Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - The Hookup Queen (w/ Mistress Isabelle Brooks)

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Drag queen Mistress Isabelle Brooks (Finalist of RuPaul's Drag Race S15) joins Nicole to discuss her dating life as 'The Hookup Queen,' their body counts, and what she items she stole from the set of Drag Race. Mistress shares the story of the time she broke her ankle on stage in front of 1000 people. Nicole remains horny. For more drag queen interviews, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: bit.ly/wwydmdragFollow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I'm still single. We don't really know, but I'm trying to figure out why I'm still single even though you could you could come in a little pot of glitter and say, this is how you make it stick to

your face. My guest today is a drag queen and self-proclaimed heavyweight champion of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 15. And I once met a real drunk at a bar and offered to pay for her finale looks. And I'm glad I didn't pay for it because it was expensive. Ha ha, it's Mistress Isabel Brooks! Honestly, yes, I need you to be at every show I'm doing to introduce me. I have too much energy.

Some would say it's sick. Mistress, how are you? I'm doing great. Let me give you a little quick one, too. It's 2 p.m. I'm here in Houston, Texas. I'm at home. I literally, this is early

for me. I roll out of bed early to be here with you first and foremost. Thank you. Thank you for having me ever since that day we met drunk at the bar. I'm like, you know what, the next time we cross paths, I'm going to shake her down for some money. Like I should have the first time. Oh my god, I was so drunk and I truly meant every word I was like I need you to win. I need you to do it Also, I loved you during the finale. I I was a mistress fan the whole time I thought you were so fucking fun and shady in the best way It just reminded me of like old seasons of Drag Race, you know? Oh my God, I appreciate that so much.

So yeah, I think it definitely was a key. And you know what? I was going back and forth because I was like, ooh, everyone. Because you know, my friends that were with me that night, they're like, oh, bitch, hit her up, she's going to pay for it. I was like, mm. I was like, I don't know about that, girl,

because I know I don't have a budget when it comes to things like this, bitch. We're going all in. I'm taking out, I'm scamming everyone. I'm doing credit card fraud. I'm gonna get the money one way or another You spent $60,000 on your finale look, right? I Don't like to count but somewhere around there. Yeah Sure, don't get in that bag

We don't want to be counting that that is more than I could have handled and very glad you didn't hit me up, but I would have figured out a way. I would have done it. Ha ha! Could you imagine? What would you have even said? My accountant would have been like, what? And I would have had to be like,

I got really drunk and made a promise and I gotta make good on this promise. And they'd be like, Nicole, the strike. Actually, I don't even know what year it was, but it was before the strike, he would have been like, okay, because after the strike, he would have been like, girl. Girl. You just giving it away like that? Oh, my God.

Mistress, tell me, when did you get into drag? So, I started doing drag when I was like 17. I always just keep it simple and say I started doing drag professionally at 18 I found drag race maybe when I was like maybe around like 15 or 16 like on tumblr and knew what drag race was I don't know how I found drag race, but I'm a logo girl I I popped in on my Dell computer watching it on Tuesdays after it aired on Mondays on logotv.com I said these big bitches look just like me. They wear wigs. They wear lashes. Well, let's get it done on my Dell computer, watching it on Tuesdays after it aired on Mondays on Logotv.com. And I said, ooh, these big bitches look just like me.

They wear wigs, they wear lashes. Let's get it done. Oh my gosh. And you know, I always tell people too, like at that point when I first started watching Drag Race, it wasn't like it is now where it's like super popular. It was still kind of like, you know, not underground, but it still was like not many people were talking about it,

which is what made it even more enticing. And I think that when I found drag races, like when I started to like, I was just a really bad teenager. So that's when I was like going out and I felt like local drag and like, you know, Texas is a whole beast on its own for sure. Wait, you're from Houston, Texas?

Yes, Houston, Texas, born and raised. Born and raised, just like Beyonce. Yes, ma'am. Okay, so you were on Work the World for five whole months, which is a long fucking time to be fucking traveling. Yes. Did you hook up in other countries? You know, that's my biggest regret.

So the whole year, basically, when I was touring and doing everything, I was in kind of my biggest regret. So the whole year, basically, when I was touring and doing everything, I was in, like, kind of my first relationship. So, you know, I'm a Southern doll, so I'm very, like, traditional when it comes to my views on relationships. And, yeah, no, I was monogamous for the most part. Oh my god, Duva! Are you still together or you don't wanna say? No, no. We actually just, we recently broke up,

like probably like in like the end of February. Yeah, kinda recent. All right, that was your first relationship ever? So it's hard, okay, so just to be completely transparent, so I'm 25, about to be 26. My whole- Oh, so young. Oh my God, please.

So I feel like my, I'm more, I was the hookup queen, to be honest. Just the, I'd rather just hook up, you know? It's hard when you work nightlife, especially doing drag, and like I've always like, I've always had like multiple things going on, like other business adventures. So I just don't have time for men.

And plus, I don't trust them. Being a man, I don't trust myself, I don't trust other men. But, you know, the love bug got me. I don't know if I would say that was my first relationship because I've definitely had like flings and crushes and like entertained people. But that was the first one where like I knew his family, he met my family, we lived together.

Like we did, like we like went the whole. You did the damn thing. Yeah. Oh my God, what's it like living with somebody? Horrible, that was like, lived, ah! Horrible, that was the main reason I think that we did not work out. We just went way too fast.

But I don't know if you would agree with this, like being a public figure, however you want to, A, B, C, D, Z-list, celebrity, however the girls want to label, I feel like it's harder to be with someone because you just have so much shit going on. Yes, it is hard. And it's also very, every time I go out with somebody,

they're like, oh, do people come up to you? And I'm always like, no, not really. And then the minute I say, no, not really, people will come up to us and be like, oh, do people come up to you? And I'm always like, no, not really. And then the minute I say, no, not really, people will come up to us and be like, oh my God. And then they're like, oh, you said this never happens. And I'm like, well, if I say it happens and then it doesn't happen, then I look like an asshole. But then also, yeah, I'm gone all the time.

So it is hard to start something. It's hard to stay in something. But also I'm a very giving person. I will fly back for a day to see somebody. I will fly back for a couple hours to see somebody. Because I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to make it work, mistress. DERRICK See, and I said this. So, first of all, let me say this. If my ex is listening, because we did not end on good terms at all, baby, we're not going to revisit that. KERRIE Sure.

