Yannis Pappas Hour - Horny Newsrooms & A Receipt
Episode Date: November 3, 2023Hasan Minhaj has issued a statement, Pakistan is forcing Afghani refugees out of their country, and oral sex causes throat cancer more than cigarettes. Join Yanni as he attempts to make the not fun, f...un.  See Yanni do stand up live in your town: Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York City Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Portland Jan 11 Vancouver Jan 12 Toronto March 23 San Diego Kansas City Atlanta Ticket links on yannispappascomedy.com Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Good evening, everybody.
It's Giannis Pappas here attempting to make nothing fun fun.
Nothing is fun in the news right now.
It is pretty dreary.
It's a little like Pat from SNL.
Wah, wah, wah.
I want to hear about a kitten who flies.
Give me a dog sniffing another dog's butt and them going,
hey, whoa, we're in love.
I need something.
Give me some puppies.
Can we just put puppies over pictures of the bombs?
Just puppies.
I want to see puppies and elephants snuggling together.
Animals that would otherwise not be friends of friends
because humans feed them and make them docile
and basically castrate them from what their true nature is, otherwise not be friends of friends because humans feed them and make them docile and
basically castrate them from what their true nature is, which is domination and violence,
which seems to be what the human species is all about these days.
Because I look at this plate and all I see is murder, death, racism, fraud, fun stuff.
So we're going to get into the fun stuff.
fraud, fun stuff.
So we're going to get into the fun stuff.
And let's be honest,
those pictures of dogs and elephants snuggling,
they make you feel good for one second,
second, second, suck that second.
But there's nothing to gossip about.
And what do humans like the most?
Gossip.
So let's be a couple of yentas.
I apologize to my Arab American fan base because yentas are typically
Jewish, right? They hook people up.
Is it an old yenta?
It's a gossip. A gossiper.
It's a Yiddish word though, right? Yenta?
Yeah, because they gossip. Oh my God,
did you hear what Marty's doing? Marty became a dentist
and he started dating
Amy Schumer from Long
Island who, according to the New York Post,
is a failed comic.
If she's a failed comic,
give me all those millions, I'll take it.
Make a joke compilation of me for 20 minutes that seems, quote-unquote, a little unoriginal,
and I'll take it.
And I'm out of the business to open my diner
called Pappas' Palestine.
Just, it rhymes.
There's nothing fun. But here's one fun one. There's nothing fun.
But here's one fun one.
There's been a study done, and this is for my guys out there.
There's been a study done that says mobile phone use may affect your sperm count.
And it's like, yeah.
Yeah.
It's because all my sperm is empty every time I pick it up.
And when I put it down, there's no sperm in me.
It's all gone.
I would say 100% of the male population on the globe
uses their phone to primarily empty their sperm.
So how long did that study take?
They probably just took four guys and said,
all right, let's check your sperm.
We're going to leave the room.
When we come back, we're going to check your sperm again.
Came back, there's just fucking white spots all over the walls.
And they go, wait, where'd all your sperm go?
And it went into that waistband.
It went into a bunch of those tissues.
Supposedly, oral sex is worse than smoking for throat cancer
good news from Philip Morris
guys smoke cigs
don't eat
ha ha ha
first minute don't eat ha ha ha ha
and maybe you'll live a little longer
okay but you
look
can women at least have oral sex?
I mean, God forbid, they didn't even know they could orgasm until like seven months ago.
Imagine they went through thousands and thousands and thousands of years
and women didn't even know that they could orgasm
because guys weren't sticking around long enough or trying to please them for long, right?
It was just sort of like the male orgasm.
And then you made them stay at home or whatever
and threw a kid on the
titty and said take care of that thing while i go off and i gotta go fight cosex i gotta go fight
barbarians on the on the uh perimeter of the roman empire you take care of these babies i'm gonna go
oh i'm gonna go plum i'm gonna go pillage and um rape a few people from barbarian tribes.
That's what sex was back then.
They didn't stop and go, is it good?
They took.
Guys just took.
So can ladies at least have oral sex?
We got to do something about this.
I stand with you, ladies.
Let's take this article out of the news.
Let's sue.
Imagine every guy just starts smoking cigarettes and women's just all dried up again.
Come on.
No good.
I don't like it.
We're going to get into the ripping down of posters news.
It seems to be a global phenomenon where kidnapped children, as long as they're from the tribes,
just don't deserve to be up.
First of all, it is strange that they're putting the posters up, though,
in, like, New York.
Have you seen these kids?
Like, yeah, we know exactly where they are.
What do you want me to do about it?
I'm standing in the middle of Bushwick, Brooklyn.
What do you want me to do?
But then it's even worse that you're ripping them down.
I mean, how cold is that?
They're children.
We'll get into it.
And Hasan Minhaj
has made a comeback,
released a statement, and his fans
have spoken. They say,
good enough for me. My friend Jesse
Scaturo used to have a saying that goes,
good enough for government work, meaning
when you put minimum effort into it.
We will analyze the very
important video that he put up,
which was very well-lit and looks very much like an audition for The Daily Show, which this is not.
This is the Giannis Papasour.
Stick around for the show. Here we go.
So I'm going to start with the most important news,
and then we're going to work out to the least important news.
The most important news being Hasan Minhaj has got his head above water and his hair is perfectly in place.
Not one strand out of place.
He looks great.
And he's on a set. He did not do this with a phone.
And he's on a set.
He did not do this with a phone.
First order of props that I want to give to this young man is a lot of guys would go,
hey, you know, the phone and be like, I know what they're saying about me.
You know, at one point he said, I know this article makes me look like a psychopath or crazy.
I am not that.
His eyes do tell a different story, but I can't be a judge of that. I'm not a body language expert. I'm not that. His eyes do tell a different story, but I can't be a judge of that.
I'm not a body language expert.
I'm not a psychologist.
I don't know.
He comes across as still dictatorial to me.
But that's a very good thing.
People like that.
As you look through history, people gravitate towards those personalities that are very
confident and wide-eyed.
gravitate towards those personalities that are very confident and wide-eyed.
You say it a certain way, people just go, I'm not going to look into it any further.
You won me over with your charisma and your conviction.
And boy, was he convicted, and he offered a little bit of evidence.
But that's not what the response would say. The response would say he came with receipts.
I saw a lot of those.
He came with receipts.
How dare you, New Yorker?
You're racist.
It was, I think, a white lady at the New Yorker
who made the article.
You're trying to silence this Muslim comedian.
