Yannis Pappas Hour - AirTag Jack Move

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

Yanni is back from San Diego and LA and has a lot to report! He helped Whitney Cummings break up a Pitbull fight in her house, did an epic episode with Tim Dillon of the Tim Dillon Show and a sketch w...ith Babylon Bee. Otherwise, people are using AirTags to rob you, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are humble servants of the underserved and also experienced producers (not), and of course some cartoon gorilla news.Sponsors Green Chefhttps://chef.greenchef.com/plans?requested_url=/longdays130Promo code: fumes130Babbel https://www.babbel.comPromo code: LONGDAYS Yanni stand up tour dates & tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram on Wednesdays.Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up everybody welcome to another episode of long days with Yannis Pappas your favorite Fediverse owner your favorite CEO of the Fediverse I am the Mark Zuckerberg Zuckerberg Akis of the Fediverse where you come inside to my world and reality is a suggestion. We have a good time and we ride the wave of the algorithm in and out. Sometimes we get taken over by a tidal wave. And that tidal wave is a bunch of 18-year-olds with purple hair who aren't Whitney Cummings sitting somewhere in Palo Alto or the Silicon Valley going,
Starting point is 00:00:48 and then we get one decision overturned because of Joe Rogan talking about me on his episode. Guess what? YouTube overturned it and said it was an overcorrection. And now I'm seeking to find out from YouTube what the infraction was
Starting point is 00:01:11 on the other episode. Because we know it was Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber, even though he said it, he said that word, he made those videos, I can't talk about it with my black co-host.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Hmm. Speaking of Justin Bieber, he just bought a $1.8 million cartoon gorilla. $3 million? $1.3. $1.3. I'm sorry. Does it really matter when it's $1.3? He could afford $1.8. He paid $1.3.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Something smells fishy when someone can afford a $1.3 cartoon gorilla to use on his profile pic and other people are eating their clothes like moths to survive. That means we're headed for just a nice future. Tom Brady's not retiring. What a perfect example of how the digital media rushes to be the first to a story. The kid probably didn't even finish his morning poop before the whole media just put him into an old folks home where the kid almost had an MVP season. Could have been the MVP.
Starting point is 00:02:19 He ain't ready, Bubba. He ain't ready to just sit down and stare at Giselle and watch Succession reruns. It's not happening. The kid's still good. He's drinking baby blood. He's got plenty left. You'll see him back in Tampa. You'll see me in Tampa February 10th. Get those tickets, one show. You'll also see me at Soul Joe's this weekend right now when you're watching this. No, coming weekend, I'll be at Soul Joe's on February 5th. One show in the Philly area at Jeffersonville, Pennsylvania. Apple's doing just fine.
Starting point is 00:02:57 Apple's doing just fine. Record quarter they had. People are ordering those iWatches so they can take their heart oxygen levels every three seconds. And also, you never know when you're going to get stranded in the middle of an ocean and need somebody in an Apple t-shirt to rescue you. Those commercials are really low-hanging fruit, but they're working. Canada truck drivers are on strike. And Justin Trudeau has been moved to a neutral location
Starting point is 00:03:30 because he's not scared of this fringe group that happens to be every single truck driver from America driving into Canada and Canadian truck drivers. But according to Justin Trudeau, it's just a few neo-Nazis behind the wheel.
Starting point is 00:03:47 Erika Jayne's free. Erika Jayne's free, ladies. Can I get a yas? Can I get a we can like her? Can we say it wasn't her? She had no idea what her husband was doing. She had nothing to do with it. She's free.
Starting point is 00:04:01 I can't wait to see Andy Cohen interview her interview her i'm not gonna watch it because i don't watch that channel because i'm a man i'm watching sports i still yes there's still a few straight guys left i passed a couple 12 year old 12 year olds on the street talking football and my first thought was don't worry guys straight kids are still being born this is long days and let's take a second to find out what's up. And there's something up Now here comes a great kid You know you can trust From the truth To the news and cameras To the fake politics And the propaganda Get his kids screwed in
Starting point is 00:04:49 Got a lot to say Aw shit It's about to be a long day It's a long day It's a long day Yeah, those Apple Watch commercials Are really A lot of people haven't seen them yet
Starting point is 00:04:59 Because nobody's watching television But if you're watching television I don't know if you could miss them They've been on a playoff game. They've been during playoff game blocks of commercial time. And they're basically, if you haven't seen them, I think they're real audio from people. I don't know if I'm watching the first 48
Starting point is 00:05:20 or if I'm watching a commercial. I don't know if I'm watching a true crime doc on YouTube late at night or if I'm watching an iPhone commercial. iWatch commercial. But these are iWatch commercials where they just play the audio from people stranded who need help
Starting point is 00:05:40 who use their iWatch to get help, right? And they basically just roll footage like it's a Cialis commercial of nature seeds. A little more ominous. It's a little more ominous. They have like a little ominous music in the back. And basically they're just scaring you into getting an iWatch.
Starting point is 00:06:04 And it works works the agency should get a raise yes they should and it shows you that fear is stronger than reason always and that you can always use one thing as an example no matter how far-fetched that example is because one guy's stranded in the middle of the ocean okay and people are probably watching that going like you never know dude you never know what i'm just gonna be alone in the ocean now if you're alone in the ocean and you don't know where you are um i don't know if you deserve a rescue at that point you know and i also don't believe that that wasn't set up to sell the iWatch. Because who the hell is just taking a dip in the ocean?
Starting point is 00:06:54 And how are you getting cell phone reception in the middle of the Osh? There's a few blocks where I live where there is no cell phone reception. And I live in New York State. I don't think the cell phone towers are reaching uh coordinates of the ocean meridian meridian measurements and in the commercial the guy who's in the ocean without a life jacket apparently um is like i get the the the the person who's rescuing him, the operator on the other line, who I assume is just a,
Starting point is 00:07:28 a guy in a blue shirt who works at an Apple store. You think it's a genius? Yeah. I just think it's the genius bar. And then I think the, who rescues him is you just see a bunch of guys in blue shirts running towards him. They're just running on the coastline being,
Starting point is 00:07:40 we're here. What can I help you with? What issue are you having? And he's like, I'm dying. And they're like, okay, give us a second. Let us have your watch to look at it and we'll give it back. That's who comes to the rescue.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Just a bunch of teenagers in blue shirts like this. It's just Steve Jobs' cult army that shows up on the shoreline and swims out to you and pulls you in. But I mean, what's a guy doing in the middle of the ocean? How do you get in the middle of the ocean? He was a kiteboarder or something and he got blown out. And he got blown out.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Okay. If you're a kiteboarder and you go kiteboarding by yourself and you get blown out in the middle of the ocean, you know, is it going to be counted as a COVID death? Allegedly. It's a joke. I'm not suggesting. I'm not suggesting. I'm not making light of a global pandemic. I'm just saying, dude, there's people more deserving than this guy.
Starting point is 00:08:43 But I'm glad he got rescued. And I have an Apple Watch'm i have an apple watch i have an apple watch and i never thought of the reason that i had it was in case i get blown away i get fall out of my boat but you know this could have saved a lot of people giseline maxwell's father um died in the ocean somehow he fell off his boat. You know, there was another famous actress who, there's a few people who've just tripped off their boats when there was other people on it. And, you know, that's always when that happens.
Starting point is 00:09:18 You know, it's like when someone goes missing off a cruise ship. They just fell. There's, you know, there's a wife, there's a wife who, you know, there's life insurance on, and there's a guy who happens to be having an affair with another woman, and his wife just falls. She falls off of Carnival Cruise Line. Those decks are really slippery. You got to be really careful. Do you know what you have to do to fall off a Carnival Cruise Line? And this has happened a bunch of times. And it always ends up that the husband
Starting point is 00:09:48 has like a life insurance policy or is having an affair or something. And he's just always distraught. He's like, I don't know. She went out for like a nighttime smoke. And you know, her eyesight's not good. She probably just missed, she took a misstep. It happens all the time.
Starting point is 00:10:03 She, you know, she took a misstep. It happens all the time. She took a misstep over that 18-foot railing that you can really only get her over if you pick her up by the ankles and flip. She just misstepped over it. She just took a misstep over that 18-foot railing. So I don't know if I buy this commercial. I don't know if I just buy a guy in the middle of the ocean without cameras rolling beforehand going, okay, do you know your lines? You feel free to improvise, but remember you're stranded in the middle of the ocean. And the only thing that can get service in the middle of the ocean is your iWatch. And I love how they just, they figure out where he is. They're like, okay, we're tracing your iWatch. You know, here we go.
Starting point is 00:10:45 We found it. Yeah, I just watched a documentary on Netflix about this con artist. I can't remember what it's called. It's incredible. You know what I'm talking about? We talked about it last time. Yeah, I mean, he gets these women
Starting point is 00:10:56 to like, to leave their families for like a decade while he just milks them of money and they can't find him. They cannot locate him. They never can locate him. They can't find him they cannot locate him they never can locate him they can't find him but you're telling me you can find this guy in the middle of the ocean because of his eye watch i mean it just may what's the name of it it's called puppet master puppet master you gotta watch this like this dude is the smoothest guy in the world
Starting point is 00:11:23 and now apparently like the funny thing about the documentary is it ends where he's still got a woman. They're interviewing her kids and her kids are going, we just want our mom back. And he supposedly conned his way into being like someone who sells like purebred dogs that are show dogs. So he convinced whoever that he's like a dog expert and they can't even locate him and the mother. They can't find this guy. They can't find his coordinates. Then at the end, they finally do with a detective agency.
Starting point is 00:11:56 But it takes like years to locate this guy. But you know, this guy buys one iWatch. It's over. The iWatch will track you down no matter where you are. I love those iWatch commercials. They're just going to keep going. Everyone's going to be like, I've fallen.
Starting point is 00:12:14 I fell off a skyscraper. Yeah, those are basically just the iFall and I can't get up commercials. I've fallen and I can't get up. Hi, I'm 87 years old. It's just an update. Okay, sir. Sir, where are you? I'm on the floor.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I'm on the floor. Where, sir? I don't know. Sir, our iPhone has located you in your own address at your own house. Do you have dementia, sir? Yeah. I don't know. No. That's the thing. That'd be funny if all the kids of parents with Alzheimer's just get them iWatches and then the iWatch emergency service
Starting point is 00:12:59 gets flooded with calls. Where am I? I don't know where I am. It's like, sir, you're safe. You're in your own home again. You're still home. No, I'm in a room. I don't recognize any of this. That would be a way that maybe a rival like Samsung, what you could do is get a bunch of old people, buy a bunch of iWatches and give them away free to people with Alzheimer's just so they can call and then make sure to tell them, look, if you don't know where you are, call the emergency services of Apple and let them know. And their lines would just be
Starting point is 00:13:33 flooded with Alzheimer's patients going, I don't know where I am. You know, so... Probably a lot truer to life. A lot truer to life. Yeah, my point is like, there's a very slim chance, in toto,
Starting point is 00:13:50 there's a very slim chance you're ever gonna be stranded in the middle of the ocean. You know? But if you are a former member of the Mossad, who also owns a media company, and you threaten the Mossad, or you threaten Israel, or whatever,
Starting point is 00:14:06 like I think Ghislaine Maxwell's dad probably did, he was probably like, hey man, I know too much, and they go, you used to know too much. Now you're swimming with the fishes. Moshlomcha besedekh. Baruch hara tov, and a chenom alachma lemel eshenu. Because that's what happened to her father. And it's suspected that he was Musat.
Starting point is 00:14:28 And I think what happened was he got a little lippy, he got a little mouthy. And allegedly, this is conspiracy theory I'm talking. I'm not saying definitely he was pushed off a boat. People fall all the time off a boat. He probably went for a dip. He went for a dip. He went for a dip in the dangerous waters of the Pacific Ocean.
Starting point is 00:14:46 The shark infested Pacific Ocean. He got a little hot headed. He was like, it's a little warm in here. Let me take a dip. You know, he took a little dip
Starting point is 00:14:54 and then he was like, oh wow, I forgot there's no ladder. You're not supposed to do this. I forgot about currents. You know, he just had a little lapse. He thought he was
Starting point is 00:15:04 in the shallow end. You know, he was like, oh yeah, wait a second. I can't had a little lapse. He thought he was in the shallow end. You know, he was like, oh yeah, wait a second. I can't see a coastline. This probably wasn't a good idea. I may drown now. And then there was someone on his boat who helicoptered in off some military plane who just watched him and giggled. Said, can you help me in this?
Starting point is 00:15:22 He said, I can't help right now. I can't help. I have orders not to help. My said, can you help me? He said, I can't help right now. I can't help. I have orders not to help. My orders are not to help. My orders are for this to be an accident. I'm sorry. I am sorry.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Can someone else comment in the comment roulette? What's going on in there? There's one person who just is fucking throwing comments. Oh. So make sure you get yourself an Apple Watch. I had a good time in Los Angeles. I was there. That's why we're late.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Apologies. But you know, it was worth it. Tim Dillon episode is out. It's incredible. That was a true story. We did go on that. We did go on that meeting. Substack.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Substack meeting. It was really funny so tim goes just come with me to this it was sort of like when yeah like i said when ben affleck shows up for matt damon you know so you should have seen their face when uh when i showed up with him they just went like oh they went oh and they're like yes my friend jannis and they're like oh hi I guess we should get another table and he's like yeah I got another table
Starting point is 00:16:28 and Mr. Pokeball is like yeah I got another table and then we sat down and he's like okay let's see he cuts right to it he goes like
Starting point is 00:16:36 so 220 million dollars and one guy goes ooh you're cutting right to the chase he goes yeah I mean come on you know
Starting point is 00:16:43 we all got real friends we want to see so let you know this is before the chase. He goes, yeah, I mean, come on. We all got real friends. We want to see. This is before the appetizers? Yeah, the appetizers didn't even show. We didn't even order yet. He got into it. We didn't even order. No small talk, straight to it. And you guys, quite honestly, it's money you guys probably don't have. I can see your dress.
Starting point is 00:16:59 It's $12. And then we left. The moment we left, one guy was in the middle of the sentence, and he goes, guys, I got a spot at the comedy store. We got to go. Thank you. Thank you. And he goes, we'll keep talking.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Yes, we'll keep talking. We'll keep talking. And then, of course, we made a podcast about it. The price just went up. Yeah, I mean, it was really interesting because he knew. He knew. He knew it was a waste of time. And he knew, knew you know they were trying to sell him on the dream and at one point one guy does go we well we'd want you they go what what is your what are your goals and he's like what do
Starting point is 00:17:38 you want and he's like money that's my tim dillard impersonation money money you know what did they think he was gonna do like I'm just I really love what you guys are doing over there you know I just love to come over there give you guys all that press you know you know blaze a path for other comedians to come over have it be a major story that the number two show on patreon he's the number two show or number one or number two show he's the number one comedy show i think on patreon right right so yeah i'm just gonna and he's like well how they treat you over there patreon and he's like you know the money shows up in the account right you know he's like yeah that you know they email me once an hour and they're like oh they only email you it's like
Starting point is 00:18:23 what do you want them to do you know what do you want me to do send me a email me once in a year and they're like, oh, they only email you. It's like, what do you want them to do? What do you want me to do? Send me a masseuse once in a while? Like the money shows up in the account. That's treating me pretty good. That's all he needs from them. Yeah, I don't need anything else from them. I don't need them to check my blood pressure. I need them to send the money.
Starting point is 00:18:38 What are you guys gonna do for me? Wow, what we'll do for you is, you know, we collect everything in an email list and it's all centralized i said on his podcast i said they were basically saying hey wouldn't it be great to just you know how your stuff is just accessible everywhere on all platforms wouldn't it be great to just hide it with us wouldn't it be better if you you know your fans had to find it in one place right as opposed to just being everywhere where they could find it at their convenience. Wouldn't that be great? What are you offering? A dream, you know, the dream, you know, come join all the other classical liberal journalists. Classical liberal journalists now are basically disgruntled
Starting point is 00:19:18 former liberals who are now conservative. Just call yourself conservative, guys. We get it. You're conservative. You don't, just because you want to keep a few friends that you still had in the days where you used to lean left when it was cool, when it was counter, because left used to be counter. Now right is counter.
Starting point is 00:19:35 A lot of these people now are right because it's cool, you know, because left used to be cool because it was a little, it was more raging against the machine. Now the machine is like completely left. So now being right is like cool, but they don't want to call themselves right. You know, so they always go like classical liberal. People say that about comics too, but it's like, no comedians, comedians are comedians. You know, you know, once I start going like making points on one side, I'm not a comedian anymore, but my numbers will go up.
Starting point is 00:20:06 But, you know, so the journalists, though, it's funny. They're like, you know, I'm a classical liberal. And they always go like, you know what? We need to totally put all these Mexicans across the border. They should be catapulted back over a wall. I'm not saying Trump's wall. I'm saying a regular wall. I mean, let's be honest. Obama deported more illegals than anybody. I'm just saying we got to catapult them, you know, catapult them hopefully so they die on the other end so we don't have to. But I'm a classical liberal. I'm a classical liberal. It's completely understandable. You know, we need to increase our military budget and completely we need to arm Saudi Arabia as much as possible because of the threat of Iran.
Starting point is 00:20:48 I'm a classical liberal. I'm a classical liberal. Okay. I'm a classical liberal. Abortion's bad. These are bad decisions that people are making. Okay. Those people should be shot in the street by, you know, by AOC task force or whatever task force. But I am a classical
Starting point is 00:21:09 liberal. At the end of the day, I'm pro-life only because I believe in science. But I'm a classical liberal. I'm a classical liberal. That's the new kind of cover for any issue that you may have that goes right, you just go hey I'm a classical liberal just say it you've been on Tucker Carlson 20 times that's because the other side won't invite me I don't know about that I'm not sure
Starting point is 00:21:42 it's possible it's possible that only Tucky gives you the invite. The bow tie, man. The bow tie. It's possible. I also, if I ever say anything that comes off right, just remember, I'm a classical liberal. Right. I'm a classical liberal.
Starting point is 00:22:00 What is classical liberal? That means like a, what does it mean classical liberal they're just trying to distinguish themselves from the progressives right yeah they say they have liberal values they have liberal values i'm socially liberal fiscally conservative i'm a classical liberal everyone who's rich is uh everyone's rich who has a daughter everyone who's rich who has a daughter that they want to like them they don't want problems with their daughter who's going to some liberal private school you know where guilt is flying around where they just come in and they go like we have to just take care of all the immigrants
Starting point is 00:22:36 and so the dad's gone and going dad what's your politics yeah and dad's got like dad's like a multi-millionaire real estate investor he He goes, okay, okay, honey, sweetie, baby. Daddy is socially liberal, fiscally conservative. Now, will you get off my back, okay? Because I'll just say anything about social liberal. I don't care about the social issues, all right? Look, I own a Section 8 building, okay? I am a bleeding heart.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Yes, yes, I also have hedged my bed and own a bunch of private properties as well but i also have one section 8 building do i not care about the poor people that's the reason why i have that building not because it's completely recession proof and i get compensated very well by the government who pays for that because you know the government pays the landowner the section 8 portion section 8 means the government pays a big portion of the rent for you and you pay like 50 bucks so if you're a real estate developer it's always a nice tax write-off to give a few computers to a local community center. They don't just do it out of the goodness of their heart.
Starting point is 00:23:50 It's a sweet tax write-off, baby. And, you know, there's nobody who just owns a Section 8 building. They own a Section 8 building, a couple townhouses in Georgetown, a couple of buildings in New York City, a couple of, let's say, new developments in Phoenix, Arizona, you know, so the world is messy, but if you want me to be socially liberal, I'm socially liberal, sweetheart, okay, tell your friends I'm socially liberal, they can come over here with your purple hair, and we can talk about issues, and how Elizabeth Warren is just,
Starting point is 00:24:26 is, you know, did what she had to do for the Native American people. Sometimes you go a little too far. Okay? Sometimes the best way to get issues accomplished is to be, you know, to fib a little bit.
Starting point is 00:24:38 To just say, I am Native American as well. In solidarity. To be in solidarity with the people you're going to help. Sure, sure. Now let's go eat lobster at Avra. Let's go to a five-star Greek restaurant. And I'll say that you guys were business associates as I write this dinner that I had with my daughter and her liberal teenage friends off because I'm socially liberal.
Starting point is 00:25:05 We're sitting here in Avra and I'm feeding the junior class of Spence Boarding School. But it was a business meeting, as far as Uncle Sam knows. Guys, Green Chef is a CCOF certified meal kit company that me and Jesse absolute love. We absolutely love it. We both have used it regularly.
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Starting point is 00:25:52 It's like perfect. They cut everything into the perfect proportions. You put it together. It makes you feel like you're cooking, but all the hard work is done, really. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you're on a cooking show.
Starting point is 00:26:01 You're putting on a cooking show, but everything's done for you and portioned out. So you don't got to throw anything away. And you cook it yourself. It's just everything's pre-portioned, which is great. There's no excess you got to throw away. The meal's perfect. So you actually reduce your food waste by at least 25% compared to grocery shopping. It's just so much easier to get it right to you in the exact proportions to make the exact meals that you select.
Starting point is 00:26:27 You select, oh, I want to eat this, this, and this, this, this week. And it comes to you and you cook it, you put it together, and it's fun. You do it with your wife, you do it with your girlfriend, you do it with your boyfriend, you do it with your husband, you do it by yourself if you're a bachelor, and you do it with your boyfriend or your partner
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Starting point is 00:28:57 First night I got there, Whitney's been bitten everywhere. I mean, she looks like she was a prostitute and she met Marv Albert. Whitney's been bitten by dogs all over her body. She almost lost her thumb. She has a couple puncture wounds in her leg. Okay. She's a girl who likes to rescue a lot of these big dogs, former fighting dogs.
Starting point is 00:29:19 And, you know, she goes, Whitney's a perfect example of how even when you're a bleeding heart for social issues, which in a lot of ways I consider myself to be. My mom taught me that way. I think it's good. I think every kid should do social work just to understand mental illness and poverty and all those things. It's good.
