Wonderful! - Ep. 37: Provinces of Love

Episode Date: September 16, 2016

We're back! And on a very strange schedule, in a very strange land: A marvelous territory known as Canada. Join us for our voyage into the first season of The Bachelorette Canada, and witness Jasmine's pure and righteous quest for happiness. Also, just revel in this GOOD batch of boys. GOOD BOYS AHOY. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reason! Right reason! Here for your world! Right reason! Right reason! Right reason! Here for your world! For all four seasons! I'm the Bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside.

Alright, light it up and blaze it, baby. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies. It's a podcast about... I don't know what it's about. Alright, now we're kind of doing some soul-searching. It's a podcast about, I don't know what it's about right now. We're kind of doing some soul searching. Well, it's still about the Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise family of products.

Only that we don't have those right now, officially, kind of. The American versions, which is the only official stuff I recognize. We have the version with the extra U's. We have, yes, where they spell flavor. Where Bachelorette has just inexplicably use yeah bachelor um we are boy griffin rachel you sound so crisp there's a good reason for that we're recording in the sawbones uh television studios we are we are in huntington west virginia right now together yeah um we're making a TV show for My Brother, My Brother and Me.

Well, Griffin is. Well, you were on it. I was on it yesterday. And Rachel's in town to visit for a bit, which is very exciting. I'm glad you're here. Yeah, me too. How did you like being on TV

and how did it compare to the world of podcasting at which you are a master? Well, so one thing, and this is probably not inappropriate to share, but there is a lot of improvisation on Griffin's show. It's a lot of yes and, ding. And so when Griffin said, do you want to come be on the show, I thought I would just stand there.

And then occasionally Griffin would turn to me and say something, and I would look at him blankly like, you didn't tell me how to. You didn't tell me to turn it on. I'd be turning on my Chicago Improv Olympic skills. You had us all rolling. Oh, well, thank you. With your goof. Singular.

Well, there wasn't much time. So we watched The Bachelorette Canada. We did. We found, and I didn't share the link because I wasn't confident that it would stay there, but we found a version on YouTube. We have to talk about this because I don't know if we can do more Bachelorette Canada. We were so confident that it was going to be streaming everywhere, and then it's not streaming everywhere. It is not, and I know that there are ways around it, but we do not officially endorse those as a podcast.

Yeah, you can hide your VPN or something like that, but that's a crazy thing to ask all of our listeners to do to follow along with our dumb book club. So I don't know what we're going to have to do. It's a really crazy time for us right now. So it's like hard for us to shop around for, uh, TV shows and like, you know,

try to, try to fix this thing. And at this point we've received a lot of suggestions, uh, and we have a lot to consider. Yeah. So we're thinking about it. Although I will say this,

I very much enjoyed the Bachelorette Canada. I did. It was definitely a unique experience from what we're used to. Yeah. Should I introduce our Bachelorette? I think the world's ready to meet our Bachelorette. Her name is Jasmine.

Jasmine. I kept forgetting it immediately. Is this Jennifer? Rachel said in her voice. This is Jennifer, right? Jennifer? She doesn't look like a Jennifer, babe. She looks like she's the type of woman who only looks like a Jasmine.

Yeah? Yes. What does that mean? You know exactly what it means. So Jasmine is from Ontario, Kenora, Ontario, to be specific. That's my favorite town in Ontario. This is probably the first thing that you're going to notice differently about our commentary on The Bachelor at Canada is, man, I don't know anything about Canadian sort of geography. Me neither.

Can you name, how many provinces can you name? Are they provinces or providences? See, that's even the worst. That's the bad. I think it's province. How many provinces can you name? You know some of them. I maybe do.

I get confused as to what is a province and what is a city. Just start blasting them off. Well, we know Ontario. And then, see, I want to name cities. Well, don't do that. Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Well, don't do that.

Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Because, like, I know that there are cities like Toronto and Vancouver and Winnipeg, but I do not know they're associated. There's 10. There's 10 provinces. You've got one. What about the one in the east where all the French Canadians live? Montfriol?

That's a city. That's a city, though quebec okay um what about the one that's two words and you're looking at a list by the way i knew some of them which is kind of unfair what about the one that's two words and one of it is like in the uk and the other one is like in south america One of it is in the UK, and the other one is in South America. British Columbia. British Columbia. Provinces. Let's do it.

If we keep doing this, this is a bad game for both of us. But this could be a fun thing that we do for Bachelor of Canada, is we endeavor to both learn and teach things about Canada as we go. So just like the 10 provinces, it's just Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Manitoba, British Columbia, Prince Edward Island, Saskatchewan, Alberta, Newfoundland, and Labrador. That's a combo at the end. I was going to say Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan's an easy one to remember. So fun fact about me.

