Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Reframe Your Shame w/ Irene Rollins

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

They say W.E. overcome by our testimony, but let's be VERY forreal...It's tough to share stories we're still in the process of healing from. Just ask today's guest, Irene Rollins, a pastor, recovery activist, author, speaker, marriage educator, and certified emotional intelligence coach. She explains to SJR why, like many others, she preferred to keep her story hidden. But it would be Irene's husband who knew that exposing the truth would wake up something inside of her, and sure enough it did! You do know there's power in your testimony, right? And that another woman's breakthrough is connected to you opening up your mouth? Recognizing our collective need to confront unprocessed trauma, this episode explores the transition from alcohol addiction to recovery. Irene mentioned that not receiving God's grace would cheapen His work on the cross & W.E. felt that for somebody! Learn more about how she models accountability in her book called, "Reframe Your Shame".See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up? I'm Vince Carter and my podcast, The VC Show is coming back. Season two of The VC Show is going to be bigger and better than ever. Every week during the NBA season, I'll give you my real insights and opinions on the league. Subscribe to the pod and listen to The VC Show with me, Carter on the I heart radio app Apple podcast or whatever you get your podcast Delve into the visceral world of hip-hop with the gangster Chronicles hosted by MC aid and big steel every Thursday I already know the podcast that aims to unravel the intricate tapestry of one of music's most influential

and misunderstood subgenres, gangster rap. Gangster Chronicles unpacks the evolution of this uniquely American art form, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the significance this genre holds. Listen to the Gangster Chronicles on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's good? It's Colleen Whit and Eating While Broke is back for season three.

Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathen, DC Young Fly, Bone Thugs and Harmony, and many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way.

We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Perspective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday Prospector with Bank podcast will feature individuals from different backgrounds, all walks of life will come together to share their unique perspective

and engage in enlightening conversation. This podcast will explore all type of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities on a wide range of perspectives that you never knew you needed. Every Monday, listen to Perspectival Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. If you love comedy movies and Hollywood satire, you're gonna wanna listen to a brand new podcast

called Get It to Dutch. In Get It to Dutch, we play three aspiring screenwriters on a quest to get a script to big time Hollywood producer, Dutch Huxley. Each week on the podcast, we perform a movie script right before your ears. It's like going to a movie with your eyes closed. And we have amazing guest stars,

including Tim Robinson, Rob Hubel, Lily Sullivan, Jamie Moyer, and Weird Al Yankovic. Listen to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's journey on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Any situation that thrives off of your inauthenticity where you have to pay the price of pretending in order to experience connection is a hostage situation. And you're the only one who can pay the ransom.

It took me 38 days to finally admit that I had a problem with alcohol. That is how powerful addiction is. And it can happen without us even seeing it coming. What's up family? I am back with another episode of the Womany Ball podcast. How are you? I hope this finds you well. I am looking forward to an amazing weekend with my family. We are heading out for Father's Day and we're gonna be

in the West Coast, the best coast with our family at once. So I'm looking forward to the family time and we have a lot of family time planned this summer, a lot of family time. And you know someone could say summer is about family time so that's appropriate. Others could say I'm praying for you because we don't know, we don't know, but we know. Okay? But we are packing up, getting ready to head out, and I am looking forward to just making memories. I grew up in a big family, and so when we're all moving together, I must admit that it feels very nostalgic and special. So though I am complaining, I am also just thanking God that we are in a position that we have all of our family to love on and that we get To make these memories. How are you?

What's going on in your world was going on in the world? Can I tell you last weekend was my dad's birthday and we went to a family movie night we went to go see bad boys for and You know, we are still coming off the hills or we we were, now everything's like blue skies and clear, but coming off the hills of these different storms in Texas. And the power had just gone off at the movie theater right before we got there, but they had the system up and running,

but they were still trying to get stuff programmed. So we started the movie and then it cuts off during the previews and they had rebooted and they started like 20 minute wait, they restarted from the top. Please tell me why at like the height of like the like moment of the movie in which things are taking a turn is shut down again.

And I have to tell you, like, I don't know if it's just because it was all of our family in the movie and we were just like laughing and clowning or if the movie was actually this good, but it was the best time ever. They ended up getting it rebooted after about 20 minutes, but again, and then they tried to start from the top and they was like, no, we can fast forward it

to the part that you were on. And so, you know how you're yelling at someone like, whoa, whoa, stop right there. It was just a good time. So the movie was cool. I had some chuckles, but I think the greatest chuckle of all was being able to spend that time with my family. So yes, all things are going well. I feel like there's a little tickle in my throat. I don't enjoy that.

It feels like, um, I'm, you guys know I'm a little strange. So, um, I feel dirt in the back of my throat. That's what, that's my way of saying it's a little infect. I feel a little infection trying to accumulate. It's dirt in the back of my throat. I don't enjoy it, but I'm gonna stay hydrated, rested, and boost up my vitamins because nobody has time to be sick and family time and adventure. No thank you, no ma'am, no ham. Okay, that's my rundown. That's what I've been doing.

