Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Process Strength w/ Christian Aviles
Episode Date: August 25, 2021Can W.E. get a drum roll, please?! This week SJR is joined by guest co-host & the Delegation's very own, Christian Aviles! Find out when Sis got her Eve-game on lock, how bravery in the presence of Go...d breeds all things NEW, & who's the 'hail mary' in Christian's life making generational impact?! The two explored SJR's Feelings Box as a disciplinary alternative for the babes. Followed by a personalized snack everyone can take a bite of! Hey YOU, come kick it with us THIS Friday (8/27) night for soul-care in the sanctuary: Process Edition! Then, take FULL advantage of our listener perks—For the Penny Pincher, hit up Truebill.com/WomanEvolve for money management tools + For the Content Creator stop by Issuu.com/Podcast & use code EVOLVE at checkout for your FREE account or 50% off your premium account + For the Knowledge Seeker go to Try.Scribd.com/Evolve for a FREE 60-day trial.Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to.
He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you.
I feel that for somebody.
You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary.
What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation.
All I need is a God fighting for me that's their own things.
All things, all things.
Try.
Delegation delegation.
Listen here.
It is time for us to try out this new thing with a member of the delegation.
Did you all like last week's episode with Yvonne Ordie?
She is absolutely hilarious.
If you didn't check it out,
I highly suggest you going back and giving it a listen.
But right now you're stuck with this.
So don't go anywhere.
You are about to meet Christian Avela.
She has been a member of the delegation for three years.
And let me tell you something,
you are going to love our conversation.
We talk about the moments where life
you're trying to make us be petty
and sometimes put this in check. We talk about the moments where life you're trying to make us be petty and sometimes put us in check.
We talk about how we're growing, evolving.
We even answer one of your advice questions, by the way.
If you have an advice question for me, send it to podcast
at womanevolved.com.
And me and a member of the delegation
will give you our take on what's happening in your life.
Let's hop into this episode though and figure out how Christian is functioning in her
ease behavior.
All right.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
I'm doing great.
I was just looking at your email.
I saw that you saw this coming.
You knew this was going to happen one way or another.
Listen, when I tell you when you ended last week and you were like, okay, I'm going to take
a step back, but I'm going to be inviting some of the people from the delegation to start
being to take a call.
I was like, there it is. There it is. And you are the first member of the delegation to do this with me.
So like, I'm so excited because we're going to be like figuring this out together.
Oh, perfect. I'm actually trying to hide the fact my husband God bless him.
He decided he wanted to like turn our closet into an office.
So I don't say, well, let me not try and feel like look like I'm in a closet.
So I'm trying to fix it a little bit.
You look good.
It doesn't.
I would have never known you were in a closet.
First of all, that's very smart.
That's what I did when the, was it before the pandemic?
I was back in my closet.
Listen.
Yes.
Like he took out everything and it's like slowly becoming into like his man area closet.
Something that's like, you know, a babe, do what you need to do.
Well, at least he's letting you borrow it for today.
Tell him the delegation appreciates you.
Listen, he's at work, so he may not know, but that's okay.
Everything's fine.
When we post the clip, we'll be like, she was somewhere else.
It didn't matter.
Yes, like babe, we're like, we're going to throw away babe. I was okay. Everything was fine. When we post the clip, we'll be like she was somewhere else. It didn't matter. Yeah, so like babe, where were you like, um, somewhere, babe? I was okay. Everything was okay.
I heard that Jasmine Sullivan would be the soundtrack of your life. Like she would be the artist. Is that true?
Yes. What about like, what's about her music does it for you?
That last song, I don't have feelings. Have you heard that one?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, when I tell you that sometimes I'll be in the car and it speaks to my soul,
yeah.
I'm just, it's just like the way like everything comes like from her heart, you know, and it's
what, and it's what she sings about. It's like she doesn't just sing about like nothing.
I totally agree.
Some of her music has gotten me through
like some of the toughest times in my life,
because she does sing with such emotion and passion.
