Wonderful! - Episode 3: Awko Taco

Episode Date: January 23, 2016

Rachel and Griffin explore the racial overtones of one of the most bonkers episodes of this show they've ever seen. Ben utters four words that absolutely set Griffin's brain on fire. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best of it, and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Sorry, I put down, I slammed down the cap of this Superwater Zero right as you introduced yourself. Authoritatively, go ahead and give it a second shot hi hi this is rachel hi this is griffin i got so excited for a refreshment

from super water zero our sponsor this week on rose buddies welcome to rose buddies uh this is going to be oh my god so many vitamins this is going to be one hell of a week holy shit what an important episode not just for the bachelor bachelorette franchise but also for i would go ahead and say just television and like how how we even view race as a construct there there are certain things that happen every year on the bachelor there are things like backbiting tears uh some drama but this episode i just it was extreme the racial and let's call them what they were which is overtones um were so they they hung in the air like you know um in the harry potter movies whenever they would have

dinner in that dope-ass dining hall and there were those magic candles um in the harry potter movies whenever they would have dinner in that dope-ass dining hall and there were those magic candles floating in the air that was like what racism was in this episode of the bachelor that we just watched at super water zero it really gives you a new it gives me it gives me thinking power that's right um let's just let's just put the fucking tiger on the table and yell at it well there was a part in this episode and what's this is this will be good to get there naturally or do you want to just break the fucking tiger on the table and yell at it. There was a part in this episode. Do you want to get there naturally or do you want to just break it? You know how on The Bachelor they show like, this time on The Bachelor. And they show what's up. We should do that on Rose Buddies.

Yeah, okay. Our Bachelor, I guess the protagonist, the male protagonist of the series, Ben Higgins, says the words in this sentence this sentence and again we'll work our way back to how he said it i ain't that white yes maybe if you haven't watched the show i guess it's important information you know he's extraordinarily completely and absolutely aston have i said astonishingly he's he's a white man uh another spoiler lace reveals a tattoo uh and right after revealing the words on that tattoo she makes an exit yeah she dips and the tattoo is the tattoo itself is i mean it just makes pretty incredible it makes her whole art uh final final spoiler rachel and i got three points at our fantasy team this week. Three points, which is probably like a new low for the whole series of fantasy.

Let's get into it. Let's go chronological. And let's just go really, really quick. Lauren B gets the first solo date. Lauren B is the flight attendant. We had strong feelings about her. And she has a really great date with him. There is a biplane.

There's a hot tub. There's a band. There's a hot tub. Let's talk about this hot tub, because this hot tub was, it represented a sort of magical realism, which I really appreciated existing in the bachelor. Because they were in the middle of a fucking valley that they just flew a biplane into. And then in the middle of the valley, in the middle of nowhere, there was a hot tub. How did it get there? Who would put it there?

Where did the water come from? How did it get hot? What's it plugged into? They're in the middle of a fucking valley. Yeah. Was there another bigger biplane carrying the hot tub right behind them? I'm going to say this straight up. Their shit was cute.

Yeah. They seemed to be really really into each other you remember last seat last bachelor um with uh chris chris souls winning at whitney and they went on their first date and they crashed out wedding and i was like hey guys i turned to the room hey guys i said their shit's cute and what happened they well she won but it didn't work didn't work out but out. But still, I got the eye for it. Here's the cute moment. And we won't spend too much time on this date

because there were a lot more things happening. But Lauren B and Ben are having the non-meal where they sit in front of a plate of food and don't eat it. He's talking about his family. He starts talking about his dad and like a heart condition that his dad had and lauren b who'd seem kind of nervous most of the date says i really want to meet your parents like in a real sincere really sweet genuine way and then she's like got nervous about it like oh

i know what that means that means i'm here to the final three and i'm making a big play and she's like oh i didn't mean to be weird and he was like no no and they like both seemed real happy she's gonna win this season of the bachelor that's like, oh, I didn't mean to be weird. And he was like, no, no, no. And they both seemed real happy. She's going to win this season of The Bachelor. That's straight up. And if we didn't believe that, we wouldn't have drafted her in our Fantasy League redraft. I think that might be an ongoing Rose Buddies thing is that we talk about our fantasy league. Yeah, don't ever. Never explain it.

Don't ever reveal how it works. But yeah, this shit's cute, which is nice. We needed a bright point in this episode of just like fucking putting adversity up on the shelf and taking a good long look at the adversity uh let's let's go let's go quick let's go to the group date the group date the only thing that stood out to me at the group date was first of all emily is the greatest soccer player possibly of our generation yeah so it's a soccer date. There's two women from the U.S. national team. They all play... Mia Hamm and Mia Beef.

Yes. Beautiful. So there's a lot of them. You didn't know that? They were on the World Cup team together. U.S. all pro World Cup team. 1999, Mia Hamm and Mia Beef. And Mia Beef was the goalie.

And get this, she was enormous. But she was very live and she hated soccer balls. And so she would attack them. So I like it better if they were on opposing teams because then Hamm could yell at Beef, Pork, it's what's for dinner. No, they sort of had a whole meat team because then there was Mia, Sam.

This is stupid. This is dumb. They played soccer against each other and nobody had ever seen a soccer ball. We're talking about the date now. Yes. They broke the women on the date into two teams, made them play each other,

said the winning team got time with Ben, the losing team had to go home immediately. So the stakes were high. Emily did a great job as the goalie of the Stars team. I do want to say, if there was one woman that won the soccer date in Ben's eyes, it was sports. Yeah, he loves sports. Sports is Ben's favorite.

And it's almost wonderful. Watching this episode and that particular part of it kind of nailed it down for me, like what Ben is and what Ben represents. And it actually made him a little bit more enjoyable in my eyes, until, of course, he did say, I ain't that white later on. More on that later. He's like that. You know in high school, and there were the jocks?

You weren't a jock. No. I was taking a shot in the dark there, but I was pretty sure. I was on track one year of high school. You're fucking kidding me. What did you do? I mean, I ran.

