Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - The Revolutionary Power of Words w/ Sylvia Lloyd

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

You get a Hail Mary! You get a Hail Mary! EVERYBODY gets a Hail Mary! Delegation, join us as W.E. salute everyday women—especially the millions holdin’ it down from the frontlines of this pandemic. This week SJR connects with essential worker Sylvia Lloyd, LMSW who shared her journey & commitment to the helping profession. It would be the words she seldom heard as a child yet laid hold of in adulthood that empowered Sylvia to fulfill her destiny! Together they remind listeners that life is in the power of our tongue. And since closed mouths don’t get fed Sis, W.E. gone need you to open your mouth! Treat yo’self to wow-worthy recipes from HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve16 + Stack those coins with Truebill.com/WomanEvolve + Woosah your way to Headspace.com/WomanEvolve for mindfulness made simple!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God party for me that's there are things. All things, all things.

Child. Revolutionary power, not just in your purpose, not just in your heart and your mind and your soul, but in your words. There are power in your words. And we want to talk about that all week long at Wemniball. Make sure you're following us on these socials because we want you to be a part of changing the way that you speak speaking of the way that you speak Sylvia is joining us today and boy is she going to help us understand the power

of the words said and unsaid but most importantly how we can still evolve regardless of what we may or may not have had. There's this moment in this podcast that turns from just a conversation between friends and something that feels so much deeper and meaningful for you and where you are in your journey. So listen up, there are nuggets here, you don't want to miss.

Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you? I want to miss. Hi! Hi! How are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for having me. How's your day so far? Um, I didn't have to work today, so today has been good. We like that. Did you sleep in?

I did. Nice. I see it. But I forced myself to get up and go for a walk. So that's the weather like what are you? What's the weather like there? I have a Detroit Michigan. Okay. The weather, it depends on the day. But like last week it was a city had a snow storm and today I think it's like 45 degrees. So okay, is that not bad or is that bad? Oh, that's perfect. Oh, nice.

See, I would not say it was like a hoodie on. Really? Yeah, we're in LA, so 45 degrees is giving Parker a scar. No, it was like 10 degrees last week. Okay. Miss Sylvia, I have questions for you. It was like 10 degrees last week. Ooh, okay. Miss Sylvia, I have questions for you. First of all, I want to thank you.

You are an essential worker. You showed up during the pandemic in a way that many of us could have never done or would have run out of the strength and resilience to do and yet you showed up. And so I want to honor you for your sacrifice and thank you for seeing us through such a tough, tough season. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you. How has it been recovering as the pandemic begins to loosen its hold a little bit? Well, I had to remove myself from the position that I was in because they were not making me, they were just kind of carrying on as a business as usual. So I had to step away from my full-time job and step into private practice, which was very difficult because more from full-time income to some time income was a journey itself. So I found myself the last year, like grieving the loss of my career. So I've been in the field of social work for 12 years,

primarily working in the community and mental health. When the pandemic hit, I was working in the inpatient hospital. And it just wasn't safe. So I had to make a decision to say, I can't put myself over it, and I can't put my family at risk. So I have to make a decision to say I can't put myself ever in and I can't put my family at risk. So I have to do something different.

I tried to step down to like an integrated health clinic, thought that would be better. And then it wasn't. I tried to do part time there and also do private practice. And they said no. So December 2020, I had to, well, December 2020, I started my private practice. Wow. What were the words that you said to yourself

when you decided to start your private practice? That's a good question. This is your time. Because God had been telling me to do it. But it wasn't it wasn't a safe option for me. Like I'm like, how are you going to make? How, how is this going to make sense? Um, and it was a head just do it. Just do it.

And of course, me, I'm like. That's not going to like, how am I going to pay my bills? Just do it, just do it. And of course, me, I'm like, that's not gonna look like, how am I gonna pay my bills, just do it. So, to backtrack, I have been having migraines, I have migraines, and I had a migraine from like April to November. Wow. Yeah.

