Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Treasure Hunting w/ Roosevelt Stewart

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Since the Delegation feelin' these co-ed vibes, let's dive into a convo with worship leader & pastor, Roosevelt Stewart! Straight off the bat, he curbs toxic masculinity & leans boldly into transparency. Our girl SJR posed the question—what can women do to cultivate a safe space that unlocks a man’s heart? That’s right Sis, W.E. got dem keys, keys, keys! And for the future feyoncés who wanna know…if he like it will he REALLY put a ring on it? Word is...the trophy is free, but the treasure is dug separately! SJR & Pastor Ro are droppin' gems on how to qualify as a treasure hunter, remove land mines, & survive the rubble. This episode is giving X marks the spot! 'Cause he that findeth a wife, findeth a loosened lace front! Stick around for some wild woman advice. Hit up [e-mail] to fill our co-hosting needs. Then, claim your listener perks at HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve16 + Truebill.com/WomanEvolve!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a two-unit boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Try. It's podcast day. I know you've been waiting in your favorite day of the week like mine because I get to kick it with my besties. If I was a cheerleader, I would have a whole P.O. D.C. A.S.T. podcast day, but I wasn't a cheerleader because I was a mom in high school.

Some of y'all like to call me auntie and I guess it's because can I be honest? I really don't enjoy when y'all call me auntie, but instead I like bestie or home girl because it's just not giving auntie yet. Also, I'll know if you listen to this episode if you're still calling me on to you after today. Anyway, enough about me, okay? Today's guest is likely familiar to a lot of you. If you worship with us at one online or TPH Denver, pastor, musician, friend, and fiance,

so don't even get your hopes up when he starts talking because Karina would let you have it. Mr. Roosevelt Stewart, I promise you you are in for a treat. If you are preparing your heart for dating, if you're wondering, our men out here doing the work, Pastor Roe comes through with a major word that is going to give you hope and inspiration that yes indeed God is still working on the hearts of men. So whether you're in relationship, in a marriage or you're just waiting, I think you're gonna be blessed by this.

Let's check it out. Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? Good. Are you nervous? Excited? I am.

I'm all, it's kind of, it's kind of both. Cause I told Korean us, like, you know, one day, and I said this last year, like my day is going to come. I think it was when y'all brought that, those, those, those split blocks in that coffee, man. I was like, this is going to be my moment. But then now I see her, I'm like, man, I've never done this before. It's crazy. It's different.

First of all, how are you adjusting? How do you feel? You're in a different state, in a different city. I am. I am. I am in Los Angeles California. Does that feel surreal? It does. I never thought I would be here.

I never thought I would be here. That's how we driving around and I've been here almost eight years, but I'm still kind of like, I like live here and that feels strange. Right, I keep saying myself, okay, eventually when is my flight coming? I'm going back to Colorado, but I literally MNLA. And if I feel like a tourist every day, I literally feel like a tourist every day.

And it's just never thought in a million years, I'd be here, it's my own blowing. Like the places you see like on movies, like you're driving through. It's just really crazy. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. I got to change my outfits and everything

because I was dressed for the cold. And as soon as I got here, I had to come out of those jackets out everything because it was a little warm out here. That's okay. So I'm gonna say this, then we'll start the podcast. But one of the things I had to learn when we started this store is I was buying clothes

based on the weather in Los Angeles. So during winter, we would see our sales just tank. Because like here, it's still flip-flops season. What winter store? Never heard of it. And so you have had to remember like LA is not the only place in the world. You're going to have to think about other cities. So it's a blessing, but sometimes it can feel like you're disconnected from what's happening in the rest of the world. For sure. For sure. It's no, and crazy in Colorado. I was just like showing off the sun. I'm learning to, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

OK, so we're just going to chat. I don't know where the conversation's going to go. This is our first time having men on the podcast. So we're just going to see what your relationship has been like with women, what you admire about them, what you're learning about yourself. I don't have any planned questions, so we just going wanna see what happens.

