Yannis Pappas Hour - Pakistani Messiah with Tourette’s
Episode Date: December 29, 2023Happy New Years, my Friends! Jared Harvin joins us for our final episode of the year. Boston’s mayor Michelle Wu gets swatted, we exhume the Mel Gibson recording to his ex-wife and analyze, Pizza Hu...t ain’t doing good, and sports gambling is America’s biggest industry! Enjoy!
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Happy New Year's everybody! Happy New Year's my friend, but to Americans only, America first.
Like I said, get your tickets now to see me in Portland January 11th and Vancouver January 12th.
And then Miami January 19th through the 21st.
How's your year been?
I'll tell you guys right now, 2023 is going to be my year.
There's still, what, two days left.
I'm going to make it happen.
I want to welcome back for our New Year's episode, the great 80-year-old, 26-year-old
Jared Harvin.
Mr. Driving Shoes himself
is back for us for this special episode
and of course the world
most famous finger painter is behind
the keys of fucking steel
with his 80 year old hands we are a
geriatric podcast
that's what we are
and I want to say happy new years to all of you
Konnichiwa to yous in China
I know your new years happens at a different day,
so I give your dragon a little salute.
I guess that's the New Year's dragon.
And Sean Terry wants to say Happy New Year's
to the Sky Chinese, which are the aliens out there.
Happy New Year's to people from other worlds as well.
The Sky-nees, as I like to call them.
We got a lot going on in America this week.
A lot that you'd really want to be informed on.
First, I want to tell you Pennsylvania has done something good.
I want to start with some good news.
Shout out to Tank's Good News, who gives you news.
It's called Good Things Happen to Special Needs People.
You can check it out, Tank's Good News.
So in the spirit of Tank's Good News,
this one does not involve anyone at my brother's school,
but what did happen is a Pennsylvania dog shelter
for the first time in its existence has zero dogs.
My question is, how many Chinese have moved into the state?
My question is, how many Chinese have moved into the state?
Tucker Carlson has given another very important interview, adding to his reputation post-Fox, which was split.
His reputation was really split. gave Tucker Carlson one of these every day. He's given, finally, a very important interview with a very important global politician,
Frank Underwood, a fictional character
who was on trial for sexual assaults.
So, Tucker Carlson, I pop the zit in in your honor.
Happy New Year's to to you you fucking weirdo
cali pizza huts have just fired all the delivery guys uh right before the state legislature is
supposed to pass a bill that raises the minimum wage to 20 dollars 20 dollars even or 22 dollars to $20, $20 even, or $22 from 1550 and pizza hut goes, we can't take this no more.
We're already losing the dominoes in the shittiest pizza available market. Um, so they laid everybody
off. So there's a bunch of 15 year old surfer boards going, how am I going to buy my weed now?
And how am I going to say I accidentally
lost the pizza when I was delivering it high to your Encino neighborhood and go, whoa, dude.
And of course I'm joking. It's all Mexicans. They'll figure it out. They'll find another way
to get a couple of dollars while, uh, the people who used to do pizza delivery, teenage surfer boys,
will continue to sit in their house and smoke weed
and play the latest game on PlayStation,
which I assume is some global battlefield game.
Now I'm an old guy.
Now I just sounded like an old guy.
Are you back there playing some global battle game, JB?
What are you doing?
Are you arguing with some kid in Illinois who's 11?
Did you just call somebody a black person
and he had word on there?
You shouldn't be doing that just because you were mad
that he didn't help you out on a special op
in fake Afghanistan.
This is the Giannis Papasawa.
As you know, put your swim trukes on.
That was a combination of trunks and troops.
Rally them up.
Rally the troops.
Get your American flag swim trukes on because we're going deep under the sea
where the water is.
Yes.
Giannis Papas. Yeah. We're the what-ass. There's no way we're doing this podcast with the window closed.
This is a pre-war building.
It is 50 degrees outside New York City, but it is 120 degrees in this room.
This room right now feels like the desert in Afghanistan.
So we're keeping that window open.
So occasionally if you hear Puerto Rican bumping their music, welcome to Brooklynlyn new york city where this uh show takes place that's what it is welcome
welcome uh back to the show jared the great jared harvin yes yes mister is is that a rapper or not
in the airport with yannis pappas yeah yeah himself the skin color makes people think i'm
a rapper when they take a look at the Crocs, they know.
They know you're not.
They know I'm not.
Yeah.
There's always a chance that someone at first glimpse,
and when I mean someone, it's typically a young white girl.
Okay?
Because they have to have that look in their face that like,
I can't really know the difference between black people before three seconds.
They got that look in their face
whenever we're walking around it's like a suburban white girl right who glances at him and it takes
for them they don't see a lot of black people so at first glance he's a handsome light-skinned
black guy with cool hair walking with a cool older cool looking white guy with sneakers at the same
time they're putting away their MacBook. At the same
time, well, in their first couple seconds, they're
going, it's a reaction, it's a double
reaction. And they're going, is that Chance the Rapper?
Am I safe? It's not Chance the Rapper. And the
MacBook goes down. But walking with an older
white guy does make the MacBook
come out. They think you're somebody.
It's like Tylenol for racism. Right.
They think you're somebody. At first,
the first second, I think it's Chance the R to rapper and then at 1.2 seconds they go it's probably another
rapper i haven't heard of yet yes who's more into socially conscious rap you do not look like a guy
who's not into socially i have a tribe called quest poster on my wall you you look you look
like a guy who's gonna to rap about Palestine. Yeah.
Yeah.
I look like a common protege.
Yeah.
We're going to hear some opinions.
I'm going to go to your concert, and it's going to smell like incense.
Your concert will smell like incense.
It won't smell like incense mixed with weed, but high-quality weed.
Very high-quality.
Yeah, like body-high, smells like dish detergent weed.
I'm going to have an LP named Weed.
Never should have been in Vietnam.
Yeah, you're not going to be doing a drill rap appearance.
You're not going to be doing a guest set on what Sergio listens to
before he has a talk with his daughter to calm down.
So happy New Year to everybody.
I hope everybody had a good Christmas
I hope everybody got what they want
Jesse just wanted some more clay
for his sculptures
and a few more oranges so he can peel them
when I went to his studio
the guy's got a bucket full of orange peels
it's art
so happy new years
as I say every year, happy new years my friend
I hope you had a good one I hope you bring in 2024 So happy New Year's. As I say every year, happy New Year's, my friend.
I hope you had a good one.
I hope you bring in 2024.
We hope 2024 sees peace come to the world.
I think it's very possible.
I think it's very possible 2024 is the year that the Messiah comes back.
That's my prediction.
I'm reporting it here first.
I've broken a lot of news here,
and I'm breaking this news.
The Messiah is coming back.
The problem is going to be,
the problem is going to be,
the Messiah will be an autistic 14-year-old Pakistani girl.
So a lot of people who are Christian aren't going to accept the Messiah first because it's female,
second, it's a teenager, and third because she's going to be randomly saying slurs
during her speeches on the mount.
