Wonderful! - Ep. 50: Horny Beginnings

Episode Date: December 20, 2016

We're about to hop right into another season of the Bachelor -- but before we do, we wanted to take a trip through time to revisit the very first season of this beloved television franchise. We're gonna party like it's 2002. Which means we're ALL getting our hair straightened. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rep and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies.

Welcome to the Rose Buddies Holiday Special. It is a podcast where we talk about reality. The holiday special you've been waiting for. The reason for the season. The colon, comma, the Rose Buddies Holiday Spectacular. Starring your hosts. I'm trying to tighten up our brand. Griffin and Rachel McElroy.

Your hosts, Griffin and Rachel McElroy, and me, your other host, Clive Barker. Famous horror writer man, Clive Barker. It's a new thing I'm trying out, is holiday shows. You don't seem to like this, babe. Well, I just, we don't have the content to go along with it. What do you mean? I mean, we don't have- Like a very spooky holiday special? We don't have any holiday content. I with it what do you mean i mean we don't have a very spooky holiday special we don't have any holiday content i mean we do who's that coming in the door it's rudolph oh fuck there's a live reindeer in the studio our baby's in here he's

gonna get trampled we gotta get the hell out of this studio there's wildlife in here you're so nervous about how loud i'm talking you think i'm gonna wake this baby up this concludes our holiday special no i want it to be a holiday special. We've been watching our holiday specials nonstop this week, and I just want to contribute to the fabric of love. But what we're talking about is not holiday related. Fine. I thought we could.

Maybe instead of saying any of the names of the people that we're going to talk about, we could just say Santa Claus instead. Huh? Well, we want to encompass all holidays though judah mcabee is also one of them okay okay fine let's just talk about the bachelor season one do you want to start over i'm not mad at you but now i feel bad that we don't actually have a holiday special uh-huh yeah welcome to the party pal diehard diehard

quote holiday movie what was your plan though was that you would just introduce this sing some carols oh you know i don't sing well that's not fucking true at all i'm about to jump over this live reindeer in the studio and and hug you until you believe in yourself um i mean we could we could make some tie-ins between season one of the bachelor and the miracle of the holidays the holiday season the holiday miracle uh there were there was maybe only enough women for one night huh and then they made it last for these in this case seven miraculously oily women there were 25 of them christmas days the 25th of december there were 25 sorry this is ridiculous we watched the first season of

the bachelor for you folks and the whole time i thought i was having a fever dream because it was the craziest shit i've ever seen in my entire life uh we're gonna take a trip back to 2002 ladies and gentlemen although you're gonna think we to take a trip back to 2002, ladies and gentlemen. Although you're going to think we've taken a trip back to 19-fucking-95. So ladies, if you would like to join us, go ahead and straighten your hair, add some blonde highlights. Definitely. And over-pluck your eyebrows.

Yes. And then maybe a turtleneck sweater. And gentlemen, if you want to join us, you don't have a lot to go on, but I guess sort of- Big pants. Big pants, Gordon Gekko haircut. Big shirts, big jackets. neck sweater and gentlemen if you want to join us you don't have a lot to go on but i guess big pants big pants gordon gecko haircut big big shirts big jacket a lot of simi kaj sort of that simi kaj kind of life um third eyed blind which was i guess also chronologically uh accurate uh it was 2002 this was the first season of the bachelor was this here's something that we should have looked up and maybe i'll google it was the bachelor based on anything was an adaptation of like another country's

reality show because you know we do that shit like i don't know i know that there is a movie with chris o'donnell i believe not the same i don't think it's based on the movie the chris it's actually based on the chris o'donnell movie batman and Robin. Did you know that? Oh, you know? No, I didn't. That's why Uma Thurman shows up and seduces The Bachelor with magic pheromones. So, uh-oh. Please be quiet. Audience, please be quiet. The library deer in the room has been enraged.

So I just Googled it. The Bachelor season one, it wasn't based on anything. This was original IP. just googled it the bachelor season one it wasn't based on anything this was original ip this was the this was the creation of something beautiful and bright and new and exciting and vibrant and sexy that kind of explains the tone of this season which is very much like hey everybody here has agreed to do this nobody's being held against their will yes we're not making anybody get engaged or married we're going to talk a lot about like the little differences that we're like considering how much

of this show we've watched and how immutable it is right over the last like four years that i've been watching the show uh these little differences are inscrutable to me and they are it's like living in a slider style parallel universe where just a little bit of stuff's different. But it's also kind of spectacular and remarkable how much stuff has remained the same, considering that this was the first draft of the thing. Yeah, some of the concepts that are introduced in season one continue to today. Yeah, in like, what, season 19, 20? I don't even know. I don't even know.

So, yeah. First things first about The Bachelor bachelor i think we should talk about a tight seven episodes and fucking one of those is the women tell all so a tight six episodes yeah no kidding same number of contestants but like a third the number of episodes uh our bachelor whose name is alex last name withheld well alex michelle we know his middle name is michelle last name withheld well alex michelle we know his middle name is michelle that's fun uh we don't know his last name i mean we could if we looked it up okay that's fair uh he is a businessman and he has if you if you've listened to the rose buddies we've probably talked a little bit about how he uh is gone he was abducted by who knows aliens yakuza he's not around yeah chris harrison

kind of pokes fun at the fact that this guy now wants nothing to do with the franchise and they try and act like it's a amusing thing fun thing probably not so fun for this dude and not a big slight on the whole franchise that he will have nothing to do with them after watching his six episode sex romp his his horny six hour tour uh i'm i'm maybe not surprised that the dude wants to distance himself from the show a little bit uh but anyway alex michelle he's a he's a businessman what do we know so he was he was 31 when this was filmed um they make a big deal out of the fact that he is a harvard graduate uh he also attended stanford um he gosh what he's a swimmer okay yeah um and they make a big point to say that he has passed a background check

which i thought was nice like hey guys don't worry we're not sending these women to their death this guy is okay this is something they announced in like his intro reel and it's like it is a rachel alluded to it earlier but it is an important like thing to think about and it was hard for me to think about and i kept kind of getting lost a little bit watching this first season because they belabored the point so much that for this first season it was lacking so many of the things that we love about the show today, like the the canon of this show that they've established and figured out and solidified over the past fucking 14 years. So when watching this first season, it was important for me to keep in mind the novelty was here's 25 women dating one dude and he's going to propose to one of them and this is this was unthinkable right like this was every every piece of press that was given to the bachelor season one was about how crazy is this these 25 women are dating one dude and at the end

they're gonna get married and a lot of it was like how desperate are these women that they this is how they're trying to find a mate but this was novel to them and not the fucking like mechanical backbone of a like long-running television franchise yeah and they talk a little bit about this at the women tell all episode of just like all these women are treated as if they're crazy women and they get asked repeatedly like what did you what did you think when you signed up for the show why would you do this show uh which i'm sure women today still get asked but it's a little more accepted yeah it's interesting i think everything that is different about the show can be summarized in a single point which is is, season one, there was no capital B, capital N Bachelor Nation.

And because of that, like, there weren't people writing about like, ooh, look at this villain, or based on based on what we know about the series, who's he going to give the ring on ring to this time? It was like, oh, shit, they went to their hometowns. Isn't that crazy? Oh, shit. They went to private rooms and probably boned. Isn't that wild? These things called fantasy suites. shit they went to private rooms and probably boned isn't that wild these things called fantasy suites yeah well and also there was no interaction really there there was no twitter like there was no opportunity to like engage with the show so they probably had no idea whether you know it was really going crazy yes um so again like we, there's lots of little differences. But, I mean, broad strokes, 25 women, he's going to go on single dates and group dates.

