Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Are You the One? - Part Two

Episode Date: April 12, 2016

We're gonna stay on this little slice of heaven for as long as we possibly can. In our second discussion about MTV's excellent dating reality show/advanced math problem, we're taking a look at episodes 2 - 5 of Are You the One?, season three. Join us in the Truth Booth, won't you? MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the Bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. I've made myself ready for you. We can now begin the sacred act of recording our podcast together.

Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. My body is ready for you. I've applied the ointments you prefer. I've tied a scarf around your microphone. I've tied 13 scarves around your microphone. Just like that old man from Aerosmith likes it i've tied 12 scarves to my microphone because i know it's more important it's important for you that you

have more scarves always and now we're ready to record rose buddies this is rose buddies thank you for joining us i'm out i'm out of breath i just ran to the fridge to get a beer and change into my gym shorts my podcast podcasting shorts. I wanted to make a safe, comfortable environment for you to record a podcast in. I know that means me drunk in gym shorts. With scarves. With so many fucking, 25 scarves between the two of us. It's a great deal of scarves. Baby, I'm in a great mood.

Oh, good. We've been tearing through Are You The On? Episodes two through five. Yes. If that's confusing you, you missed last week's episode. Yes. So, last week we watched episode one of season three of Are You the One? And... A lot of numbers in that sense. I was confused by it.

Basically, the long and short of it is that we found the one, and it is this show. I adore this show. When we're done with this, we this show i'm i'm i adore this show when we're done with this we're gonna watch the other two seasons and then we're going to how do you even get ntv like where does that ntv even live if we get a cable box will it be there waiting for us when we do they still do cable boxes i don't even know is tivo what is tivo become can i can i put my virtual reality headset on right now and be inside? Are you the one the MTV experience? Who would I be? Devin? Thank you for asking, Devin.

Who would I be? You would be Cheyenne. Okay. Chill as fuck like down. I know the people's names on the show, which is like a really good sign. I'm not kidding. I love this show so very much. If you listen to it last week and thought like, Oh, i'm glad they found a show they like but i'm still not gonna watch it um watch it because it's really good television it's good stuff all around i'm very happy i'm gonna break out of this weird voice character i've been doing the whole time just like this blissed out like dude who's talking in a low voice i can't give up low voice it's just how my voice is but um what are we talking about so we decided uh in an effort to kind of keep things fresh keep things moving uh keep it vital

that we would in this episode of rose buddies talk about multiple episodes of are you the one because we don't want to listen gang bachelorette is going to be on late may right late when it comes back we're not going to have enough time to do like one episode of this podcast per episode of are you the one season three um also i think we'd lose a lot of people i think a lot of people we put out a poll and like in 90 of the folks listening to this we're like we want you to do more are you the one because it's the best fucking television show ever and we're down with that but there's a lot of other ground to tread. Yes. So we did half the season.

This episode of Rosebuddies, next episode, we'll finish out season three. I'm like fucking stoked. It was hard for us to actually stop this. Because we told people we were going to watch episode five. And then we watched episode five just now before we recorded. And we're like, I want to do episode six. Yeah. So I did my best to kind of whittle each episode down to its kind of key dramatic moments.

We should mention we're joined by our special guests, the fucking gas ass company. I'm not even going to call them a gas company because I'm going to call what they are, which is an ass company. Which is like, just like rolled up a fucking truck to our neighbor's house. It's 8.30 at night on a Monday. And you're like, time to start working now. I mean, we should probably be grateful. If there's some kind of gas emergency, I would like it taken care of as soon as possible. That is a good point. Speaking of gas emergency.

Like farts? I don't know, Griffin. I thought I would play into something you were good at. Farting? No, just that kind of humor, you know? Oh, like potty humor. That kind of humor, you know? Oh, like potty humor. That kind of humor that you do. Yeah, like a clown.

Like some sort of clown would do. Uh-huh, yeah. We're busting out the top moments of episodes two through five. I do want to like, should we do like a recap on what the show is, if people missed the last episode? It is a dating show, 10 men, 10 women. All 10 have been scientifically matched up to have a perfect match on the other side.

Or on the same side. Have they ever broke it down by gender? I don't think so. What if they're like, Nelson, what's up? It's Chuck this whole time. You didn't even know. I don't think that's happened yet, but I don't think they've ruled it out. That would be sick as hell. So there are a couple key points along the way.

There is the truth booth. The truth of truth. It's only gotten sweeter. I actually shouted yes at the reveal of the latest episode of the truth booth that we watched. The truth booth kind of preemptively challenges the compatibility of a couple before

the match ceremony. It's the only way to find out for sure if you are a match with somebody or not. If you are, you go to the honeymoon suite and we've been clarified many to find out for sure if you are in a match with somebody or not. If you are, you go to the honeymoon suite, and we've been clarified many, many times over that if you're in the honeymoon suite, you're just not hanging with the rest of the squad, and you're doing your own thing, and you don't vote for the match at the end. But you still get that prize money. You still do get the prize money at the end of the show. It is an all or nothing thing.

At the match ceremony, you kind of get a sum total of the matches, where in the truth booth, you get a very specific reading on one couple. Yes. And then the matches, there's beams of light, zero to 10 lights. If you get 10, you win the million dollars. If you get zero, it's a blackout,

and you lose a quarter of a million of the million dollar prize pool that is split between all 20 people. At the end of the show, in episode one, Rachel and I threw our fucking hats over the fence. We were like, obviously, we know who maybe six of the couples are. Chuck and Hannah, for sure.

We were laying down a lot of game that we now recognize was not game. It was actually shame. So first week, they got two matches correct. Two out of ten. Which seemed like not a bad start. Seems like actually a fucking excellent start. Seems like if a blackout's going to happen, it's going to be that week. You don't have any hard data points or soft data points to compare against.

Because again, between the array of ten and ten, there's three million different possible ways they can break out. More than three million different possible ways they can break out. I got into some forums of people breaking down the math of this show. And it's some interesting shit. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, episode two? The Reckoning. Okay.