DERRICK I'm goinga always have love for this person. I think our relationship was very, very, very, very, very interesting and I'm, I know I'm a difficult person to be with because I'm fucking insane. You see me with my drunk nights out, baby, we're cutting up. And you know, I honestly would say this person was like my first love.

It did not go as planned, but I'm very grateful it happened. I think we both taught each other a lot of lessons. And you know, never again. But it was cute while it lasted. And you know, I wish this person the best. Honestly, that's kind of been one of the bigger things about me with the relationship, is usually I'm an eye for an eye. I like to get even. And in my mind, I don't want to disclose details because we all make mistakes and things always happen. In my mind, this person did me wrong. And like naturally, an eye for an eye, bitch, I'm getting even. Y'all saw me on Drag Race,

maybe that's me holding back. But it's crazy because I love this person so much that even after everything, I still love him. And I still like, I don't want to be with him, but I still care about you. And like, I want the best for you. So like, it's been a journey of like me going to therapy and me realizing like, hey, even though this whole thing was a fucking mess,

we still had good moments sprinkled in between, and like this person did care about you. But yeah, no, it's crazy. But like you said, being gone so long, that was kind of why we worked out, because when I first met him, he was a flight attendant. So he would fly and come and see me. Like we would, we literally were together

all the fucking time. I, you know, it is interesting, because I was dating somebody. We broke up and then I feel the same way. It's like shit happened. We did things to each other. You know, it ended up not great because we didn't belong. Like we just didn't fit. But I do wish them the best and I did love them.

And then my therapist was like, Nicole, there are no failed relationships. And I was like, bitch, she was like, wait, it's lessons learned. What did you learn? And I was like, oh no. And I learned that I get so defensive. Like if you say, oh, I think you forgot your keys.

I'm like, wait, you think I forgot my, and it's like, no bitch, you don't have your keys. You forgot them. So just like look in your purse and be okay. Like, I don't know why I'm like that. And I always have to like take a moment and be like, is this person insulting me or trying to help me? And it's like, nine times out of 10, try to help me. D盎司 You know what? I'm a cancer.

And first of all, do you believe in all the signs and like all the... Do you believe in all the Halle Ballou? Amy Quinton You know, yes and no. I can be... I can be swayed either way. First of all, do you believe in all the signs and like all the, do you believe in all the, the Halle-Balu? You know, yes and no. I can be, I can be swayed either way. Okay, same. But I'm a cancer so I'm overly emotional. And I feel like what I learned from my relationship is,

bitch, I will live in La La Land. I will be in Delusion Land. I'm convinced, I'm convinced not only me, but you that we were meant for each other, that the stars align, that we're twin flames, soulmate. Bitch, one thing about me, I can yap and I'm convinced not only me, but you, that we were meant for each other, that stars align, that we're twin flames, soulmate, bitch. One thing about me, I can yap and I can talk. And I think that's like the one thing that like, I reflect and I'm like, there's been many times

that we both have like tried to like, break up with each other, but I would fully be like, if we love each other, we're gonna make it work and we need to be together and we're amazing together and people are so jealous and just craziness. I'm like that too, true delulu where it's like, we got into a fight that was stupid and I'd be like, but we love each other, so love is work

and we should just stick it out. And it's like, love shouldn't be that much work. You know, it's like, you can love someone and not be compatible with them and that's okay. You said Twin Flame, have you seen the twin flame documentary? No, I haven't it is Absolutely wild is that next on my watch list? Yes So it's these two people who lead this group of people and at one point

The guy is like I need my followers to to write an essay about why this isn't a cult and then one point the guy is like, I need my followers to write an essay about why this isn't a cult. And then one of the girls who was writing the essay was like, everything I found out about cults was true about this. And I was like, that's a gag. That's so funny to be like perusing Wikipedia and being like, oh shit, I'm writing an essay

about not being in a cult while I'm in a cult. So, okay, they say that you'll find your twin flame in the group, and then there was more women than men, and here's where it gets wild. They start telling people that you can't be gay in this cult, and you have to transition to then find your twin. It's like, and then people were transitioning,

it's nuts. It is so wild. You have to watch it it it's maybe four episodes it still exists that's another thing about cults they like people expose them and then they exist like have you mother god have you seen that one on hbo that's also good they bring this dead lady across state lines dressed like et and a hat and a blanket, and that cult still exists. People still follow it. Oh my God, Mistress, you have to get into it. That is insane.

I feel like honestly, I'm kind of nervous still because I feel like if I Googled like facts about cults, it would just reveal the Drag Race fandom, honestly. It is a cult. I went and saw the finale at this gay bar, High Tops, and it was so funny. They didn't turn the volume up and people were losing their minds.

And then people were like, Tee hee hee, ha ha ha, clapping when they were supposed to clap. And I was like, yeah, this is a cult. We are cult-like and I'm okay with it. I love drag. I also love local drag and I feel like people don't

Go often enough and support local girls because those are the girls you're gonna see on drag race or you know Touring and doing other shit like my friend meatball hasn't been on drag race But she throws one of the best parties in LA and it's so fun fat slut. Have you done fat slut? I have we're trying to make it align with the schedule, but hopefully soon. But you know, Mi Ba has- I've worked with Mi Ba before I was on Drag Race because she has family in Houston. So, you know, we'd be doing a little one too. I love that bitch. You know, it's crazy because people always talk about local drag, but the thing is-

So, Drag Race has been on for years and years and years, but I'm the first girl from Houston, Texas to be on. And the Texas drag scene is like a beast of its own. Like, nobody cares about Drag Race has been on for years and years and years, but I'm the first girl from Houston, Texas to be on. And the Texas drag scene is like a beast of its own. Like, nobody cares about Drag Race here. It's all about local drag. And like, they love drag here. I fucking love that. I read that you had to wear a cowboy hat on the plane because it didn't fit in your luggage. Oh my god. Yeah. So first of all, they say we could bring like six or seven suitcases. I showed up with 13. I left with 15. And I remember the day I was leaving, I was like, I was like, y'all, I was like, they're gonna like,

I was like, they're gonna fucking like tell me I can't bring everything. And then I was like, you know what? What are they gonna do? Tell me I can't wear my runway. I was like, pack that shit. And then yeah, the cowboy hat is in it fits, I had to wear it. And people kept stopping me. They're like, oh my God, where'd you get this hat? I'm like, baby, don't talk to me. Don't worry about it.

