Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Ready to Exhale w/ Natalia Chai

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

Coming off the heels of WE21, this episode is a reminder to seek a sigh of relief. Our girl Natalia Chai-Bennett pulled up to the podcast with a beautiful spirit, telling SJR why & how she’s doing s...o good! Together they set their sights on a rescue mission & away from people-pleasing behavior. Natalia shared the lessons learned from holding her breath until she finally exhaled. Followed by SJR’s insight on ‘leaving while grieving’. Heart check, anyone? If so, stick around to hear about the self-love & self-trust established after giving your heart to God! Then take advantage of our listener perks at BetterHelp.com/Evolve + HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve14 + Notion.com/Startups!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 God can't bless you for tend to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a to-you-need boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God, pardon for me, that's their all things. All things, all things.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Child. When was the last time you gave yourself permission to exhale? Permission to breathe a new dream, to get help for real. Maybe listening to another woman's journey will be just what your spirit needs to begin breathing again. You're about to meet an Italian. And while we were speaking, we talked about moments in which she chose herself and experienced an exhale.
Starting point is 00:00:55 I believe that this episode is going to set you up to change the way you're showing up for others so that you can show up for yourself. If you've been on a journey trying to help yourself come to this place of just breathing again and you want to share your testimony send us an email at podcastatwomnievolved.com. Let us know how you're exhaling in this season. Now let's breathe by my girl Nat. You better plug it in. What came unplugged over there? Oh, how are you? I'm so good. On that one charger, I was like, we can't have it dying. I can't die. No, I know. I can't die. No, I know. After.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Okay, let's see if they should be once again. I'm sorry. Oh, okay. There it is. You heard that noise. We in it. You're going to make that sound when we enter the gates of heaven. It's going to be like, you are now charged up for the rest of your life. I love to see you. Great. Yes.
Starting point is 00:02:02 How are you? Where are you from? I'm doing well. I'm from Jersey. Jersey. I love it. What's going on in your life right now? Like how what are you doing? What are you taking in? Um, transition. That's what's going on in my life right now. Transition from school to work and disperse. So balance and transition. That's what's going on in my life. Do you have a soundtrack to your life right now, like if your life had a soundtrack, what song would it be? Um, actually, it would be right now.
Starting point is 00:02:41 I'm stuck on Destiny's Child. Love it. So good. You know, my. Love it. So good. You know, my. Who are we so good without? Tell me, are we so good without someone? Um, yeah, in a way. So, you know, that's not my,
Starting point is 00:02:57 recently just posted like an Instagram photo and I was like, so good, so good. But no shade, I was just, you know. Everything's fine. Yeah. My daughters, they love Destiny's Shout. They're five and 12 and they were listening to their songs the other day. And they're like, you don't know anything about this.
Starting point is 00:03:16 And I was like, you don't know anything about this. How you gonna tell me? I know nothing about Destiny's Shout. Do you imagine being one of the members of the group and if so, which one are you? I'm Beyonce. Right? Because I'm Beyonce.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Because, and then sometimes I feel sorry for Michelle. I'm like, you know, because nobody ever mentions Michelle's obvious Beyonce and Kelly. And it's like, I'm in this show, but no, I'll be a Beyonce. Because the hair tossing in the hair flipping it just gives what needs to be gained. It's everything. How did you apply it to the woman evolve?
Starting point is 00:03:52 Actually, about two years ago, my aunt, she has showed me a sermon. And that's when I was like, okay, and it was by you. And I was like, okay, okay. And then during that time, I was going to a transition and it was by you and I was like, okay, okay. And then during that time I was going to a transition and I said, I'm gonna see your sermons and actually I spoke with girl Ghetto. And that one, I was like, you know what, she had a podcast. So let me check out her podcast.
