Yannis Pappas Hour - Kneegrow

Episode Date: April 9, 2022

Bonus ep this week https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysYannis is joined by Jared Harvin, as per usual, and they explore what you can and can’t call different groups of people. Then they invent a ne...w slur against white people and Yanni has some pretty extreme ideas on how to bring peace between the races. This is a COMEDY show. This is a hot wire dance, enjoy!Live tour date tickets https://www.yannispappascomedy.comSponsors Coinbase https://www.coinbase.com/partner/fumes?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=rt_p_us_w_m_acq_fms_pod_0_fumesCerebral https://cerebral.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=fumesJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday. Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispapPrevail independent movie link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=II1rcRWAZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up guys? Before we start this episode, hear me out. Phoenix, Arizona, April 14th through 16th. We're coming down there doing stand-up. Get your tickets at yannispappascomedy.com. Yes, sir. Then Addison in Texas. It's basically Dallas from April 22nd to April 24th. Then Cleveland, Ohio, May 5th through the 7th at Hilarity's. And then Roebling Auditorium in Roebling, New Jersey, May 14th. The Jane Pickens Theater in Newport, Rhode Island, May 28th. Get your tickets right now.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Right now. And we will see you there. Our bonus episode this week, your extra long day, is called Speeches and Bucks. And it's how politicians and people in politics make their money. Make that move up, baby. We talk about Stacey Abrams and
Starting point is 00:00:55 her former life where she was a romance novel writer. Yes. You may know her now as the huge political operative who galvanized the vote, registered a million Democratic voters in Georgia, and helped flip the state for Joey Biden. But before that, she was a sassy, sassy, sassy, noom de ploom. She was known as Selena Montgomery. Yeah, she used to flip bodies, but now she flips states.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Flips states. But she used to flip bodies and get sexy writing romance novels under her pen name. Let's put them open. Selena Montgomery. Enjoy the ep. And the news online going on and on What's right and wrong and there's something up Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust From the true who's who To the news and cameras To the fake politics
Starting point is 00:01:51 And the propaganda Get his kids screwed in Got a lot to say Aw shit, it's about to be a long day It's a long day What's up everybody? What a week it's been I am back with Jared
Starting point is 00:02:04 We were on the West Coast. No, more the South Coast. We were in another country called Texas. It's a little different, and that's where I take all the women I've impregnated and leave them so they can raise their babies on their own. You can't get an abortion there. So it's the opposite of wanting your girl to get rid of it.
Starting point is 00:02:29 If you want to force your girl to have it, drop her off in Texas and lock her in. It was a lot of fun. Rogan was fun. Obama visited the White House. There's a lot of bills being passed everywhere. If you're in Oklahoma and you want to marry a kid, it's getting close to that being okay. If you're in another place, you might be able to use a bathroom. Iowa, you can use a bathroom.
Starting point is 00:02:55 There's bathroom laws. We have marriage laws. We got abortion laws. The state and city legislatures have never been more busy. Georgia's got a new law that the police can investigate an election fraud if that comes out. Local law is busy AF. So now it's time for us to all learn local laws. Elon Musk is own speech now.
Starting point is 00:03:22 I think he owns speech. That's what it is. If you ask anyone who supports free speech, they're saying Elon Musk is Jesus of free speech. This is long days. We got a lot to talk about and let's find out. So here we are. We had a great time. Obviously, we were down in Texas, and then we went up to Wisconsin. Yep. I called it the West Coast because if you consider it from New York's perspective, it's West. Yeah, everything's West from New York's perspective. Yeah, because unless you go into the water.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Yeah, a little bit. Unless you go into the water. There's nothing east of America. Nope. There's nothing east of New York. There's nothing besides New York. Yeah. So we went West. We had a good time. We went up to Wisconsin. Pretty white out in Wisconsin. Very white. Pretty white. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:11 I like to say it looks like it's snowing even if it's not snowing. Yes. And if you looked at it from a plane, you would go, why is it snowing in July in Madison, Wisconsin? And you would go, that's not snow. That's just white people walking around State Street. Yeah, it looked like a mayonnaise convention. I mean, it looks like if mayonnaise was people, that would be Wisconsin. Yes. It's very white.
Starting point is 00:04:36 It's very white. And I was a pickle. You were a pickle in a sea of mayo. Yep. Yeah. There's a few, but not many. Not many. Even the homeless people are all white. Yeah. Yeah. There's a few, but not many. Not many. Even the homeless people are all white.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty white in Madison and also pretty woke in Madison. Yes. Yes. The only other black person I met in Madison, and he was working for the milk company. So that would seem a little 50s racist, a little bit there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah. And also, they're famous for their cheese and their milk, also white. Yes. Also very white. You can't get away from the color white in Wisconsin. Yep. You can't get away from the color white in Wisconsin. Yep. Including snow, ice, and the people. Yep.
Starting point is 00:05:09 You just can't. And the condiment mayonnaise. Yes. It's available. It's always white, you know. Yeah. You can't escape it. I love this new affiliation with mayonnaise and white people.
Starting point is 00:05:18 It's funny. It's funny, but it's accurate. It's accurate. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, do Chinese people like mayonnaise? They have a low tolerance for certain things. I mean, people like mayonnaise they have a low tolerance for certain things i mean they have a low tolerance for cheese they have a low tolerance for alcohol yes i wonder when light low tolerance for sunlight low tolerance for sunlight i wonder if mayo if asian people go for mayo yeah i don't think their idea of sushi was a philadelphia roll so i don't
Starting point is 00:05:42 think so yeah philadelphia roll. I love those Americanized rolls. Yeah, I hate those. When they put the fake crab meat in there. The California roll is a fake roll. Yes. And, yeah, sometimes they put that fake. They call it, like, crab meat, but it's like a sugary tofu substance. Yeah, I'm good off that.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Yeah. No, dude, they eat. Well, right now we're confused. Well, Asians. They're all Asian. Yes. Yeah, they're all Asian. Isn't it wild they're all Asian, but they have, like, right now we're, well, Asians. They're all Asian. Yes. Yeah, they're all Asian.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Isn't it wild they're all Asian, but they have completely different languages and stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of different types of Asian people. A lot of different types. You got your Thais. Yeah. You got your Vietnamese. You got your Koreans.
Starting point is 00:06:23 You got your Chinese. Don't forget about the Cambodians. You got your Cambodians. Yeah. You got your Koreans. You got your Chinese. Don't forget about the Cambodians. You got your Cambodians. Yeah. You got your Japanese. We're at seven. Has anyone ever counted Chinese people like the counting crows? Pol Pot did.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Pol Pot counted them, and he subtracted a lot. Yeah. Pol Pot did a little math And he did He used the minus sign Yeah Yeah He went There's this amount
Starting point is 00:06:49 Of Asian people But when you minus these When I kill them You end up with those Yeah Pol Pot didn't use PEMDAS No Yeah
Starting point is 00:06:56 He used an eraser Yeah But yeah I mean Are we missing Any other type of Asians? You probably got a lot more. You know, the Southern Asians.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Yeah. I'm trying. Well, can we say Taiwanese? I said Taiwan. Oh, from Taiwan? Yeah, because China might get mad at us. Yeah. And then John Cena is going to be speaking another language.
Starting point is 00:07:17 No, you better say they're Chinese. You can't call them Taiwanese. They're Chinese. I'm sorry, Kingsley. They're Chinese. Yeah. It's China. They're Chinese.
Starting point is 00:07:23 So that's, I think, are we missing an Asian? Is that Vietnam? Vietnam, Cambodia. Nepal? No, wait, where's Nepal? No, Nepal. Vietnam, Cambodia, Koreans, Japanese, Chinese. Thais.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Thais. Vietnamese. I think we got to seven or eight. Has anyone ever, like, that's a question a lot of people, if it came up on Jeopardy and said how many Asians are, how many types of Asians are there, everyone would go, whoa. I thought there was just one. That's like trying to figure out blow pop flavors.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Yeah, there's just different. And they look a little different. Some people can tell the difference between Koreans and Japanese and Chinese. Those people are not me. I can't. It's very difficult. I'm not a phenotype expert. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:08 But how many different types of Asians are there? Did we nail it with seven? Is it like the seven fishes? The seven sins? He says, U.S. Census Bureau and the federal government, most state data collections include India and the entire Indian subcontinent.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Well, those are South Asians. Okay, so you're not going to count them. No. All right. Yeah, I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about, what I mean, Asian. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:31 It's a look. Yeah. You know, then the South Asians, they share the, you know, they're on the continent, but- You don't want desert Asian. You want Tokyo drift Asian. I want a Tokyo Asian.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Yes. Yeah, I'm talking about more of a- I got you, yeah. Yeah. Whatever happened in that region that made them look so different, it's like a change in weather that really must have got them. Yeah, it really caught them. A change in weather made them great at Dance Dance Revolution.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I mean, yeah, it made them. And it also, those two people look very different. Very different. Indians and Pakistanis look very different from real Asians. Yeah. Those are the real Asians. Eastern Hemis. It's like the difference between Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian.
Starting point is 00:09:10 It's very different. Yeah. Very different. Same area. South Asians' father is OJ Simpson. Yes, very different. Or as my dad used to call them, Orientals. You can't say that anymore.
Starting point is 00:09:20 That's funny, but you can't say it anymore. And why did Orientals become a slur if because they're from the orient right and what's bad about the orient plus i think you can still say it in a design context right you can still say uh oriental rug yeah right but you can't call an oriental and oriental yeah you only can refer to a rug as oriental yeah but what what what made it bad oh no someone did he look up Oriental real quick Jesse? Yeah Let's see
Starting point is 00:09:46 Because this girl said it in my college class one time It was like 2015 She was like And the Orientals What happened to them? And the whole class just froze Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:09:54 I mean it's really funny how we're And then a new one comes along Especially East Asia East Asia So it's for The real Asians Yeah Basically not the South Asians.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Not the South Asians. Yeah. The Asians, their faces look different than the South Asians. Yeah. And their feet look different too. Their feet can be smaller. Yes. Now, words always change, right?
Starting point is 00:10:19 Of course. So you have it all the time. Latinx, they added an X. That was the least imaginative change. Yeah, but that's just to get male and female together. So it's just an all-encompassing thing. So what is the Latinx? So Latina is woman.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Latino is man. Latinx is everybody, like all of Latinx. Yeah, basically. And you get your non-binaries in there. It gets you good. Oh, it's more inclusive. Yeah, it gets you covered. It's like a W9 after you perform at a comedy club.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Right. Okay, so it's more of just like an all-inclusive resort. Oh, it's more inclusive. Yeah, it gets you covered. It's like a W9 after you perform at a comedy club. Right. Yeah. Okay, so it's more of just like an all-inclusive resort. Yeah, man. That all-inclusive resort. Latino, but wasn't Latino man and Latino female? So this is just throwing the knife at me. Latina is female. Latino is male.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Latinx is everybody. Yeah, it's everybody. But you can't say Latino anymore. It has to be Latinx. Can you refer to a guy as Latino? You can refer to a guy as Latino, yeah. And then can you refer to a girl as Latina? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:13 So then you're referring to Latinx. You're just taking the gender out. Yeah, but if you have the history of Latin people and you just say Latinos, that's not accurate because you have women in there too. So you have to say Latinx as opposed to Latin. Yeah, but if you're talking about John Leguizamo's hairline you can say latino male has a receding hairline right right you don't have to say latinx no you don't have to say latinx right um okay now i understand that yes there you go okay that's not that hard i agree with that it's all encompassing it makes it easier or they could have just said latin or hispanic
Starting point is 00:11:43 i think well hispan Hispanic's not accurate. Hispanic refers to a region as well. So it's not really accurate to the people. That's what happens when you take an African and Latino studies class in college, kids. Yes. You get to school Greek, man. Are Latins in favor of Latinx? I don't think they care.
Starting point is 00:11:59 As long as they get to wear a thong to the Puerto Rican Day Parade. I think a lot of Latins aren't even aware of it. Like, real – like, Latins who are not on Twitter. Yeah. If you call them Latinx, they're like, what? Yeah, we're too worried about the marinade for our carne asada. Yeah, I don't think any, like, working class Latins are even aware of the switch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:19 I don't think they've gotten the memo. They're, like, I don't even think they know. So that's your new name. If you're watching this right now, okay okay and you're working a real job and you don't have a twitter handle we're here to let you know your new name is latinx yep okay now if you're asian you're not oriental anymore you're asian can you call them asian i think you can do that and call them asian and if you're indian you're i think you could still call them Indian, but also they're South Asian. And now black came into question.
Starting point is 00:12:51 Yes. There was a thing between certain schools going, because, you know, Negro, when I was, before I was born. Yeah. My dad, you see, even when I said Negro, you got a little something. Yeah, I mean. But Negro. Because the beginning of that word, the beginning of the word sounded like you're going to end it very differently.
Starting point is 00:13:08 All right? So Negro at one point was the preferred. Okay. That was like the preferred name. Yeah, Negro, yeah. No, but I didn't say it like that. I know, I know. Depends on how you say the E.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Yeah, it's okay. Say it again. Yeah, when you say Negro, you really got to hit the E. Yeah, you got to hit the E. Yeah, it's okay. Say it again. Yeah, when you say Negro, you really got to hit the E. Yeah, you got to hit the E. You got to go knee. You got to slow down, son. You can't be. Don't have anything in your mouth.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Don't be distracted. When you say that word, say that word with care like you're drunk driving. Yeah. You want to go slow. You want to pay attention. Don't go over 35. You got to say that word how Gerard Carmichael does comedy. Slow.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Slow. Yes. You want to do it slow. Yes, very slow. You don't want to go attention Don't go over 35 You got to say that word How Gerard Carmichael does comedy Slow Slow Yes You want to do it slow Yes very slow You don't want to go fast with that That's the word you want to take care of That's like lifting a glass table Out of a doorway
Starting point is 00:13:53 Yes it's like driving through a parking lot Under 5 miles per hour strictly Yeah you just want to And you want to make sure You hit the E Yes sir The E is the most important word Uh huh
Starting point is 00:14:01 You can't say You can't go You can't go closer You can't go closer. You can't go, you got to go E. Just tighten your body and go E. Yeah, guttural, son. Go knee.
Starting point is 00:14:13 Yeah. Knee. Very guttural. Make sure you hit the E. Say it like you're fighting for the Ukraine. You might even want to go knee. You want to hit the E hard. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Knee. You can Whitney it. Whitney Houston it a little bit. Yes. And you got to hit the R in there. Grow. Yeah. Grow. Kne can Whitney it. Whitney Houston it a little bit. Yes. And you got to hit the R in there. Grow. Yeah. Grow.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Knee. Grow. Yes, you do. Right. So just be careful with that word, kids. Yeah. You would never say it now anyway. But now.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Only in context. But that's where I'm bringing it up. Yeah. You can only say it in context that it used to be the preferred nomenclature. There you go. Gistmierder. Gister. It used to be. Now, sir. It used to be,
Starting point is 00:14:46 now even when I say the preferred, blacks used to prefer, I'm going, is black right or is it African American? Because that became a thing too. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Black people, it became a thing. It became a thing for a second recently where it was like, is it African American or black? I think black won.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Yes. I think the black community made it known, right? Yeah. That black was okay. Just say black. I prefer won yes i think the black community made it known right yeah that black was okay just say black i prefer african-american i prefer black because african-american is the proper term right so like i only see african-american when i'm applying for a college and it doesn't matter anyway because i'm getting denied right but like african-americans is just the proper term of how people see you in the united states just call me black yeah but you're not getting
Starting point is 00:15:22 denied because your skin color you're getting denied because you were probably a sociology major, and you're not that smart. Yeah, like me. Yeah. I mean, you know. Yeah, I was a theater major, so I don't have much to say. I have no guns in this fight. You can't just walk at MIT and be like, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:15:38 They're going to be like, okay, we'd love to bring you in because we love diversity, but you're fucking stupid. Depends on how good his essay is yeah yeah um so i think i think black won that yes it black one so black is the way american african americans like to be called because there's no but they're synonymous right yeah or afro remember it was like a thing to afro is it gonna be afro-american yeah i like afro-american because like i'm greek-american right yeah so shouldn't it was like a thing too. Afro. Is it going to be Afro-American? Yeah. I like Afro-American because like I'm Greek-American. Right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:08 So shouldn't it be like instead of just going with the color, shouldn't it be like Afro-American is kind of like more accurate? Yeah, but like what if you're. What's in a word? What's in a name, Shakespeare? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:18 I mean, but not all black. We can't call black people non-means is what you're saying. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't call them non-means. African-Americans come from Africa, but you also have a lot of Haitians, a lot of people from Turks and Kenkos, a lot of people from Jamaica. That throws a wrench in the afro.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Yeah, that's going to be black, so you can't really put African-Americans on them. So black is the all-encompassing. Black is the all-encompassing thing. Just like Latinx is the all-encompassing. Yeah, there you go. Just slap black on me. And white is the all-encompassing for us, because we're all different, black on me. And white is the all-encompassing for us because we're all different too. You got your Jews, you got your Irish,
Starting point is 00:16:48 they're really right. You got people who are whiter than other people. Like the Scandinavians, they're really white. And they go down lower, they're a little darker. It depends on how much interaction you have with the sun. Oh, yeah. It depends on your environment. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Need some vitamin D in you. Now, they say that the Asians have their look. That look kind of developed from the desert or something. Jesse, let's look that up. We're getting your fingers. I mean, we're off for two weeks and now your fingers are back, son.
Starting point is 00:17:19 You had a rest. Now it's time to get back in the game. I love how we're dancing on a hot wire and I love it. It's what I love to do. What's's time to get back in the game. I love how we're dancing on a hot wire, and I love it. Yeah. It's what I love to do. Yeah. What's the question you want me to ask? Yeah, what would be the question to ask Google without us being banned from life?
Starting point is 00:17:32 How did Asians evolve their skin pigmentation? Yeah, how did they start to look like gray aliens? I mean, I just gave you the Google search term, and he just gave you the Bing term. So I don't – I mean, I just gave you the Google search term, and he just gave you the Bing term. So I don't... I mean... Wouldn't it be great to live in a world, though, where you could just make jokes and, like, why are people so caught up with what people's characteristics are
Starting point is 00:17:57 based on where the environment, they interacted with the environment? Yeah. To me, I just, I don't care enough. Yeah. I don't, I just don't, you know, it's just like I don't care. It's not something I think about that often. Yeah, but you're a person that has something to say.
Starting point is 00:18:11 You already got something to say. The people who are offended and looking for shit to be offended about, they need a horse in the race. And that's their only horse in the race. I mean, who could care that much? How much can you care? How much can you care if someone's got different eye shape or different hair? Who cares? I don't care.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Some people are bald. Yeah. Some people got brown hair. Yeah. Some people got blonde hair. Yeah. Some people got green eyes. They're lucky because they're gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Yep. Some people got small feet, big feet, big dicks, little dicks. Yeah. Some people got a little bit fatter guts. Everyone's DNA is different. If everyone looked the same, it would be boring. Do you think Hitler would eventually got bored? Let's say Hitler got what he wanted.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Let's say Hitler got what he wanted. And it ended up being just like an all blonde, white. Do you think after a while they would have been like, dude, this is not lit. And one Latin woman walked in and they were all like they all turned into lenny and squiggy and they all were like i need that because and then hitler's going but that's inferior and they're like brother my dick is telling me otherwise the heart wants what the heart wants because you get you get bored very who wouldn't get bored about seeing the same thing isn't it great to have variation? Yeah. Something different.
Starting point is 00:19:25 If everyone was the same, it would be so boring. Yeah. It would be so fucking boring. Everyone on the court would be the same size. The shorter people are usually quicker. The taller people are usually more powerful. Yeah. It's variation.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Imagine watching a game with five Shaquille O'Neals versus five Shaquille O'Neals. You don't want that. It's boring, dude. Don't want that. Boring, dude. I want to see Steph shooting threes. I want to see Shaq dunking on people. It's the same thing with race and sizes. It's like variation. I want my plate.
Starting point is 00:19:55 I don't just want ribs. I want a little side of mac. I want some greens. I want some corn. Some cobbler. I want some cobbler. I want some cornbread. But I'm watching my sugar.
Starting point is 00:20:05 Yeah. I'm watching my sugar. You got to cut something. A little bit. A little bit, you know. Yeah. So what would be... Jesse Googled space aliens are breeding with humans.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, I mean, you just... Well, yeah, I don't know. Is this JoeRogan.com news? I saw it on InfoWars. Yeah, I saw it too. I saw it. I saw that this might be something that was released, but. Yeah, it says space aliens are breeding with humans.
Starting point is 00:20:29 They're knocking them up and they're going back into outer space. Basically, space aliens are not paying child support. Right. They're knocking them up and they're leaving. Yes, they are. Yeah. This is NBC News, by the way. Oh, where are my glasses?
Starting point is 00:20:42 Yeah. Yeah, Or like Jared Will just have to read for me Alright talk to the people Alright Where are my glasses? Where are my glasses? So it says
Starting point is 00:20:49 Space aliens are breeding with humans And a university instructor says Now It's an outlandish claim That has secrets breeding program Creating alien-human hybrids Who can survive climate change Outlandish claim
Starting point is 00:21:00 Has a secret breeding program Can we go lower? Maybe you've never seen any space aliens. No, no, I haven't. No. I love how he goes maybe. Maybe you're the 99.999999% who have not been abducted.
Starting point is 00:21:18 But recent polls indicate that up to 6% of Americans claim to have been abducted by them. The experience doesn't sound pleasant. The extraterrestrials are often said to take their captives in their saucers, lay them out on a table and extract sperm from the men and impregnate the women. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Alright. If you're familiar with UFO lore, you know there are a couple of common explanations for these breeding experiments. One is that the aliens... Now, here's the deal. Either this is true or now we're at this point where NBC is doing articles that used to be only in the national inquire that's why when it comes to this article i i it used to be like
Starting point is 00:21:52 i would judge something on have i seen it in the bbc is it in the guardian yeah is it in the times is it in the washington post yeah that's what i used to do right nowadays especially since you have these uh hunter biden other stuff a lot of the activism in journalism you start to you start to go like i don't know what's real or not at all anymore i mean for god's sakes there are slap truthers right now yeah there are people who don't know whether that was real or not real. And even when you tell them, like, dude, I know a guy who knows Chris Rock, and Chris Rock is upset about it and doesn't know what to do with it yet. And it's real. And they're all working for Nancy Pelosi. And you're going, dude, nobody knows what's real.
Starting point is 00:22:41 And you know whose fault that is? It's the fault of media Right? It's not the fault of social media And I'll explain why It's not the fault of social media It's not the fault of content creators on social media Yeah
Starting point is 00:22:54 It's the fault of mainstream media outlets Who've lied Or exaggerated Yeah Employed hyperbole To get clicks And they've all been caught doing it. They've all gotten lazy with their reporting.
Starting point is 00:23:09 The examples are too many to mention. So it's like being in a relationship with somebody, right? Once you lie to them, if you're in a relationship with a woman, you lie to a woman about cheating, right? The relationship's over because the trust is gone. It doesn't matter what you do from that point on you can be honest for the rest of your life the trust is gone yeah the trust is always gone the precedent is already set the trust is gone in the relationship so that's what's happened
Starting point is 00:23:39 with media and and the population the trust has been. The people don't have any faith or trust. So even when the media is telling the truth now, the people are still going, I don't trust you because you lied to me. You cheated on me before New York Times. I caught you fucking somebody else. So that's basically the perfect way to understand why we have this crisis in media,
Starting point is 00:24:03 which is often attributed to Joe Rogan or misinformation. It's like, no, dude, you did it. You're gaslighting us now. You created this environment. You did it. We learned it from watching you, dad. Okay. You, once you compromise that integrity and you broke that sacred pact with the people that you work for the people as a free press and instead started working for your corporate interest to make more money and put that bottom line over accurate information to the people, you broke the covenant and you set the trend for people to be distrustful of what you're disseminating. Yeah. I said disseminating wrong. If that was the word Negro, I might have gotten in trouble.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Yes. Because I think I just said disseminating. No, you got it right. It's not good. Yeah. It sounded like I had a British accent or I'm Yanni. Yeah. Who says words wrong.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Yeah. It's a little bit of gay that came out. It's all right. You know what's funny is even in an old clip of my stand-up on my half hour, I called, I have a clip where I called him LaDame Lee and Tomlinson. Yeah. And someone quoted and said, Yanni's been saying names wrong since the beginning. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Because his name is not LaDame Lee. Yeah, there's just a Starbucks barista in your head. Yeah. Yeah, I am the coffee cup writer of speaking. You order a cup of coffee from me and your name is Jared, it's going to come back Jason. I just, yeah. I mean, I put that on a special.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Ledamian. Yeah. It's on a special Ledamian. And it's just, I said it wrong. Yeah. Ledamian is also a lit black name. Yes. Also is Led Damian. It's on a special La Damian. And it's just, I said it wrong. La Damian is also a lit black name. Also is La Damian. And the reason why I chose that name, it's because it's one of the dopest names.
Starting point is 00:25:54 It's La Danian, right? La Danian, yeah. La Danian Tomlinson. Your tongue has to do like a little dance with the top of your mouth to get that out. Your tongue has to do salsa with the top of your mouth to get that out. Yeah, your tongue got to do salsa with the top of your mouth to get that out. LaDainian. Yeah, LaDainian and the Brickashaw, of course.
Starting point is 00:26:10 The Brickashaw's a good one. The Brickashaw Ferguson. He went to Freeport on Long Island. The Brickashaw's a good one. Yeah. There's some good ones out there. There's some good. Those might be the GOAT.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Yeah. Black names, that could be the GOAT. LaDainian? Yeah. That's dope. So there is, yeah yeah inside the conspiracy theory that will smith's oscar slap was staged i don't know who benefits from this we explained it on the we we went on it we we talked about it yeah we talked about what i believe i believe it was a little bit
Starting point is 00:26:35 of everything i don't believe it was staged but i do believe will smith part of like i said he you know he did it in part actors can't take their acting hat off. And like, you know, it made big news. Yeah. It made big news. We talked about it in the last episode, so we won't get into that. So let's start, because that was fun. That was fun breaking down what people are called.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Very fun. Asians, I think it's safe to call them Asians. White people, you can just call them whatever. Or the devil. You can call them Cracker, the devil, Honky, Uninformed, Oppressor. Whatever you want to call donkeys, you can call them. Honkies is always my favorite slur for you. I like Honkies.
Starting point is 00:27:18 That's the good old George Jefferson. That's a classic. That's a George Jefferson classic. Yeah, Honkies. Cracker's good. Cracker's good. We need some better ones. Cracker's good. Cracker's good. We need some better ones. Cracker Conjo's up the south.
Starting point is 00:27:29 How about Mayohead? Yeah. Let's think of a good new pejorative for white people. Mayonnaise face. How about scream mask face? Financial aid denier. Financial Aid Denier. Financial Aid Denier. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:47 I like that. Cracker's good. Yeah. But don't you think of the South with Cracker? I think of like a hayseed. I like the way Chris Rock would say it, though. Cracker-ass Cracker. Cracker-ass Cracker's good.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Yeah, yeah. Not as good as Honky, though. No. Honky's just good. But Honky just feels white. But Honky doesn't sound like offensive, though. Right. It sounds like a gas station on the side ofky though. Nah. Honky's just good. But honky just feels white. But honky doesn't sound like offensive though. Right. It sounds like a gas station on the side of 495.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me stop by a honky. Let me get a sec. Let me stop by a honky to get a churro. Yeah. It sounds like a Bucky's.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's think of a good one. Let's really fucking stick it to Whitey. Whitey's also not that great. Whitey's another one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Comehead. What? Listen. What? Because come's white. I'm trying to think of a good. that great whitey's another one yeah um uh come head what listen what because comes white i'm trying to think of a good cum stain yeah cum stay yeah but that's also it could be junk we got to think of like you know things that are white yeah things that are white and things that are bad that are white listen cloud face listen oh god i wish we could come up with a good one there's nothing in this world that's bad that's white though Huh Are there many things that are bad that are white in this world When you think about it
Starting point is 00:28:50 What's bad that's white Puss Ghosts are white Puss is That's kind of yellow Puss is bad Yeah puss is bad Puss is bad
Starting point is 00:28:58 We can't say ghost Ghost face That's a man We can't do that Ghost face color Yeah What's bad that's white? Puss.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Puss. Puss. Listen, puss. If you just called him puss, that's a good one. Yo, come on, puss. Puss breather. Yo, puss breather or just puss. Puss face.
Starting point is 00:29:16 What's up, puss? Get this puss out of here. Yo, puss. Peace. Get this pussy ass pussy out of here. Yeah, get this pussy ass puss out of here. Puss instead of puss Again it's the way
Starting point is 00:29:27 You pronounce it Yeah Negro You know Puss instead of puss Yeah Puss Yeah
Starting point is 00:29:31 Yo what's up puss Get out of here puss I'm sick of all these pusses I'm sick of these pusses man These pussies be taking All this shit I hate these fucking pusses That's a good one
Starting point is 00:29:42 Yeah so you have white heads And then you have pusses White head White. White head. White head. Because of the pimple. Yo, listen to me, white head. Yeah. Yo, dog.
Starting point is 00:29:54 White head. White head. Take that fucking puss shit out of here. You dumb white head. Yeah. You're a fucking white head. Yeah, you don't belong in this pool, you fucking white head. Yo, get out of this pool, you fucking whitehead puss.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Yo, puss, get out. This is a black-only pool. Get the fuck out of here, honky. Wow, he went old school. Yeah, but I still called you puss, too. Fuck, I'm sick of these pusses, son. There's fucking pusses everywhere. Gotta get rid of these fuckers.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Everywhere I look, it's like a fucking mayonnaise convention Rice Rice is white Nah I like rice I'm Puerto Rican I like that You like arroz Yeah arroz con pollo
Starting point is 00:30:35 Arroz is also a more lit way to say rice Yeah Some words should just be adopted From other languages into English So instead of rice Can I get some rice You go yo let me get some arroz. Arroz.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah. Arroz. Yeah. You like that because it sounds like a Greek god a little bit. It does. Yeah. Arroz. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:51 It does sound like he was on Mount Heracles or wherever it is. Yeah. I don't know my own myths. He's the Greek god of grammar. Yeah. You didn't praise him. No, I did not. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Arroz. Yeah. I didn't pray to him enough. No, you did not. He's a Greek god. Yeah. And when you read my posts I mean the grammatical errors
Starting point is 00:31:07 Are just about My wife reads those And goes Jesus Christ You went to college When you make a post It looks like you were typing And your daughter just took your phone Halfway through
Starting point is 00:31:14 It's a complete run on Fucking sentence Yeah Alright listen We're talking to all our Puss fans out there Cut the shit Yo stop being a puss
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yeah So Elon Talking about pusses Talking about Talking about African pusses talking about talking about african pusses yeah okay because he's from africa he's south african right south african so he's a pus yo i love pus he's a pus from south africa so elon musk i think but i think pus in africa has like a negative uh though. So that's good.
Starting point is 00:31:46 We're using it as a pejorative. We're saying it's bad. Alright, we'll find out later. Yeah. We don't want to ask Jesse to Google it because we'll be behind four stories. He's going to end up on xvideos.com if he puts in Puss in Africa. No matter what we ask Jesse to Google, it ends up being lesbian porn or some sort of
Starting point is 00:32:02 deep fake. Yes, we can ask Jesse to Google his own name and a picture of Denzel Washington will pop up. Yeah, I mean, anything can happen where you Google it. A lot of times it does end up,
Starting point is 00:32:11 he does, you search for a deep fake. Yeah. He gets a nice deep. Yeah. If we bring up Elon Musk, you may be searching for Elon Musk deep fake.
Starting point is 00:32:19 He didn't deny it either. His little Google roulette. You never know what you're going to get. What's up, guys? We are brought to you this week again by Coinbase. Are you crypto curious? Do you want to get in on Web3, my friends?
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Starting point is 00:34:05 Cerebral is a mental health service, which I take very seriously. I monitor my mental health. I actually had a Cerebral appointment. Me and Jared were on the road. I kicked Jared out of the apartment. Yes, he did. So I could talk to my therapist. Had to go down to the pool.
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Starting point is 00:36:30 It's just good to monitor your mental health and you feel better. So this puss right here, this puss from South Africa, he ended up out of nowhere. So he was tweeting on Twitter. Yeah. Like past couple days, he was tweeting these polls like, who believes free speech is important for a democracy? And when you do those polls, I saw it when he tweeted it. It was like everyone was going, yes, like everyone.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Again, it's like one of those disconnects. It's like, dude, listen, tech. People want people to be able to say stuff. The majority of people want people to be able to say stuff, bad, good, or otherwise. It's like that's the cornerstone to what individual rights freedom is about. Free speech is one of our constitutional rights. It's what makes America amazing. The freedom to make mistakes, the freedom to say bad things.
Starting point is 00:37:32 We gotta get rid of this thing where we start to define people only by the mistakes they made, especially if it's one mistake. That's like really zealot, that's like zealotry. That's like zealotry. That's like, you know, it's like people are not their bad tweet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Someone puts a bad tweet out. People are not their worst moments. You know what I mean? Stop being, you know, it's like Jesus said. He who's without bad tweet cast the first tweet. Yeah. Against them. Right?
Starting point is 00:38:01 It's like we've all done bad tweets. We've all said bad things. We've all done things. Yeah. You can't define a whole person based on one thing they said. Yeah. I mean, Jesus is not's like we've all done bad tweets. We've all said bad things. We've all done things. Yeah. You can't define a whole person based on one thing they said. Yeah, I mean, Jesus is not the guy that you want to take Twitter advice from. I mean, the guy only had 12 followers. He only had 12 followers.
Starting point is 00:38:14 Yeah. That's not a lot of followers, dog. No, it's not. It's not that impressive. No. That is not that impressive at all. Yeah. I know Russian bots that probably got a lot more than that.
Starting point is 00:38:21 A lot more than Jesus. Yeah. Jesus only had 12 followers, dog. If you put him on Twitter, I don't think anyone would listen unless he got retweeted by Joe Rogan. So Elon Musk, after tweeting all this
Starting point is 00:38:34 stuff about free speech, he, out of nowhere, pulls a strong Bruce Wayne move. It was a real Bruce Wayne move. Bruce Wayne. It was a real Bruce Wayne move. And he purchases 9% of the shares of Twitter, which makes him the single greatest shareholder of Twitter.
Starting point is 00:38:57 I don't know what that comes with. A lot of people now, the funny thing is the reactions to this. Yeah. So let's talk about that. The reactions being generally people on what people now, the funny thing is the reactions to this. Yeah. So let's talk about that. The reactions being generally people on what's now I guess known as the left, I don't know, are really upset and they're scared. They're scared, which is really crazy to me that people on the left would be scared of someone who's saying, I'm supporting freedom. It's a little weird.
Starting point is 00:39:23 Yeah, very scared. What's going on on the left that people are scared of letting people speak? You know, bad, good, or otherwise. That used to be a benchmark of what the left was. Let people speak, subversive speech, anti-government, stuff like that. That was very left, right? stuff like that you know down you know that was like very left right so and people on the right are also having a funny reaction going like you know free speech like i said free speech jesus is here yeah we're gonna be able you know you know there's those people on the right who are just
Starting point is 00:39:56 like i just want to be able to yell the n-word yep you know so those people always ruin it for everybody else you know it's like why can't i's like, why can't I just, you know, why can't I just scream the F word at gay people walking down the street? Is this a miracle or is it not? You have those people. And you're going like, okay, dude, look. Yes. Oliver Wendell Holmes.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Free speech is, there's a limit on free speech. Oliver Wendell Holmes on the Supreme Court, one of the best justices, if not the best justices. Oh, that's the living dude right now? No, he's dead. Okay. But he, in a case, summed it up like this. What's the limit on free speech?
Starting point is 00:40:36 And nobody has done it better. And nobody will, because this encapsulates best what the limit on free speech is. You can't yell fire in a crowded movie theater. Now, that doesn't just mean yelling fire in a crowded movie theater. That's an example for when your intent can cause harm. Yeah. And so it has to be examined, right right by maybe a legal body or whatever but
Starting point is 00:41:08 there's a limit right if you have a hateful intention that could conceivably or reasonably lead to violence or disorder or chaos or something negative, then you're pushing the limit on your speech. Right? So it's arbitrary, yes. It's a little bit of an amorphous, yes. Because we're dealing with law. We're not dealing with math here. We're dealing with trying, we're dealing with the social contract
Starting point is 00:41:40 that we all subscribe to in order to live in a free society. Not that easy. Because one man's freedom could be oppressing another man. If I'm peeing outside and you go, hey man, I'm walking down the street with my daughter, you go, oh, well, I'm free. That's an extreme example, but you get it. It's like, that's the struggle constantly. It's like, okay, where does my freedom end?
Starting point is 00:42:04 Where does yours begin how do we make this work where we're all happy because people have different ideas of what they like to do and what fun they like to have right some people like to get hit while they're banging okay some other people would call that a crime yes so that's what gets weird yep that's where it gets very weird some people like to get smacked okay i'm not into it i don't like to mix my sex and violence but some people do like to mix their sex and violence all right yeah okay so this is i'm giving extreme examples but that is where the limit on free speech generally falls yes yes yes you can't give everybody everything they want. Right. There's just a limit on it. There's a limit on it.
Starting point is 00:42:56 So you have those people on the right who are just – they're like the first thing they want is, hey, man, just – and Elon must be learned. And then we'll get to how much power he actually has. But Elon must be learned. Hey, it's not that easy. I know we give the tech companies a hard time all the time, but imagine being in their position to sway elections, to let these Chinese and Russian fake sites put all this stuff out there, and then people are believing. It's not easy to legislate this stuff. They're not legislating to mediate, to be accurate to mediate.
Starting point is 00:43:20 They're trying to mediate this. Because if you own a tech company or you own a social media platform and you're seeing that what you're allowing on your platform is leading to all types of bad problems in the real world, you start going like, maybe we do bear some responsibility. It's even like Joe Rogan said. He said, you know, he's like, I don't want this type of influence over politics. So he's like, I'm just not going to talk about it anymore because he's realized he does have a sway. Now, is he to blame? I don't think so. In my opinion, I think, if you ask me personally,
Starting point is 00:43:52 I'd say education is to blame. People are fucking stupid because we underfund our education. Public education is a joke. But that's a whole other topic. But Elon Musk comes in, and this is a big, big culture war, right? Bigger than the trans swimmer, which is hard to get. Very hard. Is free speech on the internet.
Starting point is 00:44:13 This is something I think everyone's struggling with. The tech companies are struggling with it. The regulators are struggling with it. We're struggling with it. Everyone's struggling with it. What is the solution beyond us all killing ourselves yeah and being gone you know i think you got to let people go to that line and define that line and then you can't cross it from there you know right because even as comedians you know
Starting point is 00:44:35 the thing is as comedians we define that line you know we you define that like you said you don't know how free people are in society unless you have comedians because we go to the line then if we cross it go okay that's the boundary don't cross that yeah right and also yeah you you don't without comedians we're always saying the thing you're not supposed to say exactly so that in and of itself is an exercise of freedom precisely it shows like oh people are still free because they're not being now you start to see people saying comedians can't say that. Comedians get slapped if they say that. Comedians. So you're starting to see there's this fascist tendency. I had a friend named Mike Needleman in college.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Shout out. He's probably not watching this. He's a lawyer. He could care less. But yeah, I don't think we got a fan base of lawyers. No, we don't. But he once said something to me, and I always remembered it. And it was in college.
Starting point is 00:45:21 He was a smart kid. He was my roommate for a little while. He said, humanity has a fascist tendency. remembered it and it was in college he was a smart kid he was my roommate for a little while he said uh humanity has a fascist tendency and it always rears its head it always comes out like it's just it's something we always got to watch like we have a tendency to give into that group think and start demonizing someone else and closing down freedom. We all have it in us. It's a control freak kind of thing. It's based on insecurities.
Starting point is 00:45:50 We have a fascist tendency that starts to weird set. I'm starting to see a little turtle pop above the water right now. I'm crowning with a shit. I'm starting to see the fascist tendency start to come out with everyone telling everyone to shut up. Everyone going, shut up. Don't say that. Everyone's going around saying, don't say that.
Starting point is 00:46:07 Yeah. Everyone's saying, don't say that. Everyone's threatened by everyone else's words, opinions, things like that. Nation's about to have some ass pee. Yeah. Yeah. They got some. Everyone's got diarrhea.
Starting point is 00:46:16 A little bit. You having that conversation in college? We're having that conversation. That's a deep ass conversation to have over some ramen, son. Yeah. It was probably a little weed too. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Probably. I mean, I was insufferable all the way since high school oh yeah i've been this way the whole way believe it or not oh yeah jesse's known me that i've been insufferable i mean you know i i i could give you a long day at any point yeah i mean i i dole out fucking long days like the paper boy yeah i just throw them at your house yeah yeah so i mean those are the types of conversations i would have on a park bench with kids sitting listening to the hip-hop in a fucking boom box yeah it's the only thing to stay strong your character and your hairline yeah yeah yeah but i was always bringing up shit like this um it's what i like to talk about i don't know i you know that's what i call me don't don't
Starting point is 00:46:59 apologize for your character son that's who you are yeah Yeah, so it's not a clean cut thing. It's not like when you take a dump and you wipe and you're surprised, which is rare with the American diet. Remember, I think when we were kids, we would have cleaner shits more often. Now it's like you wipe perpetually and then you just got to hop in the shower. Yeah. Yeah, because our diet is just horrible that you can't get a clean shit. No, you can't.
Starting point is 00:47:21 When you do, it's like the best thing in the world. You're like, I don't even have to fucking take a shower. I'm good. So free speech is kind of like that. You're not going to get one clean wipe. It's going to be clean. It's a messy issue. Yeah, it's going to look like a Jackson Pollock.
Starting point is 00:47:32 It's a little bit of a Jackson Pollock. Yes. Yeah, it's a little bit of a Jackson Pollock. So Elon Musk is coming in. What I like, I like the buffer. Because I acknowledge that these extremists are here right now. So for the immediate future, I like that they're both there to buffer each other. Yep.
Starting point is 00:47:50 You know what I mean? It kind of keeps things in place during this zany time where it's like, okay, if we're going to have far right people, at least there's far left people pulling them this way. Because here's the thing I thought about the far left, right? Okay. People have never accepted gay people, right? Until recently. Gay people know how horrible that's been, right? Black people haven't been accepted until,
Starting point is 00:48:14 I don't know, not as recent as- Oh, the 2017 NBA Dome Contest. Until about like 15 minutes ago. Yeah. You get my point. If I was gay or if I was black or if I was a marginalized group or whatever. Yeah. Or even.
Starting point is 00:48:32 If you were gay? Because I'm gay. Yes. There you go. Because I'm gay or like even a discriminated against ethnicity because everyone's got it a little bit. The Irish got it. Greeks got it. Everyone got it a little bit.
Starting point is 00:48:43 Whatever it is. Italians got it for a second. And then, the Irish got it. You know, Greeks got it. Everyone got it a little bit. Whatever it is, Italians got it for a second. And then they, you know, assimilated because they look more whitish. But not without struggle. The Wasps did not like them at first. What I would do is I would go hard. Now, I'll explain to you why.
Starting point is 00:48:58 You get it, right? Because then you got people who don't accept your existence going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We just want you guys to not compete against. We just want you not to compete against my daughter in sports. Yeah. You can do all that other stuff.
Starting point is 00:49:12 You get down to the foundation of the real root. Yeah, so you know, that could be a good strategy. Yeah. Right? If like, if I'm trying to, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like when you negotiate, you go big. Yes. You start with a high number.
Starting point is 00:49:23 So then you can come to the medium. So you can come, the median so you can come you know you always go like alright what's my floor and then you shoot for the top yeah knowing you're gonna end up here
Starting point is 00:49:31 so maybe they're shooting for playing in women's sports but they're just gonna end up being like hey dude just don't throw things at me when I'm walking down the street yeah so that could be a good strategy
Starting point is 00:49:42 and hopefully that's where it ends up yeah so I you gotta look at it from their perspective now if you're black what I would do everywhere I go I would fucking be blaring I'd be blaring my music
Starting point is 00:49:58 as fucking loud as possible every song would have the n-word every other one this is starting to sound familiar every rap song you'd hear the n-word every other one. This is starting to sound familiar Every rap song you hear the n-word over and over again. Yeah, every white person is saw I would just hit So then it gets a point blank. All right. All right. All right Just don't hit me but you guys you guys can have all the opportunity want perfect strategy Did I cross the line?
Starting point is 00:50:26 You smoking some dicks I think I'm fucking with free space I think I'm advocating for violence Which is not good This is a comedy program Yeah you want to turn people Into the Foot Clan From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Starting point is 00:50:37 Like what the fuck Is the matter with you son? We get the cops called on us When we're sitting at a Starbucks Having a goddamn cake pop What the fuck makes you think That we go down the street playing some J. Cole smacking motherfuckers in the face?
Starting point is 00:50:47 We gotta go harder. What's harder than that? Blowing shit up. You just described our childhood though. Yes. Yeah, and look how you ended up. Not good. Yeah. But the general, like if I was a member of the ostracized group I got the point.
Starting point is 00:51:04 You gotta overshoot it. Overshoot it so then you come back to the middle. But you have to give the grace to the people that you're overshooting on. What if you guys just started throwing white people off buildings? And then they just go, okay, just don't throw white people off buildings. Yeah, but then you— And we promise we won't redline you anymore. You have to give the grace to the people.
Starting point is 00:51:20 What is it called? Redlining? Yeah. We won't redline you anymore as long as you stop throwing white people off buildings. Yeah, but you got to give the grace to the people that you're doing that at to give you the chance to go to the people. What's it called? Redlining? Yeah. We won't redline you anymore as long as you stop throwing white people off buildings. Yeah, but you got to give the grace to the people that you're doing that at to give you the chance
Starting point is 00:51:28 to go to the middle. Now you're going to have a lot of militarized people going against the oppressed group. Yeah. This episode's going to get kicked off and I like it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Okay, so you're saying you can't do that. You can't do that because then you're going to have the... For comedic purposes, could you throw people off buildings? Yes, you can.
Starting point is 00:51:44 It would be funny if they were just fucking Launching honkies Yeah Is there a pus line Of fucking whiteys Yeah and they were falling Into a vat of Miracle Whip
Starting point is 00:51:51 To save their fall Yeah Well that would be funny If you put a jug of mayonnaise Down there And you just threw them Into the mayonnaise Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:58 Alright How about this then Okay maybe not that Because that's too violent And we got Listen stupid, stupid people watching. We're not advocating for anything. I'm just making jokes. This is all for humor.
Starting point is 00:52:10 Yes. Okay. What if instead at the carnival, if the carnival you had white people, you know, when you throw the thing, instead of a clown up there, it was like a white person, more specifically Southern white woman. Yes. Most valuable thing in American history. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:25 So you put a Southern white former, you research her lineage. You find out she has some connection to some plantation owner. You put her in the thing and then everyone, and then black people can throw balls at her or whatever to hit the thing and then she falls into a jar of mayonnaise yeah i like that you know then you get you get it out and also it's hilarious it's hilarious and then if you get a bullseye you get to put hot sauce in the jar and make a break out in the hives i like that like that yeah that's what i'm talking about so there we just solved it yeah we just saw yeah you know or you don't have to go extreme trans women in sports white people getting
Starting point is 00:53:01 dunked in mayonnaise yeah and asian people how do. And Asian people, how do we stop Asian hate? How do we stop Asian hate? You got to, you have? I don't know what the solution is. I just know it has something to do with egg rolls. We're solving racism here. We're solving discrimination. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Who's the people that does the most of Asian hate? Hate me though. What'd you say? I can't say it. Maybe you can. Wait, wait. Black people? I don't know. I don't know. know i didn't say it i didn't say it yeah i'm just saying i don't know i don't know i don't know i haven't looked at the stats i don't even know if the stats are legal can you even look at the stats we don't know okay so this is what you want to do all i know is dave chappelle said
Starting point is 00:53:40 whatever's happening out there has also happened in my in my body when i had cove okay so maybe it which is one of the best jokes I've ever heard. Is this a solution? So whoever's oppressing you, right, to get respect for them, you have to become an annoyance to them. You have to inconvenience them in some way. Right, that's the premise. So for black people, if we want to get respect for
Starting point is 00:53:57 white people, we as black people have to steal all the instructions from an Ikea furniture, right? And we hold that shit ransom. If y'all want your baby, Moo Moo, you won't have to come to us and give me my civil rights. Right. So if Asian people want respect against black people,
Starting point is 00:54:13 they're going to have to steal all the backwoods inventory from a bodega. Right. Yeah. Or if you just, you told Darius Rucker he could not perform for white crowds anymore. Yeah. White people would riot
Starting point is 00:54:25 Yes There's nothing more That white people In the south I can't think of One or two things They love more than Darius Rucker
Starting point is 00:54:32 Yeah Darius Rucker dude He's full country now right And he's great He's full country He's great He might be the best But yeah
Starting point is 00:54:39 White people love He's the music Obama Yeah White people love him Yeah you gotta have To restrict him. I'm talking like Nashville. I mean, Darius Rucker's a fucking god.
Starting point is 00:54:48 My wife loves country music. Darius Rucker. So that could be another thing. We take away Sperry Topsiders. Yep. Yep. Okay, those are taken away. Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:58 And we take away. We take away Salt Life stickers on the back of people's trucks. Take away that. Yeah. That's a Long Island thing. You tell white people they cannot love Obama anymore because they're white. That would hurt them bad. White people love Obama, especially in coastal cities.
Starting point is 00:55:16 I know there's some maniacs watching. I don't love Obama. He bombed everybody. Yeah. He's the fucking president of the United States. What president doesn't bomb people? Yeah, and they're watching this on their Miramax TV anyway. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:28 So we take away top siders. We dunk them in mayonnaise. Yeah. We got a good system going here. Yeah. We got a really good, you know, we're solving it right now. Yes, we are. But we still are dancing around what do we do with the Asians.
Starting point is 00:55:40 The Asians. How do we stop Asian hate? How do we stop Asian hate? Do the Asians, okay, the Asians have to start, what do we stop Asian hate? How do we stop Asian hate? Do the Asians... Okay. The Asians have to start... What do they do to annoy people? You got to take reruns of Rush Hour 2 off TNT.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Oh, that'd be bad. Yeah. What do Asians really love? Okay. You got to put all of their markets indoors. You can't... You got to say that their markets have to smell good. They got to smell good.
Starting point is 00:56:08 No Ivy League. Huh? Cut out the Ivy League. Oh, you can't. Oh, you're not allowed. You're not allowed to be smart. You're not allowed to be successful in the United States because most of them are immigrants. They come over here to make something of themselves.
Starting point is 00:56:20 No, yeah, but they're smart. They dominate the admission process at Ivy League. So you say, you know what? Right now. No, but isn't that creating more discrimination? I'm getting. Isn't that the idea? No, the idea is they're supposed to annoy.
Starting point is 00:56:36 And they got to go the other way. No, so are we trying to get rights for. Are we trying to get Asian hate solved? Or are we trying to get something that Asian people cause against another? No, we're trying to stop Asian hate. Okay. So we're trying to stop Asian hate. So we have to do something to other people committing get Asian hate solved? Or are we trying to get something that Asian people cause against another? No, we're trying to stop Asian hate. Okay. So we're trying to stop Asian hate. So we have to do something to other people committing to Asian hate.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Right. We're doing the opposite. The Asians have to go even harder. Yeah. So the Asians have to do something very Asian-y. Yes. They have to do something very Asian-y. Or that annoys their adversary.
Starting point is 00:57:00 I understand now why gay rights. The gay parade now is assless chaps. They're an adversary. I understand now why, I understand why gay, like the gay parade now is assless chaps and they're all naked. Yeah. Because they're going like, you want to get all the discriminatory people to just go, okay, okay, okay. You can have your marches. Please put your pants on.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Yes. If you want to stop Asian hate in America, you're going to have to stop giving duck sauce in Harlem. Stop giving, ooh. Black people love that duck sauce, son. Dogs. You close Chinese restaurants in black neighborhoods?
Starting point is 00:57:28 Bro, the French fries with the wings? Yep. With a little bit of cardamom and ginger in there, son? Dude, right away, I think, I think, wow,
Starting point is 00:57:38 I think Killer Mike will make a statement. Yes. I think he will go on Bill Maher and say, okay, okay, enough. Yes, bro. Please open these places back up. Closing those Chinese restaurants will have more an effect
Starting point is 00:57:48 than those hoses in Selma. Yeah, dog. Yeah. That could do it. That could do it. I think we just solved it right there. So there you have it. Okay, racism is solved.
Starting point is 00:57:59 And it's by going a little harder for a little while until the people who are discriminating against you can't take it anymore. Make them realize your success and you're prioritizing your existence in the society. It makes the oppressor appreciate you.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Who they were appreciating. Yeah. Who they're taking for granted. Yeah. That's what it does. At the end of the day, it goes, oh my God, I don't know if I can live without Hootie and the Blowfish.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Yeah. I never considered that that would be a possibility. And it's like, yeah, you keep fucking doing all this police brutality or whatever, we're going to tell Hootie, don't perform for white people anymore. Yeah, you got to make people realize why you are important. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:58:36 Yeah, that's a good one. I like it a lot. Okay, so we solved racism. So back to free speech. We're all over the place, but this is a goodie. So Elon Musk comes in, he buys 9%. So what can he do with 9%? He's the biggest single shareholder,
Starting point is 00:58:57 but he's not the majority shareholder, obviously at 9%. Yeah, there's a board, there's another 11 members on the board. But he's going to join the board now. He's on the board. He's on the board. Right, there's a board. There's another 11 members on the board. But he's going to join the board now. He's on the board. Right, he joins the board now. So he'll need support from other board members
Starting point is 00:59:11 and shareholders to win any kind of approval for future proposals. So he's basically in the same spot that Kodanji Johnson's in right now. In what way? Because she's waiting for approval for her. He's just going to need to politic a little bit. So, like, let's say if the idea is they want to...
Starting point is 00:59:28 Oh, Elon Musk talking, that's going to go great. Like, a big thing is the Trump thing, right? They do Trump off Twitter. So, they're going to go, what's your position on... So, there's 11 other members of the board. So, he can't just make the decision himself. He's got to have support from other board members. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:43 It's like a jury. Right, right. But he's still way outnumbered. There's 11 of them. There's 12 altogether. Right. He's one out of 12. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Who knows who the other ones are? Who knows who they are? And they could be replaced. Like Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter, is on the board now, but he's leaving. Oh, so he's leaving. Yeah. So he could buy his shares.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Yeah, so he can keep building his stake and control Twitter. Oh, so he's got his foot in the door and now he's trying to Yeah. So he could buy his shares. Yeah. So he can keep building his stake and control Twitter. Oh, so he's got his foot in the door and now he's trying to get in the house. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what we don't really know exactly, but it's a good move on that part.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Yeah, that house is going to be solo powered though. Well, you know, he's doing it. He's obviously not doing it for the money. He already made a shitload because the share price went through the roof. Oh, because when he joined. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:22 So that just shows you, the way the stock price just shot up, right, just shows you what the people want. Yeah. The majority of the people want people to be able to speak. They want to see people's opinions, even if they're ugly. I am of the opinion that you want to see that stuff.
Starting point is 01:00:38 You don't want it lurking in the shadows. Even if it's hateful stuff, you want to know where it's coming from. Yeah. You want to see what people think So do you let Trump back on? Me personally? Yeah you're Elon
Starting point is 01:00:49 Yes Let him back I would let him back on Okay I would let him back on If he's found to be Breaking a law Or something like that
Starting point is 01:00:58 Then of course That's a different thing Then you're removed from society You shouldn't be allowed on Twitter You know I get that But yeah I would allow him back on The question comes with thing, then you're removed from society. You shouldn't be allowed on Twitter. I get that. But yeah, I would allow him back on. The question comes with influence and hot button topics and how much influence a person has in a certain situation.
Starting point is 01:01:13 And that's when people get deplatformed. Yeah, because Trump just crosses the line once in a while and he's not a comic. I don't even know who a comic is anymore because comedy is dead. I mean, they don't even want comedians to be funny. The industry doesn't want comedians to be funny. They don't pick funny ones. They just want you to be gay. The most famous comedian now is not known for being funny.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Funny doesn't get you anywhere anymore. You kill in a lineup, it doesn't get you anywhere. Nobody cares. It's like, what's your take? What's your politics? What kind of controversy did you have? We talked about it in the last episode, but it's the same thing in politics. It's scary because you see now, what are the people who you can remember who are in the house?
Starting point is 01:01:48 I'll tell you who I know. I know Burbert. I know Burbert. Bobert. I know Marjorie Taylor Greene. I know AOC. I know Ilhan Omar. I don't even know my own fucking state's fucking representatives.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Schumer? And why do I know? Schumer, of course. He's the only one because he's a fucking 170 years old. He's got librarian glasses. Yeah, he's been in there forever. Yeah. But like all the other ones.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Looks like one of those trolls from Harry Potter. He does with his hair like that. Yeah. I'm hard pressed to remember any of these other fucking guys. And the reason I remember them is because they're controversial
Starting point is 01:02:18 and they're kind of lowbrow. Yeah. It's very lowbrow shit. They're on Twitter, owning each other, making these fuck, it's like high school. Yeah. And now you low brow shit. They're on Twitter, owning each other, making these fuck, like it's like high school. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:27 And now you're seeing that fucking Hollywood where a guy walks up and smacks another guy for a goddamn joke at the Oscars. So you're going like. It's a department from decorum.
Starting point is 01:02:34 It's going like, what's going on here? It seems like the internet's winning. Like everything's just becoming the internet because, you know, there's nothing like a good rabbit hole
Starting point is 01:02:42 watching people get smacked or memes or all that stuff. The internet loves that. So that's the negative side. That's the dark side of the internet. And it seems like it's kind of taking over everything. So that's the worry. So people do take it too far with the free speech.
Starting point is 01:02:57 And so that's what you're worried about. Like what is it? Because he does incite shit. I mean to say that he didn't incite that January 6th thing is ridiculous. Yeah. He's going, why don't you guys march down over there? You know? Why don't you guys march down there?
Starting point is 01:03:10 I don't know. They're having a vote. The election was stolen. What's that based on? It's based on a hunch. It's the same hunch I had if I would have lost the first time. Because he said, he goes, if I lose to Hillary, he goes to the stake. You know, that's what he does.
Starting point is 01:03:23 He's a fucking troll. He's a fucking troll. He's the king troll, which is hilarious. You know, on the podcast I did with Joe Rogan, he was like, you know, Joe was going like,
Starting point is 01:03:32 you know, Obama looks old after he got out of office. Biden went in looking dead. It ages people and he's like, Trump looks great. Trump's still making jokes
Starting point is 01:03:43 and, you know, what I didn't say because, you know, I just didn't get the chance, I wanted to say, see, that's what happens when you don't take the job seriously. Yeah. You don't age that much. I mean, the kid treated it like a fucking TV show. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:54 He treated it like a fun TV show. He treated it like it was news radio. I know there's people watching, he did this, this, and this, and this. Okay, fine. I mean, he did some stuff. He also didn't do a lot of stuff. He also fucking ran his mouth a lot as a leader that made shit very unstable sometimes. There's also a lot of other shit.
Starting point is 01:04:09 I don't want to get into it. Are you in the comics? Hate me, like me, good. Just voice it. But you go, yeah, at that point, like, you know, the January 6th thing, okay, it wasn't the Holocaust, but it also wasn't a party gone wrong. It was something in the middle. It wasn't a couple of guys who were upset that Zac wasn't a party gone wrong. No. It was something in the middle. It wasn't a couple of guys who were upset that Zac Brown Band didn't show up. No.
Starting point is 01:04:29 And it also was not the Holocaust. Yeah. But it was the storming of the fucking Capitol by people, whether they didn't have guns or I get it, but they did fucking storm the building, which is some real banana republic South American third world shit. It's the political malice at the palace. It's the political malice at the palace is a great way. It was. Yeah. which is some real banana republic South American third world shit. It's the political malice at the palace. The political malice at the palace is a great way.
Starting point is 01:04:52 It was what happened in Detroit. Yes. It was really some Ron Artest shit that went down there. It was some Ron Artest shit. It was in that neighborhood. So you can't have that. David Stern had to say, hey, you go up in the stands, you're out of the league. You had to come down hard.
Starting point is 01:05:10 You got to come down hard and make an example because you can't do that shit. Or else you don't have a functioning democracy. Nobody reasonable would disagree. And to say that he didn't incite that. I mean, we know from text and all that. He did. He did. He did.
Starting point is 01:05:24 He kind of did it with a strong wink. So he is that type of guy. But for to be tweeting i would say yeah because it's free speech i mean the guy's not he's not a criminal i mean why is he kicked you know i don't know but then that's where that's where elon musk i think will learn is that it's in a favorite movie, State of Grace. There's a difference between ideas and action. You know, everyone has an idea, but when you put it into reality, it's never what you seem. Oh, yeah. It doesn't go the way you plan.
Starting point is 01:05:55 Yeah. It never goes the way you plan. It doesn't come to fruition the same way. It's not. There's a difference between ideals and reality. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, I love this girl. She's going to be hot. And then you go and she's got fumes.
Starting point is 01:06:05 There's always something that gets in the way. Or she farts in the bed. Or she picks her nose. It's happened to us all. I'm just laughing because you closed like five podcasts this way. What, by going? To the State of Grace reference. Oh, I did? I've said it before? This is my first time here.
Starting point is 01:06:21 Yeah, have I said it before? Difference between ideal? Yeah, Jesse knows your closers. Yeah, I mean, yeah. it before this is my first time here yeah yeah yeah have i said it before difference between ideal yeah well you know jesse knows your closets yeah i mean yeah unfortunately we've also talked about about four things we've talked about already yeah and we didn't get to anything how well how long we've been going we're at an hour we're at an hour already so i mean is there anything else louis won a grammy louis won a grammy yeah um a lot of people are upset yeah you know it's it's hard to avoid the culture war with news i know because that's all that's all the news is now is like louis win a grammy would just what would we even talk about but now it's like okay
Starting point is 01:06:56 there's people who are really upset now you didn't see it you didn't see the special no but i know it's funny yeah it's louis yeah yeah i mean it's gonna be funny dude everything he does is funny i've seen him do comedy he may be the best dance allegations were funny his allegations were even funny yeah yeah you couldn't get funnier than the allegations yeah you know and now he would get in a lot of trouble for saying that yeah that would be very there's a lot of people watching that going like then you're you hate women okay yeah no I'm No, I'm serious. No, no, no, no. I'm saying, but like asking a woman
Starting point is 01:07:26 to jerk off in front of her, her saying yes, and you breathing, looking at her is pretty funny. It's very funny. Under the veil of consent. If there was no consent, obviously that's not funny.
Starting point is 01:07:34 That's harmful. That's wrong. Don't do that. But with consent, if you're just breathing into a woman's eyes, that's hilarious. No, the whole thing is funny.
Starting point is 01:07:41 If you're asking someone reasonably, you're going like, it's creepy. I'll say it's a little creepy. Yeah, it's creepy. Because here's the, I think the exact details of the story were that she didn't say no, but they didn't necessarily say yes.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Weren't they giggling? They just started giggling and thinking it was funny and stuff like that. You got to get that yes on. But even the giggling and stuff like that is like, and then he took it out. It's like they could have left. They didn't have to keep giggling. Yeah, they get it on the power dynamic. It's like, yeah, it's not the best thing, but it's also not.
Starting point is 01:08:11 The Holocaust. You got to treat consent like it's a Netflix. Are you still watching? You have to do that now. You got to hit that yes. I'm still here. I'm good. Clearance.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Let's go. But let's be honest. You got to do that now. And let's also be honest, as there's much gray zone, a lot of women are, that's not going to, that doesn't get women wet. When you go, excuse me, ma'am, can I touch you here? Yeah. They go, just take it.
Starting point is 01:08:30 You're going like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. I ain't doing that. Yeah. But at a certain point, I don't care if you're wet. As long as I stay out of jail, I'm good. I'm with you. Yes.
Starting point is 01:08:38 I'm with you. Yeah. And I'm married, so I'm out of the game. Thank God. Yeah. I'd rather you be dry than me be dry. Yeah. I'd have to be lubed up with jam and syrup i tell you if you wanted another motivator to get married and live
Starting point is 01:08:49 that life it's to fucking get out of the me too crosshairs oh yeah yeah that's a good one when people go people looking around you go hey man i was at home with my wife doing boring shit so yeah keep it away from me dog yeah they ain't got no accountability on you bro you know don't worry there's nobody trying to find out what I was doing more than my wife. Yeah, it's like Martin Lawrence and Bad Boys 2. Cat, I was at a family barbecue. Yeah, exactly what that is. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:15 So, but yeah, I mean, you know, because come on, let's be honest. We've all been with women. No woman likes it when you go, eh, eh. Yeah, yeah. Like Chris Rock, that joke. Excuse me, excuse me. Do you mind if I, uh. Yeah, you don't want to be screaming.
Starting point is 01:09:25 But you know what's crazy? If people heard that joke now, like women with certain activists would hear that joke that he said and be like, that's advocating for rape. Because that's how nonsensical it is now. When Chris Rock was going like, you got to take it. You know, just do that shit. She'll like it.
Starting point is 01:09:39 I don't mean to judge, Louis. Just don't have no weird ass shit doing that, bro. Like if it gets you off, if you could could kiss her, ask for consent to kiss, and then put it in your spank bank, and then do that later, do that. But don't jerk off in front of nobody, because that's just weird. There was one allegation where he was on the phone, and he was masturbating. That's fucked up. She didn't know, and he's pulling his little fucking freckled penis.
Starting point is 01:10:00 It's disgusting over his little fucking gut. His gut with his bald head. He looks like a guy, if he wasn't funny, that you would definitely just go and get away from. Yes. He's got a creep vibe. Let's be honest. Yes, he does. He looks like a guy who's got some fucking hidden kinks.
Starting point is 01:10:16 And lo and behold, he does. He looks like a permanent undercover boss. He just looks, yeah. I mean, he apparently used to do it in front of Sarah Silverman and she didn't mind it. Yeah, she thought it was funny. She said it, and then she got in big trouble for saying it. And then, of course, she had to do like 10 other.
Starting point is 01:10:32 Wokeness is like Hail Mary's at the Catholic Church. If you're caught doing Sarah Silverman did a joke in blackface, then now she's got to go, okay, well, I'm for all this. Please, I'm for all this. Just don't look at that anymore yeah um because she when she said uh he did it in front of me and then women were like how dare you how dare you say you didn't mind that he did that she's going i don't know he's a friend i thought it was funny and then she then she had to go of course i'm fucked up i have i just i'm i know that's i'm gonna so um he won because he's the funniest. But I was surprised they gave it to him.
Starting point is 01:11:06 I was surprised the Academy gave it to him. Yeah, even to nominate him. Yeah, to nominate him. I was like, wow. Because he's persona non grata. We were talking to the owner of the club we just did, where I just shot my special coming out soon, someday, coming on state they they had they
Starting point is 01:11:27 booked him and there was like protests every day there was articles it was a big problem yeah but he still performs though he tried he performed but it was a big problem for the club yeah it was a big problem oh i'm saying at other clubs he still he performed like depends where like he'll do a theater that he rents out by himself. And they'll protest. There'll be people out there protesting. Yeah. Or he'll do, like, certain clubs.
Starting point is 01:11:49 You go to Governor's, there's gonna be no protest. Yeah, there's gonna be no protest. Governor's is in Long Island. Yeah. They haven't even heard of what happened. And if they did, they'd be so... What are you talking about? Yeah, I mean, there's protests.
Starting point is 01:12:00 That's bad? There's police presence at some of his shows. Like, you're not sure if it's a Louis C.K. stand-up show or N.W.A. show. You can't tell. Which, now, let's just think about it. I mean, we're kind of desensitized to this, but isn't that wild that there's, like, you need to be policed for a comedian to go up and tell jokes, even if he took his dick out in front of a few women?
Starting point is 01:12:17 I mean, like, he's a creep. That doesn't mean he's a criminal. Yeah. Is he a criminal? Can he do comedy again? I mean, you know? You're creepy. If you've crossed the line of consent or you didn't know you did something that wasn't sexually allowed,
Starting point is 01:12:32 then obviously you shouldn't be welcomed with a warm embrace. But if you're just a creep, still rock out. You could do comedy and win a Grammy. Yeah. Apparently. Don't talk to my girl, but you can still rock out. Yeah. Just stay away from my girl.
Starting point is 01:12:45 Yeah. And there's some girls who like that. Some people like. Yeah. Apparently. Don't talk to my girl but you can still rock out. Yeah. Just stay away from my girl. Yeah. And there's some girls who like that. Some people like. Yeah. There's people who like all types of things. Jacking off in front of somebody
Starting point is 01:12:54 is one of the milder things that people like. Yeah. It's mild. You know. The girls who like that probably don't shave under their armpits.
Starting point is 01:13:00 So you know. You know there's guys that put diapers on and want you to fucking spank them and shit like that. Yeah. So there's a lot of weird. Some people like pain.
Starting point is 01:13:07 Some people like whipped. We've watched people get whipped and love it every time. It's a kink. It's a kink. It's a kink. Some guys got a little bit of a kink. You know, he won a Grammy. So that was a, that's a huge thing.
Starting point is 01:13:19 I don't see a lot of people going like, wow, I can't even believe who's nominated. Yeah. So maybe this is a comeback. Maybe they're trying to like slowly let him back in maybe they're going like they're seeing his ticket sales and then they're seeing some other people's ticket sales who are on their networks and they're going like okay we can't
Starting point is 01:13:33 continue to lose money pretending to care about all these causes because we don't care. Yeah producers are shaking in their boots We have factories and shit in other countries we could care less but we do it because we think that's what the kids want to hear But it's not working. Yeah, true TV is calling up all the impractical jokers telling them jerk off in front of woman Yeah, they might just be going like everyone
Starting point is 01:13:51 Maybe you guys all need to take your dicks out or slap each other because it's the only thing that's gonna bring attention to us Yeah that you know Cuz at the end of the day for good or bad people listen to the market for good or bad So the bad would being like oh my god this slap got us so attention next year We're gonna have to fucking, someone's going to have to get punched. Yeah. And then the year after that it's going to be like, we're going to have to shoot somebody. And the year after that they're going to have to perform an abortion live.
Starting point is 01:14:11 Yeah. Because isn't the real story that nobody gave a shit about the Oscars until there was an assault? Absolutely. Isn't the real story that it took an assault for anyone to care about the Oscars? I only tuned in to see if Wilson was going to win an Oscar But I didn't know he was going to do all that shit I wouldn't even have known the Oscars was on Did you know they were on
Starting point is 01:14:33 No and I didn't see any of those movies either It's like kind of over No one was going to watch that So next year there's going to be a gang shooting At the Oscars For anyone to care So maybe that's why they're letting Louis back in the door being like, all right, look, we don't like what you did.
Starting point is 01:14:48 But people do like your comedy. Gotta play a little dirty. Yeah. So let's see. Maybe they're doing the thing that we're talking about with trying to cure racism. They're going like, let's just put a little, let's see how people react if we just give them a grant. They probably didn't even listen to the album.
Starting point is 01:15:03 They're like, we just need funny people back because we're not making any money off of whatever we're throwing out I don't want to put anyone's names out there so let's let's
Starting point is 01:15:12 let's just do a little let's just try a little give them a grammy and then they go like this it's like when you it's like when you say something to a bully and then you go like
Starting point is 01:15:20 get ready to get hit you know the academy in Hollywood is probably going like they're probably they're going like this expecting like to get hit you know the academy in Hollywood is probably going like they're probably they're going like this expecting like to get hit by all these feminists
Starting point is 01:15:28 and activists and then they're just opening their eye glancing to see if anyone's there and you go is it safe is this it maybe we'll go a little more
Starting point is 01:15:35 how about we give them we give them like a little a commercial or like a show or like an appearance a late night appearance see what happens they're gonna start
Starting point is 01:15:43 making a comeback they go here go on Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Fallon will fucking giggle at everything you say. And then they go like this. And they go, oh, he's coming. And then, so they're just waiting. Maybe they're just little by little trying to see what they can get away with so they can bring back someone who actually people want to watch.
Starting point is 01:15:58 Yeah. Who people are asking for. Yeah. I mean, Louis Torre's ACL. Now he's coming back for the next season. Yeah. He's coming back. So, I don't know. It's his ACL. Now he's coming back for the next season. Yeah, he's coming back. So, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:16:06 It's what it is. Tiger's coming back. It's a year of comebacks. Comebacks. Tiger's coming back. Coming in front. That's where he comes. Yeah, same with Louis. Yeah, the only thing is Tiger does it with the help of a Scandinavian pussy and Louis does it with his own
Starting point is 01:16:22 freckled Mexican hand. Louberdermed hand. Yeah. But theydermed hand. Yeah. But they both like to cum. Yeah. In different ways. So it's the year of the comebacks. Someone who's not going to be making a comeback.
Starting point is 01:16:35 Tiger's making a comeback. He's going to be at the Masters. Louie's making his comeback. He won a Grammy. Alex Jones is not going to be making a comeback from his liable suit from the Newtown parents. It looks like they're just trying to figure out the amount now. How do you figure out the amount to sue him by? So what happens is he was found liable in a civil suit for, and I can't say this without laughing,
Starting point is 01:17:01 I can't say this without laughing. For saying over and over again on his show that the Newtown massacre didn't happen and that the parents were crisis actors and the kids didn't exist and they're not dead. And so apparently a lot of the people who, some of the towering intellects who watch InfoWars decided that they would take the law into their own hands and start trying to contact these parents
Starting point is 01:17:28 and approach these parents, calling them all types of government shills and stuff like that. So they decided to sue. I think it was like 20 parents or something. Now, if you don't remember the Newtown massacre, it's probably because there's been so many mass shootings since then that you forgot.
Starting point is 01:17:42 Oh, yeah. But the Newtown massacre was a big one because the kid came in and shot up uh shot up a bunch of babies yeah shot up a bunch of babies they were like kindergartners or nursery school yes so you can only imagine what it would be like to be a parent who lost your baby now that i'm a parent and then have some dude who listens to alex j Jones call your house and call you a crisis actor yeah I would want to go
Starting point is 01:18:09 find Alex Jones and dunk him in mayonnaise mm-hmm I would want to dunk his ass in mayonnaise yeah dunk him and get all that
Starting point is 01:18:16 Just For Men out of his beard yeah I would say listen you puss you puss yeah you better stop fucking calling my house
Starting point is 01:18:24 because my baby is gone and I'm upset with you. Yep. And what they did was they sued him and they won. And he's been avoiding his court dates and he's been fined for not showing up. But now they're trying to figure out, I think in August they're going to come up with an actual monetary number of what he has to pay.
Starting point is 01:18:43 What would you say is a good number? Does he have to pay um what would you say is a good number that's not what does he have to pay in bitcoin what would really hurt him i don't know if alex jones is really web three i think you got to go with good old american dollars i don't even think he could pay this fine he probably can't seventy five thousand dollars yeah i mean he's kind of down on his luck now he's down on his luck now otherwise a's down on his luck now. Otherwise, a very entertaining guy. I think he just went a little off the deep end on this one, right? Way deep. He went way deep on the Sandy Hook thing.
Starting point is 01:19:11 Nobody ever stopped him and said, hey, look, man, Newtown is like a whole neighborhood. It's a whole town. There would have to be a lot of people in on this. If I just showed up, it's what happens when you're just removed from something you can it's like a lot of people it would have to be a lot of people in on these imaginary kids getting shot a whole town like separated from the rest of the world like it's a world division like no yeah it would have to be like a friend of the family going like dropping dime being like listen they said little jerry got killed but i'm telling you I saw Little Jerry yesterday at the sandbox
Starting point is 01:19:45 and then like where are those kids now? Like he thinks the kids are still around but in hiding? Yeah. I mean Alex Jones thinks he's in
Starting point is 01:19:52 The Truman Show. Yeah. I mean he really does. Yeah. I mean how did he not just take a second to think first of all
Starting point is 01:19:58 why would any and he goes I know but they did it. They did it and they're gonna take our guns. They're gonna take all our fucking guns. And you're going like alright dude that's really going to an extreme just to take the guns.
Starting point is 01:20:08 Yeah. But if they were listening to this podcast and we told the government what you got to do if you want to take the guns is kill a bunch of kids. And then people go, okay, take the guns. They might have done it. But then guess what? That didn't even work. Nope. But I'm kind of advocating against what we were advocating for before.
Starting point is 01:20:28 Go hard to get your point across. So that's what Alex Jones thought they were doing. Not in this situation. He thought they were going to do, the whole conspiracy was the government is doing this to convince people that all the guns should be taken. Yeah. Now, none of that happened. So at that point, Alex should have been like,
Starting point is 01:20:46 maybe I'm wrong. But that wasn't enough. Because he was probably getting damn good numbers on his show by saying they were all crisis actors. Crisis actors who, I guess, answered an ad backstage that said, who can play a dead three-year-old? And probably Vern Troy applied. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:06 Yeah, he applied and Hezbollah applied. Yeah. It's the only small people I could think of who look like babies. Now you let him back on Twitter? You see,
Starting point is 01:21:15 now this is where it becomes complicated. Do you? Yes. You let him back on. Yeah. Because he only said stuff. If the Taliban's on Twitter,
Starting point is 01:21:22 he could be on Twitter. Do you let the Taliban on Twitter? If the Taliban's on Twitter, do you want preacher curls? Yeah, let the taliban on twitter if the taliban's on twitter do them preacher curls yeah alex jones can be on twitter too yeah so but should the taliban be on twitter yes you think yes everyone should be on twitter everybody big pool because it's just talking but what if you start what if a hate group uses twitter to form and then they march and kill someone then you draw the line there but if you take yeah keep across that bridge where it goes. Yeah, you monitor it.
Starting point is 01:21:46 But then let's, we know humans and we know that bridge is going to come because that's what humans do. They fuck everything up. Yeah, that bridge is going to come just like Louie, but you got to monitor it. You got to make sure that you have the staggered pacing, see it growing. You obviously, you notice when people grow followers, notice a certain page. But then now you're monitoring people. Now you're, now you're interviewing. Yeah, now you're monitoring people. Now you're interviewing.
Starting point is 01:22:05 Yeah, but you're monitoring how an ex-girlfriend will monitor her ex-boyfriend. You're just taking a peek. You're just taking a little peek. You're just taking a little peek. A little peek, you know? But then, you know, they're saying, oh, you have the power to say which ones should be monitored and which not. Yeah, when it comes to it.
Starting point is 01:22:20 But, like, I can't make that decision right, like, that judgment, you know? Right. So you guys are just saying let it all fly. it all fly and let the cards fall where they may just like you have to eat energy fuel let that shit fly out let it all fly out and then if you know you get to a little polyp then you got to go to the doctor right you know and then when things happen deal with it as it comes yes even if that deal with it as it comes means kicking people off twitter yeah because people who would Advocate the other side
Starting point is 01:22:46 Would be like Hey that's kind of what happened Yeah We kind of had it free And then people started doing shit That incited certain shit And then it became too crazy And we can't have that
Starting point is 01:22:54 On our hands Twitter's a privilege Once you show me That you violate that privilege You get kicked off But then Then we're going against Freedom of speech
Starting point is 01:23:00 Freedom of speech Yeah but Unless it incites something Inciting Yeah I'm talking about inciting something violent. Someone's getting killed. This is that. You have a hate group forming.
Starting point is 01:23:08 In the realm of that, if you show me that you violate that privilege, you can get kicked off. Okay. Besides that- Shut the fuck up. So in Donald Trump's case, there's a strong connection that he incited and he keeps saying the election was stolen, which riles a bunch of people up because they're going oh my God the government stole an election. Yeah, right and he's showing no proof or of anything. He's just saying this is what I did So that do you let him tweet that you let him on your platform if that's tweeting that and exciting people
Starting point is 01:23:38 Did he tweet that though? He said that he was fucking tweeting it all over I thought he said in the press conference like we gotta go take back the everywhere everywhere Every way he said that at the press go yeah the press conference. Oh, he was fucking tweeting it all over the place. I thought he said in the press conference like we got to go take back the... Everywhere. Everywhere? Well, he said that at the press conference, not the press conference, at the speech. He gave a speech, but he also was saying
Starting point is 01:23:51 it constantly on Twitter. Yeah, in that particular situation, he said it everywhere so you can't really base it down on Twitter. But if you say it particularly on Twitter and Twitter has
Starting point is 01:23:58 a viable control of what happens, then take him off. We should be the legal counsel to Twitter. Oh, yeah. Dude, you, me, and your brother, we go up in D.C., crack a couple heads, you know?
Starting point is 01:24:09 Yeah. Take a nice cigar at the end of the night. It'll be nice. We'll figure it out. I think we've figured out everything. Yeah, and Jesse will be the stenographer, and it'll take him 24 hours to read three lines. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:24:18 So there you have it. We've solved everything. We've solved Twitter. We've solved racism. And we found a pejorative for white people. So get your puss ass out of here. Pussy ass bitch. You puss ass bitch.
Starting point is 01:24:31 I'm going to say it like Akash Singh. Puss ass bitch. So let's check in on some of our newest Patreon members and Patreon sponsors. You guys got missed last week, but we're with you right now. Guys, what's up? We're brought to you by our official water in the studio. Freaking cold spring water. My boy, Yanni Mikas.
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Starting point is 01:26:23 The cola amaretto is like 42. I mean, it's incredible. Yeah. And they use no added sugar. So they use the sweetness from stevia, monk fruit, which is good for your gut. Monk fruit, Sumerian extract, all that. You know all those ingredients. It's very good.
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Starting point is 01:29:42 Do all that stuff. This kid will get you to the next level. Nate, we're just playing phone tag. Natelinder.com. Put you on the top. Then we got Chris Minetti, Minetti Financial Services. Yeah. You want to go down to South Jersey or Philly and get yourself a hookah, but also cash a
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Starting point is 01:30:32 Go to forthefree.us. Yeah. I mean, music coming out of Hawaii, it's more than a ukulele. Okay? So expand your mind with the music that Hawaii has to offer. It's great. Yeah. Forthefree.us.
Starting point is 01:30:43 Aloha. Aloha. Then, of course, we got, it's great. Yeah. For the free.us, aloha. Aloha. Then, of course, we got exclusiveautoshipping.com. I didn't get a chance to meet you. San Antonio? You came to the show. He came to the show, and we didn't meet him. He said he was at the show, and
Starting point is 01:30:57 I just go back into the green room. I don't meet anybody. I think he was the one that screamed my name at the last show. Yeah, I think so. Okay, he's a good dude, man. Exclusiveautoshipping.com. Thank you for coming to his show. What's his name again? Jared.
Starting point is 01:31:11 Jared. Jared Z. Thank you for... Dude, you live in San Antonio. What are you doing? Yeah. San Antonio's great. I'm joking.
Starting point is 01:31:19 Exclusiveautoshipping.com. If you're moving your car anywhere in the world, anywhere in the country, get your free quote at exclusiveautoshipping.com. All right. I want to give a shout out to our newest Patreon members.
Starting point is 01:31:30 Those guys helping us keep the lights on. Yeah. Those guys keeping the equipment in place. Keeping the heat pumping because we're not going to turn it off. We're not going to turn that thing off. No, we're not. So welcome, Flood. Flood City.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Then we got Jerry Joyner Sounds like a porn star What's this guy's name? Talmadge Reeves Talmadge Reeves Sounds like you gotta Say it with an accent Talmadge Reeves
Starting point is 01:31:51 Yeah that sounds like A Division 1 College basketball player Or a Bond villain Or a Bond villain Talmadge Reeves Yeah Then we got a piece here
Starting point is 01:31:59 Samida N Samida N Samida N Samida your number You forgot the rest Of your last name Because the last name is Peace. Yeah. Then we got
Starting point is 01:32:07 Eliana Cervantes. Que pase mi gente. Tu Cervantes, por favor. And then we have John Nolan. Yeah, it's a white dude that he has a John Deere lawnmower. Without a doubt, a guy named John Nolan's got a John Deere. Yeah. Then we got Tony
Starting point is 01:32:24 Crusel. That sounds like the name of a coach that won a Final Four in 1968. Tony Crusel's a good coach. Yeah. Then we got Janetta Navarra. Navarra. Navarra. Then we got... She can make a great mole.
Starting point is 01:32:36 She definitely may. That sounds like a woman who knows how to make a mole. Yeah. Then we got Christian Caldor. I mean, that guy sells fragrances at Macy's. Without a doubt. Yeah. Then we got Jacob Burton. That's a solid name. fragrances at Macy's. Without a doubt. Then we got Jacob Burton.
Starting point is 01:32:46 That's a solid name. Sam Struck. That's an even better name. I like that. Sam Struck. Power name. Power name. Then we got Finn.
Starting point is 01:32:55 Then we got Bella Deliado. Deliado. Deliado. Then we got Miguel Flores. Oh, my God. This is funny. We got a Russian name. Oh, my God. Then this is funny. We got a Russian name. Mark Lusnevud.
Starting point is 01:33:09 Mark Lindek. Lusnevud. Mark. There are Nazis in Ukraine, Mark. We have Mark, last name, currently bombing the Ukrainians. Then we got Debo's Watermelon is going to come seed you in a different way. I like it. Very good.
Starting point is 01:33:26 I like it. Then we got Liddy Mayne. Fucking 1930s Hollywood star. Yeah, Liddy Mayne. Yeah. Then we got Drew Mank. Then we have Aaron Longdays. I like that.
Starting point is 01:33:37 He's your little son. Yeah. Then we got Rusty Shackleford. How motherfucking does that have any front teeth? That's like if your dog had a last name, it would be Rusty Shackleford. How motherfucking does that have any front teeth? That's like if your dog had a last name, it would be Rusty Shackleford. Or a toothless puss. Puss. Then we got Andrew LaBelle.
Starting point is 01:33:55 Okay. Sounds like an R&B singer. Yeah. Then we got Paulie Walnuts. Paulie Walnuts. Yeah. Then we got Chuck McBride. I mean, these names are like character names.
Starting point is 01:34:07 Antoine Johnson, 100% chance. Yeah, that motherfucker makes one-handed catches in the end zone. Then we got Maxwell Levine. He makes one-handed types on his calculator when he's doing your accounting. Yeah. Maxwell Levine. And then we got Paige Cornelius. Could be a piece.
Starting point is 01:34:23 Yeah. Could be a piece. Then we got Connor, a Swiss who looks like a Jew, loves 1975 too. So he loves the band 1975. Then we got Slick Pockets. I like it. That's a good name. Ramiro Vasquez. I mean, did Patreon just become legal in Cuba?
Starting point is 01:34:40 What's going on here? Yeah, I mean, what's going on? We just opened up the border on our Patreon. Yeah. We're going to call this Patreon The Dreamers. La Patron. Well, I'm going to rename my Patreon to The Dreamers. Then we got Space Debris Podcast DH3RT. D-G-T-L-H-R-T.
Starting point is 01:35:00 Yeah. Space Debris Podcast. Just got himself a smart plug. Screwed and Kid. Yeah. Then we got Sabine Etwine. Yeah. That may be Arabic.
Starting point is 01:35:09 Sabine. Or Israeli. Etwine. Etwine. Sabine Etwine. Sabine Etwine. Then we got an uncut piece, which is good. That's a good name.
Starting point is 01:35:16 Uncut piece. Kid circumcised. Then we got Jason, Gary D, Aaron Gorham, Lauren Lawlerler Picture of her cat Cade Carter Matthew Essex And Posh Welcome to the Patreon And guess what
Starting point is 01:35:35 We'll see you next week

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