WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 829 - Edie Falco

Episode Date: July 16, 2017

With indelible roles in shows like The Sopranos, Nurse Jackie, and Horace and Pete, a lot of people feel like they know Edie Falco very well, even though they only know her characters. Edie helps Marc... dispel some of these preconceived notions by discussing her early struggles as an aspiring actor, why she wanted to be a mother, who intimidates her when she's on set, and how she dealt with a major dilemma when she was offered the role of Carmela Soprano. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now.
Starting point is 00:00:12 Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction.
Starting point is 00:00:32 Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Lock the gates! Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuckineers? What the fuck, publicans?
Starting point is 00:00:58 What the fuckocrats? What the fucknicks? What's happening? Keep in mind that I believe that he's guilty of all of it that's it that's the message that's the message how are you is everything all right are you all right am i all right that's the big question that's the uh that's the big question am i okay i i think that uh coffee is turning on me. You know, it's one of those things when you do something compulsively and you rely on it, and it's one of the things you look forward to probably more than you should.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Just thinking about that first cigarette and that first cup of coffee in the morning used to make everything all right. Now it's the coffee and the lozenge, but i think everything's starting to turn on me i think that that my machinery has had enough like i can drink coffee all fucking day now now it's starting to taste funny you know when when you're addicted to something and then it starts to taste shitty that like your body's sort of like no no i think uh i think we've had enough but not but coffee i can't you know it's so much part of my life and uh yeah i drink it like most people drink water and i think it's having a diminishing uh effect fuck oh pow i just shit my pants just coffee doc co-op old school wtf plug unsolicited just happened like an old habit i don't think i'm gonna give it up so what's going on man ed falco is on the show today ed falco
Starting point is 00:02:36 wait now most of us have a relationship with ed falco as carmella soprano or nurse jackie a relationship with ed falco as carmella soprano or nurse jackie so and of course her working horse and pete and uh you know movies she showed up in here and there but uh but carmella right carmella am i fucking right carmella but the thing is is it's so weird and i have this situation when i interview um actors who uh who have become known for a part is that you make assumptions about the person based on their performance. And yeah, sometimes it's there, sometimes it isn't. But I was a little nervous to talk to Edie Falco.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I'll go into it more in a minute. Let's discuss other things. To be honest with you, I'm doing this a little ahead of time this episode because uh my business partner would like uh to have a free week he's entitled brendan is entitled to not have to do this the day before he's entitled i was gonna net and i was gonna take a week i thought well fuck it if if brendan's gonna do something take a week to himself why don't i do it now what am i gonna do where am i gonna go because my brain here's where my brain
Starting point is 00:03:51 goes to it's like uh like i um i wanted to get out you know i'm not talking about going oh hi i'm not talking about going to desert hot springs. Or, you know, I was thinking like, if I got four or five days, I'm going to go to fucking Ireland and just sit there in the greenness. And then the rugged people with a sense of history that has sort of worn them down to fine nubs of humanity with a deep poetic sort of insight and a kind of a lyrical melancholy.
Starting point is 00:04:35 I'm going to go do that. Eat some fish, you know, right out of the ocean there. Whatever my romanticization. So I'm like, I'll just go to ireland for a few days with no plan then i looked up some uh fairs and some time frames takes 15 hours to get there from here and then you know one day's fucked so that was out then i started thinking vancouver like vancouver's three hours away that seemed rational. That seemed more practical. I really wanted to get out of this country for a minute just to have a reprieve from the intensity of garbage
Starting point is 00:05:15 that is happening here on a cultural and political level. And for me, I don't know about for you, it works. If I just hand someone my passport and they stamp it and I go right away, I'm like, all right, that's behind me for now. And I almost went. Maybe I did go. Maybe I will have decided by the time you're listening to this just to go. But then I get into that thing. It's like, what am I going to do up there?
Starting point is 00:05:41 I wanted to travel alone. Sarah's she's got a lot of painting to do and sometimes i just need to clear my head and then i think about myself alone in canada and hotel it's a great hotel up there in in vancouver the rosewood uh georgia and it was like it was one of the best hotels i don't even know why i don't even know where my head was at double pane glass completely quiet beautifully climate controlled nice mattress so am i going to be one of those guys that just uh you know spends a little money and just goes and sits in a hotel and eats room service for three days and then comes back and then i thought well may i go to
Starting point is 00:06:14 granville island i'll walk around a little bit i'll look at the water i'll see the nice people the nice sort of like relatively stress-free diverse uh palette of culture up there i've grown everything that i used to think was boring about canada just to me it's just like that sounds relaxing i remember going up there just like what the fuck is going on here this is a city right why is that guy just sitting outside at 10 30 at night what is that dude just doing like casually riding his bike it's midnight what the fuck is happening here man this is sort of weird and a little bit boring now my mind it's like sounds great sounds relaxing so i might be in vancouver when you hear this i don't know because the other side of it is it's like i get up there
Starting point is 00:06:57 what am i going to take a walk i'm going to sit and i'm going to sit in the hotel room i'm going to watch tv i know like two people up there i'm not gonna work uh you know i am how many days of that do i need what's gonna happen i see this is how i fuck myself out of all good times all right maybe i'll just take a ride into the desert and hike in joshua tree in the 110 degree heat almost die from heat stroke and exhaustion and feel cleansed almost die from heat stroke and exhaustion and feel cleansed see that's the thing man i you know sometimes i like the heat because having a propensity towards altered states uh you know even if you're exhausted you're like hey man this feels pretty good i i think i'm about to pass out. That's exactly where I want to be.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Sometimes. Things are going good. Did I mention this? The special that I made for Netflix, Too Real, will be out on Netflix on Tuesday, September 5th. And it looks good. It looks good. Lynn Shelton nailed it.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Lynn Shelton, who directed a couple of Marins, whoins who directed an episode of glow who directs her own movies has been on this show she had never directed a stand-up comedy special before and i pulled her in and she fucking nailed it and it's hard to do those things you know and make them look uh you know different without forcing that or you know having a like let's do it you know from uh you know from the ceiling and let's you know like there's not you know it is what it is but there are subtleties and there's ways you can design the set and there's ways you can shoot without you know making it obvious that you're trying to do something different that actually embraces the form of stand-up and she's a fan of mine so she knows what i do she digs what i do so we were able to get something that looked fucking beautiful moved
Starting point is 00:08:51 beautiful you know kept it real not a lot of audience shots that's the weird thing about those stand-up specials generally when you see the cutaway to the two people that no one cares about you know laughing or clapping usually out of context with the actual joke it's because they want to take a chunk out it's an editing tool but we did so we we limited that the lighting was beautiful the theater was beautiful did some interesting shots in terms of intimacy and close-up anyways all i'm saying is from where i'm sitting when i looked at that final cut, I was like, this thing looks good. It looks better than my material, I bet.
Starting point is 00:09:31 That's what I'll say. The act was good. Yeah, I worked hard on it. So that Too Real, Marc Maron stand-up special, that's me, will be on Netflix on Tuesday, September 5th. Like, I'm nauseous from coffee. I'm nauseous now. I'm sweating.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Feels good, man. Altered states, bro. So, Edie Falco is here. And I was intimidated. And I realized I didn't, I was trying to figure out why I was a little intimidated going into this. And I realized because if I suspect that somebody is a kind of well-boundaried person, i.e. has healthy boundaries, I get nervous about how to engage. And this is all projection. You know, like she seems tough and seems to have a pretty good sense of self. And she's grounded and she seems to have boundaries and certainly her characters though some of them have weaknesses and and are dark in general i still feel that uh
Starting point is 00:10:30 that she's a no bullshit kind of person and you know frankly uh i'm uh sometimes a little bullshitty and in in that i'm not saying that i i'm full of shit or that that i'm lying but uh i will engage my charm muscle and uh you know in and that muscle, it's got some punch to it, but not always enough to get through. So I didn't know, you know, and I adapt to conversations and, you know, sometimes too much. Sometimes, you know, I will will uh sort of uh appropriate uh verbal accents and ticks without even knowing it i'm zealigy like that but uh but all my fears were
Starting point is 00:11:16 were uh for naught uh we had a lovely conversation and uh love her. I love her work. And it was a thrill to talk to her. But I was nervous and I told her that. She's in a new film that I watched from the director of Obvious Child. It's called Landline, which opens in select theaters this Friday, July 21st. And Jenny Slate is in it again. She was an obvious child as well. Who I love and who I had a great conversation with. Anyways, rambling on.
Starting point is 00:11:53 We're heading into Edie Falco. The movie is at Landline. It opens, as I said, Friday, July 21st. This is me talking to Edie Falco and being honest right up front. Straightforward. Got it. You know, just got to get in there and tell her how.
Starting point is 00:12:13 You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by Yes. We can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global bestselling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.
Starting point is 00:12:46 When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. I feel. I feel. This is exciting. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:13:12 It is exciting. It is. I like that you don't have any real idea who I am. That made me happy. No, I mean, I know that Louie did a podcast with you that was much talked about. Oh, yeah. Louie and I go way back. Is that right? Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:25 We've had our moments in that podcast. We patched up and now occasionally I hear from him. Really? Yes. Did something controversial happen? With me and him? Yeah. Well,
Starting point is 00:13:36 we, you know, we were very good friends years ago and then his success somehow threatened me. I understand. Totally get it. How brave of you to say so. Well, that's sort of what the conversation was about. I copped to it and he took me to task about it. And then we decided we would try to make it work. Go beyond it. To be friends again.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Amazing. He came here. He talked about Horace and Pete very specifically for like an hour. Oh, wow. Yeah. He told me about casting you. Okay. What was it about Horace and Pete, very specifically, for like an hour. Oh, wow. Yeah. He told me about casting you. Okay. What was it about Horace and Pete that made you say like, oh, hell yeah? Louie. You know, he's a smart guy. Yeah. He's, you know, people I respect, respect him.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Right. Although I was, you know, I didn't know entirely all that much about him. Yeah, sure. You know, I certainly knew who he was, but. But you hadn't seen necessarily his old show. No, I hadn't seen his stand-up stuff. I hadn't seen his old show. You didn't know his tone.
Starting point is 00:14:30 No, no, not at all. You didn't know the depth of the darkness of Louis? No, no, but that speaks my language. He came up to me, I think it was at the Emmys, and he said, Hi, I've written this part for you in my thing. And I said, Yes. And he said, So I'll send you the...
Starting point is 00:14:43 I said, No, yes, yes, yes. Is that what you yes yes i'm in that's how it started and what how what was your experience on that thing because it's a weird thing it's a weird thing it was even better than i had imagined yes uh i had to kind of be awake you get to a certain point in this business where everything is is is a little bit predictable right you know the way things go the way things are, the way things are written, the way a set feels. Yeah. Louis had this idea of doing this thing that no one had ever done.
Starting point is 00:15:09 I think the first day on set, he said, I have no idea if we'll be able to do this idea I have. Yeah. What could be more exciting than that, you know? The director and the creator say, I don't really know. Yeah. I put all my money into this. At least it was his money and not mine.
Starting point is 00:15:24 He was the one willing to take the risk. So I was completely down with it. Yeah. And as an actress, was it more like theater? Yeah. What he was doing there? It was. It was also interesting because doing theater, for me, the way I memorize, although I never
Starting point is 00:15:40 really thought about this until Horace and Pete, the way I memorize is by when you get the thing on its feet and you block it like when you walk to the couch you say this line yeah and then when you walk across the room that's when you start this line and otherwise it's too right what we did is he said all right you come in on tuesday you have it memorized yeah and then we'll kind of get it up and moving and i so we had to i remember looking at buscemi's like there's so many words how the hell am i supposed to do this but we did we somehow did it we somehow did it and I was pleased to find it was something I could still do just yeah something as simple as just memorizing something point blank without well it's weird it's sort of like it's kind of like riding a bike on some level I mean you do it you know you have done it before not like this though I mean seriously you remember things from a play you
Starting point is 00:16:23 know pretty much many theater actors I've spoken to yeah in a play you remember it in chunks according to having had it up on its feet you put the script in your hand for a very long time right and then you're like i walk over i say that to that guy that's right i say this out there but in in anything other than that film or television for the most part i could i would sit in the makeup chair nurse jackie and say all right what are we doing i could look at the script and you know it's a page it's half a page that's right it's like uh when i first realized that it was such a relief you know what i mean it's like oh it's got to memorize all this shit it's like it's three lines today that's right oh i can handle that and you'll do it over and over again from several different angles till the life is sucked
Starting point is 00:17:01 out of it entirely until you sound like an automaton right but that's what you're aiming for right but that's the weird part of the job it's like the part of the job is sucked out of it entirely. Until you sound like an automaton, which is what you're aiming for. Right. But that's the weird part of the job. I know. The part of the job is like, can you make it sound good the 90 times? That's it. That is the job. That is the job. For TV.
Starting point is 00:17:12 That's right. And movies. That's right. And then it's sitting and being able to sit and not eat too much. Or smoke too much as it was back in the day. Oh, yeah. So you're wheezing when you get behind. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:23 So you know Steve Buscemi for years, I'd imagine? I do. I do, I guess. From New York? Yes. I think I met him a million years ago on the sort of festival circuit. I was going around with, oh, I don't remember, Laws of Gravity, and he was doing his Tree's Lounge, was it maybe?
Starting point is 00:17:39 Yeah. That was similar to Horace and Pete in a way. Was it? Well, I mean, it was dark and weird. Okay. Not uplifting in any way. All right. You didn't walk out of the movie, you know, like- similar to Horace and Pete in a way. Was it? Well, I mean, it was dark and weird. Okay. Not uplifting in any way. All right. You didn't walk out of the movie, you know, like.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Happy to be alive. Yeah, this is great. You might walk out of the movie with, that is kind of what it's like. I would expect no less. Yeah. But he's an interesting actor. You know, I'm not great at articulating these things. I just know when I watch them, I'm happy.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Yeah? Even if it's a crappy character or whatever. Do you like working with him? I love him. I love it. Love it, love it. He's kind and he's so smart. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:16 He's a little bit like Popeye. He has really funny jokes, but they're half under his breath. Oh, right, right. So if you're not paying attention, you won't catch them. You miss it? Yeah. But where were you born? Where'd you'd you grow up grew up on long island i was born in brooklyn and grew up on long island like on what part of long island the jewish part
Starting point is 00:18:31 of the other part no no i'm not jewish i'm italian and swedish yeah um grew up on the south shore and like bay shore and west islip and babylon so you moved around a lot a little bit i mean not a ton and then my family moved uh to northport which is where they some of them still are that's in long island too yes it is it's just directly north so you're completely long island person indeed yes yes long island townie long island townie but i've been away for a long time yeah but are they still out there anybody they are they are my family like i guess kind of everybody is yeah so you go out there yeah yeah i go out there? Yeah. Sure, I go out there. I take the LIE. Do you come from, like, what were the jobs? What did your parents do?
Starting point is 00:19:10 Mom had all kinds of jobs. Let's see. She worked at a radio station for a while. She was, in fact, a disc jockey. And then she was also a copywriter for a while. She's worked in factories. So she's sort of an entertainer. She was an actress when I was young. young really she was a community theater actress and
Starting point is 00:19:29 i used to go with her i just thought it was the coolest thing it is in the whole world it is the coolest thing in the whole world but these were people who had real jobs right today yeah and at night they would get together and say these lines and then yeah and i just thought it was just the coolest thing in the whole world and it made no no sense. And I loved it. And the first time you go backstage is really the, there's something amazing about that. Yes. Isn't there? Totally. Because that's what show business is, is when you're waiting backstage to go on a talk show.
Starting point is 00:19:54 That's right. And you're like, it's just people working. And there's an animal. What is it? Something that stays with me was my mom. I went backstage with my mom. They all shared a dressing room. Right.
Starting point is 00:20:04 It was a sort of, you know. Yeah. Is what a naked person it kind of is i was a kid and i don't know how old i was but um and they were talking my mom was talking to some grown man and then all of a sudden he pulls his pants down he's in there in his underwear talking to my mom who takes her shirt off and i was at once like mortified and and exhilarated beyond belief that this could happen right the cops didn't come nobody shut down the place it was something it was just a normal part of the day she still loved your father anyway so um that happened and uh it was uh it was one of the many magnificent things about being there with my mom oh it's great and when did you start doing it?
Starting point is 00:20:45 Well, they would occasionally throw me into some of these community theater plays. And then I went to college and I sort of thought I'd be a shrink. Oh, really? And that was what at the time was most interesting to me. I'm not sure it's not still what's most interesting to me. But one of the teachers in high school said um you know aren't you in the plays and stuff at school I mean why don't you become an actress and I thought it was such a strange thing to say I mean you become an actress if you're famous or sorry if you're from a famous
Starting point is 00:21:15 family you thought yeah you didn't know the path to yeah right it just seemed preposterous right it does right but I knew that I'd get to do plays at college, and so that's kind of how that whole thing started. Was your dad in show business? Dad was a drummer. For real? In like the Catskill thing. No kidding? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Like he was in a showroom band in the Catskill? Yes, but I mean four guys, I think, or something like that. That's how he supported himself as a kid, yeah. So he was like in a combo. Drummer and a singer, yeah. Frankie Falco and falco and his orchestra was called and they used to play up in the cats up in the catskills when he was a kid that's how he supported himself but he went to the high school of music and art yeah and he wasn't sure what path he would follow but i think he saw the drummers being uh they seemed a bit more um devoted to their craft than he thought he might be. Right.
Starting point is 00:22:05 So he ended up becoming an artist and doing commercial art. Oh, more security. Like, I'm going to be a painter? Of the two. Yeah, well, he was also a painter and a sculptor. Yeah? Yeah. He's not around anymore?
Starting point is 00:22:19 He's not in great health. Oh. But he is still with us. Did he do work? I mean, did you see the paintings? They're all around the house growing up. Oh, yeah? And oh they're still around my house a lot of his work is in my house oh that's sweet like what kind of stuff do you do like oh everything i mean he's another one he was wasn't much of a rule follower so he has some sort of mixed media stuff yeah straight up
Starting point is 00:22:37 sculpture yeah some paintings uh little crafty things so you grew up in a creative house. Exactly. The energy of that sort of rulelessness was always around me. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess that's the positive side of a boundaryless, chaotic upbringing. Yes, exactly right. Exactly right. But then, yeah, something to be said for that. You find your own way because nobody's telling you that you can't do it. Well, that's true. I grew up like that too. And one of the things I was intimidated about you coming over for some reason. Oh, please. No, for having known your work, the work that I know that you've done, I'm like, oh, she's got such good boundaries.
Starting point is 00:23:15 It's going to be difficult. I've recalled a lot of things in my day, but difficult isn't one of them. No, but I mean, I just thought like- I know what you mean. You know, because you seem tough. Wow. Are you? I love that. No, I'm not. I mean, you them. No, but I mean, I just thought like- I know what you mean. You know, because you seem tough. Wow. Are you? I love that.
Starting point is 00:23:27 No, I'm not. I mean, you know, in some ways I am. I got my badass side for sure, but when it comes to this stuff, not really. No? No. I wish I was tougher. Really? Sometimes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Do you have siblings? Yes, I do. Let's see. I have an older brother, a younger brother, and sister. And they do regular jobs? Yeah. Well, you know what? My sister is in the art department of TVs and movie stuff.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Yeah. Oh, so she makes things? She worked on Tree's Lounge. Oh, she did? I think that was her very first job, maybe in the art department. She does set deck or something like that? No, she does more like they have to do a scene in a living room. So she'll go and figure out the dimensions on AutoCAD or whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does a lot of computer stuff and a lot of measuring stuff and a lot of designing stuff. Creates the room on the computer so they can- So they can build it. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Exactly. Oh, that's good. That's important. I mean, she was also trained partially as an architect, so- Oh, wow. She's- Those are the people with the real jobs in show business. That's right.
Starting point is 00:24:23 The people who have to be sort of smart. Yeah, the people where you walk into the place, you're like, holy shit, this looks great. How did this happen? Yeah, I could live here easily. So where did you study? Where did you go to college? What was that? I went to SUNY Purchase.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was about, whatever, 45 minutes outside of Manhattan. It's up north-ish? Yeah, in Westchester. It's nice there, right? It's like, isn't it pretty-ish? Well, yeah, it was built as a prison. So the actual place itself is less than stunning and inviting. It's brown bricks. But I was ecstatically happy during that time. Just undergrad? Many of my friends, undergrad, many of my friends I have now were people I met
Starting point is 00:24:59 then. You were in the performing arts program as an undergrad? Yes, I was in the acting department. You ditched psychology. Kind of. I mean, they're pretty closely related in some ways, but yes, I ditched psychology. And, and what, you know, so you just did, what did you learn there as an undergrad? Did you do graduate work? I didn't do graduate work. You just did the undergrad.
Starting point is 00:25:17 So was it a good program? You know, it had great facilities. It had very great teachers. Yeah. great facilities. It had very great teachers. You know, what I did over my time at acting schools, I lost a great deal of confidence that I went in there with because I wasn't able to really verbalize what the hell I was doing. And a lot of the students at the school were. They would say, well, you know, we would learn all these techniques. And when I first needed to access the information of the number of the address, I put my eyes to the upper right because that's where your eyes go when you're thinking about whatever it was.
Starting point is 00:25:48 And I was like, what? What's happening? I just felt like I'm the worst actor in the world because I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't tell anybody what I was doing. I was very insecure. But you were doing it. You know, but I didn't know. I just felt like I was doing it badly.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Yeah, but that's a good question because I've begun to talk since I've been doing a little acting, I've begun to talk to actors about it, about specifically, you know, what they take and what they don't from what they learned. Yeah. So like in, in your recollection of these other people that had these bizarre or,
Starting point is 00:26:18 or, or different elements of craft or whatever, what, what do you remember that you still have with you when you enter a set? Well, it's actually a beautiful kind of a, I wish I could think of words. It's one of the most awful things. You can do it. I have so much compassion for myself.
Starting point is 00:26:35 Right. For what, for my journey over the years with this. Yeah, yeah. Because what I've come to realize is that I do know what I'm doing. I know it in a part of myself that is wordless. Right. And that's okay with me now when it wasn't back then. Well, that's a self-acceptance thing.
Starting point is 00:26:50 That's right. But I didn't have that then. I went through a lot of shenanigans between whenever that was, 1982. In college, in undergrad. Yes. To now, to realize I do know what I'm doing. I do know what I'm doing. And I have no desire any longer to be able to put a pin in it and exactly explain it to anyone, including myself.
Starting point is 00:27:08 No, I think that's important. I just had a conversation with my brother about it. Like at some point you have to accept yourself for all of it. Yes. And then say like, well, that might not get fixed, but I'm okay with it. That's exactly right. I also happen to believe, by the way, that the sooner you're able to say I'm alright with it it starts to unravel a little bit on its own but it starts with
Starting point is 00:27:31 oh you mean like fixing it yes like it starts to fix itself if it's exactly right you just leave it alone if it's gonna if it's gonna untangle
Starting point is 00:27:38 or if it's meant to it will but you gotta walk away from it right you can't sit there like you can't be in this perpetual state of like I gotta I gotta I gotta work on this something yes yes and suddenly you turn around
Starting point is 00:27:48 you realize holy crap look at this thing now that i'm able to do or this this sense of calm that comes over me now when i never used to in this circumstance whatever i think that should that comes naturally from experience but not only experience but doing something successfully that's it. Unfortunately, like if things aren't working out for you, it's a harder. Oh, yes. A little harder to accept yourself if no one else is accepting you. I want to send that out to the airwaves.
Starting point is 00:28:16 You can only accept yourself if you're accepted by everyone else. Yeah. That's a greeting. It's a card. Yes. Walmart. Yeah. So, but so how were there other people in your undergrad that
Starting point is 00:28:27 that went on to be successful actors and actresses i'm trying to think of the people i i was uh accepted into suny purchase one of 30 people you had to audition yes um and there were 10 women and 20 no yeah 10 women and 20 men yeah my friend matt malloy yeah was in my company with me at purchase and he still works um other than that i don't i don't know if anyone else does and that's the god's honest truth and i you know i rack it i man i but the thing is also i have nothing to fall back on it wasn't like oh i'll go do this thing now it's like no this was it after a certain point there isn't i know that feeling yeah i mean like in college do, you know, but like what kept you going? I mean, like, did you start working right out of school?
Starting point is 00:29:09 Well, I did get a job where I had to be on set the day after I graduated. Oh, yeah. And I thought, what's everybody talking about? This is easy. This is so easy. What's the best choice? I went straight to set and, you know, and then didn't work for five years after that. So, it was a movie called
Starting point is 00:29:25 sweet lorraine uh-huh um and it was uh glorious you know it was so exciting you thought you were in oh my god you thought this my agent said to me are you sitting down when i got this thing she said you're getting paid two thousand dollars a week and i literally almost i felt the color drain from my face um you know i was able to pay off part of a student loan. I mean, huge money when you're just starting out. It's a constant preoccupation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this was huge, a huge piece of it.
Starting point is 00:29:54 But no, it didn't continue like that. How was that movie? I didn't see that movie. Was it a small movie? It was a very small movie. Steve Gomer was his name. Gosh, let's see. Maureen Stapleton was in it.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Really? So did you have a nice part? Yeah. It was about a bunch of kids who worked at a Catskill resort. I mean, so much of this stuff is circular in my life. It's almost freaky. Yeah. But yes, and Maureen Stapleton owned the place, and the hotel was called Sweet Lorraine.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Okay. So that's what that was. And she was an old pro. That must have been something. She was really amazing. Just beautiful. And I'd been a fan of hers forever. And I didn't want to geek out.
Starting point is 00:30:31 So I was very careful to keep a distance. And it's such a funny thing I do. Because when I'm so overwhelmed with feeling of respect for someone, I distance myself further. Because I'm embarrassed. So they think you're an asshole. So they think I'm an asshole. So they think I'm this cold, narcissistic asshole. I can't control any of that.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Who does she think she is over there? She doesn't even say good morning to me, and the truth is I'm apoplectic. I think I have that, too. You know, I mean, I talk to a lot of people in here, and, like, I never keep in touch. I don't know if I'm supposed to but there are people like you know this is a very strange thing that you do also here it's very intimate yeah between two people who don't know each other and then when it ends yeah it's not like you've actually put the time to get to where you pretend to be during this podcast no i think so i mean i well i think
Starting point is 00:31:21 it's a genuine thing and sometimes things happen but you know i just have to leave I think it's a genuine thing. Yes, I agree. And sometimes things happen, but I just have to leave it there. It's not like I thought that me and Neil Young were going to be hanging out or anything. Neil Young sat in this chair? He did. Holy crumb. President Obama sat in that chair. Oh, my God. Somebody told me that.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Yeah. Holy mackerel. There's a picture right there. This? Yeah. Oh, my God. The same orange chair. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Yeah, like him and I aren't hanging out. I don't call him. I think that was a miscalculation i i mean i meet people who i i'm in awe of yeah and then what happens to me uh after a little bit of talking to them it's like you realize like oh shit they're just people right and and that's usually true it doesn't mean that they might not be assholes or whatever. But they are, you know, painfully human 99% of the time. Right. Right? Right.
Starting point is 00:32:09 And I think we forget that when you're in a work situation. That's right. You don't want to, like, how has that happened to you? Like, what was another, what was a situation where you were just like, you know, beside yourself that you were working with somebody and you couldn't deal with it? Oh, goodness. Let's say, well, you know, it was not terribly long ago. I was actually working with Louis again. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:30 And John Malkovich was on set. Oh. You know, I wanted to say all the things I wanted to say, like, bomb in Gilead. Yeah. In New York. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:40 It was one of the first things I saw. Right. And Laurie Metcalf. Yeah. And when I, at a certain point when she finished her monologue, I realized I was perched on top of the seat in front of me. For Louis, you mean? No, no. Or Baum and Gilead.
Starting point is 00:32:53 When I was singing. And all these things, you kind of want to tell John Malkovich about your early experience with all these guys. With John Malkovich. And burn this. Yeah, yeah. And then I just think, really, does he need to hear that? You know, is that going to change his day or somehow make it easier to pass the time with him? So I say nothing.
Starting point is 00:33:08 But you know as an actress that, yes, yes, he needs to hear that. And yes, it might change his day. It's never, when a peer comes up to you and says, like, I think you're a genius in that thing. Are you like, no, I don't need to hear that. I don't know. I have a weird experience. I have a weird relationship with that stuff. Really? It's kind of like I. You don't need to hear that. I don't know. I have a weird experience. I have a weird relationship with that stuff. Really?
Starting point is 00:33:26 It's kind of like I- You don't believe it? I want to, it's so hard to explain, but like, all right, this is what's messed up. I would love to read it somewhere. Yeah. John Malkovich said about Eddie Falconer. It was a scene, blah, blah, blah. Then I can be alone with my reaction to it.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Right, right. But if he comes face to face and says that, and I say, oh my God, thank you so much. And I just, I feel like I come across like a snotty jerk or something. Something about having to accept the compliment in the moment. Yeah. That makes me very uncomfortable. Sure. I understand that.
Starting point is 00:33:57 So I'm glad we're putting this out in the world. If any peers have good things to say about you, they should maybe- Tell your friend. No, no. Email it or put it in a magazine. Send it to the guy at Columbia University that Comey contacted. Yeah, and maybe it'll leak out.
Starting point is 00:34:10 And get it out in the news media. That's right, that's right. That's the way everything gets out in the news media now. Apparently, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's interesting because that means that there's some part...
Starting point is 00:34:17 I guess there's no... I guess it's hard to be... You are a gracious person, but you're not sure that you're communicating that well it's like when you said uh oh you don't really know much about me i'm so glad to hear that yeah right when i first i love to feel like when i meet someone they're actually meeting me and then they don't have a ton of backstories so that they've already made some sort of judgment about who i am or what it'll be like to be with me or whatever, or that you thought I might be, uh, uh, boundary boundary. That's very bound. You know what I mean? I sort of,
Starting point is 00:34:49 wait a minute, but it's good. It's healthy. I mean, yeah, yes, but not if it, if it makes people feel something about me before they've actually met. But that's a problem because like, you know, they, and I've had this issue before where, you know, I like, I'm very familiar with some of your work. I mean, I, I just, when I was on set for glow, I, you know, I'm very familiar with some of your work. I mean, when I was on set for Glow, you know, in the downtime, I rewatched the entire Sopranos. Holy mackerel. Like back to like every day, like two, three episodes a day. That's crazy talk. What are you going to do on set?
Starting point is 00:35:18 I got to do something. Watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's really funny. No, I know. I'm just saying. do something. Watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's really funny. No, I know. I'm just saying.
Starting point is 00:35:27 People are coming at you with a very significant relationship with a character. Right. Right? Right. You make assumptions. You're like, I've watched enough of that character to know that some of that stuff must really be her. That's right. Right? That's right. I mean, parking lots in New Jersey. I pulled up in some mall. Five different versions
Starting point is 00:35:44 of Carmella came running up to me. The nails, they're like, oh my God, I can't believe it. We're having a pole party this weekend. I would so love it if you could come. And realizing how, and one woman said, I recognize you with your disguise.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Because I had jeans and a t-shirt on. And realized how completely bored they would be with the person that i actually am so you know what i mean it's just a funny place it's a funny position to be in thank god on some level not some level i suppose yeah no but that's funny because that's going to happen for the rest of your life i know it i know and you know i don't want to sound anything like uh ungrateful i am still pinching myself that i have the opportunities i have well there's a lot of stuff surrounding it that i had not anticipated well but i think that unlike some people, the type of work that you're doing and the type of
Starting point is 00:36:31 television you're doing, a lot of people can't ever transcend certain roles. Right. But I think that happened more in network television and comedic characters. Sure. Sure. network television and comedic characters you know sure i mean but even even james you know rest his soul had uh you know i saw him on stage in gods of carnage right right and you know i had to of course you had to sit there and go like that's not tony it's not uh-huh it's not tony and it was a totally different role yes yes he also has a physical being that's hard to escape
Starting point is 00:37:03 from you know what I mean? I had all the hairs, the hair, the nail, the jewelry, the costumes were so much a part of who this woman was. It was easier for me to escape and harder for him. Yeah, I got to watch that last one that was released posthumously with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Enough said. Yeah. I've talked about that a million times, that how grateful I was that at least once people got to see him for the very regular guy that he was. And that was the closest I had ever seen him portrayed
Starting point is 00:37:27 to his real self. It's a great, great, great movie, and he's so good in it. Yeah, it was so sad. Yeah, yes. But so when, all right, so you didn't work for five years after the first- Sweet Lorraine.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Sweet Lorraine? Yeah. So what'd you do, just freak out? Yeah, honestly, I really did. Were you auditioning and going? No, I mean, I had an agent. the first sweet lorraine sweet lorraine yeah so what'd you do just freak out yeah honestly i really did were you auditioning and no i mean i had an agent oh you know i could sit here and tell you all these stories but i waitressed i was in new york in the city where were you living i was living in the i've been living in the west village for about 600 years at this point i moved in in 80 same place you know no no no i've you know each job i got a bigger house yeah but it's
Starting point is 00:38:04 all they're all within like a-block radius of each other. But no, I... So you live kind of by Louie? Yes, actually. I don't live far from him. Yeah. But I never really had enough money to live there until I did, which is really nice. But I'm a very much a homebody, So I tend to stay in the same place.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Me too. Look at this place. No, it's fantastic. It's what a life is. It's the things you surround yourself with. Isn't that weird? See, that's another thing about accepting yourself. Is that like, you know, so what if I, you know, just because you have money doesn't mean you have to buy shit.
Starting point is 00:38:40 That's the thing. I just, I moved out of this last place that I was in. I moved to Tribeca for a short spell. Yeah. And the place was just frigging huge. And I just at a certain point, what am I doing? Just because I can't afford this. Is this really where I want to live? And the answer was no.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Was it like a loft? It was a loft. Like a two-story loft. And it was just me and my two kids living in this place. And my bedroom was upstairs and their bedroom was about six miles away. It was like down the stairs or way down the hallway. And I thought, what am I doing? That was it?
Starting point is 00:39:08 That was it. I moved. To a cozy place. To a much cozier place in the West Village. So for five years, you waitressed. You did odd jobs. You did what? It was probably longer than five years.
Starting point is 00:39:18 But yes, I waitressed. I waitressed and waitressed and waitressed. But were you doing theater? I would do anything. Off the grid theater? That's right. I would do anything. Off the grid theater? That's right. I would do anything I could get my hands on. You know, backstage magazines, show business magazines.
Starting point is 00:39:30 So you just go to cold calls. Go to cold calls. And I got to the point where I started to look at them as opportunities just to perform. The auditions. Try out a new monologue. Were you taking classes? At one point I took a class, but I really just wanted to work. You know, I had taken four years of conservatory classes.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Undergrad. Undergrad. And I didn't want to, I just, I kind of wanted to just do stuff at that point. So it ended up being like classes, all these sort of very off the radar things. But that's good because, you know, you get into a situation with that where it was sort of self-preserving in a way that, because there are people that go to classes forever. That's what they do. I know.
Starting point is 00:40:08 And you get really good at it. Well, that was the same thing as in college. Yeah. I didn't want to be able to identify all the different things I did to make a moment feel real. I just wanted to do it. I just wanted to keep doing it. And ultimately, a director just expects you to do it.
Starting point is 00:40:23 They're not going to, you know. They're not interested. Deconstruct your process your eyes to the upper right to access a number however you got to do it whatever you whatever tricks you got to play on yourself that's exactly it to get to what you need and they're all unspoken like none of them have language they're just very quiet little little private well some people have real like you know some people i've talked to you know do have some kind of you know consistent way of doing things maybe real, like, you know, some people I've talked to, you know, do have some kind of, you know, consistent way of doing things. Maybe. In their head.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Right. You know what I mean? Right. Like, if you're going to, like, I talked to somebody, I think it was Paul Dano. He's like, he did some animal work for his last. You can laugh out loud. I'm not laughing. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:41:00 I think that's amazing. I have nothing but respect for people who work in different ways. It's not my thing. Like one of the things I loved about Jim Gandolfini, we never sat down and talked about these people. You know, we didn't, there was none of this. There was no, and I don't mean to, I know how I come across sounding and I'm aware of that
Starting point is 00:41:18 and I'm a little self-conscious all of a sudden. But I think this goes back to my college stuff that Jim and I didn't know i remember when we were picked up for the second season of sopranos he said well we're picked up uh i don't know what the hell we did but apparently we got to do it again and i thought that's the man i want to work with yeah we don't know i didn't know we didn't know we just do people really have those conversations i mean i've got those backs like do you want to talk about their backstory and how many times people have said that to me and i I don't want to sound disrespectful for people who work that way.
Starting point is 00:41:47 But I think I would be less inclined to be so snotty about it if I was able to say, no, actually, I don't want to talk about their backstory. But I'm still not there. The character I played, they gave me this whole backstory. And I'm like, well, that's nice. But can I just see the script? That's kind of, well, that's how I do it too. Because like ultimately, and this is the one thing that out of all the things, like I think, and I think what we're saying here is that, you know,
Starting point is 00:42:13 some people have it and some people don't. And, you know, you can, like acting, there is a lot of natural, there's a natural element to it. Either you have the thing or you don't. Right, that's right. You can be on camera, you can be in a play, you can talk to a person and not know it's, you know, you don't pay attention to the
Starting point is 00:42:30 shit. You're not self-conscious in that moment and you're not, why is there a guy with a camera two feet away from me? You don't think about it. That's right. That's a gift. And for some people, they're actually more conscious and more aware in those moments than they are in their real life. Right. And that's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:45 And that's right. And they don't know how they get there. Yeah. Yeah. Why they're one of the few people who can get there. I mean, there are some people who have had tremendous success in this industry. Yeah. Very famous, very rich, well-known people who you can tell all they want is to be taken
Starting point is 00:43:02 seriously as an actor. Right. And they work and they work and they try and they see their performances and it makes you, it makes me feel great compassion for them because as far as I'm concerned, they don't got it and it breaks my heart because they really want it. And it's one of the few things you can't pay for, you know, just continue to do your action movies and stuff and be grateful for that.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Right. Right. You know, it's not everybody gets to, uh, you know, gets to have this sort of blessing curse. grateful for that. Right, right. You know, not everybody gets to, you know, gets to have this sort of blessing curse thing. That's right. That's right. And also the point I was making is that, like, if you have that confidence that you've grown to have,
Starting point is 00:43:35 you know, the script is the script and the story should be there. Yes. Right? That's right. I mean. And also let me figure out what the backstory is. Unless I'm doing something that does not ring true to the writer, director, producer people. Then you can say, you know what?
Starting point is 00:43:51 Actually, I thought she came from this, you know, and then let me know and I'll make an adjustment. Right. But if I'm not doing something that you're not unhappy with, don't give me more information than I can metabolize. I think ultimately they usually do it to help you. They think they're helping you. That's right.
Starting point is 00:44:03 I mean, it's not, you know, they're not setting you up. it's not you know that's right no no that's right yeah that's right but but like less is more right and just as an actress so so if there's an issue the director says can you do that again but don't uh you know try to play it this way right good that's that's perfect that's perfect that's what i'm here for but if you give me 40 pages of a backstory i'm not going to read it or if i do i will show up deeply confused next time you see me. I don't know what to do with it. Right. Unless it involves a hint of a Minsk accent.
Starting point is 00:44:32 Yeah. Well, then hopefully I knew that well in advance and I declined the project. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can't. I don't. That's. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:40 It has to be within your wheelhouse. So what do you got to make yourself crazy for? Or, you know, something that you thought, oh, that'd be interesting. I haven't had a chance to do that. I'd love to try it. Yeah, but accents isn't one of them. No, it might be. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:44:51 I mean, I want a long lead time. But, you know, I'm very hard on myself. So if I can't do it perfectly, I really, I'm not going to do a half-assed thing. But I, which is why I would need to know well in advance what I'm being asked to do. Yeah, right. Like, yeah, put on 50 pounds or speak Russian. Oh, I can do that by tomorrow, but that's another story. So when did you start feeling like you were having success?
Starting point is 00:45:15 I mean, like, when was it? You know, I used to, I guess, I don't know. I never really thought about it at the time. But I didn't want to have to waitress. You know, I got to the point where, because of the kind of brain I have, really thought about it at the time but um i didn't want to have to waitress you know i got to the point where i because of the kind of brain i have i was very good insofar as dealing with a million tables at once yeah but don't ask me to talk to people as if they're human like make conversation and make you know make jokes with them i couldn't i was so miserably unhappy as a
Starting point is 00:45:40 waitress yes yeah i couldn't so oh i was awful somebody threw a bunch of pennies at me once as my tip. And I sort of thought, I have to remember this moment. This is the pinnacle of my misery. Yeah, it's a good sign. That's right. It's time to leave. Yeah. That guy just made many wishes for me not to be a waitress.
Starting point is 00:45:57 That's right. And eventually I did. I did have that moment where I thought, I don't know how. I will continue to support myself, but this is something I can't do anymore. that moment where I thought, I don't know how, I will continue to support myself, but this is something I can't do anymore. But I think what I wanted was to be able to pay my rent solely on my acting work. That's what I considered, I guess, a success. Right, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Sure. No day job. And that took a long time. It took a long time. When did it happen? What was the job? Gosh, I don't know. I mean, I did a movie called Cost of Living, another independent independent movie i don't know when that was 20
Starting point is 00:46:26 yeah something years ago yeah and uh that was when i decided i'm you know i'm i quit my waitressing job when i got home and i didn't know how it would continue but something about that leap of faith yeah if you believe these sorts of things and i do that you put that out there yeah somehow it was all right and i think for a short spell i did some work with a dear friend of mine, Lisa Kennedy, who does set work on movies and films. She threw me onto a job for a while. So I was able to get some side work with her.
Starting point is 00:46:55 On the other side of the business. That's right. Exactly. And then it kind of kicked in and wasn't living flamboyantly, but I wasn't having to wait. But that's nice that you got that gig because that's sort of like,
Starting point is 00:47:06 uh, in the nature, it's in the, the tradition of, uh, everybody has a job in the, like the Shakespearean theater. That's right.
Starting point is 00:47:11 That we all, we all take our, our, we all do our part. Have you ever done Shakespeare? I'm afraid of it a little bit. No, I haven't.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Me too. I did it in college and I never got that little, you know, uh, blink of confidence that I get when I'm doing something else where I feel like I got it and I understand it. You gotta harness that language. Yeah and I think
Starting point is 00:47:31 if I put enough time and effort into it it might be something I could get to but there are so many good Shakespearean actors you know I'll let them do that. Yeah but it might be like it feels like something you maybe try. I don't know I also did Will and Grace because I never thought I could understand or I also did 30 Rock too because that is a genre I don't know i also did willing grace because i never thought i could understand or i also did 30 rock yeah because that that is a genre i don't understand just delivering jokes
Starting point is 00:47:50 just something like that how like the patter yes but like i i had to make an entrance and sean hayes character saw me and went like and then ducked under the table right and you're like i thought now did i see him do that? And is that an unusual thing? Do I respond? And I realized this is, I am out of my comfort zone here. And I did, I remember thinking, if I did this more often, I know I could come to understand it, but I just, I didn't find it as interesting as the other stuff I was lucky enough to do. That's right.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Because it's a. And I have nothing but respect for the people who can do these things beautifully, like Alec Baldwin and all of those people who are masters at what they do. But I am certainly, I was not. It's a skill set. It is a skill set. And it doesn't immediately have the depth in that moment. It has something else.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Yeah, it's a pattern. It's like a lot of those things are joke machines. That's right. And sometimes if you have a live audience. Right. You get the feedback right away. But do you like to do comedy? I do.
Starting point is 00:48:52 I do. You've done some on stage. I've done some on stage, but it's never been, you know, under the guise of being a comedy. You know, it's like Sopranos. There's definitely funny stuff in there, but it's based on what's real. Right. But like to get a laugh in a live audience is exciting, no? Not really?
Starting point is 00:49:06 I'm trying to think if that's- You don't acknowledge it? In plays. In plays. In plays, yeah. But my character doesn't hear it. Right. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:49:12 I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry. You hear it. You do hear it because you have to hear it. Because you have to take a beat before you deliver the next line. So, yeah. So, you became, like there was a period in new york where stage was working out for
Starting point is 00:49:25 you yeah what was that play the side the side man i did a play called side man my my my producer loves that play and he saw you in it and he knew he's like i don't this this woman is gonna this is she's the real deal wow like you know he like he can't like he it's in his mind. When I talked to him today, he's like, that was amazing. Isn't that nice? It was a long time ago. And to this day, it's still one of the, I think it's probably the most meaningful project I've worked on. Really? Why?
Starting point is 00:49:54 What made it that? I was out of work. I was on a bus and ran into Warren Light on that same bus. He's the writer side man. And he said, listen, I'm having a reading done of my play. Marissa Tomei dropped out at the last minute she's not able to do it can you just fill in for her and do this reading for me right and that was the the impetus for this whole thing we did a reading and the reading went well and then we ended up getting a production in on 13th street in manhattan and then it went to roundabout then it went to broadway then it
Starting point is 00:50:22 went to london i did did this play in various incarnations for four years. And it is still, I think, the richest piece and character that I've ever had to play. You played the spouse of a musician? The spouse of a musician. And she ages from early 20s to 70s
Starting point is 00:50:40 in the course of this thing. And it's deep stuff, stuff I could relate to as my dad was a musician growing up. And, you know, coming from an artistic family and, you know, dysfunction and all this stuff
Starting point is 00:50:53 that everybody can relate to. So it enabled you to connect to all that. A lot of it. Yeah, and that's satisfying. Oh, deeply. It's therapy. Yeah, absolutely. I have to say that
Starting point is 00:51:02 from a selfish standpoint, you know, this is not a totally selfless thing that I do you know of course well you were the reason you pick certain characters sure and there's nothing wrong with that no i agree yeah and then people think you're you know like she's a genius is sort of like actually no i just all i know is i feel much better now if that's what happens when you're a genius i'm good right oh god so but you got you've got the opportunity to do the sopranos while you were doing that that's what happens when you're a genius, I'm good. Right. Oh, God. But you've got the opportunity to do The Sopranos while you were doing that. That's right.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Yeah. That was a terrible time. I mean, I know that sounds crazy, but I... Well, you were about to be a big stage actress. Well, yeah. It was about to go to Broadway. It was about to open on Broadway, and I couldn't join it. I couldn't take the play to Broadway.
Starting point is 00:51:40 How did you weigh that choice? Well, money. I was going to get you know which in this day and age is not considered a you know tremendous amount of money but to do the pilot of sopranos was going to completely wipe out my student loan yeah was going to get me out of my fifth floor walk up yeah that was you know one one teeny room in the west village there were there were real life things too and i was i guess in my early 30s and there were real life things to to think about at this point and i thought but it was was there ever that was there because i mean hbo wasn't what it is now in terms of i mean
Starting point is 00:52:14 sopranos made it this sort of art house that it is on some level in terms of how they handle television yeah i don't i don't have that perspective on it but i know it was it yeah it was early on in the series thing. Well, that's what I mean, right? Is that like it was a TV job. Right. That's right. And, you know, there must have been that battle inside yourself having so much success in the stage
Starting point is 00:52:34 and being at the precipice of being a stage actress, which has this, you know, this lofty credibility. That you were like, what am I doing? Right. Did you have that? Well, you know, my memory is that I had been doing Sideman for such a long time. And I know certainly the more you continue to do something, the deeper and richer the character and the experience become. But also, I had done it.
Starting point is 00:52:56 So my experience with it, I mean, I'd figured out who I thought this character was and I had kind of fleshed it out enough to do a performance of it. Right. And here I was presented with this other character, completely different character. Yeah. And a substantial sum of money. And I remember Warren Light, the writer, said to me, this is a TV thing. You're really going to choose this TV thing over taking this thing to Broadway.
Starting point is 00:53:18 A mob show? Yes, exactly. And I wasn't, you know, you're never really sure ever if you're doing whatever the right thing is. Right, right. But I was pretty clear at the moment what I had to do. Also, you're never really sure ever if you're doing whatever the right thing is. Right. But I was pretty clear at the moment what I had to do. Also, my family didn't have money. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:30 I couldn't, it wasn't like when things went bad, I could just fall back on. No, I couldn't fall back on anything. Yeah. It was all me all the time. Right. So if I was able to take this big chunk of money. Yeah. And get some of that giant black cloud off of my head.
Starting point is 00:53:41 Why not? Why not? Yeah. And if the staging was meant to be, it'll come back. That's, and as it turns out, it sort of did.
Starting point is 00:53:47 I did the pilot of Sopranos. Yeah. And I was able to join, I was able to join Sideman on Broadway. Yeah. Because the woman who was playing the character that I was playing got pregnant.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Oh. So I took over the role and continued it on Broadway and then took it to London. And all this, I'll tell you, stuff works out. Stay out of the way.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Do what you think is right. Make the best decision you can at the moment and move on. Yeah. And when Sopranos doing that first season, because it's interesting, like, you know, when I think when having watched it fairly recently, and I remember that it was exciting when it was on because you look forward to Sunday, you know, like it was like it's going to be on and you couldn't. So great. I'm so glad to hear that.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Oh, my God. It was like it was something to do. Like, you know, you built your day around it. But like rewatching it, like some of that stuff between you and James was the thing that's interesting is that you say you didn't discuss a lot of things, but you were both so emotionally engaged that there was so much space there. They afforded you all this space for things to sit there. Yep. That was big news in the day.
Starting point is 00:54:54 Might even still be. When I remember some scene, he said, listen, there are no words in the scene. You go, you get something out of the refrigerator, you go, you stand by him, you walk around. Part of me is doing this thing thinking, I gotta say something. But they were, that's what they wanted. they wanted to let it breathe a little bit and i just had so much respect and gratitude for for the room to do that which hbo always gave us
Starting point is 00:55:14 yeah and you can you barely have that kind of room on on stage no that's exactly right especially now in this day and age you gotta keep got to keep them. Or in a movie. It was very unique like that. Because the two of you, with him, God knows what emotions are running through him at any moment and how it shifted in his face. And he did that weird thing he'd do where you just go into this blank stare thing that was sort of like, what is going on? Right. I remember it well. Like it was yesterday. And you just, so that character, what did you do to prepare for it?
Starting point is 00:55:52 Oh, I don't know. No, but I mean like you put the hair on. It's one of those things where they- That's it. Right. They dressed you up and you're like, this is it. You kind of look at yourself and you're like, yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:01 Absolutely. That's a big deal. Yeah. Well, I mean, when I read the thing, I was like, oh my oh my god of course i know exactly who this woman was it was it was uh a no-brainer for me and at the same time i was completely sure that i would never get cast because you know and the way things go is they're going to get someone who looks like this you know sort of the dark hair and dark skin sort of more stereotypically italian right or maybe that's my own prejudice. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:28 But I am Italian, but I guess I'm not the first person you'd pick to play an Italian. So there's a great sense of calm that comes over you when you're auditioning for something that you're absolutely sure you're not going to get. Yeah. And that's how I went into that. Like you have nothing to lose. You have nothing to lose. Yeah. And I was doing Oz at the time, too.
Starting point is 00:56:42 So I had a little bit of Doe coming in. I had a little bit of a steady-ish game. And HBO knew you? They knew who I was, yeah. Boy, one environment. Those two environments, one like very literally menacing and the other one menacing on different levels. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 00:56:57 A lot of darkness back in those days. Yeah. Yeah. And like I read, because I don't know how anyone talks about it, like I'm sober myself. Oh, wow. Yeah, 25 years I have this year. Wow.
Starting point is 00:57:10 I'm coming up on 18. Fantastic. I didn't know that. That's great. Well, yeah. I was going to open the interview telling you I'm a little dry. I feel a little... I need a meeting.
Starting point is 00:57:21 I understand. I'm with you. I'm a little brittle. I hear you. I hear you. A little white knuckling going on. Well, no I'm with you. I'm a little brittle. I hear you. I hear you. A little white knuckling going on. Well, no, it's not. It's weird.
Starting point is 00:57:28 You know, you get to a certain point with it where, you know, I don't want to drink, and that's not in the list of solutions, but I'm not acting like a person that's living in the present. I totally get it. Letting go and letting God. That's right. The resentment thing. Oh, I get it.
Starting point is 00:57:43 When did you get sober? So 25 years ago. 25 years ago. Was it during the Soprano? It was. That's right. The resentment thing. Oh, I get it. When did you get sober? So 25 years ago. 25 years ago. Was it during The Sopranos? It was, let me think. It was before The Sopranos. Yeah. I was doing a play.
Starting point is 00:57:51 Yeah. Dating a crazy man. And I had a horrible experience and woke up one morning and realized, oh my God, I'm done. Yeah. I'm done. I didn't know how it was going to pan out. But it really was as sort of miraculous as that. Right.
Starting point is 00:58:04 And I've never looked back. And did you know somebody who told you what to do? Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I went to school with a lot of people at SUNY Purchase who are still my friends now who got sober before me. And it just seemed like, wow, how do you do that? Drinking was such a big part of my life and my social life and my dating life. But I saw them do it and I saw them turn into different people and they just walked me through it. You do turn into a different, you turn into some better version of yourself. Oh, but I saw them do it and I saw them turn into different people and they just walked me through it.
Starting point is 00:58:25 You do turn into a different, you turn into some better version of yourself. Oh, absolutely. It's a weird thing. Absolutely. That, you know, this idea that people can't change. There are some things that can change. Oh yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:58:37 You're always going to be you. Right. And there's always that panic. Like, cause I, you know, one of the, one of the things I do with the podcast, if anyone emails me about questions about sobriety, I'll take it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I'll respond.
Starting point is 00:58:48 Sure. And I'll tell them what I did. Yeah. And I'll tell them what they could do, what they choose. And then I hear back and they're like, I'm doing better. Amazing. It's the best. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:58:59 All you can do is tell them what you did. Right. Who the hell knows what will work for them, you know? But also the amazing thing about that whole, the whole the model and i you know i don't like i try not to be too explicit i try to honor their tradition but fuck it you know there there there's a point where you're like you know that's some old-timey shit and i'm not a representative of the program but it works for some people that's exactly right it's the only one that you got that you know you can go back to and you know but uh there is something about
Starting point is 00:59:25 connect when you're self self uh centered like that yeah there's something about doing it that connects you to your empathy in a way yes that you know that is it was it was it's a miracle yes just by listening to people's story in that context, you're like, oh, my God. You know, like it's made me a better person emotionally in a lot of other ways. Yep. Right? Part of being in this business, I think, was based on the experience I had seeing things as a kid. Movies and television and theater. Where I think, oh, my God, that person understands me or they're going through what I've been through.
Starting point is 01:00:02 I think what saves us every time is realizing we are not alone. There's very little we can experience that someone else somewhere has not experienced. That's totally true. And then you're sitting in an AA meeting. That's what you have right there all around you. Yeah. People sitting with you saying, I used to drink to cover this shit up, but now I'm just going to talk about it.
Starting point is 01:00:21 Right. And what they did while they were drinking, that can vary. Sure, sure. Some of those moments where you're like, yeah, oh yeah. And what they did while they were drinking, that can vary. Sure. Sure. Some of those moments. How bad it went before they could get out, for sure. But usually you don't judge it other than like, oh, I'm glad I didn't. I had to put a lot of that. Like, man, I never got there.
Starting point is 01:00:35 Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. I don't need to do that research. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. That's something that I don't do innately.
Starting point is 01:00:43 Gratitude? Well, you said you're hard on yourself. Does it come easily for you? I'm hard on myself, but man, the gratitude that comes floating out of my system is not something I even could have wished for. I don't know. It's beyond my comprehension.
Starting point is 01:00:56 I wasn't supposed to have this life. I wasn't supposed to have these opportunities and just the abundance. I hate the words that are coming out of my mouth. I just don't know other ones. I have these two magnificent kids. I have money to live. I can help people out when they need it.
Starting point is 01:01:11 It's just beyond. I mean, this was meant... I don't know. I feel like it wasn't meant for me on some level. But what does that mean? Right. I can say those same things. But then somehow or another I'll end it with, well, fuck that guy. Yeah, no one better than you in that way.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Well, you got a few more years than me. That's right. Now listen, wait till you see. Wait till you see what happens next. Well, I don't say it like I used to. Yeah, that's right. I used to say it. I know enough to, you know.
Starting point is 01:01:40 To keep it inside. Maybe, you know, go to a meeting and, you know, and deal. Right. Right? That's right. That's right. So how many seasons of Sopranos did that have? We had six and a half, whatever that means.
Starting point is 01:01:53 So good. Six and then some extra. And then you did a little theater in between things and movies. I think I did Sideman and some movies. Yeah, which I also was able to do between seasons of Sopranos. You did Frankie and Johnny? I did Frankie and Johnny at some point. Yeah. Oh, Lord. That point yeah that's a big play that's a sweet play very very sweet play that's one of those ones that everyone does monologues from is that right i think so yeah i remember doing one
Starting point is 01:02:14 in some class at some point in my life uh but you had to like you know like you showed up at movies a lot yeah you're in there yes uh i have to say it was you know and for a long time when you play a mob wife that's all the scripts you get oh and for a long time when you play a mob wife, that's all the scripts you get. Oh, yeah. For a very long time. And then- Did you fight against that?
Starting point is 01:02:29 Did you have to push back? Well, no. All you have to do is say no. Right. But that may mean- But I mean, you knew that you didn't want to be typecast forever. That's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:35 And the only way to control that is to say no. Yeah. It's as simple as that. And it may mean you don't work as often as you might have wanted to, but you're the one controlling that. Right. And then I get a letter out of the blue from John Sayles. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:48 Who says something, handwritten, who says something like, I don't really know your work. I think he saw me in Laws of Gravity, this movie I did a gazillion years ago. Yeah. And I wrote this part for you in a movie that had nothing to do with anything I'd ever done before. Huh.
Starting point is 01:03:04 And I thought, man, somebody's looking out for me. This is just somewhat a gift. Which film was that? Sunshine State. Oh. And beautifully written. I had to have an accent, which I was thrilled about. Which accent was it?
Starting point is 01:03:15 Southern. Florida. Georgia, Florida kind of accent. And Timothy Hutton was in it. And a lot of great actors. It was so off the beaten track for me. And this was after The Sopranos. It was, I think, between seasons.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Anyway, it was just one of the many, many, many tremendous, like just handed to me gifts. And it was a great experience? Tremendous, a tremendous experience. I loved every second of it. Oh, you were in Random Hearts? I fucking loved that movie.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Yes, I did too. I was in it really very briefly. Was that Sidney Pollack? Yes, it movie. Yes, I did too. I was in it really very briefly. Was that Sidney Pollack? Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yeah. Like, people don't make too many grown-up movies anymore.
Starting point is 01:03:51 Like, there's certain movies, and for some reason I was thinking about Random Hearts recently, where it's like, where are the movies that are sort of sophisticated, adult-themed, you know, like...
Starting point is 01:04:01 It doesn't seem to be happening there these days, you know? Yeah. It's like it's TV. Right. So how'd you get Nurse jackie uh nurse jackie i got because we finished sopranos and i i you know went around with agents and managers and we took meetings with the heads of networks and everyone was like yes yes that's very exciting and then nothing seemed to happen
Starting point is 01:04:19 at some point i got a script called nurse mona yeah. And it was, I got a, my friend Matt Malloy, who I mentioned earlier, who's an actor, a dear friend of mine, and he lives in Venice. And he sent me a script. He said, I know, listen, this was written by my next door neighbor. I was like, oh, please, Matt, don't do this to me. Evan Dunsky. Yeah. And he said, but really, I think this is good.
Starting point is 01:04:38 You should read it. Yeah. And that was Nurse Mona. And I totally responded to this character. Yeah. She was very, very dark. Yeah. Very different from what it ended up being. I kind of I I liked it and we we talked about it a bit
Starting point is 01:04:50 and then I forget what happened next we kind of put it aside yeah because I think it was maybe a little too dark yeah some point uh Liz Brixius and uh Linda Wallen yeah uh got a hold of the script and made it sort of lighter and funnier. Showtime signed on and changed it to Nurse Jackie. And that's how it kind of continued on. But the character, like, so what was it in the newer version that took the edge off? Because it's still a little dark. Yes. Well, she did things like, first of all, she had, in the original version, had like an aura.
Starting point is 01:05:20 No. She was able to read the auras of other people. Oh, right. Like, is that a good person or a bad person? She used to steal something from everyone who died. So it was a kooky character trait that might not have made her sympathetic. That's right.
Starting point is 01:05:32 And also, she kept talking about, well, I'm having dinner with my husband and blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then it's, I think, the last scene in the pilot is you see her and she's eating a meal and talking. But I think the camera pulls back and there's nobody there. Oh. So she has this sort of fantasy boyfriend-husband.
Starting point is 01:05:49 But anyway, it was very scary and weird and dark. Right. But I kind of love that. Sure. But also I thought that people said, are they going to want to hang with this woman every week? I just don't know. Well, that's an interesting question about what drives you in that way. about like what what drives you in that way because you know there are there are points in the Sopranos where that character is very aware uh you know of her struggle to not be aware
Starting point is 01:06:12 of the depth of the horrible world she is in sure right so you know how do you continue on that line where you I mean you're not obviously not thinking like, well, people got to like this character, but the character is challenging in the sense that she's in this darkness. She's not just, she's part of it. Right. Yet, yet that's her life. Right. So in Nurse Jackie 2, that like, you know, there's a sort of the connection. I'm just wondering the darkness thing is, is that like, you know, people, some people
Starting point is 01:06:42 are fucked up. Yeah. And, and yet they, they still, that doesn't mean they're all fucked up. Yeah. And yet they still, that doesn't mean they're all fucked up. That's right. They're not monsters. Even if they are monsters, maybe they are redeemable.
Starting point is 01:06:51 Right. Right? I think you need to find the thing that they wake up for in the morning. You know what I mean? Like Carmela loved her family. Yeah. She was all about her family.
Starting point is 01:07:03 It was legitimate love. Her version of love right was the husband and the kids yeah um and the rest of the stuff her place in society what her husband does for a living you find compartments to put them in to make it okay yeah you know what i mean yeah and everybody does i think that's the extent to which you have i mean how many compartments you have is about how screwed up you are but the fact is everyone does that but not everyone's like everyone's running a concentration camp. That's exactly right.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Right. I mean, I'd love to think that if that's the case, that little compartment won't stay compartmentalized very long. Can't live with it. Right. That's right. So eventually it will overtake the part of you that pretends everything's all right. Sure. I think that's how you have a society.
Starting point is 01:07:41 Yeah. Well, absolutely. But I think Jackie was doing the same sort of thing. What she loved was taking care of people. Right. This a society. Yeah. Well, absolutely. But I think Jackie was doing the same sort of thing. What she loved was taking care of people. Right. This was legitimate. Yeah. She really did want to help these people by, you know, taking from the rich and giving
Starting point is 01:07:50 to the poor. Yeah. But she was also, you know, a frigging mess. Yeah. A drug addict and everything else. Yeah, yeah. And it depends on, you know, what the ratio is to. Sure.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Good person, bad person. And, you know, and also, you know, having been, also having been somebody who has addiction issues, it's sort of like at some point you get into your mind, well, this is how I have to deal. This is how I deal. You don't even make the sentence. It's there in your head, but you won't even allow, you just, yeah, you're behaving without thinking.
Starting point is 01:08:18 And so much of that show, I was just frigging falling to my knees in gratitude that I just, this was not me anymore. But it was also Hugely satisfying and therapeutic to to be in the behavior without actually without the consequence. Tell me about it I just had a smoke and do blow for ten episodes. There you go comes right back It's like riding a bike people would say, you know, it doesn't make you want to. I was like, no, God no. It makes me so, so grateful. Smoking those fake cigarettes.
Starting point is 01:08:47 Oh, they're awful. The worst. And snorting whatever the fuck it was. Were you actually snorting something? Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it was, you know. Vitamin B or something.
Starting point is 01:08:54 It was something that they put in blow, but it wasn't a blow. It was the thing that made you mad when you bought the. Bring it on over. What the fuck is in this stuff? Oh my God. It's the stuff that you do on the movie set oh no sorbitol or mannitol or one of them maybe i don't know oh my gosh but yeah it was
Starting point is 01:09:12 yucky yeah but the the ritual of of of both of them of smoking and uh uh like i don't think like i was very grateful that i knew how to smoke i had smoked half my life i'm with you on that you know and in that like watch an actor who doesn't know how to smoke and oh my god it's the first thing you notice like it takes me right out of the movie right yeah because like it's like i was very specific with them i was like you know i need flip top boxes that's where i'm going to put my bindle in and do it with a key or a pen right top right because i'm not sharing that's right and it's so funny because carly and liz when i told them about this about the character they were both standing there and they like we're so glad you're here oh those ladies i love them he knows well you did you did uh one of liz's plays right i did i did
Starting point is 01:09:57 her play called the madrid yeah i was uh relatively new to parenting at the time. And it's a story of a woman who gets up and leaves her family. And I found that interesting. Because you were like so in. I was so deep in this parenting thing and totally overwhelmed by it. So it was another way to kind of work through that stuff without actually having to do it. Right.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Thank God. Yeah. And people were not all that open to it. They didn't like the play? Yeah, it was not totally well-received. Too dark? It was too dark. Nobody could understand how someone could leave their family. Really?
Starting point is 01:10:33 Did they look at the news? Yeah. Did they look at life? Or they weren't willing to see it on stage. Sure. Whatever it was. It's funny. Well, theater audience, the New York theater audience is a difficult thing.
Starting point is 01:10:44 Especially with a new play. That's why you don't see so many of them. Well, theater audience, you know, the New York theater audience is a difficult thing. Especially with a new play. That's why you don't see so many of them. Well, yeah. And it's like, it's interesting now because I've talked to Annie Baker. I've talked to Stephen Karam, you know, like these newer playwrights. And sort of like, and I've done what I can to get this generation to the theater. But really, when you go to the theater in New York, you're like, oh, my God. How old are these people? Yeah. It's not that it's bad, but it is the theater in New York, you're like, oh, my God. How old are these people?
Starting point is 01:11:05 Yeah. It's not that it's bad, but it is the theater audience. Yeah. And it should be more important and relevant to people. It's like Nathan Lane said about Manhattan Theater Club Sleeps 400. You know, the hearing aids going off and, you know, oh, my God, I got to use the bathroom. In the middle, I swear to God, in the middle of a scene, you just get used to it. But, you know, something's got to shift there if there are to be new voices.
Starting point is 01:11:34 There's got to be a place where they can be heard. Well, you work with the 52nd Street. 52nd Street Project. I mean, that seems to be very proactive along those lines. Can you explain to me what that is that's more about helping uh grow a sense of self in some of these inner city kids who may not find that at home or in a school environment um these hell's kitchen kids that go after school to this 52nd street project they have help with homework and they also have classes playwriting and uh play crafting and now they have like filmmaking and i think dance and and i mean
Starting point is 01:12:06 it's a it is a good on every level good organization and i got involved because i saw my dear friend kevin gear who passed away all of like a couple of months ago i saw him in a play he was in sideman with me but i saw him in a play at 52nd street project where he had a head of plastic hair with little curls that come up with this. And he was playing some little girl or something in the theater. I myself have played broccoli. I played a deer a couple of times.
Starting point is 01:12:33 I played flowers, characters. These are plays that the kids write. The kids write them and adults perform them. And you are not allowed to fix the grammar. You're not allowed to make the sentences make sense so that you can say them. But these are big actors that do this. These grown-up actors and little kids writing them kids who aren't writers and you play them straight you play them straight never have i seen funnier or more engaging or more honest theater in the city anywhere again my my uh producer and my business
Starting point is 01:12:59 partner he went he's gone and he loves it oh he's a big theater nerd not only that you see these little kids who are, they didn't grow up in these theater families, and there they are sitting on a little foam core desk watching their play come to life with Francis McDormand and Billy Crudup, and you see their faces like, it's just so beautiful. It's such a beautiful, life-affirming organization.
Starting point is 01:13:24 That's unbelievable to be involved in any way yeah and you make time for it oh yes i mean they make time for me as far as i'm concerned and it must be just so interesting to see which kids are are you know utilizing fantasy in which you're actually trying to fix their home environment there's a lot of heavy stuff there's guns There's drug abuse. These kids are not trying to make deep plays. They're writing what they know. How old are they? I'm going to make this up, like 10 to 13 or something, or nine to something like that. And these are like, how long are the plays usually? They're short. They're like 10, 12 minute plays. And in an evening, you'll see 10 of them or something like that.
Starting point is 01:14:04 And then after, do you talk to the kids? For sure. Yeah? Well, beforehand, you sit down, and the kids will interview you. I remember I sat down for one, the most recent one I did. He said, okay, are you gay? And I was like, no. He said, do you like to sing?
Starting point is 01:14:20 Yes. And it goes like that. So they end up basing a play. Oh, so you get hooked up with them before they actually write the play. Then they go off to this weekend where everyone goes away to some sort of house, some home that someone has donated for a weekend, writes these plays with these grown-up playwriting helper people. Wow.
Starting point is 01:14:38 Come back and give them to you and you're like, holy crap, I'm playing a broccoli. It's fantastic. That's a first. It's fantastic. How old a first. It's fantastic. How old are your kids? 12 and 9. Wow.
Starting point is 01:14:48 So they're coming into it. They're people. Yeah. Yeah, they're people now. Shocking. And are they interested in arts? Not really. I think my daughter wouldn't mind being a pop star.
Starting point is 01:15:01 She's 12? She's 9. Oh, okay. You have a daughter and a son? Yes, and my son is 12 anderson uh-huh but yeah so macy i think would like to sing in front of a you know an auditorium full of people but i don't know how how that will pan out yeah and you love being a mother i love it yeah i love it i am uh it's the hardest thing i've ever done in my life bar nothing and uh the most satisfying. It's like everybody says.
Starting point is 01:15:26 I had not anticipated how deep it would be. And how did you get into it? Well. Yeah. No, I had a number of relationships in a row where it got to the point of marriage and kids. And so the idea, I never thought I'd be a parent. Right. Came from a crazy family and a broken family and all that.
Starting point is 01:15:44 It was never really all that interesting to me. And in these relationships I started to talk about, we started talking about having kids. Yeah. And the idea kind of germinated in me. Right. The relationship didn't pan out and then I got involved with someone else. It was marriage and kids and things. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:59 And then we split up and I thought the kid thing didn't go away. Huh. So I was as surprised as anybody else. I thought, holy shit, it's time to be a mom. Right. But I was single. Yeah. So I started paperwork for adoption.
Starting point is 01:16:13 Oh. And that was 13 years ago. Wow. It took about a year for them to hand me my son, my brand new son. Yeah. And then three years after that, they handed me my brand new daughter. Oh. And that has been my life ever since that's beautiful it's tremendous and you don't have to deal with relationship stress on top of how people keep a relationship going and parenting i just don't
Starting point is 01:16:36 i don't know i i they're both so challenging and i really i'm not a good multitasker it's so funny that like you say that because like i'm one of those people like i don't have kids i've been married twice and i come from chaos and and you know uh you know boundaryless selfish parents and whatever and they didn't divorce till i was in my 30s but but like i never think about it yeah like and i've been with the women who was like let's have a kid and i'm like oh yeah but there's part of me that's there's nothing wrong with that right but you know you do have to deal with that life, you know, but like,
Starting point is 01:17:06 I don't think I was cut out for it. I never, like when I was a kid, I never thought like, you know, I want a family. I just thought like, I'd like to feel good about myself.
Starting point is 01:17:14 Yes. Yes. Totally. I mean, it's also hard if you grow up in a family where perhaps you weren't, you know, you weren't grown the way a lot of kids are and you weren't necessarily given everything you need when you needed it. And so you grow up feeling all the time is my experience.
Starting point is 01:17:29 Yeah. Like, I got it for me. What about me? I need to get another massage. I got to get a juice. You know, I need, you know. Something to fix it. I got to, you know, so who am I to take on someone else who needs stuff all the time, you know?
Starting point is 01:17:41 And I, I don't know, after 4 million years of therapy. Yeah. And, you know, many years of sobriety, I felt like, yeah, I many years of sobriety i felt like yeah i think i'm all right that's great all right i think i can and you could do it and you know i don't do it perfectly god knows what the messes i've made um but you you're you get you found a situation where you know you took a you took it on yourself and you made it happen i I did make it happen. And 12 years have gone by and I have these people who are growing into people right before my eyes. It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing.
Starting point is 01:18:10 And in this movie, you play like a mother with like difficult kids. The one that I just watched. Landline? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Difficult. Well, grownups at this point too.
Starting point is 01:18:19 Right. But like that age, that must another cautionary tale. I imagine dealing with the younger. Terrifying. What's that woman's name? Abby Quinn. The actress Abby Quinn. Abby Quinn.
Starting point is 01:18:28 You know, she plays, what is she, like 14, 15? She's a little older than that. I think she was like 17 or 18. Oh, okay. But that, like, you know, on some level as a parent, you're like, God forbid. But it might happen. You know what? I can't even talk about it.
Starting point is 01:18:40 I mean, I'm, you know, I'm pretty sane about most things but all that stuff i know i've had i've engaged the help of my my my team of dear friends godparents yeah yeah and therapists yeah listen i'm gonna need to step back from this the whole drug alcohol thing and children i'm gonna need a lot of help with that because i i'm my skew is you know i'm i'm off but also i'm so concerned about it. Yeah, right, right. You're preemptively concerned. That's right.
Starting point is 01:19:08 To the point where you're going to end up throwing them right into it. That's right. My brother, he's got three kids. It's the same. Yeah, there's this like, what do we got to do? I feel like this moment is like, I feel they're going in that direction.
Starting point is 01:19:17 That's right. It's right. And I know I need to back off. And so I've said to my friends, can you just keep an eye on this, please? Yeah. When it comes to this conversation. And also there's another program. Yeah. And that I've said to my friends, can you just keep an eye on this, please? Yeah. And also there's another program.
Starting point is 01:19:26 Oh, and that's where I am right now where I get home like, oh, yeah, I could look into that again. That wouldn't be the worst thing. A little detachment might not hurt.
Starting point is 01:19:35 You're absolutely right. Right? But the movie, I thought it was great. Jenny's great. She's so great. And you get to work with John Turturro.
Starting point is 01:19:42 Who I've known socially for many years and we'd never gotten to work together before. So that was a big treat. Because he seems like a similar actor than you. I think so, too. Although he's also got a director's eye, which I definitely don't have.
Starting point is 01:19:52 So he was always like, how much are you getting? And are you going to do this shot, too? And I just can't do that. Obviously, I'm not a real actor in this sense. But there's some people on set who are like, is this my shot? I don't even know when it's my fucking shot. don't know what i'm at same here i don't know where the cameras are half the time and i prefer that like there's they just know like you know like that's your camera and they're working it and i'm like do i need to know yeah is that but
Starting point is 01:20:18 that brings me back to the college thing if you don't know it and you're doing a good job then you don't need to know it let them do it right right but then you watch someone like Louis who writes directs and stars in all these things where he's
Starting point is 01:20:31 like this thing I just finished where he's you know he does a scene and he's and I'm talking and he's talking I yes
Starting point is 01:20:38 yeah you think yeah I think it is and he'll do something you know and he'll finish the scene and he'll go cut
Starting point is 01:20:44 all right so you know what we need to do and he'll finish the scene and he'll go, cut. All right. So, you know what we need to do? And he can completely come out of this. Yeah, yeah. That is something I can't do. That quick jumping back and forth from outside to inside. It took him a while. Yeah?
Starting point is 01:20:54 Sure. You know, like, you know, he's definitely, like, evolved as an actor and he's evolved as a director and as a, you know, a comic. I think he always, you know, wanted to be a director. His short films, I don't know how far back he went looking at his... No. He used to do these short movies
Starting point is 01:21:09 that were really bizarre. Then he did two features when we were kids almost. Oh my gosh. When he was in his 20s. Oh my gosh. He did Caesar Salad was his first feature and it's insane. I'm laughing already.
Starting point is 01:21:22 It's insane. Really? Then he did another feature in Black and White about a photographer, ostensibly about a photographer that got very weird. But he did shoot features. I didn't know that. When he was a kid. So he's been doing this a long time.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like people have said, I'm sure they've said it to you too. Like, you want to direct? You want to write? Like, I don't. I get anxiety. That's it.
Starting point is 01:21:44 I can barely do the one thing i i want to do that's right yeah and and fortunate for people like us like where it's immediate where you're in it and you're doing it and like the idea of planning like to and you talk to people that make movies it's like well it took five years i'm like five years five years what the fuck i there's no i can't i can't i can't get a tattoo i can't make a decision no that's gonna last that far into the future yeah i dread next week yes like i'm like i gotta do that thing you know yeah it doesn't require anything i think i you also work with my friend lynn shelton on a movie oh yes i didn't know you knew lynn yeah i love when she's just great too she's best i've had such good luck with these people. Yeah, she directed my comedy special just a month ago, and she directed some Glow.
Starting point is 01:22:28 She did an episode of Glow and two episodes of my show. I've had her in here. Oh, my gosh. I didn't know that. I didn't know all those things. I had not heard of her before I worked with her, and then I thought, I don't know how I didn't know her. She's a real actor's director.
Starting point is 01:22:41 Yeah, totally. You can tell that she has done it. Yeah, and she feels the thing. Yeah. When she's watching it, she's like, did you get there? Did you think it? director. Yeah, totally. You can tell that she has done it. Yeah, and she's got a, like, she feels the thing. Yeah. You know, like, when she's watching it, she's like, God, did you get there? Did you think? Right, right, right, right.
Starting point is 01:22:50 And she was also not afraid to say when she didn't know. She was like, you know, oh, gosh, let me think about that. I'm not, well, why don't we try it that way? I mean, you really got the idea that she was also okay with coming up with it as we moved on, as we moved through it. I'm excited. What did that movie end up being called?
Starting point is 01:23:06 Long Shot. I think it. I'm excited. What did that movie end up being called? Long Shot. I think it's called Long Shot. And I so loved it. You saw the cut? I have seen a very early cut of it. You like it? Well, I need to see it like 50 more times before I'm able to not actually see myself in it.
Starting point is 01:23:20 Right, right, right. Takes that many times? I don't know. And often I don't ever get to that version of it. right right right takes that many times i don't know and often i don't ever get to that version so um it's a lot of me and it's it's i you know one of the things i don't often care about how i look i it's not what i am it's for right and especially if i think i want to look like a regular person so uh anyway so then there i was looking like a regular person. And it was hard. It's hard to watch. But anyway, Jay Duplass is in it.
Starting point is 01:23:52 And he's just so, just such a lovely, also another sort of non-actor actor. He's getting good, though. So good. Yeah. So, yeah, I just had Sister Gloria's time working on that thing. Oh, wait, wait, real quick. You were, I saw, I watched a comedian on the plane. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 01:24:04 So you got to work who says no to working with robert de niro i know i know you know it's hard for me as a comedian to watch it but like i thought there was some good stuff in it and and like what was it was that excite curson oh yeah she's great holy mackerel what a powerhouse i think that was one of my favorite parts of the movie was three seconds of her doing it doing that thing that she does she's funny yeah yeah yeah i know a lot of the people in there and i bet you did i know jeff but but those stand-up but having those scenes with with robert like i think like it's a very weird thing i talked to ann hathaway about this
Starting point is 01:24:34 like i think that the work he's doing now when he puts his mind to it and and it's not so menacing as it used to be it's some of the best shits he's ever done right like i've watched the intern like four times i gotta see that again i've had some of the best shit he's ever done. Right. Like I've watched The Intern like four times. I got to see that again. I've had some people tell me actually it's really quite a lovely movie. Well for him like to like you now
Starting point is 01:24:51 like that he's not he doesn't have to be this thing. Right. Like he's really he's got he's got his chops and he's like doing things.
Starting point is 01:24:58 Right. Like even in that movie it must have been kind of fun to do it with him. Well that going back to an earlier question. Yeah. I could say nothing to him. I stood next to the man for hours and hours.
Starting point is 01:25:11 I said not a word. I mean, there's also this piece with Mr. De Niro that he reminds me so much of my dad. Oh, really? You know, a very close bond that I just had an ease around him that was not earned. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't feel the need to talk the whole time. But what the do you say to robert de niro that's not you know yeah yeah there was no chit chat no chit chat and you know and and you wonder like for a man who's done as much as he's done why does he need to do these movies but someone said that he really just loves
Starting point is 01:25:39 being on a set yeah and i i can relate well yeah right just like being around the whole you know just the this person does this thing and you learn more about like you know you hit your mark and then you if they cover you this way then you know just i would never go the trailer i would sit on here i love it i just love it you know who said that like uh who directed a few good men rob reiner rob reiner i think but there was these scenes where they weren't doing Nicholson's coverage. And it was a fairly taxing part, I think, as in A Few Good Men in the courtroom scene,
Starting point is 01:26:13 if I'm remembering correctly. And they were doing Cruz's coverage or someone else's coverage, and Nicholson kept doing it. Full on. Wow. And someone said to him, he said, you know, Jack, you don't wow yeah and uh and and someone said to him he said you know jack you don't you can you don't have to you don't have to do you can just do the lines right
Starting point is 01:26:30 and he goes i love to act oh oh god and there you go right and that's it right there that's it it's certainly a pleasure talking to you oh and you as well and uh i appreciate it worked out worked out good worked out great i don't have to go to a meeting now i don't know if i agree with that well good luck with the movie thank you so much okay that was amazing truly amazing i got a little teared up i gotta be honest with you talking about that 52nd street uh thing you know, about working with the kids. You know, I just, I tear up and you can't see it or hear it. And I don't know if she saw it or heard it, because I was choking them back.
Starting point is 01:27:16 You can't just have the waterworks going right there in the middle of an interview. You can feel it anyways. It's visceral, it's tangible. You know when somebody's there. I don't have to squirt them out. You know what I'm saying? But that was great talking to Edie Falklip.
Starting point is 01:27:32 Okay, what else do I got to tell you? Go to WTFpod.com for all your WTFpod needs. And I don't know. It's a little hot out here. I think I'm going to forego the guitar today. I know that's heartbreaking
Starting point is 01:27:42 to some of you. Okay. Everybody okay? You good? Alright. Boomer lives! It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton.
Starting point is 01:28:22 The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5pm in Rock City at torontorock.com. Calgary is a city built by innovators. Innovation is in the city's DNA. And it's with this pedigree
Starting point is 01:28:43 that bright minds and future thinking problem solvers are tackling some of the world's greatest challenges from right here in Calgary. From cleaner energy, safe and secure food, efficient movement of goods and people, and better health solutions, Calgary's visionaries are turning heads around the globe, across all sectors, each and every day. Calgary's on the right path forward. Take a closer look how at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.