Yannis Pappas Hour - Missed High Fives
Episode Date: February 6, 2022Yanni and Jared Harvin discuss Whoopie Goldberg and how she just wanted off the view, Al Jolson and his complicated role in black history, Joe Rogan and Spotify, two Long Island nurses who got caught ...filling a void in the market place in Long Island making fake vax cards, and Yanni & Jared have some solid advice for the Democratic Party based off Biden’s announcement of who his Supreme Court nominee is gonna be. This is LongDays so find out what this weeks deal is. Also, and more!Sponsors Wealthfronthttps://www.wealthfront.comPromo code: fumesYanni stand up tour dates & tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.comJoin for weekly Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday but while it's being recorded the show goes LIVE on Yannis' Instagram on Wednesdays.Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispappas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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All right, I got to make sure the Greek eyeballs are tucked in.
I know the hat won't turn back the clock 20 years, but the hat is to the back.
Welcome to another episode of Long Days with your one-eyed leader.
Welcome to the Fediverse.
You are now entering a stinky goat cheese of a sandwich news show.
We got Jared Harvin back in studio.
He was able to scoop himself out of the snowstorm in Long Island.
People from Long Island love a good snowstorm
because it gives them an extra reason not to leave the island.
That's all they need.
A nice snowstorm, MS-13 somewhere,
or a little news that there might be a terrorist attack.
And they're actually happy because it means they don't got to leave their cul-de-sac.
So it's good to have Jared Harmon back.
We got Jesse Scaturo, the world's famous finger painter and keyboard puncher behind the camera.
And we got a lot to talk about this week on your weekly long day.
Joey Rogan, enemy of the state at this point.
I have already preemptively taken my music off Spotify by never having made any.
I wonder who else will virtue signal they're taking off their music of Spotify.
And I assume it will be other people who are over 75 who think this is a civil rights movement.
A lot to talk about there. Nick Cannon, addicted to kids. I i think he's got another one i think i'm pregnant with his kid the kid just keeps having
kids he said he was celibate but he can't help it i mean the kid's sperm is radioactive and ready to
i mean he can put he could put his dick his penis in my bum i'm trying not to get demonetized. He can put his penis in my bum
and it might make a baby. Jen Psaki, my Greek sister, she's got a lot to say about soft on
crime concerns. She has no idea what that means. And she thinks the American people would rather
hear about what the stock market's doing, which as we know, is a perfect reflection of the
overall economy. We will show an example of how great the economy is. A little microcosmic example
in Pennsylvania, where at the Golden Corral, people were so happy to get their steaks that
they started high-fiving each other. They were just missing with their high fives and some of their hands were closed
fists. Little mistake.
Happy little accident, as Bob
Ross would say.
Young girl by the name of Jacqueline
Guzman is
we just want to give her some support.
She needs some support
right now. The girl made a TikTok
and she really just didn't use the right filter.
And by filter, I mean she shouldn't have made that TikTok and she really just didn't use the right filter. And by filter,
I mean she shouldn't have made that TikTok video. We'll talk about it. 12 Nazis on the loose in
Florida. Okay. Having many rallies, multiple rallies, 12 Nazis. We'll show you the picture
of this daunting, daunting white supremacy rally that the Democrats are very concerned about in Florida. How are we
going to deal with these 12 very in shape, athletic and beautiful looking white supremacists
who took over about three square feet of an overpass in who cares Florida. You'll hear about it here.
What else is going on?
Asian hate is up 339%. We will go to our mathematics correspondent,
Jared Harvin, to let us know
how we can break down exactly what that number means.
There's a lot going on.
New York Magazine has something to say about the 10
year anniversary of whatever. What was it? 10 year anniversary of Trayvon Martin. It is. That's
not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about it's been a few years since Colin Kaepernick has
kneeled down and we want to talk about who exactly had negative things to say about that.
It's not always who you would suspect.
If you watch Scooby-Doo, you got to look under the mask.
This is Long Days and let's just take about an hour 40 maybe
to find out, I'm sorry YouTube, what the fuck the deal is. Hey, everybody. Hey everybody, we have so much to talk to you today.
From Joe Rogan, to Whoopsie Goldberg, to Nazis on an overpass, to Cuomo.
Cuomo!
It looks like Andrew Cuomo has gotten off.
It looks like Andrew Cuomo has gotten off.
The district attorney has decided not to pursue an indictment of Andrew Cuomo.
So let's start with the biggest trending news and work our way out.
That's what we like to do.
Me and Jared both respectively took our boots off,
and we're both wearing Maurisa costume slippers.
He's got pink Crocs on, and I got the pink Maurica house slippers on because we really need to get some studio house slippers for rainy days here
because right now we're just wearing Maurica's clothes.
But, you know, it is still wet out there.
Like I said, I'm very pleased to see Jared.
You know, when it snows out there, I get very concerned we may never see him again.
You know, if his comedy career
takes off
which it will
and you book him
just make sure
you check the weather
in Long Island
before we find out
if he can make it or not
my wife is the same way
my wife's going
you're not going to Brooklyn
you're not going to Brooklyn
I got home
I got home
I gotta do an episode
alright
the Cyclops cult is hungry
I gotta feed him we gotta make an episode I got sponsors I gotta put home. I got to do an episode. All right? The Cyclops cult is hungry. I got to feed them.
We got to make an episode.
I got sponsors.
I got to put money in the baby's mouth.
Okay?
I got to sell Green Chef.
And she's going, uh-uh, did you check the weather?
Okay?
You can't go outside right now.
Look at what's going on.
There's rain out there.
The freezing temperature.
It's about 33 degrees.
The conditions aren't right.
You're staying home,
uh-uh, over my dead body. You're going to Brooklyn. She has me now calling and checking in with her when I get to the studio because of the weather. They are very concerned about
the weather in Long Island. Am I wrong, Jared Harvey? Those are Long Island people, man. I
told my mom I was going to Brooklyn. She smacked me in the face with an empanada.
Yeah. You're not going to Brooklyn, not in this weather. No. But your mom probably sound more
like that. Yeah, a little bit. She said, you're not going listening,. Not in this weather. No. But your mom probably sound more like that. Yeah, a little bit.
She said, you're not going.
Listen, Jared.
All right?
I didn't raise a nice Catholic boy.
Are you Catholic?
No.
No, you're not.
So you went with Protestant?
Non-denominational.
Non-denominational.
Because your mother, she grew up Catholic, right?
Puerto Rican?
Non-denominational as well.
She said, listen.
She said, Jared, are you going there to podcast with Marisa again?
Will you tell Marisa to sign something.
Sign one of those paper plates and take it to me so I can take it to the family.
I didn't know you knew Marisa.
But Long Island people, they just don't want to leave the comfort of the island.
We've talked about that.
And I feel like the weather gives them an excuse.
It does.
I feel like they almost like it.
I almost feel like they watch the news to find out about potential hazards, MS-13 and
so they can feel good about making a decision to stay home, which is what they want to do
anyway.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I watch News 12 to see if the schools are closing, man.
That's the only reason why I watch News 12.
Yeah.
So we had a good time in Los Angeles.
Jared Harvin, Tim was nice enough to put Jared on the show
at the Comedy Store.
Yes.
And you did a great job.
Thank you.
He had to follow Kevin Hart back to back.
I mean, this is a story that he will tell
for the rest of his career,
long after I'm dead.
Because he won't reach my age until I'm dead.
So, he, yeah, I mean, Jared Harvin went from Jay Harvin 15 in my phone
all the way to the Comedy Store following.
First of all, did a great job in San Diego.
We will, right now, when you're watching this,
we are in Fredericksburg, Pennsylvania.
Jeffersonville at 7 p.m.
I said it wrong. What is it? Jeffersonville. What did I call it? Fredericksburg, Pennsylvania. Jeffersonville at 7 p.m. I said it wrong.
What is it?
Jeffersonville.
Yeah.
What did I call Fredericksburg?
Yeah.
It's in who cares Pennsylvania?
Yeah.
Why don't you just call it who cares Pennsylvania?
Nobody cares.
You think I'm going to learn something else besides Philly and Pittsburgh?
No.
You got another thing coming.
No.
Okay.
It's in who cares PA a couple of miles outside of fucking Philly.
Yep.
Just know when you go to that show, son, you're going to see some Amish people churning some
butter.
That's what you're going to see.
You'll see that.
Philly.
Philly.
It's a mixed state of Amish and football fans.
That's what you get.
That's what you get in Philly.
And cheese is not liquid.
I'm sorry to say.
Okay?
Anything you can put into a cup and conceivably drink should not be called chess
that's it's whiz and if i say wit wit i don't want i don't have because you go there they get
mad if you don't do it the right way it's like do you want to wit wit what i'm not from i'm not
from philly yeah thank god i'm not from philly okay i'm from something 99 miles down the road
that has more than three block skyscrapers.
All right?
Shout out.
What was the police captain's name we did that episode about?
In Philly?
Frank Rizzo.
Shout out Frank Rizzo, whose statue has gone up and come down more times than fucking.
Who's a good drug addict?
I mean, that Frank Rizzo statue, because he's controversial, you know?
He was a controversial police commissioner and mayor of Philly.
And that statue of Frank Rizzo has gone up and come down more times than, who's a good drug addict?
Lindsay Lohan.
Lindsay Lohan.
That's a good one. That statue's come up and down. More than Lindsay Lohan or Whitney Cummings.
So there's Frank Rizzo.
No, I'm joking
with you, Philly. You guys are, you know,
it's a sophisticated town, you know.
The fans are sophisticated, in
shape, and definitely
love cerebral. They want your jokes
to be cerebral. You know, one of
the greatest comedians of all time
did a 10-minute fight with them.
He did, it was fight comedy.
20 minutes.
20 minutes, I'm sorry.
20 minutes of fight comedy with Philly fans
because you guys are good listeners.
That's what you say.
Let's go to the South Jersey, Philly area
because the crowds there are so quiet.
It's like you're at a classical music concert. It's like you went to a
Stephen Wright comedy show. They know what they're
going to get and they know they got to be quiet to get
the subtle, misdirect
one-liners.
You guys are so in pocket. That's what I love
about Philly fans. In pocket fans.
Not effusive at all. If you don't know that word,
it gets murder.
Gets murder!
So we will be
we're right now
when you're watching this
we're in Jeffersonville
Pennsylvania
it's almost sold out
probably be sold out by now
but just go
storm it
just storm it
okay
just storm the place
storming
hopefully that becomes like
is that in the dictionary
has that made it to the American lexicon
of storming
probably
yeah
as a verb
storming is it in there storming? Probably. Yeah. As a verb, storming.
Is it in there? Storming.
What does it say, though? Is it like
actually, do they have an example
of what
400 people tried to do on January 6th?
It says the Southern force will attack
and capture of a building or other
place by troops. Yeah, storm!
Storm stuff. I love storming, man.
I love storming.
It's fun.
So we're going to start with
we're going to work in and work out, like I said.
Big trending topics. Let's start
with a little whoopsie Goldberg.
Now, I think Whoopi
subconsciously, or
even maybe in a premeditated
manner,
just wants out. Her contract probably says probably says you know you're a big
star you're the voice of the view we do big numbers we need you here until someone could
wipe your lifeless body off the set and she's probably going look i need to get out of here
all right she looks look how blow she looks like someone just pulled her body out of a river
i mean she is blown the fuck out.
And she was probably like, how can I get fired?
How can a black lady get fired in Hollywood,
a legendary black lady get fired in Hollywood in 2022?
There's only one way.
Take a little stab at the juice.
Try to, you know, what you want to do is you want to kind of,
you want to sugarcoat what happened to them.
Now, here's the thing, Jews.
I'm an ally here because we also were victims of the Nazis, the Greeks.
I know you guys, much like a lot of the virtue signals of today.
The Jews like to claim all the victimhood for the Nazis,
but the Nazis
did kill other people as well.
They murdered my entire mother's family.
Like, almost all of them
who fought the Nazis.
They murdered everywhere they went.
They murdered tons of Russians.
They hated gypsies.
Okay?
If you were a guy who wasn't so fond of
hospice, but you did like a nice bat you were
also fucking murdered they hated everybody except blonde hair blue-eyed people who they claimed were
the superior race which is really one of the best examples from history that lets you know
that faith is a little messy.
And what I mean by that is people believed in Hitler.
They didn't take time to notice that he was probably one of the worst examples of an Aryan
that you could ever imagine.
The kid was a squeak, all right?
He had black hair.
Let's be honest.
Adolf Hitler looked less like Dirk Nowinski and more like my accountant.
Yep.
If you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
But he was able to convince all these fucking tall Viking genetic snow monkeys, for lack of a better word.
No. I have a lot of better words.
I just wanted to call you that.
Okay?
You invaded my country.
I'm going to call you snow monkeys until the day I die.
All right?
You blonde snow monkeys.
But he was able to convince them all that he was the leader of the superior race.
Now, that's what makes what Whoopi said, in my mind, very funny.
And I give her a lot of credit.
And that's why I suspect she just wanted to be fired.
She wants to just sit on her couch and watch Netflix at this point.
She doesn't want to sit here talking to these fucking parakeets anymore.
Okay?
She's done with The View.
She's been on there for 46 years.
She gets up every morning and she goes, I used to be a comedian at some point.
God damn it.
I was friends with Richard Pryor.
Now I'm sitting here talking to fucking this Navarro chick from CNN and fucking
Meghan McCain and all these other fucking sad post-menopausal comedians who are just bitter
and chirping about the latest. Where's Kelly Osbourne? Where's that intellectual? Did she have to leave because she was called back
to her mission at some NYU Institute on International Studies? I mean, what a better
example of how America has disintegrated when it comes to exceptionalism that we have to hear kelly osborne talk about geopolitical issues
with joy behar and rosie rosie o'donnell and navarro who i still think is rosie o'donnell
i mean if those two people don't look the same i mean are those is is that fucking the same person
so whoopi i just suspect she did it on purpose dog because either that or we are so far gone
with the reality is a suggestion kind of umbrella ethos and zeitgeist that we live in right now
that she really believed that but i mean you can't when it comes to racism, the Nazis are up there.
They're up there as a contender.
I mean, there's a lot of contenders.
Racism is something you don't touch on daytime TV, though.
Also that.
You can't go for the Jews.
It's just like racism on daytime TV is like the hot chocolate button on a 7-Eleven, son.
You don't touch that.
You don't touch that.
No.
You go for the dark roast espresso, maybe the Colombian, on a 7-Eleven, son. You don't touch that. You don't touch that. No.
You go for the dark roast espresso,
maybe the Colombian,
but you leave that hot chocolate alone, son. You leave the hot chocolate alone.
It's been sitting there for three weeks.
They're not refilling.
It's just Swiss Miss up in there.
It's all clunky.
Do not press that button, son.
It's like ordering fish at a Greek diner
at three in the morning.
Stick to burgers and eggs.
And souvlaki.
That's all you can do, son.
Or souvlaki Yeah
Dude you don't go for the fish in the middle
You don't go in there
And get the lobster special
Yeah
From the middle of the men
You don't walk into a Greek restaurant
And ask for the chicken and waffles
No you do not
Yeah
Because that butter
Is just going to be tzatziki sauce
Exactly
You keep it simple
You gotta
You know
You gotta operate
Within the confines
Of what you're good at
Go with what you know
Yeah the view
Talk about something else You know Erika Jayne Just was You got to operate within the confines of what you're good at. Go with what you know. Yeah, the view.
Talk about something else.
Erica Jane just was found not guilty from the Real Housewives.
I want to hear what you ladies got to say.
I want to hear what you parakeets have to say about that with your smaller brains.
That's their Super Bowl.
I want to see those smaller brains to go to work.
Okay?
Because I just, you know, women use a smaller basketball for a reason you ever you ever hoop with you ever hoop at a woman's ball and just like
you feel like michael jordan for three seconds you just palm and shit everywhere
just fucking walking around doing fake michael jordan passes
with their cute little tiny basketball for their tiny little brains. I kid, algorithm. I kid,
YouTube head of
on notice director.
I kid.
It's a great point, Jared. You don't want to hear
about the Nazis? Two words you don't
want to hear during The View.
Is racism
or the Nazis?
You just
don't want to hear that. you probably just don't you don't
want to hear the accurate acronym ccp either it's like let's leave that for after eight district
stick to the script dude am i going to get demonetized now for saying that they shouldn't
talk about things before 12 noon because that seems to be what youtube likes no that's fair
that's fair you only hear certain things you know only thing i want to hear is the astrazeneca
commercial that's all i want to hear right right and when i hear about gay Only thing I want to hear is the AstraZeneca commercial That's all I want to hear
And when I hear about gay rights
Please be fully clothed
That's my only point
It's actually in your interest
Because I'm talking to my daughter about it
I'm explaining to her what it is
And she can't get over the fact
That two guys are fucking on a float
Wait you're doing this again?
I'm just saying.
Well, they brought the episode back.
You're doing it again.
I'm doing it again because they gave me a pass on it.
They gave me a pass on it.
I think I got more gay people with me.
There were so many people who tweeted that it was a funny joke.
There were even a few people who said, you actually make a good point.
So I think YouTube, because I was talking to them on Twitter, I think they saw that and they were like we got to overturn this i mean look he's got a gen z kid in here with pink fucking crocs on yeah we're the least homophobic podcast in the
history of podcasts yeah okay so whoopi whoopi went on to say this and then she doubled down
this is why i suspect that she just wants to hang it up.
I feel like she just doesn't want to do this anymore
because then she goes on Colbert after she wrote an apology letter or whatever.
We call those Patton Oswalt's at this point.
She threw down an Oswalt, and then she goes back on Colbert,
and Colbert kind of is trying to ease her.
You know, Colbert's a good company man.
And they're both company people.
All right?
I was about to say they're both company men.
Because I've never seen.
Whoopi supposedly dated Ted Danson.
But I think maybe she did just to peg him.
I mean, do we have any evidence that Whoopi straight?
Does she have kids?
I'm not sure.
We're not sure.
I'm always going to view her as a man.
Her name is Whoopi Goldberg.
What you need to do, my friend, is you need to brush up on your Jewish celebrity history.
Yeah.
It's funny, too, because she changed her name.
Her stage name is a Jewish name, Goldberg.
But Whoopi, I don't believe is Jewish.
I believe Amari Stoudemire is Jewish.
Yes.
And Madonna is Jewish.
Which is impressive that if you convert to Judaism and they take you,
because they don't want any of us.
They don't want any of us.
If they ask you, they come up to you on like Palm, whatever holiday it is. Let me ask our resident Jew.
Only the good half.
I have no idea.
You're a horrible Jew.
You're getting buried in a Christian cemetery.
You're going to fucking purgatory with Ari Shaffir.
Yeah.
When they come up to you and they find out you're not Jewish,
they're just disappointed.
They don't try to proselytize.
They're not trying to convert you.
They just go, oh, we're just looking.
You're not what we want.
So Colbert tries to like ease her into an apology.
Like, you know, just like kind of to retract it and
she just doubles down on it again she doubles down and again check it out I haven't seen this
yeah here we go talk about race it's a very different thing to me wait go to the beginning
because you got to hear this is this is wait hold on this morning this question this question is
what you call a lesbian softball in the park.
She's just – there's no mustard on this fastball.
This question is just to set her up.
They even probably practiced it before they came on.
It goes, whoopee, I'm just going to say this about the Nazis, and you're going to go, you know what?
You're right.
I was trying to make another point about how humans in general always are killing each other always discriminating against each other and of course the nazis were
racist not only against jews but everyone else she could have really done some damage control here
but whoopi wants out of the business she wants two weeks in cancun she wants two weeks in cancun
as soon as she can she's got 300 million dollars she wants out because look at the softball
and then look where she hits it you made some news this morning yes on the view when y'all
were talking about the holocaust and you know just shooting the breeze would you care to follow up
would you care to follow up would you care to follow up this is you know that's what you call
just a softball right over the middle. And she goes.
You said this morning, because it confused some people.
It upset a lot of people, which was never, ever, ever, ever my intention.
I thought we were having a discussion because I feel being black when we talk about race,
it's a very different thing to me.
So I said that I felt that the Holocaust wasn't about race.
And people got very, very, very angry and still are angry.
I mean, I'm getting all of this.
What you forgot, Whoopi, is that the Nazis weren't too fond of you either.
It wasn't like the Nazis were going like, you know what?
We hate these Jews, but these African-Americans, we're going to put them in control of the Nazi party.
They hated everybody, whoop.
Whoopsie-daisy, girl.
Whoopsie-daisy.
They hated you.
They hated me.
They hated Jews.
Okay, the only thing they liked was animals, which is crazy. Yeah, the Nazis were like very into animal rights, which is ironic because they were the biggest animals.
Let's hear it.
Male from folks and the very real anger because people feel very differently.
Can you pause it?
But I thought it was.
Why is she always dressed like she's in that movie where she played the judge?
Yeah, bro. What was that movie called?
Not Sister Zach.
Yeah, she was in the Nun movie. Yeah, Holy Grail.
Sister Zach. Sister Zach.
She's always dressed like she's a judge
or a nun. Yeah. We have
no idea what Whoopi Goldberg's figure
looks like. She looks like Sirius Nation. She's always
wearing like a tarp.
You don't want to know. Yeah.
A salient discussion
because as a black
person, I think of race
as being something that I can see.
So I see you and I know
what race you are.
That sounded pretty racist.
It's like with the Nazis say,
we just know, we can tell by the nose.
We say, I can tell.
It's like when the Turks killed all the Armenians.
We know what they look like by the way they smell.
We can tell by the way they smell.
When we get rid of the Greeks,
we can tell by the way they smell like yogurt. We can tell by the way they smell. When we get rid of the Greeks, we can tell by the way they smell like yogurt.
We can tell by the big eyebrows.
And then the Nazis are like,
we're not from the north.
We're not.
We can say they don't can't fool me.
Whoopie good point.
The funny thing is,
the funny thing about this is,
the person who would be most upset about this
is Adolf Hitler.
All right?
Because he did everything in his power to let you know and make sure you knew that this was about race.
I think it was in the mission statement, as Jesse said.
I think they actually, he wrote a whole book about it called Mein Kampf.
I think by their actions, you can tell.
Let's just say they weren't subtle about it.
They weren't subtle about what they believed.
And it wasn't just Jews.
I mean, Jews were the primary target for their dumb economic rationalization.
And also, that train is never late, as the great Chris Rock said.
But they weren't too fond of African Americans either,
or Africans, or Chinese, or Indians, or Greeks,
or Balkan people, or Spanish people, or homosexuals.
They were equal opportunity haters
of everything they felt was inferior to the Aryans.
Yeah.
To the Aryans. But Jews were the focal point. Jews were the focal point. Jews to the Aryans. To the Aryans.
But Jews were the focal point.
Jews were the focal point.
Jews were the D1.
D2, D3 were the undesirables.
Exactly.
Yeah, you could keep going.
It was all the same sport.
Yeah, all the same sport.
Jews were D1.
Greeks and people in the Balkans, Serbs, and Montenegrins, Albanians, those were like D2.
Yep.
The French and Spanish, depending on, you you know they were like more intramural yep they were getting gone too
uh the british who they bombed incessantly who technically are germanic uh they're from you know
their roots are germanic tribes but boy have they fallen off as far as their dentistry goes
they got bombed out too.
They didn't like those.
The Russians also
from the Caucasus.
What did they kill?
A million of those.
They got a few of those.
Then they went to Northern Africa,
killed some Arabs.
They were fans of nobody.
But,
okay, let's hear it.
Let's talk.
Let's hear Whoopi's mind conf.
And the discussion was about how I felt about that.
I felt that it was really more about man's inhumanity to man and how horrible people can be to people.
And we're seeing it manifest itself these days.
But people were very angry and they
said no no we are a race and i i understand can you pause for a second just to throw a wrench in
what she's saying just a little bit um do you know you know jl coven no jl coven's a comedian
he's also a lawyer he was a lawyer he's. He does a great Trump impersonation. He got big on Twitter. You know JL Cobb.
He's a comic.
He is the whitest looking black guy.
He's so white looking.
Pull him up.
If he grew his hair out, I mean, but even with his hair cut down low, and he's a massive dude.
He used to play basketball.
He's like 6'8", 6'9".
So if you saw this dude, would you think he was half black?
He's not 10%.
His father is Haitian full black.
Yeah, I mean Haitians come in all different shapes and sizes.
No, but his dad is black.
I mean you're half black.
His dad looks blacker than you, and you're half black.
He looks white.
Yeah, that's –
So I just want to throw a wrench in – yeah, and that's him playing –
would you ever – he looks so white,
he could go undercover in any friend group
and bust everybody for racism.
Because he would come up and be like,
hey guys, you know, how about these Chinese N-words
and, you know, yeah, can you bleep that?
And his friends would go, tell me about it.
J-All, man, we love you, guy.
You know what I love about JL?
JL tells it like it is, man.
JL is a fucking, just tells it real.
He's not politically correct.
And then JL would be like, guess what?
I am black.
So whoopie, you can't always tell by just what you see, is what I'm saying.
You can't always tell by what you see because JL Colvin,
his dad's full Haitian.
Yeah.
His dad wants his penis
in my mouth right now.
That's Will.
Sylvain.
Will Sylvain.
So me and Jesse
used to crack up.
His dad would be on a plane.
Where's my penis?
I want my penis
in my mouth right now.
When he was ordering
a penis on a plane.
Where's my penis?
Give me, put those penis in my mouth right now. When he was ordering peanuts on a plane. Where's my penis? Give me, put those peanuts in my mouth right now.
So I just want to point out, shout out JL Colvin.
Go follow him.
It was like the gay product of The Rock and Kevin James.
Yeah.
Also Thurgood Marshall.
You know, Julian Bond, who was one of my mentor professors at the American University.
Guys who you could see would be, you could easily go, Julian, you Puerto Rican?
Yeah.
You know?
Are you Arab?
Yeah, Colin Powell.
I mean, it's not always obvious.
And then I know plenty of Arab dudes who kind of, you're like, is he black?
Is he Arab?
Is he light-skinned?
Is he Spanish?
French Montana.
Yeah.
So usually it's not so much about phenotype and your visage.
If you don't know those words, get fucking smarter. Okay.
Sometimes it's about the hateful ideology. It's about the beliefs about one group of
homo sapiens sapiens being superior to another and thus the actions that follow, which are
discriminatory sometimes and often systematic,
and often brutal and murderous.
Okay?
Roll camera.
I felt differently.
I respect everything everyone is saying to me,
and I don't wanna fake apologize.
I'm very upset that people misunderstood what I was I very upset about that people are misunderstood what
I was saying and so because of it they're saying that I'm anti-semitic and
that I'm denying the Holocaust and all these other things which you know would
never occurred to me to do I thought we were having a discussion about race,
which everyone, I think, is having.
As the white guy in the conversation here,
I am neither Jewish nor am I black,
and so I have a different perspective on this.
Can you just pause it for a sec?
Can you guys stop?
Yeah.
You're not white and you're not black.
You're both filthy rich and filthy famous.
Yeah.
I've been in those circles.
And guess what happens?
Race disappears real quick.
Okay?
You guys are fucking wealthy and rich.
Only color that matters is green.
Yes.
So as the white guy, you know, the white guy with $40 million a year,
I'm just an ordinary coal mining white guy from Pittsburgh.
Explain it to me.
Yeah, you and Whoopi are fucking friends.
You guys are celebrities and you're millionaires.
So let's hear the rest of what this white guy has to say.
The whiteness is a construct created by colonial powers during the beginning of colonial imperialist era.
This is true.
In order to exploit other people. This is true.
This is true.
Yes.
And so that is what race means to me.
When you talk about being a racist, I was saying you can't call this racism.
This was evil. This wasn't, this wasn't based on skin. You couldn't tell who was Jewish. They had to delve deeply.
Not really, Whoopi. Not really. Not really. They didn't have to delve too deeply.
Not really, Whoop. Not really, whoopsie daisy. Jews are are kind of a little they're an ethnicity but they're almost
they've been around so long you can kind of claim you know depending on how you break up races it
seems like woody's doing a good job of being being a fucking eugenicist here by separating people by
white black i guess asian are those the three races i mean what are we talking about whoopie
what are we talking about yeah it didni? What are we talking about?
Yeah, it didn't matter to them.
You know?
What are Indian people then?
Where do they fall?
Not really, Whoopi.
Sometimes you can tell by what they're wearing,
what their last names are, where they pray.
There's lots of ways.
And sometimes often how they look sometimes.
Sometimes you can kind of tell.
You know?
People can tell I'm Greek because my genetic pool goes back look at these
eyebrows there's a stereotype for a reason right if I don't if I don't
manicure these things they turn into butterflies that fly off my face I got
moths above my eyes yeah I look Greek okay I got hair on my back yeah okay
John Stamos and me look Greek we could be something else but often people kind
of look what they are you You know what I mean?
Doesn't even have to be look. You can tell a Puerto Rican
girl by her fat ass!
That's true. People know I'm black. They don't even have to look at me.
They can just smell cocoa butter and boom.
I know you're black before you enter the room!
Yeah.
Shea butter, argan oil, all that, you know?
Sometimes, it's
not that easy. So here she is doubling down.
Whatever.
I just wanted to read just a funny comment because it just made me laugh. So here she is doubling down. Whatever. I just wanted to read
just a funny comment
because it just made me laugh.
Whoopi and Donald Rumsfeld
both so misunderstood.
Mistakes were made.
Just a few mistakes.
Just a few mistakes.
That was funny.
Speaking of black,
has anyone heard
how Sean King's been?
Good question. Good question.
Good question.
I don't know.
And then someone goes, whoopie daisy.
And then where's the other one that was very funny?
It had nothing to do with anything.
I'll give Omar's Wild a little credit here.
He goes, Yanni, if I got two shots, no side effects from any of them,
does that mean I was already a cupcake?
And it just maybe lack of it made no sense.
I don't want to fake apologize
so now I'm not
going to apologize at all. Nice.
That's what Whoopi did. Yes. That's from
Corkknocker.
Grimace and Pain
in Comment Roulette says,
If the farts didn't get Oopsy Whoopi
fired, nothing will.
She got the fumes, yo.
Did she fart at some point famously?
I think she farted on air.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that.
And she tried to cover it up.
Same as Wendy Williams, too.
Yeah.
The king of comedy is the fart.
Whenever you're feeling arrogant, whenever you're feeling cocky, just remember as a comic,
we're always chasing the fart.
You want to hear Whoopie farting?
Yeah.
Nothing is funnier than the fart.
It's the ultimate king of comedy.
And that's what our profession does,
is try to be as funny as a fart.
Because nothing has ever made me laugh more than the fart.
A Golden Globe?
You were nominated for Best Actress.
Several Golden Globes.
I think it's one of the first stories
that really talks about our experience post 9-11.
And it's our identity was really questioned.
And I think it.
You know this is Jesse's favorite thing because he pulled this shit off fast.
Yeah.
No, Jesse.
It's going to take this motherfucker 10 minutes to look something up.
Jesse had this within two nanoseconds.
I've always said Jesse has probably the best sense of humor.
Like what's funny.
He laughs the best of anyone I've ever met.
And farts are his favorite thing.
So that's all you need to know. So yeah, he's excited. I can see him. He's the best I've ever met. And farts are his favorite thing. So that's all you need to know.
So yeah, he's excited. I can see him. He's waiting
for it.
In a really smart way.
Don't grab the chair like that.
Don't grab the chair like that. Don't grab the chair like that.
She tried to blame it on a chair.
She tried to do one of those like, oh, the chair, I adjusted it.
The chair made that sound.
One more, one more.
Oh, one more.
Oh, excuse me.
She's going to blame that fart on racism.
I'm talking about the safety of the nation.
You know, as you see...
Pull it back.
Pull it back.
It's...
Whoopie fart.
Which is funny because they do call it a whoopie cushion.
Yeah.
So, that's funny because they do call it a whoopie cushion. Yeah. So that's funny.
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So, yeah, Whoopi.
Now, here's the thing.
Whoopi got fired. God, I'm crying. I was laughing so hard. Whoopi Now here's the thing Whoopi got fired God I'm crying
I was laughing so hard
Whoopi ended up getting fired
I don't agree with that
I think a lot of people don't
She's fired from The View?
Yeah she got fired
Or suspended
Two weeks right?
Oh just two weeks?
Oh yeah
Oh then that's fine
That's what she wanted
Go to Cancun
Yeah
Suspended with pay?
Beautiful
That's how long the trips to the camps lasted anyway.
She said something stupid.
Big deal.
Big deal.
People say stupid things.
You know?
She trends on Twitter for a week.
You know?
She's just suspended.
She's suspended.
Big deal.
Okay.
She's on daytime TV.
Jared makes a good point.
Probably shouldn't have went down that road on daytime TV.
But she didn't kill anyone.
This is the thing with speech.
Okay.
And that's why, you know, as Jesse pointed out, what was it?
The Defamation League or the NAACP used to even, they represented Nazis sometimes.
I think it was the ACLU.
I'm sorry, the ACLU.
But also, I think it was NAACP's policy too, is we want to hear from this.
Let people express themselves.
We'd rather know.
In some ways, we'd rather know who's racist than have it hidden.
Where it can fester and be more nefarious.
So you know what to stay with.
You know who's bad, who's good.
But that's freedom, man.
Freedom is messy.
You're going to have idiots.
It's a small price to pay to live free.
The alternative is an autocracy where nobody can say anything.
And it's subjective what is racist or not racist or, you know, malfeasance or, you know, treason against the government or against the power structure.
That's subjective.
And guess who's the arbiter of that?
Guess who becomes the arbiter of that?
It's not a council of your peers.
It's the government.
It's the government.
That's how it works.
So would you rather that?
So this is a small consequence.
That's what I say about comedy.
Yes, some things are offensive.
Yes, sometimes comedians cross the line.
But if comedians weren't crossing the line sometimes comedians cross the line.
But if comedians weren't crossing the line and comedians weren't offending,
how would you know that you're still free?
How would you know?
You wouldn't be able to know.
The only way to know you're still free
is by people saying offensive,
because it's subjective,
things and crossing the line on occasion. So yes,
people's feelings get hurt. Sometimes people have taste like jokes. Yes. Sometimes people attack
and punch down. Yes. But that is a small price to pay. Your feelings being hurt on an individual or
group basis is a small price to pay to live in the greatest experiment and country to ever be on
the planet. And that's just the goddamn truth. We got a lot of issues, but ain't nobody trying to
swim to China. Ain't nobody risking their lives on a fucking raft or trying to smuggle their daughter inside their ass here because this place stinks.
Okay?
That comes from this utopian, cartoon-like premise
that the world was this beautiful place
and America's sins are the exception.
No.
Unfortunately, they're the rule.
Unfortunately, humans have always been shit.
They've gotten actually less shit
as time has gone on.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath
water. I just gave you a little bit of
your long day. Now let's get back
to the motherfucking comedy before
people tune out.
That's Whoopi. I think we covered Whoopi.
Hopefully she rests up though. She does need the rest.
She looks a little worn down.
I didn't know that was the view.
I thought Eddie Murphy was making a remake to Nutty Professor.
So hopefully, you know, she gets back on.
It does a cleanse, and she gets back out there.
Yes.
Yeah, do a little cleanse.
Take it two weeks.
As Jesse said, Cancun, a little time off.
Cancun.
You know?
Don't go to Jerusalem.
Yeah, don't go to Jerusalem right now.
Maybe read a little Eli Weasel, a little Eli Weissel.
A little bit of that.
A couple Jewish books.
Get yourself some matzah and some grape jelly.
Get some matzah.
That would be funny if she just comes back to The View,
just like full curls, and is like,
Hello, I'm back.
I've learned a lot.
I know I was wrong.
First of all, I'd like to say I will be missing this day,
this day, and this day, and this day of the
view because these are now my new holidays. And can I please offer you a few crackers?
And let me ask you, are you Jewish? Okay. I will move on to the next person to hand them a palm.
She turns the craft table into Shabbat.
Yeah. That would be funny if she just comes back all like just totally Jewish.
I think she – this is what happens when people hold on too long.
How old is Whoopi Goldberg at this point?
Does she still – why don't you go back to stand-up like Bob Saget?
Like us.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, I mean, no.
I mean, unfortunately he passed, but I mean he was doing what he loved.
Yeah, he went out.
Do you think Whoopi loves being on The View?
Yeah.
Do you think she really enjoys talking to Navarro and Meghan McCain?
Listen, just retire from that and then make a podcast with Oprah.
That's all you got to do, son, you know?
That's a good suggestion.
She's 66.
She's not too old at all.
She could still hit the road.
Do some stand-up, man.
I want to see some of those characters
she used to do
make a podcast with Oprah
and just have black women on
to train them to be
the leaders of tomorrow
Naomi Osaka
Candace Owens
Rachel Dolezal
just put them all up in there
you know
I love it
I love it
start the podcast called
What is Blackness
exactly
she was great
in the color purple
she can act
she's a talented woman
she used to do those one person shows
in the belly room
yeah
and she did a few for HBO
which I saw T.I. doing stand up in the belly room
oh is T.I. doing stand up now
yeah
really
the rapper
little rough
not gonna lie to you
she used to do
comics for the homeless
what was that called
with her good friends
Billy Crystal
and Robin Williams.
That was the most famous comedy tour of all time.
With the three of them.
Now she's sitting on The View
with a bunch of other post-menopausal fucking bitter
former comics and pundits
talking about the news in the most unentertaining way
you can imagine.
That's so true.
How much do you think they spend on AC in that studio?
Why?
Because they always got to unplug it and plug it back in
because it's fluctuating with the menopause.
I didn't even get that yet.
Yeah, they have to constantly.
They have actually hired.
There's a PA on the thermostat based on what the hot flashes are.
Comic relief is what you're looking for.
Comic relief, dude.
That tour with the three of them.
You know, she's an icon.
Whoopi Goldberg, she's an icon.
Ghost.
You know, the list goes on.
Sister Act was like there was four of them.
She won an Oscar, too.
She won an Oscar, didn't she?
Was it for Ghost?
Eddie was good.
New York Knicks coach.
Oh, yeah. I think it was for Ghost. Yeah. Yeah. What did she win an Oscar, didn't she? Was it for Ghost? Eddie was good. New York Knicks coach. Oh, yeah.
I think it was for Ghost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did she win an Oscar for?
Color Purple.
Yeah, Color Purple.
Color Purple was amazing.
She was amazing in that.
Her, like Robin Williams and Billy Crystal, amazing actors as well.
You know?
That was a generation of, like, talented beasts.
Yeah.
You know?
She won for Ghost. Ghost she went for ghost ghost she went for wow she was good in ghost rest in peace patrick swayze but you know his name did become
hip-hop in the hip-hop lexicon which is that just lets you know there's nobody more creative
than black people american black people are the most creative.
The two funniest groups,
we used to say it on Hyenas all the time.
The two,
and me and Paul Verzi
were talking about this the other night.
The two funniest groups,
like straight up funny.
I'd say three, okay?
Two kind of,
all three of them, three.
The three funniest groups
that are funny,
but also funny
and not aware of it i would say jews blacks italians okay maybe blacks number one as far
as talent creativity italians are hilarious a lot of times they're not aware of it like i watch
goodfellas joe pesci it's like a comedy for me you know um and jews obviously you know started
stand-up comedy.
Always as the outsider, you know.
You have to be, that's why so many great comedians come from Canada.
Because they are like on the outside looking in.
A lot of black comedians, the greats, because they're on the outside looking in.
It's always like an ostracized or like a, you know, marginalized group.
I've noticed that.
Where the best comics come from.
Yeah, I've noticed that.
And black's just funny, dude.
Look at all the best comics. A lot of them are black.
And then just look at some of the creative
expressions that have come out of black culture.
Swayze's one of them.
I'm Swayze. I'm Ghost.
I'm Swayze. I'm outta here.
I mean, it's just
unbeatable, dude. It's unbeatable.
The
jargon, the cultural jargon that has come out of the black community has spread to the world.
It's like some of it is just the most creative, sometimes hilarious and innovative, you know, phrases.
Yep.
You know?
Even bad.
Calling things that are good bad. It's a bad man, you know? Even bad. Calling things that are good bad,
it's a bad man, you know?
And that's an old one.
Fresh.
When I was growing up,
fresh hit the scene.
Fresh.
Fresh.
Fire.
Dope.
Fat.
Fat.
Another one, another funny one.
Yo, this is fat.
You know?
And then just the invention of arts, completely invented by African Americans.
Jazz, completely invented.
Rockabilly, rock and roll.
These are all black inventions.
Blues.
Unequivocally.
Blues.
Rap, hip hop, the biggest music in the world and all of those
the the crazy thing is all of those musics all of those genres are the biggest in the world now
the biggest i think before black people the only music was classical i think it was classical
and like you know i think the Irish had their banjo
which could be kind of lit
I know the Greeks
had the lyre
Greek music can be lit
but it was like violin-y
but otherwise
it was just kind of classical
the blacks
brought the drum
the black were like
yo let's incorporate the drum
let's make this music
a little more lit
so rock and roll
rock and roll
I would say overall rock
is probably my favorite
rock, hip hop,
it's black music
invented by
African
Americans based on the
history of America.
You can make an argument that stand-up comedy
wouldn't exist without black people
because stand-up comedy actually evolved out of
Vaudeville, which evolved out of the Minstrel Show,
which was copying and making fun of accentuating the black culture.
Thomas D. Rice, he stole that from a black man anyway.
But a lot of the culture has evolved out of black people.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You can make that argument.
You can make that argument.
We did an episode of History Hyenas on, what's his name?
The guy who performed in blackface.
Thomas D. Rice?
No.
Al Jolson. Al Jolson D. Rice? No. Jolson?
Al Jolson.
Who was Jewish.
Al Jolson was Jewish.
Very interesting.
I learned so much about Al Jolson.
The thing...
And this is a great example.
You can go back and listen to that classic episode that we did.
But the interesting thing about Al Jolson,
and this talks to what kids and how lazy they are in their historical analysis now and how people want everything to be a cartoon.
They want everything to be a cartoon to fit their sort of modern day ethos.
But really, it's just lazy.
You got to do a lot of historical research, read a lot of original sources to get the truth.
Al Jolson was beloved by the black community.
to get the truth. Al Jolson was beloved by the black community. One of the biggest advocates in the entertainment sphere of black people. Did not allow them to go on a separate entrance.
Black people loved him, applauded him. At his funeral, tons of other black musicians,
artists attended it. We look at this now and are appalled byalled by it and rightly so right why because it's the
exploitation of a culture that they're not able to cash in on right that's the point that's what
makes blackface unique nowadays they go oh hank azaria did a did a voice of uh indians and i'm
going i'm sorry when were the ind Indians that got here 20 years ago,
when were they enslaved and not? They're the most successful ethnic group in the country now.
So it's like, why should he not be able? They're just another ethnic group that immigrated here.
There is a distinction between black people who were systematically oppressed and enslaved,
not only enslaved, brutalized, families ripped apart, etc. You know
the melody. There's a difference. Not allowed to work, not allowed to make money off what they
were doing, not allowed to perform, not allowed to go in certain entrances, not allowed to do things.
And then white people took their culture and made millions off of it. That's what's so offensive about blackface.
Along with the exaggerations that are a caricature.
That's obvious.
You don't give the credit.
You know?
You take it, don't give the credit.
The economic oppression of this.
It's like economic slavery.
Really.
You know?
Even post-slavery.
This is economic slavery to be like, I-slavery, this is economic slavery
to be like, I'm gonna take what you do
and I'm gonna sing it.
So there's that element to it.
But it was also, that's why history's messy.
Also, Al Jolson was seen at the time by many blacks
pushing their culture out to the audience
that wasn't aware of it,
didn't know about it, or was at least pushing it one step closer to being accepted, you know,
by doing his, which you look back now, it's cringy, and I admit it.
Mommy.
He wasn't even a good singer.
Let's be honest.
I disagree with anyone who says, Mommy.
Yeah, you sound like Kermit.
Yeah, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.
You sound like Kermit.
Yeah.
Mommy, mommy, mommy.
So you have to put things,
as my old beloved professor who was black,
my mentor at American University of American Studies,
Professor Ed Smith said,
dates are addresses in time.
It's an address in time.
And at that address lives a different context that needs to be understood at that address
and how it led to here.
You cannot judge today,
because without Al Jolson, without these steps,
you don't get here.
So things don't fall from the sky.
So I digress.
I digress.
But hopefully it's a controversial topic
and you guys voice your controversy in the comments.
But it's very interesting.
Al Jolson, those are some uncomfortable facts about Al Jolson
was that he was actually beloved,
unanimously beloved by the black community
and was a huge advocate for their civil rights.
Huge.
Huge.
Put his neck on the line.
It's logic.
It's smart logic. Like I don't eat anchovies on pizza. It's smart. Huge. Huge. Put his neck on the line. It's logic. It's smart logic.
Like, I don't eat anchovies on pizza.
Smart.
Because it sucks.
But if my boy Jamal starts eating anchovies on pizza, he's the first black person I see
doing that.
It's like, okay, if he's doing that, maybe I can get into it.
So it's a nice little lead in.
It's a nice little lead in, you know?
Now, let me ask you this.
Did you plan on saying that whole black rant on the second day of Black History Month?
Or did that just naturally happen?
Is this Black History Month?
That's right.
No, I did not.
I'm not going to lie.
A white man telling me about my history may be a little uncomfortable.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Okay?
It may be a little uncomfortable.
I'm a wild boy.
And your professor talked about addresses and time.
That's some high shit.
He might have been smoking crack with Mary and Barry.
That's possible.
There's a lot of things that are happening right now.
But if it happened naturally, I'm glad.
If you planned it, you're a devil.
He also took us to meet Clarence Thomas,
which was fun.
During that time,
when it was like a big controversy,
he was friends with Clarence Thomas.
Yeah, I wasn't aware of it,
but I am a wild boy.
I mean, you can't do what I do.
I don't care.
I do it anyway.
There's so much to love about this country.
And it's like,
you know, there's so much to love about this country, you know, and it's like,
you gotta, you gotta, you gotta be as optimistic as you are pessimistic. We've gone way pessimistic,
you know, looking at everything as this cartoon of evil and everyone's bad, but you know, it's just not that simple. And I think a lot of it is laziness. To be honest with you, a lot of it
is just laziness. We become lavy, lavy, we become lavy you know because when when you talk when you tell anyone about this about al jolson
most people don't know and but that's who he was that's what it was excuse me my nose it just
that's what it was i'm sober um and always have been um and i'm not joking um so you can't you
can't divorce basically like seem like you're lying.
Well, it's an inside joke
because I've been getting a lot of messages.
I've been getting a lot of messages.
So you can't divorce that
from what your moral judgment is now.
You have to take it all into consideration
and try to understand it in the context.
Your long day's over
and we've only covered one fucking topic
and jesse just gave me the 50 minute mark so let's get to joe rogan but it is funny that it's black
history month and i just went off all right so joe rogan all right this is this is this is big
so joe rogan uh obviously people people started um pulling their music off Spotify.
Neil Young and then his old buddy, what's her name?
Jody Mitchell.
Jody Mitchell, legendary 60s rock icons started pulling their music off Spotify.
And finally, Rogan made a video,
which I thought was objectively just a humble video.
It was great.
Great.
Making a lot of good points.
Saying, hey, I had these two people on.
Now, I got a lot to say about this.
Having these two people on.
What people do forget is he did have Peter Hotez on, who I love.
Peter Hoteas is doing amazing
work in texas he's a scientist who's created a vaccine an old school vaccine not an rna vaccine
old school vaccines are the where they put the dead virus in the form of it and yeah yeah and
it just gives you the reaction so i mean you know so it takes away whatever conspiracy theory you
have to to try to give away to the world, to get the world vaccinated, because that's how we will truly stop future
variants, because the more unvaccinated people there are, the more chance the virus has to
replicate, et cetera.
All right.
Don't turn it off.
I'm done.
Okay.
That's all I wanted to say.
But he had Peter Hotez on.
He had Assam J. Gupta on.
It's hard to pronounce that name.
Okay, I need to get Hank Azaria in here to help us.
Samjay Gupta.
Samjay Gupta.
That would be the way it's pronounced.
I'm just trying to be accurate.
Samjay Gupta.
He had him on, CNN's resident scientist.
Okay.
He had another doctor on, a woman, I can't i can't remember so he's had other people on um not just peter dr peter malone and uh
mccullough whose eyes are closer together than mine pull him up peter mccullough is his name
check out his eyes yeah i mean the kid i mean, I want to make him the first captain in Cyclops Cole.
I mean, the kid's eyes are on his nose.
Yes, son.
He reads a lot of books.
I mean, the kid looks, me and him could play David Patterson in a movie.
We look like we're blind.
If he was my doctor i'll
be anti-vax too yeah but you know these are he's a real doctor he's a cardiologist um up until this
vaccine thing no controversy well respected peter malone obviously there's more to his story peter
malone peter malone just seems like kind of an angry you know a little bitter that his name isn't
you know he keeps calling himself the inventor.
Yeah, look at those eyes right there.
It looks like it's Photoshopped.
I mean.
He's trying to give you a shot in the arm
and end up in your ear.
Dr. McCullough's eyes, dog.
I mean, me and him, we could definitely see eye to eye.
And then Dr. Malone obviously played a role in the invention albeit seems like
a small role or not not as big as others but a part he got the patents on the vaccine and he
played a role in a larger thing you know science is often as isaac newton said i invented so much
because i stood on the shoulders of giants it's a a famous quote. It's a continual process. A lot of people contribute.
Even Thomas Edison, those inventions were,
there was a few other people
inventing the same thing at the same time.
He had those two on.
Those two said some things.
Now, Rogan has people on,
whoever piques his curiosity,
whatever his opinions or private thoughts are,
and he lets them talk for three hours, okay?
So I don't know why the ire is directed at him.
It's because of the exposure.
That's what it is.
It's the exposure.
Exactly.
The people who have the anti-vax mindsets, they're not on Spotify with 3 million streamers.
They're outside your local stop and shop.
That's where they are.
So they don't get the exposure there, so that's why people are putting their stamp down on it now,
which is fine. It's fine. Rogan did nothing wrong, you know,
and the exposure is something that they want to stop. Also, I believe that those people would
have believed that with Rogan or without. Because, I mean, those two doctors were out there and they
had, they were skeptical of vaccine or whatever their issues are with or without Rogan. I think
this is about Rogan's numbers and influence. I think this is a power play going like
damn, Rogan's pulling in 40, 50 million.
CNN's pulling in
30,000 or something like that.
Nobody's watching their horse shit.
So they want to get rid of them.
They want to get rid of them because
traditional media can't
compete. It's the same reason
why every comedian is called
a white supremacist. It's the same reason why Candace every comedian is called a white supremacist the same
reason why candace owens is called a white supremacist even though she's fucking black
she's a conservative she's a little nutty in my opinion but to call her white supremacist she's
black you know so i'm not saying she couldn't align herself but you got to admit if the white
supremacist let her in,
then they're pretty,
they've changed.
They're getting pretty diverse.
If they let him in,
if they let Candace Owens in,
if they let Ben Shapiro in,
you're like, damn,
Nazis are getting very progressive.
They got a very diverse cast of white supremacists.
But I think a lot of it is because they don't like the actual numbers these people are pulling in because of new media.
They're trying to hold on to their old cruise ship while all these people are in speedboats.
Gold-studded speedboats.
$100 million speedboats with one employee.
Jamie, pull that off.
with one employee.
Jamie, pull that off.
So there's not a lot of people who got their hands in that money pot.
There's a lot of people,
what are their jobs gonna be?
If everyone starts doing,
if everyone's Tim Dillon now,
where's all those hands?
If you're on SNL,
there's a lot of hands in there.
There's a lot of hands.
It's like you're on the subway in Barcelona. There's a lot of hands in there. It's a lot of hands. It's like you're on the subway in
Barcelona. There's a lot of hands in your pocket, getting pickpocketed. You got an agent here. You
got a manager here. You got a lawyer here. You got a studio executive here. You got a holding deal
here. You got three executives whose job it is to tweak your show. You got a whole department of
lawyers saying what you can and can't say. You got
advertising representatives that need to tell you
what are the confines of your show,
based on the show, and who's advertising,
and what you can and can't say.
Doesn't fall in line with capitalism.
It doesn't fall in line with
employing a lot of people who now
are uncomfortable because they don't know how
to code.
This is a revolution in technology
that has revolutionized economics,
revolutionized the workforce,
and it's not so comfortable for everyone.
It's not so comfortable.
Very comfortable for Rogan.
Ain't so comfortable for CNN.
Ain't so comfortable.
So not only that, he's beholden to nobody, right? He says what he wants,
right? He has no sponsors, et cetera. These are legitimate questions that need to be addressed.
Now, what I want to say about this is,
The George Floyd issue was a moral issue to be enraged about.
Even moral to protest and gather.
That's America.
That's all a good thing.
But as we know, reality is amoral.
Viruses don't give a fuck whether you're on the right side of history or not. So when a whole population hears scientists say,
which many of them did,
and a lot of them were credentialed, experienced,
virologists, immunologists, epidemiologists saying,
it's your duty to go gather in large groups and protest.
And this was pre-vaccine in the heart of the pandemic,
which undoubtedly, if you accept the reality
that viruses don't care about the circumstances
by which you're gathering, because they don't,
obviously led to a lot of death
because people were gathering.
People go, oh, it's outside.
It's like, you think the virus,
people are shouting at each other's faces.
You know, we know now that a lot of these masks aren't even that efficacious.
So for you to say people they can't go to work, you can't work and feed your family,
you can't go to church and worship, you can't go to your friend's house,
but we can, Boris Johnson, gavin newsom whatever other fucking
hypocrite holds office and has access to fucking uh and monoclonal antibodies which cost a fucking
thousand plus a pop you watch us doing this we issue edicts saying you can't do this because
you're putting people at risk and you're prolonging a pandemic, but we need you to go and protest because this is a
bigger health concern right now than COVID. People go, you are full of shit. You virtual signaling
fucking hypocrite. You scared little bitch. You're scared to say the truth because you don't want to seem bad. So you sent people out to protest and that spread the virus.
So how are we supposed to respect or honor anything you're saying as an authority?
When you're so clearly being full of shit on this issue.
Listen, there's consequences for everything.
A lot of these scientists don't think
because they're scientists,
they feel like because they're working on cures
and they're working in the lab and they have data
that they're above reproach,
that they're above criticism,
that they're above having their hands in,
how should we say,
Macbeth, there's a little blood in your hands.
You want to point all at Rogan and go,
blood on his, blood on his, blood on his.
Who's got more?
First of all, is Rogan a member of the media?
Did he go to Columbia Journalism School?
Does he have to meet any standard of truth?
A fucking comedian and martial arts commentator?
Does he have to meet a standard of veracity
on his own fucking podcast with Jamie?
He has Tim.
I've been on that fucking podcast.
I've been on that podcast.
How many things do I say that are fucking true?
I've made the most of my money
pretending to be other people in costume.
Alex Jones has been on that fucking podcast.
Not for his veracity.
For his, and look, I'm just going to take a shot at a few people who think Alex Jones is some fucking soothsayer
because he was talking about what Epstein has done.
All you got to do is a quick Google search.
He was convicted in Florida.
Everyone knew what he was fucking doing.
It was well known what he was doing.
That's how Alex Jones found out about it.
He Googled.
The only thing was people didn't give a fuck
because he was powerful
and the powers that be didn't give a fuck.
They let him off because he was powerful
and he probably had fucking blackmail tapes
on all of them fucking childhood.
So that's the issue.
Alex Jones wasn't some fucking prophet
standing at the top of a mountain
like some Greek soothsayer
who knew, had some inside scoop.
He had Google.
So Joe, who do we hold to this standard of veracity?
I'll tell you.
News anchors, journalists,
and most importantly, fucking scientists. And once you say shit like
that, we can forgive a mistake, right? We can forgive a mistake. Oh, we thought this, this.
We're behind it. We're learning about this virus. That's fine. But when you say, hey,
don't wear a mask and you lie because you're trying to conserve the mask rations, big mistake,
the mask rations big mistake fucko
get in the lab
put your coat on you little Long Island squeak
okay
get a PR rep to talk for you
hire the same PR rep
that Saudi Arabia has
because they do a great job
they cover up oppression and murder
they're still fucking
Saudi Arabia still murders people in the street they have town squares they cover up oppression and murder. They're still fucking...
Saudi Arabia still murders people in the street.
They have town squares that have grates in them
to fucking hose the blood into those holes.
But still, we're giving them millions of dollars
and they're our friend.
Hire their fucking PR rep, Fauci.
You shut your little squeak Italian mouth
and put a lab coat on,
a child size from the baby gap,
and fucking start playing around with viruses
and figure it out.
I don't wanna see you on the fucking view.
That's who we hold the standard of veracity for, scientists.
And we know that that right there
is the dissemination of disinformation.
Saying, hey guys, if you protest,
as long as that protest is for a just cause,
it's more important than social distancing. It's more important than not gathering in large groups,
which the virus loves. So I just wanted to point that out. Not a lot of jokes there
and not a lot of passion, but I can work on that.
Anyway, anything to add? did i miss anything there no just it's going from qualification to quantity you know people have the qualifications for it but joe rogan has
the quality of followers and influence so those people trying to take some of that and that's
where the balance comes from it's no different from comedy yeah no no here's the deal i think
you know joe
he was he said it and i agree he probably could have had on someone right after those guys to dispute it he could have had more people yeah but he's not he doesn't work for us but you hear that
everywhere and you hear it turn on the tv you hear it everywhere yeah the problem is people don't
trust the media that's the bigger problem i give a lot of credit to the people who are saying that
there's a lot of people saying that in positions of power because it's media. That's the bigger problem. I give a lot of credit to the people who are saying that. There's a lot of people saying that
in positions of power
because it's the truth.
That's the bigger issue.
It's not Joe Rogan.
So shut up
and fucking strung, Neil Young.
Keep on rocking in the free world.
Just sing the fucking hit
and leave stage on your walker.
And Joni Mitchell, go on The View
so they can change the temperature a whole bunch of times.
So, Jen Psaki.
She's, you may remember her from the movie The Big Lebowski,
where she helped Mr. Lebowski get his rug.
She helped the dude get his rug back.
Now, she is Greek, so I apologize in advance.
But here she is trying to dismiss the concerns of average Americans.
trying to dismiss the concerns of average Americans.
From the three of us sitting here,
it seems like she's a little out of touch with what she says here.
And she's trying to shit on Fox
because of what they're covering
based on what her favorite networks are covering.
So let's hear what she says.
Daily basis.
I mean, do you remember the four boxes
that we had on all the TVs, right?
Which is on my TV right now. So right now, just to give you a sense, so CNN, Pentagon,
as many as 8,500 US troops on heightened alert. Okay, true. Same on MSNBC. CNBC is doing their
own thing about the market. And then on Fox is Jeanine Pirro talking about soft on crime
consequences. I mean, what does that even mean, right? So there's
an alternate universe. Oh, an alternate universe. I wonder which one of us is living in an alternate
universe. You know what the normal people, everyday people with families, which is almost 99% of us
are concerned about? It's the market. We want to know what Pfizer's stock is doing market we want to know what pfizer's stock is doing we want to know where tesla's at
we want to know who's investing because it's really such a good indicator of how the economy
is really going you know you're right jen you're right jenny ella ella coritzaki mo ella coritzaki
we're all living in an alternate universe i, what does soft on crime consequences even mean?
I mean, what did it mean to that girl who got murdered in that clothing store in L.A.
by a guy who was let out on bail?
What does that even mean?
What does that mean to that Asian woman who was pushed into the tracks by another guy who was let out on bail?
What does it even mean to her family?
What does it even mean to us who ride the subway every day
and are worried that we might get pushed into the tracks
by someone who was let out because of soft on crime consequences?
What does it even mean?
What does it even mean to Rite Aid, which is going out of business
because people are walking in and just stealing, not paying for anything?
What does it even mean to all the retailers who are having to deal with the consequences of smash and grab?
What does that have to mean?
What does it even mean to the country that's seen an uptick in homicide to the tune of, I think, 30%.
Don't quote me, but murder is up.
What does it even mean?
What does it mean, Jenny?
Jenny, come here.
Come in.
I am Greek.
Listen.
You have a small brain.
This is a problem.
This brain is small.
Take it from his partners
jenny where's your partners your partner supposed to be having a
conversation with you how come you're not working in the
restaurant you should be working in the restaurant with daddy
how come you are the tv like a man how come you like a man you may be making
children do you have children are you in the
kitchen making a nice pastiche?
How come you have an opinion of talking?
This is not a play.
This is not Shakespeare where a woman is putting the man is pretending to be a woman.
What's the problem, Jenny?
Come back home.
Come back to the Greek community.
And we will teach you.
You have to, you know, be more spokesperson for the people,
which is such a mouth, Johnny.
How come you have a name, Johnny?
What's your real name?
Johnny, this is a Xano name.
So she's out of touch, right?
Out of touch.
That's just a white woman from Stanford, Connecticut talking.
That's what it is.
She don't know what crime is.
Where she comes from, when people put out their recycling on the wrong day, they turn themselves into the police.
So she don't know what she's talking about, dog.
She's disconnected.
Speaking of crime, Jenny, Asian hate crimes are up 339%.
What does that even mean?
I don't know, dog.
I mean, you need an Asian to compute those numbers.
That's a high percent.
That's a high percent right there.
Yeah, you'd have to cheat off an Asian guy
just to understand what that percentage means.
Yeah, so, I mean, crime is up.
All types of crime. just asian hate crime
crime's up uh and a lot of these cities crimes is up crime is up um so jenny you know i don't know
dude jenny just maybe skip whole foods just go to stop and shop once a week and as opposed as
opposed to whole foods with secret service use some coupons. Use some coupons. Get the feel for it.
Go to the Coin Star, turn in some coins that you got in your piggy bank.
Yeah, there you go.
We've all done that.
Take some recycling down there.
Get five cents for it.
That's what you got to do.
Yeah, we've all thrown an occasional bobby pin in the Coin Star machine by accident.
Because you got a jar full of nickels, thread, and a few bobby pins.
I've thrown a few paper clips in the
coin start by accident. Yeah, this is just a person who lives in, they don't live in
America really, right? These people live in like a few places, DC, Beverly Hills, Newport,
Rhode Island, the list goes on. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah.
That's the issue here.
I know this is so much self-owning going on by the Democrats right now.
You know who they need?
James Carville back.
James Carville, who's just this redneck.
I mean, he was like the master hot mind
behind Bill Clinton's campaign.
First of all, his wife is some right-wing pundit. Remember? She was on the right and he was on the left. So you know their hate sex was
incredible. But they were both like, yeah, who's he married to, James Carville?
James Carville is like the best American political operative. We're talking about being political, Machiavellian.
I'm not even talking about morality.
You guys need a lesson on public relations.
Jen Psaki, you made yourself look so stupid saying that.
It's a self-owned.
It shows how out of touch you are.
What you were saying just showed that the opposite was true.
I mean, it's just such a mistake.
You're Biden's spokesperson.
Laughing at soft on crime consequences,
which, Jen, I hate to tell you,
is what Americans are most concerned about.
I don't blame you, though,
because your boss isn't doing a much better job.
As we know,
a Supreme Court seat is going to be filled.
Biden's going to fill it if he makes it.
You know?
If he continues to make it.
And he came out and said, unequivocally, he says this.
Just, you know, stupid move.
Another cell phone.
And I'll explain to you why.
The momentous day for our nation's highest court.
It is now official.
Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer
appeared with President Joe Biden today
to announce his retirement.
Biden says he'll make a decision on his nominee
to replace Breyer by the end of February.
I'm going to invite senators from both sides for their ideas
also consult with leading scholars and lawyers and i'm fortunate to have advised me in this
selection process vice president kamala harris she's an exceptional lawyer yeah former attorney
general of the state of california on, hold on. Former member of the Senate. And very popular, even amongst liberals.
Very popular.
Even amongst African Americans, who she put away wholesale.
Very popular.
Very popular.
Not only is she a lawyer, she's also very popular, Billy.
His name's not Billy.
Joe.
Close for me, Johnny.
How did that Kamala Harris hire work out for you there, Joey?
All right.
I will listen carefully to all the advice I'm given,
and I'll study the records and former cases carefully.
Okay, right there.
That's it.
That's where he should have ended.
That's where he should have ended.
It's where he should have ended.
Okay? that's where he should have ended that's where he should have ended it's where he should have ended yeah okay
just like
just like you know
like Guy Code knows
when to cut some of those comedians off
who are a little long-winded
you get that clip
you get that soundbite
and you go
hey you know
you can't
you know
you can't
you look at you
it's like stealing your boy's sneakers
you can't look at my girl
cut
cut right there
we got what we need
but he continues.
So that's how the president says
he's going to make this decision.
He also says he'll keep his promise.
The nominee will be a black woman.
And joining us...
So we messed up.
Okie dokie.
Let's see if he says it.
Do we hear it?
They just have someone talk about it.
Okay, so there is a clip of him saying it.
I think it was part of his campaign promise.
Part of his campaign promise. Part of his campaign promise,
we'll be a black woman, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
All right, now here's the deal.
It's great if it's a black woman.
We all understand the reasons why.
We all know.
But it's not a great PR move, okay?
Because what you're saying essentially is,
I'm not looking at all candidates, I'm not looking at all
candidates. I'm not looking at who's best for the job. I'm discriminating and I'm only picking from
these people, okay? Now, why is that bad? Well, I just explained to you why that's bad, okay? Because
you're showing favoritism and you're showing that the reason you're selecting it is not necessarily the best
person overall for the job it's a little too race conscious yep it's a little too gender conscious
for such an important job okay now you could have done that without saying it and it's a win
politically right so you appoint a black person who's got
a great record there's a lot of them to choose from and then also you make yourself look good
because if the other side says anything if the republicans say oh he just picked a black woman
you get to go oh you're criticizing because she's black. And you get to make them look bad, make them look racist.
Now you look like the racist.
Okay?
That's why.
Now that you've said it, you've given the right ammunition to go, look, he's racist.
He's picking based on race.
He's not looking to pick the best person for the job.
He's excluding a bunch of people based on race.
So you self-owned.
You and Jen self-owned yourselves.
And you're not winning over points
with ordinary Americans of all walks
by these stupid mistakes that James Carville
would tell you to shut your mouth.
It's the economy, stupid.
It's the economy.
You're pandering to a bunch of issues, to ghosts.
To ghosts sometimes and to other times to very few people who won't get you elected.
When this red wave comes, baby, get your surfboard because you guys are about to get fucked by this tidal wave.
It's a tsunami of red coming, and I don't like or dislike that.
I'm just telling you the stone cold honest facts.
Because you're fucking yourselves.
And that's why your approval rating is in the toilet.
And Kamala's the lowest approved of vice president in recent fucking history, I think.
Maybe since Spiro Agnew, my fellow Greek.
My crooked fellow Greek.
The only Joey B that America's rooting for is Joe Burrow right now.
That's it.
Right now, it's Joe Burrow.
Joe Burrow's who they're rooting for.
So it's just a mistake.
Don't you think?
It's like a political, as far as a PR move.
He's leaving himself exposed.
And we all know you can't make promises to black women.
You better keep them, right?
You're never going to let those down, dog.
She's going to make them. Yeah, she's going to make them. she's gonna remember what you said yeah yeah and you're just making a whole big
production oh we're gonna put a black woman on the supreme court now you have to have satin robes
it's just it's not just do it just do it yeah you gotta have a hair product available yes uh-huh
you know you gotta have 98.7 on the exact sexy and grown R&B you gotta have that ready
the gavel's gonna have to be made of ivory
like there's certain things that you gotta do
so just do it just do it and then leave it out to the crowd
and then you handle it after
yeah so there you have it
so
those are the two
issues we have now we're gonna end
on this I did
I spread some
disinformation
last episode
Tom Brady did retire
at the time of our
recording
and I apologize
and I hope you don't
take your music
off of YouTube
that wasn't your fault
because he recanted
he recanted
so at the time
so I apologize
for the disinformation
you're free to protest
my channel
and take your voice
off it
or whatever you want
to do
so I apologize
Tom Brady has retired okay so now he's just gonna sit on the couch with Giselle my channel and take your voice off it or whatever you want to do um so i apologize tom brady has
retired okay so now he's just gonna sit on the couch with giselle and watch secession reruns
what a show i started watching that have you seen secession no i'm gonna get into it jesse you seen
it yeah great great show nori davis is on it did stand up on it oh did he yeah there's like a bit
where he's doing stand up in there like a family gathering. I've known Nori for a long time. I love Nori.
Great people.
Yeah, great people.
Great show.
So that's Tom's future now.
You know what Tom's going to be doing?
This is what my wife does.
She goes to bed early,
and I have to use all the willpower in my body
not to watch the next episode
because now it's our show.
That's what she said to me last night.
This is our show.
And that's why I have to open a second account
and watch it and then watch it again
and pretend like I didn't see it.
If you watch that,
I'm just, Mrs. Pappas, I'm joking.
That's the only way you're going to cheat
on your wife nowadays.
I'm going to joke.
All right, well, first,
before we get to this last one,
I forgot about these nurses.
Okay, we talked a lot about Long Island.
Let's talk about how Long Island operates
because this is one of the funnest stories
and their names are great. It's like
Janine DeSanti
and Paula
Montesanto.
Two Long Island nurses
created quite, found
a little void in the marketplace.
Alright, the invisible
hand in Long Island, sometimes
that invisible hand
is a little crooked
it's a little arthritic
it has some arthritis in it
yeah it's a little carpal tunnel
in that invisible Adam Smith's invisible hand
in Long Island
cause they like things a little crooked in Long Island
so you can't blame them
there was a big market in Long Island
a lot of people don't want to get vaxxed
they're going fuck you with your vax
fuck your vax fuck you buying the juice i'll fucking rip
this right out of my fucking arm and stick it in your ass trump 2024 so a couple nurses saw this
void in the marketplace and said let's fill it so two nurses um made 1.5 million dollars accused
accused accused i think the evidence is pretty strong i think they found 900 grand in her made $1.5 million. Accused.
Accused.
Accused.
I think the evidence is pretty strong.
I think they found $900,000 in her mattress.
Just saying.
Accused.
Accused.
Yeah, allegedly.
They found $900,000 that she made at the daycare center.
She was caught with $900,000.
And that was what I liked.
They had to pay in cash.
That was one of the things.
They wanted cash.
So what were they charging?
Like $65?
Or was it $120 cash?
$220 for adults, $85 for children.
And I did read that it was cash, which is smart.
Yeah, these girls, I mean, you have to open a pizza shop with that or something.
That's a lot of fake Vax cards.
That's a lot of fake Vax cards.
to shop with that or something.
That's a lot of fake Vax cards.
That's a lot of fake Vax cards.
So they did a lot of fake Vax cards,
and they actually went so far to put it in the record, right?
Yeah.
So they tampered with the New York State
immunization record,
so when people needed the Vax on their phone,
and they needed to pull it up,
they had it,
and also they had the paper one, too.
Oh, so they were punching it in.
Yeah, they messed with the records.
They actually went into the system
and messed with the records. Now, here into the system and messed with the records.
Now, here's the deal.
When these girls walk out on Bond, right, you're going to see two lines like this.
Like when a police dog dies of just Long Islanders going like this.
Yep.
Yep.
These girls are fucking...
Listen, these two girls here are right up from the island.
I'm up from the island.
These girls here, they're heroes down there
on the south shore
they're heroes
of the south shore
you go to Suffolk
we're gonna
we're gonna build a statue
to these two girls
yeah
their names were
I love their names
uh
can you read that for me
cause I can't see
even my new frames
how are my new frames
by the way
they look good
yeah
yeah
thank you
you look a little bit more OBGYN-ish right now.
Yeah, I like it.
Her names are Julie DeVuono and Marissa Urero.
Julie DeVuono.
Which, if you say that in the mirror five times, somewhere chicken parms get served.
Yeah.
And what was the other one?
Julie DeVuoro and Marissa Urero.
Marissa Urero. So she's... Marero, is that Italian or Puerto Rican? Urero.uoro. And Marissa Ureiro. Marissa Ureiro.
So she's,
Marero,
is that Italian or Puerto Rican?
Ureiro.
R-R-E-I-R-O.
Is that Italian?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah.
Look at these broads.
These girls know how to slice garlic thin.
They also had to give you a fake vax card.
Yep.
You come home,
honey,
guess what I did today at work?
You better have made some more
fucking vax cards for the community.
I mean,
it's on brand from
long island so this is like seven minutes from my house so like this is very on brand very on brand
yeah very on brand very on brand you get what you need out there you need steroids you get them in
long island you need a little you need some opiates you get them in long island you need some
black black market prescription pills you get them in long island yep you know
Prescription pills, you get them in Long Island.
Yep.
You know?
It says a sauce appears if you say the name five times.
Yeah.
Yeah, a sauce appears.
These two girls.
I mean, they're as tiny as they get.
So one of them, what, had 900 grand cash?
Yeah, had 900 grand.
The Suffolk County bus, I didn't know,
which I think my brother would have been on the case if he wasn't moved.
But they were found with 900 grand in cash. And I think that one of their husbands is getting raked into the case with a conspiracy.
So he was in on it.
Oh, he was in there.
Yeah.
He was in there counting money like good fellas.
Yeah.
Karen!
He wasn't just fondling with a John Deere in the backyard, son.
He was making some contributions. When the FBI showed up in the backyard, son. He was making some contributions.
When the FBI showed up to the house,
can I get you guys some coffee?
Can I get you?
And she's just killing time for him to be flushing shit down the toilet.
Can I get you guys some cake?
Would you like a cake, a coffee?
My husband has NFL Red Zone if you want to check in on us.
You want to watch some Red Zone with Frank?
He's upstairs.
He's doing a number two right now.
When he's in there, don't bother him.
But, you know, I got the kids.
Not now, kids.
I got sauce.
I made this Sunday if you guys want.
I got some leftover rollatini.
I got some manigut.
You guys want my lasagna?
Come over.
We're here.
So these girls
are in big trouble
it's a federal crime
big trouble
big trouble
so but a funny
a funny very on brand
crime for these two
Thelma and Louise
Thelma and Louise
Maltesanti
can't get much
Long Islander than that
yeah
I'm telling you dude
they will get a ceremony
when they get out
the community loves it
oh yeah there's a vigil for them in Lindenhurst right now except candles aren't getting lit it's just masks Yeah. I'm telling you, dude. They will get a ceremony when they get out. The community loves it. Oh, yeah.
There's a vigil for them in Lindenhurst right now.
Candles aren't getting lit.
It's just masks.
Just lighting masks to the bonfire.
Yeah, Long Island, a lot of people in Long Island
are not too fond of the mask.
But I will say Long Island does have a very high vaccination rate.
So we're not going to stereotype.
We're doing that for comedy.
Everything's alleged.
There's a lot of good people out there.
As comedians, we will often employ hyperbole,
downright sometimes even fabricate,
for the intention of laughs.
So this is a disclaimer,
as now Joe Rogan's podcast has a disclaimer.
This is a disclaimer.
I'm not to be taken earnestly.
My stats are not fact-checked.
And me and Jared and Jesse are not doctors.
We're not doctors.
We're not scientists.
We're not journalists.
We are just a couple of guys.
So we can end on that.
But I really want to see,
maybe we'll cut this.
Because I don't know if there's anything funny about this
but I just
Garrett
Saldano
now I don't know if he's Mexican or Italian
but he is a Republican
candidate for governor in
Michigan and yes for those of you who have questions
about what the paper plate is I'm going to turn
them all into NFTs and sell them for
13 million dollars but these are my show outlines right here and i've kept all of them
and we're gonna sell them um that's my tim dishon tim dillon impersonation so michigan candidate um Garrett Saldano opposes abortion after rape.
How can you have this position
and not be considered mentally insane?
And part of his quote is,
go back to the headline,
part of his quote is,
that little baby may be the next president.
Basically, hey ladies,
follow God's.
It was God's will for you to get violently raped and impregnated and for you to carry around your assaulter's baby for nine months and nurture it.
Yeah.
This is that trend on TikTok.
Tell me your mother was raped without telling me your mother was raped.
That's Jared Harvard going harder than me no i'm just no i'm just saying a person that would only defend that would be a product of rape
so i'm saying like or a maniac or a maniac but like yeah i mean first of all you're a dude i
mean what you don't have a say in this you're a dude okay Just like I want women outside of the room when I'm watching football.
Guys should get
out of the abortion.
Women should make the decision.
Obviously, I don't say that
laissez-faire.
I don't say that without regulation because
I'm an adult.
I'm not saying you should be able after six
months or whatever it is. It's a messy issue. I'm not saying you should be able after six months or whatever it is.
It's a messy issue.
I'm not saying it should be exclusively women's decision to do whatever they want whenever they want.
It's a messy issue like a lot of things.
Like a lot of things, it's a messy issue.
Abortion is obviously never a good thing.
But forcing someone to have a baby they don't want is also not a good thing.
So not to get political i'm just
saying all i'm saying is he he's not the authority on it mr and how the fuck does he think he's going
to get elected with the majority woman population in the country with this stance who likes this
stance besides the most ardent religious fucking maniacs.
No way.
Who say, have the baby.
It could be the next Jesus.
I mean, how sick, dude, can you imagine this happening to someone in your family?
And then the state?
And the ironic thing is these people on the right are always small government and less intervention.
They want government out of your life in all circumstances, except when it comes to what's inside your body, which seems to be
where they become the big hypocrites and go, this is where we want the government to be the most
involved and make laws that you can't do something. Isn't that contrary to your small government principles?
Mr. Devil?
Yeah, he's not going to get far with this.
It's a bad campaign, and he's got a bad face.
He's sitting there with the I kiss my cousin smile.
So it's just bad.
Dude, I think he might be, is he Italian?
What name is that?
Saldano. Saldano. It could be Mexican. Or Italian.
Catholic, probably,
because they're so against abortion.
You don't want to intervene with their
supply.
Unwanted kids is what...
It's like their drug.
Jesse
gets nervous every time.
You have good reason to get nervous
you're staring down the barrel
of a delicious maniac
but
challenge what I say, fight me
am I wrong? I'm not
evidence shows, so what else does he
say here, what's his quote
I want to hear his reasoning
dangerous and disgusting
he was called.
He says,
so he was on a right-wing podcast
that's probably on Substack.
He's against abortion, even in
cases of rape, because women having an abortion don't
know whether that little baby inside them
may be the next president.
Oh. Oh. Oh. be the next president oh oh i get it there's a lot of situations out there when you talk about
rape and everything else and you say hey maybe they deserve an abortion so donald told the story
about one of his mentors whom he said had been abducted and later learned that his mother had been gang raped in a subway train station by five guys.
Jesus Christ.
It's kind of like tore out his heart when he found that out.
But then he started to really appreciate and understand what his birth mother went through.
Okay, but you know who's not going to have their heart torn out and have to appreciate what his mother went through?
Somebody who's never alive.
and have to appreciate what his mother went through.
Somebody who's never alive.
And a lot of times those people don't grow up to be upstanding citizens of the United States.
Very true.
And why would you force a person
to have to relive that nightmare
and have to, that's not what they wanted.
Why are you forcing that on their life?
I mean, there's so many ways that this is like insane to say that I can't even think of which one to focus on.
And I can't think of where there's any humor in this.
Jared, help me.
He says, go down to the quote.
He says.
I get it.
Yeah.
It kind of.
Yeah.
How about we start inspiring women in the culture to let them understand and know how heroic they are and how unbelievable that they are, that God put them in this moment.
He's talking about rape like it's an NFL draft.
Like he just got grafted or he scored a touchdown.
He's thanking God.
Yeah.
I want to thank God for this gang rape right here because without this gang rape, my rape babies wouldn't be possible.
So shout out to the big man upstairs.
Now I'm going to go take a Gatorade bath and celebrate this victory.
Yeah, I mean, it's actually insane.
And you know what's funny?
He's giving props to a woman now, but behind closed doors, you know he's talking to his wife crazy.
Yeah, and what does that say of what you think of God,
that he would put you in the position where you'd be violently gang raped in a subway station by five guys.
Yeah, well, what is God?
That doesn't sound like that's the work of God.
Yeah.
What'd you say?
It was like, what is God?
Mel Gibson?
Yeah.
Yeah, because that's what Mel Gibson wished upon his estranged wife.
Oh, Mel Gibson.
He started trending as soon as Whoopi Goldberg did for obvious reasons.
Who knows?
Maybe they had a lunch and shared some ideas.
Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? All right. So comments made headlines this week. He tweeted that he would not be bullied by the media or the far left into backing down from my pro-life beliefs.
I believe in quality of all life and the value of life is
not based upon the occasion of its conceptions, but the sacredness of its essence. Okay, you're
what you call a fundamentalist maniac, okay? You're a maniac. I miss the days where everyone,
like, you know, where liberals were railing against people like this, you know?
Right.
I miss those days.
Do you remember those days?
Am I wrong?
Is that wrong?
You just like the way you said right?
He said it, yeah.
You went right.
You just don't want to get into these murky waters?
No, I love it.
But you remember when like-
Jesse looked like he got a fear factor right now.
Yeah, Jesse just looks like I asked him to eat a bunch of cockroaches
in order to win $10 million and he's torn.
Eat a pig's asshole.
But that's what it used to be.
People on the left would be like, look at these maniacs.
Maybe it's good that these guys are back.
Give you something to focus on.
Yeah, hopefully you start focusing on this.
Get off of Joe Rogan.
Get off of Joe Rogan and start focusing on that fucking fascist abortion law they have in Texas.
I guess they're doing that just because they don't want any more people from California moving there.
It's like, what can we do to get them out?
That's actually good.
Yeah.
All right.
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Can't wait to taste the coffee that they're making.
They do small batch coffee roastery located in Providence, Rhode Island.
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They offer premium blends, single origin coffees.
They ship nationwide.
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This sounds really good.
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Natelinder.com, social media guru, consultant.
You got a small business out there, you want to take your social media
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Hit up Chris.
Just call him.
215-750-3730.
There is no social media.
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It's just old school.
You know, this way to keep the IRS out of your life and his.
Go see him in person.
You know, just be nice.
You know, he's nice.
If you're nice, he's nice back. If you're're not he's not chris minetti uh the bronx
brand michael hamlet jr appreciate you so much jared harvin just said he's gonna he's about to
buy something off there for his crib you know so bronch bronc the bronx band.com the bronx brand.com
15 off with the promo code fumes go check out all the art they have there from all the glorious
local artists from the Bronx.
Support the home of hip hop
and get yourself something cool. They got
t-shirts, prints, and most importantly
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Don't ever get a poster
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Then we go to Jared Z from the Stink Box.
You know the deal, exclusiveautoshipping.com.
I don't even know if this kid still knows it's here.
He's got so much money.
Exclusiveautoshipping.com.
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Patreon members over at the Long Haul Gang. Welcome to the Fediverse. These are your new
Patreon members by name. All right. We recorded late last week, so we read most of them. So here's some new ones that have come the past, what is it, two days.
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Then we got Alberto, Mirabelle Waters, Nick, Cyger, Ty, Daruce,
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What?
I don't know.
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What do we got?
The singer Maxwell on here?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and then we got Tony Edelbrook.
Tony Edelbrook.
Welcome, Tony.
Then just Adam, Nicholas Smith, Hudson Hoffman,
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¿Qué pasa mi gente?
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