You Be Trippin' - Lebanon w/ Russell Peters | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Follow Russell on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/russellpeters/?hl=en SPONSORS: -Go to http://A-W-A-Yproducts.com and get 20% off PLUS free shipping by using Promo Code TRIPPIN -Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at https://harrys.com/ TRIPPIN On this episode of You Be Trippin, Ari and Russell Peters take mushrooms and talk about the nightclubs, beautiful women, and bum guns of Beirut, Lebanon. They also discuss hunting tigers, never trying coke, punching a guy in the stomach, hiring hookers, and a joke that made a trans waitress wince. Other topics include: Brazil, Trinidad, Hezbollah, Israelis, international shows, and getting your ass washed. This one’s a blast. استمتع You Be Trippin' Ep. 38 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Okay, everybody tune not right away. Hello everybody. Welcome to You'll Be Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. Every week we go to a different place. I love going places and I love hearing about places from other people that have been there and It's the only podcast that is fully endorsed by the People's Republic of North Korea Guest today on the fucking Mount Rushmore of traveling comedians Russell Peters Yeah, I love the fucking clapping. Nice.

Yeah, you're of, I mean, who's the top five or six? You, Gaffigan, but you might be number one. I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think I started it. Yeah, maybe. I did create that lane for people to go international. Yeah, where they're like, there's no market here. It was pre-internet, kinda.

It was. Or pre-discount like Twitter. It was right after, yeah, I mean, I started going international in the 90s. Wow. And then, but that wasn't me going. It wasn't like, oh, they're coming to see Russell Peters. I was performing out of England,

and then you'd get these gigs in all these different countries and different cities, and you'd just be part of a comedy night. And then I started going out as me in 2005, 2006. Wait, you lived in England? I was there for seven years, yeah. I would go to England for like a month, and then I'd come home for Toronto to two weeks,

and then I'd go back and forth. Oh, you guys have that mothership shit. Well, no, my cousins lived in England too, so I just. But you could just go whenever you wanted, right? No, you still had to get a visa back then. A work visa. Thank you. Did you spend it? Fuck? No, you still had to get a visa back then. A work visa. Thank you.

Did you spit in it? Fuck. I wanted that one then. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'd say I'd space it out a little. It's like putting spliffs, makes the weed last longer. Yeah, that's right. But where are we going today? I don't know, we can go anywhere really. Yeah, you're gonna do this podcast more than once. Not today.

Yeah. So it's like, where are we going? You can actually call it and we'll just go from there. How about that? I like Beirut, I like Lebanon. I love Beirut. I'm not gonna get anyone else going. I love Beirut. Well, I'll tell you not gonna get anywhere else going. I love Beirut.

It was, well, until you guys fucked it up, but it was a beautiful place. It was the center of academia, right? It was everything, dude. It was, they used to call it the France of Europe, of the Middle East, like the Paris of the Middle East. And everybody used to go there. It was like, you can go look at old videos and clips of

Lebanon before it started getting attacked by you guys again and Well first was before the ayatollah took over right and all that stuff Oh, that was it was there ayatollah in in Lebanon ayatollah was in Iran. Yeah. Yeah Whatever the you're talking about Hezbollah. I think maybe or what it was like it went south It definitely went in a different direction. But the country stayed the same for the most part. I mean, there was parts that you would avoid after a certain area, but I remember when I went

the few times, I always had a, I don't want to say a blast, because that's probably the wrong term right nowadays, but I always had a fantastic time. Plus if you get a text or a page, just go ahead and get it out there. Yeah, right, yeah. We were talking about it earlier, I saw a meme that said,

it was a bunch of Arab guys and it says, so we make the pennies explosive? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you laughing in there? It's not even funny.

What brought you there? Just shows. Wow. I just went to do shows. I'd never thought about going to Lebanon before. I think I've played there three times now. Okay. And I haven't played in many years

because subsequent issues. Not with me, obviously, but. Yeah. With what was happening in the region, but. Was it safe there when you went? It was always safe there. For me, at least. I mean, obviously, but. You know, with what was happening in the region, but. Was it safe there when you went? It was always safe there. For me, at least, I mean, you know, I look local. Yeah, dude, you could be a lot of things.

I could be a lot of things. I blend in wherever I go. Wow, turban on you, and you're just fuckin' there. Oh yeah, right there. They don't have those guys there. I mean, they do, they're hiding out somewhere. But, like literally, the most fine women you've ever seen, fine ass women over there.

And that's the thing is that everybody, I think a lot of the women that get, I've heard this, I don't know if it's factual or not, this is just what I've heard was that the government will pay for you to get your nose job and your boob job and stuff. Really? Yeah.

What? So a lot of women are like, look like how they have perfect features, and it's government sponsored, I guess they wanna keep it pretty over there. This is what I heard. I don't know if it's true or not, I'm sure your research guys can check that out,

but the running joke in the Middle East was like that, all the women with the nose jobs were sponsored by the government. Plastic surgery make a bundle despite Lebanon's, wow. As much or more than before the economic crisis. Interesting. So you go there and just like, what are you expecting when you go?

I don't know what I'm expecting, you know what I mean? I knew a lot of Lebanese kids growing up in Canada, they have a lot of them, because they spoke Arabic and they spoke French, so they could go to Montreal, they would go to Ottawa, they'd go to the more French speaking parts of Canada. But they always opened up these great food restaurants. Wait, Lebanon's French speaking?

There was a French element to it, yeah. Oh yeah, because they had a colony for a while there. Yeah, and they're kind of on the Mediterranean there too. You speak French? I don't. You don't? No. Interesting.

I'm from Toronto. So it's just basic in Toronto? Yeah, just English or Jamaican. I speak Jamaican fluently. That's my first language. Give me some, give me some Jamaican. You'd have to be Jamaican for me to talk to. I could call one of my friends and you'd be like,

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. My friend used to turn on his accent when he was getting laid. That's what I do when I talk to my Jamaican. I'm like, yo, I swear to God. And they're like, and then people are like, what did you say? I said, where are you?

That's all I said, where are you? Wow. Did I went to Trinidad for That's all I said, where are you? Wow. Did I went to Trinidad for my 50th? Oh Trinidad's great too. I've performed in Trinidad many times. You know what's funny about performing in Trinidad? You would do these soccer stadiums out there.

And this is again, this is before I'm me. Wow. I'm just a guy on the show, I'm doing 10 minutes. But you're doing, there's like 60,000 people at these shows. And the one rule is you can't swear. I'm doing 10 minutes. But you're doing, there's like 60,000 people at these shows. And the one rule is you can't swear. They will take you off and throw you in jail for swearing. But the funny, the ironic part is the Trinidadians

curse all the time. All the time. Yeah, like even when they insult you, yeah, yeah, I'll fucking prick you, where you been, man? And like, oh, what are you talking about? Like I remember doing a show and then this, I come off the stage and Trinidad and this guy goes, this,

this guy's selling soup. Okay. It's soup. It's selling soup. And it's fucking 90 degrees. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You always been asshole. I'm like, what? You always been asshole. I'm like, I'm thinking the fuck he's trying to start one with me. Go there. Yeah, man. Yeah. Some soup, man. I'm like, all right, I have some soup. I'll have some soup. I like how they spell the words in their accent. Yeah. Like four is F U H. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? We're going for the, and they just the actual like the written out word is

and not curse at the same time. They'll curse you before they'll be like, Hey, are you a fucking so and so my fucking so and so they take a lot of the old school stuff. He's a real so and so that guy, you know, but they take it all and bring it back. They call criminals bandits. That's nice. The fucking bandits came in the nighttime and they call homeless people vagrants.

Oh, yeah, they have this upscaling way of talking about things. All the fucking vagrants around, all the fucking bandits come in the house in the nighttime. That's really good. When I go to the islands, I just play local. That's all I do. I pretend I'm local so they don't get any bandit's come in the house any night time. And. That's really good. When I go to the islands, I just play local. That's all I do. I pretend I'm local so they don't get bothered by it.

How'd you get that from the community in Toronto? Growing up in Toronto, it's all Caribbean people. It's all immigrants, right? Yeah, Toronto rules. You kill it out there. I love it there. Yeah. The scene's always been really cold open to me.

Even when they tried to cancel you, I still had to be like, ah, it's my guy. Ari's my guy. Dude, I did a show once in Montreal. I haven't asked you to UFC do my storytelling show. Yeah. It was a small strip club, um, like 80 seats or whatever. I did your storytelling.

Yeah. It was great. The one in LA I did though. In LA too. Did I do it in Montreal too? Yeah. Upstairs at Cleopatra. Oh shit.

What story did I tell that night? I remember a line. What line? And, and as the transsexual transsexual waitress was passing by, so I'm sitting on the floor. I heard the line goes, I pulled my cock out of her ass, and it looked like I had Oreo cookie crumbles all over my dick. And the trans lady just goes, ugh.

And then it walks out. It's burned in there. Oh, I know what story that was. Oh, I know what story that wasn't. Yeah. Sadly. I know what story that was. That's the worst part. But, uh, but, uh, I remember going like, yeah, you know, hopefully it'll be full. And you're like, bro, it's gonna be full if I'm there. I'm like, yeah, you're a massive name in Canada. I mean all over the world really, but, but Canada is my home. Yeah. Um, what'd you eat there?

Who'd you talk to? Like, what'd you get into? I think one of my very first, if you go to my Instagram, my very, one of my very, very first posts might be from Lebanon. Wow. I went to this restaurant on the sea front and, uh, the chef was a Lebanese guy from Canada and he knew that I was there. So he made me this lobster mac and cheese that was fucking incredible.

And he made it in the lobster shell. You gotta go all the way to the beginning of that one. You're gonna be there for years. Okay, let us know when you're ready. Yeah, and so he made me this lobster mac and cheese and he took the shell of the lobster and rebuilt it and put the mac and cheese in the middle. And it was incredible.

So I remember the food being fantastic over there. They have good culinary like. Great culinary IQ over there. I'm going to Cuba and they were like, hey, it won't be good Cuban food because they don't have spices. They don't? They're like the good Cuban foods in Miami

where they actually can afford ingredients. Did you get good Cuban food in Cuba? I'm going. Oh, you in Cuba? I'm going. Oh, you're going? I'm going for the election. Oh, shit, who's running? Me and Bobby Kelly. No, election here, so I don't have to deal with it.

Oh, right. You know, the last time we did an election show was you, me, everybody. We did the End of the World podcast. At the Comedy Store. At the Comedy, I came in, I was drunk. Smart. I remember, I went to Koi for dinner that night,

I got drunk, and then you guys were like, come down to the store, we're all here. And I went, it was you, me, Joe, Burr. Sarah Tiana, it was like a last supper. Everybody, it was amazing, there's great photos of that. Yeah, it really was. Okay, so what, did you eat local foods? Local foods, and you know, at that time

I've been traveling around the Middle East on tour many times before that, and you know, I'd never gotten laid out there, because it's the Middle East. Yeah, it's gotta be hard. I banged this chick in Beirut. She was fine as hell too. Are they just cool?

I'd be nervous to like, it might be a rest anybody. That's why I didn't approach anybody. Trying to get you back to my hotel room. I didn't approach her. I don't know how it came about, but it turns out she was not from Lebanon. She was an Arab girl. I don't want to say what country

she's from, because I don't want that country to think I'm saying that they're hookers or nothing. But she wasn't a hooker, she was just a hot chick that felt free all of a sudden. It's so funny going to another country, and you're like, if you go to like, I was in Cambodia, and they're like, Cambodians are all thin, I was like, there's a fat one,

and someone's like, that's Korean. And I'm like, oh, I don't know. You should know, they're lighter skinned and they have bigger heads. Bigger heads, that's the only one I can actually, oh. I don't know. You should know they're lighter skinned and have bigger heads. Bigger heads. That's the only one I can actually tell now. Yeah, right? It's that round Bobby Lee, Margaret Cho face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which is interchangeable, those two. Yeah, they really did look like they got fucking smashed with a fucking butt. Yeah, Bobby Lee, Margaret Cho could easily be. Bobby Cho, Margaret Lee. They should get together. They should do a sick come together. Yeah, Margaret Cho holds it be. Bobby Cho, Margaret Lee. They should get together.

They should do a sick come together. Yeah, Margaret Cho holds it together by the way. You see her sometimes with a miniskirt on, even at this age. Yeah, yeah, she's hanging on to it. And she's actually a really cool chick too, that's what I like about her. So did you eat the rest of the Arab food?

I was eating the Arab food there too, it was good. What do they have? They're usually, the Lebanese food is known as the best. If you want Middle Eastern food, that's how you gotta go to Lebanese food. It's the same as the rest of the country. They just somehow spice it better and do it a little bit better.

Mind you, the best Lebanese food I ever had was in Kuwait. Really? I was in Kuwait and I went to a Lebanese restaurant and it was fantastic. And I was like, how come it didn't taste like this in Lebanon? They go, I don't know, these guys are all from Lebanon. And then And I was like, how many didn't taste like this in Lebanon? They go, I don't know, these guys are all from Lebanon. And then when I was in Dubai,

I just had amazing Lebanese food too. Wow. It was in Paris and we were like late night, couldn't find anything. And then it was like a bunch of West African food. Oh really? Because there's a whole community there. And then we're like, oh yeah, it's like super spicy and like.

Was it good? It's great. Yeah, and you're like, I thought you guys were starving. Well they left. They left and they're like, I thought you guys were starving. Well, they left. They left and they're like, oh, look at all the food they want. Like, this is what we would have cooked. Yeah. This is how it would have gone down.

Oh yeah. All these. Yeah. Yeah. Kibbeh. Kibbeh is one of the only ones that Jews, only the brown Jews have. Well, you guys, the Israelis love hummus. Love hummus. Yeah. They're homosexuals.

Oh, hate pond. Take it to Norman's pod. And falafels. How was the diarrhea there? Made me falafel. Anyway, this next guy, I would go for two. I had to go for the double. Was it all like healthy and like and fine or was it like? I hate parsley and they love parsley over there. Interesting. So I couldn't eat that tabbouleh shit.

I fucking hate parsley. I'm not down with tabbouleh. No, I don't. Onions, I don't. It's flavorless too. Well, I don't want to taste like onions and parsley when I and and parsley when I was young when I was growing up in Toronto I was bullied a lot and one of the things the white boys did when I was like maybe eight or nine Was they held me down?

Opened my mouth and put grass in my mouth No, no, they put grass in my mouth and taboo parsley tastes exactly like fucking grass So when I taste it I get angry reminds you when you're fucking yeah, I was that when I was a little fucking being bullied by a fucking bunch of white boys, and they open my mouth and I put grass in it. That sucks. Wait, how'd you meet this chick in Beirut?

I don't even remember. It was like a one night, one time thing. But she was hot. God, there's nothing like getting laid somewhere. Oh yeah, I've had some great times in Beirut, like nightclubs. Oh really? Guys, I gotta break in real quick to tell you about Russell Peters and myself we're both on tour and I want to tell you about the dates that's what

we're doing here we're live stand-up comedians. Russell's on the Mount Rushmore of traveling comedians. I'd like to say so am I. Here's what I got so far me Russell Jim Gaffigan. God my memory's bad. Harlan could be up there. Gaffigan, why am I missing somebody? Oh, Tom Rhodes. I'm always forgetting Tom Rhodes. Let me tell you about his dates. My dates, by the way, I'm on the farewell tour. Just went on sale. Here's what we got. Austin in December 14th, 13th, 14th. Sold out. Tahoe, December 21st, just went on sale. Pittsburgh, the first week of January. Then Providence, almost sold out,

January 10th and 11th. January 17th, Salt Lake City, last weekend of January is Brea. And then in February we got Nashville, San Antonio, Tampa, Denver is a best of week. Then in March, Schaumburg, Illinois, which is not anywhere near Chicago. Atlanta, playing the Tabernacle on March 15th,

that's a huge show, I am stoked on that. I haven't been to Atlanta in over five years. Didn't go my entire last tour, and I'm excited to bring you guys a great show. Then Portland, Oregon, March 16th. San Jose, Orlando, and Fort Lauderdale roundout March and then in April it's all big theater Seattle at the more April 3rd that's a huge one it's already I think like half sold out that's great Vancouver at the whatever

April 4th the Vogue nice I remembered it Calgary April 5th Edmonton April 6th, the Vogue, nice, I remembered it. Calgary, April 5th, Edmonton, April 6th, and then finishing off the tour, going on sabbatical, no more touring for quite some time. June 18th in Anchorage, Alaska. What a fun place to finish my tour and start my vacay. This podcast will keep going, by the way. Russell Peters, like I said, it's an amazing comic, and a great guy, one of the best guys of all time

in all of comedy. He's got Kalowna British Columbia Prospera Place October 30th and November. He's got the Rogers Arena In Vancouver Victoria the save on foods Memorial Center Hard Rock Live and Hollywood Florida Orlando Florida Hard Rock Live, Naples Florida, Kazada's Comedy Club in Cantina. It's cool about Russell, he'll do these arenas but then also go to like just like clubs. It's pretty interesting. Coachella California, Wetland California at the Hard Rock Live. Treasure Island Resort and Casino in Welch, Minnesota.

He plays crazy places. Canada Life Center in Winnipeg. Moncton New Brunswick, Casino New Brunswick. Bell Center in Montreal. Jesus, that's huge. TD Place Arena in Ottawa. London, Ontario, the Budweiser Gardens. I guarantee you he's not

drinking one there, Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, and then Wise Guys in January. See, he's playing the same clubs I am in Salt Lake City. It's crazy. Addison Improv in January. It's cool. The Wilbur in Boston, Chevalier Theater in Boston, pretty much Boston, Tyson's Virginia, Punchline, it's crazy. Houston improv, Maui Arts and Cultural Center in Honolulu, Los Angeles. Playing

the Peacock Center theater back to Honolulu, Nevada, Auckland, New Zealand, Sydney, Australia at the Kudos Bank Arena, Brisbane at the Convention Center, Melbourne at the John Cain Arena. You know who John Cain was? He was a premier from Victoria. Did eight years I think between 1982 and 1990. I looked it up. And Perth at the Rack Arena and then it is in the Wynn Las Vegas and way later. But get all tickets at russelpeters.com. Now let's get back to the episode. Their nightclubs were the fucking best.

Like, and it's not music I like, by any means. Is it like electronic or is it like Arabic? Yeah, no, it's electronic kind of, it's like Vegas type shit, but you know, in Vegas you're like, ah, I get it, you know. But, and over there I get to this one club, it was called White, and it was tiered. The whole thing was tiered.

And every tier had a VIP booth on it, like a bunch of VIP booths. That was the only way you could get a VIP booth. So in this VIP booth, I'm like, this is really cool. And the music is shit. Yeah. But. That's it?

Yeah, that might be it, yeah. I see all the booths on the side. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it? Yeah, that might be it, yeah. Oh, I see all the boots on the side. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Wow. And the music was what? Same as? Yeah, the EDM horse shit. But then, you know. You gotta be on drugs.

If you're on drugs, you're like, oh, I get it now. Yeah, but because everybody's having such a good time, it didn't bother me because I was like, this must be fun because I'm having a good time and I hate this music. Yeah. And then I notice, I look out the window and I see fireworks going up and I go, well that's dumb, you can't see the fucking fireworks because they're shooting it out there.

And I look up and the fucking roof had opened so you could see the fireworks. It was like a domed club. And the dome would close after the fireworks ended. It was really cool. Was it restrictive with women and men? Not at all. So it was really stressful. No, that place was the most, it after the fireworks ended. It was really cool. Was it restrictive with women and men? Not at all. So it was really.

No, that place was the most, it was very liberal there. There was none of that weird shit happening. Wow. I remember, I had a few, one time I went to this pub in Lebanon, Beirut. Booze is all fine. Oh, it's all good, all good. You're getting bottle service at that club and everything.

When this one like pub, maybe the next night, I think. You know how I am. I'm a nice guy, I think. But I know how to fight. I boxed for nine years. I've been doing judo. I know how to fight, and I like to fight. It's not like I'm.

You know what I mean? It's not like. You try to avoid it. I try to avoid it because I'm like, I'll get down if you want to get down, but it's not my first choice, but I'm not going to shy away. So we go to this pub the next night.

We're hanging out, me and my whole crew, we're having a great time. This has got some cute girls with us. We're having a wonderful time. Some dude walks up to me, he's like, holy shit, Russell Peters, what are you doing here? I go, how you doing? And he goes, what are you doing here?

I go, what, I'm just hanging out. He goes, oh, I would have thought a cocky motherfucker like you would be somewhere else. And I go, what you doing? And he goes, what are you doing here? I go, what? I'm just hanging out. He goes, I would have thought a cocky motherfucker like you would be somewhere else. And I go, what did you say? And as soon as he said it, I went bop right in his stomach. You hit him right away. Right away. Wow. I'm like, don't talk to me slick like you like.

You hit him right away. You didn't even let it escalate. No, because I'm like, why are you talking to me like you think you could do something to me? I get my brain out of me, goes hit him, bop. I went bop right in his stomach. Stomach is a good one too. And he goes, I'm hurt. I go, it's supposed to be like me. I get my brain on him and goes, hit him, bop. I went bop right in his stomach. Goes, ugh.

Stomach's a good one too. And he goes, I hurt. I go, it's supposed to. I know it hurt, it's a punch. And he goes, why'd you do it? I go, don't call me a cocky motherfucker. You don't know me motherfucker. Especially the way you said it.

Don't come up to me like that. Wow. Be cool, don't be an asshole. Oh, bro. In Lebanon. Yeah. You're not worried about law or anything? No, nothing. Like, who, you know. Oh, bro. In Lebanon. You're not worried about anything? No, nothing.

Like, what the fuck you gonna do, pal? Do you go around like in a different, I heard a story of, what's his name? I get no respect. Rodney DeGioia. Rodney DeGioia, I feel like that. And he was at a restaurant or something in LA 30 years ago.

And he was smoking a joint. Shouldn't smoke anything inside. It definitely wasn't legal to smoke a joint and two cops came over and like, Rodney, how you doing? I was like, hi guys, how you doing? Like he just like, the rules didn't apply to him. Are you able to get away with shit

because of like your fame out there? Because I'm flying in every country. I don't, I generally don't disrespect countries, I mean, because the rules are there for a reason. I'm not gonna find out because you know, they're not, they're leniency. Maybe the guy at the bar knows who I am, but the court's not gonna know who I am.

The jail guy's not gonna know who I am. So no, I'm not playing that game. You tell me no to something, I'm like, I'll respect it, it's your country, your rules. Yeah, oh great punching that dude right in the stomach. It was great. And the stomach too is such a strong one because it's like, it's gonna double you over.

And you're not gonna be bruised. I either go for the solar plexus or the liver. That's usually my go-to. Oh. If you're gonna bother me, like, boop, right in the liver. And like, ugh. That hurt.

Like, I know. Whatever, you didn't see that coming, did you, stupid? I hate the nagging to try to like equalize themselves. Do you like, just say hi. Just say hi, be cool. Like, hey, that's so cool, you're hanging out with us. Yeah, let's take a photo. I'm down for all of that. Let's grab a photo. I'm down for all of that.

Let's grab a shot, I'm down for all that. But you start fucking talking slick to me, we're gonna have a problem. You also not like a ball buster comic. I am, but not like we just met. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, that's so cool.

So, okay, cool dance nightclub, night taxi. No, it's the one time, another trip we're there, and we're in a taxi, and this fucking promoter at this one time we went, we said where we wanted to stay. We wanted to stay at the Phoenician Hotel in downtown Beirut. This fucking guy puts us somewhere in the mountains in some no-name place, it's almost like a bed and breakfast,

and we're like, what is this shit? Way out of town. The WiFi was trash. We're like in the mountains. And I'm like, this is horrible. Like we're in the middle of nowhere. We can't do anything. There's nothing.

The bar is like some guy has a desk and he's got liquor behind him. I'm like, what? Sounds kind of awesome, but yeah. So me and my security guy, we go out. We go, let's go, let's go. Sorry, I'm yelling. It's early.

It's okay, the mushrooms kicking in. It could be the mushrooms kicking in, actually, yeah. And so we get in a taxi and we go around, let's just go to the city and look around. Then we get another taxi on the way back and he goes, yo, do you want to come over here? I'm like, I don't know, just speak English, right? I'm like, do you want to see anything?

I go, yeah, all I knew how to say, right? And I'm like, do you want to see anything? And I go, yeah. All I knew how to say was hooker. I said, charmutas? And he goes, ah, charmutas, okay, yola. And then he takes me to this place, me and my security guy, and we go inside, we go downstairs, and there's like, it looks like a cave.

In the city? No, it's outside of the city. Okay. Sorry. It's the mushrooms. Yeah, and it's like, it looks like, it's not a cave, but it looks, it's designed of the city. Okay. Sorry. It's the mushrooms. Yeah. And it's like a, it looks like, it's not a cave, but it looks, it's designed to look like a cave. Yeah.

It's a nightclub that looks like a cave, but it's just red lights inside. And that's just me and my guy in there, and we're like, the fuck? And then like five or six girls come out of nowhere, and you pick one. Hot. Yeah, they were decent.

Okay. And I picked the one with the fat ass. I'm like, oh, that one. Hot. Yeah, they were decent. Okay. And I picked the one with the fat ass. I'm like, oh, that one. And he goes, okay. And then we go and she leads me to this fucking, it's like a restaurant nightclub, but it's closed down in the night. But they have it open, I don't know how,

she leads me into the kitchen of this restaurant. Imagine eating there at lunchtime, and like, there's been a hooker here. Leads me to the kitchen and there's a dirty ass mattress on the floor. And we just, we fuck in the kitchen on the floor. Dirty mattress.

They pull in a mattress to convert it to nighttime hookering? Yeah. Wow. That was it, like it was one of the mattresses you see in New York, it was pissy mattresses, one of those. Oh, one of those.

But I was just young and fucking dirty. I was like, let's go, let's do it. Oh my God. Also, even if you're like, I don't wanna do this, I'm already there with a chick. So it's like my standards are now. I'm like, I wonder when I'm gonna bring her back to my hotel and then how am I gonna get her out of there?

I don't know how to speak Arabic. How much was a hooker there? Do you remember? Honestly, I think it must have cost me 30 bucks or something. 30, 40 bucks. It wasn't expensive at all. I had a coupon too, so that probably helped. You got a half off, that's what I have,

but they didn't honor it. I said somebody get me a coupon code for this. Yeah, what is it with the two at once? What is that app where you could have multiple people go in? Groupon. Groupon. Yeah, Groupon Hookers. Yeah, Groupon Hookers.

I think my guy got something too, my security guy at the time. What, Chlamydia? No, he wasn't got a chick. I think he guy got something too, my security guy at the time. What, Chlamydia? No, he wasn't got a chick. I think he got a chick, I don't know. Damn, that's cool. I mean, I would not expect Lebanon to have a team like that. Well, Lebanon was very much alive. I mean, there was an under,

no matter where you go in the world, there's an under. It's the oldest profession. There's an underworld to everything, right? I love the moment too where you like, you just shift. Whenever we're in San Diego and it was like, Tijuana, hooker? And it was like, it was either no right then or yeah.

And then that's it. I've never been to Tijuana. It rules. Yeah. It's so disgusting. Yeah, I've heard. Hong Kong is the place, right? You can't go to Tijuana.

No. You're like a legit, that's a problem for you there. Yeah, I'd probably get kidnapped. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're a legit kidnapping target there. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm just a dumb American, but like, yeah. Well, I know I can pretend to be Mexican when I'm there. You could easily pass this act too!

Yeah, because when I'm around Hispanic people, I speak Spanish to them and they think I'm local. Then they answer me back in full Spanish, I'm like, fuck it. Slow down. I'm like, I ran out. I ran out of words already guys. Oh shit. I gotta go actually. So what else do you get into there in Lebanon? How are the bathrooms? What are they like? Bathrooms are good in the middle East all over because they have the bum gun.

They do. Ah, I'm a big fan of it's an Indian thing. You have to clean your ass. So they've got the bum gun, have you used the bum gun? I've used it in a few places, I love it. The up and down on bum gun is either a bucket of water you just put your hands to the spray nozzle. I like the spray nozzle. Spray nozzle rules. Spray nozzle, and now.

The ultimate tushy. I was just in Turkey a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. They've got the, now you know the Japanese toilets have the built in bidet, right? So I get to my hotel room in Turkey and I'm like, shit, no bum gun. Show me a bum gun, yeah.

I'm like, there's no bum gun here, what the fuck am I supposed to do? There's the bum gun. That's it. And you can put it wherever direction you want. Yeah, you can angle it, you know, if it was a little messy, you can get the lighter circumference of your butthole.

Yeah, yeah, really get it around. But now, I get to this hotel room in Turkey and I go, where, really get it around. If your balls are sweaty, clean those off. I get to this hotel room in Turkey and I go, where the fuck, there's no bum gun. I don't want to wipe my ass like a savage. Then I feel on the side of the toilet, there's a little, I look and I see this little hole pointing from the seat, underneath the seat,

and I go, so it's got some sort of water function. So I reach around, there's this little knob on the side of the toilet and I turn it and it just shoots the water directly into your ass. So the guy that built in is not like the automatic Japanese ones. You gotta find the toilet that has the built in. Yeah, that's what I have, the tushy.com has that.

But no, but these ones are actually just the toilet. It's not even like, it's not like the expensive ones. It's just like a, it's right on the. I think that's a low level tushy one. It's not those, see those are the expensive ones. It's just like a, it's right on the. I think that's a low level. So it's not those. See, those are the good ones. That the one in the middle there. Yeah, like that sort of.

Yeah. But not even as a fancy. It's ceramic, the whole thing. You ever turn one of those on when you're not sitting on it and get fucking toilet roll over the floor. You know, it's like, it's far more archaic than these ones. The worst one right there. Oh wow. Oh, I see it.

It's built in. I get it. But instead of the handle, it had it built into the bottom. It was like, you couldn't even see it. My least favorite ones are like the French ones where it's a separate, you have to get off the shit or go to that. Oh, I got that at my house.

Really? Yeah, I've got the bidet. And then see the whole separate thing. Yeah, so you shit and then you walk over to the bidet and you sit down and then you shit the water up your ass. Won't you leak on the way over? I mean, if you're that messy with your shit, you got bigger problems, I think.

You know how many times I shit and then shower and then get out of the shower and see blood drops all over the floor. Oh, that's me. You bleed a lot too, huh? Yeah. Me too. What makes you do it?

Apparently, no, if I eat like, like if I have almonds or nuts or something, and the next day it's like, shreds me up inside. Sometimes it just doesn't stop bleeding. Oh yeah, for days. It's like a man period. Yeah. And people like.

Wad up shit and put it in there? Yeah, no, no, I don't even do that. I'm just like, whatever. Just, you know. Let it. Let's let it finish my cycle. It's a heavy day for me, you know? For one time I thought I was dumb bleeding,

I was on jury duty, and then someone's like, I think you sat in something, and it had soaked through my underwear and pants. Oh, you were just leaking. Yeah. No, mine's only when I go to the bathroom. Yeah, but then it keeps going after that. It starts there.

No, no, mine doesn't do that. Okay, I'd like to also change my answer to it. Mine also doesn't do that. Hey guys, today's episode of You Be Champion is brought to you by doesn't do that. always deliver I can speak from experience on that one got half my shaved up my face shaved nice and tight with that German engineering half my shave face full of full of it beard hair it was a tight line thanks to shit Harry's but all my jokes land I've never had a joke be an international embarrassment definitely not a national embarrassment definitely not have to have all my comedian friends have to apologize for my behavior. No, my jokes always land.

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slash trippin. That's harrys.com slash trippin for a $3 trial set. Now let's get back to the episode. Guys today's episode of You've Been Trippin is brought to you by awayproducts.com. So listen, it's a novelty gift. Not everything's that serious in the podcast world. Sometimes we just have fun. And this is spray that makes things go away. They have wife away, they have husband away, they have boss away, which I used 20 years ago and it still worked.

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or do you just stay in Beirut? No, that's the thing. I remember when we drove in, when we were driving in from the airport to get to Beirut, there's one part of town that looks a little weird. Hushrooms. Hushrooms.

And they go, no, this is Hezbollah part of town. I go, oh really? They don't get out of the car. Okay, we don't stop here. And I'm like, all right, cool. What do they think about Hezbollah and all this? Nothing, they're just like, just don't mess with them.

Is it, does it feel like, just like gangs, or does it feel like? It feels like a gang, really. And it's like, if you stop, and you're gonna create a problem for yourself, but don't, you know. But other people said they've broken down there, and it was fine, Hezbollah actually helped them

fix their car and get out, you know. I think it's just a Hezbollah neighborhood. Doesn't mean they're all Hezbollah around there. You know what I mean? Right, also they don't have to be dick. Yeah, I mean it's not like they're 24-7 these evil. You know, like, I'll find you my pretty.

I have no one seeing me, I'll give you a hand up. Wow, interesting. What else did we talk about here? Who'd you meet there? What was the vibe there? Did they feel cool? They felt cool. I mean, at the time they were beefing with Syria

because they were complaining to me about the Syrians coming into Lebanon because they're right next door to each other. So it's kind of like the US complaining about the Mexicans, you know what I mean? It's the same, you got the same people here, but you're mad that they're still coming in. I mean, it's the same.

They're the same fucking people. Yeah. What were they like? Were they outgoing? Outgoing, it's the same. They're the same fucking people. Yeah. What were they like? Were they outgoing? Outgoing, well-dressed. Fashionable? Fashionable. Wow, that's so much different than the Middle East.

What do you think of Middle East? Well, I mean, again, the Middle East has changed. You think about the Middle East changed in the past 10 years. How much has changed? Yeah. I mean, I was in, when I went to Saudi Arabia in 2015, it was the Saudi Arabia that everybody pictures. And then I just went to Saudi Arabia in 2015, it was the Saudi Arabia that everybody pictures. And then I just went to Saudi Arabia earlier this year, and it's nothing like the Saudi Arabia I saw nine years ago.

It's like being anywhere in America now. Really? There's Shake Shacks everywhere, there's Pizza Hut, there's everything there now. There's big malls, I thought there was a Toys R Us, I was like, what the fuck is going on? All the women are driving. Women are not covered up anymore. It was amazing.

Yeah, my buddy went to, Julio Gala-Rati went to like, I think it wasn't Kabul. Kabul's Afghanistan. Yeah, but it was like, Kabul's or somewhere in Syria. And he was like, oh, the big cities, nobody wears a hijab. Yeah, no, Afghanistan is very different than the rest of them,

though, but that's not an Arab country either. It's right, it's their own thing. Asian? They're Asian. Yeah, but anyways, it's this idea of what you think of them and it's like, they don't really do that. Yeah, they don't do that a lot now. Yeah, so you've been there three times, Lebanon.

They think at least three times. I'm fucking high now. I just felt it. Did you get high now. I just felt it. Can you get drugs there? I just felt it kick in. There it is, mood. I felt it go like this. I tell you it was the yawns, the yawns kicks it off.

And then I felt it go through my body, through my tongue, through my ankles, and I was like, uh oh. Do mushrooms turn you into a mushroom? It's you get like. Now I'm like, oh boy. I hope it'll get sloppy on this guys. And I'm drinking coffee so I'm wired and fucking agitated.

It's your own Four Loko. Yeah, yeah. Woo! You buck-fisted yourself. So tell me more about it. I don't know, like you come home from Beirut. So Beirut, and nightclubs, I went to nightclubs there. I used to do a, I told a story, but I'll tell it here too.

It was in one of my, I think my 2008 special about going to this nightclub. It used to be a bomb shelter that turned into a nightclub. Cool. Literally, so you pull up and you're like, where's the nightclub? Because it just looks like an empty parking lot. And it looks right there.

And you don't hear nothing. You're like, where? Because it's a bomb shelter, so it's made to withstand a fucking. Yeah, like you don't hear nothing, you don't see anybody, you don't see anybody, and you just see like these stairs going down. You go down the stairs, you open, the guy opens the door,

he's, vats, vats, vats, vats, closes the door, phwoom, no sound. And then you're in, then you're like, holy fuck, I'm in a bomb shelter. And I'm like, it's getting hot in here, man, fuck, it's hot. And then I'm like, oh, it's starting to feel a cool breeze, where's the cool breeze coming?

And then the bomb shelter opens. They love retractable roofs over there. So the bomb shelter roof opened, and you could see the stars, and I was like, this is amazing. Wow, oh yeah. Yeah, that's it, that's it. That's it?

BO18 it's called. Wow. BO18. You love night clubs, huh? Do you spin in any of these places? Well, back then, back then, you know, not then, yeah. Do you DJ in any of these places? No, I have done Jumped On in some of these places.

Underrated skill by Russell Peters. Yeah, that's my beauty, that's my... Russell BPM Peters. That's me, that's my love, DJ. Yeah, that's the actual place. That's BO18, is that what it's called? I got good speakers there, too. Oh, the sound systems are insane out there.

Wow, is it hot there? In the winter, it gets cool. It does. No, the sound systems are insane out there. Wow. Is it hot there? In the winter it gets cool. It does. Yeah, but it's hot most of the year. Warm at least. Yeah, like Jerusalem gets snowy and then Tel Aviv doesn't. But they're right next to each other, just mountains and not. Yeah, it's kind of like the valley and the other side.

Valley tripped me out when I moved to LA when I started. How hot it was? Yeah, people at work was like it was like 140. I said, I'm like,. When I started and it was like. How hot it was? Yeah, people at work was like, it was like 140. I said, I'm like, no it wasn't, it was 82. Yeah. And then you're like, and then you drive up there, 20 degrees hotter in 30 minutes. That happened to me the other day.

I live in Malibu so. Nice. I go outside and it was like 70 something and it was like three o'clock in the afternoon. So I'm like, I better put a sweatsuit because it's going to cool tonight. So I put on a full sweatsuit and I head out and I go to the car dealership in Thousand Oaks.

I get there's 95 degrees. I'm with the fucking dying right now in this sweatsuit. Is Beirut poor? Like is there a lot of poverty? There is now. It used to be, like it really was the cultural center of the Middle East at one point. But culture and not along with also homelessness and that.

No, I mean from when I first saw it in the early 2000s, pre 2010s, you know? And everybody told me how this is the lesser version of what it used to be. And I was like, this is impressive already. And everybody used to say how great it was. And I know there was a point where before they started beefing with Israel that Jews were allowed to go there. And they used to all go there because it was like the south of France.

I thought, I don't know when it was, but I think it was maybe the 80s is when they really like split with Israel. Yeah, that's when it was. When Israel was intentionally left unguarded. That's when, and I would hear, you know, it's funny because you're Jewish so you don't, like split with Israel. When Israel was intentionally left unguarded. All these prisoners that they were. And I would hear, you know, it's funny because you're Jewish so you don't, you hear stories skewed to you.

And then I hear the other side of the story that I know, if you're living in America, you're never gonna hear these stories. But they would tell me the stories of what the Israelis were doing. I was like, that's fucking insane. What were they saying? They would drop candies,

they would fly over and drop candies over the kids' schools that were poisoned. So the Israelis have always been doing that dirty kind of shit over there, but it's never gonna get reported over here. But they were like, they would poison the kids. Jesus. The thing they told me was, I mean,

it's that they had like, there was infighting in Lebanon between two groups, and one group was like, we'll side with the Israelis for military support so we can beat them. And the Israelis captured all these people, like 200, 300 other, whatever, and then they just said, we're leaving, and let the first group come in and like slaughter them. And then they always told me, it was like,

well it wasn't us, and I was like, shut up, you know what you're doing. Yeah, I mean, that was very calculated over there. Yeah. God, they're fucking terrible region with that. They don't do random things, it's horrible. I'm just worried about the rest of the world now, because this is gonna escalate.

I mean, think about how World War II started. It started the exact same way, you know? Everyone fighting alongside. Yeah, it was like, oh, these guys are trying to get rid of these guys, that's fine. Oh, it doesn't always affect us. Oh wait, now they're doing this, oh, now it's affecting us, and then the whole world jumps in. It's a bar fight, it's like me and you pushing guys are trying to get rid of these guys. That's fine. Well, it doesn't always affect us. Oh wait, now they're doing this. Hold on. Now it's affecting us.

And then it's a whole world jumps in. Yeah. It's like me and you pushing and then like your buddy. Is there a fight over there? Let's go. Yeah. And then the whole fucking block is going. It's not a good thing.