As soon as I left the job, I haven't had a migraine since. Mm. I had carbon dioxide poisoning in October of that year. And this is 2020. I still don't know what the cause of that was. I had COVID, I believe multiple times.

So much as thing after thing, or just like, I feel like I was forcing me out, like I'm not gonna make this comfortable for you. I think I've already told you what to do. So I got in a car accident. So I was like, yeah, I don't think I need any more signs. That's so bad. So bad thing thing though. So. That's so good. So good. My things go.

So it's crazy because oftentimes when life begins to betray us, it's because destiny is trying to release us and it's trying to get us to tap into that voice that knowing the Holy Spirit that has been leading us to make a change, to make a move, to twist our lives in a direction that would be uncomfortable. And when we don't do it, life pushes and squeezes until we have no choice, but to step into it by faith. Sometimes we do things by faith, other times we do them by force,

because life just gets to closing in on us and it sounds like that's what's happened in your life that you're now living in this space of faith. I love that. in this space of faith. I love that. So started my private practice, but still because I was unsure, I joined a group private practice, which is a little bit different from independent

because if you're in a group private practice, they kind of manage all of the business stuff. And that was the part I was scared about. Like I'm not scared about being a therapist. I'm scared about being a good business owner, right? And like I don't want to deal with the billing contracts or that. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to take it this step, but it's going to be a baby step. So I joined a group private practice and everything was okay. Like I had

budgeted it out. I was like, well, if I have this need clients, I'll be dead. But in the group private practice, there is a fee split. So the owner was making 60% and I was making 40%. So I did that for a year. And then I was again, like, thanks for making this baby step. But more than that. So I went completely independent. December 2021. What made you want to be a therapist? I never want to be a therapist.

Okay, I love this story already. So, um, both of my degrees, um, are in social work. And I chose social work because it just felt natural, like helping people who encouraging people just felt natural to me. And I, when I graduated at the rest floor, I remember saying, okay, I'm just going to go in here and work my way up the ladder, whatever community agency, do you know. Work my 30, 40 some out of your, then retire and be okay. And like, no lie. I think I graduated May 2009 and July,

God was like, oh no, you're gonna run your own business. And I'm like, no, I'm not, like I'm gonna work at nine to five. What do you mean? So I was in Atlanta at the time and lost a job, but I was working, I was working for a child protect for services, got fired and moved home. And I was like, well, God, what do you want me to do? Because I'm always asking, I do X.

Now do I always listen? That's different, That's different. But I do S and point me in the direction of community mental health. So I started working with community mental health in my hometown in July 2012. So I was doing private, so I thought it was a case management job, right? So you're like, oh no, you're also going to be doing therapy. I'm like, I didn't sign up for that, but okay. So just from there, I was like, oh, I can do this. At the time I was working with youth, but when you work with youth and that type of setting, you're working with the parent as well. So I experienced with providing therapy for children

and adults, I was like, okay, I can do this. But the plan still was to work full time in zoo therapy part time. But I could never find a way to make that work. So I just kept trying these full time jobs, but every time I will go to another job, it was just like, this isn't, this isn't working either. So that had been my journey from 2012 to 2020 was me in positions that I thought were good for me what I was supposed to be doing but it was always hard and it had nothing to do with the job. It was just other people, my coworkers, and the issues they had with me, and it was chaos every day. And I also, for the majority of that time, work midnight. So that's a whole different beast.

Yeah, that sounds like it. That sounds like we're all the crazy starts happening. Yeah. Okay. So you said that you went into social work because you were just an encourager. You wanted to encourage other people. I am wondering, were you an encourager because you've been encouraged by so many people that you were just returning what had been poured into you or did you feel like you are giving people what you wish I had. Because I'm technically a middle child, so I kind of always got lost in the shuffle. Not on purpose, but I think it just, I just stayed out the way, read my books, my business, see what I

was supposed to do. So nobody had to say anything to me. So that's kind of just how I lived my life. And I was always the mediator between my siblings. So it was more of a natural thing for me, even with my friends. I always found myself in friend groups of like three and I always ended up being the mediator. Good food, easy recipes and top tier convenience. That's how I describe America's number one meal kit, Hello Fresh. Receiving Hello Fresh's pre-portioned ingredients at my doorstep within a week, allowing me to skip grocery store trips without skimping on quality, I am here for this. And so is the family. Hello Fresh also helps me cut down on my cook time with meals ready in 30 minutes or less. Low prep and easy cleanup.

6. Hello Fresh is the cheat code. Go to HelloFresh.com slash woman evolve 16 and use code evolve 16 for up to 16 free meals and 3 gifts. Hello Fresh also offers fit and wholesome recipes that include low calorie and carb conscious options. Go to HelloFresh.com slash evolve. Womening evolve 16 and use code evolve 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. That's so interesting. My daughter is she calls herself a middle child but she's really the second

to the youngest but she feels like a middle child because she's really the second to the youngest but she feels like a middle child because she's in the middle of these two extreme age groups. And I often wonder like how I can best support her. So you have to tell me as the mother of someone who sees themselves as a middle child which I think is basically a way of saying, I don't always feel seen, I don't always seen valued. What is it that you needed in those moments

to validate your identity within your family system? I think I needed, first of all, just to ask me if I was okay. Because a lot of times I wasn't, but I didn't feel like I had the space to or voice or the ability to articulate that. So I think I just wish more people would ask me if I was okay. Like, yes, I'm in my room.

I appeared to be okay. No one is asking me. So how do you know? And my mom's husband at the time, he did ask me, I had, was in middle school and was being bullied. And I was literally like in my closet crying. And I had been in there for hours, just sobbing. And he did come in there and was like, what is going on?

And I think now that I'm thinking about that, like that was probably one of the only times somebody stopped and was paid attention that something wasn't right with me. And it wasn't on purpose. It just was a lot of stuff going on at that time. I had a blended family, so there was five of us. And we were all stair steps, four girls, one boy. So it was just a lot going on.

I feel like the noisiest person or people got the most attention and I just wasn't that person. So I think just to kind of check in with her and quality time, I think would probably be good with just you and her. Yeah. That's helpful. I'm gonna write that down.

I wonder if I ask adult Sylvia, those three powerful words that she did not hear as a middle child what her answer will be. So I'm gonna ask it. Sylvia, are you okay? I'm gonna ask it. Sylvia, are you okay? I'm okay today. I live with anxiety. So when I'm really overwhelmed,

I have anxiety attacks. So yesterday I was overwhelmed. And it just came out of nowhere. But I've learned to use my tools, right? Like I think therapists and helper professionals always tell other people to use the tools and then we don't use them. So I'm just laying there and when I get in that space, I kind of just scroll and I just bounce back in for a feminist to grammar Twitter and I look up and I have been laying there for like two hours and I'm like okay, you need to get up, you know, pull yourself out. My biggest, the things I do usually when I'm in that space is pray journal, speak out loud whatever it is that I'm feeling and then depending on the time of the day, take a shower and do my nighttime routine.

And then I'm usually able to come out of it. So it's just kind of reminding myself to take better care of myself. Like your body is responding to something. So let's figure it out. What is the difference between speaking out loud, what you're feeling and thinking it in your head? Speaking out loud removes it from your body, like gives it a voice.

I think a lot of times most of us have an ongoing dialogue in our head and for me, it just manifests in a way that is like tension. So I can literally feel it in my chest. So I feel like I need to get it out. So speaking it helps with that. If I'm not able to speak it out journal, I did both yesterday, so that was helpful. Because again, like, because I, um, didn't feel like I had the room to articulate how I was feeling. And I don't think it's because I didn't have the room. I just didn't want to be a burden, if that makes sense. For sure.