Don't talk to me. I'm on my way to somewhere. Leave me alone. 13 suitcases is so fucking much. And then I love that you left with two more. What did you take from the workroom? I stole too much. I'm not even like, I stole too much

and I would have them buy me fabric and I took fabrics off the wall. Then when the girls were getting eliminated, I was like taking their makeup. Like it was a lot. Like the Anastasia makeup, not their personal makeup. You said, I'm gonna get me that one year supply one way or not.

Oh girl, during challenges, like especially like the makeover challenge and the design challenges, they would have like jewelry sets on the table. Like I guess you could break them up and like put them on shit. Baby, I was getting gifts from people back home, like, oh, drag mom, here you go, new set of jewelry. Baby, I was taking everything.

God, I fucking love that so much. So the Houston drag scene, is it like pageants? Is it like big, beautiful costumes like what you were wearing? Well, yeah, so when I first started drag, it was like a lot of older queens. And I think now the drag scene is kind of like starting to transition to having like a million and one different types of drag, which is kind of what Houston's always been. We have a little bit of everything for everybody. It's definitely costuming.

You're gonna see everyone wearing rhinestones and hand beaded costumes. A big piece of hair, of course. Yeah, it's pretty like, I guess yes, which you would expect of me, but on a lower level for sure. On a lower level? You said I gotta throw the shade all day.

Uh-huh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So after Drag Race, Lower level, you said I gotta throw the shade all day. Uh-huh. So after Drag Race, were people blowing up your DMs, trying to fuck, what's going on? Okay, I always tell people this, and this is like, I'm so serious, and I don't know, tell me if you can relate. I've been a bigger person my entire life.

I have delusion, bitch. I do not see myself as a bigger person. So I'm going up, I'm talking to everyone. Men are coming up to me. I'm like, girl, of course. I've never had an issue when it comes to people trying to fuck. And being on Drag Race definitely just elevated that because people would like see me and like, everyone's like,

oh, hi, nice to meet you. I'm like, oh, why you kinda? And then, you know, it just snowballs, it snowballed. That was another reason why I was glad I was in a relationship, is I was touring, because maybe it would have been over. I would have been just busting it open, acting a fool. Just slutting it up. I feel you on the Dululu.

So like, I guess I never realized that like, people didn't wanna fuck big people until later in life, because in my early 20s, I cleaned up in New York, truly never had a problem, could go to a bar, find someone, had fun adventures. Then I moved to LA and I was like, oh, oh, oh, is that the same? Oh no, okay.

And then also, I would see pictures of myself and be like, oh, I'm bigger than I thought. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, bitch. So I've started doing YouTube now and I've been collabing with a lot of people. I do stuff out of drag sometimes. And the most humbling comments are like,

the ones that are like, oh my God, why am I attracted to mistress? Or they'll be like, oh my God. They'll be like, wait, mistress loses 100 pounds, she'll be kind of hot. I'm like, what the I attracted to mistress? Or they'll be like, oh my god. They'll be like, wait mistress loses 100 pounds, she'll be kinda hot. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm like, I'll be so mad. That's so rude.

I worked with someone who was obsessed with me, liked me, would flirt with me, but then would constantly ask me if I was like going to the gym. And I was like, oh, I see. You like it, but you just don't wanna be seen with it. And I was like, this is a gag. This is so rude.

Girl. You know what? I thank God I've had very limited interactions like that. And I don't know. Like, I honestly, I feel like the big girls always have the warm cut cut, you know, we're gonna bust it down, we're gonna give it to you. Y'all know we know how to eat, we're gonna swallow it,

and it's just, it gives what needs to give. Ah! And every time I have fucked somebody, we finish in doggy style, which is my specialty, and they can't take it. They're just like, ugh! I've had many people apologize for coming too quick and I'm like, yeah, because you haven't had an ass like this

banging into you. It's big, it's big, it's juicy. There's tattoos back there for reading purposes, literature. Yeah, fuck a bigger person. There's the saying, more cushion for the push, and like, it feels good. You know, have you ever been on Twitter, like, you see people, like, bigger girls complaining that, oh, people won't fuck me because of X, Y, and Z?

Sometimes I'll be reading, I'll be like, oh, fucking fatties. Like... Are you a fat person that hates other fat people? Oh, that's fucking fat ass. I love fat ass. I love fat people. I think we're adorable. I like, I love a round face.

I love big cheeks. Also, we're going to look young forever because that's what people are filling themselves with the fillers to be rounder. Actually, you ate that part. Mm-hmm. We're going to be adorable little babies forever. I often wonder, I'm like, when I get old,

am I gonna look like an old baby? But I'm kind of here for it. I'm like, it's gonna be cute. Oh my gosh. Wait, okay, Mistress, so you look so different in drag and out of drag. Like it's a transformation. Have you ever hooked up with someone

and then they see you in drag and don't know it's you? Yeah, oh yeah. So, especially before I was on Drag Race, now I know everybody knows me. Oh yeah. Because I feel like even if, the weird thing about me, why I feel like it kind of makes it worse is like, I've gone viral outside of just Drag Race stuff,

so random straight people will like know me and it's just a mess. But- Random straight people? Random straight people. And I feel like before drag it was much simpler. So here in Houston all of our gay bars are in a neighborhood called Montrose.

And I used to live in the gayborhood. And I would literally like hook up with people out of drag. Baby, at my house, all the drag is gone. I don't like to see the drag when I'm not working. It's all in the other room. And I would hook up with them, and then I would see them at the shows. And they would hear my voice, and they'd be like,

where do I, like, I know you from somewhere. I'll be like, girl, I don't know. I couldn't tell you. The bedroom, honey. You know me from when you were on your knees. Ugh, I'm horny. I don't know. I'm very particular though.

I honestly like, what's your body count? Let's start there. What is your body count? I would have to pull up a Google doc, but it's somewhere in the thirties. It's like 30 something, not super high, but also not the lowest. What's your body count?