The Great Reaping of Are You the One, season three. So at the end of last episode, as you'll recall, Kiki finds out that Devin is not faithful to her. And so you have to kind of deal with that aftermath. Devin apologizes, and she quickly accepts. There's a lot of that on this show. And we'll get to it. The line I'll give somebody a second chance, but I don't do

third chances was spoken in the latest episode. It's just like kind of a fun twist on the way people usually sort of draw a line in the sand. And then I thought I'd get straight to the challenge. Please do. The challenge was called quote holy bleep these guys actually said this stuff yeah um some some highlights they had to match uh sentences being said to the guys who said them the ladies did but it wasn't like a guessing game it was like a memory game they were like well

nelson said that he likes to jerk off in airplanes. And I don't know why that's the one I remembered. There was somebody that said they loved One Direction. There's somebody that said they cried when they watched Air Bud. Well, that's like, have you seen Air Bud? No. But I know you have a heart. Yes.

So I can assume you would cry. What do you know about air bud the dog dunks the game winning dunk and he wins the cancer money for the boy and then the dog when he like comes down from the dunk he comes down weird and you know oh man yeah so like air buddies Oh, man. Yeah. So, like, Air Buddies is, like, his kids. And they all have, like, similar, like, they win some sort of operation money for, like, little kids. Oh, should we have said spoilers before we started this? Yeah, yeah. So, like, Air Buddies, the treasure buddies, that's a real one where they're, like, treasure divers. They find the treasure and they bring it up and then, like, the little girl can get the surgery.

But then, you know, sharks, manta rays. So the women that are able to remember all of the quotes with their right partners, the top three get to pick dates. Hey, where did those quotes come from? Did they catch them like saying it on camera? Like somebody saying like, hey, Nelson, don't tell anybody. No, they're probably like initial interviews. Like, tell us something embarrassing about yourself.

I jerk off to air buddies. I mean, no. No, no, no. I cry in airplanes and I jerk off to air buddies. We did find out that Hunter, America's sweetheart Hunter, did have sex with a teacher. That's a fun thing we learned about Hunter. uh did have sex with a teacher um that's a fun thing we learned about hunter also uh giant hog giant rip-roaring raging well we find that out later your step is this the problem with doing episodes two through five you're gonna step all over i got excited not like sexually but just like

good for him oh yeah he was exonerated because of the size of his monster piece. Okay, so the winners get to go on some sort of motor scooter date. So Kiki chooses Devin, no surprise. Stacy chooses Hunter. And Melanie chooses Tyler. None of this is especially important, but I feel like I should really report the news as it happens. Yeah, well, it's all rendered null and void by the end of this episode anyway. Yeah.

So after they have their date, they come back. Mike, who we know from a previous episode is a stripper, does some light stripping. Some light stripping. Nothing you would even like not more tame than magic mike xxl which was the one where they got like full balls out that was the original magic bike right i don't know i didn't see that one but xxl it has so much choreography it but no like full balls it's like you don't at that point shanning tatum was such a known quantity that like he wasn't allowed to get his whole hog out in motion pictures. Magic Mike is basically like an

indie flick, and that's when you gotta get your hog out if you're gonna make the circuit. Does Channing Tatum get his stuff out in that first movie? I'm saying the odds are better that if he gets his hog out in one of the movies, it's Magic Mike. Not Magic Mike XXL. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I saw XXL, and I did not see his XXL. Well, you never pay mean, I saw XXL and I did not see his XXL. Well, you never pay attention to that shit. You missed his hog. Oh, and Gone Girl. You missed the Gone Girl hog. And I was like, you are kidding me. Yeah, I miss Ben Affleck's Affleck.

It wasn't a great hog shot, but... What were we even fucking talking about? Okay, so Amanda basically gets upset that Mike is stripping for the ladies, and she confronts him, and then Mike's like, oh, you know, I was just trying to press your buttons, like, we're cool, you know, like, sorry. They weren't, they definitely weren't cool. At this, at this time, though, you think, oh, she's gonna forgive him in the same way that Kiki forgave Devin.

Like, every woman has forgiven every trash person in this house. Yeah. Okay, so now it's time for the truth booth. That booth of truth. I forget. This is one of the, like, nine times that Kiki went into the truth booth, right? Yes, this is Devin and Kiki are finally... How did Kiki become such a hot commodity?

I can't figure that out either. Because she went in episode one as well, right? Uh-huh. Okay, so Kiki in episode one went in with... K one went in with Hunter Country Boy, and that's when he was like, oh, you're so upset. Yeah. You're so devastated. Yeah, because Kiki and Devin have been a couple from the first step. And so they go into the truth booth. Everybody is like, they're for sure a match because they're so into each other. They are not a match. So this is the first time that sort of one of the wrinkles that I hadn't even

considered kind of revealed itself in a big, big way is that everybody, as soon as these two came back in the house, they knew they were all over each other. These two, as soon as they came back in the house, there were a lot of folks, Mike sticks out, who were like, okay, you guys know you gotta go clean slate right now. You just can't

spend all your time fucking hanging out with each other. You gotta get back out there and help us figure this out and and at first i thought that was so silly like if you like somebody in the house you can still like do whatever hang out with them do whatever you want um and just like look for your match on the side but like socially that's not really how it would work because like if you were hanging out with somebody nobody's ever gonna approach you yeah yeah no people are really jealous on this show it's a game-ass game but like there's still that social stigma yeah that's not that's permanent that like you can't you really can't get away from that and that's happened a few times

of like two people talking trying to get to know each other and some territorial jag yeah like walks up and like hey is this guy bothering you um so i i don't want to skim past the reaction of Devin to the truth booth. What was his reaction? He said, quote, this is whack. And then he flipped off the monitor in the truth booth. Yeah, take that, technology. He passed the Turing test. He knew he was going to be angry in that situation.

And then it shows Devin and Kiki in a little confessional. And they're like, we're just going to stay under the radar. You know, like this is the radar. And this will be us under it. And I remember seeing that and being so angry at them. Little did I know like that was going to be literally everybody in the house. That's going to be what everybody does. Yeah.

So, yeah. The truth booth, delicious. I love it. It got kind of boring there in a while because they kept sending Kiki in all the fucking time. But it's getting good again. So, this week is really exciting. This was the best week. So there's no, at this point, they aren't really playing strategy.

