Wonderful! - Ep. 41: Sweet Tooth

Episode Date: October 13, 2016

Boy howdy, what a challenging episode. Between the non-stop gags, original music and foot-smoochin', our skeletons had a REAL hard time staying up in our bodies while watching Bachelorette Canada. But we stuck with it, because we know how bad you need this. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the Bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man, one soul. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies.

It's America's top podcast about canada's top kissing show the bachelorette canada oh boy i just i haven't talked to you about this before but i know a lot of people watch this show for different reasons some people just like the drama and to that i say save it for obama a lot of people like um the love i just like watching people smooch and kiss red hot pecs all day long. You know what I mean? I mean, then why, why this show? Why not?

It's, it's got the most, uh, KPM. You think? Oh, defo. Yeah. Um, I mean, you know, I like the OC and there's a lot of, there's some teen pecs that happen in that one. But I mean, if you're talking about your KPMpm like this is pretty much as good as it gets the movie as good as it gets disappointingly low kpm you would think i would thought i was getting psyched out of my mind

jack jack jack oh hey kiss me hey greg kinnear greg kinnear i thought greg and jack might get a smooch or two on no smooches between the two of those characters. Wasn't it nice how I just didn't acknowledge your Jack Nicholson impression? My flawless Jack Nicholson? Yeah. Maybe you got so confused like you thought he was in the room with you. Hey, it's me. Give me a kiss, Greg Kinnear. Helen Hunt, I'm gonna smooch ya. It's me, Jacko. It's just, baby, look at me. It's just me.

Don't be scared. I didn't transform into Jack Nicklaus. I'm still Griffin. We gotta record a podcast episode. You just said Jack Nicklaus. He's both men. Listen, I had a whole bottle of champagne tonight. No, it was a little bottle.

Somehow Griffin and I have acquired multiple miniature bottles of champagne. I like it. I feel so accomplished and also like King Kong. I love it. We watched The Bachelorette Canada. We're on like, I don't know, fuck dude, fifth or sixth or seventh episode. I think it's the sixth. Okay.

There's only eight boys left, which is not very many boys. Although, God, I love, I like a lot of stuff about this season. I love how breezy it is. Easy breezy beautiful cover girl. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely going quickly. Like, well, we started with less, but then they would send a substantial amount home. Week to week. This was the first week where it was just one that went home.

A single send home, yeah. Yeah. All the cruft is gone, though. I like it. We got to the heart of this artichoke so quickly. What the cruft is gone though i like it we got to we got to the the the heart of this artichoke so quickly what cruft what does cruft mean cruft is like you know um a lot of just unnecessary stuff a lot of chaff um santa chaff cruft might be one of those imaginary words like scrowdy row no cruft is other people say

that scrowdy row i think is only said by the immediate nuclear family of the mackleroy's when uh griffin and i first started dating he had a lot of folksy idioms that i wasn't familiar with yeah and at one point he said scrowdy row and i was like i don't think that's a thing and i googled it and the only thing that came up was an article yeah an article written by justin mcelroy it's good though you can use it at home it just means like you know um kind of shoddy like grungy grungy or just usually just like sort of shoddy shoddily made just sort of row it could be grungy just means bad bad, I guess. Huh. Not optimal. Suboptimal.

Scrowdy row. I like it a lot. It's really good. Let's talk about what happened in this episode of the television show. Okay. Because I gotta know. Since we recorded last week, you know what I did? I just went in the bedroom and I just laid perfectly still in bed for seven fucking days

because I couldn't do anything without thinking about how this drama with chris and drew is going to be resolved yeah please please let's explore that more this episode god i was just so rock hard for it i just lying in bed seven days rock hard just thinking about it i don't like bringing that to the podcast i don't like bringing it either that's why we need to find the release in this episode that was that was bad yeah i can tell by your face that that was a bad thing yeah there were a lot of sounds this episode and that made me uncomfortable and i'm still i think a little bit fragile gun shy i mean there was there were sounds there were also plenty of sights there were plenty of things at least three of my and the

music the music too fuck a lot of yeah all the music we have a special i need to get my phone because we have to play you we recorded oh yeah we have an audio clip yeah we recorded something that happened during the episode it was it was unbearable let's get into it though okay uh we're still in Quebec City. Looks ballin', by the way. Hotel they're staying in looks sick as hell. Yeah. It seems like a really nice getaway. Basically, everywhere they go looks, like, really, really great.

Gotta get up to Quebec City. Or just, you know, more time in Canada. Yeah. So, we see the guys all sitting around uh they all have their cafes just just doing a little chit chats uh benoit just an update benoit still rocking the hat and glasses that's fine cash times i mean this for all we know this is the same day you know no it doesn't make sense no he just decided that's a good look there's just the maybe there's some sort of like virus going around and when it catches you you just grow a pair of glasses sprout glasses um so noah arrives okay i watch this shit like a hawk

yeah here's the interaction. Noah walks in. Hey, guys. Noah. Noah. Well, this week's going to be buck wild. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's your date card. I'll leave you to it.

He walks out of the room. Thanks, Noah. Never any, like, how are you guys doing, to which they would respond. You guys feeling good? Yeah. Nope. You guys enjoying those McCafes? Fucking of course we are.

They're delicious. No, none of that. Nothing. So again, yes, they did say, hey, Noah, and bye, Noah. They could have just been referring to the date card floating in and the door opening and closing. Now let's talk about the ramifications of this. Because one thing I didn't consider, you and I can definitely fucking see him. You and I can definitely see him. I'm assuming the other people listening this podcast can see noah yeah how how is that

possible is they add him in later in post i can't believe you hadn't thought of that it's just that's a cgi skin it could be fucking anybody they could They could flip a switch and then Shrek walks in. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Shrek. Shrek. Thanks, Shrek. Man, that's really, really good. By the way, Noah, a lot of people have been tweeting our show to you, and you've been retweeting us. I don't know if you are a listener.

I hope you take it in jest. Again, you're doing a fine job. It's just they're not, much like Chris Harrison, they are just not giving you much to do. We know so little about you, Noah. I know. I know. And we want to know more. I want to know more, of course.

He's on like a food show where he eats things. See, I'm interested in this. Yeah. Do people interact with him in the food show? We have to watch that, too. We're like, oh, it's weird. The food is floating, and it's getting chewed up, and it just fell to the floor. What?

Hi, Noah. Hi, Noah, it's weird. The food is floating and it's getting chewed up and it just fell to the floor. What? Hi, Noah. Hi, Noah. Eat my food. Okay. The date card reveals that Mike gets the solo date. My boy, Mike. Yeah. Sweet Mike.

We have to talk about this because we'll forget about it. There's an after scene. The after scene is all these boys. It was probably shot in the same- Oh, the blooper, like the post. Yeah, like the post yeah it was probably shot in this same sequence because they were all sitting around as the same guys and mike does this thing with his mouth where he like makes uh like kind of like a whistle noise that ascends and descends and he like rakes each of his individual fingers across his mouth and it makes the most wonderful like arpeggio noise

i thought it was kind of like a like a little bit kind of like that noise except he did it with all his fingers really quickly so it's like i can't do it there's no way that might fucking do it yeah because i can't do it mike did it and it was amazing mike yeah uh so they it was also funny because all the boys then tried to do it and he's like if there's a direct feed camera in here, like Jasmine watching all of us, he's like, I'm sending all these boys home. Mike also, so, and this may just be because he's Canadian and very fair and blonde, but Mike gave me a very Mike Nelson from Mystery Science Theater vibe. Yeah, it could also be that his name's Mike.

Yeah. A lot of connective tissue, though. I think there's something there. I don't think Mike Nelson... I love MST3K. Yeah. A lot of connective tissue, though. I think there's something there. I don't think Mike Nelson... I love MST3K. That was, like, my favorite show growing up. I don't think he was as fucking jacked up as this one, I guess. That's fair.

So they meet... Mike and Jasmine meet in, like, a bay of helicopters. It's kind of like a helicopter pound, where all the helicopters are just waiting. What, should adopt a helicopter? Waiting to be adopted. Oh, this is a rowdy helicopter. Is he out of shots? Why didn't Mikhail get this date?

Why didn't he get to go to the... We want so desperately for him to take her on a private tour of how a helicopter works. Or they're in the sky. You know, they're making really awkward small talk oh look it's a road and then what's wrong oh no the helicopter something's gone wrong something's not responding fucking mikhail hangs out the door of the plane fixes the helicopter oh man like mission impossible style impossible except it's possible because oh my god but there's a screw missing and it's an important screw fucking mikhail reaches into his shirt rips out his little stud jams it in the screw hole

it's like signs it's like the end of signs there's a reason for that nipple there's a reason for that nipple garnish is this like a an adult version of Signs that you saw? Yes. And it had to do with a fit suitor's nipple. And it was great. It was a great movie. Okay. So Jasmine is surprised that Mike has never been in a helicopter before. Like, yo, Jazz. Have you been in a helicopter before?

No. I have not either. is it's insane it's an insane thing maybe it's more common in canada why i don't know but she just seemed to be like oh i bet you've been in one before and he's like no i just dress like a guy that's been in a helicopter before what is that okay i actually do know what that means. But yeah, so anyway, so they get in a helicopter. The helicopters per episode, the HPE, of this short season of The Bachelorette is insane, y'all. Is this the third helicopter? I think it might be the fourth. But out of six episodes, that's a running joke for the rest of the series. And sure, there's a lot of helicopters in bachelor and bachelorette but

like my god y'all it's like every other date has a has a h copter in it um so she tells us that she's really attracted to the fact that he helps people for a living. As a reminder, he is a firefighter slash paramedic. He's also attractive in the fact that he's got a dozen donuts under their shirt. That's a weird way to describe an eight-pack. He's got eight donuts under that shirt. Just eight little circular... Eight big fat sausages under that shirt. That's what abs look like, I bet.

ate big fat sausages i'm not sure that's what abs look like i bet um and so they start making out in the helicopter and mike mike is really cute in the retelling of this it's like you know i just started kind of kissing her there was a lot of artifice for the acquisition of physical contact with jazz this week um well because there's a lot of dudes that haven't really put the moves on yes and there were varying degrees of success yeah but no varying degrees of discomfort because each one made me pretty uncomfortable. They get off the helicopter. They're walking around some kind of boardwalk area. And they have an umbrella.

They're very cute together. I like them so much. Please get married. And then there's a group date card that arrives. And then there's a group date card that arrives. And the group date, the little quotation on the card is, are you strong enough to be my man? Is this the one that Thomas finds? Yeah, Thomas walks in.

Just break down the bit. Thomas just walks into the room. Everybody looks at him for like a second. Nothing happens. And he reaches into his back pocket. Oh, look what I just happened to find. Great. Not. I'll give it, I'll give this a bit because there has to be a fucking bit for each.

There has to be a bit. I'll give it a four out of ten. Definitely not the worst one that we've seen so far. True. But a little rote. Walk here. Hey, I got a group date here's who's on we're going to rub each other

it's for Chris it's literally that easy it is not that hard to walk into a room and read a piece of information hey I just did a little oops I fell down I dropped a group date just read it you know who should have I just did a little, oops, I fell down. I dropped the group date.

Just read it. You know who should have delivered one of those date cards? Who? Is Chris. And then it could have burst into flames after he read it. That would be really, really good. That would have been great. Yeah, because you know he had that backup bomb. And he had a plan.

And he had a plan. So on the group date is Chris, Kevin, P, Mikkel, and Thomas. And because strength is mentioned in the card, immediately Captain Canada starts kind of shit-talking because all the guys on this date are a little bit scrawny compared to the others. He's not wrong, though. Yeah. And there's a good um like game design balance thing going on because if it was like captain canada versus

the the indoor kids it would have been a bloodbath yeah no she kind of mixed it up and gave the muscle guys a less muscular date and a way way way way better date than this. The quote intellectual guy is a more muscular date. So we go back to the date with Mike. And Mike and Jasmine are now inside on a couch. And there are drinks and dessert items. We got to commercial. Oh, God, yeah. We have to talk.

There's just so much. There's so much bit happening. Because Mike walks in and sees these candies laying on the floor and i'm not on the floor on the table and it's the most innocuous thing but it just drove me crazy as a thing that somebody said while shooting a tv show that like an editor saw and was like that's gonna stay in and he just walks in he points to these sweets at the table and he just says sweet tooth and it made me laugh so hard because it was like, oh boy, thank you, Mike. Sweet tooth.

Who does? Wait. Are you saying one of us has a sweet tooth? Are you saying that you want to eat that because you have a sweet tooth? Are you saying whoever put that there has a sweet tooth? Is it by a candy company called Sweet Tooth? Mm, sweet tooth. Mm, candy party.

Mm, dessert time. Okay. Okay. Sweet tooth. Candy party. Dessert time. Okay. Okay. You're not wrong. It's just. I know. It's like walking into a room with a carpet and pointing at it and being like, oh, red.

It's a big, big rug. No, that's a carpet. There's no stains on that. Okay. Why would you. Why would you need me to you know these guys they're that's not wood okay okay they're just figuring out how to pass the time on this television program you know sweet tooth i mean don't get me wrong mike i am going to say that now just to my wife anytime I see a dessert anywhere. Sweet tooth.

The thing that disappoints me about these scenes, and this is true of every series throughout the world, is they just leave so much food on the table. Rachel mentioned if you and I were on this show, we would just be eating all the time. It's like, yes. I wouldn't even stop to say sweet tooth we would walk in and be like oh this is nice you're like yeah it sure is hold on it's just the the desserts that's what hurts me the most on the on the horrible horrible french kiss date that benoit went on they left like a whole pile of macarons are you kidding me i would have straight up turn if it's a whole pile of macarons. Are you kidding me? I would have straight up turned my... Like if it's a big plate of like steak and potatoes, I could see myself thinking, you know what? It's a date.

I don't want to be like chewing on this like tough meat. But a macaron, you're in, you're out. Yeah. They're bite-sized. They're bite-sized. Macaron is French for the good bite. Anyway, sweet tooth. uh anyway sweet tooth anyway sweet tooth uh and then this is where the dramatic music starts so mike lives in winnipeg we also got a commercial cut of this like cliffhanger before going to the commercial break and it made it seem like the end of the world

yeah so mike lives in winnipeg and he wants to stay in winnipeg at least for a while and so jasmine asks him whether he wants to stay in winnipeg forever and he says no not forever and then there's dramatic music and mike is saying to us the viewer but i do kind of want to stay in winnipeg that's where my career is which like he's a firefighter paramedic couldn't that's a weird thing actually they only have fire in winnipeg you know how there's never been a fire in austin or america yeah that's true the great chicago fire actually spread down from winnipeg yeah and that was the only one he's got real job security there.

Yeah. But I mean, it's also extremely dangerous. And so he gets nervous and decides that he's going to ask her where she might want to live. And she says, well, probably not in Winnipeg. And then there's more dramatic music and we're just like, oh no. And Mike tells the camera like, oh, that's a deal breaker.

Game over. That's game over, man. And then she's like, but I do like the idea of being closer to home. He's like, oh, music to my ears. It was the fastest establishing of conflict and then result, like, no joke, gang, four seconds? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think I want to live in Winnipeg. That's it, man. That's a deal breaker. Game over. And that's where the commercial cut was. And then, but, you know, maybe Winnipeg. Thank God.

Happy music. Sweet tooth. Sweet tooth. Happy music. Sweet tooth. Sweet tooth. And so then, after we've settled from that dramatic moment, there's some dancing to be done in front of a fireplace. And what we get is a woman singing a romantic song.

One woman. One guitar player. Approximately two feet from them. Not that dude 18 inches tops i've come to grips with the fact that there are going to be uncomfortable interactions with musicians that you don't know on this tv show we have to there has to be a legal minimum distance it has to be like we have to get these fools at least well it's not even like one of those concerts where there's a stage separating them or they're in like a big open space they're in a room that's why i don't fuck with like tex-mex restaurants where a mariachi band comes to your table don't get me wrong it's beautiful it's wonderful beautiful music when we were we

were down in san antonio um and there's like some like historic village part of the riverwalk where you saw a band i was like oh this is tight if i'm just trying to eat i don't want to be within touching distance of a group of musicians who are playing music for me and it's really just like it's that's all me it's all a social discomfort thing even if you're really good even if you're you know staying well it's it's i think it's because you become acutely aware of your responsibility to the performer oh nice good chord yeah sweet tooth if you don't want to pretend like they're not there um but it seems like that's the only way to do it if you're going to do anything else because to do

it too much to do that would make them uncomfortable i feel like even if it was sting playing you and i a romantic song within touching distance at our dinner table if i looked at him the whole time like oh fuck yeah dude fields of barley yes good shit bro oh nice he's gonna do it oh back to the chorus so good thank you sting that would suck for everybody involved but to ignore him is a dick. There's just no right way to eat a Reese's. Wow, you really went all over the place on that one. I'm pretty drunk.

I had a whole bottle of champagne just by myself. So she gives him a rose. And they dance. And it's awful. Well, they have a good time. They have a good time. But you don't stand that close to me another sting song that's why that's what that song's about is it at the first place

stand that close to me is that the first police concert somebody was like standing right in sting's face while he was singing and he was like don't stand so close to me thank you thank you thank you and that is how the song goes yeah don't stand so close to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And that is how the song goes. Yeah. Don't stand so close to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please back up, back up, back up. And we're good.

We're good. A lot of people think that's about like a teacher having a note. It's about sting standing too close to you. It's very literal. All the songs are so literal. And fields of barley yeah he just likes barley fields i guess i don't know how he said it was called fields of gold it might be fields of gold it seems like a more compelling title this has nothing to do with the

subject of the bachelor at all we went on a little police quest and i had a fun oh that's a fun game you ever play police quest? You're acting as if we've never been on a tangent before together. Not this deep. We've been on this deep, deep tangent, this deep, deep sting tangent. Okay, another group date. The group date, and I wrote this down. I wanted us to practice our French a little.

I'm not going to do this with you. It's at the... Chalet en Bois-Rome. That sounded really good. And this location is a very rustic area. Very Nima Colon-esque, I would say. Everybody's wearing red and black

flannel. Like every single inch of that place is red and black flannel. And it's going to be a circuit of strong men competition jasmine gives this spiel about how the card was about i want to see who's strong or whatever she's like you know it's not just about physical strength i want somebody who's going to want to stand by me and just weather the storm somebody who can be dependable strong in spirit but anyway you're going to run around throwing logs around and cutting it like, okay.

It's Chris, Kevin, Mikkel, and Thomas, and they're told they're going to lift a heavy log and carry it, chop a log, and then pound some nails into a log. They are told this by a really rough post-production video sesh by Jasmine. Yeah, that was so weird. That sounded like it was recorded over Skype or something, where she's like, and now the boys are going to... So the picking up the log. I mean, do we need to play by play? The boys picked up logs and threw them.

Yeah, I will say Kevin and Mikkel have a real hard time picking up this log. Thomas and Chris do significantly better. Thomas, this is one of my favorite tropes on reality television is when somebody kind of reintroduces what your assumption of them might be. And so Thomas says,

when people look at me, they just think I'm an international model. Which is like a shitty thing to say. People look at me and they just think, oh, well, he's a model. Okay. No, an, he's a model. Okay. No, an international model. An international.

That man looks like a Canadian model. Wow, fuck you, buddy. I've been to Spain. This is when Chris begins his kind of his beast run, where every single challenge he goes through as if the- He's Jack Bauer trying to- trying yeah like he's diffusing a bomb or the forest is on fire uh the next challenge is the axe splitting one which a couple of the boys just like no big deal yeah uh kevin continues this is deckhand kevin continues to have issues throughout nobody has bigger issues with the log than chris though who gets his axe

wedged in it and then like slams the whole log into another log and everybody's like damn chris yeah he brings an energy that starts to manic energy become a little uncomfortable uh and so then there's the hammer and the nail and you think that would be kind of like a breeze but these are some railroad spikes like driving those into a log and everybody hates it yeah but thomas really excels in this section uh and he reminds us that he was quote born and raised on a construction site he didn't remind me anything i did not know that about him and he may have said it but i have a lot of stuff remember thomas first date. Here's the problem.

I look at Thomas and I just think, that man's an international model. He's never worked at a construction site. First date. Remember, he decides to model after he injures himself on the construction site. I actually forgot about that because I live a whole life outside of... Are you saying that I don't?

That's not exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying I think you probably hold Thomas in higher regard than I do. Or maybe I just have a phenomenal memory from all this note-taking. I also have a dookie memory. Oh. Okay, so Thomas wins, which means that he gets extra time with Jasmine. And they go on a little horse carriage ride.

And they have red and black flannel blankets, in keeping with the red and black flannel theme. And after the carriage ride, they go to a cabin with a fireplace to have some wine together. And a big table full of sweets. This is where I'm going to need you to get your audio. Hold on. Before you play the audio, I did want to say that this is where Thomas introduced us to Tom. Oh, Tom. I love Tom. Because Jasmine talks about how he's real intense and she says, you know, you just seem really serious.

And he's like, oh, well, it's weird because back home I was known as Tom. You know, and now I'm Thomas. But Tom was a wild party guy. Tom's still here somewhere. And he would, quote, dance until the music shuts off. So, you know, we got some layers there of Tom and Thomas. He just talks about, you know, I we got some layers there of tom and thomas he just talks about you know i'm very just silly and yeah i've got a goofy side for sure and they both talk about their weird

sides together and this like anytime anybody's talking about how weird they are is fucking intolerable yeah i know i'm just really random and then he talks about how he likes to do karaoke and then she kind of says oh you know what do you sing um and he says you want me to sing she says yes and then he sings an original piece he picks up he sings into a wine bottle he picks up a wine bottle as a microphone this is he sings an original song this is infuriating she asked you what karaoke song you sing if you sing this at a karaoke bar that i was at i would light a fire and burn the building down with both of us inside well what would you sing it to there would be no music because it's an original song yeah exactly that's exactly my point uh this is ladies and gentlemen we have the audio cue here uh the song of Thomas.

It's going to hop in. Tonight's the big night. It will be the start of something great. A story about true love and a story about believing in faith, baby. I'm shocked that Thomas is actually singing to me right now in this room. It's a rush to get to know you, that you know it's not a race. A road song, a plane to put a smile on your face. He's kind of nervous, but he just does it anyways.

And I think that's awesome. I flew halfway around this world, girl, to make a fool out of me. That's adorable. So. No tea, no shade you put yourself out there bro you did your best it's just such a move it's a whole lot of move obviously she likes original songs being performed for her it's a it's a surefire strategy, and it's worked for a few other boys before, and she seemed to enjoy this song as well.

As a viewer at home, it was a bummer, only also because they put music underneath it that was not the music of the song. What do you want to bet that David, the actual musician, who brought in like an actual string small quartet and composed a song on his guitar. Saw this and was like.

Saw this and was like, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. It was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable. Here's what's great. It was not even the most uncomfortable thing that happened in this episode,

not even by a long shot. Well, and then after it was over, they kind of toasted to their weird sides as if that was Thomas saying, look at me. I'm a big old weirdo. I'll watch a person sing their original songs all day. When you start talking about, like, I'm just really subversive and weird and did you get the last part of the song after he gets the rose oh yeah so he does get the rose and after he gets the rose we get a private performance as the viewer what's great about this clip is you can actually hear Rachel making fun of something that they just said at the beginning of it.

I've got the rose. Can you see this rose? It's from Jasmine. I'm in hell. That's a bit where I yelled about being in hell at the end of it. Anyway, that was their date. It was challenging stuff. Yeah.

This reminds me of when I went with my friend, Cat Dorr, listener of the show, to go see the Spice Girls movie. And we thought, oh, this is going to be so funny and easy to make fun of. It's going to be so bad. And then it was just so uncomfortable that it like... What are you talking about? I'm saying that I don't... I'm saying that movie's not bad. Oh I don't think it's very good. Spice World's a fun movie. What I'm saying is it's hard

to make jokes about what happened with Thomas because it was so uncomfortable. Okay. That's fair. And in that way, it was like Spice World for me. Spice World was a fine movie. You're out of your mind.

Okay. It's time for another group date. This one? The group date is Benoit, Kevin, and Drew. I forget who introduces it, but I'm sure they did. Benoit does. Okay. Does he do something stupid? I mean, he I'm sure they did something. Benoit does. Okay. Does he do something stupid?

I mean, he's just Benoit. Okay. That's mean. Well, no, he just, he comes in kind of whimsical and says whimsical things, but it's not like a bit as much as it's just him. He lays down, he does the worm on top of the date card. He leads everybody in the chicken dance and then he reads it. he leads everybody in the chicken dance and then he reads it uh so they are meeting her at a spa and benoit says she's so sexy you can see those forms well because she was wearing she was just

wearing shirt and pant well in the forms plural what does that mean i don't know what that means it's benoit he's wacky he's whimsical that's okay you don't know what that means. It's Benoit. He's wacky. He's whimsical. That's okay. You can see your form. That doesn't sound like you're whimsical. That sounds something like a super duper duper horny 14 year old that like doesn't even know the right things to say about the things he's horny about. I love her shapes and forms. What?

She has a softness and it makes me feel hard really great mounds what there's dampness in her heat yikes okay anyway uh they're all going to be performing treatments on her spa treatments and she will she will not know which man is doing what treatment and at the end she will i guess try and guess the whole concept of this date was just bogus from the start well i mean after mikhail and them had to hammer nails. That's the first bogus thing, which is just like, hey, do manual labor? Okay. You didn't do good enough. Go the fuck home. To like, hey,

touch-up-ons. Touch-up-ons. Just non-stop just touch-up-ons. It's great. Good stuff. Not only that, being blindfolded and having people touch your feet. Go fuck off. No way. Zero percent chance.

Well, when you get a massage, don't you close your eyes? Yes, but I get to see the face of the person who's going to do. It's a completely different. It's a totally different spiel. I don't know that it is. You know, I guess it's not that different. Yeah. Except when I get a massage, ain't nobody sucking my toes.

No, no. Ain't nobody sucking these toes. Griffin's new catchphrase. Ain't nobody sucking these toes. It's just sweet tooth is catchphrase one. Second catchphrase. Ain't nobody sucking these toes. Drew kicks us off with a massage gets the massage

uh and she's real chatty throughout uh she warns him to be careful of the side boob and at first the massage is kind of rough but then it becomes something better he climbs up ons which is like if i was blindfolded again i would say a no thank you yeah it's they play this gross music throughout to suggest when things are getting more sexual and it's just it's so uncomfortable yeah because you know when it's getting sexual because the boys do overtly weird sexual things and then even more than that when each treatment is over the guys have to come out to a room of waiting bros and be like yeah we're okay what kind of stuff did you get to do yeah how'd your thing go like it's uncomfortable uh and so the massage goes pretty well and then benoit gets the manicure

benoit is given an assortment of vibrating tools like nail files and buffers and stuff which i've gotten many manicures they're never using like battery powered implements well i imagine he needs the help i don't think he's a licensed i guess that's true manicurist uh and so he he uses the tools on the nails then he goes into a hand and arm massage uh and he tells us that he is making it as sexual as he can. Very, very sexual. And then he just... No big deal. Sucks on one of her fingers.

Not even a big deal. Just like you've got, oh, you've got a little peanut butter on there. And she immediately starts laughing. And she's like, that's Benoit. That's definitely Benoit. And my favorite part of this is when Benoit comes out of the room. Drew literally says, how's your thing? And he just kind of giggles and says, I licked one of her fingers.

And Drew's reaction was actually really good. Yeah, he just starts laughing. But wholly inappropriate. I mean, Jasmine laughs it off, you if that if i was blindfolded and somebody put all my digits in their mouth hole what if you were if you were the bachelor and you'd met all these women before and there's the assumption that you've gotten rid of the ones that made you really uncomfortable i mean this is just this is just somebody you're dating putting a finger in their mouth.

No, see, even you realized at the end of that sentence. I know. I remembered who you were and how that would make you feel. And then the worst part was the betrayal of Kevin W., Captain Canada, who gave her a foot massage. And she said that she was talking throughout the other treatments, but during this one she couldn't because she was just in this ocean of ecstasy how good this foot massage was and kevin's like i don't know what i'm doing it's just she's moaning biting her lips seems like she liked it's like all right kind of some sexy stuff happening here when he ends he like pets her on the foot just leans in real quick kisses that foot walks away and he does it he pauses for like a half second after he kisses that foot. And I feel like in that moment he realizes like, that was a super fucking creepy thing to do. Well, it's hard to signal because they're not supposed to talk.

They're supposed to stay silent. So it's hard to signal like, and now I'm finished. And like Drew kind of just does like a little back pat. Yeah. But the other guys are like. Drew, well done. Much better. Good instincts, dog. like a little back pat yeah the other guys are like drew well done much better good instincts dog what can i put her whole back in my mouth i'm gonna put my mouth all on your neck i'm gonna

encompass it like a boa constrictor uh yeah so this date was probably the grossest date i'd seen in a while a good long time um jasmine seems to take it like jasmine seems to like find it uh like funny or in in kevin's case like kind of hot um maybe not the foot kiss thing that was abysmal uh but yeah it's just a really sort of as a view i felt like i was spectating something i should not be spectating yeah yeah no it it was really uncomfortable and the music didn't help the kind of like like a suggestive music in the background uh so after it's over of course there is more champagne because there's always champagne on these dates big bottle grown-up bottles of champagne not the kid bottles i drink out of uh everybody's in robes and they get in a hot tub together and she just immediately guesses all

three dudes and what service they performed it's a pretty easy one right like benoit you put your fucking mouth on my finger yeah kevin your grip was strong like like the Hulk's grip. Drew, your massage wasn't very great. Drew, you're the other one. And so Benoit pulls her away first, and he talks about his family's chalet. And then they start kissing, and she just can't stop laughing, because he still has it toned way up um and she really wants him to dial it back like every kiss he gives her he kisses her like i don't know like the boat is going down and she she does not enjoy it yeah it's bad it's bad to see a lot of just meat just a lot of mouth

it's one of those moments as the viewer where you're like they're not gonna end up together but i guess i'm watching another week with the two of them because he's fun they have fun together i will say that like she seems to have more fun with him than she does he also needs to turn the fuck down because if she's like hey stop putting your fucking tongue in my mouth yeah Yeah. Then stop doing that, dog. Yeah. And I think that's the thing is that it feels less about her and more about Benoit's just intense passion for everyone and everything. And then Drew pulls her away.

And this whole moment is supposed to be about him kind of alleviating her doubt from last week where she's like got word that he was not a good guy and so she still kind of needs to make sure i literally this is weird because i watched this whole episode very intently i don't like i just phased out at this part when he was like talking about chris i literally got tunnel vision and i wasn't doing anything yeah me too i was endeavoring to like not look at my phone and like get distracted by my phone i was like really intently watching the tv show but i realized like a minute had passed and i didn't i didn't like pick up anything yeah i know they were talking and once they finished i looked over at griffin and i was like did anything just happen it was really weird you and i just and i

i think it's just because we've watched so much of this show and we're just so over this shit that it just was static. But then I kind of tuned back in because Jasmine's trying to figure out what Drew's all about. And so she says, quote, I know you're all let's do lunch. Really fucking funny. That was a good way to put him. But she wants to know kind of the other side of him. And then he starts talking about how he just bought a house and he has a dog an apple tree he planted an apple tree and then like transitions right into how much he loves his mom it just it's like i was telling

griffin it's like he read a book right before he came on the show of like list of things girls like yeah and like on that list was like dog apple tree yeah mom apples apples and also like sustainability yeah um and then he says that he quote hasn't kissed those lips yet that's the thing he went on a run here or it's like you know maybe this guy's not so bad maybe just like is plays a villain on tv and was kind of forced into the role without much like good setup and he just has like the one shtick and he does it but like in real life it's not that bad he has an interaction with i think benoit in the hot tub where they like cheers and it seems like they're just like having a nice time uh and he's like i haven't kissed those lips yet and jasmine kind of makes fun of him like i knew when he was gonna kiss me he was gonna say something like gotta get those lips yeah yeah he's just that kind of guy and it doesn't bother

jasmine like that he's just kind of thinks he has more game than he does. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't think he's, like, the villain to end all villains, clearly. I think there will probably, based on the preview for next week's episode, there will probably be more of it. It's like, yeah, he's not, I don't even think he's that villainous. I think he plays up the D-bag role because that's the role that's kind of big deal to him in the show. Yeah, he thinks that he's smoother than he is. He thinks he's funnier than he is, you know? And he keeps putting himself in situations

that he thinks are really... I don't even hold the, like, him doing constant gags thing against him, because I feel like that is, like, a weird thing of Bachelorette Canada, where the producers are like, go do a clown act! You know, we haven't had in a minute a good clowning act.

I don't want to. Can I just go in and read the date card? Yeah. Make sure you make a big fart first. Maybe there's a banana peel on the ground and you slip on it. Oh, no. You slip on it when you stand up. Your boner's hanging out.

Oh, Griffin. It's Canada. We can show boners on TV. Griffin that's not true it's totally true watch kids in the hall okay it's the boner zone that was the original name for the show what happens next um so after both drew and benoit have pulled her away we cut to captain canada who is jealous in the hot tub and he doesn't pull jasmine away he just sits there it's very cold to her and kev you blew it dude because she was so like she was talking about after the day like the foot massage was it was really, really sexy. And I want to hit up whoever did that.

And then Kevin did not pull her aside. And so when it was rose slinging time. Yeah, she gave Drew the rose because he was kind of the only one that didn't didn't totally fall apart. Yeah. And then the date's over. And we're back at the house. The guys are all sitting around. And Drew has to do his little victory lap because he got the rose.

So he comes in in boxers with roses on them and just a black blazer and nothing else. And just kind of struts in with his champagne. And in his defense, there's at least four men in this room who see this very basic costume prop comedy and they're all like how rich chris is super annoyed though yeah chris is like why is everybody celebrating this man then it is time for the cocktail party. And we find out that Drew is in typical form, since he already has a rose, has decided to get drunk. Which, you know, no big deal. They don't ever make a big deal out of it.

He just is like, I'm drunk. He also doesn't get Bachelorette drunk. Yeah. He just has had too much to drink, but he doesn't like throw a glass and like jump in the pool and fight somebody. Mikkel is the first to pull her away again, as is his custom. And he says kind of endearingly that he gets shy in front of the cameras. And she's like, you have to cut that out. She says that's annoying.

Stop doing that. Yeah. But then he gives this really sincere speech about how he wants to be there and he can't imagine being anywhere else and he gets excited about thinking they're about their relationship together and then there's some more kissing and then he says he's he's coming in at full speed just to let her know rachel brought up what if the final two is mikhail and mike oh boy howdy that's a strong duo just like a couple of good guys i don't know if there's ever been a finale where i liked both of the finalists so much that I couldn't like decide between them.

Yeah, usually it's like one that seems to have more chemistry and one that's kind of bland, but safe. Yes. And in this case, I mean, to be honest, they're both a little bland, Mikkel and Mike. I guess so. But really like, honestly, good guys, like guys that I would want to like. And Mike can do But really like honestly good guys. Guys that I would want to like. And Mike can do that really cool thing with his mouth bubbles. Yeah.

Yeah, there's that too. Which is important in a relationship. Yeah. Griffin can't though, so I don't I guess what Griffin can do It's getting better Is a really

A really good Jack Nicholson impression Hey it's me Jack Nicholson I can't do the mouth thing but that's okay Because I was in the thin blue thin red line One of the lines I was in the Red Badge of Courage. I was in Into the Blue. It was me and Jessica Alba.

We were diving for ocean treasure. Into the Blue. I was in the band Deep Blue Something. I was in Deep Blue Something. 99 Red Balloons. That was me, Jacko. 99 red balloons. That was me, Jacko.

So while Mikal is talking to Jasmine, Chris starts making clear to everybody that his plans are to kiss Jasmine tonight. And so when Kevin, the deckhand pulls jasmine aside he starts saying like i'm going to next guys uh and he says like oh jasmine's got beautiful lips and i'm going to kiss her tonight um by the way if the tv show ever sets it up this much you know that is going to be bad yeah it's going to be a bad smooch our alarm bell started going off right away i actually during this scene rachel can attest to this i had to stand up and i just kind of followed where my skeleton was going because it's so exhausting to let my skeleton just like have field trips

outside of my body as much as it does watching this show and so i just kind of like coasted with it just to see where it goes and it actually there's like a like a column a support column uh like sort of in our kitchen area that I just kind of stood and hid behind. Yeah. And I just kind of watched the TV with just my left eye. If I'm able to keep Griffin on the couch, which sometimes I am, we have to be looking at each other the whole time. That happened at least once. We can't watch what's on TV.

That's what we did during the song. Yeah. That's what we did during Thomas' song Yeah. So we did during Thomas's song. We just looked directly at each other. So Chris comes in and says, I want to give you two things. That's a bad start. We both know what the second thing is going to be. Whatever the first thing is going to be better be like an apology for the second thing that's to come.

An apology. For the second thing that's to come. So the first thing is she had asked him to write down the lyrics from their reggae recording moment. And so he does that. And she's like, oh, thank you so much. And he's telling us, the viewer, like, oh, yeah, you know, there's a moment where she's kind of holding my gaze and we're looking at each other. And then he says, the second thing is this. And then he starts to lean in for the kiss.

And she's just like, no. She shuts it down. No, no. Good on him, at least for warning her that that was about to happen, giving her the time that she needed to preempt it well and she says and this is probably the most reasonable thing a bachelorette has ever said she's like just because he was advancing i didn't want to just do it if i wasn't feeling yeah dog of course yeah which is like is the most logical thing ever she's just like i don't feel like we're there yet i don't feel like we've progressed to that point i don't want to force it and what griffin and i are hearing is her say like we're just not this isn't going i'm not going to do this with you we're not going to

date are you kidding me but chris hears it as oh she must want to get to know me more she says we're not there yet and the yet yet he latches onto and thinks like, well, the yet means like there will be a point after she gets to know me over the next couple of weeks where we will eventually have a kiss. And it's like, no bud, if she turns away a kiss at the cocktail party,

right before the rose ceremony, you're going the fuck home. Go get in the cab dog. It was crazy that a, she didn't just send him home there. And then B it was crazy that Chris wasn't't just send him home there and then b it was crazy that chris wasn't like well i'll be on my way yeah i mean you know how it is when you like somebody and you're just kind of hanging on to whatever little little niblets they'll give you

this wasn't even such as me this was you coming and saying can i please have a niblet and them saying no no niblets for you you will have no niblets i've given niblets to other people but i will not give them to you say how about i just give you a niblet and she says i don't even want that niblet go home run home jack it's over you lost the game instead we have to go to this rose ceremony where spoiler alert chris goes home yeah at the rose ceremony i will point out that uh kevin of captain canada uh nickname he's wearing a bow tie i didn't think it was flattering drag on baby get him serve this country no big deal rachel's gonna smash you on that neck situation he's a man with a very large frame dedicated his country served

his country for many years yeah dude i agree with you so many hardships just come after him get him mikhail in a bow tie would be great maybe deckhand kevin in a bow tie would be good but not captain canada but not big muscular kevin no it has to be at one of those big old paula poundstone bow ties because you got those broad shoulders paula poundstone never wore bow ties she probably did neck ties well she probably wore bow ties sometimes yeah i guess i mean we'll see i i mean yeah the first thing i'm doing as soon as we press that stop button is getting on youtube i'm gonna watch everything she's ever done uh so captain canada gets a rose um um so does mikhail so does deckhand kevin so does benoit which means chris is going home

sorry chris chris is very very sad um and he kind of gives the speech you know that you hear a lot on this show from him from him like that i sorry. I can't with you, Chris, anymore, because you're, like, a strapping lad who's a good-looking strapping lad. I know. Who is... He's going to be fine. We're not worried about you, Chris. I know he's going to be fine. That's what drives me crazy is the whole time he's like, this just keeps happening.

People just don't love me. Fuck off. Like, you're a good-looking dude. Well, Griffin McElroy, have you ever gotten dumped and thought, like, well, this must be indicative of the rest of my life? Sure. That's not what this was, though. It was a TV show. He got kicked out. He lost the TV show, and I'm sure he was very, very sad

about that. I was just talking about how in every episode, it was just a sad sack, like, it reminded me of, uh, oh my god, I can't believe I can't remember his name, because it's the name of the famous music, James Taylor, from last season. It's's just like all these other boys are so great and this always happens to me yeah by the way public apology last last episode i said i couldn't remember any nice boys i do i was well of course i remember wells yeah james taylor's okay too

yeah so chris goes home and he's pretty sad about it but i think he will find a nice woman that has similar interests to him and will be delighted by his inventions and then we find out his bombs and then we find out uh they're going to morocco they're going to morocco and in the preview for the next week we just see some more drew stuff which is some camels yes but there's a lot of drew stuff but it's other boys fighting with Drew and it's like, that's, I guess, a little bit better. But I'm glad the Drew-Chris thing has been put to bed.

Yeah, now it'll be Drew and somebody else. Yeah. That was this episode of Bachelorette Canada. I want to thank some people for gifts. Yeah, let's thank some people for gifts. So, we got a nice little embroidered rose in a frame that says, When you're ready.

That was really good. And thank you to Susan for sending us that. Thank you, Susan. That's P.O. Box 66639, Austin, Texas, 78766. If you want to send us anything. We've gotten so many onesies. Oh, I can't. Why are you doing this, leaning down to the floor to grab

shit? Well, we got a really nice onesie that says, I'm a critical hit and has 20s all over it. That is a reference for those of you that are just Rosebuddies fans, and I know that's got to be, what, like 97% of you. You're goofing. You're goofing.

There are a lot. I would actually be really curious to know. I think there's a lot of people who listen to rosebuddies who don't listen to any of the other mac griffin also does a show called the adventure zone where he plays dungeons and dragons with his brothers and dad and so there's a little 20-sided die on there yeah it's really cute and then we got a really nice note uh Amy T. And I really appreciated it, just telling us to kind of enjoy this terrifying time where we're about to have a child. Yeah, it's already getting there, Amy.

Yeah, we are eight weeks out from the due date. We have not talked yet about how we might handle our maternity leave. Oh, I'll spoil it for those at home. You're not going to get episodes for a while, probably. We'll see. I can't imagine it's going to be our highest priority. Maybe we'll just take questions or something.

Maybe. I mean, the good news is it'll be December, so there's not going to be anything on then, I guess. Yeah, like maybe, obviously, we probably won't have time to watch the show and I won't want to take furious notes, but maybe we'll take questions from the listeners

or something. Yeah, we'll find some way to keep the dream alive. Or put up little 15-minute episodes. That's December 5th is our due date, just to let you all in

on the magic. That's it for this episode. Thank you all for listening. Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert.

She is up with Soulja Boy.