Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Seasons of Sisterhood w/ Tommye and Yvette Williams

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Speaking of #SisterGoals, our guest co-hosts have been in the game for a long time. They're giving ride or die, Ruth & Naomi, 'till the wheels fall off—ENERGY! Straight outta PT's village, W.E. received the love and loyalty that is Tommye and Yvette Williams! The sister-duo sit down with SJR to reflect on their sibling relationship over the years. Whether miles apart, transitioning into a new role, or going through a rough season, trust in God kept them connected by heart. Drippin' with wisdom & perspective, this episode is bound to empower your sisterhood through ANY season…even when y’all getting on each other's nerves! So, stop what you're doing & learn how these two QUEENS are revolutionaries in their own right! Stream WomanEvolve.tv for our latest series From Broke To Hope + Visit Zocdoc.com/WomanEvolve for a digital marketplace to meet your healthcare needs.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. Have you ever had a top tier experience and you know for sure that like nothing could ever surpass this like nothing's going to be better than this? That's kind of how I'm beginning to fill about June's podcast episodes. Like I'm feeling like we did this thing. Okay, each week is getting better and better. I promise you, this week I get to introduce you to more of my family, specifically my mother-in-law Tommy and her sister, Yvette,

the generational wisdom that we're about to receive. Listen, I'm calling it early. I want you to go ahead and run this one back. You're going to be sharing it with your mother and your aunties and your friends and your cousins because we learn so much about supporting women in different stages and ages of our life. And most importantly, just hearing from women

who have seen life unfold and still found a way to life and have joy is inspiring for me. And I know it will be for you too so let's enjoy I'm feeling very special because I don't think we've ever had a conversation like this before and I'm excited about it. I learned. I don't think we have. Okay, so mom and I, even, I have a question for you as it relates to sisterhood, especially like revolutionary sisterhood.

I am wondering if each of you can share a memory of the other one doing something that was like revolutionary for herself, maybe it was outside of her comfort zone or revolutionary for your family. Like I just want to hear how each of you have surprised each other in different seasons of your life. Wow. You're gonna go first. I know you're gonna think. I'm thinking of that first. So I can think like, I know you don't think you got her so psychically okay. So when Tommy left home to go to UCLA,

it was, you know, she moved into the dorm, so we were all kind of sad that she was no longer in the household. And Tommy was always very quiet, at least that's how I perceived he was very quiet. And when she got to UCLA, she became involved with the Black Panther movement. And just kind of to me, it was maybe

it's who she really was, but she just got out there working hard for the people and for justice and she put herself at risk in order to help the people and the community. And so for me, that was outside of how I perceived her because she was always quiet. And I didn't see her as that revolutionary, revolutionary to get out there and fight for the people in such a bold way. Yeah. I could see it happening in a more, in a quiet way, and a more behind the scenes way.

So that was something that was surprising to me, but I was very, very, very proud for that strength and the courage to do that. So that's amazing. I haven't done any anywhere near as revolutionaries. That's. Mom, before you answer, I wonder, was that a part of like what was always in you

or did something happen at UCLA that made you change who you were? Well, what was always in me was a compassion and caring about the underdog that's been with me all my life. So when I got out of high school, that was just an avenue. It offered an avenue for me to explore that,

but that's always been a part of me. So what really kind of got me started was UCLA. They had this tutorial program where they would go out to watch and tutor the kids. And that just got me right there. And so it's always been in me. So it just offered me an opportunity to express that. Okay.

Makes sense. Okay. Now, sure turn on event. What has On event done that has surprised you that was revolutionary for her? Well, you know, I'm seven years older than Ivet, and so, you know, she used to be in the house, so, you know, she was the youngest daughter,

and she's the girl that went via tarot, actually. I don't know where Ella got it from. Things are making sense already already and we just started. Yeah, so she would terrorize and she would have a hot temper. And you know, things in go our way, she was gonna smash a window or a door. But in terms of being revolutionary, it's in a quiet way,

but just what she emulates and the example and the standard that she says for all of us is just amazing. She, you know, we're both, we've died in the family like 24-7 we would be, my mom's someone would be there, but in bed is the one that just exemplifies such grace and patience and love. So to me, that's revolutionary. The rest of us, we do it, but she is the one that exemplifies grace and love. And if you could contrast that to when she was a little one

