Yannis Pappas Hour - Macro Dosing Big Pharma
Episode Date: June 11, 2023Does big pharma run America? Are they responsible for the opioid crisis? Is the FDA a corrupt organization? Tune in to find out Yannis Pappas Hour is your new favorite podcast Comedian Yannis Papp...as wants to bring us all together by ripping everyone apart. Yannis Pappas identifies as a certified historian, P.R. Rep, social scientist, journalist and gender dysphoria expert. Join us every week to learn the future, analyze the past and defend the un-defendable. See Yanni do stand up, live Dates & Cities below All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Soul Joel’s Pottstown, PA June 24 Boston July 8 Poughkeepsie, July 21-22 Long Island Aug 17 Salt Lake City aug 4-5 Dallas Aug 24-26 Springfield l, MO sept 7-9 Calgary Sept 22–23 FORTË Wayne, Indiana Sept 29-30 Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Toronto March 23 Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQ Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw New episodes every Sunday and new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up everybody? Welcome to an all-new, brand-new Giannis Pappas Hour. All my live dates
are at GiannisPappasComedy.com. Got the Wilbur Theater in Boston coming up July 8th. This episode
we're going deep into the bowels of the pharmaceutical industry to find out why smoking
weed cures everything, why we don't need a pharmaceutical industry, why the pharma industrial complex is bad and good for you.
We get into it.
We also buy all of the biotech stocks, and we jacked up the price 5,000% because we got
to get paid back for research.
And by research, I mean the government gave us a stipend to figure it out.
COVID vaccines do give you long COVID.
There you go.
Misinformation bubble happening right there.
Monitored limitation happening right there.
Just the way you like it on the good old Giannis Pappas hour where we make the bad good and
the good.
What's the dollars?
Nobody can get through life without a little sugar
You need a little booger sugar
Nobody can get through life
Every culture throughout history, I think it's safe to say
Had some version of booger sugar
Something to get you through the day
To be able to deal with the fact
That each family is unhappy in their own unique way
To quote Charles Dickinson Is that Charles Dickens? able to deal with the fact that each family is unhappy in their own unique way to quote
Charles Dickinson.
Is that Charles Dickens?
It's a very famous quote that every family is unhappy in their own unique way or something
like that.
Life's life's raw daddy.
It's tough, baby.
You got to at least have a CBD.
You got to rub something on your test.
I you got gotta do something
To feel good
Whether that be
Lion's Mane's mushroom
Which is big
Whether it be
Alpha brain
Getting ready to talk
To scientists
Have some alpha brain
Get focused
Whether it be Ritalin
Whether it be
The hottest drugs
Sometimes they come in
So hard
That you don't even know
If it's really doing
Anything for anybody.
It just becomes fucking fashion.
Molly got big, right?
Then remember it was Adderall.
I think we're still in an Adderall phase, right?
We are.
What's the hot fucking drug when you go to Coachella and you finger bang some exotic looking Zendaya chick?
What is the drug that you guys get on so you can talk to God through each other's genitals?
Molly or ecstasy.
Those are the big ones right now.
Isn't that synonymous?
Yeah.
Pretty much.
It's all sex drugs.
Now, here's the deal.
You don't look like a nerd, right?
No.
You look like a cool fucking kid.
I am.
But if you went to Coachella, you'd be the kid that pulled out a plastic bag full of
nature store supplements.
Oh, yeah.
You'd be like, let me get my turmeric in me.
Let me get my beetroot in me,
and then I'm going to go over
to the most deaf tent
and just sway.
You're not doing all this shit.
No, no.
I don't see you dressing up
like the Tin Man
and dancing with a girl
who's got like a fucking
cobra mask on.
I'm seeing God
looking at wheatgrass.
Yeah, I think you're the guy
who wants to go
and listen to the most deaf
and Talib Kweli
fucking beat lyricists.
You're not really a Coachella freak.
You're an old soul. You're like an 80s
backpack hip-hop kid. Give me a nice
dark room, 80 seater,
real candles
on the table. Give me a
waitress who calls me sir or
say, gotcha, when I put my order in.
And give me a nice jazz band.
That's where I am. Yeah, you're a 70-year-old man.
I'm a 70-year-old man.
I don't need to be
at a Travis Scott concert
because then I'm going to get
stampeded on
and I don't need that.
Jared's going to have
a real sensible plan, right?
He's going to have like a
towards Long Island,
buy a house.
He's going to have a great
stand-up comedy career
for about 25 years
and then he's going to
buy a jazz club
slash bar
named Jay Harvins.
He's got it all planned out.
And when you go there,
everyone gets their own personal moccasins.
And there's a 90% chance you're going to marry a white woman.
I see it.
You got white woman energy all over you.
Probably.
You got it all over you.
I might pull a Dave Chappelle.
I'll go Asian just to surprise everybody.
Just to surprise everyone with a nice,
submissive Asiatic lady. Yeah. Yeah. They're not
all submissive, but they are an ancient
culture of thousands and thousands of years ago
and the ladies do tend to keep a little
quieter. Maybe
because they figured something out. Yeah.
You know, we're always talking about how we need
to pay attention to the Eastern
cultures and the way they deal with medicine.
Lion's M mane is good
for regenerating cells and making you know more stuff so you don't have to get Alzheimer's,
you know, you take this, a little beetroot, your dick's gonna get harder, your blood's gonna flow
for your skin, you rub a little jelly on your face, whatever it is, they're always talking about
yoga, they're always talking about the hypodermic needles that they put in you.
What is that called?
Acupuncture, cupping, all these Eastern things, meditation, martial arts.
But they never talk about the fact that also they don't let women talk as much.
And women are fine with that, and guys are fine with that.
So why don't we promote that?
Why am I going to yoga, but why is it being taught by a lady?
Why is she allowed to talk?
You ever notice that?
Because you go to the Asian cultures, they're much more quiet.
And also the Asian cultures also had their version of a guma, right, Jesse?
If you read The Good Earth, which used to be required reading.
It takes place in old Asia.
For who?
It used to be required reading for everybody, The Good Earth. Oh, okay. It was one of those books we read, and it takes place in old Asia. For who? It used to be required reading for everybody, The Good Earth.
Oh, okay.
It was one of those books we read, and it takes place in Asia.
It's written by an Asian lady.
And the guy had like a, they all had like a young girl.
Like the wife understood that they had to be like a young girl to service the guy's nutsack.
Like it was a problem they had to figure out together.
It wasn't like his problem.
It was like we got to solve this out together. It wasn't like his problem. It was like, we got to solve this problem together.
You got to sack, you got to sack on you that's full of demon seed. And I know you need to empty
it. Not only do I not want to do it, can't women just admit that they don't want to do it as much
as we need it emptied? That would be a good place to start and just be like, hey, this is our problem.
This is a societal problem like COVID or the opioid crisis.
There's this problem of there's more nut than there are willing hands to jerk it out.
Yeah.
So we have, if you look at the supply and demand issue, we have what you call a shortage.
We have what you call, remember when toilet paper went?
Baby formula right now.
Baby formula right now on the shelves is in short supply.
You know what else is in short supply?
Asian hands to get rid of demon seeds in otherwise very good men.
It's a problem society needs to figure out.
And the ancient Chinese cultures used to figure it out along with acupuncture and yoga.
That's my point.
Problems need to be solved.
Sometimes drugs solve those problems.
True.
Sometimes the drugs are synthetic versions
of what's found in nature,
and we don't know what that is
because they keep it from us
because they need to sell us their clonies,
when really if you just get some valerian root,
they say you're going to feel something very similar.
I didn't even know that aspirin was made of tree bark.
Did you know that?
No.
Yeah.
When I found that out, I was like, holy macaroni.
That's like when I found out the Beastie Boys were white.
I was like, what?
Because when you first heard the Beastie Boys on the radio,
they were the first white guys rapping.
And so I just assumed, whoa, here's some black guys.
But then you kind of,
when you said,
my right to party,
you could kind of hear it.
It had that kind of like,
bro in it.
Party.
It's time to party.
Party.
So they kind of gave it away.
But Brass Monkey,
I was like,
who's,
especially MCA.
MCA sounded like he had,
he was black
Yeah
He sounded blacker than some blacks
But it was surprising
So yeah, when I found that out
Did you know that?
Did you know that aspirin is made of a tree?
No, I've never heard of a squirrel ODing on aspirin
Yeah
Maybe animals don't have headaches
Maybe woodpeckers are just the most non-headache-having birds.
Yeah.
I got woodpeckers up by me, dog.
They're loud.
Loud as shit.
Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack.
They're your Jews birds.
Yeah.
Whatever.
We're having a little fun.
It's a hacky joke.
We had a little fun.
They got big beaks, and they just whack them into wood walls.
Because listen, dog.
You guys are thinking I made the joke because of the noses.
That's not true.
It's because Jews, when they pray, they go back and forth.
So if you ever see a Jew praying, they go like this.
What does a woodpecker do?
Whack, whack, whack, whack.
It just so happens that he's fucking whacking his nose into the wood.
I thought you were going to say that they're the Dominicans of birds
because they make noise past 11 a.m.
That could be, too.
Yeah.
And also the reason why I compared them,
said they were the Jews of birds is because they're both uncircumcised.
So that's a big reason, too.
Look, the Jews, that's one thing that used to be cultural, right?
They're like, oh, it was cultural.
But as it turns out, not only is it cultural, but it has health benefits.
But it does have negatives, too.
Like the great Thomas Sowell told us, everything, there's no such thing as good or bad.
It's only tradeoffs.
Here's the thing about circumcision.
Cleaner, you get a cleaner penis head.
You get a cleaner penis head.
I also noticed that hard-ons, when a guy gets a hard-on,
it just looks like mushrooms that grew up.
A soft dick looks like a little tiny mushroom.
It does.
And then when you get hard, it just looks like a mushroom that just grew up.
It looks like a basketball-playing mushroom.
It's like seeing a picture of Kobe Bryant in fourth grade
and then Kobe Bryant in 2007.
You know?
That's what a hard dick looks like.
Kobe Bryant in 2007.
That's what I'm going to call my dick from now on. Kobe Bryant 2007.
The Black Mamba.
That would be funny if I just start calling
my dick the Black Mamba because it is not.
My dick is not the Black Mamba.
You're being ironic. But I'm giving it confidence
dog and maybe my dick will start being like
maybe I am fucking to have the Mamba
mentality. Instead of lasting two minutes your last
five. Yeah, my dick's looking at me
going like,
look dog,
you're married.
You don't have to call me
the Black Mamba
because you're just
going to beat me
with your hand.
Like,
I could be,
I could be the white rabbit.
So,
you know,
there's pros and cons
because it's good
for your hygiene,
right?
You don't get like
whatever in there,
fungus or stinky cheese.
But they say now they know that without the penis hat, without the little hat,
without the penis hat.
Without the yarmulke.
Without your peeny yammy.
Yeah.
Right?
Is that how you think it started?
The Jews, because they started circumcision, right?
So you think that they, maybe it started because they snipped off the skin and then threw it on their head?
Threw it on their head, yeah.
It's possible, right?
Yeah.
Maybe that was like the first ceremony.
They snipped it off.
They snicked the child's thing off and then they put it on the father's head.
Because you're just not going to put the foreskin in the garbage.
You've got to do something with it.
No, they put it on their head and then they sang Han they sing and they pick up the chairs and they raise them up.
Yeah, they're resourceful.
Maybe they raise them up
and then when the little foreskin
flies off the father's head,
maybe one of them opens up
and catches it
like out of hibachi.
Or if it lands on its head again,
it's going to be like
six more weeks of summer.
Six more weeks of summer
or Yahweh's sending a message somehow.
Or maybe someone just catches it
in their mouth
like a vegetable at a hibachi dinner.
They do that, though.
I said that before.
They eat the foreskin in parts of Africa as like a ceremonial thing.
You did.
That's right.
That's right.
Who am I to say that's not cool?
It's a waste of protein.
There's protein in there, right?
Yeah.
Do they fry it, though?
Or I'd need it sauteed or something.
I couldn't eat it raw.
They probably put it in a kugel.
Yeah, I would need it.
If I'm going to eat foreskin, I need it fucking fried.
A little garlic and butter.
Dick Tartare.
I need something on it.
Yeah, I can't do Dick Tartare.
So, and every time, of course, traditionally on this podcast,
we talk about anything Jew, I go straight into my Jewish voice.
So I'm just going to read to you here.
Historically, male circumcision was practiced amongst ancient Semitic people,
including Egyptians and those of the Jewish faith.
Now, the Jews were in Egypt, right?
So, yeah, so it was Jews and Egyptians with the earliest records depicting circumcision
on Egyptian temple and wall paintings dating from around 2300 B.C.
Oh, that's weird.
Long time.
You wouldn't think the Egyptians liked circumcision because they like to be wrapped up.
That's a good point.
Why would they unwrap it?
Yeah.
Right.
Wrap it up.
Mummify that penis.
Now, here's my question.
Here is my question.
Now they know that it chafes on the nerves, right?
They say, like, the guys who have the skin,
like, protects the penis head from nerve damage.
So what it means is we get older and older,
you know, it's harder and harder to feel.
Which, I...
Yeah, I mean, it must be nice to still have the skin,
like, protective skin around there.
You know, it would still feel amazing.
True.
Because you're just rubbing it, and the amount of times you jerk off,
it's like, you know.
Dudes masturbate so much, though, that we're not going to feel anything anyway.
Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's really, I mean.
Bro, I'm 25.
You could fucking hit my dick with a blow dart.
I wouldn't feel it.
Yeah, so much jerking off.
I mean, you got to think about that.
Guys your age have such easy access to porn.
We didn't have that.
So you're probably jerking off at like a rate of 10 to 1 compared to us.
I mean, that's crazy, dog.
It's like whittling down a spearhead.
Yeah.
And yo, jerking off to your imagination is like going to a live show.
You know, unedited, no color correction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like that's
Jerking off to your imagination
That's old school dog
That's like reading a book
Can't be done
Huh
It's tough
It's tough
It can't be done
It's tough
It's like reading James Joyce's novel
It's tough
You can do it
You can do it
It can be done
What was the last time you jerked off to your imagination
I start trying
And then I just
I just
I just
Yeah I kick it in
I put
Tick steroids
Cause yeah Using porn is like taking steroids.
If you want to hit a homer, you just fucking, you pop on some porn, you're hitting it out of the park.
I understand it would be hard for you, though, because, like, in your imagination, no one gets their words right, so.
Exactamundo.
So it is always hard.
In your imagination, the girl goes, fuck me and my pussy.
Yeah.
I mean, here's the deal.
The nerves in my dick are so chafed down, they're like the hands of a pizza baker. They're like Dominic. Yeah. I mean, here's the deal. The nerves in my dick are so chafed down, they're like the hands of a pizza baker.
They're like Dominic from The Farras.
Yeah, that guy can take a pizza out of the oven with his bare hands.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I could pick up a pizza out of an oven with my dick.
It's really chafed.
So, I mean, that's the trade-off right there, right?
That's the trade-off.
The trade-off is a little cleaner.
I would say probably now it's probably better to keep your foreskin
because you can clean your penis with Dove soap for Ben.
You can clean your penis with Native.
Yeah.
Insert advertisement here.
Right now we're bare of advertisements,
which I knew was going to happen
because that's how the funny world works.
You leave one place and then the other place you go,
okie dokie, we got it.
It just takes a second.
You know, we're rebranding.
We're rebuilding.
This is a brand new podcast.
We're only on episode 20-something.
We're still loading.
We're still loading.
So, yeah, now you can clean it with soap.
Whereas back in the day, probably a lot easier to get an infection in there.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Nobody brushed their teeth.
Right?
You get head from a girl.
She doesn't have a listerine mouth.
You have no protection down there.
Your dick probably looks like the bottom of some Air Maxes.
Yeah.
Do you also know that I think in the Jewish ultra,
I was just going to call them ultra Jews.
The Jews that are serious about it.
Orthodox Jews.
Orthodox Jews.
Don't they use their mouth?
Or is that one of those myths?
The mohel.
At some point, yeah, the mohel was using his mouth.
And who's the mohel?
The mohel is the one who does the cut.
He does the cut.
Is he a rabbi?
It's a ceremony. And then he sucks Moyle? The Moyle is the one who does the cut. He does the cut. Is he a rabbi? It's a ceremony.
And then he sucks it off with his mouth?
Because that's why I heard some kids were getting herpes from the Moyle's
mouth. I've heard that rumor too.
I can't vouch for that. Look, people
got weird traditions.
I'm not sure if that's a tradition.
I think somebody just would have
put some mouth on some penis.
Yeah, I think that...
It's funny how these things kind of slip into religious ceremonies.
Because look, if I'm a guy who's motivated to do weird stuff like that,
I'm sliding into one of those positions of authority.
I'm putting on a cloak of morality, what I want to do,
and then I'm going, hey, I got an idea.
You know with some Catholic priest going, hey, I got an idea.
How about we an all-boys Catholic school?
How about we separate the girls?
Because you know who tends to blow the whistle on abuse?
Ladies.
Isn't that convenient that they take all the women in the religion
and they throw them in a fucking monastery?
They go, hey, the nuns got to go over here,
and you got to go live a chaste life.
And they put them in a skirt so they can't run fast.
It's not like you're molesting a boy.
Yeah, you guys are out of here.
So you're conveniently removed.
So here we go.
When a baby circumcised, some ritual Jewish circumcisers called the Moyim do a practice.
I'm sorry.
Do a practice called Medzitsa Depete is when the mohel uses the mouth to suck blood away
from the baby's circumcision wound
as part of the circumcision ritual.
Let's stop this one.
How do we stop this one?
How about we make an exception
in the separation of church and state
and send in the fucking Marines to stop this one?
How about we stop this one?
Public health experts have found that,
whatever this is called,
can put babies at risk of getting a harmful virus
called herpes simplex.
You don't say.
Some of these babies become seriously ill,
some develop brain damage,
or others have died.
Don't forget the last line,
some of them also shoot up a mall.
Or some of them shoot up a mall.
There's no proven way to eliminate the risk of HSV-1 infection from direct oral suctioning.
I like how they're calling it suctioning.
Yeah.
This is better than indirect oral suctioning.
There's no way this wasn't started by a guy who was a pedophile who was just like,
I have an idea to make this really efficient.
Let me suck it. And they were like, no, no, no.
What do you mean? All we can use is our hand and just pull it.
Listen,
there's no suction with your hand.
You have to make sure if there's any
evil spirits in there, I have to
use a suction motion to get
the evil spirits out of
there. And the families were like,
no, he is the molym. He does know. He must know. He comes from the long line I don't know. He is the moylem.
I mean, he does know.
I mean, you must know.
He comes from a long line of moylems.
This is going to be faster.
I have to get home for Sabbath anyway,
so just let me use my mouth.
Let me use my mouth and make it quicker.
You don't want...
It's less of a...
It's a clean...
Look, it's a snip and a clean up all in one.
It's a direct oral suction.
If I use my hand,
there's still blood,
there's still guts,
but if I put it all in my mouth, right?
Put it all in my mouth.
Okay, and of course we're going to do this over.
I'm going to be wearing a long flowing garment under a table
so you can't see that I'm pitching a tent underneath.
And if I do, you say, that is Yahweh's way of saying mazel mazel.
Mazel tov.
This is some of the shit you get pre-science, right?
This is some of these cultural things you get pre-science.
These are some of these rituals, right?
You got the You got
Gumas
In Sicily
In Sicily you know the priest even tells the husband
Right?
I mean tells the wife
During the matrimony
He goes
Yeah listen
Maria you understand
You understand what's going on here
Dominic is going to also
You understand when you guys get married
You're going to push out a couple of kids
Let me explain
Listen you know it's what God wanted,
what Virgin Mary understands.
They understand your tits are going to get a little saggy, veiny.
You're going to develop varicose veins.
You know, your putana is going to get a little ripped up.
All right, you're going to get stitched up by the town doctor here in Sicily.
Dominic's going to, you know, he's going to have something on his side.
It's sanctioned by the Catholic Church
and by Jesus that he has a nice young
gumare
to go with
a nice Sunday sauce.
In other words, Dominic's going to be
away one to two days out of the week
sleeping at his gumare's house. You understand,
right? It's Virgin Mary one, two, three.
We throw a little incense and it's done.
These cultural practices exist.
The Chinese had their thing.
Everybody's got their thing.
Right?
They got their thing.
And everybody had their medicines.
Everybody had their medicines.
You know?
You know what my favorite is?
The Christian scientists.
What are they?
The Christian scientists.
Because it's ironic that they have the name scientists in their name,
but they don't believe in any science,
which is, I don't know why they call themselves Christian scientists,
but do you know about the Christian scientists?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they don't know why they call themselves Christian scientists, but do you know about the Christian scientists? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they don't do any medicine.
So I had a friend when I was doing social work,
great guy who's now a Lutheran, I think, pastor, right?
We saw the Christian science church in D.C.
Well, that's Scientology.
No, no, no.
Oh, no, we also saw Christian science.
Yeah, I think you're right, yeah.
So they teach healing through prayer
rather than traditional medicine and medical therapies,
and they call themselves Christian scientists,
which is hilarious
because they don't believe in any science.
That's like a wife who's a blowjob enthusiast.
Right, or that's like...
I don't know.
That's like calling...
That's like calling the KKK lovers of black group.
We are the lovers of African-American posse.
That's like calling RuPaul's Drag Race the NBA finals.
That's like calling it the Super Bowl.
Oh, man.
That's like calling
a date with Cosby consensual.
That's like calling a...
Jesus Christ demonstrated that disease, sin, and death Have no ultimate reality in God's spiritual creation
And can be healed on that basis
Now
Here's the thing about Christian scientists
I had a friend who I did social work with
Who's now a pastor in a Lutheran church
Great guy But he told me this story And it was one of the funniest stories And he was telling it to me about Christian scientists. I had a friend who I did social work with who's now a pastor in a Lutheran church.
Great guy.
But he told me this story and it was one of the funniest stories
and he was telling it to me
not to be funny.
And it brought up the rage
that he had from when he was a kid
and that made it even more funny to me
when he was telling me this story.
So he had some rash
and he just,
he had like some rash
that he still has
that's easily treatable now
by some topical ointment.
I mean,
it was literally like some fungus.
Go to CVS. Yeah, it was literally
just a trip to aisle four.
It was really like
it was really just asking a guy
with a name tag, where's the
fungal cream? I mean, that's
what we're talking about. We're talking about
one day application and the kid
is back to normal.
But because he was a Christian scientist, right, and his family was Christian scientists,
and by the way, what made it worse is he wasn't in a Christian science school.
I think if he was in a Christian science school, they all just walk around with rashes and fucking coughing.
Yeah.
And it's that whole plate of allegory of the cave thing where they're like, hey, being sick is being part of a kid.
Their skin would just look like Canada. Yeah, they just are all fucked up,
but none of them know any different because nobody's different, right?
But he had to go to a school where people aren't Christian scientists,
so his friends were constantly going like,
yeah, I think you could just knock that out with a little clotrimotrazole.
And he's going, no, you can't.
And then he just sits there and he goes, Jesus, please,
I know you've got a lot going on, wars and everything like that.
I know there's famines.
I know there's murder and rape and incest
and thieves and corporate crime,
but please, are you listening to me?
I got a little rash on my neck.
Do you have time?
Do you have any time to heal me
from my rash on my neck?
And these friends are probably going, guess what?
We're going to pick on this lunatic.
So that makes it worse.
So he was telling me about how his parents just let him have this rash for like three years.
And as he was telling it to me, he just had the rage of childhood of all the kids starting to call him
tomato face and everything,
or whatever they called him,
herpes mouth,
or whatever horrible things he had to go to,
because his parents every night after dinner
would go,
also look after us,
but also please do something about my son's rap,
and probably at about day 297,
he probably just went,
you know what,
fuck it,
and he just went into a Rite Aid,
and he took advice from his friend Daniel, who had
a normal family of
agnostic parents
who were not against using
topical ointments for run-of-the-mill
rashes. And it was just
a very funny story, and that's when I
found out about Christian Scientist.
I said, man, that must have been traumatic for you.
So if you're out there and you think you have it hard,
just know that there's some Christian science kid right now
whose balls are itching him because of jock itch,
who just has to live with it
because they believe that you can bother Jesus
about a ball rash.
If you do believe in Jesus Christ, which is fine,
just know he's a little busy
to handle your fucking ball rash.
That's, you know, fucking,
we knocked that out at CVS.
That's a man-made problem.
Man can handle it.
So, anyway, that's a little lesson
on Christian scientists
and their ironic name.
So they don't believe in any drugs.
You talk to them about the corruption
in the pharmaceutical industry,
they go, what's the pharmaceutical industry?
We've never even heard of it.
Okay?
All we do is take beetroot for stuff.
You're actually pretty much close to a Christian scientist,
everybody in here.
But you also believe in medicine.
I believe in medicine, yeah.
Yeah.
He's young yet.
He hasn't had any ailments.
Yeah, they come.
But he's going to be fine because he's healthy.
He's motivated for health.
He's not going to have any ailments.
Yeah, that's not my end-all, be-all.
I'm not going to die next to a bottle of spirulina.
Yeah, you don't have an addictive personality.
Jared's got a screwed-on head.
He's got a screwed-on head.
Although you've got to watch those people.
What do you've got to watch for?
The people who present like they're all together.
Oh, Hover, Nebula, Hover, Nebula, Hover, Nebula.
I am not all together, bro.
Talk about being in your 40s.
I think I just pulled my groin doing that.
Yeah, you better put that down.
You're lucky you've got them joggers on, bro.
They keep everything together. Yeah, I've got Tommy Johns on there. It's that down. You're lucky you got them joggers on, though. They keep everything together.
Yeah, I got Tommy Johns
on there.
So comfortable.
Can I ask you a question?
Were those joggers white
when you bought them?
Yeah, I said shit all over them.
So what do you mean, Jess?
What do you mean?
You know, the people
who come off like
they're all together.
No, no, no.
There's a difference.
The people who come off
very charismatic,
the ones who you like a lot,
if it's too good to be true, it is.
It's a ruse.
It's a ruse.
I think the quiet ones are wise for two reasons.
Because saying less is always wiser.
Because you should be listening more than talking, right?
Or it means you know you're stupid, which is also wise.
Both ways, a quiet person, I think,
is doing the right thing.
The ones who are yapping away,
trying to get you to like them
and mirroring you,
those are the ones you watch, right?
So, like, if Jared was, like, being phony,
Jared's not phony at all.
He's not phony at all.
No, sir.
I mean, he just sits there like a fucking, you know.
I'm a rock in this fucking chair.
Yeah, he's like a rock. We'll be on the road, and I'll be like, entertain me! And he just sits there like a fucking, you know. I'm a rock in this fucking chair. Yeah, he's like a rock.
We'll be on the road
and I'll be like,
entertain me!
And he just sits there
and he goes,
let's go work out.
Yeah, give me some new tea.
Yeah, it's like going
on the road
with a fucking
Marine Sergeant.
Gotta work out
at 7.30 a.m.
Now we're hitting
number one.
Yogurt, honey.
Yogurt, honey, nuts.
And I need a smoothie.
I'm gonna do 10 push-ups.
Yeah, sometimes people think the opener's Jocko Willink.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
So what, you got a bad feeling about Jard?
No, I don't know.
But everyone needs a few of those nights where they just...
Where they go all out?
Yeah.
Yeah, what's your vice?
I know what you're talking about.
What's your vice?
What are you into?
Let's figure it out.
I told you.
You know this food, bro.
Huh?
Food.
When we go to see
And you don't mind
The little slice of putana
But who doesn't?
Putana will get anybody
In big trub trub
Isn't it funny
That putana can take down anyone?
There's no bigger trub trub
That you can get in
Than a
Look
Cocaine can get you
In a little trouble
An opioid can get you In a little trouble Food can get you in a little trouble. An opioid can get you in a little trouble.
Food can get you in a little trouble.
But nothing can really take your life
more
than a sweet,
sweet, sweet
puss puss.
Puss puss is trub trub.
So you like puss, but that's
nothing. I mean, food is your big one.
Food is my biggest one Yeah he controls it
But then I see it come out
When he
When we're on the road
And he'll
You know he'll be like
Yeah we'll be done eating
And because he knows
He's been good
He worked out today
He'll just go
You know what
Let me get the banana pudding
With a side of
Chocolate
Maki rotten ice cream
Yeah he'll go
I'm gonna get a chocolate shake
When you text me
And say that
Hey goodnight I'm not really going to bed When I say Jared come to my room I'm going to get a chocolate shake. When you text me and say that, hey, good night, I'm not really going to bed.
When I say, Jared, come to my room, I'm having trauma.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm in the Marriott courtyard looking at the vending machines trying to get the PNN M&Ms.
That's what I'm doing.
Yeah, because listen, you do get endorphin rush from a nice chocolate shake.
But the comedown sucks, though.
It does suck, but that's why you work out.
That's why you work out.
And I'd rather have food
Be my problem than women
Food is
Zion Williamson has Mariah Mills
Zion Williamson
And I have double stuffed Oreos
But he also has a problem with food too
He's got double
He's got double weight
Yeah
I mean
I could have told you not to draft him
I mean it's like
Might as well draft Oliver Miller
It's before your time
But it's like
Some guys just struggle with their weight
You remember Oliver Miller?
No
No he was a big old fat
center. Yeah, I mean
the kid's just having trouble with his weight.
He likes to eat, obviously.
It's not easy.
I still can't get over the fact that Stephen
A. Smith called Nikola Jokic
a fat tub of lard.
Yeah. I mean, it's like, what are you
talking about? Did we talk about it in the podcast? Have we talked
about that? No, that was off the podcast.
Jesse, you are looking so...
Here's the deal.
I want to do something for the fans.
Okay?
Ice Cube.
I want to do something for the fans, Eazy-E.
I thought the top was buttoned.
No, it's not.
That was a fun trend when they started
buttoning the top and leaving the bottom open.
The cholo look.
Yeah, the cholo look.
Here's what I want to do for the fans.
Jared Harvin.
Your name is a serious name, look. Yeah. The Cholo look. Here's what I want to do for fans. Jared Harvin. Your name is a serious name, too.
Yeah.
I feel like I'm going to the principal's office every time I say your name.
Jared Harvin.
Jared Harvin.
It's all business.
It's those R's.
It's like Captain Harvin.
It's like Sergeant Harvin.
It's not like Rapper Harvin.
It's not like...
It's the only hard R I allow people to call me.
It really sounds like a law and order. Jared allow people to call me it's it's it really it really
Sounds like a law and order Jared Harvard Jesse's Couture. Oh is more fun. It's good. Oh come to a skater Oh sculpture show
Yeah, Giannis Pappas you like who's this fairy?
Jared Harvin that's serious Jared our power name. It's also easier for gays to say your name. It's more fun for them
fun for them.
Giannis. Papa.
Giannis.
Jesse.
JJ.
Yanni, Yanni, Yanni.
Jared Harvin.
You're serious.
You can't even, you're almost going to say it with like a real.
It's like gossipy.
Yeah.
Like put your tie on, Jared.
Talk about me like I'm DeSantis.
Yeah.
We need a fun name for you.
Like Jay.
What up, Jay Harv?
Jay.
What up, Jay?
Jay Harvin's good.
Jay Harvin 15?
Jay Harvin's good.
Jay Harvin 15, y'all.
Are you done with that sign off yet or no?
I don't, I've never done that. Jay Harvin 15, y'all. You were going Jay Harvin 15? I've never seen Jay Harvin 15. When you got off, you were like, Jay Harvin's good. J Harvin 15? J Harvin's good. J Harvin 15, y'all. Are you done with that sign-off yet or no? I never done that.
J Harvin 15, y'all.
You were going J Harvin 15.
I've never said J Harvin 15.
When you got off, you were like, J Harvin 15.
You used to say something like that.
No, no.
I said, hey, my name is J Harvin.
That's it.
No, you used to say J Harvin 15.
No, I never said J Harvin 15.
You're blacking it out.
It's a trauma for you.
It's trauma for you.
You told me to say J Harvin 15.
You were like, all right, man, you should go up there and say your Instagram.
It'll be great.
It'll be great.
That's stupid.
If I told you that, then I was stupid.
Yeah, this is the Mandela effect. Are you sure you never did J Harvin 15? I promise you, dude up there and say your Instagram. It would be great. That's stupid. If I told you that, then I was stupid. Yeah, this is the Mandela effect.
Are you sure you never did J-Hum 15?
I promise you, dude.
He used to sign off, take it in the face.
Oh, that's Donnell.
Take it in the face, son.
So here's what I want to do for the fans.
Okay, guys.
I want to keep it going.
Nobody knows what Jesse looks like, which is a couple of fans have messaged me and go like, what's Jesse look like?
So I want to do this.
I want to do, based on what you know about Jesse his voice. I want you to do a police sketch of Jesse
What do you think he looks like and then we're gonna look at them in the podcast
So do your police sketches of what you believe Jesse's couture looks like?
Based on facts that we've said on the podcast,
his glasses,
whatever you can pick up
his voice.
Please do.
You're not going to find him on,
there's no pictures
of you online.
We'll do a big reveal.
And we'll do a big reveal.
Jesse needs this
because most people think
that you look like Cooch.
Yeah,
because they say
your voice sounds like Cooch.
That's bad
because he has the chin
of a dreidel.
I mean,
he's one of the most
hilarious looking guys.
I love that kid though. I love that kid, though.
I think that kid is genuinely funny.
Yeah.
Every video he makes, his lines are really good.
It's not really sticky.
His rants are funny.
He's a funny kid, and he's got the perfect face for it.
I mean, you can't forget that kid.
I mean, the kid's face is fucked.
It's almost like God read out a face as he was copying him,
how a printer runs out of ink.
It looks like he got hit in the face with a fucking baseball bat
and his parents are Christian scientists, so they didn't fix it.
They just left it and prayed.
Dog, he looks like Woody Allen's son.
I mean, he's one of the funniest looking kids of all time.
Just heavy on top, skinny on the bottom.
He has the face of a tube of toothpaste.
Yeah, I mean, dog, he's so funny.
And he also has really good energy, and he's humble.
He's a good dude.
He's a good dude.
I like that kid.
He's 25.
He's kind of like you.
He had older energy, too.
He's 25.
Well, I mean, with the way he eats,
that motherfucker got hypertension,
gout. Yeah, I mean, he does eat like shit.
He's going to be dead by the age of 35.
How do you know that? So send in your pictures
of Jesse. I think that'll be really funny.
We'll look at those pictures. Because let me tell you right
now, Jesse's fucking...
Your glow is big time, right?
You're glowing up, dog. Yeah, you like the way I look.
Yeah, last year, I think you looked like you were living in the woods
considering blowing up a federal building.
You almost look like Ted Kaczynski had second thoughts at the last minute.
It almost looks like you're living the sliding doors life of Ted Kaczynski.
You know that movie with Gwyneth Paltrow?
Yeah, it looks like you were about to do it, and you were like,
you know what, nah.
And then you just went and you opened up a very, very trendy mixology bar in Cobble Hill.
That's what it looks like.
Yeah.
So let's see what those are.
Do you take any drugs anymore?
No.
You're just a one-scotch guy.
Yeah, a little drinking.
I was doing a little edibles.
Here and there?
I was doing a little micro-dosing, a little mushrooms.
How was the micro-dosing mushrooms?
It was great.
It makes you feel warm?
Dude, I played golf on it.
Yeah.
And I had a blast.
So you don't hallucinate at all?
No.
Well, you don't take that much.
Right.
You don't take that much.
I remember taking it.
I took mushrooms with you when we were kids.
And it was like one of the worst things.
I ruined the whole thing.
Yeah, you ruined the whole thing.
I was like, we're going to die.
You're probably paranoid.
Yeah.
I was paranoid.
We're going to die.
Well, I just went. No, you were mushrooms. I was like, we're going to die. You were paranoid. Yeah, I was paranoid. We're going to die. Well, I just went.
No, you were mushrooms.
When I took mushrooms, I took them one time.
I'm not a guy that can take mushrooms.
Everything felt fake to me.
I kept going, where's the script?
Everything felt like I was in a movie.
It didn't feel real, which was weird.
Everyone felt like they were playing a role.
What do you think that means?
What do you think that means?
What did I see?
Is it something about me?
Was that like my Holden Caulfield moment?
Like, I'm fake?
The rest of us were having a blast.
We were giggling at everything.
And this dude was like, what does it all mean?
And I was just high.
Imagine if I was on mushrooms.
I was just weed.
I didn't think it just means you're a realist or like a cynic maybe.
And you don't really trust people.
And that kind of came out through the mushrooms.
Everyone around me is just acting.
It's just fake.
And I'm the only one that knows.
Probably.
Right.
Either that or you thought Clinton was going to fuck your mother.
Right.
It's levels of paranoia.
It is funny that I don't trust people, but then I always get into bed with people who end up fucking me.
I mean, it's really like, I mean, I love chasing a narcissist down and just letting them fuck me right in the asshole.
From every fucking romantic relationship to some other types of relationships, business and otherwise, creative and otherwise.
I'll just let somebody fucking, I'll turn around and the next thing you know, their fucking cock is halfway in my asshole.
Walk all over you, dog.
The one thing that you're looking out for happens to you.
It's like a fire department that catches on fire.
It is.
So you might as well be trusting because it's going to happen anyway.
Exactly.
Open up, Giannis.
Open your flower.
I need to micro-dose.
I need to micro-dose.
You need to micro-dose friendships.
Yeah.
Should we do?
Look.
And we're back right now.
We're back.
People do drugs.
Drugs are big.
They're big.
Yeah.
So you don't do anything.
I'm never doing drugs with you again.
No. Not with me.
Because when you do it with me, you're guaranteed to have a bad trip.
But you don't do it.
So you were micro-dosing for a little while and you quit.
You stopped.
Yeah.
Someone sent us some for the podcast.
Remember?
Yeah.
This guy sent us a whole box.
And you did some of those.
Yeah, I tried it.
You know, like if I was going to be outside.
Like I said, I was playing golf.
So many people are like living their lives micro-dosed every day now.
That's crazy.
Like they just live their lives micro-dosed.
They micro-dose every single day, so they're just on mushrooms.
That can't be great.
You barely feel it, though.
I'm a fan of that, though.
You are?
I'm a fan of that, yeah.
I've never done it, but I think it's a balance that people need.
Do you do anything?
You don't drink.
You don't do anything.
So what do you do to take the edge off?
Workout.
Masturbate from here and there.
Play video games.
There you go.
You heard it right there from Sergeant Jared Harvick.
I'm telling you, he's going to crack.
He's going to hit like 36.
I don't think so.
Dude, you can't do that in your 20s.
What do you mean?
And not have some fucking wild ass nights.
I have fun.
I dance.
That's my shit.
So you think at night he sneaks out in a mask and kills homeless people?
Not yet.
Not yet, but he will.
Not yet.
The pressure's going to build and build.
Don't listen to this fucking guy.
No.
Jesse doesn't know.
Like, when I go out with my friends, and you walk into a bar, you see us, you would have
thought it was a stomp the yard.
So you guys are dancing?
Yeah, we're dancing.
See, the thing is, you don't, don't Listen the thing about Jared Jared likes to dance
He's Latin
Yeah
Dog when I was talking to my
I was talking to
My buddy Willie
Right
Who's Alex Carbano's pops
Yeah
And he did contracting
For my house and stuff
He goes
They go
Latins go out
The guys go out dancing
What we say is like gay
They fucking love it
They go out
And they dance
And they get like an
Endorphin rush
I wish I could do that
I wish I could I that I wish I could
I wish too
That's probably why
People are doing
So many drugs
In this country
Is because they don't
Go out and dance
With Jared Harvin
There's no release
Would you dance
With another guy
Face to face
If the mood was right
Yeah
If the mood was right
If the right
Bachata was on
We didn't have to Touch hands, I'd definitely do that.
Yeah.
You wouldn't feel gay, right?
Because it's just dancing.
Yeah.
It's just dancing.
Exactly.
We just dancing.
We just dancing.
We just dancing, papi.
Dancing.
Dude, the Greeks dance.
Guys hold each other's arms.
A lot of cultures, you know, it's the guys holding each other.
Look, we don't suck each other's fucking foreskin off.
But guys hold hands.
In India, they walk down the street holding hands.
It's supposedly not gay.
I'm here to tell you I don't care what your culture is
if you're holding hands
with a guy down the street
pinky to pinky
it's gay
I don't know what to tell you
it's objectively gay
I know that there's
international rights
to children and stuff
I'm here to say
there should be
an international law
saying if you're holding
another guy's pinky
walking like this
it's a gay act I think it's gayer than sucking a guy's dick walking like this, it's a gay act.
I think it's gayer than sucking a guy's dick.
I would say so.
I think it's definitely on the scale of gay,
and there is a scale of gay.
There is a scale of gay.
I'd say the least gay thing is sucking a tranny's cock.
I'd say the most gay thing is holding a guy's hand
and everything in between.
There's a spectrum.
All right, Indy, I'm
sorry to break the news to you, but
I think I would rather eat a guy's asshole
than to hold hands with a guy.
You know, you ever play that game when you're walking with
a guy and you try to put your hand in his hand?
Ooh! I used to do that to
you, right? Remember we'd be at a bar and I'd try to
get on you and stuff and you'd be like,
you know, I think you'd probably feel less gay and I'd try to get on you and stuff? And you'd be like, copper, copper!
I think you'd probably feel less gay if I was trying to bang you.
Oh, yeah.
It's really rough holding a guy's hand is gay.
So I think that cultural... That or eye contact.
Eye contact is gay, right?
Eye contact I have no problem with.
I got no problem with eye contact.
Because that's just a sign of respect for me.
Yeah, I don't mind eye contact.
But if it's too long, it gets gay.
Or it's a type of eye contact.
This eye contact is cool.
Here it goes.
Yeah, no, I don't know, man.
Yoko tried to triple W
the other night.
It's kind of crazy.
That's fine.
But then there's this eye contact.
When you start talking
about your family trauma
and you look at me,
here's this type of eye contact.
When your eyes get a little wider
You see something you like
Yeah that's weird
Eye contact tells it all
They're all the winners of this all
Right
Like we talked about last episode
You got that
You got the cult eye contact
Hi
Hi
You got that
You know
And then you got the gay
And then you got that dude eye contact
What's up man
Yeah that barely
Yeah that's a quick one
Dude eye contact
It's like interval levels
Yeah
Stay there for seven seconds
All for three
Yeah
It's like working out on a treadmill
Yeah
Yo eye contact with a girl is sexy though
When you lock it in Cause then you guys know it's It's sexy working out on a treadmill Yo eye contact with a girl is sexy though When you lock it in
It's sexy
That whole thing
The way that's set up is the best
And it really bothers me
That people
People care so much about that
They put so much judgment on people
For what they want to do
I don't get it
If guys want to bang
I'm all
about freedom or whatever.
I don't think anyone should be pushed or
indoctrinated or anything like that. But if people
want to bang, if women want to bang women,
if guys want to bang guys,
if a guy cheats on his wife,
he shouldn't have to not be president
of the United States. It's got nothing to do
with his job. In fact,
JFK probably saved us
in the Cuban Missile Crisis
because his balls were empty.
Clinton probably had such a successful economy
because his balls were empty.
What is he going to do?
Have that fucking blow him?
I'm sorry, his wife's into putang.
If you don't think fucking Hillary Clinton
likes putana, you got another thing coming.
She's got less feminine energy Than Brittany Griner
She's a WNBA player
Yeah
In the fullest sense of the meaning
She's a top five WNBA player
Hillary Clinton
You know what I'm saying
Here's my thing
It's one of the natural drugs that we have.
There's very few things you can do that nature wants you to do that's actually good for you,
that promotes touching and cuddling. All that stuff's good for you. It's the one thing that
we have. And people are like, do it only this way. Do it only that way. Don't get imaginative with it.
Don't sway.
Do it the only way I say you could do it.
It's like, that's gay to me.
Some person trying to control somebody else's thing, that's gay.
You, my friend, just guaranteed yourself a new show on Bravo.
Are you listening, Hollywood?
I am all about diversity and sexuality, gender, et al, et al.
Throw a little Latin in there as well to show that I got a useless liberal arts degree.
Et al.
But life is hard to get through, maybe in part because sexuality is so repressed.
I really believe violence.
I really believe war.
All these things in some way are tied to some Freudian, Jungian repressionist sexuality. I really believe there's some truth to that.
I really believe deep down people just want to get blown.
I really do believe prostitution is a good moral thing because a lot of guys are
fat and ugly, but they still need to get rid of the demon seed. And it would be
great if those losers could go to a pro, taxed, safe sex worker
who chose to do that.
Okay, maybe because she missed a couple hugs,
but I became a comedian.
Is there a big difference?
We're both whores.
I'm trying to get you to face nut.
You're trying to get someone to,
shout out to Dan Schroeder,
I think he's the one that came up with face nut.
It's hilarious.
A laugh is a face nut.
I'm trying to get you to face nut.
You're trying to get a guided nut.
What's the difference?
We both missed a few hugs.
I chose to become a comedian, you chose to become a sex worker. We're helping each other out.
Big deal. I mean, it's not an immoral
profession. It's a trade-off. Some people have wives
who've got cancer that they're sticking by that they can't
fuck because they've got cancer and they're sick in a
bed. That guy shouldn't be able to go to a paid
prostitute and get a blow-ee?
She's doing a social service. I'm serious,
man. I just wanted to be
Chris Tucker for one second. I thought it would be funnier to have him talking about this because he's just a guy service. I'm serious, man. I just wanted to be Chris Tucker for one second.
I thought it would be funnier to have him talking about this
because he's just a guy who's got nothing interesting to say about anything.
There should be a show about guys who have nothing interesting to say about anything
and you say interesting things in their voice.
That's probably, AI's probably going to do that.
It probably will do that.
Did you hear the fucking Frank Sinatra, Little John from the Window to the Wall?
No.
Frank Sinatra song?
Yeah, I heard that.
Pull it up.
Maybe we could do it on the Patreon.
Yeah, let's do that because it'll probably get some money.
Yeah, well, how much time are we on?
We're good.
We're at 50 now.
Yeah, so the point is here is that getting through life,
you need pharmaceuticals to help people with their mentals,
whether they be from nature.
Now we have synthetic drugs, right?
It's so controversial, the pharmaceutical industry.
Are they good?
Are they bad?
You know, is big pharma reaping profits?
Yes, they are.
Yes, they are.
Right.
Has there been corruption?
Yes, there has.
Of course there has.
A lot of people don't know that the FDA is
mostly funded by the pharmaceutical
industry. That seems like a little bit of a
conflict of interest. But
on the flip side, Jesse, you made a great point, right?
If you left it to the
government to
dole out the funds for the FDA,
we're going at a snail's
pace. Look, you
can be a communist all you want. you can be a communist all you want
You can be a socialist all you want
It is a beautiful idea
Until you need to go to the DMV and get your fucking license
During your lunch hour at work
And then you're like, you know what?
I wish Federal Express did this
There's a difference between FedEx and UPS
And we all fucking know it
I'm sorry, not UPS
USPS
Right, there you go.
You said that like you put in an application at some point.
I did.
Yeah, I know you did.
They denied it.
Yeah, now, if you... You got denied?
You got denied?
What?
Why?
Because he was short.
I failed a drug test.
Remember that one?
We just substitute black for short.
Because he's short.
Failed a drug test?
Yeah.
What did you have in your system?
I said I danced too much.
Right, that's a drug That is a problem though
Did you really fail to lose it?
No
If you're a delivery man
And you dance too much
Yeah
You know how many times
I delivered an Amazon box
And did bachata at the same time
On the way up
I think I would appreciate
That delivery
No
I think I would like that
There was one lady
Who was like
Come on, stop doing that
Really?
Did you really dance the box up there?
Not dance the box
But you know
You were swaying a little bit.
Yeah, do a little walk.
Yeah, you're a musical cat.
You're a musical cat.
The lady was like, hey, can you stop break dancing next to my maple tree, please?
Yeah.
So it would be done at a snail's pace if it was funded another way, right?
So supposedly there's other regulations in place, et cetera, et cetera.
But I don't think you can avoid the fact that there's a conflict of interest there.
But also isn't Wall Street also regulated by like hedge fund managers and they're like sit on the board?
Same thing in government. Some guy will be in the private sector.
Then the next thing you know, he's over at the FCC and then he bounces back to the private sector.
Right. You got guys like remember Rudy Giulianiiani? He was mayor, and then he goes
over and then he's
has a security company
or whatever it is, PR company.
People do that shit all the time. They bounce
back from the private to the public sector
and they use their experience in the public
sector and the contacts that they made and their know-how
in order to reap the benefits
once they go back into the private sector.
Like Jesse said, that's just America.
Why would you invest in something that you're not sure is going to work out?
The America really is that dance between the private and public sector
where the private sector is really the one leading the bachata.
The private sector is the man, the dominant man, the top,
and the public sector is the man, the dominant man, the top, and the public sector is the bottom.
And it just follows the lead of...
Exactly.
Sometimes when the private sector dips you, they'll drop you.
Yeah.
Once in a while, they'll dip you, drop you.
And then they'll go to the bar and get another margarita.
Yeah.
So the development of pharmaceutical drugs,
it is a complex and
collaborative process, right? The United States
has been a global leader in pharmaceutical
innovation for many years. Major
pharmaceutical companies are based in the United States,
so a lot of them are here, and I guess
their reach is international.
And a significant number of groundbreaking drugs
have been developed by American
researchers and institutions.
Right.
Germany also.
Switzerland.
United Kingdom.
Japan.
All these places.
Those are like the five leaders right there in the pharmaceutical industry.
Yeah.
So, you know, everyone wants to bash because there is that side where you're going like these guys are just fucking.
Dude, they advertise on television.
That's a problem.
No matter which way you slice it, I don't understand what that is.
What's that?
What's that?
Are you trying to make me aware of a herpes I didn't know I had?
I don't understand what a herpes medication ad's all about.
Because listen, if I have herpes, I know.
I know because I can feel it, right?
And if I'm Joe List, I admit it out loud at a comedy show.
But I know it.
And then I go to a doctor and I talk to a doctor about it
and he prescribes me a drug that can help me with my outbreaks.
Exactly.
And also, why are they doing actions that have nothing to do
with the disease in the commercial?
Because I've never known two dudes who got herpes while playing basketball.
Right.
Or canoeing.
Yeah.
Or canoeing or whitewater rafting.
Yeah, I have Crohn's disease, so I sit on the river top in a bathtub.
Why are you in a bathtub overlooking a mountain range
if your ass is fucking pouring out with shit?
What's going on with that?
Are you depressed?
Why are you saddle-less on a pony in the desert?
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
The reason is because they're manipulating your emotions
because we are stupid and manipulatable
and they want those images evoke a good,
so they're affiliating their drug
with like this amazing experience.
It is so weird to have like a sponsorship
right after like one of your favorite shows.
Like, you know, I've been watching Spongebob
and a Zoloft commercial.
Yeah, that is weird. That is weird. Yeah, Spongebob in a Zoloft commercial. Yeah, that is weird.
That is weird.
Yeah, Spongebob's laughing a little different today.
Yeah.
Spongebob was late to work at the Krabby Patty.
Why does he look like that?
It's always weird when I see an advertisement during a 911 murder call online.
That's always a, Google pics.
And then you go back.
Hello?
Yeah, I just killed my family.
And then they cut to another commercial.
McDonald's.
But yeah, I just killed my family. And then they cut to another commercial. McDonald's. But yeah, I don't understand that.
You know, I don't.
You know, I understand why they're advertising Apple goggles, right?
Because it's a product coming out they want people to know about.
Herpes we already know about.
Already know about.
And there's no commercial that's going to make you go, wait a second.
Hmm.
I thought I just had a cold.
You know?
I thought I just had jock itch.
That's what those open, oozing sores are.
Thank God for this commercial with this guy, Whitewater Rafting, to let me know I need to speak to my doctor.
It's almost like they're trying to convince you, especially the mental health stuff.
Like, are you sad?
Go talk to your doctor about this.
You're going like, why are you pitching it?
You're obviously pitching it
because you want more people to buy it.
So you're trying to make more people think they need it.
You're trying to make a disease a commodity.
Yeah, you're trying to go...
You're trying to create a rush for commodity.
Yeah, you're trying to go like,
have you ever, though?
Well, then you try this.
Please take this.
If you don't have herpes, go down to your local public restroom.
Yeah, they're going like, look, dude, if you don't have herpes, please go out there and get it so you can buy this.
Kiss a dog on the mouth.
Just fucking.
And then call this 1-800 number.
Fuck a crack whore raw dog, please.
And then contact your doctor.
Yeah, spend a night with Hunter Biden and then call us in the morning because they will make more money if they do.
So that's where you're going like,
why is that unregulated, right?
And I'll tell you right now,
I'm a libertarian, so I say it's fine.
Let people decide for themselves.
Here's the problem, right?
When you're one of these laissez-faire guys,
it's like you're really underestimating
how much of a difference
there is between smart, scrupulous people, good word,
and just regular, normal, everyday, stupid people.
And I had no, for lack of a better word, right?
Just normal people.
I don't want to call them stupid.
There's a bunch of really,
really smart people trying to fucking manipulate you every single day. And it works. And it's
because they're really smart. They're really insidious. And they really want you to buy their
shit so they can enrich themselves. And I don't care how much you believe in the marketplace always correcting itself.
That is going to, you're going to end up having people buy shit they don't need or that's
bad for them because they've been manipulated into it.
And overall, that is not good for society at large.
Create a problem that doesn't exist.
Yes.
And you're being manipulated into it.
You're being manipulated.
Our society now is like being run by extremely smart people trying to convince you that you
have diseases you don't have, that you need everything that you don't need.
That's bad for you.
Right.
Stay online for longer.
Bad for you.
Take this.
Bad for you.
Eat this food.
Bad for you.
And we eat it.
We eat it.
for you. Eat this food. Bad for you.
And we eat it. We eat it not because
of some government conspiracy.
We eat it because of this
free market profit
motive that is run by very smart
people trying to get you to buy their
shit when you don't need their shit.
So that's
when regulation comes into play.
Otherwise, might as well
have jail rules. You can't have jail rules because that's what you get. That's why otherwise, you know, otherwise might as well have jail rules. You can't have jail rules
because that's what you get.
That's what you get.
You get pharmaceutical companies
fucking canoeing, some guys canoeing.
You don't even know that your brain
is making the connection that I love canoeing.
That looks so free.
You don't even know why.
You're eating, and you will eat it.
And they've done studies on this shit.
That's why they do it. That's why advertisers do it.'s why they have lebron james sell you sprite i mean how
many times they have to bring up the same thing over and over again they have the best athlete
in the world selling you cancer sugar water because you go it's good for you and it's subconscious
you're not even making a conscious thing.
Can you think of Sprite without LeBron?
I actually can, yeah.
It's hard for me.
Well, I think Drake, because Drake did it.
But then I think that Sprite just makes you black.
Yeah, that's true too.
You get a lot of kids like you,
because you wanted to be black so bad.
Oh, God.
I wanted to be more than I wanted to be black so bad. Oh, God. I wanted to be a...
I wanted to be a...
More than I wanted to be a doorman.
You risked your bleeding toes to be black.
Yes.
The amount of shoes that you bought.
Oh, man.
I am a black shoe shopper.
Yeah.
I tell you.
If you don't have my size,
just cut my feet off.
If I want them that bad...
Your feet are Indian.
My feet are Indian.
Why?
Because they have been tied?
Red.
Oh, they're red.
Okay.
You're Native American Native American
Yeah
You're going to a woke prison
Sorry
Yeah
They're called natives
I apologize
I'll go to my nearest casino
They're not calling
What the white people
Mistook them for
Yeah
Indians
It is funny that they just stuck
They're like
We're just going to keep
Calling you Indians
Even though you're not them
Native Americans
I'm sorry
It is funny though right?
It's not your fault
You're racist
Big deal
No big
It just came off the head
Whatever
You're going
You should be in prison
You're unnoticed
You're unnoticed
You're officially unnoticed
From the unnoticed police
So
That's a weird thing
That the pharmaceutical industry
Funds the FDA
Which regulates
The pharmaceutical industry
That is a weird thing.
That could cause a little bit of a conflict of interest.
What would that be like?
Would that be like...
It would be like Tim Dillon regulating your diet.
Even worse.
I think it would be like Bill Cosby regulating the consciousness
of the women that he's made unconscious.
I think it would be like him being in charge of letting,
of what happened in the room when you wake up.
And going, hey, you're the regulatory body here.
What just happened to me?
And he goes, you fell asleep and took a nap after we watched Mystic Pizza.
And that's all that happened.
And you just have to go, well, you're the regulating body.
I have to, you know, I do feel weird.
I have a headache and I have these weird memories of you sitting on my head naked with your penis out.
But I guess I have to take your word for it because you're the FDA of this situation.
That would be a good analogy, right?
A funny one as well.
A dark one too.
So it's fascinating.
And, you know,
this whole thing about how much
they cost is interesting
because we were talking about, right,
the prices are really high at the beginning
because they say they need to recoup
all their researching costs,
which has some truth to it.
They spend a lot of money on research.
They do sometimes get stipends from the government
to do that research as well, right?
A lot of the colleges and universities,
they all have in-house labs.
So the government will fund some of those projects.
Right, and by government funding,
it means the taxpayers will fund it.
But those research things are always not accurate
because they're done by college students, woke college students.
So you never know what they're going to say.
Yeah.
Ebola's racist.
They could just be like, yeah.
Ebola's racist and only attack people in Africa.
Yeah.
They're like, let's not just, yeah, sickle cell anemia,
let's not try to fix it because it's only afflicting black people.
Sickle cell anemia, let's not try to fix it because it's only afflicting black people.
So therefore, it is a mechanism of the white patriarchy.
I could see that actually being an article someday.
Being like, trying to cure sickle cell anemia is racist.
And you'd be like, why?
Because that's white knighting.
You ever heard of white knighting?
That's a white knight. You're trying to white knighting? That's a white knight.
You're trying to white knight.
You're trying to save your complex.
You're trying to white knight a black problem.
Let black people have sickle cell anemia.
Yeah.
They say COVID-19 is a woman.
Yeah.
You can't control her.
She's 19.
She can do whatever she wants.
You know, it's just a lot easier to come up with a theory like that than learn mathematics.
Our podcast is a great example of why it's easier to be woke. I should have been woke. It's just a lot easier to come up with a theory like that than learn mathematics. Our podcast is a great example of why it's easier to be woke.
I should have been woke.
It's easier.
We support creativity.
You can really appear smart when you're woke.
Yeah.
When you're just saying gibberish nonsense because you went to a four-year liberal arts school.
It's a lot easier than learning the fucking science and how to make drugs.
Right?
to fucking science and how to make drugs.
Right?
So, preclinical testing,
before testing a drug on humans,
extensive preclinical studies are conducted in the laboratory on animals.
They always start with animals.
PETA doesn't love that.
But guess what?
A lot of our best drugs,
we had to lose a few chimps.
A few mice always get it the worst.
Oh yeah.
We're fucking mice.
I mean there's so many
high fucking mice
with diabetes
and all type.
We fuck mice up.
There's a mice skid row.
Dog we fuck
mice get fucked.
Pump them full of everything.
Pump them through
the fucking everything.
Fuck mice though.
Who gives a shit?
It's you
I don't
when they do it to chimps
that's bad.
That's bad.
That's bad. But they do do it to chimps, that's bad. That's bad. That's bad.
But they do do it to chimps.
Yeah.
So these studies aim together data on drug safety.
So once the animal trials, that's where the regulation comes in.
They're regulated to a certain extent where they've got to do a few trials on animals,
and then if those go good, then they do them on humans,
and then they do a bunch of those, and then those good.
We do have some standards here in America.
I mean, look, we can complain a little bit all about the corruption
and everything, but we do have some sort of standard here.
I mean, you know, it just doesn't, you can't just come out and kill people.
Right?
I mean, you saw that.
You know, people get upset.
Like, sometimes you can.
Depends.
There probably are a few people who bit the dust from the vax.
It is what it is.
You know?
But probably not a lot.
I don't know.
You know.
Or maybe a lot.
Sometimes science fails, but we get it right over a amount of time.
Yeah, at the end of the day, I'm just listening to what people tell me because I don't have any firsthand knowledge. The one thing I do, when you talk to people who are in hospitals or close to it,
they always say COVID was worse than the vax.
But what do I know?
If you're on the internet and you tell me different, maybe you're right, too.
What are you looking up here?
Thalmalbihide.
That was bad.
Thalidomide, I think is how you pronounce it.
It was developed as a tranquilizer by the Swiss pharmaceutical pharmaceutical company saiba and what did what did they do that for
oh because it created a bunch of birth defects well yeah it ended up creating birth defects
yeah it was a pharmaceutical that was released and it had horrible side effects for babies yeah
the use of 46 countries by women were pregnant and subsequently became the biggest man-made
medical disaster oh it's one of the biggest man-made medical disasters
ever. This is interesting.
So, Thalmaldahide was introduced in
1953 as a tranquilizer and was later marketed
by the German pharmaceutical company
Chemo Gruthenthal under the trade name
Kutrgan. If you think I'm taking
any drug by a German
pharmaceutical company
in 1953, that's a little too
close to 45. I will now, because they've cleaned up That's a little too close to 45.
I will now, because they've cleaned up their act a little bit.
I'm still skeptical.
But if you think I'm taking it fucking eight years after the end of World War II,
you got another thing coming.
It's a little too close to home for me.
A little too close for comfort.
Yeah.
So, wait, you're going too fast.
Kotorgan was a medication for anxiety, trouble sleeping, tension, and morning sickness.
It was introduced as a sedative medication for pregnant women.
While initially deemed to be safe, pregnancy concerns regarding birth defects were noted in 1961.
And the medication was removed from the market in Europe that year.
It was first developed as a tranquilizer by the Swiss pharmaceutical company.
They abandoned the product, and it was required.
And then the Germans, of course, picked it up.
There you go.
Swiss are the good ones.
That's no good.
They're Swiss.
And then the Germans were like,
that's right up our alley.
Causes birth defects, kills people, we want it.
Holy mackerel.
The company has been established by Hermann Wurz,
a Nazi party member after World War II, as a subsidiary of the family's Maurer & Wurz, a Nazi party member after World War II as a subsidiary of the family's
Maurer and Wurz Company.
Company's initials aim
was to develop antibiotics
for which there was an urgent market need.
He was a chemist, this dude.
Heinrich Muckter.
You got it.
Yeah.
So this was the biggest
medical disaster in history.
Holy macaroni.
How many people?
Holy mac.
The total number of people affected by the use of thalmaldehyde during pregnancy is estimated to be over more than 10,000.
Approximately 40% died or shortly after the time of birth.
Wow, that's crazy.
So, you know, that's why you need regulation, right?
That's why you need regulation, right?
Because otherwise people would just,
you can't trust the scruples or morals of some profit-moded person
to look after the well-being
of the thing that they're selling.
Yeah.
After, you know,
because they could say whatever.
You can have any doctor say,
remember cigarettes?
I mean, look,
I don't mean to make fun of libertarians all the time,
but like, what the fuck are we talking about?
In the libertarian world,
there would never have been any regulation of cigarettes. I mean, what are we talking about? In the libertarian world, there would never have been any regulation of cigarettes.
I mean, what are we talking about?
They just straight lied.
They were bought off.
There were people who were bought off,
and they suppressed the research
of the causal link with cancer
because they didn't want it to hurt
their fucking bottom line.
And they suppressed it for how many,
30 years or something like that?
The scandal came out big.
The same thing with the sugar industry
that suppressed it.
So, I mean, what are we talking about here?
What are we talking about?
Yeah, Bodo.
I love when this stops being a comedy podcast
and more of a I'm yelling at you podcast.
Yeah.
But, I mean, seriously,
it's like, grow the fuck up.
This is not freshman year
at your liberal arts college.
Join the real world.
Sometimes medical industrial complex is good.
Sometimes it's bad.
It depends how much oxy you can get me to resell in the black market in the Midwest to make a little money on the side.
Because let me tell you, if I got carte blanche, baby, there's a lot of money to be made putting false prescriptions out there.
And I guarantee you it's happening a lot on your island right now.
Because there's nothing that loves a little black market money more than the doctors of Long Island.
That's right.
You come in there for a fucking scratched up knee physical therapy.
They go, you need some oxys.
And by the way, kick me back 15% for what you sell on the street.
Because that's how you get oxys, right?
Opioids.
That's what we have now.
because that's how you get oxys, right?
Opioids.
That's what we have now. We have a fucking pharmaceutical industry created epidemic.
These are synthetic opioids.
Those are the ones, these are the painkillers that people are dying from, right?
They're overprescribed.
They feel good.
I mean, dog, if you can get Brett Favre hooked on this shit,
everyone,
they must feel really good.
They stopped prescribing them.
Because they feel so good, right?
Because people are getting addicted.
My mother fell down, and when she went to the doctor,
they wouldn't give her. They said take some Tylenol PM, some extra strength Tylenol.
Because people get too addicted.
They used to give them out like Tic Tacs.
Yeah.
I wonder why.
Someone was making a lot of money off it.
So they recouped all their money, destroyed everything.
I think maybe synthetic opioids could be considered the biggest medical disaster in history.
Right?
Isn't that interesting?
It depends on how you look at it.
and how you look at it.
There's a direct causal birth defect crisis that was understood here.
But this is more of an indirect death.
How many people do you think have died from this crisis?
Well, you look at it like this.
They started on Oxy, then they couldn't get Oxys anymore,
then they went to heroin, and now to fentanyl.
So you could make the argument that this is all related all those fentanyl deaths had some rooting in the pharmaceutical industries
over prescribing of oxycontin you could make that claim i remember when oxys were hot
it was oxys i remember when oxys came out everyone was like talking about oxys and then yeah then
heroin and fentanyl
But it's all the same
They're all the same family right
It's all an opioid
It's all an opioid yeah
Yeah
Well yeah you go to the doctor
They say you hurt your back
They just prescribe you oxy
And you get hooked on it
The shit was mad addictive
And you
You know that the reason
It got on the streets so much
Is cause
There was
How
How
There's a big black market for it
Pharmacists probably
gotta be black for huh what a market gotta be black hell yeah listen you know if you're a
pharmacist right and you they make good money but you just say to your friend you're in the
middle let's say you're in the middle of nowhere who gives a fuck right you're in kansas you say
to your buddy hey man i'm working tomorrow at fucking Rite Aid Come in with a mask, stick me up
Steal all the oxys
Why are not Rite Aid
Pharmaceuticals and pharmacies guarded by
Why aren't they guarded by
Guys with guns
Why don't you see more of those stuck up
I remember there was a while they were sticking those up a lot
Because they're so unorganized, no one's going to find the drugs in enough time
That's probably, they don't know where they are
Whenever they pull them, I'm surprised they know.
You just look, there's just pills everywhere.
They're like, oh man, that's not my prescription.
That's a bag of Cheetos.
Yeah, look at this.
South Florida Pain Clinic.
Yeah, that showed Dope Sick.
They got into all of it.
It was really good.
But these things popped up all over the country.
And they were just pain clinics.
They were calling them pain clinics.
And they would just go in.
You'd have a prescription, and they'd just bang you out.
It was basically drug dealing.
Holy mackerel, and it was all legal.
Was it legal?
Well, some of it was.
Semi-legal?
Yeah.
It was like vaping.
It was the check-cashing of drugs.
Yeah.
Everyone vaping was like, is this legal?
What's going on?
We haven't had a time to regulate it.
Well, they had some sleazy doctors who some did jail time who were just writing prescriptions,
you know, banging up prescriptions left and right.
Right.
So people were straight up addicted like heroin addicts.
Yeah.
It's it's this is the system we have in all those countries we listed those.
That's the system.
Right.
So they they they they set the price for what it is.
They get the patents.
After a while, the patent, I guess there's a statutory limitations on the patent.
Eventually, you can buy the generic versions.
But to recoup their costs, you can only buy it from them for a certain amount.
And it's a high price.
So if they come up with a cancer drug Which they're trying to fuck around now
With the mRNA technology
That they use for COVID
They were initially using that
To study a cancer vaccine
And they used it for COVID
Now they're back
They just recently came out
Sloan Kettering came out saying
That they had a very promising trial
With the mRNA vaccine
On animals for pancreatic cancer that can treat it.
So what they'll do is if they do come out with it, I guess initially only rich people
will be able to cure themselves of cancer until they recoup the cost.
That's how it goes.
Until they recoup the cost, which actually means if you're middle class and lower class
at that time, you're going to die.
Because you have to wait for the patent to expire for you to be able to get the generic version.
And their argument is, hey, man, we came up with it.
We spent all the research in it.
It's our intellectual property, all that shit.
That's a legit argument too, right?
Especially because they're saying, hey, look, we're not here for the betterment of humanity we're here to make money and they like to frame it and we had costs that's what
comedy clubs do us too we have expenses we're not trying to fuck you and make more money we have
expenses have sympathy on us we have expenses it's true but i think they're exaggerating it
how do you look somebody in the face and let them die
because they can't afford your fucking drug?
How do you do that?
That's horrible, man.
But then I also understand how if you don't do that,
you bankrupt the whole system.
It's a tough, difficult thing.
We also have Medicaid and Medicare.
I mean, people are getting taken care of.
Look, man, it's the middle class that gets fucked.
Stop listening to your fucking pundits
and fucking Fox and CNN and your dumb podcasts.
The truth is, if you're poor, you're taken care of.
Here's the truth.
If you're poor, you're taken care of.
You go to the hospital, Medicaid, Medicare, you're paid for.
Taxpayers pay for it.
If you're rich, you're taken care of.
If you're in the middle If you're in the middle
Spread your cheeks open
You're fucked
In every single way
You are fucked
If you were in the disappearing middle class
Which is the really big problem in this country
The disappearing middle class
You are fucked
You can't afford the drugs
You can't afford the healthcare You You can't afford the health care.
You're not poor enough to have it paid for.
You're not rich enough not to care.
You're right in the middle.
Guess what?
Also, you don't make enough money to hide it,
and you don't make as little money that you don't have to pay.
So your taxes are fucking all accounted for.
So if you're making $100,000, which used to make you rich.
I remember my dad made $100,000, and we were considered well off.
If you make $100,000 now, you are poor and in big trouble.
And you are an Uber Eats driver as well.
You're an Uber Eats driver.
If you make $100,000 now, every single tax dollar will be collected because you can't hide it.
And you will also have to pay for your own health insurance
which will either come out of your check
or you will pay it privately
but you will be fucked my friend
so bend over, lube it up
and get ready for that big long
red white and blue cock
that's going to dick you down
Mr. Middle Class
and before we go I'm very interested because you're Mr. Middle Class.
And before we go, I'm very interested because you're Googling Jamal Murray's tax breakdown.
Yeah, I saw this online.
Yeah.
They showed how much of his money was taken.
They showed what he was banking and how much was broken off.
Yeah.
It was getting destroyed.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, if you're rich, you get destroyed too.
Well, he's in...
Where does he live? He's in Denver. Colorado.
You get destroyed.
You do get destroyed if you make a lot of money, but you're left over
with a lot because you make a lot of money.
He was still walking away with millions.
But they did a comparison between
the Nuggets players and the Heat players
where there's no state tax.
Yeah, the Heat make a lot of money.
They make a lot more.
That's why everyone wants to play in Florida and Texas.
But here's the deal.
You're on your, you know, if you go to the hospital in Florida,
you better pay for it yourself, right?
I don't know.
Maybe you shouldn't have said that.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I'm just saying if there's less taxes there,
ultimately there's something missing.
Yeah. There's something. You're going there's less taxes there, ultimately there's something missing. Yeah.
There's something.
You're going to have less of something.
They get theirs.
They get their property tax.
You know, they make their money.
They get you that way.
I heard the property taxes are higher, right?
They get you.
They figure out a way to get you.
It's a gift to the rich, I guess, that no state taxes.
I guess it's a gift to everybody, right?
You think it's better, no state taxes?
You like the flat tax. Seems like a a gift to everybody. Right? You think it's better, no state taxes? You like the flat tax.
Seems like a good idea to me.
Yeah.
You know, if you have a flat tax, the more you spend, the more you get taxed.
You know, it's taxed on goods, right?
Yeah.
So if you want to buy a fucking, you know, I don't know, a really expensive car, you just pay a tax on that.
You want to buy, you don't want to buy a lot of that shit, then you don't have to pay a tax on it.
Yeah.
And what about income tax?
Yeah. You do like a flat 15%.
Flat everybody.
10, 15%, everyone pays the same.
I like that called the Taylor Swift tax.
What if you're making like $16 trillion and you're only paying,
because 15% of that is still a lot.
You do that and then you do a tax on goods, like what you buy.
We're going to figure it out.
We're going to figure out.
Maybe we'll figure it out on the Patreon. We're going to solve the tax code. Yeah. That's what we're going to right? We're going to figure it out. We're going to figure out. Maybe we'll figure out on the Patreon.
We're going to solve the tax code.
Yeah.
That's what we're going to tackle
on this week's fucking Patreon episode.
We're not going to do it on a regular episode
because if we do, we will lose subscribers.
Yeah, we are not going to do that at all.
You guys have to tune in to our Patreon
just to see how bad we are at math
because I was deplorably depressed myself
listening back to an episode
where I tried to figure out what was,
what was it?
75% of 40 or something like that?
I did this overall,
I did this, I did that.
I mean, you would have thought
that I was a Unabomber
trying to put together numbers.
You really got embarrassed by that.
Yeah, I really did.
I really did.
Well, you weren't alone.
We're all stupid.
Yeah, we're all stupid,
but it prompts you to join our Patreon,
which is patreon.com slash Janus Papasauer. Join at $5 a month. Yeah, we're all stupid, but it prompts you to join our Patreon, which is patreon.com slash Giannis Papasauer.
Join at $5 a month.
Yeah, we're on a roll over there.
The episodes are really great.
We are on a roll.
We're just free.
We're happy.
They are great episodes.
Go see for yourselves.
We're synced up.
We're even matching this very episode right now, which I just realized.
Yeah, with Brown.
Brown and Blue.
Yeah, we're synced up.
We got our periods at the same time.
June 24th, Soul Joels in Pottstown, PA.
Come see me live.
Wilbur, like I said, July 8th in Boston.
Poughkeepsie, then Jordan Landing, Utah.
Long Island at the Paramount Theater, August 17th.
Dallas, Texas, 24th through the 26th.
Springfield, Missouri.
Calgary, Alberta.
Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Red Bank, New Jersey. October 14th at the Vogel. San Francisco, Cobbs Fort Wayne, Indiana, Red Bank, New Jersey,
October 14th at the Vogel, San Francisco, Cobbs, October 27th, 28th,
Sony Hall in New York City, November 4th, Providence, Phoenix, Spokane,
Washington, Tulsa, Louisville, and Toronto's been rescheduled to March 23rd.
Tickets are on sale.
Patreon.com slash Giannis Papasauer.
And, of course, now let's hear from our small business shout-outs.
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Get 15% off your order with the code Giannis Pappas, all one word.
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What's up, Jerry?
Move your wheels without moving your wheels.
Move your wheels without moving your wheels.
Chris Minetti.
Yeah.
No, go ahead.
No, go ahead.
I don't think he allows black guys to read his message.
Yeah, I don't think he wants me to read it because I'm not up his ilk.
Yeah, I don't think it's a lot. I think he probably put that in small writing.
He's like, yeah, listen, by the way, I like the kid.
I like the kid.
He's good.
He probably treats it like Italians did Sammy Davis Jr.
Look, he's real talented.
I mean, just don't get crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, don't let him read my ad.
I mean, I like to listen to him sing and dance, but let me just say something.
Yeah, you know, he's funny, but tell Jalen Hurts to stay away from my ad.
Let's just...
Chris Minetti, meet him somewhere.
Call his number, 215-750-3730.
Chris Minetti will cash your fucking check.
And that's exactly what he says in the sign, too. I will cash your fucking check. And that's exactly what he says in the sign too.
I will cash your fucking check.
Plain and simple.
Comma cuz.
So go to the South Jersey
Philly area. Call him up.
215-750-3730.
I can't give you any more information.
All I know is the number he says to call.
I can't tell you where to go.
I can't tell you where he operates. I can't tell you where he operates.
I assume he'll meet you in a parking lot somewhere.
For the free.art.
If you love Hawaii and you love supporting new artists coming out of there, man,
tap for the free.art.
Find out everything about the music scene in Hawaii.
These guys have been with us forever, so either they don't know
or a lot of people are checking out their site.
For the free.art.
Sam Gubera.
The farrier. The fumeless farrier.
I want
to write a movie about a farrier
named Sam Gubera. A farrier movie
would be dope. That would be a funny comedy.
You know? Like that would be
my job would be I'm a farrier and I
just clean out horse hooves and then I
have an affair with the rich
You know equestrian's wife
Or whatever
Or she tries to chase me
Gets me in trouble sets me up
Because I reject her
Next thing you know I ride the horse that I'm paid to clean the hooves of
And it's all thanks to Sam Gubera
Who put the idea in my head
Because she's a farrier in the Nashville area
With 10 years of experience
And she'll farrier your horse's hooves.
She'll also fucking give you a pedicure.
If you get your horse's hooves farriered from this podcast,
she's saying she will also give you a free pedicure.
She also does pet raccoons, pet raccoons, whatever exotic pets you may have.
Moose. Moose.
Moose.
Whatever you got.
Gerbils.
Gerbils.
She will clean the fucking toes.
Caribous, all that.
Caribous, all that.
Whatever it is, she will help you out at sportshorsefarrier.com
or you can call her at 864-200-9007.
There's a 13% chance she'll pick up the phone.
Maybe she doesn't pick up because she sees my number.
She knows.
So go check her out.
Go check her website out.
Manly Girly Studios,
the least popular podcast network on the planet.
But we're all intrigued by the storyline of your move
from Miami to North Carolina.
Don't take it personally.
I'm joking, okay?
Our numbers aren't great either.
So, look, I don't know how you're doing.
I hope we're helping you out.
I hope some people are checking out Manly Girly Studios.
I hope you're checking out Ju-Anon.
I know that's going to be a huge mainstream podcast.
Side of Fries, of Thinking All these great podcasts
Gringo on the Rough
My favorite
The Manly Girly Show
My favorite is that
They started a conglomerate
Before they had one
It's better
Instead of having
Starting with one
And trying to build one
Build eight at the same time
That's what I like to do
Instead of opening
Like if
Imagine the guy
Who started fucking Starbucks
Just opened 500
At the same time
Yeah
Before one of them took off
That's the way
You would've done it
They thought of it like war To strengthen numbers But here's the way you would have done it. Well, they thought of it like war, to strengthen numbers.
But here's the thing.
All you got to do is try it.
Look, they're hustling.
There are thousands, 50,000 people right now are hearing about Manly Girly Studios.
I guarantee you something good happens from this.
Look, Juannan's not going to take off.
I'll tell you right now.
But you know what might?
It's their fucking Manly Girly merch.
But they might get sponsored by the Proud Boys, though.
Yeah, maybe. But you get 20% off the Proud Boys, though. Yeah, maybe.
But you get 20% off the merch if you use the code WEPA.
Yeah.
So go buy their merch and wear it.
It'll be funny.
Also, guys, you got to check out displaypros.net.
If you got anything going on for like a custom trade show booth or a retail fixture or promotional items, these guys are your guys.
So call them up.
You'll get 10% off.
They'll give you a nice little consultation.
We can use the word, what's the deal is?
Use that code, 10% off, consultation.
Promote your shit.
Has the guy said whether he's bringing our sign or is there a sign coming?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell him to mail it.
It looks pretty good, yeah.
Yeah, is he going to send it?
He's just putting a finish on it.
Put that finish on it.
Some nice little polyurethane.
Staffing beaver.
Staffing beaver.
This is everyone's favorite porn cam site,
but you could also hire people who maybe aren't people.
It could just be their CEO.
What's his name?
Rob.
It could just be Rob doing different voices,
going, hi, my name's Samantha.
I'll do your bookkeeping.
And then you call into the line.
He's like, hey, I'm Dan.
I'm your graphic designer.
Like Donald Trump.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up, man?
This is Steve.
I'm your inbound call expert that you hired.
Go to staffingbeaver.com and schedule a discovery call with Rob.
A 30-minute discovery call can save you 70% of what you're currently paying to fill roles locally,
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They'll hook you up.
They'll find people to work for your thing, right?
They'll support you, yeah.
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Nice.
That's it.
We got one more.
We got one more and they sent their copy.
Oh,
they did.
Yeah.
Oh,
all right.
They did.
I'm curious to know who they are.
I can find it right here.
If it takes you too long.
We apologize because everyone right now,
it's just you listening.
Pretty much, yeah.
This pause,
nobody's sticking around
for this ad read.
That's all right.
We'll give you an extra read
for free.
Here you go.
Yeah, here we go.
Are you a business or commercial property owner looking for peace of mind you go. Yeah, here we go. Are you a business
or commercial property owner
looking for peace of mind?
Well, yes, I am.
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Yeah, mainsurances?
Yeah.
Mainsurances.
Mainsurance Services.
That's M-A-I-N-S-U-R-A-N-C-E services.com.
Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
That's a tough one.
Yeah, that's a tough one, guys.
You may need to work on that.
Say it again.
But hey.
Mainsurances.
Main.
Mainsurances. No, Mainsurance that. Say it again. But hey. Main insurances. Main insurances service.
No, Main Insurance Services.
Orange Sherbert.
Main insurance services dot com.
Ooh, yeah.
Yeah, that's a tough one, guys.
You need to hire a fucking.
Yeah, Eminem.
What was his name again?
Our guy?
Our marketing guy?
Oh, Nate Linder.
You need to hire Nate Linder.
Main insurance services dot com.
Just call him at 813-260-0338.
I don't think Eminem or Twister
can pronounce that shit.
Listen, if you're fucking living in Florida
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if you're living in St. Petersburg, Florida,
you're already sketchy, dog.
If you're in Tampa,
you're not going with the big wigs, right?
You're not going with any insurance companies
that you see on Tampa, you're not going with the bigwigs, right? You're not going with any insurance companies that you see on television.
Yeah.
Right?
You're going with maininsuranceservices.com in the St. Petersburg, Florida area.
Yeah.
All right?
Don't get mad.
This is how we do our reads.
We tell the truth.
No.
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Call them up.
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