Yannis Pappas Hour - Doing Crime Is Fun

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Yannis recalls the weeks headlines and most importantly details what makes you famous in America.  See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Ticket links on yannispappascomedy.com Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw Join our channel! new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_

What's up everybody? Welcome to the Yanis Pappas Hour. How are you these days? Are you getting ready for the holidays? Are you still excited about Christ? Well, you've come to the right podcast. We are now a Christian evangelical podcast. We'll only be talking about Christ. Before we start, can we start with a prayer? Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, please protect us from all evil. Please, we thank you for this meal. We thank you for this podcast. We thank you for the ability to be able to speak. Thank you for everything. And thank you for Tesla's new truck, which I really am interested in getting. I think it's bulletproof and made of titanium. I'm interested.

We got a lot going on in the news. Seems like climate change is bad. Things are getting really bad. An iceberg floated off. It was the size of three New Yorks, and British researchers just passed it in the night. Two ships passed in the night, but one of them was an iceberg. And what they're saying is, oh, boy, it's bad.

This is the hottest year on record, and carbon emissions continue to increase. But the culprits are China and India. So I expect that little Swedish autistic girl to start screaming in booty, booty, boo, and ta-ta-ta-ta. Two cyclists in Illinois, a couple couple ladies came in gold and silver and all I want to do is say congratulations ma'am and ma'am also a kangaroo

punched a cop in Canada and it's it is front page news up there because that's the news in Canada the news is oh my god somebody cut down my maple tree or a kangaroo punched a cop, but we were able to contain the kangaroo, and so we're closing the investigation. And that's about it. If it's not Karen Homolka and her boyfriend, Paul Bernardo, being serial killers,

it's extremes in Canada. It's either boyfriend-girlfriend serial killer team or somebody punched me with my... A kangaroo punched me, eh? So that's big news in Canada. I just wanted to let you know what was going on north of the border. Our friendly... Our friendly eunuch northern neighbors

are having some problems with kangaroos up there. I didn't know kangaroos were in Canada. I thought they were only in Australia. But apparently, they are kangaroos in Canada. So in case you were wondering, there's kangaroos in Canada, but we got a lot to talk about, including Sheila Jackson Lee, who is a congresswoman or a former congresswoman. I don't know, but she's running for mayor in Houston.

She released an ad where she told voters to vote on the wrong day. So only the best are running for our executive branch high-level positions at this point. Only the best. At the presidential level, we have a walking cadaver who should be where my mother was, in a memory care facility. We have his Democratic challenger from the Kennedy family

who used to shoot smack off a cooked spoon and his wife hanged herself. It's in the news. I'm noted herself. It's in the news. I'm not talking smack. It's in the news. I'm not saying that that doesn't reflect on him, but kind of. George Santos is on Cameo where he belongs. This is the Yanis Papasour.

George, I'm going to miss you in Congress, but you're already getting a movie made about you on HBO because that is how you get famous in this country. You commit a crime, okay? Nobody's making movies about social workers and people who tell the truth. They're uninteresting. It's not what we're about. We like a good liar, a criminal like George Santos, because they're fun and it's who we idolize. This is the Giannis Pappas Hour, where me telling the truth has kept these numbers low.

Giannis Pappas. Yeah. When you all talked up in the day before And the news online going on and on What's lying wrong and there's something up I'm just saying Whether I do it in a comedic manner or not varies from episode to episode. Patreon.com slash Giannis Papasour. Go. This week's past Patreon was also a lot of fun.

Sean Terry's plan for world domination I think everyone really enjoyed. So go to Patreon.com slash Giannis Papasour. Support this show. I'm just saying, I haven't often been wrong. I don't think. I don't think with many things I'm wrong. I think I end up long-term being more right than wrong. If you feel like I've been wrong, talk about it in the comments.

Me asking you to talk about it in the comments me asking you to talk about in the comments has really boosted engagement i read each and every one of your comments and i take them to heart they i take your constructive criticism there's one comment from last episode that was so funny it was it was a guy like just lost it and he just he's just so upset that the show's not bigger and he's just looking for reasons that it it really was funny he um he could he couldn't contain himself which which was what i hope i can find it i should have really planned it before. Maybe we'll pause it and we'll find it. Can we pause it and find it? Under the latest episode? Yeah.

Yeah, I'll find it. Yeah. It's very funny because he just lost. He's like, Yanni, I love you. What's going on? He's like, your covers are shit. He's like, look at you. Look at all your friends.

He's like, your podcast is better than everybody, but why is it doing low numbers? And he's like looking for all these marketing reasons why it's not doing well. I'll marketing reasons why it's not doing well. I'll tell you why it's not doing well. I already know. Was it in all caps? It might have been in all caps.

First of all, it's doing fine. I don't want you guys to think it's not doing fine. It's doing fine. You're comparing it to much bigger podcasts. And we're only on our 20th episode since we rebranded it and said that the other episode from the previous name doesn't count we just started this the honest pepper sour is brand new um but i i'm not dismayed and i also understand why you know because'm not, it's not a bubble gum kind of pod.