Do you, okay, here's the question that really settles it. Is head part of the body count? Is fellatio oral stimulation? No. So my body count would be higher if we included that. Because I do like giving head. I like blowing dicks.

It's delightful. Um, okay. So not counting head, I would say my body count. Maybe, maybe in like the thirties. Okay. But I like, I like consistency. I'll keep the same partner. I like a I like consistency. I'll keep the same partner.

I like a friends with benefits. I don't do lots of random like hookups. I did a lot of random hookups and then I was like, ooh, it would be nice to have somebody. So every couple of years I get a little random steady person to be in my life. And honestly, I really want a partner. So when I go to the gynecologist,

when they're like, do you have a partner? I can go, yes, yes I do. Would you like to tell me about contraception? Oh my gosh. I'm just like waiting for it. One thing. What's like the wildest hookup that you've had? Oh my God.

OK, so my type is very particular, but this is when I was in my 20s, living in the gay neighborhood. So I feel like... I love that you said in your 20s. You were still in your 20s. I'm still in my 20s, but I mean, I'm talking about like 1920. Like 1920, very baby gay. So my type, back in the day, I used to like thugs, trade, like DL trade. I mean, we're from Houston, they're all over. So like they're like actual thugs,

maybe they'll come to your door with a gun and everything. So I would hide knives and stuff in my couch, like whatever, first of all, not going to the bedroom. The train wants to go to the couch, you're gonna get a little head and call it a day. So I would hide knives, bitch, I'm ready to go, I'm ready to slice them up. If you move the wrong way, we're fighting.

There's no team. And I remember this guy came over and he was just, they get so aggressive, bitch. Like they literally would like throw you against the wall and they want to choke you out. And it's just too much for me. And he was like, tell papi you love him. I'm like, oh baby, no ma'am.

If you're like, no, absolutely not. Cause then y'all be getting crazy. And it got to the point where like he was so hot and I wanted to go in through with him. I was like, baby, no, ma'am. If you're like, no, absolutely not, because then y'all be getting crazy. And it got to the point where like, he was so hot and I wanted to go in through with it. I was like, you gotta go. And he was like, hey, chill. No, baby, you gotta go.

You gotta go. So then I had to pull out the knife and I was like, baby, it's time to hit it. And yeah, then he went in a separate way. Mistress, it was time to pull out the knife. It really was. Oh my God, that's so wild. It's so wild to me when someone is like,

tell me you love me. And it's like, I just met you. I know it's like your fantasy, but I truly just met you and that feels weird. You know, I don't want to diagnose, but to me, sex, especially with like the straight men and the D.O. guys, by the way, don't do that anymore. Not my type at all.

I was just young and dumb. But I feel like that just like, I feel like they, they're low-key fags. Like they want the love from the man. And like, you know, just come out, babe. Be who you are for your pride. SHANNON COFFEY LAUGHS I agree. Just come out.

Love who you want. That's why I don't label myself, because I'm like, whatever I fall, whoever I fall in love with, whoever I fall in love with is who I fall in love with. It doesn't matter. I'm not closing a door to something. Yeah, I think it's weird to be like, only this.

Real quick, we have to take a break. So wait, what is your type? What are you looking for? Like, I know you said you did the relationship thing. You don't know if you want to do that again, but what's your type? Physically, my type, I'm very open. I love Middle Eastern men. I love Latinos.

That's like number one. My last relationship was my first time being with, I guess, a white boy. I guess. Like, I mean, he's like Latino, but it's like, it's complicated. White passing. Yeah, white passing. But, you know, my, I think for me, and it's so like cliche, I feel like a lot of people say it, but I truly mean it. For me, it's all about personality. I got to be with someone funny who can match my energy, someone who understands my type of humor. And I've learned that I really appreciate someone who's very affectionate because I'm the type of person

who likes a lot of reassurance. I'm an over-thinker. Bitch, I will overthink for the both of us. I'm laying it out. I'm looking at every path. Like, I need someone who can handle someone like that. You know what I mean? But yeah, no. Physically, I don't really care about much. We could work with anything as long as you're not, as long as the face is not cracked, you

know, as long as the mug is cute and it gives. But I feel like I usually lean towards people who are more masculine, only because I guess I kind of find myself to be feminine and that's who I attract. Even though in my mind, back to the delusion, I'm a full, I'm masculine as father. I'm giving full on butch. Baby, I'm butch in my head for sure. Oh, it's so funny.

I have true delusions about myself. Like I think I'm a very tall person. I'm five, five, but like, I really feel like I'm like six foot. And I went on this date with this guy, and in his profile it said he was like 5'11", 5'9", I'm sure, I don't remember. But I was like, oh my God, he's so short, he's so short. And then I saw a reflection of us in a window

and I was like, oh no, I'm short, he's actually pretty tall. And then I was like, I don't, okay. I was like, straight men, that's usually who I date. I was like, I don't think we have the same senses of humor. Like straight men, like I went on this date and he said something and I went, oh, okay. And he's like, oh, it was a joke.

And I was like, oh, okay. Like, I just didn't get it. And I just, I think I need like a gay man who wants to fuck a woman. And I don't know where to find one of those. See, I think that's the beauty though, of being straight is like, and maybe I sound ignorant. I feel like straights never have anything in common.

So you like kind of just pick one like off of like what they're giving. That's how I view it. Like if I was a straight woman, baby, I'm just going for whoever got the biggest uncut cock or whoever like is really giving in the mug department. Cause like straight, I feel like it's really hard for men and women to have like the same interest.

I feel like. That's kind of what it feels like. Like, like just as of like the last couple of years, I'm like, we have nothing in common and I don't know what to talk to you about. And then I'll make them watch Drag Race and then they'll ask the dumbest questions and... See, I feel like you would be a hard one though too

because you give me such a dominant personality. I feel like that would scare straight men. Does that happen to you? That's what it feels like sometimes. It feels like they like it at first, and then after a while they're like, oh, so she's never going to let me take the lead. Goodbye.

But I'm trying really hard to take a step back and be a little bit like, okay, you pick where we go. I went on a date the other day and I let him just order the food and I was like, okay. And I was like, just let someone take care of you. I have such a hard time with letting someone take, because I can take care of myself. I can do all the shit by myself.

And I'm saying that as someone who was in your same position, I feel like, like I said, I did like a lot of more like masculine men who would want to fulfill that role. Baby, I'm pure control freak. I'm taking care of everything. I'm going to act the fool. If you even offered to pay, I'd be like, why are you trying to pay, bitch? I can take care of myself. I don't need you.

Bitch, I don't need you. Don't get confused. Yeah, I don't need you to take care of me. I've been doing it by myself for years. When did... How long have you been on your own? When did you move out? So, I moved out need you to take care of me. I've been doing it by myself for years. How long have you been on your own? When did you move out? So I moved out when I was like 17. And I'm pretty much,

I've always kind of been no contact with my family. So I've always just taken care of myself, which has been another big adjustment for me. Cause like now I'm finally like out of survival mode. I have a couple of coins in my purse. So like I'm learning to adjust with life and like, I'm like, oh, is this like being happy? Is this like literally not having to like survive every day?

I mean, it is wild when you start to make money. I wasn't in like abject poverty, but like I was living in New York, my rent was $500. I was getting paid minimum wage. I was living like paycheck to paycheck and taking out credit cards and shit. And my dad was like willing to help me, but I was like, I don't want your help. I can do this.

And then when I started making money on my own, I was like, wait, so like when you pay your credit card bill, they stop calling you? I was like, wait, you can pay rent and have money left over? And then I was like, okay, don't get too, too crazy. And I still live like that. Like I still live pretty fucking frugal, except for my bags.

I have a purse collection that I love. But yeah, it is a wild thing to be like, oh, I don't have to survive. I have a purse collection that I love. But yeah, it is a wild thing to be like, oh, I don't have to survive. I can like live and be okay. And that's nice. And that's why I'll probably never have a child because children make you not okay. Cause then you gotta pay,

like have you ever seen a family of six on an airplane? They had to buy six seats for two adults and four children, and four of those people don't have jobs. Do you know what I'm saying? It's so wild. Let's not even discuss kids, because I'm going to say right now, I hate kids. I actually hate kids. Like, I can't do it. It just can't be. I don't want them. I, like, don't care to spend time with them,

but I do love a baby. I'll visit a baby. When it starts crying, I'll go, all right, time for me to go. You see, in my fantasy, it's given rich auntie, rich uncle. That's the role I would love to play. I'll see you. I'll see you around.

When you're like 13, 14, 15, and then come around, when you got a little sense. I'm the opposite. I don't want you to have any sense. I want you to cry and I want you to need to be carried around. That's exactly what I want. Okay, mistress, I have another question.

What's the wildest thing that's happened during like a live show? You know, sometimes people get a little too drunk. I always tell people when they ask this question, the wildest thing that ever happened to me during a live show was when I broke my ankle. Oh. Bitch broke clean, broke my ankle in front of everyone,

in front of like 1,000 people at House of Blues. It was a mess. And I was supposed to be on Drag Race that year, and it was like, it fucked up everything in my life. What's with the big girls breaking the ankle? You, Eureka, cornbread. No, literally. Girl, I'm telling you, all the weight,

it is becoming down. Wait, so you broke your ankle in front of a thousand people. What happens next? Were you like, do people believe that you were in pain, or do they think it was part of the act? Okay, so before I was on Drag Race, I was still a full-time drag queen. I would literally work gig after gig after gig. And I had did a whole week and full of shows and I worked Saturday night until like four in the morning

and I had to get ready for a brunch show. I'll never forget. It was Christmas and we used to do this brunch show at House of Blues, and the music was all fucked up, so the show was super late. And they were like, oh my God, like, mistress, like, it was like early morning, so I never was like kicking and splitting, like we're literally, we're doing walk around numbers, bitch.

So I remember they were like, oh mistress, like you gotta go out there and dance, I had them up, like we're gonna like act a fool, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, you know what? I'ma spread some Christmas cheer, bitch. I'm about to go act the fool. We're gonna do some cartwheels and splits. I'ma gag them.

So of course, I go out there. They're making it fucking rain. It was a good time. Someone spilled their drink. And when I went to go do the running split, my foot, like, baby, ate it. And they had these big ass benches. I'm like, yeah, my foot just went the other way, bitch, but I had so much adrenaline. I didn't realize what happened

So when I went to get up, I couldn't it was like a movie bitch My leg was like spaghetti and the bitch I'll never forget the bitch next to me was like I'm a doctor You broke your ankle. I was like wow. Thanks fucking Bill Nye bitch fuck you Thank you Bill Nye, bitch. Fuck you. So then the ambulance came and they had like lifted me up. And like when they put me on the stretcher, everyone stood up and shared like it was a damn football game.

I was like, girl, this is so extra. Oh my God. That's so wild. And then how long did it take to heal? I also broke my ankle and like I'm talking the big bitches be fallen It took such a long time for me to walk again. I was about to say it took like months Yeah, it was a while and I had surgery on in two Yeah, I took a while but in the have a little scooter. I used the crutches

Yeah, but I mean at that time it was kind of perfect timing. When I broke my ankle was, I think, in just like a month or two later, that's when COVID happened. And when everyone got locked the fuck up, I was like, mwah, I was like, won't you do it? I'm like, karma's kiss is so sweet. Me fully, no, literally fully delusional that I'm the reason COVID happened. I'm like, mwah, bitch. I'm patient zero. It happened because of me. No doubt.

Okay. On Drag Race, what was the challenge that you were most afraid of? What was the one that was like, oh no? Honestly, when I went to Drag Race, again, fully delusional, I was like, I'm not scared of that thing. I'm like, I'm gonna turn everything out. I think I got the most nervous for Snatch Game only because like, I'm not, I can't change my voice. I'm not an impersonator. But I mean, I had so much fun doing Snatch Game.

I think it was funny as fuck. I think it was funny too. And that was the only one that I kinda was nervous for when I got there because I wasn't able to do my original Snatch Game character because I was originally gonna do Wynonna Judd, but her mom had just killed her off herself. And they're like, oh, you can't do that.

And I was like, fuck. That's why when I look like one of the fans, like, oh, you didn't know much about like Rosie or whoever you were, I was like, bitch, because that was not who I was gonna do. That's not the research I did before my arrival. Also, I don't think you need to know that much about the person you're impersonating.

I think it's like, Rosie, you're in a suit and you're a host and do hosty things. I think people overthink Snatch Game a lot. And it's, RuPaul literally is like, just make me laugh. And it's like, that's all you have, like truly all you have to do is just be funny. If you were doing Stachigate, who would you do? I would either do Monique, or I would do Emma Stone,

or I would do maybe Bob the Drag Queen, that might be fun. Oh my God, that would be hilarious. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Do you wanna do All Stars? Maybe Bob the Drag Queen. That might be fun. Oh, my God. That would be hilarious. Do you want to do All Stars? If you got the call, would you do it? I don't know. You know, my time on Drag Race, I feel like I kind of showed everything of why I should be America's Next Drag Superstar.

And I think if I went back, I wouldn't go with the mindset of wanting to win. I would go purely to act a fool. So in that case, most definitely. The next time that someone's gonna put me on TV, bitch, it's over. I fucking love that. I love that so much. You're like, mm, I don't want to win. I just want to have a nice time and be silly.

You know, when my friends are watching my original season, I feel like everyone, like, the world was like, oh my god, mistress is a bitch, mistress is X, Y, and Z. And everyone back home was like, oh my God, you were holding back so much. They're like, we saw you wanted to read her, you wanted to let her have it. I'm like, I did, I feel like I really, really was congenial because I wanted to win.

I fully thought that I was going to win Drag Race, bitch. And now that that's off the table, it's like, well, no, this time I'm really going to like, I'm going to be full on like New York Pollard of the Drag Race stratosphere. We're going to mix New York and NeNe. We're going to mix it all together. A splash of Natalie Nunn, and that's what it's going to give. I live.

That would be a gag. It would be so fun. Yeah, I didn't think you were mean. I thought you were funny and fun. And then your Instagram kept getting fucking taken down. And I was like, why is this happening? It was because people were like reporting you? Okay, so I guess that's all it's overall to say.

So my name is Mistress, which is considered sexual. So there was a loophole when I would advertise my website. They would go and report my website and Instagram kept flagging like I was advertising pornography. So then when we finally got ahold of people, I met them, figured out like what was happening, it got cleared up. I see.

That's very funny that the algorithm can't look at pictures and be like, oh, this is a drag queen. Yeah. It's like, uh-oh, nasty little porn. So you have drag daughters, Sugar and Spice, are your adopted drag daughters? You know, right now we're in a custody battle, but yeah, Sugar and Spice.

I loved Sugar and Spice. I thought they were so funny. What was it like being in the workroom with them? You know, the way they are on camera is they're the same exact way off camera. And they fully are like... That was kind of my first interaction with twins in general. They were like fully like cutting each other off, finishing each other's sentences. And they're really funny. They're really great people too.

I think that they're on their like spiritual journey and like they're just spitting out. Like when you open a fortune cookie, their lingo is what's on the paper. Like they're- That is the perfect way to put it. You're like, this makes somewhat sense. I know this is English and I know that you're trying

to get to something, but what the fuck are you trying to say to me? I love I live they're so funny to me Also the makeover challenge you helped miss Tang the teacher that you made over you raised money to fund our classroom materials That's so sweet. Oh my god. We we did Amazon wishlist and I remember someone Someone had bought her a new Mac book MacBook Baby, I cleared up for miss Tang She I'm sure she I got her so much stuff that she started putting stuff for other teachers on her list Like we we had we had cleared it out. We cleared it out for sure. That's so fucking sweet But also so devastating that like we have to crowd fun school

He literally like you know what I'm saying? It's like, what? This is fucking nuts. It is, and I felt bad too, because whenever we were there, I don't remember if they, I haven't seen my season. I haven't watched episodes. I remember them how I remember them. And I remember she had told me that,

of course, when the school's running out of money, art and those kind of things are the first thing they cut, which is why it made me want to like raise money for her and get her the stuff on the wish list. I'm like, girl, we're not going to have the boys and girls of the world painting with rose art. We need some Crayola. Drag rose art.

We need some Crayola. We need some name brands because we're not coloring with those, honey. God, that's so fucking funny. Real quick, we have to take another break. [♪ music playing, fades out, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music So I do wigs. So before I was on Drag Race, I had like a little like company where I would style wigs for all the queens. And if you went to any national pageant or any contest, like you would see the girls winning in my hair.

I did hair for girls on Drag Race for their promos. And that actually was a big part of my audition tape. I was like, y'all got girls running around with my shit on the show. Y'all need the real deal. Like, bitch, y'all, the girls can't do nothing for themselves. Like, the real deal's right here, honey.

I miss when they used to release the audition tapes. They would like give you little snip bits and like the little filler episode where it's like, meet the queens or whatever on logo. I would love to see your audition tape. There's so many audition tapes I'd love to see. You know, I'm in my YouTube era. I've been thinking about reviewing my audition tape. Cool, I mean, cause I have two that got me on. I have the first one tapes I'd love to see. You know, I'm in my YouTube era. I've been thinking about reviewing my audition tape.

Cool, I mean, because I have two that got me on. I have the first one that got me cast, and I have this one. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I think this one was more cunty, because I was like, I don't know who I am, I know what it gives. If you want a big girl to win, I'm right here.

And I look back, I'm just like, wow, girl, you really thought you were that girl. I mean, Delulu is a beautiful thing. Like, I think anybody who wants to be a performer, you have to have some sort of delusion to be like, I'm worthy of getting on a stage and having hundreds of people stare at just me and enjoy the thing I'm trying to give.

But like, you have to be delusional. I'm delusional every time I walk into an audition or make a self tape and I'm like, I'm gonna to give, like, you have to be delus- Like, I'm delusional every time I walk into an audition or make a self-tape, and I'm like, I'm going to get this job, and it's like, really, bitch? Out of a thousand people, you think you're going to get this job, this one job? And yes, I do. No, baby, down. I will fully convince myself,

I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to go and get this little thing. But that's like my number one pet peeve when it comes to entertainers in general. If you step on the stage, and I- If you step on the stage stage and I don't believe that you think you're the baddest bitch in the room, I'm already clocked out. I'm already just like, I can't watch. Same, same.