I get it. So I still kind of in that space, like I don't tell people what's wrong with me. One of my exes, he came up with this thing, he was like, listen, I'm only gonna ask you how you're, if you're okay, three times. And then we're just gonna move on, because I know you're not okay,

but I also know that you struggle with like telling people that you're not okay. So that's still... That's something I'm working on. I'm working on telling people when I'm not okay and also asking for help when I need it. I wonder how much of learning to communicate

how you feel has to do with having space and having someone to talk to versus someone asking you the questions that make you connect the dots. Because I think as children, you need help connecting the dots. I don't know that you can just freely say, I'm angry. And in some of our households, you can't just say, I'm angry, I'm mad. There's no space for that. And so you end up internalizing all of these emotions. And unless you do

the active work of really allowing it to come out of your body, then you learn to internalize emotions. But I'm wondering, do we need safer spaces, or do we need help communicating within ourselves so that it can come out in a way that others can deal with? I think the answer is both. Cause I didn't, as a therapist, I didn't have it. I wasn't in therapy for years. Like the first time I saw therapy this was in 2019.

And that was one of the first things she said to me. It's like you're internalizing everything. We have to give it voice. Like we have to find a way for you to be able to articulate how you're feeling. Articulate your needs. Articulate your wants because you deserve to. You deserve to. I feel like that's a moment.

I feel like we got a rest on that for a minute. Like you deserve to. Because I don't know why that just stood out to me, but I think that a lot of times we feel like we don't want to be a burden. We feel like we don't want to be an inconvenience. We don't want to come off as weak. We don't know if other people will receive it. But it's powerful to think that you deserve to express

your emotions. You have earned the right as a human being to not have a world or a whirlwind within yourself. You've got to be willing to release that. And that feels like, I don't know that feels like what Oprah would call an aha moment. That feels like an awakening. It definitely was for me.

And I think in therapy, I learned that I was very codependent. And you hear codependency a lot when you're talking about addiction, but a lot of us are co-dependent just within our like relationships. So me, my mom and my sister are very close, but I found out in therapy that I was making a lot of my decisions and holding a lot of stuff in because of the way it would make them feel. So I don't know right now. Just getting thick in here because somebody is holding on. Keep telling, tell them, keep talking, but then I got questions.

Okay. So I'm not going to say this, well, I'm not going to tell you that this hurt my feelings because I know it's going to make you feel away. I'm not going to tell you that I need something because I already know that you might not have the financial means to help me. So I don't want to be a burden, but that's not healthy because it puts you in a position to always be catering to everybody else's needs, but yours. And that's the whole podcast right there. I think we're done here. That right there. And then it is why we don't have relationships that can really withstand the test of time.

It's why we withdraw. It's why we remove ourselves is we don't think that other person can handle the weight of who we are. This idea of I don't want to be a burden means that I don't want the fullness of who I am to rest on you because you're denying yourself, but it's still a part of who you are. And to trust that whoever is called to your life has already been empowered with the strength to help carry you for that season of your life, for that moment of your life is a beautiful thing. But we have been conditioned to believe that our healthy ones, our healthy needs, our healthy needs to communicate could be a burden to someone else. And in an effort to make ourselves small, we end up making ourselves depressed and sad and alone and it doesn't have to be that way.

How did your shift in showing up for yourself regardless of maybe how your family felt, changed the dynamic of your family? I'm gonna try to say this without crying. This has been the loneliest year of my life because I've had to set boundaries with my family. And when I'm talking about clothes, like me and my sister and I are similar in age, the age got with you and your sister.

Okay, so I'm 34 and she's 33. And that is like, we're best friends and we have a similar relationship with our mother. I would like spend the weekends at her house. She's married and my mom also lives with her. But it's like, once I started setting boundaries, I could feel the tension because I'm a feeler. So even if you don't tell me something like I can feel that something's off. So I had to, people weren't, I were not respecting my boundaries. So I had to

put space, which kind of left me by myself. So this has been a very transformative year, but it's also been a very lonely year. What did you get in exchange for the codependency, right? Because if you stop being codependent, there is something that's on the other side of that. And maybe there is a loneliness. Maybe there is this season where you aren't as connected.

But there's also something else that keeps you on this side of the boundary. Otherwise, you tear the boundary down. I learned to give this, that it's okay to give this agreement space to breathe. Like you don't, you don't have to come to a resolve. Because I think a lot of our arguments that we have is trying to figure out who's right and wrong and sometimes it's not even about that.

Like you have your perspective and I have my perspective and the truth is somewhere in that. But I've been able to sit with the disagreements that I've had with my siblings because I have time to do that. And also, by me just giving it room to breathe, my mom and one of my siblings, my sister, has come back and told me, you know what, you were right. You were right about that. I shouldn't have dismissed you in that way. I was wrong.

No, it took a few months. Yeah. But I feel like it's been helpful. Like I don't, because I have this thing where I really do feel like I am right. I used to say 98% of the time, but I think, give it a little, I used to say 98% of the time. Now, close to 90. I feel like I'm right, 90% of the time.

But it really doesn't matter if there is no understanding. So I'm sitting over here right, but what is it? I'm not talking to my sister. So who's winning? Yeah. So it has deepened my understanding. It's strengthening my prayer life because a lot of times,

you're gonna have disagreements and you are not gonna come to resolve and I have just started praying about it. Like, and I think God has become the mediator for me. Have you ever mentally kept a running tab of your banking balance and it ended up being less than what you thought it would be when you logged into your account? As you're looking at your statement line by line, you realize you're the culprit. You forgot to cancel several free subscriptions that you no longer use.

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Go right now. TrueBill.com slash woman evolve. It could save you thousands a year. Truebuild.com slash woman evolve. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Man, I feel like what you're saying is, in exchange for codependency, you have experienced individuality. And if we spend our whole lives

from the times we're in our family systems to into relationships and friendships, codependent with someone, then we never discover who we are independent of another being. And that individuality does mean there may be seasons where you have loneliness, but in that loneliness,

you're able to further develop into who you are outside of other people's opinions. What do you think is the greatest lesson that you've learned about yourself in this season? There's been so many lessons, I'm trying to find one. I've learned that material things really don't matter. Because I had to make a lot of changes in my budget. Um, I learned that it's okay to ask for help. It's really challenging, but it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help for transparency.

When I wrote in an oxover, I was living in a hotel. Wow. Um, because I was living in a hotel. Wow. Because I hadn't paid my rent, I was able to apply for the state benefits they had for COVID. But once that ran out, that was it. And I didn't have, I didn't, I didn't have pasted up because I wasn't working a full-time job. So it was like, how am I gonna get somebody

to give me a apartment, right? And again, don't wanna be a burden to my sister and her family. Can't go there, can't go to my dad's house. And I was living in a hotel for two weeks and I think I listened to the episode when I think her name is Gia. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

And she was talking about how she was at the Met Yala, but yeah, she was like staying with her friend. I'm like, so what makes you better or less able to act for help than she is. Like, because I always still like people think I have it all together. Well, it says you're in a hotel. Like, acts for help. So I eventually, one of my friends was actually my pastor's daughter. It was like, you can just come stay with me until you figure it out.

So I've been here living with Harrison's November. So I think the biggest transformation has been learning to ask for help and letting people know and being okay with the fact that I'm not okay. Yeah, because there's asking for help and then there's receiving help. And I feel like I could receive help for like small things, you know what I mean, like can you grab this growth for me because it feels like a temporary project, but it is even more challenging when the help that I need doesn't necessarily have an expiration date. And I found myself in that man.

I have found myself in that position so many times where it's like, I need help. And I don't know when I'm not gonna need help. And receiving that, it's humbling. And it's hard to receive it without also putting yourself down at the same time and allowing yourself to be human in the process and to say it's okay for me to need help and it's okay for me to receive it and it doesn't make me less than.

Do you feel like that's something you've had to navigate to? Yes, I'm still navigating it. So when I stepped away from my full-time job, I had purchased the car, but I wrecked it like within a month. So I haven't had my own car since 2020. So I was driving my mom's car, which was hard because it's like, this is your car. I don't know when I'll have one and she's just like, it doesn't matter. Like, I'd rather my car be with you so that I know my child is safe.

But it was still hard. Like, I still felt like I was depriving her of something. The car I need to work in my mom was like, Asher dad, now this is gonna sound crazy, but because of the relationship with my dad, I used to tell people like I literally rather stripped. This is how I see my dad for money. Like literally. So, I mean, he paid for a few things, but I still feel guilty, like

my mom had to call and ask him because I, that's one person that I still do not know or feel comfortable with asking for help. So this has like been my ongoing journey and challenge for 20, 20, so is there something that he could say that would release your heart to allow him to show up for you in that way? Like is there something that you need to hear? Is there something you need to see? to see. I need to see the willingness for him to because he has six children. He has two sets, three with my mom and three with his my younger sisters, my younger siblings, mother. I would like to see him have the same willingness to help us that he helps, that he has to help them, like they don't have to ask for anything. And that's hurtful. And that's been our whole life, like to watch. It's not like, it's one thing to have a dad

that just isn't capable and isn't doing anything for any of his children. But to watch him be able to do it for three and just completely dismiss the other three, I wanted to say at first that I wanted apology, but I really don't feel like I need that because I've already forgiven him for it. But I think I want to see the willingness for him.

I feel like I'm the child. Can you call and ask me if I'm okay? Like, can you call me and ask me what I need? That's not our dynamic. It doesn't happen. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that that's been your experience. I want a part of me wonders if there's any value and you telling him that you need that. Even though you shouldn't have to, you telling him that you need that. Like, even though you shouldn't have to, I wonder if there would be any release

and breakthrough through you saying it. I don't know. What do you think about that? It probably would. I just, yeah. I'm not there yet. That's fair, that's fair. Yeah.

Yeah. That's fair. It takes as much time as it takes. Especially when you feel like you have to tell someone what should come natural to them. It's not in the same scale, but I feel like in marriage, I experience that where I have an expectation for my husband because like maybe you've seen my day or maybe he has an expectation for me, but it's uncommunicated expectations. And I don't know, I think apart sometimes because I've even seen this with my parents.

I think because there's this underlying feeling of like Sarah will get it done. Sarah will figure it out. Sarah's going to be okay. That nobody's like, okay, well, let me pitch in and help or let me help her figure it out. Sarah's gonna be okay. That nobody's like, okay, well, let me pitch in and help or let me help her figure it out unless I ask for it. I can remember being in college and I was weightlifting at the strip club. Like, I had my son.

I was working a full-time job and then weightlifting at night and I was living with my boyfriend at the time. And my parents would pay for my sister to get her hair done. And I would be like, hello. Hello, I'm dry. Hello, there's water in my lungs. But I wouldn't say anything. I would just expect for the missing

the splashing water over there. And you know, and then they're like, well, why didn't you say anything? And it's like, I didn't think I should have had to, but it's hard. It's really hard when you have to say the things that you shouldn't have to say in order to get what you need. Yeah.

Yes, to all of that. I will say that my mom is like a super mom. I think, and it makes me feel bad in a way because I think she overcompensates because of my dad's lack. So that makes me sad but it's nothing my mom wouldn't do for me. I had I drove her car into like a driving me more because the transmission just went out. So into like a driving anymore because the transmission just went out. So, um, I need a desk. So I did take a part time job, but it works perfectly with my schedule. So I see clients on two days and Thursdays.

And then I, um, do assessments for a agency here in Detroit. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Um, and I just started that I didn't know it was going to be a work for home job, which thank you guys, hallelujah, but I need a desk, right? Because I have monitors. And I'm figuring out like, how am I going to pay for this desk? Because I need a fairly decent one, so I don't have to replace it in the next 30 days. And she was like, just send me the desk that she wanted. And I'm like, why would I do that? I'm going to pay for it. And she was like, just send me the desk that she wanted. And I'm like, why would I do that? I'm gonna pay for it.

And she was like, just let your mom be your mom. So, but I think a part of that with her is, I feel sad that she feels like she has to do everything. And as a mom, I'm not a mother, but I would assume that she literally would do anything that she needs to do for her children. But like not in this eye rolling, this is so heavy, you do it from a place of real joy and love

because you wanna see them win. You want to see them be okay. And it's hard. I see it now that I have my own kids. Like I see it so much differently than I thought when I was on the receiving end. But your mom wants to see you win. And she wants to do whatever it takes to help you get there because you win it is her winning. You know what I mean? Like it's not just you. Like you are a part of her legacy and a part of her seed. And so when you take root and produce fruit, she lives on in the earth and anything she can do to help cultivate your soil and to help your soul. She's going to do because she wants to give you every shot. And I don't think that she's over-compensating.

I think she would show up with that strength regardless. And I think that you know, you would just happen to have a dad who was showing up too. But it's not like one parent does less because there's someone else there. Everyone brings the fullness of who they are. So that's the mom you were going to get regardless of the dad you had.

That's true. Thank you for that. Yeah. You're a baby. I get that. My mother, honey, I got my tonsils taken out and my mother rolled up on my house. Like I was five years old. Like I was a toddler.

And I was like, I mean, she was put a moxicillinceric. Like she was shooting this arranging my mouth. I'm like, I mean, she was put a moxicillincer, like she was shooting this arranging my mouth. I'm like, nothing happened to my hands. Nothing happened to my hands, but still. Right on my, I mean, I can put the medicine in my own mouth, but there's something about this opportunity to still show you while she's with you that I got you.

You know, and as long as she's in this earth, she's gonna hold you down like that. Your mother sounds like she's good stuff. Yeah, she went to the girl she's through last night. And she said, you need anything? And I gave her like two things. Do you think she came back with those two things? Of course not.

All your kiddies next. How many lucky charms and captain and crowns? All the things, graham crackers, teddy grams, you used to love these teddy grams. A hall resource, a rotisserie chicken. Like, yeah, I didn't, thank you. But in next for this. Yeah, my, my press for you was going to be

that you received the love that is flowing your way from your pastor's daughter to your mother, that you would not be so hard on yourself thinking that you need to stand up on your own, that you missed the opportunity to see that goddess and then you angels to carry you through a tough season, and that you deserve to breathe and catch your breath and reset and regroup and to believe that you won't be behind in the process. That's my prayer for you in this season.

I appreciate it and I received that. Yeah. One thing that's important to me is genuinely check in with those that I love. So how are you today? Really, take a minute to think about it. If you're feeling overextended, tired, annoyed, or just miff, it's time to connect with your feelings by starting your mental health journey with headspace.

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so you got to answer it. I'm just pick up the crumbs. Okay. My question is simple. How do I evolve? Listening to your podcast has opened my eyes to a lot of things I've never even thought about, especially about being a woman. Things that you're showing up for myself and doing the work. Well, how do I do the work and how do I make the conscious decision to show up for myself or evolve into a woman I've never seen or have no idea how to be? I'm 27 years old and my life is not the way I want it to be. The transition from childhood to adulthood is surreal and scary. I have invited Christ into my life, but wonder if I need

to do more. I want to get to the next level. When did you make the decision to begin your healing process? Bottom line, I want to grow, but get in my own way. What can I do to stop getting in my own way? Okay, so been there. Personally, I'm going to answer it in three different ways. So personally, give yourself more grace like you're 27. We have this thing where we just feel like we are old by 30, and that's not the case. I personally believe the first life crisis happens between 27 to 32. Because you do have this expectation, or at least I did, of things that I should have

accomplished by 30. And it's just not real all the time. So yeah, personally, I would say give yourself grace. Make a list of all the things you've already accomplished and celebrate that. And that will help you and get you in the position to celebrate yourself more. Cause I'm pretty sure there are things

that they have done already, leading up to 27, even if they haven't done everything that they wanted to do. Spiritually, I will say, get connected with women's ministry, young adult ministry, any ministry, honestly, at church, because that's where I did a lot of my growing. And it was a safe space. I was able to have conversations with people that understood where I was, and spiritually could support me through that, Um, so that yeah, I would say get connected with community, even if it's not in the church, like get get get a solid group of people that I'm going to lie to you. Because I think at that age, we have a lot of people around us that don't always tell us the truth.

Yeah. of people around us that don't always tell us the truth. So yeah, I say I would say get a close group of people that can help you be accountable to your growth and your journey. Professionally, I would say go to therapy. Therapy is great. And if you don't want to go to therapy route, traditional therapy route, life cultures are great too. You just need somebody that is skilled at helping you put the pieces together. Like I always tell my clients, I am not here to fix anything.

I don't have a magic wand. I'm just here to partner with you on your journey. That's it. And this is a safe space for you to be able to do that. So yeah, that would be my advice for her. And that's excellent advice. And at the risk of sounding like a clown because I'm following up after this

Professional opinion. I just want to add one sprinkle of something Whenever we want to do an overhaul of our life. We want everything to change at one time Not recognizing that evolving is a gradual process So if you want to change your life, let's start with one thing What's one area of your life where you want to experience change? And then what is the system that will support that change? It's not enough to want it. What are you going to move in your life in order to make room for that change to happen?

I think it's James Clear, who says we don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our system, something like that. But basically, you can have a goal all you want to, but your life isn't going to change because of the goal, it's going to change because of the system you put in place. So start, little by little, I want to wake up earlier because it's going to give me more time to study. I want to change the way that I eat. I want to change my thoughts.

Let's attack these thoughts. Let's attack these rhythms one by one by one until we experience the goal that is within reach but not aligned with the system we have in place. That's my two sense. I love that. And also, so I don't remember what I did it, but I instead of doing like New Year's resolutions, I have eight life goals. And how I check in with myself and keep myself accountable in regards to the things that I'm doing, I set my smaller goals based on whatever those eight goals are that I this is what I want for my life so the things that I'm working on very small

large whatever I Check in and keep myself accountable by always going back to that list Because sometimes a lot of stuff that Our goals for us um I Because sometimes a lot of stuff that are goals for us. I don't know if they're always our goals, if that makes sense. Like I think, this is in my experience, you know, you were supposed to graduate high school, go to college, work a full-time job, 95 until

you retire. And that's what I was going to do, but I have more to do than that. So I have to shift. And I have to do and set goals that worked for my life. And God's will for my life. Yeah, that's so good. There's a divine word connected to who you are and it's not recycled and it's not something that someone else is spoken over to you over you.

And the greatest gifts we can give ourselves each day is to wake up and say, how do I step further into that word that was spoken over to me. And it sounds like that's what you're doing, Sylvia. And I'm grateful that you allowed us access to your journey. Thank you for sharing your life with us today. Thank you for having me. Did you enjoy yourself?

How was it? I loved it. Good. You were phenomenal. You're going to help so many people. Thank you. Okay. You take care. Thank you. Bye. Sylvia, sis. Thanks for co-hosting with me today. You brought that.

Five year. I feel better just being in your presence. Another delegation will grow because of the gyms you shared and for that I am so grateful. Thank you for sharing your story and your life. I love that I get to meet you all in a more personal way on this podcast. It's like one of my favorite things to do. I want to continue to meet you. I want to hear your stories. I want to know how you're growing, how you're evolved, and come co-host with the kid. Email a one to two minute video to podcast at woman evolve.com and let us know what makes you a great co-host and what can the delegation learn from you. Alright, I know some of you are like this, it'll never be me, but what you can help me with

is my life. That's alright, I can handle that. Send me your advice question. Same email address podcast at woman evolve.com. We've got your back. you