It's perfect for the zeitgeist right now.
Perfect for the zeitgeist.
Props to Hasan Minhaj.
I support him.
I want a world with him in it.
Let's just be clear.
Now, just so you know that I'm objective,
I don't know him at all, okay?
I don't know him at all.
Like I said, I heard he's a pretty great guy.
Pretty great guy.
But I love the way he came back here.
In a culture where what your brand is
means more than what the truth is,
I give him an A plus.
This was rehearsed.
He even had a woman voice his ex-girlfriend in the emails,
which was very nice.
He had a girl,
who wants to play the role of my ex-girlfriend from high school
who rejected me from prom?
And some girl was like, I will play.
I wonder how, did he give her 10 bucks?
Was it like, you know, when I had to do those old old radio ads did he pay her or was it on the arm i'd love to see just the venmo transaction of that like in the description because you have
to offer a description for the venmo just um for uh playing my ex-girlfriend thanks a lot for
helping me get out of this jam she had a good voice. Sounded very white. That would have been weird if he hired like
somebody who was like, what the cup to your shirt? You're like, no, I want you white. I want you as
white as white. Can you sound KKK white for me? Sound KKK white. Sound Karen white. And she did.
So he came with, as I said, a receipt. I wouldn't say receipts. A lot of comments say he came with, as I said, a receipt. I wouldn't say receipts.
A lot of comments say he came with his receipts,
but stay off his back.
He came with a receipt.
And that receipt purportedly seems to be.
Who knows?
The email could be from his mom.
I don't know.
But according to him, it's from her.
Before I start, I'll just preface this by saying
the New Yorker responded and said,
we stand by our reporting we offered his side I guess what he said um we encourage everyone to read the full
article I guarantee you 95% of the people commenting did not read the full article
I don't think I read the full article I'm actually pretty sure I didn't read the full article. I'm admitting I didn't read the full article.
Because, again, it is very important news.
I mean, who cares?
I just, I like what this represents, right?
It represents just an image battle.
It's an image battle.
Who can win, right?
It's about who can win the hearts and minds with perception.
Because the truth is, he was saying this stuff not just in his comedy routine,
but in articles, in podcasts, and in interviews.
Now, there was one interview that was going around on Twitter
that got retweeted by a lot of people.
Some woman found it,
and she was scorned, a former fan,
and she said,
look at his lying ass on television, blah, blah, blah.
I retweeted it with a funny thing
saying these are hilarious to watch now,
because they are.
I'm not going to say suspiciously,
but I'm saying it's not up anymore.
It's been taken down.
Now, it was an interview.
It was a TV, mainstream TV interview with him talking about the white powder that was sent to
his house, which is probably the worst accusation of him. I mean, the other guy, the FBI informant
and the Jared Kushner slam were also like, huh, but not as egregious morally as the white powder.
Now, I repeat, this was a mainstream television interview,
not a comedy set, where he was saying
that white powder was sent to his house,
and then he extrapolates from that
that his daughter went to the hospital and blah, blah, blah.
The reporter found that that didn't happen,
and he admits that it didn't happen.
But in this, what would you call it?
It's rejoinder. It's a rejoinder. If you don't know that word, get smarter.
This is a rejoinder in his rejoinder video.
He only mentions the prom date.
Now, he says, look again, he goes again, I don't care about prom.
I'm 37 years old. I got kids.
It's like, well, you cared enough to put it in your show
and keep a correspondence going with your girlfriend
who was your girlfriend during prom.
So you care about it a little bit.
You care about it a tiny little bit to mention it.
But according to him, he doesn't care about it.
If not caring about it means putting it in your comedy show
and whether your ex-girlfriend asked for the seats to the show
or you gave her seats to the show.
He presented an email that said she asked for tickets.
I mean, it's in your act.
So you care about it a little.
There's a modicum of caring.
Modicum, good word, get smarter.
I'm just trying to speak to his audience now
because they are all educated,
but not street smart.
The two things rarely go together.
Street smarts and education rarely go together.
There's a lot of people with fucking BAs
who get robbed when they sit on benches
at four in the morning when they shouldn't be.
That's a callback to another episode
where I made something fun that wasn't fun,
which is what my job is.
So he comes forth with this email from his prom date
where he says, you're marrying a brown girl.
I'm going to paraphrase.
You're marrying a brown guy.
Oh my God, interracial babies, love conquers all. I'm going to paraphrase. You're marrying a brown guy. Oh my God.
Interracial babies.
Love conquers all.
This proves that love conquers all.
And something,
your parents,
you know,
have come a long way.
Now the line that allegedly exonerates him,
and there's only one line,
is I agree,
my parents have come a long way too,
or something like that.
It's essentially that.
My parents have come a long way.
Now that necessarily doesn't have to mean
that they were racist.
They could come a long way being like,
hey, we, you know.
But the whole issue is that
the parents didn't want her taking photos
with a brownie.
So specifically, did that happen?
That's going to be a he said, she said, I think.
I don't know if there's documentation of them going, hey, lady, we don't want you taking photos with a brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown.
But he does admit, right?
Remember that he was in the house.
They pretended to like him.
He's broken bread with them.
He was dating her.
He admits that they didn't break up at the doorstep.
That was more in the joke.
He says she was right.
They broke up before.
He's saying they broke up because of racism.
Now, he's still saying they broke up.
She's saying it wasn't because of racism.
Now, what this could mean is that they broke up, right?
Her parents were maybe, were like,
hey, I don't, we want you to date.
I don't know.
I don't know if she's Jewish.
I don't know if she's Italian.
You know, older people.
I'm sure his parents were like,
it would be nice if we could have a wedding with elephants.
You know what I'm saying?
But I don't know if that's more of a Hindu thing. I don't know. I'm showing my ignorance because I think he is Muslim Indian.
So we could have a wedding with. Where we where we can't see the woman so well,
that would be nice. She was covered, mostly, mostly covered. Trump pants.
Maybe they just insinuate it would be nice to only be able to see your face at the wedding.
You know what I'm saying? Whatever my affectionate name for my son is, Hassani money.
Yes, mama. But it's America and I want to do what what I want to do and I'm going to fight racism
whatever it is who knows older people have a little bit more of an older fashion kind of all
immigrants especially want you to marry their thing their same thing Greeks are that way you
know all parents are a little but she did end up marrying an Indian guy and apparently her parents
have come a long way now my parents have come a long way. Now, my parents have come a long way. Obviously, it seems like she's responding to his context of like you.