and terrorized everyone, there's real mission. I bet. I'm scared. Oh, you have a little temper there, yes. Okay, I'm taking notes because now I'm drawing some connections here to some things I'm seeing at home. You know, one of the things that you both mentioned is really how over time the other one changed in some way, some phase, some capacity. And one of the things that I hear a lot

from sisters who are maybe in my age, or maybe they're just on the cusp of adulthood, is that they often feel like they're sibling, they're sister in particular, may not give them room to grow. Like you only see me as your little baby sister, but I'm a woman now, or you've only seen me this way. How did you all go about introducing the evolved version of yourselves to your siblings,

and was that difficult or did it always just kind of flow? And you know, and even I may have different perspectives because actually once I graduated from high school, I was kind of out, I didn't actually go back home to live at home. So she may have a different perspective, but so maybe I'll have her answer that first. And yeah. Yeah, because when Tommy left home, I think I must have I probably was 11 Because you were 17 when you started 18 18 so I was 11 years old so

When Tommy came back she was an adult and I was already adult and adult so I Think it just kind of naturally evolved where we both came back together as an adult. And we'd see each other over the years, but we didn't have that every day or several days we contact until we were both adults. I think we just automatically depended on each other as sisters, as friends, and as adults. It just kind of happened naturally, but I don't think we had any growing pains in that area or where one of us, you know, maybe Tommy as the older sister was treating me as the child or as a little sister that she had to, you know, make sure it was doing things appropriately. We just kind of saw each other

as adults and didn't have any difficulty transitioning. At least not in my market. No, I may have missed something. No, there was no difficulty. Like you said, I was way, I was up in Oakland. After, you know, I was only at UCLA for just about a year and then after that, I was up in Oakland for probably seven or eight years. But you bet, you know, and our other sister, Shirley, had passed away. It had always just been a, I guess a respect and just honoring who the other one was.

So things just naturally evolved. It wasn't like, oh, wow, now you're an adult. It was just like a natural progression. And you know, I'm a lady. So even like now, you know, a lot of times I'll go to you, then she's my go-to person, she's kind of like my sounding ward and things, so it's never been this thing where oh, you were a little one and you don't know or you know, it's never been like that. It's just a natural, just I think just honoring and respecting who we were. Yeah. That's so interesting. So you

guys, I didn't obviously, I didn't know you were seven years apart and You know Ellen Kinsey are about seven years apart. So I see the distance in age and And yet the connection that they have forged when a mom when you moved to Oakland and then came back and you know We're connected with your family again Did like on event. Did she automatically become like your sounding board? How did you learn to trust one another, even into the adult season of your life? We're like, you don't have to share like you're an adult. You've got your own business, like you don't have to share.

Was there an experience that happened that made you say, you know what? I'm going to open up to my sister about this. And I need that I want to hear your answer as well. Like at what point do you make a decision to not just be sisters by blood, but like this is my friend and I can trust her with my heart. Yeah. It's um, I think Yeah, it's, I think with me in terms of event, and I'm trying to think if there was anything of particular, it was more just knowing her heart, knowing who she was, just like when I moved back to LA, and then for a while we were all living in close proximity. My grandmother had property all probably I think three maybe two or three of duplex or a triplex so all on the same property.

And so just getting to spend time with her and just her maturity level her wisdom even being seven years younger. I just knew that I could trust her, you know, and I do trust her with my heart with everything. So I think it was just, and I don't, like I said, I don't think it was any one thing at all. It was just just being around her and just knowing that, just knowing her heart, knowing who she was, I just knew that I could trust her. And that's the same with me. When Tommy and Teray moved here back to L.A.,

they were in my grandmother's front duplex, and I think I was in the backhouse at that time. And, or I just, oh no, I was actually living in Long Beach before I moved back and then just interacting every day and the respect I already had for her for everything she had done for the community and for the family and then just interacting almost on a daily basis as a family made just interacting almost on a daily basis as a family made a big difference. And I think we never had a time in our lives where we clashed. We just never had that.