It's like, you know, Austin has said kind of like, guys, we need to play strategy. But most of them are kind of like, I like this person. You know, I could see myself being physically compatible with this person. So they go into this matchup ceremony, just kind of- Just fucking floating around. Piggledy, piggledy, picking anybody. Six of the couples stay with the couple that they had at the beginning. So six of the matches that were the matches in episode one stayed matched up for episode two,

which is kind of incredible. I know you can't really like get together and democratically decide like okay which were the two matches like the 20 of us sit down in a room i felt like nobody stayed together and that was the problem no form uh four matches were the only matches that switched six matches stayed together okay uh and in that matchup ceremony no matches no lights blackout blackout prize pool down to $750,000. This was something I had not considered, mainly because I didn't think they were going to ever blackout if you got two that first week. Like, you're so far ahead of the curve.

You're good to go. This was something I had not considered because at this point we had maybe six couples. We had, like, the surfer guy the surfer guy, Hannah and Chuck. Hannah and Chuck. You had, um, Mike and Amanda. Mike and Amanda.

They were the ones who were like having sex and like telling each other like, you're my match. I'm inside you. You're my match. Um, you had, uh, Nelson and Cheyenne,

uh, who I thought were like real cute together. Well, I know Nelson's kind of a tool. And then like two or three other like couples that were like Tyler and Rashida, I think we're pretty excited about. And so like there were all these

matchups that you were so excited about. And then Connor and Kayla were really into each other too. Connor and Kayla were real deep into it. And we just thought like, oh, well, these people all seem so compatible. This could be a short season. No matches. So like Devin, Devin, who kind of came around for me because like oh well these people all seem so compatible a short season no matches so like devin devin who kind of came around for me because i like a good like audience surrogate in a show and he's kind of that he had this amazing reaction of like nobody here is everybody who everybody's sitting

next to is wrong for them yeah that's a we couldn't do that again accidentally if we tried. And so. But at the same time, I will say this. From a math standpoint, that is, that's so many, like, hard data points that now you have. Yeah. That you can use for every other matchup. I think it sucks. Like, their prize pool got cut down. What? They had $50,000 a person before.

Now they're getting, like, $37,000, something like that. So that sucks on ice but like to know 10 10 combinations that aren't right is like so hugely valuable and they use that the following week to prevent themselves from getting counted out because you know from those four matches that did change uh two of them were the correct match from the beginning so like i'm obsessed with the math of this show i know you are i think what's interesting is that they keep getting urged to go with their hearts. Yes. Anytime they fail, which happens several times, there's this, you guys just need to go with your hearts.

And I feel like, what does that mean in this case? I think it's got to be a combination of both because if you just go by math you only got 10 weeks there's i don't think there's any way that you can guess right right like you have to you have there has to be some semblance of like i'm really into this person they're really into me i bet we're a match but like to sit down and be like i'm into these three people and and create like a grid of like a scoring room i talked about that in the first episode just like sit down and talk about who your top favorite people in the house are. Yeah. And figure it out that way.

There's got to be some element of like, I'm feeling it with this person. That is like an informational advantage. It's just not like, it's just not hard. Well, and I think what also comes out of this next week is the idea of fake couples. So these couples that refuse to separate. Of those six, there were maybe, I think Amanda and Mike were still going hot and heavy. Hannah and Chuck. Hannah and Chuck are going real hot and heavy.

Kiki and Devin are not giving up. So all these couples that know they are not each other's They're just like, fuck it, I'm going to... They're getting called fake couples in that they know they're not compatible, but they're still refusing to, quote, open their hearts, I guess, to other people. Yeah. Which is preventing any kind of progress. So interesting, dude. Like, the hardcore crushes that you had week one, that's going to be hard to break off from. It plays out the same in every other reality show, even remotely related to this.

Because in Survivor, you win Survivor based on the first 10 minutes off the boat. Like when you first roll up to your beach. And that first 10 minutes, you're like, you, you, you, you, and me, like we're sticking strong. And as long as we just stay the five of us, we'll be good. I think that's similar thing like happens in this, where it's just the first person you talk to and make a connection. And that's so hard to break off from. Yeah. Well, and they do, that's the point that they've started to realize further down the road is that, you know, we consistently make these mistakes in our real life and we are doing it again here.

Yeah. Where they just go instantly for the physical attraction and then try and rationalize a connection beyond that. So these fake couples, they're not going nowhere. No. Not for a while. Well, some of them burn up. Bright and fast like a dying star.

Let's go on to episode three. Who was the... Okay. Yes. Episode three. Episode Let's go on to episode three. Who was the... Okay, yes. Episode three. Episode three is the aftermath of episode two. It was very bad. A lot of tears. So we open up with Rashida just having a full meltdown.

This is how you do me, like yelling at God. Yeah, literally saying, God, please tell me why. Who was she matched up with? I didn't think she was in a tight connection. She was more upset... About the money? About the money, yeah. I didn't think she was like in like a. She was more upset. About the money. About the money. Yeah.

A lot of money to lose. Yeah. Yeah. Hannah and Chuck are very upset. Chuck says this is the worst feeling you could possibly ever imagine. Nelson and Cheyenne are, you know, feeling the effects. Austin is the one that is saying you know, feeling the effects. Austin is the one that is saying, hey, we're all here because we're bad at this.

We have to figure this out. Strategy is the way to go. Austin has been like banging that drum this whole time. And in fact, Austin is responsible for the only, I think he's responsible for the only perfect match in the house so far, which we'll get to that later. But he's the only person that told the guy, like like you have to go for this one woman because you guys are super good together yeah you have to stop doing this one thing that sucks and go for this thing that's guaranteed a lock yeah uh and so then we go into the beach challenge uh which is called called quote these girls are stacked that's fine good good good job show yeah uh where they throw tires on poles and each tire has a dude's name on it and the dude whose name is at the top of the stack at the end of the round

gets uh to go on a date with that woman so there was no strategy for this whatsoever just like a dude would wait until there there was a max of six tires so a dude would just wait until there five tires on a girl's name they just run up to her and throw yeah dudes just want dates the dates there were three dates and they were just like garbage garbage garbage like no no no the like dudes just wanted to go fucking nobody had any compatibility at all yeah um it they were yeah jet skis and then they had a date on on like what they called a floating love palace. And there was almost no connection between anyone on that date. So the truth booth that week was Kiki again and...