Yeah. When I was in middle school, my parents and I took a trip to Toronto. How was that? We went to the Hockey Hall of Fame. That's very on brand for your family. Yes. My family is a big, big hockey family. None of us play hockey.

No, never. But we enjoy the sport. Perish the thought. And I remember Toronto being very clean. Most Canadian cities are And when I was in middle school I was a very picky eater And we went to all these nice restaurants

And I consistently ordered a chicken Caesar salad Everywhere we went Yeah Canada I'm a big Canada fan I was very excited for this program Yeah you went to Vancouver I'm dying to get back there But also just sort of in general I likeadian shit and we have a lot of canadian

rose buddies listeners we do and they're all bragging about how how easily they can they finally have the upper hand all right let's let's let's start drilling okay jasmine jasmine is 27 yes uh she knows how to skate naturally yeah she does i'm pretty sure that is required i think there's just something about Canadian leg bones. That just like you come out the womb and it's like, give me some blades. We see her doing a little figure skating. She is a hairstylist. She eats shit while figure skating in a way.

Like, I feel like that's sort of a, it's a double standard, isn't it? Because in every Bachelorette sort of intro sequence, Bachelorette gonna fall over yeah i know like she'll be on roller skates and like whoops yeah i think des probably had up to this point the bet oh no it was caitlin had the best shit eating when she was just roller skating she fell straight on her ass on concrete that was that was a rough one uh jasmine just takes a fucking header on the ice and like lands directly sternum first on the ice and it looked really bad doesn't happen to the boys though does it the boys is just i'm shirtless no that's true like i'm jogging i'm i'm doing push-ups let these but let nick v all fall the fuck over please god i wonder what his intro package is gonna be i mean it can just be a

fucking mash-up of the 14 times he's been on the television. It's just him taking vitamins and covering his grays. So she describes herself as kind of goofy and kind of a free spirit. We get to see her on a bike in a park. Wearing a very Annie Hall type getup, I would say. Just big, big, big, big pants, you know? Okay. Big pants.

Not like a button down and suspenders though. No, but just, you know, footloose, fancy free. Uh, and then we see her having wine with her mom and her sister. Who looks exactly like her. It's freaky. Her sister does look exactly like her. Uh, and then we hear about her dad who passed away when she was 12, which was very hard on her and their family.

And then she starts using bachelorette words, which was comforting. She talks about the journey she's about to go on. She has a tattoo on her hand that says explore. Yes. It's not on her hand though. I think it's like on her arm or something. We find out about that later.

I mean, I found out about when I saw it on our arm or something. We find out about that later. I mean, I found out about it when I saw it on her body. She explains it. She talks about it later, yeah. And then she gets counsel from a former Bachelorette, and we were really excited because we were like, who's it going to be? I thought maybe Caitlin. I was hoping for Caitlin because she's a Canadian.

Caitlin is, yeah, Canadian. But it was Jillian Harris. Is she from Canada? I guess so. That seems right. Canada is one of those words that nine times out of ten they can really stick the landing on pronouncing it. But if it stinks its way into the middle of a sentence,

I will just go any which way with it. Canada. I do that a lot. Canada. Is that how they say it in West Virginia? Yeah. Canada. And Jillian Harrisris who did not deal jillian uh shoot that was jillian chose ed yeah correct and that didn't

they did not make it fuck is she giving pointers i know that's the thing if you aren't still married list of people who can give out pointers on these little sequences where they roll up on The Bachelor or Bachelorette. People who can give out pointers. Catherine and Sean. I guess. Trista and Ryan. Trista and Ryan. Fucking, I guess, Lace and.

Jason and Molly. Jason and Molly. Not Lace. Jade and Tanner. They let Caitlin, as long as Caitlin stays engaged, she gets to come out. And that's just a fucking doomsday clock, isn't it? That one's just a fucking doomsday clock that one's just a rattling down uh and now i guess we have three more or yeah yeah bachelor paradise couples we

have a murder of bachelor and paradise couples yeah well off the balance yeah i mean we'll see what happens we'll see how it goes uh and then it's time for Jasmine to go. At this point, you acknowledged that the clip moves a little bit faster on this show. Yeah, we got to limo exits. First of all, the episode we watched, the total run time without commercials was one hour and eight minutes, which is like a fresh fucking spring breeze. Yeah, that's nice. So I don't know how they, maybe it's an hour and a half

total with with with commercials but i we still get the um the dude the dude we get the dude bios but we got to limo exits by like minute 10 it was fucking trucking along which is good like there was and i think a lot of that is just because um this is the first season of the bachelorette canada so like one really interesting thing about this episode is there was no history to any of this. Like when the dude stepped out of the limo, they saw a woman they'd literally never seen before because the show hasn't happened before. This is, this only happens one time.

