Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Woman Evolve: A Surrendered Transition w/ B. Simone

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

The Black Effect Presents.... Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts! When God moves, you move—just like that! It's time W.E. talk about obeying conviction, Sis. 'Cause that's the E N E R G Y our guest is on and W.E. are here for it! In this episode, SJR connects with comedian, actress, and entrepreneur B. Simone. Together they discuss the importance of releasing individuals from the roles they once occupied in our lives & whew chile, wait a minute! You see, there's a freedom that comes from pleasing God instead of people. In fact, our girl B. Simone shares the lifestyle changes she's making to reintroduce authenticity instead of likability in her relationships. From grieving the loss of friends to expanding the Kingdom, press PLAY to hear how Jeremiah 29:13 is her go-to posture of all time!    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are, season three of I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Neither. Every day in February, starting February 1st, make sure you listen. So I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either.

On the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. The second season of El Fló is here. Step into the ever-evolving world of Réaetón and get up close with both legendary figures and emerging talents in the industry. Part of the enormous significance of Réadon is really the way in which personal narratives connect to larger things going on historically and socially. Listen to El Fló on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us.

Find NPR Black Stories Black Truths on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah. And we are so excited to have you here the latest season of our Nostalgia Theme podcast, How Did We Get Weird? Not only do you get to know me and my brother, you get to know the stories that made us the absolutely rad people we are today.

Like you, Jonah, who's a music person and also a mental health counselor. And you, Vanessa, who is an actress, comedian, and I think you even wrote a children's book, wow. I sure did. Check out our episodes where we've welcomed hilarious guests like our friend, Andy Sandberg. That's it, that's really it!

And Queen, Casey Wilson. I really went cart before the horse. I said, I think I have an opportunity to interview Linda Caprio. Oh my God. As a high school student. Plus legendary sisters Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. You would pull the bag out and then we would eat all the

leftover chocolate chips, which was a lot. Then you'd roll the barrel up to the hill, and then one of us would get inside the barrel and they'd push you down. And we've also had an amazing guest like Mike the Miz, Jason Isbell, Kerry Brownstein and Corin Tucker of Slater Kinney, and many more. And you do not want to miss out on our funny segments like Change.Dork. Change.Dork. And congratulations, you played yourself.Dork. And congratulations.

You played yourself. Congratulations. You played yourself. Listen to our podcast. How do we get weird on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast? Hi, I'm John H.

Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black Effect podcast network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Now every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that well, you can understand. I'm gonna meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. We all might have different starting points and end goals. But as long as we have the

desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The greatest trick the devil ever performed was convincing people he wasn't real. We walked away from, I walked away from some major things. And I'm proud of it. Self-control, discipline, boundaries, and no more people policing.

I am done with that. Ford has a new patent that will allow self-driving cars to repossess themselves. Welcome back, welcome back, Be Woman Evolve Podcast. Can we take a minute and talk about this intro? Cause we haven't talked about it. We got a new intro and it's giving on time guide met.

You know that guy on Instagram who be like, taking some of the club hits and putting a little gospel spin on. I'm not saying this is a club hit at all, but he just be putting a little beat on the worship songs. You know, I feel like that's what happened with On Time God. Like this needs to be a thing. Can we work on this being a thing?

I also want to know, does anyone else feel like 2024 just came in here? Moving furniture, going into the pantry, just put your feet up on the sofa with your outside shoes on. Like she has come in here and she has stressed, she has stressed me out, I'm gonna be honest with you. When people ask me how are you, you know, cause I don't, I don't wanna lie to you. And they ask me how are you doing?

And I just wanna tell them the bus of struggle. I have a bus pass that I didn't want to lie to you and they ask me, how are you doing? And I just want to tell them the bus of struggle. I have a bus pass that I didn't even know that I purchased and it's on the struggle bus. Not so much because something in particular happened, but it feels like all of the things happened. I know that's not true though, because sometimes when things happen in our life, it's really one thing, but the one thing is so big that it just zaps hope from everything. I think I talk about this and all hope is found. It's like found is like when we lose hope in humanity, we lose hope in opportunities and possibilities.

That hope is usually lost over one thing, but not all hope is gone. You know, um, yeah. So in navigating what has caused me to become, I think distrustful. I be trying to like, I need an, I had a trauma therapist and I did a lot of work about like my childhood issues and inner child stuff, but I asked Dr. Needen cause she my friend therapist, my free therapist on the low. Like, is it a thing to need a trauma therapist, but then to also need like a present day therapist

for the trauma that is being caused to me right now in this day? Because I don't want to wait until I need the trauma therapist for what's happening today. I want to talk through what's happening today. And you need to go to therapy if you're listening to this. This is your sign. But anyways, I've been trying to work through exactly what it is I'm feeling. And ultimately, I think it comes down to fear. And of course, I'm reminded

about perfect love, casting out fear. And so I'm constantly asking myself, what would a revelation of God's love look like in this moment. And when I asked myself that question, it helps me to say, you know, a revelation of God's love right now would keep me from being afraid of X, Y, and Z. So my tendency when I'm going through something tough is to kind of just wanna hide, to go silent. I feel shame very easily.

I took one of those personality tests and my core emotion is shame, which means that, you know, something happens to some person and they get angry and maybe someone else gets sad. But for me, when something impactful and negative happens, I feel shame. And so I've been feeling shame, but like I didn't do anything, but maybe I just feel ashamed of, you know, my name being mentioned, my family being in a tough spot.

And so I've been working through what does perfect love look like in the face of this type of pain. I hate using the word pain, because I really want to be like, ain't not heard me, but perfect love for me looks like embracing the reality of God's grace. I will tell you, I'm also, I also have rejection. Are y'all my therapist? Are you my therapist, Bulkie? I also have rejection. Are y'all my therapist? Are you my therapist, Boogie?

