Yannis Pappas Hour - 2 People 2 Great Empires with Joe Bartnick

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

Comedian and good friend Joe Bartnick stops by to chat about growing up as a Pittsburgh Italian, the culture of the gumare, spilling wine on Yanni’s wife at his wedding, passing a kidney stone pregaming at a football game, and his new stand-up special on Amazon Prime & YouTube. This is a real fun one. Watch his special here: https://youtu.be/QpTQ5bI9Gqw?si=iRSTIn0erGe_jyGA Bonus episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Ticket links: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com/shows Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Giannis Pappas Hour. We have an incredible episode today with my good friend, Joe Bartnik. He's got a new special out. You can watch it on YouTube or Amazon. It was a hilarious chat. You guys are going to enjoy it. So much fun. He's a wild guy. And just stick around for that episode, which is this episode. which is this episode. For those of you who want to see me on the road, you can see me at Atlanta, February 15th through the 17th, San Diego, February 23rd through the 24th, Stanford, Connecticut, March 1st and 2nd,

Chicago at the Vic Theater, March 8th, Denver, March 14th through the 16th, Toronto show added. I will probably be shooting my special there at the Royal Theater, March 23rd, late show added, Cleveland, Ohio, March 29th and 30th. And then in April, we're going to be in Tulsa, April 5th and 6th. Kansas City, April 11th through 13th. The Rally Improv, Cary, North Carolina, May 17th and 18th.

And then many other dates coming up that are... Check out... You can check out on yannispappascomedy.com patreon.com slash yannispappashour Go join our Grammy Award winning bonus episodes at patreon.com slash yannispappashour You can sample them for free for two weeks, I think. You're going to want to join and support the show

after you do that. So enjoy this chat with the comedian Joe Bartnick, the wild Italian stallion from Pittsburgh. wrong and there's something up now here comes a great kid you know you can trust from the truth to the news and cameras to the fake politics and the propaganda get his kids screwed in got a lot to say oh shit it's about to be a long day it's a long day what's up everybody welcome to the honest papas hour like i said we got my good good friend joe bartnick here who is a detective from the 70s and he's solving crime first things first let's get the business out of the way you got a special out i have a special out it's on um all things comedy's youtube page and picked up by prime amazon prime woo jeff bezos took a peek

and said you know what let's get it on the old platform exactly let's uh Let's make it $4.95. Yes. So, whatever you want to do. Yeah, Joe's a very funny stand-up comic. The special is out. Go check it out right now on YouTube or Prime. Either or. Either or. You take your choice.

Whoever you want to support, you do it. Now, Joe's from Pittsburgh. Joe's got a pinky ring. Joe's Italian. pinky ring. Joe's Italian. A lot of people don't know that Pittsburgh is heavy with grease balls. Italians, yeah. It's a big Italian.

I prefer the term Italians. Yeah, that's another way you can say it. I'm not... We always called each other Dagos. Where did WAP come from? It says without paper. I think there's something else there, too,

which I don't know, like, definition to. WAP is funny, too. Yeah. The other one I didn't kind of, like, take offense, but, like, I never liked Guido so much. Yeah. Because to me, it seemed like I didn't have a pink IROC. Right.

You weren't that. Yeah, I wasn't under George's shirt. But you do have a pinky ring, which is three levels below an IROC. I. You weren't that. Yeah, I was in the New Jersey Shore. But you do have a pinky ring, which is three levels below an IROC. I do have a pinky ring, but this is a special pinky ring. It was my grandfather's. He got, in Prohibition, he ran a couple of speakeasies, and he hit the number twice. The real number, not the bullshit like Scratcher offers,

but the real number. Yeah. The one that really paid. We're not going to fight Italian stereotypes here. I mean, you had some family members in the mob no no no no how come every city the italians go to they start a mob we gotta take care of our own you gotta you think you think these are irish you think these fuck you think these like politician guys are gonna fucking help us here's why the italians were smarter than the irish because the irish came here and they ate shit and then they became cops and you guys were like no no no we're getting a piece of this american dream yeah you like it

we'll have our own police force we're gonna do our own police force and their outfits are gonna be leather jackets and and instead of guns we use bats italians like a bat i love a bat you like a bat yeah yeah is that because of dimaggio are you just like oh Oh, I love DiMaggio. DiMaggio is my favorite. That is in my special. We weren't even white until the 40s. Yeah, you guys were whops without papers. Yeah. The original Mexicans.

That's awesome. Did you watch my special? No, is that in there? Sorry, I just didn't joke up to you. No, no, no. You know what? That's in my next hour. That's what I'm doing now.

Oh, okay. I say we're the Mexicans of Europe. Right. Because everyone loves our women and our food. They need our organized crime. Right. These drugs that get here on their own people. Right. You're the Mexicans of Europe. Right. It comes up through there.

You're like the border. They should build a wall between Italy and the rest of Europe. I'm sure that's what the Germans think. Oh, if they did I'd go back in a heartbeat. You would. To be on that side of the wall? Of course! You want to be on the Italian side of the wall? Absolutely. You are going back there.