Yep.
So that's going to be tough.
But hidden in between those slurs she can't control will be messages of peace.
It'll be up to us.
And that's because God has a sense of humor.
The first round, it was very sad.
Tragedy, right?
Like the Godfather won.
The return of the Messiah is going to be more like
Lethal Weapon with Joe Pesci.
We're going full comedy, okay?
It's Home Alone.
The second one's Home Alone.
Very to your face.
Yeah.
It's going to be like,
brothers and sisters, we gather here today.
All people are one. Beep them, beep them. And we're going to go like, brothers and sisters, we gather here today. All people are one.
Beep them, beep them.
And we're going to go, is that the Messiah?
Would the Messiah say that?
And then we'll have to, you know, scientists will have to vouch that this person really has Tourette's.
And they're not just doing it to get views on TikTok.
The beacon of hope once you get past that helmet and hijab.
Yeah, exactly.
You got to get past the helmet and hijab.
Which is an interesting
question you pose if you're a muslim woman and you have you have to protect your head
does the helmet go on over the hijab or under the hijab
i don't think that question's ever been posed on any new show. It's a valid question.
I'd like to send my email to whatever caliph is available.
Is there any way to call the caliphate in Iran?
Is he still called the supreme leader?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, anyone called the supreme leader of a country is going to be a problem.
Yeah.
It's just if you're called the supreme leader, you're going to be a problem. If you're called the Ayatollah, country is going to be a problem. Yeah. It's just, if you're called the supreme leader,
you're going to be a problem.
If you're called the Ayatollah, you're going to be a problem.
Okay?
You're just going to attract a guy.
Do they sell Ayatollah beards for Halloween?
I just like to come in with a beard and have people guess.
And they go, who are you?
Are you Ulysses Grant?
Are you Charles Darwin?
Are you an alternative comic from the early 2000s?
And I go, no, I'm the Christian Aitola.
I listen to the Giannis Papazauer,
who incessantly talks about the second coming
of the Christian Aitola,
which is coming to a theater near you very soon.
So I do think peace is possible when the 14-year-old Pakistani with Tourette's Messiah
does come back, the second coming of the Messiah,
comes back to stop the Israeli-Hamas conflict,
to stop the Ukrainian-Russian war,
to tone down this new Cold War
between the United States and China,
to calm down Taiwan and China and say, hey, guys, we're all the same. We're all the same.
Underneath, we all have skeletons. We all bleed red. Some of you may bleed a little more blue
and white. But at the end of the day day everyone's still got a little american in them
and it's red so that's the important part um and i hope greta thunberg has a great year coming up
she's got a lot a lot of protesting to do she's never she'll never run out of protest she's a girl
like when alexander like when Alexander the Great
conquered the whole world, they say,
Alexander the Great wept because there was
no more worlds to conquer.
Greta Thunberg, you will never have to weep
because there will always be a cause
for you to protest that.
Yeah, of course.
There'll always be something for you to get arrested
by Swedish police for.
So I hope she has a great.
She's getting to the age where you could make fun of her, right?
She an adult yet?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's 18.
She's 18.
So if you can get your pussy eaten on camera when you're 18,
you can definitely, as Andrew Schultz says, get these jokes.
Yeah.
You can get these jokes.
Catch these fire, catch these hands.
You can catch these fire.
You can catch these hands.
You can get these jokes. Okay, fire, catch these hands. You can catch these fire, you can catch these hands, you can get these jokes.
Okay, that was the section of the show.
I like to reference Andrew Schultz
so I could win over a couple of Indian guys
wearing the Toronto Blue Jays hats a little to the right
who like hip-hop and such.
Anyway, I'd like to talk a little bit
at the beginning of this year about,
or the end of this year and the beginning, depending on when you're listening to, what this week's news means to the upcoming 2024 year we're about to have.
I've made my prediction for world peace, but we're going to see some trends in America that are either going to continue or they're going to stop.
Yep.
One of which is sports gambling, which is maybe the biggest business in America right now. I don't know if it's OnlyFans, TikTok, stardom, or sports betting.
But sports betting is up there.
There's no more taboo on sports betting. But sports betting is up there. There's no more taboo on sports betting.
This is like removing the taboo of homosexuality,
of all these things that used to be sins,
that are they sins?
Homosexuality is not.
Sports betting Is it?
Is it a sin?
What does Jesus Christ think about our legalization
Of sports betting in 38 states
Now it's grown to 38 states
I
Personally think
That it's great
Okay, because what's our biggest problem?
Our biggest problem Is stupidity Education, Because what's our biggest problem? Our biggest problem is stupidity.
Of course.
Education.
What's our next biggest problem?
Drug use.
Meth.
Okay?
What's your next biggest problem?
Police brutality.
Police brutality.
All right.
Jared's back.
Gun violence, which can go along with that, um gun violence right diet this is the the five
finger full court press of destruction or no finger if you struggle with the last one
yeah or you struggle with the last one or for sergio it's four and a half yeah
the inside jokes are good though if you you know Sergio's got a little finger.
So it's the five-finger press,
full-court press,
of what's preventing America's greatness.
Now, if you want to talk solutions,
gambling.
We're creating massive jobs.
We're creating a massive distraction.
We're creating massive dopamine hits,
adrenaline hits, adrenaline hits for people who live in shitty areas created by an auto industry sanctioned kit to go to Chick-fil-A and...
Dillard's.
All those places.
Yeah.
Dick's Sporting Goods.
I mean, you name it.
You go anywhere in America, you don't know where you are.
I've said that many times.
You drop me off on any side of any highway outside of a major city
or anything older than 50 years, anything younger
than 50, anything not older than 50 years old, you know, I'm like, I'm in the same place. It's
the same place. We travel all over the country. There's no character to it. It's the same stores,
the same cheesecake factory, the same mall food court stores, the same third topics.
It's all the same.
Subway, you get the point.
You get the point.
Now you've given people something to do, which is gamble away their family's inheritance, retirement, investments.
Correct.
Which is going to make them have more drug problems,
which is going to bring them back full circle.
But like all good things, it gives us a grace period of boom.
And that's what capitalism loves is a good grace period of boom.
We all know that the booms bust, but we need a fucking boom.
We need a boom.
We need a boom.
The boom now in America is primarily being propelled by what our Protestant roots would say are the ultimate sins.
Pornography and gambling.
Drinking and getting high.
I forgot about weed.
Another great one to chill everybody out.
We've suggested many times on the podcast
putting that fucking, doing something a little stronger
than marijuana in the water supply.
It's a recommendation to our government.
I support it.
So what do we
think? What do we think
is sports betting
expanding to 38
states, seeking to get into every
one of the 106 states?
106?
Right. We got a lot of states well i remember we have we've struggled
with that it's 52 or 50 it's 50 states right i don't know why i said 52 uh you know look when
you got military bases all over the world sometimes you can get a little confused of course you're
like is that our country and they go oh no it's not um 51 and then an asterisk towards puerto
rico right they're kind of with us they're kind of not commonwealth yeah yeah yeah it's not um 51 and then an asterisk towards puerto rico right they're kind of with us they're kind of
not commonwealth yeah yeah yeah it's kind of like um you know you puerto rico they made the country
sort of like you do the people like are they what are they are they white are they but they're kind
of in the middle yeah you never know they're really the ambassador between the black community
and the white community it's puerto ricans you know they're like right there in the middle even
they're usually their shade is like a little in the middle. Even their, usually their shade
is like a little in the middle
between a full-on donk
and a bro.
You know what I mean?
Dressed very proper
but playing their music
out loud on the train.
Yeah, so the Puerto Ricans
like they're American
but they're not.
They're also that
but they are
but they're not.
So a lot of people
have fears
and say
that this is
promoting gambling addiction.
I don't think it's an addiction.
I think it's a passion.
It's a lifestyle.
I think it's called a passion.
Some people have a passion
for the numbers.
You know?
It depends on
how you look at it.
I wonder how
a libertarian would look at this.
Right?
So you're free to gamble.
People are going to gamble anyway.
At this point, I don't know if we could take the train
off the tracks, right?
I mean, BetMGM's going.
DraftKings is going.
And I support all those potential sponsors on this show.
I support them.
You're welcome, you guys.
Yeah.
Is it an internal, like if you have a gambling problem
was it brought on because of gambling or do you have something in you that you know needs to feel
needs to feel something is there a hole in you that needs to feel something needs to be filled
with something yeah i mean who are the biggest losers in gambling?
When I go to casinos,
um,
the people I think who are losing the most,
the children who aren't able to go to school now,
those people.
Yeah.
Those are the people you got to think of,
but how,
what percentage of those people are actually affected by the gambling?
Cause the gambling never comes alone
right has have you ever met someone who has a gambling problem that comes alone where it's like
my dad was a gambler but the rest of his life i mean the rest of his life was it's not the only
picture perfect yeah not the only blemish on the whole record yeah it doesn't come with that
something else that comes with it it's like a burger and fries yeah it's like dying of covid at 40 it's like what else did we have going on
there's always something else wasn't like my dad had a gambling problem he gambled away
our family inheritance and my college uh you know 259 or whatever it's called 529 or whatever the
fuck that account is called but hey he won the nobel peace prize that you never hear the end
of this sentence going,
and he also won the Nobel Peace Prize in biology.
It doesn't happen.
It always goes, and also, he lived outside of a liquor store,
and he hit my mom a few times.
There's always ands.
There's always going to be an and.
There's always going to be a conjunction present
in the sentence of my dad gambled.
It doesn't go period.
You never hear some my dad gambled period.
It never is my dad gambled period.
And he was a compulsive liar and womanizer and...
Like an improv troupe.
Yeah, so why punish the rest of us?
Why punish the rest of us to want to have
an innocent weekend in Vegas
with, you know, a stint at the craps table,
maybe a little fun upstairs if we had some winnings
with a now affordable $1,000 prostitute?
Of course.
Right?
Because the same thing goes with this.
You never go, I went to Vegas and gambled, period.
That's another sentence that has another conjunction after I went to Vegas.
Nobody goes, I went to Vegas and gambled, period.
Right?
Unless you're talking to your wife.
That's the abridged version.
Right.
It's the lie version.
It's a half-truth version.
Because the truth is I went to Vegas and I gambled.
And, and I got a prostitute and I ate like shit
and I drank like a fucking fish and I blacked out
and I killed someone's tiger by accident
and I got into a fight with an Arabic prince who in a fight with an Arabic prince at who was there
his security fucking beat me up I was you know it just keeps going it just keeps going and going
and going right and I stayed here for three weeks because I lost so much money I had to get a job
driving uber for a couple weeks and that's why daddy disappeared for three weeks so I've come
back with a lot less money but at least some in my pocket. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry to everyone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you, my family. I'm sorry. And also, honey, you have
syphilis now. Yeah. Or it comes with just an and I'm sorry. I went to Vegas and I gambled and I'm
sorry. No one just goes and I went to Vegas and I gambled. There's always an and. There's always
an and with anyone who gambles.
So they call it a disorder.
There is a such thing called a gambling disorder.
But isn't that like a, isn't that a insult to people who have a real disorder?
Like someone who has diabetes, you know?
Like, I got to take my insulin, and somebody's like,
I got to take my Vegas.
Like, what?
Yes, gambling can stimulate the brain's reward system
much like drugs or alcohol can, leading to addiction.
I think we know that.
That's why every gambling site you read an ad for
gives you a three paragraph disclaimer. And I'll say, but if you have a problem gambling,
if you haven't seen your kids in four years, and if you don't know your kids' names, or if your
kids are now whoring themselves out just so they could pay for college, please contact 1-800-GAMBLER.
If you've jumped off a bridge and you're still alive, please call this number.
But if you've killed yourself,
please in heaven,
make sure that you tell Jesus that we were sorry for what we,
you know,
it just keeps going.
They say that shit fast as shit.
Yeah.
According to the national association,
addition addiction professionals,
problems gambling actually has the highest.
So we got to stay away from suicide.
We did a whole Patreon episode.
I think we did 20 minutes on suicide.
If you're having suicidal thoughts, seek help.
It's temporary. Call this number below.
Jesse will put it in the episode right here.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll give the German yeah to this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
According to the center, 20% has,
so gamblers have the highest suicide rate,
which is up to 20% of all addictions.
Wow.
So gambling offs you more than anything else.
That's weird.
Yeah, because that's the people who off themselves a lot
is people who lose big sums of money.
You know, because when you're in that game,
you're playing with your reward systems again.
I mean, this isn't rocket science.
I'm a podcaster.
Stand up first.
But we talked about it many times.
You play with your reward systems too much,
I think you're going to have a problem.
That goes with cocaine, whatever it is.
Pornography, gambling, because then you get big wins,
and then you get big losses.
So the losses probably feel really bad.
Hit real hard.
They hit real hard, especially when you're getting wins.
You're swinging your reward system up and down.
No middle ground whatsoever.
Yeah.
So anything that does that is always a danger.
But it is also the most fun.
It's also where a lot of people are right now
listening to this episode, okay?
Nobody is going to go to Spokane,
I pronounced it right, Washington,
for their fucking bachelor party.
To do what?
To do what?
Hang out with fucking pine trees?
What are you going to do?
Touch John Stockton's jockstrap.
Yeah, you're going to touch John Stockton,
just get a photo with John Stockton
on your fucking bachelor party?
No, it's your bachelor party.
There's got to be places, a place of debauchery.
Well, now there's fucking 38 of those places.
So is that a problem?
Should there only be one state
where you can legally gamble on sports?
Is there something you should be able to do from the privacy of your own home? should there only be one state where you can legally gamble on sports?
Is there something you should be able to do from the privacy of your own home?
You know, after all your family's asleep and you open up your chase app and you go,
let's go for it.
Let's go for it.
I think the Timberwolves are on a streak um but jesse's always right money always wins the house
the house always wins um you know who's winning espn the nfl yeah dude big buddy's winning
and everyone else is winning with with fun and suicide um but it is like liquor right it's like what are you gonna do you can't ban it you can't ban
it all together but liquor is regulated well it was banned for a long time it didn't work
right they just i'm saying gambling was banned for a long time yeah so and that's not good people
still gambled look at this look what it's doing for these states. Much like marijuana, other states have reaped a total of over $4 billion in taxes for more than $280 billion.
Jesus Christ.
Big pie.
Jesus Christ.
$280 billion that's been wagered on sports since 2018.
That is a lot of action.
Wow.
Vermont will become the latest to accept sports betting.
So you can have a little juice on the game with your Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey.
But the odds for expansion to additional states appears iffy in 2004 because of political
resistance and this political resistance from the Christian,
the vibes of the Christian Ayatollah Cometh.
Resistance in the sometimes competing financial interests of existing gambling
operators.
So I guess a lot of the main casinos don't want it all going digital or
whatever,
right?
Well,
they're all in on it.
They all have their sports cards.
So who are the existing gambling operators?
To me, it seems like they need to carve up the state.
Like, who gets this state?
Right.
Or we get this one.
They got to get through all the, they got to carve up the,
like the way the mafia carves up territory.
They got to carve up who gets what, who's getting,
let's talk about who's getting spoons into the honeypot.
Exactly.
How many spoons are we putting into this honeypot?
That'd be a lot of Native Americans fighting again.
Yeah.
Well, they do great.
It's great for them.
It's a thing, it's a thing that's out there.
I think it was probably seen more as a sin and regulated by lawmakers when the country had a lot more viable options in production and manual labor post-industrial revolution.
They wanted people productive.
They didn't want their neighborhoods uh going to shit
it was a big i think a lot of this stuff is financially motivated right so if you got a lot
of you got a lot of worker bees there was a time in america where everyone was either a industrial
capitalist or a worker bee that's what it was right the industrial revolution we've had two
major revolutions the industrial and then the tech and the industrial revolution facilitated a lot of employment as worker bees guys on the line
they got paid pretty well they could afford a house it built up all these towns that we go to
now that are fucking shit but you see their former greatness everywhere and the industrial revolution created that. Now the tech revolution is creating all these jobs
based around vices that used to be vices
during that era where they wanted people productive.
Now this is productive.
Now these things are seen as productive
because there's no other ways to make money
because people in the East are making our shit. Now these things are seen as productive because there's no other ways to make money because,
you know, people in the East are making our shit.
So it's people pushing money back and forth, you know, gambling odds, fucking pushing crypto.
It's all based on the value you give it.
And that's our economy.
And then based on the money we make, based on how much the Federal Reserve prints, we
fucking give that to China.
They fucking make our shit.
They send it to us.
But that employs some cash register person that employs some account person at a company who's handling the account.
Having to fucking struggle to liaison with someone in China because their English isn't so good.
You know, it's not top priority in China to learn English for a middle management account person over there.
And it never will be,
because they don't plan to make it an official language in the future.
Right?
So I think we give a big thumbs up to gambling in 2024.
I'm all for it.
I'm all for it.
Yeah.
We give it a big thumbs up.
It's a major part of the economy at this point.
It's amazing.
Can you believe we're at a point now?
This is normal for a lot of younger people.
We're at a point now where it's like gambling is a major,
major engine of the American economy.
What was that?
$280 billion.
So Atlantic City, I expect you to start looking a little better sister
get your shit together yeah you know revival of atlantic city that's trash though yeah
it's great it's great an industry that's on the decline in 2024 is going to be um pizza hut who
every year has seen a decline in their yearly profits.
It's getting worse and worse and worse.
From 300 mil something plus to 200 mil something in 2022.
And then I guess 2023 is probably going down.
Patrick Ewing on the magic.
It's Patrick Ewing on the magic.
It's on its way down.
Real down.
It's in the applesauce years.
Now, this is a private war between Pizza Hut and Domino's.
And I think the only way Pizza Hut makes a comeback is if they find out one of the spokespeople for Pizza hut was touching kids. I lost subway.
All right.
Blimpies was it.
If,
if,
if they had found out Jared from subway was touching kids five years
earlier,
you'd still see a couple of blimpies around,
but blimpies got done by subway.
So I think that's,
what's happened to pizza hut.
You know,
it's going to be,
huh?
It's going to be Craig Robinson,
Craig,
Phillip Robinson,
comedian, Craig Robinson in a year and. You know who it's going to be? Huh? It's going to be Craig Robinson. Craig Philip Robinson. Comedian Craig Robinson
in a year and a half.
Yeah.
Here's my 2024 prediction.
His...
One of his private emails
will be leaked
from one of his friends
saying,
I have to call you back
right now
because
I am outside PS3 27 taking a peek.
And it may or may not be true,
but it could be planted by Pizza Hut.
I'm just throwing ideas out there, Pizza Hut.
You don't want to be blimpies.
You don't want to wait too long.
Yeah.
You got to throw some muck.
You got to throw some dirt at the spokespersons.
You got to put some cash in on the deal right now.persons people gotta find out he was stroking more than that keyboard
that's it
exactly we gotta get a little
yeah it wasn't the only little white things he was
diddling
and that's how you start the
fucking online schmear campaign too
with that headline as it turns out
Craig Robinson
known for his
piano comedy as it turns out, Craig Robinson, known for his piano comedy,
as it turns out, those little white keys weren't the only white little things
he was diddling.
Boom.
Is it true?
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Is it true?
It's not about what's true in 2024.
That continues in 2024.
Is it true?
It doesn't matter.
That continues.
That can be,
look at how Papa John's also took a little bit of the marketplace and he
loves the N word dearly.
They got Shaq.
Shaq's their new spokesperson.
That's what you do when you get caught as a CEO,
fucking slipping a couple of N words after you lost some money on some online betting.
To tie all these stories together,
I guarantee you Papa John's N-word slippage
came after a Warriors game where he didn't make the spread.
That's how that happens.
Now, you had a joke about that.
I don't know anything about his N-word fiasco.
Who, Papa John?
Yeah, what was the context?
He got caught saying it, and then he had to check himself into a hospital
because he needed help not saying it.
Right, well, no, he didn't need to be checked into a hospital.
His PR rep suggested it and said, hey, guy, this is a good move.
Let's just say we're doing this.
You have pre-racial Tourette's.
That's what we're going
with right now because we got to save your career and how did he drop it like what did he say he was
he was like uh I think they got a recording of like it was like oh niggas this and niggas that
and niggas doing this and it's like yeah but who was he talking to in the other line I don't know
was it Snoop I think he was trying to sell some new Cinnabon twists
you're during a conference call conference call yeah here yeah. Yeah, here it is.
It's actually kind of amazing that he says the N-word
and then he gets the biggest, controversially, N-word
to come rep his company.
Again.
It's kind of like saying Beanie Juice to the beer five times.
Again.
Again, this is an instance where maybe we could say
the N-word did a lot for the black community.
It did a lot for the black community.
Because after you get caught saying the N-word, the the first you need to do is got one of the most famous black people in the country as your spokesperson to make amends yes our financial
literacy went up but also our blood pressure did at the same time it was a double wham wham
what do you say designed as a role here he goes colonel sand Sanders called black he said
he responded by downplaying
he was asked how he would distance himself
from racist groups online
he responded by downplaying the significance
of his NFL statement what was his NFL
statement saying Colonel
Sanders called blacks
the n-word all the time
and apparently he didn't say the n-word
on that one either
but what did he say
uh so it must have had something to do with i was right the nfl it's a kid lost a little bit
money on the fucking carolina panthers that's what happened so i guess his initial statement
was about something in the nfl that's the most we need. It says it right there.
So,
I guess.
Who cares?
This happened, what, fucking five years ago?
Yeah, this was a lot of years ago.
Yeah.
I mean, some people have really flourished
after their N-word scandals.
Yeah.
Flourished.
He had a bad one, right?
God damn it.
Can you just bleep the whole thing?
Because the last time we did that,
he's- They got on us, yeah. They got yeah they got on us because his people are fucking behind that so just
i guess canadians can say the n-word because they're not racist this will help this will
the algorithm will like mel gibson mel gibson he he is still making movies right of course he
had to come back and his was a bad one. But his was a private call.
Is that as bad as a public statement?
Not at all.
When you talk, and listen, he was upset.
His Slovenian fucking whore was trying to get his money.
And she said that he get, all he said was, I hope you get raped.
I mean, his was probably the worst I've ever heard.
A pack.
A pack, too.
Yeah, the N-word was not the most offensive word used in that whole sentence.
It was the pack.
Yeah.
The pack really hit home.
Made him sound like animals, like hyenas, like a pack, like wolves or something.
Yeah.
So.
We can't play it, dude. If he said gaggle, it wouldn't have been as bad.
If he said gaggle.
If he said gaggle.
Group.
Troop.
You know. A coterie. A coterie, yes. A coterie. A crow, been as bad. If he said gaggle. If he said gaggle. Group. Troop. You know.
A coterie.
A coterie, yes.
A coterie.
A crow, if you will.
Yeah, a coterie.
Yeah, if you say pack.
It's very funny, actually.
If he was just a little bit more eloquent with the way he described the aggregate sum of African Americans,
that would be doing the right thing.
An assortment. Yeah, an assortment of, I doing the rape action. An assortment.
Yeah, an assortment of,
I hope you get raped by an assortment.
If he said an assortment of niggas,
he still would be in Hollywood today.
Yeah, a plethora.
Yes.
A plethora.
A myriad, maybe.
A gathering.
Yeah.
A gathering.
It's not your racial epithets.
It's your vocabulary.
That cut me off.
It's the contextual words around them.
It's the sophistication level. It's the's the contextual words around them. It's the sophistication level.
It's the class of the
words around them. I think he should get a sponsorship
with Merriam-Webster. Yeah.
A group. A gathering.
A gathering has
more of a merry connotation. Of course, yes.
A troop.
A troop has more of a professional
connotation. A pack.
A soiree, I'm niggas.
A soiree.
Yes.
It's very nice.
A soiree.
A soiree.
Yeah, the problem was pack.
The problem was pack.
Nothing good is coming after the word pack.
Yeah.
Because soiree just really, it mellows out everything in a sentence.
Nobody says,
I turned the corner
and I encountered a pack
and it never is like,
nobody says,
I encountered a pack of Christmas cow rollers.
Not at all.
No.
The word pack always precedes something bad.
It's just bad,
but soiree is good.
Yeah, a soiree of,
when you hear soiree,
your blood pressure drops. Everything's calm. Everything's calm. A but soiree is good. Yeah, a soiree of. When you hear soiree, your blood pressure drops.
Everything's calm.
Everything's calm.
A soiree.
A gathering.
Yes.
Yeah, you're ready for it, you know?
A plethora of.
Wow, what's it going to be, Santas?
Is this SantaCon?
You're giving a police report.
You'll be like, hey, I just got jumped by a soiree of niggas.
Yeah.
They're going to be like, whoa, whoa, man, man, man.
Whoa.
How many of them were there?
Yes, exactly.
Soiree.
It's like, how could you have gotten jumped if it was a soiree? nobody gets jumped from a soiree no they get jumped by a pack are you sure
they weren't playing the cops gonna be like are you sure they were being harmful to you or was
frankie beverly just playing and nobody ever delivers the word pat comley nobody ever delivers
the word pat comley it's always a pack of wolves it's a pack of wolves a pack of cigarettes you
know yeah a fucking and usually the word fucking is before yeah it's always a pack of wolves. It's a pack of wolves, a pack of hyenas. Yeah, a fucking, and usually
the word fucking is before. It was a
fucking pack. It's usually anger.
Yeah, it was a fucking pack of coyotes
in my backyard. Your motherfucking got a pack
of hot dogs. We don't need that many hot dogs for the barbecue.
You ever say I got chased by a gathering of wolves?
No. No. Bello.
I mean, this is,
this is, uh, look, if you're
going to be racist, take some tips from Jared on how to soften it.
Yes.
The words around, the words around it got to be a little bit more.
Savory.
Yeah, their connotations have to be a little bit more positive.
Of course.
Yeah.
Don't play it.
Don't play it.
People are familiar with it.
It's funny when you hear it, though.
It is funny because.
The creativity had...
You've got to give top 10.
He was looking for...
He was looking for a word that could really surmise how he felt,
how much he hated this girl.
He was worked up into a real lather.
He was lathered up, dude.
He was lathered up.
He was lathered up.
Lathered in blackface.
It's almost like he rolled around in poison ivy,
and this was three days later,
and he just had rashes all over himself.
And he just,
he just was irritated,
you know,
like he had rocks in his shoes and he just,
he just let it fly,
dude.
I hope you get raped by a,
by a chorus of,
how about chorus of a chorus of, How about chorus of?
A chorus of.
A chorus would be a good one too.
Exactly.
And on all this,
rape is taking a back seat,
which is horrible on its own.
Yeah.
So you know you fucked up if rape in a sentence
is taking the back seat
and is not the operative word
of what's going on.
That is a great point.
That is actually a great point.
He's like, no,
he didn't just accuse
sexual assault on a woman. He didn't want that to happen. Did you hear the racism though? That is a a great point. He didn't just accuse sexual assault on a woman.
He didn't want that to happen.
Did you hear the racism, though?
That is a very good point that nobody even remembers the rape part of it.
They just go, did you see what he said a pack of?
You're like, yeah, but he wanted her to get raped.
They're like, no, no, no, no, no.
That's how you know the Black Panthers is just stronger than any feminist group
because rape just got kicked to the side.
Yeah, well, that also shows that there's been some progress.
Of course.
Because in the past, it would have been like, wait a second.
He wanted her to get raped?
And then they would go, yeah, but that's what they do.
But now they're going like, what?
Did he say?
Yeah, I think women should get paid less and kill all black people.
Women are going to be like, wait a minute.
What did you just say?
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Women should be killed,
but don't you dare say that about our beautiful Nubian brothers and sisters.
Um,
so listen,
you know,
I think it,
the pizza hut has bigger problems than just the minimum wage going up.
I think it would have been something else.
I don't know.
We'll see what other California companies, uh, cut their delivery staffs they're probably also getting hurt by uber eats i
don't know how that plays into this but i think this is more about the dwindling pizza huts i
don't see pizza huts much anymore no i don't see them i don't see them i think for a while pizza
hut was paying rent to other places because remember you'd go into the combination pizza
hut and fucking it was always like a combo yeah for a while there was pizza huts are like combined yeah the only
time you see a pizza hut is when it's with like a taco bell yeah which is the only time i've seen
italian and mexicans work together other than my porn searches yes and this is not a clan hat
or a birthday hat no put it to the side because when you put it to the side put it to the side. Yeah, put it to the side. You look special. There you go. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. So, I mean, my prediction for Pizza Hut will be that Pizza Hut will join Bed, Bath & Beyond.
A couple of major, major companies have filed for bankruptcy in 2023.
What was the other?
Bed, Bath & Beyond, there was another big one.
Party City.
Party City. Party City?
Party City's going bye-bye.
That's where kids get their balloons and stuff?
The only thing you can get from Party City is balloons.
People aren't celebrating anymore?
What are they doing?
They're not doing balloons?
They're doing balloons, but you can blow up your own balloons.
How do you have a party without any balloons?
What's taking over the balloon biz?
You get a nice assortment of balloons.
That's it.
Party City.
We got to be honest. The only thing that can save all these companies is a nice assortment of balloons that's it party city we got to be honest
the only thing that can save all these companies is a nice commercial and endorsement by pete
davidson because ever since pete davidson's been doing taco bell commercials i mean they're running
the world yeah you see the taco bell commercial yeah he's just taking he's just taking uh the
credit for creating the menu yeah he's like oh you guys don't have a breakfast taco i thought of it
yeah yeah skyrocketing now yeah Yeah, you gotta get Pete Davidson
on there. Get him in there. Maybe
they'll save it. But I think
you know. Oh, WeWork.
Oh, Rite Aid also filed for bankruptcy.
Rite Aid's been going a long time, though.
Smile Direct.
WeWork. Wow.
How is Boston Market not on the list?
Yeah, that's another one. Every time I go walk
at the Boston Market, it looks empty.
I think because they don't, maybe they just don't have,
they're not as widespread, so they don't have,
there's not many Boston Markets.
Boston Market's an interesting,
because it's like in between fast food and like regular food.
Not exactly, yeah.
It's like an Applebee's level, you know?
Where you feel a little good about yourself eating there.
You know? Yeah. It's not like a little good about yourself eating there. You know?
Yeah.
It's not like a McDonald's or a Taco Bell.
Yeah.
It's like an Applebee's, but you find heroin in the bathroom.
Yeah, it's for lower class people, for poor people to feel a little fancy on a night.
You've got to have a few of those restaurants in the country.
How fancy can you feel, though, eating from a plastic tin?
Well, you know?
You ever make music?
You have your spork,, you have your spork
and you run your spork around the tin.
You kind of make a beat.
Yeah.
Must be a black thing, but you know.
No, that's a black thing, yeah.
Yeah.
I've never done that.
I've only eaten at Boston Market twice.
Now, Boston Market,
no, I like Boston Market,
but here's the thing.
You got to have places like that.
You got to have places for-
Lower class. For delivery, for former delivery men who work for Pizza Hut thing um you gotta have places like that you gotta have places for lower class for delivery
for former delivery men who work for pizza hut to spend this christmas boston market
boston market is there boston boston markets commercials should be that to be sad music
a guy getting off of his bus shift right loosening his fucking ralph cramden tie his
family meets him outside they're all wearing marshall's coats discount the family hugs the
christmas music plays they walk into a boston market and they order a 1699 family chicken platter
with sides.
Whole chicken for $1.99.
That can't be.
Can't be chicken.
Oh, it can be.
Oh, it can be.
And it comes to you in a fancy, like, separated plate.
Nice.
You got your side here.
You get this.
It feels like a family dinner, you know?
And that's what you need Boston Market for.
That's the catchphrase. Boston Market feels like a family dinner,
but in parentheses it goes, not really.
If you lose all your money gambling
and you want to have one last fancy meal
before you're off yourself.
Boston Market.
Boston Market is for you, right?
If you want to treat yourself one last time
before you jump off the fucking Golden Gate Bridge
because you just gambled away everything.
Cream spinach weighs you down.
Boston Market is your stop.
We're your last stop before heaven.
Come to our rotisserie chicken at Boston Market
where we turn tears into less tears.
Yeah.
There it is.
I just came up with the slogan.
Speaking of Boston,
we had something happen in Boston, right?
What happened?
With the mayor?
Speaking of Boston,
we did have something happen in Boston with the mayor.
Mrs. Michelle Wu.
Did I get the name right?
Mayor Michelle Wu.
Yes. She was swatted somebody had some fun these kids like to swap people now if you don't know what swatting means
um it uh it's when you get to feel like a black person when you least expect it there you go
is there anything more that that's actually a double meaning because when you hear about an Asian person
getting swatted nowadays,
it's usually a black person that's doing the swatting.
That's what I thought the joke you were going to make,
but you didn't.
No, no.
It's a good joke.
It's a good joke.
And it's just unfortunate that even Dave Chappelle,
when he made a joke on that topic,
he caught controversy for it.
I think you should be allowed to make that joke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because it reflects reality.
So she got swatted on Christmas
after her Electeds of color holiday party
that doesn't sound great
this of color thing
EOC
HP
EOC doesn't
EOC sounds like
we went back to the 50s
EOC sounds like
piece of shit
I don't like you
there's people
there's people
there's people of color
in there
I guess that's the
preferred nomenclature
at this point
but everyone knows it was big news.
She had her no whites party,
which is a better way to describe it.
It got leaked and I guess she got swatted.
Someone swatted her.
So what happens is,
what is the FBI?
Now,
what the fuck?
Why is the FBI fall for every one of these?
Why do they fall for every one of them?
Why don't they do a little research on it's the mayor?
Maybe you give a little call to the mayor first and go,
Hey,
um,
I don't know.
Are there G are you partying with jihadis this Christmas?
Why are we swatting the mayor?
I guess they just get the call.
It's funny that they haven't amended their system to protect against swatting
because swatting just people just keep swatting people.
Gamers do it to other gamers all the time. online personalities do it while the other people are streaming you ever
see them while people are streaming and they get swatted have you ever watched any of those videos
so there's be gamers fucking streaming and then all of a sudden there's dudes with fbi vests and
ar-15s just like breaking down their door and they're playing like some online game like what's
going on some of them don't even notice.
Yeah, we heard there was a jihadist revolution here.
You're like, what are you, I'm playing,
I'm in my underwears.
I'm drinking a big gulp.
How did this happen?
So she got swatted.
A man called the Boston Police Department early Monday.
So it's not necessarily the FBI.
I think it's local police.
SWAT team.
SWAT team comes in.
Man called the police, the Boston police,
on Monday claiming he had shot his wife
and tied her up alongside another man
at Wu's address.
All right, so we had a little mic issue.
It dropped, but we fixed it,
which is great.
It's great to have somebody here
who knows how to do that.
That would have happened.
I would have just been like, okay,
I got to stop my podcast altogether.
I don't know how to fix things.
I don't know how to fix anything.
But what I was about to say was,
how about giving the mayor a ring before you swatter?
I'm not defending the mayor.
I don't know the mayor.
All I know is she likes to have uh no white parties
that's all i know about michelle will but that aside how incompetent is the police department
that they don't just give they see it's her address they must know the mayor's address
so how do we give her a ring before we just before we go and swat this broad imagine her too she's
asian so she's sitting at the table after throwing her non-white party playing Sudoku.
She's playing Sudoku.
Or she's doing algebra.
She's sitting there doing algebra.
Playing with the abacus.
Drinking a glass of wine, relaxing, doing complex math.
And these police come in and swat her.
She's sitting there playing the violin
while she does complex math and plays online chess
rocking out the sun with an umbrella to relax to relax and she gets swatted by a bunch of
boston officers you know how much that must ruin her classical music is playing right she's doing
complex math relaxing like the asians do that's how they relax complex math problems next thing you know you hear fucking open the door like jesus she's like oh lord
oh lord oh lord i love the accent choice on that these bostons these boston tenians are coming
again must have been the right wing it probably was some right wing kid who was like,
we're going to fucking show some fucking Boston kid sitting there.
It's like, fuck her.
Fuck her, dude.
We're going to fucking swatter.
You want to fucking swatter?
And they probably made your joke.
About who swats her.
Tonight, we're going to fucking act like the brothers and swat an Asian.
So I don't know apparently this isn't
the first time
seems like she's got
swatted a lot
oh she's been swatted before
yeah she said that
her and her family
are used to it
yeah but that's her
being the thing right
I don't
I don't think anyone's
swatted her before
she's just acknowledging
the situation
yeah she
exactly
yeah
she's like I swear not
It was such a hard road for me
We're used to it
We're so used to it
At Harvard
I used to get it all the time
Where'd she go to school?
I need to know
Where she goes to school right now
Probably Harvard, yeah
God damn it
Jesse, go, go, go
Come on
You can do it
Let's go
You gotta egg them on
It helps
Come on
You're at the Special Olympics
Come on, Johnny
You can do it
I think it makes him nervous Let's go, go Quick, quick, quick I'm a little nervous You just spelled woo with an E Yeah, it helps. Come on. You got like a winner. Like you're at the Special Olympics. Come on, Johnny. You can do it. I think it makes him nervous.
Let's go.
Go quick, quick, quick.
Nervous.
You just spelled Woo with an E.
Yeah, it's okay.
He knows he can't rush Jesse, though.
He knows Google gets the drift.
Yeah.
Michelle Woo, school mayor of Boston.
Go to school.
As he's searching that up, do you think she was mad at them
for not taking their shoes off
before they came in?
I think that's more the Japanese.
But your Asian racism is welcome.
Well, not.
I wouldn't call it.
That was called confusion.
I don't blame you for that.
They do look a lot alike.
Confucius, yeah.
Confucius.
She's the first woman of color.
Are they really of color?
I mean, her skin complexion is the same as mine.
Can they just say she's the first woman with different eyes?
Do they get to be people of color, Asians?
They're white.
When you see her skin color and you see mine and you see Jesse's,
it's the same skin color.
They don't get to be in the POC group.
They get their own group called different eyes.
What?
They're different.
That's how you tell the difference between Asian and not Asian.
They got different eyes.
And we shouldn't call black people black.
There should be no black people anymore.
When you refer to them in the formal way,
it should be people with different hair.
That's how you officially tell if a black person
has more black in their mix or if they're more white.
I think that's the official way.
Right?
Because you ever see...
It's one of the ways.
I've met half black, half whites, and they got white hair. And I'm like, your DNA is a, I've met, it's one of the ways I've met like half black,
half whites,
and they got white hair.
And I'm like,
your DNA is a little more white.
Cause you got the white hair.
But if you got the black hair,
you could be,
you could have white skin.
But if you got the black hair,
Devin Booker,
you're more black.
Derek Jeter.
Derek Jeter had the white hair.
No,
I think,
I think Derek Jeter had the black hair.
Yeah.
Well,
he might've had the white hair with the black maintenance,
because he let that shit grow.
He didn't put a comb through it.
He had a flat.
Was his white hair?
I think his was black hair.
It was white hair.
He couldn't tell.
He always kept it short.
Yeah.
Isn't that funny, though, that mixed kids, they get one of the other hair.
I think the black hair may be a dominant gene,
because it's usually the black hair.
I mean, Jason Kidd got black hair.
He's white.
I mean, he's a white-looking guy with black hair.
It's all stupid shit.
It's just fucking your hair and your skin color.
So I was right to say Harvard.
My time at Harvard is so difficult.
She must have faced so much discrimination at Harvard
from all the other Asians there.
That's the last joke I want to make on that,
because it's a goodie.
It was so hard looking around and seeing everyone else
being Asian at Harvard.
It's so funny.
We're used to it.
We're used to it. We're so used to it we're used to it
we're so used to it
that the people of Boston
elected us to be their mayor
we had to stand up
through such hard times
we had individual conversations
with everyone
so people understood
what is truly
just an honest mistake
that went out in typing the email.
What the hell?
Oh, that was because of the party.
Oh, she said because of the party.
She said, we've had individual conversations with everybody.
So people understood that it was truly just an honest mistake
that went out in typing the email field when the email leaked.
So of course it was a mistake.
They didn't want that out there, that they were having a non-whites.
Yeah, the mistake is that.
What did her husband do at the party?
He wasn't invited.
He wasn't invited.
He made the list.
Yeah.
Yeah, he came and cleaned up.
Yeah.
You know what her problem is?
She didn't make people bring their own food.
If you invite people of color and you say, hey, bring a dish that represents your country,
white people won't get mad at that.
Because to white people, that's just a potluck.
And they can understand that.
That's right.
That's a good point.
Hey, if you come into this party of color, bring some meatballs.
Something.
What if you got the miscellaneous whites?
What do you mean?
The Italians, the Greeks, the Romanians, the Bulgarians.
They're going to bring something.
Yeah, but you're not going to really be offended by those whites
because they really don't count.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, we got to find out.
You don't really care about their opinion, you know.
We got to find out who counts.
We got to find out who on the scale.
We got to find out.
We got to find out the scale.
Who's white and who's not?
Yeah.
Okay.
Because if white is bad, I don't want to be it.
But if white's good, I want to be it.
Of course.
Yeah.
Whatever it is, I want to be.
If it's bad, it depends on where I'm at.
Okay?
If the police pull me over, I'm white!
Real quick.
If I'm a Hollywood, I'm going to go.
Oh, Greky.
Hi, everybody.
Oh, so Greky here.
I just came from the mall. I don't know what's happening. Smiley Copita! Anyway, shout out to Michelle Wu.
I think she's going to have a great 2024.
I think her non-white party, I think, is a good answer to P. Diddy's white party.
That's what it is.
I take it as she could have responded by going, hey, we just don't want people to wear white.
That's P. Diddy's brand.
And his brand's taking a hit.
Real hit.
His brand's taking a big hit.
Real hit.
Yeah. real hit his bread's taking a big hit real hit yeah because i think that other guy took over his
white party right that music them uh sports guy who's got that party that we talked about michael
rubin also has a white party yeah but the white party was originally p diddy's p diddy was like
i want an all-white party in hamptons and i just think michelle woo was having you know where your
dungarees perhaps a burgundy shirt.
That's what I think it was.
Non-white party.
That's how I would have done damage control.
Pastel party.
I would have said everyone is welcome,
just no white Hanes tees.
That's it.
It's like sorting your laundry.
It's like sorting your laundry.
You just put the colors in the whites.
That's it.
That's it.
We had a white... I had a white
Christmas party.
Are you talking about wardrobe or
attendance? No, the attendance I think was 100%
white. Well, they were all Greek, so it is
questionable.
But the skin color is fair.
So maybe this isn't a bad
thing. Maybe there's one non-white
party. Because most of the Christmas parties are pretty white
but not by design
that's the problem
I don't think on the invite to my family's party they said no blacks
I think they maybe even said
do you want to invite your one black friend Jared?
yeah
you had a black Christmas party
I had a black and Puerto Rican Christmas party
yeah you have a black-ish
your life is black-ish
which is already a show name.
It's already a show.
So your sitcom, what's it going to be called?
Black Rico?
Black Rican.
Black Rican.
Negro Rican.
Negro Rican.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down when you say that.
Neat.
Neat.
Slow down when you say that, please.
Neat.
Neat.
Don't rush through that.
Neat. Say it slow. Slow down when you say that. Knee, knee, knee. Slow down when you say that, please. Knee, knee. Don't rush through that. Knee.
Say it slow.
Knee.
Row.
Re.
Con.
There you go.
Yeah, so do you do more, did you do more the Reekin side, or did you do more the Black side?
We did both, because usually the Black side is chill, laid back, but at 10 o'clock at night,
Mark Anthony was being played.
So we had to balance that out.
Is that because everyone goes down with the itis
on the black side early?
Yeah, you put on some Kenny G,
you get that egg knocking back,
and you just chill out.
Kenny G is the funniest dude
because Kenny G looked exactly like this girl
that I used to bang in college.
I mean, I banged,
there was this girl I used to see in college who had curly red hair and her
face looked like Kenny G and people would make jokes.
She looked at Kenny G.
So one time I banged her to Kenny G and it was very funny.
It almost felt like I was banging Kenny G.
Kenny G is interesting because he's a white dude with long red curly hair and
the blacks fucking love Kenny G.
Kenny G.
And all he does is play sax, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Very simple.
Shout out to Kenny G.
I think this is going to be a big year for Kenneth G.
I think it's going to be a huge year for Kenny G.
Kenny G is one of the funniest looking dudes.
Look at Kenny G, dog.
He's got that skinny sack, too.
Dude, Kenny G looks like a woman.
Kenny G looks like a woman in his 40s.
Not the most attractive woman.
No, he's Kenny G.
I feel like Kenny G looks like what Rachel Dolezal wishes she looks like.
Yo, is he that good?
Yeah.
He's got to be that good if the black community,
because all the whites that are accepted by the blacks,
because the best music is black.
If you can master our genre,
and he specifies in saxophone,
then we give you that respect.
Dude, Kenny G, Hall & Oates,
all the blacks, all the whites,
George Michael, they liked. Lisa Stansfield, Ade Michael, they liked.
Lisa Stansfield, Adele, they like.
And especially the older blacks.
And there's one I'm forgetting, Phil Collins always got in there.
We've talked about it before, but they're all very good.
And Kenny G must be good on that sax, dog.
But I tell you what, I've never listened to a Kenny G album.
But it was on at your party.
Just comes on at Christmas.
Nice little saxophone.
I like that.
Well, Kenny G's going to have a huge year, too.
He's going to do a duet with Dua Lipa, and it's going to go viral.
You heard it here first.
I told you how it's going to go.
Jesus is coming back, but he's going to be a 14-year-old Pakistani girl with Tourette's.
Kenny G's having a big year.
a 14-year-old Pakistani girl with Tourette's.
Kenny G's having a big year,
and Michelle Wu is going to have her non-white party,
this time in Newport, Rhode Island.
Guys, come see me live on the road.
Portland, Oregon, January 11th.
Vancouver, January 12th.
Miami, January 9th through the 21st.
San Francisco, February 9th through 10th.
Atlanta, February 15th through the 17th.
San Diego, February 23rd, 24th. Chicago, March 8th. Toronto, March 23rd.
Cleveland, Ohio, March
29th through the 30th. Tulsa, April
5th and 6th. Kansas City,
Missouri, April 11th
and 13th. And I
just remembered we're going to be
in Stanford,
Connecticut
on March... Beginning of March? Top of March? Middle of March. Stanford, Connecticut on March...
Beginning of March?
Top of March?
Middle of March.
Stanford, Connecticut, New York Comedy Club.
Guys, go to patreon.com
slash Giannis Papasauer
for your weekly bonus episodes.
Want to give a shout-out
to our small business shout-outs,
exclusiveautoshipping.com.
If you're moving your car or you're buying it out of state,
just use exclusive auto shipping.com because they give student and military
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That's what I would do.
Chris Minetti,
two one five seven five oh three seven three.
Oh,
Chris Minetti has been in prison for 15 years,
but he will cash a check,
but he will cash a check from prison.
So go to 215-753-3730 if you're in the South Jersey, Philly area.
I know he had a freaking great Christmas.
He had a great Christmas under the radar where the IRS can't find you.
For the free.art, it's music in Hawaii, baby.
They still here?
Yeah.
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How you like them apples?
Michelle Wu.
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Happy holidays, Matthew.
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Jared, you should check this out.
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And I'm telling you, after you guys check it out, you're going to want to donate.
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It's a New York city-based newsletter that publishes articles, essays, and thoughts on things like books, movies, pops, cultures, and culture. I look at it all the time now,
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