I feel like she's an honorary member of the delegation.
Like I feel like she wants to be in the delegation with us
and she wants to sing to us when we rescue people.
She does. She's just still working on it.
She hasn't come to that full conclusion yet, but it's going to happen.
We're going to tack her after this episode and see what we can make happen.
We support it. I fully support it.
Okay, so you've been a member of the delegation for three years.
So when I ask you this question, you know exactly what I mean.
When is the last time you engaged
in some Eve behavior?
You knew better, but you weren't doing better.
When is the last time you was like,
girl, Christian, you need a rescue.
Okay.
Actually, because I talked to Charlotte a little bit yesterday
and I had to think about it
because I'm gonna be honest,
like the Lord has really been working on me
and I've actually been on my best behavior.
Like, I've been doing pretty good.
So, I mean, I can, you know, like being a wife
and, you know, it's not always like the easiest thing.
So sometimes I'll get mad at my husband
and I won't cook that night.
And that's Eve behavior.
And he'll know he'll like, oh, so, so you're upset. I'm like, no, everything's fine.
I'm nothing wrong. I'm fine.
You know what that's actually good, though, because like petty, like real, real Eve behavior,
like I feel like that's like graduated. That's not quite Eve behavior, because Eve behavior
would be like cooking and only making enough for
yourself.
Or enough for me and the kids. Yeah, just
you and the kids.
Just like I don't I don't I don't know
what to tell you.
Last week I was I was I was kind of
annoyed with him and I was just we
I was so easy and I was making burgers
and I was like okay, I'm gonna burger for me, put a burger for the kids.
And the Lord was like, listen, now you know, I said, all right.
So I went ahead and made him one.
And he walked up and looked at that first because he only seen that there wasn't that
many, you know, in the pan.
And he looked so he knew what was going on.
But then when he back, he was like, he's like, thanks, I was like, you're welcome.
I love that.
That means that you're coming to a place
where you're just evolving, you're knowing better,
you're activating the do better.
That's goals.
I feel like that's what every woman is striving to do
in her life is to actually step into the do better.
So I have a secondary question for you.
Like what is an area of your life where you were glad that you were finally
doing better? Like what's one area where you're like, man, this used to be a
struggle for me, but now I got my life together.
Okay. Um, for anybody that knows me, knows that I would, I would pop
off without it, without a stop, without a stop.
Yeah.
Like the slightest, like any type of this respect
or just like attitude and I'm like, okay, what's up?
Like I'm ready for you and everybody around you,
that's how it's gonna be.
And I had a situation where, you know, I was at work
and I had asked the coworker,
I was like, hey, you know, on your way back,
can you grab that for me?
And she said, she turned on me, she was like, no.
Like, no.
You just flat out, like straight up, no.
And usual Christian, usual, I would like, what?
And all I said was, I was like, okay.
And I was like, wait a minute, what?
I was like, okay. I was like, wait a minute, what?
I was like, okay.
I was like, what are you like, okay. And then she ended up coming to me.
She was like, oh, I was just messing with you.
And I was like, maybe that was a test.
Even though like, obviously she doesn't test me,
but maybe that was God being like, you know what?
Let's see how far you really come.
And I actually, and I actually, and I crossed, and I was proud of myself,
because like I said, I used to pop off with very quickly,
and I have really calmed down a lot with that.
I don't know if it's age or, or like it's just growing up,
but I really was proud of myself with that one.
I check my bank account just as much as I check social media.
And too often I've seen an unexpected withdrawal
because I forgot to cancel a free trial subscription.
Your girl needs to save all of her coins.
And with the help of True Bill,
I have been doing just that.
True Bill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't
need, want or simply forgot about.
I love True Bill.
It's so easy to use.
Like True Bill member Matthew B., who says, in a matter of seconds, I saved $660 for
the year when my direct TV bill saved $120 on my serious XM bill and saved $840 on my car insurance bill.
6. He saved over $1600 a year in seconds. Don't just imagine how much true bill could save you find out now.
Just link your accounts and true bill will cancel your unwanted subscriptions with one tap.
Take control of your subscriptions and don't fall for subscription scams.
TrueBill has over 2 million users and helped them save over $100 million.
Start cancelling today at TrueBill.com slash Woman Evolve.
On average, people save up to $720 per year with TrueBill because companies make subscriptions
hard to cancel.
TrueBill makes it incredibly simple.
Go right now.
TrueBill.com slash Woman Evolve.
It could save you thousands a year.
Your TrueBill Concierge is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions so
you don't have to.
I use TrueBill and you should too. Become a member at TrueBill.com slash WomanEvolve.
I can totally relate to that. Like, you know, they say when your kids like
stick and sticks and stones may hurt your bones but words can never hurt you.
Like that is so not true because I used to use my mouth as a weapon.
Like there was the one thing you did not want to do
and that is come for me because I will come after
everything connected to you.
So like man, getting my control of my language,
control of my mouth and just like recognizing like
not everything is worthy of the energy it takes
for you to go off on somebody.
like not everything is worthy of the energy it takes for you to go off on somebody.
Exactly, exactly.
That's definitely where I'm at.
I don't have the energy.
I don't have the time.
And I just, I'll save it for the first really good one,
but that wasn't it.
I love that.
So like, do you still, like,
is the urge coming at all?
Or you just like so settled?
Cause I bet there's somebody like another member of the delegation is like, is the urge coming at all? Or you just like so settled? Because I bet there's somebody like another member
of the delegation is like,
sis, God is still working on me when it comes to my mouth.
Because I feel like sometimes we're like,
if I don't say something, then someone's going to think
they got over on me.
And I will not let someone believe they got over on me.
Even if it means I have to like step out of my character,
step out of my goals in order to get them together
So like how do you navigate that bridge? I know I shouldn't pop off every time
But I also feel like this is my way of defending myself
Um, I really think I have just gotten to the point where I'm just like I don't care
like I
I've really like I don't
I don't I don't care.
Like you're not worth it to me.
Yeah.
Like I said, it's there and I guess I'm learning when
to use it and when to not use it.
And when you kind of get to that point where it's just like,
you're not worth it.
And you feel that peace.
Yeah.
And I'm there.
I'm there because sometimes my mom is like,
you didn't say anything like that?
Because it's not me.
And when I explain, it's almost like a light switch for me.
It wasn't like a gradual thing.
Like I had had a moment, you know, when I was just like,
I had a moment literally in my bathroom where I was just crying
And I was like God I was like I need you I need you to fight for me. Yeah, I
Said because I'm tired of fighting
Me fighting's not working. Yeah, oh that part
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm doing all fighting doing all this all this stuff and all of that and it still wasn't working out,
I'm still losing.
So I was like, you know what?
I said, and ever since I had that conversation
and my bathroom, it's like a piece.
And I don't, I don't need to fight for it anymore.
Man, what I hear you saying is that you have come
to a place in your life where you recognize
that when I say something is not worth it,
what you're actually saying is
you are not worth me sacrificing myself, my character, my integrity in order to put you back in your
place. If you are out of your place, that doesn't mean that it is my responsibility to put you back
in your place. My only responsibility is to navigate myself in such a way that you being out of your place
doesn't throw me out of my place.
And that's what happens to so many of us is we allow someone else being out of line to
cause us to get out of line.
And now we have toxic behaviors, toxic friendships and relationships.
But there's something powerful about saying I'm going to stay rooted where I am regardless
of where you are.
Exactly. Like I'm going to let you have all of that by yourself.
Yeah. And I'm going to be in my space and my keys over here.
And you can keep that over there because it's really, it's not worth it.
It really is not.
It's like in other words, you got a fam.
Like you got it. You totally got it.
Literally, I'm just like, okay, but you keep that and I'll be over here in my space.