Starting point is 00:29:36 It's good for society. I think we should take care of old people, things like that. Healthcare. People should not have to pay $9 million. They shouldn't have to sell their house if they have cancer, or if they need a pill, it shouldn't cost $3,000. Okay? I believe in that stuff in some way, right? Call me whatever you want. But here's the problem when you're bleeding hard in a lot of ways. There's no end to it. It just is endless. It just, you can always rationalize away
Starting point is 00:30:07 the uncomfortable truths based on contravening evidence that a lot of this stuff is choice or culture or mental illness or psychosis, same thing as mental illness. You know, you can always just make it a systemic problem, but really it's like, let's just be honest. I'm a dog lover beyond all dog lovers, okay. Outside of comedy, it's one of my passions. I like chess. I like sports. I like dogs and I like comedy. That's really about it. I like like three people. I like my wife. I like my kid and that's it. Okay. But in being a dog liver, you have to admit pit bulls are not cute rabbits.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Okay? Oftentimes they're bred to fight. Dogs are bred for a job. Pit bulls are bred to wrestle. They're MMA fighters. Okay? They're the khabib of dogs. They got to get it out one way or the other. So when you have big dogs, and I remember this when I used to go, when I lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn, you go to the park in Prospect Park, there'd be off-leash
Starting point is 00:31:18 hours in the morning because all the dog lovers petitioned for it. Now, dog parks are not great for big dogs, okay? They're not great in general. Dogs are a pack species that have a pecking order and they challenge each other, okay? They pack up with other dogs who they like based on that order, male, female, alpha, you know, omega. They do do that, all right? If these dogs were to go back in the wild, that's what happens. That's how dingoes happened in Australia. And then they, they, they form packs again. And that's, that's how packs survive, you know, with an order, they need a leader, et cetera. So what happens when you go to those dog parks is some dogs will pack up and then the new dogs show up. And it's basically like the, the yard and dog jail, right? There's guys that have been there longer by guys. I mean,
Starting point is 00:32:04 dogs. so they've doing harder time and then the new guy comes in some lab with a handkerchief around his neck basically like can we just be honest like labs are basically the white people of dogs okay if you got a lab it's sort of like that guy that lab he's it's like a wasp from connecticut okay he's coming in he likes to swim in lakes. You know, wasps are always swimmers. They're always on the swim team. That's what labs are.
Starting point is 00:32:30 They walk in, and then you got a bunch of urban dogs, you know, from the city. Bunch of, you know, pit bulls are like, yo, what's up, man? They just show up at that lab, and they're like, you new here. What are you in for? And they're like, ah, you know, tax fraud. I'm in for a little tax fraud pyramid scheme. you're new here. What are you in for? And they're like, you know, tax fraud. I'm in for a little tax fraud pyramid scheme. And he's like, what are you in for? And they're like, I chewed a baby's face off.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Murder. This is my owner, some 24-year-old hipster girl who wants to rescue every fighting dog because she watched a Michael Vick documentary. And she wants to fit it with her friends. the michael vick documentary and she wants to fit it with her friends uh you see her over there scrolling her phone talking about how aoc is the queen yeah she's not paying attention to me so i'm gonna eat you i'm gonna attack you now why because i'm a pitbull so pitbulls are fighting dogs you get one of those things you can't have a bleeding heart powerful dogs like that
Starting point is 00:33:28 don't respond to bleeding hearts and generally they respond better to male energy it's just a fact that's nature I know it's not woke to say I know it's not woke to say but you know
Starting point is 00:33:38 in the pecking order unless you're a hyena it's usually a dude at the top why? because of nature we got testosterone and we're stronger than you. You want to fight? I'll fight 98% of the female population. Okay. I have no problem with that. 2% of you that are MMA fighters or weightlifters, you win. But 98% of you, I will
Starting point is 00:33:58 take. 98% of guys, I will lose to. So there you have it okay biology plays a role things are anatomically anchored for a reason so usually if you get a big dog and that's why when you rescue dogs they say experienced owner if you're getting a ridgeback if you're getting ridgebacks used to fight lions whitney has a ridgeback pimple. Whitney, please. Okay? You have it walking around with no collar on. I couldn't even grab it when they were fighting. You can't have a big dog.
Starting point is 00:34:32 God damn it. Now these people can't hear me. Put a collar on the dog at least. So if they fight, there's something to grab. So when you're bleeding hard and Whitney's a she was a basketball player she's like 5'10, 5'11 she's a strong girl
Starting point is 00:34:49 but you know she's a bleeding heart and she's very good with dogs but you know you got two female dogs you know and they're rescues
Starting point is 00:34:57 pit bulls pit bull Ridgeback mix oh my god you know you get one of our other dogs is a Pitbull,
Starting point is 00:35:07 what are the big dogs called? The biggest ones. What, like a? Great Dane. She has a Great Dane Pitbull mix. The thing is a horse, okay? She was telling me, her and her boyfriend
Starting point is 00:35:19 were telling me at a time that all four of them just attacked each other and that was when Whitney got bit in the leg. They couldn't get him off. It was like just her and her boyfriend
Starting point is 00:35:26 trying to separate them and they just fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. It's like a royal rumble. It's like, dude, it's, yeah. I mean, when I went up into her bedroom, I just, am I like,
Starting point is 00:35:35 am I on Michael Vick's estate in 1997? So. How many dogs are there? I don't know, dude. Like over 10? No, there was like there's four or five. Four or five.
Starting point is 00:35:48 Yeah, and then there was a little dog. He got attacked. They had to remove him from the house because the big dog bit him in the face and popped his eyes out. Oh my God. And those two dogs are still in the same room except one of them has to be held.
Starting point is 00:36:01 It's like, you know, I understand. I love dogs too. I love dogs too. I love dogs too. I really love dogs. I've had big ones. I had a, you know, a pit boxer mix. Then I had Gilda, you remember.
Starting point is 00:36:16 She was a wild, like, Basenji kind of, what know what kind of Egyptian wild dog she was. They were big dogs. They got to a point where I stopped bringing them to the dog park because they would just get into fights all the time. Because you can't just go to a dog park with grown-up adults. Puppies will roll on their back and be submissive.
Starting point is 00:36:33 But when they grow up, they challenge each other, especially the same sexes. You have a better chance at male and female, okay? If you have a male and female. And sometimes they don't get along. Dogs don't like each other. And they don't't have a reason they just sniff each other's ass and they go i don't like you dog there's no like dogs can't fake it dogs can't go like dogs it's not hollywood hollywood everyone's pretending to like each other dogs don't do that they're animals they don't like you they don't they say it they say it right there it's very dogs are very new york about it because new york is the realest town they go hey dude i don't like your vibe i don't like you dog, dog. And they're going, wait a second, we can make a lot of money together. Just, you know, whatever. It's business. And they're going,
Starting point is 00:37:12 that keeps it real. I can't pretend. This is who I am. So I think in Hollywood, sometimes people get it twisted. You know, we all just kind of get along. We all sue each other and then go to lunch. It's like, no, a dog that bites another dog's face off and pops his eyes out, those two dogs should never be in the same room together. And if you have a little dog like that, you can't have them around dogs that fight. And if you have dogs that fight, you have to control those dogs all the time. Bully sticks, food, they got to eat separate. You got to control them.
Starting point is 00:37:42 You got to make them sit before their bowl comes. Food. They got to eat separate. You got to control them. You got to make them sit before their bowl comes. You got to, you got to, they have to have so much structure that they know that you are in control all the time. You cannot have those dogs making their own decisions ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. And if two dogs don't get along, guess what?
Starting point is 00:37:57 The chances are they're not going to get along. They're just not. Okay. You got to introduce them early as puppies. There's a whole thing with dogs. And dogs can be dangerous. And I love dogs, and sometimes they get a bad rep because they don't have an experienced owner who knows all this, and they attack everywhere. And yes, that dog, if you want to say politically correct, it's like a big, powerful dog.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Because whenever you see these dog rescuers're like you know he's a big dog you know instead of saying like this dog could kill you you know we need an experienced owner who's had big dogs before right have you owned uh uh what are they course what are they called course kangos what are they called there's a big dog oh yeah yeah yeah whatever their corsica kangaroo whatever yeah yeah have you owned a waller yeahottweiler. Yeah. Have you owned a Rottweiler before? Have you owned an Afghani? You know, Afghani, like those Afghani fucking, you know, hunting dogs. Have you owned one of those before?
Starting point is 00:38:54 A Cane Corso. That's what they're called. Cane Corso. Have you owned a Cane Corso before? If you have, please inquire. Otherwise, this dog doesn't... They always go, this dog prefers to be the only dog you ever notice when they say that this dog prefers yeah what they're basically saying is like
Starting point is 00:39:12 don't have any babies or other dogs around this dog you know and that's the politically correct language of the bleeding heart adoption world um and that's why it's like you have to have a limit to your bleeding heart and understanding. And there's got to come a point where you got to be realistic, where you go like, these two dogs can't be in the same house together. Or I need to do more to provide structure and dominance over these dogs so they know what to do, when to do, and I'm making decisions all the time. You know, for the dog's sake and for your leg's sake. So I don't walk around looking like I was a victim of Marv Albert. Wait, is she fostering or is this?
Starting point is 00:39:50 She fosters and she also, so she's constantly got dogs coming in. Right. Which I applaud. I mean, look, great. A lot of these dogs deserve a chance, but you got, you know, there is that, you know, when you, and then you meet certain dog guys who get it and they're great. They're like, look, you can't have this dog. I'm not giving this pit bull to a 17 year old girl who thinks it's cool to rescue pit bulls.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Pit bulls are bred to fight. Usually, they prefer fucking up other animals. But babies, dogs, all dogs have issues with babies because of their size, they're small, and their energy, the way they pull the tails and shit like that. Like with my daughter, it shit like that like with my daughter It's like very strict with my dog and my dogs are sweetest, but my dogs are rescue My dog is a mutt from Puerto Rico those rescued for a storm I'm a very educated and experienced dog owner and I love it and I'm realistic about it And I'm a man and my dogs a female so with my dog
Starting point is 00:40:40 I brought my baby home first thing my dog did was growl Because it was a new my dog always growls at anything coming in because she's a watchdog. Those are her instincts. It's an animal. I let the dog know right away with my energy, like, I'll throw you in the fire. Like, that's a no. And then there's a lot of sniffing and having my daughter feed it.
Starting point is 00:40:57 My daughter now feed, my daughter's not even, you know, my daughter today was feeding her treats. And, you know, I watch all the time whenever the dog never are they allowed and then whenever my dog if my daughter's hitting the dog in a wrong way like you know or even sees me scratching and then goes that's why i try to pet now i don't try when my daughter can see i try not to do this because my daughter once was like squeezing the dog and i correct immediately correct correct correct if she's behind the dog, I kind of intervene because the dog gets spooked, you know. So you have to watch it until the daughter gets it.
Starting point is 00:41:30 And so I'm teaching my daughter now, like, look, this dog protects our family because that's what she does. She, you know, she's a watchdog. This dog loves you unconditionally. But you have to respect the animal, the wolf, the 99% wolf that it is you know this isn't this isn't a little you know and even the little ones will bite the kids like even a little uh you know whatever one of those little woman dogs wiener dog yeah anyone will bite a kid if you with it but if you have a bigger dog it'll do damage and kids get bit all the time by dogs because parents don't know what they're doing and they don't treat them like a dog okay they're pulling them in the bed they're on
Starting point is 00:42:04 the couch they're everywhere it's like my dog. Okay. They're pulling them in the bed. They're on the couch. They're fucking everywhere. It's like, my dog doesn't go on couches. My dog knows this is your place. The humans sit here. This is, and the dog's happy. The dog feels comfortable in that order, you know? So, um, welcome to Cesar Millan's podcast. I'm just passionate about it. So I'm talking, I had the Marv Albert joke in there. That was good enough. Yeah. You got that one off. Yeah, that was a good one too. That was a good one. Everyone should be getting ready to travel right now. You know, things are going to be opening up. You got to get out there. You got
Starting point is 00:42:32 to travel. Go to different countries. Got to learn another language. It's good for your brain. It is good for you. Makes you more sophisticated. You can pick up chicks in other languages from other countries. Widen your net. You're not having a good time, a good track record with just Americans. Widen the net. Learn some of the other romance languages, some of the goodies. Go to those countries and pick
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Starting point is 00:43:38 made by people. It's scientifically proven to be effective. That's why it's so popular. You can choose from 14 different languages. Like I said, all the good ones, including other ones, Spanish, French, Italian, and German. Okay. German doesn't sound the best, but it's good to know they got a nice big economy. So they also have speech recognition technology that helps you improve pronunciation and your accent, which you can impress people with. There's so many ways to learn with Babbel. I love using it for Spanish. In addition to lessons, you can access podcast games, video stories, and they even have live classes. It's really, there's a lot of ways that Babbel offers depending on how you learn and what you want to do, including those 15-minute lessons,
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Starting point is 00:45:08 Babbel.com. B-A-B-B-E-L.com. Promo code LONGDAYS. All one word. Language for life. You started with Whitney talking about it. She got bit all the time.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Yeah. So Whitney's going out. She's peeing on the floor outside to show. And I'm going like. She's peeing on the floor outside to show. And I'm going like, I don't know if that was in Caesar's book. Because she's got a little cute baby pit bull who's going to end up being like an 80-pound pit bull. And you can tell he's raw. You can tell.
Starting point is 00:45:38 I mean, dude, when you feel these like bred-to-fight pit bulls, their teeth. I mean, dude, they're like knives. So with that dog you really every time it bites and she's good whitney knows a lot of that stuff but yeah yeah you know dogs gotta have collars on in case a fight breaks out at least collars there's also a piece of wood that you can get that i sent her the video of that like if a fight breaks out first of all you need the collar first of all the best way is to grab the hind legs that's how we separated the fight that happened which i'll tell you in a second is to grab the hind legs. That's how we separated the fight that happened, which I'll tell you in a second. You pull by the hind legs. You never put your hand
Starting point is 00:46:06 in there. Whitney's hand was all in there. I'm surprised it didn't end up looking like a pizza because her hand was right in between them, their jaws. She was trying to get them, like, pull the jaw off. That's not what you do. The dog's not thinking about you at that point. The dog is locked in and they're fighting and they don't even see you at that point. And then at one point she goes, put your finger in its ass it's like you're not gonna be able to locate the ass at that point either okay i could have if i started before they fought with my finger in the dog's ass yeah i would have been able to wiggle it and get his attention but i couldn't find the dog's ass like a fucking guided missile they They're fighting. They're full out fighting. I can't like, you know.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Because, you know, she wanted to startle it. And I'm sure that works to some extent. That's some old Brooklyn logic. I remember hearing that back in the days. Put your finger in the dog's ass. Yeah, no. What you got to do. That and you take a screwdriver and you pry open their mouth.
Starting point is 00:47:00 Well, that's better. Yeah. I mean, that's going to hurt the dog. But there are these pieces of wood that you can get that these dog people know about. So if they're clamped on something, then you put it in the side, right? You get in there and you twist. And you twist. And at the same time, you use the collar to choke.
Starting point is 00:47:17 So you twist the collar. So you get on top of it, get on top of the dog. If he really is not letting go. And these dogs were locked on each other, right? So thankfully, they let go just from us pulling with the hinds. If I wasn't there, one of the dogs would have been dead. These are real dogs. They would have been dead. They're sweet otherwise, but these two dogs are female dogs. They don't like each other. Supposedly they've lived in the house with each other like four years too, but I'm sure they've gotten into a couple of scraps.
Starting point is 00:47:40 It doesn't just come out of nowhere, you know? scraps. It doesn't just come out of nowhere. The problem with idealism, and this is the world we live in now, and this is why so many people are extreme, and this is what's so worrisome. The problem with idealism is when you're an idealist like a lot of kids are, you want to never have anything contradict your beliefs. That's the problem with beliefs. So any contravening evidence that may come up that contradicts your positions, what an idealist or a utopian will do will rationalize away that contravening evidence.
Starting point is 00:48:26 Oh, it's always this, you know. If you're like, oh, we need to defund the police and then crime goes up in high crime areas, AOC will go, oh, high crime is up because of the pandemic and people can't eat. You know, rationalize away. Even though you're going like, hmm, this guy rolled up in a car and shot a guy who was walking with his daughter in the head and drove off. What groceries was he trying to get in that scenario?
Starting point is 00:48:51 And she'll go, systematic, police, they're killing everybody, blah, blah, because she doesn't want anything to threaten her utopian ideas. That's the problem with communist dictators, everything. They say we're doing this for the good and then these other groups are like, we disagree with you. And then they're like, we'll just kill you for the greater good because you are interrupting my dream, my goal. That's what
Starting point is 00:49:14 cult leaders do. You're going like, wait a second. You go, don't mess with the dream. They get wide-eyed and they're like, don't mess with this utopia. Because the problem with utopia is it doesn't exist. It literally comes from a Greek word that means nowhere. The original meaning of utopia in Greek is nowhere. So it used to have a negative connotation, you know. This is reality, where people kill each other, people fight over territories,
Starting point is 00:49:44 where slavery was the way of the world up until England outlawed it. Everywhere. Everywhere. It was the norm. It's a life sucks. Humans are shit. You know, that's the reality.
Starting point is 00:50:01 The reality is not so pretty. The reality doesn't paint a pretty picture. And so you have to be realistic in order to govern, to own a dog, and to be emotionally stable. To remain emotionally stable, you have to be able to acknowledge uncomfortable truths that are less than idealistic. And these people can't. So they rationalize them away over and over again. And as they rationalize, they get pulled deeper and deeper down into the rabbit hole of extremism. And that's what extremists are. People who are unwilling,
Starting point is 00:50:38 unwilling to hear any contravening evidence, hard evidence, that would blow up their positions. Some of those positions come from a good place. They're ideals, things to strive for. But even Michael Jordan shot 50% from the field. Even the best hitters in baseball only hit 300, which means three out of 10 times at bat they get a hit. That's reality. Nothing is 10 out of 10 perfect. bat, they get a hit. That's reality. Nothing is 10 out of 10
Starting point is 00:51:05 perfect, you know? And that's the problem. You know, that's what racists do. They go, all these people. And then you show them a bunch of good people and they go, oh, they're all like, they just block it out. They just block it out. And they go, I've already made, my belief is already set. My belief is already set. I'm rationalizing that away to something else. Either I'm flat out ignoring it or I'm rationalizing it away. Racists are extremists. Communists are extremists.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Laissez-faire capitalists are extremists. People who rescue dogs and ignore the realities of their animal nature are extremists. Okay? So they can't hear me in the live chat. So let me, because I got a call from someone I've been avoiding. So just give me a second to reboot. And I don't know how to put it on silent
Starting point is 00:52:06 because Jared Harvin's not here and I'm a boomer. I'm a boomer. So to get to the fun, yeah, she pees on the floor. So right in the middle of dinner, she went outside and just peed on the grass. She squatted and peed on the grass to show the dog to be the pack leader. Whitney's a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:52:29 I don't understand. Like, you know, you read the comments and people always make fun of her. She does not take herself seriously. She talks about her Botox. Whitney's very funny. You go to Hollywood. You go to Hollywood and make $30, 40 million dollars or whatever she's made. You invent a TV show
Starting point is 00:52:47 that succeeds. You write for one of the legends, Roseanne. You do all the things that she does. Put out all the specials she does.
Starting point is 00:52:53 And she's funny. Whitney's very funny. And she's funny on her podcast. Sure she interviews Paris Hilton. If you think if I, you think if I had access to Paris Hilton
Starting point is 00:53:01 I wouldn't fucking interview her? I would. I would. She's,ilton, I wouldn't fucking interview her? I would. I would. Yeah, she's part Hollywood. She's a star. She's not like a renegade comic like me doing my podcast in my apartment. But guess what?
Starting point is 00:53:17 I also don't have $30 million fucking dollars. Okay? I'm pushing the cart in front of the horse here. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longboy Yanni Longdays join it we're trending up big oh yeah
Starting point is 00:53:30 people love the new bonus episodes on the set so patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays $5 just join $5 a month I'm gonna make if I could make it $4.99
Starting point is 00:53:39 to trick you I would but Patreon doesn't allow it it's even numbers only if I could use that trick but I can't. Did Substack make you an offer? Substack at the end goes, do you want to join for $65,000?
Starting point is 00:53:51 And I was like, you really don't understand the world of podcasting. Even I wouldn't join for $65,000. They wanted, yeah, they offered like $65,000 upfront money. And I'm going like, come on, guy. But I tell you what, if I continue to get banned from YouTube, Substack, bring, bring, bring, hi. It would be a little different reason than Tim.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Tim would get the money and go, YouTube, who tube? I would get the money and go, I have no tube. So I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm jazzed about it. I'm psyched about the move to Substack. The exposure is going to be great. I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm jazzed about it. I'm psyched about the move to Substack. The exposure is going to be great. I'm with it.
Starting point is 00:54:29 I'm with it. You know? They always tell you on exposure. Exposure and also the meaning behind it. Like, look what we're doing. Right, right, right. We're disrupting the thing, which is true. And we like it.
Starting point is 00:54:40 And it's great for journalists. But I also don't know if journalists and comedians should be in the same place. I'm kind of tired of these editorialized pieces. I really kind of am, you know? Like just get back in your lane and let the comedians say garbage. Stop trying to editorialize.
Starting point is 00:54:56 Just tell me the facts and let me decide. All right, let me decide. Okay? That's what I prefer. So it was a very fruitful trip to los angeles also did burke kreischer's podcast um that'll be coming out cheetos santinos and we shot a sketch with the babylon b babylon b the babylon b now they're like the christian onion
Starting point is 00:55:20 am i christian sure why not i grew up Christian. I don't know. Are they born again? I don't know what they are, but I know their last question in the podcast was, do I accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior? And nobody laughed. So, but it was a great episode and they're very funny. They do a lot of funny stuff. And we did a sketch. We shot a sketch where I play Hunter Biden as Bob Ross painting because Hunter Biden's now a painter selling his paintings
Starting point is 00:55:49 for a lot of money with all his artistic talent and no formal training. Some nice watercolors. Some nice watercolors, yeah. Hunter Biden. If you watch his interview, have you ever watched
Starting point is 00:55:59 an interview with him? No. Just eyes are wide open and he's just, yeah, you know, yeah, so I did smoke a little parmesan cheese here and there that was this is one interview was great we talks about smoking parmesan cheese he's like so desperate i ran out of crack and i i found part of those parmesan cheese flakes
Starting point is 00:56:16 on the floor and i smoked those close enough yeah i mean how's the crack out here's the thing and you know it's funny you can't find any. You Google Hunter Biden and like Donald Trump Jr. comes up. It's like Hunter Biden is a very compromising figure for his daddy, you know? Also, Hunter Biden, his brother died
Starting point is 00:56:40 and then he started banging his brother's wife. None of this is true. No, that's true. No, I know. I'm just saying for YouTube. Oh, for YouTube. Oh, yeah. Allegedly, I heard.
Starting point is 00:56:51 He started banging his dead brother's... I mean, dude. Talk about lack of guy code. If that was on MTV, they'd go... Andrew Schultz would go, uh-uh. It's breaking guy code, y'all. I mean, dude, that's the ultimate break of guy code. Your brother's widow?
Starting point is 00:57:12 But that's even the least of it. Let's talk about, yeah, the Burisma board. I mean, what's a crackhead doing, investing in a Ukrainian company? How did that happen? What Ukrainian company put Hunter Biden on the board because he earned it? I mean, are we stupid? Are we stupid to suggest that perhaps foreign multinational corporations are interested in currying favor with the vice president by putting their fucking crackhead son, admitted crackhead son on the board?
Starting point is 00:57:55 You know, the guy who can't keep track of a fucking laptop because he's presently sleeping in a DC crack den, sharing a crack pipe with Mary and Barry? Let's look at these paintings. I mean, it looks like it's COVID under a microscope. Yeah, he's got some geometric abstraction. Look at that. It looks like Joan Moreau, just like Joan Moreau.
Starting point is 00:58:20 And if you don't know who Joan Moreau is, he's just smoother. Yeah, look at this one. That one's actually pretty cool. You like that one? Yeah, you? No? You're the artist.
Starting point is 00:58:29 What'd you take? It's nice. I like it. What would you pay for it? Is it worth as much as a cartoon gorilla that Justin Bieber paid $1.3 million for? Hey, Warhol has said it best. Art is what you can get away with. Art is what you can get away with. Art is what you can get away with.
Starting point is 00:58:45 For sure. For sure. Mark Palmieri, I'm not going to lie. I would like to build a snowman with Hunter Biden. I suspect that the snow may not be made out of water. The Random Hero 77 says, Hunter Biden hits that pipe like an Apache preparing for war. That's what it is.
Starting point is 00:59:11 The kid likes the pipe. Yeah. So, Charlie Stevens 13 says, Ukrainian women are hot. That is true. Yes. And Coffee and Cat says, if that was on Guy Code, Chrissy D would say that doesn't go against Guy Code if she was Puerto
Starting point is 00:59:32 Rican. Oh, boy. Giannis, can you talk about the convoy in Ottawa, Canada? It's madness here. Absolutely. Macho Martinez. Great name. Macho Martinez. From Absolutely. Macho Martinez. Great name. Macho Martinez. From Canada? Macho Martinez. No, Macho Martinez says, Hunter Biden smokes crack to enter another dimension
Starting point is 00:59:53 to attend a family reunion barbecue. I like the name. Macho Martinez, your name was better than the tweet. Omar as well said, did your monkey move when you watched whitney take a dump no it didn't it did not surprisingly it did not yeah so hunter biden um yeah so the canadian drivers, they're American truck drivers driving into Canada, right, who are protesting Trudeau's mandate.
Starting point is 01:00:30 And Trudeau called it a fringe protest, but media outlets are now reporting that it's 10,000 truck drivers who are upset with the mandate. And I believe the mandate says you have to be vaccinated, fully vaccinated to drive into Canada, right? And so my favorite part, this not getting bogged down in this stuff we're all sick of.
Starting point is 01:00:55 My favorite part of this story for me, where the comedy is, is that Justin Trudeau called it a fringe. He was some fringe elements. You know, just a couple of Nazis, three or four with tiki torches who were showing up in Ottawa, the capital. You know, I'm just going to be moved to a neutral location
Starting point is 01:01:16 just as a precaution. You know, they moved him to a neutral location because there was fear that some of these protesters may be showing up at politicians' houses. People are upset. People are upset at this stage of the game. A little bit, a little bit. Yeah. You know, this prolonged life at all costs, at all costs, has to be reexamined because if we're a true democracy, people are not happy.
Starting point is 01:01:48 People have kind of had enough. And at this point, it's safe to assume probably almost everyone has a prior infection at least. So why is that not being counted as, you know, resist, you know, a bulwark against COVID, you know, especially since prior, a prior infection is better than a vaccine. They know now prior infection better than just the vaccine. Prior infection plus vaccine is the best. So, you know, all of those should be considered, you know, and if you don't want to get vaccinated at this point, you know, it's like, what can you do? I understand the concern for new variants or whatever, but you can't avoid this. This can't be stopped.
Starting point is 01:02:34 The mandate, it doesn't work. It's going to get everywhere. You know, it's a global world now. Everything's moving around. You can only slow, you can only, basically, you're just, you're basically doing the saving private Ryan at this point. It's saving private Ryan where you're sacrificing like 10 soldiers. So this one fucking mom can have one son come home. So 10 people are dying to save one person for the optics.
Starting point is 01:03:00 You know, it's like we can't go into three years. A capitalist system can't survive this. One that can survive it better is communism. And why is that? Because the people are being starved anyway. The government's in control anyway. So in a way, you have to start going, look, we're a free world. You know, the Sophie's Choice has to go the other way now. In a way, you have to start going, look, we're a free world.
Starting point is 01:03:29 The Sophie's Choice has to go the other way now. Maybe. But there's nothing I can decide on that. I'm just saying, hey, man, do what you think is best. Testing. There's ways to keep the world open. Like the Kyrie Irving situation is ridiculous.
Starting point is 01:03:49 It's like, the guy doesn't want to get vaccinated. Okay, so test him every time he gets there. He tests positive for COVID, guess what? He has to quarantine for 40 days. He's on the protocol list and that's it. That's what the NFL was doing. There was no, there wasn't that big of a deal in the NFL. They test, test, test, test, test.
Starting point is 01:04:05 If he tests COVID 14 days off or 10 days or whatever it was, boom. And then they shortened it because like they had no players. That's fine, keep doing that. And then the guys get infected. That means that they have a bulwark. They have a bulwark against it. They have antibodies against it.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Let them get back on the field. They're healthy athletes, you know? It's like, and I look, I have a lot of sympathy because I know this is hard to manage when you're managing a global pandemic and you do want to protect people's lives. I applaud, I applaud the efforts for that. And I understand the nurses and doctors being overwhelmed.
Starting point is 01:04:36 I understand that this is all a Sophie's choice. But to say that this was managed well by the bureaucrats and politicians is a lie, is a lie. They have resources. They could have allocated them differently. They could have made different calls on what to do. They could have not lied about the mask. And why is Fauci on TV at all?
Starting point is 01:04:57 You're a scientist, dude. You should have a PR department talking. Or a president. There should be representatives talking. You meet with them, they talk. Why are you on every fucking morning show? Put the lab coat on. He didn't buy his bobblehead.
Starting point is 01:05:14 Huh? He didn't buy his bobblehead. He has a bobblehead too? I mean, yeah. You know, there's certain people in these towns that just ask Fauci, thank you, Fauci. Thank you for these mashed potatoes, Fauci.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Before we go to bed, we just want to thank Fauci who would protect us from all future variants. Hopefully those variants will come so I continue to feel good about myself by yelling at people. You know. And then on the flip side, you got Kid Rock who's, you know, pandering to his base,
Starting point is 01:05:41 going, I will not perform. Because, you know, Joe Rogan took some blow, and so did Tim, for performing in cities that had mandates. Tim Poole got on Tim. Tim Poole, he's an internet guy. He got on Tim Dillon because Tim was doing shows in New York where there was a vaccine mandate. And Tim's going, I don't control the policy. I'm going to make money, dude. Like, whatever.
Starting point is 01:06:08 And then Joe Rogan performed at the Garden and they had a vaccine mandate there. And he took a little, you know, from the extremists on the right. But Kid Rock knows his audience. Kid Rock ain't trying to win over
Starting point is 01:06:24 the Boston Libs. Kid Rock ain't trying to win over the Boston Libs. Kid Rock to cancel tour stops at venues with COVID vaccine mandates. Let's be real. What stops at that tour did Kid Rock really have in cities that had a vaccine mandate? Who's going to see Kid Rock at the Barclays Center? Who's going to see Kid Rock at the Barclays Center? Who's going to see Kid Rock in Cambridge, Massachusetts? Who's going to see Kid Rock in Vermont? Who's going to see Kid Rock at the Bowl in Los Angeles?
Starting point is 01:06:58 So this is what you call a nice little PR move because you ain't selling tickets in those areas anyway, Kid Rock. The Pink Floyd. Kid Rock will only be performing at the Pink Lagoon Crock Pit Flamingo. And then we rented out another venue. My cousin Dale owns an airport hangar in Jacksonville. Kid Rock will be performing
Starting point is 01:07:29 for people who have COVID presently only. We support Sarah Palin. She's up and moving with the virus. Sarah Palin has COVID and she's going out to eat without a mask in New York
Starting point is 01:07:46 that's making a big story she's tested positive and she continues to go out she's not quarantining and she's been seen with Ron Duguay am I correct? the former
Starting point is 01:08:00 playboy hockey player who's now got to be in his 60s. Handsome dude. I mean, the kid has ripped through a path. I mean, he's one of those like, he's like a Derek Jeter type. Ron Duguay, I think he works for MSG now.
Starting point is 01:08:15 So he's a New York local hero. I think he was on the Rangers, right? He was always known for his like coif hair. You know, he's married to a model. He dated a lot of like gorgeous women. And Sarah Palin is what you call just a piece. You know,
Starting point is 01:08:29 Glenn Rice, the basketball player, fucked Sarah Palin when they were at Michigan. She likes guys. And she's single now. Sarah Palin is on the market. She's divorced.
Starting point is 01:08:40 You know, and you can't just go hunting for dudes in Alaska. Okay? There's more moose than there are dudes. So she came down to New York like good looking people do. And now she's going on dates with Ron Duguay without a mask on with COVID. Now, the reason why Ron Duguay doesn't mind that he's sitting with her
Starting point is 01:08:59 because she has COVID is because Ron Duguay has every venereal disease in the book. So it's what you call a detente. He's like, hey, if you give me COVID, I'm giving you herpes, whatever. Let's swim in each other's pools. Not a big deal. They're already murky. Lauren Boebert is the biggest political piece. Point to be made.
Starting point is 01:09:21 We're going to do that. We're going to do a long day's vote who the biggest political piece is aoc is gonna win but we'll figure out where number two three four and five sarah palin is a piece she's in her 50s you know she's got a sweet time uh the random hero 77 says i'd lick sarah Palin's fork after she left the table. J Drew 9 says, she's at menopause though. You know he's not pulling out, cuz. It's a benefit. That's a nice benefit.
Starting point is 01:10:03 The Vinyl Vine says, I want a threesome, Sarah Palin and Loa Beaubart. A kid can dream. It's true. So Sarah Palin is taking New York by storm, spreading COVID everywhere. So it's what it is.
Starting point is 01:10:19 I just am worried about the future because Justin Bieber is buying a $1.3 million NFT. Jason Momoa is buying a $1.3 million NFT. Jason Momoa is in a $750,000 caravan. What is he in a? An RV. An RV, dude. And everyone else is paying like $900 at the pump.
Starting point is 01:10:41 You go to the supermarket, half the stuff is out. We got a supply chain problem and inflation, and people need to find employment. And Jason Momoa has a $750,000 RV. Hopefully he doesn't have an Apple Watch because then they'll be able to locate him and rob him. You know what they're doing now? You know what criminals are doing?
Starting point is 01:11:07 Do you know the Apple? There's an Apple, what is it called? The tag. The Apple tag. So what the criminals are doing now, because the Apple tags are not expensive. They're like 20 bucks. So they get an Apple tag,
Starting point is 01:11:20 and what they do is they glue it onto your car, and then they follow you home and rob your house. That's fucked up. Yeah. So Apple didn't see that coming. Criminals always find a way. Air tag. It's an air tag.
Starting point is 01:11:34 $30. $30. So criminals are doing the math. They're good businessmen. And they're saying, my overhead is $30. You can get a pack of four for $100. Yeah. I'll play up to, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll,
Starting point is 01:11:45 I'll take my, you know, I'll play the numbers. I'll take, I'll put four out there and maybe one we'll drive home, you know, and I'll just be able to enter their garage behind them. So if someone sees Jason Momoa up there,
Starting point is 01:12:00 please air tag them. That's bullying and harassment. I'm going to get a, yeah, bullying and harassment joke'm gonna get a yeah bully first of all he's not going any place you're gonna jason momoa is not gonna you know he's not taking his rv to uh to a high crime area he's at a friend's house yeah no beverly hills yeah kids at a friend's house in his rv sleeping uh in the parking area so jason the only piece who's gonna air tag jason momoa is a lot of girls in the parking area. So Jason Momoa,
Starting point is 01:12:25 the only piece who's going to air tag Jason Momoa is a lot of girls. But just so you know, again, YouTube, this is news. You bully. I'm not revealing anything.
Starting point is 01:12:39 That RV is worth a million dollars. Three quarters of a million dollars. So, you know, maybe don't do anything to Jason Momoa. We don't want to do that to the ladies' dreams. But if you want a million dollars. Three quarters of a million dollars. So, you know, maybe don't do anything to Jason Momoa. We don't want to do that
Starting point is 01:12:46 to the ladies' dreams. But if you want a million dollar RV, it'll cost you 30 bucks to air tag him if you see him outside of a brunch spot. Now he broke up
Starting point is 01:12:56 with Lisa Bonet and so now he's like, he's living in an RV. The reason he's living in an RV is because it's just hard for actors to get work right now. He's just finding it hard. Jane is now free Erica Jane is free Erica Jane's lawyers and Tom Giardi's divorce legal was everything we know so far us weekly so apparently she's been found not liable, right?
Starting point is 01:13:29 Like she didn't, she's basically off the hook. Why is she famous? Good question. That's how, if you want to know if someone is a closet, there's no reason to be a closet homosexual anymore. Everyone thinks it's lit. But if you want to know if someone is, if they don't know,
Starting point is 01:13:49 basically you just said I'm straight. You just yelled I'm straight. Okay? Because the only people who know who Erika Jayne is are ladies and Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen. Okay? You know what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 01:14:01 She's a real housewife. She's a real housewife who decided to have a music career. She's a real housewife. She's a real housewife who decided to have a music career. She's like in her 40s or whatever. And Tom Giardi was funding her music career.
Starting point is 01:14:11 He's a famous lawyer, famous, famous lawyer in Los Angeles who was representing like victims, like real victims. Like if a company, you got burned,
Starting point is 01:14:18 your house got burned by chemicals, whatever. And he was stealing their money. He was co-mingling their money in his account and stealing it and using it to fund her music career
Starting point is 01:14:27 she claimed I didn't know what was going on right she was taking private jets everywhere or whatever and her music career stank you know but like gay guys loved it
Starting point is 01:14:37 you know nobody likes bad music more than gay guys because they just love the fabulousness of it you know they love like lip singing contests and you know whatever drag shows where people it's a lip singing they're lip singing yeah
Starting point is 01:14:49 i mean it's impressive to see a six foot two dude in heels do a split but watching him lip sync that's some millie vanillie shit but they love the fabulousness of it you know madonna's not the best singer either they do love gaga she can sing. I'll give them that. But a lot of their entertainment is awful. Okay? Erika Jayne is awful. And her concerts were just gay guys going crazy. Right?
Starting point is 01:15:15 But women loved her because she was so real. Erika was so real. So she's off the hook. And Tom Giardi, he claims dementia. Like now. Which is interesting because my mother has advanced dementia Alzheimer's what you call it and you know as far as I know one of the consequences of dementia is not co-mingling millions of dollars and giving it to your wife for a music career I thought it it was wandering, but I stand corrected. You know, the consequences of dementia
Starting point is 01:15:49 manifest themselves differently in each person apparently. And with Tom Giardi, that man happened to be stealing millions of dollars from poor victims who he was managing the money of. I mean, these people got, dude, what he did was horrible. He robbed money from like real victims. You know, like burned victims, like real people who sued major companies
Starting point is 01:16:11 and won big money. Right. And he was thought of as like a hero before this because he did that. But as it turns out, he's a bad guy. Or I'm sorry, he just has dementia.
Starting point is 01:16:24 So Erika Jayne's free, ladies. You can love her again. She's free to continue her music career. I'm sure she'll be back on Real Housewives to sit down with the ladies and tell it like it is. And she's just an innocent bystander. She didn't suspect or know anything at all about it. She was just living in a $50 million mansion in Beverly Hills and flying in private jets.
Starting point is 01:16:47 And, you know, she just figured her lawyer husband, who definitely married her for her personality. So wait, you know all this because? I know all this because of my wife. Ah, okay. My wife. My wife's a huge Real Housewives fan. God bless the Real Housewives.
Starting point is 01:17:03 It gives ladies like a break to like their brain. Like ladies work hard. Mothering is a job. Ladies are different, dude. What do we do? We watch sports to null our brains. Yeah, no, no. This is female sports.
Starting point is 01:17:13 They sit there and there's like a glaze over them. And they're just relaxed. They think about nothing. They love the drama. You know, they love it. You know, I love it. Andy Cohen and Real Housewives and Bravo, they do a real service
Starting point is 01:17:25 that's really like women's yoga mind yoga yeah so my wife told me all about it i thought it was a hilarious story because my wife loves erica jane and she was really like a lot of women were like no not erica she had nothing to do that i know she didn't know and i was just having going fuck that gold digging whore she knew every step of the way and she's like, stop it. And we had fun with it. We had a lot of fun with it. Because that's what she is. She's a gold digging whore. Let's just be honest.
Starting point is 01:17:50 She's not with Tom Giardi because of his Pete Davidson dick. She's not with him because of his youthful six pack. The guy's 30 years older than her. They're a charming couple. Yeah, they're a charming couple. Just like Anna Nicole Smith
Starting point is 01:18:03 and the 99 year old billionaire. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie. So she's free. She's free. My good friend Joe Rogan, under fire right now. You know it's bad when Henryry and megan come after you right so prince henry the defrocked prince the defrocked prince to go live as the pauper as mark twain's pauper who gave up his life of luxury to live with a B-level actress in California and enjoy their multi-million dollar Netflix deal.
Starting point is 01:18:58 Pete Davidson, Holly Madison is regretting her life choices for clout right now. That's from Spanglish. I don't know what that means. Mr. Colin Cow says we could. Binflation in Venezuela is so bad right now, people are literally throwing away cash like it's garbage. As of last week, one U.S. dollar. One U.S. dollar is 463,000 bolivars,
Starting point is 01:19:30 worse than real cheap gas like Venezuela. Yeah, it's bad over there. It's bad. Thank you for that hilarious comment in Comment Roulette. So Megan and Henry are coming after rogues. So it looks like they have a deal with Spotify also for $25 million. I mean, Jesus Christ, man. Very earned. Very earned.
Starting point is 01:19:49 I mean, you know, Megan and Henry have been podcasting for decades. So very well earned. Oh, God. So what are they doing? Threatening to go off? Please, please, that would be great. Spotify's probably like, yes. Spotify's probably like, okay. Spotify's probably like, okay.
Starting point is 01:20:06 The couple has a reported $25 million deal. You know what? Storm, storm Buckingham Palace. Please, guys. In what world would Meghan Merkle get $25 million if she wasn't married to this redhead? Who wants to hear from these two? Which people are tuning into this podcast?
Starting point is 01:20:31 I'll tell you who. It's these uselessly educated coastal elites that are gonna tune into, who else is tuning into this? The working class? Who's turning into this? Minorities? Who's turning into,
Starting point is 01:20:44 listen to this podcast, that they deserve $25 million, they also, what's their deal with Netflix too, so that's 25 mil from Spotify, I get it dude, listen, Prince Henry's the smart one, right, because his brother is sitting there with a goddamn taxpayer salary of probably 300 pounds, which is too much to begin with. Here Henry is making millions. Does that number say 112 million? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:18 That's pounds. So that's even more than dollars. I think so. So are you telling me that Prince Henry and Meghan Merkle have a 112 million pound deal with Netflix on top of a $25 million deal with Spotify? It's funny. It's funny that you guys are angry at Joe Rogan.
Starting point is 01:21:38 Let's be angry at Joe Rogan. Let's be angry at Joe Rogan who actually has millions and millions of listeners. Let's be angry at Joe Rogan, who actually has millions and millions of listeners. Let's be angry at Joe Rogan. Not the media and the networks for hiring Meghan Merkle and Prince Henry. What are they going to talk about? What's their podcast and their series going to be about?
Starting point is 01:22:00 Here's their elevator pitch right here. You see this? Let's see. We created Archul Audio to make sure that we can elevate voices that maybe aren't being heard and hear people's stories. Okay, I got an idea, Netflix.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Instead of hiring the former prince of England and Meghan Merkle, why don't you just elevate the stories? What makes Meghan Merkle and Prince Henry diversity producers? When did they become
Starting point is 01:22:36 a champion of the unsung and underserved? So you gave them $112 million so they can break off a little piece of that and give it to Spike Lee's second cousin for a bad movie? And you're angry at Joe Rogan.
Starting point is 01:23:01 There should have been a walkout at Netflix over this deal. Talk about pushing down the throat of the people something they didn't ask for. Just put this in the bin with James Corden. Nobody's asking for it. Nobody wants it. Nobody's watching it. If he's not lip syncing next to Lady Gaga,
Starting point is 01:23:23 nobody's tuning in. And they're not tuning in for James Corden. You could put any closeted homosexual in a sedan next to Lady Gaga singing her song and people will tune in. Yo, this is their website. Here's their website. Archwell Productions was created by the Duke and Dushets of Sussex. People of the people. There's no projects on here.
Starting point is 01:23:46 There's no projects to produce programming that informs. Have they ever made a program in their life? Have they ever done a project in their life? Has Prince Henley produced any contact in his life? Has Meghan Merkle done anything besides read lines on his show suits? Here's one. Heart of Invictus is a docu-series that will, future, future,
Starting point is 01:24:11 that will showcase powerful stories of resilience and hope from competitors on their journeys to Invictus. Game the Hague. Games the Hague 2020. You know what the people want. Yeah, it sounds like a winner.
Starting point is 01:24:23 Yeah, this series is being produced in partnership with the Invictus Game Foundation and comes from the Oscar-winning team of director Orlando Vaughn and producer. So very important that Netflix didn't give the money directly to them. It's very important they had Henry and Megan in there to allocate whatever's left over
Starting point is 01:24:43 after their, I'm sure, meals at barbecue restaurants in black neighborhoods. How about instead of, hey, hey, how about this? How about this? Megan, Megan and Henry, instead of elevating voices with your $112 million deal from Netflix
Starting point is 01:25:00 that of course no part of which will be spent on your, let's say, luxurious housing and transportation. How about you just go buy a house, buy a house in Southeast DC, deep in there, deep in Southeast. Okay, how about that? How about that? Wouldn't that be better for underserved populations for you to take your to eat your lunch in southeast dc every day because let me guess you're eating at ocean prime in la and then you go to Vegas, let me guess. You're at Avra,
Starting point is 01:25:48 where a piece of fish costs $100. Let me guess. Let me guess. You're circling, let me guess. You're frequenting underserved communities on the regular and pumping money into that system. Let me guess.
Starting point is 01:26:02 Let me guess. Let me guess. You're staying at the ramada in newark let me guess let me guess you just bought a house in patterson new jersey let me guess let me guess an attached house yeah no we're we're elevating voices we're elevating voices here We're elevating voices. Here's another one. Pearl.
Starting point is 01:26:28 Okay, so here's another one of their projects, which will come out, I guess, at some point. Netflix doesn't really care. They just got the press release that we're giving them money. How fun. Meghan Markle. Prince Henry has nothing to do with entertainment or content. He's a former prince.
Starting point is 01:26:43 Why is he getting $112 million to make entertainment? Pearl is the working title. You know what that means? They're thinking about it. The working title means it hasn't really passed the idea phase yet, even though they got $112 million. I just produced a whole show right here for over an hour, and I did it. But guess what? If you gave me $112 million for this
Starting point is 01:27:07 with an open-ended deadline, this episode would come out working title, working timeframe. It's an animated series that centers on the heroic adventures of a 12-year-old girl, let me guess, she ain't white, who is inspired by influential women from history. The Duchess of Sussex.
Starting point is 01:27:26 Will you stop? They're no longer the Duchess. And I'm the Prince of Brooklyn. Will serve as an executive producer. So important she oversees it with all her experience. It's really just her and Steven Spielberg who have that level of experience producing hits. Will serve as as executive producer alongside david furnish um and carolyn soper who are real producers and emmy award-winning filmmakers
Starting point is 01:27:55 liz garbus and dan coogan as the showrunner like many girls har, Haraj, our heroine pearl, is on a journey of self-discovery. Oh my God. Very important right now when people are eating their shoes. People are eating their sweaters like moths. Let's hear another story about self-discovery from a privileged girl
Starting point is 01:28:18 who's got time to sit around and think about what she wants to do and who she is as she tries to overcome life's daily challenges. Okay, so let me get this. This takes place in Venezuela? Because those are real challenges. I'm thrilled that Archwell Productions,
Starting point is 01:28:35 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which showcases, oh, we get no further information than that. That's specific. That's a specific pitch. That probably took days and days and days to work out a lot of meetings a lot of meetings to work out to work out that what they call in the business one sheet this was a year in the making a year in the making uh it's a it's a self-discovery story from some woman.
Starting point is 01:29:07 I'm delighted we're able to announce it today. I mean, this is, that's a premature announcement. Oh, everything is optics, man. You know? So, we really look forward to these series
Starting point is 01:29:21 from the former prince and the duchess or Sussex of musics and whatever they're coming up with i'm sure they're hard at work every day hard at work in that writer's room they're hard at work punching keys on the computer to get these scripts ready for archwell audio this is for Spotify? Yeah, it's Spotify. For their Spotify, they got two deals.
Starting point is 01:29:50 Joe Rogan got $100 million. He had the largest podcast in the world, 10 years of experience. He's the face of MMA, sells out comedy venues, arenas, with comedy that he writes himself. And he got a deal with a proven audience of millions and millions and millions. They got two deals worth $112 million from Netflix.
Starting point is 01:30:17 That's Joe Rogan's deal. With zero, zero audience and zero projects. You know, nobody knew who Meghan Markle was. Has there been, who's the, is there a bigger story of popping on the scene than Meghan Markle? Who just has popped on the scene? Who has the most unearned fame right now? Kardashian's got lines.
Starting point is 01:30:50 I mean, Kim Kardashian's going to law school or some shit. At least they got you know. Who has more unearned recognition than Meghan Merkle? She's number one by far. Number one by far. I don't even. Number one by far.
Starting point is 01:31:05 I don't even think there's another contender who could come close. She is the Michael Jordan of unearned recognition. You know? She was on the show Suits. The only other that comes to mind is Pamela Anderson when she was on Baywatch. Oh, but Pamela Anderson had some nice you know yeah no
Starting point is 01:31:27 no but she was on a show that was a hit right Baywatch was at least a hit Suits wasn't a hit Suits was like a Suits was like a niche hit right
Starting point is 01:31:34 it wasn't game Baywatch was like the Game of Thrones of its day no I know David Hasselhoff I can't I mean it was a shit show but I mean
Starting point is 01:31:41 you know I wouldn't even say Pamela Anderson comes close at least she at least she showed up and like was a star of the but I mean, you know, I wouldn't even say Pamela Anderson comes close. At least she showed up and was a star of the show. Yeah. And then also she did a, sex tape is content. She was the first. And she had the most beautiful puss puss in history.
Starting point is 01:31:57 Yeah. I mean, you could nominate, just the same way you could nominate Meghan Merkle. Are people seeing my slippers? Yeah. Just the same way you could nominate Meghan Merkle. Are people seeing my slippers? Yeah. Just the same way you could nominate Megan Merkle as the Michael Jordan of unearned recognition, you could nominate Pamela Anderson
Starting point is 01:32:11 as having the cutest puss puss. I mean, neatest. It looks like your wife made a sandwich and the meat is just tucked in nice in the bread. I mean, you want to pull it out? No. Oh. What are you pulling out?
Starting point is 01:32:28 I just Googled who's the least talented famous woman. Yeah. Well, it's Meghan Markle. I would say Meghan Markle. Paris Hilton's on here. Paris Hilton's like a business mogul, though. Like, she invented reality TV. You can't say that.
Starting point is 01:32:43 She's, you know, Paris Hilton like, you know paris hilton's like the progenitor she taught like she like showed a whole generation how to how to make your life a show you know they put pitbull on here he was a big maurice fan so i'll'll skip it. Yeah, this list is bullshit. Ashes, Simpson. Who else they got? Lana Del Rey. I mean, come on. Lana Del Rey's got good songs. They sell tickets.
Starting point is 01:33:10 Yeah, Jennifer Lopez is a star. I mean, that's ridiculous. I mean, and Meghan Markle's not even on that list? No. Oh, this is music. That's just because it's the music industry. Oh, that's what I was thinking. But that list is stupid.
Starting point is 01:33:20 That list is stupid. So, oh boy Prince so are Prince Henry and Meghan Merkle are they considering like giving up
Starting point is 01:33:32 their Spotify deal too you're just this is just gonna make Rogan bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger you know it says they voice concern they voice concern
Starting point is 01:33:42 again these they love to be specific. We voice concern. We're concerned. Guess what, guys? We're concerned. We're concerned that you got $112 million from Netflix to produce bullshit.
Starting point is 01:33:55 That's money that could have went to an underserved community. I won't take any of these people seriously until they put their feet on the ground in the places where the people live who they purport to be advocates for. Why would you do that when you can make a cartoon about it? When you can make a cartoon about it that you get paid very, very well. Your money goes in. Or if they gave all the money away and made it,
Starting point is 01:34:25 then I would. But until then, I'm not taking you seriously because I know what you're up to. I know what you're up to. You're full of shit. You don't go anywhere near low-income areas. You don't go anywhere near middle-class areas.
Starting point is 01:34:42 When do you think you're going to see Meghan Merkle and Prince Henry get a fucking meal at Elia in Bay Ridge? When do you think you'll ever see them in Park Slope? Which is middle upper class. You won't even see them there. These people are hanging out only
Starting point is 01:35:02 in Beverly Hills, Newport, Rhode Island, wherever else. So it's just, it's a joke. At this point, people are onto it. And that's why they love Joe Rogan so much. Because Joe Rogan's just honest. Joe Rogan has whatever his beliefs are, whatever. He had that dude on.
Starting point is 01:35:21 Why are you mad at Joe Rogan? Why aren't you mad at Malone? Joe Rogan just let him talk. He's like, oh, because he's platforming this guy. So what? Maybe so many people wouldn't believe what he's saying if you guys weren't all over the place with how you've handled everything and how much lying you do, okay?
Starting point is 01:35:39 You don't think an immunologist or an epidemiologist or a virologist publicly stating that it's okay to leave your house and gather in large groups if you're protesting is okay, but don't go to church or don't go to work. And they say, yeah, we scientifically support that. You don't think people are going to be like, maybe these scientists are bullshit. You did it to yourself. You did it to yourself because a lot of you were scared to admit. And that's what happened. They were scared to say that people should not be gathering to protest police brutality at the time or whatever it was. They didn't want to just come out and say, yes,
Starting point is 01:36:25 that's a health risk for COVID and you shouldn't do it. So they just said, they go, yes, but it's, they go, yeah, there's the rest, but racism's a big, I think I even remember hearing racism is a bigger, bigger health priority or health risk, right? How did they phrase it? They said, yeah, it's a bigger global pandemic. And so people know it's bullshit.
Starting point is 01:36:48 You don't have to be a racist to see that that's bullshit. All you have to do is just be like, you're being politically correct. You're scared. So you're saying this and you're lying. So why should I trust you when you say something else? If you're clearly, if what you're saying doesn't make sense.
Starting point is 01:37:02 So you're saying I could go outside and spread COVID if the cause is good. You get it. Let's go to our small business sponsors, of which there's three open slots left. There's three open spots right now for your small business sponsors of which there's three open slots left. There's three open spots right now for your small business sponsorship. If you want to get on there, patreon.com slash Yanni Long Days. Let's go to our small business sponsors. We want to welcome a new small business shout out, Longshore Coffee. Dude, send me coffee. Send me coffee. I'm going to privately DM me.
Starting point is 01:37:43 Jesse wants coffee. I want coffee. We're going to sell this. Let's sell it right, baby. I'm going to privately DM me. Jesse wants coffee. I want coffee. We're going to sell this. Let's sell it right, baby. I want to taste this. Stephen Miller, welcome, brother. Welcome. Good to have you.
Starting point is 01:37:51 Longshore Coffee. This kid went to high school. He was a history teacher, left to start Longshore. He's a Hyenas fan. Good taste. History Hyenas fan. And he's stoked to be part of the Fediverse. Fediverse is catching on, baby.
Starting point is 01:38:08 I don't think we can get rid of that name. No, no. So it's a new small batch coffee roastery located in Providence, Rhode Island. I like what it sounds like, dude. Offering premium blends and simple origin coffees. They ship nationwide and offer free local delivery in Rhode Island. For denizens, if you don't know that word, get smarter. You know, you can improve your vocabulary by listening to this podcast. Denizens is a good word. Denizen means you frequent the
Starting point is 01:38:35 area. You travel in that area. Denizens of the Fediverse. He's offering 15% off at checkout with the promo code FUMES, of course. So longshorecoffee.com. Use the code FUMES. Dude, send me coffee. Let me sample it. If it's good, I will sell the shit out of this. I love that you've done this. Oh, he goes, I'd love to send a couple coffee bags to you and to Jesse as a token of appreciation.
Starting point is 01:39:02 Is there a P.O. box or agent's office? Yeah, that P.O. box is called Jesse's house. He's not worried about people showing up. I can send it to you. Thanks for doing what you do. It's not his house. I'm joking.
Starting point is 01:39:15 I look forward to supporting you. Look, I just read his first message for the first time. I love this. It sounds delicious, dude. If you got the roastery right there in Providence,
Starting point is 01:39:24 Rhode Island, I imagine those coffee beans are good. Send us that. I want to taste it. But if you want your coffee right now, I want to support this dude. Longshorecoffee.com, 15% off with the promo code FUMES. I can't wait to taste it. Nate Linder, we love you to death, dog. All right? Nate Linder is your social media guru, okay? He offers solutions such as Google ads, SEO, social media ads, streaming TV. Are you going to give me free social media advice? I mean, what's the deal? Give me free stuff. Give me free stuff.
Starting point is 01:39:56 Okay. Look at this deal you're getting. Jesse comes from an advertising background. If you've canceled this, it means your business is really shit. I mean, this is a steal of a lifetime. You're going out to thousands and thousands and thousands of people. And I will continue to lock you in no matter how big the show gets because I'm fucking stupid. So if you cancel here, I appreciate your enthusiasm.
Starting point is 01:40:19 But it's funny. This is like small business survivor. We're going to see who's still around. We lost a few. But Nate Linder's doing good. Nate, give me some, help us on here. Help Long Days, and so I can sell you even better. Yeah, he works with clients to fully understand their business.
Starting point is 01:40:36 You know my business, Nate. You know my business, okay? He manages over five million in digital ads. Hello? Where's my free shit? I ain't fucking paying, Nate. You're getting a great deal here. Can you get on the horn with YouTube?
Starting point is 01:40:50 Get on the fucking horn with YouTube and fix it, baby. So go to natelinder.com. So look, for example, the sponsor we just read, right? Any of the other sponsors, you should be hitting up Nate Linder to help you get the word out. This is what this is about. It's a community. You guys should be helping each other for the free, all of you.
Starting point is 01:41:08 Who is not hitting up Nate Linder and giving him at least a one-month try? Give him a one-month try. See how he does. Help him grow your business. natelinder.com, okay? He is a social media consultant. Hit him up, dude.
Starting point is 01:41:23 Go to natelinder.com and talk to him. See what he can do. Grant Trower is your guy. Specifically, if you're moving to South Florida, which everyone seems to be doing, hit him up. 954-591-6465. Granttrower.theatlanticrealtygroup.com. This kid will put you on the beach. He'll put you in Hialeah. He'll put you in Fort Lauderdale, wherever you want to go. If you're moving to South Florida, hit up Grant Trower,
Starting point is 01:41:52 and he's the real estate man that will make it happen for you. And similarly, specifically if you're cashing a check into Chris Minetti, I expect to see you at Soul Joe's in Jeffersonville, Pennsylvania, February 5th at the show. Chris Minetti. You expect to see you at Soul Joe's in Jeffersonville, Pennsylvania, February 5th at the show.
Starting point is 01:42:06 Chris Minetti, you can wear your gun. You got to do it. If you do that business, kids got a gun on them of all times. This is with Chris Minetti. I have front row seats to see Chris' show tonight at the Borgata. Should I wear my long day shirt? They come in a meet and greet. They come with a meet.
Starting point is 01:42:30 What's going on? Forgot to mention. He bought his tickets. They come with a meet and greet. I didn't pay for them. He's charging for meet and greets. What's the dollars? What's the dollars? Get that money.
Starting point is 01:42:44 Get that money. Get that money. Get that money. Get that money. Chris Minetti. Hit him up. 215-750-3730. Call him. Just call him. That's it.
Starting point is 01:42:58 There's a phone number. Chris Minetti. If you need to cash your check in the Philly, South Jersey area. And, of course, go see Chrissy. Support Chrissy. Michael Hamlet Jr. Dude, I love this. Have you checked it out?
Starting point is 01:43:12 Yeah. Yes. Yes, I have. TheBronxBrand.com. Yeah, there's good shit on there. Have you bought anything yet? Not yet. We should get something together.
Starting point is 01:43:19 We should get something up for the studio. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to buy something and put it on the studio. TheBronxBrand.com. The art up there is amazing. I bought a shirt on there and I'm going to wear it on long days.
Starting point is 01:43:31 I got a lot of shirts. I just go to Poshmark and I buy shirts for this show. This one actually, Gus's fried chicken from Austin. They gave it to me because the guy
Starting point is 01:43:38 was a long days fan and he gave it to me when I was in Austin. It's a delicious fried chicken if you want to go to Gus's. Free promotion. TheBronxBrand.com. Check it out, dude. All these artists, it has, it's a, it's a website curated for Bronx artists to support Bronx artists. It showcases their work from prints to, uh, to, to, to t-shirts, you know, hoodies, whatever. Um, and it's all
Starting point is 01:44:04 original heart. Your, your house And it's all original art. Your house should have original art in it. Don't be putting up no freaking Van Gogh posters like you're in college. Go to thebronxbrand.com. You get a 15% discount with the promo code FUMES. Thebronxbrand.com. Support the home of hip hop.
Starting point is 01:44:20 Aaron Lee, For The Free, which I also love. I check it out for bands. There's good music up there forthefree.us if you're a music fan or if you're going to Hawaii they list all the local bands where they're playing events
Starting point is 01:44:33 they showcase bands from Hawaii so forthefree.us we love you Aaron Leaf and then of course exclusiveautoshipping.com if you're moving your car anywhere in the country you hit up Jared okay and you're moving your car anywhere in the country, you hit up Jared, okay? And you get a free quote anywhere in the world. Hit up Jared Z exclusiveautoshipping.com
Starting point is 01:44:53 to move your car if you're moving and whatever. Now for our newest Patreon members over at patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. All right, welcome our new members to the Fediverse, to the Long Haul gang, our Long Haulers, our Cyclops cult followers. We got one two, his name's one two. We got LB, Aussie Serb. Okay, kids from Australia, he's a Serb. He's in lockdown right now.
Starting point is 01:45:20 He'd get arrested if he leaves his house. We got Sean Byrne, Joseph Keeley, Rick Russell. Welcome. Chris Bernard, Jesse Rucco. Jesse Rucco. Is that a guy or a girl you think? We don't know. Abe's Hot Dogs by the Dozen.
Starting point is 01:45:36 I got a plug in there. It's, yeah, it's smart. Thamer Albedi. Albedi. Thamer Albedi. Welcome, Thamer. Kids of Sandra Dee. Jamiebedi. Thamer Albedi. Welcome, Thamer. Kids of Sandra Dee. Jamie Sanchez.
Starting point is 01:45:47 White Walker. Stezzy. Jay Dinkle. Lil Titi. Stephen Williams. John Wagner. Will Ward. The Artist Bones.
Starting point is 01:45:58 Welcome, dog. Probably another plug. Well, welcome to the Fediverse. Then, of course, we got Benji josh arthur patty o from a chicago patio that's probably the best one so far rick taylor then we got derrick's floridian gideon love maurica and don't trust minorities brother oh no You didn't need that last part. What can you do, brother? Then we got Christopher Scott DuPay, Logan Morrow, Chris Eagleston, Jeffrey Mason, Owen McCormick, Lindsay Wickham, Brian France, Bus Stop Human, Matt Furman. Here's a good one.
Starting point is 01:46:44 Oh, my God. Hoping my girlfriend gets COVID so I can convince her to give me a Blumpkin. Then we got the Info of the Scum. And then we got Tjinder Sandhu. Welcome. Chandler. Chandler, welcome.
Starting point is 01:46:59 Charles S. Bennett Hall. Scotty Coyne. Diego Fumaradana. Instead of Maradona, Diego Fumaradana. That now takes the lead. Oh, yeah. Then we got Terry Nabbit, TheRandomHero77. He was in the comment roulette today.
Starting point is 01:47:21 Gabble Yared, Longshore Coffee. Dude, send me some coffee. I'm going to give you the address. Then we got John Hernandez. Kwame Becker Waganda. We got Trish Ryder. Lance Conley. Rugby Squibs.
Starting point is 01:47:38 Kyle Butterfield. Way Sean King. That's an old good one. Then we got Michael Lochner. Blake Jones. Jay Amatangelo. Jay Amatangelo. Jay Amatangelo. That name belongs in the side of a van.
Starting point is 01:47:54 Adam Bibby, TC, Kelly Dubs, G-Daddy, Rob Flo. I guess the rap group joined. And then we got Mark, Bobby B, Josh Stutman, Keith Anderson, Blast Rider, 1100CC. Okay. Then we got Nate, Joe the Banker. Not Joe the Plumber, Joe the Banker. That's funny. That was a good joke that a lot of people would have missed, but I caught it. Joe the Banker instead of Joe the Plumber.
Starting point is 01:48:22 Then we got Wesley Aiken and Jesper Jansen. That is a Scandinavian dude or girl. I think it's a dude, Jesper. Yeah, Jasper Jansen. That's how they pronounce it. They spell it Jesper because they're fucking stupid. All right.
Starting point is 01:48:36 Thank you guys. Patreon.com slash Yanni Longdays. Tell your friends. You remember the first rule of long days is talk about long days. The second law, talk about long days. You tell one person, we double our numbers just like that. One friend, you get into it. That's all you got to do. We'll see you next week. It's been a long day.

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