You can have the shittiest makeup, the shittiest costume, but you can be a star if you just have that slight delusion that you're like, I'm it, I'm everything. Down. What made you want to perform? Do you have a moment specifically where you're like, yup, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. You know what, I always tell people, I'm not religious or spiritual, but I do believe in the universe

if there's a greater power. And I feel like life leads us to where we need to be. And I look back on my life and I feel like everything has kind of led me up to being a drag queen, which is so silly to say like, growing up, I used to play in like my mom and my grandma's clothes, I would always like play in their makeup. Like, I just always had every attribute of like what a drag queen does. I always love to style hair. I always was very like forward thinking with like, like when I would sketch and draw, like it was always like the craziest shit and like outfits and like...

I just feel like everything has led me to like kind of being like a drag queen prodigy. I was born for drag. Thank you very much. I agree. Like I, as a kid was just like loud and creative and just loved attention. And then when I was like, oh wait, I can, I can get attention and then get paid for wanting that attention.

I was like, oh, that's a wrap. I got to do that for the rest of my life. Do you feel like you've always had the same mindset as a kid? Because for me, I look back to it, I'm like, I've always operated the same. Even like, that's why I always say I was a bad ass kid. Like I was, baby.

Yes. I was a bad kid because I had ADHD and I liked fun and school is not for children with ADHD or children who like fun. It is not for people who came to make friends. It's not for people who came to show off their outfit that day. It's not for gossiping. And yeah, like I, the way I was as a kid is exactly how I am now. I've just gotten bigger. And it's funny, cause people will meet me, like in real life and be like,

oh, you're almost like exactly how you are on TV. And I'm like, yeah, it's not, it's not a bit. It's not, I had this director once who was like, it was just like this game show or whatever, but he was like, wow, you never break character. And I was like, what? And he was like, the character just like this game show or whatever, but he was like, wow, you never break character. And I was like, what? And he was like, the character you do, you never break. It's really wild.

And I was like, it's me. I was like, we're having a conversation right now. Do you think I'm in character? That would be exhausting. Yeah, I feel like that's always the gag too when people are like, it's just easier to be yourself, and I don't think people realize that. I mean, you could put on a little facade

and maybe make a small career out of it, but eventually, you're going to get caught up in it. It's better to just be yourself and act a fool, and that's why I always tell people to, like, when they ask me on Drag Race, like, audition, like, oh, do I need to, like, be loud? And no, bitch, if you're not loud, don't be loud if you're quiet.

They need a quiet girl. They need someone who's gonna who's gonna judge the girls like me who are gossiping and acting a fool like there's rule for everybody not everyone can be the louder unbunches bitch I fully fucking agree um did you date in like high school and stuff oh no it never because you know when I when I was in high school, I feel like, oh my God, I could maybe count on one hand how many people are like out and gay. Like it was like, no. And I never, people always ask me,

oh, when did you come out? I kind of never came out. I've always been like a flamboyant fag. Like I've just always been crazy. And no, I feel like that's kind of why when I was a young adult, I feel like that's kind of why when I was a young adult, I went crazy, like hooking up with everyone, I think,

because I never had that experience in high school, like dating someone or talking to people. And I think that's an issue for a lot of gays and why like gays in their early 20s and 30s, like don't know how to act because they miss out on those relationships and their like adolescent years. Yeah, it's like a little bit of being repressed

and then being let free. It's like when you go to college and you're like, I'm on my own. I can eat pizza for every meal, which is what I did. Oh, this is the question I wanted to ask you. Are you on the apps? So my time on Drag Race, I've always been in a relationship. And for the first time I got on the apps and it's just foolishness.

Literally every message is like, oh my god, mistress, oh my god, clock that T, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I like, we'll exchange nudes and they'll be like, where do I know you from? I'm like, blah. I'm like, girl, if you were that curious as ass, like it's really not that big of a deal. But no, I can't do the apps. Wait, that's so funny to send someone a nude and they respond with, where do I know you? No, literally naked on TV. I like golf and trying it. But, you know, I prefer to meet people in person because I can immediately vibe with them.

I know what they're giving. And I've just always been that way. I'm not really an app person. I'll get on the apps if I'm out of town, just a quick hookup, you know, cause I don't know anybody. But no, it's really hard being a Drag Race girl cause all the fags know you. I mean, I could imagine.

I was on the apps for years and years and years. And then earlier this year, I got off the apps and I was like, I'm taking a little break, a siesta if you will. But now I'm back on the apps for years and years and years, and then earlier this year I got off the apps, and I was like, I'm taking a little break, a siesta if you will, but now I'm back on the apps, and I went on a date with someone like a month ago, maybe two months ago, I don't know, but I was like getting ready to leave my house, and I was like, I'm going to meet a stranger.

I like, you forget that you don't know these people and I was like What if this person kills me and then I was like, you know what? That's fine I have a couple friends who have my location They'll find me see I wish I could just be like that like casually going on dates But it's so hard because also not only am I a drag race girl, but in my in my community I know everybody I am like the TMZ of Houston, Texas, bitch. I know everyone's key. I know who you've been with, who you fucked.

I know all, like, I know everything. So for me to be publicly seen with someone, I have to really vet them. Like, I was like, I'm very, I'm, just to be transparent, I'm very, very picky. Like, sexually hook up, dating people, I'm very, very picky. I'm the type of person, I'm like Nancy Drew, the FBI bitch,

I'm going through your Twitter like, I'm going through everything. I got pictures of your mommy, your daddy, your grandma. Bitch, before I go out with you, I know everything about you. I've vetted you, bitch. That's so funny. I vet no one before going out with them. I'm like, a little bit of mystery.

And then when I decide I like you, I figure out everything. I figure out your exes, I figure out your family. I know what's a red flag for me. I know what's like a deal breaker. And I can already see those before we hang out, so why even bother? What's a deal breaker? Oh my God, the gigs are gonna cancel me on this.

Uh oh. I don't like, not to slut shame, but if you've hooked up with everyone and you're liking everyone's thirst trap pictures, that's a chop for me. I don't like that. I like a little bit of privacy. I like someone who's a little classy. If I go to your Instagram and you have certain mutuals, I know why you know them and that's a chop. I don't care. You know what? Who am I? That's why I always say, y'all don't wanna be with me, bitch.

I'm crazy. You don't wanna be with me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I fucking love that. That mutuals on Instagram could be a reason why you're like, no. But for real, because there's certain people I know who like, maybe they be on that stuff.

