for miles, causing wild animals to flee in terror.

Your muscles will contract with enough force to cause earthquakes, and you will squirt with such ferocity that an entire new river will issue forth from your loins. The earthquake will unfortunately cause much destruction and the whole world will be brought to its knees. As civilization crumbles, it will become all too clear that this is indeed the end and the beginning. Those few of us who remain will gather around you and take comfort in your radiance and low as the sun rises on a new era cleansed of evil, we shall in one voice say, nailed it, that's funny. Okay, thank you, bye-bye.

Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, with Talon Bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywon'tyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening! We'll see you next week with a brand new episode! This has been a Team Coco production.