Wonderful! - Episode 22: Oily Carolina

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

WELCOME TO THE CHAD ZONE. This is now Chad's game to lose, and boy, is he going to lose it. We're on episode 2 of JoJo's season of the Bachelorette, and already things are getting both wet AND wild. C...ome hear us talk about pre-love, Chad's meat addiction, and an exploration of some of James Taylor's best sex songs. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rat and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for all the right reasons. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Oh my god, give me time, give me a second to sit down. I'm just so anxious to get going.
Starting point is 00:00:24 You're excited to talk about Chad for a fucking hour. I'm just so anxious to get going. You're excited to talk about Chad for a fucking hour. Yeah, just the all Chad show. Hey everybody, welcome to the Chad Zone. It's a new podcast. Chad Buddies. Welcome to Chad Buddies. Welcome to just two Chads.
Starting point is 00:00:38 I'm Chad. I'm Chad. You haven't introduced yourself yet. I'm Griffin McElroy. This is Rose Buddies. This is a podcast where we talk about The Bachelorette sometimes talk about the bachelor and eventually we're gonna talk about bachelor in paradise i'm excited to get to that point you'll have to excuse me i'm working through uh i'm working through uh i don't know what's going on a hiccup like i have a hiccup
Starting point is 00:00:59 anyway uh we just watched episode two of jojo's season of the bachelorette and um it was it was basically the ballad of chad and it's kind of shaping up to be this whole season's just going to be this was the first this was chad's first stanza of the the uh long form poem that is chad it was it was really chad really had a meaty episode didn't he oh baby yeah um quick segment just real quick for my friends oh yeah what did you make tonight tonight we hosted the bachelorette for a small intimate gathering yeah it's memorial day so there was a lot of people on some trips we got buds not available we got buds in north carolina north kakalaki we got friends in kyoto kyoto laki kyoto yoki uh and uh so yeah small intimate gathering i prepared potato gnocchi with a gorgonzola cream sauce and pear with herb infused walnuts it wasn't a big deal
Starting point is 00:02:01 just something i just it was delicious And the garlic bread I made garlic bread as well, but that sounds like something a child could make You say potato njokk Those words said in English Sound Italian and seductive And so I focused mostly on the main dish But yes, there was a garlic bread element And we ate it
Starting point is 00:02:21 And we enjoyed We enjoyed the hijinks that the boys got up to this episode confusing episode for me as a viewer of this franchise and as a man and a person because i'm gonna i feel like if we hadn't seen that teaser where chad like turns into uh it gets it gets a really aggro crag on the other boys um i was kind of team chap for a little bit we can yeah let's get into that complex feelings you got two group dates you got one solo day yeah uh so the first group date is a big one uh and it's got luke will evny, Ali, or sorry, Ali, James F., Daniel, Wells, Robbie, and Grant. That's a lot of boyos.
Starting point is 00:03:10 A lot of boyos. The introduction of this date was sort of an enigma. The guys go outside, and there is a limousine on fire. There's an explosion sound, or one of the producers just went explosion sound it's like in sky captain the world tomorrow it was like one of the first like cgi real person movies where it's just like all green screen and i remember seeing the making of they did an snl sketch about it too maybe i'm just thinking of the snl sketch, or it was just them having to act with tennis balls. I'm sure it was like that situation. So a fire truck rolls up to put out the limo,
Starting point is 00:03:50 and who steps out of the fire truck first but JoJo? Somebody, before the JoJo rolls up in the fire truck, one of the dudes says, is JoJo in that limo? The one that exploded? That would be a fun twist for the guy. That's it. Gentlemen, you have 10 seconds before she dies
Starting point is 00:04:07 no way she's totally toast and it would be like a very short but like extremely extremely special season of the back all right um uh so so she is is wearing the pants and the suspenders and like a little white tank top what the hell are you taught she's you know the pants and the suspenders and like a little white tank top what the hell are you taught she's you know the pants and the suspenders the fireman pants and what are those what are those what do those look like what are they made out of paint me a picture people know what fire i was making i was making ginocchi when this happened they look like fireman pants i was actually watching she was making it work okay uh she has a hose and puts out the fire on the limo. The men are very excited about her in this costume.
Starting point is 00:04:51 One boy said, that limo is not the only thing that's getting hot. It's the only thing that's hot. And our friend Anna, who was watching it with us, thought that that was a reference to his genitals, tried to mark points for that, which is kind of like a crazy thing right like i'd boys boys when they talk about like when they get um excited or aroused yeah does that area get warm we don't know ladies don't know maybe but warmth isn't like the thing you focus on the tumescence instead the tumescence, the blood flow, the...