Okay? I can cut deep sometimes on this thing. Sometimes I can, I can piss some people off with some opinions that they hold very strong. Part of the reason why I like this podcast is because we do make fun of sacred cows. And sometimes sacred cows, they baffle me. They baffle me when people care so much about anything. You know? Outside of their family or their kids. It really, doesn't it baffle you when someone just like really goes to bat for something that, you know, that they shouldn't care about. Like, for example,

I care about things in comedy because I'm a comedian. So if I hear something about in comedy, some injustice in comedy, I may get upset because I am in comedy. But if there's something going on, like, let's say, in the geopolitical sphere or you know i care but not a lot not too much i don't care presidents and stuff like that i don't lose my lid over it you know i'll be honest even if there's atrocities happening i mean it's like pick your atrocities you're not gonna hit the streets i'm not gonna hit the streets because i mean there are atrocities happening You're not going to hit the streets? I'm not going to hit the streets because I mean, atrocities happen all over the world, so which one am I going to get mad at?

You know? I'll hit the streets if Cold Stone goes out of business. I love Cold Stone. It's the best ice cream going. It's things that affect me. I'll hit the streets. I'll hit the streets, you know if if pizza becomes illegal

things that are very very dear to my heart i'll hit those streets um i'll protest if they try to tax pizza higher or anything like that weed even if look ohio's looking to get rid of homegrown weed and tax more commercial weed to raise revenue, whatever. Probably a lot of people who have grown their own weed or whatever the laws, I know it's just happening there now, people will get upset. I don't care. It's got nothing to do with me. If they made

weed illegal again, I wouldn't care. Principal, I'd say it's bad, but I'm not going to hit the streets for weed. I'm not going to be standing shoulder to shoulder with Dan Soder for weed. You know, you just got to hit the streets for weed. I'm not going to be standing shoulder to shoulder with Dan Soder for weed. You know, you just got to pick what you care about. What people care about,

they're not budgeting it anymore. You know? You got to budget what you care about. Really, it's the key to sanity. You have to accept some level of atrocity. I'm not going to hit the streets

if someone gets murdered because, hey, that is more true crime content and I enjoy true crime. I mean, I peruse YouTube and watch crime. I also like watching CCTV footage of shootings on Twitter.

So I'm not going to hit the streets over shootings. I mean, you know, I'm just, you gotta budget it. You gotta admit it. You still can't find the comment. It's fine. Maybe we'll pause it later and find it. Or maybe we'll go on Patreon and talk about it. Patreon.com slash Giannis Papasour. Check it out.

But you know, it's it's it's a fun world we live in it and i i am i upset that george santos got kicked out of congress a little bit because the show's over was i surprised that he immediately got a movie deal on hbo no i'm not no i'm, I'm not. Am I surprised he's on Cameo? A little bit. I didn't know that he would go immediately to Cameo, which, by the way, I'm on Cameo. Um, and so now you can order a cameo from, uh, disgraced former Congressman from Long Island, George Santos, um, who let the bullies win. The bullies did win. They bullied him right out. And now he's a professional cameo guy because look, he knows he's a celebrity, man.

I mean, can you name me, name me congressmen right off the top of your head? I don't even know who my congressman is. I know my congressman was some Irish guy, some Democrat who got beat by some Republican, and now I'm represented by some Republican guy. Your favorite. Huh? Your favorite. Who is it?

Congresswoman. She's not mine. No, but she's New York. She's New York, but I'm up in another place. I keep forgetting. Yeah, she's not mine. That's right. She's not mine. No, but she's New York. She's New York, but I'm up in another place. I keep forgetting. Yeah, she's not mine. That's right. She's not mine.

So the guy who represents where I am, that's all I know. And I couldn't tell you either one of their names. I can tell you AOC's name. I can tell you Talib Kweli's name. I can tell you Bob Menendez, Senator Bob Menendez. And it's all people who really like the limelight. You know what I mean? Not the doers.

They're the showers. They're the social media stars. The people who actually get things done are not like flashy. They're not online. They're not hawking like freshman college political ideologies.

They know. They are in office. They're making things function. And they know that no matter what we do, it's always going to be a combination of things that get things done. You need individual rights, obviously, I guess, libertarian individual rights or whatever. I don't think you can call them libertarian, individual rights. And then you need in the economy, you're just constantly going to have to, you know, add or detract from free market and social programs. That seems to be the only thing that works. You know, I don't think one is going to work, and I don't think all socialism is going to work, and I don't think all capitalism. You got to bow. Oh, we need a little more stimulus. Okay, we go like this. Otherwise,

there's just like nothing for anyone to do, and you're living in a utopia where like you don't need legislators. You don't need need economists you don't need any of this you just go we're going full laissez-faire and just to see what happens we're gonna see what happens in Argentina because I think the only place on the globe that had anything close to a libertarian paradise was Hong Kong which is no longer theirs um It's no longer the libertarian paradise it used to be. I think you can argue maybe New York, not New York. America during the Industrial Revolution was pretty lazy affair. That didn't turn out great.

Had the stock market crash. It's common sense to know that when you cut any ideology with human nature, you're going to have a mess because human nature is complicated. Personalities run the gamut. And some people just like to steal. You got two types of thieves. You got your weasels and your hyenas. Your weasels hope to not get caught.

They steal under the cover of darkness and they hide. And then you got your maniacal egomaniacs who just feel entitled and think it's theirs and boldly steal under the paws of another predator and challenge you to confront them. Those are your two types of thieves. And they exist and they always will exist because it's part of the human condition. So how do you reconcile that with a political ideology?

You can't. You're going to need police. There's going to be people doing crime. Because if the only thing that causes crime is poverty, let's just give everyone $100. If Andrew Yang could just get into office, do you think crime will end? No. Because people like to have fun. And doing crime is fun.

When I look back at some of my best memories as a child, stealing Ex-Lax out of the fucking Neoguards was exhilarating. You stole Ex-Lax? I stole Ex-Lax because it was chocolate. It's exhilarating. You ever cheat on a girlfriend? You know, it's exhilarating. You ever cheat on a girlfriend? You know, it's exhilarating. Are people going to stop?

You know, some people's dicks get hard when they rob. I had a person tell me that once, that they stole something out of the store and they got an erection. Has nothing to do with them being poor. That's a weird kink. It's a weird kink. I don't think he knew about it until he stole it,

and he just got so excited. You know? You know, Italians, for example, they just like crime a little bit. Right? It's mafia. They're just kind of into it. Yeah.

It's kind of in there. Robbing a bank. Like, Paul Verzi says his fantasy is to rob a bank. He says it's his fantasy. He doesn't know why. Just wants to rob a bank. You know? bank he says it's his fantasy he doesn't know why just wants to rob a bank you know i mean let's let's let's look at uh the kid on the um memphis grizzlies ja yeah ja moran is it because he's poor that he likes to show off guns on the instagram and you know talk like a gangster and stuff like

that is it because of his upbringing upbringing? We know it's not. He's got great parents, supportive parents. Some people just are either impressionable or they just are into it. They're just into it. I remember I knew a kid in high school whose father was like a massive celebrity. Couldn't get more famous.

He couldn't be more rich. And he just loved crime. He'd get arrested. He'd slash. You know, it's just some people like it. Some people like it. There's some just like there's some people who like to have a lot of sex. There's some people who are prude. I mean, it's just, it makes the world interesting. So you're always just going to need like a combination of solutions. There's never one solution. Anytime someone's pitching me an all-inclusive solution,

I know it's going to be shit. Just like when you go to an all-inclusive resort. It's going to be shit. It's a buffet, baby. It's shit. The quality's not going to be great. You want quality, you got to pay for it. You know?

So, we need our George Santos's. Was he poor? Is he poor? No, he's a compulsive liar, and he's a sociopath. The funny thing about George Santos is it came down to him being one of the only people where they just kept uncovering lie after lie. It got to the point where they go, okay, there's nothing that's true about this guy.

And he got booted out he got booted out by the gop by the not the yeah the the house republicans booted him out he was trying to take people down with them too yeah i mean that's what you gotta you can't go down you gotta go down kicking and screaming yeah he was going down swinging yeah imagine one day you wake up you got your own office you got your own office on capitol hill and then the next day you're at home in your underwear doing cameos. And so many of those cameos are just going to be making fun of it, like people getting them. But he's going to make a lot of money on cameo because guess what? I'm getting one. If you don't think we're getting a YP hour, you don't think I'm investing $300 in George Santos promoting the Giannis Pappas hour where I say, I want to give a shout out to my favorite podcast, the Giannis Papasour, where I've always been supported and believed.

I appreciate your support. Here's his cameo that was ordered by Representative Fetterman. The Lumberjack. The Lumberjack. You may know him from his Carhartt attire. He ordered one from George Santos and forced George Santos to talk about one of our other favorites, Bob Menendez,

who had gold bars in his... Dude, nobody has any principles anymore. Everyone is grabbing whatever chunk they can get left of this dying empire. We're at the point now where a congressman or senator, I can't remember, we're going to find out, just sincerely, he earnestly suggested that we make the migrants become military in order to gain citizenship. Like we give them citizenship, but we need them to fight because nobody, we don't have any military. We don't need military. We got bombs.

Everyone gives Obama a bunch of shit for bombing everywhere. But you have no choice when you got soldiers who got cell phones and you know diet coke and pizza hut who the hell wants to fight they're not fighting for anything we're spoiled we don't we don't got soldiers who are willing to sacrifice for for heaven they're like we got it right here you know i don't care what your religion is um like you, a lot of these people who fight for jihad, like they fight for jihad and they're willing to die. I don't think so much for the virgins and all that. I think a lot of it is because they're poor.

You can get poor people to fight because then you believe in heaven. Like, you know, you can't get Saudi Arabians to fight right now. They don't want to fight. That's why they're, you know, they're going like, yeah, Israel's bad, but we're not going to do anything about it because they're loaded.

Once you're loaded, you don't want, once you get a taste of the good life, you don't want to go to war. I remember there was that lip service when Russia and Ukraine broke out, and there was like all these famous boxers were like, we're going to fight. You know, the Klitschko brothers um the other guy who's like uh he's a littler guy he's really good i can't his

name is escaping me and they there was all these pictures in military fatigue and then i just saw he like had another fight recently like they didn't really they're not really gonna go to front lines you know they're poolside in ve. They're poolside in Vegas. They're poolside in Vegas. They probably took the pictures of them in camouflage poolside in Vegas. Well, one of the Klitschko brothers, I think, is the mayor of Kiev. So maybe he's involved.

But he's not on the front line. They're never on the front lines. I don't buy that Alexander the Great was on the front lines. I just don't buy it. I think the scribe writes that down. But, you know, you die on the front lines. I just don't buy it. I think the scribe writes that down, but you know, you die on the front lines. It's like, it's like a human meat factory.

You know, I think he's on a horse in the back with binoculars. That's what I think. So here is George Santos's cameo. We're going to hear it. I'm watching it for the first time. So this is as exciting for me as it is for you. Hey Bobby,

uh, look, I don't think I need to tell you, it for the first time. So this is as exciting for me as it is for you. Hey, Bobby. Look, I don't think I need to tell you, but these people that want to make you get in trouble and want to kick you out and make you run away, you make him put up or shut up. You stand your ground, sir. And don't get bogged down by all the haters out there. Stay strong. Merry Christmas. the haters out there. Stay strong. Merry Christmas. How did he get one vote? How did anyone vote for him? Dude, it's Long Island.

I think he just hit the buzzwords. You hit the buzzwords in Long Island. I mean, Long Island is like Arkansas. I mean, you just gotta hit the buzzwords. He was probably like, we're gonna get rid of all the illegals. We're gonna build a border. We're gonna get rid of all the illegals we're gonna build a border we're gonna get rid of commies and that's really it and he's got the accent yeah ms-13 is a thing

of the past and that's it nobody's gonna be able to dress everyone's got to wear um jeans that have way too wide of a leg and dress shoes. Everyone's going to get their eyebrows tweezed and everyone's going to order in either pizza or Chinese in their cul-de-sac. And people in Long Island were going like, that sounds great. And they probably, I'm going to make the Long Island local officials cut taxes

because they're always fucking complaining in Long Island about their fucking taxes. Their taxes are too high, whatever. Because, you know, it's a pretty right-wing place. So he just hit the buzzwords. I could get elected in Long Island. In fact, I could give you a guide to how to get elected in Long Island.

And it's just those things I said. Hit those fucking three bangs. No more immigrants. We're going to make a strong wall. We're're gonna get rid of commies and ms-13 is a thing of the past you're done people in long island don't experience the world outside of long island so the world that they experience is filtered through fox news so you just hit all the things on fox news the things that they scare you about that's it you just hit all of the things on Fox News, the things that they scare you about. That's it.

You just go, California is a liberal cesspool. They show you one image of like homelessness on the streets of San Francisco. And then the Long Island brain goes, that's all of California. And then they never will ever enjoy California. Let me tell you something about California. L.A. may not have any water, but California is one of the most beautiful places you'll ever go with one of the strongest economies going.

It's got wine country. It's got, I mean, San Francisco, outside of that block, is a pretty dope, you know, dope city. It's not just all one thing happening, right? So, like, for example, I'll go'll go to like spokane washington and a person from long island might say like there's 775 million liberals up there how did you even survive it's like spokane was awesome oh yeah yeah i didn't even see any purple hair i'm sure they're there i'm sure there's a few of them there you know it's like going, like, Long Islanders are

scared of New York. They want to come to New York City because they turn on the TV and they're like, crime here, crime there. I'm in New York City all the time. Yes, if you're hanging out in 42nd Street, it's pretty bad, but if you're down at Soho going to one of the best restaurants in the world, you don't feel it.

You know? But Long Island, it's very cut and dry.'s all one thing and george santos just went up there and he said new york's a liberal cesspool california is full of uh yeah gender training changing queer commies and never mind the fact that i was the drag queen and i'm gay just he just you just hit the buzzwords and you win. And that's how he got into office because they don't want to know, those people don't want to know the truth. They don't want to hear that it was great.

They don't want to hear that California's great. They want to believe that what they heard on the TV is true. So you play that game and that's what Georgie Santos did. But it came, the law caught up to him. The law caught up to him And that's what Georgie Santos did. But it came, the law caught up to him. The law caught up to him. There's just too many lies.

If he hid the drag queen thing, I think he could have maybe still won. The pictures of him as a drag queen were very funny. But it was just lie after lie after lie after lie. And so, eventually you just get taken down

but you can't deny i don't even think he's an american citizen man i think he's like brazilian like i don't even know how he got an office but this shows you generally how low our standards have gotten i mean you got sheila jackson lee running for mayor and a major major uh economic powerhouse of a city houston where all our oil is all our oil and she put she's running for mayor of Houston, which is a big deal. It's not like running for mayor of Little Rock. She's in Houston. She's running for mayor.

She's currently serving in Congress. She puts out an ad on television. So this was edited. She put the wrong date for people to vote on it. She told them to go vote on or before December 7th when the election is December 9th. Two days off. Whoops. She told people to go to the polls two days early.

My bad. Now, the whole point of the ad, correct me if I'm wrong, is to convince people to vote. So that should be the focal point. Most people, and also most people don't know what the date is. You could poll, I bet you 10 out of 10 people in the street couldn't tell you what the date is until they see it, until someone says this is election day, whatever.

So it's important you get that detail right if you want people to go. Like if I'm posting an advertisement for a show and I say I'm going to be, which I will be, in Louisville December 15th and 16th, if I say come see me on December 18th through 19th, that's a big mistake. It's a big mistake. They might see Sebastian Maniscalco.

It's just a general decline in standard that you can kind of see everywhere because excellence has not been what's being championed recently. What's being championed is equality and diversity, which is great in some way. But what has obviously suffered in general theme and motivation and the standard that people are held by is excellence. And we see it all over the place. I mean, those are two examples I just gave you back to back

of people who are in the highest positions of government in the legislative branch who were elected by people making mistakes like that. So if you need any more evidence that it's all burning down i don't know what i don't know what else to tell you i don't know where else to look um because you can look anywhere and find that things are just not going great and people just are seeming to lose their common sense let me tell you something when i go to a, I never get in the water. I don't go in the water.

I'll splash a little bit in the salt water very close to the coast. And I do it just for my skin. But I don't frolic or swim in the ocean. You ever like swim in the ocean, and the next thing you know, you're over like four sections? I don't play with the ocean. I don't play with the ocean. I don't go skiing. I don't play with the ocean. I don't play with the ocean. I don't go

skiing. I don't go skydiving. I don't go to top of buildings. I'm not going to climb on buildings. I'm not climbing mountains. I'm not doing any of this stuff that stereotypically it seems like white people like to do. It's always white guys doing it. It's always a white guy scaling the New York Times building for no reason. Well, we had another woman, a New England woman, who was at a Bahamas resort, and she got killed by a shark. Yeah. Just don't go in the ocean. Just a pool. It's the same reason, look, there's an easier way. Everyone to go get trees and you know you'd go take the tree your whole house smells like sap you know there's freaking pine needle whatever there's like the things everywhere your house is a mess you got to go get it you got to carry it on

your back you got to bring it to your house put put it on your car. And then China gave us a better option. They said, here's a plastic tree and everyone's getting plastic trees. Which one's better for the environment? Who cares? I haven't done a real tree in 20 years and I haven't been happier. It goes in the closet, it comes back out. And then I take a little evergreen spray and I freaking spray in the living room. and I say to my family, Merry Christmas. Welcome to an easier way. That's what a pool is. A pool is the plastic tree version of the ocean. Hop in it. Hop in it, dog. There's no sharks in the pool. It's man made. Everything man made is better. So just go with it.

This woman is now dead because she was paddleboarding in the ocean. There are sharks in the ocean. Let me just explain to you. Animals do not respect our rights. They don't respect our rights. They're the biggest terrorists of all time. And this woman's now gone. The Patriots lost a fan today.

As a New England woman, a 44-year-old woman, I hate to make light of it, but it's like, until they can get this shark thing under control, it's like, I don't buy it. Like, you know, when people say, they always try to like, I don't buy it. Like, you know, when people say, they always try to like, I don't buy it. I don't buy when people say the bear is more scared of me than I am of the bear.

I don't buy it when people say sharks don't usually attack humans. You have to be bleeding for them to attack. I don't, I'm like, they're in there. I'm not going in there. I'm not going to take the risk. Yes, only one person gets killed a year out of all these people that could get killed. But I'm not going to take the risk. Yes, only one person gets killed a year out of all these people that could get killed.

But I'm not doing it. I mean, I don't know why people do it. I mean, we won't even have a 13th floor in the building, but people are going to go in the ocean. Just stay out of the ocean. Maybe the shark was a giant fan. The joke was there. I took it. was a giant fan. The joke was there. I took it.

I mean, the odds of being killed by a shark are about 1 in 4.3 million. Well, that's the story about the one. You want to take the risk when there's a pool? Every resort has a pool. Just go in the artificial water

and you avoid shark attacks. Is swimming in the ocean that big of a deal? All you got to do is make sure you're next to someone else. So if the shark comes, you just push that person into the shark. That's a good plan. That's why I always bring my wife into the ocean with me. You're going to a resort to have a fake experience anyway why are you going to have a real experience you're going in there to the bahamas pretending like the bahamas could afford this without terror without uh tourism right you go into a resort it's not

the bahamas you're at the beach anyone who goes to the bahamas is not experiencing the real bahamas because if you're experiencing the real bahamas. Cause if you're experiencing the real Bahamas, you know, you'd be experiencing some other experiences. You're at a resort. You don't leave the resort. You're eating food. That is not Bahamas food or else they'd hand you some, I don't know,

fucking cook dog or whatever. I don't know what they eat in the Bahamas. I know when I was on Aruba, they told me the locals eat dogs because there's all these stray dogs. But Aruba's a great island. But the cab driver told me, he's like, yeah, we eat dogs. And I was like, he's like, they're all over the place.

So I don't know. I'm just saying you're not going to get chicken tikka masala in the Bahamas like you can in the buffet at Atlantis. So why not just continue that fake experience by getting a fake body of water and just fucking waddling around with your fat body and your, you know? You're not a surfer.

Stay out of the ocean. They all got pools. In fact, I think that's what pools were made for. Pools were made for to be like, hey, man, let's stay away from the sharks. We lost it. We lost a good woman today. I apologize to her family. But I would use this as a cautionary tale.

family um but uh i would use this as a cautionary tale and just i would try to convince everybody to just stay in the pool and not go in the ocean that's all don't fly drive it's bad for the environment those are the three biggest things that they say are bad is planes um china and india how come you never hear anyone screaming at china and india how come you never hear anyone screaming at china and india they should is because they're not european because they know what's going to happen china and india are the worst offenders for carbon emissions how do you curb those giants that's the problem go to china try to have a climate protest they're just not gonna they're just they wouldn They're just not going to, they're just, they wouldn't they're not going to receive her very well. What's her name again? Greta Thunberg.

They're not going to receive her very well. I'd like to watch it, but that's the irony of it is like, I mean, what are people going to do? Not fly till they figure out something else. People are going to fly. And, um, what are you going to do? Tell China and India to have, they both have a billion people and they're industrialized. Now what are you going to tell, tell China and India? They both have a billion people, and they're industrialized now. What are you going to tell them, to go back to poverty? You're not.

So it's like until, that's why it's like the, what I'm saying is climate change is a problem, obviously, but until they come up with another solution, yelling about it, I mean, the yelling about it should be going, fund more alternative solutions and just do it. This whole gluing yourself to the floor, throwing paint on a painting in a museum isn't going to do anything. Just like protesting a falafel restaurant in Philadelphia isn't going to do anything. So it was a massive pro-Palestine protest in the heart of the IDF headquarters in Center City, Philadelphia, where a Jewish falafel store came under fire. They threw rocks at the window.

They posted all these free Palestine stickers. They chanted, Goldie, Goldie, we know you're inside. We charge you with genocide. The guy was probably going, dude, I make falafels. Very hard to argue that this is solely about the IDF and Israeli government policy towards the Palestinians. When protesters in large numbers show outside, show up,

show outside, show up outside, outside of a show up outside, outside. What's going on there? A little glitch. Yeah. A little glitch in the matrix.

This was part of the flood Philly for Gaza demonstrations. Again, it's Philadelphia. It's Philly. All they care about is cheesesteaks and the Eagles. They vandalized the front windows of the restaurant, placing stickers on the doors and windows. What does this accomplish? Besides people having to go out and remove the stickers.

And then the next day, a bunch of people went and supported the restaurant. So it didn't even achieve what maybe they wanted to achieve, which is like boycotting a place that may have an Israeli inside. There's an Israeli inside or a Jewish person inside. What? That's like saying if Greece goes to war, you're going to protest my comedy. I live in America. What do you want me to do about it?

You know, what are you going to do? Protest a person in Tel Aviv? Just some guy who's Israeli? What's he doing? Right? But then they say, oh, the other side's targeting civilians. Well, so are you. Well, so are you. Of course, it's different. It's not the level of atrocity, but it makes me think if you had the power, what would you do? Right? So you're protesting outside of some falafel store. You're a protester in America. The cops will stop you, you know, but if

they didn't and you had guns, what would you do? Would you go in there and get some retribution for genocide? Perhaps. Perhaps you would. Because that's human nature, right? That's human nature. I'd like to believe they wouldn't, but my time on the planet says maybe.

You know, people get worked up in a mob. Things happen. So how are you claiming the moral high ground? Is that thought out? We're going to go really make a difference by protesting at a falafel store. It's just harassment. It kind of just is cruel for no reason. And also just senseless, like not tactical at all on a very practical level.

Even if you are for the cause and you want to stop innocent Palestinians from getting bombed, I don't know how that helps. I don't know how that helps. I don't know what falafels have done. I just don't know what falafels have done. I just don't know what falafels have done. But, we're going to put a stop to tahini.

So there it is. Goldie, Goldie, you can't hide. We charge you with genocide. Did you guys just do it because someone came up with the rhyme? You're charging the fucking restaurant in Philadelphia with genocide? Do you see how people don't think when they get worked up in emotion? Like they just don't think. I've said it on the podcast.

It's like they just don't think, you know? How are any of these chants of river to the sea going to help ordinary Palestinians? Do you think the Israelis are going to go, oh, okay, we'll leave? Doesn't make any sense. But what does make sense to me and to everybody else is that the FDA has finally approved an anti-aging dog medication for big breed dogs. So a lot of people with families

who insist on getting pure breed big dogs, which I am morally against, I just don't think they should keep breeding these dogs to be purebreds. Although I did enjoy the dog show that I watched on television. It is fun to watch these purebreeds and how beautiful they are.

But they have all types of health problems that comes with being a purebreed. And they don't really use these dogs for, unless they're using the dogs for a job, it's like, can we cut down on the like breeding of them? Mutt dogs are great, dude. Like they live longer. They don't have the health problems. Like why are we smushing in the face of a bulldog? They're not fighting anymore. And if you found out why their face is smushed in, it's like when you tell someone why a dog likes a squeak and a toy you know it's just like

they're like what and it's like yeah it's a death rattle they're dogs it's like when you bring someone with you you face you force someone to face the reality you know it's like yeah no you gotta you gotta treat your dog like a dog that's what it wants people are like what are you talking about it's a family member it's like it is a family member but it's also a dog he wants to be treated like a dog and when you tell someone about why a bulldog has a smushed in face it's because they used to fight them and if there's no nose there's less to bite they can't and as a result they can't breathe so the poor animal is tortured every night sounds like me without my mouthpiece trying to sleep. It's like listening to John Candy take a nap. And you keep, people keep

buying them because they're cute. And it's just, it's not good. If you're a dog lover, it's not good. So here they are creating another, you know, band-aid on a problem without fixing the cause. The cause is breeding. You know, and a lot of those dogs get put down because a lot of them don't get, like, purchased or bought. Like, what do you do with all the dogs that you breed? There's, like, seven to a litter. It's like, and there's all these dogs in shelters and stuff. Like, just adopt, don't shop.

I'm taking a stand. So this is for those big pure breed dogs. So this is for your Ridgebacks and your Great Danes. So the goal is to extend their midlife, their healthy years before aging really sets in for these big dogs. Creators of the drug say it will be affordable and hit the market by 2026.

Don't have a dog? This is still a big deal. This would be the first time an anti-aging drug ever got FDA approval. The hope is if it works well for dogs, a similar class of drugs could help humans extend our lives as well. That's what we need.

Again, I'm saying that, but when that drug comes out, give it to me. You're going to be front of the line for that one. But these drugs always come with a consequence, because nothing's free. So your pancreas will fall out of your ass. You're going to lose a ball. like be you'll have a longer life but it'll be more miserable it'll make you sick in some other way there's no way to beat nature there's only ways

to contain it maybe this just contains it though maybe this contains it the fda approved it um i'm sure it has nothing to do with the massive upside in profit that this is going to have. Oh, that's a game changer. Dude, dude. Everyone is going to run to buy this because they love their dogs. Oh, I was talking about the humans. What? When it's ready for humans.

Oh, everyone's going to do it. Everyone on the planet. Yeah, but just for dogs. Everyone's going to run out. They love their dogs. I would do it for my dog. Yeah, you do it for your dog in a second. He needs it right now. Yeah, I think I'm too late though, huh?

You might, yeah, midlife. So you start giving it to him in midlife. You start taking it, you know. It's got, it probably takes a while. It's like, you know, hair plugs. It takes a while. It's a long process. You got to plan ahead a little bit.

We're all fighting nature. Isn't it funny how we fight, like Sisyphus puts in the rock up the hill? You look at Madonna, fuck. She's doing everything she can to look a couple years younger. We're all

fighting nature. Yeah. At this point, she just full-on looks like a burn victim. I mean, it's uncomfortable. That's not bad. Yeah, it depends on the angle with her. Right. It depends on the angle.

But, yeah, I mean, that's what she looks like now. Just swollen, not a wrinkle on her face. 2016, she was still looking decent. 2023 is full on. It looks like she's got a mask on. But... 2023 is full on. It looks like she's got a mask on. But, but let me ask you a question. If you were going to bang a 65 year old woman,

are you going to bang a natural 65 year old woman or Madonna? So that's why she does it. That's why she does it. Cause it kind of is effective right jane fonda jane fonda you're gonna bang a 90 year old woman jane fonda is 88 i believe and she just put out a statement admitting to um the fact that she wants to take a 20-year-old lover. Gen Z, do it for the story. Do it for the story.

You may have to blow a few cobwebs off that thing, but somebody needs to step up and do this for all the bros out there so they can have a great story for a podcast. She's only interested, she said, in young lovers because she doesn't like old skin. 85. She's 85. She doesn't like old skin. Well, let me tell you something, sweetheart.

You got old skin. But, I mean, she looks good. She's pulled back, dude. Dude, she looks good. That's good work done. Compliments to the chef. Oh, yeah. She's had good work done compliments to the chef oh yeah she's had good work done you seen Cher yeah Cher's had good work done oh yeah because without the work I mean she's gonna look like the crypt keeper yeah without the work she's gonna look like a witch on a broomstick

also the short hair helps you got to cut the hair the long hair makes you look like a witch when you get older you got to go short haircut so yeah every older woman goes short haircut and you told me why because someone told you that yeah and and i didn't know that they were yeah you don't want to have a guy see you from behind right tap on your shoulder it's the look of disappointment when you turn around to look at disappointment when you turn around after you see long hair so it's just throwing in the towel and letting everybody know when i turn around, I will be 60 over. I don't want to see the look of disappointment

when you tap me on the shoulder because you saw long hair and you expect, and it's kind of true. It's kind of true. That must be soul crying. Yeah, because it makes you look older because young, long hair is affiliated with youth. And so, yeah, if you see them from behind,

when you see them from the front, you can't mistake them for a younger person. But from behind, you can mistake them for a younger person. So women cut the hair so they don't do this. And when they turn around. It's Martha Stewart looking good. Short haircut. Everyone goes short haircut when they get older if you're smart.

Short haircut. You don't want to have long flowing locks. Now she's in her 70s, right? She's older, dude. She's 80? I think she's in her 80s, yeah. She looks great. She looks great she looks great all those stock tips really helped her pay for the

top of the line beauticians in west westchester county i think she loves lives in bedford she's 82 years old she may be the best looking 82 year old woman going she looks great share is late 70s late 70s, Cher looks amazing. And Cher is 77. She looks amazing, dude. Crazy. She looks a little surprised. Permanently.

But the work is still good for a 77-year-old woman. Yeah. I mean, she looks good. And her boyfriend keeps her young what now did you see uh dolly parton during the halftime show yeah she couldn't move yeah but she was just doing this to dance and the uh dallas cowboy cheerleader outfit she was wearing yeah oof let's pull that out but she also for a 80 year old woman looks good. Dolly Parton. We have really figured out a way to push it.

Science is coming a long way. Yeah, science is coming a long way. She looks great. She does. Except when you saw her from the side. Flat ass. She's got an old person ass. Yeah, she's got an old person ass.

Age just pops it. But she may never have had a butt. She's Do parton i don't think butts were in when butts only recently came in like in the 2000s yeah that's right yeah they weren't nobody was doing squats at the gym building butts it's like maybe the kardashians did that or something but when the whole fitness craze came she she was her era was there was no fitness craze you look at all the movie stars raquel welsh and all them, they didn't have big butts. Actually, Jane Fonda. Jane Fonda. She had those workout tapes.

She kind of brought it in. Maybe she brought it in. I don't know about that. She was so beautiful when she was younger. Yeah, Barbarella. She was a beautiful, beautiful girl. So in conclusion, get your work done, swim in the pool, do everything artificial,

take your anti-aging drugs fly on your planes just whatever uh mankind has created is better than the alternative guys come see me live in louisville next weekend december 15th and 16th at the louisville comedy club portland january 11th vancouver january 12th san francisco Francisco, February 9th and 10th, Atlanta, February 15th through the 17th, San Antonio, February 23rd and 24th, the Vic Theater in Chicago, March 8th, Toronto, March 23rd, Cleveland, March 29th and 30th, Tulsa, April 5th and 6th, Kansas City, April 11th through the 13th. Get your tickets at yannispappascomedy.com.

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RebelsRaiders.com. Rebels-Raiders.com. Oh, we got a new oneiders.com we got a new one now we got a new one uh they got a sub stack it's called thinking man the website link is thinkingman.substack.com it's a new york-based newsletter that publishes articles essays and thoughts on things like books movies pop culture and politics politics. I like this. Our goal is to, you guessed it, help people start thinking again. I like this. Think for yourself.

That's their goal is to get people to think for yourself. Perfect podcast for this. Don't just take whatever the mainstream media says, your boss, your mom, or Giannis Pappas says is truth. I agree. I agree. I am here for entertainment purposes only. Do your own research.

Agree or disagree with me. You're here to disagree and that's fine. And a lot of times I get things wrong. I see it in the comments and I should be doing more editorial retractions. I really should because that should be part of the show is when people tell me I'm wrong and you can read the comments and go see.

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