I did have that with my other sister, maybe. Because we were close to an age, but we kind of had those growing pains where we clashed and she tried to tell me what to do and I would be resistant, but I never had that with Ami because of the age difference and when and her leaving the house. But I just trusted her and just everything she was doing, everything she believed in just led me to know that I could trust her. And it was just not only as a sister, but as a friend. I flipped up to her tremendously, and I'd actually spent a lot of time worrying about her because of, you know, I really did. Yeah.

With a lot of the stuff that was going on with any of the revolutionary during the period of time. So I was relieved when she came back and she was close to all of the family. So, yeah, we just never had those sister clashes that a lot of sisters family. So yeah, we just never had those sister classes that a lot of sisters have. Yeah. Okay. So I need that kind of alluded to it. But mom, do you want to talk about your experience being a revolutionary and how that may have changed who you were or how it changed who you were? Because you had, you know, an experience. I know I've heard about you in documentaries,

but I don't know if you want to give it words yourself. Well, yeah, that was quite a chapter in my life. I would say from 1969 to 1979, 1969 was when I first started college and that year began very dramatically for me. I mean, I'll just share, just be very candid. I was 19. I had just turned 19 and I was got very much involved with the Black Student Union there at UCLA and I was going to the meetings and that's kind of how I got introduced to the party because they had members of the black Panther Party as well as another organization a cultural organization called us

That would both be participants in the Excuse me the bike student union meetings and so I would go but anyway, there was an event that happened and when I say an event it was a tragic event That happened in January of 69 that I was a witness to very dramatic gunshots fired people died. And so that's how my 19th year started culminating in December of that same year. And I was one of the people that was a part of what they call the December 8th police shoot out. So when I was 19, that was a crazy wild year for me. But I think it was a transformative year for me in so many ways. I just felt that at that time, I didn't know how much longer I had to live.

My mindset was, you know, I'm going to do this, but I don't know that I'll have much of a future. But that just, I guess that led something in me just knowing that I did want my life to make a difference. And so whatever that would look like, so be it. So yeah, and I think that's part of where that tremendous respect comes from that. And that you still to this day are always giving of yourself. And in that situation, your life was on the line and you knew it, but you still wanted to help. You wanted the kids in the community to learn and kids that were hungry to be fed, and

you were willing to sacrifice everything for it so that, just that respect of knowing someone who's willing to give their all for people that not only you love and know but people that are complete strangers. So there's just a tremendous amount of respect and I remember that day that he's talking about December 8th, just like forever etched in my mind because I remember that day that he's talking about December 8th, it's like forever etched in my mind because I remember sitting at home and with my other siblings and we were all just petrified because one of the local radio stations was airing all the coverage and I think Angela Davis was out there and actually spoke to our mom, but you could hear the gunfire going into the building. And we knowing that Tommy was in that building

was we were just petrified. And so when she came out, okay, injured, but okay, I mean, it was such a relief. And really, it's confirmation that there was just so much more for you to do. And it's just, I guess that a tremendous amount of it's probably deeper than anybody wanted to go with. Now, this is where we like it.

We like it this deep. Okay. We like it this deep. Yeah, so yeah, that was a crazy period. I think all of that solidified the connection and the love and concern for one another. One of my loves is jumping in and helping my team complete tasks. If I'm honest, I also

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There's two whole months of discounted shipping absolutely free. Just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and type Evolve. Make ship happen with shipstation. It's, you know, difficult to really put into words how deep, you know, the connection is that you all share. And I'm just from the outside looking in. But I hear Tarey's stories about growing up and how pivotal each of you, obviously you mom in raising him, but you too, Ani Betten, I'm surely and like taking care of him as well

and the definition of womanhood and the respect that he has for women, centering around this sisterhood unit that existed amongst the three of you. And I know that Aunt Shirley passed away. I'm wondering in her passing, did that change anything about the way that you all cherish one another? Did it become that much more intense?