It'll be built to code. It will be built to code. It'll be built to the finest marble. The marble work on that fucking wall will be gorgeous. It's going to be beautiful i mean nobody the less through pompeii yeah if you don't hire an italian guy to do your patio your patio is not going to come out right oh absolutely not going to come out right the mob makes they they're in

the cement business they're in the marble business and they make a beautiful patio option supplies yeah they got it they got it down so you'll haul away your old porch too you'll throw all that shit out. That's right. And then you got to make two patios, one for the main house and one for the gmaz pad. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You get a break.

The girlfriend gets a break when you pay for the big one. That's right. Hey, I'll tell you what you can do. You do mine, and then you go down there like three, four blocks. You get another one done. Right. You get a good price on that one. You get a good price on that one. You get a combo package that one you get a combo package it's understood yeah it's like understood

with a wink and they go all right so but yeah what about the guma what about the guma i want the guma package yes yeah i want the two for one yeah i want the two for everybody gets a new kitchen yeah i think the italians figured it out with the guma no yeah yeah because like i tell my wife all the time she's sicilian i say look if i get a guma you need to understand because it's your culture i mean i'm i i am i am paying homage i am participating in your culture well at some point in life uh women don't feel like going out and dressing up anymore that's why you get a guma she wants to go to all the parties she wants to do all the stuff that your wife doesn't want to do anymore

Right, right, right, right There's a certain point Where a woman just goes From dress up to sweatpants And you can't bring her To a fancy restaurant No, no In sweatpants

Yeah, exactly Just the mentality They don't want to play the game anymore Right Now do you know But the Gumar is always hungry Yeah She always wants to eat, right?

Always wants to eat Yeah, because she's not taken care of like the wife. Yeah. Of course not. No. She's the one home alone on Christmas. And this is why I respect Italian men. This is why I respect Italian men,

because they always take care of the wife more than the guma. They never fall in love with the guma. It's a caste system. It's an Italian caste system of infidelity. Yes. If you fall in love with your guma, the Catholic Church turns their back on you, right? I would think so.

Yeah. Even priests fool around. There's no problem in that. Yeah, we know about that. It's standard in Europe that people have girlfriends and stuff, but you have to have a nice family. You do have to have a nice family first. And I think, actually,

when you get married in a Catholic church in Italy, I think the priest says to you, do you take this guy and also this gamba to be part of you? And also the chick in the fifth row. I think it's understood at the ceremony. I think so, too. I think so, too. Yeah, I think it's understood.

So you got the new spesh. your first bash yes yeah this is the first hour special from joe bartnick first hour special that's like completely yeah uh bill burr produced it yeah and uh all things comedy by director ben tishler was the best the beginning is like a spoof of the 70s like kojak and, and it has a payoff at the end. And I'm really proud of it. I really am. Like, they were cutting clips, and I'm like, I don't like everything in the hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm excited to watch it. You're a very funny guy, and you got to smash it. You got to check it out. My question to you, if you had to choose between doing the special, which has been so well-received, or Distillers being in the Super Bowl this coming weekend? Which one would you take? The special. You'd take the special.

Yeah, I mean, it's like a Bronx tale. Yeah. Is Kenny Pickett going to pay my rent? Right. He's not. Kenny Pickett can't do anything. No. They're like, oh, he...

Some people in Pittsburgh are like, he could be just like Brock Purdy. The only time he looks like Brock Purdy is when he's on the ground sacked. Oh, yeah, that looks like Kenny Pickett laying down crying. Pittsburgh is a great town, though. It makes you a Pittsburgh guy. Pittsburgh is an underrated city. Like, when I go to Pittsburgh, I'm like, this is a great city.

And then you meet someone from Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh has a strong personality the way, new york has a strong personality it's underrated like people never think about like this is a pittsburgh guy pittsburgh has an accent it has a personality right it has ethnicities it's a great looking city well it was like a huge city and then like the depression came to pittsburgh first it really was like a huge city, and then the Depression came to Pittsburgh first. It really was like the ground zero. It was like the COVID of Depression. It was. You were like the Wuhan of the economic crisis in America.

I was born in 69, so I was there in the 70s and 80s. That's why the Steelers are like the Catholic Church, because that's all we had. Everybody moved, but they still had all the Carnegie stuff, so it looks like a huge city like in 1950 like the eighth biggest city in the world yeah world America yeah and then which is the world and then everybody left and they went you know they went to Sunbelt or they left and then it then when I was there it's like there was nothing to do growing up it's like you

went to Kennywood once a year and you played with the hose. I mean, that was like it. I mean, it literally either became like a cop. You went to jail. You went to the army. Like there was not, there was nothing. But then because we beat like Detroit, Cleveland, Buffalo, all those cities, because we were the first one to go out, we got all kinds of the money. And then all the computer and tech companies came because of all the

hospitals and all of like all the Carnegie money and all the science, all that, it all came together like all the Carnegie money and all the science all that it all came together all the Carnegie money yeah because he built all the endowments of like all the libraries and all the everything like that you know Carnegie yeah the steel magnet yeah I like the way you pronounced it though is that how it's pronounced over there Carnegie I like that yeah is it I like that better so they say it they say it? Carnegie? I like Carnegie. Now it sounds like I'm taking a hearing to Carnegie or Carnegie. Has it always been? Is that the way you've learned to pronounce it? However I said it is the way people say it.

Wow, that's different. That's different though. But yeah, so now there's a million things to do in Pittsburgh for kids. Everyone goes, oh my God, it's amazing. I mean, before all there was was like ethnic, and you played bocce or played cards. Right, right. And fought, you know? I mean, there was nothing for kids.

And now there's music, there's comedy, there's so many things, because all the college kids stayed and made lives there. Yeah. And it's, like, 30 years later, that's the history of Pittsburgh. Yeah, they do have Carnegie Mellon there, which is no longer any American students there. I did a show there, and people were looking at me like they had Google Translate while they were going.

I mean, it was all Indian and Asian. Really? Yeah. Well, that's always been the really, really smart school. I mean, I went to Pitt for a semester and a half. You did go to Pitt? Yeah, for a semester and a half. You're a smart Italian.

See, I did it respectfully. You're a smart Italian. You're a smart guy. Well, I mean, the Pitt wasn't that. I mean, it wasn't that. You know why I went? To get Big East tickets to go see Jerome Lane. So you went into school for the tickets?

Yeah. You're like, I'm just here for a semester and a half because I want to go to the game. Yeah, I want to see Jerome Lane. That's when the Big East was the best. Now, why is Pittsburgh built not considering the welfare of old people with those stairs i mean you look at every house and you're going like after you turn 60 how does some i just

i'm every time i pass a pittsburgh house i don't understand why i don't see a pile of dead old people at the bottom of those like big stairs yeah i they're just used to it i mean it's like crazy how my my my uncle sylvester died shoveling ice. You pick an ice, he dies. Yeah. There's just people just drop over. But you know what's so funny? I live in Sierra Madre, California.

It's like an old person. I fished two people off the ground in the last year and a half. They just fall down there. Yeah, like they just fell. Like I saw like some old guy fell. And you never see that in Pittsburgh. No, they're tougher. They bounce. Get off me, Sonny. I saw some old guy fell. And you never see that in Pittsburgh. No, they're tougher.

They bounce around. Get off me, Sonny. I need your goddamn help. Now, what's the most famous Pittsburgh movie? I'm going to tell you an underrated one you may not know about. Okay, well, Pittsburgh. See, I'm not a movie guy. I mean, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh.

Good one. What about this one, underrated, Dominic and Eugene? I never heard of that movie.rated. Dominic and Eugene. I never heard of that movie. Yeah, Dominic and Eugene. I think Ray Liot was, it was about a guy living in Pittsburgh with his special needs brother. Dominic and Eugene. It's another good one. Pistic Pizza?

No, that was Connecticut. Pittsburgh needs a strong mob movie. Because the mob was big in Pittsburgh, right? It had its things. Things were going on. What did they do with Steel? What did they get involved in? Everything. I'll tell you how it's still such a strong Uniontown. When I was touring with Burr,

the only two places that wouldn't let me sell merch without taking the only two places where the Union said no was Pittsburgh and Chicago. That was the two spots. In Pittsburgh, they went like 90% on like my, on my CDs. I'm like, nah, I'm not going to stand in the doorway of a theater for three nights in a row and like for 10% of my own CD. But then, but then in Chicago, same thing.

They're like, what are you selling? Right. I go, I see these. They go, no. Right. Or they went in something i didn't i go no after my set the first night they go uh the guy came back he's oh we all love you you're gonna we'll sell your cds for you so they ended up doing it and then

they did and then the last night to go pick up my money i went downstairs into the basement of the chicago theater the way The way it should be. It was the coolest thing ever. And it, and the door was like a, once you got in, you couldn't get out. Yeah.

It was one of those trick doors. Yeah. And behind the counter where they counted out the hundreds was the biggest picture of Al Capone. It was the coolest thing ever. Cause I love the untouchables. Like my, probably my favorite all time TV show.

And the, they always show the Chicago theater. Yeah. That's probably my biggest goal would be to play the chicago theater yeah that day i shot my special at the den which is not the chicago that's nice i think versi's shooting yeah it's coming up yeah yeah he was there for my specials it was great yeah that's a good place to shoot it at chicago yeah it's my kind of town it It's your kind of town. It's regular people. It's a great city. Yeah. It's a really great city. It's a beautiful city.

It's like clean. It's like if New York got its shit together and took a bath and went to a good school. New York's like the, because they look similar, like big cities, and New York's like the Apex Tech kind of. Chicago is, they're worldly, but they're America. Yeah. New York is like a world city. Yeah, that's true.