Am I happiness living living living the best life that I can? Yeah. And you can have that
misery. It's all it's all you all you go. Okay. So when is the last time you like laughed at yourself
or like laughed at something you did? What was it?
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
I guess I talked about my husband a lot,
but I guess I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
That's how I like my husband.
Yeah.
I like my men.
We were getting me to go somewhere
and he had asked me to grab,
he's asked me to grab the car charger at the house.
The baby's like, my phone is dying, go get your car charger.
And you know me, I kind of, I do, even though like I'm changing, I still kind of question things.
Yeah.
So I'm like, why do you need your charger?
And he was like, he's like, because my phone's dying.
I was like, let me see the percentage.
And he shows me his phone.
And he's, I'm sitting in the car.
And he's outside, and he kind of shows it to me.
And I was like, I was like, you don't need to charge your phone.
What are you talking about?
He was like, yes, I do.
I'm like, babe, you have 56% battery.
5G.
5G.
5G.
56.
Oh.
Oh.
That's okay.
That's okay.
Because sometimes you just be moving and shaking and you don't have time to be checking Oh, that's okay. That's okay.
Because sometimes you just be moving and shaking
and you don't have time to be checking things.
And I was so confident in my response.
That's the point.
I was like, no, I was like, that's 56% and he looked
and he was like, get up.
You know what?
Like, there are some moments.
Like, I don't know if it's just like, there are moments I even in my own marriage where like my husband would be like that's not how you spell a word or that's not what a word means
And I be like dog. I know what I'm talking about like Google it like I promise you you get in when you double down
That's when you out of no like I'm probably about to be wrong. There is nothing like your man telling you like listen
You look at you out here doing what you're doing and you don't need to do it.
I did, I did the most because I just knew that 56% of you said, oh yeah.
And then I was like, I'm going inside and get this job.
You like that.
That is hilarious.
I love those stories.
It's good.
Like that's the beautiful part of like trying to not take yourself so seriously.
You get to have fun moments.
But it's humbling.
It ain't nothing like being humbled in marriage.
It was.
It was.
And I said, if I was like, I'm saying she's gone charging you good.
Yeah, I'm okay.
Okay.
Okay.
So it sounds like you have a very full life.
You've got the babies.
You've got your husband,
you are a woman, independent of the roles
that you play for them.
And I just wonder like when you look at the entirety
of your life, when you look at how far you've come,
maybe some of your lowest moments,
and then things that you've done that you feel like
I'm already beginning to break generational curses,
I'm already becoming, maybe someone I never, I'm already becoming maybe someone I never
really thought that I could be in at least one or two areas of my life. Like what is the thing you
are most proud of as it relates to your journey right now? Um, like I said, I don't know, I mentioned
when I had first reached out to you to tell you that I'm also a pastor's daughter. So my dad is the pastor.
And I would watch my mom and, you know,
to keep conferences and speaking.
And I never really thought that that was something I would want to do.
You know, because I'm not that I'm shy, but, you know,
speaking probably isn't always my thing.
So the more I listen to your podcast,
the more I just kind of felt like God's just saying like listen like you can do that too.
And I'm like, you know, make me not. And just within like the last month, I've just been praying,
I'm like, God, I'm like, I want something different. I want something, I want something new.
And I think just, I'm talking right now,
is something that I am so proud of,
because I would usually never like reach out
and do something, because I'm cautious.
Yeah.
Like you go to the pool and tell me,
but like, can you ball in the water
and I'll stick a toe in and then I'll kind of get in like slowly and you know
Slowly and I always kind of just think things I think everything through step by step and I think guys just teaching me now I just go for it
You know to you know to go for it and I'm actually proud of
Um, I actually want to get attached to say be braids.
Yeah, because I really feel like he's just telling me to be brave and it's okay to bow
to him.
He's got me.
I'm proud of God.
Making a lasting first impression on your website or social media is so much easier with
issue.
And all in one platform that helps you create and distribute beautiful digital content.
Get started with issue today for free.
Or if you sign up for a premium account, you will get 50% off when you go to issue.com slash podcast and
use code evolve.
That's issue.com slash podcast and use code evolve.
Issue works seamlessly with tools that you already use like Canva, Dropbox, and InDesign.
Share your content without resizing, reformatting, re-downloading and reloading.
Issue make sure your content is optimized
for engagement and ready to share.
Don't miss out on the amazing deals.
That's issue.com slash podcast and use code Evolve
at checkout for your free account
or 50% off your premium account.
You made it and now it's time to put it
on your website, Instagram, or share with your contacts.
Let issue help you work smarter, not harder.
That is so good to me.
I, you know, Womni Vov has a book club
and we read Daring Greatly by Brunei Brown.
And one of the things that Brunei Brown is always talking about is just the courage
it takes to be brave.
Like we make brave seem like it's fearless,
but there is a vulnerability connected with being brave.
And so it does require putting yourself out there.
But when you were talking like I got goosebumps
because when you said I want something new,
one, I felt like that is resonating
with like so many other members of the delegation
who are listening right now because we do get to these places in our lives where it's
like, I want to experience something new.
But what I think we're really saying is like, we think that we want to do something new
and maybe in some instances, that is the case.
But what I think what our soul is saying, what our heart is really yearning for,
is I want to experience a new dimension of myself.
Like I believe God places that hunger in us
so that we can experience his identity for us.
So I think that what you're doing is like,
you're leaning into a new layer of you
that God wants to show you.
What do you think about that?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I do, I do, I agree with that
because it's like, you know, like, you know,
they say like when you turn 30, like something happens
and I turn 30 back in January
and it's just like I feel like everything is just changing.
But I'm welcome all of these changes.
I'm welcoming all of these lessons.
I'm welcoming all of these things because I'm welcoming all of these lessons. I'm assuming all of these things
because I wanna grow.
And I actually, you know, I got a new job earlier this week.
Yeah, listen, I got this job.
I'm like, you better, this is a humble breath.
Congratulations.
I got the email back from you guys
within the same week I said,
so that's good.
Because yes, because I had been praying,
I said, God, I said, I need something new. I said, I'm at this job, I said, so that's God. Because yes, because I had been praying, I said, God, I said, I need something new.
I said, I'm at this job.
I said, I just feel stuck.
I feel like I'm, you know, I'm worth, you know, so much more.
Yeah.
And I said, and I want, and I want to be more.
Mm-hmm.
And I think when I left, when I left those things up to God,
and I, you know, and I said, listen, you know,
I'll move when you, when you tell me to move.
Yeah.
And that's when those doors just started opening.
And that's just where I am.
And I'm here for it.
I'm here for all of it.
I'm here for it, too.
Like I can't wait to hear the testimonies of how you step
into this moment.
And I just like my greatest prayer for you
is that you will always remember
that the new is not the job, it's not even the podcast. The new is how you stepped into the
moment, how you created space and opportunity for you to grow and stretch yourself. So like,
you are the new in the middle of the new experiences. So I just want you to hold on to that.
in the middle of the new experiences. So I just wanted to hold on to that.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
And that's a good way to look at it too.
That new is not always something new that you can see,
but in here.
Yeah.
Like take note of the changes of like what's new in you
as you grow and evolve.
Yes, definitely for sure.
Who's inspiring you? Like what is a person or something
that you've experienced that like inspires you to dig deeper? And it could be, I mean, from your
mom to maybe someone you don't even know or haven't met yet. My mom, my mom is, my mom is a rock star.
She's amazing.
And she started.
She does so much.
And I'm just like, mom, like, how do you, like, and she's just like, listen, just,
like, everything pray about it.
Pay about it.
And I used to be so annoyed when I was younger because everything would be pray about it.
And like, oh my gosh, that's the only answer you know.
But just seeing everything that she's done, everything, you know, that she's doing,
and the type of mom that she is, and she's not only, you know, she's a physical mom to me and my
brothers, but to so many other people she is, is, is their comfort.
And someone that they can, you know, look up to and, you know, someone that they admire.
And I said, I said, if I could just be half, maybe even a piece, you know,
if you want, I get older, then I'll take it because she, she's incredible.
She really is incredible.
Do you think she knows it?
Do you think like she knows it as a woman on a journey?
Do you feel like she recognizes how much value
she brings or do you think that she's out here just doing
the best that she can like the rest of us?
You mean to me or others?
I think others.
Okay, so I guess let me zoom out of picture
because when you were talking,
I was just thinking about like womanhood in general
and how from the outside looking in,
we can admire a woman so much for how she's there for others,
for how she maintains her spirituality.
But then it's like, does that woman know it for herself
or is she still wrapping her mind around who she is?
Cause like, I feel like with my mom,
I feel like all of those things you said about your mom,
I could say about my mom.
And I don't even think that she realizes
just how impactful her life is.
Probably because it's just organic to who she is,
but my hope is that every woman will fully see
the impact of her existence on the lives
of the people closest to her.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
I think she knows and she has a feeling, but she's so humble.
She would never admit.
You know, but like I said, you know, she does so much for us as a family.
And she has a foundation where she helps moms
who have decided not to abort their babies
and she walks with them through their pregnancy
and after the pregnancy.
And because a lot of places are like,
don't abort, don't abort,
but then after that, then where are they?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
And what she has done is she has started something, I said, you know, we are here.
We are here for these months.
And, you know, and whatever they need, if you don't know how to burp,
maybe we'll teach you.
We'll teach you.
What's your mom's name?
Amy. Amy. Okay. know how to change a diaper teacher. We'll teach her. What's your mom's name?
Amy.
Amy.
OK, so we're giving a Hail Mary to Amy.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
OK, we're giving a Hail Mary to you, Amy.
We want you to know that we are so grateful for how you
are showing up for women evolving in the world,
in the community that you did not just
see another woman going through something, but you decided that there would be no woman left behind. And woman evolved, wants to give to you
with a thousand dollars to go towards your organization and to continue to help you help mothers
who are on a journey of becoming the best version of themselves. So from woman evolved
and the delegation, tell your mom we're sending $1,000 to help with her organization. I will and with that that money goes to diapers that money
goes to daycare. They also help to pay for daycare. That is absolutely.
They're trying their best. Yeah I get it I. I get it. Okay, so me and you, we're going to
answer an advice question together, okay? All right. Okay, I'm going to
I'm going to pull it up. I don't know what it is. I didn't read it beforehand.
Let me see. Okay. Oh, okay. Have you heard me talk about the feelings box?
Yes, I have. Okay. me talk about the feelings box? Yes, I have.
Okay, have you used my feelings box?
Yeah.
I told my daughter I'm like, she's eight.
I'm like, just go take a minute.
I said, just stay about it.
And I got her little journal and it's her little diary
and it has a lot in everything.
I said, I'm not gonna read it yet
because I know she'll be having them types of feelings yet. So I said, just, if that's how you're
feeling, as just go write it down. I love it. Just go write it down. Okay. This question
is about the feelings box. Is this, can you spend some time talking about the feelings
box as I am navigating a divorce? I'm trying to find other methods of discipline for my
five year old son. I'm trying to keep from putting my hands on him,
which is like something that I feel like,
you know, is kind of prominent as it relates
to discipline options in our community.
And I think it's part of the reason
why we struggle with being able to communicate as adults
is because everything was like,
well not everything,
but there felt like there was a consequence
for having a feeling as opposed to maybe an action you did.
What do you think?
Yeah, no, I do, I agree,
because again, like I said, my daughter's eight
and maybe like two weeks ago, her behavior,
like she was just like, she was out of control.
Not really like her attitude.
And just mowling off and just always,
always, forever and tying out.
And she was just constantly like in control.
And I looked at her, you know, Saturday morning,
we got up and she just had to add in,
was just mad about everything.
I was, I was, her name's Leone.
And I said, I said, what is going on with you?
I said, are you okay? She said said yeah, mommy. I'm fine and
And in that moment I said you know what and so my husband I said we're gonna go so we got dressed and
I took her out for a girl's day. Oh, we went to time it. We went to Starbucks
We went to Claire's and she was so happy.
And like sometimes they don't really know how to fully say
that they need a break, but kids need a break too.
And that's not like, you know what?
Let's just take a breather.
So we left the boys at home, the guys stayed here,
and we had a girls day, and she just lit up.
And I said, you know what?
And she was okay after that.
I said, because the constant,
always in trouble, consequence,
I said, okay, that's too much.
So let me try a approach.
And I said, you know what?
Let's get dressed, let's go shopping,
let's get some Starbucks,
and let's get some jewelry and stuff that clears.
And she had a good day.
And sometimes you just have to reach them
in different ways.
Man, this is so good,
because my girls are five and 11.
One of them, Kinsey's gonna be 12 soon.
But I feel like I have been so triggered
watching them grow up
because I am realizing now just how many emotions
I had at their age age but couldn't communicate.
And I hear you saying like you created a space for your child to communicate to.
And even if it wasn't verbally with words but to just be seen and valued,
we're just for a minute, the world was about her.
And I mean, as adults, we need that, right?
That self-care.
And I feel like
you're teaching your daughter how to nurture herself and to take care of herself when she's
feeling stressed. And you know, there's probably someone listening right now who is carried
stress, not just in adulthood, but the stress of childhood, the stress of adolescence, and not
being able to navigate it. So I guess to answer the question
from the member of the delegation who asked us about,
you know, the feelings box.
The feelings box is really just about creating a space
for your child to navigate their feelings.
So if we don't have that space then we keep it inside,
but to say like, how are you feeling?
When did you start feeling this way?
What is it about that thing that made you feel this way?
And a divorce is really hard, like at five years old,
they don't understand all of the reasons
why you're getting divorced.
All they know is that my life is changing.
And so to ask them like how do you feel
when daddy's not home, how do you feel when mommy's not home
so that you can get their feelings but also still direct them to truth.
So creating a space where they can say today, I miss daddy.
And it's like, okay, we can write them a letter.
Okay, we can FaceTime him, but you've got to pull it out of your children by allowing
them to feel seen.
That's all the feelings boxed.
It's looking at your child and letting them be seen and creating a space where they
can talk.
Yeah, and just making sure like they feel safe with what they're about to say, that they don't think that they're going to get in trouble.
You know, it's okay to have those feelings. It's okay to talk about it because
mommy feels the same way. Mommy's sad too. Mom, we're figuring this thing out together
so that they don't think that they're the only ones
that the only one that has those feelings. That is so good
too because I feel like even with adulthood like when we
talk about like healing our childhood traumas and childhood
wounds, like the same way we would talk to a child who's full
of emotion. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves that way
to be patient, to be graceful, to be loving, so that we can create space for ourselves
to kind of figure out what's happening with me
and what's happening in my world.
Yeah.
Because we're all trying to just figure this thing out.
Honey.
Right.
We're the best that we can.
Because I'm being on tell my kids,
like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Listen, I'm trying to figure it out.
You're the one.
You're the one.
You're the one. I was like, I don't know what I'm doing, listen, and I'm trying to figure it out. You know why? You know why? You know why?
You know why?
I love to mentally escape into a good book.
It gets tricky though, when I don't have time to sit and read for hours like I prefer,
or the in-between stage after I've just finished a book, and I'm ready to dive into a new
one.
I love that with script, I have instant access to millions of audiobooks and their thoughtfully
curated editors' picks.
Now I find myself listening to books while exercising, cooking, or outrunning errands.
All for just $9.99 a month with script, I have the world's most fascinating library
at my fingertips.
I want you to try it.
Right now script is offering our listeners a free 60 day trial. Go
to try.script.com slash evolve for your free trial. That's try.scribd.com slash evolve
to get 60 days off script for free. You can listen to ebooks, audio books, magazines,
and so much more from your favorite device. Forbes calls it Netflix for books. You can listen to ebooks, audio books, magazines, and so much more from your favorite
device. Forbes calls it Netflix for books. Try it out and let them know. SJR sent you.
I've been a mom for almost nine years. I am figuring this thing out.
And it's new. For sure. Well, I have to tell you from what I've heard and learned from you in the time that we've
been able to chat it seems like you're doing a phenomenal job figuring it out and I think the
greatest thing that you're doing right now is giving yourself permission to be on a journey
and to not have it figured out because it leaves room for you to grow and evolve so you know my prayer
room for you to grow and evolve. So, you know, my prayer, my snack, my encouragement for you is to stay grounded. As you were talking, I'm going to say this real quick, and then I'm going to
pray and we'll catch up next time. But when you were speaking, I felt like, I just felt like God
was saying to me that, like, I'm really establishing her. Like, I'm giving her real roots. And she's gone through so many things, but she's finally at a place where she can see clearly
my desires for her.
And not only can she see them, but she's taking the steps to move towards them.
And I just feel like you are being established in your unique identity.
You're doing it your way.
And you've got so many tools and inspirations around you,
and you're gonna take them all,
and you're gonna become just a masterpiece
that we all get to admire.
So thank you for doing the work.
Let's say I'm receiving it,
and I'm all for it, I'm ready.
I am ready for what God has for me,
and I'm just running for it to just'm ready. I am ready for what God has for me. And it's just, I'm just
ready for it to just fall into place. And until then, I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing.
I love it. Thank you. Thank you for being my first delegation member on the podcast.
What do you think? Let's tell you. Okay, like, wait, what do you think about this format?
Like, do you think we got something here? Are we working with something? Should I change anything? Give me your feedback.
I'm, I'm feeling it. I'm liking it. Like I said, the only like when you had first, you know,
so that you weren't, you know, doing the last thing where I was like, I just, I love that
like we can communicate with you as you're talking. So, you know, that's's that's the only example that's okay. Let's're gonna do like, maybe we'll do like a podcast recap
once a month where we talk about the different things
that we talked about on the podcast
and we can get to get, we're figuring out where we're learning.
Yeah, maybe like on.
Like at the end of the month,
we can talk about like the highlights
from the podcast that you had, you know, for, you know,
for the month and, you know and all the crazy stuff.
And I think that would be good.
Okay.
Do you like a recap?
Okay, I'm gonna check it out.
We're taking notes, we're learning.
But thank you for like sticking it out with me.
Thank you for reaching out to be one of the co-hosts
and for helping us learn and growing this way.
Now, thank you.
Hopefully this won't be the last time that we talk.
Hopefully not, because now Sha has your information
we can stalk you.
Okay, perfect, stalk away.
You guys have a big day.
You too, bye.
Bye.
Okay, so I really, really enjoyed this podcast
episode with Christian.
I'm still learning this new way of how we're going to do things.
But I believe we're on to something.
One of the things I love the most about the podcast, of course,
is the interaction on the live.
I love that.
I love hearing your comments and your feedback about what's happening.
But I think I also love just getting to know you.
And so, yeah, this is a little bit more intimate.
And it may take me longer to get through all know you. And so yeah, this is a little bit more intimate and it may take me longer to get through all of you,
but I wanna hear your stories,
I wanna hear how you're learning, how you're growing,
how you are here being petty,
and I want us to help one another.
If you want to be one of the hosts on the podcast,
it's the same place where you send your advice questions.
Podcast at womanevolve.com, join me this journey, and you could be co-hosting
with me next week.
All right, all right, take care. you