No two-on-ones. There are roses that are given out at the end of every episode. That Chris presents in a weird fucking, like, mocky roll. Oh, and there's Chris Harrison. Oh, Chris Harrison, of course. Yeah, and there's Chris Harrison. He presents the roses in this weird mocky roll sushi rolling mat. Yeah.

He, like, he, He like drops this place mat That he uses to curry the roses From location to location Chris Harrison who This is his first job Because he's 12 years old You know what I looked it up He's actually in his early 30s

He looks like a baby But he's not Pretty sure Because that would mean He's 45 years old now And that's not possible Oh no No no no

He's actually 28 years old okay he's one year younger than me okay um so yeah we have a baby chris harrison and people get people get sent home and they go on dates and then there's hometowns there's hometowns there's fantasy suites like a lot of these like big concepts are in place um it is everything around those concepts that is different. Yeah. So should we get started? Yeah, we can. Yeah, I think there's sort of broad observations that I think we can share as we go. I think it would also take a really long time if we broke down everything that happened in the six episodes.

But let's power through. Well, I mean, the first thing I wanted to say, so we're introduced to the women for the first episode and they make a big deal out of, first of all, the women are age 22 to 31. Out of the 25 of them, 22 have college degrees. Yeah. They make a big deal out of how, you know, Alex Michelle is somebody with an advanced degree and a lot of the women that are competing for his rows. Yeah. Also have advanced degrees i don't want to throw shade at the like current sort of casting procedures and

the current like slate of of women that come out for this show but they made a huge deal out of like these are young professional yeah nobody's listed as like a chicken enthusiast free spirit our twin twin um everybody's listed by like an occupation yeah uh yeah there's a there's a lot of um yeah there's a there's an attorney there's doctors uh there's a psychologist um and then there's also you know this is something i mentioned to griffin there are a few that call themselves actresses which we don't really see anymore yeah most of the time now if they're trying to be an actress it's kind of a covert op it's not a it's not an on the there's probably a season where they got burned um and like as as secretive as they like to be with this

show like there's there's probably too high a risk for them to to cast folks like that um so yeah we meet the one we get the little short vignettes about a couple of them uh and then we get the uh well first of all we get a little bit of one-on-one time between alex and chris harrison which happens a fuck ton throughout these six episodes yeah see this if you're curious about what we mean when we talk about chris you see like how he used to have more of a presence this is this is an example of that yeah um there's should we talk about some of the differences too that come out night one um i mean the i think a big one is just like the presentation of the show is pretty whack like it compared to today where

everything looks extremely like cinematic for lack of a better term, like the inspiration for the current bachelor, it feels like is this huge sweeping grand romance, like a romantic movie. And this, this season of the bachelor was essentially like blind date, like no joke.

That is about what we were working. The production value that was bad yeah and not just that like the the sets or whatever you want to call it were bad like there were a couple of times i remember very distinctly in the finale there's a shot where he's alex is laying down in front of a fire and talking to a woman and the camera work during this shot was so bad like it literally like veered away from both of the people talking for a second. It looked like my like, it looked like our son shot it. It looked like our newborn son shot.

There was like some parts that were just like, oh, guys. And I think that stuff, maybe I'm nitpicking, but it really stands out because holy shit, is it such a polished product these days. And so the staging. So another example is when it comes time for the rose ceremony, which, what do they call it? The invitation night or something like that. Yeah, they call it like invitation night. It sounds vampiric, doesn't it?

All the women stand shoulder to shoulder in this huge room. And so there are 25 women in a semicircle all standing like one row deep. You can't even get them all in one shot. No, it's like they're playing a really fucked up version of red rover um with a bunch of young professionals and oh and the other thing and this is something that isn't that long gone but before alex makes the call he goes to what they call the deliberation room this was this i can't believe this was ever a part of every single contestant has a headshot in a frame, which is something, they've done that since I've been watching.

Well, you may be conflating it with, they did that for Bachelor Pad, and that is how they voted in, or, yeah, Bachelor Pad. And I don't think I've seen a season where they go into it, because it's crazy. First of all, it's super boring to have, like, a shot of a man just looking at a bunch of photos, like he's at some sort of weird mass wake um see i always thought it was like a nice nod to the fact of like you may not remember who all these women are so here are some helpful photos while you make your decision yes it's it's convenient in that sense um i couldn't tell you the names of oh no

more than three of the women and maybe that's just because it was a tight six episode package exactly by by comparison we have watched roughly 90 episodes of the office in the last week and a half um because maternity paternity leave is pretty fucking tight um six episodes i don't know i don't know it takes me eight episodes of survivor to learn anybody's name i know me too i can't believe i can't believe not only how short a run this show was um and how successful it was despite how like how short a run this show was like this show was a zeitgeist like it and it had six seven episodes including the the women tell all that's crazy yeah that's bonkers yeah i mean the fact that it immediately spiraled out into the bachelorette with trista who was a contestant the next year in 2003 like they were ready to go

yeah um and it was not a i gotta say not a good show like this first season of the bachelor and maybe maybe it was carried by the weight of the that that um the how weird it was that there were 25 women dating one minute and they were going to get married and you just had to watch it to see what happens right i think there were a lot of way scuzzier reality dating shows that yeah we watched earlier this year uh that were sort of built on the back of that premise that were like oh well let's go even grosser than that because if this is what people were talking about and this is what got people excited and to the bachelor and Bachelorette's credit, like, we give them a lot of shit. But the show is a lot, lot, lot more than that now.

Another difference is, so there are group dates and, are there single dates? There are single dates, yeah. But they don't get roses early on those dates. They don't. Nor do they receive the information about these dates on date cards. Oh my gosh, the boxes. Holy shit, they get fun little boxes. They get fun little geocaches.

Like big hat boxes full of themed artifacts that suggest what the date is going to be about. Yeah. You can tell some production assistant spent hours, like, carefully compiling. And all the women do is they rip the top of that box off they pull out the card and then no attention no attention is paid to the box i would be surprised if the box made it to trista's season i think they probably got rid of it by then uh so this very first night 10 women go home out of the 25 so it's like it's like they almost cut it in half uh which explains how they

could do it in so few episodes and they keep this rate going for the next like i think the first three episodes they get rid of pretty much half the the crowd at the time which here's the thing first of all this is closer to the kind of clip that bachelorette canada moved at uh which i think we can all agree was better. This was maybe a little intense because it was like, why did you even bring these 10 people here? Like, I don't know anything about these 10 people. Yeah.

And you certainly didn't give me time. Was the show two hours or was it just one? I think it was just one. Gosh, I didn't even notice. I didn't even notice either, but I think these were one hour long episodes. And so like in two hours, it's hard for me to get to know 25 women.

In one, no. So like these 10 women are like well there goes freckles one and curly red hair and aqua dress aqua dress aqua dress two electric boogaloo like there's no hope for me to learn the names of these of these women um like no first impression rose nope no first very very um scant rose delivery very few roses bonus roses um yeah so so already into episode two we're pretty much cut in half um which anything stand out to you else about episode one that's the thing like it wasn't very good. Here's the, here's another broad thing that we should talk about. And I think it's the reason why I had a hard time,

like really connecting with this season. I mean, I connected with it because I was so fascinated by it. Cause it was so weird and different, but like if this had come out in 2002, I don't know. I might've loved it. I was a trash person probably back then.