So it's very possible her parents were a little racist. Now, did she break up with him because
her parents were like, I don't want people taking pictures without brownie? That can still be up for
dispute. That still could be exaggerated.
There's nothing in this letter that proves
that she broke up with him because of the pictures.
All right?
According to her, that's not why she broke up with him.
But according to him, he's got enough evidence to make his case,
and I like it a lot.
I like it a lot.
And that's really all there is to talk about because he did not go in to the
other three or four accusations which uh let's just say varying degree of severity the prom date
and calling her racist i guess was only severe because supposedly she was doxed a little bit
people found out who she was or something like that, according to the author. But the big whopper, I mean, we would call that maybe what? A cheeseburger.
The prom date's a cheeseburger. But now we want to order a whopper with cheese.
The whopper with cheese was the white powder that was sent to his house,
which in turn led him to take his daughter to the hospital to make sure she didn't get any white powder on her,
which is very severe.
That's terrorism.
That's terrorism.
That would be terrorism.
That would be accusing someone out there of terrorism.
Now, he doesn't mention that.
Now, he still may come forth with emails.
He may come forth with emails from some of his South Asian doctor friends who, uh,
who, you know, who kind of confirm that she was taken to an urgent care and checked out real quick
and no white powder got
her. Who knows? Maybe white powder was sent to his house and he didn't call the cops and he didn't
call the FBI. That would be a little strange. I'd be a little concerned. I'd be a little concerned
someone had my address. At the very least, I'm a person of note, like I said, but he hasn't
addressed that yet. He may in forthcoming videos. I doubt it because that
would probably be the one you'd want to hang your hat on. So I think he had a little meat here and
he went with the meat and I think it was enough to so reasonable doubt. And that's all you got to do
in this glorious country. When you have a jury truly of your peers. It was enough for the African-American jury
of the OJ trial to just see him struggle
to put on a bloody glove.
And they were like, you know what?
DNA be damned.
I'm going with the brother on this one
because he got black dudes on the hallway by the stairs.
But he changed those photos for all his white friends.
Tomato, tomato.
Okay, we're fighting injustice here
and two wrongs definitely make a right.
So he sowed a little doubt.
And for Twitter, it's been enough.
I mean, it's a major comeback for him.
He's got, you know, he's got the Turkish kid, Hasan,
whatever his name is, the good-looking Turkish kid
who used to be on the Young Turks.
I think his name's Hasan, too, going,
I told you, I told you, Hasan Minhaj is all,
he's, you know, this all lies, fake news.
It's funny, because they're screaming fake news now.
This is, that's a good angle on this story, is now they're, fake news. It's funny because they're screaming fake news now. That's a good angle on this story
is now they're screaming fake news.
The people who were making fun of Trump
for screaming fake news,
now you can't trust anybody.
Now it's like, whoa, who do we trust?
The New Yorker too.
The New Yorker has never been accused of anything really
because the New Yorker has a very high standard.
The New Yorker has held its reputation.
I would say New Yorker is the place
probably his fans go to the most.
He has educated fans, okay?
His fans are the ones in colleges
who are having pro-Palestine protests.
They're educated.
Street smart, not so much.
It's hard to be street smart
when your parents can afford a private school.
It's just how it is
when you come from an affluent suburb,
which is where he grew up.
It was an affluent place outside of Sacramento.
And according to him,
there was tons of racism towards Indians.
Again, I'm not from there.
I've had people comment on our episode saying,
that's utter bullshit.
It's an affluent place.
I've had Muslims, one Muslim from Alabama,
I remember a tweet going, like, I grew up in Alabama.
I didn't feel anything.
So maybe he did in California, in Sacramento.
Maybe.
I don't know how hard it was.
According to him, it was hard.
He had to put his head down and just drink, hold the water, I think he said.
The point is, it doesn't matter if it's true.
It's not what you know.
It's what you can prove.
To quote Denzel Washington, the great philosopher and moralist from training day.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
Dare I say, Hasan Minhaj has proved
that there was an email from his ex-girlfriend
and his ex-girlfriend did say her parents have come a long way.
And he took the liberty to say,
came a long way from what?
Racism.
Seems like it's plausible.
Seems like it could be true.
Seems like for me
that wipes away everything else.
I don't care about white powder anymore.
I don't care about an FBI informant
that wasn't an informant.
I don't care that he was earnestly
telling these stories on interviews and podcasts. I don't care that he was earnestly telling these stories on interviews
and podcasts. I don't care.
It's all about comedic license.
He's got it throughout life.
If he came up to me and stabbed me
in the shoulder and then went
ha ha ha, I'm saying ha ha ha.
You're right. It's a joke.
Hats off.
Or I should say
yarmulkes off.
I'm just tipping my hat.
Burkas off to Saad for making a strong comeback.
And we can only assume that this was a hard two in one here.
This is an apology and a nice audition for The Daily Show.
Who cares
who hosts The Daily Show? Does anyone?
I'm sorry, Michael Kosta. I love
you, but who's tuning
in? Who's tuning in to The Daily
Show? And who gives a fuck? I mean, none of them
are as good as Jon Stewart anyway, so
I don't care if Meghan McCain
hosts it.
So, Hasan Minhaj has made a big comeback.
I guess I have to retract my previous episode,
although I was only joking as well.
Those were all my emotional truths.
None of it is what I believed.
I always believed Hasan Minhaj was on the up and up.
And I believe
every word he says and even
he admits the article made him look
like an absolute psychopath. So please
Hasan, if you get all
the power in the world, please forgive me
for my position. I
take it back
but I don't take it
back as much as I don't care.
People are going to like what they like,
and they have every right to go see Hassan and support him,
just as we have every right to make jokes about it
before maybe the whole truth comes out.
I don't know.
I'm just telling you he's released one receipt.
For a full exoneration,
he would have to come up with a few more receipts.
And maybe he will, like I said.
But as of this point,
me and Jesse have converted to Islam.
I just want to know who's winning the public perception.
And I will join.
I will join that side.
Here's some nice,
oh, is this what he posted right after? Good work, dude. You go
right to the Halloween photos with the family. I'm a wholesome guy. I'm a normal guy. I'm a family
guy. I got my family. I'm not scorned by this ex-girlfriend from prom. I could care less about
her. I don't even think about it besides the fact that we have an email correspondence and she came
to my show and I talk about it. Besides the fact that I talk about it, made a big joke about it,
talked about it in podcasts, told friends at diners about it.
I don't care about it at all because I'm a 37 year old man.
I don't care about prom. I don't care about it at all.
I don't know what would give anyone the idea that I care about it.
I mean, who cares about the things that they talk about
in their act and in interviews and on podcasts?
I do that all the time.
I do it all the time.
Oh, and the email correspondence.
So hats off.
Jesse's pulled something up right now.
Artists and advocates call for an immediate ceasefire. Thank God. Hey, Hamas, can you hear me?
I starred on Superman on channel 11. You may know me as Butler No. 2 from Yellowstone.
Can you hear me?
Stop it.
This is another one of the stop it videos.
This is celebrity.
Stop it.
Dear President Biden, we come together as artists and advocates,
but more importantly as human beings witnessing the devastating loss of life
and unfolding horrors in Israel and Palestine.
We ask that, as President of the United States, you call for an immediate de-escalation and cease
firing Gaza and Israel before another life is lost. More than 5,000 people have been killed
in the last week and a half. A number any person of conscience knows is catastrophic.
We believe in life is sacred, no matter faith or ethnicity, and we condemn the killing of Palestinians and Israeli citizens. We are against bad things.
We are against bad things
all the time. I just want to say that I'm against bad things.
I just want to say that I'm against bad things.
Hats off to them for staying true to form and issuing a statement on behalf of all of Tinseltown,
which is always needed.
Nobody listens to a joint statement from celebrities
like terror organizations.
You know, they got that letter and they went, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait.
Shia LaBeouf has just said, stop.
We will stop now.
We shall stop.
It is a tragic situation over there.
That was addressed to the president. That was addressed to the president.
That was addressed to the president.
Right.
So they want him to say stop and that'll work.
Even, you know, I guess he can lean on.
I don't think they know BB.
Like I said, BB, he, let's just say he's got a heavy foot in the car.
He likes to drive fast.
And something horrible happened to Israel,
so they're responding horribly.
These things don't fix anything.
This will create more terrorists.
It'll create more strife.
It'll make Israel less safe.
I don't think it was very well thought out,
to be honest with you, in my personal opinion.
I would have waited, gained the sympathy of the world, really highlighted, let those GoPro
footage things go, and do something else. I would have done something else. I would have got the
international community on board, isolated Hamas in public opinion. And then you could go in with a coalition,
get the world on your side, you know,
do it another way than just right away with rage,
start bombing everywhere
because there's a lot of innocent citizens there.
And it's a sticky situation
because Hamas is like under hospitals and in tunnels and they
say that as that's like a excuse but like that's not the people's fault that the hamas is doing
that you know so and they just keep going we tell them to leave it's like where are they going to go
egypt's closing the border but then again you're like so it's a sticky situation. You got to have empathy and sympathy on all sides.
But again, this is nothing new.
It's not unique.
I mean, look at what's happening right now in Pakistan
where they're bulldozing all those Afghani refugees
who've lived there for decades and saying,
we're kicking them all out now.
They're kicking them all out.
But because it's Muslim on Muslim hate,
you know, it just, it doesn't have the same it doesn't
get the newsroom as fucking horny let's let's be honest let's be it doesn't what's happening in
azerbaijan and armenians it doesn't get the newsroom as horny the armenian genocide of 1.5
million by the ottoman turks just doesn't get the media room as horny. The Turks invading Cyprus and taking over half of the island
after the Ottoman Empire fell and illegally occupying that land
does not get the newsroom as horny, baby.
What gets the newsroom horny is when there's different people fighting.
Same race murder just doesn't catch't catch it's not this it's it's not as sexy and that's most of
the murder that happens in the world could you even compare the numbers um of palestinians who've
been killed by israelis to muslims who've been killed by other muslims vis-a-vis the Sunni Shiite ongoing, let's call
it complications. Could you even compare the two numbers? Those terrorist attacks, bombs happen all
the time. Those murders happen all the time. Could you even compare it to the murder that happened in India between Hindus and Muslims over the years?
Who are I know people gave me stuff because I said, you know, that was like a fratricide because genetically they are the same.
They'd all used to be just one India, right?
Till they the British helped carve it up to the goddamn British have really left a mess after their empire.
The sun never sets
on the British empire
was the explanation,
but God,
the flames of hell
definitely did set
on the British empire
after it receded.
But that's just not sexy news, dude.
It's just not sexy news.
You know,
sexy news is
colonization, decolonization, apartheid. Those
are sexy words. But when people who look the same kill each other, it's boring. Isn't it boring? I
find it boring a little bit. I understand. It's like boring. It's like boring. It needs to have
some salacious details to it.
People are going like, who are even the Armenians?
They weren't even on the map until the Kardashians.
Are they really Armenian?
They're California girls.
So it's like nobody cares about that genocide.
And no one can pronounce the other country's name.
Azerbaijan?
I mean, you can't even pronounce that?
And is that a sexy?
That's not a sexy cause.
You don't got college campuses up in aurora over azerbaijan um and armenia nobody cares about armenia armenians have been displaced over and over and over again and then the turks took out like 1.5 just correct me is that is it
1.5 million that's a holocaust dude that's holocaust numbers nobody cares about the armenian genocide
committed by muslims i want to say that low so maybe they won't hear
what's the number they have it about 1 million. Okay, it wasn't as bad as I thought.
It was just a little skirmish.
1 million.
1 million.
The Armenian Genocide was the systematic destruction
of the Armenian people and identity
in the Ottoman Empire during World War I.
Spearheaded by the ruling committee of Union in Progress,
it was implemented primarily through the mass murder
of around one million Armenians
during death marches to the Syrian whatever.
Nobody cares.
Is there even a museum for those people?
The news in a lot of ways does dictate
what our perceptions are and what reality is.
They ignore some things and they emphasize certain things.
And the things that they emphasize always have
Yenta-approved salacious details.
Am I wrong?
Is there anything I'm saying that's wrong?
It's got to be juicy.
It's got to be juicy.
And you know what's juicy?
The Jews are always juicy. You can always squeeze some juice out of the jews you got people posting memes of how
many jews are in the white house how many jews are in media there's and they post them with the stars
on them they're putting stars there i what did the woman whose bakery was in Paris have to do with Israel's response?
She's not even in the same fucking country.
So if this is just about Israel, why are Jews under attack at universities, getting threats?
Why are they painting Jewish stars on Jewish businesses in other countries?
I don't get how you can rationalize that and tell me this is about the Israeli government.
Everyone keeps saying this is about the Israeli government.
And the people who say that the most are the people who are non-Muslim who are protesting for the Palestinians.
It's never the Muslims because they'll just tell you.
They'll go, yeah, we want all the Jews gone.
You ask the leader of Hamas, what does he mean?
What do you want to be free? Gaza? He goes, no, I want all the Jews gone. I want them all out of
there. And then you ask the white lady who's got a BA from Poughkeepsie University, what's she defending and she goes i am defending against the uh
horrible horrible policies the torturous policies of the israeli government jews are innocent it's
the government and you're going like well why don't you ask the protester next to you what he thinks
am i generally right about that i always go with Jesse because he's God
sticky situation
dominating the news
hard to find anything else in the news
I gotta be honest with you it's just
everyone's turned their profile
flags again
the Ukrainian flags have now become
Palestinian flags and the
Russian flags have now become Israeli flags and the Russian flags have now become Israeli flags.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Not necessarily.
But one of the products of this whole mess
has been the tearing down of hostage photos.
And like I said in the intro,
I have two things to say about this.
One, what do you want me to do about it in Brooklyn?
And they're not
missing. When you put up a photo
of someone
who's missing, it's because you don't know where they are.
We all know where they are.
They're waiting for the A
train under a hospital
in the train tunnel of Hamas.
They're underground
in Gaza.
We know where they are.
So I guess they're putting them up to gain sympathy or to...
As a reminder.
As a reminder, which is good.
I guess that part is good, I guess.
But also it just doesn't seem like...
I don't know, some...
For a group of people who are really good at a lot of stuff,
you're going, where is your PR?
They're kind of losing the public relations war a little bit, right?
Like whoever's behind this move, it's like, I don't know.
What's this going to do?
I think it keeps you focused on the atroc atrocity that happened i see the attempt yeah and
i guess they didn't know that um people were just going to be tearing them down and they're getting
a lot of people fired so what they're doing is that's my favorite part about it yeah my favorite
part is that woman in denmark who worked for an israeli company who uh tweeted some anti-israel
stuff and then she was like wait a second who
owns our company oh my god it was in ireland it was in ireland yeah so a dublin woman fired
by israeli company over anti-israel social media posts um because i she didn't know that the company
was israeli um so she got fired there was that broadway producer or musician he had a nice sweet
uh walk across the street in full view he got fired yeah there's a uh twitter feed called stop
anti-semitism that's just they're solely catching them yeah yeah now here's the deal the other thing
i want to say about this is what kind of monster rips down the posters of people who've been kidnapped,
innocent people who've been kidnapped,
especially these people who are purporting to love Jews
but just hate the Israeli government?
These are the things that lead people to believe
that it's not just about the Israeli government.
That and Jewish stars being drawn on bakeries in countries that have nothing to do with the skirmish.
You can understand why people get a little paranoid
and say there's a lot of anti-Semitism out there.
Boy, is there.
Who's this guy?
So he got caught in one of the videos
and it turns out he's a tutor for children.
Aw, meet Miles tinko a science
loving queer commie self-described science loving queer comedy that whoever's sending their kids to
get tutored but this guy um and there's another couple spotted on west fourth tearing down flyers
of kidnapped israeli children taken into Gaza by Hamas terrorists.
Right.
So what happens is they recorded him doing it and then they say, who is this guy?
Yeah.
Dude, this is unbelievable.
It's as if like the 1,400 or 2,000, whatever it is.
Again, I don't want to get the numbers wrong.
to get the numbers wrong, citizens who were brutally murdered in a fashion that made journalists cry when they saw it.
You're talking about, like I said, Viking style.
I mean, this is like Roman Empire shit, what they did.
I mean, Nero would have been like, come on, you guys are going too soft.
Let's kick it up a notch.
I mean, dude, I saw some of the GoPro footage.
Did you watch it?
I watched it because I'm a newsman
and I got to get the facts right.
Yeah, no, I didn't watch.
I took a peek.
Yeah.
They GoPro'd a lot of it.
They did, yeah.
Yeah.
And a lot of people say,
how did they get away with it?
You know what they did?
They pretended to be IDF.
A lot of them pretend to be IDF
and they were stopping cars like that
and just going,
and just shooting right into the vehicle.
They ripped a baby out of a pregnant woman.
They burned babies alive.
They put a baby in an oven.
Put a baby in an oven.
I saw one video of that woman moaning and she was hiding under the table
and they were just shooting civilians.
They threw a grenade at a father, blew him up in front of his two kids.
Freedom fighters.
Yeah, they're freedom fighters fighting the Israeli government.
You can rationalize it how you want, but it sounds like terrorism to me.
I don't know.
I'm no expert, but it sounds like it was pretty harsh terrorism on citizens,
on innocent citizens.
One of the women who was released,
one of the old ladies who was released,
was a peace activist who was advocating for the rights
of the people of Gaza or whatever.
And I saw one of these internet pundits, his name,
it's the Hassan guy.
He was emphasizing, he was like, she was a peace activist.
He was trying to say as evidence of like she was a peace act he was
trying to say like as evidence of like look how and they released her I'm like I think it makes
it worse I think that makes it worse that they took an 85 year old advocate on their behalf
and kidnapped her and her husband and her husband is still kidnapped they just let her go right and
not be out of the goodness of their heart they probably got a few Hamas guys in exchange for that, probably. Or maybe they did it as a PR move.
Or maybe, yeah, because she's 85. Dude, they took children. They took elderly people. I mean,
this is textbook horror. It's like one of the worst things I've ever heard.
But nobody cares about that.
Nobody goes like, hey, how did we get to point B?
Well, I think because point A happened.
But they go, well, we're at point A because of all this stuff.
And you go, do you even know all that stuff?
Do you know the details of all that stuff?
There's a lot of details there.
And they just go colonization, decolonization, apartheid.
And you go, all right, there are a few valid points in there,
but it's very complicated.
No, it's not complicated.
Yeah, when someone says this is simple,
you're going like, then how come it's ongoing?
If it's so simple, do you think these people want to die?
Do you think both sides want to keep,
everyone wants to live in peace.
The reason why it is ongoing is because it's complicated.
And it's not the only complicated skirmish on the planet.
That's like going over to Sudan and going like,
this is simple, man.
It's like, no, a lot of times this tribal warfare
goes back thousands of years.
You just think it's simple because you're in America
and you shop at 7-Eleven.
Anyway.
I'm against bad things.