That was good, let's do it. Okay, Pastor Row, you are a powerhouse. Let's talk about it, let's get into it. Okay, I mean, I remember the very first time I saw you singing, it was in Los Angeles, and I told PT, he reminds me of my brother. My brother is like this, four big guy he's like tall and but like this teddy bear like this spiritual sensitivity and I saw you up there like

functioning and moving in that element of faith has that always been something that just came kind of naturally to you or did you have to cultivate how you show up spiritually? I'm going to have to say it's a mixture of both. Honestly, like because what I've learned is all I ever had growing up in Florida was my worship and that was like my faith space. And what I was struggling with when it first, you know, my first started leading worship was helping others to see that this is not just my safe space, but I want us all to enjoy that safe space. So something

I did in private, like trying to bring into the public setting, it was a little weird at first because, you know, you had to think about the outside elements all the time. You have situation going on at home. You have your mother's that you have so many things going on and I have to somehow replace that, not replace but remove the thoughts of what's going on around me and focus on what's happening in me in the moment of worship. And so it became a process of helping people realize and I think the coolest part about it was that I realized that we are all the same.

Even though I'm holding the mic and I'm leading worship, we're all the same. We all have outside environments that are giving us every reason to not give God the worship that he deserves. But the more that we get closer to each other, the more that we realize that we're the same, it just creates such a beautiful atmosphere. So I say it's lily, both one of one and the same of what you said. Do you think it's more difficult for men to worship publicly worship maybe in general

because worship demands vulnerability? Yes. I will be the first to say it. I struggled. I didn't start leaving worship until I was 18 years old mainly because I had the ability to sing growing up and honestly I remember that while I was singing and the guy didn't mean anything by it but he was just like you know you hit high notes like a girl and when I heard that it kind of like threw me back that I didn't want to portray something

that I wasn't and then at the same time it was just the freedom that I had to be emotional and to cry. It caused me to to misunderstand what the vulnerability that I so walk into really now, it was almost frowned upon as a man growing up. Like a man is not supposed to cry. A man is not supposed to be born on show as emotions. That's what toxic masculinity has taught us. But growing through time, I've realized that even when reading the Bible,

the reason why these men are so powerful in the Bible is because they're transparency. Yeah. And I think it's powerful to understand that I have the honor to lead men and help them understand that being vulnerable is the very thing God wants from us. Being transparent is the very thing God wants from us.

And I think the most masculine place you can be is where God can look through you and show you the places you can improve. Show you the places that you're weak. Show you the places that he's also endowed you within the Nuan to the do great things. The vulnerability is the best place to be as a man. So it was hard at first,

but when I realized and looking through, like I always talk about my explanation of what worship is and I always talk about Jesus when he lifted his hands to show the marks that he had gone through. That's the vulnerability. I want you to see what I've gone through, but I want you to see what the power of God has in my life. And I think that's what worship is for me. It's a moment for me to say, yes, I was that person. Yes, I went to those things. Yes, I had so many insecurities about myself and still battle with today. But when I'm in his presence,

me being vulnerable helps me remove those issues or the power has over my life. Is there something that women can do to create safer spaces for men to be vulnerable? Because I'm hearing you talk about your relationship with God, and then I know so many of our women listeners are wondering, how do I cultivate or how do I create a space where my husband, my son, my brothers, my father

can begin to tap into vulnerability. I think a lot of us women have experienced men who have like this wallop where you can't ask them anything, you can't create a space for them to share about what's troubling them, They want to be left alone. Is there anything that a woman can do to make a man feel safe enough to open up so that she can at least be a safe place, right? Because even if we don't have answers, there's something about venting that can be very

cathartic, but sometimes we don't know how to get it out of you all. Sure. I think one of the things that has helped me and even this podcast is doing without even knowing this, I realized, I was able to converse with, uh, like, you know, I'm in relation with Kiernan. So I thought the Kiernan loves you. Yeah. You're engaged. I'm okay. I think I can get crazy. I think you're I'm gonna get you a good one. I can get KZ, I can get you a good one.

But what I've learned was I am able to see by two things. Men, even though we don't say much, we realize how much works matter to us. I can say literally words in my past were things that closed doors and I'm learning now, those that words have the same ability that close doors in my life, they open, they're open indoors. And what I mean by that is,

Kareena made a safe space for me to open up with vulnerability of the things that I felt that because of the way I was brought up, the way I was raised, the environment I grew up in, it was never a safe space because I deemed everyone not able to be trustworthy. I always deemed that it would always lead to someone because what we don't realize is love is a risk. It is given someone the opportunity to hurt me.

And so not that they will use it or exploit that weakness, but when I was able to, one, allow her words to open the door and me, it made me feel safe. And then the second thing is I realized that we're even on my man and she's a woman and I'm a man and you're a woman and, um, you know, this is one of the bald podcast and I'm on here. I realized that there are a lot of similarities between the two of us. And because of that, if I can find that coming ground between a male and a female, then we'll be more open to half conversation. And I think those are the two things that have really opened up doors for me. And I think it will be helpful for women to open spaces for

their men to be vulnerable is find those words that unlock his heart. Wow. He's probably changed the locks on the door because a press relationship or childhood or trauma that he's experiencing, tragedy that he's experienced has caused him to change the locks of the doors of his heart. You have to learn those keys. What opens his heart?

What gets him to open up and find those spaces and it doesn't require manipulation. You don't have to play games and you don't have to and this is not this is on both sides. I'm not saying like women do this. I'm saying in any relationship you don't have to use manipulation to get what you want. Learning your partner and learning the people, the meaning of your life, your father, this could be a sibling. It opens doors for you when you find the right words to say. And then find the coming ground. Help him understand he's not alone

because men are taught that we have to carry this fight by ourselves. We have to stand in the pain and not show. We have to be Superman. And Superman is one of the most isolated superheroes in the world. But when he finds out that there is a woman that understands, it opens up a door for a man to be vulnerable.

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Go to HelloFresh.com slash woman evolvedolve 16 and use code Woman Evolve 16 for up to 16 free meals and hold onto your wig. Three free gifts that's HelloFresh.com slash Woman Evolve 16 and use code Woman Evolve 16 for up to 16 meals and three gifts. Having a lot of times that what we do when we are engaging with people in relationship is that we look at the final product of who they are. And we're able to say, oh, congratulations on that job or I'm so happy for you. But I think when you are in intimate relationship with someone, you're not just looking at the

final product, you're looking at the cost, right? And so it's the difference between congratulations to, I can only imagine how exciting this opportunity is for you considering how hard you've been working to finally get here. And I think that that creates space for a person to feel seen and when a person feels seen and they feel like there's empathy connected

to how you view them, then they are more inclined to be vulnerable. And I think those slight tweaks with our words, like my husband just finished his book. And like, you know, everyone's like, oh, it's so proud of you, but I'm like, babe, you fought for that book. I saw you, you stayed up night,

like to really say, I see you, is the best way to create a space for someone to be vulnerable because at the end of the day, I wanna know that you see me without me having to tell you everything that I've gone through. But with the little bits and pieces, we know we can imagine how challenging or difficult it's been for someone to get to where they are.

And I think to really take that into account when engaging with someone is super important. Absolutely, that is so good. Okay, I have a question for you because I already know it's women listening. They heard you shout out to your boo. Your fiancee, okay, queen them. All right, I didn't have them do it them getting together

but I didn't know both of them before they got together. Let me tell you something. They're doing a thing together. Okay, so don't make us have to do, don't make us have to woman dissolve because you didn't roll it up on roll. Okay, because listen, we roll tight. Karina is a part of the woman evolved crew

and it's back up and the dedication so like don't even do it to yourself. But we're gonna ask you to speak on behalf of men. What makes a man propose to a woman? What makes a man say like this is the one? What does he have to feel? What has, where does he have to be in his life emotionally? Like what makes you finally say, you know what?

I'm trying to do this life thing with you. Ooh, I got to speak for me like that, that moment. I wrestle with it. I don't think men realize when you're about to make that decision, I mean, it does something to you where you are literally like thinking and there's moments where you're like, should I? Yeah. And you think about the the the past failures of your last relationships, you don't want to ruin the current one that you have. And I definitely thought about those things that I experienced, the bad decisions that I make, the lack of the character flaws, the character fails. Like, I'm just going to talk about it. Like,

we think about those things leading up to the person. And I think what really did it for me was, it wasn't how much, and I literally said this in my Instagram when I posted our engagement. It wasn't so much how she shined in the light. We expect that, you know, that's like trophy mentality. Like I expect when things are good, you're shining in the light. But I literally threw the darkness of, you know, my past failures and the darkness of my traumas. I literally saw her glow in the dark.

That is what did it for me. And I think that's the separation between treasure and trophy shine and the light there showed up case, you know, and honestly, that's what led to a lot of failures in my last relationships is because I approached women with the trophy mentality because that's what pop culture taught us. It's what toxic masculinity taught us is you can never have too many trophies. You can never, you know, when you have one for too long,

it's time to replace it for something new. And the longer you have this trophy, the more it loses its relevance. And to some, to certain extent, trophies are not a bad thing. But when it comes to treating the thing that God has put in a woman as a trophy, you then begin to misuse what God has intended for that woman to be. And I have to acknowledge that God had to fix some things in me

for me to be able to switch from looking for trophies to find and treasure. And that required not just digging into the relationship with me and Krena, but I had to dig into myself. I had to root up some things in my heart that I didn't realize what's perpetuating in every relationship. As soon as commitment was involved, I would run away because of the traumas in my past.

I grew up with my mom because I literally saw my dad cheating with my mom. And it was my words of what I saw that caused the divorce, that caused the huge fight, that caused me moving from Memphis to Florida. And so to think of the traumas of what has happened, I had to literally dig into myself. I just put in every man a treasure hunt him. And he that found it is a white find to good thing, right? So he's put something in us that we're gonna go dig

for that good thing. PT does for the good thing in you. I'm digging for the good thing for Krenna. And I think what's important is, we have to make sure that before we try to dig in a relationship, we have to dig into ourselves. We have to let God dig into us. And when I found the things, the generational curses, the insecurity, which men don't like to say we have, insecurities, the feeling of meeting our needs, our people's respect and earned people's love. And I was

treated, honestly, based on how I performed. So even I felt that my love was only received as long as I played football, as long as I would try to join the NFL. Or if I had enough money to to give people when they needed it to make months rent, then I felt like that I was loved, but that was the trophy mentality. And so when I saw Karina see the darkness in my life, because I refused to ask someone to marry me,

and they not know the complete version of who I am, the good, the bad, and the good. You know, it's easy for a worship leader to be on stage and look like he's, you know, he's got it all together, but we go through a lot of attacks, you know, it's easy for a worship leader to be on stage and look like he's, you know, he's got it all together, but we go through a lot of attacks, you know, and we have a lot of things that we're battling not just from the enemy, but ourselves. And what I realized was I had to reveal that to Karina, and I had to share with her, this is who I am. And to see the love, I'm trying to get emotional,

not that it's toxic or anything, but it's just like it's a beautiful thing that someone saw, like, I feel like love is someone singing the ugliest side of you and still finding beauty in it. And she found beauty and me being vulnerable and gave me the space to allow time and healing and God to really fix those areas. And I thought about that moment.

Could I, would I ever want to have to find out is there another treasure that I want? Is there another place that I can go dig for? And my heart said no, this is where we need to dig. And that's what did it for me. I mean, I feel like I need poetry snaps. I feel like I need to dig. And that's what did it for me. I mean, I feel like I need poetry snaps. I feel like I need praise hands. I need jazz fingers like that idea of there's a treasure hunter inside every man,

but he has to first dig within his own soul before he goes to find a woman. Is something that honestly, I will tell you, I don't hear a lot of men talking about. I think that men, to your point, are so wired to go get the trophy. And even from our messaging standpoint, I cringe when I hear pastors, they're generally men talking about what a woman needs to do in order to prepare for a relationship.

And you hardly ever hear men talking about what men need to do. And like we're doing all of the things, we go into the gym, we sell a bit, we learn to take control of our mouth, we learn to pray for you, we learn to profess our over you. And no one is having these conversations with men. And I feel like that is such a failure because we have women who are preparing to become wives, but no one's teaching them in how to become husbands.

Yes, yes, and yes. I think accountability is what really helped change my perspective. Hold on myself accountable for how many women that I treat like trophies. How many times did I have, my intentions were good, I wanted to do, but no one wants to do the work because to be a treasure hunter, you have to dig. And digging is not fun. I've dug before, I've had to dig and when I used to work in landscape, digging is one of the most laborious, unending, like no one sees it, but that's what makes it so powerful.

I'm not in a relationship to be seen. I want to see what's down here. If no one else comes here, and that's the thing, if no one else sees the treasure that I have, it doesn't mean that my treasure is treasure. Trophies are designated what's troph buy, what everyone else is saying. You can't tell me what I found isn't treasured. Even if you see it and then don't see the value that I see in it.

And I think if men saw it that way, they wouldn't allow what they see on TV to determine what woman should they look for. Because it's not about those things. When the trophy stops shining, because it will stop shining. If you eventually, as time goes on, no one stays, you know, the way we like them forever.

You know what I mean? You can beat your face for only so long. Right. Right. After a while, you know, the lace front is gonna start losing the glue. It is. It don't happen.