I also have rejection issues. That's what I think that has really been like nagging at me is like this idea of like rejection, rejection being, you know, like you're gonna be rejected. You're being rejected. Anytime you open your page, rejection is occurring and that plays into my childhood trauma. And so to just remember, um,

I love the song Gyra by Maverick City. It starts off, I've never been more loved than I am right now. Wasn't holding you up so there's nothing I can do to let you down. And reminding myself of that revelation that like I am loved deeply by the creator of the heavens and the earth. I am loved fully by someone who sees my goodness and my opportunities for growth. I am loved fully.

And when I look at my life, I see that love all around me. I see it in the way that God has provided, in the way that God has covered, in the way that God continues to show up. And I have been confronting the fresh wounds of 2024 with the reality of that great love. And with that being said, I really love the intro to the podcast. And I love this format.

A lot of you were saying that you wanted a format that would allow for me to, I guess, speak from my heart a little bit more. And so here we are, me, heart on my sleeve out here sharing it, the goods, the bads, and all of the things in between. I also love that it's an opportunity for me to connect with you as well. We're two episodes into this new expanded format. So if you are just tuning in, what's up, Chad? What's up, fellas?

Because we know y'all be listening. What's up, girl? What you up to? How's your year starting off? I hope it's a little bit more pleasant than mine has been, but if you weren't in the mud as am I, we gonna have soft skin when this is finished. What?

They gonna be like, how's your skin tone so even? I got drugged through the mud, the beginning of 2024, and it just does something for the skin. Okay, so listen, we have introduced a few new segments. They're kind of new, kind of a twist on old things, but one of them is an advice question. Instead of me reading advice questions that you send in on email, I am playing your voice.

So we're doing this together. It's almost like we're co-hosting the podcast, but you're asking me a question. If you want to be a part of the podcast and you want to send me a question, you want me to mind your business, I would love to because minding mine is stressing me out. I need a break. So you can send me your question to podcast at womenevolve.com and I look forward to hearing what's going on in your world.

Today's Mind Your Business question is always gonna be the honesty for me. She shares a little bit of her story and where she is now and we get to help her out. So let's listen in. Hey, my name is Erica Biggs and I'm from GoPort, Mississippi. Before I even start, I just wanna say that Sarah, you are truly an inspiration to women like me,

women who have been through things and enduring things and that are young and growing and learning to walk in their faith and trust God. You are such an inspiration. One of your sermons that actually pushed me through one of my darkest moments was, girl, get up and nothing left to lose. Those are the two sermons that actually pushed me out of my depression, my anxiety, and helped

me to keep going. So what I want to ask for your advice on is how do you keep going? Even when you lose faith or your faith becomes rocky, like how do you restore that faith? Because I am an aspiring Christian believer. I'm literally choosing to walk in my faith with God but I struggle sometimes and so I watch your sermons to try to help me restore my faith and to just trust in God and know that because he is God he is who he says he is he's gonna do the things that he says he's gonna do but

I'm human so I struggle and I have daddy issues and I struggle with relationships I was divorced by the time I was 20, well going through a divorce by the time I was 24, and a single mom to two kids, and there's so much more that's going on in my life now, and I'm just trying to keep my faith in God to not let the enemy distract me or destroy the purpose that God has for me. And so I just want to know,

what's your advice for a young woman like me who's been through marriage, divorce, a broken relationship, debt issues? Hey, Erica, first of all, thank you so much for the words you said at the beginning of your question. I... When I first preached Girl Get Up,

it was a moment God was doing a lot in my life. And I actually posted it on YouTube a couple of years after I preached it. So it was actually old when it was on YouTube, but it's resonated with a lot of people. And for that I'm grateful. It's an honor for me to be able to serve women in my generation at a time where I feel like we are experiencing more opportunity than women have experienced in the past, but also having a

reckoning with our trauma. And so I think when we no longer have limitations, we want to fully explore our potential. And we recognize that the barriers that we must confront are not just within industries and systems and society, but also within ourselves. They can be a really challenging journey. I think it's powerful though that you're starting with those internal barriers. Like what are the internal barriers that are keeping me from experiencing liberation inwardly so that I can really accurately point my gifts and talents in a direction externally

that can reflect God's image in the earth. I love that you called yourself an aspiring Christian believer because the reality is that for many of us whether we grew up in church or did not when you begin to become spiritually sensitive, trying to determine what path is the best for you, is a journey within itself, and Lord knows within Christianity,

there's like 18,000 different ways to do it. But I think ultimately to recognize it at the end of the day, I wanna believe, but life has been hard. You shared about your daddy issues, which yes, please, I have some, I have many, I have a few. And going through divorce at a young age, I was 23 when I went through a divorce. I identify with your story completely. And so my advice to you as a woman who is navigating trauma and trying to believe in God's promises is

that my boxing coach says this all the time. He says, the greatest trick the devil ever performed was convincing people he wasn't real. And I think that that's such a necessary point to bring up because God gets credit for the good and credit for the bad. I'm reminded in scripture in Genesis one that of the trees that He did not want the man and the woman to eat from, He says, I don't want you to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

or from the tree of life. And so when they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, when they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, something really did happen in that moment. I think that it tells us a couple of things, that God's original intention was for us to only know good, right? So they said he made the day and the night and it was good.

And he made the, he separated the firmaments and it was good and he made the animals and it was good. So God didn't have a problem with us knowing good, but for some reason he did not want us to know evil. I think that that is a part of his goodness and his graciousness that he didn't want us to know evil. But I think the reality is, is that he also didn't, he knew that we would blur the lines, is that he also didn't, he knew that we would blur the lines, that it would be difficult to tell what's good and what's evil. If you only have the knowledge of good, then you get to experience goodness.

But when you have the knowledge of evil, you don't trust good anymore. Because when evil, when trauma, when someone else's mistakes and choices show up in a way that hurts you, and then you make decisions that you can't even believe that you were capable of making yourself that level of disappointment allows us exposure to a form of evil that we were never meant to experience. And so as you are aspiring to really understand who God is and the trust God's promises,

I want you to know foundationally that the evil, the heartbreak, the pain, the betrayal, the molestations, the rapes, the abortions, I mean, all of the things that cause us pain, all of the things that put us in a situation where we're having to make difficult choices like All of those have a source Good has a source and evil has a source your daddy issues whether He wasn't able to show up fully for you or he showed up and he was harmful in his presence that is a result of evil penetrating his life and Him not reconciling fully.

How to best deal and heal from that the divorce, whether it was your fault, his fault, whoever's fault is a part of our reality when we are still figuring out what healing and growth looks like for us. This is a long answer, but I just want you to know that part of really trusting God is recognizing that we have a real adversary. First Peter 5 and 8 says be sober, be vigilant,

because your adversary, the devil walks around like a roaring lion, sinking whom he may devour. lion thinking whom he made devour. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are season three. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. See season one, we talked Nat Turner, Gladys May West. In season 2 we talked Brick Plantations and talked how powerful Black folks are. We say Pepsi.

In season 3 we connect the dots from the enslavement periods to things happening today in no trespassing signs. Voter fraud, casual killing acts and of course powerful black men and women. And remember, it's a leap year, so we've got 29 episodes every day in February, starting February 1st. Make sure you listen. So I didn't know, maybe you didn't either, on the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. I didn't know. This second season of El Fló is here, available with Guati de Uste in both English and Spanish.

This season, we dive deeper into the vibrant world of Reggaeton, featuring interviews with both Reggaeton legends and exciting new talents. He's the undisputed king of Reggaeton, no doubt. And he's been cited as an inspiration by multiple Latin stars, including J Balvin, Bad Bunny, Osuna, Matimata. Explore the evolution of this dynamic genre and what makes it resonate globally.

How you consume Reggaeton, how you share and distribute Prygatong, those are all an important part of the story. It's the way that the people are experiencing Prygatong along with the musicians. Listen to El Fló as part of the Mike Ultura podcast network, available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are.

Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Some would call a thought leader. Now, every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand. No unexplained theories, no mundane lessons, no using 20 words when two will do.

I'm gonna meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. I'm giving you straight talk, relatable stories, and life lessons through my own experiences and the lens of others. We're not just talking about why financial freedom is important. We're focusing on how you can achieve it too. We all might have different starting points and end goals, but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done. From the streets to the suites. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast

Network. I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. At one of the most famous restaurants in the world, there's a table in the corner where the most incredible conversations on the planet, there's a table in the corner. We're the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers, an amazing guest. Like Martha Stewart. But I did have an affair with one of his best friends. Jimmy Fallon.

Do you want a zip line over your dad while he gets attacked by alligators? And Paul McCartney. John and I hitchhiked to Paris. We've saved you a seat. Ruthie's Table Four. Listen to Ruthie's Table 4 on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Many of us have been chewed up by life. We have been victims.

We have been villains. We have been robbed. We have lost. We have creed. We have been victims, we have been villains, we have been robbed, we have lost, we have grieved, we have cried, we have been devoured. But when we choose to say, I'm still going to believe God, I am going to trust that the goodness of God is still accessible to me, the healing, the restoration, the power of God can still reach me, then life has to spit you out. The enemy has to spit you out.

You cannot help being devoured sometimes, but you get to do the Heimlich on the devil and force the enemy to spit you out, force shame to spit you out, force depression to spit you out. You may need some therapy to get it done. You may need to get in a good church. You may have to change your music, you may have to change your circle. But life

has to spit you out. The rest of the verse continues in First Peter five and nine and it says, Resist him steadfast in the faith knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. That's why podcasts like this are important. Can I can I keep reading verse 10 and then I'll shut up. It says, but may the God of all grace who called us to his eternal glory by Christ Jesus after you have suffered a while perfect establish strengthen and settle you. Friend I want you to know that there is a settling available to you, and it may come through some suffering.

It sounds like you've already experienced some suffering, but you seeking light, seeking truth, seeking to really follow Jesus. How did you turn the other cheek? How did you allow yourself to become a vessel? How did you keep your heart cheek? How did you allow yourself to become a vessel? How did you keep your heart pure? Walking in that direction is the beginning of that, establishing, strengthening and settling,

taking place in you. And so I hope this encourages you. You may have been devoured by some things, but life is spitting you out and then you're gonna to go catch you and come do the Heimlich on a few other women. I need you girl. I need your voice. I'm actually really excited about this week's episode because I recognize that our guest this week has had her own experiences with life. Sometimes we are

devoured and don't know it. I think that there are two, there's probably a thousand, but for the sake of our conversation I'm gonna say there's probably two dilemmas. There's being devoured and struggling to come out and then there's being devoured and not knowing, but there is a moment that happens in our lives when we realize that the way that I'm thinking, the way that I'm showing up in life is it doesn't feel aligned with who healed people who and I know one's fully healed. We're all walking it out But who it doesn't feel aligned with growth. It feels restrictive It doesn't feel liberating and you begin to

interrogate the way that you're showing up and the way that you think. And if you are courageous enough to be transparent about that journey, then you become someone like B. Simone. B. Simone Brailin, as she gave me permission to call her. Because I was like, what do I call you B? Do I call you B? Is it full name?

What's the energy around here? But she has been really transparent as of late about her story, about her coming to a place where she grew up in religion but is really diving into relationship. She is undoing some people pleasing that became a part of her life and constantly wanting to be liked. And as a result of choosing to be spit out from those ways of thinking, she's had to make some really tough decisions. Many of you may know B Simone from While and Out, where she is a longstanding cast member, but she is a comedian, an actress, and business woman. She's originally from that D town, Dallas makes some noise, and she now resides in Atlanta, Georgia.

Her other acting credits include multiple feature films, as well as dozens of appearances on BET, MTV, and BH1. The exposure has brought her a huge fan base. Her fan base is constantly growing. I think she's at six million followers on Instagram. She has her own popular makeup line and a fitness brand called Beesam on Fit. She was also the co-host of the Know For Sure podcast,

which to many of their listeners were heartbroken which to many of their listeners were heartbroken last year when they decided to end the podcast. I don't know Megan and I have to be honest, I heard the podcast sporadically but I wasn't a faithful listener. Although I was praying, I had Megan and B Simone on the Womany Vaughan podcast a little while ago and got to experience their friendship

and then started listening to the podcast sporadically after that. I know the podcast ending was hard for a lot of people and then for other people, they saw it as necessary to them. Haven't had an opportunity to speak to Megan, but I see she has continued on with the podcast in totality. I think it's called and hopefully I have an opportunity to, you know, just encourage her and passing as she is also in a season of growth and transition as well. I say that to say sometimes when you know people, like, first of all, we don't know these people, but when you think you know people,

you'd be like, who's side am I supposed to be, or am I on B-cell-mone side, or am I on Megan's side? And I don't think we have to choose your side. I think we're on the side of growth, healing, and wholeness, which is available to both of them, regardless of which side you choose. I can't wait for you guys to experience what's happening in Beastie Mountain's life

and to learn some lessons. So let's get into it. So beginning of the new year. Yeah. Everyone is usually really excited about like all their resolutions. Like what are some of the things that you are deciding is going to be different for you in 2024?

Oh my gosh. Okay. So I've been doing this before the new year, but I don't even want to say I don't like the word diet, but lifestyle change. Okay. I like really have to get on it. I've been doing this before the new year, but I don't even want to say, I don't like the word diet, but lifestyle change. I like really have to get on it. I've been working out.

You've been on it. I know, but it's like, I've never seen an app. Okay, yeah. It's like, come on. You know, I have convinced myself that God doesn't have that for me. I'm like, part of the teen pregnancy is just like abs got blown up on the spot

before they could even emerge. Yeah. How are you getting your abs? Like what is your eating plan? Just really honing in on lifestyle change. Like being super meticulous in particular on what I'm putting into my body. So, you know, that starts internally with self-control and discipline.

So I'm still trying to master that. Everything goes back to the inside. Yeah, once you fix that, the outward will follow. Are you an emotional eater? Or an emotional starver? Emotional eater. Me too. Like ooh, I'm happy eat, ooh, I'm sad eat.

Okay, so let's celebrate eat. Everything, everything, there's a meal connected to everything. I feel like I would lose weight if I would just stop eating when I'm not hungry, but sometimes. I've been doing that. Yeah, I think it makes a big difference. I saw this trick like when you're you know how your full pour water on your plate Like mess the food up so you can't just do it. No You did it because you're full stop push the plate away. You're no longer hungry. Stop eating when you're satisfied.

So yeah, self-control, discipline, and boundaries, and no more people pleasing. I am done with that. When did you recognize that you have a people-pleasing mentality? Have you always known it? I've known it for a while, but recently in a situation,

a relationship that I had, I was like, this is really bad. Like you don't say no, you brush stuff under the rug and eventually it's all gonna come to a head. What made you become a people pleaser? Are you wired that way or is that a trauma response? For sure trauma response. I had to go all the way back to where it started

and it started in my household and it's rooted in wanting to be liked and not ruffling feathers and making sure that I'm making everybody happy. Like you like me. You know, it's rooted in wanting to have validation and be liked. I feel that. I have been am was is a people pleaser. Yeah, yeah. All of those things. I can't tell if it's about being liked or trying to Manipulate belonging

Explain that so I cannot tell if I am doing it because I want people to like me or if I am so desperate for a sense of belonging Manipulate myself or the situation in order to have a sense of belonging. Wow. I think sometimes what we're calling is I want to be liked is really I want to feel like I belong somewhere. And so whatever music I need to listen to or not listen to, whatever actions I need to take or not need to take, I'm willing to do that because at the core, I'm looking for a sense of belonging.

Wow, that's deep. I don't know. You know. I do a lot of processing. Okay, so do you think that's true for you since it belonged or do you think it is about being liked? I think it's about being liked. Really?

Yeah, I've never felt like an outcast or felt like I didn't belong or, I'm sure I've had those moments. Let's not say I've always, I've never felt like an outcast or felt like I didn't belong or, I'm sure I've had those moments. Let's not say I've never, but for the most part, I can walk into a room, walk into a situation, walk into an environment and fully be myself. Like I don't feel like I have to adjust or change or feel like I have to fit in, in that, you know,

in that box, but I just feel like I want people, I was prayerful about that this morning. Like God, let it go. Whether I'm on a blog, whether it's a group of people, whether I walk it, if they don't like me, it is okay. I'm trying to please you. How do you battle with that though, with the reality that as a public person,

you do somewhat need to be liked. I mean. But I think it's more focusing on the people that do, more focusing on my community and the people that I'm called to and not focused on, cause it's really a small percent. It's like you have millions of people that do like you. Even if it's not millions,

you have tons of people that do focus on those people and stop trying to convince the people that don't, that, oh, I'm a good person, but my heart is pure. That's irrelevant. Focus on the people that you're called to. You know? Okay, so I have a question, but I don't know how to ask it. Do you think that if you were not focused

on pleasing people or people liking you, that the relationships that you have, do you really think that that is what was sustaining them? Was you acting in such a way that you diminished yourself? Because if you were fully yourself, do you think that it could not withstand your authenticity? I, 100%. I feel like things that I should have said in certain relationships on day one, I said

five years later, or four years later. Had you said them on day one, I said five years later or four years later. Had you said them on day one, would the relationship had progressed or do you think the relationships end because you wait to give them everything you should have said? I think possibly it could have progressed. And if it didn't, it was a protection.

