Wonderful! - Ep. 53: Janet Jacksoned

Episode Date: January 10, 2017

Where to begin? This episode of The Bachelor was an absolute barn burner -- we had competition, heartbreak, and more cringeworthy interactions than we ever dreamed one two-hour television episode coul...d contain. Hold onto your butts, and also someone else's butt, because that's the order of the day, folks. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man from my family. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rosebuddies.
Starting point is 00:00:21 It's a podcast about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and The Bachelor in Paradise and just all of it. Just everything. I'm so excited, baby! Our baby is asleep and has been for 14 minutes, which means we can record a podcast the night of The Bachelor, which is exciting to me, because I've been drinking
Starting point is 00:00:39 a lot of Dad's old rotten grape juice, which is what I call wine i'm feeling good i'm feeling loose and he's probably gonna wake up after about 20 minutes and there's gonna be a harsh cut to us recording in the morning i'm realizing our voices will sound different yeah right now i'm feeling so fucking loosey-goosey i just had the best night basically in my whole life my son's asleep everything's fucking great what a good episode of the bachelor starring nick vile and just everybody did a great job i'm so proud of you uh we should tell everybody who's on our fantasy team we drafted this so uh we used the rose reckoner and uh guess what we fucked it up
Starting point is 00:01:16 it's on us i don't i don't think we can place the blame with the rose reckoner it's a great service that the rose reckoner provides for free um And a billion of us used it, and we broke the website. But it's working now. And Drew, as I understand it, is looking at ways to, like, sort of boost its capabilities a little bit, which would be very exciting. But we have on our team Corinne, and that's basically all we need. If you've got Corinne on your team, you've won the season that you're playing. Congratulations. We have Corinne, we team, you've won the season that you're playing. Congratulations. We have Corinne, we have Raven, and we have Jasmine G.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Which I was not sure about two of those. I was not sure about the non-Corinne quantities in that arrangement. And I should say we have about six teams in our league, too. We have eight. Oh, eight? We have a ton, yeah. So those weren't all necessarily our first choice, but I think things shook out pretty well. I think things turned out good.
Starting point is 00:02:07 There's another team that has Corinne. The other team that has Corinne also has Veronica and Liz. Vanessa, you mean. Oh, yeah. Who's Veronica? Thanks, Dad's rotten old grape juice. You got me again. It really nips at you.
Starting point is 00:02:20 I love wine. It's so spicy when you drink it, and it gets in your snoot, and it's like, mmm, this is why we wine. It's so spicy when you drink it and it gets in your snoot and it's like, this is why we wine. One day when I'm not feeding our son every hour, I will return. One day when our son doesn't demand fresh mom dairy every 11 minutes on the 11 minute mark. It's like, it's so brutal having a baby. The demands that they put on you, it's not like anything you've ever experienced before. I wouldn't know, but it must be really hard for you. It's hard for me. I haven't gotten to drink dad's old rotten grape juice in six whole weeks. And
Starting point is 00:02:58 six weeks is the period that you used to get report cards in in primary school, which is what we called it in the UK. Okay. Should we get started? I went to Oxford Junior. Oh, there's an update on my computer. Do you want to turn off that alert thing? I don't want to stand up, because that's wasting precious baby sleep podcasting time that we could be doing.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Okay. So let's get started then. What a fucking banger of an episode, though, right? So we still have 22 women. Too many women. I thought it too many women i thought it was more i thought it was like 20 25 22 still a lot of women though uh and um there are going to be three dates this week as we were told by chris harrison when he pops in the morning after the ceremony uh the dark rights two group dates and a one-on-one date this first group date
Starting point is 00:03:47 has we need a new we need better words for it because the second group date has like six women in it that's a group date hello yes when it's 12 women that ceased to be a group date that is a that's a that's a that's a gathering of the juggalos that's that's like a second grade slumber party that's a festival is what you put together there you've you've put together a box social that is we made the joke that with that many women all you can hope for is that nick sneezes and you get to say bless you and that can be your interaction like four other women are gonna say bless you though i know you have to hope that you're closest to him so you can put your hand on his shoulder and offer him a kleenex this date was so fucking off the wall.
Starting point is 00:04:25 I loved it. This date took me to Flavortown. This episode took me to Flavortown. This episode deserves the Emmy. So the women get to leave the mansion in blue convertibles. They all hop in. I mean, they're like fucking sea brains. These were not nice whips.
Starting point is 00:04:42 So there's like, gosh, gosh with 12 women i think they take three cars yeah four to four to a ride um and they go to this really big mansion even bigger than the bachelor mansion which is i always think is a weird destination for a date we're going to a bigger big big house it's like our big house but bigger why aren't we staying in this big big house you're wondering i don't know can i tell you something i just thought of this this week okay so normally there's 25 women you mentioned this during the tv show and it was a real fucking stomper normally there's 25 women and they all stay in the bachelor mansion yes and they have well they cut it down but yeah i mean most of them oh you know what night one yeah they kick off a bunch
Starting point is 00:05:22 that's what it is but still so they have a bunch of rooms with bunk beds, and the women all share rooms. When they increase the number of women in a season, where are those women sleeping? Yeah. And I know that they cut it down, but they still had to have more night one than they traditionally do. I mean, if Unreal has taught us anything, everybody's shacking up on these shows. If Unreal has taught us anything, everybody's shacking up on these shows. A lot of interpersonal connections between the staff, between the hired help.
Starting point is 00:05:51 You think they're out in the trailers? The line producers. I've made a television program at this point, so I watch Unreal and I'm like, yep, that's exactly how it is. Griffin, no. What? That is how it is. Were you shacking up with people on your TV show? No, no, no. But I did sabotage somebody's car, so they died in a car accident.
Starting point is 00:06:12 Hey, Unreal, can we talk about your fucking second season for a minute, please? It's dark. You got a little wild there a little bit. Maybe rate it in just a little bit, because two people died on your season of television. I'm sorry that these are spoilers, but at this point... At this point, if you haven't watched Unreal Season 2, like it's nobody important. Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Yeah, it doesn't spoil the spectacle. It doesn't spoil the dumb storytelling they do. Everything's fixed. I killed them. Oh, you killed them? This is a TV show about The Bachelor. What do you mean? I murdered them.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Like on The Bachelor they do. We were not a fan. But we love the show. If they had another season, I'd watch it. Yeah, if they fucking lower the KD ratio. So at this big mansion, the women walk to the backyard. And Nick is out there. And a very colorfully dressed man.
Starting point is 00:07:01 What is his name? Franco. Franco. Franco Costa. Franco Costa. dressed man what is his name franco franco franco costa franco costa and there's a series of wedding gowns hung up and franco costa is a photographer um with a with a very with a very bright loud shirt i mean it's also like a romper it's like a one i'm pretty sure it was a romper situation short sleeve short-legged romper like stained glass romper and it was it was a romper situation, short-sleeved, short-legged romper, like, stained-glass romper. And it was the dopest, and he had this beautiful, elegant little mustache.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Sunglasses is our call. And sunglasses. And what was busted is Nick stood in front of Franco for, like, five minutes, like, saying, so, these group dates were really uncomfortable for me. And he talked for, like, five minutes without explaining, so this this this beautiful beautiful man behind me uh and his his bright and wild shirt uh uh he didn't explain it for such a long time and if i was one of these women i'd be like stop talking and tell me who the much more interesting man behind you is i can't even see you right i can't even see you all i can see is franco and his wonderful romper uh so the photographer lets the women know that franco is the photographer do we set that up at
Starting point is 00:08:06 all yeah okay uh the photographer is going to take franco we're on first name basis with him call him franco what if it was james franco doing one of his like little immersion bits uh-huh that's chris made that comment too damn it Chris. You always make my jokes before me, Christopher. So he says he's going to be taking photos of them in a various assortment of wedding-related costume. And whoever does the best job, he, quote, will have a nice surprise for them. Spoiler. It was not a good surprise. It was not an especially good surprise. So the brides and bridesmaids
Starting point is 00:08:46 are wearing um fucked up all sorts of garb this was a fucked up challenge about so of the 12 12 women 12 human women on this day yeah um like eight of them got to dress up as different brides right so there's like the 80s bride, and there was the pregnant shotgun wedding vibe bride. I don't know why I said vibe. There's a bikini bride. Which is not anything. But like, some of the women got to be bridesmaids. And it's like, you're having fun on your date because you're like, you don't even get to be technically a member of this one. We've already given you less preferred status, just in your costume stinks the shotgun wedding was alexis who alexis yes the shark dolphin um who there's a lot of sort of misconceptions
Starting point is 00:09:35 about what a shotgun wedding is in their little shoot because she's pregnant and he's helping her deliver the baby and also she has a shotgun pointed at him. Yeah, she is shooting him. She's shooting him, but he's delivering the baby, and it's like, you guys are just having fun with props right now. You're not really respecting sort of the narrative thread that you're weaving. As we know about Alexis, she plays it fast and loose with costumes. That's true. She is not tied to any narrative.
Starting point is 00:10:02 This was such a good Alexis episode, by the way, you guys. It was. and a great josephine i'm a big fan of like the weird beards on this season so far um we also had a uh an eve bride that's wearing like a little leaf bikini bottom the payoff for that was that corinne who they are setting up to defo defo be like all-time villain maybe ever yeah um but definitely the villain of this season uh was the bikini bride and so she's wearing like a bikini but also like a dress from the waist down and all the women are like corinne you look so hot and he's gonna be just crazy about you and corinne's like i'm glad i got this outfit because i'm like you know i've got a lot of sex appeal i'm
Starting point is 00:10:40 very open about my sexuality and i know nick is is very into that. So this is, we're really going to hit it off. And I think I'm really going to make a mark. Enter a woman who's literally topless, wearing like a leaf thong. And this like, this ruins Corinne's basically whole life. When, who was it? Who was the woman who dressed up like? Oh, Brittany. Brittany, yes.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Sorry, gang. Just just gonna go ahead and apologize ahead of time we are definitely still in the phase where i do not know these people i just don't know these i mean there were 12 people on this date like the only reason i know is because i have notes yes fair uh so they do a variety of photo shoots in line with the theme of their outfit um and so you had me write down you were really excited okay yes about one of the women in her positioning who was the was it taylor i didn't even write down her name pretty sure it was taylor was like one of the first women to like you were really insistent that i write down don't ruin the joke okay okay okay go tell your joke i mean the
Starting point is 00:11:41 joke's not funny but looking at it it was pretty crazy was it on theme with her costume i don't even remember what the costume i can't figure out why you made that oh now i know why well it's because she uh they were sort of modeling together and they she was really hitting these these positions really hard doing a lot of blue steel and she like kneels down like she's proposing to him and it's like well that's a fun little role reversal and then she sort of gingerly puts the side of her face puts the side of her face up right up against his pubis and um i said it was like she was listening to a conch shell and then i said huh cock shell um and then I said, huh, cock shell.
Starting point is 00:12:27 And you're like, Rachel, write that down. Well, I mostly wanted to talk about this pretty bold position because the photo shoot date is not a new thing, right? I think, was it Juan Pablo had the romance novel date? They do one of these like every season. But I tell you, babe, what they don't do every season and that is to put their ear right up against their beepus like it is um like a door that they're trying to spy on a conversation through you know i've never um i've never listened to the penis, but are there things you can hear down there maybe? Yeah, I mean, you can hear the sperm cells. The whooshing?
Starting point is 00:13:11 The whooshing. The whooshing of the sperm? I mean, it just sounds like a bunch of things just sort of banging around a bunch of walls because they're eager and they just sort of slap around down there. It's gross. It's like a bunch of snakes in a bathtub. I don't know how to describe the noise. That's actually, it's gross it's like it's like a bunch of snakes in a bathtub i don't know like how to describe the noise that's actually it's a good fertility test like if you hear a lot of um synchronized movement just a lot of sloppy just like a slop bunch of sloppy wiggling
Starting point is 00:13:34 then you know but if it sounds more uniform then you know the man has a has a good yeah set up but if it's just if it's like if it's like bad jazz if it's cacophonous yeah oh babe okay you almost did i can't if it's like whiplash down there it's no good that's why that's why you need fucking jay jonah jameson to come and yell at your dick it's a good fertility treatment what's the man's name jk simmons yeah who was the first person you said j jonah jameson he played j jonah jameson in the spider-man movies he was j jonah jameson the means the mean newspaper man in the spider-man movies you're saying that name so fast j jonah jameson from spider-man um okay so uh that was a good movie that boy drums so good
Starting point is 00:14:25 teller tell miles to miles teller he drums so good he was a very good drummer did he drum before that were they like you have to learn how to be the best drummer ever for this movie he's like i'll work on it learn for the movie fucking great job dude yeah good for you because you can use that i'm saying after the movie he can still drum like he knows how to drum now that's great what did you learn for the mabim bam tv show i didn't learn anything i have no i have no skill i have no skills now that i didn't have before the season i was hoping you'd come back and you could like yo-yo real good no i should have learned to drum i should have been like you know it'd be an important fun like important thing for real good no i should have learned to drum i should have been like you know it'd be an important fun like important thing for me as if i was just learning to drum the
Starting point is 00:15:08 whole series hey see so will you pay for me to take drum lessons season two let me drum i could do it man not as good as miles teller you can make those noises real good like how great is it you go to do a movie right and it's like hey shithead who plays hawkeye um here's how to use a bow and arrow you know he doesn't actually learn how to use it you know it's all cgi at the end of that movie he doesn't know how to shoot a bow and arrow miles teller can really play the drums now that's great for him i'm just saying you know what i mean uh-huh i'm just really happy for miles teller can we can we get back to the show yeah so i will say our girl jasmine g really steps up this week because she is allocated to be a bridesmaid but in her photo shoot she goes in for the smooch yeah which is okay so about six times
Starting point is 00:16:00 this episode and it happened definitely in the last episode too when the women kissed nick he makes this fucking face like not only notice that oh dude it's like not only has he never been kissed before it's like he's never he never knew that kisses were a thing that existed and so he makes this like huh like what are you doing in my mouth with yours? Well, you know, last week you mentioned his tiny mouth and how little he moves it. I bet it really takes a lot of work for him to get some smooches in. Maybe. That tiny mouth. Well, I think maybe he has a normal or perhaps even a big size mouth that he has to work
Starting point is 00:16:37 really, he has to be very conscious about keeping it tiny to like seem, you know, so quaint and like charming. And so when he goes in for the kiss, like he finally relaxes. And so he's just like, you know so quaint and like charming and so when he goes in for the kiss like he finally relaxes and so he's just like oh you know you don't like that noise that reminds me of josh on bachelor in paradise when he'd make those grown noises if you haven't watched this episode yet like seriously watch nick's reactions to being kissed and i think it's also because he it's a group date right and so he doesn't want to seem oh, I'm having a good time getting smooched in front of all these women. And so he makes this face like, what?
Starting point is 00:17:10 What's he? That is the perfect sort of like verbalization of what this facial. No, that's a good, that's a good call. It's all him like, what? Because he did it to Corinne too, because the other women were around. When she kissed him first episode, he made this face like, whoa. Okay, so let's talk about Corinne. We need to talk about Corinne.
Starting point is 00:17:30 So Corinne is in the bikini. Uh-oh. Is this a break? Is this the end of Act 1? Are we good? Nope. Eyes open. Let's keep going.
Starting point is 00:17:40 The time's on the clock. So Corinne is the bikini bride. And so she gets in the bikini bride. And so she gets in the pool with Nick. And she has seen already Brittany's photo shoot with the leaves. Yes. Correct? Brittany works it, too. Brittany is doing a lot of smizing.
Starting point is 00:18:00 So she decides she's got to be more extreme. So they get in the pool and she starts kind of really going for it. And at a certain point, she decides she's going to take her top off. Yeah, so she takes his shirt off and then says, like, I'm going to join you in Topless Town and takes her top off. And then she tells him to Janet Jackson it. Y'all. For those of you that are maybe everyone knows you don't okay I didn't know if like maybe the kids that were born you know 10 15 years ago but she does have
Starting point is 00:18:34 to be very explicit like you're gonna put your bare hands on my bare boobs which is a turn of phrase she uses three times during the episode yeah put your bare hands on my bare boobs and Nick's eyebrows move to the fucking International Space station for a while to live because he's like what do what with your what's now i think we're done i think we're done folks we'll be back tomorrow with more rose buddies to be continued i wish i get into the woods you know how they end act one? It's like, oh, I wish. That's my Cinderella. I auditioned. They said no.
Starting point is 00:19:09 For Cinderella? No. Yes, for the part of Cinderella in the new Into the Woods movie. They said, we're doing Anna Kendrick. I said, how many roles do I have to lose to Anna Kendrick? Folks, it's 10 in the morning. You know, in the cold light of day, i may have talked a little bit too much about miles teller last night and his drumming and how proud i was of him um yeah griffin just so you know doesn't drink wine in the morning no i don't so not on tuesdays anyway so our recording will be
Starting point is 00:19:40 a little different from a little less fun a lot less fun. A lot less fun. So where are we at? Corinne, getting those breasts. Did you say Corinne? Isn't that her name? Corinne. Whatever. Getting those breasts just grasped. The other thing we should mention, if we didn't, is that there was a whole group of women just outside the pool watching.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Guys, it was literally like. Watching this whole thing go down. This is why Nick's, this was unprecedented. whole group of women just outside the pool watching it was literally like watching this whole thing go down this is why nick's this was unprecedented a person on the tv show that makes my skeleton run away at pretty regular intervals actually had their skeleton run away because like as much as nick doesn't want to kiss a woman in front of the other women he most certainly does not want to grasp and grapple with the women well and it's such a clear alpha move. You know, like Nick's been on the show enough to know like what alpha moves are. Yes.
Starting point is 00:20:29 That's what this was. This was a primo alpha move. Yeah. It was also super uncomfortable to watch. Just the whole situation was, I mean, most attempts at being sexy on this show are pretty brutal because almost invariably it sort of breaks the veil of,
Starting point is 00:20:44 hey, we're making a television show, so maybe we shouldn't be grasping and grappling because there's a bunch of people around and we're making a TV show. But hey, guess what? It worked because she won the very special challenge. Well, that was not Nick's decision. That was Marco Franco's decision, who was like, I like your chutzpah, I like your gall, and I like the way you got your breasts grappled.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Yeah, so from what I could tell, the prize for winning was that she got an additional photo shoot on a car, and all the other women had to stand and cheer, and they drove away with Franco in the driver's seat. And this time, Nick had to grapple her butt cheeks. No, Griffin. She did make him do that for the photograph how did how did that happen in the car so that they could pick it up on film yeah well it was a lot of sort of lowering and hoisting uh so they drove away and then there was and then she grabbed his butt cheeks and just like worked them you're you're really getting somebody's fetish yeah i am right now just the double butt cheek car grab just the double cheek squeeze all four cheeks are in a vehicle in a car yeah it's tough to do now i've read i've read some of that erotic fiction before.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Oh, on griffinmacaroy.biz, where I host all of it? If you were your brother Justin, you would buy that domain right now. But only I'm responsible with my money. So the second part of the date is like drinks outside. It's their standard, like we ran out of date ideas. Yeah. So we're just going to go up on the building. Now it's like a cocktail party.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Only there's 12 of them. And this is, let's talk about Corinne. How do you say her name? Corinne. All right. Let's talk about her. Okay. She's obviously primo villain material right
Starting point is 00:22:46 um one difference is she's fucking good at it like she's really really really very very good at it um and coming off of ben the axe man higgins season where none of the women wanted to steal how many times i can count on one hand the number of times that a woman yeah we talked that season a lot about how the women weren't hungry enough in this episode there were more stealsies yeah um and most of them were were corinne uh which is awesome a corinne quote so corinne is reflecting on the date to the camera and she tells us he held my boobs no one has ever held my boobs like that, and no one ever will. He did. He did just then, though.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Shakespeare. Shakespeare wrote in his fifth... In As You Like It. In As You Like It. Oh, I know how you like it. From behind Janet Jackson style. Corinne, you're a treasure. You're a national treasure.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Yeah, she continues to steal him away throughout the evening much to the chagrin of the other ladies i feel like this point she may have been a little intoxicated but i always feel uncomfortable talking about that especially this early in the season because we do not we have not calibrated with these women yet we do not know like what is just their yeah it's more like a like a spot the differences kind of game because we don't have a problem with them getting intoxicated. No. But it's always fun to, like, figure it out.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Yeah, because they say more stuff. Yeah. I feel like if I was on this show, people would think I was drunk all the time. Because when I get, like, tired, it's basically, it feels like it's the same thing. Yeah. It's like, we just went on a date and you want to go on a second night date right now? Ugh, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:26 I'm going to be kind of sloppy. I guess on these dates, like, women have to bring suitcases because they have to have a day outfit and an evening outfit. Yeah, especially if you're the woman whose outfit was, like, a fucking leaf bikini and that's it. You can't wear that out the next night. Gosh, and the maintenance, like, I don't want to get crass here but these ladies have to keep smooth all the time for whatever situation might come up you mean like smooth demure like like mc scat cat like really fucking just like cool and smooth like um like in their their leg and upper leg area. And their upper, upper leg.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Yeah. Um, okay. I don't know why we're talking about this. Well, I'm just saying, like, you probably have to do a midday shave, you know? Woofa doofa. I mean, they probably have a producer for that. They have their own private shaver? They have a, they have a bikini line producer.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Oh, I like that. I'm really uncomfortable talking about this, babe. You know, some things... Why do we go here? Some things just occur to me as we're recording, and I feel like I should share them. Yeah. Okay, so there are some fun things that happen on this date. Our girl Raven, who is on our team, has a nice moment where she's talking to Nick,
Starting point is 00:25:39 and Nick really connects with her because she's so honest. Raven was pretty far down our list. She was our number three pick, and so we were really worried about whether or not she was gonna do anything um but it seems like they had a pretty good connection yeah he likes her honesty because she basically she got real real she's like you know something you should know about me and this is gonna come out wrong but i'm kind of attracted to assholes and i think she said dicks oh really the beep was so short okay so unless she was like assholes um and and it seems kind of like she's implying nick's an asshole but she pivots and says well but it's just because you always kind of say what you think uh and i like that about you
Starting point is 00:26:20 and and nick tells the viewers that he likes that about her too genuine i think she's i think she's gonna do really well because i don't think there's another woman on the show right now quite quite like her uh and then alexis has some time with him and it's like hey isn't it funny that i've been a dolphin and a pregnant person um and and he's like yeah yeah you're right i don't really know that much about to you but i want to and she says well let me tell you a little story about and then corinne kicks in the door like no up again and we were upset and a lot of the people watching in the facebook group were upset like at no point does nick say hey corinne i just sat down with this lady there
Starting point is 00:27:01 was some argument about whether or not it was acceptable to, as the Bachelor or Bachelorette, to say, no, I'm going to stay here and keep talking to this person. We've only just started. Because I definitely feel like it's happened. I know my girl Jasmine did it. But maybe the special Canadian modifier to the rule set up there. Yeah, I mean, it's not like he's a puppet. Like, he has the ability to say things before producers can intervene.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Sure, but because it was Corrin doing it, and they're, like, trying to set her up as villain status, I think they're just going to give her as much runway as she needs to get off the ground. I mean, and he does, in his time with her, in his repeated time with her, he does say, like, that he's having a good time. No, she seems like she's a lot of fun yeah um it's not like he's under her like rule she super seems like his his type um also like i think i think she's gonna i actually think she's gonna do really well i don't think this is gonna be i think she's got more uh courtney potential where like she can make it super duper far than like, you know, a Tiara or somebody like that who's just going to like burn out real fast.
Starting point is 00:28:11 I will say there's a great power play. So after Corinne steals Moe during Alexis's time, Taylor gets time and Corinne comes back. So Taylor's talking to Nick. Corinne shows up, says, hey, can I steal you away one more time? And he's like, uh, uh sure and then so taylor gets up walks away and when this happened we were like could you if i was on the show what i would do is if somebody stole me away i would leave for like 45 seconds turn around and come back in and be like hey can i just steal you yeah which is exactly what taylor does exactly what taylor
Starting point is 00:28:41 does right here it was balling and corinne is so pissed she's like that was rude okay like when i do things it's okay what was the word other people do it re re interrupted she re-interrupted me and it just shows you what type of person like when i do it i'm really classy about it yeah but when she re-interrupted me like that showed me exactly the type of person that she is and it's like corinne that's such a that's such dope specious thinking i fucking love it and so then when taylor finishes her time with nick her and corinne are sitting together back in the pool of women and they have a confrontation this confrontation was like so are you are you are you feeling okay about what happened and taylor's like yeah
Starting point is 00:29:25 you know it's like i feel like my time was good and i just wanted some more of that time and corinne's like oh okay yeah no i just i just wanted to make sure because you know like i just wanted to make sure that that was okay and taylor's like yeah yeah no no that was that was okay i understand corinne's like if you have you know if you like have anything you want to like just like talk you know talk about about what happened and like i'm i'm fine and taylor's like no i'm fine and carin's like okay okay okay like i just wanted to make sure it didn't upset you you know when i stole him away and taylor's like no no i i'm not upset and carin's like good good because i wasn't upset when you re-interrupted and and taylor's
Starting point is 00:29:59 like well good good because yeah no it was it was very like quiet rage and then cut to corinne doing one of those behind the scenes interviews where she was like so i fucking told her man i fucking told her you got a problem with me you can step to my face and it's like corinne dude we just watched this and then corinne gives kind of a weird speech to the group where she's like hey you know things are going to get weird things are going to get crazy sometimes you're going to interrupt your friends sometimes you're going to interrupt your friends. Sometimes you're going to interrupt people that are not your friends. And we just all need to be okay with that.
Starting point is 00:30:29 And everyone's sitting around looking at each other like, why are we getting this lecture? She is going to be all time. I hope they don't get, because I know in the season trailer, they did like a, they hook up thing. Like she goes to his place and seduce. I really hope they don't get gross with it. Because like right now, I feel like it's just like innocuous bad girl like points stuff it reminds me a little
Starting point is 00:30:51 bit of lace what i mentioned on the show like if lace had stuck no way lace lace was lace was not like um well no lace wouldn't have been as sexual not even that i lace lace wasn't a bad lace wasn't a villain like at all she was just a weirdo. That's what I'm saying. I'm not sure Corinne is either. I think Corinne has some social issues like Lace did. I think Corinne is a million times more assertive than Lace is. And I think she's gonna go the distance. Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is that I think Corinne comes from a place of just knowing what she wants and going for it, and not necessarily thinking about etiquette, which is the same way that I think Lace was.
Starting point is 00:31:29 You're saying maybe she's like a little bit, she has a bit of an entitled background because maybe she has a fucking adult nanny or something like that, is what you're suggesting. I forgot about the adult nanny. How could you forget about the adult nanny? How quickly, how quickly I forget. In every moment of her being, I think about her adult nanny uh so there is a rose on this group date uh and corinne does get it so um nick clearly likes what he sees he's on board um yeah nobody really nobody else really nobody else really popped off there alexis uh what was the thing that alexis did in the after credits on this day she had some funny bit in the after
Starting point is 00:32:06 credits oh she got uh she talked about how it was the one year birthday of her uh boob job that she got done yeah um and it had little cupcakes for them to celebrate and they blew them out and ate them and she's like these cupcakes are terrible uh these cupcakes taste bad my boobs taste way better than these cupcakes and it's like awesome okay uh we also get a little a little moment from raven um a little moment of snark where she says um after corinne gets the rose raven says if nick likes someone that leads with sexuality no wonder it's his fourth time oh raven oh ra Ooh, Raven, burn. But like, get up. That's such a whack thing to go after somebody for, I feel like. Well, it is. But I think Raven comes across as this really sweet,
Starting point is 00:32:53 small town girl. From Hoxie, Indiana. Arkansas. Hoxie, Nevada. There's six people there. It's like the Springfield of the United States. There's 14 14 people there and i'm two of them what um but i i was just kind of excited to see her get sassy i guess is what i'm saying yeah and sassy towards nick i think it was more directed towards nick of like she was throwing shade at she was throwing shade at corinne too well you know there's just there's a there is a there's a place for decorum in this process this has been griffin's etiquette corner i just don't want to see any slut shaming i want these somebody mentioned the facebook group after the first episode that they were hopeful that this could be like in every season of the bachelorette you always get so much footage of the boys just
Starting point is 00:33:40 being boyfriends and like friending out with each other hanging out and being buds and you never fucking get that that's why carly and jade was like so dope and so like revolutionary yeah you don't get to see the special friendships you don't get to see the friendships between the women what you do get to see is what happens later in the episode with liz and christian which is like oh just like it took you like 15 minutes to and i'm not saying that like you know all they are doing is like stabbing each other in the back but that's fucking certainly what they are showing us and all they're showing us no that's true although the first episode we did get that nice moment where they were throwing cheese yeah candy into alexis's mouth yeah i know it's such a fun like i genuinely it's childish but i really like that element in the bachelorette where it's like these boys are just being these boys are
Starting point is 00:34:21 buddies well it's the same thing with america's Top Model. You never see the gals like galling out. You just see them competing. Yeah, I guess that's true. Okay, so now it's time for the single date, which is with Danielle M. They go up in a helicopter, Natch. And then they land on a yacht where they have champagne and sit in a hot tub and eat cheese and just just hang observations about this date one they're both fucking terrified of this yacht helicopter to yacht landing yeah uh like nick in particular is like oh we're just gonna we're gonna go down
Starting point is 00:34:59 on that huh uh and my other observation is just kidding there is no other observation because this part of the date lasts like six seconds, because this is when Liz is telling her secret to Christian? Kristen? I think it's Kristen. Okay. But it's spelled... It's spelled Christian. Yeah. Okay. Christian is the faith-based born-again, or not born-again, faith-based virgin, and Liz is the woman who hooked up with Nick at Jane Taylor's wedding.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Which they remind us of constantly. Constantly, constantly, constantly. As if we could forget. Spoiler alert. When they are hitting this shit this hard, this is true of any reality TV show fucking ever. If you're watching Top Chef and they are focusing particularly on somebody's story,
Starting point is 00:35:40 that person is going to go the fuck home that episode because they are wringing every drop of narrative juice out of them that they can possibly get and so the fact that they went so hard on this shit in episode one and episode two like well and you can tell they keep pushing liz so obviously episode one liz talks to nick and confesses who she is and they talk about it and then for some reason on this episode we get liz saying you know what i really just need to talk to nick i don't know what there is left no well here's here's here's the truth of this situation this is my hot take on the liz nick thing and we're going to talk more about it because it was the the like back half the episode was all this but like this was just like this was just like uh this this show is built around arcs right each season has arcs in it um and this was one of
Starting point is 00:36:28 this season's like planned arcs and i'm not gonna like tinfoil hat it and say like it started at the wedding when a producer saw them talking and thought if we made nick the bachelor we could have this hot art i didn't even think about that well that's devious but i mean of course bachelor nation was like repping the set there and there were probably people there that would see that shit and think like, oh, this could be good. Oh, man. Do you think they sent up like a bunch of wedding guests? What I'm saying, though, is there's a 100% chance, though, that this was an arc for the
Starting point is 00:36:55 season. And just like making a TV show. Sometimes it's just like not good stuff. Like the people and like Liz and Nick just like couldn't sell it. Or maybe there wasn't any heat there or like the stuff that they tried and nick just like couldn't sell it or maybe there wasn't any heat there or like the the stuff that they tried to get them to do together there was no like intensity maybe nick legit like dead ass did not know that liz was going to be there and was pissed off because he did so much image maintenance in bachelor in paradise and now here's this woman
Starting point is 00:37:20 who he hooked up with that could potentially like spoil the there's a fucked up way of thinking about it but it's almost certainly how he was thinking about it that could like ruin his untarnished reputation here in the house uh which is supposed to be like his clean his clean slate right yeah so like any number of things could happen but just like it's fizzling it's not fucking working out and they are trying so hard to keep the ball in the air and it just it just ain't working yeah so what we get so i'll just say so the single date danielle and nick go to balboa island and they ride a ferris wheel nobody cares because all we're looking at is liz and kristin and liz decides she's going to confess to kristin that her and nick have a past ch Let's just say Kristen and just, like, not have to worry about the correct pronunciation anymore.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Kristen. Kristen. Kristen. And so, I don't really know their friendship, but Liz... It's because it was not shown. We did not get to see that particular acquaintance. Liz gets kind of detailed and says, you know, we were hanging out and then we had sex and we would intermittently
Starting point is 00:38:28 have sex and then talk. The thing that was weird about this confession to Kristen is it seems to take place over three locations with three different outfits. First it's by a poolside and then in one of those little pagodas?
Starting point is 00:38:44 Palapa. Palapa. No. And then it's like inside the house. And like every time they're wearing different clothes, it's like these conversations took place over the course of like six days or something like that. Yeah, they keep showing them in different places
Starting point is 00:38:57 talking about this. And Liz just gets more and more detailed. And then the outcome that is reached is that Liz is going to talk to nick again about it and how convenient because there's a group date with liz and kristin on it um we should mention on danielle m's date uh that they have dinner and she talks about her fiance who passed away five and a half years ago um which when she mentioned that the people we were watching the show with were like what um and i didn't even think about it like it didn't even occur to me that like that
Starting point is 00:39:28 was listed in her bio some loud ass birds outside you hear those rude birds if they wake up our baby i'm gonna go fucking punch those birds right in the wings um she mentioned in her bio but did not mention it in the first episode of the show. And so nobody knew. This was a big revelation. But her husband or her fiance, they'd been engaged for a couple months. Three months, yeah. And he died of a drug overdose, and she did not know that he used drugs. And so it came as a shock, and she was the one that found him.
Starting point is 00:40:01 It was fucking horrible. Yeah, and she says that she has told uh people that she's been in relationships with before about this story and usually it pushes them away yeah uh but nick which of course cues nick to be like i feel even closer to you yeah this story makes me like you even more which is like nick lets her know a strange way to word it but it's sweet yeah nick lets her know he's not deterred and gives her the rose. I think there was a cynical part of us that,
Starting point is 00:40:27 obviously, this is a fucking horrible thing to happen to anybody, and we wouldn't, you know, wish it or goof about it. But the only parallel we really have is Kelsey from, that wasn't Ben's season, was it? Was it fucking Ben's season? I thought it was Chris's. Maybe it was Chris's season, who's from austin texas who also had a fiance yeah because remember we see carly poppin champagne yes oh shit that was
Starting point is 00:40:51 yeah um uh her fiance passed away before the show um but her treatment of the situation was she actually says the words i love my story um and like used it as a weird danielle doesn't seem like danielle does not seem like the type to do this at all she seems like a she seems like a total sweetheart uh so group date is uh chris christen uh josephine astrid jamie christina and liz astrid is apparently from huntington i don't think i talked to you about this or maybe i did but bradbury texted me and said she's from huntington um and that her sister, I guess, still lives there? Huh.
Starting point is 00:41:27 That's wild. That is wild. I know. It's wild. That is the only thing we know about her. That is it. And she speaks German. So it's two things.
Starting point is 00:41:35 So they are going on a Hollywood date. They go to the Museum of Broken Relationships, which apparently is a real thing. Oh, man. It's a real thing, and it's real uncomfortable. It's kind of like, it's set up like an art gallery, and there are little exhibits. It's set up like a fart gallery. This is the worst date I've ever, like, this date
Starting point is 00:41:57 was just like, no, because it made my, Jesus, my skeleton tore itself in half, running in multiple directions out of my body. It could not get out of me fast enough. So what is in the museum is different artifacts from people's failed relationships, which I think is kind of an interesting concept. No, it isn't!
Starting point is 00:42:15 Because one of the things in it was fucking... Nick walks in and he's like, so this is the museum of broken relationships. It's a good Nick. It's a good Nick impression. museum of broken relationships it's a good Nick impression what I want you to do is try to find the thing that that I have from in here
Starting point is 00:42:31 and yeah let's just look around and like immediately there's like a fucking dried up rose through a big gaudy ass needle laying ass ring and somebody's like this is it and he's like looks like the hunter it was the rose and ring for caitlin um and then he tells this story that i guess is supposed to be emotional but like i couldn't feel anything i can't feel anything
Starting point is 00:42:55 for you nick i'm sorry everything because it's like you're not sure you're not revealing anything to me right now well and it's the formula of the show it's not like he took a once in a lifetime shot and proposed to this woman like that's how the show works you just did what the show does you did the show thing and it didn't go good um so there's so many uncomfortable interactions between nick and the women on this date like it was mostly nick just walking around and being like um oh my gosh saying what he sees sees. Just saying what he sees. Oh, cheetah print coat. Letterman's jacket.
Starting point is 00:43:28 Oh, I wonder what sport. No! He, like, doesn't know how to be on a group date, which isn't unusual for a new bachelor. But instead of, like, trying to engage with the women, he's just walking around and he'll stop in front of an exhibit that a woman is also at and be like oh can't help her mostly liz like mostly liz like that's the thing don't talk to me about our stuff yeah please not our stuff uh so what happens next is hell on earth like i thought like boy this is a really uncomfortable date. Surely they couldn't make this any more uncomfortable with interactive live theater, could they? We see a fight happening in one of the wings of this gallery.
Starting point is 00:44:14 And it is between a couple that we don't know. And they are yelling at each other. And at one point, the woman removes a ring and throws it at the man. and at one point the woman removes a ring and throws it at the man and we cut like josephine like picks it up and like starts to walk it over to them but realizes oops this is interactive live theater and so she just kind of like fucking sets it down on a counter nearby and like walks back with guys it was fucking like it was like they had come across like a bomb squad like disarming uh an improvised explosive device and they all didn't know what to do with their fucking bodies. The curator of the gallery says that this is part of their
Starting point is 00:44:48 quote, live symposium and that as part of the date all of the women will have a chance to stage a breakup with Nick. Which is a fucking fun idea for a date and a lot of the women have really fun
Starting point is 00:45:04 a lot of fun with it. There's just one situation that's going to be a little prickly, though, and that is the woman who is on this date that, like, they already have a really bad situation going, and they technically kind of did break up, I guess, a little bit, like, nine months ago. Ooh, Jesus. Yeah, so everybody kind of takes a turn and it's pretty innocuous um they all come up with little things uh astrid like breaks the rose in half uh christina does this like i'm a dental hygienist do you brush and floss no well then it's over there was a lot there was a lot of nick being a bad improv partner and we need to talk about that. She was like, you haven't brushed your teeth today, did you?
Starting point is 00:45:49 And Nick's like, yes, I did. What are you doing? That's not how it happened. You're breaking up. Or when Astrid is like, I will not accept your rose. And Nick's like, well, who said I gave it to you? It's like, Nick. It was very much like, I've got a gun.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Agent Michael Skarn. Get down on the ground. very much like i've got a gun agent michael scarn get down on the ground uh yeah he keeps like trying to keep up and failing miserably because he can't add anything to any of these scenes um josephine this is the hit does the slap this is abc's the slap coming coming season two with uma thurman they slapped it they slapped another fucking kid i don't know what to tell you they just keep slapping kids on this fucking show she slaps him like step one slaps him very hard right on the face and then says how many bottles will i have to pick up before i have to leave you and or how much have you how much have you had to drink today and he says i haven't
Starting point is 00:46:39 drank today nicholas and then he says oh but what about ron's bachelor party that was good um yeah so they do this weird weird dramatic scene where she tries to add this whole subplot it's great like josephine crushes it she's she's fucking fantastic she has earned her stripes in my book uh with this with this date she's hysterical and then then liz gets up oh my god and she pulls out a fucking like notebook and i'm immediately like a little moleskine journal that she has written down our friend johnny who we watch the show with who's one of my favorite uh like couch commentators uh fucking gets up and we have this like uh we have sort of an open concept living room kitchen dining room thing but there's like a load-bearing pillar
Starting point is 00:47:23 in the middle of all of it and he just starts fucking walking in a circle around it as if he is doing a maypole dance uh to try to like hide his face from the television set it is fucking savage she starts reading a treatise on the real history of their wedding hookup and kristen her mouth drops open because kristen knows this is real all the other women kind of can't tell i forget which one of the women uh comments on jamie jamie comments on it she's like wow i really was impressed with how deep liz went into her story crafting of like oh man how could you how the fuck could you think this is a fucking good idea this is a breakup date we're going to the breakup museum
Starting point is 00:48:05 and everybody's making up fake breakup shit but i'm gonna drop this actual sensitive thing that i've been meaning to talk to you about and then confuse everybody by talking about it and make you wildly uncomfortable 100 and this is how i've decided to broach the subject 100 producer intervention i i am calling this one a+. Definitely somebody pulled her aside and said, now is the time for you to... If that's the case, oh my god, Liz, I feel so fucking bad that this had to happen to you. And maybe this is why you. Like, nobody was, nobody was, like, getting serious with it at all. Everybody was, like, slapping and making funsies. And this was a super serious, actually super real, oh, Jesus. Yeah, it was really rough.
Starting point is 00:48:57 So at this point, Nick realizes, like, oh, Liz and I are going to have to talk about it. They leave the museum and go to the second half of their date and uh nick says that he is living his nightmare which is always good uh because he he is talking to the other women he is doing the typical second half of the date let's have drinks and have five minutes together we need a word by the way we need some terminology for what it's called when uh nick is talking to a woman and she's like well i'm from hoxie uh north dakota and i am the school board president and then like while they're talking nick cuts in with a behind the scenes interview talking about something else like i don't care about your shit we're moving on to my
Starting point is 00:49:43 shit now it's so it's so it's so mean to the women who are giving these conversations and it happens like five times in a row he tells us the viewer and understandably he is distracted by knowing that this liz thing exists and that he has to talk to her about it and there's like 12 minutes left in the episode at this point so we know we ain't getting a rose ceremony this app. Yeah. So this is where Jamie reveals to Nick that she has dated a woman prior to him. And then makes kind of a fun joke and says, you know, oh, but I won't go after the one you want,
Starting point is 00:50:15 which I think is kind of... I guess, yeah. This was so like, I don't know what I expected from this show. It is not... They don't dwell on it. They don't make a big thing out of it. They don't dwell on it at all.
Starting point is 00:50:24 And I don't think they like step in it or anything particularly bad. I mean, maybe it'll come up later though. We don't dwell on it. They don't make a big thing out of it. And I don't think they like step in it or anything particularly bad. I mean, maybe it'll come up later, though. We don't know. Yeah, I don't want to give them carte blanche. But like, it was, I know this show is not the most like, you know, liberated is not the right word, like cool show about this type of stuff. Enlightened, maybe? Enlightened.
Starting point is 00:50:46 like cool show about this type of stuff enlightened enlightened um so i don't really know what i expected but they don't like they don't like dive dive into it nick doesn't nick's not like oh well you know sexuality's the spectrum and it's just like oh well i hope you don't date any of the women in the house and she's like well not any of the ones that you like it's like i kind of wanted to i kind of wanted to know i wanted this to be like a thing right we've, I feel like there's always conversations happening in the Facebook group. Like what if there was a bisexual bachelor or bachelorette? Yeah. And my response to that is like, they're not going to do that because they're just not like, they're not. They're not equipped, I feel like.
Starting point is 00:51:18 They're not equipped to, well, they're fucking equipped. Like they could do it. They're just like chicken shit. But they don't have that formula worked out. Yeah. And so like, I don't know. They're just like chicken shit. Yeah, but they don't have that formula worked out. Yeah. And so, like, I don't know. I kind of wanted this to be more of a thing, and I was disappointed when it wasn't,
Starting point is 00:51:31 because I really... Well, and it might have been, and the Liz story just ate up, you know. This fucking always happens. Yeah. It was wrought all over again. So, this is when Nick sits down with Kristen, and Kristen reveals that she knows what happened
Starting point is 00:51:47 with him and liz and nick is like hey i don't know if this makes you uncomfortable but i want to know what you know and kristin's like everything and kristin like chucks liz over the fucking balcony in front of the way of an oncoming bus like it is k Well... No, she... No. She knows... She laid this woman low. I thought she wanted to act as kind of a confidant for Nick. Like, hey, just so you know, I know this must be tough for you, and that time in the museum must have been awkward. You think it was more malicious than that? I don't know if it...
Starting point is 00:52:18 Yeah, I kind of do. Because there is no... The only thing that was keeping Liz there was that nobody else in the house knew. Straight up. Like, that was the only, because once that info started to leak out into the contestants, that's, like, it for his rep or whatever. And so when she tells Nick, like, yeah, Liz told me about it unprompted. And, yeah, just wanted to tell me about it. And so I know about it unprompted and, um, yeah, just wanted to tell me about it. And so I know about it.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Nick was like, well, then I don't know who else she's telling, but I've got to, I've got to cut this thing off. I made a joke. Oh, I guess we can talk about it. But like he sends, he's going to send Liz home. Uh, and I made a joke that like immediately after he was like, and Kristen, you too, you're sent home. I have to send home everybody who knows my, my, my that i've made love before and i have to put jade and tanner into a vault jade
Starting point is 00:53:11 and tanner you're going to be sunk to the bottom of the ocean you're living in a bubble community so nick from what we can see nick goes straight to liz nick's wearing a camo jacket by the way and this sparked a of a fervent discussion about camouflage and its place in the modern dating apparently it's in now but it's kind of basic it's also it's also fucking camouflaged it's what people wear so they can sneak up on deer and shit like you didn't wear there was a phase in the 90s i never had a camo face never ever never never never ever never there was over well part of it i think is your age because when i was in middle school i grew up in west virginia that was like where
Starting point is 00:53:49 it was invented no i'm saying see you're you're missing the the quadrant uh of the 90s grunge era when wearing camouflage was very much a thing to kind of express your grunginess. Did you have a camo face? I may have. I don't know that I had, but I definitely coveted like an army style jacket. An army style camo jacket with the JNCOs down low. I didn't wear JNCOs. The boots with the fur. You wore JNCOs.
