Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Take Me Out/If You Are The One

Episode Date: May 10, 2016

For this, the final installment of Roze Buddiez before we get back to our core competency, we're talking about two different television programs: Ireland's Take Me Out, and the identical Chinese show, If You Are The One. Also, we mourn the loss of a dear, wet friend. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the Bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. This is Rose Buddies.

It's gonna get confusing this ep, gang. It's gonna get, it's gonna be confusing this up gang it's gonna get it's gonna be a real brain buster like a christopher nolan movie you're gonna be sitting here listening to this episode like which which one are they even doing why do you say that it's just we watched two shows tonight and one of them has literally an identical title to another show that we literally just watched not identical basically identical well and we didn't really watch the second show i watched the fuck out of it let's talk about what we're watching this is rosebuddies podcast where we watch trash tv while we wait for the real show

that we want to watch to come back on television and i know people are listening to this they may be new listeners and they might say that's kind of a weird format for a show so we know what if we have listeners that actually enjoy us talking about these shows more? I saw somebody say, I hope The Bachelor never comes back on. And we just do. Well, here's the thing. Are You the One? Yeah.

Season four starts up in June. And you know we're going to watch that shit. I'll pay. There's no amount of money. We finished season two, by the way. It's pretty good. Season three is transcendent. Season two is fine.

Season two is very different. Very different. I've heard nothing but great things about season one which i'm about to pay like when you're not paying attention you're gonna be looking to the left and i'm gonna be over here on the right buying season one on it paying 25 to watch the whole season how much is how much i would pay 50 to watch season three of are you the one knowing now what i know about it anyway this week we didn't watch are you the one but we basically watched are you the one knowing now what i know about it anyway this week we didn't watch are you the one but we basically watched are you the one we watched a show called take me out and this you're probably listening griffin judas is scary it benedict judas you've twisted it on me because we said we're gonna watch a show called if you are the one uh a chinese uh dating mean-spirited show a group bullying show called if you are the one uh little did we know that that show exists in literally every culture uh and in in ireland it's called take

me out it's an irish show right we yes yes take me out the episode we watch was specifically the irish version of that show um the concept appears to be across all cultures that women line up in front of podiums. Like an execution squad. introduce themselves to immediately hit their buzzer, turn their light out and say, no, thank you. And there are several rounds where the men can do various things to impress the women and they can continue to tap out throughout the rounds. Gang, I'm going to go ahead and predict there's going to be another short episode because like, what's there to say?

This is a show where a bunch of women get together. And it's extremely empowering, I feel like. For women, not for men so much. Women do seem to feel empowered to say... At the drop of a hat, at a moment's notice. Pretty much exactly what they're thinking. Fuck you, Todd! Like, literally, like, just like, hi, my name's Todd. Fuck you, Todd!

Where are you from, Todd? I'm from Cork. Fuck Cork! Fuck Cork! Fuck you, Todd! Where are you from, Todd? I'm from Cork. Fuck Cork!

Well, here's the thing that I think was interesting. So we watched season three, episode four of this Take Me Out. The Irish, which we have to be so specific because this show exists. Man, that was the worst anybody's ever pronounced the word specific. I have a few margaritas. Hosted by Ray Foley, who I... Rick Foley? Ray Foley. Okay.

Who I decided was kind of like the Irish Chris Hardwick. Chris O. Hardwick is what I called him. He definitely had that quality. How can you make the name Hardwick more Irish sounding? That's excellent. But anyway, I didn't... One thing that's not clear to me, and maybe we should have done some research. What's Ireland all about?

No. It seemed like we sort of had some pretty wide gaps in basically any name. So we're like, hi, my name's Kiar Kick. What is it? A lot of vowels. A lot of vowels in there. I have Scotch-Irish descent. And even just a lot of the words are just like... No, my question is that it seems that the women each season start out on episode one

and just stick around until they get a date. Girl, I don't even think they do a refresh every season. Because dude was like, some of you have been up here since the first season. Still haven't found your date. And at that point, you got to wonder how many of the women up on stage are just like, I like being on this television show, so I'm never going haven't found your date. And at that point, you gotta wonder how many of the women up on stage are just like, I like being on this television show, so I'm never gonna go on a date.

Bink. And I like saying mean stuff, and people think the mean stuff I say is really funny. Although I will say, on the Irish version of Take Me Out, a lot of mean stuff being thrown around.

That is, okay, so on the Irish episode we watched, there is a woman who is from dublin we're not going to nail down basically any names this whole time because there were a lot her name was melissa okay okay her name was costanza i don't even get i don't think we're gonna tap into that magic again um melissa's from dublin she finds out that kian is from limerick immediately taps out says i'm from dublin there's no way it's going to happen with somebody that happened two different times this episode just somebody like where are you from i'm from cork like i didn't

know that that was is that true in america think about it right like there are some states that get frowned upon a little bit i don't think that's true for me. Maybe it's just because I'm from West Virginia, and so I know. I'm surprised you didn't fucking haunt me when you were like, where are you from, boo? And you were like, let me. I'm from Missouri. I don't have a lot of room. I guess that's true.

Yeah, there was a lot of, I don't know. Maybe that's an, I bet we have at least one Irish listener. Yeah, who's going to say, oh, yeah, Dublin Limerick. No way. Well, it's just like there was one woman who, like, when's gonna say, oh yeah, Dublin Limerick, no way. Well, it's just like, there was one woman who like, when she honked her buzzer, the host was like,

oh, I know why she honked her buzzer. I thought you were saying honked her buzzer. That's what she did. It's the sound, it makes it very iconic. It doesn't make a honk noise, though. It makes kind of a honk noise. The host was like, I know why she honked it,

but let's just talk to her. It's from, because it's from Limerick, right? And she's like, yeah, it's because it's from Limerick. Fuck Limerick. Is it like a high school rivalry thing going on? What's up ireland why y'all hate each other so much i mean you know the the u2 the bono and the the northern holy shit baby the northern island thing it's probably the u2 thing yeah no like ireland is has had some trouble no there's been

some some issues there that have popped off, most certainly. But I would like to think in 2016, sort of just love can bloom in the battlefield. Because I'll be honest, I don't know exactly what we're talking about. The reason I called it the U2 thing is that all of my knowledge of Ireland comes from Bono. I'm sorry, everyone. that all of my knowledge of Ireland comes from Bono. I know. I'm sorry, everyone.

Mine stems from a report I did on Ireland when I was in fifth grade, which involved my mom had to make potato candy for the class. We should look that up before we publish this to make sure that I'm not. Let's just see. Are they still? Is it still a kerfuffle? Let's search Ireland kerfuffle. Yeah, I mean, there's a republic of ireland and then there's a yeah i mean there's definitely a situation there's some you know what let's

let's not do a whole geography history lesson while we're recording a podcast because i think it might interrupt the energy let's just put out a blanket statement sort of a carte blanche and say we're not entirely sure but there's some stuff going on in ireland okay that's fair that's fair um okay so in i mean i could get i could tell you all about the good friday agreement the or also known as the belfast agreement which was signed in april of 1998 and approved by people in both the republic of ireland and northern ireland and a referendum held in may 1998 but i don't think fucking anybody wants to hear that they just want to hear us talk about the fun reality dating show. I don't want to bring down the energy.

Okay. Well, it's sky high right now. So just in time. Join me. Join me on my margaritas. I made a joke earlier when I was talking about the margaritas I drank where I said I drank a couple of Bam Margeras, and you seemed to really enjoy that.

So let's just focus on that energy. Yeah, that was really good. So let's talk about Kian. So Kian comes out in a t-shirt and jeans, which some of the women complain later in the episode is not especially impressive to them. A fancy dressed lad. Like, put some effort in, buddy.

And so then we hear that Kian is going to exit and re-enter and demonstrate a talent so the let's break it down there's the you come out you say your name and where you're from and then the women get a chance to buzz you immediately immediately so there's 30 women and that's your first sort of crucible you have to pass through the second is you come out and you talk about a talent that you have uh and that is the second crucible and then there's usually a video that's about sort of like you and your life and that is the third crucible and then the men are in control and they can go in and they buzz it down to if there are any women remaining there's anyone remaining they buzz it down to two women and then they ask them a question they ask them one question and then they pick one of

the winners from the two i said i put winners in sort of a silent quotation mark there uh and so kian talks about taekwondo and then exit this dude comes out and is taekwondo where yeah how do you feel about and i don't want and I don't want to step on anybody's bliss. It's weird seeing an adult man wearing taekwondo. Well, and what was interesting is that he has only been practicing. Not that long. For five years. Which was a running threat.

Well, five years is a long enough time. There's a running threat of just like people getting up there like what's your talent it's like my talent is the saxophone how long you been doing it today why the fuck why the fuck did you bring that up here today what my point about taekwondo i don't want to step on anybody who's like i love mma i love fighting and i love learning i love going to the dojo and learning from my sensei like i'm down with all that shit are you kidding me that shit i'm down with all that it's weird to see an adult man yeah wearing the taekwondo wear who is not actively engaged in taekwondo against another person well and i think and i understand the pressure all right if you know you're going to go on a show and they're going to ask you to demonstrate a talent you

have to think like what is my talent going to be that's going to be easily demonstrated on stage? My point is this. If you saw me in a karate gi wearing my, I would have a black belt, and I was fighting another person of equal talent. They had crane style to my drunken style, and it was a fucking sick fight, and we were just like doing karate moves on each other. I think you would look at me and be like, that's pretty badass. If you saw me at HEB just walking down the oatmeal aisle and i

was wearing my karate gi with a black belt you would think the fuck's up with that dude the fuck's up with that dude here here's what i was thinking so the women do not react favorably to this they that's putting it a mildly my my sweet. Well, you know what I thought was interesting? So he comes out, he does kicks and punches. He does four kicks and punches on the, he's like, I'm going to kick this wood apart. This wood looked like fucking honeycomb cereal. Yeah, it looked like styrofoam. It didn't look like real impressive wood. 20 lights go out.

It's guys, it's so good. It's when the lights go out it's guys it's so good it's when the lights go out it's very good oh we should say there's 30 women so that was a significant chunk of change it's not one versus 100 it's one versus 30 and you'll just lost two-thirds of them and then and so all the women are very kind he also he also lost a few of them just when he came out. He was like, what's up? My name's Kian, and I'm from Limerick. Pew, pew, pew. Okay, I'm sorry.

This is what I look like. I'm sorry. Oh, man. When the lights go out, it's very good. So after he does this little demonstration, the women, instead of saying, you know, you're an adult man in a karate gi. you're not fighting another person in a crowd if again i can't stress this enough you do karate great great great if i just see you and you're just wearing your karate gi and you're on a game

show and you're definitely not about to fight somebody it's a game show about finding love like why don't you demonstrate something that's that feels romantic you know or feels like i could see how this would benefit our relationship a couple of women were like yeah i didn't pick him because i was worried that like he would try to fight me yeah it's like that's a crazy leap to make kind of and or like get in a fight out in the world but nobody was like you're wearing a karate gi or you're wearing a taekwondo gi there's probably a difference between the gis yeah um you're wearing a taekwondo outfit and we're in ireland and you're definitely not about to do some taekwondo on another willing taekwondo participant yeah that's what i thought was kind about their assessment is they all gave him a lot of credit and saying like oh well these skills

are translatable you would definitely beat up some guys out in public who were not willing taekwondo participants yeah that's sort of like the number one rule in taekwondo is like it's so dangerous you can't just do it to anybody there's like a secret code of just like i'm about to do taekwondo on you do you want to do taekwondo back on me and if they say yes congratulations you found a sparring partner so at point, there's maybe still like seven or eight women left. And they go to the second round. Which is his video. The trailer for Kian.

Oh, dude, did you see that new teaser for Kian? It's sick, man. The video is another opportunity for them to provide information about themselves. But unfortunately, Kian just continued on that taekwondo path. Unfortunately, Kian just continued on that Taekwondo path and just showed him a video of him doing exactly what he had just done on stage, but in the studio where he practices. I had known Kian at that point for a minute and a half, and I was exhausted by him. But it was him doing Taekwondo on another person, which you said you would be interested in. Which was exciting. No, it was very exciting.

But he kept talking about, like, hi, my name's Kian, and my whole life is uh taekwondo taekwondo is my whole life i've been doing it for 100 years and it's all i do all day and i don't eat i i don't eat i sustain myself on a full-blown taekwondo diet i received the energy and force from their punches and i converted into caloric intake the video even finishes all the way it's literally like a cascade you know what's the sound can you help me on a monopole eyes pediboy eyes the sound yeah because i think it's like yeah no that's perfect that's perfect uh the the most brutal part of the show and keen didn't really get it because his like verbal presentation his oral presentation if you will was more of a kicking presentation because he just kicked bricks apart uh or shitty pieces of honeycomb cereal.

I want you to just pitch yourself to me. Pitch yourself, you, Rachel, to me. And then I'll be 30 people listening to you talk about you, Rachel. Okay. This is just sort of to demonstrate the whole energy of this show. Hi, my name is Rachel. I live in Austin, Texas. I work at a community college.

I love cats. Don't stop. If you stop talking, that's... That one was just because you slipped up while you're doing your... Just start over. Hi, my name is Rachel. I live in Austin, Texas. I enjoy watching hockey games.

It's hard, right? It's really wicked hard. You've started laughing. And if you start laughing, that's like a sign of you don't have any confidence. I love to give and receive pleasure. Is that just somebody? And that guy's going to get interviewed later. to give and receive pleasure? Meow. Oh, is that just somebody he doesn't like? And that guy's going to get interviewed later. That's the thing is like the host like tracks when you meow somebody

and like he walks over and he's like, oh, so you don't like that he's into rugby, huh? Tell me more about that. Meow. And so when all the women have left they interview some of them and beth is uh appears to be a crowd favorite and says oh all you do is work out i ate seven packs of crisps today i like beth which i appreciated uh but then one of the women was like you did a demonstration in taekwondo and then your video was just more taekwondo it was a lot my boy seems like all you do is taekwondo and he responded he's like well i do more stuff they just didn't put in the video and i felt bad

for him it doesn't matter it's all about you if you're putting a powerpoint presentation together for kian slides one through ten can't be taekwondo and then the 11th slide is like oh and by the way i'm a i'm a trained french chef uh uh and so when all the women are out they literally play the song all by myself start too low starting the same pitch. Gotta start low. Oh, ba, ba, say, yeah. There you go.

And then they walk back into the same room they came in, which it looks like a futuristic elevator. And they shut the door. That's the end of them. One might also call it a futuristic coffin, which just looked more likely. Kind of reminds me of The Taste, the cooking show that we fucking,

for some reason, keep watching, even though it's not a great show. No, it's not a great show. But they, like, pop up in front of, like, Tony Bourdain and all those, and Nigella. They actually lower the tube, right, when they get eliminated? It, like, lowers down to the ground. It looks like you stick, like, an arm out

to give, like, Tony Bourdain a thumbs up, but then you could lose that arm in the taste tube. Next one, move on this this show moved at a breakneck pace yeah i just wanted to luxuriate and spend a little bit more time not with the dudes because the dudes seem like shitheads but with the women i wanted to know more about them well i think that's i mean if if it's true that these women stay on the show for multiple seasons i bet you do do. I wish, I wish there were fewer of them also. So I bet you start watching at home. And when a guy comes out,

you're instantly like, Oh, that's going to like him. Perfect fit for sure. Sheila, which is a beautiful. Oh, and in between the,

the guys coming out, we get these little glimpses of the dates from the previous week. So the actual successful matches go on dates in this area they call shifters okay yeah we didn't pick up on this before which is like a nightclub they have set up behind the stage a nightclub is a generous a generous way of describing it it is a table with a tablecloth the room you and i are sitting in right now recording this podcast contains uh uh two microphones but that, two chairs and a table. Yeah, which is basically what Shifters is.

Yeah. We get to see a man named Adam and a woman whose name is spelled A-O-I-F-E. Eef. Eefie. Eif. Oif. Iif. I'm sure it's beautiful, whatever it is.

Like, I thought I knew some shit. I thought this was one of those, like, cultures that I knew some shit about. No, not at all. I don't know, fuck all. And we should say, now that we are expanding our cultural horizons, we have the utmost respect for other. Yeah, absolutely. Other areas of the world. We are just very ignorant

i'm down with like i'm down with some irish names we're trying our best you know i'm down with some irish names um i just didn't i just didn't know that one i think it's kind of anticlimactic because every time they cut away to one of these like successful match dates the couples were always like yeah it was all right yeah it's fine It was kind of like we were having like a weird forced conversation in the back of a television studio. No wonder. But it was fine. Yeah, like by yourselves in a black room.

No wonder these women want to stay on the show because the dates, and then you're off the show. You have this horrible date in this like lack of atmosphere holding chamber and then you're off the show like that's what the whole thing builds up to is this horrible fake date um yeah it's a nightmare i like the name siobhan that's a nice irish name are we just we're just not we're not gonna talk about that bh with the

bh in there you see it and you think, Siobhan? No. That's probably how we would pronounce. I'm sure the name, that's what's got me all worried. You see Siobhan and you think, that's a weird name. But then somebody's like, oh no, it's just Siobhan. You're like, ah shit, that's right. I'm worried that this Ayleef name is actually just pronounced like.

Ellen. Melissa. And it's just like, we're fucking it up so bad yeah uh tell me more about this uh next gentleman uh the next gentleman is Liam from Cork uh and he comes out in a suit and the women lose their minds fucking flip out not a single woman turns a light off which the host says is the first time that's happened in the first like calling which is impressive well of the series which made me wonder like are we talking about this season or are we talking about like ever since the show has existed in ireland in the uk they call season series okay and as a reminder this is episode four of season three uh and so

immediately and we didn't say this for kian because he was such a bloodbath but immediately the host walks over to the women and gets the first impression and every single woman is like it's suit we're so excited about the suit he he made the effort and he's wearing a suit he's a man we like a man in a suit they did like a man in a suit. They did like a man in a suit. It was incredible. Yeah. It was incredible. If I were backstage waiting to go on and I saw that, I would be just running around.

Wearing a fucking taekwondo. Trying to find somebody with a suit jacket. Anybody got a tie I can borrow? I'll wear it with my taekwondo suit. One of the women says he has a fine set of ears, which I found charming. She really liked his ears. It's a charming fetish.

It is a charming. As fetishes go, it's innocuous. I have heard a lot of women are partial to particular facial features. I've heard women that like noses. They're big on noses. Most women are just sort of into how the whole sort of set comes together. Tell me more about what most

women like. I saw a movie and it had Mel gibson in it and his whole thing is i and i forget a lot of the plot details of the movie okay but i think he was climbing up a storm drain to do some spying he was a cia government spy all right for the agency and he was climbing up a storm drain he painted half of his face blue no this is no my do some spying. He was a CIA government spy. All right. For the agency. And he was climbing up a storm train. He painted half of his face blue. No, this is, no, my love.

You've, you know, you've mistaken this with the movie Braveheart. It's something about freedom. No, that's Braveheart again. It's two things from the movie Braveheart. And he's climbing up this storm pipe and electricity from lightning hits it. And he falls right off because he can't hold on to it. And he hits the town on the ground very hard and when he wakes up he can hear what women want and he gets that helen hunt he goes on a helen hunt so for some reason with liam he doesn't have to do, I don't know if you pick how your rounds shape out.

Yeah, you definitely have three rounds. Because he doesn't do a demonstration. He gets flirty for 30, which means that he has 30 seconds to say something to the women. Or maybe that's what Kian did, too, and they just didn't call it Flirty for 30. It's just his form of flirtation is hitting the wood with his hands. Well, because Liam does a demonstration. It's just after the Flirty for 30. Anyway, he speaks Irish.

I thought that was Gaelic. I thought the name of the— All of the women say Irish, so it made me feel comfortable saying Irish. Again, we don't know fucking anything. And then he talks about cooking very specific traditional Irish dishes. And 26 lights go out. It was brutal. This one seemed like, I don't know, if I was Irish, I think I would find that cool.

A lot of the women just were immediately turned off, like, oh, I don't know Irish. I don't speak it. So, like, apparently this dude just speaks Irish all the time. Bye. See ya. Yeah. But some of the women actually also spoke Irish or remembered it from school and were excited about the opportunity to share their knowledge.

One woman said she couldn't understand what he said when he spoke in Irish, but also couldn't understand what he said when he spoke in English. So she's just going to wait until the next round to see what's up. I respect that, yeah. Very even ke respect that yeah very even i would do like i would always want to wait till the last maybe not the last round because then i guess you stand the potential of getting picked getting picked by one of these fucking zeros but i would i would never eliminate somebody the first round unless they came out and said like hi my name's jared and one time i jerked off a dolphin at sea world it's not a big deal Hi, my name's Jared, and... One time I jerked off a dolphin at SeaWorld.

It's not a big deal. That's not the sound of the buzzers going off, that's the sound of the dolphin. Oh, God. Tell me about Liam's secret special talent. Liam's talent. So, what I love is the camera work on this show, because we're looking at the women. You look away for a second. We're looking at the women. You look away for a second. We're looking at the host.

We cut back to Liam. He's wearing a saxophone around his neck. He's wearing a saxophone over his suit. It's a four-piece suit. And... This motherfucker. Let me know what you thought. When you saw him with the saxophone, did you think... Oh, we're about to get some Bill Clinton shit up on you.

Maybe he's going to be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also thought maybe he was going to be good. Yeah, do you know what you thought. When you saw him with the saxophone, did you think... Oh, we're about to get some Bill Clinton shit up on you. Maybe he's going to be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also thought maybe he was going to be good. Yeah, do you know why I thought that he might be good? Because motherfucker rolled up on a national television program wearing a saxophone to demonstrate what his special saxophone playing talent is. He showed up on television to say, I'm ready for the big show. Here comes some sacks he plays when the saints go marching in poorly he's on some hot cross buns shit yes

and it's like they ask at just all the lights like gone gone gone and it's like the the host asked him like how long you play on the sax he's like a month you fucking idiot he's had one lesson he's played for a month so i'm guessing the one lesson was i will teach you how to play when the saints go marching in and then the remainder of the 30 days of that month, he just practiced that song. And oh God, oh God, to be his roommate over the course of that month. Just like, Liam, Liam, damn it.

Please. Me mom's over. That old Irish folk song, When the Saints Go Marchin' In. I know, you were never in band, right? No, but I was near, I was close enough to rooms where bands was being done. Yeah, When the Saints Go Marching In is a song you learn in sixth grade. And it's literally like three notes.

Oh, I know. I've learned like, I've learned like, I've half learned like a bunch of different instruments at this point. It's the thing that you learn, like where the notes on the shit is's the thing that you learn like where the notes on the shit is. Yeah. I need to know where the notes on the shit is. Oh, here's where the saints go marching in. Yeah.

What a disaster, Liam. Liam, you buckled my boy. How did that? Liam, how's it happen? Oh, Liam. Oh, oh, blow me under your talent. Oh, shit. Uh, saxophone?

I got a month until we shoot I would like our listeners to know how much I love Griffin that he has done nothing but cockney accents like seven different accents and I have not called him on it Irish is tough to do if I tried to do an Irish accent I would just embarrass myself poor Liam, sweet Liam

second blackout the best was the woman's reaction one of the women was like well I'm learning the fiddle, so it would just be music all the time. Our household would just be too musical. Too many sweet melodies. I remember you were doing fucking Pharrellese, and you were over there doing Mary Had a Little Lamb.

And then the second woman they interview was like, I turned to the girl next to me and said, oh, he's going to play the trumpet. She did not know what a saxophone was. She felt betrayed. You lied to me. She saw that instrument and thought trumpet. Yeah. Which I was charmed by. You hear hoof steps and you think, here comes the zebra.

You see a man holding a saxophone and you think, like, this man's about to play some sort of brass instrument well. Next we have Tony. Rony, bony Tony. Tony comes out in a white dress shirt and a very loose tie. Holy shit, this tie.

The tie was so loose. The tie looks like, the tie could have fit over his head without needing to be loosened up. It could have gone around his waist. It could have fit over his head without needing to be loose it could have gone around his waist it could have been thrown over him um i think he saw our guy liam in a suit and just scrambled around mid costume he had just worn maybe a t-shirt and then just ran around trying to find a suit and that was the closest he could get in a short amount of time. Hey, tell me about Tony.

Tony comes out. He's from Dandock, which I'm going to say confidently. And he is tall and four lights go out immediately. And one of the women specifically says it's because she dislikes the name Tony. And she is adamant. Like, oh, what's wrong with Tony? I just have a bad experience with Tonys.

So just like all Tonys? Yeah, in fact, it's so bad that I, can we please end this conversation? So bad with my Tony. Like, you think she ate some fucking Frosted Flakes once and got mad, bad diarrhea? And the host is like, oh, you know, like what, like Tony Soprano? And she's like, no, I love Tony Soprano.

Bring out Tony Soprano. And so when Tony describes himself and says what he's looking for, he says that he's fit and that he wants a genuine girl and somebody that's up for a laugh, which a lot of the men say. Like, I want somebody that will laugh at things that I say. I think that's pretty much, who's going to get up there and be like, I want somebody who's not in great shape and very dour,

just like very glum. At this point, he has 22 women left, so he's doing real well like the women are i think the first two contestants we saw maybe threw off the curve for us because we just got i assumed that like all of this shit ended in blackout because of these two first two clowns that got up there yeah the no good sax man and the solo lonely taekwondo boy so tony's video comes on and it shows him boxing and then all the women are like oh god please not again and then it only gets worse for tony because then it shows him working in a movie theater and as soon as he that movie theater footage starts rolling the women drop off significantly and by the end of the video there are only four left but that's it that's it that's the third round he's made it through yeah he is guaranteed a day guaranteed

a day at this point um in shifters i worked in a movie theater i've i you know i respect the game here's the thing about this show lies boys real young real real young i think i was i was no i was 19 when i was working at the movie theater. Which is not significantly younger than the people on the show. There are a lot of like 20-year-old people on this show. And I wasn't boxing. I was, that's the thing. He had two things.

I was only working at the movie theater and getting high every day. That would have been a bad video for me. Could we do like, let's do a video of Griffiniffin at age 20 oh shit he's a contestant on this show um let's think it wouldn't have been a good video what were your like things that you would be like the this i'm going to show this to women well you were playing the guitar right very badly yeah very poorly uh i I mean, here's the thing. Now, I wouldn't have done that. At 20, I definitely would have done that.

Is 20 when you were living? I had a girlfriend I lived with. Okay, so that would. No, it was also when I was living with Dunkle and Eric. All right, let's talk about Dunkle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it just would have been like me and my boys eating popcorn that I brought home from the movie theater.

The garbage bag. The garbage bag that we would dump an entire tube of nutella into and then like shake it all up and then have choco corn oh god well we were oh your hands after that you just reach your sweaty palms in the trash bag three yogi bears just like we were three when we were three winning the poos just like digging our paws into a honey jar with the ends backwards. And then just sort of shoving it into our mouth and then like toking up and playing Star Fox 64. Was all the furniture in your house just covered in a layer of like popcorn butter and Nutella slime? We didn't clean anything in that whole house the whole time. It was a fucking garbage pit.

All right. Well, so that's your video then, I guess? Just like, do any of you ladies know any cheat codes to Star Fox 64? I've got real bushy sideburns. I like choco corn. I like choco corn. Ask me what that is. Go on a date with me.

Leave your light on. Maybe you'll find out what choco. Meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow. I can beat Andross. I'm working on my speed runs out in Star Fox 64. That's Star Fox 64. What was was so before griffin and i met yeah you were on match.com i did do that yeah what did you put on that profile i don't want

to say that in case it's accidentally like if you could archive search it somehow well just how did you promote yourself uh as a single man looking to date pretty douchely i'm not like the other guys no it's very self-effacing where you're like extraordinarily i love garden state and i'm sensitive boy i'm really taking a beating i just yeah i'm curious oh yeah i could tell as we watch these dating shows just like what i would yeah yeah how you would present yourself. I mean, it worked, whatever I was doing back then. I was fighting off, fighting off trim with both hands.

You're welcome to turn these questions back on me. I feel like I really got put through the ringer. No, but if I had to have put together a profile, let's say, it probably wouldn't have been especially great either. I wore a toe ring up until about two years ago. Fuck, dog. Let's talk about this. Two years ago to current time?

Or when you would have put this profile up six years ago? Let's see. I put that toe ring on in college, and I kept it on. Give me a fucking year. Look me in the eyes and tell me the year you took the toe ring off. We were together, I think i think dude is that possible what the fuck i mean it would have been maybe 2011 holy shit yeah no yeah what the fuck was it was a connection to what if i touched it accidentally thinking it was a finger ring. How could you not? How could you not warn me about this? My toes are not finger-sized, you guys, just so you know.

No, but we were young. Our relationship was nubile. How am I supposed to know the width of your toes or fingers? It wasn't like I took the toe ring off and set it on my nightstand. Just put it in my fucking cereal. Okay, anyway. So Tony gets to pick two. What did the toe ring look like?

Silver. Just a plain silver band? It was a mood toe ring. It was a mood? No, I'm kidding. Was it really? No, I'm kidding. Did it have some, like, 311 tribal art on it?

No, it just had, like, a little pattern. Why did you wear it? Because I got it as a 20-year-old, and I thought it made me feel like a little pattern why did you wear it because i got it as a 20 year old and i thought it made me feel like a cool gypsy woman okay um okay so the four women are left tony has to narrow it down to two this is where the balance shifts and i don't love this part of the show because at this point like if there's like if all the women stay on then we get a sequence where the dude is in control of like a horde of women and then can go through and just ax them all. And I don't like that.

I don't prefer that. I get that you have to narrow it down somehow. I'm into that. But it's such an empowering show where all these women are like, you look like a fucking idiot. Wing. Well, what I don't like is that he physically walks over to where the women are standing and turns their light off for them. And the women are like begging, like, please, no, I love you, Tony. Boney Tony.

And then when it's down to two, he gets to ask them a question. And he says something like, I'm a boxer, so tell me something that's gonna knock me out and this is where the women really kind of fall flat i mean i get that it's like kind of a spontaneous and somewhat douchey question but one woman says california girls are unforgettable which is a katie perry line from a katie perry song i think it's actually undeniable so i don't actually think that's a i don't actually think that's a i don't know if that's a direct quote travis would know travis would know uh and then the other woman just says you me i've got two vaginas i've got two vaginas don't i

they probably have a fun word i got i got two fannies. Oi. Oi. I got two fannies, don't I? Why would that appeal to a man? They're arranged left to right, not front to back like you'd think. Why would a man want that? Just when one gets used up. No, it's just like, what if they have... You know? We should stop.

We should stop right now. No, we're not going to stop. We're going to explore this. Do you know how the power outlets are different? The power outlets are different over there. What do you think they modeled that after? So let's follow this logic yeah so in the states i don't want to follow the logic anymore we have a two prong or a three prong

it's a three prong i think like we perfected that three prong technology which is modeled after two arms and one hey you wanted this no um the other woman says you me here right now your two prongs my two receiving i'm starting to think we shouldn't have recorded tonight. What's wrong? Maybe we should have not recorded. And so he picks the California girl who is from California, so it's appropriate in that sense. Yeah, it's not just a clever.

Yeah. That'd be crazy if she's like, California girls are unforgettable. That has nothing to do with me. It's just a fun fact. I'm from Cork. I'm from Cork.'m from cork uh and then yeah and then they walk out into the elevator and go to shifters doesn't seem to go very well the host is like this is a perfect place for men and women because it's a toilet

what at this point rachel and i had no fucking idea what he was talking about so it's like yeah it was only when we kept seeing clips from previous dates you're right it's a toilet shifters is what for some reason they call that offstage area i want to get through this next guy quick because we're at 42 minutes and i desperately want to talk about if you are the one okay so uh when the woman leaves the show she's replaced by a new woman um she's like a kettle a kettlebell hammer thrower which is sounds like a kettlebell uh and the next man is rowan uh he is australian handsome cup of java huh uh he's wearing a baseball tee and jeans which the women do not mind because they are obsessed with his Australian accent. And his hot Australian body.

He's a good-looking fella. All the lights stay on. I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crisps. All the lights stay on. All the women that are interviewed talk about how great his accent is. I guess he's been living in Dublin for a year, he says. So his first little thing is that he plays football and he loves to travel and two lights go out because they say that he's very dirty and he can't be tamed which still sounds like not a bad way to get dumped yeah sure um and then the women are still

just kind of raving about him uh because he's also tall which they're excited about has long and again just handsome as hell uh so then he comes out for his demonstration and he's wearing shorts now and that's never an upgrade and he is he talks about how he's from australia and he used to play aussie football and he's wearing a uniform and this is kind of like taekwondo guy it's like you hit us with the football and then you came back out and you hit us with the football and then you came back out and you hit us with the football again. Well, and it's, but also like the Taekwondo guy,

you are a man wearing a football uniform. Yeah. Holding a football, but not playing football. Yeah, he runs out with the ball and then he like mime throws it to the host and then it's like, this isn't a demonstration.

If you see, what's a good, if you just saw somebody wearing a football outfit while at McDonald's, you'd be like, that's crazy. What are you doing wearing that here? Well, no, because he just came from the game. Okay, McDonald's is a bad example. If you're at Sears and you see somebody wearing a football outfit it's like are they filming a commercial here or something like what are you what the fuck are you doing here there's a time and a place for taekwondo and it's in the taekwondo field during the appointed taekwondo match studio i i prefer studio it's a it's a dojo um and so then all but seven lights go out um one of the women specifically

drops out because she thinks he'd be a good match for beth i think that's really sweet uh so there are 12 lights still on and rowan gets the honor of eliminating 10 of those lights i thought you just said seven. I'll bet seven. That was my fault. I miscounted first. There's 12 lights remaining. Okay. Okay.

Yes. 12 lights remaining. He gets to eliminate 10 of them. So he just runs around and he uses his football to tap out the women he doesn't like. Including Beth, right? Yeah, he gets rid of beth it's rough um and he picks two women that's that seem nice and like they'd be fun you hear a lot of that on the show and uh his question to them is if you were a secret spy what would you do to get the info you wanted from me?

What kind of possible... I'd shock your balls. Like, what do you want? What kind of weird question is that to get to know somebody? The night we met, if I had asked you that, it's like a flirtatious pickup line. You would think I'm a fucking psychopath. Yeah, no, I wouldn't like that. I would have rather you played when the saints go marching in on a saxophone here's something you're really gonna like um so one of the women says um i'd be your

partner in crime and it's nothing you just you just switch sides you're supposed to be the fucking spy you can't switch sides and be the criminal with me. And the other woman says, I keep it simple. I have my ways. Trying to be kind of, like, mysterious. I'd shock your balls. Shock them good. And he picks the partner in crime.

Because he, like, nonsense answers. What is this, some Ocean's Twelve shit? Like, will they, won't they? Is she a criminal? Is she a thief? Is she not a thief? The show is just kind of anticlimactic. Like, the best part is watching the women tear apart

the male contestants. And that is inherently the issue. And that is why I would like to quickly pivot with the time we have left in this episode to talk about If You Are The One, which I think is the far superior product. So we were able to find some clips that had subtitles on YouTube. Enough to make me fucking

angry that we can't just watch this show yeah it seemed really really good seemed really very very good here's some differences some key differences first off the men come out of the the future coffin and they pop out and they walk out and the host hands them a little tablet with all the women on stage on it and then the men pick their number one like favorite uh and then you're shown who the favorite is and then same format like the exact same format they say their name their age what they where they're from and then when we get a chance to buzz them and they talk a little bit and they get a chance to buzz them then there's a movie they get a chance to buzz them and they whittle them down um what's different though is they just spend so much more time like rachel

and i watched a 20 minute clip just with one dude meanwhile in this one like 40 minute long episode they went through four guys yeah you're not getting anything with the breakneck pace yeah what makes it so entertaining is if you like really kind of see the different moments where it falls apart um and so like in the clip we watch also the women say like way funnier shit like way funnier shit there's an at-length conversation we watched between these three women who talked about how they were the prettiest women at their school and like how rough that was for them uh and there was one like super buff dude that came out and there was a woman who was like you just look like you could really strangle somebody with one hand it was like i don't like a defined chest and someone

was like yeah i don't like a defined chest he's like well i was a kind of an overweight child and i got uh more obese and all right i i lost some weight um and i gained some muscle mass in my chest but it just sort of made the chest fat like sort of expand from there and she's like well i don't like it i like a soft chest that i can cuddle up against and your chest seems like it'd be very uncomfortable to cuddle up against it's like fuck yeah and there was that adorable woman with the hair accessories oh i loved her that was so excited about the man on the motorcycle the man on the motorcycle came out he's wearing glasses he could look kind of nerdy she's like i like him so much and the host is like i thought you said like earlier you don't like men with glasses she's like yeah but like if you go through your

whole life and you don't get married that's not any good so i guess i have to change because i have to change my thing and she's like i will make little tassels for your motorcycle and then he had a talent of beatboxing and then she like she wrapped her along she like spits a verse over his beatbox it was it was real sweet so much more infinitely entertaining but we could only find like a lot of clips on youtube are like really shitty like really really really bad titles are fucking horrible it's like all i want in the world so apparently this show is like this specifically the chinese version of the show which is crazy because this as far as i can tell i've been i've done about five minutes of research into this uh and i think this whole thing spawned off of an australian dating show called taken out which is the same thing so it started in australia i think it started i thought that the australians

loved the if you are the one so much that they made their own version because if you are the one the fucking energy is like off the chains like so good yeah like so so much better um yeah it's like all i want is to watch more of it i know this is not a very fulfilling conversation better too the videos seemed really well produced yeah um the the men seemed like funnier and and more there was a lot of like discussion of like chinese history which i really appreciate like they would say oh and then there was like the little like the the morning show couple that sat at the end of the stage and like providing commentary and the woman in that morning show couple was like talking about how all uh like chinese romance stories have these tragic endings and they went

through it and the host of the show was like yeah i can't think of like one with a good ending and the woman was like oh well how about you and your wife and the audience was like oh i was like oh shit that was good um yeah it just seemed like way more way more entertaining but again like it's just i think there's some there's a ton of clips on youtube but it's none of it's translated um and man i would fucking i would love to watch more of this i would kill to watch more of this um but say let me uh i do want to tell you about the ultimate shame which is the version of this show that i think was if you'll pardon the pun taken out before its time uh because this show ran from june 7th to july 26 2012 okay scant uh what is that six week run seven week run uh eight episodes uh in the

united states it was called take me out and it was based on the british show the same name uh didn't do great pulled in ratings of 3.3 million which is fine it just it was on fox so you know what that means just if you don't explode day one on Fox, they go by Remember the Titans rules. You have one loss, you're out of here. It's an ultimate shame, though, because the host of that show was George Lopez. George Lopez? George Lopez. Have we looked for clips of that show?

I bet it's just like each episode was 22 minutes long and 17 minutes was George's doing his stand-up. And just promoting his new Beverlyly hills chihuahua movie it's the same fucking show was it hot or not let's find out i fucking can't with him i literally can't with you george lopez it's after 10 p.m right now and i'm like a mogwai but specifically for george lopez it's after 10 p.m right now and i'm like a mogwai but specifically for george like put in a little bit of effort george lopez it takes a very specific kind of host to do this show he sounds like he's sick he sounds like there's a bronchial issue do you know who could host this show so i can think of a lot of people would go ahead steve harvey steve harvey do okay do you know who should host this show fucking ryan devlin

oh yeah he'd be really good make this an mtv show this show debuted on mtv fucking ryan devlin oh yeah he'd be really good to make this an mtv show this show debuted on mtv with ryan devlin as a host i want ryan devlin to kind of host all the shows that there are well and chris harrison and steve harvey chris harrison's fine steve harvey said some very problematic stuff in the past that is true ryan devlin has a much cleaner slate i think um i don't know about Chris Harrison. He's definitely said some Bogota shit, too. Ryan Devlin, I think, is my new... I'm kind of in his corner the most.

I want him to host this podcast. I want us to take a step back. And this is, in fact, how we've decided to announce. We'll be leaving Rosebuddies now. And Ryan Devlin... Ryan, come on in, buddy. You can't tease that, because there's a real Twitter campaign trying to get him on the show. He tweeted that he would like to be on the show, even though I don't think he's listened.

If you are listening, Ryan, love your style, love your stuff. I think you're a powerful voice. Your magician flourishes here. And you're no-nonsense hosting style. I'm very much into it uh anyway this has been rose buddies this was take me out and if you are the one and taken out and take me out with george lopez uh final final verdict i think like if you're the one that's like the way way better product and uh yeah it's it's heartbreaking like because that's what i

really wanted was to watch that show and i think think we watched kind of a shitty version of it. But what can you do? What can you do? There's just no good way to watch this thing right now. Yeah, it's a shame. If there is any way to get us directed to a well-translated, easily accessible version of that show, please let us know. Yeah.

What if it was on when we were in Hong Kong? We went to Hong Kong last year. What if it was on and we just missed it because we were watching fucking Doctor Who and just a lot of Japanese kids' television programming as well. This has been Rose Buddies. Thank you for watching. What's on the docket for next week?

Let's see. It'll be the 10th when this comes out so two weeks may 20th may 23rd it comes well we have to do we have to do one episode where we talk about the rules i think that's got to be next week babe i think that's got to be next week next week will be the 17th oh yeah all right we're there next so next week we're going to talk about alright we're there so next week we're gonna talk about the rules to The Bachelor and maybe we'll do like a little preview of The Bachelor this is it then

this is our last show that we're talking about we can put away the Z's get the S's back out get the fucking S's back out holy shit guys highs and lows this fucking desert that we wandered through I'll go ahead and say some of the shit we watched in If You Are The One

was a high obviously Are You The One season 3 all of it was like a fucking refreshing oasis and like thank you Ryan Devlin thank you like it was so bad there for a bit and I was worried that the show was just going to be absolute shit for a while we almost watched the entire of love

franchise we only dipped it into one there's a lot more that's the thing there's a lot of uh a lot of water out there for us to keep dipping back into and we're gonna get into it i'm excited by the concept of i think one mid-season break we only watch the bachelor of other countries i've really enjoyed doing that i've been wanting to track that down yeah um i saw a clip from an australian bachelor where one of the women just like farts on a date and guys like whatever uh so like yeah if that happened in an american they would make a whole episode

magazine advertisement campaigns they would have interviewed all the women about their experience with that woman um but uh yeah the oh man paradise hotel 2 is an obvious low flavor of love was not great um but that's okay we're out we're free next week previews the special preview special taking taking back the yes so uh we'll see you then oh should we talk about this one last thing because while the show's coming back we're very excited to get back to sort of our core competency get our friends together to start our weekly viewing parties again there's one friend that will probably not be coming back to the show and it's always hard when like you have to like change up the cast of a podcast it's like one of of the more uncomfortable parts of doing this business.

You remember when we had to switch out one of the hosts of My Brother, My Brother and Me and get Justin in there? By the way, Justin has demanded that he have a producer's credit on this show because he pays our podcast hosting fees. Thank you, Justin. This episode is brought to you by producer Justin McElroy.

I'm glad I remembered this episode. But the friend that won't be joining us. Griffin's going to be real thirsty coming up this may super water zero has been discontinued by hb and i'm glad i just was able to like i'm glad i was the first time you said it out it was the first time i fucking said it out loud without like catching it like some people or some some websites are reporting that... We have several Rosebuddies fans who are actual employees of HEB that have confirmed it has

discontinued. We saw pictures of actual shelf displays of where Superwater Zero would be, and it is not. It no longer exists. So we're going to have to find another beverage for you. Unless.

Are you looking on eBay right now? I'm not looking on eBay. I'm looking at the HEB Twitter account, which has 166,000 Twitter followers. Are you going to try and get it back? What's the hashtag? How am I going to workshop this? Bring back Superwater Zeroes too much. Quench Griffin's mouth.

Okay. Wet Griffin's mouth. Hashtag wet... No, don't do that. Oh, God. Tweet at HEB. The... The...

The... I've never, like, organized... Loosen the juice. Let loose the juice. The juice must flow Hashtag bring back super water zero Bring Here comes the juice

I feel like the hashtag Bring back super water zero Will that even fit in a fucking hashtag Let me see You do the number zero I mean you're using up A good 24 of your characters there. But I think it's an important way to... I think it's a good way to sort of get the message across,

because if you just do SW0, they may not understand. Bring back Super Water Zero. It's fucking direct to the point. Right at HEB. Right at HEB. So it's fucking direct to the point right at heb right at heb so it's four characters five characters gone with the space um uh so you're gonna have 111 characters to work with and i really want you to explore the space i'm thinking about stuff like let the juice flow or wet griffin's mouth or um uh how dare you take my juice away? Or where am I supposed to get my vitamins now? Quench his thirst.

Quench his thirst. Or that boy is thirsty. Whatever you want to do to like, I don't know what I can drink. If this doesn't work, and I think we have like one week to bring this back. Like we do this like short time limit UHF style. If it's not back by next week, then I think on the next episode, we'll have to decide like what my beverage is. Should we specify that we want specifically the lemonade flavor?

Oh yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of characters again. Okay. And at H-E-B and just the lemonade though. Hashtag make sure it's zero. hashtag make sure it's zero hashtag

Griffin won't drink that non zero stuff. Okay, that leaves you with 36 characters. Just whatever you need to do. Bring back Superwater Zero. Bring it back. Bring him back. Bring him home. If you want to sing Bring Him Home from Les Miserables.

If you want to record yourself singing Bring Him him home but switch out like the names from that song with Griffin and Superwater Zero um then like and then you want to tweet that at H-E-B it's it's a big project but I trust that there's fans in the Rose Buddies group who are going to do it um all right all right we went a little long I thought that's going to be a short episode but I I got really passionate there. Next week, Bachelor preview. We'll have to do some research to really get ready. Excited for it.

How are you feeling about JoJo? I need her to prove herself to me. Okay, okay. I guess we'll have more time to talk about that next week. Until then, please like us on iTunes. Please tell a friend about the show. Go start getting your Bachelor viewing parties together. Yeah, there's

been some interest if you haven't joined the Facebook group yet it's a really the best way to keep on top of what we're doing what's happening so well that's probably where we will

put the official rules yes for this next season as well so if you want to play along you can do it there um so tell them thanks for listening I'm Rachel McElroy I'm Griffin

McElroy when you're ready stay with us on this journey of joy spoiler alert So until then, thanks for listening. I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She ends up with Soulja Boy.