Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - When Your Dad’s a Movie Icon (w/ Sophia Stallone)

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Sophia Stallone (The Family Stallone) shares what it's like to date when your dad is Sylvester Stallone. Sophia recounts cringey dates where the guy was more interested in meeting Rocky than getting to know her, the challenges of navigating her dad’s overprotective nature, and how she’s worked to overcome the anxieties that come with dating in the spotlight. Nicole and Sophia also reminisce about being dummies on the set of Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity.  Write to Nicole! Submit your dirty pick-up lines, dating stories, or questions to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Would You Date Me, a podcast where Meena Cole-Byer has been trying to figure out why I was single for so long. Even though you could come on a table and tell me that they're piano keys, I would say, okay, let me play.

My guest today is a model, a podcaster who you've seen on the Family Stallone and was a guest judge on Project Runway. She co-wrote the podcast Unwaxed with her sister. I got to spend lots of time with her on the set of Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity? And guess what? It was hard and we figured out we didn't know very much. I'm so excited she's here. It's Sophia Stallone!

I've been telling my parents I'm so sorry that you here. It's Sophia Stallone. I've been telling my parents, I am so sorry that you paid for such expensive education for me to go to USC. And the fact that I could not tell you what a consonant was. And it's sad that the earth took a whole year to spin. I was quickly humbled, but I was so glad that I met you guys

because at least everyone made it laugh and funny. So I was like, okay, I made a friend from this. It was fun. And I truly was like, wait, am I an idiot? Like, am I dumb? Like I felt so dumb. This is the thing. I've been going on a lot of dates lately

and they asked me what projects are coming up and I was saying how are you smart? The celebrity is one of the things. And I was like, okay, if this guy ends up dating me while the show is coming out, I should probably warn him that I'm a lot smarter. It appears on TV. So if I didn't know what this was, are you going to dump me? I truly will go on dates with people and then they'll say something really smart.

And sometimes I'll go along with it and be like, yeah, I know what that is. But lately I've just been like, you're going to have to explain that. I simply don't know what you're talking about. No, no, not at all. I you know, it's been bad since the show, since I now know a lot of random little things, I will use that as a way to have a conversation a day. I'll be like, do you know what a baker's dozen is? Because I didn't.

I also didn't know what a baker's dozen was. I don't know if that was a question that we had, but I was in the car with a friend, and I'm just dumb sometimes. And I said to my friend's husband, I was like, oh my God, I've known you for 13 years, which is almost a decade. And then they were both so quiet. And then finally my friend was like, what do you think a decade is?

And I was like, 13 years? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And their husband was like, that's a baker's decade. And I was like, okay. Oh, see, you got lucky on that. I wish I had that. Honestly, I was definitely humbled. I went back and was like, should I go on Quizlet

and learn some stuff because clearly, like, I thought I was smart. I even was saying on the show, like, oh, I'm a writer. I love to read. And then they asked me a question. I'm like, oh, I don't know what the author's name is from this childhood book I've read 15 trillion times. Yeah.

You know? But also I was like, nobody has asked me this. This stuff hasn't been useful other than on the show. You know what I mean? Nobody is like, what's the children's book author? Otherwise you're gonna die. Yeah, also that would be kind of wild. Like if you get kidnapped.

That would be kind of good. We'll let you go if you know these fifth grade questions and it's like, oh, just kill me. You're going to have to kill me. I don't know if there were like torture methods. Like if you get this wrong, each fingers that come off for once you get wrong, I'd be like, you know what, just amputate my whole arm at this point. Take it. Take the whole arm. I don't know. Geometry, anything like US history. I'm out. Simply don't know. Sophia, OK, so I know your dad is Sylvester Stallone. Like, I know that. But I'm not familiar with Sylvester Stallone.

And so I just watched Rocky. And now I get it. I get it. Yeah. You get it now. And it's so funny, because I had heard like, Adrian so many times. And then like watching it in the movie, I was like. Yeah. You get it now. And it was so funny, cause I had heard like Adrian so many times and then like watching it in the movie,

I was like, oh, now I get why it's so iconic. Oh, you're gonna hear the theme song everywhere now. And think about me, I was raised around it. I was born with that, which I'm proud of him, but I'll watch any show, the song will come in the background, a guy will be talking about something, it will be brought up.

It's just like everywhere in life. And I'm like, OK, now I'm haunted by Rocky. But how do you deal with that? Like, have you had like dudes like hit on you and then you like slowly come to find out that they just want to meet your dad? Mm-hmm. Usually you can tell pretty quickly. I mean, my sister has had really bad dates

where guys have brought scripts to dates to bring to him and their resume of what they've done in the film industry. Oh, it's so funny. I mean, sometimes guys will go on a tangent on the date and talk about my dad for an hour, how much he's inspired with. By the way, I'm like totally loving that.

I'm like, I appreciate that someone is a big fan. But not when I might want to kiss you. Like, and then I usually say, look, do you want to go out with him or me? Like, I don't know if I can set that up, but we can set this up. And what is their response? Like, has anyone been like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I was overwhelmed. Of course I want to be with you. No, it's usually, can you blame me? And I'm like, oh, you know what? Oh no. But sometimes they'll shut it down and it's just, I'm out for the count. Look, to be honest, even if you're a fan,

it's sweet, it's amazing. Tell me like a year later, and I don't think that you're dating me for the wrong reasons. Yeah. But maybe that's a good thing because it's showing their cards. I feel like, okay, if I was to go on a date with you and I was obsessed with your dad, I would wait till date three to be like, hey, I really like your dad, but I've really loved

getting to know you. So I just don't want to be like weird about it. But like I know who he like I would, I would just be chill and wait. I know. A lot of guys are, and you know what the worst thing that people say is that, you know, after this date, like I knew who your dad was, I had this preconceived notion of you

that you would be this super stuck up, dumb, not appreciative of anything, but you know, you're so so different than a celebrity child. And I'm like, okay, I know that people on social media can perceive a certain thing about my family, me. Of course, if I'm posing in front of a palm tree with my bathing suit, maybe you're not thinking that she's a scholar, but I don't know.

It's interesting when people lean into that, oh, I had an expectation, now I like you a lot. Like your dad was cool, but like, you're now cooler than I thought. And I go, okay, well, we're tabling this. That's such a fucked up, like, that's truly wild. It's like such a backhanded compliment in a way that's so insulting.

I went on three dates with this dude, and I kind of just, I felt comfortable enough with him on the first date to just, like, talk about, like, shows and performing and, like, TV shows I've done. And then on our third date, I was like, I'm sorry, I don't think I ever explained to you what my job is. And he was like, oh, I know that you're a comedian.