I would have loved it. I totally would have. I still, as, as we were watching the first season i was like this is this is scratching that itch for me well here's the thing that why it didn't scratch the itch for me and it's some it's this is going to sound like the biggest double standard ever um because it's something i talk about as being like a fault for

the show but there were no like characters right yeah and and i'm not saying that this necessarily has to be that like kayfabe um you know hand like handled handwritten storylines for everybody i'm just saying like the character the the contestants that i remember um your jubilees and your um your carlies and like all of these people had character and this character was delivered and through all of these different methods that's why like so when we watch the women tell all they were trying to kind of set some of that up as an afterthought there was a woman whose name i can't remember well done uh who was like and now the woman that everybody's been talking about george chun um and we were like, who the fuck is that?

And it showed her getting too drunk at a party and she passed out in the bathroom and danced around and everybody was like, we love you, Joi Chun. And it's like, who the fuck is that? I don't know who the fuck you're talking about. It was almost like it didn't occur to them until they decided to do a Women Tell All

that they were like, oh, we need to establish establish some drama we watched this whole season in 72 hours and i don't know who the fuck that is i watched this episode on saturday what are you talking about who is that yeah um just the women the women didn't stand out and it's not a weakness of the women it's a weakness of how the show was sort of structured and presented and maybe it needs it i god i can't believe the things i'm saying on this episode of this podcast but maybe it needs two hours to get that shit across you know what i mean and it certainly needs better the behind the scenes interviews were the pits those little in the moment interviews with the with the bachelor and do the contestants get those i guess yeah sometimes but it would always be setting up the scene or talking about what you're literally seeing.

And if this sounds like the same way that they're handled now, like I'm describing it poorly. But it's like, my parents had a real problem with her. And so they sat me down to talk about it. And during that conversation, I was just really unsure about their feelings. Cut to the fucking next scene is literally exactly that you didn't get to know there was no like reaction to the things that were happening there was only like here's a scene you're about to see we it was pretty dope the only time i enjoyed it is i feel like alex got some some of those in the moments where he got to kind

of explore his own discomfort with the process uh which i kind of enjoyed watching like just like like he'd go on group dates for example and he would be like man all these women hate me right now like we are on this date and they know i just took this other woman out and and they are just fuming and it's really uncomfortable for me there was a lot of very frank disdain between the contestants and the bachelor and between the bachelor and the process the last couple episodes are kind of a death march because nobody wants to get engaged absolutely nobody in this process wants to get engaged yeah um because again like the novelty was novel for them too right like you go into this show now you know what the fuck is up you when you go into that casting room you know full well that you could come out of it six months

later somebody's fiancee that that was not the case here and so it was like oh shit you we're we're doing this it's a marriage for? It's almost like after this season, they had people fill out comment cards that said, select the date range you'd be comfortable getting engaged. And it was like five to seven weeks, eight to 10 weeks, 11 to 13 weeks. And then they decided to extend the season to just that length.

Yeah, maybe. Because it's very clear that you know what six weeks or whatever is not enough i remembered a name there's a woman named shannon who makes it fairly far yeah she's like final three and of this six episode season like three of the episodes she fucking hates alex's guts and he he keeps her around and they just go on these acrimonious dates where they just like hate each other's fucking guts. She doesn't. She's kind of most notable because she's kind of the first virginal character and that she doesn't want to kiss. She doesn't want to talk about anything sexual.

She's not comfortable with anything sexual on the show. And he is coming from a very opposite point of view and she's just openly hostile anytime he tries to bring it up and she's extremely jealous of the fact that he is dating other women and again like i can't fault her for this because it's the first season of the show yeah you don't have that baked into your mind when you come out for it yeah to this season's credit everything felt super duper real um and i'm sure it was like slightly manufactured but like these things when they sprung the fantasy suites on them they didn't know that these were coming their reactions to that were real as hell and i found that like really really genuinely interesting

yeah um if like a really good solid like romance story had come out of this i think i would have like loved this season um it didn't it kind of petered out there at the end but like everything felt like a very very um authentic and super duper clumsy which i think only goes to you know uh back up its authenticity um so i want to skip to episode three okay halfway to this you just skipped one sixth of the episodes with dates on episode two is where they go to vegas and not a lot happens this is where he starts in on when when does him and amanda's unique relationship start out um i think that's episode three okay let's get's get into episode three, because another thing we need to talk about Alex is that he is horny as hell, and he's not ashamed to say it.

Yeah, so the only thing that happens in episode two is they go to Vegas, and Shannon kind of becomes a frontrunner on that date. She gets a jewelry date, for lack of a better term where they go to like a fancy dinner situation and she gets this that's actually episode three oh is it shit oh never mind she spoiler uh so episode three this is this is interesting so it's not unusual for the bachelor's friends to show up on campus um but what's unusual about this is that Alex's friends are a couple, and they're going to live on campus for the week. And so they're going to ask questions of the women and pick their favorite women's, women's, pick their favorite women's, and then be available for

questions. Chris Harrison's like, take advantage of this time, ladies, because these two people know Alex very well. And so they're just kind of trapped on... Trapped is a great word. On site. Imprisoned. These two are constantly holding hands, and I think for strength, they need this. I was surprised that Griffin made a big deal out of that, because Griffin's a big hand holder. Maybe not on television constantly, not all the time. No just chase your bliss stand in your truth stand in your love

it was just like funny to watch these in the moment interviews and they had like 30 of them across this one episode and in each one those paws were interlocked as if they were like exchanging nutrients through their through their fleshy stalks um what's cool i enjoyed is so the friends they ask compatibility questions of the women that are there and the compatibility questions include questions like do you vote and um which which is more important mercy or justice this was crazy it was like why are you what are you gonna do with this information sorry dude she likes justice i know you love mercy bro ah it's a tough beat you gotta send her home i know you're a mercy man and she said justice so yeah so it was just like wasn't there a sex question too like oh

probably there was i can't remember maybe how important is it in a relationship? Oh yeah, everybody was like, super duper important, because they know what Alex needs. They know what he craves. That's that carnal touch. That carnal touch from women's. Aw, Henry's signing off. Carnal touch from women's. So this is when the women get picked for dates and the women that get picked are amanda and shannon and trista this is the final three yeah spoiler this is this it just

if you if you remember three names from this whole conversation uh remember those those three. So the first date is with Amanda. And these two have a physical chemistry. Alex is a 31-year-old man. He has no idea. I'm going to sound really gross here. But I really want to stress that this is what Alex sort of was whenever he was around amanda and it was just like any conversation they had he'd be like so how do you boobs how do you boobs how do i get um what do you think they touch like amanda it tells us in episode one uh she's from a very small town in Kansas, but she's very comfortable with her sexuality and tells the viewer right away, like, I like to, I don't know, be playful, let's say.