I was rinsed and after. I was raised by women. I seen it with my own eyes. So I know there comes a time, right? That you have to realize that eventually the choking's going to stop shining. But if you got treasure, treasure appreciates over time. The longer I have it, the better it gets.

And I, because of how long I've kept it in clothes and kept it in under it and stuff like that, it makes it so much. And now that we're talking about women, it it in clothes and kept it in under it and stuff like that, it makes it so much. And now that we're talking about women, it makes her so much valuable. And I think that's really awesome that we have, you know, to be able to stay through ourselves as men in order for me to even find a wife, I have to acknowledge that it's

my job to be worthy to hold that title of a treasure hunter. I have to qualify as that first. If I'm looking for what everybody else is looking for, I don't really count as a treasure hunter. Treasure hunter's dive in the deepest parts of the sea. Treasure hunter's dive in caves and crevices. You understand what I'm saying? So it's not necessarily there.

I saw a figure. The figure's out. But that's not what church of Hunters do. They don't go where everyone else goes. And that's when I was able to find Karena. I didn't do what I always did to find girls. I didn't find her on a date and then. I didn't find her at the church. Thanks be to God. I didn't do what I always did to find girls. I didn't find her on a date and then. I didn't find her at the church.

Thanks be to God. I didn't find her, you know what I mean? It doesn't really count where you find her like per se, because I don't want to be like, well, I find my woman at the church. What I'm saying is the place where you least expected is where the church is gonna come. Mm-hmm.

But that all starts from, God, what do I need to do to qualify as a treasure hunt? And it took me having to end a previous relationship for me to go through the process of becoming a treasure hunt. Because that person that I was in a relationship with, I misused her, I abused her because I, my mentality hadn't shifted to looking for treasure in people. It was to, it was to be seen. It was to keep up appearances. This is what it should look like. Trophy mentality. I had

to let God literally say, you're not ready for a wife yet. And I would rather you spend time alone and learn what it means to find a wife, even if you never find a wife, than for you to marry this person with the intentions of which marriage should be to treat her as treasure and you still chasing trophies. I am sick of you on today. Oh!

You are preaching a mighty word. Okay, I have a question for you. One of the things that I have noticed in my marriage with P team is that we have these moments where we see one another's treasure, we're doing life together, we're building the family, we're working through the business, we're doing life together. We're building the family. We're working through the business. We're doing all those things. And yet there are these moments where I can tell that like the little boy in him is having a confrontation with the little girl in me and we're not functioning maybe at the highest

version of ourselves. And instead we've been triggered. And I think that we falsely believe that the more that we're in relationship with someone, the less those moments will happen. When the truth is, the more that we dig within one another, the more we're going to realize that there are so many landmines on the way to treasure. Come on, let's talk about let me take your analogy. Yes, there is treasure to dig, but there are also landmines, and if you are not careful in the pursuit of trying to get the treasure,

you may stumble over at childhood trauma. Your words may slice and dice me in such a way that you never get to experience the treasure. How do you navigate those moments when you know what I just said came from a place of brokenness or I'm experiencing a place that hasn't been healed by my fiance yet and how do you do that without losing the butterflies and the joy and the love and And I think this is like such a necessary question because I think for me, there have been times in the moment where I have been afraid that PT can accept me or afraid that I've never seen this side of you before.

I don't know what to do with this. And yet we find our way back to love but that doesn't mean that we haven't gotten off course. What is that self-talk that you have in those moments where the relationship isn't warm and fuzzy? It's not so cute. And how do you stay in it when it's ugly? Oh, how do you stay in it when it's ugly?

For my experience, even with me and Kareena, like what did it for me was, because I got a lot of triggers. I'm learning that I had a lot of triggers and have a lot of triggers. And living in the culture that I lived in, it didn't seem as triggers, it just felt like this is the way it life. But I'm realizing now that a lot of things that triggered me, I have to understand that because she's digging,

she is not digging to get to the bad parts. That's not her aim. She is not digging to get to the parts to say, oh, I knew you was never who you said you were. That's not her. We ran into this. That was never your partner.

Think about how far you've come. We're this deep in it now, right? So I know that you digging was never the intentions to find the cave of my insecurities or my childhood hurts or the little boy in me. It was never to find that. We just ran into it. Now my job is just like any treasure.

Listen, we go ride this. Let's do it. Take it back. We go ride it till we get rid of no more. But in those in those cases where treasure hunter gets to a place and digging into the cave and the rock star to crumble and things start cave in it. He doesn't continue to dig in the same way. He has to slow down. You have to slow down because if you're maintaining that momentum, you don't know if the rocks are ready to hold this weight and this momentum that you're digging in.

So we have to slow down. And sometimes you got to be still and you in that being still reflect on how far we as a relationship have come. So I know that you digging at me or me digging at you is not because you're here to find the place where I crumble. That's not what you're here to find the place where I crumble. That's not what you're here for. You're here because you're trying to get to the deepest parts of treasure in this earth and vessel. And we just ran into, we ran into a child for a trigger spot.

And that's okay. But my job is to understand that your intentions was never to stay here. Because if you dig too hard in the open and caves, now we're stuck here. You stuck into my trotha, trauma. You're stuck into my trotha, triggers, and we can't move forward.

So it's taking a moment to pause a little bit, even in those moments where I've triggered her, or she's triggered me. When she triggered me, I have to stop. I know I have to stop. Because I know, for me, it's like, look, are we gonna ride this road? We gonna ride this road all the way down,

but we can't have that mentality. That's what gets relationship stuff in a place they can't know that they've come out from. And so I think what's helped me is to be able to look back and say, look how far we've done, we've done this far. We've gotten this far and there was a trigger there. There was a trauma there, but we got through it. Why?

Because her intentions was never that. Her focus was never that. We just ran into it. She's trying to get to something better. And that's, and even with my intentions, my intentions are not to exploit the little girl places of your life to hurt you. I'm just trying to get to the greatest part of the treasure.

And if it means I got to slow down here, and we take a moment and acknowledge that we're in a space, let's acknowledge it, let's talk about it. Because as we talk about it, we're able to, ease our way through those places where it's a little tight, and I think that's what it's helping me for sure. In a way, I feel like you're saying that a relationship paradigm that you have to have in order to go the long call is not necessarily about trusting a person's actions.

And this kind of sounds counterintuitive because when we're in a relationship and it begins, it's like, look at their actions, look at their actions, look at their actions, but once their actions have established something, you then have to move from trusting their actions, look at their actions, look at their actions. But once their actions have established something, you then have to move from trusting their actions to trusting their intentions. Because when you're in a relationship with someone, sometimes their actions aren't going to align with their intentions. And so you have to look at the intentions, which means you have to have intimate knowledge of who a person is.

Maybe you said something sharp. Maybe you didn't act the way that I thought that you should act. At the end of the day, I trust that you should act at the end of the day. I trust that you want to be good to me. I trust that you want to see me win. And that is a deeper level of vulnerability, but one that is necessary if you're going to do life with someone.

Absolutely. That is so good. That bless me because it helps me realize that I don't realize, I don't know if I said it, but to hear you say it that way it makes so much sense because Sometimes we put a lot of focus on the action, but we don't know why they did it and and to us We feel like you're trying to exploit the little girl and it's like not just bumped into this on the way to what I was trying to get to I was an intent to do that and I think intention is so important. When you realize the intention of someone's heart, you don't really dwell in those places too long. You still, you, they still happen. The triggers happen, but you don't stay there too long because you understand your partner, you understand the person that loves you.

You know their intentions from the beginning was never to exploit those areas. It was to get to the greatest treasure. You know, okay, I'm gonna say this, and I'm gonna ask our advice question. But I love this idea of like, I know people are gonna drag, because it's like listening, but your actions hurt me, your intentions.

And there's merit to that. But even as a parent, if my child starts acting out, if I only respond to the acting, then I miss what's causing them to act that way. And I think we do ourselves a disservice when we're in relationship with people and only look at their actions

and not also include their intentions. Make a decision based off the intentions and the actions. And it may be that with those actions, I can't be in relationship with you because you don't have a good understanding on how to make your intentions show up in your actions. But if you are willing to do the work to make sure you're even if that means apologizing, forgiving, showing up better, you got to find the connection between your intentions and your actions and I have to trust that when they don't align that you'll work harder to make sure that they do next time.

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and allowing God to use you. Came across your message end of an era while watching one of Bishop Jake's time and thank you. Love you. Your work is incredible. Thank you. Appreciate that, I'm going to get into your question. She says, I am in a season of transition, I am transitioning from the person I was into the woman God has called me to be. Since I was a child, I knew I was different. I couldn't pinpoint how, but I knew in my heart that I was called to something greater than myself. Honestly, it scared me and still does. I have big dreams with no guidance on how to get there.

My family did the best that they could with the resources and knowledge that they have. However, this calling, my calling, is taking me to an unpaid path. The wilderness, as you would call it. I've been battling my anxiety by leaning into God, and although it has helped, I am still terrified. During this time of transition,

God has revealed to me that my purpose is to help others activate slash walk in their purpose. I'm not sure if I will be in the capacity of a coach, speaker, or both, God is still working out the details, but I'm being called to LA. I feel it so strongly in my spirit that something is waiting for me there. My dilemma is that I am comfortable where I am physically. I have a corporate job with benefits, stock options, NF 401k. Sis, where did you go to college?

Okay, it's giving college educated. Okay. As a 28-year-old who was still working on her bachelor's degree, I recognized how blessed I am. I was also born and raised in the Bay where I reside to this day. The Bay area is home. I know God is trying to get me to activate what he is placed on the inside of me. I'm hesitating because I don't do anything to do with it. I'm going where I reside to this day. The Bay area is home.

I know God is trying to get me to activate what he is placed on the inside of me. I'm hesitating because I don't do well with uncertainty. And moving to LA will place me into the wilderness by myself where it will just be me and God. How do you overcome comfortability when you step into purpose? What actions do you take while walking in faith? And I guess most importantly, how do you silence the anxiety that challenges your decisions to while walking in faith? And I guess most importantly, how do you silence the anxiety that challenges your decisions to walk blindly in faith?

This is a great question for you, Ro, because you've had to move and get out of your comfort zone. So I want you to kick it off. Literally. So my whole life is literally that question where I was comfortable in Fort Myers-Forda. Shout out to anybody who is from the 29th border area watching right now. I just had to put that out of it.

But I was comfortable. Life was great. I knew everything that was going on. I felt like it was just an environment that was just comfortable for me. And what I didn't realize was, as I continued to grow, those spaces started losing their comfortability. And what I didn't realize was, as I continued to grow, those spaces started losing their comfortability.

And you're starting, we talk about, God increased me, I want to grow. And then what happens is we start finding situations where things don't fit the way they used to. And that is literally my life. And what happens is, you have a dream, and I had a dream that I literally had a dream that I would be in LA, and I never wanted to that I literally had a dream that I was being

LA and I never wanted to be in LA. It was never in my thought process. But what happens is when I spoke the dream, the earth, our ability to speak something causes the earth to start to respond. And what starts happening is the word that God has put in us that we've released into the earth, the earth starts obeying and starts shifting the path, even though it doesn't look like a path, it's shifting the path to get us to what we've spoken.

And so here I am in Fort Myers, Florida, St. Paul city, just happy, just treating it like it was just, I was just happy. I was so content, like, God, this is great. If you do that, that's all good. Pat offers so many times said no. And I was like, God, this happy. I was so content. Like, God, this is great. If you do that, the bells are good. Had offers so many times said no. And I was like, God, this is where I want to be.

And what was happening was each season was shifting. And something was growing. And the place that I felt comfortable, I felt confined. Like I felt like the same place that gave me so much comfortability, I started to feel like I couldn't fit there anymore. And so as that time is going on, I started having these unlikely encounters

with people that I've never met. I met Travis Green and he spoke to me. He was like, I don't really know you, you're just filling in to play for me, but I just wanted to say there's something special in you and where you are, you can't stay there.. I was like, I heard that before, right? Not gonna, not gonna listen to that. Like God is planning me. I was so big on being a root planted in the community, pouring into my, to kids in my community. I was a youth pastor and a worship pastor. I was just,

I was so content. But as that word kept hitting in my head, I started to see like I can't stay here. And the environment isn't, if I stay here, I may not grow anymore. Wow. I may stay stuck right where I am. And so what happened was I got this call out of nowhere and I thought it was a tax collector

I was like listen I pay I pay I pay Sally May I don't oh nobody So I let it go to the air some machine and and when I let it go to voicemail and it was passatory And he asked me to come to LA And it was to just lead worship, right? I was just building in lead and worship. And I thought it was like really cool. And that was like 20, maybe 2017. Didn't think anything of it.

Just let worship and was done. And then the next year, I was asked to come to Denver, lead worship there. And did it, came, just had a great time, went back to Fort Myers. And the more I kept getting exposed to what was bigger, I would go back to the confined space and be that much more uncomfortable. It's kind of like being in a plane seat for me. Being in a middle seat is like the most God for taking area for me because I can't fit. I just cannot fit, you know, look, I was like, look,

I, Lord, you could do anything. You could send me through any storm. Just don't let me sit in a middle seat of any plane in Jesus' neck. But what I'm saying is as I continue to get exposed to what bigger he had for me, I kept going back to, it's kind of like Joseph sharing his dream dream, that

environment was too confined for him to continue to share that dream. And so now what happens is the earth has to figure out a way to get you there. Even though the dream was about LA, somehow ended in Denver and was so happy, like enjoying Denver, like excited, but that wasn't the dream that God, it wasn't the full plan of what he had. And so watching the environment, watching the path that he's laid and prepared somehow in me to right here, I'm in LA right now, it's because the, and you have to trust that the environment that God is putting you in and it looks like a wilderness, but it's the

only way to get you to where you need to be. And that's where you have to trust. And so to get rid of the anxiety knowing that God is a prepare of a place but He also prepares people for that place. So wherever you are right now, you have to understand God is preparing that place for you. It's prepared. But He's not going to make sure He's going to make sure you don't walk into that place

unprepared for that place. And the reason why is because he's got to make sure that when I sting you to this place, everything that you learn in the wilderness is what's going to prepare you for this place. And so for that question, I just challenge her to not be held to the anxiety. No one, take, take, take peace in knowing that the place you are in is either doing two things. It is directing you, or it's building you for what you're about to lock in. And that's really what it is.

My life is a testament of that. From being in Fort Myers, never, I had no, I never knew, I never knew. I mean, I literally watched your father on YouTube. And that was it. It was like, he fathered, he didn't realize it, but he fathered the whole country for me. Like everybody knew, and then seeing you step into what you're doing.

It's like everyone in Fort Myers talks about past鎖. Like, oh my gosh, he's just posted this and it's, to me, I never, I felt so far removed from that because I was just like, you know, there's no way I would ever meet these people. There's no way that I would be near these people like into watch God or orchestrate this path of unlikeness and here I am on a podcast with Pastor Sarah James Roberts. It's almost like

overwhelming to see the road he chose to get to get me here. And so it's just trusting that wherever I am, it is literally the path. It is, it is the path that he's using to direct me or prepare me for what I'm about to walk into. Man, that is so powerful. What I love about your story that I think this person should really resonate with is that when God makes it clear that he's calling you somewhere else, whether that is a new city or to a new job or wherever, that you may be wondering, how do I move from this comfortable place into something that's going to be uncertain? And yet, what I hear you saying and what I think people need to understand is that turning your face towards it is the beginning of it.

A lot of times we think to ourselves, I can't move to that city tomorrow. I'm not ready to move tomorrow. I don't know where I live. I don't know all of that. But to turn your face towards it and to begin to make it something that you are walking towards is how you end up in that place.

And I believe that we get so overwhelmed with where we need to be, that we don't see how we're up in that place. And I believe that we get so overwhelmed with where we need to be, that we don't see how we're gonna get there. But I hear God saying that from a place of peace and stillness, I'm gonna help you turn your face in the direction of where I'm calling you. And it's gonna take step by step, day by day.

But I need you to settle within your heart that this is what I'm going to do. Now, God, show me how it's gonna happen. And that's exactly what you did in your story. And I believe so many women are going to benefit from here and that. Thank you, Pastor Ro. This was easy. You made it. You made it. You made it. This was powerful, though. I know you it's gonna help a lot of people so thank you for doing this with me Thank you for having me. It's an honor. It's yours. Okay, if y'all need anything y'all down the road Let me know I told Karina. I'm here. I'm a resource to dump you out here struggling when you can get some help That's a great question because you know my heart really needs a pound cake. Oh

Done and I kind. It's a housewarming gift. I will have it for you. Alright. Hallelujah. Thank you. You know the question is you want chocolate pound cake, a regular pound cake. Choosey this day. The one you made. I need that one. Okay. I got don't tell brunette but I got you. Yep. So I seek for safe with me. Take care. I'm going to send you a cake. All right. Thank you.

You're welcome. Bye. Bye. You would think my least favorite part of each episode is the end, but it's not. I don't have one. OK. The end means we're close to having another one, which

means we're close to another podcast. And I want you to be my next co-host. Shoot me an email podcast at woman evolve.com and let's link up multi-highfinite Roosevelt Stewart. Thanks for hanging with me and my girls today. Man, you dropped so much wisdom that we will never ever forget. All right, guys, I'll see you next week.

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