And I was like, oh. And he's like, I just... You felt so comfortable just talking, I didn't want to, like, pry, and I felt so comfortable just talking. I didn't want to like pry. And I figured you would just tell me what you wanted me to know. And he was like, and we're having this conversation now. So like, now you want me to like know more. And I was like, oh my God,

that's the hottest thing in the world. But you like- I love that. That you didn't just, I don't know. I don't, it's such a weird thing. I get it. It's a weird thing. You know what I did? I used to be the person because when I would date with having the name and my dad's backing,

I used to always go into dates way more reserved and kind of put on the front of maybe what they thought they would expect. And it made it really hard to find the right person because I ended up becoming something that I totally wasn't. And so now, especially just being older and dating a lot more, I'm pretty much right off the bat, unfiltered, like very honest, I will say whatever comes to mind, I'm exactly myself. I'm extremely dorky. People really don't realize I'm a total nerd. And I just go, you know, if they can't lean into that right off the bat, and they can't bounce it

off and like appreciate that, then I know they're not my guy. Because if I act like this social media person that they may be assumed, then it's just gonna be like dates wasted, you know? Yeah, I agree. I also used to be like a little reserved and be like, oh, I'm not as strange as you think I am, but I'm a very strange person. So I've just been like, if you don't want it, then like, yeah, then we're wasting our time.

Like I hooked up with someone and I have a life-size cutout of myself in my house and we were like hooking up and they were like, that's weird. And I was like, yeah, real weird. Then the next day I was like, that was weird. So then I texted him, I was like, I'm really sorry that I didn't turn it around or move it from the room, and he was like,

nope, it's fine, keep it in here, don't change. And I was like, that's me. I went on a date with a guy, and I'm a huge poetry nerd. I love Edgar Allan Poe, and I know the Raven by heart, and I remember on our first date, I just started huge poetry nerd. Like I love Edgar Allan Poe and I know the Raven by heart. And I remember on our first day, I just started reciting it. Do you realize how long that poem is? And I'm just going off for like 10 minutes thinking that it's the coolest thing.

Like it's a flex. And I remember leaving and it's one of those moments where you think back on your date and you physically cringe and you go, oh, okay, that wasn't the move. So I apologize. I'm like, I, okay, that wasn't the move. So I apologize, I'm like, I'm so sorry that you had to be sitting through that. God, that's so funny though.

I would love for, I like when people, because, okay, here's the thing. Nobody is cool. Nobody is like so fucking cool that you're like, oh my God, you're the coolest. Everyone is weird. Everyone has their little thing that they love. I love that you're like, oh my god, you're the coolest. Everyone is weird. Everyone has their little thing that they love. I love that you love poetry.

I like cars, so that's like my thing. Oh, that's sexy though. That's sexy. But like, is it? I like to recite makes and models. Oh, I guess. But it's like, no, it's like very neurodivergent. Like, oh, they redesigned the eagle talian,

which is the base of a Mitsubishi Eclipse and then like eagle folded in the late 90s. Like, nerd, like, stupid. No, and I love- That's a good thing. No, really, because the right person's gonna go, thank God, this is the first girl that knows cars, and Ivy Wadis know more about cars.

You know, if they could sit through the makes and models for like 15 minutes, then your guy, he should get a ring on it, yeah. I was hanging out with somebody and we were watching TV and there was like an Ashton Martin on the TV and he was like, how much is that? And I was like, this is my moment. And he was like, what do you mean?

I was like, I have a 2004 car and driver and it will tell us how much of that car is currently. And you're like the Rain Man of cars. Like, what? And I pulled it out, and I was like, this is how much it is. And then he was like, cool. And I was like, do you want to know how much this other car is?

And he was like, yeah. Like, I don't know if he actually wanted to know, but like, it was so nice that he was like, yeah, be weird. Be the weirdest you want to be. Can I tell you, though, I don't know if he actually wanted to know, but like, it was so nice that he was like, yeah, be weird. Be the weirdest you want to be. Can I tell you though, I have realized a lot of people don't have interests and hobbies. I know that sounds weird to say that,

but I feel like a lot of people don't have like, extra stuff around them that they're super passionate about. And I like when people nerd on that, because when I saw it, I mean, I'm not saying on a date going like, what's your favorite hobby? Like, trying to interrogate them. But I think it's cool that, like, for you, having cars,

like, that makes you different. Like, you don't just have comedy. You have also this. And like, even when I'm going on dates, I love wanting me to go, OK, if I'm going out with a finance guy from NYC, there's, like, thousands of them just cruising around my apartment, and I'm scared of most of them. And if I ask them, I'm like, what else do you like? And he says, I love plant, like gardening,

and I love piano. I'm like, oh, okay, that humanizes you. There's something more. Yes. So I don't know. I think that's like, that's a huge part about dating is having, you know, finding those qualities about someone that makes them stand out. If they don't have that and all they do is golf and drink, then I'm out. Yeah, then it's like you gotta, you gotta find something. I did an episode of my other podcast and our guest was this guy, Gareth, and he was like, oh, I used to play hockey. And I was like, well, are you single? Are you dating? And I was like, I have a point. I'm not hitting on you. But he was like, yeah, I have a

girlfriend. And I was like, you should take her. I'm not hitting on you. But he was like, yeah, I have a girlfriend. And I was like, you should take her ice skating because you know how to ice skate and you can like show off and teach her things. And it'll be like a really fun bonding moment. He was like, that's a great idea. And I was like, yes, like share the things you love doing with people. Exactly. I love Sonic the Hedgehog in a way that's stupid. And how? Why?

So I played it as a kid. And then when the movie came out, I was like, boy, I loved Sonic growing up. And then I saw the movie and I like cried three times. And here's why. Okay. Because Sonic goes really fast and I, and he just wants friends. And I feel like sometimes I go too fast. So like I miss things. Um, and I feel like sometimes I go too fast, so, like, I miss things. Um, because I have, like, ADHD, da-da-da. Um, so I've just, like, really just start, I love, like, I have a Sonic rug, I have a Sonic, um, rubber ducky,

which is really dumb. So cute. Like, I just love it, and there was a Sonic the Hedgehog themed cafe. And I mentioned it to this guy I was dating. I was like, yeah, we can go. And I was like, oh my god, okay. And then on the way there, it was in Chino Hills,

which is an hour away from LA. I was just like, this might be dumb. And he was like, there was no world where I thought this wasn't gonna be dumb. And I was like, oh, oh, you're just like supporting this dumb thing that I like. And it was honestly one of the most romantic things. That's smart. By the way, you're you actually were being honest.