We're not supposed to be in each other's lives. If I can't show up as my full authentic self and not filter what I'm saying or have a safe space to feel like, okay, just let that go. Okay, brush that under the rug. Don't say, you do that for years. It's like, you're dimming your light

to please this person or pour it into this person. And like we're talking about off camera, eventually you're not a victim. You're a volunteer. You continuously choose to do that over and over and over, whether it's a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship a business relationship and Eventually I saw a pastor say this Shani's husband. I can't think of his name. Yeah. Yes. He said

You don't have anxiety you're not depressed you're dimming you're not being yourself That's what causes anxiety. That's what causes depression when you dim who God called you to be and who you are to please everybody else. So once you can fully walk into that light and be yourself, it's a freedom attached to it. That's all. I've got a book coming out in April and it's called Power Moves. And I'm second guessing, I think anytime you're working on probably content or anything that you're releasing and people's like, it makes sense in my head, I hope it translates.

What I'm hoping translates in the book is that it's called power moves. And the expression of what power is changes based off of what situation you're in. So when I'm preaching, there's a certain level of power that fits for that moment. But I don't bring that person home. And then I'm talking to my kids the way that I talk to someone

when I'm delivering a sermon. And so being sensitive enough to understand like what is power in this situation, I think comes from really releasing ourselves from the expectations and opinions of other people and allowing ourselves to say, what is authentic to me in this moment? And can I stand by that?

So, okay, but listen, switching gears. So whenever there is a friendship group and I'm saying a group because you created a friendship group. Yeah. And we were all a part of it. Yeah. Now. I don't believe that we have to choose sides that we can still be friends with everyone.

But a part of us feels like we need to choose sides. 100%. What? Pick a side, black or white, up or down. It's like, relax. Relax. You know what? I've never, I've always seen duality in so many things.

And I think that has been a gift of mine, but also a downfall. Because, well, I could see that, and I could see that. I get, what is it? In certain situations, you do have to pick a side. And I'm not saying, I'm not totally relating this to the friend group, but I've battled with that. Especially because I'm the nucleus of the friend group.

When you bring all the, I'm the nucleus of the friend group. When you bring all the, I'm that often in relationships, in business, I bring people together. So when I'm the nucleus and I not make a decision or go through, I'm like, uh-uh, that's not what we're doing anymore. I'm like, well, y'all trusted me as a visionary when everything was good.

You gotta trust me as a visionary in my character when everything's bad. You have to trust my character. You might not always trust my decision making, but you've always trusted my heart. That's why we've been friends for a decade or been friends for eight years or seven years. So no, I'm not perfect, but my heart has always been the same.

So I need you to trust that in this season too. So I battle with that. But like I said, I think duality is a gift of mine. But now I'm to the point where I'm like, I need to start being more direct and black and white. And that comes from knowing yourself and truly who you are. And you posted this in your caption today, standing on business. Don't send me on business. Sometimes you got to stand on business. Sometimes it is black and white. You know, so I'm struggling with that a little bit.

How would have standing on business kept you from having, or would it have kept you from starting the Know For Sure podcast and then ending the Know For Sure podcast? I think ending the podcast, our podcast was built on friendship and our friendship wasn't on a solid foundation. We weren't saying eye to eye. So I feel like God allowed, removed me from that. I resigned from it and really asked God what to do.

It wasn't an impulsive decision. It wasn't like, I don't wanna do, it was prayer, fasting. And I really know, I don't feel like, I know God spoke to me and't like, I don't want to do it. It was prayer, fasting. And I really know, I don't feel like I know God spoke to me and was like, you know, it's time to go on separate paths. So I'm proud of my decision. I stand by my decision and I'm proud of myself for making a major decision. And we walked away from, not we,

I walked away from some major things, you know? And I'm proud of it And I'm proud of it. I'm proud of it. You should be, especially for someone who you said, you know, being a people pleaser since you were a young person. Oh my God, it was difficult. To then say, even though I know continuing going

would please a lot of people, I'm choosing to step away. Choosing to step away because I know it's right in this season, you know? And our foundation was the friendship and it was too rocky. How did you end up in a situation where the friendship didn't have that foundation? I think back to, like I said,

my childhood trauma of people pleasing and finally setting boundaries in space and it caused a little rockiness. You know, when you say no five years later or say this doesn't work for me five years later or years later in a relationship, that's gonna cause conflict because you've been okay with certain things for so long.

You know, so, and like I said, I'm not a victim. I'm a volunteer. In any relationship, you have to speak up for yourself and have to have open communication. And if you constantly, people please and don't set boundaries over and over, you're choosing to do that. You're like, well, I'm anxious, I'm not speaking up.