Starting point is 00:05:25 More blood flow would equal heat. I mean, I think technically she's correct. I just don't think you got a lot of thermoreceptors down there. I don't know. I could be wrong. So while we're waiting for the men to go on this date, we jump cut to Chad loading up a suitcase with protein powders um and then he uses the unpack i did genuinely miss this scene and i heard somebody talk about it
Starting point is 00:05:53 was he packing up the suitcase or unpacking it removing the suitcase no the impression i got was that he had brought the suitcase out with his large protein powder bottles in it and was zipping it up. So we got like a little peek. Like he had orchestrated what would be in the suitcase for this specific exercise he was about to do. He has a, that was his gym bag essentially, and that he was about to work out and he needed a whole suitcase full of pure pure protein for his muscles i guess yes okay and he so there's like a chain around his waist and then the suitcase is tied to his waist and he starts doing pull-ups and all the men are watching from inside just making making little giggle jokes say what you want about chad his body's insane yeah no i mean, I didn't notice his body.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I was enjoying your gnocchi too much. So we go back to the group date. We find out that they are at a fire academy. And I don't know if you noticed, Grant is on the state. Grant is an actual fireman. Kind of like loading the... Clearly a front runner. Yeah, if it had been like
Starting point is 00:07:05 we're gonna do everybody's gonna do a one hour shift at a college radio station wells would be like oh tight cool i wonder what wells's radio voices sounds like hey everybody this is wells keep it locked on 101 101 101 you don't think he's gonna have like a an npr kind of like every person when they get on that you never heard justin when justin did his justin tyler the country radio dj justin did spots at the country radio station where dad works but he went by the name justin tyler all right i never knew this story we're talking about your brother justin mcleroy yeah went by justin tyler that's his middle name right yeah but and also it sounds like country is fucked isn't it it does so he had a radio voice i just everybody every when i did my college radio show it was like no hey everybody you're listening to there's no way yeah you probably if i remember
Starting point is 00:07:56 college radio correctly everybody has kind of a soft sensitive voice that's actually true of college radio but then as soon as you graduate like for me it was just like and now the 15th straight bin folds five song in a row but then like if i had gotten like one shift at key fm or something like that i've been like and here comes nickelback no see that last part is college radio that right that's what i'm saying the first year i'm like pupating out of my college. So part of the challenges with this fire Academy, they have to run with a hose. They have to chop with an ax. And as they're going through this, they're wearing the fireman gear, which is very heavy and it is very warm out. And Wells is struggling.
Starting point is 00:08:43 He's a little, he's a little guy. He's not, he's not built for this. And I, I can, I would be Wells in this situation. Same time though, Wells is taking a page out of the old Griffin McRae handbook.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Just beef it right there. Beef it so hard and get that attention. That's what they're all there for. Yeah. So everyone starts to become concerned about Wells because he's getting really pale and sweaty and the guy that's running the exercise actually uh has the medical team go over to him which like congrats if you had wells this week congratulations on all the points you got he he lays down uh sweaty and jojo goes and sits by him and wells immediately super smooth he's like oh this whole thing is just a ploy to have you talk to me.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Ha ha ha. And he fucking vomits. No, he doesn't. He doesn't vomit. He holds it together. Yeah. And then there's a lot of, somehow he makes it to like the final round of the thing, right? Well, I think everybody does, don't they?
Starting point is 00:09:41 No, maybe not. Well, no. You know what? So the last challenge is multi-part. And at each part, people get eliminated. I see. I see. So at first, they have to put out a fire.
Starting point is 00:09:51 And then they move on to the next part, where they chop through a building. Just fireman stuff, you know? And they run to the top of the tower, where JoJo is. And at the end, it is... They have to fight a giant gorilla with a tie that says DK on it. It's a Donkey Kong reference. And I know Mario's not a firefighter. Although, was he a firefighter?
Starting point is 00:10:17 He had a job before Plumber. I think he may have actually literally been a firefighter. Wait, how do you know he had a job before Plumber? I've worked in the games industry for forever. I think he started out as a firefighter. And the whole know he had a job before plumber i just i've worked in the games industry for forever i think he started out as a firefighter and the whole thing is like he climbs up a tower and there was fires right there's a little oil barrel and fire came out of it but also there was a giant gorilla man and he would throw barrels down and he hated that man so much in what game do you learn about the evolution of his careers um mario's time machine mario's missing which is the one where they travel in time mario interviews for
Starting point is 00:10:54 several positions yeah mario mario monster.com mario linkedin i think he was a firefighter or something. I'm going to lose my job at the video game website. This can't be essential knowledge for you to have. You'd be surprised at what people think is essential. So it is Grant and Luke that are neck and neck. Grant is the fireman. Luke is the war veteran.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Luke wants it so bad. Luke wants it real bad. Grant knows, hey, if I don't win this fireman challenge as a fireman luke is a war veteran luke wants it so luke wants it real bad grant knows hey if i don't win this fireman challenge as a fireman like i'm in trouble luke is the one who it looks like um he looks like he was like three four five percent into a werewolf transformation so and not that is not a slight against the dude he's handsome as fuck but he looks there's a there's a certain savage look to his face that's just like smoky and handsome as hell but he looks like he got like he was like oh i'm good i'm good he's the one last week that gave her the boots rode up on the unicorn and was like super chill about riding up on the unicorn yeah he went he went. He's good. We drafted him second. He's a frontrunner in my opinion. So he doesn't win,
Starting point is 00:12:07 and he leans against the wall and broods in the most dreamy way anyone has ever brooded. But Grant wins. And that means that Grant gets some extra time with her. Bad prize, bad prize. So he carries her out of the building in what I think is called a fireman's carry. And all the guys are bummed.
Starting point is 00:12:31 They're all laying around in the parking lot. That wasn't a fireman's carry. That was an officer and a gentleman. No, it was called officer and a gentleman. And both things were in reference to the same person. I don't think it was the officer and the gentleman. Where an officer and a gentleman have to share a strand of spaghetti and end up kissing. Do you think there's an adult film that's called that, though?
Starting point is 00:12:52 Do you think it's called Officer and a Gentleman? I hope my mom doesn't still listen to this show. She definitely doesn't. While they're on this date, we get a cut to James Taylor leading the rest of the uh while they're on this date we get a cut to james taylor leading the rest of the men that aren't on the state uh in a sing-along son of a bitch i forgot yeah so this is the first of many cuts we get to them practicing this song they all wrote together if this song were to have a title what do you think the title of this song would be What do you think the title of this song would be?
Starting point is 00:13:25 Eternal Love. Okay, I would go with JoJo. I haven't yet figured out when this is going to be revealed. But at first it seemed like they were kind of playing around. But then I noticed one of the guys had like a steno pad with him. And clearly they were working on a song because they kept rehearsing it. JT had his guitar. And they were just kind of having a fun little session and the song was
Starting point is 00:13:48 essentially Jojo Jojo Jojo Just repeat. So that was the first verse. I have a hard time singing it without singing another song under it.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Jojo JojoJo. Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo. Exactly. That's the exact one. Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo-Jo. Jo-Jo? So I don't know when this is going to be revealed, but the men were very intent.
Starting point is 00:14:17 And they seemed to really, they were like high-fiving each other. It felt like a gum commercial. They were just having like the best time. A gum commercial is a good way to describe many of these lads because there was a lot of super cuts of chad like talking shit about these boys being like these are some boys these are middle school boys and then we'd show like one of them like making a baloney mask or like trying to balance a cup on there or like things that you do when you're like just bored on the set of the show
Starting point is 00:14:47 or you're not on camera 98% of the time. And then the camera makes sure to capture your little ham-based arts and crafts project and make you look like a five-year-old. I'm glad you brought up Chad because there was one man that was not practicing this song. He hates music. And it was Chad. Chad was not having it. He was very annoyed that all these guys were already obsessed with JoJo,
Starting point is 00:15:10 and they didn't know her. Yeah. And this is where my confusion with Chad begins, because he seems like a grade-A douche nozzle. But? Yeah, but. He makes a lot of salient points.
Starting point is 00:15:28 He is bringing up the flaw of the show that everybody realizes from the moment they watch it, which is how are all of these men supposed to fall in love with this woman that they're spending approximately seven minutes a week with? And he is resistant to it. that's reasonable yeah um but it is the show
Starting point is 00:15:52 that is how the show works yes this was the episode where somebody came up to him and said like oh you're the villain and so the um like that behavior got ramped up to a like completely insane degree to the point where like at the end he was a fucking cold cut eating bond villain um which is in a way busted i think you called him the meat joker at one point at the end dude he's literally eating meat in like eight consecutive shots and like eating giving a shit he's eating shit and meat and just like looking at the camera every time just like um but but like what i'm saying is like chad's big on like pointing out the inauthentic oh this is gonna be a real a word a real junior jumble here we go
Starting point is 00:16:40 inauthenticity of the other boys in the in the house at the same time you're the fucking meat joker dog and you can't pretend like you're not you're not hamming it up i said what do i do joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe my hand for you see this is becoming a weekly segment where you just you really air out those pipes what song is that the one that's like all my ladies are living it up but say what do i do i don't know i know the song i don't know what it's called it was a good song all right sorry um so let's let's go back we're gonna have many times talk about chad but i don't want to get off topic okay so we go back to grant who's getting his alone time with jojo and he is really pouring it on you know he's saying i am never gonna leave the house without saying i love you you. So, that's a crazy thing to say.
Starting point is 00:17:50 I will never leave the house without saying I love you. Assuming that those feelings develop. Well, this whole show is operating on that premise that they are going to fall in love. But there was a lot of pre-I love yous in this episode. Yeah. I just like people saying, I can't wait to tell you I love you. Once those feelings develop and we both get to a place where we're comfortable saying that to each other. The dates are set up, though, like that.
Starting point is 00:18:19 Like this date, this next group date literally had a show Jojo how you would propose. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. And it was bad. I agree. It was very bad. This date, this next group date literally had a show JoJo how you would propose. Exactly, yes. Yeah, and it was bad. I agree. It was very bad. I was surprised that Firefighter Man put in the work. Pleasantly surprised.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Yeah, and JoJo really respected his kind of selfless attitude is what she called it. I think she was just really impressed with him being a fireman, ultimately. I mean, he's a great guy, but their connection seemed to primarily be Jojo respecting him for the work he does. In the fire. Derek gets a solo date. And this was, I think all four of us at the same time were like, which one's Derek? Kind of a weird choice.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Derek is the one, and people commented this when we watched in person last week and on the Facebook group, that he looks a lot like John Krasinski. He does look a lot like John Krasinski, yeah. Although John Krasinski, did you see him in that Zero Dark Thirty 2, the sequel to Zero Dark Thirty? I did. We didn't see that movie. He looks like a real Chad. He looks kind of more like a real chad he looks kind of more like a chad than a than a a jim um i should say though so it seems like we're jumping
Starting point is 00:19:34 around but the way that they cut the show you'll see a date card and then you'll go back to what you were doing before so we saw a date card for derrick and then we go back to the group date, and JoJo gives Wells the rose for that date. It's a good dive, man. It's the classic maneuver where somebody gets injured trying their hardest, and the Bachelor or Bachelorette gives them a rose as a reward. Take it in a dive, man. It works in hockey.
Starting point is 00:20:03 It works in basketball. It works in soccer. It works in the Bachelorette. Yeah. And the dive, man. It works in hockey. It works in basketball. It works in soccer. It works in the Bachelorette. Yeah. And the Bachelor, probably. Luke also gets a little time with JoJo and talks about his military training and his past relationships. And then they make out on the roof. And it seems like the chemistry is still there between the two of them.
Starting point is 00:20:25 That's good to hear. I was worried. Yeah. So now we're on Derek's date. I'm so glad to be here with you, Derek. Which one? What's your thing? What's your shtick?
Starting point is 00:20:37 Here's what I wrote down about Derek. Derek told JoJo night one that she had a real sense of self. What the fuck's that mean, dog? Which, you know, he liked about her. He's a commercial banker. I don't know what that means. He's the one that in his bio said that he'd be fine on an island
Starting point is 00:20:56 as long as it wasn't covered in cucumbers. Does he like Kardashians or was that somebody? That was a different one. Alright. What's a commercial? Like they sell you like funds commercials on television. I think I figure it's like businesses. He works with businesses, like not individuals, but like companies, a company bank man.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Yeah. And he looks like John Krasinski. Okay. Now I have a foothold. I was just looking for a little hole in Derek that I could really wedge my foot into and begin to scale him and just sort of mount him and figure him out. What's wrong? This is like Arrested Development. I want you to play that back later.
