Yannis Pappas Hour - Canada & US at War & Possessed Hitler Hair
Episode Date: May 10, 2024Yanni covers the Kendrick Drake Beef, governor of NY Kathy Hochul’s plan for blacks to learn the word computer, the Tom Brady Roast, and Andrew Schulz’s dictator haircut has a mind of its own. Our... bonus episodes are highly rated and viewable here: https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator See Yanni Live coming up in: Raleigh May 17-18 Atlantic City June 22 Tickets here: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com
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Now enjoy the episode.
Yannis Pappas here, Giannis Pappas Hour. I'm broadcasting to you during a very
tumultuous time. We're in the middle of a war right now between Drake and Kendrick.
I don't know anything about it, but every time I hear people talk about it, I just feel older and
older. I have children. I don't know what's going on. I just, I think I heard that Drake might be sex trafficking.
I think this may be the time in the world we find out
that anyone who has any money might be sex trafficking.
Drake is one of the last people I would have suspected to sex traffic
because he's Canadian.
I didn't know that they had that in them.
It's something, It's always shocking.
Like when Jeremy Lin played in the NBA,
you're going, I didn't know that was possible.
When Yao Ming came to the NBA,
I said, I didn't know a China guy's,
I avoided Chinaman by saying China guys.
I didn't know a Chinese guy could be over seven feet tall.
I didn't know they could be over 5'11".
I'd never seen one.
That's the way I feel about a Canadian sex trafficking.
And supposedly he's a sex trafficker.
I don't know.
I don't know what caused this beef.
I don't.
Here's the best part about it.
I'm not going to know.
I'm not going to pursue it.
I'm not interested in it. I know there's to pursue it. I'm not interested in it.
I know there's a lot of people who are hanging on every word of this battle.
It made the New York Times.
It made the New York Times.
It's a rap battle.
From what I understand, Kedrick's winning.
Or I don't know.
That could have just been the Twitter feed that I was in.
I'm sorry, the X feed I was in.
I don't know.
I just know everyone is talking about it and by everybody,
I mean black people.
This is big.
This is a big war.
It's the only time I think the United States and Canada
will have any hostilities.
We're otherwise pretty friendly.
Besides the trucker dispute over the border
and the smoke air that they threw at us,
this is the only time I think you will ever see
North America split.
I'm concerned.
I'm concerned for our unity.
I'm concerned for the world at large.
I'm concerned what the consequences,
what the fallout of this rap beef is going to be.
I don't know.
I haven't been this concerned since MGK and Eminem duked it out.
Song versus song.
It's part of hip-hop culture, I guess.
These beef happen and they go after each other.
Comedians go after each other. Basketball players go after each other. Countries go after each other. Comedians go after each other.
Basketball players go after each other.
Countries go after each other.
And the one thing that they all have in common
is they all go after the Jews.
That's it. And Drake
is a member of the tribe,
I believe. Drake is
half Jewish. The good half.
The good half. Drake's half Jewish.
So, I don't see this ending Drake's career.
I don't see it ending Kendrick's career.
But I'm very concerned.
I'm very concerned.
And so is the governor of this good state, New York State,
because she had a thing to say about the black community.
Young black kids growing up in the Bronx who don't even know what the word computer is.
They don't know.
They don't know these things.
And I want the world to open up to all of them
because when you have their diverse voices
innovating solutions through technology,
then you're really addressing society's...
Young black kids growing up in the Bronx who don't even know what the word computer is.
Oh, my God.
They don't know these things.
That's our governor.
Open up to all of them.
Because when you have their diverse voices, innovating solutions through technology,
then you're really addressing society's problems.
She really thinks there's a black kid in this world
who doesn't know what the word computer is.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
She didn't even know after she said it.
She just continued on, unaware.
But that's one of those times where the
people off camera her handlers and aides are going yeah what fucking year is this it's like
when julie delby gave that interview and she's like uh women haven't worked i think i'd rather
be a black man than a what you saw that one no no what's this oh that's another goodie that's another goodie um it's julie delby she was from
the movie you would have never heard of julie delpy and she gave a good one she gave a good one
now she's she's very woke and what's interesting i think like a lot you know like a few years ago
i said something like that about like the academy being very white male, which is the reality.
And I was I was I was like slashed to pieces by the media and stuff.
But it's interesting that women can't can't can't talk like actually like I sometimes wish I was African-American, you know, because I think at least people don't bash them afterwards when they
say something, you know, about a reality, which is like, you know, we live in a xenophobic
environment, not just the, you know, not just the Academy, obviously, just the entire world,
you know, but like, it's very hard for a woman to open it.
I think even hard, I think it's probably the hardest to be a woman because feminists is
probably something that people hate above all.
Just shut the fuck up.
Just shut your French fucking mouth.
You're not Alex de Tocqueville fucking commenting on America.
You're not.
You're a fucking French actress.
You're a broad who's in a movie called Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight with my hero, Ethan Hawke.
Shut your fucking French
pile. You don't know anything about
America. You don't know anything about
black people, and neither do you.
I don't even know your fucking name, governor
of fucking New York. What's her dumb
fucking name? This bitch
has been no closer to a black person
than I have been to
Mogadishu.
And she proved it in a sentence.
She actually thinks that it's just,
that just proves like it's just so disingenuous
that we got to get diverse.
We got to get diversity in computers.
First thing, you know how we start?
We got to teach them the word computer.
Is there, I mean, start we got to teach them the word computer is there i mean could there have been a more
denigrating sentence coming from a politician's mouth horrendous i mean i can't believe it
i can't believe it it's like she was talking about them like they lived in some lost tribe
she's like we gotta first we gotta get them They don't have any running water. Yeah, we got to first
let them know what shoes are.
You guys know what shoes are? Shoes go on the feet.
They prevent bacteria from getting on your
feet when you walk in the jungle.
We'll start there. She might as well have said,
first thing we got to do is get them down from the trees.
So we get them down
from the trees.
Then we slowly, we ease
in. We create a runway where we build slowly to let them know eventually
what a computer is but first i mean she might as well have said that oh my god i mean she might as
well have said that so anyway when julie julie delpy said that i think it was like eight years
ago but the clip recently resurfaced for whatever reason. And Kiernan Culkin, or whatever his name is,
is sitting next to her going like this.
He's got his hand in his head.
He's sitting right next to Julie Delpy.
And he's just going like, Jesus Christ.
You know, what's her name?
Karen what?
Oh, the governor?
Kathy Hochul.
Kathy Hochul?
You know, there was some aid on the side going like this.
Like, what the fuck?
Like, whoa.
What did she just say?
Here's the best part.
She didn't even say they don't know computers.
She said, we got to teach them what the word computer is.
They don't know the word computer.
They don't even know what the word computer is.
They don't know what a computer is.
They have no idea what a computer is. They don't have iPhones. No. They don't have video games. They don't even know what the word computer is they have no idea they don't have
iphones no they don't have video games they don't have any of that they don't they just
they're not they're not in america they're living by candlelight let me tell you something kathy
hadoko um i think it was probably one of the first words they learned when you're a kid right now you
want video games computers that's what it is i mean listen they're in america still okay i don't know what's
in your mind maybe you think they're poor but let me explain something to you the poorest person in
america still has a computer if an iphone okay it's a totally different poor all right i'm just
going by your definition because a lot of poor white people out there but i know what you were
trying to say and let me tell you something they have computers they have computers it's actually
amazing when you think about it that our poor people have computers they do america's a good
place to be poor it's a good place to be poor because you can definitely get meat you can you
can there's homeless people who eat meat like probably every day probably every day they get
meat a lot of countries you just
can't get meat but before you can get meat in this country i think you can get a computer
i think they know what a computer is you don't even know the word we gotta teach what the word
computer means now this chick was thrust on us she didn't she was she was thrust on us when um
when it was the takedown of the cuomo brothers that's right
the cuomo brothers got whacked they got whacked the pandemic was no good for workaholics
and uh whitney cummings and the cuomo brothers i think it was leticia james it was leticia james
same one that was going she took down both the cuomos yeah now the first cuomo went down for
what he slapped some girl's ass in a bar which one i think governor oh hot one the hot one what did he go down for yeah i forgot he
lost his show faking that he had covet in the basement of his hamptons home yeah he went down
and then andrew went down for they were both they were both kind of just like
uh they were sexual harassers i think you know and i remember andrew was like i'm italian right
that was that whole thing i'm a handsy feeling sometimes my hand falls into a woman's vagina
i'm italian right so she started a sexual harassment probe against him yeah yeah she
takes people down so now he's suing her he's suing her yep oh yeah and now i think chris cuomo's got a show
uh on the charlie kirk network or something because he's got a show somewhere again
newsmax maybe uh maybe newsmax
but the cuomos had a real fall from grace news nation news nation he's on news nation
you know they're they're mario cuomo's sons there's probably a real fall from grace. News Nation. News Nation. He's on News Nation.
You know, they're Mario Cuomo's sons.
There's probably a lot more dirt you probably could have got.
Mario Cuomo's got a bridge named after him, though.
I don't know if he was considered a good governor, but he was Italian.
Italians, look, there's going to be a little sexual harassment with Italians.
There's going to be a little criminality with Italians. It's in our culture.
It's in the culture.
And you can only say it against Italians
because it's the only group you can be openly racist against.
That's true.
It's the only group you can do commercials with like,
Hey, how you doing?
I'm a mafia guy.
What's going on?
But, you know, it's not really our fault.
It's the Italians' fault.
It's every time you go into a great Italian restaurant,
every wall is full of every mafia actor that's ever walked.
Look, there's me eating a chicken parm with Chaz Parmateri.
There's Bobby the Milk.
There's Al Pacino.
They're all mafia guys, you know?
So it's not our fault.
But that was what you call a real slip of the tongue there.
You're right.
She did get thrust upon us.
Like, who voted for her?
Nobody voted for her.
She got thrust upon us when we got...
The Cuomos were the heroes of the pandemic.
Remember, he used to do his long morning talk.
That's right.
Yeah.
A daily talk.
Daily talk from New York.
Women were falling in love with them.
They were called the Cuomosexuals.
Yeah, Cuomosexuals.
The women were into both Cuomos because they were called the cuomo sexuals yeah cuomo sexuals the women were into both cuomos because they were they were talking it up during the pandemic chris
cuomo crawled out of the bit he crawled out of the basement like the like the ariel castro kids
he came up and he was like look i've been quarantining in the basement and it was funny
remember he walked up and he passed like his maid his chef. He passed his personal medical team.
And he came upstairs.
And they were like, wait, dude.
Stay off camera, stay off camera, stay off camera.
And it was like a whole.
He was supposed to be quarantining,
but they sent a whole production squad to his house
to film the I'm Alone segment.
He was really suffering.
Yeah, he was suffering
while there was a mic grip
holding a fucking mic over his head
with the camera moving around.
He was in bad shape.
But he also smacked some chick's butt
at a bar or something like that.
And then, of course,
the famous Fredo incident.
He was ready to go.
He was ready to go. He was ready to throw it out he was called the fredo brother yeah it's right
fredo brother uh which listen i mean when your brother's governor and you're like a cnn talking
head i mean although you are the handsomer one he's a big kid too i've seen him he's a big kid
pretty jacked right yeah he's pretty jacked but i? Yeah, he's pretty jacked. But, I mean, of the two, I mean, one's Michael Corleone and one's Fredo.
I mean, one guy's governor.
One guy's governor of New York State.
It's a big deal.
Before this, he would have been a great presidential candidate, Andrew Cuomo,
except for the fact that he was wearing nipple clamps.
What?
Yeah, what was going on with that?
Wait a minute.
I didn't hear this.
He was caught wearing nickel clamps.
No, he wasn't.
Yes, he was.
Yeah, what was going on with that? Wait a minute, I didn't hear this.
He was caught wearing nickel clamps.
No, he wasn't.
Yes, he was.
Just go to Andrew Cuomo nipple clamps,
which is hard for me to say for some reason.
This was all people want to forget the pandemic,
but he was totally caught with wearing a white shirt
and his nipple clamps.
Oh, nipple pierced.
Yeah, his nipple pierced.
Yeah, their nipple.
Why am I having problems with this word?
Nipple clamps. Oh. Yeah, pull up the image. Nipples pierced. Yeah, his nipple pierced. Nipple pierces. Yeah, they're nipple. Why am I having problems with these words? Nipple clamps.
Oh.
Yeah, pull up the image.
Nipples pierced?
Yeah, he had his nipples pierced.
Yo, Doug.
Doug, you can see it right through the shirt.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
He's freaky deaky.
He's freaky deaky, man.
He's freaky deaky.
But he comes off like he's not.
He comes off like he's not.
But if it wasn't for the nipple piercings and Letitia James,
Andrew Cuomo probably could have been our next president.
Possibly.
We would have had a president under 80, which is good.
Which is good.
He was actually a pretty good governor.
I didn't have that much of a problem with him.
He was pretty good before that.
Things were good.
Yeah.
Things were good.
Things were good under him.
Even under Adolph, whatever his name was.
No. What was his name whatever his name was. No.
What was his name?
William Wilhelm?
Yeah, I mean, New York was still pretty good for a long time.
They were great under Bloomberg, and then it was just a steady decline.
Yeah, but things were still pretty good before the pandemic.
The pandemic definitely crushed everything.
Yeah, New York was still like, you know, everyone was,
we were all still living in that sort of just wave of goodness in the country.