And that she has sexual experiences that include purchasing a trapeze. So we know she's down for anything. Awesome. Great. And Alex cannot handle it alex can't fucking handle this shit alex tells us the viewer and griffin made me write this down word for word that amanda has a quote creative sexuality that no one has ever appreciated and here i am getting it like a gift you said this me rachel and henry all barfed at the same time because that's the craziest I am getting it like a gift. You said this. Me, Rachel, and Henry all barfed at the same time because that's the craziest shit

anybody's ever said. We paused it, rewound it just to make sure that I could get the exact wording. Here, I got you something. What is this? Oh, happy holidays. Unravel, unravel, paper sound, paper sound. Oh, is this your creative sexuality that you're giving to me like a gift? Thank you. Nobody's appreciated this before, but I appreciate it very much. Thank you for the gift. They go, for their date, they go to like a japanese style restaurant look dope as fuck um where you know

they'd sit on the ground and there would be low tables and they just decide to move the little pillows and just full on like go at it this was i couldn't help but watch this scene and think of the the great great terrace house show that we just watched and all the like nice japanese meals they went to and just like we talked about on during terrace house and i felt kind of shitty for talking about it like this but like oh this an american tv show would be so different and here we are in like a really nice fancy japanese restaurant and these two are just finger blasting each other on the ground non-stop no joke like it was we've this show was so horny season one was so horny it was so horny all the time we watch this show we think like oh nowadays

wow this is a horny show no knowing that the fantasy suites is coming at the end gives you like i'm gonna be horny on week nine so i shouldn't be horny now and without that fucking like goalpost in your mind alex is just like i'm going to be horny constantly in this nice japanese restaurant where these nice japanese waiters and waitresses are coming in and they're trying to serve his food but they can't because we're doing it yeah there actually is a scene where a waitress tries to come in with the food and then sees them on the ground and kind of starts to back out and then doesn't know whether she should continue to serve them or give them their privacy.

They're serving each other! It's uncomfortable. It's rough stuff. I'm not exaggerating. 75% of the conversations that these two have together are Alex just being like, what do they rub like? There's a day where they're in New York, right right and they're on like a sightseeing bus and it's literally just like so how did you

get your breasts and she's like well let me tell you about my breasts he's like breast breast breast yeah so she's had a like a breast enhancement and he feels totally within his right to just ask her all the details about it what size she was before what size she is now why she decided to do it how she feels about them i don't want to sound prudish i don't want to sound like i'm judging amanda in any way i'm just saying like it was crazy how horny this dude if you contrast him and let's say sean low who was the born again virgin like it's insane it's insane and they wouldn't they don't i feel like this show is definitely it gets gross sometimes and i hope we are good enough about calling it out when it gets gross but like i it almost feels

like they want the bachelor um to be a little bit more honorable, I guess, than this these days. Like, he is supposed to be this, like, romance movie hero who is, like, virtuous to some degree. It's what we always talk about. It's that, like, unspoken code of conduct that everybody's supposed to follow. Yeah. You know?

And that, like, the women inherently know and the Bachelor inherently knows of this is how the show works. This is what's appropriate. And anytime anyone steps outside of that, they get a really bad edit. So they're very careful. Like Juan Pablo, who definitely deserved it. But he was kind of a sleazy dude who said that, he says, I love fucking you to a woman when she says, I love you.

He gets a bad edit from that but like otherwise you are supposed to be this this this virtuous white knight and like this dude did not come off like that at all i wouldn't say that alex got a bad edit no i don't think so either which is interesting no i just think like they didn't know he didn't know what to be because there hadn't been a bachelor before yeah and so he was just like your your boobs are very cool uh the other thing that happens and this is this is the first solo date uh they go get massages and they rub each other on their very first date hello well i mean there's six episodes yeah dude goes on a total of like maybe 14 dates across all of these episodes. So his next solo date is with Trista.

And I can't help but think he was very deliberate in choosing his dates because the woman he is very sexually attracted to gets the massage date. Trista gets a let's cook a meal together at home. Yeah. And they make pasta. And it is a very 180 degree difference trista's great i this actually made me kind of want to watch bachelorette i know i kind of want to watch uh because trista and whoever she ends up with i don't i don't know uh ryan ryan spoiler well everybody knows i guess they got they got married they got their own

marriage special and and they're still married today like they were the second or third i think bachelor season two they renewed their vows too through the franchise exactly like they are they are the original success story for this show and like she's great she's she is definitely the best contestant on the show um and i'm it was smart thinking i guess like of the the creators of this show to be like you know it'd be cool let's do a let's do a gender soft version of this let's do bachelorette and let's use this woman who everybody really really loved yeah uh and then our first group date is a horse date yes uh where they all ride horses and all the women are miserable just hate his guts um and then shannon as we mentioned earlier gets a one-on-one where she gets uh like a an

evening gown and harry winston jewelry fuck that shit so no neil lane yet get that that ring pop gosh upon looking piece of shit jewelry out of my house this is a neil lane home rachel wears rachel wears lots of neil lane every day she's wearing the pendant, the Heart of the Ocean pendant from Titanic. Neil Lane did that. If you hold it up in the right light, you can see Neil Lane's face, and he winks at you. And he winks, and he's like, Make a wish. The ocean shall make it so.

By Neptune's beard, it shall be so. I have to be careful, though, because it's kind of cheaply made, and so it turns my skin orange. It turns your skin orange. Also, there's sort of a monkey paw situation with these wishes. That was kind of a play on how Neil Lane is always orange. I didn't get it. Mean. Sorry.

It's Christmas Day. No, it's not. And then, so it's time for the um the what is what is it called invitation invitation night which i mentioned earlier and i feel like you didn't really think about this but it sounds like some sort of vampire ceremony welcome to the invitation night and there's video messages so all the remaining women recorded little video messages for Alex, which is something they also used to do a few years ago. They they they ape this on. Oh, my God.

What's that show that we watch on Lifetime? The only Lifetime show that we know. Unreal. Yeah, they ate this on Unreal and they made fun of it on Burning Love. And I never got it because I think the first season I watched, they had long retired this practice. Yeah, pretty much every episode once they got down to like a reasonable number of women because he dude can't watch 25 fucking videos um they would have these video pleas and most of them like i get why they stopped doing them because most of them were super lame yeah it was like we had a great time and uh i hope that you'll just

think about our future together because i am and uh that's it. See you tonight. I love you. Just kidding. So this is episode three. He has to narrow it down to four women on the third episode. They go to hometowns on week four. Note he had three one-on-ones this week. I think this must be when they decided you could give out a rose on a one-on-one because, of course, he picks the three women

he went on one-on-one dates with. And then there's just one spot left for a rando. Who to rando ronda was it ronda kim cam ronda goes home and ronda has the anxiety attack yeah which they try and play up a lot there's like shots of ambulances the whole thing first okay so a few other things we should talk about that are like we celebrated when they said them for the first time so we get the first like in the um preview for the whole season you get the ambulance edit you get the somebody's gonna die someone flies someone dies you get that in the preview for the whole season no the woman just has like an anxiety attack which is serious but like they make it seem like she suffers a gunshot wound or

something oh yeah we don't actually even know that the ambulance ever shows up they just show her breathing heavy and a production person talking to her um during the women tell all one of the women is talking about the remaining women who are still in the house and they say trista you know she's a great girl and i i really believe she's here for the right reasons. And it's like, oh, shit. That's the first time. Yeah. That's the first time you said that. What was the other one?

There was another thing that like somebody said that is like a mainstay. Obviously, Chris Harrison says, when you're ready, please step forward and accept your rose. And it's like, oh, but you don't have to say that second part. You can just stop it when you're ready. It's going to become like a time on or catchphrase that some people are going to use as their podcast sign off. The other thing they do in episode three, I just wanted to when you're ready. It's going to become like a time-honored catchphrase that some people are going to use as their podcast sign-off. The other thing they do in episode three, I just wanted to point out real quick. So we mentioned the problematic staging of episode one where it was 25 women shoulder-to-shoulder.

By episode three, they're sitting on couches. Yeah, very lazy. So they kind of all have their own seating area, and they're just kind of hanging out waiting for that rose real informal like i like little coffee shop couches yeah um anything else for episode three i can't that's it that's it for episode so here's another thing that we should talk about like another surprise if you were on this show you probably you probably didn't know and you as the viewer definitely didn't know that their hometowns were a thing and so now like if you're built if you're baked into this like novelty of like he's dating so many women and he's gonna get engaged and now he has to meet their families this is crazy yeah um i can't i can't imagine how

like there there had to be dozens of moments like that during this show that i just didn't appreciate because like i've seen it happen a dozen times yeah because i i mean both you and i started watching after the show was established so we just kind of took it at face value of like oh this must be how it works let me tell you what i remember about the hometowns fucking nothing nothing at all i do remember that this was the worst like in the moment interview offender where it was just like so i went to kenosha and i met the whole family and um you know they gave me some pretty hard questions and i did my best to answer them cut to just like eight boring ass minutes of that um i will say in i will say in general um the families just weren't fucking having it like it seemed like everybody you're

gonna do sorry sorry marriage alex to alex is weary alex openly complains about the breakneck schedule of running across the country to these various homes when he goes to meet amanda's family who is like obviously his front runner the whole time he is just like he's dead silent he says he only got three hours of sleep. First of all, fuck you. I would kill for three hours of sleep. Are you kidding me? And so he's just not on his game. So he just kind of sits there and shovels food in his mouth and doesn't even try.

And her dad is like, is he sick? What's wrong with him? So just to quickly go through. So we go to Kim's house i don't know anything about kim no nobody knows anything about kim lives in phoenix kim was a psychological experiment to see if anybody would notice if they just added a woman to this show uh the thing that was remarkable about kim is that they go to her house and she has a room of taxidermied animals oh god okay i remember him now yeah that her dad has has murdered uh and her dad very um politely asked alex what his hobbies are if not hunting

and alex says that he's a swimmer which i thought was cute the hunting of the water do you mean fishing what are you talking about we also get a a fun interaction between Alex and one of Kim's nieces or I guess nephew. Holy shit. Where Alex is trying to lift this nephew by his arm and practically dislocates his shoulder. It's like literally like he's dead lifting this child by the wrist. He's telling the camera, he's like, you know, you always want to be good with kids in front of a family you're trying to impress. And it just shows him over and over. Not like that, Lenny.

Put him the fuck down. Yes, that's Kim. Trista is from St. Louis. And she takes him to her high school, which I was really trying to figure out what high school because I'm also from St. Louis. I couldn't tell. out what high school because i'm also from st louis i couldn't tell oh um but this is when alex starts to be more candid about trista and says things like it drives me nuts that she's not interested uh her whole thing is like she is not she says i'm in like with you but i don't know that i'll get there she i mean she admits this is a problem for her like she she is very careful

with how she shows her feelings and the penultimate episode she says like i don't want to get engaged to you i like you a lot but like thinking about getting engaged to you makes me want to barf that's crazy no way like compared to amanda who's very clear like i'm into you trista is very much like oh yeah i mean there are other things i could be doing and i guess this isn't a bad way to spend my time yeah um which he loves he that is like what keeps him hanging on is that she is very cautious decision making process though is inscrutable though because kim they don't seem to have any connection at all him and shannon have an a straight up hateful like i watch this episode watch the hometowns episode if you

only watch one episode just watch that because I've never seen anything like it. Shannon's family, not a big fan of Alex, if memory serves. But more than that, she's like, I can't believe you're doing this with all of the women. This is so awful. Well, and unlike Trista. So Trista, we know just maybe she's just like this in relationships. Shannon shows us that she's capable of love in her relationship with her dog. She gets the fuck up out of the room.

She's like, here's my parents. Let's sit down. Never mind. I'm going to leave the room with you, leaving you alone with my parents. And I'm going to go play with a dog outside. And then he's trying to talk to her. And they take this dog outside. They're sitting on a bench. And he's like, so tell me about,

and then the dog starts to run off and she's like, Trixie, Trixie, get back here. Like goes to chase off the dog. And Alex is like, she like strands him with her parents and goes outside to play with the dog. She's like,

Hey, these are my parents. Um, I'm going to go be with my dog. And then Alex makes awkward small talk with the dad without any buffer at all like just it was so in this in this for the final four you have a woman who is really into you and you are at least very physically into her you have a woman woman uh kim who just like there doesn't seem to be any connection at all you have trista who is actively

telling you she does not want to get married to you and all you have trista who is actively telling you she does not want to get married to you and then you have shannon who wants to play with a dog instead of hang out with you how is this your final four i know this is crazy that's like we were really confused and then at the end can we talk about the end of the episode yeah he fucking keeps shannon he gets rid of kim it's like you didn't have any connection with her. You have an enemy in Shannon. So the thing that gets really hostile with Shannon is Alex, when they're after the family date, they're in the limo together. And Alex knows that Shannon doesn't want to. Him at all.

Doesn't want to talk to him or be around him. Shannon doesn't want to be to him or be around him shannon doesn't want to be physical in their relationship yet and he he respects it but he tries to ask her about it and she's like i'm not going to talk about it there are things that i'm not going to answer and that is one of them uh and he's trying to kind of figure out why she feels that way and why it's important to her and she's like i'm not comfortable we're not talking about it you know that i'm uncomfortable right now i can't believe you're asking me about this which is to be fair interesting right like now you get to the final 12 and it's all amanda's it's all people like that he's into and she's like i don't think alex had a hard decision the

entire show and sure it was six episodes so he didn't have to make that many decisions. But, like, I think the woman he picked is, like, the only one, right? The only one that he had any sort of spark with whatsoever. And I think, again, this is a testament to expectations. It's a testament to the casting process. But just, like, most of these women didn't feel it nobody turned down the rose which chris harrison pointed out during the women's hell yeah every ceremony chris harrison would say i want you to know you have the power here if you don't want to accept it you can say no and during

the women's hell he said i'm to all 25 of the women who gathered back in and he said uh why didn't any of you refuse your roses and like four like, four of the women were like, oh, we would have, but we were sent home that week. We were sent, if he had given me a rose the week that I went home, then I would have turned it down. Because, like, they just weren't, it just, like, they weren't feeling it. And it's, it's, I don't know, that's interesting. It definitely feels like there's a little bit more, I don't know if it's more drama or less drama, because you know he's always got the easy option to send home and we talk about like oh god it's so boring when like

they they it has to be oh i'm in love with the final two every single time but like i don't know if that's better or worse than what we got this year which is just like my final two is a woman i'm really into and a woman who's not very into me like oh i wonder who he's gonna pick yeah it was not there was no tension whatsoever pretty much the whole time yeah um but he kept shannon over kim and it's like wouldn't you at least rather keep a woman around who like you are neutral to rather than one that you are just going to fight with the other time and sure enough in the next episode the fantasy suites episode it is bitter between the two of them well you know what he says why he gets rid of kim um he said that kim's family talked about how easygoing she was and how she um would go along

with anything and they'd never seen her like fired up about anything and he says that was his reason for not selecting her um okay yeah whatever yeah so he would pick someone who doesn't like him over maybe he knew fantasy speaks were coming up the next episode and he wanted to pick somebody who wouldn't just not like do it and it wouldn't be a big deal and it wouldn't be like a slight against his reputation i wonder at what point during the show alex realized like i need to go into hiding after this yeah i don't know i don't know i i was really surprised because they sell him at the beginning as this like distinguished intellectual you know eligible bachelor and then he comes on the show it's just a fuck boy yeah it was it was just it was a weird choice on his part um they just didn't know a