You're choosing that. So eventually you have to get to the root of why you're doing that. It's hard. I think in friendships, we find out that we need to reintroduce ourselves most of the time after we've already had the friction of not having connection. I had a really hard friendship

breakup that I think is still hard for me. You told me about that. Yeah, some days are harder than others. We weren't. So she was the first teen mom that I'd ever met and she was like in college and she was just all of these things that made me believe that you can do this. And so she definitely met me at a time where I was still trying to figure out my identity and we grew up together. And I think that as I changed and as she changed that I still want it because I can only speak for my part. I still wanted that bond that we had before,

but I also wanted all these other bonds. I'd met my husband now, I'd moved to a new city, and it's like, how do I maintain what we had, and I couldn't, and I didn't know what it could become. And I think eventually it came to a space where we just let things go, and we tried to kind of like circle around each other, but it just never clicked again.

So, I don't know, I think that sometimes things are definitely over and there's a slow fading away and then sometimes you just need space. How do you know the difference for yourself? Sometimes you don't, but I feel like in this season it's definitely like separation over, you know, but I don't know what the future holds. I don't know that, but I know in this season we had to go on our individual separate paths, you know?

And that's okay. Like freedom and peace does not mean you're not angry, you're not sad, you don't have feelings, you don't have emotions. There is a freedom, a liberation to sticking up for yourself, standing by what you know God told you. And people will try to come distort God's voice.

They will try to say, well, he didn't say that. I don't know about all that. I know what he told me. And I have to walk in obedience no matter what it looks like to anybody else. My freak, this is my soul, my freedom is attached to this. And I have so much freedom, so much peace, but that doesn't mean it's not hard.

I have days where I cry, days where I grieve. I'm grieving a relationship. You know, so yeah, I'm free though. It's so hard. It's so hard. I'm about to cry right now. I'm like, I thought you wasn't gonna make me cry. I didn't say anything.

It's so hard, but man, I'm telling you, if you just be obedient to what God is telling you to do, there's so much attached to your freedom and your peace. How do you define freedom? I feel like I'm back to who God called me to be. No limitations, no anxiety, no overthinking. I just feel like I'm walking, I'm being myself, my full authentic self that I've always been.

That's what got me to this point. But sometimes dimming that light and people pleasing, you're not that. And back to that's what causes anxiety. That's what causes nervousness. That's what causes no peace. Just that feeling inside of you that is not calm and peaceful. I have that back and it's like night and day.

Okay, so you're living your life out loud for so many people to see and comment on. Yeah. I feel like over the course, how long has it been since you've really began to share vocally your faith journey? Oh, I was watching my own YouTube 10 years ago when I moved to Atlanta, Georgia.

I was sitting there on the YouTube, praising and talking and I've always been in my faith, always talked about God. But rededicating my life to Christ has been a year. Okay. So it was November, 2022. What happened? What made you rededicate?

Just asking the tough questions like the friendship that I just came out of, she, the way she articulated God and spoke about God and her relationship with God, it made me yearn for a relationship with him. And I truly believe that that was one of her purposes in my life, like to bring me to Jesus Christ. Like she really had an articulation and understanding and a way to articulate who God was to her. And it made me want to know more about God

because I always had religion, but not relationship. And I asked myself the hard questions. My dad's a pastor. So I grew up in the church. I was a usher, two seats, please. Like, oh Jesus, I'm sleepy. Why do I have to usher today? But grew up in the church, but I asked myself,

started asking myself questions, why are you Christian? Why do you believe in Jesus Christ? Why aren't you Buddhist? Why aren't you atheist? Why do you not just believe in the universe? And I asked myself all these questions, is it because you were raised that way?

Or is it because you truly had an encounter and a relationship with Jesus Christ and you know him for yourself? And the answer wasn't good enough for me. It was because I was raised that way. So I started to seek Jesus Christ for myself, a relationship with him for myself, and he blew my mind so quick.

He's like, I don't have time for this. I am the way, the truth of life here. I need you to come on with it. But it happened so quick and it was so, once I started to see him, it's in my bio, Jeremiah 29, 13. I lived by that verse because I've encountered it and I've lived it and he showed me who he was like that. And I never asked another question.

Okay, so how does that fit within the context of your world and your lifestyle and your content? How do you marry this conviction, this liberation into a world that you especially, you know, I'm a preacher, so that's, you know, it's a little bit more fitting in my world, but you're a comedian, you're an actor, you have all of these different touch points. How do you incorporate that? I think it's different and more difficult for me because I'm in the limelight

because people are seeing me transition. Right. The cameras are on me. Most people just transition and they get to do it without cameras or Instagram. It's like when you see somebody go from, I guess culture to kingdom slowly moving in that direction, like really a lifestyle change back to lifestyle change

and conviction, it's just gonna look wild to people. Like my stories might be club, Bible, wine, prayer. It's like I'm slowly transitioning, you know what I mean? And I think when God convicts me, I just have to listen. Like April 25th, he said, be sober. I have never been convicted on drinking or anything like that ever in my life. I was just like, oh, I'm a social drinker. I'm not alcoholic.

I'm not, I'm not talking about for you. I'm not saying everybody that drinks is, I'm not saying that, I'm saying for me. When he convicts you individually, you just have to be obedient to that and listen as you go on your journey. He told me April 25th, I've been sober since. I don't know what that looks like.

That's forever thing. That's a now thing. He needed me sober in that season. But when he talks to me, I move. So I'm moving step by step with what God says, not what the world says, not what Instagram says. As the more I focus on my vertical relationship with him, I will move accordingly to where he wants me to go.

So do you have any clues about where you're headed next? So like, that one expression of your life and identity through the podcast has come to an end. But we're in a new year, new season, new things. What are you looking forward to? Stand up. I love comedy. I've been doing stand up for five years.

I've been doing movies and acting. I wanna get into more film. And I'm really excited. I go on tour this year. Okay. And I'm working on, I'm battling with that. Like the jokes and the things I've been saying for five years on stage. Oh my God.

I'm like, I can't say that. Can I say that? What? You would never be able to come to my show girl. I can't wait to be there. I can't wait to be there with a church mother hat. It's in the back. Because if I saw you at my show, I'd be like, you just finna do an altar call.

We could not, you know. So, but working on that, when I was saying those jokes before, it was who I am. It was self-expression. It was who I was in that season. Now when I say certain jokes, I'm like, I'm acting. This is not who I am in this season. So working on getting my comedy and my art form to align with who I am in this season.

What do you think about people who are like, you know, I love God, but I'm not going to change who I am? Because like there would be some people who are like, hey, like God knew who you were when He met you, like when you rededicated your life. But you know, you know, why should you change? We if I didn't change. Oh my god The old me, oh, thank you Lord. Oh my goodness You changed because you're you're growing your healing you're evolving and The closer your relationship gets with him. He's gonna perfect things in you The person who you were is not who God called you to be.

It was a part of yourself, a part of your journey. I had to go through those things so that people could see me like, she's been through some stuff. She's relatable. I can trust her because she knows what that's like. Some people might not go to church. They might not wanna listen to the pastor or whatever,

but they're gonna relate to my story as B. Simone. You know, so I think God uses that and graced me through that season of my life to bring me here, to just articulate my relationship with him, articulate my testimony and show that who I am right now and who he's calling me to be is truly who he called me to be. I heard once that they said comedians are often the saddest people, is that true? Oh, we. I think I'm pretty happy.

Yeah, I don't know any, so I just thought I'd ask. But I do think it stems from pain. Like when I was younger, maybe that's back to people pleasing. If there was an argument or a fight in the house or nervousness or anxiety or I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I'm telling a joke. I'm making somebody laugh. I'm being goofy. So it stems from not wanting to feel pain. I think we turn our pain into comedy.

I had two deaths last year and I'd never been to a funeral as an adult. And I talk about that in my stand-up and I get them Really I hone in on the message and then I have a joke You know it's a part of life. So I take my pain and I turn it into comedy. So I do think Comics are very creative in how we you know articulate our pain man make fun of it, you know, I I think like many people were really hurt by the loss of your friend. Yes. Yes. What is it about her life and legacy that you're going to continue to carry out

through your life? Jackie was the most consistent friend I ever had. And I know you're going to have bad days. I know some days you might not be able to show up as your best self, but she was the same every day I just love that she let her light pour out no matter where she was if she she might yeah I'm sad. I just cried, but what are you doing girl? Let's go, you know just very happy all the time She showed up as herself all the time. So she was a phenomenal mother phenomenal mother, I mean Y'all, Jackie was, oh my God, just a light.

And the way she talked about God before she passed away, that's what gave me peace in her passing. Like, the way she was building her relationship with him was just so beautiful. Some of her last posts were all about God. Like, so that's what we need to focus on, y'all. This life is so temporary. Jackie's son was still breastfeeding when she passed away. Y'all, you don't have time. You do not have time. I'm telling you, she had three kids, two girls, a baby boy.

You didn't think she thought she was gonna watch those kids grow up, go to prom, go to school, have careers. Her life was still taken, you do not have time. Find your purpose, find your gifts, and walk in what God is calling you to do. Stop wasting time in that toxic relationship. Stop wasting time. You toxic relationship. Stop wasting time. You don't have time. So it was just beautiful to see what Jackie did with the last of her time.

She was really focused on God. And that made me have so much peace in her passing because that's really all that matters. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are season three. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. See season one, we talked Nat Turner, Gladys May West.

In season two, we talk brick plantations and talk how powerful black folk are. We say Pepsi. In season three we connect the dots from the enslavement period to things happening today in no trespassing signs. Voter fraud, casual killing acts, and of course powerful black men and women.

And remember, it's a leap year, so we've got 29 episodes every day in February, starting February 1st. Make sure you listen. So I didn't know, maybe you didn't either, on the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. This second season of El Fló is here, available with Guati de Uste in both English and Spanish. This season we dive deeper into the vibrant world of Reggaeton, featuring interviews with both Reggaeton legends and exciting new talents. He's the undisputed king of Pregatón, no doubt. And he's been cited as an inspiration by multiple Latin stars, including J Balvin, Bad Bunny,

Osuna, Anti-Motasha. Explore the evolution of this dynamic genre and what makes it resonate globally. How you consume Pregatón, how you share and distribute Pregatón, those are all an important part of the story. It's the way that the people are experiencing Prygatong along with the musicians. Listen to El Fló as part of the Mike Ultura podcast network, available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic

as the Black Experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories Black Truths on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Some would call a thought leader.

Now, every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand. No unexplained theories, no mundane lessons, no using 20 words when two will do. I'm gonna meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. I'm giving you straight talk, relatable stories,

and life lessons through my own experiences and the lens of others. We're not just talking about why financial freedom is important. We're focusing on how you can achieve it too. We all might have different starting points and end goals, but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done. From the streets to the suites. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

At one of the most famous restaurants in the world, there's a table in the corner. We're the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers, amazing guests like Martha Stewart. Well, he did have an affair with one of his best friends, Jimmy Fallon. Do you want a zip line over your dad while he gets attacked by alligators? And Paul McCartney.

John and I hitchhiked to Paris. We've saved you a seat. Ruthie's Table Four. Listen to Ruthie's Table Four on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. There was something about hearing Braylon say that when her friend Jackie died that her son was still breastfeeding that made me wanna take a moment and just really thank God that I'm still present,

but to ask myself, am I really taking advantage of all that my life has to offer in terms of joy and connection and the ability to heal and grow? Thinking about our advice question and how it is terrible going through a divorce at a young age, I think it, because I've gone through it, I had to fight with this idea of I failed at a young age.

And though that is devastating, there's also an opportunity for you to say, you know what, I didn't drag it out 30, 40 years, and I have an opportunity for a fresh start because I wanna become the best and make the best out of the time that I have. And so hopefully that is part of what you take away from this episode. I left a little piece of the conversation because she started talking about letting God take

control and I wanted to really unpack what that looks like in practice because I know a lot of us talk about like I just want God to be in control and yet there's a responsibility that comes with that and I want to help walk you through that. Let's see who we gonna rescue on today. This is probably the most random story ever. But let's keep it light. Let's take it a little, let's leave a little light. My suggestion is that we rescue Ford. I don't know if you all heard this or not. I recently saw it on the news but Ford has a new patent that will allow self-driving cars to repossess themselves.

When I initially heard this, I literally text my husband, I was like, I am at a stage in my life where I pay my car payment on time. But just for the sheer fact that I was hiding a car in a garage and trying to park in such a way that I could not get my car repossessed, I refuse to allow them to let me purchase,

to make a car that I would purchase that could self-repossess. First of all, you need to trust me. Don't give me the car if you don't trust me. If you don't trust me, if I wanna be a little late, if I need to ride Peter to pay Paul, I need you to give me that. Give me that space to do that. You don't trust... Ford has tre... Okay, wait, what's so wait? I want to rescue Ford.

This is why we stopped doing Rescue Eve because I... it wasn't giving. Yeah, we should rescue Ford because at the end of the day, we should be responsible with the commitments that we make and we should not if we're in a position where we can no longer this is integrity this is about having integrity and if we are in a position where we can no longer make the commitment that we made we should not still benefit from keeping the possessions that we can no longer handle. I think we should give them a floaty that they have to blow up for themselves. That is my suggestion.

What is yours? Email me podcast at womanevolve.com. Maybe you can drop a comment, you know, on the social media channel, send me a DM. What is your suggestion? Because that's all I got. I think we should rescue them because I think if you can't pay it, then they should be able to get it and they shouldn't have to wait on you to decide whether or not they get it. And this will help us to live with integrity and to honor what we can and cannot do. Lord, that was hard.

I don't even know why it was hard because I can pay my car payment. Like GMC gives their money from me every single month. But I don't know the trauma of not being able. And then you just going to come if I to wake up, you would just drive away from me. I just feel for the person who was going to see their car driving away from me. Isn't my rejection issues? I don't, someone called Dr. Anita. How would you, why would my car just drive away from me

like that after all we've been through, after all the miles we have to reverse, you would just drive away from me? Y'all pray for me. Y'all pray for me. That's my attempt at a rescue. Let me know whether or not you're agreeing. If you send a private jet, we don't have to talk about it, but I think we need to give them a floaty that they blow up on

themselves. We should send them a self-rescuing card. Make it make sense, Lord. I'll come up with the technology. We'll send it to him. I love you. I hope you have an amazing week. I pray that there was something about this episode that made you feel a little less alone, a lot more known and inspired to grow. I wish I could just say something about grown. I'll work on that.

A little less alone, what did I say? A little less alone, a lot more known and something, something grown. I'll have it together for next episode. Holy Spirit, thank you for being with us, our Comforter. Man, I'm thinking about those who are going through transition and trying to see God in the midst of it all. God, I pray that something happens today that reminds them that you see them,

you know them, you love them. Transition is hard when it comes to relationships. God, I pray that in the midst of this transition that you would remind those who are listening that sometimes growth feels lonely, sometimes obedience can feel devastating, but when it's all said and done, that you're going to establish them. I thank you for establishing, coming to my listeners, establishing, coming to me. Thank you God for giving us peace. In Jesus' name, amen. I'll see you next week. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just

as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are, season three of I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Neither. Every day in February, starting February 1st, make sure you listen. So I didn't know.

Maybe you didn't either. On the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast. The second season of El Fló is here. Step into the ever-evolving world of Régetón and get up close with both legendary figures and emerging talents in the industry. Part of the enormous significance of Réadon is really the way in which personal narratives connect to larger things going on historically and socially.

Listen to El Fló on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us.

Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah. And we are so excited to have you here the latest season of our nostalgia theme podcast, How Did We Get Weird? Not only do you get to know me and my brother, you get to know the stories that made us the absolutely rad people we are today.

Like you, Jonah, who's a music person and also a mental health counselor. And you, Vanessa, who is an actress, comedian, and I think you even wrote a children's book, wow. I sure did. Check out our episodes where we've welcomed hilarious guests like our friend, Andy Samberg. That's it, that's really it!

And Queen, Casey Wilson. I really went cart before the horse. I said, I think I have an opportunity to interview Lena DeCaprio. Oh my God. As a high school student. Plus legendary sisters Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. You would pull the bag out

and then we would eat all the- Leftover. Leftover chocolate chips, which was a lot. Then you'd roll the barrel up the hill. And then one of us would get roll the barrel up the hill, and then one of us would get inside the barrel and they'd push you down. And we've also had an amazing guest like Mike the Miz,

Jason Isbell, Kerry Brownstein and Corrine Tucker of Slater Kinney, and many more. And you do not want to miss out on our funny segments like change.dork. Ha ha ha ha ha, change.dork. And congratulations, you played yourself. Congratulations. You played yourself. Listen to our podcast. How do we get weird on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts? Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black

Effect podcast network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Now, every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that well, you can understand. I'm gonna meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. We all might have different starting points and end goals. But as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.