Zach. Zach? Zach. Yeah. Zach and Kiki were on the love palace together. Oh, shit. That's right. And had nothing to talk about.

the love palace together oh shit that's right and had nothing to talk about um and that's when the people because this is kiki's third week they're saying you know at this point let's just keep throwing kiki in there and narrow down yeah narrow down her matches uh and surprise surprise she did not match with zach they had a convo on the boat that was really, really brutal. We've watched so much Bachelor and Bachelorette at this point. We can digest most awkward conversations that happen on television shows. This was some next level shit. He's like, so what do you like in a guy? And she's like, oh, you know, someone who's funny and nice hey how's my how's my hair

looks it look okay yeah yeah they actually did that when you have to ask the person that you are ostensibly trying to make your hair look okay for if your hair looks okay that's probably like it probably means it's not popping not cracking when we started dating what was your hair ritual before we before we would go out um i would uh blindfold myself uh-huh and then i would like bind my legs really really hard until it hurt and then i would put the i would put on the clamps and i would just pull my hair just as hard as i could yeah i would shout and i would shout. I would shout, you're not good enough, you're not good enough. And then I'd be ready. What's wrong?

No, that seems about, that tracks. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, I mean, we live together now. You know the score. Yeah, now it seems like you bind different areas, though. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't want to get bored with it. That's why I started doing this shit in areas, though. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't want to get bored with it. That's why I started doing this shit in the first place. Yeah. So truth booth, no match.

And, oh, we could talk about Hunter at this point. Hunter does his talent show this episode. He's got the hugest donger. They have a, so since the guys failed so miserably, apparently they had had a bet with the woman that if they did worse, they would, quote, cater to the women. So they all are wearing these, like, boxer briefs and twerking and dancing. And Hunter, we see Hunter go into a separate room and kind of, like, fiddle with himself and come back out.

And everyone thinks he put a sock in there. A sock down his trousers. Yeah. And somebody calls him out for it, and he's like, do you want to see my penis? And they're like, yeah, I want to see your, oh, my God. He quote helicopters, which, Griffin, I'm going to need you to describe. I don't know what that means.

What does it mean, a helicopter? Baby, you're smart. You know it. You can figure it out. So does he pretend he's driving a... It's when you have four penis shafts. Okay. Uh-huh. And then you press the button on

yourself that makes your inspector gadget dick go wild. Do you have to say anything? Have you ever heard somebody say, like, what that dick do, though? Yeah. The answer to that can be... For sure. For sure. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. And then you, like, lift yourself up by the torso. Yeah.

You get out of there. And Hunter was able to get up really high. He was able to get up super high because his dicks are really big. Yeah, his foredicks are really, really super duper, duper big. My favorite reaction to this was Rashida, who it's like jump cut to her behind the scenes interview. She said, maybe Hunter is my match. Like, all right,

Rashida, get it. Love it. Loving it. Um, and then this is when, uh, Mike and Amanda,

we see they are still hooking up. despite the fact that they are definitely not matches. Yeah. Stacey and Alec have this really like. Bad. Like Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love kind of thing happening. I know. Who are those people?

Oh, I'm sorry. That's a joke. In the 90s. No, she's like all over him. And he's not into it like at all. She's like all over him, and he's not into it like at all. They feel this fear of abandoning because what if they are the match? They don't want to abandon their partnership and then lose one of those lights at the ceremony. Right.

So Alec is going along with it, even though he cannot stand Stacey. They are very unhappy together. Yeah. And so it gets to the ceremony. cannot stand Stacy. They are, they are very unhappy together. Yeah. Uh, and so it gets to the ceremony and this is when Amanda and the host. Holy shit. Really go at it. Okay.

So Ryan Devlin rules. He's fucking awesome. He's really great. I can't figure him out. I don't feel like I have a good handle on him yet. He revealed himself to me in this episode. Okay. I've just like, I like a host who's like good at their job.

You know what I mean? Like a host, it's the same reason I like Chris Harrison and he didn't get enough time to shine. But like, he's good as fuck at hosting this show. Yeah. The best in the biz is my boy Jeff Probst, who is like so, he's like so in love with the game of Survivor. Yeah, mm-hmm. So he knows everything to talk about he knows the right questions to ask and stuff like that but he also like gets his ass in there and like

mixes it up from time to time in a way that doesn't feel like um he's interfering with anything and ryan devlin like busted that shit out in this episode in a big way because amanda stepped to him was like you have no idea how he she was like i'm still with mike i still like mike him and was like, you have no idea how he, she was like, I'm still with Mike, I still like Mike. And he was like, but you're not a match with Mike. She's like, yeah, but it's just who I like. And she's like, you have no idea how hard it is to do this. Yeah, and Ryan's like, I'm on

your side. And she's like, you're not on our side. She says, you have no idea how hard it is to come in and meet somebody and then be told that you're not the right person. And he said, quote, I'm not saying that what you're doing is hard. I'm saying what you're doing is stupid. Yeah. In reference to the fact that she still wants to be with this dude that the game has decided is not the match for her.

And so she says, you're not on her side. Fuck you. And, like, claps at him and cusses him out and flips him off. And Ryan Devlin was like, careful watch it yeah like be careful uh it was and so amanda picks austin like that's that is the one thing that's happening is that people will grudgingly pick someone else but they will make no effort ryan even says clearly like oh austin you can really feel the heat yeah there's a lot of romance here uh ryan devlin's amazing i think he's the best

dude he does this little hand flourish every time a light comes on but i'm just absolutely in love yeah he like he signals towards the ground like there's a karate chop and like signals towards the ground like he's like that's one and there's a flourish like uh like a wwe ref like just calling calling a pinfall love that shit uh and the other thing I'll say at the end of this match ceremony, Brittany gives a little speech because she's been kind of ignored by everybody. And she's just like, hey, you guys, there's no way your heart

is actually involved. Like, let's act our age. Let's get serious about this game. And they do better that week. They get three matches. Three lights. High score. Yeah. Episode four. Can we keep going? Yeah, let's sprint through it. Okay. I don. Three lights. High score. Yeah. Episode four. Can we keep going? Yeah, let's sprint through it. Okay. I don't remember episode four very well.

So we see more of Brittany right at the top. We know that Chuck and Hannah aren't matches. Despite the fact that Rachel and I were like 100% sure. I know, we were 100% sure. They got that SoCal lifestyle. That billabong lifestyle. They're billing each other's bongs so hard.

But no, it was not meant to be. No. Star-crossed lovers. Brittany reveals that she, like Chuck, likes the water. That's all Chuck needs to hear, dog. That's all he needs. They have a water fight in which she removes her top. Chuck also likes women's breasts.

Not women as much as mermaid. He keeps calling her mermaid. He says that he is a merman and that she is a mermaid. Because her breasts are out and she's in water? She puts her hair over them in a mermaid fashion. She has long hair breasts and is in water. So many women could like fill that fill that category uh they do the challenge and i i share the names i share the names of these

challenges only because they are amazing so awful yeah they're really good i agree they're so good and whoever names them did a great job i bet it was ryan uh this one is called Hot Doggy Style. I love it. Good joke, Ryan. There is a plexiglass maze, and each couple will share a hot dog that they will guide the maze through. And the fastest two times get a date. You can't just say share a hot dog. You're leaving out a lot of anatomical... One person will put their mouth... Ass to ass....on one side of the hot dog.

Can I do my Keith David impression? No, please. S to S. Griffin. What's wrong? From Requiem for a Dream? It's a really traumatic scene in that film. I guess I forgot what actually happens in the scene.

I just think about Keith David saying, S to S. That should give you enough to remember. Yeah, I guess that's enough context. So a woman will hold a hot dog in her mouth on one side of the glass, and then a man will hold the other. With his ass. They will each hold a side of the hot dog

with their mouth and guide it through the maze together. I know a lot of you guys are thinking, you mean left or right? We'll hold it by the sides? No, they got to go the long ends. Yeah. That'd be hard as hell. Were you thinking about

the logistics of that? Because if you bite the hot dog, it falls through. Were the hot dogs cooked? God, I hope so. I mean, most hot dogs are pre-cooked now when you purchase them. They were just like cold clammy hot dogs? Yeah, I'm sure. God, MTV. So Brittany and Chuck win, so they're able to test

out their mermaid merman thing and zach and cheyenne zach's really excited about this zach feels a strong connection with cheyenne does he yeah i don't remember oh yeah yeah that's right that's right that's right yeah uh so they go on a underwater dive with manta rays. Which Cheyenne is psyched about. Yeah, she is terrified of, I don't know if it's water or water at night. Manta rays are scary as fuck, dude. She didn't know what a manta ray was, so I can't imagine that was what she was afraid of. But it was also like diving at night, which sucks. Like, I'm not a big fan of the deep ocean to begin with, because things like manta rays exist inside of them.

Before you start tweeting at me like, manta rays are peaceful as hell. They are hang gliders that are alive, and they have long, sharp tails. So I don't want to hear any of that shit. At night, if one of those things brushed up against me, my skeleton would leave my body. It would shoot out of my mouth. I like to think about them as smiling kites. Smiling water kites, that is fun.

Are they the ones that killed steve irwin or those were stingrays oh yeah still in the ray family like i don't want to be racist racist oh stop just stop talking right there you're done that's perfect don't change a thing don't change a thing okay oh shit that was really hard um so uh this is when so they're on their date and this is when mike and amanda fall apart in a major way because mike again performs a strip routine this time on stacy who i always get confused with amanda because they are both a lot east coast dark-haired women. There's like a bubble party. There's lots of foam.

Mike is dancing. Amanda is very upset. She's yelling at him. At this point, Mike says he's done, says she reminds him of an ex, makes a lot of comparisons to Trash and Curbs, and they appear to be over yeah dunsky i don't think they got a fourth chance after that did they no okay so that couple that was the end but that's fine it's a fake couple it's hard they exchanged some hard words and i'm sure it was very difficult for him but guess what you're a fucking fake couple dr love didn't decide that you were right for each other that and this is why this is exactly. So maybe give some faith to Dr. Love. He was right.

In this case, he was right. Yeah. We see that Chuck and Britt's date goes really well, and nobody's surprised about that. They vote to send them to the truth booth. And Griffin and I really thought maybe it is Chuck and Britt. I didn't know. I didn't think this was it. No?

You didn't think so? No, no, no, no i mean they're both mer creatures no baby we've established that means that they were in the water at the same time you and i were in the water at the same time this past weekend we're married and that's great and everything but you know we're not mer people right no that's true okay good um we also know they're not a match because that's what Dr. Love said. No match. Um, so this is our fourth truth booth. We are batting zero for four. Yep. Uh, and it's not going very well. It's not going very well in the house.

I would say spirits are low. Yeah. Um, Zach at this point makes the, uh, the apt observation and says, everyone is just going after the girl they want to fuck the most, which... Yeah, Zach. Yes. Nailed it. Exactly.

Is this the episode where Austin has this conversation with Connor and says, you need to move on from your first crush and start talking to... Yes. I don't know if that happens this episode or not well there it was definitely before this most recent episode we watched where austin who's like sort of the person most interested in the game this episode the game stuff like taking precedent and doing some strategizing goes to connor is like hey connor like you and chelsea are a super good match i think chelsea's really cool if it's not you and chelsea i think it's me and chelsea because

i'm really into her i think she's really great and you guys have a good cool. If it's not you and Chelsea, I think it's me and Chelsea because I'm really into her. I think she's really great. And you guys have a good connection. You know it's not this girl that you sat with during the blackout. So, like, go talk to Chelsea. And Connor's like, yeah, I'll think about it. And they talk. And they do. And he's like, I used to be a drug addict.

And she's like, I counsel drug addicts. And he's like, oh, well, fuck. Yeah. And then they, like, hit it off in a major, major way. Yeah. Yeah. yeah and then like hit it off in a major major way yeah um and the only other thing i'll say is that when zach and cheyenne so at the match ceremony connor and chelsea pick each other um and uh zach picks cheyenne and cheyenne says, you know, we're both, we're both assholes.

And Zach responds by saying, yeah, retweet. Which I thought. Is there a potential there of like, like next time we agree, if I'm like, yeah. Oh, the people I want to see a house fall on? Yeah, retweet. Like, like, let's say Griffin were to say like, oh, you know what? It's like real nice outside today. And I'd be like, yeah, retweet.

Yeah. And then a bus hits both of us and that house lands on the bus well when would it be appropriate like what if i'm like um i really really like this meal we just had i'd be like oh yeah retweet and then again house house every time okay yeah if you say if you actually it's funny if you actually say the word retweet even if if it's like, hey, did you see that tweet I retweeted earlier? If you actually say the word out loud, it's like Bloody Mary or Beetlejuice. The house just falls on you because that's not a word. It's a garbage word and you should be punished by a house. So this week, the couples do worse.

Last week, they had three. This week, they have two. Not a great result. No. Ryan Devlin gives him an earful. You're going the wrong direction, he says. Yeah. Open your hearts.

Open your hearts. Listen to your hearts. You're not listening to your dumb hearts. You're not listening to your dumb ass hearts. You're just listening to your boners. Which is true. And now we're at episode five. This is the most recent episode we watched.

We just finished watching it. It was a fucking humdinger yeah so this is the one where you think hannah is done with chuck because chuck has been all over brit but and she's very upset that he hasn't come to her defense there was a moment in the previous episode nasty yeah where brit like calls out hannah like you know you're not a match. You need to get over it. You need to stop going after him. And Hannah's upset

because Chuck doesn't say anything to defend her. And whenever stuff like that happens, everybody breaks against the fake couple person because they are actively keeping them from getting that money, son. Yeah, and so... So people are going savage on Hannah. And Hannah is upset,

and we think that she's inconsolable, and then Chuck comes and apologizes, and this is when she says that... I don't give third chances. Yeah, like, I'll give them... Everyone deserves a second chance, but... Not a third chance. Not a third chance.

But some people deserve third chances i have an ex named henry and he's on his 28th chance and but that's i swear to god that's it because nobody gets 29 chances uh and so they hook up and in what is affectionately called the boom boom room yeah what is that exactly i've? Ryan says that a couple times. I thought they hooked up in the shower, because she got in the shower with him. They've done it a few times. Caught me in the shower. It was, I mean.

What? So what? Caught me in the boom room. It was, I mean. What is the boom boom room? You caught me red-handed. You don't want to hear more of Shaggy? No, keep going. Pictureless, we were both butt naked, shouting on the bedroom floor.

What were they doing on the bedroom floor? Picture this. We were both butt naked, bonging on the bedroom floor. Billabonging? Is that what you said? I think I said bonging. Yeah, I think it's just like the fantasy suite, but you just can get in there whenever you want. And then as long as you put a little flag up so they know to hose it off.

Maybe they make that more clear in season one. Because what we see is like a big dormitory space that has lots of beds. I think that's where you sleep. And then there's a big, nice bed that you like. Boom, boom. Oh, I bet that's pretty gross. Hey, baby. When we're done recording this podcast, why don't we go boom, boom?

Sometimes I say boom, boom to mean poop. So like that is... I would call the bathroom the boom boom room. It's dangerous. Although you could do both, couldn't you? I don't want to get crass, but in a bathroom... I know I've heard stories from some people who say that they made love in there.

And everybody poops. So... It's the boom boom room. I don't know how to get out of this. This has been So it's the boom, boom room. I don't know how to get out of this. This has been the end of the boom. Well, this is,

this has been the end of the boom, boom. Thank you. Thank you. Um, the next challenge is called anything for love. It's a girl's only challenge. Uh,

and the woman who makes it the furthest in the challenge and wins gets to choose both dates. Yes. For her and her second place. Anything for love is, it's gross. It's bad. But not as gross as I thought it could be. No, but it was bad.

So we know that it's going to be like a gross out challenge. Ryan prepares us. But I was thinking they'd have to eat a bunch of gross stuff. No, they just kind of have to be around it, like be near some dead squids. The first challenge, yeah, there are different colored golf balls in a tub of squids, and they have to find their color. That's not that bad. There were women who were just like freaking the fuck out. It's like, it's just some slime.

It's just some goo. And then this second round is weird. In the Boom Boom Room, you know what, like, put your hands in a bunch of slime is like this goo should not feel different right uh the second one's weird it's you either take five shots of hot sauce or eat a plate of pig's feet like do the hot sauce right yeah why would you well because if you win the date you don't want to be like shitting your brains out the whole time right yeah but Yeah, I guess. But the pig's feet could give you that too. You don't know how your body's going to react to an alien insurgent like that. Rashida, like a real champ, like wins that one no problem.

Yeah, Rashida downs that. I've eaten pig's feet a bunch of times. This is great. Oh, I guess I wasn't watching at that point. I was actually eating dinner while this challenge was on. So I was actively trying not to look at the TV screen. And then the final one, it comes down to Chelsea and Rashida,

and it is bobbing for an apple in a bucket of fish chum. Rashida was considerably less psyched about this challenge. Yes. And at a certain point, Chelsea wins first, and then

it comes down to Melanie and Rashida and Melanie's just like you know Rashida needs this Rashida had a kind of a breakdown at the last minute because she hasn't gotten like anything going this whole time. Dunking her whole head in there and just coming up just like drenched in fish guts and not getting anything but she does it she's a champ

and so Chelsea picks Connor which we're all excited about because this is the match we've been waiting to see. That was the drug counselor and former drug addict. And then Chelsea picks Nelson for Rashida. Nelson's been hung up on Cheyenne. He's been hung up on Cheyenne. Yeah.

And he's also just a massive dick. No, he doesn't have a massive dick. We don't know that, though, until this episode. Well, I know it now, and I just want to warn our listeners, don't get too attached to Nelson. Yeah. Because he's a piece of shit. They go on jet-powered surfboards. Looks fun as hell, dude.

That's some Back to the Future shit. Mm-hmm. But before they go on their date, Cheyenne and Zach are talking, and Zach is, you know, working really hard on Cheyenne. And that's when Nelson comes up and just kisses Cheyenne right in front of Zach. Come to bed in five minutes. And Zach is understandably a little annoyed by that. Yeah. But, and here's the thing that I wanted to talk about.

Okay. So Zach and Cheyenne go back to, I don't think it was the boom boom room. I think it was like the dormitory space. And they're making out. And while they're making out, I notice every single bed in that room is stripped. Yeah, it's probably just laundry day. Do you think they do their own laundry? No, I think they probably have a guy.

You think there's like one guy that has to come in there in a hazmat suit and strip all those beds? I think they're clean enough. That was crazy. They don't all sleep in the same room, do they? All the boom boom that is happening. That poor man. I think it's a different room from the boom boom room. I think the boom boom room has a team of...

The room that Zach and Cheyenne were in had at least six beds. Like six twin beds. But that can't possibly be the boom boom room the boom boom room can't be set up for 12 people to be having sex all at the same time in it that's that's no i know but you don't think they're also hooking up in the non-boom room no i think that's fucking expressly forbidden it's called the fucking boom boom room it's not called like another room to hang out in it's the boom boom boom room. You know, if you have a library, you don't read in the kitchen. If you have a kitchen, you don't cook in the library.

It's the boom boom room. So what do they call the room in which boom boom does not take place? The snooze zone. Well, Zach and Cheyenne were making out in the SC. And it went really well. They both seemed to feel good about it. Yeah, great kissing technique. You could see a lot of moisture being exchanged between the two of them.

But not here, which I appreciated. Yeah, just the right amount of petting. I didn't want to hear the moisture. Rachel hates the sound of kissing. And I didn't have to. So, Connor and Chelsea get voted to go into the truth booth and the best thing that has ever happened on this show happens they are a perfect match i literally cheered me too i literally was like yes i raised my arms in the air and celebrated because like this was this is or four or five

fucking episodes in we're halfway through this show a i just wanted them to make some forward progress on the like cracking the code but also i was like kind of into it a connor's a fucking dreamboat b chelsea seems like a real sweetheart c they seem like they're really happy together d you know they're not a fake couple so that means they could be real e it's the first like couple that's gone in there that you think has like any chance at all because kiki's not a part of it and then it was connor and kayla before right yeah and kayla's the one who's been throwing fits all over the place for like no reason she was not happy about this new relationship but then was trying to act like well whatever i want them both out of here anyway great i'm celebrating

awesome i love that they're together because she was so upset. It's like, you understand this is a good, like... Yeah. You're going to get, like, 30K out of this shit. Yeah. Chill the fuck out. You can't have liked in $30,000 worth within a week. No way. That's... Get out of here. She's also the youngest person in the house, which they keep using as, like...

Yeah, they keep saying that. I don't actually know how young she is. I don't either. But, I mean, it is super, like... It's, like... She just kept saying the same shit over and over again, like... Yeah yeah i just can't wait for their asses to be out of here yeah okay cool cool and great i think she said she was gonna twerk uh in celebration if they matched but i don't i don't recall seeing her she said retweet oh maybe it's her and

zach he's the one who said retweet right yeah? Yeah. I'm just putting that one. I mean, I was so wrong in that first episode. Let me just like throw one out there. Zach and Kayla. See what's up. So Nelson finds out that Zach and Cheyenne made out because Cheyenne confronts Nelson and says, hey, we've got to move on. We need to win this show. I kiss

Zach. And I kiss Zach. And then Nelson throws the biggest tantrum. He's breaking doors. He's slamming tables. He's yelling. Fuck all that shit. Fuck that shit of, like, the way that you exert. He's, like, yelling at Zach in front of Cheyenne.

Like, sitting down at a table with him, just, like, shaking with rage. Just, like, picking things up off the table and throwing them across the room. Like, fuck that shit, dude. Like, that, like, level of aggression of like i'm going to kill you yeah get that fucking garbage out of here it's like the biggest red flag ever like if you are this upset it's the craziest thing now there's nine women in his house one of those nine women looking at that guy and be like maybe maybe boy i would love to be with that dude who's like the like being, super scary violent right now.

So Brittany gets caught behind one of the doors that gets broken. She's behind the door. It's like a bathroom where she was doing her makeup. And he slams through. And he runs up and punches his fist through it and breaks out one of the panels of this door. Which, first of all, it's not a very good door. He could have hurt himself if it was a good door. And punches through it. And Brittany was on the other side of it so you

hear her scream like yeah dude he also broke the latch off of a sliding door that's two doors down oh it's almost the band that would have been fun just like fuck oh man i can't fucking stand dudes like there were any people like that there's another point where connor got slapped right by kayla yeah because like connor at one match sermon was like oh it's not me and kayla and then kayla like slaps him in the face yeah he's like don't you can't just slap people yeah we're on a television show if this was antm tyra would have been like you're fucking done get the fuck out of here tyra would have looked at what what dude was doing and been like you broke two doors you it's time for you to fucking go well but are you the one is not trying to book any of these people for careers in the industry yeah i guess that's true of reality i get like

there's like everybody's fucking drunk all the time with these shows i get that but like i was just thinking like being any person in a household with a guy who's like throwing shit against the walls and like punching through doors and, like, screaming and just, like, standing there shaking and making those, like, microaggression movements of looking like they're about to, like, oh, they just want to punch something or somebody so bad. Like, go to hell. This is my, this, I'm drawing a line in the sand against aggression. Get out of here. No, I think that's, I mean, it's valid, especially in this situation where you are forced to find a partner. I know.

Anytime anybody does, I get that everybody's here, like, looking for love. I would spend way more time on this show, like, watching this woman, like, slap this guy for literally no reason and then scream at him for literally no reason and thinking, please god please don't be her please god would it be so fucking terrible if it was her fuck that would suck um so the other thing that happens before the match ceremony is that britney and chuck hook up um outside basically in front of everybody on the patio furniture. Yeah. And, uh, this is when Hannah says, no third chances. No. Unless he asks real nicely. It makes me feel safe.

Like, like people were gathered at the window and watching from like 10 feet away. Everybody saw this go down. Yeah. People were saying like, I'm going to go down to the patio, patio get a better look they were not being very discreet yeah uh so at the match ceremony um i felt like i felt like it was a pretty decent pairing um all around all around uh yeah i mean there's a couple of clunkers there's a couple folks who like tried it in the last couple ceremonies and we had matches there so they're just like confident that it is them and then of course we have connor and chelsea our confirmed match who now we just have one

constant beam of light in order for them to avoid a blackout now they have to have two or more so you always have to have one new beam of light yeah so their light comes up immediately and then we're looking for at least one more and we get it and And that is all we get. That's it. So there's the one more two on week five. And everybody's like, this isn't funny anymore. We're halfway through this shit. And we're like, not even close.

I'm looking at the 20 of them. And I don't think I, as the viewer with like the benefit of like the narrative crafted by the editors of this show can look in that crowd and be like, well, it's clearly those two. I will say my hero of this episode was cheyenne because nelson walks up with rashida and they they pair up and then cheyenne's

just like pissed that he walked up there and acted like nothing happened the night before so she starts calling everybody out she's like the men on this show are disgusting nelson walked up there did nothing chuck has said nothing about like this yeah she was like the men on this show are disgusting nelson walked up there did nothing chuck has said nothing about like this yeah she was like you could have hurt somebody like yeah he'd super like when he punched through that door he could have hurt somebody behind the door is like shamelessly like sleeping with women in front of other women and she's like hannah hannah does give him a piece of yeah brittany's up there like to match up, and Ryan's like, so you hit that boom-boom room, right? And Hannah's like, oh, no, that was me the night before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ice cold. Maybe it is the shower. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, so only one new match, so they are not getting anywhere. They're doing fucking terrible. They're doing so bad. They had three matches on week three with no confirmed matches so they had three and one of

those was connor and chelsea i think i think they were matched up on week three and the following week they had connor and chelsea match they had two which was the connor and chelsea match and somebody else and this time they had the connor and chelsea match and somebody else are you tracking any of this in your head? Like, do you tracking a lot of it in my head? I have a beautiful mind. Do you think,

you know, like what couple? No, I split up that should get back together for the purpose of this. Well, I mean, that's a good thing about week two is we know like that was the great equalizer of like that blackout.

Like we don't know anything about those couples. I don't know, dude. I can't look at, I can't look into that crowd and like, I can't, I have no other bets. For Connor and Chelsea, I was like, oh yeah, that would be cool. But it's just so, they've so like locked in. They spent so much time.

They spent maybe three weeks, which like doesn't sound like a lot of time. That's three tenths of the total time that they had just like dicking around. Yeah. Well, it made me think, what can we learn about Connor and Chelsea that will suggest how the other matches might work? Well, they had like that huge, I think like, I don't know.

We know nothing about the matchmaking process. We know nothing about like what establishes the matches, but the fact that Chelsea is a drug counselor and he is a recovering drug addict is like, that seems like a pretty, they did. They had one of the few like in-depth conversations that has happened on this season.

They're also like, that's not the only thing like they're there. They seem genuinely cool together. Yeah. Um, but it seems like there's a pretty, maybe there's like a, but if you think about it,

everybody else is talking about like, yeah, I want someone who loves family and who you know can take care of me they're like not really revealing themselves at all we have the two we tried the one we had uh uh who's the uh britney who's kind of a southern girl and then aust no who's the southern hunter sorry austin and hunter are both the most like southern ass names like ever uh hunter and brit are like, oh, well, that could be something. They're both, like, country people.

But it's not. Nope. Didn't. Didn't. Did not. Did not. I don't know. I don't think these kids are going to get very much money from doing the television show together.

No. I think they're going to leave without very much money in their hands. And I think maybe we'll get three pairs total. I'm excited to see what that honeymoon suite life is like next week i would be psyched out of my fucking mind to get the fuck out of that house i know i really excited so i i sound negative like i really do like the show and i do like like a lot of the people on it like devon is kind of a tool but like he's a funny he's a funny tool you were like cheated print to this ceremony, which I was into. But like some of the people genuinely fucking suck.

Yeah. And I would be psyched to not be in a house with them. That's that is what's different about this show. Every other reality show we watch, like people get eliminated. Yeah. That does not happen on the show i i am excited to see more implications of what the like the whole concept of the show is so rich with possibility of you're supposed to like really sync up with people and form like a connection with them but at the same time that connection could not be the right connection

that you need to win the game show and so what does that mean like what does that mean what does that disconnect mean and how do you sort of navigate it and most of them are revealing anytime they they partner with somebody who's not their match they're all like oh yeah this person is exactly like an ex that i've been with before which is also interesting like yeah it could be bullshit the matchmaking shit could be complete garbage but every every person on week two was like this is the person i was immediately drawn to and it was like well none of you are right so there's got to be something to the fact of like a lot of them are having that realization of like oh i've dated people like this before and it fucking sucks yeah wait a minute wait a minute

this doesn't work out i the the truth booth i can't say enough good stuff about it like having a climax in the middle of the episode that doesn't happen for any reality show that's amazing like that's some of the most exciting shit that happens in the whole the whole thing the match ceremony is exciting like figuring out like how much closer or further away they are from like figuring it out that's really cool that truth booth is like delicious and then like you spend the whole show like theory theorizing who's gonna like get it who's's going to be the real match. There's so many watchable things about this show. It's insane.

Yeah, and it's quick. Each episode is like 20 minutes or something? No, it's a full hour long show. Oh, really? It's like 42 minutes without commercials. Wow, it feels like 20. I know it does. It's a good ass show.

I'm so psyched to finish this season. Yeah, so next episode we'll watch six through ten. There's ten episodes, right? I'm just assuming there's ten weeks and these clowns aren't going to figure it out. So ten episodes. Yeah, unless maybe there's a reunion up. I don't know. I don't know.

So yeah, we'll be finishing this out and then we'll move on to a new show. I'm glad that everybody's liking it as much as we are. Yeah. I genuinely like talking about it. It's a fucking killer show. I want to know more about it. I want to watch the other seasons I'm excited that doing this podcast has brought

a new show into our lives that we can like obsess over but thank you all for listening and thanks for joining us on this journey thank you for reviewing us on iTunes if you haven't if you could do that it would help us out yeah subscribing to us on iTunes and telling a buddy

a rose buddy a rose buddy uh we share the name of our podcast with a minecraft server um so like the hashtag rose buddies column i have in tweet deck is uh either populated by people saying funny things about the shows we're watching or screenshots of somebody's like block farm. I thought it was also like a, like a pet. There was a, like perfume for dogs or some shit. I don't know how they landed on the name Rose buddies, but how did we,

oh, I know why it's a, it's like a fun pun. Yeah. Anyway, thank you for listening to the podcast. Thank you guys. Thank you to the gas people outside who went away halfway through.

And, um, I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy.