Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Revolutionary You w/ Christina Edwards

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

As the FIRST to ever do it as a college graduate & business owner in her fam, Christina Edwards proves that the revolution will be publicized! TUNE IN as she shares her growth journey & aspires to take you to the next level! From throwing hands to laying hands, when was the last time you decided to back down from a fight? Aht, Aht! Don't be feelin' froggy, Eve, 'cause SJR & Christina explain why every fight is not assigned to your God-given identity. Followed by a few good ways to create accountability & set boundaries with family—W.E. already knowin'...they be tryin' it! Sis, stream WomanEvolve.tv for EXCLUSIVE content + mind your mental health at BetterHelp.com/Evolve + visit Truebill.com/WomanEvolve for access to an all-in-one finance app + build creative confidence with Skillshare.com/Evolve!

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things. Try.

Let me tell you how January is trying to get up out of here. Okay. Did she fly by or what? Didn't move at a glacial pace for you. I don't know about you, but for me, it seems like it was just moving and moving and moving. But I do feel like I am getting my rhythm. Okay, if you're asking about 75 hard in your head, you're wondering where I am, my job is.

That's all just my job is. I am your friend and I cannot wait for us to dive into this conversation today with Christina Edwards. Since it's out here making her family big proud, she's the family's first college student and business owner. Give our good sis a round of applause because she is doing that. If that's your testimony, I just want you to know that we salute you as well. I can understand being the first in a family can be challenging, but look at you trying to do new things and break new barriers. We see you as much as we say we want to start something new in our bloodline. It's not always easy, but beyond that, let's see what else is going on in Christina's world. Hello, gorgeous.

Hi, beautiful. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. What made you want to be on the podcast? Well, you know, I absolutely love the Women Evolved podcast and I love how down to earth you really are, you know, sometimes when you move up in your career or when you get a lot of followers and stuff, people start to lose sight of themselves and you haven't. And that's what I absolutely love about this

podcast. And you know, it really resonates with my mission for my career consulting business of just helping women get to the next level and evolve in their careers. So I figured what better way to do that and to just share as much knowledge that I have and talk with you today as a co-host. Thank you. I'm looking forward to getting to your business

and getting to know you a little bit better. Okay, we are, man, we're almost at the end of January. How has this first month of 2022 been treating you so far? It has been crazy. I feel like, you know, I don't even remember 2021 and we're already in the next year. So I feel like, you know, with this year, I'm trying to just be more intentional

about what I do within my life, within my relationship with God, with my career and everything. But it's been going good so far, but definitely overwhelming, with just all the blessings that God has placed in my life. Okay, so when you say be more intentional, how does that actively show up in your decision-making

from day to day? A lot of times, I used to just go with the flow when it came to you know decisions I made within my relationship you know within my career and all of that but now I'm just like listen I'm you know I'm in my 20s and all but that doesn't mean that God can't impact my life in a great way Right so whenever I make decisions like I need to write the vision down, make it plain, and make sure that I have God in my life every step of the way. So that's pretty much what I need by intentionality. I have goals that I want to step for myself by the time I turn 35. And how am I going to get there? I can't get there by just winging it every day. So that's more so

what I mean by just being intentional. I find that so beautiful. Last week I preached a message for Activate and it's called Take Up Space. And in the message, I really spoke about at the end of the day we have to come to a knowing within ourselves that is bigger than what happens inside of us. But how do I allow it to literally take up space in the territory

that is connected to my name and my identity and my place in the earth. And that does require some communication and maybe even shaking up some relationships because when we take up space, we're actually taking back space from someone else. And so as you are taking up space, what are some lessons you're learning about

just your relationships with maybe your significant other, your friends, your family? How have you been more intentional affected those relationships? I would say need being more intentional and taking up space. I think it's also inspired other people to be more intentional as well because I feel like pretty much being positive, being proactive, it's contagious, right? And so with that being said, I think by really just sitting down and talking to my family,

talking to my friends, my loved ones and telling them, these are my goals, this is what I want to do. I want to be very transparent with my relationship with God and I'd love to bring you along the way. Sometimes I've scared folks where they've kind of taken a back seat, right? But I'm still going to move in the direction that God wants me to go.

And the people that are meant to be there are going to be there. And they're going to either support me along that journey and follow Sue and also be intentional or they're not, right? But I think regardless of that, God is going to place people in your life for a reason or a season. And so I just have to be open and knowing

that while I take up space, certain people may not go along with me and I have to be okay with that, knowing that his plan and his purpose for my life. That's so powerful. When you said that it's actually inspired more people to be intentional, I think so many of us are afraid of the isolation connected with transformation that we miss out on the

opportunity to be the inspiration at least to transformation as well. Not everyone is going to be afraid and leave you alone. Some people are going to say, if you're going to do this, I'm going to roll up my sleeves and see how I can do it as well. And those are the people who we find out over time, where the people who we were meant to do life with, who we were meant to grow with, not just those people who were there for a season. And if you have a large circle of friends,

some of those relationships are rooted in authenticity. They're rooted in the ability to grow. So don't just think that every change is going to create isolation. Some changes can be the inspiration that someone else needs. Exactly. No, I totally agree with you. And that's the reason why, like, no matter what relationship I'm in, whether it's a romantic relationship or with friendships or coworkers and things like that,

I always just pray and ask God what purpose do they serve in my life. Is this person serving me, or are they actually hindering me from where you want me to be? And that's what's always kind of helped me make or break whatever relationships I've had along the way. Now, I think it's worth saying that like you're pretty focused and intense woman. Yes, you're in your 20s, but you have accomplished a lot. You've done a lot of first within your families. Can you tell me a little bit about your story?

Yeah, so I'm from Bridgeport, Connecticut, and some people may be like, what happens in Bridgeport, Connecticut, right? A lot of folks in Bridgeport, unfortunately, they don't get to see their 20s, right? They may be shot due to gun violence and things of that nature, or they may be in jail, or may not even get a degree, right? And so with me, I wanted to not be a statistic.

I wanted to create change and break those generational curses within my family or within my friends groups. And so I was actually, you know, the first person in my family to get a bachelor's and a master's degree. I had no idea what I was doing, right? But I made sure and I was determined because I know like in Galashian's 323, it says whatever you do,

do that work with all of your heart, right? And that's something that my parents taught me. So I made sure I found out the right connections to be able to go to college for my bachelor's and master's. And also the first person in my family to start a business. And it's also a business that's giving back to my community because I want to go back to Connecticut or other communities with other underrepresented individuals that don't know the tools and resources to advance

in their careers. And so what way can I advance and I work hard, but how can I give back to other people as well? Do you feel connected with your growth or do you feel like you're doing it but on the outside looking in? Mm. Oh, that's a good question past the Sarah. I would say I do feel connected to my growth. I think I've had so many setbacks where people have, you know, they say life and death is in the power of the time,

where people have spoke negatively over me or over my life because of what season I was in. Maybe I, you know, used to get into fights or I was angry, so they're saying, oh, you'll never, you know, you'll never go to college or you'll never succeed, right? And so I felt all of those setbacks or all of those negative things people have spoken over me, and I tried my best to intentionally break whatever was over my life that was negative, right?

And so since I felt every moment and I made sure that I thank God every single step of the way, I would say that I feel the growth and I'm not like I'm the outside looking and I'm in it all the way. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I receive countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues.

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Again, that's better help, H-E-L-P dot com slash evolve. That's so incredible to think of the way that your journey has transformed and evolved. And while you've had other people looking in, you've certainly given them just a first row look at what it means when a person really takes the reins of their life and begins leaning into a life that is divine, that is orchestrated, that is ordered. You said that you used to get in fights and now you're fighting literally not physically,

but like fighting, you know, statistics, fighting what's happening in your community, fighting the educational system to make sure that you were able to get those degrees. When is the last time you said, you know what, this is something I'm not gonna fight, because what I've learned about fighters, if you are a fighter like myself,

is that we sometimes sign up for fights that we have no business being in because we are so used to fighting that we feel like I can fight Indian everything but just because you're a fighter doesn't mean that every fight is assigned to your identity and it takes wisdom to be able to say this is not my fight maybe I could fight it and win it maybe I could come out on the other side but at the end of the day I have to make sure I'm harnessing my energy

for the fights that are exclusively assigned to my name. So, Christina, when's the last time you put your gloves on and was like, I'm not even supposed to be in this fight, I quit, I'm out here. Ooh, okay, that's a good question too. Um, you know, it's crazy because, and this is me being vulnerable, fully transparent. I'm a career consultant, right? I help people get higher paying jobs and that they love, right? But for me, I have been like interviewing for a full year, trying to get another job.

And I'm like, Lord, I want another job with better pay because I work full time in my nine to five, but in my five to nine, I have this business, right? And I have not gotten not one job. I've made it to the final round of every single thing, but it wasn't sticking. And so after a year of interviewing, everyone said, we have nothing negative to say about you, but you're great, but we just picked an internal it was always something right. I said Lord I'm gonna put my gloves down because maybe this is your sign to me that I should focus on my business something that you woke me up in the middle of the night and called me to do. Maybe I should stop focusing on that nine to five so

hard and trying to get to the next level there. If that's not where you destined me to be in the long-term in the first place. And so that's something that I would say more recently. I, you know, I felt that in Poster Syndrome of Power, I'm gonna help other people get jobs, but I can't do it. I was fighting with my pride. God was working with me on my pride and telling me just because you hope other people do it. It's not your season. What? That's on what I called you to do. And so that that's something that I'm honestly and being vulnerable. I put my gloves down. I

said, Lord, I'm just let you have it with my future and what my purpose is and and I'll let you say it from there. Man pride pride is the reason why we stay in fights that we are not necessarily assigned to, but because we just want the victory, we're used to winning, we're used to progressing, we find ourselves being led by our pride. How would you define pride? Ooh, I, you know, I would say that pride is really just

So I would say that pride is really just not being able to just take accountability for different things or not being able to just compromise or not being able to be the wrong person in a situation. Like you always want to be right or you always want to want up somebody, right? Or you always want to be the person on top, no matter how many people you're hurting, in that process, right? And so I see pride as something where you're more worried about yourself, than about your impact,

and how that lands on other people and like other decisions down the road. So it's a very selfish thing, you know, when you have pride, and that's something that, you know, I have been trying to work on in different aspects of my life. I think I'm very selfless, but there are everyone has pride in different areas of their life that they could work on. For sure. I definitely have a lot of pride. I've discussed it all the time. How I struggle with saying I was wrong. I struggle with the apologize thing because I feel like if you

understood why I dated, then you would know that I did it for the right reasons even though what I did made it wrong. You had her trip feelings. But I really do think pride is based in fear. Fear that someone will change the way they think about me. Fear that I'm not as smart as I say I am. Fear that you don't think I am as smart as you say that you think that I am. And so do you know what your pride is rooted in? Do you know what happened in your life that made you feel like the only way I can fix this

is to put up this fierce pride for a version of myself, even though I know you're dismantling it. I wonder have you done the work to figure out what planted it in the first place? Yeah. I wonder have you done the work to figure out what planted it in the first place? Yeah, and actually I just talked to my therapist about this. You know, I'll watch your podcast and how you like advertise Better Hope and honestly it is great. So one thing I would say that I've noticed within pride within myself is rooted in defensiveness, is rooted in me feeling like I always have to stick up for myself because I feel like I'm going to be misunderstood

or it's going to alter my reputation in any way. I think that's definitely rooted in when I was in high school, I used to, like, kind of what I was saying before, I got into a lot of fights, I was always suspended, like, there were definitely, like, people that just didn't like me because, you know, of whatever reason who knows to this day. And I always had to defend myself. And I think even that 14, 15, 16 year old girl is alive in me today sometimes when it comes to just being defensive when I get into an argument about something completely unrelated, right? Or just being defensive when it comes to my career or when it comes to different relationships

and things like that. So I would say that sometimes I get prideful in just making sure that I'm always holding myself to this high standard and I look like just so great. And I have to defend myself to maintain that reputation that back in the day folks have made of tried to tear down. And so I kind of like still live that

and deal with that to the state. Okay, so Christina, you say that you got into a lot of fights and the only people who get into a lot of fights are the people who got them hands. When did you find out that you can throw hands like when did it become like you know what? And Christina's not the one because people who get who up don't get into a lot of fights. They try to avoid them. When did you find out you had them hands? I mean, you know, They try to avoid them. When did you find out you had them hands? I mean, you know, I have to see my daddy told me to have hands at a young age.

I would say you know, says birth because my my parents did not raise punks. Amen. He said, you know, you've got to stick up for yourself. You've got to defend yourself. So it's not just me. it's my sister, my brother, we all make sure that we have hands. It's a family hands. Yes. It's a family hands. I love to see it. Oh, no.

We play it our hands down now. We've been playing it a lot. And man, no, we only lay hands on people, we lay our hands down, and we're building careers now. Not, there we go. And yeah. Have you ever mentally kept a running tab of your banking balance and it ended up being less than what you thought it would be

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It is a little lengthy, which I personally love, but you know, turn your listening ears on, you may need a no pad and a pin because we're going there, okay? I got it. Okay, here we go. Hi, SJR, a little backstory. My grandfather is a preacher and he practically raised my siblings and I. My grandmother, his wife, has multiple sclerosis, which has disabled her ability to move, speak, feed herself, change herself, and anything else you can think of.

She's had it since 2000, but it's progressive, so it gets worse, unfortunately. Although our mother was still in our lives, he raised this for the most part of our lives. And let me say this beforehand, I love my granddad. And I truly do appreciate his sacrifice and willingness to take on such a demanding responsibility for the last 20 years, especially while being a caretaker for my granny. However, when we were growing up, we heard things

along the lines of your mom ain't doing nothing for you, and y'all don't have nobody nobody and I don't have to do this When we were younger it didn't mean much But as we started to get older it started to hit a little different and we started to look at my mom as a human And not this perfect person that we thought she should be she started to open up to us about how she was treated as a kid And how he continues to treat her as an adult and where we would blame her for those kids we see exactly what she went through. As stated before, I'm in college about 2.5 hours away so occasionally I come home for breaks or to pick up my sister to spend the weekend with me. He recently threatened to kick us out if we didn't get the COVID-19 vaccine.

When we already plan to get it, it was just a matter of timing. He is very manipulative and he seeks to start an argument about everything he's burning bridges with everyone that we know. I'm going to do a little bit of skipping down to. The trauma has gone on in our house, has definitely trickled down from my mom to my uncles, my siblings, and even myself. Emotional trauma, it's not feeling current, mental abuse, manipulation, and the list goes on. More and more just continues to come to the light and I have no clue what to do and I almost feels

like a person our family that won't go away. He talks bad about us to each other and tells us not to tell the other sibling and once when my sister did tell me he called her, he called me a liar, which turned out to be a complete misunderstanding that he wanted meant to. He said that if she told me he wouldn't speak to her or do anything for her, she's 17. Luckily, my brother is in therapy. I'm starting therapy soon. I'm in the middle of building a promise in careers in news anchor, getting internships, making connections. But to see my grandfather, the person that introduced me to Christ,

preach one thing, but live another is saddening. And I know that he's human. It makes mistakes. But it feels like a little bit more than mistakes. I thought about talking to my pastor, my bishop about it, but I don't want to make things worse. I've never been disrespectful, not as a child and not now. So I know that it can't be me. But it's hurting our family when I'm away, I feel free and at peace, which is terrible.

Home used to be a place that I couldn't wait to go to. So my question is, what should I do? What would you do? How do I say about relationship? What advice would you give? Christina, you want to kick it off? Chao. Your face is giving Chao.

All right. So, all right. So this isn't 100% related to what I've been through, but there were little bits and pieces. Just to give a little backstory, my dad passed away almost three years ago. And, you know, he was very sick. My mom had to kind of take care of him and stuff. And he was the one that introduced my mom and introduced my family to God.

Like he's the one that talked about God, that loves God. But my dad got a temper. Remember I told you the family of hands, right? So my dad has a temper on him. And as he was getting sicker and everything, he still just had like a hard heart a little bit. And he would kind of lash out on people and just kind of be accusatory and things of that nature.

And you know it took a time where like my sister and I we've had to have talked to him like you love God, you introduced us to God. You tell us you know these are the different things that Jesus has done and we need to be more like him. Do you think that your anger and the way that you lash out at people that are trying to take care of you is something that Jesus would do, right? And so I say that because in this situation, she's dealing with her grandfather. That's taking care of someone. And her grandfather is the one that is angry,

is being just disrespectful, right? Making people feel uncomfortable, but yet he's the one that talks about God. He's the one that loves God. So it's contradictory. So what I would recommend is kind of doing what I did because I know my dad went home to the Lord because he so often his heart he got right with God before before he went home. And so I would say the same thing of sitting down with your grandfather, like face to face and letting him know the different things that have happened and how that's affected you. And saying, you know, you taught me about God and the beat and to be more like Christ,

but some of the things that I'm seeing, right, are, may not be Christ like, and I love you. I want to be there for you, but I want us to have a better Christ-like relationship, you know, and kind of seeing what he says from there. But if you come from a caring place and not like this defensive state or come in aggressive, then he may be more receptive to listen when you kind of provide those examples.

That's Christina, that's so good. I wanna say something that's dangerous and probably requires a lot more unpacking than this podcast can really give. But there is a difference between disrespect and holding someone accountable. There is a difference between disrespect and creating boundaries. And a lot of times in our family environments, we struggle with keeping people accountable or creating boundaries because we don't want it to come off as disrespectful.

I have to let them talk to me a certain way because if I say something that's being disrespectful, I have to let them treat me a certain way because if I don't then that comes off as disrespectful. But when you come to a place where you understand where your triggers are, what damages you and you take responsibility for your own soul, it's not enough to know your soul if you're not willing to show up and protect your soul. And so it sounds like this relationship and other relationships like it within your family really need boundaries. You need accountability. You need to be able to say, you can't talk to me about my sister. You can't talk to me about my mother that I'm not willing to engage in this conversation. I love you, Granddad, but I've got to go. It's called me when the Super Tatto pies out the oven.

And we can talk about that. But what we're not going to talk about is what happened with my mother. And there is nothing wrong with creating boundaries and accountability within family, and establishing those. Even if no one else in your family has them, and yes, you may be acting funny,

and yes, they may think she's somebody now, and yes, she may be uppity. But you know what else she is? Hold, you know what she may be uppity but you know what else she is? Whole, you know what else she has? Peace, you know what else she has her whole mind because I have to protect me at any cost when the people who are charged with protecting you end up damaging you and then won't be accountable

for helping to create a safer environment then you can no longer enable them to be responsible for protecting you, what you have to be willing to ask yourself is not how do I change them, but how do I change my boundaries so that who they are no longer affects who I am. And that may mean distance and that may mean I have to see you on the weekend. And yes, you can communicate that to the other people in your life, but it is not to get a permission to sign it is to let them know this is my standard.

This is where I live. This is where I vibrate this where I think this is where I am striving towards. And if you can't meet me here, it is no shade at all. But I'm not going to shrink in order to go back into that person that makes you comfortable at the expense of losing myself. And I think that's exactly what you're going to have to do is be willing to create those boundaries. What you think?

Yes. Ooh. That was good. What you think. Yes. Oh, that was good. That was good. Because there is no award for the most stressed out person. There's no award for the most complicated family, right? And so it comes a time where after you had that heart tomorrow, you had that talk and it still doesn't work.

Yeah. Then I'm only my boundaries down because at least you know my intentions are clear. And if you can't meet What you know my expectations are and just having a healthy relationship Then that means you don't respect me and I have to do what I have to do for myself and I'm willing to unplug Kristina before we go Do you have any questions for me anything? I can answer about my life my journey what I'm learning Yeah, I actually do have a question for you. So if you ever find yourself discouraged, what are some things that you do in order to keep you motivated,

like to keep you going, even when you know that you're discouraged, because of all the trials or tribulations that you may be facing? I really ask myself, what is discouragement trying to communicate to me about my purpose, about my worth, about my identity?

I try not to just work on top of discouragement. I try to break down what discouragement is trying to communicate to me so that I can reject those thoughts or I can process them and connect them to an insecurity or connect them to an opportunity for growth. Maybe there's some conviction in discouragement, but for me, I do get discouraged. I get discouraged all of the time. And most of the time when I get discouraged,

it's because something that has happened that is an echo of an insecurity that I'm still working through. And so I allow myself to be human enough to say, okay, that's that 13-year-old girl who heard that. That's that 19-year-old girl who heard that, and she's bleeding from hearing that. But I let her cry, I sit with myself in that way, but then I let this grown woman say, okay, now it's not true. And it's okay, you're better than that, and yes, you're still learning, you're still growing, and I pick up my own hand, and I say, let's move forward. And so I think it's dissection, I think it's self-compassion.

And then I think what at the end of the day, the affirmation that can only come from heaven, allowing that to rest and then get me back up. And sometimes showing up again is not showing up in beast mode. It's showing up in humility. It's showing up in vulnerability. It's being able to say, you know, maybe when I'm preaching, I'm like, I need this word for myself.

So be patient with me while I try to communicate it to tell your friends and your family. Like I'm here, but I need you to pray for me or I'm here and I'm not the life of the party today because I'm going through something. But allowing myself to not live up to this previous expectation in a present moment of pain has been one of the things

that helps me in moments of discouragement as well. Ooh, yes, that was good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Pleasure. Thank you. Sis, our friends at Skillshare are so committed to us learning something new every day

that they're sponsoring this episode and they're giving us a one month free trial on Skillshare.com slash evolve. I've been in a season of increasing my productivity without burning out or having to sacrifice other areas of my life like family time or me time. I've been eyeing two productivity skillshare classes that I know will help me accomplish this goal. Real productivity, how to build habits that stick and email productivity work smarter

with your inbox because, ugh, that inbox is stressing me out. Explore your creativity on skillshare.com slash evolve and get a month free trial. Kristen, I can't wait to see what all you're going to do in the world. It is obvious that it is going to be remarkable. It's going to be life changing and it's going to teach us all how to throw them hands. And we can now wait to get in the box and ring a purpose with you. Thank you for doing this with me. No, thank you so much for having me.

God bless you and all the work that you're doing. I really appreciate it. Thank you. much for having me. God bless you and all the work that you're doing. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Take care. You know, I have to thank my amazing co-host, Christina, for holding you down with the kids. This is a light. She is going to shine so brightly. Not just doing it for Bridgeport, Connecticut,

but she's going to do it for the globe. I cannot wait to see all of the amazing things she's going to do. Delegation, okay, listen. we have quite a few co-host requests and advice questions rolling in and guess what? We've still got time for more. Okay, so send us an email to podcastatwomenevolve.com. I'm fresh out of notes, so I guess we can stick a fork in this one because we're what done. Until next time, holla back and holla Luya. you