Starting point is 00:54:24 No, I did not. You had JNCOs and you rode on them. No. You had JNCOs. The boots with the fur. You wore JNCOs. No, I did not. You had JNCOs and you rode on them. No. You had JNCO jeans. I didn't because I wasn't a skater and I didn't want to be called out on that. I wore skater attire and I never fucking skated. That didn't stop me. Well, it was different for gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:54:36 I never owned any JNCOs. I wanted to, though. I mean, I can't even imagine. It's expensive. A lot of fabric. I can't imagine how expensive those were. So much. Each pocket is like 20 bucks.
Starting point is 00:54:46 This reminds me of the story where you and your friend Clint Wilson shared a pair of rollerblades. Uniblade. This was fun. Uniblade. Everybody, go buy a pair of uniblades and get a friend. You wear a shoe on one foot and a blade on the other and you push yourself. It's fun. This is like, to me, this really paints a picture of like, we had one pair of rollerblades between us.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Me and Evan Minsker also bought goggles at Hot Topic. Mine were red and his were green and we switched out one lens. So yeah, fucking cool, like 3D style. We looked really cool with our uniblades and mismatched goggle colors from Hot Topic. So I bought a ring from Hot Topic once I wore it and had like fire on it. It was cool. I can't picture you wearing an accessory like a necklace or a ring. Or topic once i wore it and like fire on it it was cool i can't picture you wearing an accessory like a necklace or a ring or fucking goggles or one roller blade you can
Starting point is 00:55:30 picture me wearing one roller i'm just glad that you never got your ears pierced yeah me well i would look fucking great what are you talking about i would look super duper good with that um okay so so nick and liz sit down and and they both have kind of interesting points um so liz is kind of like hey we were drunk and i didn't think there was anything there and then you got real busy with bachelor in paradise and your bachelor tour and i decided to come on the show and see if there was anything there and then then Nick is saying, hey, we have mutual friends. If you really wanted to know if anything was there, you could have seen me sometime between the nine months of the wedding and now.
Starting point is 00:56:15 So he's suspicious, like, why are you coming on this show? We clearly, if we had something, you could have looked into it before now. And she's saying, you were on that press tour. How would I have seen, you know, if anything was there? You were busy. And so they both kind of come at this conversation. Neither of them says, oh, and I really like you, and I have a real interest in us being together. Right, because that's not the truth. Like, this is what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:56:41 It doesn't take much to peel back the veil here. And really think about it, gang. Like, if you really liked somebody who had been chosen to be the bachelor, if you really liked somebody who had been chosen to be the star of a reality dating show where you get engaged at the end of it, you would say, well, I guess that's not going to happen because that's really, that's crazy. Like, that's not going to happen. The last thing you would think is,
Starting point is 00:57:10 I'm going to go on that show and win. That's not how any of this, I really like this, Nick doing that to Caitlin after meeting her at some event. No, you didn't do it because I really like you, and so I thought I would come on this love contest and win your heart yeah that's not how fucking any of this works and so like no that's
Starting point is 00:57:31 not i'm sorry that's not why she came to the show she didn't come to the show because they hooked up at a wedding and then like i'm i'm gonna win his heart i really think we have a connection so i'm going to go on the love contest and do the best at it and win it and then we'll get engaged at the end that's i'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here it's not her it's this is not a judgment on liz i'm saying that's not how it's happened a few times now it last season with ben there were two women who were return contestants who were like i just saw him on tv and you know, I want to take a swing at him. That's not how like an earnest attempt at starting a relationship starts.
Starting point is 00:58:09 And if you think about it like that, if you think about it like, you know, she's just taking her shot. No, she's appearing on a televised love contest and like trying to win the love contest so that she can get engaged to it. Like there's so many leaps of logic there. You can't treat this thing like it's that real. You can treat it like there's so many leaps of logic there you can't you can't treat
Starting point is 00:58:25 this thing like it's it's that real you can treat it like it's a little bit real and it's it's fun and you kind of have to to enjoy it but like i'm not saying either one of them is in the wrong i'm saying thinking about it like she loved him and so she had to go win his heart for the televised love contest is like no that's not how it works it's just not how it works yeah i'm sorry it's not how it works so what nick says is hey we met at the wedding we had a good time i asked for your number you didn't give it to me and when you didn't give me your number i kind of checked out on any interest i had in you so i'm gonna go ahead and send you home because it's not gonna happen between us and it's she doesn't seem to to turn yeah and, and she walks out, and that's it.
Starting point is 00:59:10 But it's not it, because he recognizes, I just sent her home. I'm going to have to tell these women something. And he decides the something he's going to tell them is the whole story. We had sex. Yeah. In a bed. He comes out. He says, I just sent Liz home. You should know, I met Liz at Jane Tanner's wedding. And Liz and I had sex. Episode over.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Jump to like trailer for next episode. And it is just wailing and fucking lamentations. Yeah, which I can't figure out. Because he made love. Everyone thought he was a virgin. he was a virgin it's confusing if he had kept her then i could understand some some trepidation of oh you're saying you had sex with her and here she is sitting right next to me i have no shot at winning you've already been with this woman but instead he sends them home and all the women are apparently i guess upset and i i don't know maybe this is overblown maybe it's not actually the reaction that happens um but they make it seem like the women are very distressed that there was a contestant that he had already been with. Yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:12 It doesn't. Yeah. So that was the episode. That was the episode. It was a fucking banger of an episode. There was a lot of stuff to love and also cringe so hard at. And hey, if you had Corinne on your team. Holy fucking shit.
Starting point is 01:00:28 So many points. Enjoy. We got make out points. We got steal away points. We got Rose. We got Rose points. Oh man, she is a power player. Yeah. Thank you all for listening to Rose Buddies.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Oh, I wanted to thank, in our PO box, on the last episode griffin mentioned um our history with the super bowl shuffle album and uh a nice uh fan melissa that works at a record store said that she is in chicago had a bunch of copies of it and sent it to us so now we have that relic pretty ambitious with that album with that album. They're like, we've got a hit on our hands. We need to print a million copies of it. That relic from our romantic history, which was very sweet. Thank you, Melissa.
Starting point is 01:01:12 We're going to wrap up here. Thank you to Maximum Fun for having us. We're a new addition to the MaxFun Network. Yeah, and we've had a lot of new listeners, and thank you so much. Hi, welcome. Hope you had a good time. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Sorry I talk so much about Whiplash. Sorry you're watching The Bachelor now. Oops. Yeah, thanks for listening. Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy.
Starting point is 01:01:36 Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Can't be the law or reason. Hey, guys. Hey guys, this is Adam Conover. You may know me from my true TV show, Adam Ruins Everything. Well, guess what?
Starting point is 01:01:56 Now we're doing a podcast version right here on Maximum Fun. What we do is we take all the interesting, fascinating experts that we talk to for just a couple minutes on the show, and we sit with them for an entire podcast, really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work. Find Adam Ruins Everything wherever you get your podcasts or at MaximumFun.org. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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