And do you still get glimpses of Aunt Shirley and the other sister? Well, that's a good question. So much happened in terms of when Shirley got sick and, you know, I had just retired and I'm so thankful that I retired when I did because it was been a quality tongue with her, which I didn't have before. And you know, just speaking of her, we sometimes had our clashes of milk. So that provided opportunity just to get to know her better. But you know, through it, event and I, I think just because we shared something of amendous loss. And so I think that was the most

magic experience that we've gone through together from my perspective anyway. And so we became closer as a result of that. And that's so that's that's so interesting. I think that you know in life we think about our parents transitioning, but you very rarely think of this idea of losing a sibling, you know, because they're just like, you know, they've been a part of your life forever. And the idea of confronting that, I don't think I ever really thought about it heavily until I saw you all going through the experience of, you know, surely receiving her wings. How does losing a sibling change who you are as a sibling? I think for me, there are a lot of things you just take for granted that, you know, you're

always going to be together and you just take a lot of things for granted. And I think with my sister being surely becoming ill and going through that process, it made me realize that, you know, nothing is promised and you have to really cherish and acknowledge everyone in your life that you love and to not take anything for granted. So I think it made me value our relationship more and to say and be the things you want to be. Because of what my sister is surely there are some things I wish I had said that I didn't say. Partly because I didn't want to acknowledge that she was going to pass. So for me, it was, you know, let me be positive and not go down that road.

We're talking about her not being here. And I think she realized she believed that she wasn't going to make it through that process. But I think we were all holding out hope. So I didn't really want to acknowledge that. So I think it just made me realize that whatever is on your heart, you need to speak whatever is on your heart. That if it's uncomfortable, that's okay.

It's just uncomfortable, but you need to do that. So I think it's just a greater appreciation and an acknowledgement that you need to take the time to spend with each other to not be afraid to say what you need to say and then just cherish the time you have. Yeah. And I think it's also for me just really just being more accepting understanding because sometimes we can get on each other sometimes. But with that process is really just more of acceptance and extending grace to others. Because I know sometimes I'm the first you know, first born and you know,

sometimes, you know, we can be a bit much, you know. So, I just learned from me to really be more accepting and kind of chill a little bit also, just from, you know, yeah, just really just trust God with everything and not try to be the one to fix everything just really kind of trust God. So I learned that just yeah, so I'm still learning. I'm going to work in progress, you know, and we all have different ways of doing things sometimes that yeah, I know I get on her nerves sometimes. Okay, I want to hear about it. What does auntie that do that gets on your nerves? And we don't want to hear that, oh, everything's fine

and we love each other. I want to know as sisters, you guys have been in the sisterhood game for a long time now. And obviously if you're watching, just so you know, your sister going to get on your nerves for a long time, this is in these are notes to take.

What do you guys do that gets on the other ones nerves? Let me say. I like to say, and it's okay. My sister, she's so super nice. And sometimes, you know, you know, I'm just saying. I'm not that much. Yeah, that's too much. And so, she's just super nice.

And sometimes she's like, where do you want to get something to eat from? And I, you know, she's always yielding all the time to someone else. And that's the matter of it. And sometimes I just want to say just, you know, just say where you want to, just say it. Where do you want to go? She it. Where you want to go. She's so kind. She yields everyone.

And so I love this. Yeah. She thinks I do too much. I can tell when she's like really. You're gonna do that or let somebody else do that. So yeah. And I know I get on her nerves. So, I'm, I'm, bed is that true? We don't

is that? On occasion, I think it's, I think maybe when, when she thinks I do too much, I think sometimes for me, if like in my mom's house and my brother lives here, the younger brother, and if I just see something that needs to be done, I just will do it. You know, so if it's trash day and maybe my brother's sleeping, the trash can needs to go out, I'll just do it. Or the life went out, I'll just do it. And so sometimes it makes me to let others do some of those things. But I'm just the type where if I see it, I just want to get it done and out of the way. So yes. Okay. I need that. You reminded me of what I experienced with Ella. But now, mom, you're reminding me of Tare because he is the don't do too much king. Like, you

can do, you can do stuff and be nice. But like let someone else do some other things as well. That is funny to me. Say no, say no. Yes. I'm gonna start working on it. I need that. How did seeing mom become a mom change or did it change?

Like how you saw her, like seeing her in this new stage, this new role. And she's still parenting. Like it's not like she became a mom, she raised her kids and she's done. And now she's like V. grandmother, like Krem Dayla Krem, Queen grandmother. Is it interesting to see her?