Typically they'll get out of the limo in the US version and be like be like oh i was i was hoping yeah you know that it was emily and i was so glad or i was hoping it was you know whatever her name was gosh i can't remember who was the one that that dueled uh caitlin for bachelorette oh god i i could never remember her name during the season even it's not gonna it ain't gonna come to me um but yeah and so the guys arrive and they're just happy to see an attractive woman in a nice dress yeah uh let's meet some of these boys though because some of these boys were very soft and nice yeah they're for the most part the men represented actual professions which is is not something you typically see. Like at logger, plumber man, contributor to society.

Not like, oh, I run social media for an oil manufacturing plant. Yeah, and it wouldn't have worked like Daniel where he just came out and said Canadian. Yeah. No hockey player. No professional hockey players. Well, that we know of. Maybe they don't even introduce that part of themselves, because it's like 90%. It's a sum, yeah.

So there's Mikkel, who is an auto and aviation engineer. Things he likes to do. He likes to speak very romantically about helicopter machines. Yeah, he works on helicopters. He calls it the most beautiful machine in the world. It's like, dude, get a fucking room with a helicopter. I don't know if they do helicopter dates, but I hope he gets to go on and talk all about it.

Oh, shit, I haven't made it that far. He loves helicopter blades, and he loves kneeling in the forest for no reason. There's Thomas, who is a international fashion model it's important to point out international that he is an international which we were joking about and justin or sydney mentioned like well that does sound better than canadian fashion model yeah like i just i just get around canada canada yeah he says says that he likes to go deeper in relationships. And while we're learning this about him, he's doing yoga in a room.

So we get a sense that he's an international fashion model, but he's also very spiritual. Yeah, I mean, I assume that about most international fashion models. We meet Benoit. I love Benoit's name and look and the whole thing uh he's a maitre d uh and that he said that he has been betrayed in the past by a long-term girlfriend and he's very positive and wants to be very positive is it too late to change our baby name to benoit benoit this is our how that's probably a little benoit mcelroy that's

probably a little much huh yeah i think so like oh is is one of you french or has french ancestry and and we would say no uh drew drew is seems to be a villain yeah yeah he is a vp in medical sales they show him in what i call a deal montage where he is meeting with men. And he's like, do we have a deal? And he shakes hands to really suggest, like, I'm a business guy. I do business things. And then they also show him, like, fake picking up a lady in the park just to show that he is competent with the women.

He gets what he wants. Yeah. He appears very confident. what he wants yeah he is he appears very confident he's the canadian gordon gecko from let the from the movie let's make it let's make a deal let's make yeah very cool let's just leave that in and wait for the corrections to roll in i don't i've not seen the movie with gordon gecko in it the love for love of money well what what the fuck was that movie wall street wall street wall street blues blues it's a lot more saxophone i'm gordon gecko and i love money What the fuck was that movie? Wall Street Blues. Wall Street. Wall Street Blues. Blues. It's a lot more saxophone.

I'm Gordon Gekko, and I love money and doing deals and stuff, but it feels like something's missing. Cut to him with a hat on in a jazz club. Mm-hmm. And we've got Kyle. Kyle is very tall. Kyle is 1,900 feet tall. Kyle is a tall. Kyle is 1,900 feet tall. Kyle is a complex man. He's very tall and fit, and we get to see him doing things that involve him both being tall and fit.

And then we get to meet his cats, which are Miss Moneypenny and Thundercuttles. That's a whole lot of name. We see him talking about how he wants a woman that appreciates cats. He's also technically a kaiju from a Japanese horror movie. He is very tall. He escaped the set of Pacific Rim. You know, he was giving his stats at the beginning. We missed it. We missed it.

I want to say like 6'5". I don't want to know. No way, dude. 6'5"? You think he's bigger than that? I'm 6'5". That is not true, Griffin. I'm basically 6 to know. No way, dude. 6'5"? You think he's bigger than that? I'm 6'5". That is not true, Griffin. I'm basically 6'5".

No. This guy is like 7'7". Well, I mean, he looks enormous next to the Bachelorette, but Bachelorettes are characteristically tiny. She's 6'1". That's what's fucked up. Okay. We meet Mike. Mike is a firefighter.

Mike. He's been in a calendar. We meet Mike. Mike is a firefighter. He's been in a calendar. His mother also passed away when he was young, and he's gotten very involved in charity work since then. I'm a big Mike fan. He seems like a real solid guy. And then I'm just going to quickly go through the other ones.

You can interject as necessary. Kevin looks like a hockey player, and then we find out later he was a hockey player. I felt really validated by that. You really crushed it. But he is also ex-Navy slash firefighter and gives The Bachelor a high five when he comes out. That's a good look. Oh, he was the first one out, wasn't he? Yeah, so this is limo exits now.

Oh, I see, I see, I see. So we find out there's 20 guys total which is not as many as not as many uh both bachelor and bachelorette usually get like 27 it's the exchange rate right so so 27 well no it would go the opposite way because it takes more canadian dollars to equal u.s dollars so we should have we should have had like 36 boys. Yeah, so Jasmine starts meeting the guys at the limo. The music we noticed for limo exits is not as high quality as American. No, but the production value on like all the intro sequences were way better.

Yeah, the videos for the boys were real nice. I think it might just be the boys are better. Like I think this is a, compared to the fucking carnival that we just were forced to watch, this was a good batch of boys. You know what I'll say? And we can talk more about this later, but the Bachelorette Canada really treats, from what I can see, treats their contestants with respect. You know? Well.

They treat them as people. Oh, I just don't think there is fucking clown shoes. Like, there's just not as much material for them to work with. I know. If there had been the parade of shitheads that were on jojo's season i think they could probably give them a worse edit but i think you can tell that they didn't scour like bars for very inebriated men to bring them on the show no just one and even hey it wasn't that bad. I know. This episode's like shit show drunk guy was like not even that bad. I know.

He was pretty harmless. We meet Wale, who very enthusiastically says wow when he sees her. Okay, this was the only thing I think about the episode that like really put me off is like there was a lot because they didn't. They didn't know what she was going to look like. Here's the because they didn't they didn't know what she was gonna look like here's the thing yes they didn't know what she was going to look like and because they she was not a past contestant on the show um they didn't have uh when you're stepping out of the limo it's all about having arrows in your quiver right it's all about having like some things you know that you can say. Yeah. And those things include, wow, you look stunning today. Yeah.

And a big one is, I was really hoping it was going to be you. Without that arrow in your quiver, all they were left with was like every boy, not every boy, most of the boys that got out would just like, from the whole walk from the limo to the woman would just be like, wow. Oh, yeah. Like they just like fucking came downstairs on christmas morning and there's like a cool new hot wheels that got left out for them like i can't imagine being jasmine in this situation i know it was uncomfortable having like 14 guys come at her

just for like oh yeah yeah fuck yeah oh nut yeah oh yeah um yeah it was uncomfortable to watch nut. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was uncomfortable to watch. So we meet David, who we know is a musician, but at this time he does not do anything musical. He just says that she looks stunning. And anytime I heard a familiar word, I wrote it down. I felt comfortable, yeah, in those moments. Drew introduces himself. I heard like a familiar word. I wrote it down. I felt comfortable. Yeah. In those moments. Uh, Drew introduces himself.

Drew, as you remember, is the VP of medical sales. And I noticed the guys don't really have a lot of gimmicks this season. I mean, there are definitely some gimmicks, but nobody shows up driving a cupcake. Nobody shows up on horseback or on a motorcycle. Yeah.

Uh, but Drew comes out and he says, I just want you to know I'm truly here to find love. So remember that when the rose ceremony comes. It's like, dude, don't make a deal out here on the wet cement. Benoit speaks French, and she's actually able to understand a little bit. She's not fluent, but it was a very sweet moment.

Mike gives the driver some money to drive away, which was cute but it was a very sweet moment yeah uh mike gives the driver some money to drive away which was cute that was a fun move actually there were okay i will say this i a lot of the limo exits weren't as memorable there were some fucking big plays here that i would love to see picked up in the american counterpart um andrew gets out of the limo and he does that kind of like 1980s music video thing where he like bites his fist like oh yeah look at that one yeah and uh and has a gift for her uh and then taylor also has a gift but it is a pen that he stole from the hotel. That's fun. Not quite as big as the lamp. Kind of like lamp guy. Yeah.

Kyle comes out and knows that he is very tall. And so he gets on one knee and says that he can, you know, adjust for her needs. He says that he can uppercut the sun. And let's see. Kevin is a deckhand. Oh, sweet, Kevin. and let's see uh kevin is a deckhand oh sweet kevin okay so kevin comes out with a an ukulele and uh starts playing a song that he wrote he also the lyrics the lyrics like hey i don't want you to miss any part of this here are the lyrics written down so he plays her a song

and like in the grand pantheon of bachelor bachelorette original um songs written for people it was not the best or the worst i think it would rank somewhere squarely in the middle but the dude's whole demeanor made it seem like he was on like straight opium like the whole time like hey what's up well he was sick we find out later that's the thing that was the he has food poisoning he's very very bad food poisoning which like i'm glad he revealed that or else I would have thought this guy was a complete lunatic, because it was seriously, like, he steps out the limo strumming an uku and just, like, walks up to her, just like, hey, what's up? I'm Kevin, and I just have a song for you, and no big deal.