How am I, how is my being, my being, my being? I am yet tapping into rest and enjoying it. Not working out. I'm eating a little better, but not much, I'll be honest. My summer body is where it is. But my friends and I have decided that after July 20th, like on July 20th, we're going to do a 60 day challenge leading into conference.

Last year for conference, we did a 40 day fast for what we wanted to see happen at conference. And I have been really thinking that maybe we need to fast after conference, to have a collective fast after conference. Seems like it would be really powerful because it's after conference that a lot of people end up feeling like they've been under attack, that there was just different things that happened as a result

of the revelation they received, or they want to incubate that revelation and really create an environment for what God told them at conference to become rooted in their lives. So I've been thinking a lot about us doing a fast after conference, but that's between ... I had a little time to think about it, but I want to pray. I want to pray into it. I don't have to choose. It could be something before and after, but anyways, okay. By my being, I am happy.

If I had the feelings will out, I would say that I am happy. I am grateful and yeah, that's it. How are you? What's going on in your world? Do you need a feelings wheel? Do you need a feelings box? Throwback, if you listened to the podcast in the beginning, you already know the feelings box is when we go in there and we have to pick out our feelings.

What's going on with you? Do you have your feelings wheel? If you don't have one, I want you to go online and I want you to Google feelings wheel and I want you to pick out a feeling. Do you know what was a mind blowing for me when I first started going through therapy? The realization that we're always feeling something, but most of us are so numb, so on autopilot that we do not connect the present with an emotion. It's been an interesting

exercise for me sometimes to just grab my phone and be like, okay, let me figure out how I'm feeling right now in this moment. I encourage you to do that, lots of fun. All right, listen, so, you know, it's my favorite time of the week where I get to mind your business. If you're listening for the first time, what's up, how you been?

Welcome, I'm glad to see you here. If you're not new to this, you're true to this, and you already know that we like to take advice questions from our friends to see what's going on in their world and see how we can help them. I always encourage you that if you hear me give some advice and you're like, you know what? I got a little two cents to add that.

Send it to me, podcastatwomenevolve.com. Maybe you're like, I don't have two cents to add, but I have two cents to receive. You understand what I'm saying? You need someone to mind your business. Go ahead and run that back to me. Podcastatwomenevolve.com. We will mind your business and see what we can do to help you in whatever stage you are in. The beauty of community is that you're never in anything on your own unless you choose to be. By opening your mouth,

we make space for those who are around us to love us and serve us. Okay, so let's get into this mind your business question. Okay, this is the unhinged episode really stuck with me, specifically being the sacrificial lamb of motherhood. And that enabled me to put words to how I'm feeling in other aspects of my life. Sometimes more often than I'd like, I feel like I'm sacrificing parts of myself in my marriage. There's nothing he's asking or expecting me to do.

I just feel like in our recording, I was full on Pick Me. Well, I got picked and now 12 years later, after doing therapy and healing parts of me, I realized I've created an environment that has me feeling like I'm sacrificing parts of my new healed self. How do I approach this with my spouse? We have a solid marriage.

I'm just wondering how a reformed Pick Me can live in their healed self in truth without people feeling like they switched up. Let the people feel like you switched up. Let them feel it, because you have. You have switched up and denying your growth, denying your transition does a disservice to you and to them.

In the 12 years that you have been married, it is expected that you would change. No one stays the same in 12 years. And if they do, that's a whole nother conversation because it means that they're not in environments that are challenging them to dig deeper, to become more, and to just stretch into the best versions of themselves.

And so how do you acknowledge this with your husband? I think that you should really begin to give language yourself for like what you did then that you see differently now. And to allow your husband to embark on the journey of discovering this new version of you by introducing him to who you have become. So if you were a pick me, which I'm going to be honest, call me a nontie. But I thought this was just someone who like does whatever they like, does whatever to try and get their, make their person happy.

Like people pleasing on a high level, you know, I use context clues and it's like giving pick me, choose me, choose me, choose me behavior. That's what I think pick me is. If I'm wrong, y'all help me. Because when I tried to break it down to my daughter like that, she was like, that's not what it means. Just like that. She's a teenager. And yes, I was like, what does it mean? And she didn't have anything for me. But I'm going to go with the context clues and I'm going to say it's like, choose me, choose me, choose me. Anyway, so what is different now though? Like who did you, who did you allow him to believe that you were that you no longer aren't in specificity?

Do you not like certain types of movies, certain types of music? What other things do you enjoy instead? What do you do for fun that may be different than what he knows? He gets to date this new version of you. You said that you guys have a solid marriage, which gives me a lot of hope that you're married to someone who at the end of the day loves you and wants the best for you. He just needs to understand what that is and who you are now. And so I think with specificity to be able to say, you know, I used to think that X,

Y, and Z was cool, but now I'm actually interested in this and to like, let him know how you are changing. But I say, let people believe say let people feel the switch up. You switched. If you don't allow them to experience the switch up, then you are going to be restricted to a version of yourself that no longer exists. As I say in Power Moves, that is a hostage situation. Any situation that thrives off of your inauthenticity

where you have to pay the price of pretending in order to experience connection is a hostage situation. And you're the only one who can pay the ransom. And the ransom is transparency, vulnerability, and honesty. So sis, I'm gonna need you to cough it up. Leave off. Hey, what's that show? It's the VC Show.

What's up? I'm Vince Carter and my podcast, The VC Show, is coming back. Four on one. Oh my god! That's what they came to see! Season two of The VC Show is going to be bigger and better than ever. Every week during the NBA season, I'll give you my real insights and opinions on the league. Oh, nice move by Carter.

What? Yes, indeed. I have a lot to talk about, and it won't always be basketball. If you listen to the show, you will get to know me, my life, and the things I care about. My family, friends, golf, music, and much more. Vince Sanofi Reign Supreme. Subscribe to the pod and listen to The VC Show with me, Vince Carter, on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, it gets knocked out. It's over. It's over, ladies and gentlemen! -♪ K-1's that show, it's the V.C. Rap, hosted by MCA and Big Steels every Thursday. Each episode provides an in-depth exploration into the formative artists, monumental albums, and socio-political factors that have shaped Gangsta Rap

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Let's go. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds podcast. This is not an episode, it's a promo. You know what it is, promo time. We in this piece. Trap Nerds, Trap Nerds, real n**** like you never heard. Join the Trap Nerds podcast every Monday and listen to us discuss all things inside and out of Blurred Culture.

The world of Quint Tarantino squashes his beef with Marvel and be like, I got this. I mean, the push shots are road will see I'll be down with. Make you know, it could be extra racing. With the best movie and TV reviews from a Blurred perspective. I think if Bode Mio hadn't got fired, Kevin probably would be in trouble right now. Breach. We giving you reliable gaming news and real genuine game reviews.

I'll stand for Lightning. Why does she have three games? Cause she a bad man. I hate you so much right now. Listen to the Trap Nurse podcast or the Black Effect podcast network, Ironheart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Perspective with Bank on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Perspective with Bank podcast will feature individuals from different backgrounds, all walks of life who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightening conversation. What you think the biggest disconnect between men and women is? I think the biggest disconnect is now there is a role reversal.

I feel like almost scientifically, if there's not a, in my opinion, my perspective, a natural order of the man being the head and the one following, the relationship will almost always fail. I like my work as a music artist and executive. I allow diverse, thought-provoking viewpoints and experiences on a wide range of perspective

that you never knew you needed. But don't women know off the rip before they hit them with the okay that this ain't me. Once my feelings change, we're our feelings gonna change at the same time. At the same time, baby. You know what I'm saying, boys, you got, they just want a woman, period.

Every Monday, listen to Perspectival Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, our radio app, Apple Podcast Network, I Heart Radio out, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's good? It's Colleen Whit and Edie Nwag Broke is back for season 3, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Radio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathen.

TMZ was starting a tour. Harvey came and took the tour. By July, I'm on TV every day. I endear myself to the audience. He comes in, he goes, we're gonna give you a raise. I think maybe a year, two years after that, I was a producer. DC Young Fly.

It wasn't really no way for us to make income off of Vine like that. It was more so notoriety. Once that popped off, it was like, people was following it. I didn't know how big it was. I didn't know people was doing this on their spare off, it was like people was following it. I didn't know how big it was. I didn't know people was doing this on their spare time.

I was like, don't do that, kids. That's bad. It was crazy that it had to be that real and that harsh. Phone thuds in harmony. Our mission was we was telling everybody in the hood, we finna go meet Eazy-E. We about to come back and do a video. Of course, we didn't know, so we was lying like a mother. Little do we know, we speak in reality

and we gonna come back with a bus and camera crew. And many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke

on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. How fitting is this that this is happening though in the month that we're talking about believing, surrender to believing in transition. This is a surrender moment in which you lay down this idea of who you think you need to

be or who you once were and transition into the full establishing of who you are now. I need you to have faith in the midst of that transition. I don't think that there's a podcast episode more appropriate for you to listen to than this one with this transition in mind. Let me tell you why. When I first started hearing the story of Irene Rollins, I was listening to sound bites on social media.

And from those sound bites, I was blown away by her transparency. People tell me all the time, like, oh my gosh, your transparency is so helpful, your transparency. And I feel like seeing Irene Rollins gave me context for what it is that people see when they are connected to me. So Irene Rollins, married, pastor's wife, she's passionate about the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health of people. She's a certified's wife. She's passionate about the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health of people. She's a certified emotional intelligence coach.

She guides others in becoming the best version of themselves through coaching, teaching, preaching, and writing. She's a wife and a mother of three. Part of the reason why her story really stood out to me is that she began talking about her journey in recovery. Why I think that is important is because believing in transition, oh my goodness, I feel God on this,

I feel like this is gonna help someone. Believing in transition is not just those moments where we have to stretch for those big transitions. We're walking into opening doors, we're taking leaps of faith. Believing in transition is often transitioning from a shell of who you know you should be, maybe even a broken state, and not just into healing, but in the vulnerability required to let other people be a part of your healing journey, to let other people see the areas in which you're struggling. To invite people to be a part of you changing,

not just when you have completed the transition, but while you're in the midst of it. Okay, so Irene talks candidly about her struggle with addiction. And she's gonna be at the WomniVolve Conference, which I'm so excited about this theme, Surrender. I want to talk about all of the different ways that we must experience surrender and what's on the other side of our surrender.

And I just feel like, you know, because I was in a toxic relationship, I was a teen mom, I was a single mother, so much of what I have learned about belief in transition has to do in the context of relationships. But I love Irene's story because we aren't really having, at least not that I am privy to a lot of conversations about addiction, about recovery, about the way that it shakes up our families and our marriages. She allows us to experience this candid conversation through her own experiences. I believe that it's going to bless you tremendously.

So you guys sit back, relax and get ready to enjoy this conversation with pastor, first lady, coach, woman, light, innovator, Irene Rollins. So most of the time when I go places, people are always asking me like to share my story and tell my story. And I have become so, I guess, comfortable sharing my story that a lot of times I don't even see it as vulnerability because it's just such a part of my truth that I've had the opportunity to share with so many that it doesn't feel expensive. But then there are moments where I hear other people's story and instantly I am moved by

the vulnerability it must have taken for them to share their story. That's how I felt when I first heard your story. And so I'm really grateful for the work that you had to be willing to do to get to a place where you were comfortable, not just sharing your story, but owning your story for yourself. And then going that extra step of sharing it with others. Did you feel like you just had to share your story or like how did you get to a space where it went from being something that you own to something that you allowed other people to experience? Well, 100%, I would rather have kept my story very hidden.

And that's what I thought I was going to do when I thought that things were, it was up to me. But it really was really the urging of my husband to share my story, who he just believes in me so much and believed that my sharing would wake up something in me. And sure enough, it did. The moment I finally agreed to acknowledge

what I wanted to keep hidden, and vulnerability played out on a stage for the first time. The power of testimony hit, and it's really the Spirit of the Lord that came upon me. And without a shadow of a doubt, I came alive in that moment. It took one hand being raised saying, I identify. One. If it was just the one woman at the altar who said, you know

what, I didn't know we could say these things out loud in church. It was enough for me. I was never gonna stop sharing my testimony because in that moment, what I wanted to keep hidden, God used it for good, like immediate return on investment. So. That's how I ended up in this world that I'm in because, you know, I shared it unknowingly.

I think I kind of shared it rebelliously because I was writing a blog and as I was writing the blog, people were being inspired and they were being drawn closer to the Lord. And I had this belief that if you really knew who I was, then there's no way that you would still feel the same way. And so I felt like I'm gonna share this story, and then that way I can go back to my blog being my own little quiet space where there are no expectations, nobody thinks I'm in ministry.

I'm like, hey guys, just so everyone knows, I got pregnant at 13, had my son at 14, I'm currently going through a divorce, I dropped out of college. I just told everything, thinking that I would say it once and I would never have to say it again. And so many people were like, one,

I didn't know that other people were going through these things and still trying to figure out who God is. And all it took was one, like I'm still out here, just like one more, God, you got me for one more time. And that one keeps multiplying. I'm sure. And you know, for a while, I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but I felt like the testimony girl. Like it was.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. I felt like I was being invited to do the dirty work. So nobody wants to talk about it. Here I am. That right there. Because, you know, there aren't many, I would say even, I've done a couple searches,

there aren't many black women who are saying they are in recovery. So I'm eight years, six months sober to date, and from alcohol addiction, and it's something that I will scream from the rooftops for the rest of my life because every single time I highlight this it shows a spotlight on the power of our God the redeeming power of our amazing God like people die from this disease of alcoholism and I'm here to testify about it. So yeah.

Okay. So I was not, I was going to, I didn't know if I was going to share your story in the intro, but I wanted you to share your story in your own words. So you just mentioned you are eight years and six months to the date in recovery. I do feel like part of the reason why I even wanted you to be a part of woman evolve where we are constantly minding everyone's business because we're this is vulnerability and transparency. So I'm not calling you to do the cleanup duty that no one else wanted to do. But I don't feel like we're having enough conversations about addiction alcoholism in this way, especially in communities of color.

So while everyone was grateful that I shared about my pregnancy and promiscuity, when I first heard you talking about recovery, I felt like now here's a conversation that I don't feel like we're having. And yet I know so many of my friends have been, have struggled with alcohol, have been functioning alcoholics. I suspect some of them are, and I just wanted to lean in a little bit to this taboo subject that I don't think we're talking enough about. I don't even know where to begin with this. At what point did you realize that you, I guess, even had a problem?

That's the thing. I didn't realize I had a... Check this out. This is how crazy addiction is and how, if we don't hurry up and talk about it, it can happen to you. It can happen to me. It can happen to anybody, our mom, to me, it can happen to anybody, our mama, grandmother. It doesn't matter the age, addiction is not a respect of persons, or I was pastoring and had no idea

that it could happen so quickly that I would end up in a six year period of time starting adding alcohol back into my life and being in rehab six years later with an ultimatum from my husband that if you don't go get help, I'm leaving and I'm taking the kids. Nobody was taking my kids, so I went ahead and went. But it wasn't until day 38,

day 38 of 24 hours a day of talking and learning about alcoholism, learning about trauma and the connection between the two, learning about my emotional health. It took me 38 days to finally admit that I had a problem with alcohol. That's how powerful denial is. That is how powerful addiction is

in terms of how it changes our brains. And it can happen without us even seeing it coming. So the awareness of the addiction scale, I think, is the best thing we can do in learning about addiction and learning about it because then we can see, oh, wait, maybe I can stop myself before it gets to the point where I hit rock bottom and your life is unmanageable, which is what happened to me.

That doesn't have to be other people's story. I didn't know it. I just didn't know, I just thought I had a high tolerance. I didn't know that, I didn't say wake up in the morning and say, hey, pick me. I want to be an alcoholic, like it doesn't work like that. Genetics play a part, early exposure, 10 years old, played a part in my story.

Sexual abuse rolled out the red carpet for addiction. I had no idea how it all worked and was connected. So when that alcohol hit my lips, I picked up back where I left off when I was 21, an abusing alcohol, all through my teens and up to 21. You pick up where you left off, I didn't know. So six years, it went from a glass of wine with dinner to hiding vodka and water bottles, so nobody would know.

Because nobody could know that I actually go to the liquor store that much. Like, so nobody would know. Because nobody could know that I actually go to the liquor store that much. I'm a pastor's wife. Like, I'm a pastor, I can't do that. So I just hit it. And thinking that that was okay. That's how crazy addiction is. Like, you really think it's okay to hide alcohol.

You're a grown woman. What are you doing? Yeah. It's so interesting. You said sexual abuse rolled out the red carpet. And I used to watch this show called Intervention, like 24-7 marathons. And, you know, generally the addiction was really just the symptom. It wasn't really the actual problem. Exactly. And I'm sure, you know, I am not an expert at all in this field, but what I learned is

that many times they, it was a coping mechanism. It was an escape from a certain reality. I want to talk a little bit about unprocessed trauma and how for different people, it shows up in different ways. And so while yours may have been alcohol abuse for me, promiscuity for some people, it's achievement and performance. Can we talk a little bit about this reckoning with trauma that we're seeing in spaces of faith and how uncomfortable but necessary it is for our development and our relationship

with God, not just like developing as better humans or healthier humans, though that's beautiful, but I feel like processing my trauma, going to therapy, confronting some of these things that have wounded me has made me a better believer. 100%. Like Dr. Anita says it all the time, especially on the intro of her podcast when she says talking about being emotionally healthy,

we are healthier overall, like stronger spiritually and all of that. Well, it's the trauma that's directly connected to our emotional world, our emotional health. You know, the whole, the garden book right now is just really, depicts that concept so well of the connection between our heart, our mind, and our soul. And God wants to heal all this.

He wants to be connected to us. But when we have those fractures due to trauma, we don't realize, see, this is unconscious. We're so unconscious. We're walking around. I think it's like sleepwalking, like serious sleepwalking. Walking around unaware that there's this fracture in our psyche, in our belief system because of the trauma. And people think, oh, trauma is just war,

or trauma is just sexual abuse. No, trauma is subjective. You may have grown up in a family, and all three of you siblings witnessed the same event, but to one of them it's trauma. It is what it is. So if we don't take the time to quiet and explore those things in our faith journey,

we will act out of the wound rather than allow the wound to be healed. You can't heal a wound you say is not there, it says in Jeremiah, right? So we've got to call the wound out, identify it, and then we're able to invite the Lord into that trauma, and then the healing begins. When we're unconscious, this is what I believe happens,

we medicate unconsciously with something to soothe our soul. I went to church. I was a pastor. I was serving. I was leading. I was doing all the things that you would think would... I brought my sexual abuse to the altar. I thought I was done.

I was not done because the trauma aspect, the groove in my brain that said I was damaged goods because of the sexual abuse, I had never articulated out loud, therefore it had not had an opportunity to get healed. So the alcohol gave a temporary satiation to pain that I couldn't even articulate. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. So I think we sleepwalk, we get stuck sleepwalking because of lack of awareness of how our souls and our hearts might be damaged from trauma, but our brains are neuroplastic, so they can heal and be renewed. But if we deny it and act like, my past, oh, I've had people tell me on social media, my

past doesn't show up in my present. I'm good. I don't need healing, my spouse to be a part of my healing process. And I'm like, wow, you must not be human because like, people hurt people and we're all hurt, we're all wounded but then we can help heal one another and be restored. It's all like a constant, it's like the circle of life almost. And I think normalizing it and talking about it more is what's going to get people to deal with their stuff. And maybe we can have more, I don't know, more testimonies out there of like, you know, my life got transformed when I finally dealt with something that was holding me back where

I was stuck. So how did you so I want to talk about forgiveness, you know, God forgives us for sure, you know, but forgiving ourselves, accepting the forgiveness from other people. I think that the shame connected like so you have what you did or what you're going through and then you have the shame connected to it And the shame is enough to make you go do what you did again, to escape the shame of it. Again and again, how do you find yourself feeling worthy enough to receive unconditional love, to receive support,

and someone else's forgiveness when you can hardly forgive yourself? Such a good question. And there was a moment in my life where it was like instantly the Lord reframed my shame. And it was day 38 of rehab when I find the light bulb went off and I was like, wait a minute, admitting I'm an alcoholic is admitting my weakness. I'm highlighting that I am weak, he is strong. His grace is sufficient for me.

So if it's sufficient, I'm minimizing his work on the cross if I don't receive his grace and forgiveness. So if I'm cheapening the work of the cross, that became what I needed to repent of. I'd already repented of the alcoholism. I'd already repented to my husband, my kids, for making my kids feel unsafe, because I hid my issue.

Nobody publicly knew. I only did it at home. And so I hurt the people that were closest to me with my drunkenness. But I wouldn't, not receiving the forgiveness from the Lord, I was blocking myself from a connection with him. It's just like the enemy to want to convince us that you're not forgiven. So I'm cheapening the work of the cross, of what Jesus did on the cross for me.

What am I doing? I'm like, yes, God, your grace. I receive it. It's not just for all the people I minister to. It's for me too. What? And when I received that, it's like a load of bricks. The shame came off of me and I was like, you know, the more I brag on Jesus and my

weakness, the more set free I am. And just, I think I just got honest with myself that it was okay to not be okay. It was okay to, that I really am forgiven. But the healing came. So we can be forgiven, confess your sins to God for forgiveness, but the healing came when I began to share my testimony with people. And like it says in the Book of James, I had to share it with people

so that my soul could get healed. And it was really teaching my children that same skill. So having our family meetings where they shared their emotions, mom, I felt unsafe when I saw you passed out on the bathroom floor. I would tell dad, why won't mommy wake up? Daddy's out of town.

Like that hurt my children. And I had to sit there and listen and go into their world and empathize as a child. That must hurt my children. And I had to sit there and listen and go into their world and empathize as a child, that must hurt so bad. I can see how you would feel unsafe. True repentance was me acknowledging their pain, but then also going to AA meetings, going to Celebrate Recovery, going to trauma treatment,

going to IOP, Intense Outpatient, doing all of the things I needed to do to get sober and stay sober was part of my apology to my children and my husband, so that we could begin to build off of that and create our new normal as a family. Hey, what's that show? It's the VC Show.

What's up, I'm Vince Carter, and my podcast, The VC Show is coming back. Season two of The VC Show is going to be bigger and better than ever. Every week during the NBA season, I'll give you my real insights and opinions on the league. Oh nice move by Carter! What? Yes indeed! I have a lot to talk about and it won't always be basketball. If you listen to the show, you will get to know me, my life, and the things I care about. My family, friends, golf, music, and much more. Vince Sanchez Reigns Supreme!

Subscribe to the pod and listen to the VC show with me, Vince Carter on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or whatever you get your podcast. Delve into the visceral world of hip hop with the Gangsta Chronicles. A podcast that aims to unravel the intricate tapestry of one of music's most influential and misunderstood subgenres, gangsta rap. Hosted by MCA and Big Steels every Thursday. Each episode provides an in-depth exploration into the formative artists, monumental albums, and socio-political factors that have shaped gangsta rap from its emergence in the 80s

to its enduring impact today. Gangsta Chronicles unpacks the evolution of this uniquely American art form. We dive into the socio-cultural aspects that gangsta rap boldly addressed, from police brutality to systemic racism, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the profound cultural significance this genre holds. Listen to the Gangsta Chronicles on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode, it's a promo.

You know what it is, promo time. We in this piece. Trap Nerds, Trap Nerds, real n****s like you never heard. Join the Trap Nerds Podcast every Monday and listen to us discuss all things inside and out of Blurred Culture. The world of Quint Tarantino squashes his beef with Marvel and be like, I got this. See, I mean, if we shot the road,

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It was more so notoriety. Once that popped off, it was like, people was following it. I didn't know how big it was. I didn't know people was doing this on their spare time. I was, don't do that kids, that's bad. It was crazy that it had to be that real and that harsh. Phone thuds and harmony. Our mission was we was telling everybody in the hood, we finna go meet Eazy-E, we bout to come back and do a video. Of course we didn't know,

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I am so inspired by this because I think that it's leaning into this reality that many of us want to see healthier transitions in our family dynamics. We want to see healthier transitions for ourselves, but we can acknowledge that maybe right now now we aren't creating the healthiest systems and the extreme ownership that I hear you taking, the empathy with other people's experience is, it's powerful. I mean, there has to be something that you have to lay down in order to make space for that.

What did you have to give up in order to create space for your children's experience and for your husband and your family to maybe hold you accountable to this, you know, new expression of your identity? I had to give up control. I had to completely relinquish control over what people thought of me. I had to rel up control. I had to completely relinquish control over what people thought of me.

I had to relinquish my shame, relinquish just my reputation, for lack of a better word. I thought I was gonna get stoned when I got up on the stage and shared my testimony. I thought I was like, literally, people were gonna run me out of the building. And it was the complete opposite. When I gave up control, when I surrendered,

and that's really the true meaning of surrender. And recovery is all about daily, moment by moment, surrender of my will to the Lord. Right? Lord, your will over mine, your will over mine. And his will says there's power in testimony, that the hearers are going to get inspired that I'll do it again for them when you speak up.

So for me, it was like, you know what, I have ADD. What was the original question? What did you know? No, you answered it though. You answered it because I said, what did you have to lay down in order to make space for their experiences? Because I do think, especially as we talk about like healing in our children and, you know, really reconciling our, you know, relationships with our families.

Like I've had women come to me and it's like, this sounds good in theory, but like, I don't want to hear that I wasn't a good mom. I don't want to hear about all of the ways that I messed up. But I also want my children to have this space of healing. Like where, how do we get to this space where we can say, you know what, I am going to lay down my pride, my perspective to make room for someone else's. Yes.

And if you know, it is that vulnerability when we're and when we're sharing our humanity to our kids, we should be humbling ourselves and to our spouse like we are sharing the most. It's so hard to do that. I get it. But doing that hard thing. I don't I didn't want to hear that I hurt my kids. You could tell me I hurt Jimmy all day long.

You could tell me I hurt somebody else, the dog, whatever. But my kids, my babies, like I exist. I was born to have these precious babies and I hurt them, what is that? They didn't heal until I acknowledged the pain I caused them. I am alive. There are people whose parents are long gone,

they're abusers, people, they don't get a chance to get the apology and the acknowledgement. I'm alive and breathing. I am responsible before God to give this to my children so I can fast forward their healing. Like I was a part of the wounding. I can now be a part of the healing too. And fast forward it.

So now generational curses are broken. Yes, it starts with me. We love saying that, right? It starts with me. Generational curses of addiction, it stops with me. My children are going to have to choose for themselves whether they're going to drink or not drink, whether they're going to smoke or not smoke.

But guess what? I gave I did the best I could. I gave them the gift of sobriety, my sobriety, saying, guys, I was broken and look, and I was lost and the Lord healed me. Look, I was in ministry and the Lord still is using me for good. Yeah. Like, he doesn't throw us away, change his mind about us. The gifts and calling of God are irrevocable. But you can't heal a wound you say is not there.

You got to admit your stuff in order for the healing, the grace, the mercy, and all of that to overflow. So if you're stuck and can't, you're a listener and you can't like go and offer that humbly to your children, to your people you love making amends, like the healing can't even begin. You have, that is a, that's why the 12 steps, I love the whole 12 steps thing. And you know, it's from the Sermon on the mount. A lot of people don't realize. No, I didn't know that. It's so amazing.

So it is literally from Jesus' most powerful sermon ever, right, telling us how to live. That's why I love people in recovery. Because people in recovery are constantly saying, hey, I was powerless admitting over alcohol. Number two, I need God to, in order to do this whole recovery thing. Number three, I'm gonna constantly take inventory of myself.

So people in recovery have an easier time acknowledging their issues because we're constantly practicing that every single day. Like we're saying, you know what, God, there's something broken in my character here or there. Every time we go to a meeting and then we get a chance to make amends, we go to people and make amends

and say, I'm sorry for how I hurt you. It's training us how to live in this fallen world, in this world with broken people like all of us. Yeah. Okay, so I love what you said about the generational curses though, because I do think many times when we want to break a generational curse, I think we have an idea in our head that it's like going to be in this generation,

I'm going to break it and it's not going to show up at all in any way in the next generation. But I think the breaking of a generational curse is a chipping away. And so maybe the addiction went unaddressed in one generation. Maybe it is acknowledged in this generation. Maybe it is acknowledged and recovered

in the next generation. Maybe it doesn't exist at all in the generation after that. We just have to be willing to start it, like to get the ball started. And like maybe in some instances it's there one season and not the next, but I do think there's something powerful about saying, you know, maybe I didn't completely eradicate it, but I exposed it. That's gotta be powerful.

Oh, it's so powerful. It really is. And you know, just think about if my children are 19, 21, and 23, and they're learning my children are 19, 21, and 23, and they're learning things that took me going to, hitting rock bottom, going to rehab, and learning at 38 years old, and they're getting it at 21, what?

We're doing great. That means my grandkids are gonna get it even sooner. You know what I mean? Like, this is, like, oh, this gets me so fired up and so excited because I get a picture of that. I get a picture of, that's the redemptive power of Christ at work, generationally, amazing. Okay, so you're coming to WOM and EVOLVE.

You're gonna be sharing a little bit about your journey to surrendering. We're working on something, because many times we see surrender as a one-time thing, but I have learned that surrender is something that we're having to do over and over and over again. So I am curious, what is God showing you about surrender for this stage and season of your life,

even if it has nothing to do with your recovery journey, like what are you having to lay down right now? Well, and this is, you're the first person to hear this publicly, but I am, I have had to lay down control over my health. I got a diagnosis this year. I have been just suffering physically for quite some time. Now six months, it's been practically debilitating.

And it turns out it's Lyme disease and all of these other things that, autoimmune issues that were awakened by the first, the tick bite, crazy, right? But migraines, debilitating nausea, all of that. And I have been so challenged with, am I going to believe that the Lord can heal me completely and wholly?

I have to give up control over the timing. Oh my God, it is so hard. I wanna be healed yesterday. The fact that I'm talking and I have clarity of mind right now, honestly is a miracle because most days I have my brain fog is so bad that I can't put two sentences together. And the journey is going to be long in healing this thing because I just got the diagnosis and

just have started my program recovery is what they call it, which is interesting. Wow. But it's slowly, slowly, like that's my new word for the year, I climbed Kilimanjaro and in Swahili, they were telling us slowly, slowly climb the mountain, pole, pole in Swahili, and that is my life anthem. Pole, pole, I mean, like slowly, slowly, I'm gonna get well, and it's not gonna be instantaneous

or so far anyway, but I've had to accept the here and the now. Here and the now, this moment, I'm gonna have to be grateful that I'm not nauseated, I don't have a headache, and I have clarity of mind. I give up control of the outcome, the long-term outcome of how long I'm gonna have to work through this. Does that make sense?

It does. It does. Man, I love that for so many reasons because I love suddenly Jesus. He's my best friend. Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, I love him. But slowly, Jesus is a different journey. It's a different walk and it requires a different level of faith and trust, but it's just as rewarding

as the suddenly. And so, yeah, I know that's gonna resin. Thank you for sharing that with me. Of course, I'm sorry that you're up against it, but I'm grateful that you have found a way to live in the tension and maintain your faith at the same time. I'm fighting girl. Moment by moment, moment by moment, I am fighting for my mental health, my emotional health,

my spiritual health through this journey. So that's what I'm surrendering. Well I can't wait to see what God does when we gather for Walmany Ball 2024. You know, I like to create spaces where vulnerability comes easy, maybe easier. Maybe if it's not easy, it's easier than in other spaces. And I really do think that it is a combination of whoever's

coming, being willing to be honest, being vulnerable, being authentic, that gives them permission to do the same, and laying and pouring our hearts out at the feet of Jesus with the desire to experience his presence and to be transformed from the inside out. That is the heart of what Wominnie Ball is. And so I'm just grateful that you're adding your anointing to the room, your story, your journey to the room. And I look forward to seeing what happens

when we all get together. Yes, thank you so much for having me. You're amazing. Thank you. My pleasure. When I say I want you to come as you are, that is not just for Irene, it is for you as well. Women Evolve has always existed in my heart as a safe space for women to have authentic

encounters with God from a place of truth and vulnerability. And I feel so blessed, so fortunate that I get to be a steward of what God wants to do in the earth. I'm constantly praying that God would give me wisdom and strategy to create these atmospheres, to invite these people to have these conversations that make you feel less alone, but also motivate you towards divinity, the divinity that exists inside of you that Jesus wants to partner with you in experiencing. And this conversation with Irene, I'm prayerful to get you one step closer.

So thank you so much for joining me this week. I want to pray for those of you who may have been triggered. Maybe you've experienced addiction. Maybe you have been a victim of someone else's process and maybe you feel a little open and vulnerable. What better place to go when you feel open and vulnerable than into the presence of the Lord. So Holy Spirit, we need you.

Holy Spirit, I ask that you would comfort the hearts and wounds of those who are experiencing memories that have caused them to second guess themselves, to question love, to feel pain and disappointment. Father, you knew that our existence in this world would mean that we experience sin and other people's downfalls, that we would become a victim to other people's experiences. And yet you promised that if we were willing

to turn our face towards you, that you would restore us, that you would heal us, that you would allow us, that you would heal us, that you would allow our lives to progress as if it didn't happen while still acknowledging that it did. And so God, I thank you for restoration. I thank you for comfort and healing resting on my listeners, God. And for those who have an addiction and maybe they're feeling the shame of the addiction, maybe they're trapped in it right now and wanting a way out. God, I pray that they would experience your love in a way that

makes them hungry for change, that they would experience no condemnation, God, just the conviction of the Holy Spirit saying, I want to love you into better, I want to love you into more. Thank you, God, for what you continue to do through while many evolve. Make us sensitive to how we can continue to reflect your glory on the earth. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen. Evolve. What's up? I'm Vince Carter and my podcast, The VC Show is coming back. Season two of The VC Show is going to be bigger and better than ever. Every week during the NBA season, I'll give you my real insights and opinions on the league.

Subscribe to the pod and listen to The VC Show with me, Vince Carter, on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's that show? It's The VC Show. Hey, what's that show? Delve into the visceral world of hip hop with the Gangsta Chronicles.

Hosted by MC Aiden Big Steel, Zerry 30. I already know. A podcast that aims to unravel the intricate tapestry of one of music's most influential and misunderstood subgenres, gangster rap. Gangster Chronicles unpacks the evolution of this uniquely American art form, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding

of the significance this genre holds. Listen to the Gangster Chronicles on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's good? It's Colleen Witt and eating while broke is back for season three, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.

We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Young Fly, Bone Thugs and Harmony, and many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special. So tune in every Thursday.

Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. from everyday people, your favorite celebrities, on a wide range of perspectives that you never knew you needed. Every Monday, listen to Perspectival Bank on Black Effect podcast network, I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.

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