Wonderful! - Episode 27: I'm Your Goocho

Episode Date: July 12, 2016

Sorry that we suggested this episode was going to be anything less than it was: A BARNSTORMER full of SHOCKING TWISTS and TURNS and CHILLS and THRILLS. So many REVELATIONS up in this episode of the Bachelorette. Let's break them down. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best of it, and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for all. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hey there, Rose buddies. It's Griffin McElroy, your old pal. Well, you just said the name of the show, so now...

Damn it, we did, didn't we? We need a new thing to say at the beginning of it. Let's get it started. Why did I start in that octave? Let's get it started in here. That's actually refreshing for me because you always go so high and I have to go low. Can you harmonize me while we sing let's get it started, ha? All right.

Here we go. One, two, three. Let's get it started ha all right here we go one two three let's get it started so you always do this wait maybe i don't know what harmonizing is it's where you sing two notes that are several steps away from each other on the same scale i thought that's what i was doing you're singing the same note but an octave higher my love well isn't an octave higher? No, baby. How many octave higher? An octave. So let's, let's say that's like, I don't have perfect pitch, but I'm going to say, let's say that's an F.

You, what you were doing was, which is also an F. And those two notes don't harmonize together. They're the same ding dang note. Can I be honest with you? Am I, is this the first lesson in music theory you've ever received? Yes. Okay. I took band. I took band.

You took band? You should know what harmony is. I took band for seven years, eight years. What were you doing in there? I was playing the notes on the page. See, you're just a cog in the corporate machine. In the corporate machine of flautists. I watched the movie Hackers, and I said, I want to apply that to music.

I'm going to play my own ding-dang notes. So how do people just intuitively know how to harmonize? They listen to a lot of Barber Cop quartet. So that's when Four Cops get... This is Rose Buddies, which is a podcast where we talk about the Bachelor, Bachelorette franchise. Can we talk more about the hit new movie we just developed called barber cop yeah sure we'll get back to it who's in it dwayne the rock johnson yes um not kevin nash but sure what the fuck why not kevin nash you can be in this one too who's the smaller man who's always on his hustle whose name is

escaping me right now kevin hart kevin hart kevin nash who was in an episode of the bachelor oh sweet lord you're right bachelorette no bachelor with ben iggins okay so let's talk about today's episode uh because i'll be straight up i'll i'll tell it to you buddies like it is a soldier false bill of goods so this episode was going to be a real stinker and i think this one was going to be a real stinker. And I think this one was actually one of the best episodes of the season. I had a great time consuming it. And that might also

be because I drank a lot of wine for the first time in a while. I think it was good. I don't know that I believe it was as good as you thought it was. There were a lot of moments that caught me by surprise. Well, yeah, that is true. There were a lot of shocking moments. me by surprise well yeah that is true there were a lot of a lot of shocking moments um and we're gonna get to them but two people had sex with a horse

not okay on on adjacent to but it definitely involved the horse right like coincidentally two people went home same people no no no baby because jojo was one of the people i didn't know how much of a fiction we were creating oh mine wasn't mine was completely real nobody had sex let's get into this a fucking steamy equacy little quiche we got brewing up so we're still in argentina this week yes we are uh unlike other seasons they are not hopping country to country every they've been hopping around a lot i think i think this is the first place maybe not country to country but this is the first place that they've they've been in argentina for a couple episodes now yeah this is the second episode they might

pop to somewhere else next week you don't know yeah although usually when they're going to do that they end the cocktail hour with like well it was a fucking we're going to whatever there were a lot of emojis in this in this rose ceremony and you couldn't just have her like wipe off her her tear-stained face and walk back inside and say like okay cabo i say emojis emojis is fun too um yeah so i don't know if we're going to go somewhere else, but we're still in Argentina. Yes. Maybe in Buenos Aires. The episode starts with Chris Harrison saying that there are no longer going to be roses on one-on-ones,

but there will still be a rose on the group date. What's up about Ben, not Ben Harrison. God, I got Benji on the brain today don't know so about chris harrison's just like casual look with some chinos and just like a little like um like a quick throw over like argyle jacket and then like a very like very casual tea under there i think i i have a very specific ambition to interview chris harrison only because I haven't seen anybody that addresses the question that I have, which is, what is he doing all day? What you doing?

Hey, what you doing back there, Christopher? We know he used to be right up in the thick of it. Because it sounds like he's got kind of a posh gig going right now. I'm sure he gets that money, son. I'm sure he gets that paper very much. Like 11 minutes of work. 11 minutes of, if even that, man. Oh, you know what?

He does that, um, does that millionaire show now, I think. He does the millionaire. So, yeah, he probably is keeping busy. Yeah. I bet, man, but it's probably like four days on the millionaire set, knock out Thursday and Friday together, gets over to Bachelor Mansion. I'm saying he flies in, catches the limo to the house is like straight up i'll catch you at the rose ceremony flies out does another millionaire flies back knocks out the

rose ceremony yeah i think he probably just like gets high a lot with the producers they just announced he's hosting the miss america pageant again too i don't want to make it i think just i think just weed i don't want to make it sound like he has like a pill problem or something like that i think chris harrison probably just like loves to just toke up and hang out with the what makes you think that exactly you know that shit's going on like behind the scenes yeah yeah it's a 24 7 cheech and chong fest cheech and chong fest up in there just a lot of that good green stuff i think chris har smells it and he's like, hey, you guys aren't, just kidding, I'm not a cop.

I'm Chris Harrison, the host of The Bachelorette. Pass me that duber when you're ready. Perfect. I kicked a bag. Are you okay? Yeah, sure. All right. I ate a lot of Mexican casserole tonight

and my tummy's very full, if we're being honest. If we're just putting all our feelings out there. That's why you kicked a bag? I ate two churros as well and half an empanada. Holy shit, baby, I'm a mistake. So, JoJo...

Wait, alright. I was throwing my phone. I didn't want it to get in the way of the... It produces signals and if those signals touch the mic, then it causes static. Also, I was just going phone. I didn't want it to get in the way. It produces signals, and if those signals touch the mic, then it causes static. Also, I was just going to hunt for Pokemon in my office the whole time. You know me. Okay, so the guys are going to a new location still in Argentina, and Chris Harrison shares with them that one of them will get to accompany JoJo

in a car while the rest will go on a bus. And who is the lucky winner of that posh one-on-one date in a car while the rest will go on a bus. And who is the lucky winner of that posh one-on-one date in the car? It is Alex. I couldn't tell if you were being facetious when you said lucky. I am. Okay, because that's a shit date.

Yeah. Come on a road trip with me for like a while. We don't know each other super good, but that's fine. Like 99% of the time the dates are let's do an activity together that will give us something to talk about so it's not uncomfortable have you ever had to drive a very long distance with somebody that you did not know very well at

all just you two just the two of you just no i have a couple times like for work stuff yeah yeah it's not it's not like it's not like bad it's just uncomfortable because you don't know them. In the icebreaker games, they only last for so long. Yeah, and they can't listen to music because they're trying to record them. So they're just sitting there in silence together. I know, they can't put on a podcast. It's not royalty free. The one moment they have that I found charming was their eating Pringles together.

I mean, yes, we just had a trip to south padre island it's beautiful thank you south padre for having us and we ate two canisters of pringles on the way man those guys are good um they did try to kiss each other with the pringle lips and i saw that and i said oh wish you'd stop i wish you'd stop because those are crisps and you're not supposed to do that with those that's like from the commercial they put the little duck who can forget the classic commercial i believe it was super bowl 2000 we're all very raw still after princess diana's passing and that commercial really brought us back together 2000 was significantly after i was still fucking raw about it okay and that seeing people kiss those greasy greasy crisps

together i saw that and i put my I took my bag of combos I was eating and I threw it in the garbage. I went out and bought Pringles right then. And I stopped crying for the first time in four to six years. Can we talk about the quick little, just fun little freestyle session? Yeah, so the guys are all on the bus together. And there's been a lot of inexplicable singing this season which

i think is due largely to luke and uh james taylor who are performers by trade or i have a theory i want to float but it's going to take me a while so let's describe this situation okay it's a fucking good theory okay um they i said freestyle it was not a freestyle. This was the fruits of what was potentially a 13-hour bus ride, and they all had the time to write this 24-second long rap song, which was all about how Alex is short, and they were riding in a motorcycle, and he was in the sidecar, which is just factually inaccurate. And that he would need a stool.

He would need a stool to get up in the sidecar, because he's a smaller man. Very fun. And then it cuts need a stool. He would need a stool to get up in the sidecar. Because he's a smaller man. Very fun. And then it cuts over to Alex and Jojo and their freestyle rapping, which is crazy because it's a different mode of transport. But it was not very good at all. No, it wasn't.

And we get a lot of footage of Alex and Jojo not talking, which makes me wonder if at some point the producers were just like you guys have to do something just okay now talk for real they said please please do yeah alex makes a comment about how like this is obviously not ideal yeah but what's the best rap that's been on the bachelor i mean it's our theme song yeah it's our theme song we've never talked about that on the podcast i I don't think ever. No, we haven't.

Should we just keep not talking about it? I mean, it's pretty easy to find. Des, on Des' season, Soldier Boy is a guest. She tasked the boys with doing a hip-hop music video

feat, Soldier Boy. It was a group date with Soldier Boy. And what happened there was so unspeakable a hip hop music video feat. It was a group date. It was a group date with soldier boy. Uh, and what happened there was so unspeakable. We could not use it as the theme song to our podcast. Um, here, can I hit my theory just really quick.

Okay. I think these boys really like each other. I think they're all very, very good friends. And I think they had a lot of time to kill. And I think that we've reached a point in this show's history now where the people on it are so meta because they can't not be. Like, they understand what it's like to be on the show and how many people watch it and how people consume it. And so I think the boys who, like, got together and got, like, along really, really well thought, like, how can we make ourselves the most, like, memorable characters?

Like, what things can we all do? And what, like, jokes can we keep running throughout this entire season and first of all i think this explains the singing because i think that's this is my weaker argument that i think it explains the singing and why they're always singing and why they're always doing dumb songs together because i think they get bored and that's how they entertain themselves knowing that like how fucking weird is it that all these grown-ass dudes are just like writing all these love songs they're thinking about the show though okay but undeniable the haze in the barn the pigs in the castle i'm not fucking kidding episode one they were like what if we like came up with some idiom and we said it in every episode and we just sort of like i guarantee you that after we publish this episode of Rose Buddies,

we will get feedback from listeners. Feedback from listeners who have been long conned, like Agent Smith, Matrix, brainwormed, like this was injected into them by Chad somehow, like Chad used some sort of crazy Instagram hashtag that like hypnotized America. All the time you say phrases like Bob's your uncle. That's a British thing. That's real that's legit and swan to john that's a clint mccarroy ridge yeah but

haze in the barn pigs in the castle the i would i would be on board with you that maybe it was a real thing except i've never heard it, and they say it every fucking episode. I'm telling you, it is fakie-fake bullshit, and they're trying to get it in the consciousness of America, and they're succeeding. I feel like this is one of those things where, like, 15 years from now, when you're crazy paranoid about a lot of things,

they're going to ask me. This is where it starts? Yeah, they're going to ask me when it started. Have you ever heard the term haze in the barn, pigs in the castle before in your life no but i haven't heard half of the country expressions that you use i'm folksy that way that's fine if they had said it in one episode i would have been like oh that's some bass trip shit we got married over there but we don't really like get over there that often did every episode i think these boys like got together and are having some fun and i love that

i love thinking that like i'm not mad it's possible it's possible that like maybe chad invented it and now they all say it it's like a little inside joke about chad that would be okay too except chad wasn't the first person to say it i don't think we'd have to rewind the tapes haze in the bar and pigs in the castle so good um anyway anyway it was a really bad car ride uh so alex and jojo when they get out of the car they're going on a a date where they get to learn how to be gauchos which are argentinian farmer rancher people romantic cowboys yes uh carlos and os guides. Damn, baby, that's some good notes you did. I'm a very busy

lady while the show is on. So Alex dresses up in their uniform, which is like a little beret and some riding pants. Somebody on Twitter said he looked like Lord Farquaad from the Shrek movie. And I saw that and I thought, how wooed.

And and so we then we find out it's going to be a horse date they both get on horses it's just it's just gonna be a horse date it's gonna be a horse date outside of the context of this show if you saw coming soon but you did not know to which media it was coming horse day stars in or a new thrilling first person shooter from electronic arts horse day no i don't know no you're shooting hearts at horses to make them kiss. Okay. I like that. I like that very much. Coming soon to ABC, Horse Date, all the horses that have ever been on Bachelor or Bachelorette. We're going to make them just do it. What if it's just like two horses they use over and over again and they fly all over the world? That's, um.

Is that crazier than your Haze in the Barn conspiracy? It's ten times crazier than your haze in the barn conspiracy it's 10 times crazier okay um so they're they're on this horse date uh and then the the gauchos do a demonstration where they show how they make a horse submit to their every will that's that's almost a direct quote guys there was some uncomfortable stuff so they they show how this very calm man kind of lays hands on a horse, and then it lays on the ground and rolls on its back and lets itself be positioned with the man under it. And then after the man does this little demonstration,

and Jojo and Alex are just loving it, he calls them over and says, you can spoon with the horse now. Which, like, would you? loving it he calls them over and says you can spoon with the horse now which like would you no cameras no tv show me and you horse date gaucho oscar you can spoon with the horse are you wearing the uniform of course i'm wearing the fucking uniform. Have I ever turned down a beret that was handed to me? I don't know. No is the answer. Okay.

Would I lay my body on a horse? Let's just use the direct terminology. Spoon a horse or be spooned by one. That's a whole other kettle of fish. Big or little spoon. See, I would be big spoon with a horse. I would be big spoon too because I would be afraid. Because they're used to people on their back yeah but and also i think if you get a horse going down there

to quote i'm just saying to quote the delicious life-changing motto of pringles once you pop the fundle stop oh yeah it was horrible um but no i don't think i would be a little spoon i don't think i would i don't i would lay i would be as long as i gave that bit some clearance then uh i would totally do it did you say bit on purpose because it's kind of like a horse that's kind of fun like a horse fun word um they lay on this horse so they lay with the horse and griffin was really excited about it well it's something really rachel went to get some mexican casserole and while she was gone she's like take some notes and so i took very detailed notes you just want to read the whole

paragraph i wrote there of what happens because he says um they're talking about how alex is jojo's gaucho only he doesn't quite say that, does he? Apparently, according to Griffin's notes, it says, quote, Alex said, I'm your guccio while kissing Jojo over a horse, his crotch right in the horse's nose. Just so much beautiful things happening. And one, I'll be your guccio. Bro, you've been here all day. We've been here all day together. We have said the name of the profession 30 times, Alex.

I'm the guccio now. Look at me in my powerful guccio hat. I'm going to make a horse fall. When Griffin explained that note to me when I returned to the table, that note to me when I returned to the table. He said it was so nice when a moment makes itself so clear to be the title of our episode.

Yeah, this one's called... Wait, what was the direct quote? I'm your guccio. That's the exact words? You didn't write anything after guccio. I'm your guccio. Baby, look at me in the eyes. Baby.

I can only see one of your eyes. The other one's behind the pop filter. I'm your gucho. I can only see one of your eyes. Here, let me try again. Now you pop your head up. I'm your gucho. I just gave somebody ASMR.

Meanwhile, the guys that are not on this date go to some kind of meat stand and they're all eating meat. And they're complaining about it. Yeah. Jordan is like, hey, I'm a picky eater and there's a bunch of random meat and we don't know what it is. Fuck off.

It's barbecue. They're not trying to poison you. Well, maybe. Well, yeah, I guess I, I probably would. Um, what what happened next i'm on the edge of my seat well alex and jojo's date kind of just winds down they're like they just they go they have glasses of wine and jojo says she's grateful to have this time with alex and if memory served that was the end of the date and they just kind of went their separate ways just smiling and whistling having a great time.

Let me, oh, one thing we need to set up. Before this started and Chris Harrison came out in a fucking pair of sweatpants and a greasy tank top, he came out there and he said, there are no roses on the one-on-one dates, so you have nothing to worry about. Yeah, I mean, okay, so Griffin took a lot of issue with this because of what happens to Alex in just a moment. But, I mean, expectations are set that typically, yes, somebody does not go home by surprise. Yet it happens a lot. It happens all the time, but not like...

It's not like Chris Harrison is held liable. No, but he's specific. I mean, there's no debating this. He specifically said, if you're on that one-on-one date, there is no rose, so you just chill because you're not going to get sent home by not getting a rose on the one-on-one date. Yeah, she can send anybody home whenever the fuck she wants. No, he didn't specifically say you're not going to get sent home. That is how it hit me.

And I guarantee you. So who do you blame for that? You blame Chris Harrison for that? I do. That's what he said. Alex definitely hit him that way, too. that is how it hit me because and and it's i guarantee you that you blame chris harrison for that i do that's what he said alex definitely hit him that way too because his alex says so alex just thought maybe i can like get my penis out and i can fart a bunch and whatever there's nothing she can do no they don't have fucking diplomatic immunity that's what you're acting like oh it's not what i'm acting like i'm saying he specifically laid out a scenario where you go on this one-on-one date you guys are gonna get to hang out have a conversation have some dinner i mean anybody could get sent home at any time judge could just kick in the

door during the cocktail party and be like fucking bryce dylan ezra get the fuck out of here like there aren't boys named that she'd be like who said that me and james taylor you're gone that's what you get like yeah she could do that any point i'm saying the scenario as it was described to the boys there was there's no roses on the one-on-ones so just have a good time obviously they're not gonna get their dicks out and fart on them so i don't know what you're mad about then i guess because alex alex says i'm falling in love with you and jojo says oops yeah jojo says i don't think i feel the way i'm supposed to feel when you said that um and basically says like i could keep you here the whole week but the good thing to do would be just send you home right now and alex looks completely

like shaken and he says i just assumed because there wasn't a rose on this date that this wasn't going to happen that i would automatically get to stay because Chris Harrison implied as much. Not that he was going to get a rose. That he was just going to get to stay until the rose ceremony. Yeah. I think. Are you mad at Chris Harrison? I mean, no, I'm not mad at Chris Harrison.

I guess I'm mad at the process. I'm not mad at all. I'm just saying, like, this was savage. This was brutal. this was a brutal send-off first of all because she just kept alex and james taylor there which spoiler alert what the why the fuck that is and and we talked about that honestly i think on our last rose buddies without the z episode is that yeah clearly alex isn't't going to win. I don't know why she kept him. Nor James Taylor. Yeah.

Nor Chase. Nor Robbie. And that's about as far as I'm willing to go. I feel like Robbie, I don't know. I don't know. But, yeah, so Alex gets sent home, and he's bummed. He's upset. He's also a little bit pissy about it, and I think I totally, like I've said and laid out,

like, I think it was a bit, you can't blindside somebody on this show, right? Like, you send somebody home, that's your prerogative. You can do it whenever you want. Can I say, though, this is what you love so much about Ben. i'm saying this was the first time i think since i've watched this show that i felt like the rules if you want to call it that were laid out in one direction and then it didn't go in that direction this was the this was the first time where somebody with the show chris harrison said just chill on this one-on-one bro it's gonna be totally aces and then the other person involved with the show the bachelorette said nah fuck that noise you told me you're in love with me

and i don't and i'm gone at the same time it's the right thing to do right like she's not feeling it and he just said i love you like you gotta go in that situation i'm just saying it's it is uh that's a raw deal man i don't know how it could have gone any differently, because that's what we talked about. Remember, I was like, well. If he hadn't said it. Yeah, if he hadn't said I was in love with you, she might have kept him, but then she just would have gotten rid of him. Until Thursday, yeah.

So she really is kind of saving him some time. The other sad thing is that since they're out on this ranch, there is no limo, so he hops into a pickup truck, and we don't get like a little exit speech. No. Which is a shame. No, very terse. So Alex is gone. And then we find out

that the other person getting a one-on-one date, well, there's gonna be two more one-on-one dates. The first one goes to Jordan. Surprise, surprise. Kind of a surprise. I feel, yeah, I guess not. I mean, he's very handsome. With Alex, she picked him because she knew that he hadn't had one yet.

Yeah. And now she's just going back to her faves. Yeah. So her and Jordan are taking a private jet out to this kind of resort spa area with a vineyard. And they're crushing grapes with their feet. The most horrible thing happens. The most horrible thing happens where they do this into a bucket. They do this act.

And the whole time we're laughing thinking of the grape lady video because it's very good. It's still very good. Go watch it, gang. Yeah, if you haven't seen it, go's seen it came out the i hadn't seen it till i met you that's that's what you just said to me was the craziest thing you've said to me that was like proto internet like the first meme back when we back when we saw that word and we're like may may what are what's um they stomp grapes with their feet into a bucket and i think okay this is like a fun little flirty and then they get two big old wine glasses and they scoop up their leavings i called it foot juice foot juice is an excellent way to describe what they've created here in this bucket that they scoop up into a glass and they say oh it's chunky and if

you say that about your juice or your wine or your fluid then you there's no case there's no situation where you want fluid to be chunky unless it's soup and this was not your foot had just touched this that's awful that's not how fucking wine works i thought it was like kind of a fun like uh like a little bleachable moment on The Bachelorette where they were gonna like pretend they were gonna drink this but they actually did. They did it with their mouths and it went in them and then they said that's actually really good. Yeah and they went back for a second sip. Strange. I mean that was my that made me want to have a bleachable moment by which I mean I wanted to drink bleach and get that moment out of my brain and my heart because there was hey griffin yeah would you drink

my foot juice fuck no are you kidding me that really hurts would you drink my foot juice yeah they were walking i'm literally i'm on the edge of my seat right now and i'm making like a bird shape with my hand like a beak that i'm like pecking at rachel out with they were walking around this fucking ranch with their bare ass feet in the dirt and the loam and the grass and probably the parking lot and then they put those feet they weren't barefoot the whole time they took their shoes right off before they got in the grapes. There was skin to dirt contact. And then they got into the grapes.

And they mooshed them around. Were the grapes washed? God, let's hope so. But their feet most certainly weren't. That's horrible. That's not how. Anybody who's ever. Fucking Ben Flagenik who owns a winery.

Was probably like watching that going like. That's not how any of this fucking process works. It's never works like that. Well, it's not, I'm not saying that if somebody gave me two glasses to choose from and said, here is a glass of wine from a bottle we just opened. It's a really wonderful Pinot Noir. And here's Griffin's foot juice. I would choose. The Pinot Noir. And here's Griffin's foot juice. I would choose... The Pinot.

Yes. But if we were on a date together on television, and I was handed a glass of your foot juice, I might probably drink it. Baby. I'm just saying JoJo's really into Jordan, and she wants his foot juice. Yeah.

No, I guess that's really the takeaway from all this, is that if Jordan doesn't fucking win now... I guess maybe I'm just more into you than you are into me. You're more into dysentery than I am. It's just, like, the first people, like, the first, like, I i don't know like italian cavemen or something i guess whoever made wine would watch this and being like no you don't drink it right away no i know i mean obviously the first italian caveman that made wine like stomped in it in a bucket and they're like well now what do we just drink it and another another italian caveman was like no we should

probably like do like strain it and clean it and put it in a barrel for a bit. I understand that that's not how people typically drink wine. I'm just saying my love for you is so great that I would drink your foot juice. How far does that, how deep does that rabbit hole go, babe? Please say that's the deepest. Please say we've reached the bottom of it. I can't think of any more extreme example than that. Would you eat my sweatburger?

I don't know for sure what I'm committing to anymore. Well, apparently all fucking bets are off! Oh, but what's wrong, babe? I thought you loved me more. Is it a burger you make with your sweaty hands? Huh.

You even have to ask. I guess that love can't be too true and real. Jeez. Okay. Okay. okay um so after they have this exchange of fluids they talk a little bit about jordan's family okay gang buckle the fuck up yeah this is this was maybe the most shocked this show has ever made i don't know how this didn't get spoiled for us i don't know how we didn't get teased on it makes sense though like this is some legit six cents twist ending

shit like yeah oh my god the clues were there the whole time yeah so jordan hasn't talked much about his family and everybody knows that he's aaron rogers brother but he doesn't talk about it much and when the guys do they talk about it it's just like, oh, Jordan's so entitled because his brother's super famous. On camera, that's how they talk about it. There's literally, I mentioned this after this revelation happened, there's a 0% chance that he has not talked about this thing with the boys in the house. talking about how he hasn't brought a woman home in years and his oldest brother luke uh and his french bulldog carl weathers which i thought was funny he talks about his mom and his dad and his uh uh his brother his older brother older brother luke and the dog and then he's like and then um i think jojo was like i forget your other brother. No, he says, oh, and then my middle brother, she's like, Aaron.

He's like, yeah, Aaron. We don't actually, I have a great relationship with the rest of my family. I don't really have a relationship with Aaron. Yeah, he says they don't talk at all. That Aaron doesn't know that he's on the show right now. Which is like, hey, Aaron, I've got a cool television show for you to watch. Turn it on channel eight, bud.

There's some crazy dope shit happening that you're not gonna believe. This blew both of us away. There's so many things about this that blew us away. Yeah. I am not one to talk about family stuff on this show because i i feel like that's an element of realness that i don't like to dive into unless it's like unequivocally good stuff like um uh was it chris's family that lives out on a farm

and they play hide and go seek that's fun that's a cool family jojo your mom drinks wine straight from the bottle it's the best fucking thing i've ever seen that's a cool family i don't want to say like this is a lie but if it's true it's one of the wildest things i've ever heard coming from a television show because like how does that happen that they don't know that you're on a reality television show and everybody knows you as the green bay packers quarterback or aaron rogers little brother well and what's weird is that jordan doesn't speak to any kind of specific moment he talks more about this kind of general trauma of being compared to his brother his whole life and that aaron basically was didn't choose family, like he didn't choose to be with his family. It was all very abstract.

Well, that Aaron was the best and that Jordan was never going to be as good as Aaron. But that Aaron chose football essentially over family, like this life of fame and has like lost touch with the family. See, I missed that. I didn't catch that. Yeah, that's kind of what he intimated. like lost touch with the family yeah i missed that i didn't catch that yeah that's kind of what he kind of what he intimated um it's like bonkers that this didn't come up before it absolutely came up before with the boys and yet this scene was preceded by a little montage of all the guys talking about you know if i could get super bowl tickets then i bet she'd like me better luke was

throwing some serious shade um JoJo, kind of, by saying all this stuff about, like, oh, well, if I could get her Super Bowl tickets, I bet she'd like me better. Wow, man, I bet you don't really think a whole lot of her then, if you think that's why she's, like, sticking with this dude Jordan. Yeah, Luke and Chase were talking, and they were talking about all the hype for Jordan

before the show even started. And it's like, that's, yeah, that's certainly true. I'm not going to pretend like that's not true, but if I said that about you, that's a shitty thing to say about her, right? Like, oh, she only likes him because he's a football player and can get her stuff and can let her hang out with Olivia Munn. So if you were going to say that about me...

Yeah, I don't know how that situation would have gone. This was genuinely kind of shocking, but at the same time, he has never talked about... Only other people on the show have talked about it. I just assumed it was because he knew that it made him seem potentially spoiled and know, kind of spoiled and entitled. So he purposely didn't want to talk about it. There's no, the thousands of hours that he spends with all those boys

and their best friends coming up with maymays behind the screen. Like, behind the scenes. Like, you know that, so day one, minute one. Holy shit, you're Aaron Rodgers' brother. That's awesome. What's he like? What's Olivia Munn like? Oh, you know how it came up?

It came up because JoJo was asking who all would be there. At hometown, yeah. Yeah, and that's when Jordan said Aaron's not going to be there. Aaron's not going to be there. There's no way that he didn't talk about it with the other people in the house. And if that's the case, I don't see how he has that conversation without saying, oh, me and Aaron don't see how he has that conversation without saying, Oh, me and Aaron don't really like,

uh, you know, we don't really see each other that much. We don't, you know, we don't really have a great relation. If, and if that had happened,

then all the boys probably wouldn't be in the middle of every, like, uh, behind the scenes interview with them. Wouldn't bring up like, Oh, he's just here. Cause his brother's football player.

So it must not have happened. He must not have. And it has to have happened. There's no way it didn't happen. I, Jordan's not, especially. It has to have happened. There's no way it didn't happen. Jordan's not especially a very sharing kind of guy. Yeah, I guess so. I am curious to see if Aaron

Rogers gets asked over the next 48 hours or so and comes out and says something like now Jordan and I talk all the time. That's not true. If that's true, that's a wild gambit. Yeah. Now I know.

I don't really talk to my dad. Yeah, you do. I'm right here. We're playing cards together right now. Yeah, that was very, very, very surprising. You want to know what my conspiracy theory is that I'm just now developing as I'm speaking? Please, yes. that I'm just now developing as I'm speaking.

Please, yes. Jordan said that specifically to push JoJo away if she were after the fame. So said, oh, you know what? You think A-Rod is going to show up at the hometown. Yeah, like if that's why you're here, I want you to know Aaron's probably not going to be there. That's interesting. Isn't that interesting?

I just came up with that. And if that's true, that he thinks less of jojo fucking luke does yeah i don't know i'm just coming up with that right now maybe i am rooting for robbie fuck um what else happened today uh jordan says that he's in love with her oh yeah that was big that was a big moment um let's get they make out a bunch we gotta get to that group take because it was about 50 minutes of the episode okay so the next day it is raining very hard they are in buenos aires and they are hanging in the hotel we don't know what was canceled clearly something something got canceled y'all this rain was torrential and like they came into

the hotel and jojo literally said like we have everything we need here for a great slumber party it's like what are you talking about it's noon it's a group date with james robbie and chase the bt and she says we're just gonna hang out in this hotel suite the jv squad um and i have all the makings here for a slumber party, which from what I can tell is just a bunch of alcohol and food. And then there's like a clipboard or not. What are those called? Like a Pictionary board. Yeah.

They play some fun games. Yeah. James Taylor sticks a horrifying amount of French fries in his mouth. Yeah, approximately 25 French fries in his mouth. The guys kind of love this because nobody really made him do it he just thought it would be this great impressive thing and they all were like that's not what anyone wants to see um boy i am so over james taylor to the max yeah there's a weird moment on the date where James Taylor starts to try and throw shade at Robbie for looking at other women. And it's the, and remember the last time James Taylor.

Like, while Robbie's standing right there. Yeah, he's, like, doing it in a fun way. Like, we were walking down the street and there were these, like, Brazilian models and Robbie just kept looking at him. He said, we call him W-E-R, Wandering Eye Robbie, which, no, they don't. No, that's not anything. Nobody's ever called anybody anything like that in their whole fucking life, James. Yeah, like, I wasn't so into him when he went on this weird turn of like, nobody loves me. I'm James Taylorlor all these men are perfect specimens they all look like they climbed out of some multiplicity slime um why didn't i

get the memo about the fucking haircut um but now like this i don't know he's in this weird downward downward spiral of like i'm going to lose this game yeah so i'm just going to be sad about it and then make the most half-hearted shade throwing attempt um what else happened oh robby robby gets a dare to strip down to his underwear and run through the hall uh which he does proudly um and then shows his butt and shows his butt can i say something yeah i was so hating on this date when it first started happening, because it, like, instantly I was like, something got canceled, and they're just trying to, like, make it seem like they're just having a fun little party.

They got room service, and they got, like, four little plates of food, and everybody was like, oh, yeah, it's everything we need. There's four of us and four plates. How great. Um, this turned out to be like what seemed like one of my favorite dates because first of all they all got tanked and then they ate this food and they played these weird truth or dare games and then they watched the argentinian bachelor i think it was on tv they're all laying in bed i wasn't sure what the nation of origin of this bachelor

they said brazilian bachelor okay um it was fucking amazing like this oh and oh shit i mean all the pictionary stuff they were doing were all things from the bachelor um so like uh they were drawing like a stick figure and then somebody drew like two big muscles on it and somebody was like oh chad uh and that was right and then like they were playing uh charades and somebody and what was amazing about it is that they all got them seemingly instantaneously so like james taylor made like a little basket with his arms and got down low to the ground started to go up and somebody was like oh a hot air balloon because yes because yes absolutely and they were playing um celebrity celebrity where they were holding

pictures over their head and um was it james somebody said it's okay yeah the card was one and fucking james taylor lays down the best like it's okay because if you did not watch that season juan pablo said that all the time and that is not like us throwing shade that's a literal uh numerical quote hundreds of times per episode um yeah it it seemed like they had a lot of genuine fun on this date, except for James Taylor being kind of a heel. And then Robbie got the win. Yeah, Robbie gets the group date rose. Eventually she takes them all aside

and has a little one-on-one time with each of them. And Robbie talks a little bit about his family and alludes to this ex that he dated over three years that his family didn't like. And they're talking about it, and she's like, when did you guys break you guys break up and he was like oh december which was four and a half months ago and you could see like the ab the the i almost said ab because that would be um mean you could see the like the wheels spinning and joe just had like trying to figure out like when did this dude apply for this television program? Chase talks about how he's nervous, but he says, and I quote,

I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. We've talked about that, right? Yeah, the weird emphasis they put on phrasing. The disingenuous do. James goes a little bit softer and says that he is, quote, very much in the process of falling for you. Oh, my God. None of those words mean anything. The best part is James Taylor said is and we missed this.

We got a confirmation from Twitter because we were not watching it at a DVR equipped house. But apparently he said he was talking about his family. Like, oh, well, my dad, Jim, he's also James Taylor. And it's like, come on. It's gotta be him, right? I know. Well, don't Google it, because if you do, you're disappointed, because James Taylor at least does not claim that he also has a son named James Taylor. That's what it said.

My name is James Snow. That's a Game of Thrones joke joke oh i'm sorry but maybe he's the son of snow who did informer oh see i know that one my dad wrote and performed the song informer and he was really influential that's why i'm such a gifted lyricist that's exactly why a licky boom boom down um so then we cut back to the guys talking and james taylor talks about how he's not a front runner um and everybody's like well why would you be here if you thought that and james taylor's like well i don't give up you know stay in the pack man i'll i'll fight you know i love to fight and always stay in it that That's a silly question. Like, you are missing the point of the conversation.

Yeah, Robbie says that he thinks that he is a frontrunner and that he wouldn't say it because it would sound cocky. And then he turns out to be right because he does get a rose. I don't get it. I mean, I do get it. It's probably fun to be on this show, right? Like, you get to travel the country and you get free food and drinks and hang out and you know lay down on horses and all that fun stuff but there's a there's a logic to what robbie was saying which is like if you're standing there and you're saying to yourself like she's definitely in love with jordan rogers is there anything i can do to make her not in love

with jordan rogers and instead in love with me? And if the answer is no, you gotta, like, you gotta know, right? I know. I know. And they did know, because Robbie got the rose, and then fucking Scott, what's his name? Chase. We got some things in our P.O. Box. Thank you very much, P.O. Box uh 66639 i'm gonna say that one more time i slurred it p.o box 66639 austin texas 78766 i think that's right oh the receipt's right next

to me confirming yes um one of them was uh here let me grab it one of them was from erica who lives here in austin who sent us a bunch of wonderful candles, uh, including things like blueberries and paper airplanes. You can probably guess what that one smells like. Uh, and one that for Evan's ripped shirt, which smells like fresh laundry, which is fucking great. Um, but then she sent one that is labeled Chase and it is, has, it is completely odorless. It's just maybe the best. Uh, thank you very much, Erica.

But like, yeah yeah i can't remember chase's name that's real and james taylor in the car and they were driving home from this group date that they did not get the rose from by the way for winning the group date uh robbie also got to spend more time with her so like that's a really good high stakes win big victory you pulled down and in the back of this car james taylor and chase were just like one of us is definitely going home right like yeah definitely okay cool because you know that luke's gonna get a rose you know jordan's and in the back of this car, James Taylor and Chase were just like, one of us is definitely going home, right? Like, yeah, definitely. Okay, cool. Because you know that Luke's going to get a rose.

You know Jordan's going to get a rose. So, shit. Yeah. Their only gambit was to hope that Robbie did not get a rose. So Luke gets the final one-on-one date, which is also a horse date. Hey, horse date two. Black Ops. So they ride horses out to a shooting range and um jojo says something curious when they get up to where the guns and hay bales are she says

luke's for sure a man there's no doubt in my mind so i I just thought, okay, Jojo. He's definitely not four dogs stacked up. He's definitely not a little alien controlling a flesh suit like in Men in Black. I knew that there were two horses on the date and one man. And for sure, Luke was the man. He's definitely not a man-shaped bag full of rats. So they're shooting. Luke's showing her how to shoot.

I don't know. Not a lot happens. Nothing happens on this date. Like, I was also thinking of things to talk about. They go and they talk about his family and I think maybe. This date lasts four minutes. Yeah, I thought for sure. So they finish shooting and I'm thinking, oh, they're going to have dinner.

That's always a thing. When you get a one-on-one date, you have a day activity and a night activity. He does not get a night activity. Yeah. He goes back to the house. All the guys are like, hey, you're here soon. And he's like, oh, by the way, you guys don't know this yet, but we're going straight to a rose ceremony. Yeah, so they have the rose ceremony that night.

Chase is very worried because he was hoping to get someone on one time james taylor is just like walk walking that green mile yeah so we already know that robbie has a rose but then no surprise luke and jordan get roses and so it's down to Chase and James Taylor. And Chase... It's like, oh god, don't make me choose. Sophie's choice. Which one of my children do I love the most? Ah, such strong feelings about both of them. Don't make me choose. Chase

gets a rose. James Taylor does not. I said don't make me choose! Do you want to write down the... Or do you want to write down the or do you want to speak to the closed caption you wrote down oh my god guys this is going to be our haze in the barn which by the way somebody said during this episode i think it was luke like saying like she's already decided what she's going to do tonight haze in the barn um this is our haze in the barn this is going to be our meme that we get started um which is when chase gets the rose he walks forward and she says will you accept this rose

and i think he says absolutely but he kind of slurs it absolutely and the closed captioning which was not automatic it was pre-done closed captioning um so somebody transcribed this and said that's good send approve somebody also probably read it and said yeah that's it that's good um how i transcribed the word absolutely was Chalutely That's C-H-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y Chalutely Chalutely, babe Hey, would you let the cat in?

Aw, Chalutely, no problem Chalutely, Chalutely It's fun to say, Chalutely Griffin found this, like, really, really funny And I just, I can't I can't get there Chalutely, I did I can't get there and I'm sorry You'll get there Okay, and I just can't get there. I can't get there, and I'm sorry.

You'll get there. I'll make you get there. Let's just keep saying it. JoJo's real sad to send James Taylor home. James Taylor says a bunch of heartbreaking things like, this happens to him all the time. That's what he does.

He's like, I can't believe this is the last time I'm going to hold your hand. I'm going to miss you. JoJo is very distraught. James gets in the limo. We expect for sure that James is going to just fall apart, but he remains very stoic. Full-blown intervention dad. No nice. Yeah, does not lose his cool.

And that's the ep. I don't want to sound mean to James Taylor. It's just like, that stuff he was saying was legitimately heartbreakingly sad, and it would have affected me even a little bit if the past three episodes he hadn't been just like a sad sack the whole time. You've got to get in the game. It gets me so frustrated when people are just like, I've already lost, and i don't want it i

don't think i should go talk to her i don't there was there was definitely less of that this season than there was in the bachelor feet big ben higgins the axe man which by the way when jojo sent alex home shades of the axe man calculated cool calm composed i loved it she was just like you know calculated, cool, calm, composed. I loved it. She was just like, you know what? You said that. You were just talking about how mad it made you because he wasn't supposed to go home. I'm not mad at JoJo.

I'm mad that the rug was pulled out from under Alex. JoJo may have pulled that rug, but Chris Harrison put that there, and he said, that rug is super glued to the ground with rubber cement. It'll never leave your sweet, petite little feet. That was dope. I like that.

I like JoJo saying, I know what I want, and I'm gonna get it. And it ain't you. Chalutely, it's not you. Get home. There you go. See, now I'm getting it. I forget what I was talking about. Oh, James Taylor? Yeah, you're just bummed that James Taylor doesn't think more of himself. Just like, I get bummed when somebody's just like,

everybody here's better than me, so I'm not going to do anything. Which, like, I get. I can't imagine how defeating it must feel to be in this position of knowing that this extremely handsome football god is going to beat you at this game that you're going to be playing in futility for the next eight weeks or whatever. Yeah, it's just people get so caught up in the game. Like, if he had any perspective at all, he would say, you know what? Like, she doesn't like me very much i should probably go home it's best for both of us this kind of stuff happens sometimes people

just don't want each other's foot or if you just want to stay around and like go to argentina and see if you can stick it around till you know whatever the next international date is um like that's fine have fun on the television show the bachelorette like genuinely have a good time but but be a sport about it like get in the game and like at least pretend like you're falling in love like robbie's doing you know what i mean like the only person that really stuck out this season i'm sure somebody else did it but like evan was really bad about this about like uh you know she'll come to me if she wants to talk no dude she fucking won't play the game get in there play the game everybody play the game so i'd be like right here and you'd be like i cannot do that i'm just saying if you did i know but your range is much

better than mine i know and you don't have to i'm just saying if you did the notes would sound cool and weird together oh man should you find another host is that what you're saying i'm going to get josh groban and we're going to be called grobe buddies. Oh, Griffin. Or, alternatively, Grobin Around. I like the first one better. With an apostrophe. What about Grobin or Griffin? That's good, too. See, now you just sound like Travis.

Yeah, that's a good point. Travis went on like a 15-minute Twitter tear. Well, it's a funny name. What else? That's it. That was Rose Buddies. That was Rose Buddies, the podcast. Stay tuned for the double feature, Groban Around.

It was a good episode. We're into hometowns now. Who we got? If you want to keep me on the show, dial in using your touchstone phone. No, I didn't. Choose one for Rachel. We're doing this show because i we got two for podcast together two for grove if josh groban replaces you what is our other podcast going

to be because now we have to do a podcast why do we have to do a podcast it's the only thing holding us together we both know it uh hey we got some stuff yeah we want to thank everybody for the gifts we've been checking the po box about once a week. We got a bunch of cool stuff. Got a package here from Kira, and it's a bunch of onesies, and the onesies have quotes, mostly from Chad, but sometimes

just kind of, like, general things that they say on The Bachelor. Like, I'm just a pig in a castle. My life is all blueberries and paper airplanes. What's up, you cool babies? That's a Mabim Bam reference. And my favorite, milk is delicious.

These are fantastic. Thank you for the onesies. They're adorable. Package here from Tim. And it's another onesie that says, most eligible bachelor. It's real cute. It's very cute. Oh, yeah.

Somebody made a little baby sweater. Chantel made us a baby sweater with a pokeball on it. Yeah. It's very cute. Oh, yeah. Somebody made a little baby sweater. Chantel made us a baby sweater with a pokeball on it. Yeah. That's wonderful. We got a little custom Rose Buddies tea from Allison. Tastes like strawberries and chocolate and roses. Wonderful. On brand.

Why don't you say the name of Erica's candle company? Oh, yes. The candles that Erica sent us, her company is Wick Habit, and they smell all really, really great, except, of course, for Chase's, which does not possess a scent. It's just fucking hysterical. She did a honeysuckle one for Honeysuckle Robbie that smells unbelievable. And we got a lot of really nice postcards and letters. We got a save the date. letters we gotta save the date gotta save

the date magnet that's holding up a report card right now the the wedding does take place in texas so you know we'll holler who knows we love to party rachel rachel right now is in a state where she just like fucking loves to party like non-stop i've got extra strength she gets a she gets this she'll get like a big thing of booze and then she'll like make me drink all of it but like make eye contact no you know what i make you do i make you pour it into a bucket and i make you put your feet in it and then i drink it yeah because she wants double bad things for our human child um anything else i guess we'll see you next week um we're gonna be in boston this weekend

doing some live shows for the other podcast maybe we'll see some of you if you live in boston and coming out to those shows otherwise we'll be back in town in time for yeah we're coming back in town sunday so we'll be back for next week hometowns just stay real out there um Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert.

She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Give me the ball for pieces.