And, you know, Michigan had no drinking water of just wave of goodness in the country and you know
michigan had no drinking water things weren't great in the rust belt but you don't see the
rust belt only i see the rust belt and i'd i'd i'd hop into town for a couple hours pretend
pretend i was happy and then leave you know but things were great on the coast is what i'm saying
things were great on the quote well we i'm saying things were great on the quote
well we always said new york had that golden era from oh it was just great well when did you think
it's like 95 95 to 2020 to 2020 it's like a 25 year run covid yeah and not even 95 i would say
more like 2000 yeah 2000 it started in the late 90s but we'll give it a nice jumping off at like you know
maybe 99 i have about 99 to 2020 it was like a good 2020 20 to 25 year run of just like wow
wow low crime one of the lowest crime rates just flourishing everyone was partying champagne bottles were popping p diddy was not
nothing was known about him right and now uh it's just the end of goodfellas for everybody
and all our heroes have been crushed but he was a major potential candidate yeah he was being made
a national hero during um covet he got some things wrong in covet though he killed a lot of old people killed a lot of old people he sent them back, though. He killed a lot of old people.
Killed a lot of old people.
He sent them back to the nursing homes.
He killed a lot of old people.
And then he wrote a book about how he was the hero of COVID.
But he was like the villain of COVID.
He was one of the worst, actually.
He ordered them back in, right?
And then they just all died.
Yeah, because those were the people who were mostly dying.
When we look back now, the people who died from COVID,
you had a lot of people who died who you didn't expect to die,
but for the most part, it was old people and it was fat people.
That's who died.
Which in America, I mean, throw a fucking dart, you're going to hit one.
I mean, it was really just like not a great look.
They hit us in our soft spot.
They hit us really in our soft spot.
I mean, if you were fat, I mean, you were fucking done, dog.
Bobby Kelly walked through that thing, though.
I don't know how he did.
He's heathen.
Unscathed.
Yeah, he comes from good stock.
And the pandemic made him large, like a lot of us.
I was larger in the pandemic.
When I went into the hospital they they called me obese and i think i was like 225 230 i was obese dude i was obese i mean i'm now
i'm like 205 which is still big oh you're 5 10 230 whoa whoa six foot 230 six foot 5 11 and three
quarters which you can round up to six feet.
When I'm wearing sneakers, I'm over six feet.
You're over six, yeah.
I'm over six.
Without sneakers, I'm a little under six.
You should be 190.
Should be 190, and that's big.
I mean, literally, I should be.
Whenever you go by those charts, it's really funny of what they consider obesity.
They're like, 5'11, 160.
You're like, dude, I'm not preparing for a boxing match
i mean 160 i know that's crazy how the hell but then you see these fighters at 160 and they look
jacked and then you're like oh that's what we're supposed to look like that's what humans who used
to do physical labor looked like they didn't have all this bread and sugar and all this you know
processed food they would just come have a piece of salmon
and like a potato and and water and that was it maybe a sweet tea but they didn't have like coke
they've coca-cola and uh an arnold parmar or all that stuff they didn't have all the sugar
um dude so wait back to these nipple clamps whatever what what was it did anyone ever
find out i mean he's yeah it's a pierced nipple i mean did he ever get called on it like that
yeah i know it was big news my first question yeah he never admitted it i never admitted it
and i don't think it ever got to him in a press conference that's like the funniest thing yeah
because he was like covet royalty during it so i don't think anyone i don't think anyone
asked him i wonder if he has other piercings.
He may have a penis ring.
You think he's got a Prince Albert?
He might have a Prince.
He might have a Prince Albert.
But yeah, I mean, listen,
he had a very important job.
Now he's like, where is he?
Where in the world is Andrew Cuomo now?
We know he's suing Letitia James james right but maybe that's all he's
doing maybe he's like an older woman who's living alone just like time to start suing companies
has your mom started suing companies yet oh she's been doing that for years my mom started going
down that route she didn't it didn't take letters to verizon yeah she did that yeah when she was young
she went on she went to war with panasonic over a broken vcr yeah my mother was going to war over
verizon oh yeah con edison i mean so maybe he's just living like an elderly woman a single elderly
woman where he's just suing everybody. I'm sure he made millions somehow.
They always have millions.
Only Bernie.
You got to give Bernie credit.
I think only Bernie released his tax returns and he just had $100,000 or something like that.
That's it?
Yeah, I think Bernie was only worth a couple hundred thousand dollars.
He definitely doesn't spend any money on clothes.
No, he doesn't spend any money on clothes.
No, he doesn't spend any money on clothes,
or he doesn't have to go to the hairstylist.
I mean, he doesn't even go to LensCrafters to get a decent pair of glasses.
I mean, he's just a real Vermont socialist.
Andrew Cuomo's got an Instagram.
Let's see.
Let's see what Andrew Cuomo's got a instagram let's see let's see what andrew cuomo's doing
oh still looks handsome his last post i think was for happy fourth
oh this is his goodbye post yeah it's goodbye but yeah he got me too
so many people got me too yeah oh you know who the first potential jewish governor uh president
lieberman no remember he ran lieberman right yeah they were saying he could have been um spitzer
the governor of the previous governor oh yeah and then he got caught he got caught with a hooker
with a hooker but he had potential they said to be the first jewish president yeah elliot spitzer
the it was the attorney general in new york for a while governor oh governor elliot spitzer right
wasn't he governor i think so did he get taken down when he was governor yes yeah the prostitution
scandal i mean yeah big deal and he was a good governor. He cleaned up a lot. Yeah, I mean, big deal. Remember they were taking down, I mean, big, big deal.
See, he was a big part of New York, right?
Because it happened in 2008, wasn't it?
Yeah.
He was a big part of New York.
All the New Yorkers got taken down with B2s.
It makes you think, like.
What's going on?
What's in the water?
Yeah, what's in the water?
Good bagels, but also makes them all freaks.
Remember Carlos Danger got taken down? Yeah, what's in the water? Good bagels, but also makes them all freaks. Remember Carlos Danger got taken down?
Oh, yeah.
He had a promising career ahead of him.
Carlos Danger.
Elliot Spitzer.
Andrew Cuomo.
They all went down.
They all went down because of ladies.
The ladies took them down.
Well, they were sticking their noodle where it wasn't supposed to go.
Yeah.
Not supposed to go.
You're not supposed to be getting hookers.
Or who cares?
Who cares?
It's his wife's problem.
He was a good governor, right?
He was a good governor.
Yeah.
Didn't he take down a lot of...
A lot of mafia stuff?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
But here's where he was a hypocrite, right?
Wasn't he hard on the prostitutes?
Yes, he was.
Yes, he was.
That was the thing.
Right.
Elliot Spitzer was hard.
He took down all the prostitutes.
Yeah, he wanted them all to himself.
Yeah, he wanted them all to himself.
That's her name, Ashley Dupree.
And she was a piece.
And she was a smoke show.
I remember.
How'd he get caught?
Was it Letitia James?
I think they had a...
Ronan Farrow, who got him?
He was referred to as Client 9.
Client 9.
So they had a sting going.
Someone probably squealed.
Yeah.
And then they had a little...
And it's probably someone squealed
because of how hard he was on prostitution.
Right.
They were like, we're going to nail this.
We're going to nail Client 9.
Oh, this is funny.
So he booked a hotel room under the name George Fox.
Ooh.
I like it.
George Fox.
Oh, that's fucked up.
He used his homeboy's name.
Oh, he used his friend?
A pseudonym that was allegedly the name of his close friend,
a hedge fund investor.
So that'd be like me getting a hotel room in your name.
Giannis Pappas.
Yeah, well, I i'm gonna do some dirt
yannis pappas wow well i was in i was in los angeles this week it was uh it was good for
the netflix festival it was nice i saw nate went to lunch with nate uh how's he doing he's taking
over the world he's doing great was he bragging a little bit um No, he was just, you know, he's just taking over the world. He's doing great.
He's doing a show.
Well, I mean, he's rich.
Real rich.
He's definitely rich.
He was doing a show with Seinfeld, Sebastian, and Jim Gaffigan,
the four of them together.
Oh, what show were you doing?
Because they needed help selling tickets.
Right.
I mean, they just took all the tickets from the whole festival
and threw it into that one show.
Who were you on a lineup with?
Ari Shapiro?
Yeah, no, I was on a lineup with nobody.
I was on a lineup with myself.
What they should have done was put me and Seinfeld together
to help my tickets.
They could have spread those guys around
and been like Jerry Seinfeld and 40 other comedians
who don't sell tickets.
That would have helped.
You put the four guys together who don't need help selling tickets.
Oh,
it's Netflix,
dude.
They know what they're doing.
Yeah.
They know what they're doing.
They definitely know what they're doing.
Was it filmed?
No,
they were just live shows.
It's just,
it's just a live,
live shows around town.
And,
uh,
it was great.
Great for comedy.
Great.
I just got nothing good to say.
Cause I met Ted Sarandos.
I got nothing good.
I got nothing. Nothing bad to say. I got nothing bad to say because I met Ted Sarandos. I got nothing good. I got nothing bad to say.
I got nothing bad to say.
I got nothing bad to say.
Nothing but good things.
It's all good things.
It was a beautiful festival.
Everything was beautiful.
I saw my friends.
They did podcasts.
It was beautiful.
Netflix is the best.
Netflix is number one.
Netflix is doing a crazy job.
The roast of Tom Brady was incredible.
Number one, Netflix is doing a crazy job.
The roast of Tom Brady was incredible.
Although, I don't know if I was the only one who was uncomfortable with Andrew Schultz's hair cut and that big of a crowd.
I think with that haircut, his crowd should be limited. He went from two shows at the Garden to then the Tom Brady roast at the Coliseum.
And I know Andrew Schultz was doing comedy,
but his haircut has other ideas.
Because while he was telling jokes,
his haircut was thinking about some other things.
His haircut was thinking about rounding up some people
and starting some wars
and talking about a greater america plan yo that mustache is getting narrower and narrower look as
far as as far as that haircut that mustache is concerned our present borders are just a suggestion
you can't that haircut can't be in front of that big of a crowd.
I even saw it while he was talking, his hair started flopping.
Oh, did it?
Yeah, his hair started flopping like that.
That hair has a bite of its own.
Wouldn't that be a great movie that someone, like a hair, someone cut their hair into Hitler's haircut and And then the hair, the hair had a life of its own.
Oh,
you get possessed by the haircut.
Possessed by the haircut.
He doesn't know what it is.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Next thing you know,
you have these impulses.
You got these impulses and like the hair won't let it grow out.
Right.
So the hair just keeps staying short on purpose.
And you become very charismatic.
Yeah.
Charismatic.
I mean,
I,
you know,
I just think,
I just think there's a very good, he's I just think, I just think there's a very good,
he's so big now,
I just think there's a possibility
he could make a move,
like a political move.
Possibly.
I think he could make a political move.
I mean, think about it.
There's certain people that started in entertainment.
Ronald Reagan started in entertainment.
True indeed.
Hitler started in entertainment.
He was a painter.
Our former president. our former president our former
president donald trump started as a reality tv show star i mean you could make a move
now if he starts wearing a uniform he'll get votes dude andrew schultz will get votes if he
starts wearing a uniform we got it we're close we Dude. Yo, if he makes a fashion choice for you, I mean.
You know how like Chappelle wears the jumpsuit?
Yeah, but my question, is the haircut possessing him?
Could be.
Could it happen?
Could it happen?
Like he just thinks he's up there doing comedy, right?
He thinks it's just like, this is a great time.
I'm roasting Tom Brady.
But like the haircut, the haircut is up there sending messages down.
Say it.
Put your hand up.
Put your hand up.
Say goodnight like this.
Oh, yeah.
Say goodnight like this.
And then while he's sleeping, the haircut is subliminally sending messages into his subconscious.
It's like a puppet master.
Yeah, he's going.
He's going.
Why were the Jews kicked out of 161 countries, Andrew?
Andrew.
And I think one of his best friends, Dove,
is Jewish too.
So he's going, what's going on?
Why does, why is Dove,
why does he look like that?
Why does Dove always have allergies, Andrew?
Dove's watching your money.
Are you watching Dove, Andrew?
Andrew?
Andrew, you took over by doing the internet game
and you challenged Hollywood.
Maybe now it's time to take over Hollywood
because you know who needs to be dethroned from Hollywood.
Andrew, who runs Hollywood?
Andrew, who runs Hollywood? Is it going to be thehroned from Hollywood. Andrew, who runs Hollywood? Andrew, who runs Hollywood?
Is it going to be the people who run Hollywood?
Or is it going to be Schultz?
Schultz!
It's a German name, too.
He's Jewish.
No, he's not Jewish.
That's the thing, because he's not Jewish.
Oh, he's not Jewish.
He's not Jewish, no.
He's Schultz.
Oh, he's Schultz.
Schultz.
Schultz.
I think it's a Scottish name.
I don't know.
What's the etymology of Schultz?
What is the background of Schultz?
Here we were hoping this was going to be the main episode,
and I just turned it into a Patreon.
Schultz, family, name, from where?
I think, oh, my God. The, the name Charles is of German origin.
Dude, it could be the name that made him get the haircut,
and now the haircut is going to make him open gas chambers.
You sure he's not Jewish?
He's not Jewish.
Oh, I'm positive he's not Jewish.
Oh, you guys had some private conversations? No, it's a known thing. He's not jewish he's not jewish oh i'm positive he's not jewish oh you guys have some
private conversations no he just it's a known thing he's not jewish all right i know what do
you think he's hiding it no but here he's explaining what it's like how the jews feel
right now yeah well because he gets into every topic that's kind of his job yeah it's kind of
his job he gets in every topic but he's i know him he's a friend of mine. He's not Jewish. He's German. Schultz, even, you know, he's German.
I mean, a lot of Jews had German names, right?
Like Schultz.
I guess there's Jews that have Schultz or Heisenberger,
but those were German names.
Spitzer.
Spitzer, those were German names.
But they were just, you know,
they were just the infestation in Germany.
No, I'm sorry.
Did that come out?
It was the haircut that made me say that.
They were just German Jews.
They were Germans,
but they just happened to have a different religion.
Schultz, no, no Jewish in there.
No Jewish.
All German.
Well, at least his name is,
but I think his mom was Scottish.
I always got my eyes on the Germans, too.
Yeah.
They hurt us, too.
They hurt us, too.
We're with the Jews on that.
The Greeks are with the Jews.
There's a lot of people in Europe that got hurt by the Germans.
We kid.
We kid.
It was great.
He crushed.
He did well.
He gave a very good roast.
So did Tony Hinchcliffe.
So did Nikki Glaser.
Those three were kind of like.
Yeah, so she was trending.
Yeah, maybe the highlights.
I mean, they were so funny.
Schultz's jokes were great.
He did great.
Congrats on selling out the garden,
just like the Nazis did in 1930-something.
I'm kidding.
It's amazing.
It's an amazing thing.
He made a very touching uh you know film uh with
his dad about it who's that woman that's glazer nikki glazer oh yeah yeah she um
they uh dana white was there and i think schultz said something like maybe that's why dana white
is here so he can teach you how to fuck a brazilian out of millions or something like that
because his ex-wife giselle's brazilian oh they're getting divorced and she they went after him
because of giselle oh yeah a lot of it was a lot i mean he got roasted dude really yeah he got
roasted was giselle there no giselle wasn't there without a nice at one point jeff ross made a
massage joke because uh what's his name was it a craft and then and then
uh that was the only thing that tom brady got up and got in his ear and was like enough of that
really yeah he's like enough of that yeah so that's another one that's another dude
like what was that he went to a strip mall he went he got a massage no he got a happy end he
got it so what no i'm saying but why he's a billionaire
and he goes to like a 15 strip mall yeah you gotta humiliate yourself a little bit
what was the big deal about that is it illegal to get a massage with a handy i don't know florida
that was in florida right i mean yeah i mean who cares who cares what robert craft i mean
you know we got bigger fish to i mean you know i mean
jeffrey epstein was murdered in his fucking cell he was trafficking and blackmailing powerful
politicians who were sleeping with kids and then they go off to robert craft from getting a handy
from some asian lady i mean i just there's a scale oh yeah well that's good because they want you
talking about the crap talking about crap they don't want you talking about giselle sitting uh gasoline maxwell sitting somewhere nobody's
asking her any questions why are they not throwing her in front of a uh grand jury or whatever and
be like we need to know the name of every single person you know why what where is she yeah where
is she why is she not why is they not like torturing her for answers?
I'll tell you why.
Because the people who are in charge of torturing people don't want her to speak.
That's the only explanation for why we have not heard from her.
Oh, she's in jail already.
Yeah, she's in jail, but I'm just saying, can't they get all the information from her?
We're all sitting here wondering who who what where who did bad stuff
it's like she knows everything and she's just sitting there dude where's that book that book
would crush yeah she wrote a book yeah but she can't because then they'll kill her they'll kill
her she's a low she's in a low security prison in tallahassee i mean she's probably got a pretty
good there dude she's got all the information of what was going on.
I mean, this guy was blackmailing
the most powerful people in the world.
And, um.
Nobody even talks about it.
Yeah, it's not.
You don't even talk about it.
You can't.
Nobody even can make a suggestion.
Like, hey, by the way,
can we interview Jessalyn?
Is anyone asking her any questions?
Is anyone trying to find out the information?
She got 20 years. Is anyone asking to find out the information? She got 20 years.
Is anyone asking any questions?
Is anyone asking Ghislaine Maxwell any questions about what she knows?
Come on in.
They don't even want to open a door.
These kids are from Florida?
These kids are from Florida. These kids are from Florida.
A couple of kids from Florida staying at the place.
It's a halfway house for Florida kids.
Enjoy that clean bathroom.
Oh, boy.
That toilet is a disaster, dude.
You know what's funny is in the bedroom,
there's just a bunch of Maurisa slippers and stuff.
And they're going like, what's he into?
Dude, if you walked into this apartment not knowing,
you would think a psychopath lives here.
You would think Buffalo Bill lives here.
Seriously.
There's camera equipment.
Where's the Maurisa hair?
That's up behind you.
Oh, yeah.
There's the Maurisa hair.
And then you got the pocket puss over there.
And then you got Chancletas in the bedroom.
Right.
You're going, what's going on here? And then you got this camera equipmentuss over there and then you got chancletas in the bedroom right you know what's going on here and then you got this camera you got camera equipment goodbye horses
you're crying over me let's talk about what's going on in that bathroom
you got all the ball hair all over the toilet oh there's ball hair everywhere
i mean i told you guys you could stay here for a couple days I didn't say I was going to clean it
Right, you could stay but you can't leave
Those kids are going to end up as a skin suit
Oh, help yourself to it
Also, there's a bunch of
There's a bunch of
I guess vagina massagers
That we got from some sponsor
There's some sex toys if you guys want to try those out
You guys can use on each other
Yeah Have a good old time There's some sex toys down there you guys can use on each other.
Yeah.
Have a good old time.
Have a good old time.
These kids thought they were going to stay in New York for a couple of days.
Stay and leave it.
Now yous can't leave.
Welcome to New York.
You're going to get garbed up.
Now yous can't leave.
Johnny's going to wear you as a skin suit.
Goodbye, horses.
I'm crying over you.
Goodbye, horses.
Talk about a blessing and a curse.
Great song that was kind of ruined by that movie.
Same with the actor.
Yeah, that actor, dude.
Every time you see him.
He played Buffalo good.
He played him so well that now every time you see him, you're going like, oh, there yeah that dude should have won every award available he was so good oh she's a great big fat person
great movie the best great movie so i don't know i mean all our heroes have fallen
robert craft that went away quick, though.
But the Tom Brady roast was great.
It was absolutely fantastic.
You sound so sincere.
No, it was good.
It was actually good.
It did huge numbers.
Netflix is doing everything right.
You know, what they need to do is really take a chance
on a comedian that, like, you know...
You know what I mean?
We need, like, a Greek comedian. Like, a Greek. Yeah, right. You know, like, you know, you know what I mean? Like we need like a Greek, like a Greek.
Yeah, right.
You know, like look at the pedigree.
We got Zach Galifianakis.
He did great.
Demetri Martin.
He did great.
He did great.
Tina Fey.
Jennifer Aniston.
John Stamos.
Giannis Pappas.
I mean, I think it's time to take a chance on someone who wants to talk about their family in a special and also some social issues.
Was this your pitch to Sarandos?
No, no, not at all.
I'm just saying they're making every right decision.
I think that would be a great next move because they got a lot of established guys.
What about a guy who everyone's buzzing about,
but like, you know, is really going to, you know?
It's like a low buzz.
The sport, yeah.
And I would even pump it in the algorithm.
You would pump it.
I'd pump it in the algorithm.
If I was in charge of Netflix,
but not only do we showcase the most established talent
who don't need the money,
not only do we throw 50 to 100 million at guys
who can't lose money in a lifetime we're we're breaking we're breaking talent here
we're breaking talent oh like a new like a new face and new faces for an old comic
i mean that's what i think right that's what i would do So wait You met Sarandos This weekend Yes I did meet him
How'd it go?
It was fine
Yeah?
Yeah it was fine
Did you try and throw
Some jokes in there?
Yeah I mean
Kind of
But he turned away quick
Every time he turned away
Yeah I'd start talking
He'd be on somewhere
Like there was a lot of people there
Stamos was talking
And you know
It was just
You know
He would turn away
But he was very nice
He's very nice
I think he's into comedy
Just nothing but good vibes Stamos was bigging you up too It was just, he would turn away. But he was very nice. He's very nice. I think he's into comedy.
Just nothing but good vibes.
Stamos was bigging you up, too.
He was bigging me up, yeah.
Which, I don't know.
I don't know what that does.
Wait, what did he say?
How did he say it?
He was just like, he's really funny.
Oh.
He was like, he's really funny.
That's it?
He was like, if you're into that type of thing.
No, can you imagine that?
Imagine he said that?
Right. No, Stamos has i mean yeah i mean i'm not a guy who
the industry came clamoring for i i have been fortunate to have guys who are artists
big me up so um i'm very appreciative and grateful oh like I've mentioned before, all the LA guys and, you know,
Rogan and then Stamos just goes out of his way.
He loves you.
He goes out of his way to help me.
I mean, I don't know what I'm going to have to do to pay him back.
That's the thing.
That bill is due.
That's the thing.
If he was 40, I'd be a lot more nervous, but he's 60.
That makes it worse.
No, it doesn't make it worse because maybe he'll die soon and I won't have to pay him back.
He's going to want payment.
No, I don't know.
Yeah, he just, I don't know.
I think he's just a good guy.
I'm hoping.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, what can I pay him back for?
What do you want to do?
You want to come watch my kids with me?
What can I, I can buy you yogurt.
I mean, what can I do for him?
There's nothing I can provide him. You could have a nice can I do for him? There's nothing I can provide him.
Get him a nice Greek yogurt.
I mean, there's nothing I can provide.
Oh, maybe.
I can hook you.
I mean, even if he's secretly into men,
I mean, he could get better than me.
You think?
That's the best part about it, yeah.
So here's the best part about being almost good-looking,
is that there's better choices.
Maybe that's his fetish.
Is almost?
Yeah, like he likes just like an almost good-looking guy.
That would be funny if he just wants an almost,
and they're hard to find.
Right, it really turns him on.
Because that's a hard subsect to find.
Right, because he's the guy who's had everything.
He's the guy who's good-looking from certain angles.
A guy who looks like four different people, depending on what the angle is. I mean, I really look like four different people depending on what the angle is.
I mean, I really look like four different people.
If you catch me from here and then from here and then from here and then from here and then from here or sitting like this or sitting like that, I just turn into eight different looking people.
You know, I shave my beard.
I look one way. i shaved my beard i look one way i shaved my beard i look like a fat lesbian with hair i look like one person without hair i look like another person
sometimes i'll look different on different days it's true but you put zero effort into your
appearance i put that's the problem yeah i think what it is because people like they they they uh
curate their feed where they're like they only have certain angles that go out there.
Stamos is not posting an unflattering pic.
No, and guys like Stamos and certain guys, their hair is old.
My hair will just grow out, and then I'll cut it, and my beard will. When I decide to grow my beard is when my hair is blocking my lip.
That's when I decide to shave my hair.
And when I decide to cut my hair, when my hair when i decide to cut my hair
it's when it's like it looks too long over here you know it's like looks puff it out yeah when
like you could turn this way and it looks like the top of your head when i can do that when i can do
that on my side so i just wait till everything's too long i just groom like once every two months
yeah what do you think staying i mean stamos no, those guys run like a four-day groom pattern.
Four days?
Yeah, lotions and, yeah, the workout regimen.
That's why he always looks like the same guy.
I look different.
You know, if I have a cheeseburger,
I look different after the cheeseburger
than before the cheeseburger.
That's the thing about comedians.
Like, we're in show business, but also kind of not.
So, you know, you can't, you can't,
the only way you can be in show business and not be in show business at the same time is if your primary source of income
is having to travel to tulsa to perform it's about as far away from hollywood but you're still in
show business that's right i mean they look at us like jugglers well you're an entertainer i mean i
was around some powerful people were looking at me like a juggler. I mean, you know, Jimmy Giannopoulos, who used to be the head of Fox Movie Studio and then Paramount Movie Studio, he said to me, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Like, I'm a pretty known comedian.
He's like, what are you doing?
You living out here now?
He was like, you know, do you need someone to help me get you an apartment?
He was like asking me, like, you need help getting an apartment?
I'm like,
comedian,
he's been doing it a long time.
Yeah.
You know,
I make a good living
and he's looking at me,
he's like,
you need an apartment,
you know,
he's like,
if there's anything I can do for you,
like get you in touch with like,
maybe someone who can help you with a rental
or,
you know.
Or you need a job.
You need a job,
you need something,
you know.
He was talking to me that way.
He had no fucking clue
because I think to them, we're kind of jugglers
I think they're from the world
It's like Matt Damon
Fucking Brad Pitt
Ben Affleck
There's like a crowd of people
And then like once in a while
A Neovar Dallas will like get into the movie star crowd
And then everyone else is just not really in show business
He doesn't know anything about comedy
You always said this though
The money's in the funny.
I don't know if I ever said that.
You used to say that all the time.
The money is in the funny.
Yeah.
Comedy is
big business.
It's recession-proof. It's like booze
and strippers and
prostitution and drugs.
It really is. The most recession-proof business is drugs, strippers, prostitution and drug. It really is. The most recession-proof businesses,
drugs, strippers, prostitutes, comedy, church.
Well, even church, I think people cut a little bit now.
Now it's coming back.
But I think it's up there.
Yeah, because people always need that.
Alcohol.
Sorry, I forgot that one.
You said booze.
Oh, I said booze.
Okay, yeah.
Booze, comedy, strippers.
You're never going to lose. You're never going to lose.
You're never going to lose.
Entertainment can, you know, budgets can slide down.
But people always, in fact, hard times I think are good for comedy
because people need to laugh.
They will pay whatever money they have to have a good night and laugh.
People just need to laugh.
That's why you have to go to
these places all over the country yeah i mean you know that's why it shows in miami stink
my they're like what this is the worst thing that happened to me all day in miami dude but when you
go to minnesota they're like you know god i like they were this close everyone who comes to a show
and like a winner in minnesota comes to the show from this winter in Minnesota comes to the show. This is the last position they're in in their car before they step out.
They go, all right, just one more show.
Well, describe that for the listeners.
I put a gun to my head.
So it's some guy who looks like the actor from the movie Fargo who's sitting in his car right outside the comedy club going, all right, let me just see if this comedian can keep me here for another week.
And they just put the gun down because it's dark and it's cold and it's white and it's boring.
You need Latin people around.
You need Jews to make sure the service is good.
You need Italians to make sure your food is good.
You need Asians to make sure your food is good.
You need Asians to make sure your food is good.
You need gays to make sure there's entertainment and fun and plays and musicals.
You need that stuff.
People are trying to get rid of all this shit.
You need it.
You need gays.
You need blacks. You need blacks for music and fun and rhythm and sports.
You need these people.
What are these supremacists trying to do?
What are they trying to fucking do?
You're trying to get rid of Mike Kendrick Lamar?
Fuck you, dude.
You're not taking it.
You're trying to take Usher from me?
It's not happening.
It's not happening.
Okay, you're trying to take bagels from me?
Not going to happen.
You're trying to take spaghetti?
What are we going to do? We're all gonna eat like northern uh white food maybe that's why they're so fucking
angry because they got to eat swedish meatballs and herring every day not for me not me jack
you need greeks for yeah what do you need greeks for god you don't really need greeks
it's the problem drawing a blank here dude you don't need g God, you don't really need Greeks. That's the problem. Drawing a blank here. Dude, you don't need Greeks.
You don't need Romanians.
You don't really need the Irish.
You don't need the Irish.
No.
All right, let's just talk about the essentials.
Let's be honest, okay?
You need the Germans.
They engineer.
You need the Germans and the Japs.
They engineer good.
You need the Koreans.
Engineering, dude.
They build shit.
Okay?
Buildings.
A lot of architects.
You need the Jews.
They're doctors.
You get in legal trouble, you need them.
They complain a lot.
So it keeps the service, restaurants, keeps everyone on their toes.
Because these wasps won't complain.
They go into a restaurant, they'll be miserable.
They don't care.
As long as they can get a big jug of white wine
to fucking throw down their gullet,
they'll eat just a piece of plain shellfish
and just like a potato with butter on it.
They don't care.
They just don't care.
A dry piece of bread.
They don't care.
Worst food.
It's the worst.
And then you need italians
for just the cuisine you just need it for the wines okay you need you can get rid of the french
okay because anything they do the wines and the cheese the italians can do just as good
not better and they're less annoying and they're funnier and you need the italians for the funny
for the humor yeah is there's only one group that's going to come up with a racist name like eggplant and it's just
funny okay they're just they're horribly racist but the racism is very funny they're funny and
mean underrated people and when it comes to comes to humor very very funny very funny i mean yes
it's racist but it's funny okay they just say funny stuff um so you need them we
don't need the chinese too much msg in the food japanese food is better we need the japanese no
but the chinese make all that shit they make all the crap that we use yeah but you can use the
indians for that oh good point now we're thinking all right now we're thinking like ceo dictators
you can use the indians for that okay Okay. Indians got just as good food.
I love Indian food.
I do like Chinese food too.
We'll keep a pocket.
All right.
We're doing some social engineering.
What if we breed the Chinese and the Indians together and get like a small little group of them?
Yeah, we take a small group.
Right.
Okay.
So we don't really need a large amount of them.
Okay, this is definitely
going on the Patreon, I think.
We get rid of the Greeks.
I'll start there.
We don't need the Greeks.
The Greeks are basically,
it's like a history book.
They did their part.
They did their part.
They're kind of done.
Like, they did their part.
You made yourself useful in the past.
Like 2,000 years ago.
Yeah, we needed you then.
We get rid of you now.
So we get rid of them, okay?
You need the gays.
You need the gays, okay?
You need the lesbians to be the marines of gentrification
going to bad neighborhoods with baseball bats,
start softball games,
and just soften up the bad neighborhood
for all the gays and the young people who are soften up the bad neighborhood for all the gays
and the young people who are going to come, which are basically the gays, right? All the kids from
the suburbs, they're the gays. So you need the gays. You need them for musicals. You need them
for dancing. You need them for theater. You need them for fashion. You need the gays. For aesthetics,
you need the gays for aesthetics. Fashion, hair, gays.
You need the blacks for music.
You need the blacks for athletics.
You need the blacks for style, for rhythm,
for also very funny.
You need the blacks.
No Greeks.
We get rid of the Greeks.
You need the Italians for food.
With the Germans, it's a controlled population.
It's a controlled population. We get rid of most of the Germans
Get rid of most of your we pay them back by getting rid of most of them and we keep the ones
That have and we just monitor them. They're only allowed to live in these journey
We build walls around them so they can't and they're constantly watch because they're always seeking to grow and start Wars
They started World War one and two so they're always watching because they're always seeking to grow and start wars they started world war one and two so they're always watched okay um we don't need russians at all somebody's got to be
the bad guys in movies you can play a russian we just get dan sodor to play every russian
by doing a russian voice so we just get he plays every part. He's every Russian drug dealer in the movie.
We get rid of all the Russians.
We get rid of all the Ukrainians.
That problem is solved.
The British, you don't need.
There is no need for them.
Yeah, what do they do?
They don't do anything.
What do they bring to the table?
We get rid of them.
Yeah.
You get rid of the British.
You get rid of the British.
The Scottish, the Irish, gone.
No, keep the Scottish.
They got golf.
They got amazing golf. But we don't need them for the golf. It's like the Greeks. We, keep the Scottish. They got golf. They got amazing golf.
But we don't need them for the golf.
It's like the Greeks.
We already got it.
We already got it.
What you've done, I'm talking about what you need.
Like what they can provide.
We got to keep some Indians, some Indians, Asians.
We got to keep some Chinese and the Jews, the doctors.
We need healthcare.
So we need health care.
So we need that.
We absolutely need that.
Lesbians, we've got to keep.
They're not going to be happy about it because they're not happy about anything.
And we make a cutoff for age.
Oh, all right. No more old people.
No more old people.
No more old people.
So what's the cutoff?
70.
70?
70.
Then you've got to walk out.
You've got to walk out. Walk out into what? Then you got to walk out. You got to walk out.
Walk out into what?
You got to walk out.
Walk out into the desert?
You got to do hard labor until you die.
No food, no water.
Just that's it.
That's it.
Now, is this your haircut talking to bring it back to the beginning of the episode?
Yeah, this could be my haircut talking.
This got way out of hand.
This got way out of hand.
But this is the way we can finally have world peace and order
is if it's completely controlled
by an authoritarian
geneticist.
But I've kept a lot of groups.
I've kept a lot of groups.
Okay?
We just build a wall
around Florida
and make it,
keep them there. We got to keep them in. Keep them in. build a wall around Florida and keep them there.
We got to keep them in.
Keep them in.
Build a wall around Florida, keep them in.
And then take everyone from Texas and just ship them to Florida.
We need Mexicans.
Wow, I forgot about that.
Yeah, Mexicans, they're on top of the list.
Or you could just get Ecuadorians to play Mexicans.
Good point.
Because they just have the same skill set.
Colombians and Ecuadorians.
So basically you just pick one.
Pick which one you want.
And then you got your guys
to really fucking work.
You got those guys.
And so then I think
we got the perfect racist.
I think we got the perfect.
We got the perfect racist world.
You know,
but it's also peaceful and harmonious right it's diverse
yeah is this how the meeting started is this how it started well listen is this how it started
in the in the beer halls of germany in austria they were just sitting around drunk it probably
was just drunk they were drinking pints and hitler was just going like all right this is what we do we keep some uh you know maybe it started off like a joke like this and then you come see me and i'm the
one wearing a uniform you never know i think it's a pretty good idea and women's uh are
controlled women yeah women are every all kinds of women all women yeah yeah we don't need them
i don't think
what about trans what do we do with the we keep the trans keep the chance keep the trance
keep the trance um because i think we should only do this for one generation
and then leave and then leave how we dude how great would that be you know how like
the people who retire gracefully pick a day and they just retire gracefully like Tim Duncan,
you know,
Tim Duncan just retired.
No big arena tour,
no big,
you know,
like Kobe was waving goodbye to every,
you know,
Tim Duncan was just like,
I'm done.
Wrote a note,
retire,
nothing.
What if humans did that?
And humans said,
we're not going to reproduce anymore.
Like nobody's reproducing. So we just pick a date in the future. What if humans did that? And humans said, we're not going to reproduce anymore.
Like nobody's reproducing.
So we just pick a date in the future.
We just pick a date in the future and say no more reproduction.
No more.
No more reproduction.
This is it.
We're doing the end.
We give a fuck you to nature
and go, you know what?
We're going to do this orderly.
We're going to do it in an orderly way.
That way we can have peace
because people, you know,
when people know that it's ending, they don't have any like illusions or anything they like
really you know cancer patients say they really like appreciate life so we essentially turn us
all into cancer patients because we all know it's going to end we got no kids there's no legacy
anymore we just go one last generation and then but somebody will they'll start you know what they'll
do they'll have a speakeasies for babies yeah they'll be like sneaking yeah right because i
mean so what would because you still want we bust them up we bust them up like gay bars we bust them
up you guys having babies down here you guys having babies down here that'll be the new drinking
during prohibition you guys having babies down here i heard a baby the new drinking during Prohibition. You guys having babies down here? I heard a baby. Yeah, I heard a baby.
You hear like a wah.
It's like, you know,
in the first scene of Inglourious Bastards?
There are some babies.
We heard you are
harboring babies. You're harboring
enemies of the state, are you not?
You have babies. There's
babies under these floorboards.
And you hear like a wah.
Wah. And then the guys come in and just start You'll have babies under these floorboards, and you hear like a, wah, wah.
And then the guys come in and just start shooting down through the floorboards.
It's got really dark.
It's just got really dark.
Comedy sometimes does.
But I'm just trying to find a solution.
Yeah, at least you're coming up with ideas.
I'm just throwing things at the wall.
A lot of people just point out the problems.
I'm throwing things at the wall.
I'm not scared
to make a mistake. Don't judge me. I'm just spitballing here. I'm not saying anything is
going to work. I'm trying to just get the ball rolling. Start some momenting for the great
thinkers out there to piggyback off what I said and stand on the shoulders of me, the giant,
and stand on the shoulders of me, the giant,
just like Isaac Newton did with the scientists before him.
Okay?
I'm just being a great thinker here,
trying to figure out why we still need Irish people.
We don't.
We don't need Irish people at all.
Do we need Irish people at all?
You kind of got me.
You got you, right? Like, would the world be any different without Irish people?
But if I said no more Italians, we're panicking.
We're panicking because they provide us something.
Okay?
They provide us something.
Unbelievable food and great wine.
Unbelievable.
But that's about it.
That's about it.
That's worth a lot.
It's worth a lot, though.
We gave you lasagna.
Okay, if I say no more,
what you guys are calling for, no more juice,
do you really know what that means?
Who do you want to be your doctor?
Some Thai guy?
I want my doctor Jewish.
I want my lawyer Jewish.
I want my Asian Jewish. I want my lawyer Jewish. I want my Asian Jewish.
I want my bagel Jewish.
Okay.
I want my comedy Jewish.
They're very good at comedy.
I want my writing staff Jewish.
Okay.
You know,
it was funny.
It's like a lot of those shows.
Like there was a lot of shows back in the day,
like black shows with all Jewish writers.
They're just good at comedy. What's that famous red fox story red fox he tried to fire all the and right and he was like just bring back my jewish writers some black
writers yeah he was like get the jews back get my jews back yeah so you need them right you need
them okay greeks let's be honest you't need, we don't need us anymore.
Wait a second.
I'm getting rid of myself.
That's not going to be good.
But how am I going to round up me?
If I'm doing the rounding up, I guess that's how you can trust me.
This is how you can trust me with my plan.
Because after I round up everyone, I'm rounding up.
I round up myself at the end.
And I go, okay, now I got the final guy.
We got the final guy.
And then I kill myself.
So I get rid of us.
You know?
Do we really need the Swedish?
Don't need them.
We already got the Germans.
We got a small set.
You got to keep them small because they like to grow.
Okay?
We got the blacks we keep.
I'm keeping all the protected groups. Lesbians, gays, need.
Do you guys understand what the world would be like without gays and lesbians?
Not good.
You don't think about this stuff.
Because you live in some fucking podunk town and you're depressed.
You don't know how great things are in New York City with culture and food.
They don't know.
They live in Plato's Allegory of the Cape.
They go to the Olive Garden. They go to some shithole for food. They don't know. They live in Plato's Allegory of the Cape. They go to the Olive Garden.
They go to some shithole for food.
They eat shit.
I've been to these cities.
Even the things they're famous for is shit.
Kansas City barbecue is shit.
Oh, you're losing fans right now.
It's fucking shit.
I went there,
and the fucking barbecue is shit.
Really?
You can get better barbecue in Brooklyn.
The barbecue in Austin is shit.
Oh, you're just digging a hole
right now. Yeah.
It's New York City
till I die. Everything here
is better than anywhere else.
Look at me just looking at the clock.
Going to more. Are we there? Oh, yeah, we're there.
One hour. This is the greatest
podcast. Is this my manifesto?
Should we title this Mind Comf?
No.
Everything here was for comedic purposes.
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Apparently he's not making the actual body armor.
Right.
He's making the cases the body armor comes in
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Yeah.
Plate carrier?
The plate carrier. Right. So the body armor goes in the plate carrier right so the body armor goes in
the plate so the body armor goes in so you have to make the body armor yourself you need to melt
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Why does he just make the plate, too?
Don't ask questions, okay?
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Does he have backpacks yet? No backpacks.
He got no backpacks. He's sold out.
He's got military surplus.
He does have military surplus
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Who knows what he's got? If you need a grenade,
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Oh, look at this.
This is interesting.
He's got a charity.
He's got a charity.
He's into goats.
Okay.
I also make t-shirts.
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To goat animal charities.
He likes goats.
This kid is an interesting kid.
I mean, you got to give it to him.
What's his name?
Max Powers?
It's got to be a fake name.
Max Powers.
Max Powers.
I don't know anything about this kid,
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