I was on track. But there's like hurdles. I did some low hurdles. Yeah, see? For a brief period of time. But you were mostly like distance or sprint or what was it? I wanted to be a sprinter, but I was more distance. I've said that about you.

People are like, that rachel i'm like yeah she puts in the work she's she's in it for the long haul like you should marry her it's like already did next week on track buddies anyway ben reminds me of like because i i knew some of the jocks i went to like church with some of the jock guys. That was your inn? That was my inn. And I feel like everybody at high school always has that one super popular jock person that's also really nice to you. Yeah. That makes his way to say hey. Yeah.

And I feel like that's Ben. Because he's obviously not the most charismatic person. But he puts in a lot of effort. At one point, the game was tied. Both women had the same amount of points, and he was so sincerely excited. Well, that's different. That's not him being a nice guy. This motherfucker loves sports so much.

These women, who have meant nothing to him at this point, have begun having a conversation with his favorite woman of all time, sports. Emily, who is one of the twins, not the twin that we had drafted, the one that I liked, she made a couple great saves in goal. And Ben ran over and hugged her, not as like a flirtatious play, but like a real sincere, like, that was incredible, my dude. She had some sports on her and he wanted to like touch it he wanted to touch the sport he wanted to touch the sports to have and hold the sports um rachel also gets hurt rachel got hurt she like sprains her ankle or something yeah sports was not kind to her no so that sports she can be fickle you never know when she's gonna favor you or not so i've been can't can't hold her and love her it's try it's fucking tragic is what it is because they are perfect for each other except

that one is more of like an abstract concept yeah um boy he loves sports so much so it was stars versus stripes stripes win olivia is on the winning team she gets to spend a little more time with ben she does some pretty great shit in the post sesh the post hang sesh the stars have to go home this is this is the bitter taste of defeat uh stripes win and olivia immediately grabs him and takes him takes her up to her her room and like waves at all the women from the balcony like hey what's up we're higher up than you are later on she doesn't get the rose but she's consoled by the fact that as he stands up, Ben uses her leg to like lift himself out of his chair. And she's like, and that's how I know.

We have like our own little secret language. Ignoring the fact that he did definitely also use another woman's leg. He used a two prop system. Two points of leverage amber gets the rose that night because she goes in for some smooches and she's victorious um the other thing that happens is that some of the girls trash talking about olivia gets back to olivia oh my god the trash talk is fire they they're talking about specifically the toes on her feet and the breasts on her chest. And her ankles apparently at some point.

Yeah. And then I can't remember which woman goes back to her and like. Jommy, I believe it is. Oh, it's Jommy. And Olivia is just like, well, I know. I know my toes are terrible. But you just, you can't worry about that. You know, perfection is not interesting

no she said perfection is perfection is lame i love my weird toesies what are you fucking talking about also how did none of the women talk about the fact that she can fit like five whole adult hands in her mouth her mouth has not come up talking about her breasts that's fucked up yeah she fucking cooled that shit down talking about her toes is hilarious and amazing, and keep doing that every time. Like, this episode got fucking surreal. Yeah. It got weird. I thought I was way drunker than I actually was while watching this episode.

But yeah, so many tattles on the other women, because, and Olivia is the only good Olivia month in this episode. It's like, they were talking about my toes? Two more things that happened on that date. Oh my God. Uh, Ben stands up and when he stands up, he's like,

all right, good day, everybody sleep tight, which was just the, the coachiest coach thing to ever say. And then, uh, Jami says,

Akko taco. Oh, that was, well, that was in reference to Jubilee, the solo date, uh, because she was being Akotako. Okay, all right. Your notes are just arranged like a lunatic.

I'm looking at them. They're arranged on like 23 different lines and like four columns. It's snake, so it goes down here and then goes up this way. completely inscrutable. It's thick, so it goes down here and then goes up this way. So, yeah. I wanted to touch back, though, on Olivia's secret language of touch, because it also happens at the end. Olivia gets the final rose

of the rose ceremony, and he comes in on the group hug on everybody. He's like, hey, we're going to Las Vegas! And she's like, he left his hand on my hip, just a second too long, and that's how I know that he's going to have three kids with me and two boys and one girl. That's some high school stuff, though, to be honest.

Like that. She's 23. There's a 23 year old in the mix. I don't know. But my friends in high school would do that. We would debrief after every exchange and try and identify the secret clues we got that indicated the person was interested in us. That's not completely crazy behavior, but it is pretty juvenile. Yes. All right. identify the secret clues we got that indicated the person was interested in us yes that's that's

not completely crazy behavior but it is pretty juvenile yes all right let's talk about jubilee jubilee this is this is jubes as somebody called her i i don't even know where to fucking start with it like it was such a surprising i didn't i didn't think about jubilee like at all uh because like just because she didn't like get any screen time whatsoever in the past few episodes and this one she became like one of my favorite contestants like ever in the show's history ever because she was laying out some real shit right before the date she's confiding in jojo is that what we decided yes and and she's saying you, I can't fit in here. You know, all the women here are

types, and I just can't be that type. And she's like 100% certain, like, I'm not gonna get a solo date. And I was there in the audience like, yeah, probably not. Like, it's probably gonna go to, like, one of the, like, frontrunner, like, because that's how it works. Like, there's maybe six women that, like, he talks to a bunch, and that's who he gives it to.

Jubilee, like, don't, like, get your hopes up. And she gets it. She has, like, a really wonderful reaction where she stands up talks to a bunch, and that's who he gives it to. Jubilee, don't get your hopes up. And she gets it. She has a really wonderful reaction where she stands up and loses her mind and then apologizes to everybody. And from there, that is when the shade begins. She starts to panic a little bit because she knows that she can be awkward or ako-tako, as Jami would say. Did Jami go home?

No. Oh, no, she did. She say. Did Jami go home? No. Oh, no, she did. She did. You're right. Son of a bee. You're right, because on her exit, she says, I know not to expect anything from humans. I'm going to get a bunch of cats now. That's right.

What a cyber woman. We have to circle back on my Dr. Love theory that he's creating contestants on this show from i don't know from from soylent bubbling them out of rose petals rose petals soylent and wires throw those in a big cauldron johnny comes out kaila 001 comes out uh anyway so she she's like having a full-blown panic attack about to go on this date she She gets dressed, wearing, I think, a pretty badass look, with some sweats, with a drawstring. Yeah. Comes out, and all the women are like, so are you excited?

And she's like, yeah, I guess so. She's really nervous. She's like, what are you? Helicopter. She says, yeah, I guess so. He is like 20 minutes late, though, which is fucking awesome. I heard that. I was like, yeah, he is 20 minutes late, probably. That's fucked up, heard that i was like yeah he is 20 minutes late probably that's fucked up jubilee good on you and then like a helicopter Ben shows

up and is like so you're excited she's like no no whatever whatever like joking yeah well no the helicopter lands yeah she starts to get real nervous and she says like dude does anybody else want to go on this day and that fucking sets every other woman in the house on fire from inside it's like a salem witch trial situation they are all of a sudden all united in the fact that jubilee does not appreciate it's the most innocuous joke any any sane human being would know this is joking and i sat there thinking like well all these women are just like looking for a gap in the armor that they can like exploit like well she doesn't she's not here for the right reasons because of this single thing that she said once i'm starting to wonder if it isn't like a stockholm syndrome type thing where

like you're locked in a house for weeks at a time you can't like talk to any of your loved ones or family members you can't read the newspaper yeah all your life is is this one person. And then maybe it does get to the point very, very, very quickly where if another person isn't like under this same magic spell that you're under. Yeah. They have to be just fucking crucified. You know, it's interesting to watch the show and play it as a game of points because that is so what the women in the house are doing. Yeah.

They're just like, I got seven minutes with him this week. I got one kiss and one hand pat. And here Jubilee is going to get, you know, 87 minutes with him. Yeah. And maybe 17 hand pats. And she doesn't appreciate it. It's fucking clown shoes. And usually like week one that happens, maybe week two that happens.

At this point in the ball game like usually they're over that shit yeah but there's this episode was so insane because first of all jubilee like floored me out of nowhere i have a new front runner and lauren b almost our whole team went home which sucked but also it sort of established that nearly every woman in the house is fucking terrible on like a really like i don't i don't want to sound like patronizing when i say that i mean it from the bottom of my heart like the stuff they were saying about jubilee was wretched to be fair though i mean let's talk a little bit about the date on that date they go to this mansion they have caviar

jubilee reveals that she she spits out hot dogs she spits out have caviar. Jubilee reveals that she prefers hot dogs. She spits out her caviar and says, what food do you like? She's like, hot dogs. He's like, really? He's like, yeah, I'm obsessed with hot dogs. I was like, fuck yeah, you are. They're amazing. They're amazing.

Soft bread, choose your own condiments, encased meat. And I think, I mean, I think what happens on that date that none of the women know about is that Jubilee reveals that she has this incredibly tragic past according to her her whole family is dead yeah she has no like blood relatives yeah that was like when she said my whole family died i was like what does that mean and she said i'm literally the last person in my bloodline it's like fuck me and she's also a military veteran i mean the woman has maybe the most admirable story in that she is even, like, a functioning human being. But divorce all that from the date and from Jubilee the person. She's the only person.

I really liked Kayla, Kaila001, in the first two episodes that we watched. I really liked her solo date. I was like, oh, she's so cute. Watching Jubilee, like, interact with Ben, it reminded me, like, oh, these are human-ass beings. Like, they're on TV, and they're, like, having to perform in a certain way. But they are definitely two human-ass beings. And there was very little, like, it felt like there was no, like, coaching going on. Like, she was just, like, letting shit fly, like, I'm obsessed with hot dogs.

And then. And then. They were playing shuffleboard. She, I think, well, she thinks that she's quite the comedian. I think she's hysterical. She said the words, I'm obsessed with hot dogs. She made this joke that wasn't really a joke as much as it was like, I'm going to address the fact that I am an African-American woman and that you are a white man. And so she just makes this kind of offhand comment.

She says, he's like uh we're playing shuffleboard or something something something and she says uh i'm not playing white boy yeah uh and then he laughs he laughs and he does look a little bit uncomfortable which is like fucking fine like the moment passes yeah they're done playing shuffleboard they're in their swimsuits inexplicably a rare like, like, jump cut for this show. Usually, like, here comes bathing suits. And then she's like, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable any earlier when I said. Well, no, she says, that's how I knew you were cool.

Like, you laughed at my joke. And I was a little nervous I was going to say something like that. But I knew that you were cool. When I called you white boy and he says, I, this is word for word. We're not changing it. I ain't that white. And she like, good on her, because this is a love competition. And if she had put the look on her face that certainly spread across America

like a dark shadow from the the spaceship in independence day when it goes over all the major cities uh then she would have been asked to leave immediately because it's like well we're done here aren't we because of that thing i just said yeah because all she would have had to do is be like what do you mean by what do you mean hey hey ben what the fuck are you talking about because anything he said to justify that statement would have made him look like an insane person. Or like the biggest racist ever. I ain't that white? What the fuck are you talking about?

It's Martin Luther King Day. What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't say the words, I ain't that white, Ben. Because it's nonsense. It was unbelievable it was an unbelievable moment of television that Jubilee handled so gracefully like the fucking queen of England

he gives her a rose they had other words after that they shared a meal they broke bread I don't remember anything that happened after that. I just remember that she got a rose. He was really digging on her. He seemed a little drunk.

Said that he liked that she was more herself with him and that she was so strong. That's when she told her tragic story. And right after she finished, at least if we're to believe the editing of the show, right after she finished telling her tragic story, he gave her a rose. And that was the end of their date. And, like, the waves of that date. It was a nice date. And I'll say this.

Ben's a tough nut. He's a hard guy to read as a viewer from your standpoint. Chris Soule is easy to read. No, this guy's just dumb. And he likes likes pretty blonde women okay yeah that's fine like i don't roll with that like i i don't roll with that but i know what you're doing i know what you're saying ben i can't i can't crack that nut but he seemed like he really enjoyed jubilee's company he seemed like he really enjoyed that was the other thing jubilee kind of called him out a little bit was like you seem real nervous all the time like

she's like when you laughed at my joke it seemed like a real sincere laugh but a lot of times you just laugh because you're supposed to laugh and i just want you to know you should be left nervous yeah she's like you seem really tense all the time and it's like well probably he is because he's the bachelor and he's on tv and he has to like say a bunch of really super dumb shit yeah not counting he just said the words i ain't that white and he knows he's on tv and he has to like say a bunch of really super dumb shit yeah not counting he just said the words i ain't that white and he knows he's basically done so all that to say i think when a lot of these women that led the witch hunt against jubilee watch this episode they're gonna realize like what nut cases they were because we got to see a real nice picture of jubilee that

they didn't all they saw was the woman that was stealing their point time. Let's get that witch hunt. Because, man, like, fuck me. Yeah. It got, like, I've watched this show a lot now. This is some of the most, it got so bad. Like, it got so bad to watch. And the pinnacle of this is ben walks in at the cocktail

yeah so now all the dates are done it's cocktail cocktail party i don't know we've talked about the cocktail party and it's important it's it's basically uh uh last chance workout biggest loser fan it is uh it's the immunity challenge i guess in survivor terms or i guess that brief period after the immunity challenge where you're scrambling to secure votes tribal council yeah i well tribal council would be the rose ceremony anyway this is your last chance to like put some face time in some qt with the bachelor bachelorette ben walks in and sometimes it's like rough because the women like plan their whole week around that shit like i didn't get any dates but that that cocktail party i'm gonna do it and then like chris harrison walks in and you're like oh shit chris harrison's like there's no cocktail

party he knows what's up sorry lucy it's you um that that wasn't the case this week so much do you want to say what happened yeah so this has been an episode full of a lot of heavy material um i think chris actually says when he walks into the cocktail party to summon them for the roast ceremony, he's like, hmm, wow, heavy room. Yeah. Yeah, Chris, it's been a week, because Ben said, I ain't that white.

We're all still sort of recovering from that, Mr. Harrison. Ben comes in, says that he just found out. He actually doubles back. He's like, I am that white. I'm not. Just want to put it on the table, guys. I'm not proud to admit this, but I told a falsehood. He reveals that some of his family friends have just suddenly, tragically died that he just found out.

And now he's going to do this cocktail party. And he's a little bummed and that's literally all he says he doesn't you didn't belabor it he was like i'm just want to let you guys know if i seem a little down tonight it's because these two friends of mine who were he's in pillars of the community where i'm from i just just suddenly died and i literally just found out and i am feeling pretty sad about it olivia and you know and all the women are kind of looking at each other saying like, oh, this is terrible. This is too bad.

Galactus is like, can I steal you away? Olivia pulls him away. And I think, oh, Olivia is going to swoop in. Cause I just thought, oh,

from now on the whole rose ceremony. We're all shouting at the TV, like hug him, hug him. Somebody hug him. From now on, I thought the whole rose ceremony was going to be about all these women comforting him,

you know, and doing it in their own like little quirky ways olivia all she can think about is the toes and the the comment earlier from the women about her toes and she pulls them aside and she says it's really hard for me um i have a lot of insecurities um i hate my ankles and i it's just it's i i can't you know i it's a little embarrassing but i just i can't get past it and ben is looking at her and and it is the biggest missed opportunity i've ever seen not just missed you said the words missed opportunity in reference to what she did. It is a fucking crime against. Yeah. It was despicable.

But I just I can't figure out how she's so tone deaf. It was incredible. I'm telling you what happened is those women said mean things about her toes during the group date. And then the group date ended. And he said, well, night night. And did his special leg touch with her. But and then after he left she was like oh shit i meant to tattle and get some points on the fact that the other women said mean

things about me and then i can get like uh you know i'm being accosted points in ben's head and then like maybe he'll spend more time with me oh shit well next time i see him i'll make sure to play that card and then he walked into the room and was basically fucking peanuts teacher trumpet like plane crash and she was like oh Peanuts teacher trumpet like plane crash. And she was like, oh, I missed it. What did he say? Anyway, can I steal you away? My toes.

Yeah. So Olivia, Olivia is not seeming like as much the front runner. I mean, they kind of showed a little bit of that last week. But then this week, it just seemed like she doesn't know how to connect with human beings on a real level no she's a sociopath yeah we saw anomalisa earlier today and i'm just saying there's a lot of connection between anomalisa the sociopath puppet movie and olivia with that gigantic mouth it could be the work of puppetry wait so are you saying olivia is a stop motion puppet okay because that mouth is clearly like i i it's it's it's cartoonish in nature and it moves much

like a stop puppet mouth and she doesn't see the individuality of other people yes okay but mostly just the mouth puppet thing i really workshopped it like my my doctor love robot ideas uh what happens to our girl jubilee though so this this is when jubilee jubes jubes which is not anything we would call her this is a name chosen by the other women. I'm exclusively calling her that. She is thinking, how can I make sure that Ben feels okay? Because she is somebody that is intimately familiar with tragedy. And so she pulls him aside and gives him a little massage. And the women see this. They know she has a rose and that she's quote safe for the night and they just start

man they are lighting torches i don't want to like i want to be really careful in this podcast i love this show i genuinely do i also think this show gets very very gross at times and i don't want to be complicit in that so i don't want to like use language that's like demeans the women that are on the show yeah i'm hoping that you or anybody listening to the show will stop me if i start to do that yeah but the only way that i can describe the behavior of these of the women and it wasn't all of them it was like six or seven of them as they saw jubilee giving ben a massage is vulture like because like one of them saw through the bushes jubilee giving ben a massage i was like you gotta come over here look what he's doing and then the group kept growing like that like

hey hey you gotta get over here and see what he's doing it's jommy get over here check this out amber get over here you gotta see what he's like yeah everybody and then all of a sudden it was literally a small crowd of people watching what would otherwise be a fairly intimate moment and then one of them actually i was joking during the massage like this would be a fairly intimate moment. And then one of them actually, I was joking during the massage, like this would be a funny thing if like somebody walked up and was like, hey, can I steal him away from this massage you're giving him because his friends just died?

And then somebody literally actually does it. And then from that moment on, Jubilee is persona non grata. Yeah. And because... They do it in the grossest way too. And they are so righteous in their condemnation of her that they want to force a confrontation. So Jubilee gets pulled away.

She's sitting up by herself. Yeah. She's sitting up by herself, kind of wrapped in a shawl. And Amber's like, come on, come talk to us. And she's like, I'm not going to do the girl talk. And Amber's like, no, no, no, we need to talk to you. And she's like, no, I to talk to you and she's like no i'm not gonna get involved she really immediately knows what's up and knows that she doesn't have to do

anything which is rare on this show i feel like a lot of times people get bullied into these big confrontations they still try to because amber's like all right well i guess we're gonna come to her and then she went back to the group she's like she's making us come to her and all the women are like uh she's not making you do fucking anything you fucking horrible horrible people i don't even know how that conversation would have gone. What would they have done? What would they have done? You shouldn't massage a man who just found out his friends died if you already have a rose.

That's literally all they have to go on. It's fucking horse apples, garbage, bullshit, child town. Yeah. It's kindergarten fucking garbage dumpster shit. Yeah. It's kindergarten fucking garbage dumpster shit. Yeah. It's sewer kindergarten. It's preschool baby diapers. It's the opposite of Super Water Zero.

It's the opposite of our sponsor Super Water Zero. It's fucking ridiculous. So Jubilee just dips. Does the great shawl toss. Does the great shawl. Oh, amazing, amazing maneuver. Amber tries to grab her shoulder, and she just lets that shawl drop does the great shawl oh amazing amazing maneuver amber tries to grab her shoulder and she just lets that shawl drop and just walks away and it's like no it's like in a home alone

when the wet bandits like grab kevin mccallish's jacket and he just like pulls out of the jacket and runs off there's some dope shit that was that was a profession i'm gonna say it that was probably like dope ass military maneuver so she if isis grabs your shawl just like leave the shawl and dip get out of there distraction tactic so jubilee like goes upstairs like sequesters herself like i'm not doing this and ben sees the hubbub and says to the camera i'm responsible for the feelings in this house the feelings and emotions of this house is the most like paternalistic thing i have ever seen this season on the stepdad it was like it's like a real seventh heaven moment where it was just like these women are upset i'm gonna figure out what you know how i can fix

everything so goes up to talk to jubilee jubilee is not really throwing anybody under the bus she's just kind of like hey something's happening's happening. There's like some drama and they're like trying to pull me into it because like I already have a rose and I rubbed you. Amber. Fucking Amber. Bursts into the bathroom

and feels like now is the time to call Jubilee out in front of Ben. And it's like, we just wanted to have a conversation with you. And she's like, I don't want to have a fucking conversation with you. And she's like, we just wanted to tell you when you got on the date in the helicopter and you said did anybody

else want to go on the date that like offended us and ben is like hey amber what the fuck are you talking about she's she was clearly joking you lunatic and i like that shit and amber's like oh boy i sure am glad i already have a rose this week or else i would be gone skis i forgot that she's gone yeah because i was like there's no way it was fucking it was it was ridiculous and somebody made the point i forget who said it that of our of our posse that watches the show that amber was behaving more like a producer of the show because it's her second go around she like knows how things work and so she was like talking to another contest behaving more like a producer of the show because it's her second go around. She like knows how things work. And so she was like talking to another contestant more like a producer.

But you're not. You've got a rose. But that doesn't mean that like you get to drop this behind the scenes knowledge on people. And Ben shut her down and stood by Jubilee. It was a man. It's interesting. And when we were watching Griffin's, the whole show has changed now. Because the show is about gameplay.

And it's about getting time. And it's about stealing him away. That's why we have all the rules that we do. But it really became clear, like, they have totally forgotten that they're just trying to get to know this guy better. And they are now obsessed yeah with fairness and and what is and isn't correct when i when i said all the women in the house are terrible earlier i want to amend that statement because first of all it was hateful it came from a place of hate uh it it is literally just because i mentioned lauren b and jubilee like

oh they had some nice moments with ben as of this moment that's it those are the only two people who have even tried to get to know him or vice versa there was a group on the couch that saw jubilee and and said you know it seems like they're trying to gang up on and then they were everybody on my couch was really great about going up to jubilee and supporting her except they didn't they didn't fucking anything it's it's it's at this watching the show you have to suspend some disbelief and you have to think like at the very least this television show that we're all shooting together is gonna be a whole lot more comfortable if we fucking get to know each other a little bit like forget forget to make friends. But they're not there to make friends, Griffin. No, no, no.

I'm not even talking about the different contestants with each other. Although that has to happen because it's like prison. Yeah. You're locked in with them for eight weeks. You've got to talk about something. Yeah. Some friendships blossom from that. And that's beautiful and perfect.

Like, Carly and Jade from Bachelor in Paradise. The best friendship maybe of all time. Like, that's going to happen. I'm talking about, like, Ben and the contestants. But that's, like, not what it is at all. I'm not even talking about idealistic, like, they got to get to know each other so they can fall in love and get married. I'm talking about from a television production backstage, behind the scenes standpoint. You're going to talk to this person a bunch on this television show you're all collaborating

on. You should at least ask him like where his fucking family is from yeah but it's not that it's just time and points and scores and touchdowns which maybe maybe that's their angle like they're trying to make it something that ben can understand which is sports measurement but it's still like man it's it was a it was an eye-opening episode when it's and it's week three, right? Third week, yeah. Yeah.

And there just seems to be this desperation already. Just like, well, I know who he is and what he likes. And it's not me. And it's her. And I don't know why it's her. And it's three weeks. Some of them have not even spent any alone time with him yet. Which is crazy.

Because he's trimmed a lot of, oh, I almost said fat. But that's bad. He's trimmed a lot of grass. He's cut a lot he's he's yanked out a lot of weeds that were doing nothing for the soil and there's still a lot of weeds it's it's not a good season it is not a good crop to continue the arboreal metaphors yeah it's not so it's entertaining it's an entertaining crop let's talk about lace um let's not say she broke my heart she kind of ties a nice bow around the evening because all of this stuff is going on ben has just finished comforting jubilee he comes downstairs everybody's exhausted you can tell they're just ready for the night to be done lace comes in from what is it stage left stage right i don't know she swoops

in like a fighter pilot there's one of those ejector seat pits in the floor that she like pops up out of she like zeroes in on him says can i talk to you for a second although then it sat down like waiting for him to like deliver his his farewell address yeah it's like oh great lace is gonna do another one of her like i don't know who I am speeches. And she starts to give that speech. She starts to say, hey, you know, I just, I really am having a hard time. I don't like the way that I've been. And she's like, I really feel like, you know, I just need to, you know, I need to learn to like myself. It's like my tattoo says.

Which is the best. Which is the best. It's like my tattoos. It's is the best. Which is the best. It's like my tattoos. It's like that ink on my body forever says. And her tattoo basically says, if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anybody else? Well, you added the hell because we were watching a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race. Like a lot, a lot, a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race. But basically she has a quote from RuPaul tattooed on her body.

If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anybody else? Can I get an amen? It's time to lip sync for your life. Bring back my girls. I would love. Come on, girl. What if the women that were. Put some bass in your walk.

Head to toe. Let your whole body talk. And work. What if. That was great, by the way. Thank you. What if the women that were about to get eliminated got to lip sync for their life? And then they would get it wrong. We've talked about this watching RuPaul's Drag Race, which is now the second time we've talked about this in two consecutive episodes.

I think all reality shows should end with a lip sync for your life in which people that are about to go home have a last chance to compete and just give the best performance they've ever given specifically lip syncing to like amazing like donna summers like fucking killer killer tracks but anyway lace lace says you know i think i need to learn to love myself i think it'd be easier for me to go home which i thought was a big manipulation was a big beg me to stay, Ben. No, she seemed completely defeated. But then she's like, so I'm just going to go. And she walks out. She leaves.

She's done. Which is a big minus 20 points for Griffin and Rachel. If a contestant chooses to leave, that's like the worst thing. It's the worst possible thing that can happen in our league. And that happened to us. Yeah. Hence our three points this season. This episode.

Anything else happen? We lost Jami. and that happened to us yeah hints are three points this season this is this this episode um anything else happened we lost well we didn't talk about lauren h's awful comment about the soccer moms yeah i don't know if i want to do it or i don't want to dig into it but lauren h was also on our team but we dropped like as she said this about jubilee and it was one of the words like there was some there was some shady shit said about Jubilee for her, like, innocuous jokes that, again, we have outlined literally all of them on this podcast. Her saying, like, does anybody else want to go on this date? Because she's scared of helicopters. And they're not even jokes. They're just kind of, like, comments to try and, like, lighten things.

Yeah. She said, like, Jubilee just seems so full of herself. And I just don't think a person like that is in it for the long haul and i don't see how the other soccer moms are gonna get along with somebody like jubilee i was like that's really really fucked up lauren h you can't just say shit like that lauren h it's like this insider talk you know of like a like me and the women we know we know how it works but jubilee she doesn't understand and like she won't be able to fit in with ben's world it just it just sounded racist it's coded like

bullshit yeah it fucking sucks i mean they didn't say i'm not that white which is undecoded i ain't that white which is so much worse than i'm not that fucking bad God, it's so fucking bad. Oh my God, Ben. Ako taco. Ako taco Benjamin. You slain me. The only other thing I have written down is that at the end of the rose ceremony, Olivia is one of the last people to get a rose, but she feels like it's okay because-

It's another secret love coded message. Because Ben gives her like a little waist squeeze at the end of the rose ceremony, and she thinks, well, he can't give me everything all the time. And that was just his little symbol saying, hey, I see you. And it's she is working hard

to keep her fantasy going. She's keeping our fantasy going now because she's on our team. Yeah, we drafted her. We reached our redraft period where once there are no more, not enough women for people to draft after a rose ceremony where everybody loses somebody, we all cut down our teams to two people. So now we got Lauren B., the flight attendant, my fave.

Not my fave, but my current, like, expected winner. And Olivia, who's going to get us, like, so many bad girl points and is going to be in every moment of every date she's on. Rachel didn't like the, you wanted to stay with Lauren H. No, I didn't want to stay with Lauren H. I didn't want to give up when you get one switch. You get one switch where you can drop one player and pick up another one.

And I didn't want to give that up now. I feel like there's still some women we don't know anything about. No. You get like nine weeks of this show. By giving up our one switch and taking Olivia, who we know isn't going to go all the way, I just feel like that's a gamble.

I think she's going to go fucking far. I think she's going to make it to the final four. Really? I'll put a bet right now on the podcast. After she talked about her cankles? Yeah. Because Ben noticed and he wanted to say something about it, but then she put the tiger on the table and yelled at it.

Oh, man. Maybe he's got a thing for big mouths. And huge, weird cankles and crazy toes. I don't think we even saw her toes. Or her cankles. No, I'm just saying. I would like to know what that's about. Show me those toes, Bachelor.

Show me those toes. Show me those toes. Bachelor, Bachelor, show me those toes. Bachelor, Bachelor, please. Please, Bachelor, bachelor, plebes. Plebes, bachelor, show me them house. Are you gonna keep doing this?

Bachelor, bachelor, plebes, I need to see those houses. Plebes. So Shosh goes home tonight. Shoshanna, Shoshanna, whatever. Jami goes home tonight shoshana shoshana whatever jami goes home jami went home and of course we lost lace and lace jami i like jami was laying out some realness also that i enjoyed um and she was wearing a uh no shoshana was wearing that that romper you know i like a good romper yeah Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I...

This was a lot to take in in one week. I really promise we're going to do a 30-minute episode someday. But these episodes... I don't know how. These episodes have been fucking... In case there's still somebody listening to our show that doesn't watch The Bachelor, it is a two-hour event. It's a two-hour event, but usually it's like formulaic to a fault which is a person goes

on a date the rest of the women talk shit about the woman that's on the date the woman comes back talks about a date go on a group date yeah some dumb dumb dumb shit happens in the group day yeah they all get together after the group day if someone gets a rose that one there's another solo date it's also very boring yeah and by the end of those three dates you get an idea of who the front runners are and then there's a cocktail party and then there's a rose ceremony and then everybody you know whoever hasn't made the most progress at the front it's very much like a race right like these people are getting the most screen time they have the most connections they're the furthest in the race they're gonna get the roses and it continues that

way to the end and sometimes you get an interesting character this season has just been like completely devoid of any like connection but also like everybody's more obsessed with the game of the bachelor than i've ever seen that's definitely true and it's made it like a weird thing to watch yeah and it's made me feel kind of gross about definitely gamifying it with this thing that we do. And I maybe only feel gross because- Because they're playing the game harder than we are. Like, it's uncomfortable. Well, we have no agency in the game, aside from the draft.

But we are in fifth of five place right now with our team. Yeah. Fourth place has, I think, 77 points. We are sitting at 30. 30 points. It is very, very bad. So maybe that's why I feel bad about the game um i don't feel better i think we got a winning team now but um it's a weird season man it's a weird season it's a weird season considering that i think ben is very boring aside

from like the race like you know i actually feel like i was real hard on him after episode one yeah episode three i feel like he became he also on him after episode one. Yeah. Episode three, I feel like he became more of a human being. He also got drunk. We didn't talk about that. Yeah, he seemed pretty drunk. And he seemed like somebody who was really just trying to have a good time and get to know people. And he seemed to have interests and opinions. And how not white he is.

That, I can't. I'm with you. He said some stuff that made him seem vaguely human-like with, like, some level of nuance. He literally said, I ain't that white. I ain't that white. I ain't. Me? What, me white?

Ain't that much of it? The whiteness, I mean. In me, Ben. This is actually also the first season where it seems like women of color might actually make it past episode four. Or people of color. And the Bachelorette. Like, it doesn't...

It just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. Yeah, and that's not saying anything about the people that are Bachelor or Bachelorettes. I'll say it about the people that are Bachelor or Bachelorettes. That's more saying things about the producers, I think. Yeah, it's definitely the casting. Yeah.

Just in terms of numbers, like Caitlin's season, I think there were only two or three people of color in the contestants, and it was, I mean, compared to the ocean of whiteness that those three ships were sailing on,

it's kind of hard to rise above. A show where literally this season two women are twins, and I keep forgetting which one they are because all the women look so similar. You can't even tell who the twins are inside of the larger pool of non-twins. I can't. What's up with these 16 twins?

I know. It's the biggest these 16 twins I know biggest group of twins I've ever seen they should have a word for when there's more than two of them this is insane I think that's our show I think that's our show it really was like

some gross shit happened and I want to really hammer that home. Some genuinely upsetting television happened. But I'm so like, the whole work is so fascinating. It was a fascinating episode. It really was. As a fan of the game of, not the game, as a fan of the show, Bachelor and Bachelorette, the way that these, it's like this season of survivor we just watched that was uh second second chance yeah and it was like returning players of the

survivor that came back and all of them played the game it's maybe the best season of survivor that has ever been and if you if you watch survivor and like fell off get back on for this season if you've never watched it watch it it's fucking the best ever it kind of feels like that a little bit and that all all these women are like playing the game of bachelor so hard happens every season like that's the thing nothing necessarily that happened tonight has not ever it's not unprecedented i disagree in the sense that yes in past seasons there are those women who are like i'm not getting getting enough FaceTime, and it's all about that FaceTime, so I'm going to go talk to them. Yeah. Now it is like, if one woman goes and gets FaceTime, every other woman in the house comes together as if they are like an officiating panel.

Yeah. Of the, like they are. That was different. In addition to the contestants, they are also self-judging the rules that they have made up in their minds for how The Bachelor is supposed to be, quote unquote, played. And if there's a single infraction on those rules, like Jubilee had by massaging him after finding out that his friends died, then you have broken the rules and you deserve to be disqualified. You shouldn't be here. You'll never get along with the soccer moms. Well, yeah. No, that's with the soccer moms well yeah no that's

there's a pack mentality that's like never existed before think about like courtney or kelsey or or these women that that were not well liked by the other women on the show but they were heels they were like they to use a wrestling term they were like absolutely heels like absolutely engineered jubilee's decent it's different it's not just jubilee being decent it's happened a couple times in this season already and we're on episode three yeah where if you play outside of i don't know what the rule i want to i want to watch the behind the scenes where the council of of elders gets together and decides like we get five minutes no touching no kissing like i want to know what the rules are that people keep stepping on.

One thing I want to be, like, conscious of is it is possible that there was a producer that pulled Amber aside and says, Amber, why don't you go? I mean, that's the factor that we could say that about literally anything we talk about. I know. It's worth mentioning. A producer walked up to Ben in the hot tub and was like, hey, hey, hey, I have a really dope thing that I want you to say. I really want you to say, I ain't that white. those words exactly don't fucking change it at all you gotta say that you gotta pin bingy bingy bingy i'm gonna make you a star i'm gonna make you a star yeah i just i think it's worth mentioning every once in a while because you can kind of get caught

up in the conspiracy of the show and i just think it's worth saying hey there's a lot of people pulling strings i believe that i also believe that i am a good enough judge of of like character and also of this show at this point when a person is like being a real ass person which is so rare yeah so very very very rare like i i can i feel like i can tell that too and i guess it makes it all the worst when it's like this person's just like trying to have a real conversation with this person. Take away the construct of the show that this person that they are like having a polite human interaction with. And then like 16 other people are just like trying to fucking dunk on him. Yeah.

It's really weird. And it makes it hard to like root for literally any of the donkeys. A lot of donkeys. I think this episode was particularly bad. I don't think it'll continue. When is that two-on-one twin date going to happen, though? Yeah, we got rid of our twin on our fantasy team. Yeah, we did.

It didn't seem like a winning proposition for us. Because that's going to be the two-on-one. How is that not going to be the two like a winning proposition for us because that's going to be the two-on-one how is that not going to be the two-on-one yeah that's going to be the two-on-one and they teased something as much for the next episode it was one of the twins i'm assuming it was one of the twins talking to the camera saying like i knew this was going to happen but this is so much worse and i'm assuming that's her referencing hey they're gonna he's gonna pick one of us do you think they could do that and obviously that is why they cast these twins obviously it's why those twins are still around obviously there's gonna be a two-on-one

obviously that's gonna be like one of the bullet points for this season when the season's over like oh fuck do you remember the two-on-one with the twins oh my god like obviously they are trying to Do you remember the two-on-one with the twins? Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, obviously, they are trying to engineer that moment. Do you think there's any way that they can handle that tastefully? Is there any way that they can be, like, Ben, like, rolls up and is like, listen, you're sisters.

Obviously, I can't date both of you at once. That's insanity. So let's just, like, have a good time. And at the end of it, I'll figure out who I like more. And we'll just, like, roll with it. They have to separate themselves. I think there's a way to do it in that they are two people i don't have different interests i don't know anything about both of them except that they're related and they look the same so i've been saying every week why don't they try and differentiate but in that sense and to build on your everyone's

a twin theory i don't know anything about anybody here except for the women who have solo dates and even then like i still don't know that much. Kyla001, all I know about her is she's some sort of bio-organism. Software. She sells software. That's fucking nothing. Have we talked about the fact that if she's a robot and sells software... She's self-propagating? She has to be fucking stopped?

Dr. Love, flip the kill switch. It's the ethical thing to do. Hippocratic Oath, do no harm. You've gone too far. You must be stopped. Third Law of Robotics, shut her down. Shut her down. Shut her down. Name something, name things you know, name bachelorettes

or bachelor contestants that you know shit about right now. Jubilee, Last Night on Bloodline, military veteran, funny, charming, great. Lauren B, cute as a button flight attendant flight attendant she wants to meet her bins that's all i need to know is that you actually like that person i will substitute that fact for any facts about yourself olivia has cankles well no i think olivia said

there were blog posts when she was like anchoring about her oh yeah i forgot that she was an anchor that's why yeah because she was saying people on the internet have said this and i was like anchoring about her cankles oh yeah i forgot that she was an anchor that's why yeah because she was saying people on the internet have said this and i was like how how did that happen i don't doubt it and like that sucks and i get it but like you're on the bachelor now this is big leagues um literally that's all i can think of like shoshana went home and i was bummed i was like oh not shoshana and i was like wait what the fuck do i care i don't know anything about Shoshanna. She's got a cool name. That's it.

She spoke a lot of Russian. She wore a romper. She spoke Russian. Cool. That's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's just nothing.

It's just nothing. I knew more about Lace and she's gone now. Yeah. I want to make a connection. Maybe I'm just frustrated. I know they get to this shit eventually, but like, damn. I knew more about Lace, and she's gone now. Yeah. I want to make a connection. Maybe I'm just frustrated. I know they get to this shit eventually, but, like, damn. I know. We may be putting a lot of pressure on the first three weeks.

Maybe we're misremembering how quickly you get to this stuff. Yeah, I guess so. Just damn. I know. Let's wrap it up. Next week will be better. Next week will be better. God, 55 minutes again.

I can't believe it. Thanks for listening. let's wrap it up next week will be better next week will be better um god 55 minutes again i can't believe it uh thanks for listening i think we're gonna get this on a podcast feed this will probably be the first episode up on a podcast feed i'll probably put this one up on soundcloud tomorrow and tuesday just so we can get it up quickly but then i'll convert all this to a podcast feed and we'll have a podcast feed and we'll make sure to let you guys know where that lives um so you can subscribe to it and your podcatcher. What are we going to do when Bachelor is over? Bip.

I mean, we'll just be two married people that live together and are in love. That's a shitty podcast. Well, we don't have to record it. I know this is unfamiliar to the McElroys, but you don't have to record every reaction you have to everything. I crushed this by my water. What did I drink? You don't have to record every reaction you have to everything. I crushed this vitamin water cereal. Did you see that? And what did I drink?

There's 2.5 servings per container. Can we talk about this? What's the deal with, like, if I buy a bottle of Super Water Zero, there can't be 2.5 servings. Oh, Rachel's leaving. Thanks for listening to Rose Bodies, everybody. Now back to my diatribe. There can't be 2.5 servings of a container inside of a single bottle a bottle of super bye everybody there can't be it's one serving it's a single bottle it's contained

it comes in a six pack they they don't call it a what a 15 pack is that what it would be it's it's it's it's it's people get real the signs are out there pay attention they're they're killing us with all the sugar and the fat in our food don't even start me don't even get don't even start me about gmos stay with us on this journey of joy spoiler alert she is up with soldier boy