I'll see you inside. And he goes inside, and he he's like i just shit my guts out please god somebody kill me he's like he's gonna pass out on camera like he's covered in sweat he can't focus his eyes for very long and can i say something kevin when i got here to huntington to start shooting the tv show i had like norovirus and i was so worried i was going to have to shoot a tv show while extremely sick. And it was seriously like that's the stuff that I am fucking terrified of. Yeah. Like having to do like a live show or something like that while sick.

Holy shit. Kevin, my boy, I feel so bad for you. But you did okay. He held his own. He did. He's got that strong deckhand constitution. Deckhand. That's a good job, man.

How many people do you think, let's say, on this continent are deckhands? I mean, probably a lot. Yeah? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of boats. I guess I grew up landlocked, so the concept of being a deckhand was not one I considered. You get up to, like, Rhode Island or something, or, or like the coastal areas of Massachusetts or Maine. Like I think most people are fucking deckhands. I guess so.

We meet Chris. Chris is an inventor. And he made this little rose in a box that lights on fire. Not really an invention so much. Yeah. You just made a little bomb. What you invented, Christopher if if i may sort of diagnosis of your limo exit you invented a bomb chris he hands the burning rose to her and then

you can see this moment where she's like how and she tries to blow it out it won't go out no uh and it's a little bit scary you use it won't go out it's alchemist's fire. You've created dark arcane arts, Christopher. You've gone too far. This may be more common in Canada. I'm not sure. But it is a man named Dana. And his big stunt, and it's a literal stunt, he stands on the car and there's a backflip off of it. There's a lot of backflips.

A lot of the BPM or the backflips per minute of this episode were surprisingly high. Yeah, it's high for the series. We meet Tony. Tony is a cowboy. We meet Eddie. And Eddie's occupation is Canada's crush. Okay, and we need to... Eddie, you didn't explain what that is or means. No.

I don't know what that means. But this motherfucker gets out with a little envelope and a telescope, drops that telescope. He's like, look at this shit. She looks up and says, that's a star. He says, that's a star in the Big Dipper. It's named after you now. He answered the envelope. How did you know the name when you bought the star?

Because you didn't know who the woman was going to be. Eddie. Also, that's a crazy gift. Well, and there's some lag time while he assembles the telescope, too. It was a little long gimmick. I have a star named after me, and I don't know how that works. Because there have to be, could you and i just be like okay we have our own star naming agency now send me five hundred dollars yeah which one do you want i i never

saw the appeal of that the only way i would want it is if i could get the sun that's the only star i'm interested in that's the only star any of us are really interested in if you think about it and then you and then you would have the sun and the moon because you'd be able to give women their monthlies yes and then the sun does what be able to give boys their sunburns just boys yes how do women get sunburns from the moon it's a lot i know i'm revealing a lot practices. I'm having a hard time processing that. I would only want the sun or the North Star. It would be an okay consolation prize, but I would obviously be disappointed if I got the

North Star. I obviously want to be the sun. And my face could appear in Teletubbies. Hello, Rachel! That would be cute. You got a good face for the sun. Thank you, baby. it's very nice to say uh let me let me just knock out the rest of these dudes yeah just kill the boys uh we meet scott

who is a carpenter and makes her a box uh we meet seth who takes her picture and holds on to it for later i like the practice of making her a container that she can put all the other shitty yeah that's a good point i would just bring a bachelorette a garbage bag and just be like here these boys are gonna bring you cookies and lyrics sheets and a fucking bomb um and you can just dispose of all those here and i'll come get it later uh we meet mikh who, in a very satisfying way, meets her, gives her a kiss, and then comes inside. Kiss on the cheek, a little peck on the cheek. And tells the guys, she's something, eh? Really good. Thank you, Mikkel.

Thank you. That was just what I needed. We meet Ross, who is a welder, and he writes her a haiku. He's very proud of this haiku, and it is not good. I was trying to follow along was it i didn't count 575 damn i didn't count uh did you study a haiku and when you were doing like poetry stuff i can't imagine that anybody studies haiku well i know but you like studied poetry and shit yeah we read some haikus and you know how to make one um i didn't study i mean i maybe if you study like

asian poetry you see a little more of that. But I did not. I would fucking hope so. I did not. I would hope there's not an Asian poetry course that you take that's like, we're just going to skip haiku altogether. I spent a lot more time with Shakespeare's sonnets than haiku.

Thomas comes out and gives her a postcard from Athens and makes the point to say that he was just in Athens last week. He said he wrote it on the plane. And it's like, about what? You don't know Jasmine? Yeah. He said he was going to read it to her later if she was interested.

Okay. JP makes probably the most gimmicky exit. He is a, quote, butler in the buff. Oh, JP. And there's an allusion to the fact that he is in Whistler and that he entertains at bachelorette parties. And Jasmine says, I don't know if it was sarcastically or not, but like, oh, there must be a lot of that in Whistler.

Is Whistler a party town? Is it like, is it like Vegas? Is it the Vegas of Canada? But he is wearing an apron and carrying a silver tray and a little bow tie and nothing else. So his whole butt is out. His whole asshole is just like visible to the camera. It's a crazy thing about Canadian TV.

They don't blur anything. So you can see up him. No, they blur. No, they don't. you can see up him. No, they blur. No, they don't. You can see up him, like a periscope. He meets Jasmine and has a good interaction, but then goes inside, and the guys are, like, understandably not excited about this. The boys were sad. Oh, that man's butt is out.

No, no. Wale throws a little shade and calls him no pack shaker because he is not as muscular. He's fit. Yeah, I know, he's fit. And that's it. Those are all the guys. Those are the exits.

We are ready to go on the show. At this point, Jasmine does the standard toast and says that her husband is in this room. Hiding somewhere. And you have to find and kill him before you can try to court me. I would say, if I were to make a drinking game for this show, for me, I just found myself looking for the moments where they would say kind of the characteristic Bachelor, Bachelorette thing. Sure. So I would say if I were to make a drinking game that you would drink anytime they do something that's consistent with the franchise.

Yeah. I mean, ultimately, there were not that many things different with Bachelorette Canada than Bachelor. So that's a bad drinking game in that you're just going to be slamming and chugging. Once they go on the dates, we might see a little more difference. That's true. Opening night kind of has to go a certain way. I would say that the shows were so similar that the things that did break off were even weirder. Yeah.

So we get the first, like, a boy swoops in as soon as his toes are down. Drew, our VP of medical medical sales pulls her away and just keeps talking about how like yeah it was a good move and i'm the only one the balls to do it okay drew fuck off um and i don't know she meets a bunch of the guys she talks to thomas uh who is like actually i'm an international fashion model she She says, oh, you're a Canadian-only fashion model, huh? And they talk about travel together. And then she tells us about how excited she is about the appearance of Thomas, how he's got this long hair and these great lips.

He does this thing with his tongue. He brings his tongue out a lot is that a good is that a good can i like that doesn't do it well you're also kind of no no that's not how he did it dumb fat tongue no there's nothing wrong with your tongue it's what you're doing with your mouth right now licking it like a cow. He would do kind of a more subtle lip lick. And she called him Sexual Tongue. If I were to come up with a nickname with him right now, I would call him Sexual Tongue. Okay, Jasmine.

So in the writing industry, that's what we call a shitty first draft. But it's a good foundation to start out with. Sexual Tongue. Just sort of take that. I know you're busy, but tongue. Just sort of take that. I know you're busy, but if you could try to refine that. It sounds a little like a Mad Lib kind of thing. Sexy, yeah. Give me a noun.

Give me an adjective and a body part. You can do better than that, Jasmine. Let's see if we can't revise that in episode two. Then we get a real power play. David, who we know is the musician, but we haven't seen him do music yet, gets on his guitar and sings a song and has like a little string trio behind him. Yeah, that sneaks in behind her. And, you know, I actually saw a producer's hand appear in frame telling Jasmine to look behind her because she didn't react to the string quartet like at all. Yeah, she was real into David at this moment.

And so they play this song, and as soon as the song is over, David stands up, because all the boys are, like, congregated outside the room where it was happening, and David must have known they were there. And David stands up and says, top that. Which we later find out Jasmine did not enjoy that. No, she did not appreciate it. She called him on it uh which

justifiably so yeah it's a kind of ruined the moment she was so digging it she was like ready to make out with him and then he did that that's also a big that's a cool thing for jasmine to do to like call somebody out like that in episode one and not let them get away with it no that was nice uh she also thwarted a steal away attempt uh which was which was i don't think i noticed that yeah that was when uh that are we going to talk about drunk cowboy we are almost i have i have like we'll get to drunk cowboy but she did some stuff this episode that was like pretty pretty badass for a bachelorette to do. Yeah, well, like things you would think a real person would do.

Yeah, yeah. So then she talks to Kevin. Kevin is the one that is sick, and he admits that he has been sick to her. And she just thinks it's a great sign of his commitment that he's sticking it out even though he has been sick. Yeah. So they go on to have a conversation and she's just really impressed that he is so sick and hanging out. That would not be my reaction. Yeah, my reaction would probably be like.

Go home, dog. Yeah. Go get some fluids. Go rest on that couch over there. Go drink some Canadian Gatorade. And then she talks a little bit about her explore tattoo which i heard some of this story she got for free taco shop and it was like tattoo tuesday at the taco shop and if you buy a taco you can get a tattoo i don't know if you're making a joke or not because i missed

the explanation pretty sure that's what she said i might be 100 wrong i just heard that yeah that she got the tattoo for free and that it was pretty good quality considering that she did not pay for it. Yeah. And, yeah, and then this is when we see the clips of the cowboy being drunk. Drunk cowboy, this is our drunk boy for the episode,

and he just drank a lot. And his big, like, moment was JP, the naked stripper man who, at this point, I think had clothed himself. He had put on a suit. Yes, it's very cold. But his asshole was still hanging out through the suit. He had like a little porthole, a little courtesy window there for his butthole to like really.

You can see everybody's breath on camera. It was cold as fuck up in here. It was very cold when they were filming this. So J.P. is talking to the Bachelorette. I don't know about what. They didn't show that part. And Drunk Cowboy, like, walks out. You could also see the breath from his butthole.

Yeah, his butt breath. Which is weird, JP. Why are you breathing like that? Well, I mean, that must be why he has that occupation, so he can keep the butt open. I see. He doesn't want to suffocate his butt lungs. Okay. Anyway, sorry.

I brought that up. So, JP's having a convo. And drunk cowboy what's his name tony tony uh rolls up and like there's been a sequence showing him like just pounding just yeah and so he walks up and tries to steal away he says hey it's my time you're stealing my time uh and jp's like, I'm not going to stand up. You're going to have to. Yeah, I'm not finished yet. I'm not finished yet. You're going to have to pick me up and move me.

And Tony says, I could. Which is like, oh, okay, Tony. All right, Tony. And Tony puts his hand on JP's back. Very gently, but the music did like a boom. Like a menacing. And Jasmine says, no we're gonna finish talking Like he just sat down

But try again later And Tony just walks away He's like The vibe wasn't right That was the biggest moment Tony did not throw a fit after that He did not get in a fight I think he's embarrassed

That's gotta be embarrassing right Like if you're gonna be a jag yeah um and then you can't even successfully jag uh and this is when we start to see the sparks between mike and jasmine oh these sparks this they had a great limo exit too um and at the limo exit we were like oh this is it this is no griffin and i our little hairs exit, we were like, oh, this is it. This is it. I know. Griffin and I, our little hairs went up. We were just like, there it is. That's the guy. So, uh, yeah, Mike's mom had passed away when he was young and Jasmine's father passed away when she was young.

And so they talked a lot about that. They have, they kind of have a similar outlook on life. They talked a little bit about their families. Like they got into like real personal stuff. He is from Winnipeg, which is very close to Kenora. He said he spent all of his summers in Kenora, so you got the

geolocational thing going there. A lot of stuff to talk about there. They seemed to really, really get along. They were actually genuinely very cute together. They were very cute. Are we at first impression rose time we are noah comes out with the little platter with the rose on it this is the first

time you've mentioned noah noah is the chris harrison of this noah is the host he is fine we'll see if we fall in love with noah well you know i want to show judgment so one episode's not a lot of time and he didn't get it you know he did the basic stuff i know well we'll see if he has the opportunity to kind of sit down and talk more with jasmine because that's when we really fell in love with chris harrison is those interactions there's one-on-one it's true uh i noticed the roses are a lot bigger in canada roses guys are fucking enormous they're the biggest roses i've ever seen on a lapel i think it's just because they were in bloom they weren't just like little yeah tightly wrapped rosebud they had opened and it looked like a fucking clown's lapel pen like it looked crazy on these guys typically they use like a small magnet to keep it on they must use like a

big refrigerator magnet to keep this guy on a on a coat yeah a fucking chip clip i think it would look normal on the nine foot tall um on kevin kaiju man yeah uh kevin actually well there's two kevins i should say um there's tall kevin and then there's kevin that looks like a hockey player and is in fact a hockey player um also there at at this point, we get the inkling of a beginning of a beef between a douche businessman, whose name I'm not going to bother to learn, and Chris, the inventor. And it's literally the origin of this. Drew is the businessman. Drew just saying, like, something about that Chris I don't like.

And then based on the season preview like that flourishes into something bigger and it's like it was literally based on like there's something about that chris i don't quite trust there's something just off about him all right dog i mean he did bring an improvised explosive device as like his limo exit so like in that sense maybe maybe he's yeah here for the wrong reasons which is to say to use bombs on the house and the people inside of it yeah drew drew is just drew is the villain from what we can tell it's and it's one of the more transparent like i'm just here to be a shit heel everybody is that cool with you yeah uh and oh and so kevin uh the smaller kevin little kevin

look look have uh asked you is to find somebody and then jasmine i believe it's jasmine and we get a lot of shots of david being like oh no david was super confident he's like yeah uh and then she gives out the first impression rose which goes to our boy miss this first step is all business it is like we have a job to do here we're meeting the guys we're meeting the lady they're getting the roses we're moving on uh we get a nice you took a photo of tony sitting at that rose ceremony just looking so drunk in his cowboy hat so fucking faded well and also because like after the rose ceremony and when boys went home we get a shot of outside and it's just straight up daylight

like it's like yeah like 1 p.m the next day it's like all these boys when they get sent home or get roses like thank you please let us go to bed uh so who gets roses? Both Kevins get roses, Tall and Lil. VP of sales. The minor and major Kevins. The VP of sales, Drew, gets a rose. Thomas, the international model, gets a rose. Mikkel gets a rose. Kyle gets a rose.

Oh, wait, is Kyle the tall one? It's not important. Well well i want to be accurate kyle is the tall one who are the fuck are the kevins who are the two wait deckhand deckhand and hockey boy hockey boy is definitely a kevin yeah and deckhand is you're right yeah so okay so it's not Major and Minor Kevin. Well, then we have to go... Sea and Land Kevin. Kevin of the Sea.

It's just Kevin and Kevin of the Sea. That's better. Shit. Seth and Scott get roses, which we don't know anything about. Don't know fucking anything. There was at least one boy that got a rose. She could have been like, Jermichael. I'd be like, what the fuck?

There's only 20 of them. How did I not? Yeah, there's a series of guys we haven't seen. Andrew and Chris get roses. Chris is the inventor. The bomb, the bombsman. Benoit gets a rose. Exciting.

Wale gets a rose. JP, the... Butt man, the Canada party boy. And David, the musician, gets a rose. She saves his rose for last just to make him sweat a little bit. So we lose Canada's crush. Never going to find out what the fuck that means. Never going to find out. We lose Cowboy Tony.

Yeah, sorry, Cowboy Tony. Taylor, Dana, and Ross also go home. Nope, don't know anything anything and we see their little exits and it is definitely light out yeah and then she toasts and we find out they are already going to jamaica moving on a nice clip yeah i think we're taking the show on the road immediately so 20 boys that means fewer episodes total right like fewer boys to kick off fewer episodes well yeah and she just eliminated five of them yeah it's a lot yeah uh so that was bachelor at canada i liked it i want to watch more of it if we can find a more reliable way to watch it like even if it was on itunes and we had to pay for it i would be fine with that i just want like a reliable way for everybody to

watch yeah and i just want to kind of formally say, I know that we have traditionally watched shows that are easily available, and that if we continue to watch this show, that will not be the case, and we do not want any listeners to get left out and alert. Yeah, and to compromise you know, maybe their

moral or ethical perspective. Yeah, I guess this is just a plea to the W network. Just like open up the fucking floodgates. Okay? Yeah. I noticed

the Bachelorette Canada is a new series. Right. And their internet presence is very small right now. Also, the way that they gate their content

is the craziest thing ever because you go to press play on the thing. And a very polite woman. And a very polite woman says, this content is not available in your area. Thank you. Or something like that.

Yeah. So, I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. If it turns out to be. I would like to keep watching it. I would like to do at least one more episode. Especially because this is the only episode we're going to be together to watch it.

It's going to be really hard for us to pivot at this point while doing the TV show and recording at like 11 p.m. after shooting and stuff. It's going to be hectic. We're recording this one at 8 a.m. before I go into the studio to shoot. Yeah, we have our little mugs of coffee right now. It feels real morning show. It does. It's nice.

Yeah, I'm also very exhausted. It's Friday and we've been shooting all week and I just want to fucking go get back in bed. But we got to make that fucking content for the buddies. For the buddies. Let's call it. What do you say? Oh, and I wanted to thank, we had a listener. I believe her name was Michelle that sent in little crocheted roses for us.

Oh, that was very sweet. That are in our home right now. That's really nice. I wanted to share that with you. Was that in the PO box after I left? It was, yes. Thank you all for listening. We will let you know in the Facebook group what we end up doing for next week. Probably going to do episode two of Bachelor at Canada just because I'm probably going to

keep watching it on my own even if we don't do the show about it because now I'm invested. We warned you and it was good that we warned you on my own, even if we don't do the show about it, because now I'm invested. Like, we warned you, and it was good that we warned you, because it turned out to be the case. We don't know when these episodes are going to go up. I mean, they're definitely going to be later in the week, because this show

doesn't air until Tuesday, which means the first time it would be online would be Wednesday. And then it all depends on what the shooting schedule is like, where and when we can find the episodes available. But we are still going to try and get an episode up every week. Yes, at the very least. So it's going to be crazy until October is when I get back into Austin.

Yeah, so just two more weeks. A couple more weeks. Oh, man, it's just a couple more weeks. Yeah, that's it. Anything else, baby? No. All right, well, until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy.

When you're ready. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy!