Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Hello Wrapped in Goodbye w/ Ny'Ea Reynolds

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Cheers to homegirl-time in the sanctuary—W.E. truly couldn’t have done it without the Delegation! In this episode, SJR and the homie, Ny’Ea Reynolds, are unpacking all of the things. Let's just say Sis is in her bag, but she's in His too! Find out what happened when Ny’Ea let go of what she thought she knew about herself to simply be with God. Plus, the two reflect on their greatest, pettiest, best, & baddest moments of 2021! Issa NEW year, SAME God kinda vibe & W.E. are here for it! The bestie SJR says that every goodbye leads to a new beginning. Sooo, what are you saying hello to in 2022? Co-hosting W.E. hope! If you bout it bout it, email [e-mail]. Then achieve your health goals with the support of HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve14 + BetterHelp.com/Evolve.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody like that. You don't need no itch, it's a two-unit boundary. So what? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. Happy New Year's Eve Eve. Um, did I just make up a holiday? Y'all ought to be all right with that though, because y'all stay making up holidays on these here social media streets. Y'all do it every week with those random days like National Dott or Day that I'm pretty sure changes every day, but anyway, what does that even mean? And why haven't my parents sent me a gift or paid a bill of mine to celebrate it yet? Speaking of celebration, okay?

It's almost time to start celebrating the new year. I'm challenging you to focus more on what you're saying. Hello to while also saying goodbye to this year. I know I'm ready to say hello to some girl time with my friend, Nightyear Reynolds. It's a good one. Let's get into it. Hey girl, hey, you got me slipping for a second. What are you doing? Live your life.

Don't let me catch you slipping. Continue slipping one. You definitely call me slipping because I was trying to make sure my laptop was charging. So, charging. Are we good? Hey girl. Yes, man. Hey, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm good. I'm doing so good. Thank you for doing this. Yes. Thank you for having me. I'm absolutely excited and honored. So thank you. What made you want to sign up to be a coast? You know, facing those fears of mine, um, I just, I, I feel like I'm in a different place in my life where God wants to use me in a lot of other ways that I didn't expect before. And I have always just been afraid to like jump out there and try things sometimes. So this is definitely

like my first step towards getting into that that bag of, you know, being fearless and just leaning on God and trusting him and where he's going to take me. So we love to hear it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. So tell me how you learned about woman evolve. So I started watching your sermons about a year, a year and a half ago, a friend of mine had sent me, or told me about you actually, and the first sermon I heard was girl get up.

And I was like, oh, oh, okay. And so from there, I have just been like tuning into your sermons. Then I came across woman evolve and I found the podcast. So I've been around for about a year and a half or so. Hey, girl. So you saw the transition from like the old podcast to the new podcast. You know what's crazy when I first started listening to the podcast,

it was the last episode of that live format that you did. Okay. So I was like, oh wow, like it was so different and then it switched over to the way that it is now. But I actually love this format, honestly, especially the fact that you give other women like an opportunity to like come co-host and stuff like that. But the lives were fun too, like with the delegation and stuff like that. I didn't get the chance to be a part of the delegation yet,

but I enjoyed those conversations. It was, it was fun. I was just thinking we had a team meeting last night and I was just thinking, man, there are so many things that have happened to the end of news that would have been prime, woman evolved content like the baby and Danny Lee, who yes, that would have been rescue Eve all day long.

Rescue Eve for sure, yes. It's been a lot of things happening in the world just in general. So yes, like that, that was a rescue Eve moment for sure. Yes, I mean a lot of things happening in the world just in general. So yes, like that that was a rescue e moment for sure. Okay, so this is going to air right before the new year. So I am going to ask you questions about your year, our theme for the month is reflection. So I'm going to ask you questions just about your year. I'll answer any questions you have for me, very is reflection. So I'm gonna ask you questions just about your year. I'll answer any questions you have for me, very conversational. So if you like, have a question,

or you're like, what do you think about this? Just toss it to me. And we'll have some good girl time. Yay. Okay, so Nia, it is the end of 2021. We are heading into 2022. And I guess what I wanna know from you about your year is what has been the greatest lesson that you learned in 2021 the most surprising lesson that you learned this year. Oh, that's a loaded question. But I feel like the biggest thing that I've learned from this year

is to really have more confidence in God rather than myself. I struggle with self-confidence for a really long time and I had just gotten to a place where I started to become more confident in myself and my abilities, but then a lot of times I would fall back into this fear of rejection or insecurity or feeling like I have imposter syndrome. I don't deserve to be in this

position that I'm in and things like that. But once I really started letting go and giving God everything, it really changed my life. It took a long time for me to let go of myself to be with him. Is it like one thing this year that stands out as like a pivotal moment for you where you were like, you know what? I'm really somebody different out here. Actually, truly, and I'm not even saying this just because I'm here, but really being able to be a part of this podcast like a couple of months ago I had this crazy transition and happened all within like 30 days of me like taking a break Not being on social media not paying attention to like what everybody else is doing and comparing myself to other people And I really like had to let go of a lot of like behaviors that I was holding on to.

I started listening to music differently. Like I had to change a lot of what I thought I knew about myself in such a short period of time. And it was just crazy because when I thought about even being in this position, I really was taking a back when guy said, I mean, you can do this. Like don't doubt yourself that the position I'm putting you in just in general in life. You're a myth for this.

And I question that all the time every day, just in general. So. I asked you that too. I questioned that too. I like what you said about changing what I've known about myself. Because it's difficult to understand yourself

in one particular dimension and then to decide, like I don't wanna exist in this format anymore. I wanna change the way I'm showing up in the world, which means I do have to change like, oh, I'm shy, I don't speak up or I don't promote myself or I don't put my work out into the world. I'm just waiting for it to get discovered and to come to a place where you were changing

what you know about yourself, can you unpack that? Like what specifically did you have to change about what you've known about yourself and what have you changed it into? So I'll give you one example just to start with, because this was something that I really blew my mind about the whole journey. I listened to a lot of music, all types of music. Like I'm

the type of person that will really listen to anything and everything. And for a long time, I used to say like, you know, half the time, I don't care about the lyrics. Sometimes I just want to hear like the beat or like the vibe of the song. Like it can be very meaningful for me, but it can also just be like a vibe and things like that. But when I started going through this journey in such a short amount of time, I couldn't listen to the things that I was listening to every day. I couldn't listen to those things anymore because I felt it was like I felt convicted about something. I felt convicted about some of the words that I was just taking into my body and I struggle with like anxiety a lot like I struggle with it for most of my life but

I didn't even realize that I had anxiety until I got to like college and I had like my first like full-on anxiety attack but it really wasn't too far from what I used to do when I was a kid and I used to just panic over these things and so I got to a point where I was like, I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being afraid of doing things, I'm tired of letting situations take me over. And so once again, I had to let go of some of that music, I had to let go of the things I was looking at on social media.

I literally love Instagram with all my heart, but I had to get off of it for two months straight. And it felt weird at first. And I felt like in my missing something, oh my gosh, I'm missing something so important. But it really showed me that like when I let go of things, I'm going to get more out of it than what I ever thought I would. Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely going to come back to social media. I definitely enjoy it. But I had to take a break because it was like tearing me apart in a lot of different ways. So he's just been breaking me down and not in a bad way, but literally just breaking apart

all the things that I hold on to and telling me, you don't need that. You really don't need that like you think you do. So it's crazy. It's funny what you say about music, because that is so true. I forget where we were, but they were playing, I think maybe when I was in Dallas, but they were playing music and they played self-titled by Beyonce. And let me tell you, I was in my peak,

womanhood single, woman journey when self-titled came out. And they played jealous. And I am a full married woman, jealous about nothing, but I turned that music on and I was like, I'm jealous of the way you brush your teeth and the more like I define something to be jealous about. That song used to give me such a vibe, but it's just so funny how music has a gravitational pull to whatever emotional state the artist was in.

So when you open yourself up to music, like of course it's a vibe that changes your vibe because you're entering into someone's creative space. And if you don't go into that space guarded, you will find yourself transforming. Like you won't be mad at anybody here and look if you bucking now you ready to roll up on somebody who's looking at you crazy.

Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. It's just been really crazy and I have felt alone but not lonely in this season and I say alone because I chose that I chose that for myself in this time whereas lonely to me feels like you know, you don't have anybody else. And it can be like very uncomfortable.

And there have been times where I have really just like sat down and like cried because it was like, what is this like, Lord, like why me? Like, I don't know, like, why do I have to feel all these things like all the time? And I don't make that in a sense of what it's me and it's all about me at all. But it's just been a really interesting journey,

but it's also allowed me to respond to the same situations in different ways. So I've learned to really tap into those conversations with God and recognize His voice. I didn't recognize His voice for a long time because I wasn't talking to Him every day. Now it's to the point where it's like, this is like all I do. And I just, I wasn't talking to him every day. Now it's to the point where it's like this is like

all I do and I just, I don't know, it's just been, it's really been like a crazy roller coaster and such a little amount of time. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you a question you talked about like hearing God's voice and you know I'm a pastor and I talk about like you know meditation and connecting with God and hearing from God and being Holy Spirit led. But can you define in your own words what it feels like to hear from God? What does that look like for you in your life? Because someone may be listening and they're like,

how do I know if it's myself or God? How did you tell the difference? So the biggest difference for me when I'm trying to discern my voice from God's voice is if there's a piece that I have about it. A lot of times when I'm like trying to make decisions on my own, I get real anxious, I start second guessing, is this the right thing to do? But what if this happens? I play out all these like crazy scenarios of like what could possibly go wrong. But I feel like God speaks to different people in different ways. In my personal opinion, I know that God speaks to me a lot.

I mentioned music, but also through like journaling and things like that. But that could look different for somebody else. Somebody else could hear a guy from repeated messages from three different people. And it could, to them, it could feel like, okay, I thought maybe this was what God was saying. And maybe it is because I keep getting this message.

I just personally feel like when I feel God is telling me this, I'm not rushed for time. I don't feel anxious about it. I'm really calm in that situation. And it's taking me like a lot of time to get there. And I'm still working on it. Like I'm still trying to like discern his voice in certain situations because I get in my head a lot.

I spend a lot of time in my thoughts. So I think it's one of those things where depending on who you are, you have to sit with him in a different way. And I don't know what that looks like for everybody, honestly. It could be different for each person. And I don't know what that looks like for everybody, honestly. It could be different for each person. If you're anything like me, then it gives you great joy to tell your kids, we have food at home when they ask if they can eat out at their favorite restaurant.

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Woman Evolved 16 for up to 16 free meals and 3 free gifts. The keyword you said there was discern. If you want to hear God's voice, you have to practice hearing the sound of God. For me, that happens through worship. When I'm in worship and I have taken all of my focus and I'm turning it towards God. And for me, sometimes that takes work. Like I have to remember in the midst of my own world,

like how do I sense and feel God? Maybe it's when I'm looking at the ocean, maybe when I'm thinking about how the body is so interconnected it makes me feel like, okay, I know there's something bigger than us out there. When I turn my focus towards God from that space, I'm able to experience God's presence. And so in my day to day life,

when I'm trying to hear the voice of God, I look for the pockets that lead me closer to that feeling of worship. It's almost like, remember when we were younger and we used to play that game like hot cold, like, okay, you getting closer, you get hot. It's hot. Like that's how I feel like in my decision making, like I'm trying to get closer and closer to the presence of God. So it's like God, should I take this opportunity? And I start playing that opportunity out of my mind, I have to see, does this get me hotter and closer to God's presence Or does it feel like it's pulling me away into your point? It does take practice

But I think you have to want want to understand what does it feel like to be in the presence of God so that I can search for that Presence in my own decision making and it sounds like that's what you're tapping into Yeah, definitely it it's one of those things where it's like, you do have to start to change the things that you would normally do. If you keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome, you're gonna get the same result most of the time.

So I realized that I would be frustrated about a lot of things, but then I had to think about, what role do I play in this and why it's not working, or why I'm looking at this a certain way. And then I really had to like change my perspective. Like the perspective aspect is like huge for me. I had to really learn to look at my relationship

with him in a different lens, because the same way that I used to look at things and get attitude about stuff before, now I'm looking at it in a sense of, well, how is this gonna help me move them forward? Like, how is this helping solidify my relationship with God? Is he putting me in this place just to make me fill away or is he putting me in this place

because I need to grow here, even though I don't wanna be here, I need to grow here first before he can take me somewhere else. And I used to be upset sometimes because it would be like, I want like these certain opportunities and I just really feel like, why can't I? You know, but it was like God was telling me like, you're not ready right now. You need to, you got to work on this first before you move to the next thing.

Like don't rush the process. Don't rush my timing because my timing is always going to be better than yours. That's what God is saying. And I learned that time and time again, his timing is like a one. It's always attention. And even when I don't always understand it, I recognize it now more than I did before. And so I'm able to like be a little more patient with myself and with him. Because I understand what he's doing a little bit more than I did before. So yeah. Okay, so now I have to get into our 2021 recap questions because I don't want time to run out and I have some petty questions to ask you and some funny questions to ask you. What is

your pettyest moment of 2021? Petty. Oh, Petty? Have you outgrown petty? Certainly you had at least one. I, I don't know that I would say this was even petty, but I know my mom is gonna be listening to this at some point. But the other day, I wanted some ugly boots for Christmas, but I didn't really, you know, I had it on my list. And so I was like, well, I don't really feel like waiting for somebody else to get them.

Maybe I'll just get on myself or whatever. So I was about to buy them. And then I was like, hmm, my mom probably has a whole bunch of discount codes and stuff like that. Well, let me just go take one of hers. Come to find out later on. She was like, oh, I bought you, I bought you a pair. And I was like, oh, that was kind of one of those moments where it was like, dang, I bought you, I bought you a pair. And I was like, oh, that was kind of one of those moments

where it was like, dang, I was kind of messed up. Like, I wouldn't use your little coupon code. You even tell me that you're about to get this. So now I feel like the bad person. Here's another situation. Um, so I was at my church and I was like helping out, do some things and set up like this tailgate that we were gonna have.

It was like a little like Christian tailgate for like the younger adult ministry stuff like that. And so I went inside the church and I was looking for something. And I saw like some tea bags that I really wanted. I was like, hmm, you know what? I haven't had these in a while. Like no one's gonna miss these.

I'm just gonna take a couple of these. And God was like, no, no, not okay. Lost the T-bags when I got to where I needed to go. So yeah, that was one of those like even moments like girl should have did that, even though it was T-bags like no. I'm gonna tell you because this is the same base I think. Some of my pettiest moments of 2021, you know,

when there was some news stories about people not bathing their children as often as they should, and then I started reading the news articles and dermatologists were like, you know, kids don't necessarily need bats every day. Let me tell you, Ella has skipped a few bats, as a blade. Okay, but I said it was a safe space,

and then you said, oh, and now people are looking at me behind the camera. I'm sure you should be interested. Listen, let me tell you something. No, I'm getting some nights. Because she turns into someone else at bath time. She wants to dance and party and do all of these things. And there are some nights I don't have it in me.

And I'm like, you know what? Did you go outside today? Did you play? Let me smell you under arms. Girl, put on your pajamas and get in the bed. She's on the sun. Sometimes it's every other day. I'm gonna have it in me and I'm like, you know what, did you go outside today? Did you play, let me smell your underarms girl, put on your pajamas, getting in bed. She's on the, sometimes it's every other day. Sometimes in a quick little wash up,

you know, for a little wash like that. Yeah, like a bath every day. Come on, right? You don't have to do that every day, but, you know. It's getting me dry skin. Okay, this is my truth, I'm sharing with you. Okay, I have a question for you What is like the best meal you had in 2021 like something that like stuck with you?

I would say, I have a terrible memory. That's the problem. Because eat, there's a lot of things that I eat throughout the year. I feel like the best thing that I've had was like some stuffed shells. It was like chicken in it and spinach and like sun dried tomatoes and how like a sauce in it and it was like not so really cheese on top. Did you make it? That's an awesome thing. That's an amazing thing. Yeah, did you make that? Really.

I, you know what I did and I'm not a person that knew how to cook for a long time. Did you make it? That's an awesome thing. That's amazing. Yeah, did you make that? Really? You know what I did? And I'm not a person that knew how to cook. For a long time, I was like, I'm the consumer. I'm not the cook. I just want to eat. I don't want to cook, but I was like, eventually, I was like, I want to try other stuff.

Like, you know, so I started cooking and like learning how to cook. And I was like, this is actually really good. I also had, this is not a food, but it was a smoothie. It was like a pear and, who was it? A pear and blueberry smoothie or something like that. That somebody made for me like two weeks ago.

That was like the best thing I ever had. It had like beats in it. I didn't even know if I liked beats. Really? Yeah, but she loved me. It was so beat. Deliciously that I was like dang, like I don't even know the difference.

Like this is really good. Like she didn't play anything extra and it was just the fruits themselves and like a vegetable. So it was really good. Okay. I had a life to, I had two life-changing food experiences this year.

One was, I hired a chef for my husband's birthday and she made these like lamb chops that literally left me confounded. Like I had nothing left. I think I heard. I remember you telling the story too. And I was like, you described it so vividly that I was like, I feel like I'm there eating the lamb chops. It was tender. It was sweet. It was, it's a little salty. It was just a beautiful experience. And that is absolutely amazing. I said, and you know, I don't even really eat lamb chops

like that, but after you said that, I was like, hmm, I need to know a lamb chops, she's talking about like. I highly suggest it. And I'm gonna ask her if she will give me the recipe. She probably won't, cause then I will be made. But that's all right. I'm gonna figure it out.

And I'm going to share it with as many people as possible. I also had a life changing taco at California adventure in Disneyland. And it was fried and there was cheese and there was shredded beef. And it was just a thing. So, OK, what is the baddest you look this year? When you look back over all of your looks and jazziness, like what is the,

like I kid was not playing with them and that I did not come to play with you girls. I came to slay. Okay, what was that? Mm-mm. I would probably say my birthday trip to Florida last year, I had like this cute like brown two piece on. It was so cute. It was like a long skirt and then it had like a it was like a kind of like a tie-up top at the top.

And then I had like my hoops going. I had like a little makeup going like I was just I was just feeling really good like I was like this is really amazing like that look was everything and it was probably one of the like simplest ones that I ever had because I really like, this is really amazing. Like that look was everything. And it was probably one of the simplest ones that I ever had because I really like to add a bunch of crazy colors and layers to stuff that I wear. But that was probably one of the simplest ones I had. And I felt great. Yeah, sometimes those are the ones

that really like put it together. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That did it for me. What bad habit do you wish you would have changed this year? I'm still I'm still working on it. It's like a work in progress, but like having more control over like the way that I spend money

and like saving better like I I'm not always the greatest with budgeting. I've gotten into it a little bit more this year, but there were definitely some like choices I could have made better with like my money. So I think that's like something I have to continue to work on for sure for sure. I think that I wish that I would have like actually tried to lose weight this year.

There was not one consistent effort this year. Like not one consistent. Like I got into the gym, I dabbled in the gym, I dabbled in salads. But for the most part, I did whatever I wanted to do. And that's all right. Is it? I don't know. It's okay.

And I remember you saying like, you know, I, I forgot what podcast episode it was, but you were talking about like eating and stuff like that and just eating what you want to eat and like being good to your body in the sense of I'm making my body happy and like, you know, the things that I enjoy eating that make me happy. Like I was just like, you know what, I'm, I definitely hear you on that like that that's something that you don't really hear as much as anything as people like beating themselves up about not like working out or getting to where they want to be so like it's okay like it's okay y'all's paying them it stressed me out and there were moments where y'all's paying them y'all's paying I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. better in those moments, like, I had to learn to give myself grace too. I had to learn to give myself a little bit of grace, because I'm like really hard on myself about a lot of things. So like I had to really like loosen up on that. Like it's okay, like just work on it,

you're gonna work on it next time. Like you need to continue to work on that, but don't beat yourself up about it type of thing. So that's a huge thing. That's what I think my greatest, and then we have an advice question we're gonna answer together. But I think my greatest lesson that I have learned

about myself in 2021 is that I am more resilient and persistent than I thought that I was. I would not necessarily consider myself someone who was very persistent. Like if something doesn't go my way very quickly, I can like give up and shift directions. Like I'm like, that's not for me, that's fine, I'll shift directions. But there are some things that only happen

if you are willing to be persistent. When I launched Womanyvov, like over and over again, it was like if you want people to hear about your book, you're gonna have to post consistently. You're gonna have to talk about it. You're gonna have to put yourself out there. We did so many different things with Womeningvall this year that's like, you're gonna have to continue

to just show up consistently and you're gonna have to believe in what you do so much so that you show up with the same excitement as you did on day one. And so I feel like I learned to be persistent this year and resilient, persistent in my faith and believing that even when circumstances weren't necessarily going the way that I anticipated that it didn't mean that that would be the final outcome.

I learned to stick through it. And it helped me emotionally. It helped me with parenting. It helped me in my marriage. And so I am grateful for the acknowledgement of persistence in my life this year. That's been one of my blessings. Yeah, that's huge right there.

Like being persistent and being resilient. That's something I definitely like learn through this time too. And I'm very similar to you in the sense of if some don't work the first time or maybe even the second time, I'll just be like, forget it. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with it anymore. It's okay. It's all right. But there are some things that it does take a little work. It does take a little bit more faith. And so I'm learning that it's okay to persist through certain things as well, but also learning the difference between What do you need to push more for and what are things that's like?

Okay, it's okay to let this one go because that's not necessarily what you need to be doing right now So like trying to learn the difference between that has been tricky for me But I am learning to be more persistent and consistent with the things that I start. Because a lot of times I start stuff but don't really finish it. I be having all these ideas and stuff I say I'm going to do and I don't finish. But this is the first year where I've actually finished things that I've started. And I'm like, oh my goodness, this feels great to actually finish something. So I want to look at the difference between persistent and consistent

because when you said that I think you can do something consistently, but not do it with the same power and in momentum that you started with. And I think persistency is bringing that same energy consistently. And I feel like that is what really yields results. How many of us know people who've been consistent, but they haven't done it with the same passion and energy. So they're still showing up in the marriage. They're still showing up at the job. And they're like, yeah, I'm still here, but you're not bringing the energy

that brought you into this room in the first place. And I feel like if anything's gonna shift or anything's gonna change, you're gonna have to not just do it consistently, but persistently. But I need to look at the definition to make sure that my definition is right. Yeah, I get what you're saying though,

that you can do something consistently for months for years, but not have the passion for it, but not have the same love that you have for it. But it's just to say that I'm still doing get type of thing. And so I think that those can be different. I'm gonna have to look at the definitions too. Me too.

But I get what you're saying, and I agree with that in the sense of differentiating those two. So absolutely, absolutely. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I receive countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues. I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave you all hanging.

Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHealth. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment, BetterHelp assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists.

It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking charge of their mental health. It's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help help.com slash evolve. Okay, let's get into our advice question. Okay. As far as advice goes, I want to know how to

find balance in being in the world, but not of the world. I never really feel like a Christian or like I'm progressing, even though I know I am because I can recall things from the Bible in much better detail than I could before. I find myself recognizing when the spirit inside of me is at work. I open my eyes every morning and realize God created me, created space for me again. So I don't know, I'm sorry. So I don't allow a day to go by where I disconnect from him,

but I'm not really a great prayer. I don't talk to God like I would talk to one of my little friends cursing in all, because he knows my heart. And in that, I feel super blasphemous when I speak in tongues because I don't know if that's for real or what I'm even saying. I find, I find I connect with you because I'm all the way ratchet. I'm not from Texas, but come on bun B, UGK, hip hop

and rap in general had to go on and throw it up one time. Okay. Anything black in general to be honest. How do I balance? How do I live authentically? And my wallet, if I can't discern if the old me is still thriving, or if there are parts of me that were shaken, but remain.

I'm on this walk alone. I have no sisters, brothers, second cousins, twice removed in Christ, or really any family outside of church either. I did join the book club, but Facebook is not my jam. So it's hard to stay connected. I find it hard to stay connected to my friends, because like you say, the ground is shifting.

It's not that they change it's that I change the ground keep shifting and I can't stay connected like I used to. My friends are really the only meters I have for the change I'm experiencing. I realize how I once connected is not how I currently connect and it's not that I need to cut them off. I probably won't because it's just me out here. It's just that I have to show up differently.

I never want to be the type of person to feel like I'm so caught away that I can't tap in with my friends because they represent a season in my life that ended or is coming to an end. How do you find balance? I can't afford to make the wrong move because I really don't like the me I used to be if I'm being honest.

How do I embrace that she is the reason I'm me today while releasing the trauma I experienced is her. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways is what most of my life at the moment feels like. And it's that indecision that won't break off of me because I'm not really sure how to show up or how to be content with the way I showed up helped. Ooh, wow.

Okay, okay. There were a lot of things in there that stood out to me of being in the world and being of the world in that like constant battle. And that's literally like where I am in my life and trying to figure that out and trying to navigate that. And I, sorry if you hear my dog in the background, she's just needing attention at the moment,

but you're fine, Amy. But in all seriousness, I will definitely say that is one of those things where it's like a day-by-day process of you'll get to a point of feeling like I don't even wanna do regular life without God at this point. I don't know if that do regular life without God at this point. I don't know if that's where you are if you've crossed that threshold yet.

And there's definitely, I have moments where I'm back in the world and I'm having my worldly and flesh type thoughts and I have those days. And then the following day, I literally have to force myself to get up and say, okay, how can I talk to God today like how do I connect with them? Do I need to pray? Okay, maybe praying is not my gig Maybe I need to sit down and like breathe a couple times until something happens where I can really connect with God Do I need to write it out do I need to take walks for that to happen like do I need to walk to clear my head?

I've just been open to trying everything that I can. Even stuff like going to a swim class, learning how to swim at the age that I am now has taught me to trust God, even just in the water. Like that may not seem like it connects, but when you start to look at your life as everything that you're doing is going to be intentional, when you start to think of it that way, then it helps you narrow down your choices and

what the choices that you're making in your life and the people that you're surrounding yourself with. And when you analyze, maybe these people or these things aren't adding to that or making it make sense in this season for me, you'll start to like naturally fall off of those situations or weave them out. At least that is kind of how it's been for me. I don't know how much that helps, but that is kind of my like piece of advice that when you really start to seek him and you're watching different things or you're listening to different things every day, It becomes just a little bit easier each time. Like, yeah. Okay, so I think that all of that really addresses everything that she put in here. I mean,

I want to hopefully help someone and of course her understand that walking in this spirit, being in relationship with God, following the example of Jesus is a process. It's not that you make this decision, and then suddenly all of your thoughts, all of your ways just disappear. It is a decision to say, I have a goal now. I'm no longer living my life randomly.

I have a model, I have an example of how I want to show up in the world. I want to show up in the world. I want to establish the kingdom of heaven. That means that I want darkness to not prevail on the earth. I want to be spirit led. I don't want to be emotionally led. I don't want to be shame led. I don't want to be guilt led.

I want to be led by the spirit of God and how I show up in the world. But just like the mind is being renewed, we have to understand that you're gonna have thoughts, the same thoughts that you used to have. You're gonna have inclinations, the same way you used to have inclinations, but those inclinations, inclinations, or thoughts don't have dominion over you anymore. And I feel like a lot of us battle with faith

because we feel like if I can't be 100, like if I can't do this thing the way I'm supposed to do it, I'm not gonna do it at all. That's why I stayed away from faith for a large part of my life, because it was like, listen, I'm not gonna stop listening to music. I know me, I'm not gonna stop listening.

This is where I was. I was like, I'm not gonna stop listening to music. I'm still gonna be out here in these streets. Like I'm still gonna be doing what I wanna do. So I'm not even gonna play with God cause I don't wanna play with God. And if I ever feel like I can do it, then I'll step into it.

But the truth is that when we talk about God wanting to meet you where you are, God's like bring me that raggedy, bring me that alcohol, bring me that weed, bring me them bodies, bring me what you're doing in the street and allow me to just sit with you. Because if you allow the presence of God to just sit with you, you will receive so much

love, so much empowerment. You will start to want more and better for your life. You don't have to change and then come to God. Why else are we always quoting this scripture about him leaving the 99 to go after the one? God will meet you right where you are, but he never leaves us there. So we as faith leaders have to give people permission

to be who they are, whoever that is, no matter how messy or confusing it may be to us, to be able to say, listen, at the end of the day, if God can sit with you, I can sit with you too. And my prayer is that as you sit with me, that I will demonstrate so much love and my own walk, so much faith and my own walk that it makes you curious about what I'm reaching for.

There's no way you reach for Jesus and end up with you. When you reach for Jesus, things change. You change the way you show up. You change the way you're led. And I feel like to give yourself peace on this journey to be double minded means that you are being led by two different minds. But to be of one mind is to say at the end of the day, let this mind that was in Christ, be in me too. That is the one mind that I'm going to allow to lead. And that mind, old thoughts may show up, but those

old thoughts don't get to lead. And so that scripture is beautiful, but I want to put it in context because you'll demonize yourself for being human. When you're reaching for divinity, you can take your humanity with you. You just have to let divinity lead. I hope that helps. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's huge too. Just even just letting those walls down. I'm a flawed human being and I am. I made mistakes in the past. I'm still making mistakes, but that doesn't mean that I can't walk this thing out with God and figure it out.

And that was a big hold up for me of, I can't give God my everything right now because I'm a mess in certain places. So I'm a hold on to this. I'm a hold on to these things and put it in myie because I'm not ready to let go of that just yet. But he just like will grab you. Just grab you and throw you into that thing and you won't even see it coming. But once you're in it, you're in it and even when you go back and forth with those double minded thoughts, eventually you're gonna lean more towards one side or the other. And you know, that that's part of the journey is part of the walk. And it's uncomfortable, but it's beautiful at the same time.

It's weird. It's like a weird chest position. So it's that's so good. Everybody has that one moment where they're like, man, I'm trying to do what I used to do, but I can't do it the way that I used to do it. Because I just don't feel the way I used to feel about it? It just is not the same anymore. Yeah.

Like it just, you don't hit the same. Like I just can't do certain things that I used to do anymore. If I try to do them again, I have thoughts about it. So yeah, it's totally understandable. So yeah, that was a great advice question. I was fully loaded. I loved it. It was loaded. I was fully loaded. I loved it.

It was loaded. I loved it too. I love when this sent me longer advice questions. Okay, now you have to ask you, do you have anything that I can answer for you is the end of the year? I'm glad to share any of my lessons and blessings and mistakes to help you on your journey. I will say, how do you keep the joy in your life even when everything around you is like, it just seems like the world is in flames or everybody is carrying things that are heavy,

not to say that, you know, we aren't, but it's just how do you keep the joy, not happiness because happiness feels temporary, but genuine joy that doesn't break even when certain situations arise. I have this fear of like, what if the good things that God are bringing me, like what happens if something good doesn't happen because eventually something good might not happen and it may hit me in a way and how do I keep that joy and that faith in God regardless, just being fully transparent in that.

Brunei Brown talks about foreboding joy in which like you, we experience joy but we don't wanna trust it because we don't wanna need it and we don't wanna grieve it if it doesn't stay. One of the things that I do is, when I acknowledge joy as sacred, right, it is a sacred space within my soul that I can access if I'm willing to just silence what's happening around me

and to tap into the gratitude of the fact that I'm even in this battle is a reflection of how much I've grown. The fact that I've even made it this far in my parenting journey is a result of me sticking to it. I find the joy even in the midst of the storm because most of the storms have been produced from the blessing or faithfulness of God to begin with. And so for me, joy is very sacred.

It's almost like worship where you know, we may not be walking around with our hands lifted up. But if we tap into it, we can access that joy. The other thing I will tell you that I really learned this year is that I don't have to be afraid of joy leaving me because at the end of the day, my promise isn't about joy and staying joyful. My promise is that I'm gonna grow. My promise is that I'm gonna experience stretching and sometimes that stretching won't feel good.

Sometimes it'll be months, but I will never be barred from joy permanently. I went through a really heavy grief season and like May and June. And I couldn't find that like undercurrent of joy in my life. I found a lot of deep grief. And what it taught me this year is that grief is just as beautiful as joy because grief teaches us what really matters to us.

Grief teaches us how to reprioritize our world. And I think because of the grief, my joy is so much richer. And so I would just tell you, because I feel like what you're asking me is deeper than the joy, but like, how do I trust that I can stay here? And I just want you to know that staying where you are right now is just the roots of who you will become. And your roots are always going to be developed and they're always going to be checked and strengthened

and weeds are going to be pulled up. But you can trust that you're going to stay rooted in your faith and rooted in your connection with God as long as you have made an intentional routine of checking in with God. And you will have moments where you feel underdeveloped and you will have moments where it feels like I'm not progressing the way that I should. But what we learn is the more that we are faithful to the mission that God shows us how we were growing even when it felt like

we were shrinking. And so I don't trust those moments where it feels like I'm going backwards anymore. And I think that's the most beautiful gift that anyone can give themselves. Backwards is an illusion. Even when it feels like I've had a set back, God is literally just teaching me how to build better. And when I build, there will be acceleration connected to it. So trust, trust that you won't be alone. Trust that the sacrifice is worth it.

Trust that when it's all said and done, that everything that happened this year will add up to joy. That same James, cow, and all joy. It's gonna, the sun will be joy. That's my prayer for you. That's my prayer for me. That's beautiful.

Amen to that. Thank you. I really appreciate that. And I appreciate your words of wisdom just in general. You really always give me a lot to think about. So I'm very, very grateful for the work that you do. And just you as a person, are a light you are a light Spass or Sarah, so thank you so, so much. I really appreciate that. That means a lot to me. I'm like all in my feelings today

So thank you Yes, thank you for having me once again like seriously. I really, really enjoyed myself. Thank you so much. Good happy new year. Thank you happy new year to you too. Bye. Bye bye. Nia it is your honesty for me since thank you for your transparency delegation can I tell you I'm heavy on the grateful for you all. We switched it up this year and you all have stuck with me, literally co-hosting with me every week and it's been incredible to hear your stories, to hold your memories, to hold your dreams in my heart. Honestly, one of the greatest privileges of my life. As we prepare to step into the new year, I'm praying that God's power, strength, love, joy, and wisdom never detaches from each and every one of you.

2022 is not ready for you. Accidental bars, but whatever you know how I do in these streets, I love you and I'll talk to you next year. you