I one time I've done this. It's just so bad. I love musicals too. So I remember I was going on a date with a guy and we didn't really have a set plan. So what I did was go on Broadway.com and look at the musicals that were playing in the area that night. And so I was like, hmm, like how could... And he had mentioned to me he did like love musicals. I was like, okay, how could I get him to go to one with me? So I remember I made a reservation at a restaurant

that was nearby a theater and we started, we walked past, it so happened to be the play that I've been wanting to see. I'm like, wow, it'd be really cool if we like, actually went to this tonight, like after dinner, like, is that wild? And so he's like, okay, I guess, sure. So I forced him to stay with me through a three hour production.

So at least you told him the truth and I just swindled him. But I think that's fun. I think that's fun to be like, what if? Because then it makes you seem like you're spontaneous and not a little schemester. What musical was it? Oh my god, it was, why am I blanking right now? It was Sweeney Todd. Ooh, Sweeney Todd is a nice one.

Well, also, I think that's nice for someone who's not into musicals because there's murder. There's good singing. It was Josh Groban. Ooh, see think that's nice for someone who's not into musicals, because there's murder. There's good singing. It was Josh Groban. Ooh, see, that's nice. That was cool. Wait, have you seen Oh, Mary? It's not a musical. It's a play.

No. You have to see Oh, Mary. Colesco is one of the funniest people I have ever met in my whole life. And the play is so funny. Like, the have ever met in my whole life. And the play is so funny. Like the last per minute are so fucking funny. And there's like a ton of pussy jokes.

And it was really delightful to watch like 60 year old like seasoned theater goers be like, ha ha, pussy. Like it was just, I loved it. Okay, I needed a new rack because sometimes what I do is I take myself on dates. So being older, desert times comes from desert measures. If my sister's ever out of the apartment because we live together,

I usually end up taking myself on a date. And so normally what I do is I go to a burger stand that's like near my apartment and then right in an apparel and then I head over and I go see whatever play or musical I haven't seen. So the next time she's ditched me, I will go see that one. I love that. I love that you take yourself out on dates.

I feel like people don't do that enough. Like, when I lived in New York, it was easier in New York, because I feel like in LA, it's like, if I'm getting in my car, hopefully it's with a friend. But in New York, it's like you're around people all the time, like you're on the train, there's people on the street. I would go to movies all the time by myself, and I loved it.

Me too, I've like found such comfortability being by myself, and I've learned a lot since I've been doing that. And I've also learned how I also, like I, how do I say it? I enjoy being with myself, but as I get older, I realize like how much I do wanna spend it with someone. So I feel like I now know myself.

So I've hit my max on solo dates. I'm like, okay, now who can I have take me to a burger and after all in a play. And it's been hard actually. I'll be saying, so I'm turning 28 next month, which isn't like, obviously I'm not saying I'm old or anything, but it's interesting because every single one of my friends are engaged or married,

or having kids, and I have this internal pressure constantly because I love love. And so I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna keep it alive by taking myself on dates and doing things like that. But sometimes I just get so in my own feelings, like this sucks, I'm on April 2. Yeah. It does suck when like all of your friends

are in a relationship because like the real advice that people give is like, when you stop looking, it's gonna happen. Oh gosh. Be yourself, let your guard down. And you're like, that's what I've been fucking doing. That's what I've been doing. I, at one point, matched with this dude on Tinder,

this was earlier this year in January or whatever, and he was like, oh, I'm in an open relationship, I'm Polly, da da da. And I was like, I don't think I can, he was like, I hope you read my profile, I'm Polly. And I was like, oh, I really appreciate that. I just don't think I can be in a Polly relationship. Like I think I just wanna be someone's favorite person.

And then like three weeks later, I was like, you know what? Maybe I just need, maybe it'll be fun. And I was like, I'm compromising what I want because I'm like, maybe this will work. And then he ended up like having a ton of excuses as to why he couldn't go out. And I was like, this is the universe saying, stick to what you want.

You just want one. So just stick to that. So I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately. And actually my sister was calling me out because I have this tendency, normally, actually my girlfriend made a comment to me the other night and it kind of stuck in my head last week and it's throughout the week.

She said, so one of our girlfriends is engaged to someone that we don't like at all. We've made it very clear for the last five years like they shouldn't be married. But it's been tough. So she was saying to me, you know, I never have to worry about you. I go, why?

And she goes, well, at the first boo, you're scared and you go. You don't even give them a second chance, third chance, first chance. And so at first, I thought it was funny. But then I thought, oh, now I'm like hyper independent and hyper reserved that any time I see something wrong, I go, which is bad. It's like almost like a protect mechanism, trying to make sure, defense mechanism, trying to make sure that I don't get hurt. And so if I see any beige flags, I'll just dip.

So it's like, you know... I don't think it's that bad. So my friend Clark was on the show, and he was like, you're not attracting bad people. You're just attracting bad people, you're just accepting bad behavior and you just keep allowing people to be awful. It's not, he's like, just don't allow bad behavior.

So like, I don't think that's bad that like, are you saying like it's an ick and you're out or is it like someone treats you poorly? It can be more an ick or sometimes let's just say a guy has to like reschedule like a little last minute than I would prefer. And it's not really that bad. Like I told my girlfriend a random reason I stopped seeing a guy.

I was like, oh, he said something weird on text and it gave me like, it put me off and I'm just not going to see him again. And she goes, it really wasn't that bad, Sophia. And it's so wrong because honestly, I'm going to make mistakes or a guy's going to make mistakes. Clearly, guys will always make mistakes. I'm like, so will I. And so I think that I've gone to a point where I'm almost so,

you're on the other end where you're like, oh, I'll just maybe forgive and forget, right? Is that what you kind of were saying? Like you get too many chances? Yes, so I give way too many chances, but I also like meltdown, like I have internal meltdowns. Like I, the guy I'm seeing currently, he was like, oh, I'm tired, I can't go out.

And I was like, he hates me. And I burst into tears. And then I was like, wait, get in the shower. I think you need to like, like self-soothe a little bit. Because that's what my therapist said. She's like, let's not create catastrophes. And I said, OK. Crying in the shower doesn't count.

The tears in the water, it's all blend together. The tears is just different water. So then I was like, hey, that's fine. You're tired. It sucks to hang out when you're tired. I'll see you another day. And he was like, Hey, that's fine. You're tired. It sucks to hang out when you're tired. I'll see you another day. And he was like, Hey, thanks for being so cool. And I was like, cool. Oh, it's only you knew I'm not cool. I know that's that's honestly, especially me. I'm the same way. Like I so the comment that the guy made, I

told him was like, Hey, I can't see you anymore. Like, it's not working out. Made this a dramatic text message. My sorry ass texted him three days later. I'm like, hey, I think I spoke prematurely. I'm a little bit petty. I overthink a lot. So it's been interesting to navigate like my anxiety and dating and not, you know, closing myself off from everything, but also not giving

too many chances. And I feel like it's different when you're older because a lot of my friends met their husbands in college and I had that situation, but I was like, I am 19. I don't know who I am right now. Like, is this the person I want to date? Am I going to be the same person at 28? And that was the decision I made. I realized, no, 10 years later I'm very different, but it is also comes with risks because you're kind of like fighting for your life out here. You know? So you try to find the person

that doesn't have the most baggage. Mm-hmm. My friend Jimmy Falli, he said to me, I was like tripping about something. And he was like, hey, I'm like you. I fly off the handle, I'm a little crazy, I say crazy things, but I started going, what would a normal person do?

And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, no. Now I just go, okay, well, a normal person wouldn't say, I can't see you again, because they were like, let's get tacos and I don't want a taco. Like a normal person would go, Hey, I'm not feeling tacos. Like I just thought so wild. It's so simple. And my sister said this to me the other day, because I was overthinking a situation with a guy I was seeing. And she goes, Sophia, how are you feeling with him

right now? I go good. She goes, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Right now. I go good. She goes, not tomorrow, not yesterday, right now. I go, good. She goes, stay in that. Don't change it. Don't create a narrative in your head. There's nothing going on that should make you feel any other way than feel good because you can't control what happens tomorrow and you can't control what happened back then. It's how you feel now. It's honestly like being normal.

What am I doing in this current hour? How do I feel? It's so hard to be normal. It's so hard to just be a normal person with normal reactions. Like, I, okay, so on Instagram has like served me so much content that's like, girl, respect yourself. Girl, here's how you get a man. Girl, this is what men want to hear.

And I bought this e-book from this insane man who's very pretty and sits in a car, and he's like, here's how you'll get a man to be obsessed with you. And then I was like, you wrote this on Microsoft Word, and it's insane, and you've capitalized random things. And I was like, why did I give you $15 for this? I just be a normal person.

Just listen to the person, take it in, live in the moment. You don't need to read this fucking book. No, no, and by the way, honestly, I will tell you, it's been very interesting. So in our we have a podcast, my sister and I, and we've been looking at this trend of things that have been going viral in our reels. And it's usually the topics involving relationship issues or how to own yourself worth. The one that went the most crazy recently was all about how to basically stalk your

boyfriend's likes and following and comments so you can protect yourself. I mean, we didn't say like, go do it, it's like, this is how you can if you wanted to do with what you will, which is clearly not the healthiest thing to do. Anyways, it went viral, like 16 million views. And it kind of like my sister and I were saying how it's really sad that this many people, not like every single person, but a lot of people are feeling insecure in their relationships or overthinking a situation

or a person that they're dating. And they will do anything to kind of figure out what the other person's thinking or doing or feeling or trying to how to avoid getting cheated on before getting cheated on. It's just so crazy. We will do anything for that. And I am the same way.

I look at any social media posts. I can give me like three tips to be more confident. Like what three things you should ask on a date. I'm like, I've been dating for like 12 years. Like I should know. Yeah, at this point I'm like, I've done it so long. It's a job. It is a part-time job and I should be really great at it

but because people are different and you can't control people. I wish everybody was just like, so okay, I was watching Love on the Spectrum, this is a while ago, or maybe I was watching a clip from it, I don't remember, but it was speed dating and one of the people was like, to the woman's face was like, no. And she was like, oh.

Oh, I saw that, yeah. And then they were like, you can't do that. But I was like, but why not? Wouldn't it just be super easy if we were like, hey, I'm not feeling this immediately. Honesty. I know. Or like third date, you're like,

hey, I'm looking for a relationship. If you don't know what you want, then like we gotta like, I can't stick around to figure this out. But I'm so scared that that person's gonna go, oh, okay, great, goodbye. And you're like, oh, but we had a good thing. And then when people are like, oh, I'm still working

on my relationship goals, I've mentioned this so many times, but it pisses me the fuck off. Just say you're here to hook up. Just say I wanna hook up, say it. Yeah, have you heard of the taxi cab theory? No. What's that? So basically the theory is saying that with men mostly, but it could be women, that a man's light, if it's on, like a taxi light, means that they're ready for a relationship. If it's off,

it means they're just looking for a hookup and they don't really care. So you have to catch the guy that has his light on because let's just say you're dating a guy and his lights been off and he's been the one that's like push and pull not being totally committed and Saying he's not ready for anything then suddenly his light turns on he meets a girl and he ends up getting what he is usually the guy that gets married a year later and It's usually the theory saying like maybe it's not the right woman, but it's the right woman right now. Because he was ready at that moment. He wasn't ready like a year ago,

but he didn't realize it. And you didn't realize it. But later on, he suddenly decided like, oh, now I want a relationship. Like, it just kind of clicks. But then you're how do you find the one with the light on? That's That's what the honesty comes in. And that's why a lot of time on first days, I said to you, I was like, I'm very much myself right on the first day. I don't have any bullshit or any hesitation about saying like, what are you looking for? Like, what's kind of like the thing you're leaning into now? Are you trying to look for a relationship? Are you looking for casual? Are you really stressed at work? I try to weasel my way around it,

but you can kind of pretty much get an answer from just their immaturity or maturity on how to handle it. So that's kind of how you do it. And I don't really care if they think it's stressful. I'm looking for a relationship personally. So if you're not really looking for the same thing, even if it doesn't work out, it's fine. I got my answer, you know?

Huh, that's okay. I think the taxi cab theory is Aiden in Sex and the City. I think his light was on. And I really think he was like- Oh yes, it was from Sex and the City. Oh, is it? It was, oh my God, that's what it was. Oh my God, because I was like,

where did I hear this before? I've seen it so many times. You're so right.'s what it was. Oh my god. Because I was like, where did I hear this before? You're so right. Yes, it is Sex and the City. I wonder what episode though. Anyway, Aiden's light was on. Carrie was like, I don't want it. And then he, I think he married the next woman he met. Which is so wild. Big's light was off. Sophia, real quick, we have to take a break.

And we're back. Okay, so Sophia, I want to ask you about your paternal grandmother, who is a celebrity astrologist, or was a celebrity astrologist. So she's passed on, right? Yes. Okay. But when she was alive, did you ever ask her about like people, like you were dating to be like, am I compatible?

Or did she give you advice? You know, what's actually more interesting because she was kind of all over the place, traveling, doing astrology. And I wasn't also that aware about how involved she was kind of all over the place traveling, doing astrology, and I wasn't also that aware about how involved she was in astrology. Honestly, I didn't get really into it until a few years ago, but you know, who does know a lot about it is my dad.

And so growing up, we had crystals all over the house. He's very in tune with it. He's not someone that is reading someone's chart, but because his mom knew a lot about it, he knew a lot about it. So I would go up to him and say like, hey, what do you think of an Aries guy with a Virgo woman?

And so it's interesting, but it's funny because I'd ask him and he's like, yeah, she would always sell me like the compatibility, the stars, the predictions, like things like that. It's so wild. That's truly a treat. Like just to be like, mom, tell me what's up. Mom, is this a good time for me to do this project?

Like that's so fun. I know, I know. I mean, I think he's like a little more low key about it. He's definitely not like running around the house saying like Sophia, you're doing a Leo mail, like watch out. Like he doesn't give a shit about it at all. And I don't think they had like that closest of relationship with astrology,

but he just like, from her saying it a lot, it just trickled into him. And so growing up, Sissy and I knew a lot about it. And it's, I'm trying my best not to avoid guys that are like not my compatibility, but best believe I will look up how compatible we are in general. Okay, so I'm also a Virgo. Your birthday's the 27th, mine is the 29th.

Isn't it wild that I know your birthday? Wow, I love that. It's because my assistant, Lindsay, does incredible research. So we're both Virgos. Who are we the most compatible with? Ooh, cancers. I've heard cancers are really good. And other Earth signs like Capricorns or other Virgos and Tauruses. So I thought, yeah. Okay, I did date another Virgo and it was what a disaster. I will say you can't.

I OK, I agree with that. When I read about Earth signs getting together, I thought about my brain as a Virgo with another Virgo brain male. I'm like, we would drive each other nuts. The thoughts that would go back and forth and then then also the overthinking and also the analyzing, not well. That's why you need like a cancer that's a little bit more emotional with us that can kind of be a little bit more vulnerable and pull it out of us. Cause we need to be told as Virgos that, I mean,

everyone needs words of affirmation, but we really need the solid confidence that this is a sure thing. Yeah. I need it a lot that this is a sure thing. Yeah, I need it a lot, which is sometimes I'm like, oh boy, you're a real needy fucking bitch. But I just need someone to be like, hey, I'm having fun with you. Or you're a good type, or you're OK, or you're not being insane.

I just need that. Do you have your full chart? Do you know your sun, moon, and rising, things like that? I do, but I'd have to find it. I know I'm a Virgo Virgo. So like a Virgo Virgo rising. Oh, interesting. I don't know what that means per se.

I know that it's like, I'm very driven. I'm loyal to a fault. I'm a very particular person. But I also have like ADHD. So I have like piles of shit around the house where I'm like, I know what these piles are. You might not know what these piles are, but please don't fuck up my piles.

Exactly. I'm a very routine oriented person and anyone messes up my routine, it just throws me off my rocker. I need to have like my things in my place, even if it's messy, it's my mess. Yeah, it's my mess. I know. I understand it. Also, I just realized I don't love cooking because it is so tedious

and then the cleanup is even more tedious because when the little nubbins get in the drain, I then have to pick the nubbins out of it. And I'm like, I just, I just. By the way, I'm the same way. I'm the same way. My sister, she loves to cook. She loves to clean.

She was that person. I'm the girl that's like, let's order in the same thing we had two days ago and we'll do it again tomorrow and the next day. And then tomorrow we'll go out to dinner. I truly can eat the same thing. I ate lasagna every Friday for almost a year. And then one day I said, well, I don't need it anymore.

I don't know. I just, I love weird regimented things. Me too. I have the same breakfast every single morning. I have the same workout routine every single day. What do you eat for breakfast? Oh God, it's usually like apple with Greek yogurt and granola and that's pretty much it.

I'm like, by the cleanup, the bowl's clean. Minimal. So no cleanup. Yeah. You just put it right in the dishwasher. In the dishwasher, no problem. No hassle. Yeah. Okay the dishwasher, no problem. No hassle. Yeah.

Okay, I have a question. So, you've introduced, like, boyfriends to your dad, right? Yes. Is he like a TV dad where he's like, I'm big and strong and if you hurt my daughter, I'll kill you. Because my dad, I didn't ever introduce anyone to him, but he, I think was like, take her. She's, she's a lot of work. Take her. Like, is your dad overprotective

of you? Oh, for sure. You can't be a dad with three daughters and not develop some sort of production. And he's always said to us like, you're not going to get married till you're 40. Like, you're fine. Just hang out with me. Like, all guys don't trust him. And it's funny because I've, yes, I've only introduced him to, I've had three boyfriends in my time and those are the only three I've ever introduced. And I always have to warn them. I go, look, don't worry. He's going to act like he's all quiet and tough, but he's really, really nice. And he actually is. But when we meet them, he or him, he ends up becoming this character

that he knows they're expecting and he leans into it and he has a firm handshake and looks them in the eye and kind of is like, I'm about to go clean my knives in my office. Like John, when he hits the whole rainbow. I'm about to go clean my knives in the office is so funny. I know I'm like hoping because I haven't had a boyfriend for a second. So I'm like, okay, I'm turning 28. There's no way he can still play up this act at 28. Like, there's no way.

I don't think he will because now my mom is softening up with Cavapus and living in Florida where there's like just golf and pickleball. So I think he's a little chiller now. But back in the day, I remember my first boyfriend shook his hand. And the first thing he said to him was, grip is stronger like a man grip is stronger. That's so funny. And my ex boyfriend every day would practice with me grabbing my hand say with this is approved? If it was approved, like, I honestly remember that. I was like, this relationship is over. Also so funny.

Let it out. Your dad ruined that relationship. He did. Oh, we definitely, six months that was in and out ruined. Is this strong enough? Is this strong enough? Is it also intimidating for men to meet your mother? Your mother is a model.

She's so gorgeous and she's amazing, but she is angel on earth. My mom treats all the boys like they're her sons. So she actually, when we ended up breaking up with the boys, she's like, why did you hurt their heart feelings? And she thinks like, we're the mean ones. And so it's funny because she, it's perfect yin and yang because my dad will be the brooding person in the back, but then my mom will be up front, be like, hi,

welcome. Like, I'm making cookies. That's so funny. Wait, so how about because you have, I guess, a similar situation except in a different way. Like you're on TV and social media. Do you ever feel like guys have like watched your stuff before meeting you? And do you feel like nervous or you have stuff before meeting you and do you feel nervous or do you have to put on this I'm always funny or something like that with you?

So in years ago I felt like I had to be like I'm always funny but I dated someone about like, I guess it was three years ago at this point. It'd been like two months in and I got home from shooting from work and I like got home from shooting, from work, and I was telling him about my day, and I was like, I'm sorry, this is so fucking boring. And he was like, hey, I care about your day.

You don't have to entertain me. And that clicked something. Like, it wasn't a good relationship, but it clicked something in my head. I was like, oh, I don't have to always be entertaining people. I'm dating. So like, when we stopped seeing each other and I started dating again, I was like, oh, I don't have to always be entertaining people I'm dating. So like, when we stopped seeing each other and I started dating again, I was like,

oh, I'm just going to be like authentically me and not try to be like tee hee hee ha ha ha, bits, bits, bits. But I don't, I don't, I don't have a label. I don't like to say I'm straight. For whatever reason, I feel like it's like, I don't know, it's 2024. If I meet somebody who's not in the binary

that usually I'm attracted to, I'm not gonna say no, because I'm like, no, strictly dickly. Like, that's just, that seems insane to me. Because love comes in different forms, and it's exciting, and who knows what I'll fall in love with. But so yeah, I just just started being very authentically me on dates, and I usually date straight men.

And straight men love to tell me that they've never heard of me one time. They're like, I don't know you, but my roommate does. And you're like, OK. We all have Instagram. I mean, at this point, you're doing recon on the person you're about to go on a date with You write like I don't know any of your work is kind of wild a little bit

But also I don't expect people to know who I am But I don't know like I've been like So I went on this one date I've talked about this before but I went on one date with this guy who was like, I absolutely unequivocally, I know you're a standup, but like, I don't know your work. And I was like, okay.

And then like 10 minutes later, he was like, but I've seen you on Conan. And I was like, okay. And then he's like, and I know you have a podcast. And I was like, okay. And I was like, I think you know more than you're letting on. No? I know.

And you're like, it was kind of of the same situation with when guys are fans of my dad and they come on dates is that as much as it kind of turns me off a little bit in a way of like, oh, are you here for the right intentions? I always do lean into it. And for probably for you, you're like, I appreciate that someone amires my work, you know, that they like for me, like, they admire his work, because he did such a good job, he worked so hard for what he had and like same for you. Like you deserve the credibility. Like a guy should be looking at you going, holy shit, I'm going out with Nicole Byer. Like this is so cool. Like she's worked for everything she's gone and we'll own it. Like I know for me, like I, when a guy gets all fanny, I kind of just lead into that. I go, yeah, he's great. I'm his offspring. I don't know how to throw a punch, but hey.

Well, yeah, because otherwise it's like, either you get like, you lean into it, and you're like, yes, this is my life. Or you start resenting it, and you're like, I hate that people are always talking about my dad, or like, whatever. But it's like, no, you love your dad, and you're proud of him.

Well, it's a part of me. Yeah. It's my last name. Like, I can't run away from it. And a lot of things I've had in life is because of him. And so I'm, like, indebted to him in a way. And so I'm never gonna be so deterred by it, especially as I get older, I realize that more. I think when I was younger, I was kind of like,

oh, my God, let me push away. But it's life. Like, people are gonna know who he is. Like, it would be crazy, like, someone my God, let me push away. But it's life. Like, people are going to know who he is. Like, it would be crazy, like someone didn't sometimes. And I, look, find me that person. Find me that guy. That'd be cool. It's just like, who?

Who's Sebastian Stallone? Sorry, I grew up in a commune and I just found out what a TV was. And it's like, oh, OK, great. No, but it's, yeah, so I get it. I get it. When you're like, I want to lean into it, but I also don't want people to think they know already either. Yeah.

I will talk about work sometimes, but I also try to not make, like, I try to, like, explain things because I'm like, oh, I don't expect everyone to know the ins and outs of the business or whatever. But I did date this one guy who I was like, I was like pitching a joke. I was like trying to figure out this joke. I was like, I have this joke. I just need something in the middle to make it work.

And he was like pitching on it, which I didn't, I was like, whatever. Like, I'll figure it out. I don't need you to help me with it. But, and then he was like, I don't know. I think what I said is actually really, really funny. And I was like, okay, I just don't need you to help me with it. But, and then he was like, I don't know. I think what I said is actually really, really funny. And I was like, okay, I just don't think it's my voice. I think I'll get there.

And then he was like, I think if we did a standup show where you weren't announced and I went before you, I would kill. And I was like, oh, okay. Huh. And I was like, I don't, and he's like, oh, you don't think so? And I was like, no, because I've been doing it for a really long time and it's my job. And I get paid for this.

Yeah, I was like, wait. And he was like, yeah, Nicole, if it was like an audience full of like, not like you're your fans, but just like comedy fans in general, I think I would kill. And I was like, I think I would kill. And I was like, I can arrange this. And then he was like, what? And I was like, I can arrange this.

Stop. I have several places in LA that would, I can get you 10 minutes on the show, and I can get 10 minutes of me on the show unannounced with a very good crowd of just comedy fans. And then he was like, oh, you just want to be the only funny person in this relationship. And I was like, oh, you just want to be the only funny person in this relationship. And I was like, no, no.

I don't want to be the only funny person in this relationship. And I didn't say this out loud. I was just like, I could just make it happen. And then he was like, no. And then we like, he like made a joke and I was like, okay. And then I felt some type of way.

But I was like, it really felt like you were trying to diminish what I've done in a way that didn't feel great. Because I was like, because you made him intimidated. I mean, from your talent, he clearly couldn't handle that. So he was like, how can I make her feel like the things that she's doing isn't that hard? Like I can do it too. And he's almost like trying to convince himself

that he can be that person. And when push comes to shove and you have the opportunity, he can't step up. A real, if he was so confident. No, because we were together for a while, see? And I was like, and I brought it up several times. I was like, if you still want to do that show, we can do it.

And, because I always laugh at myself. I'm always having a really great time. I can be entertained by myself. I'll dance alone with my dog. I love it. When I'm alone, I sometimes will make him shake for a treat. And every time I shake his little paw, I go, nice to meet you! And then laugh uproariously.

Ha ha ha ha! Honestly, anything that works. It's so dumb. But I'm also like, when you shake someone's hand, you say nice to meet you. Just because we do it all the time doesn't mean I'm not going to be like, it's nice to meet you. He's proper. He just put his hand out to shake it.

He needs a formal introduction. Yes. And this guy I was dating with, he would always go, oh, you think you're really funny right now, don't you? Oh gosh. And I'd be like, yeah, I do. And now you're ruining it.

Why can't you just either laugh or just not laugh? Yeah, just don't say anything. You don't have to say a word. You could just be like, what? She's having a nice time over there. Oh gosh, Nicole. Real quick, we have to take another break. What is one of the worst dates you've been on? What is one of the worst dates you've been on?

Ooh, one of the worst dates I've been on. I remember I went on a date before where I actually flew out to see him. And he was on a team. Wait, did he flew you out? No. Oh. Oh, no. We were talking for a while.

And he was like, you should come visit me in Florida. And I was in LA. So I was like, yeah, of course. And he goes, OK, go get your flight and come over. I, first of all, should have never done that in the first place. So I flew all the way over there. And I was so excited because he's like, I'm gonna plan this whole night for you.

Comes to find out he never came back that night, never planned anything. I was basically alone in my own hotel room. No. And so I basically just booked a flight back to LA right after. Yeah, that's a terrible fucking date. That's awful. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Did you talk to him again? So my sister's making like motions in the back. I guarantee my sister has a funny one. She's like trying to explain to me. When you go to his apartment and there's a dad's poster. Tell her to come on over. Oh, do, oh. Do I come and say hi?

She said that I should bring up the fact that I went on a date and I went into his room. That's my sister. Say hi. Hi guys. Hi, hi, hi. She said, so that was a pretty bad one. That was also so dumb of me and I clearly thank God he was gone. But she was trying to bring up one time I went on a date

and we've been back to his place. And the first thing I do when we open his room, his bedroom door is a giant Rocky poster. Oh no. Okay, if that was me, I would have taken it down. I would have just taken it down. And this is the thing, this is one of those situations where I'm fine, you're a fan.

Like, it's great that you do love him. He's inspirational. But like, uh-huh. The poster is wild. How about, would you want me to have a poster of Steve, your dentist's father, up on my wall? Wait a minute. I love that I was like, I would have taken it down.

I hooked up with someone with a life-size cut out of myself. So you know, by the way, by the way, if a guy had a big poster of me, like, in the cutest outfit, I'd be like, oh, okay. Well, look at that. You look like you love me. Okay, so we're married now? God, that's so funny.

Wait, what's the best date you've been on? Oh, best date I've ever been on. Oh my gosh, what was it? I'm honestly haven't been on dates in so long. Oh, okay, so I went on a date actually a few months ago. I ended up not staying with him anymore, but he's a great guy, prefacing that. I was in Florida and I was just staying there for the week

and him and I had gone out a bunch of times before. He flew into town and he texted me the late night before and goes, get up at 8 a.m. and be ready. Like put a cute dress on and meet me outside of your hotel. I go outside and he walks me over and he knows how to sail boats. And so he set this entire boat like cruising around Miami and he had like champagne and breakfast and it was just like I like I usually could just go

on dinner dates. I really don't go on that like that extravaganza of dates. But having a guy go the extra mile and this was like our fifth date and he like got a boat. Like that, it was like, he like works with boats. Like he like as a sailor, I went out with a sailor, which is kind of a weird thing to say. But, um. No, I love it. Like he's like, he like professionally sails. And so it was cool to like see what he loves to do.

And then he just like set up this whole thing and it was just so much fun. Yeah. Oh my God. That's so sweet. I love that. That's so cute and romantic and like I had bathing suit on we like swam around the water. Yeah, it was so romantic. How lovely. It kind of sucks when things like don't work out when someone is

romantic like that. But also it's like that's like a nice memory. That's like that's always like oh my god that's like so nice. And that's like, that's always like, oh my God, that's like so nice. And that's the thing is like, especially with him specifically, I feel like it's so nice when it doesn't end on a bad note. And I even said to him, I was like, we get along so well, it just it doesn't work. Like, unfortunately, like sometimes things don't click. And like, that's what, you know, people do for five years. It just doesn't click. You go on three dates, it doesn't't click but it was I even said this and I said like that really

was the best date so thank you because now my standards are way higher. That's so I love that you said that to him like I just I really love that I love communication. I did too. I think it's so nice. No I even said I ran into my boyfriend from high too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too.

I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too.

I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. I did too. for being such a good first boyfriend because now I went into relationships, you know, being a lot more positive about them rather feeling, you know, all the anxieties and stress and

toxic things that a lot of people do experience when they're younger with relationships. And it was, and he even started tearing up and it was so sweet. And honestly, when you tell people the good things that happen in the relationship rather than the bad all the time, you really can get to like some really healthy common ground and also just like gets out of your mind when you don't have to worry about someone in the past that like did you do wrong. You can be like, this person did that.

I'm gonna close that chapter, leave it there. He did these good things and that's all I'm gonna focus on. That is, I like that. I think that's really nice. I also think it's healthy to be like, okay, it didn't work for these reasons that maybe were bad, but also there was good here.

There is a reason why I stayed, because otherwise you start beating yourself up, being like, well, am I an idiot because I stayed and it was bad? And it's like, no, there was some good stuff. And I think that's like really, listen, a thing I'm working on in therapy is being kind to myself, because my therapist is like,

if a friend said that about themselves, wouldn't you go, no, girl, don't say that or whatever? And I was like, yes. And she's like, so why would you ever say that about yourself? You are your friend. And I'm like, ah, OK. It's so, so true. And I think also another really hard thing

why people can't be honest is because they don't want to be the bad person in the situation, you know? Yes. Because I've had moments where even I talked to my therapist, I was like, I don't want to do it. I'm really nervous. I'm scared. I don't want to be upset with me and hate me. And she goes, you know, Sophia, and I love this quote.

He's like, you're going to be the villain in someone's story. You can't control all the narratives. You can't control people's feelings, emotions. All you can do is go into this healthy, mature and honest and however he reacts will be the way he reacts. As long as you do it the best way possible. And honestly having that and going, okay, like I can't be perfect all the time

and not everyone's gonna love me. And maybe I'm gonna have to make decisions. But if it's for myself and it's not intentionally trying to hurt someone then you know That's I'm gonna be the villain in this story for a little bit and then eventually they will come around and go You know, she really wasn't that bad. She wasn't that bad. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, so you live with your sister Is she single too? She is single. This has been very interesting How do you think you're gonna handle if one of you gets into a relationship?

Do you think they'll change your relationship? Yeah a little little bit. Well, you know, her and I are so close. I was really, really lucky that Sistine and I are getting along as we do. Because I know people that have siblings and they're not as close. And we've been living together for the past five years. And we work together, we eat together, sleep together. And so we're constantly like we want to fall in love like we want to find a boyfriend But it's interesting because we were just talking about this and we're saying oh Okay, so if you do find someone and you have to move out like What are we gonna do like what if you move to? Texas like what if you move to Connecticut like what what is this dynamic and She keeps convincing me that she'll travel wherever I am like she'll just follow me she keeps convincing me that she'll travel wherever I am. Like she'll just follow me, follow Sue.

But yeah, I get really nervous. I mean, I really want the best for us romantically, but it is a weird situation. Cause I go into like friends, how, you know, friends that I had back then to now, you know, your life changes when you have kids and marriage and boys. So I think we're going to stay super close

cause our number one priority, honestly, is like we love each other so much as like really being near each other as close as we can. And we always say, we're like, we need to convince our boyfriends they can stay near us. Like where they can move to where we are. I mean, yes, I have a friend who lives with her sister

and her sister's husband. And I'm not sure if her boyfriend has moved in or not, but like they all are fine with it. And they all get it. And I think more people need to like get involved. Like love doesn't have to look like it looks on TV. It's like, what if you guys lived in like a townhouse where like, you know, it's like you're in the bottom,

your sister's on the top, you have your partners, and then like you eat dinners together or like whatever you choose when you spend your time together. I think that would be lovely. We always say we're gonna get houses next to each other and have a tunnel underneath. So that we can like go to each other's house.

I don't know why we said underneath, we can like walk to each other's houses. No, no. We'll have like little girls sitting underneath. Sophia, I like the tunnel. The tunnel is fucking funny. That's why you said tunnel. So you can just be like,

do-dee-doo-doo-doo-doo, hello. I'm sorry, we gossip. We'll have a little wine cellar under there. That's where we gossip about our husbands. Yes, you have your little wine time, and then your husband will be like, were you in the tunnel again? Yes.

It's only for girls. I think it's so fucking funny. Yeah, girls only tunnel. Sophia, this was so delightful. Truly, I could talk to you for like hours. Like you're wonderful. I loved working with you. Thank you so much for doing this. You had no idea.

I adore you. You were the first person I, when I came home and I told my sister, I was like, Nicole's the nicest person in the world, and she's so amazing, she's so funny, and I'm rooting for you on the sidelines constantly. Oh, thank you. I'm rooting for you.

Honestly, that shoot was like summer camp, and when it ended, I was like a little sad. I was like, wait. I was so sad. All my friends? I was so sad. I was like, all my friends? All my friends are gone?

Travis Kelsey, my new best friend. I don't get to see him anymore. I'm like Ron and I can't look at each other's boards. Like we can't. I love Ron Fungus so much. It was so funny. You and Ron were having such a good time behind me and I'd have to turn all the way around

and be like, what are you guys talking about? Include me. I will say we aren't the most unlikely pair out of everybody there. Like him and I could not be more different, but he is the best you've ever met. He's so sweet and wonderful. He texts me, he's like, I'm gonna go see Missy Elliot.

Would you like to go see Missy Elliot? And I was like, I would. He's like, here are my seats. I'll see you. And I was like, great, I got seats directly behind you. So we went and saw Missy Elliot. He had his friend. I went with my friend, Sashir,

and we just like danced and looked at each other and like yelled things at each other. He's just the best and the sweetest, and I love him. I love him. I love them. I honestly miss him, and I'm always like trying to listen to his podcast

a little bit when I can. Oh, that's so sweet. Wait, okay, Sophia, before we go, do you have anything you want to promote? You have your podcast, Unwaxed. Yeah, so to promote? You have your podcast, Unwaxed. Yeah, so my sister and I have a podcast called Unwaxed. We release it every Tuesday. It's about sex, dating, love, everything funny.

We try to just make relatable topics as chaotic as possible. I love that. And then is The Family Stallone coming back? I think we're going to probably shoot season three soon. So it's not coming out soon, but it is on Hulu right now if anyone wants to watch. Perfect. Thank you so much for being... Oh, wait, I forgot. Would you date me?

I would absolutely date you. I love hilarious people. And you're the nicest. And you have a dog. I do. It's Clyde. I'm a big dog person. My little friend. People that love dogs are a green fly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He's such a cutie. I want a dog.

Isn't he so cute? He's got a purple tail, and sometimes people will ask me if that's real, and I'm like, grow up, what do you mean? What do you mean, is it real? No. Anyway, Sophia, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me.

Of course, and if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts, write a nice review. Sometimes the reviews are mean, but I haven't looked at them in a long time, so maybe they've turned around. But if you write me something nasty hitting on me

to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com, I will read it. This person said, hi Nicole, long time listener, first time submission. I'm a gay man, so apologies in advance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I love these ridiculous submissions, here we go. In an ideal world, we would have a perfectly normal

first date at a nice restaurant or bar. Then at a hotel or at one of our houses, we would have a perfectly normal first date at a nice restaurant or bar. Then at a hotel or at one of our houses, we would proceed to coat ourselves from head to foot in a Kinnako powder? I don't know what that is. Kinnako powder? And lick and suck every fold, flap, nook, and crevice while playing a riveting game of UNO

because Kinnako is tasty as fuck, and so are you. What a dream, what a dream, truly.ako is tasty as fuck and so are you. What a dream, truly. I hope this submission tickled your funny bone. Keep up the podcast. We love it. I frequently end up cracking up out loud on the train to work here in Japan.

Ah, in Japan! You're in Japan, what a dream! Ha ha ha ha ha! I always forget podcasts are accessible all over the world. So, oh, this is a note from Mars. Kanako powder, which I might be saying it wrong, is a Japanese yellow powder. It's made by grinding soybeans. Oh, well, interesting.

I want to go to Japan. Maybe I'll meet you there, friend. Okay, goodbye. [♪ music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, with talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywon'tyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future

show. Thanks for listening! We'll see you next week with a brand new episode! Deedoo boo boo bop! Bye bye! This has been a Team Coco production.