blanket statement they didn't know how to cast this show they just didn't yeah don't get me wrong it's cool that these people were real and i wish i think right now we're we're talking about the extremes right you want to talk about jojo season um you want to talk about ben's season uh they it was on one side of the extreme where just like it was pretty phony for the most part um and a lot of it felt super contrived uh and then the ending was the same both times where i was like i'm so in love with both of them and i told them oops what am i gonna do um and i suspect that will probably be the case with next season two maybe i don't know and on the other side of the spectrum we have this which is just like these real people aren't in love with me oh well and i

think there's probably a middle ground in there somewhere that that hopefully they could move back towards a little bit because it was cool that it was like fairly real reactions to these things and nothing felt like too phony baloney uh so episode five is the fantasy suite um episode and we don't have to talk in too much detail about it but i will say that all three women go to three different cities which is unusual a lot of travel uh amanda goes to new york as we mentioned shannon goes to tahoe and trista goes to hawaii um and i i will say that it is clear with amanda that they do have intercourse um well because they order that sex in the sheets dessert you remember no yeah you're not paying attention to this i guess not they sex in the sheets dessert like they just like pull down the the duvet and they

just like smear a bunch of like pudding and stuff it comes with a plastic sheet and chocolate sauce what you i don't know yeah you must have missed this i've been playing a lot of stardew valley um i i guess this past week and i must have been like deep on on a farming journey and wasn't paying attention when they ordered plastic sheets to have sexual intercourse on so the the fantasy suite is not is not gussied up in the way it is now it's just a hotel suite uh and we watch them get there and they close the doors and then there's this kind of weird security camera footage that we're watching after the doors are closed and then amanda tells us that alex wanted to order her something and she he orders a sex in

the sheets dessert which comes with chocolate and caramel and a plastic sheet can you fucking first of all ewe ewe ewe gross not to be a prude again but do you really want that much stickiness involved in the act of love making do you really want to get that yucky during it it's not it's i don't maybe no no? No, of course not. So what, if you were going to bring food into the bedroom, what would be? A plate of nachos for after. Just cooling on the windowsill? Gotta keep them separated. No, I mean, I'd have a warming drawer in my nightstand.

So you could proof your nachos? How dope would it be? Just like finish the act and then roll over. And then I slide open the nightstand drawer and it's just full of heated nachos. And I just reach down and it's just all nachos all the way down. And I just eat them out of the drawer. That's the dream. Not I want to have caramel on and around me.

Are you kidding me? You probably would still need the plastic sheet though can you imagine the the room service technician who has to bring that shit here you go sounds like you've got a fun wednesday night planned sticky mess oh yeah there was they high every hotel had to hire a pervert just for that just to make that one delivery there was okay now so i i don't know if i misremembered this anyone who watches episode five of the bachelor season one can let me know but after amanda tells the story i'm pretty sure they put up a polaroid photo of her uh and which is clear that she has chocolate all over her face what as in like an

after oh god like like here's a photo from me from sleep during this i can't believe i would miss out on this i don't know maybe my screams weren't loud enough when i was despairing this this information uh so okay so shannon and and alex go on a ski date um and they do finally kiss on this date uh and then they go to a hot tub and shannon uh shares that she's very uncomfortable in a swimsuit on camera and alex tells us the viewer that this was a ridiculous concern because her body was quote flawless her reaction to the the the reaction of all the women to the to the uh fantasy suite was interesting because again first time um get you know learning there was even a fantasy suite shannon's was interesting she said i knew something like this was going to happen i knew it and the date turns immediately so the fantasy date cards

still come from chris harrison even season one if you choose to forgo your individual language is the same exactly the same which is incredible uh and when shannon receives this card she is irate because she's being put in this position that she can't possibly agree to not only that that she has this dawning realization that you're doing it with the other two women i know it beyond a shadow of a doubt you are going to have sex with these other two women she's like wouldn't it be funny if my card said amanda or trista's name on it like she you can tell she is she knew and she was furious and like this was this was maybe the most interesting thing that happened the whole run because again we talk about like the reaction

of this stuff being a surprise and it being a first time thing and run because again we talk about like the reaction of this stuff being a surprise and it being a first time thing and being new and we talk about now like i have a hard time even now and god i'm sounding like such a prude during this episode i know i i feel like we're what we're talking about more is the contrast to later seasons right but like we watch the seasons now and it's like i think i would have a problem if it was if if we're supposed to suspend our disbelief and believe like it's all really real real real the thought of like oh yeah let's go and have a private night together and i'll just be cool with the fact that you're doing this with two other people this week i would have a hard time i think i would have a hard time with that

and i think the average person would probably have a hard time with that if you were into this person and you knew that this week they were probably going to hook up with a couple of other folks that would be a bummer to put it lightly and this is the only time i've seen because it's new and they unexpected a person react in step with that like oh you're going to hook up with two other people well fuck this and you well we saw uh we saw some of the men have trouble with that in bachelorette canada well dudes are the dudes are the worst oh okay no i guess that's true but that's canada that's it's two different things okay uh so so yeah so they they decide to walk to the suite anyway. He's like, let me just show you the suite.

But she says, you know, that it ruined dinner. And so Alex tries to get the cameras to leave so he can talk to Shannon one-on-one and patch things up. And he tells us that they, quote, got through it that night. Just like you want. How was your date? Really romantic. We got through it. But yeah, things are beyond repair at this

point with those two and then just hates his guts why did you keep her around she hates him yeah and at a certain point he says like i just was always trying to fix things with shannon he's like at one point at the end he says after he sends her home spoiler she goes home third uh in third place he says like we went on four dates and she got really angry at me three times across four dates and it's like yes yes uh so finally is the hawaii date with trista and this is a treat this goes down in history is maybe one of my favorite fantasy suite dates. Because Alex gets terrible food poisoning, maybe? I don't know what it is. But at a certain point, he has to leave the date because he is so violently ill. Did you watch this season of Unreal where one of the women gets poisoned and has really, really bad diarrhea during one of the dates?

And you thought, like, what if this was real real life that is essentially what we're working with here uh so at first it seems like he's just airsick because they're taking a helicopter ride and he starts vomiting into the airsick bag in the helicopter he is not discreet like my boy arm on he does not know how to handle his biz i mean again they're in a helicopter so there's not a lot of places to hide yeah so he starts puking in the in the bag and and we all think you know okay he's just for some reason nauseous while in a helicopter maybe that's a thing that can happen uh but then later in the date it comes on him again and he becomes bedridden right after they have like kind of an uncomfortable conversation right like aren't they talking about how uh she doesn't want to get engaged they're talking about something and she's like it's the conversation is not going his way

and he's like if you'll excuse me i need to make a phone call yeah he's like i need to check on something for later in the day and she even says like oh okay like you're gonna go spew bud yeah and so he is bedridden uh trista very kindly comes to his room and hangs out with him when it becomes clear he is not going to be able to leave uh and that's pretty much yeah i think the next day they try and salvage it and go and get massages but it is not it is not a fantasy suite kind of no no unless you're unless you have a weird fantasy uh and then at the rose ceremony shannon finally is sent home and she is actually the only person i think the whole time who does the walking to the limo and then turns on her heel and comes back and says like yo what the fuck why did you do me like this yeah so she is she's very icy when

she gets eliminated but then she decides she wants to know what's going on and And he, he says, you know, we, uh, we want really different things. And this will, this will be better for you. Okay. Like, like I don't want to make your life hard. Um, and.

I don't know. He seemed like he had a free pass to really tell the truth here and be like, we don't get along at all. You hate my guts. Um, We don't get along at all. You hate my guts. And this is where Shannon tells us that Alex is weak and that she thinks she scared him. And that she's better off. And that he makes her sick just to look at him. Yeah.

Wow. God. And then episode six is Women Tell All. And we watched like half of it. We watched most of it, actually. And it was, I i mean it's the usual stuff chris harrison doing his thing hot seat do you remember how many bottles of champagne they said like 112 they they put up little trivia factoids about this season of the bachelor and

said that yeah there was over 100 bottles of champagne that were used in seven episodes so i can only imagine what it is now yeah i would have to do some math to figure out what the bottle per woman per day ratio was. And Alex. Alex was boozing up too, I'm sure. Yeah, I can't really think of anything else that happened during Women Tell All. There was that one call out where they were like,

everybody's favorite wacko, Snush, Snush, Snush, whose name I can't remember. Yeah, and they also talked about her breast enhancement. Yeah. I was like, what is going on, whose name I can't remember. Yeah, and they also talked about her breast enhancement. Yeah. Which I was like, what is going on, guys? Like, we don't need to know. We don't need to know about this.

And then, do you want to talk about the finale? No, let's skip it. I mean, not very much stuff happened. It's Trista and Amanda. They meet the parents. Meet the parents. You remember when the cat uses the toilet? meet the parents. Meet the parents. You remember it? When the cat uses the toilet?

Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller is in it. And here's the thing. Count Robert De Niro. They don't like each other very much at all. And Robert De Niro's like, man, it's an army. Is that your Robert De Niro? It is me, Robert De Niro.

I want you to take this lie detector test. I love you, son. I think he's CIA. I was in the FBI, so I hate your guts. I love my daughter. I can't wait to meet the Fockers in the sequel. You remember the sequel, Meet the Fockers? Yeah, Dustin Hoffman.

I think Dustin Hoffman's in it, and he's like, I love my son. It's me, Dustin Hoffman. Isn't there a third one that's like Little Fockers? It's like Little Fockers, and it's like, I'm a baby voiced by Bruce Willis do you remember the baby voiced by Bruce Willis and meet the babies

how much sleep how much sleep does that mean oh it was a bad night last night yeah we're not sleeping at night anymore. It's just a new thing we're trying. I am watching like seven episodes of OC each evening time. Yeah. Each early AMs.

Yeah. Finale time, we get these last two women. They just go and they meet his parents. And his parents are like, please, God, don't do this. Please, son, I love you. Yeah, the parents are like, please don't get married. Please don't get married. I love you. This is stupid. Please, God, don't do this. Please, son, I love you. Yeah, the parents are like, please don't get married. Please don't get married. I love you.

This is stupid. Please, Alex, don't throw it away. These women are very nice, but you don't love them. Please don't marry them. Please don't marry them. Please. Hey, you women Catholic.

I've been thinking about getting back, one of them said, I'm thinking about getting back into the Catholic game. Yeah. You know, I've been thinking, I've been looking up what the Catholic Church

has been doing lately and I think, like, I've got to get me a piece of that. Uh-oh. Well, baby, we have, like, five minutes. Okay, so Amanda talks about her annulment, which is something we haven't mentioned yet. Amanda had been married but got it annulled. And Alex talks about, like, well, thank God it wasn't a divorce. Thank God it was an annulment and not a divorce.

I'm like, really, dog? Yeah. What's it matter? wasn't a divorce thank god it was an annulment and not a divorce i'm like really dog yeah what's it matter um and then they has one more date with each woman uh and usually these dates are like on the current season very romantic and exotic but with trista they get uh pizza delivery and with amanda they get chinese food takeout into this i'm fucking into this i want more dates that are like this is what it'll kind of be like a bit yeah because they just sit and talk just sit and talk and that's it i like that a lot um this way and during tris's little uh date they she finally said like i i actually i'm i'm actually really into you and i've just kind of

just now realized like i do care about you a lot yeah and i could see us getting i could see us getting engaged and alex is like what the fuck you said you didn't want it because i think at this point you knew wasn't gonna be trista and it was gonna be an easy send home but now that you've said that like shit and amanda actually says on their date that she is falling in love with him uh so she goes one step further and it's like yeah i'm ready like i'm ready you could do it now you do it tomorrow i'm in love with you at this point alex is getting a little bit gun shy he's he there's a ring purchasing scene not at neil lane yeah harry winston again um uh garbage

just garbage gems low carrot or high carrot what's good is high care good or low care is like golf or i think the more carrots the better shit um but like after the conversation with his parents he's like oh i don't know about getting engaged and trish is like oh i really don't want to get engaged and amanda's like i would love to get engaged right now uh and so they they have these these dates and then guys the finale the climax to this season this television show which birthed a zeitgeist and a wide long-running franchise and a very popular podcast very popular podcast huge industry establishing show genre defining show the end of it is the fucking worst thing i've ever seen it is the worst denouement i have ever seen in any show fucking ever it is ridiculous so trista

gets out of the limo first no build up to like who's it gonna be for even if you we see them get ready we see them get ready but even if you don't know like what's going to happen you reason would state like the first person that gets out is not going to be the one that is going to get the proposal right like even if you hadn't seen this show before you had yeah it makes sense the show's not going to end with him proposing to a woman and then sending a woman home although that would be crazy and fun um there's no it's just like and here she is here's trista trista lost everybody the scene from the moment she steps foot out of the limo to when she gets back in the limo i swear to god maybe 53 seconds yeah she gets out and he greets her uh and she's kind of smiling at

him and he says something nice and then immediately goes into, I don't think we're meant to spend our lives together. And this was the tone of voice that we're working with here. And I'm going to try to replicate it as much as I can. Trista, I think you're a really great girl. And, uh, obviously you have a lot of really great qualities and we had a ton of fun together. And I think, you know, you would make a good partner for somebody someday. Um, I don't think that we're supposed to be together but like literally that yeah like

and her face like you can see it dawn on her what's happening uh but it's so fast like she didn't even ask any questions she doesn't even really react she's just like he shuts it down and so i i it's i just don't think it's gonna be us tonight let me walk you out let me walk you out like they hug let me see you to your car i'm not if this scene lasted more than two minutes i'll eat my fucking hat no emotion like i didn't feel anything when i was watching it it was like watching somebody check out at like a at like a sears it was like watching somebody check out at the sears or a home depot it was it and then and then the proposal or this little next scene with amanda is also fairly brisk and it's like this was your payoff yeah for the whole season of the first television show which everybody loved and become it came extremely successful and

spawned like five yeah that's a good point there's no romance ending yeah everybody saw this was like good ending i'm going to watch a million more hours of this thank you please he said that he's finding himself falling in love with her but he's gonna hold on to the ring he wants to propose once they've had time together in the outside world he wants her to move to california and then he instead of getting on one knee to give her the ring he gets on one knee to give her the final rose and that's enough for amanda amanda's happy but it's definitely anticlimactic because it's not a proposal again that's great this show which is people were crazy about because 20 he's dating 25 women and then he's going to get engaged that's wild except he doesn't get engaged at the end and y'all still it was still a wild success i can't imagine

how disappointed i would have been i wanted to see people make a huge mistake here and you didn't give me that huge mistake and yet it still spawned this huge franchise this would be like if star wars episode 4 was like 45 minutes long and it ends with luke shooting into the exhaust pipe and then the death star explodes off screen and then then Han Solo's like, pretty good job. Ba-na, ba-na, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Credits. Like, what? I love that movie.

I want to watch 12 more of those movies. That's crazy. Yeah. It was awful. You know what I think it is? I think it's Trista. I think Trista was their secret sauce. I think Trista was probably the secret sauce.

I think that she got just enough people to carry on into Bachelorette. And then I haven't watched Bachelorette season one, but I'm assuming the momentum from that is a little bit heavier. Let's save it for the next like break we have. Cause now we're in it now, but the next break, I would love to watch Trista season. Cause she was the highlight of this,

this weird, a lot of things to enjoy. And I can definitely see, I can see, I just talked a bunch today, but like, I can see why people thought it was at least novel and interesting and like water cooler conversation. Right. And I can see definitely the connective tissue between this and all of the like weird gross dating reality shows that this this created this genre that it created but holy shit and maybe it's just because it's gotten better right like bachelor nation makes this thing more fun um the winky like nods to bachelor nation uh that we get and like the fact that somebody says right reasons every episode like the secret language of this show yeah and the treatment of this show like has gotten pretty

great um that didn't exist here like maybe it's just because i know how different and better it is i thought it sucked like i thought it was so bad i thought it was really really bad it was a criminal ending holy shit yeah i mean it was more like a social experiment this first season that's yeah that's a good way of thinking about like they weren't heavy on the romance because they didn't know what it was really and now and it's a complete polar opposite of today i don't think it's the the fact that he's dating all of these women or she's dating all these men and then they're going to get engaged maybe at the end. That's not why people are watching it anymore. People are watching it, I feel like, because the show is growing so much.

The audience for this show is growing, like, astronomically. And I think it's because people know how to watch it now and they watch it for the sport of it. And they watch it for, like, the meta, like, references and jokes of it. And they watch it for like the meta like references and jokes of it and they watch it for the characters and that's what they talk about is the characters not like can you believe how many women they're he's dating yeah exactly it's not novel anymore like the concept isn't novel and that's not bad that's what the show is now is it is a it is it's good that we're doing this right before this new season starts because it really has been a revelation for like what the show is today. And that's what the show is in that it is more akin to a soap opera with

arcs and characters and very, very repetitive, like predictable events, um, and, uh, like conflicts. And that's what people talk about.

Not like, what if they get married? I don't think anybody really gives a shit. They just want to talk about the people on the show. Yeah. That reminds me. So a lot of people have pointed this out in the Facebook group. ESPN now has a fantasy app for The Bachelor,

which is essentially, it looks like just like a march madness style bracket yeah it's different from the rose reckoner so i think it's two ways of doing it right if you want a more lightweight like you don't want to keep well a rose reckoner doesn't uh force you to keep score it does all the the math and heavy lifting for you but if you want to do more of a fantasy football approach then rose reckoner is your jam maybe if this is your first season though and you just want to pick women that you think you're going to make it to the end then and you want to be able to check it on your mobile device i guess what makes it tricky is that fucking reality steve dude will ruin it

every time and so like i feel like the there's it's harder to win knowing the winner if you're doing the fantasy football style thing because you you can get some nasty, nasty points from some bad, from some bad ladies. Yeah. But if you're, if you're a devotee of week to week minutia, then definitely do it our way, which focuses on every kiss, you know, and every, every special moment, every special second of this beautiful franchise, this beautiful two hour an episode, like 14, 13 episode a season, three seasons a year television property.

Speaking of which, next week, and I'm not sure when our episode will go up because of the holiday season. Yeah, Rachel's folks are going to be in town. Maybe we'll get them in the studio and be like, what do you think of Alicia? But we're going to talk about all the 30 women that are competing this season. Oh, this will be great your parents can watch henry so we can really get like really fucked up and just party in here um oh and i wanted to thank we haven't been to the p.o box in a while but last week we recorded

and i forgot to thank uh two people that sent us things for uh baby henry uh we got a little crocheted uh dinosaur oh it's so cute which is adorable and that came from uh katie thank you katie thank you katie uh and then we got a little kind of horse uh themed lovey um which came from looks like erin king uh and so thank you for that. Thank you all for that. And sorry, we haven't gone to the PO box. I'm sure there's a lot of very sweet things in there for the baby. But I haven't left the house in like six days. So if the PO box were open at 3 a.m.,

we would be always up and ready to go. Oh boy. Here he goes. Nope. Nope. Maybe. Yeah. He's waking up.

This is like our third episode in a row. He's a very conscientious producer on this podcast. He keeps us on time. So next week, again, the episode will probably not be up on, we don't know when the episode's going to be up. It's very dependent on what our holiday situation is. But we're going to talk about all of the women on the next season of The Bachelor starring Nick.

Boy, some weird commercials for his season. Yeah. I can't figure out what they're trying to set him up as. Like, who is his character? Like, sex man. I think they're trying to say this is sex man. We have the axe man this year. 2017 is the year of the sex man.

Because the last thing we saw was this weird, like, robotic voice, like, beginning Bachelor building procedure. And and it shows like nick and he's on bachelor in paradise and he's like lifting weights on the beach or something like that and it's like all it is yeah but it looks like a clip from bachelor in paradise it wasn't i think it was a clip from bachelor he's lifting like a heavy rock um it's all just like hey ladies here's nick wanna fuck this and it's like this is this is it they, here's Nick. Wanna fuck this? And it's like, what? This is it? They also keep, and I had, oh, I'm gonna take gummers with this every time

because you know it's gonna happen constantly during his season. They say, he got shot down three times. Fucking no, he didn't. Check the tapes on Bip because he definitely shot down the woman he was courting there whose name I don't recall.

Yeah, I don't remember it either. Jennifer? No. I think it was Jennifer. No, was think no i think it was jennifer no was it i think it was this is we have grown a lot oh maybe jen maybe it was jen yes we used to call our moonlight boobs oops um now now we are the horny alex men i guess uh but yeah they're trying to say like you've been shot down three heartbroken three times no he definitely definitely was the heartbreaker during that season a bit don't try and change the script on me i know what's up but

then the commercial goes on it's like he had his heart broken three times wanna fuck this and it's like a lot of chest a lot of his chest yeah which is weird because i think of nick as kind of a scrawny guy i mean he's built i mean he's not like a you know like uh like a cody for example sure oh another bip update apparently josh and amanda have broken up yeah i saw that which is awesome i saw something today that the twins are getting their own spin-off show what someone just posted it in the facebook group as a goofy goof i think it's real why i don't know what that show is i imagine it'll be like this came from a six episode long shitty ending television show blind date ass looking

television show cheaters ass looking television show love it god i love this fucking show let me just waddle in this filth you say waddle let me waddle on it just fucking bury me in my neck in the desert of trash that this fucking show is and pour the hot trash juice all over my hair and let me shower in it with a with a plastic sheet just give me the the sexy sheet plastic trash mess and let me just incorporate it into my body my filth body god i love this fucking show i going to bury my face in it and leave a little face mark in the trash. So this has been Rose Buddies.

I live in this dumpster. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week. Until then, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy.

Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Can you figure out all four seasons? She ends up with Soulja Boy.