There's people from the world. Like this, like the whole world comes here. Right. Chicago is like a really, really, really big Pittsburgh. Right. Right. It's like Americans there. And by Americans, we mean polacks

yeah but there's a ton of italians there i mean there's tons of everybody there but it's just like it's america yeah it's not just like a million just crazy people from all over the world that's right you're right you know what i love about pittsburgh just to fly back to that convo for a second is the um when you go to the neighborhoods up in the mountains around the city yeah and you look down into the skyline or like parallel with it right it's one of the beaut like there's no other city like that uh we have a great looking skyline dude it's great and you can see it from up high oh yeah interesting what's really cool is like from the north side or from the east side you can see not the usual from the south angle

that comes yeah the reverse angles are really good really nice and when you're coming over that yellow bridge and you see it like that it's very cool they shoot a lot of movies they shot batman in pittsburgh well because it has the big city look with like half the half the price yeah that's right there's a lot of good i mean like the character actors or what do you call it, backup, backstage, you know. Background. Background. Or character actors. Character actors.

You got a character actor look. I am a character actor. Yeah, you're the guy they go. You're talking about Italian. I'm the most typecast. I am always either like a deli clerk, like number one drug dealer in Burr's movie. I played a bouncer at a strip club.

That was a great scene, by the way. Thank you. When Ed Verzi goes, I'm not not with them tell them i'm not with them what's funny about that scene is that whole thing was it we practiced for like two days yeah and it the way they cut it was great made me look a lot better but it's like there's mainly just in the end of it it looks like i kicked five people people's asses. But when we did the whole thing, it was like all the other stunt guys were throwing hands too. I got like the first three punches in.

Yeah, yeah. But it was like everybody. But at the end, it looks like just me. But what's funny was everyone else was a stunt person. Right. Except me and Verzi. Right. It was just two comics and stuff.

Like Bobby and Bo Keem and Bill, they didn't take any bumps. Did Verzi at one point say, watch the chain or something like that i think he did he i'm not with those guys yeah no i maybe i don't i mean we did it a bunch of times the funniest part of the whole thing was the guy we're all having a blast we're all professionals sitting around having a blast. And Verzi's just relaxed. And the guy he'd been on, like, he'd been the stunt guy since the 70s, the head stunt guy. He's going, we're going to do this, and we're going to do this, and we're going to do this.

He just grabs Verzi and throws him. And Verzi didn't know he was going to do it. And you know those, like, theme park rides where they just drops? Yeah. I had the perfect view of Verzi's face, just disappearing it took me like 15 minutes uh closely Kenny has it on tape me just go like my real laugh like I couldn't control it because I was laughing so hard but we took we did a bunch of takes in the uh in the movie like i i my two favorite things about well my favorite thing about the movie was i had to sing with bobby carnivali because he's like my favorite actor

under 60 or 70 oh he's great you know what he was great in that netflix show he was great in that well he was great about the neighbors remember like the it was like a neighbor show about like the then he moves to the suburbs and then they they start acting weird his neighbors it was like a very big show i can't remember the name of it he was in boardwalk empire yeah incredible in that it was incredible in that so and i like my favorite movie i always like charisma on charisma like uh in pulp fiction when it's uh bruce willis and john travolta oh that's and he's like he's like yeah you heard me punchy yeah you heard me punchy. Yeah, you heard me punchy. Yeah.

So that's kind of what I got to do with Bobby. Yeah. He's like, we're cool, right? Yeah. I was getting the look. I gave him my old Pittsburgh look. My wife's like, if you could do that look, you'd be a famous actor. What's the Pittsburgh look?

I love you guys. I can't do it. Come on, please. Give the people a Pittsburgh look. Yeah. Wow. I felt that. Yeah, there's controlled

violence. This one. Yeah, look at that. You want a garbage plate? Like right there. Garbage plate's Rochester, right? No, garbage plate's Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh, no? No, I know what you're talking about.

They put everything on a fucking... No, no, no. Primanti sandwich. Primanti's is post-lawed fries on the sandwich. Yeah, yeah. Well, there it is again. Wow. Yeah. Next special, I think I know what you call it. That Pittsburgh look.

That's it? I know. I always do that. Like every time you do that. But no, but it was funny because the uh then we're doing the uh the the first take then all the stunt guys were there so it went really well but the but the guy goes hey you know you can throw the throw the guy like he said i didn't throw the first i punched and then he goes the throw of the second guy he kind of made it like I kind of pussed out. Yeah. He said you didn't do it hard enough. A little bit. Yeah.

A little bit. Yeah. A little bit. So did you, did you, did you. So the second time. Yeah. I just fucking threw his ass. Yeah.

Like, okay. Like, I'm not going to get like, I don't want the big guy fucking pissed at me. Yeah. And I fucking tossed him. Yeah. And then just like 45 seconds later when it's like okay cut yeah like all the stunt gays went running to him like dude

are you okay because i flipped them like i just fucking threw him over everything yeah you gave the old pittsburgh throw yeah yeah you gave the old fucking uh we call that the oh my god. God damn it. Terry Bradshaw. God damn it. I think I got Alzheimer's, dude. I think so does Terry Bradshaw. I have a, I mean, I don't I don't know. I don't remember anything. I lose everything constantly

and you have the situation where like you know it, you know somebody, but you can't think of their name. That's what just happened to me. Yeah hate it i hate it i hate it yeah yeah what do you think that's from i think it's from just dead brain cells okay i think it's just as you get old but you're but you're but you've partied but i've definitely partied way no no no no no no no when it comes to between me and you yeah i can't i would be like that would be like sitting in front of michael jordan saying i play basketball professionally i can't do I would be like, that would be like sitting in front of Michael Jordan saying, I play basketball professionally.

I can't do that. No, no. I've never passed the kidney stone in the parking lot of a football game. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God you haven't. Thank God you haven't had to.

Yeah, no, I haven't had to. Is that a necessity? People think I do this shit on purpose. No, Joe Barton. No, no, no. People think I do this shit on purpose, but. Joe Barton got in almost a a fatal car accident just got out and then got on a plane right right yeah yeah well go into the road go into the best that's when you

decided you needed glasses i think right you thought you don't get oh i get it from behind yeah no we were and the guy looked like chuck berry the guy who hit hit me and my wife looked like chuck berry completely yeah yeah we were on the 13. I was going to the airport to meet up with Verzi and Burr and to go to the Notre Dame game, and then go on a three-week bus tour. Right. And you almost didn't make it. And the bus tour was the greatest three weeks of my life.

I'd still be on that bus. Right. It was the greatest thing ever. It was the greatest thing ever. Because you guys read books and just got early sleep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. poetry readings. No, I mean, the bus tour is like you know you because basically you just let's just say we

start at the show yeah show's incredible it's with the show's incredible then we go that's when bill was boozing we're going up invert me and vers and it was because when there's three of us no one can be like if one person's a little lazy that day yeah no the other two it's like you always get caught up and versi can drink oh i know that's why he's yeah it's like wonder twin powers me and versi dude versi can drink yeah yeah and so we have a good time so uh so that's another so then okay okay so do all that get back to the bus like two or two like say three in the morning yeah right three and three in the morning then that's it you sleep

so good you sleep so good on the bus yeah well i mean if you're yeah no you do you do like i mean i i thought i'd be claustrophobic you're not and you wake up about noon if i could have a sandwich i think you slept good support What was the support center? Was this before you got the CPAP? Because I tell you, you probably slept good, but I bet you everybody else slept good. Oh, no. My snoring is legit. I've heard you snoring. My snoring is legit.

You used to shake the house. Oh, my God. Speaking of university, thank God I didn't get a room at the castle you got married in. We would have ruined your wedding. It would have been the worst. You did spill a little wine on my wife's dress. Did I? Yeah.

I didn't know that. But in Greek, that's good luck. In Greek culture, that's good luck. Oh, I see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Greek and Italian, in the DNA, the 19 and me is the same. It's the same thing. Yeah, I got 33% Italian in me.

There you go. So I have a great grandparent who's Italian. Joe pre-gamed my wedding. I had to. We had like four hours to go. Yeah. I don't know what my wife did. My wife did the fucking ceremony,

and then she just gave people four hours so we could do pictures in the cold. So people had nothing to do. And when Joe Bartnick has nothing to do, there's one thing to do. Everyone went to his room, and he had like fucking cases of i know i had a 24 pack of miller high life yeah he walked into a castle in long island like he was pre-gaming the steelers and he brought a guy as his date yeah i yeah i joe gonzalez i got i didn't i don't know what i was thinking

i thought it was i didn't think i don't know i was just because versi versi was in the wedding versi was in the wedding and i don't know what i was thinking where it's like oh i don't want to you know miss versi i'm like god i didn't know how many people were at the wedding and i just yeah it was a great time though um it was it was the best it was a here here's here's here's how you know it was a good time to thank god i didn't mess it up was i i was i left i go we should get out of here right yeah i get outside dante nero goes what are you doing leaving i go yeah you're right next thing i know i woke up at the hotel just like do i have what happened i have to apologize to people well my tuxedo shoes exploded my tuxedo shoes exploded i had to walk around my

my shoes in my back pocket so i wouldn't lose them i love the fact that you but you tried to do the response you were like i'm too drunk i should leave yeah i was like but thank god god did you know me and bursy how loud we get at five in the morning it had been echoed through that castle yeah i was just like oh my god thank god did you know me and bursy how loud we get at five in the morning it had been echoed through that castle yeah i was just like oh my god thank god i sleep too much to drink you know what that's crazy i'm gonna have a few more how did your shoes explode they were just like cheap shoes from the tuxedo rental place yeah yeah it was funny because i almost just wore a suit and then uh mad dog's like you going to be that guy?

I go, I guess you're right. Like, I wasn't thinking. I was like, yeah. So you brought these exploded shoes back to the rental place? I did. They gave me my, I got like a free tuxedo because I'm like, it was terrible. I think when Joe drinks, he turns into the Hulk and they just pop through his shoes. The hors d'oe his shoes. The whole thing

was fabulous. I gotta say, that was a fabulous way. And I'll tell you... Remember the dessert room? Did you make it to the dessert room or you don't remember that part? I do remember a bunch of... The opening appetizers were insane. The cocktail hour was fabulous. But here's the thing with the wedding.

If you've never been to a Greek wedding, I never knew a Greek wedding. Jesse was there. Oh, you were here i had to leave early yeah they repeat everything three times oh yeah and so you're like oh my god we're like we're like we're like halfway through this shit and then all of a sudden it ended it was like it was like it was like it's like they call it yeah yeah and they want teams up by nine runs yeah we get to go home yeah i'm sitting there like it seems like it's gonna be long and then it's not it ends it just ends it's like what is amazing we repeat uh things over and over in the greek church because so many people who are greek end up getting alzheimer's that they just want to make sure that the grandmas can enjoy it like i

did they forgot it so someone always goes what they. Someone always goes, what? Then you say it again. Then what? Okay, I got it. But it was, you know, just compared to like the regular Catholic church or whatever, it was only like at about the third, fourth inning. And it was like, oh, my God. It's like they're saying everything like three times. And then, boom, it was over. It was like, what a miracle.

Now, when you passed the kidney stone in the parking lot, did you just go behind a truck? I heard you just went, and people just heard loud noise like, ah, ah, ah. And then you came back, and you're like, I'm okay. Well, I just had a- How painful was that? Oh, my God.

It hurt so fucking much. You know, I don't know. Some people are okay with it. I despise porta-potties. Oh, you did it in a port-a-potty oh yeah but i had to go to the bathroom really bad because they drinking about 10 12 beers and as i went and i was like in the porta potty which it could have been infinity and i couldn't go to the bathroom it was like stuck and i'm just like and then i'm like oh i don't know and then so i went back and i was like you know like laying on the side of a truck just like i don't feel good they're like dude you

should go to the hospital i'm like oh i'm okay and then by the time when everyone kind of started going in and i could just go between somebody's car i just stood there and i was like just like and i swear it would looked like a little baby tooth. Oh, Jesus. It hit this tire. I can still see it. They're hard, right? It's like a ping sound. Yeah, it made like a slingshot.

And I just stood there forever. And then literally, it was like I just took a shower. Like Jackie Gleason in The Hustler when he turns around after he washes his face. Like, I'm ready to go. I got the kidney stowed out. It's was pulling a bullet out yourself yeah yeah it it was it was rough i've had some uh it was a lot of pain i've had a lot of pain you've had some health scares you had some stuff yeah i remember texting you

once you know i'm like how are you like i just had a heart attack and i'm i'm back in business yeah yeah you had bounced back yeah because you were you were you were having your heart was stopping at night you've died and come back oh you're like maniac cop you can't be stopped well before the uh before the uh before i got my sleep apnea machine they people would play a game show with me like dead dead not alive i sent versi a picture i said i said something like hey i'm with joe and he goes joe i said i'm with joe barnett and then i sent him a picture i said i said something like hey i'm with joe and he goes joe i said i'm with joe barnett and then i sent him a picture maniac cop and verzi said he laughed for like three hours straight he couldn't stop that picture maniac cop like that with like fucking cuts all over his face

you can't be stopped yeah they're not it's gonna be hard to take you out of this world oh knock on wood yeah knock on wood you're not going anywhere healthy going to be hard to take you out of this world. Oh, knock on wood. Yeah, knock on wood. You're not going anywhere healthy. So you got fixed up. They put a stent in. You got your seatbelt. No, I actually, because I say heart attack, but really I have coronary artery spasms because my heart just stops because it's worn out. Because of sleep apnea. Yeah.

Because I don't get enough oxygen to my heart. So it just stops. So how about now? Is it good though? Did they fix it? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, but if I miss my machine for like two days i'm like i'm feeling it and i i'm on so many heart

pills it's crazy right so i think probably one of the first things the doctor said to you was like hey joe i don't know what you're doing in your recreational time but the number one thing i would say probably not to do would be um cocaine yeah probably yeah that's probably i didn't i didn't ask him i didn't you know i didn't say you know yeah yeah because you know i mean it's it's you know it's just like once it's like once in a you know every hey someone has it what are you gonna do go inside yeah i would say no it's rude yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Well, isn't it funny, though, how, like, that wasn't around for, like, 15 years. And then, like, about three or four years before the pandemic, everybody had it again. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It was, like, gone for a long time. The scary thing now is, though, the fentanyl in it. You just never know. Yeah. So now you literally have to watch, like, eight people do it and wait, like, 15 minutes. That's a fucking hilarious bit, dude.

Yeah, you go first. Did you just say that just now? No, I've said it on stage sometimes. Oh, God, that's so fucking funny. Not all the time. It's not totally my new 45 minutes. Well, thank you for putting it on the pod. That's one of the funniest premises, dude.

That is so funny. Well, it's the truth. Yeah, it's the truth, but that's why it's so funny. Some people bring like, I think Ari brings like a kit to test this shit he does yeah yeah it's like just fucking find like three dumb chicks yeah just wait you gotta just wait yeah you just need to wait you just do it you just wait it volunteers you don't have to bring through tsa look at your walk you're like all right 20 minutes they're good all right stuff's good stuff yeah that'll work but in general i'm not a speeder.

It's never been my thing anyway, to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the deal. I know Joe well, right? Joe's a friend of mine. I know what his drink is, right? He's a guy who looks like he has a drink. You're a guy who looks like you has a drink.

You know, certain guys, you're like, what do you want to drink, right? Certain guys, like if Jesse came over, I'd go, what do you want to drink? You're a guy came over I'd go What do you want to drink Your guy walks in I go Crown Royal and Coke Yeah Crown on the rocks I thought you used to do Crown and Cokes I do as like my wake up

Oh that's breakfast Yeah Like before a show Dude I watched you drink once and I thought Like that can't be good i've said that in my head a few times like that can't be good the amount that joe well you came on the all-in tour you filled in for the great paul verter that one weekend yeah and then we we got very drunk i was very sick and oh that was so funny i just told that story about how like i'm

like did he forget i was here because you were gonna be home we were leaving at 70 everybody go to the giants game or watch the giants game it's like 12 30 i'm like you're like dude i was in blood i'm so sorry all i remember was we got hammered i remember going into a uh johnny rockets at like four in the morning and we were drunk and it was packed four in the morning johnny rockets and joe was drunk and it was packed four in the morning Johnny Rockets and Joe was drunk and full volume he was politically incorrect and I was just sitting there going

Jesus Christ you win an Italian big guy from Pittsburgh and he has a couple fucking crown royals in him yeah a couple bobs and we were with the owner of the club there oh yeah the deadhead guy and he drove us drunk to another club To a strip club

Yeah, well I don't know if my wife's catching this episode Oh, blame me Joe's a good friend to have to blame stuff on I said Joe, Joe Yeah, we went to a strip club Yeah, I remember that Like some fucking shady Connecticut strip club Oh, shady

Dude, shady Shady. It was not a gentleman's club. And we walked in and everyone. There was no buffet. No, we walked in and everyone just started handing Joe their IDs. They thought you worked there. You had a leather coat on.

Yeah, don't touch the girls. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like two of them wanted to come back me to LA. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know. I think there was two black chicks that just wanted to marry you always the case yeah always the black chicks love you dude yeah i love them man they're cool yeah they're very cool and it's like it's like it's like they don't

give a fuck yeah that's what's great they just they just want to have fun yeah too many white chicks get in their heads yeah oh my god yeah well you probably have like a confidence about you that they like i get nervous around black chicks i just don't feel i feel like i'm just intimidated i would have married one if i wasn't intimidated i don't know i i just uh they've always been cool you know like everybody it's so funny like i just so many people that just don't like other people like you just don't know other people not to make this all fucking some big like save the world and hug everybody but i like the oprah moments at the end yeah yeah you know it's like i don't know it's like if people just traveled yeah they would have so much more like you know people no matter what yeah there's no there everyone's just a normal person trying to have a good time yeah and it's just because i know you

like the politics or like talk about, it's just all the fucking politicians that have fucking ruined everyone's life. You think these people want to go to a fucking war? No, they just want to have some kids, fucking have some good food and fuck around. That's it. That's all they want to do. And there's so much bullshit

because some rich fucking guy needs more money for his oil company. Yeah, it is bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. Now, I... That's as applicable as I get. Yeah. We can't, I want to ask you this question. ben roethlisberger did he do it uh it would do what win two superbowls yeah

that we know lose a third that would be great the quorum if you said what do you mean? What did I do? Two Super Bowls? Yeah, I did do that. Yeah, I did do that. Yeah. I don't know anything about that story. I don't know anything about it. I don't either.

It just seems like a bunch of... It seems weird. Fix the TV? I don't know. It was like a fix the TV situation. It just seemed like it wasn't believable to me. I really don't know. One was in Tahoe or something, and one was in alabama yeah tahoe's like

you can't there's no crime in tahoe you can't there's nothing you're in tahoe yeah i you know i don't know no one was in pittsburgh wasn't it in a hotel room oh i don't i thought one was like in alabama and one was in one was in lake tahoe i i don't know. I really have. I mean, that's so long ago. It's a shame that whatever it is, like, that's the first, like, people bring it up all the time. Like, you brought it up to me. Yeah. I have nothing to do with it. Me neither.

You know what I mean? It's like, it's such a weird thing. For the poor guy who won two Super Bowls, and, like, that's on, like, his second Wikipedia. I know. And someone, people always. Unless he did it. Yeah. Yeah. We don't know. We someone, people always. Unless he did it. Yeah.

Yeah. We don't know. We just don't know. But what was, was it. Did Trump do it? Was it like the R word or was it just like something less than that? I don't, I don't, to be honest with you, I don't know the details. You know what I mean?

How about the Trump one? Because if it's like less than that, it's like, oh, like, you know, he pulled his dick out. Like, eh, you know, I'm not going to put that on his Wikipedia page. If it's like he fucking R'd some chick, I'm like, well, that's not good. Yeah. Like, eh, you know, I'm not going to put that on his Wikipedia page. If it's like, he fucking arced some chick. I'm like, well,

that's not good. Like that's bad. Then you should be punished. Yeah. But if it's just some, like he grabbed my tits and I didn't want him to, it's like, you know,

you got to wait, wait, you're in the nightclub, you know, I don't know what, how does it go? Wikipedia first paragraphs got to go. Super bowls.

Second one. If it's R you put the R and third one, I think you would put, he took his dick out. It's a third paragraph. It would almost be like, you know, it'd be like whatever, early life, professional life, this, this, and then it would be like, whatever,

like something underneath, just be like, hey, you know, in whatever, 2005, some woman accused him of showing him his cock. And they'd be like, it wouldn't, you know, I don't know. I don't even feel comfortable talking about this. Yeah, who knows? The Trump one is interesting. What did Trump do?

The Trump one is, we talked about the Trump one, and we may cut all this out, who knows. But the Trump one, the woman, it's 30 years later, and she said it happened in a Bergdorf Goodman's dressing room. And he just grabbed her by the veege, I think. That's it. Was he coming on to her? Supposedly he stormed into the room.

Supposedly he stormed into the room and just grabbed her. Yeah, threw her up against the wall. It's just, you go like, because sometimes you're petting a chick and maybe a little kissy kiss, and then you grab it, and then it's like, no, okay, we're done. Sometimes you got to take a three. Yeah, yeah. We're done. Sometimes you got to take a three.

Yeah, yeah. And transition. You know, go for the Larry Bird, like they're up to Celtics up by eight. All of a sudden, it's like, oh, good night. You know, there's the dagger. Celtics by 11. Yeah, yeah. Jagger, Celtics by 11. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, anyway, the great Joe Bartnick. Well, I tell your beautiful wife I apologize for standing her way. No, no, no, no. It's good luck. It's good luck. It was, you did it on the hug. Oh, well, there you go. There you go.

That wasn't. No, I was high-fiving Verzee and missed him and tripped him. No, no, no. It was a hug. And Joezi and missed him in tripping. No, no, no. It was odd. And Joe goes full wide hands when he comes. He goes, ah! Oh, yeah. And he's so big, you just kind of get wrapped in it.

I think you were holding a wine. I think some of it just went up in the air. It was a celebration. The great thing about Greek culture is anything that's broken or anything that's spilled is good luck, which is great. Because I remember when I was little, I was at my Irish friend's house, and I was on one of those bouncy balls, and I was a little kid,

and I bounced into a mirror, and the mirror broke, and they were, like, mad about it. And they made me feel, like, bad about it. I was, like, four. If that happened in my house, everyone would be going, oh, Bob, good luck for, like, 20 years, which is, you know, that's the way, we're hospitable people. You Greeks are awesome.

Yeah. I mean, Italians, it's like hospitable. You want to literally comfortable. Yeah. We said this, the, the, the, uh, the, on the 23 and me, it's like, we're the same. Yeah. The two greatest empires the world's ever known right here. Well, you guys had the empire.

We, we were at city States and we just kept fighting with each other. Well, that's technical but we we come on it's not alexander the great he's not alexander the kind of good yeah yeah alexander the great he controlled like from like japan to like fucking egypt dude i just i don't want a lot of shit back then i don't want to step on what you just said because it's very funny they called him alexander the great they didn't call him Alexander kind of good. He was the great, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he controlled, he was like 23 and he controlled like the known world. Yeah. The problem is people say he was Macedonian and not Greek, but everyone was Greek. He was speaking Greek. It was Greek culture. The Macedonians say he was Greek. Technicality.

Technifuckingality. Technicalities. Everyone, everything's great. It's either Italian or Greek. Basically. Basicallyicalities. Everything's great, it's either Italian or Greek. Basically. Basically, yeah. I said this isn't my special. No, this isn't what I'm talking about now. Yeah.

How we saved the world. Yeah. The Renaissance. Yeah. We saved the world. Yeah, we're not doing it again, right? We're not doing it again. Use on your own now.

Yeah, now you're on your own. You can't bail you out again. No. Who knows where to go? Where's Columbus going to go? Ty's going to discover some planet we can live on? Yeah, no, he did it once. Then there'll be some hippie bitch like,

he didn't discover it. There was already people here before. It's native of Pluto day. Yeah, I like the way you view things all positive like a lot of people say oh christopher columbus was he was naughty he was bad to the natives you go he saved us he saved us yeah oh you know yeah my problem someone was here joe barton listen joe barton goes two empires two serpent bowls and columbus saved the world. There you go. There you go. Five Stanley Cups.

Go watch the special. Lin-Manuel saved the Penguins a couple times. Yager saved the Penguins once. And Sid's probably saved the Penguins once. Yeah. Watch Puck Off. Puck Off is, you can listen to it. We're going to get some, we haven't, people are getting on me because we don't really film it.

We film it, but we never put it out. But yeah, Puck Off. And if you love hockey, watch Puck my special youtube amazon prime come see me on tour where you're gonna be you want to plug some dates or yeah oh my god look at this i got it written down okay let him know let him know yeah i'm gonna do this this is like a big special i mean big podcast okay 2 24 february 24th houston the riot comedy club 3 three 10 Philly punchline, three 12 Nashville Zanies, three 13 Chicago Zanies. My kind of town,

three 20 San Francisco. My other hometown, three 21 Denver. Then I'm in Poughkeepsie the 29th 30th. I'm in soldiers in five 23 back to Pittsburgh at the improv. Nice. And so Joe, my good buddy who I started,

he's one of my closest friends We started coming together His rooms is where I came up He's got a book out right now you can pre-order on Amazon So go get his book And thank you guys so much for tuning in Thanks Yanni I really really thank you for having me

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