Oh no, better question. Is grandma different with her grandkids than she was when raising Tare? Let me see. I see a lot of similarities in terms of wanting to provide different experiences like the little trips and things. I see the similarities here. I don't know, maybe, I don't know, maybe a little more patience with the grandkids. That's it, you were impatient. That's a good point.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's a good point. Yeah. But we were all there in the mix, but yeah, but she just, that's the only thing I think of. And not even a major difference. I think once you have the grandkids, I think because they have their own parents, you have to take care of all the little stuff. You can kind of have a little different relationship there, but that would be about

the only thing I could think of. You always sacrifice everything for Tare. And did everything you could, the birthday parties and the trips to San Diego, that started with Trey. Wow. And they could just go out to, what was it, the Bahia hotel and stuff? And yeah, that's the only thing I can think of, and not even in a major way.

Well, you know, the thing about patients, that's, cause, raising Trey was not easy at all. And I never talked when I was in patients, because raising terrain was not easy at all. And I never talked when I was in patients that I lost my patients. So I don't know if you witnessed any of that, but I have my days and my moments for sure when I had no patients or I was at the end of my road. Many of days like that.

So yeah. I heard a story about you in a wall with Turei one time. Yes, I still have yes my ten kids they have not seen that. I think I heard the wall story. Oh yeah, I was so angry and upset that I hit the wall versus hitting him. Oh, okay. See, now we're similar there because I don't know

if you remember, but my sister Shirley had angered me one time and I probably was 14 or 13. And we just had this croquet set, we're pretty known, a little hard croquet balls. So she made me so angry, I picked up a croquetball and threw that at her. And she put up the sheet. It missed her, but it hit the wall. And there was an indentation in the wall from that croquetball. It's probably still there. I mean, we move. Let me tell you that in common there. A lot of things are making sense.

A lot of things, because Ella is violent towards McKenzie and a lot of things are beginning to make sense. I'm gonna play her in this podcast and let her know it's in your blood. It's just in your blood. Okay, so I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story.

I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video, to be a co-host to podcast at womanevolve.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about. Why it's important to you that you be on the podcast. Maybe you like girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question.

Podcast at womanevolved.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I have a question. I wonder, is there anything about either of you that you feel like you see, but that like you're sibling doesn't see? So like for me, I think like with my sister, Kora, like I think to myself, like Kora is in my opinion so much stronger in spirit than she is in personality. And her personality is obviously very strong, but I don't think I think she

underestimates just how strong she is in spirit and her ability to overcome things that are challenging. Do you see a hidden strength in your sister that you don't think she has discovered yet? Yeah, I think you've had this amazing and I don't think that she knows the what's the word? I don't think she knows how powerful she is. She's amazing. And the wisdom that she has, the insight, understanding, et cetera, I don't think she realizes the depth, the magnitude of that. Yeah, she yields a lot to others, but yeah, I don't think she realized like those things

that are hidden in her that are so powerful, but she's died of my, you know, and I don't think she realizes that. Well, you're too kind of thank you. It's always me myself is going with the flow. Not sweating it, but with Tommy, something hidden. I think you know how strong you are. And something that you don't know about yourself. I think you're more into yourself, probably than I am. I think you maybe just have a greater self awareness.

But I think you know how powerful you are and how powerful you can be through the Lord. I think your spirituality is a lot think of anything that you're not aware of about yourself. Well, that's interesting that you're saying that because I'm on a journey of becoming more aware of myself, especially with these, yeah, I'm on a journey of that, especially since the pandemic and then the teachings that Teresa had, I've just been on this journey

of becoming more self-aware and just Like I said, I'm a working progress You know for sure We all are yeah, I have to ask since you brought it up with terrain has teaching What was it like for the two of you to see Turego from being the child that got the wall punch to being someone as ministry You now listen to and is allowing to guide your own spirituality.

It's just, um, it's amazing mind blowing all of these things, you know, I can, I glean from his messages, I glean from his wisdom and the brilliance of his mind and how profound he is, just the richness of what he brings on. It's amazing to me, you know. Yeah, just his understanding, I remember, even as a little kid,

he just was above his age group in terms of just all of the skills. I remember one day we were driving down the street and he had to be three. I don't know if he was closer to four, but he was definitely three. And I remember we were just driving and he was in the backseat and he was saying these words and I was like what is he doing? What is he saying? Because the words weren't making any sense and then I realized that as we passed billboards he was reading the billboards so and I was shocked that he was reading at that level at such an early age. And that's the way he would ask questions as a kid that weren't questions that you'd normally expect a child to ask. I see that in Ella too.

Watching her, you know, and so watching them grow as that little boy and then, you know, getting into the challenging phase and then just growing spiritically and just his understanding of the Bible. And I think I was saying this the other day. I've been to a number of churches. I've heard a number of different pastors and there's that are, you know, twice as a or much older than him that just did not have that understanding and the ability to interpret the words of the Bible in a way that you could really relate to and that would really resonate with you. It was just something special from the early days when he first got into the ministry. I'm watching that evolution from that little boy to where

he is now. And I was always amazed that, you know, Tommy said, I was just learning so much from him that I wasn't learning before. And then just the, just those pearls of wisdom to live by and the spiritual growth. And, you know, I'm still growing, but just, to me, it's just been amazing, but I saw those flashes early on. And then he just came into his own. So it's wonderful to see that. It's just, that's been one of the real blessings

of my life has been to see that process and just how he just helps people and gives and pours and that's just amazing to me. Mommy, you look so proud over there. Here's a spunky little critter. He's still threatened us. If you, he would go to daycare during the summers when he stayed with us. And the deal was you had to give him, you had to stop at McDonald's,

part burger team, and get cheeseburger fries or a shake. And I remember one time my sister didn't have, my sister surely didn't have that much cash. And he was like, no, I have to have my, you know, so he pulled over and was sister, Shirley, didn't have that much cash. And he was like, no, I have to have my, you know, so he pulled over and was digging, looking under the scenes and everything for change so that she could buy them those hamburger, cheeseburger fries and shape, it was hysterical.

And if he didn't get it, he was going to have a holy little fit that would make you want to stop, pull over and cast somebody for some money. So, yeah. I'm gonna give him that one. And look at my child. You see, when Ella be cutting up

and I be looking at him for support and he don't have no support, now I know why he feels convicted. He can't show up because he sees himself. And you know what? This podcast is blessed me if it has not blessed anyone else because that just fool circle for me. He's going to hear about this later.

I have a question about sisters in relationships, right? So like seeing your sister, whether it's a friendship or romantic relationship, and something that doesn't necessarily feel like suitable your sister, whether it's a friendship or romantic relationship, and something that doesn't necessarily feel like suitable for her, it's not what you would choose or what you would want for her. How do you, like, can you guys still stay close and have you stayed close and connected in those seasons or did you kind of have to like pull apart so that you could just like let her do her thing without trying to like interrupt what was going on in her life. How do you navigate those seasons where your sister's doing something part so that you could just let her do her thing without trying to interrupt what was

going on in her life. How do you navigate those seasons where your sister is doing something that you don't agree with? It's not necessarily harmful. It's just not what you would choose for her while still maintaining the connection. For me, it would always be hard if I see something, I'm going to say something that's kind of me. And yeah, so there has been a whole lot really that, you know, I've seen that, I said, oh,

well, I think she's going down the wrong path, or I don't necessarily agree with it. Hasn't been a whole lot of that, but, you know, for me if I see something, I am gonna say something. If the Lord really kind of puts it on my heart, then I just have to, you know, voice my opinion, but that does not change anything in terms of, you know, my love, our closeness, anything like that. And that's part of my makeup, so yeah. Yeah, and I can't really think of anything that I've seen you do that is a concern like that.

that. Yeah, I really can't think of anything. If it would be anything, it would be maybe, if you're not feeling well, not really, you know, letting maybe things go on a little bit long without, and I'm leaving out to say that sometimes like what, if you get headaches or something, I'm like, well, maybe you should go to the doctor, but you won't wait it out. It would be something along those lines, but not anything that's really major or something where I'm like, oh, God, stop, you can't do that or that's wrong, nothing along those lines. You know what I admire about what you both said is that you all have found a way to not make your opinion

law for someone else's actions. And I think especially in sibling dynamics, whether you're older or younger, there are moments where you can see maybe something differently than your sibling does. And in that moment, it can be very interesting to say, it can be very tempting rather to say, you know what, I know this is right,

I know that this is what you should be doing. And that opinion can become law for that person, but it's important to remember that relationships are not ownership. And just because you have an opinion doesn't mean that that person has to follow by that rule. And if they don't follow by that rule, they shouldn't lose you as a result of not in love.

They're not harming you. You just don't agree with it. Then I think that there is an opportunity to grow in love and allow that person to have space to be whoever they are in that season. That totally represents, yes. It seems like you guys have that mastered. Since I'm sure you've finalized your spring break plans, whether you're taking the kids

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That's zoc.oc.com slash woman evolve. zackduck.com slash woman evolve. We're going to answer an advice question together and I cannot wait to hear your wisdom. It says, Hi Pastor Sarah, my question is simple, how do I evolve? Listening to your podcast has opened my eyes to a lot of things I've never even thought about specifically about being a woman. Things such as showing up for myself, doing the work, well, how do I do that? How do I make the conscious decision to show up for myself or evolve into a woman I've never seen or have no idea how to be?

I'm 27 years old and my life is not the way I want it to be. The transition from child to adult is so real and scary. I have invited Christ into my life, but wonder if I need to do more. I want to get to the next level. When did you make the decision to begin your healing process? Bottom line, I want to grow but get in my own way. What can I do to stop getting in my own way?

I'm gonna let you guys answer first. Ooh, goodness, okay. Yeah, that's loaded. There's a lot there, but I'm so glad that she asked the question. So that's that's the first thing, you know, asking the question. And you know, even at my age, just really being open, honest, first of all, I'd say with my, I'm talking in terms of myself, being open and honest with myself, acknowledging, acknowledging feelings, acknowledging areas where perhaps in my past things that have kind of just like pushed

under and not really given voice or thought to. So just really kind of addressing those issues. So I think her first step is just great asking the question and then now asking the question of yourself. Oh Lord, you made me, you formed me. What did you have in mind when you thought of me? Just really, I think the honesty and truthfulness is the first start being truthful, honest with yourself, and then going forward with that.

And just really not being afraid. Let me take that back. Being okay to say, Lord, I'm afraid, these are some of the fears that I have and just being open and honest and just being where that path takes. So I think the openness and Sarah, I think you major in that,

just being open and vulnerable and sharing and I think that's the first step and you know it's a journey you know it's a journey and you know step by step by step so you know really taking one step at a time but just starting from a place of honesty with yourself Yeah, and I think it is a process and just acknowledging that in life you are going to evolve. That's why I love women evolve because we're evolving and particularly at that age there's so much more to learn and there's so much more growth out there. So I think to acknowledge that you don't have all the answers and that you're going through this process and to take the time, that quiet time to really listen to yourself and anything that God's going to pour into you, but just take the time to acknowledge, okay, I'm going to grow, I'm going to learn, everything is not going to be perfect, there

are going to be ups, there are going to be downs, there are going to be disappointments and joyous occasions that acknowledge that early on so that when you hit those different phases that you know that's just part of what you go through to grow and to learn and you're not going to learn everything. I'll strength you have unless you have some of those challenges so I think that challenges. So I think that to give yourself permission to be, to be afraid of what's ahead because you don't exactly know what's ahead and that's okay because we've, I think any of us, especially when you hit our ages, we can tell you that we were afraid at that age and we weren't sure what life hadn't stored for us at that age and we weren't sure if we were equipped for what life

hadn't stored for us so that it's okay to fill all those things but you have to just keep pushing as Tommy said you need to be open you need to surround yourself with people that are going to uplift you. And sometimes we can get caught up in relationships with people just because they've been part of our eyes for a long time, a childhood friend, and so you have to be careful who you surround yourself with and are helping in this process

or are they doing something that is making you not feel so good about yourself. So I think it's just taking the time to learn yourself about yourself and what you want and to move forward even if you're feeling a little fearful. We've been down that path and still on the path is telling me that it's a journey that doesn't end until we leave this earth. I love that. I hear both I hear you all saying that she needs to be both honest and patient, honest about where she is and how she's feeling and also patient as she stretches herself to grow and evolve.

I feel like when a woman begins to get unsettled in her identity, unsettled in her spirit, that it's a sign that she's ready for growth. And what's frustrating is that we don't know where we want to grow or how we want to grow. And I believe that that's an incredible opportunity for you to really sit in stillness and say, what is it that I'm longing for? Is it freedom? Is it confidence? Is it courage?

And to really pinpoint exactly what it is that you are looking for. And then say, how can this show up in my life today? What does that courage look like for me and my life and my roles and responsibilities? What does confidence look like? And then begin to make the choices and decisions that lead you towards that vision. I hear so often so many women are striving

to become something they've never seen before. But just because you haven't seen it, it doesn't mean that you can't describe it. God is trying to show you something in that unsettling. And I dare you to sit down and to write it down. What is it that you're trying to show me about myself? I can fill it in my spirit, I can fill it in my soul. And you can give it a vision with your words.

And once you give it a vision with your words, you can embody it with your actions. And once you give it a vision with your words, you can embody it with your actions. And so that's part of the way that we become something we've never seen before, is we find a place of honesty, the place of patience, and then the place of courage to dare to write down what it is we're reaching for, and then get up and stretch and do it.

I think that's the way that we get it done. I've loved this conversation so much before I go though. I wanna ask each of you to define sisterhood in your own words. I think it's having a friend for life, having someone you can depend on who is going to support you and just be there no matter what. So for me, it's that friendship, it's the bond, and it's the support. And I think for us we would have been friends had we not had the biological connection.

Yeah, I agree with what you've said. It's um, and sisterhood for me also means I, that person I can trust that person. So it's a trust and loyalty and um, trust that person. So it's trust and loyalty and friendship, you know, I would be her friend like she said, even if she weren't my sister, but just really that just worthiness loyalty can be honest with each other. And even in the honesty that doesn't, we don't have to worry about being honest that the relationship would be damaged or harmed. So I think loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, friendship. Yeah, you know, whatever set or done is coming from a place of love, not in any way trying to harm in any way,

knowing, you know, it may not be something you want to hear, but it's still coming from the place of love and that makes the difference. It's just like, I wanna say, right, I'm dying, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you guys are sister goals

and an inspiration to me. So I appreciate you so much for being open and honest and willing to have this conversation with me and the other members of the Womeningbawf delegation because I know it's going to mend some sister relationships and it's going to give perspective for sister relationships. So thank you for your time and for your story. And thank you.

And I just want to say you know we were talking about Taree and all these done but I really have a tremendous amount of respect for you and you are just so wise you like a 90-year-old woman. I mean you're this really wise and how you why is it how you put everything together and just the wisdom that you have is incredible to me especially and you know someone as young as you are and I'm telling you just reminds me of a like a much older woman who's lived and you know you're just yeah blessing, you're just wise. It's amazing. Okay.

Wise and courageous. Yeah, so. Thank you. You're amazing. Oh, I love y'all. Thank you. That means a lot to me. I'm gonna save this little clip and keeping it in my phones for those moments where I don't

feel so wise or courageous. But I love you guys. I'll see you Sunday. Okay. Love you so much. Love you too. Bye-bye. Great juice. But I love you guys, that's who you send it. Okay, love you so much. Love you too. Bye bye.

All right, listen, so like I try to not be the person who says I told you so. But I'm, I kinda did warn you that we get blessed with wisdom, okay, let me tell you how encouraged, I couldn't help it. I was just smiling the whole time. I don't know if it's because I was imagining core and myself at that, like how we gonna be talking crazy to each other or just marveling at how pure and patient and kind and consistent sisterhood can be when two women choose to love above all.

I want to hear your story. I want to be inspired by what's happening in your world. So delegation, bestie, niece, sis. I want to talk to you on this hair podcast. Shoot your shot to be my next co-host. It's simple. Email podcasts at woman evolve.com with a one to two-minute video about why you should be my next co-host or send me an advice question that you'd like for me to answer. Don't leave me on this podcast alone. All right, I'll fight you. All right, until next week. you