Starting point is 00:21:41 So Derek and Jojo have like a choose your own adventure date. This was the worst date of the show's history that's right i remember everything about this date it was the wildest dumbest worst date that's ever been they get in a car and at different intervals they encounter opportunities to choose different paths so they'll be like a man holding sky on a sign and a man holding c on a sign and then they choose which way to turn. They went with sky, and then they had north and south. There were two pilots of two planes. Yeah, they get to an airport, and there are two jets
Starting point is 00:22:11 and a pilot in front of each holding a sign. This is north or south. They went with north, and the south pilot had a look on his face like, Oh, man. Are you sure? I've got to go back to my shitty wife and kids. I hate my dumb life. I wanted to take you guys on a trip south of Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Wait, where would they have gone? Yeah, that was Derek's point. He's like, there's not a lot south of here. I mean, Mexico, South America, lots of stuff. Yeah, talk about sliding doors, Griffin. What if they had gone on the other date? What if they had been, like, date what if they had been like south and they had gone south and it was like okay do you want to go to tijuana or the yeti's cave and it's like yeti's cave definitely and jojo would be like i don't think we should go to the
Starting point is 00:22:57 yeti's cave and then they go to the yeti's cave and they die and they die and it's like turn back to page one if you want to try a new adventure goosebumps the choose your own adventure books i used to love the juice the juice bumps choose your own adventure books because you could get through them so much faster i see i read classic choose your own adventure like the old ones yeah well this was this but this was the same concept but with that rl stein twist that i loved so much uh and so after they land the jets, they choose between Golden Gate or Lombard Street, which I'm not familiar with the San Francisco area. What is on Lombard Street? I have no fucking idea.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Yeah. They could have experienced local culture there and gotten some points. That's true. there i'm gonna gotten some points that's true but or more realistically they would have done nothing there because what happened is when they went to the golden gate bridge is they had a picnic for about a minute and then end of day like literally this this is what i'm talking about you want to see your sky oh definitely sky i love the clouds and birds and blue i fucking love it all definitely sky okay north or south north dude let dude. Let's go up to that colder weather. That favors my skin.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Okay, do you want to go to Golden Gate Bridge or Lombard Street? This sounds a little bit tougher, but definitely Golden Gate Bridge. I've put a lot of thought into planning this date for you today. Yeah, me too. Here's a ham sandwich. End of fucking day. Look at that. Look at the bridge.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Look at the bridge. You got us here. Eat this sandwich. We're going home right now no that's a good point because at any given like segment of the date i thought oh now they're going to do some kind of extreme thing like oh north or south they're going to jump out of a plane or golden gate oh they're going to jump off the bridge like i kept waiting for the like we're going to do this magical thing anything to happen anything to happen and Anything to happen. And then later on, they were having dinner
Starting point is 00:24:48 and she was like, that was a crazy date we had. And he was like, yeah, we kept making these decisions. She was like, yeah. We had to choose between see your sky and we chose sky. So you admit then that that was the only fucking thing that happened on the date. You basically were in transit for a while. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:04 JoJo, you can tell jojo has a an agenda because she immediately on this dinner part of it asks about an ex um and this is where derrick gets weird and this is something that happens a lot on this show where guys are like oh i just this was some next level shit i just don't really like to talk about it. I just it's hard for me to open up, you know, now because of what happened. And at first I think like, oh, that's that's all we're getting. And then eventually he says, yeah, I was really serious about this woman. And, you know, we were like maybe going to get married. And then there was another person in her life.
Starting point is 00:25:42 There was no there was another person. And it's like derek that's arguably the worst possible way you could have introduced it because for a second judge was like a person for you a person for like you could have been like i'm sure i was cheated but you got cheated on and he's like there was another one there's another man in her life for her and it was like so she cheated on you there is so much so much an easier way to say that. Well, I wonder if it's more complicated than we realize. No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:12 It was not. But Derek gets the rose. JoJo feels very close to him. That's it for them. I don't feel much closer to Derek. No, me neither. We cut back to the mansion. The dudes are still practicing the song.
Starting point is 00:26:28 At this point, Daniel and Chad break off, and they're both sitting outside in their black undershirts. And they're having kind of a moment where you realize, oh, these two are buddying up. This is the Clint and JJ. God, it
Starting point is 00:26:44 makes me so... Those were their names, right? Yeah. I fucking hate that I... The villain's got a vil. That's the villain's got a vil, like, Scott Farkas plus Toadie little situation going on. Is that Caitlyn's season?
Starting point is 00:26:59 Yes. Yes. Daniel's, I mean, he's pretty good at it. Daniel, just in case anyone forgot, Daniel's the one that got very inebriated last week and stripped down and jumped in the pool. And explained a meme to somebody on national television. And I don't know if you can remember this better than me.
Starting point is 00:27:19 I couldn't really write it down. This is when Chad gives the complicated dude protein shake metaphor he's like oh if you put all those dudes together in a blender like a protein shake i couldn't you only get half of i thought he was talking about griffin he said a dude protein shake what am i supposed to take that as? Out of context, if somebody offered, if somebody said like, check out this dude protein shake. I would think it was a protein shake designed for men to build muscle. By men, from men.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Out of men. Anyway, he developed some sort of complicated metaphor that wasn't really complicated as much as it was bad. Nonsensical. Yeah. Non-existent. It wasn't a metaphor as much as it was a nothing. And so then we find out the next group date, which is going to be Jordan, Christian, Nick, James T., Alex, and Chad.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Much smaller, much more intimate affair. And there's three dudes that don't get to go on a date. And I didn't, like, by process of elimination, I'm guessing it's, I know Chase was one of them that didn't get to go. I think Will, maybe? No, Will got to go on the first date. Damn.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Who else went home? Oh, I don't have my notes with me. Anyway, three guys didn't get to go, and they were upset about it, naturally, and Chad immediately jumps all over them. It was like, what? Before they said anything, like, before they even said anything, Chad was like, oh, she'll be here next week. It's not like she was getting on a plane. It's like, Chad, they weren't like, I fucking hate you guys getting your dates. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Chad was instantly just like, well, tough shit. She'll be here next week he seems really upset at how interested in jojo all the men are because he feels like it's insincere but that is the show the show is about what if the show could be something different though and chad is the champion what would it be what would it be if not that Chad's gonna change this whole game Chad is going to bring a level of sincerity to the game that has never existed here before it's too easy to write him off as the villain though because of his
Starting point is 00:29:35 temper he's gonna punch some boys and it's gonna get him in trouble he's a bad boy and I wouldn't want to hang out with him but I appreciate appreciate the tea. This is what is dangerous. All right, I was going to say this at some point in the episode. I might as well get to it now. Chad is the kind of guy who is perceptive and honest. And so you want to make excuses for the fact that he's a total dick. And I have known many men like this. and I have known many men like this.
Starting point is 00:30:06 They always are able to date women because the women end up rationalizing to themselves, oh, well, you know what? He's got a point. I guess I'll let him continue to treat me like I'm awful. I wouldn't date Chad with my worst enemies person. worst enemies person um but i appreciate it's episode fucking two and a dude was like i can't wait to tell you i love you every morning it's episode two you've known her for like a fucking day slow your roll yeah slow your roll like i i'm a relative newcomer i've almost reached it to like the point where i've watched half of the series as long as it's been running i started with like ben flajanic
Starting point is 00:30:51 um so even then i'm still kind of a relative newcomer but even in this like short span it's gotten to the point where like if episode two you're not confessing your undying love for them. You are somehow like, you're there for the wrong reasons. Was it always like that? Because I feel like it's just ramped up so much. I mean, people definitely used to withhold the I love you's much longer. Like a lot of times you wouldn't get it until the final three, and they would be on that destination date, and they would be like working
Starting point is 00:31:25 up the nerve but there's no there is no step where it's just like you know i think i like i think i actually i really like you i think i like spending time with you here's some stuff that like i've noticed in the time we've been hanging out that's like insightful little observations about stuff i like about you and i look for in a partner and you vault directly like over that and the next like nine steps to like full-blown idolization like i want to i want to you know i want to tell you i love you every morning make you a bacon breakfast every night breakfast for dinner i love you jojo well let me let me explain though why that might have happened more so on this episode. Because the next date is an ESPN date.
Starting point is 00:32:08 And these boys see the ESPN building and they do a quick football prayer. Where they just put their hands up and just close their eyes like, thank you, football. I wish Wells had been on that date. It would have been fun to see how he reacted. Now, what's an Espen? So they go into the studio. JoJo is at a desk of a program that's called Sport Nation? Sports Nation?
Starting point is 00:32:34 No, Sport Nation. You got it right the first time. Okay. I don't know if you got it right the first time. I'm pretty sure you actually got it wrong the first time. I was just razzing you. And so she's sitting at the desk, and she's delivering some commentary, which. She's delivering commentary about Steph Curry and the Golden State Warriors winning the championship, which is like they filmed this months and months and months ago.
Starting point is 00:32:57 I think they did like 17 cuts and just insert new name and then go again. OK. That's what I think. just insert new name and then go again okay that's what i think so um then we find out as a as a viewer and the contestants find out they're going to do a power ranking of the guys on that date and in order to be ranked they have to do different little challenges uh and instead of sport nation we're now doing bachelor nation i I get it. I get it. Yeah. So the first challenge is to do an end zone dance with a giant rose, which is so humiliating.
Starting point is 00:33:36 Oh, dog. You mean all of it? Yeah. Do you mean all the stuff that they did? No, the whole date is pretty humiliating. So all of the men have to do little dances. stuff no the whole date is pretty humiliating so all of the men have to do little dances how perverse that they take them to football church but then they make that they make the football church an unsafe place for them to be and conduct their actions uh and then they have to do kind of
Starting point is 00:33:54 a dizzy bat situation and this is where they get forced to get very serious about jojo because they have to spin around on a bat pick up a giant giant ring, go to JoJo at the end, and propose. This is where my leg bones fuse together into a giant drill, and I burrow deep, deep into the crust of the earth so I didn't have to be in the living room watching the show at this point. So all the men do the kind of proposal that you would actually see on The Bachelorette, which is, you know, I love you you i'm so happy to be with you i want to spend the rest of my life with you uh and chad is getting more and more uncomfortable because he's like i don't want to propose to this woman i don't know her he was getting more
Starting point is 00:34:33 uncomfortable because my psychic waves of displeasure were reaching him like fucking christian was like my love i and i was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Some of this. Oh, my God. It was. Oh, my God. It was miserable.
Starting point is 00:34:54 And so Chad goes to Jojo and says, will you marry me? And it comes across as very ice cold compared to the other proposals. And then Jojo is kind of like, well, why do you want to marry me? Nothing about what you like about me? And Chad was like, you need me to tell you all the things I love about you? Like, that was an absurd request. Yeah. And then as she kind of pushed, like, oh, well, okay.
Starting point is 00:35:29 He's like, you seem a little naggy. Which is a bold proposal choice, certainly. And all the guys are standing there like, this is Chad. Now you're seeing Chad. This is the Chad. And then the final aspect of the challenge is the guys have to sit press conference style with Jojo and answer rapid fire questions like, what are the best three qualities you want in a wife? Why do you want to get married? Why would you marry Jojo? And also, who did the worst today?
Starting point is 00:36:07 Oh, yeah. And who do you think? Yeah, who do you think did the worst today oh yeah and who do you think yeah who do you think did the worst today and all the guys say chad and chad just gets more and more aggressive um but here's the thing i think chad's point is super legit yeah i've always been fascinated by this by this idea because you don't see it get played that often and usually when you do see somebody play it they don't have a villain angle to it this angle of like i want to get to know this person before i like start dropping the l-bomb on them like i want to really get to know them but usually that means that that person just kind of peters out early or they just go home on their own volition because they're like i'm not feeling a connection and i gave the seal of college but it ain't happening i'm elite chad's the first person to fuse that idea with also being a giant dill jag. A dill Chad?
Starting point is 00:36:51 He's being a real dill Chad. Yeah, Chad says, you know, all these guys have studied you on TV. You know, I really want to get to know you. None of you know her yet. You know, is this the first beautiful girl you've ever seen just like hey guys chill out uh i'm just trying to be honest here you know i'm not ready to propose to her yet which okay yeah i get that's fair but these guys are just trying to be good sports like the challenge is be a good sport and they're saying all right i will do that the
Starting point is 00:37:22 challenge isn't just the challenge of bachelor nation this this television show that i've had espn listen up i would absolutely watch this um it is the challenge of the bachelor because to them the shit that they do where they get down on one knee and say my love to a girl that they've known to a woman that they've known for 36 hours is playing the game right and that's how 36 hours is playing the game right. And that's how everybody else is playing the game. It's the metric by which they measure their own gameplay is like this instantaneous love cornball shit.
Starting point is 00:37:55 And so somebody coming in and being like, that's not right. Even I think even if he wasn't being a villain, if he was being a complete like sweetheart about it, just like, yeah, you know, I want to get to know the real you. I think he would still definitely be rubbing people the wrong way. Yeah, that's fair because what he's done basically is he, I mean, it's like you said,
Starting point is 00:38:12 he's changed the game. Like all these men are just kind of doing what you're supposed to do. And he's saying like, we shouldn't have to do that. There was an angle to, there was a scene after this where they're like all hanging out in some green room and they were like giving Chad a hard time. And Chad was like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:38:27 None of us know Jojo. And you guys are like straight up play act pretending that you do know Jojo. And that's the fuck. That's the bullshit part. He was like, all you guys just lied to her. And then he says, ta-da,
Starting point is 00:38:40 I'm correct. Which is a really great tagline. But here's the thing. Ta-da, he's correct. Like all of them, there was an, I'm correct. Which is a really great tagline. But here's the thing. Ta-da, he's correct. Like, all of them, there was a certain flavor to that scene where if you looked across all those dudes' faces, they looked stone cold terrified. Because they were like, oh, shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:58 You're right. Here's the thing, though. Chad, this all seems super manipulative because later in the episode, Chad starts turning it on. He starts pulling her aside and putting in the time. I think by the end of this episode, the producers are like, listen, dude, you're the Russell Hans of The Bachelor. You need to go hard. You'll live in victory forever. But I think there was a point in this episode before he decided to go full-blown kamikaze on it where he had some decent points and good on i guess the bachelor producers because
Starting point is 00:39:30 he was definitely like breaking the spell that they weave over all of these contestants of just like nah get out there and sell some shit and so to fight back against this insurgent to fight back against this uh against this uh truman from the truman show yes they they they turn him into an effigy yeah a burning effigy of anger so the power ranking uh puts alex at number three uh chad at number two which surprises everybody and james taylor at number one because he like sang a song for Jojo in the press conference challenge. Natch. Uh, this song was not Jojo,
Starting point is 00:40:11 Jojo, Jojo, Jojo, Jojo. No. And then, um, in her private time with James Taylor,
Starting point is 00:40:18 he says, this is my favorite live album of his, by the way. He says a line. It's all of Jameslor's favorite sex songs what are the names of some of those oh man hoochie coochie man wet times on a boat um there was making love to you so right in the sand there was moonlight rendezvous there was um There was Moonlight Rendezvous. There was Fire and Rain and Sex Funk. There was...
Starting point is 00:40:50 What is the song with Carolina in the title? Oh, Oily Carolina. Oily Carolina, that's it. Yeah. You've got to fuck, buddy. I feel like you're always in danger of getting him confused with randy newman carolina on my balls it's better than oily carolina it's a little bit better it depends on what what you mean by better so here's what james taylor says to jojo that sent griffin into a white hot rage oh my god
Starting point is 00:41:41 um james taylor says a smile is the only thing that comes from the inside that you can see on Oh my god. James Taylor says, A smile is the only thing that comes from the inside that you can see on the outside. And I immediately was like, No! Frowns! Tears! Poop! Pee!
Starting point is 00:41:56 Vomit! You're just wrong, James Blood! I don't like, I don't know if I like fake James Taylor. He's not fake James Taylor. His name is James Taylor. I believe that. James Taylor reads a note that he wrote for her,
Starting point is 00:42:20 which is just a nice note. This shit always makes you so uncomfortable. They didn't bring those notes with them. They did them while they were in the house and they were bored and they were trying to figure out how to capitalize the most on the very short amount of time that Chad will allow them to have with her. And the note is basically like, you know, what are the odds of us being together and us meeting each other? And I'm so lucky that I had this opportunity. And JoJo seems very touched by it. Yeah. And enjoys that time and actually ends up giving him a rose.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Yeah. There's also Chad has some time with her and brings up the fact that his mom died six months prior to filming, which is like, that's pretty, that's super recent. Yeah. He mentions that he hasorkies and she's like oh i'm surprised you don't seem like the kind of guy that would have yorkies and he's like oh i inherited them from my mom and she's like oh do you have a close relationship and it's like jojo you you goober how could you not read that such i inherited them from my mom when she went to space
Starting point is 00:43:25 and she couldn't keep her dogs because now she's an astronaut Jojo in what other circumstance do you inherit them I genetically inherited them from my mom it's very confusing but they're attached to me look and he takes his shirt off
Starting point is 00:43:42 and he has two dogs for his pecs yep yep yep yep feed us ham but they're attached to me. Look, and he takes his shirt off, and he has two dogs for his pecs. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Feed us ham. Feed us ham. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I hope there's some fan art of that. Of Chad with two dog pecs?
Starting point is 00:43:56 Yes. And then Chad and her make out by a well, and they toss coins in. And the worst foley work ever they throw a coin in and it's straight up like tommy we so's the room level caliber foley work of like they flip a coin in and while the coin is like basically still on screen falling to the ground you get like a yeah like a like a blop noise of the coins hitting which clearly was not the noise um yeah but james james t jt locked it down way to go jt uh we get a a montage of her doing different things with the guys one one of which involves her and Alex inexplicably getting into a giant chair.
Starting point is 00:44:51 And our friend Anna pointed out, like, they knew what they were doing when they picked that chair for Alex. Because Alex is... How tall? I can't remember. You commented. Three apples tall. I think he's like 5'7 or 5'8.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Alex is a wee little man, and a wee little man was he. He climbed up in a sycamore tree to see what he could see. And yes, it's obvious. He is smaller than most of the men there, but they keep hitting it. All the guys make fun of him for it. Well, mostly Chad. I don't think there's much left there, but it was amusing. There's not much left there, except for the fact that those producers definitely did pick the world's biggest clown chair for the small man to sit in.
Starting point is 00:45:31 None of the other men sat in the big clown chair. Just the small man did. Way to go, Bachelor producers. Keep it up, guys. Keep your nose clean. So now we're at the cocktail party. So now we're at the cocktail party. And all the men are standing in the living room, as they're told, with their glasses, waiting for JoJo to come in.
Starting point is 00:45:51 And Chad's not there. And they're all like, where's Chad? I don't see Chad. Why isn't Chad here? I know where Chad is. Chad is sitting out in front of the mansion. And so when JoJo arrives in the limo, he is waiting with a mixed beverage for himself and a glass of white wine for her um and then they go on like a little walk and i'm watching this going like my boy chad is so deep in the paint right now like he's just gonna be racking up all the oh that's the end
Starting point is 00:46:16 of their time like they literally walk around yeah and you can tell jojo jojo was like is everything okay you know like thinking like this is he needs this alone time to talk to me about something in particular but now he just he just it was a power play yeah because he did he then he walks into the room that has all the awaiting boys in it with her arm in arm yes now this this was basically like peeing on her this was like oh gross he like walks in with her on his arm and just basically presents her to the men. Like, like, oh, were you looking for me? I was out here with Jojo. No, it was nasty. Nasty move.
Starting point is 00:46:54 Yeah. So the guys go into a tizzy. Alex is sort of the ringleader. He is kind of, I think, Amber. Right. Remember when Amber was beef with Jubilee?, going to be the lead. The Amber, right? Remember when Amber was leading the charge? I think that's going to be Alex's shtick, because I don't think he has a lot of other shticks going on right now.
Starting point is 00:47:15 So then Chad goes through a series of stealsies-a-waysies. Well, before that happens, Alex and some of the guys confront him and say, where were you? What was going on? And Chad was like, oh, I just went, Alex and some of the guys confront him and say, where were you? What was going on? And Chad was like, oh, I just went outside to get some air. And they're like, oh, well, I mean, what happened with Jojo? How did you end up talking to Jojo? And he's like, oh, well, she was out there when I was getting said air.
Starting point is 00:47:39 Just kind of funny. Our paths converged. All right, dude. Our paths converged. All right, dude. But, yeah, then we see the montage of a typical cocktail party. The one thing that confused me, Chase somehow orchestrates a fake snowstorm and has mittens, and they sit by the fire. And he's like, I wanted to do a little mini date.
Starting point is 00:48:02 And it's like, that's fine. Where'd you get the fucking snow machine from, though, Chase? Like, I got the mittens. Like, I imagine if I were a production assistant and somebody said, like, hey, is there any way you could get mittens? Yeah, I'd get mittens. How do you set up a fake snow machine? Yeah. Like, on short notice. It's incredible.
Starting point is 00:48:18 And it was like. Well, I don't know about incredible. It was like actual snow, right? Because, like, it was, there was dampness. Oh, there was dampness. It's old oily Carolina. And while this is going on, this is when we begin to see Chad really hit the meat hard. He's got like a plate full of like deli turkey and he's talking to the guys and he's like yeah
Starting point is 00:48:48 i gotta save on my cows man uh and then this is edwin alex is aside and he's like you know he just he like chews with his mouth open not true and chad is walking around you know the perimeter with his meat plate just overhearing like a dozen one-off conversations where his name is being brought up and from this point on chad is essentially brad pitt in all the oceans movies where he is not on screen without like deli meat hanging out of his fucking mouth yeah he is just eating deli meat and he is loving it yeah he uh and this is when he gets confronted because he is he keeps like kind of stealing jojo away uh the the typical etiquette this is again this is like another season where there's an understanding of what the etiquette is and anytime anyone
Starting point is 00:49:40 violates it they get confronted um but the idea is you get a short amount of time and then once you've had that time, you surrender the rest of the evening to people that haven't. Chad is not doing that. So the guys confront him and this is when Chad tells us, the viewer, that it felt like a West Side Story moment and he starts doing the snaps.
Starting point is 00:50:03 He starts doing the snaps. That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. It makes none of the sense. Well, he was saying, like, this is a confrontation, like the Sharks and the Jets. Not that, though,
Starting point is 00:50:18 because there's not two teams, is there? Is it just you and all the boys? Yeah. Well, he's got Daniel. Daniel's kind of a Jet. i don't know um and then he says something about the care bears he's like oh it's like being threatened by the care bears um chad's not so good at like metaphors or words or talking or anything but he's good at that truthful emotion but yeah then he does say he like, these guys are confronting me, and they're not thinking about what they want as an end result.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Like, what do they want to come of that confrontation? Another excellent point, Chadwick. Yeah, it's a good point. So then he interrupts Evan for a steal away. The EDM, or ED... EDM? Evan Tiesto, the EDM DJ. The erectile.
Starting point is 00:51:11 Dysfunction man. Dysfunction man. And then after that, Alex gets really upset and confronts Chad again. And Chad, this is when Chad starts to get heated. He puts his finger in Alex's face and threatens him. We have a, in the rules, you get a point every time your guy cusses with a maximum of five points per episode. Chad hit that about halfway through the episode.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Chad maxed out. And he said he was going to, you know, you keep that up, you're going to lose your fucking teeth, he said. There was a there was a weird like jump cut i couldn't figure out the timing because then all of a sudden we go to chris harrison and he's scheduled 13 seconds he's tapping the glass saying you know it's time for the ceremony and then we go back outside and i can't figure out like are we to believe the men are outside having this rumble while Chris Harrison's trying to shut down the cocktail party? I don't know. I couldn't figure it out.
Starting point is 00:52:10 But don't worry, because as the rose ceremony starts, Chad is still eating meat. He's eating so much meat. He's eating meat while he's walking there. He gets a quick VO sesh, and he's eating meat in the VO sesh. And then he walks up to the stage and like has meat hanging out of his mouth as he holds his arms up like fucking scarface uh so who gets a rose so can we say who doesn't get a rose because that'll be so that'll be faster although the one point i'll make is that as guys are getting roses chad is telling us the viewer what he thinks of them
Starting point is 00:52:42 um and i thought this might happen the whole time he just does it for alex and christian and mainly he makes the point again that alex is too short and he makes the point that he has no idea who christian is christian's great he wants to go to space he wants to spoil his kids and he wants mark cuban to love him yes i'll tell you exactly i think i know more about christian than anybody else here um chad is saved for last he gets the final rose. Yeah. Which we're not surprised is the viewer.
Starting point is 00:53:07 No. But the guy seems surprised. Yeah. So who goes home? So James S. goes home. James S. James S. What was he?
Starting point is 00:53:20 He was Santa, wasn't he? Oh, he's the Bachelor super fan. Oh, that's right. I liked him yeah brandon goes home hipster boy boy i really thought that yeah from here and will goes home no i just no idea will's the one with the dance move that he calls the burning he calls burning and we never got to see it will's also the one with the dance move that he calls the burning. He calls burning, and we never got to see it. Will's also the one that threw the note cards up in the air.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Oh, go home, Will. And that was it. Those were the three guys. So next week, it's going to be a two-parter of The Bachelor, not of Rose Buddies. Yeah, we're going to do one episode, right? Yeah, dude, because that's going to be right after the live shows in new york dc we're doing this next week and i'm not gonna probably i don't feel like doing straight like five nights of podcasting that would be rough it'll probably be a long episode though it'll be a long episode
Starting point is 00:54:16 rachel and i'll be travel drunk it'll be good stuff um but it looks like next week is the one where if there is a violent confrontation this season and it's not Bachelor producer movie magic then it's going to happen in the next two episode chunk I'm imagining the end of the first episode will be like them coming to blows and then like a freeze frame slow motion fade to black yeah although speaking of movie magic we did speculate because you do see Chad punch a wall
Starting point is 00:54:43 and then later there's the... Somebody has blood coming out of their head. Somebody has blood on their face. And then you cut to a hand with blood on it. And it's hard to tell if that bloody hand is maybe from Chad punching the wall. And the blood on the face is something else. Which I said last week. Those are two different things that they're definitely going to try and make it merge together.
Starting point is 00:55:01 But we will see. So final thoughts on chad uh no final thoughts on chad is i i i've laid them out i think he was coming at it from a place of sincerity that i genuinely find refreshing on this show um see i think i think he's a manipulator but what i'm saying is I think he probably has that too. I don't want to make him out to be an angel. I think he was pushing her away and then started to pull her back in just enough to keep her guessing. I think, yes, I think there's definitely some of that going on. Some real negs.
Starting point is 00:55:38 But I think the producers were like, do that shit, dog. Do that shit and this will be Chad's season season and now it's gonna be chad's season like there's no way it's not gonna be unless he really does clean a clean a guy's clock next week and i don't think you let they let you stay on the show after you do that yeah i don't think so but i don't know that i have an example where somebody got eliminated i don't know that it's happened before where dudes like punched another guy. Yeah. No, I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:56:08 I think they tease it a lot. They tease it. Certainly they tease it a lot. But it almost never happens. So we'll see you next week. We will talk to you guys next Tuesday. You feeling good about our fantasy team still? I'm feeling fucking great.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Chad cleaned house for us this week. Yeah. The only person that didn't get us a lot of points was Jordan, but that's to be expected. He had a big first week. Yeah, sure. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening.
Starting point is 00:56:33 We really appreciate it. Thanks to those of you in the Rosebuddies group that are so invested in this season already and are sharing your thoughts. Yeah, there's a live comment thread on the Facebook group with like 300 comments on it. Like an hour and a half from the episode is totally dope. So go join
Starting point is 00:56:48 that group. It's really fun. It's a good way to stay on top of the show. It's probably like, it's really the only way that we do social media stuff. We have a Twitter account. It's Rose Buddies, but we don't really use it that often. Yeah, I mean, feel free to tweet about it, but if you really want to get involved in the action, it's all happening. That's where it lives.
Starting point is 00:57:04 That's where it lives. On Facebook. So yeah, thanks for listening. Thanks for, if you really want to get involved in the action it's all happening that's where it lives that's where it lives on Facebook so yeah thanks for listening thanks for if you can leave a review on iTunes and subscribe and tell a friend
Starting point is 00:57:09 all that stuff we really appreciate it oh we got some really neat fan art in the Facebook group some great fan art in the Facebook group but until next time
Starting point is 00:57:17 you want to start it off babe I'm Rachel McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy when you're ready final rose stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert.
Starting point is 00:57:26 She ends up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Can't be the law or season.

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