Starting point is 00:04:18 So I checked out your podcast and ever since then, I've been part of the delegation. So yeah. So it sounds like you were listening to the podcast even when we were doing it live and having the hot topics and stuff. What do you think about the new change? I like it. It gives me more time.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I don't like I'm not missing out because I can always catch up on something if I missed it. So I'm like, oh, OK, I can just go on Apple music, the podcast and then look for it. So yeah, I like it a lot. And I have the one on one. Yeah, that's what I wanted. Okay, so in honor of the way that we did the podcast, I'm going to see if you can do a rescue. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Okay. Are you ready to hear it? Yes, we are. Okay, a Danish artist shocked museum officials when he submitted artwork that didn't quite need his contract. Jen's honing was giving $84,000 in cash to recreate two of his previous works of art. While he did deliver two canvases, they were both free of any art entitled Take
Starting point is 00:05:28 the Money and Run. Is this rescue worthy or do we have to do we? So he just written so he donated the piece for 80,000. He said, so the museum contacted him and asked him to create two pieces that he had done before. And he delivered two pieces, but they were just blank canvases. And so he took that $84,000 that gave him and created this new work of art that was called Take the Money and Run. It's giving raggedy, but also it's giving art is in the eye of the beholder.
Starting point is 00:06:07 I don't know. Right. But if there was nothing, that's definitely not a rescue because how are you gonna do that? I'm giving away cancer, so. He definitely is the funniest run. You know.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Yeah, I mean, but you know, there's something to be said about some of these things that are passing for art that look like something, you know, there's something to be said about some of these things that are passing for art that look like something you know, Ella could have made and maybe just maybe he was like this art world is so superficial that I'm just gonna like turn in these blank canvases and take this $84,000.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Is Raggedy, is no rescue? No, no, no, no rescue. Okay, I'm trying to. I'm not doing it. No, no, no, no. Not this way. That's how you went into the last time you's no rescue. Okay, I tried it. You can't rescue me, no. No, this one. That's how you went into the last time you needed a rescue. At the last time I knew the rescue, I was saying, it would be when I went out with one of my friends,
Starting point is 00:06:59 and I had to ask one of my homegirls to call me because I just did not want to be there. Like it was one of those situations where they say, oh, we still on for today. Yeah, and then you have to act like, you know, that you don't, you have to go, but you really don't want to go. So, you know, she came through,
Starting point is 00:07:18 but she rescued me and I was like, okay. I was, you know what, you need friends who don't mind rescuing you out of tough situations. There is something like, are you working on or trying to become like me? One of those people who stop saying yes to things that they don't want to go to. Even if that means canceling like the day of or a few hours before, like, are you one of those people who can do that easily? Um, no, I'm yes person. I say yes to everything. Um, and that's a problem. I have to work on that
Starting point is 00:07:56 because you can't say yes to everything. So, um, even if I don't feel like going, I could be so tired and everything, I'm still gonna say yes. So yeah, I'm working on that. I think that's probably part of the reason why my circle is so small, because I am definitely a person who says yes to everything, which means I cannot afford to have a lot of people in my life, because for the most part, if they ask me to do something, I'm going to say yes. Like that is just a part of my nature, but I'm like you, I'm working on not saying yes all the time.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Have you always been a yes person? Like can you remember even being a little girl and trying to please people? Yeah, I definitely have always been that. I guess it's distance from like always one to please my parents. And you know, always from there. I was like, you know, let me make sure
Starting point is 00:08:46 that this person's okay. And I've always been trying. And I'm the friend in the friend group that's the one that's like, is this person okay? What do you want to do? And now what's I'm wanting? But what do you want to do? And they will go from there.
Starting point is 00:08:59 So yeah. Oh man, I feel so connected to that because I feel like when we're younger, there are some people who are young and they're just automatically independent and aren't necessarily seeking their parents approval. They're just trying to understand who they are. But I think that I was one of those people
Starting point is 00:09:19 and I can't tell if I was like this before I got pregnant or not, you probably know, you know, I got pregnant as a teenager. And I think that it started when I became a teenager. I think that I wanted to reverse the disapproval by performing in a well that created constant approval. The only problem with that is that even though it wasn't the ideal circumstance, my parents didn't disown me.
Starting point is 00:09:46 They didn't change the way they felt about me. Of course, they had to navigate their feelings and emotions, but I think that I always saw myself as working from a deficit because of challenges that I experienced. And so I think even now I'm learning to not receive love based on performance and that's been a struggle for me. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I definitely kind of relate to that. When I was a graduate, I always wanted to, just, I was, for persons with like college, so
Starting point is 00:10:21 I wanted to always be like, okay, I wanted them to be proud of something and so that means like oh do whatever they have eggs and I tried my best to do it also I have a lot you know the perfect least ever and in the kind of ways and stuff but I definitely always even so now I try to find myself and I'm like wait am I doing this the please first thing or am I doing this the please myself so yeah it kind of like something that looks like myself in the mirror. I'm like, okay, let's not be a yes person today. Let's do what that one should do. Because this is not what I want to do. So I think I'm, but I'm really getting better at it.
Starting point is 00:10:56 So yeah. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I receive countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues. I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave y'all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHelp.
Starting point is 00:11:32 As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment better help assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better Help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking
Starting point is 00:12:05 charge of their mental health, it's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help-heelp.com-sl. So for the month of November, woman evolve is talking about exhaling. And for me, exhaling is more than just like exhaling our breath. But it is the sense of relief that comes over us when we finally remove our need to meet other people's expectations. We no longer have the pressure to perform in a way that is acceptable and pleasing to other people.
Starting point is 00:12:49 And so I guess what I'm asking you was like, when is the last time you exhaled? Were you said to yourself, like, you know what? I am so glad that I did that. It was maybe hard. I maybe didn't think that I was going to be able to do it, but I am so glad I found the strength to show up for myself in that way. Well, it's really crazy.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I do ask that. That's recently I just transitioned to jogs. And I was so unhappy at the other job, but I stayed because of the manager. She begged me. She was like, now I will do this and you know, give you this money and everything like that. And I was like, okay, but I was really unhappy and I didn't want to be there. So I was like, you know what, I would, I remember I was laid out at night and I was like, you know what, I'm just having civil apply for different dogs.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Like, I'm not staying here anymore. So I worked on my resume and everything, splitted through my friend, and she helped me create a LinkedIn profile. And then when I went into work the next day, I got a call even from the jobs that I applied to. And then I was like, yeah, definitely. I couldn't print interview, but I felt so bad, either leaving, but even as I left, I was like,
Starting point is 00:14:10 okay, I did it. Like, I feel better. And now I'm happier. And now I was like, you know what, maybe, and I'm saying yes, because I could have said yes and been unhappy, but what can I earn that? So now I'm happy and I can be like, I can breathe because before I was holding my breath, I was like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:14:28 I don't know. Let me not have one at this show and stuff like that. But definitely when I just transitioned from my job, it just definitely gave me a more with the exhale and breathe and everything's pretty dope. Oh, Natal, that is so good because a lot of people stay in situations because they think that I cannot leave unless I can leave without feeling grief.
Starting point is 00:14:50 If I can leave and feel confident, if I can leave and not worry about the other people and what's going to happen to them, then I will leave. But leaving and grieving can happen at the same time. You can know within yourself that leaving is the right thing to do, but still grieve what you're leaving behind, what in your life is going to have to change as a result of it. But grief is not a sign that you should stay. Leaving and grieving can happen on the journey of evolving
Starting point is 00:15:16 and becoming better and until we release ourselves from the need to feel like everything is settled before we leave, then we'll end up stuck and opportunities and relationships and dynamics that we know stifle us, that keep us from becoming the best versions of ourselves, that keep us limited within our growth, but we wouldn't leave because we didn't want to grieve.
Starting point is 00:15:39 It seemed like you found the way to leave and grieve at the same time. I did, and even while you're leaving, I'm still grieving. Because even that's a new place. I'm thinking of my old job. I'm thinking of the customers. And just what I used to do there. And sometimes I get in the moment where I'm, man,
Starting point is 00:15:59 if I wouldn't say maybe you would have been different or I could have done it this way. But now I feel much better. And I'm like, you know, I can look forward to something else and not be stuck on that. So even though you leave, like you're so grieving, it's so hard sometimes, like, didn't you get over it? So yeah. So what is this new role teaching you about yourself? This new role is teaching me. What is this? I have never said that about that. What is this new role teaching me?
Starting point is 00:16:28 It's teaching about a stronger in my mind than I thought. Because I felt so like not a week per se, I just was afraid. More careers now and can speak out more because I'm not afraid of the backlash or somebody's gonna attack me. So it's taught me that I can like walk into a space and like kind of own the place. That like a bossy type thing, but like own the place. Like, okay, yes, I'm here. And this is what I like. And this is, you know, like this is what I know and don't know. So it has taught me that in different places, but definitely to own the place.
Starting point is 00:17:08 I walk into work now and I'm like, okay, I got this. I got this. I can tackle this. So definitely I have the mentality of tackling the situation. So yeah. I want to dig into this a bit because a lot of women,
Starting point is 00:17:22 I believe, from what I have heard from them struggle with being too fearful to step boldly into a new role, a new position, etc. And fear is very powerful. Like it literally will cause you to shrink when you were feeling fearful. What were some of those thoughts that you had? I was thinking that maybe I can't do this. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I don't have what it takes to get far. I was thinking so many different things, but I was really like, maybe I don't have the prerequisites
Starting point is 00:18:01 to get to this position. But I was more mainly the name you think about, I can't do this, I can't do this. So. And so was it a gradual switch into, I can do this. Like, did you go from, I can't do, I can't or did you go from, I can't but, oh well,
Starting point is 00:18:18 like I can't but here goes nothing. And then into, I can, like, what is this step? How do we go from,ANN to ICANN? No, I definitely, I spend time in the word, and my pastor is definitely big on a proverbs, and it's true, and I'm worried with all your heart, and we might not say, oh, and I'm just the a-did. And all that we do, he shot that right there, because,
Starting point is 00:18:42 I miss, I miss, probably miss, call it the father, it's Lord. Oh, my, you get the jizz. I believe it's father's for five to six. I think, but yeah. But I definitely jump in. That's not a good one. No, no, you get, you get.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Okay. No, I definitely went from, I, and I can't think to changing my language. I changed my words and my mentality of how I think. So definitely I would think of something I'm like, oh, I can't do it. The now I'm like, no, I can't do it. And I will do it. So versus I can do it or maybe I would do it.
Starting point is 00:19:21 I would say that I will do it. I'm going to do it. And after that, I would be like, okay, I'm gonna treat myself because I did it. And I will talk to my boss, I think I'd wait myself. I'm like, you did that. I'm like, yes. I did that. So I talk to my boss all the time.
Starting point is 00:19:38 And I'm like, you know, not you did that. Or you gonna do that. And then even after I get off work or finish and sign me or anything, I say to myself, I think you got it. I'm like, you know, you did that or you want to do that and then even after I get off work or finish and sign me or anything as if to my song I think you got it all you know you did that you tackle that day you got it done it's over with so it definitely it starts off your language and how you speak even I see yourself because I do a lot of encouragement to other people but not like anything encourage myself and sometimes encourage me you look for encouragement from others,
Starting point is 00:20:06 but then it's like sometimes it's important when it comes from here. So, so I love encouraging myself. I thought, like I said, I'm like, you know, you did that. And I'm like, okay, so it went from a lot of chance that I did. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna start calling you Nat, because I just feel like I want to just be to hear Nat. Nat, listen.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Okay, when you said I started congratulating myself, like I got chills because even when we do finally show up in those moments, like we have moments where we feel like I can't, I can't. We managed to muster up enough strength to say I will, I will, I will. And then when we live in the idea, we think that we only made it by the skin of our teeth.
Starting point is 00:20:51 So we don't congratulate ourselves because we feel like we barely stepped into the moment. But I did is still I did and congratulating yourself for the fact that you showed up and accomplished. And yes, you may have worked to do. And yes, you may have to get up tomorrow and try to do it again. But to congratulate yourself
Starting point is 00:21:10 for making it through the day is so, so necessary. Someone ought to just like take a minute and just like congratulate them. So send yourself congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you. Good start.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Yes. I am going to start doing that. Congratulations. Like you just had. Yes. I am going to start doing that. Yes, it's a season of you guys eating like graduating and so like, yeah, congratulations. That's that. It's a full of
Starting point is 00:21:37 Nicole today. And but a number of days. Yes. I just that. That's a big one. They are watch, they are folded, and they are put away. This is giving congratulations.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Exactly, Rach. When is the last time? What do you think is the biggest congratulations of your life so far? You're a full-time student, you've got a new job. like what is the thing that you like if you could only choose one thing to congratulate yourself for, and your whole journey of womanhood up until this point, what would it be? When I was graduating my so-for-win,
Starting point is 00:22:35 I was saying, um, what I can actually say to my old boy, I honestly was saying we'll be going back to school. And because I had, um, for the semester, all, and I was so like discouraged because I was behind and I reapplied for the semester and I finished the semester and it was last semester and I finished the semester and I was so proud of myself because even though whatever I was going through I was like you, I'm not gonna do them, just in their words, you know, I'll just move like that. But I definitely was exactly myself on just finishing school this semester, finishing this semester. It was really important to me because it was really tough men, so we, so even for me to just get over that, that's why I'm so big on saying
Starting point is 00:23:23 congratulations because that was like something that helped me look forward so even me going there to school now. So yeah, I'm going back to school. It's funny. I asked these questions but I never like consider what my answer would be to them. So I was thinking while you were speaking like what would be the one thing that I congratulate at myself for like of all the things on my womanhood journey? And that is a tough question.
Starting point is 00:23:52 You did a good job answering it. It is. I think that's my... I think that I would congratulate myself for trusting myself again. Because when life distorts your view of self, it can be difficult to trust your gut and your knowing. What we ultimately know is the Holy Spirit.
Starting point is 00:24:21 And I would congratulate myself for trusting myself again for believing that I make the decisions for believing that, you know, the desires in my heart matter, that they were something that could help the world become better for trusting my authenticity and the way that I deliver. I would congratulate myself for trusting myself again. And I think that that's, I think every woman owes it to herself to come to a space where she has worked out all of her trauma and issues with God and therapy and sisterhood and ministry and connection so that she can come to a place
Starting point is 00:25:01 where she can congratulate herself for trusting herself. Because I gave my heart to God and God gave it back to me. Now I have a heart that desires the right things because I took care of my mental health. Now I have a mind that recognizes emotions are a part of life, but they don't have to define me. Every woman owes it to herself to come to a place where she can trust herself again because when a woman trusts herself, she really does elevate everything around her because she moves with such confidence and boldness that she becomes a light. And when she shines, it shows other people not where they're fragile, not where they're
Starting point is 00:25:42 scarred or marred, it shows them who they can become. And our goal on this earth and journey with one another is to teach one another who you can become in spite of. And I think that's the greatest glow up anyone can have. Yeah, definitely. And it sounds like you're walking in that, that you're doing it. I know. Yeah, I can tell like you
Starting point is 00:26:07 experiencing your joy in your light right now even in speaking with you. Oh Yes, definitely answer trusting if you want us to go that way what the question is and I couldn't I can't Say something. No, if you want to answer it with that context. It's different. It's the point that you bring up the whole trust thing again, because if I was to congratulate myself based on that, I would say it can guide you to myself on loving myself again. And that would be understanding what it means to love
Starting point is 00:26:38 myself and look at myself and depend on love from anybody else, but if I know love from anybody else, but depend on love from God. And really understanding, but it really means the definition of love is. So yeah. What is loving yourself mean to you? How does that show up in your world? Love in myself means taking care of myself.
Starting point is 00:27:03 That means doing what is beneficial for myself and what is gonna help me ultimately. And it goes back and says that yes being, and not always being a yes person or putting the needs of somebody else, but putting my needs first. And understanding what God, you know, the biblical word God says about what love is.
Starting point is 00:27:23 And just definitely not. I try to dominate all of that by getting featured and by being kind and everything like that. But definitely just loving myself, which is looking at myself and saying like, girl, you look good. Like getting yourself together, you know, the little thing you get in your head, you know, and thinking to be out of appearance and the inner appearance as well as I check my heart a lot. And I'm like, how is your heart today? So definitely doing a heart check.
Starting point is 00:27:51 Yeah. So yeah. To know me is to know I love to cook. Being able to combine various ingredients and create a delicious meal for my family is my happy place. When my life gets busy, HelloFresh helps me live in the overflow of my happy place with their quick and easy meals.
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Starting point is 00:28:55 What experience made you feel the most unlovable and how did you learn to love yourself even in that area? Oh, you want to get in my business. To be sent your willing to share. No, I wouldn't share with you in the delegation because you know, it's a safe space. When did I feel it's an question over it's I'm sorry. What is in it? What is an experience that made you feel unlovable and how did you apply loving yourself to that
Starting point is 00:29:36 area? And I'll just add a little color to the question is okay. You know some people are able to love the fact that they're in school. I love the fact that I have a degree. to love the fact that they're in school. I love the fact that I have a degree. I love the fact that I'm loyal to other people. But I could never love the part of me that struggled with addiction. I could never love the part of me that had an abortion. Like, there are some parts of our lives that we feel are completely unlovable. And so we live in the size of our life
Starting point is 00:30:05 that feel like I can handle loving myself here, but not there. And I strongly feel that until you can love your deepest wounds, your deepest scars, your deepest secrets, then that surface love doesn't matter. It's no more than the puppy love that we experience in relationships only to find out that it cannot withstand the test of time.
Starting point is 00:30:24 If you're gonna love yourself in every season, you have to love every part of yourself. And that takes self-compassion and vulnerability. Yeah, I definitely agree. One experience that I've had, where I felt the most memorable is probably when I was younger and my parents I got the divorce and my younger brother used to go away with my dad and I never was, you know, severed that. So I never was the type to, I couldn't go with my dad and
Starting point is 00:31:03 I never under the, and I was like, we, I thought he said, you know, I'm his child. So why can't I ever go with him? But I've never expressed that. Until now, wow, I never expressed that. Not even to my mom. I've never expressed that. That made me feel like, you know, I wasn't loved. But I never looked at it that way because I was always like, okay, when he comes around, he says, hi, or, you know, and then as I grew older, we started to build our relationship. But in that moment, I felt like I was abandoned like why didn't you want to say, like, you always wanted to take him, but be around people to make me feel low. I only wanted to be around them, but I didn't feel low because I was just around. It wasn't low. It was
Starting point is 00:31:51 low was something to me that was like, okay, listen, I got you. I'm going to take care of you or you know, you're in good hands. Don't worry about it. There are anything like that. So I struggled with that, but now I've noticed that I'm in, I understand what God's love is. I'm like, you know, I am in good care. I am in God's hands. I'm fine. And it really took me a long time to get through therapy and everything. It just really opened it up to myself and realizing, okay, this, where did this, I've been to make a phone from? Where did you want it to be around a group of people come from? And so I really sat down and was really like, you know, this is where it came from.
Starting point is 00:32:29 And I need to deal with this. And so yeah. As a business owner, I've come to realize that trying to execute an idea without structure is stressful. And who has time to be stressed beyond picking out the right week for the day? Not me. If you're like me and you've realized that adding structure may increase your ability to see where you can thrive and where you need more support, the notion is for you. Notion is an easy-to-use do-it-all tool that
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Starting point is 00:33:21 Get up to $1,000 off Notion's team plan by going to Notion.com slash startups. Get up to $1,000 off notions team plan by going to notion.com slash startups. To give you a sense, that's almost a year of free notion for a team of 10. Find out how notion may be the missing piece your startup needs to grow, get more done, and excite your team in the process. Customize notion to work the way you do. Again, that's notion.com slash startups to receive up to $1,000 in free credit to your team. That's up to $1,000 value when you go to Notion.com slash startups. That is such a beautiful work that you've done to be able to identify that and to verbalize it because often those experiences, you can't really pinpoint how they changed.
Starting point is 00:34:05 Do you just know that they did? And yet, I just know that even as you're speaking, that that is given someone context for why they are the way that they are, you're abandonment and that area changed and shaped the way that you connect with other people and what you feel like you need from other people. But how beautiful that you ended up finding it and got.
Starting point is 00:34:27 So I just honor you. I thank you for doing that work. Thank you. Okay, girl. Thank you. We got a question to answer together. Okay. Are you ready?
Starting point is 00:34:37 Here I go. I know. Hey, love. I've been dating this man often on since I was 21 years old. I initially thought he was a lot younger because you know, black don't crack and men lie. What? It felt like that. I had the black don't crack and then the men lie and then is that like a saying?
Starting point is 00:35:01 Is that like a black crack, black don't crack and men? I've never heard of it. They go together. I've never heard. They go together. I've never heard. So did he lie about his age then is what I'm picking up one? A man. For you.
Starting point is 00:35:11 OK. Needless to say, age was never an issue for me. I'm 30, but my soul is a good 60. I'd say I'm very mature for my age. I've dated men my age. And whenever things went south, we seemed, he seemed to always be there in some capacity rather to be advice, sex, adventure, et cetera. You better give us your truth, ma'am.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Well, during quarantine, we became very close and spent a lot of time together to the point where we finally made it official and got into a relationship. Now that the world is open, we hardly see each other and it seems as if he is back not having enough time for me. Oh, rewind. He has his own business and his head of every department. I mean, every department. So now that the world is open, business is booming. There's way more to the story that leads up to my question,
Starting point is 00:35:58 but your show is only an hour. Ha, ha. But any who, my question is, do I stay around in hopes that he will make more time for me, or do I just let it dwindle away? Our entrepreneurs really that busy. Since I'ma let Nat talk in a second, but I do wanna say.
Starting point is 00:36:16 This is very such a shot. The shot. When you say black, don't crack in, man, lie.'s kind of where I got off the bus. I said why this bus is headed somewhere and I don't know if I can agree with it. And then when he was always there whenever something went wrong for the adventure sex or advice, I kind of, I was almost gonna get back on the bus and then I read that line and I said I'm gonna just stay right here. I like it right here. I don't know if I can get back on the bus and then I read that line and I say, I'm gonna just stay right here. I like it right here. I don't know if I can get back on that bus. And then the head of every department, listen, this is what I'm saying. I won't dissect your letter, but this
Starting point is 00:36:50 is what I'm going to say. Since I think it's time to leave them alone, I think the men, him lying about his age, like, this is a fundamental part of your identity that you lied about at the very onset of our relationship. On and off is already a little bit tricky because when we're off, are you working on yourself, are you building going to therapy and becoming cold, or are you on the train, the train to the women's and the things and the things. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:37:19 What do you do when you off? Like when I'm off, I go to bed. Like who are you going to bed with? It's all weird for me. So I'm going to save this. I think you should let it dwindle away. It doesn't sound like it has a healthy foundation. Entrepreneurs are very busy.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Entrepreneurs also can find a way to make time for the people who add value to their life. It sounds like he feels like you're optional. And to be fair, you made him optional as well. And so now you're optional. And to be fair, you made him optional as well. And so now you're functioning in this optional relationship dynamic. And while you may want something
Starting point is 00:37:51 that feels a little bit more permanent, it seems like this is just a cyclical relationship that is going to end and you constantly being frustrated. Nat, chau. It's on me. I was definitely saying she's between not an option, so she doesn't need to be treated like an option. And as an entrepreneur, I actually really believe that you know what I say, they do work non-nonsense but they work a lot. So I would say, I think I
Starting point is 00:38:26 would hear and say, um, that she needs to leave him because, yeah, no, definitely not to be treated like no oxygen. We know us to do that. That's how we love to do. That's not what we love to see. It's not what we love to hear. And it's definitely not what we love to do. Not before we go, do you have any questions for me, anything that I can answer about my life during your experiences? I was just asked you what makes you every day to what you do. It broke up a little bit, what did you say?
Starting point is 00:39:01 What motivates you to do with everything? I really believe in the transformation that I have experienced through my relationship with God and my pursuit of the Holy Spirit. And I really do feel like if every woman, every man can have an encounter with God that their life can be radically changed. Now I also recognize the barriers that keep us from having those encounters and what wakes me up every day is the desire to destroy the barriers that keep us from having those encounters with God that change our lives. And I am willing to use any bait that is necessary to lure people away from those barriers
Starting point is 00:39:47 and into an atmosphere that will allow them to have divine encounters. So whether that's fashion or podcasting, like my ultimate goal is for people to feel safe enough to let their walls down so that the presence of God can come in and change them not just for a service but for a lifetime. That's why I wake up every day.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this time together. You're incredible. You have such just a beautiful spirit. And I'm going to just continue to pray that God gives you confidence and wisdom and strategy so that we can all experience that light that's on you and I know you want to be a missionary so I'm praying that
Starting point is 00:40:32 God sends you to the places that need that light the most. Thank you I appreciate it. This was fun. You take care of yourself. I will. Thank you. Bye. You take care of yourself. I will. Thank you. Bye.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Nat, you are gold. Honestly, it was such an honor to get to share space with you, to experience your heart, your lessons, and your wisdom. I hope you never forget how golden you are. It was my honor to chat with you today. Delegation, I'm curious to know what part of this episode stood out the most for you. Drop us an email, comment on the socials, or slide in my DMs. We love hearing from you. Shoot us an advice question, or let us know you want to be the next co-host by emailing podcast at wamaniebawve.com.
Starting point is 00:41:24 See you soon. you

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