They be on that stuff. They be on that stuff. I'm like, oh no. Chao, you're talking to a picture? Oh no, baby, we're not hitting the pipe tonight, Chao. Ah! We're not hitting the pipe tonight! Oh!

Okay, Mistress, do you have any advice for single people? Molly, listen up, everybody. Okay, mistress, do you have any advice for single people? Okay, listen up, everybody. This is for the boys and the girls of the world. My advice to the single folk right now, enjoy life. We're in our youth, hopefully. If you're old, you know, you've already lived your life, so just be single, too. We're all going to die alone, so you might as well get over it.

Learn to have fun by yourself. They have so many toys and so many things you could do. You can go to Glory Hall, go to the bath house, get your cook a, you know, do your big one. And yeah, who needs a man, who needs a woman? But when you do get lonely, just lower your standards, honestly. There's someone out there for you if you have no standards.

Mistress, that is the wildest advice that I've ever heard. You said, we die alone, so get used to it. Go to a glory hole, and if you get lonely enough, lower your standards. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's tea here. Mars, my producer said,

that's some of the best advice we've ever gotten. And I absolutely agree. That is so funny. Oh my God. Wait, how did you find your drag mother? Your drag mother is Chevelle Brooks? Yeah, so my drag mom, Chevelle Brooks, she is like, what we do now is Drag Race Girls.

That's kind of what she's done her entire career. She's like toured everywhere. She's like, what we do now is Drag Race girls. That's kind of what she's done her entire career. She's like toured everywhere. She's like gone international. She's always booked here. She'd be doing the same gig as I do. I'm like, all right, bitch, she would have worked. She is just, she's just that girl. She was like one of the first big girls to win.

So, pageants were, before Drag Race, pageants were how you got to travel or how people around the world knew you and she would win She's like won all the national pageants. She was the only big girl to ever win miss us of a which is like a huge deal and Yeah, I just really gravitated towards her because like I said, I've never seen myself as a bigger person I'm fucking delusional. Oh, no, baby. That bitch is fucking delusional She literally throws herself around split kick and I just grabbed I was like, okay That's that's a good time girl. So I would come and see I mean I'll never forget

she at this time was living in Florida and The pulse thing happened so she had moved back to Houston with the post nightclub shooting And I remember I would go and see her every time she would come to Houston. And I would just be like, I was obsessed with her. Every show she did, I would go and see her. And I remember I told her, I was like, you're going to be my drag mom. And she was like, oh, I don't live here. And I was like, her bullshit just like, get me away from her. So when I found out she was coming back, I'm like, okay, you're back.

You're my drag mom. And like ever since then, I've always just like, I annoyed her into being my drag mom. Yeah. And now we're... I love that! Mm-hmm. And now we don't leave each other alone. But yeah, she's more than just my drag mom. That's like my... That's like actual family. Like, which we... I think that's why I'm always just like... That's why I say for me, if it's spiritual, if it's religious,

I don't know, but like, I feel like the universe always aligns you with like people you need to be with and like, where you need to be in life. And I just think that we were meant to cross paths. Oh, I love that so much. I believe that too. I truly have had people placed in my life that I was like, oh, you were placed here

to either teach me a lesson or to help me and guide me a little and be nice to me. I'll never forget one of my improv teachers, Anthony Atamanek, I came in, I worked at UCB, their like improv training center where classes happen, and I was so hung over from the night before, like so hung over and I look like shit. And he like partied too, but like he looked at me

and he goes, you're too talented to waste your life drinking like that. And I was like, what? And then he was like, you're just too talented to waste your life like that. And it wasn't like stop drinking. It was just like, get your shit together. Like don't come to work like that. Make sure you're awake for auditions.

Like make sure you're prepared for life. And at that time I was like, whatever. And then like, I kept thinking about it and I was like, oh, I think he's onto something. So yeah, I always, I really think people are placed in your life for a reason. And you just have to like listen. Definitely.

Well, mistress, we have come to the end. Do you have any, oh wait. Okay, I asked all of my guests this. I've missed it, I guess a bunch, because on my comments, people were like, you didn't ask this. Okay, would you date me? Well, I'd date you.

You know what? If I was Munching Kitty, yes. Thank you! I love that. I can tell that we would get into some nasty fights, though. I feel like we will be fighting for the dominant position. I think so too. I don't think it would be a happy, healthy, safe relationship.

I think we would constantly be like, I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna kill mistress. And be like, I'm gonna kill Nicole. We would go at it, but then at the end, but right when we're gonna break up, we'll be like, baby, we were meant to be together. I love you. Like, you're my twin play.

You have to watch the documentary. I'm going to. You absolutely have to. Mistress, is there anything that you want to promote? You know what? Every Monday is Mistress Monday on my YouTube channel. All my videos, all y'all bitches be stealing my content. Stop reposting it, bitch, because you will be getting copyright and baby cease and desist. But go check out the videos on my YouTube channel,

youtube.com slash mistress Isabel. Baby, you can catch me everywhere, you know, I'm always acting a fool. I love it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Oh, you're welcome. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe

and give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty too, why won't you date me, podcasts at gmail.com, like a nasty little come on hitting on me, I will read it. This person said, hey Nicole and Mars, love your podcast, your personality and everything you do. Hopefully you still need some dirty material for your podcast, because I got

the new Hot Girl Summer Diddy just for you. The title of the song is NICOLE. Need to know your length, your girth. I got standards I got your worth. Insert thrust and inseminate me. If you're dumb means come inside me. Caress my body, clap my cheeks. You got tats, choke me till I'm meek.

Orgasms, multiple, that's not a request. Open my puss and put it to the test. Lick my lips, you know which ones. You don't stop till I say you're done. Eat me out, enjoy your cream pie. You don't want kids and neither do I. That's Miss Nicole to you, you freak. Now I'm the only name that you can speak.

If you follow this simple monomic, I'll leave you quivering weak like the plague, bubonic. What does monomic mean? Anyway, still a rough draft, sure to be a banger this summer. Ha ha ha ha ha. Girl, what is the AI? Ha ha! Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars.

It's executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, with talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question? Crazy dating story? Or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to WhyWon'tYouDateMePodcasts at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening!

We'll see you next week with a brand new episode! Tee-doo-poo-poo-pah-pah-bye! This has been a Teen Coco production.