All bad things, all innocents are bad.
It's all bad.
If it makes you feel good to rip down posters of hostages,
so be it.
It just seems like a weird thing.
Much weirder than putting up the signs.
Much, much weirder than ripping them down.
There was one in Brooklyn, in Queens or Brooklyn,
where some Brooklyn guy, he goes,
I'm not fucking Jewish, but it's just New York.
What are you doing?
He's like, I got a mind to fucking beat you
and I'm fucking out.
Those people are hostages, man.
Sean Terry came to the rescue there.
He said, what the fuck are you doing?
Messy situation.
Hoping peace for everyone.
But again, it's horrible.
But it's not the only horrible thing happening in the world.
It just happened, I think, as we're filming this,
that the Afghani refugees that were living in Pakistan
are now being all kicked out.
There's actually footage of them bulldozing their houses
and getting them out.
It's a big story, but it will gain no traction
just like some of the other atrocities I've mentioned. It's a big story, but it will gain no traction,
just like some of the other atrocities I've mentioned.
Here's the official story on the BBC.
Afghan refugees forced to leave Pakistan say they have nothing.
And there's a picture of a bulldozer knocking down all their houses.
Pakistan has started to arrest Afghanis.
Now, Pakistan is a Muslim country,
and these Afghanis are also Muslim.
Begins a nationwide crackdown on foreign nationals, it says, are in the country illegally.
Your mistake was you didn't come to New York City, dog.
They would have put you up at a hotel.
Yeah, five stars.
Yeah, thousands of Afghanis in Pakistan.
And again, we probably made these refugees.
But things weren't rosy before we got there either.
And a lot of people were upset that we left.
A lot of Afghanis were upset that we left.
Because now it's back in Taliban hands.
And if you're a woman, you're going, you're not loving it.
You're not loving it right now.
And of course, you're for women's rights,
but you also want us out of Afghanistan
where we were protecting women's rights.
So you got to be aware of how messy this thing can get, right?
Like if you talk to some dude there who's a Taliban guy,
you're going, get America out.
You're going, look at what you're doing to these poor people.
Get them out.
And then you're like, and then the woman's going, whoa, whoa, whoa, you forgot to ask me. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, socialist in New York, you forgot to ask me. We loved America being there.
As you can see, remember all those people like holding onto the planes going, what are you doing?
And then like an hour after we left, the Taliban just started cutting heads off and
killing rivals and women were just back
in burkas. You know, whatever your morality is, is your morality. I just wish everyone
thought a little bit more about all the details. There's a lot of details to this stuff.
So thousands of Afghanis in Pakistan have made their way back to Afghanistan the last two months.
But many of them who have called Pakistan home for decades say they have nothing to go back to,
while others say they are terrified to be headed back to the Taliban government.
Why?
Why would you be terrified?
Aren't you all brothers?
Like, isn't it your country?
Why?
Why would they be telephoned?
We met Abdullah.
Can one of these guys have a unique name?
Is there any guy just named Science over there?
Is everyone Abdullah or Muhammad?
We met with Abdullah.
They probably didn't even meet with Abdullah.
They just said, call it Abdullah.
We met him at a petrol station.
Yeah, I know they made it up now.
Arabs, oil, just make up a story about a guy named Abdullah at a gas station.
In the Punjab province, in Punjab province, most people don't know what that is.
He has hired a truck to bring all 22 of his family members out of the country.
20 of them were born in Pakistan.
So they're even kicking people out who were born in Pakistan.
Ain't no dreamers.
There's only nightmares in Pakistan.
There ain't no dreamers, baby.
There ain't no dreamers.
There ain't no sanctuary cities.
I initially came here when the Russians started the war.
Oh, so it wasn't even the Americans.
It was the Russians who now have so much sympathy for the Palestinian Muslims.
Ain't Putin great?
He's like, listen, I care so much.
What's going on over there is atrocious.
We don't do that.
I just blew up a city on the border of Chechnya to gain personal support,
but I care very deeply about the Palestinians.
You know, Putin's losing sleep every night about what's happening over there.
He's not just doing that to sow discord with America and make us look bad in the world.
He really cares.
Putin really cares about the Gaza Strip.
So I initially came in with the Russians.
So I got to remember, we went I initially came in with the Russians. So yeah, we got to remember,
we went into Afghanistan initially
to combat the Russians.
It was a proxy war
because the Russians were going in there
to take it over.
They weren't there winning hearts and minds.
They were shooting chests and heads.
He used to work in a brick kiln,
but there's fewer job opportunities in Afghanistan.
Well, you could always, you could always help round up women and get them back home.
You could always get a job rounding up women who are unaccompanied by a man
and drive them back home or beat them.
You can always become a public flogger in Afghanistan.
That job is available.
I'm sure there's high demand for public floggers. You know how they say learn to code here? It's like learn to flogger in Afghanistan. That job is available. I'm sure there's high demand for public floggers.
You know how they say learn to code here?
It's like learn to flog.
You want a job in Afghanistan, learn to flog.
Our houses were made of mud and we built it ourselves.
Planted many trees there.
My neighbors and friends were in tears.
It's the cruel government that is making
us leave. In the last two months, I know I said thousands before, but here's the detail.
In the last two months, around 200,000 Afghan nationals have already left Pakistan. I'm sure
a few of them disappeared. According to the Pakistan, oh, it's according to the Pakistan government.
You know those are the official numbers.
So bye-bye.
The first wave of deportations
will target those without any documentation,
adding that the policy is only aimed
at those that are in the country illegally.
Well, that's not what the guy above said.
That's not what the article said about people born there.
I don't know what their laws are.
But Abdullah says he's been targeted
despite having an Afghan citizen card,
an ID issued by the Pakistani government.
There you go.
He brandishes a plastic wallet and shows,
I guess the guy's got the same wallet I had
when I put my bus pass in
it in middle school.
Remember, it was a plastic thing.
You can't get a wallet?
Go to Marshall's, dude.
They're like three bucks.
He lives in a mud house.
I mean, dude, but Marshall's probably there.
Again, I'm not saying we have it so good here, but you can get a wallet for $2.99.
It does, you know, really people should judge the controversies in America
against that backdrop.
When Hasan Minhaj is saying how hard he had it in Davis,
outside of Sacramento in Davis, the suburb of,
the affluent suburb of Davis, go,
yeah, but could you get a wallet for $2.99 at Marshall's?
So relatively speaking, he didn't have it too hard.
so relatively speaking,
you didn't have it too hard.
You also ended up becoming a massive celebrity who was beloved by tons of white people.
So if I were to put that in perspective, Mr. Minaj,
and by perspective, I mean you and Abdullah,
who has got a plastic bus pass wallet
and has a house made of mud and is being deported
by a Muslim country back to a country that is, can we say not welcoming? Did you have it bad?
Did you have it bad because a girl turned you down three days because her parents wanted her to marry an
Italian or whatever. So this is happening. The government says to go back, even though
we have these cards, this level of problem has never happened in the past. And guess what? It
ain't really happening now because you won't hear about it and there won't be any protests about it
because they're all Muslim and lives are only worth something if it's a colonizer and colonized
and the people who are doing the colonizing are different, right? Because before Europeans showed
up to all these places, it was just a utopia of unity.
There was not one tribe colonizing another tribe.
That doesn't count.
If one tribe murders another tribe, it doesn't count.
It does not count.
What happened in Darfur?
Tell me about what the what.
That was bad, really bad.
What, a few people sprained ankles?
What happened?
Yeah, a couple of sprained ankles.
What happened? A couple of, you know, stuck toes. I think the numbers, we few people sprained ankles? What happened? Yeah, a couple of sprained ankles. What happened?
A couple of, you know, stuck toes. I think the numbers, we're talking about the hundreds of thousands, right?
Ah, so it was horrendous.
Sudan.
The boys of Sudan is what Jesse's.
The Lost Boys of Sudan.
Oh, the Lost Boys of Sudan.
Now, who was doing the murder?
French guys?
German? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Danish bowers? Yeah, that's right. Who was doing the murder? French guys? German?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Danish Bowers?
Yeah, that's right.
Who was it, Italians?
It was a civil war.
Wait, let me ask.
Oh, yeah.
Was it Jews?
They probably had something to do with it.
They were behind the scenes.
Ah!
Right.
They always are.
The 1987, I'll do this in the Jews, actually, because they're behind it.
The 1987 Civil War drove an estimated 20,000 young boys from their families and villages in southern Sudan.
Most just six or seven years old, they fled to Ethiopia to escape death or induction into the northern army.
They walked more than a thousand miles, half of them dying before reaching Kakuba refugee camp in Kenya.
Talk about a lateral move.
Survivors of this tragic exodus became known as the Lost Boys of Sudan.
Yeah, but what about the murder numbers?
Oh, yeah.
The Sudan.
But if you want to read a good book on it, it's called What is the What by Dave Eggers.
What is the What?
Yeah, heartbreaking.
I mean, that was, and we're talking about like brutal murder, brutal torture and murder done by Africans on Africans, correct?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a civil war.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It happens, but it's just saying it's important.
Now, there was a little outrage over here over that, to our credit.
Not nearly what we see now not nearly people weren't
drawing stars of who would be the main people who who is the government people what were they called
the hootsies and the tootsies right oh yeah that yeah i think that was a different that was um
was that a different one i think that was a different one yeah the hootsies and tootsies
been killing each other for a long time. One of them is more powerful
than the other one too.
There's nobody drawing
hootsie tootsie signs
in other countries
making those people responsible.
How can you see that
as anything other than just
hate and racism
when someone just
trashes the bakery of a woman
or trashes another store because it has a Jewish owner.
How can you see that as anything else?
Middle East and North Africa, is this present day?
Yeah, so this is a list of the current.
Oh, these are just the current conflicts right now.
45.
Yeah, 45 armed conflicts.
There's 45 armed conflicts taking place
throughout the Middle East and North Africa in the following territories.
Cyprus, Egypt, Israel, Libya, Morocco, Palestine, Syria, Turkey, Yemen, and Western Sahara.
Damn, Africa.
Africa's got more than 35 armed conflicts.
35.
Wowzers.
That is a lot.
Western powers and neighboring countries are intervening,
trying to help.
No, stop.
Stop the colonization.
Get out of there.
Stop it.
Stop that.
You created the conflicts.
It was a peaceful utopia before you got there.
There's just something about that that just doesn't get people horny, man.
It just doesn't get people horny.
It's got no sizzle.
It's got no sizzle.
There's no way to rail against the West or there's nothing to,
there's no way to,
way to rail against the West or there's nothing to, there's no way to, who do you make the bad guy when they're both quote unquote disenfranchised or whatever? Like who do you make the bad guy?
You know, if two poor people kill each other and one of those poor people kills that other person
in a brutal fashion, that's unjust. You still sympathize with him because of his poor status.
So, I mean, there's no outrage over that.
I watched a video of a guy murder a whole family
in Brooklyn.
It was on security footage.
It's a brutal video because of a noise complaint.
The family upstairs was making too much noise.
And he just takes out a gun
and he murders the son and the father.
And the mother, you know, flees back in the door.
And he just murders him and Colbert like nine shots
after they were landing there.
One to the head, one to the head.
Now, if this was a white guy doing that to a black family,
even if the dispute had nothing
to do with race and it was just a noise complaint
it would be
plastered on every
front page. The media
would do everything they could to make it about
race. Even if it was
like a black guy killing a white
not so much but
it would make a little bit
more of a splash.
These people who claim to care about poverty
and all these things and justice,
they only show up when there's the salacious details.
What were you going to say?
I was just asking,
when are you watching these before you go to bed?
For me, it's like reading myself a bedtime story.
That's how you relax.
Some people like to take melanin.
Some people, valerian root.
Some people even go so far as to pop a clonny.
Not you.
Not me.
I like to watch security footage of rage murders.
I mean, this is one of the most brutal killings I've ever seen, dude.
The guy does come out with scissors, and he threatens him with scissors.
Oh, I saw.
Yeah, i skipped right
over there you watch that whole i watch the whole thing but then the guy pulls out a gun
um and the guy turns away to walk he shoots him in the back some people are going like is this
self-defense you're like dude because the guy had scissors i don't know. It's internet stuff. What can you do?
It's not a lot of fun going on.
There is not a lot of fun going on in the world.
But oral sex supposedly may be worse for you
than cigarettes when it comes to throat cancer.
I'm willing to run that risk.
It's enjoyable. I enjoy it. I'm one of those guys who enjoys it.
Now for who? For both? For men
and women? I guess maybe. I think it's more for men.
I think it's definitely more for men.
Oh, it was on TikTok. That changes things. Now I know it's true.
They made a video.
Daria Sadgovoyevsky made the declaration in a viral TikTok video.
Despite the American Cancer Society citing tobacco use as the number one risk factor
for the illness known as, now this is Russian propaganda.
This is probably someussian spy who wants us
to have even less sex so our society can become even more sexist which we have become because
everyone's worried about me too's and everyone's worried about gossip and everyone's worried about
getting doxxed everyone's worried about getting caught everyone's worried about everything you
got to show up with your lawyer in order to meet somebody now these kids are not having sex they're
over inundated with pornography.
It's become like just a really
boring, tedious fucking generation
who just wants to yell at you about freeing
Gaza. And they do
it from their like brownstone.
Have you noticed that?
Like all these kids are like professional activists
now. Nobody's like on the Burt Kreischer
cruise fucking down in a beer.
Lapping on a poos poos.
69, kids.
I just went on the Burt Kreischer cruise, and it was just eye-opening for me.
I had a great time.
It was incredible.
I'd also like to plug a couple of specials because God knows there's a ton of those coming out.
Joe Bartnik's got one.
Louis Katz has got one.
Mike Feeney's got one.
Colm Terrell's got one.
They're all on YouTube. Funny comics. Go watch all their specials. I don't really do guests anymore
unless those guests can help my numbers. So go watch all those specials. I'll have another 25
to promote next day or so, but they're all very funny. I know Louis Katz personally. He's a good
friend. He's a very funny comic. And he has a special that just
came out. Mike Feeney,
my good friend Joe Bartnick, that was
produced by All Things Comedy, Bill Burr's
company, and Colm Terrell
was produced by Luis Gomez
Gas Digital. So I got that in there.
I wanted to plug all those specials. If you're
looking for some free comedy, go to YouTube and watch
those specials. Check it
out. And we're going to end with this censure situation,
which is very fun.
So the House has really become a carnival.
The House of Representatives on Capitol Hill,
the Federal House of Representatives,
is just now a carnival where we have sectarian violence
and a civil war going on. Democrats have been split over Israel. This has never happened in the past. Uh, support for Israel has been
unanimous in the government amongst Democrats and Republicans has crossed party lines,
but now you got the squad in there.
One of the women is Palestinian, the other woman's Muslim,
and they are, shall we say, dog-whistling
as far as saying,
hey, stop the Jewish lobby, stop the Jews.
And then you got Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is, let's say, a fan of being outspoken.
She's a big fan of that, who has tried to call for censure.
Now, what is censure?
Censure is when the House can take action and they can vote to expel you from the House.
It's only been used sparingly in the last 20 years.
Right now we got three proposals for censure going on in the government right now.
I think that's more than any time in the history of the Republic.
The funnest one is for George Santos.
The Republican Party themselves are going to vote to kick him out
using, quoting something called censure,
which is what they can do, right?
They can vote to get you out.
And I just love that he shows up and he goes,
when they go, they're going to vote,
and they go, George Santos,
representative from Long Island.
He goes, here.
He's just still doing it showed up to votes um so they're voting to kick him out and then so marjorie taylor green
wants to kick out rashid uh tyler uh rashida talib rashlaib, or as I like to call her, Tlaib Kuli.
Member of Native Tongues.
Boys with most deaf.
Rashida Tlaib of Michigan.
And she wants to kick her out.
And now I think Rashida Tlaib is going,
we need to use censure to shut this bitch out because she's racist.
So let's just say that the house has gotten very non-traditional.
This is sort of like when basketball players started showing up to the game
in inner city outfits.
And the older school, like Barkley, was going,
hey, man, put a suit on, man.
Put a suit on.
You're getting paid millions of dollars.
And they were just showing up with, it was the Allen Iverson era.
Right. Cornrows and baggy pants. And they were just showing up with, it was the Allen Iverson era. Right.
Cornrows and baggy pants.
And the old school wasn't having it.
And some of the old school uncapitalists are going, hey, man,
let's kick you out of the house.
And also Fetterman, put a suit on, man.
This is just the hip-hop era of the house, baby.
Times are changing.
They're actually voting to get each other out of the house. baby. Times are changing. They're actually voting to get
each other out of the house.
How much more
of an indication
do you need that the House of
Representatives has become a
reality show, that they're actually
voting to get each other out of the
house?
They're holding a house meeting where they've
gathered Eric Neese from the grind and everyone else into the living room and said, this roommate has become toxic.
Talk about a house divided against itself cannot stand.
We are witnessing it.
So we'll see which one of these censure resolutions come to vote and pass,
but this is unprecedented.
I mean, you got one guy in there who's a complete fraud and liar
who hasn't offered his side of the story yet.
I haven't seen his emails yet,
so he could produce an email saying a bunch of stuff
that defends his position over a ton of lies.
He's got more than three or four to speak of.
And then you got these two ladies.
I just say oil them up and throw them in a goddamn float-up pool
and let them fight to the death.
Why not?
Film it.
Have the famed producer, what's his name?
The producer that did Survivor.
Oh.
Burnett.
Right.
Yeah, have Burnett, Mark Burnett.
His name's Mark Burnett.
I got it.
Have Mark Burnett get involved.
Call it Tlaib versus Green.
Put it on a Jake Paul card. Make it the undercard or co-main event for him fighting
the latest 50 year old CTE survivor and let America have some fun with it.
Okay.
Because America's a party.
I'm fully on board.
I was on the Bert Kreischer cruise and all I want to do is have a small dick contest
in a bikini and drink brews.
Guys, come see me live in Providence,
November 10th and 11th.
There's tickets, very few tickets,
for two or three shows.
Phoenix, Arizona, November 16th and 17th.
Spokane, Washington, December 1st and 2nd.
Tulsa, December 8th and 9th.
Louisville, December 15th and 16th.
Portland at Revolution Hall, January 11th.
Vogue Theater, Vancouver, January 12th.
Cobbs in San Francisco has been moved to February 9th and 10th.
Sorry to everybody, I went on the Burt Chrysler cruise.
Atlanta, February 15th through the 17th.
San Diego, February 23rd, 24th.
The Vic Theater in Chicago, March 8th.
Tickets will be on sale soon.
The Royal Theater in Toronto, almost sold out March 23rd.
Hilarities in Cleveland, March 29th and 30th.
And the Comedy Club of Kansas City, March 11th through 13th.
Before we get into these small business shout-outs,
I want to say join the Patreon, patreon.com slash Giannis Papasauer
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Numbers are really cooking.
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And as always, we'll see you next week where news meets paper plates.