That's why we need no religion. That's what John Lennon said. Yeah. Yeah. So no talent because he married Yoko. She's a high level artist, you know. She gets some really bad, in the art world, everyone super respects her.

They're like, yeah, her music's not good, but her fucking painting's what he fell in love with her for. So, not much poverty, which is cool. Expensive, do you know? You know, at the time, I wasn't really going out like that. I was just, I was being taken around at that time, you know? It was your first few times in a country you let the people take you around.

And when it was all new, it was all new to me too, you know? I had just started going international like that. And I wasn't used to having security with me. I wasn't used to having people like pay for everything and lead me around. And I'm like, this is amazing. Do you like that? Sometimes I'm like, I don't like being taken care of.

Well now, I mean. All right, man. Now I've been to places so many times and I'm older Sometimes I'm like, I don't like being taken care of. Well, now I'm like, all right, man, like. Now I've been to places so many times and I'm older and it's like, I just want to rest. I just want to sleep. I was here before I saw it. Thank you. I appreciate it.

You know, if you want to send me a gift, I'm open to taking those, but yeah, but otherwise I'm just kind of tired all the time. After 50, you're just tired for no fucking reason. And you're good. You don't have kids, no fucking. It's been great. You good, you can love life. Couple waiting for me in heaven, but the laws of the law. That's fine, I got some of those too.

Nice. Heaven babies. Nice, heaven babies. I want my 400 bucks back, if that's what I mean. Yeah, it's interesting too where it's like, they do their version of what they think you think will be cool. Yes. So it's always night clubs and like,

oh, it's not my vibe, guys. Yeah, I think a lot of people mistake what they, I think people, when they identify with you, there's something that you're doing or saying that makes them go, oh, he's like me, but they're not actually catching the essence of what you are. So you said one thing that connected with them,

and they're like, oh yeah, it's my guy. And people do that with me, and I appreciate that we've connected like this, but I'm not the way you are. I'm far more conservative than you think I am. I get that with drugs and stuff, I'll talk about mushrooms on stage and weed and whatever, and then at festivals, like, want some ice?

I'm like, no, I don't want meth, absolutely not. I thought you were cool. And people are like, I got a big nose, and you know, you do. And mine's been broken, as yours has. And sometimes I got runny noses for no reason, and breathing issues, and people are like, I'll be on stage, and I'm like this, and I go, aha.

And I'm like, no, motherfucker, get out of here. You did blow? No, I didn't do fucking blow. Get out of here, you stupid. You get a little itch, and you're like, it's not that. It's not that, it's just pollen. Yeah, you gotta defend yourself. I got out of here. You did blow? No, I don't do fucking blow. Get out of here, you stupid. You get a little itch and you're like, it's not that. It's not that, it's just pollen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta defend yourself. I got one long hair, I got through the hair,

tickling my beak. Is there another drug that people deny doing more than cocaine? Yeah, right, I mean, I've never tried it even, so I can't even like... What? I've really never tried it. How have you been in this industry and never?

I've been in this industry 35 years. I didn't start drinking until I was 31. In 2001 I started drinking. A month after 9-11. You're a good drinker now. Yeah, it's funny thing is I can drink, but it takes a lot for me to get drunk now. Go get some Coke guys before the end of this.

I definitely don't want to try it. I'm sorry, with mushrooms in your system or coffee. The back of my knees are sweating right now. You've never done blow? No. Go get some Coke guys before the end of this. I definitely don't want to try it. Especially on these mushrooms. The back of my knees are sweating right now. You've never done blow? No. Have you been offered? No. People know.

Oh, because they think you're gonna fucking take it all. No, probably they look at the nose and go, we don't have enough for everybody. That guy's sponsored by Dyson. It's like oval. The Dyson Sphere. He's gonna do all the blow in the whole country. You've never been offered, that's crazy. No, I think people know, they look at you going, oval. Dyson sphere. It's gonna do all the blowin' in the whole country. Never been off, that's crazy.

No, I think people know, they look at you going, he's not the guy. He's not the guy. Indians aren't really big cokers. I've tried weed, smoking it, didn't do anything. I didn't like smoking it because it coughed. And I only got lightheaded from the coughing. I didn't get lightheaded from the weed.

So I was like, okay, no weed. But I'll take a gummy to go to sleep. I do like the gummy to go to sleep. So tame now. Everybody, everybody's mom does it. Yeah. It's so good. Yeah. I sleep way better, except for last night. But were there drugs in Lebanon? Probably. Yeah. I didn't see it because they're about any of them are like, yeah, they tell you can get whatever you want. But I mean, I'm like, I'm good. I don't need any of that stuff. And I don't want to, again,

in that part of the world, you don't want to fuck around and find out. That's not the prison you wanna be locked up in. Oh, yeah. Say in Singapore, especially, you know, I remember. The gum guy. Well, the gum, I knew about the gum already, but there's, right on the thing, it says, import of any kind of narcotics or illegal drugs

results in death. So what'd you know? Death penalty, and I'm like, oof. Thank God, I'm like, I'm not a drug guy, so I'm like, I'm good, whatever, if I can do what you gotta do to penalty. And I'm like, Ooh, thank God. I'm like, I'm not a drug guy. So I'm like, I'm good. Whatever. If I can do what you got to do to those people, I'm good. What are those boxes that could amnesty boxes? Yeah. Right. You like put your shit in here. No questions asked to drop it.

I want to go to that for Halloween. With a thing like drop drugs in here and guns and guns. Give me the guns too. Yeah. Um, damn. This is an ad for better help. Welcome to the world. Please read your personal owner's manual thoroughly. In it, you'll find simple instructions for how to interact with your fellow human beings and how to find happiness and peace of mind.

Thank you. And have a nice life. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an owner's manual. That's why there's BetterHelp online therapy. Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more. That's betterHELP.com. Metrolinx and Crosslinx are reminding everyone to be careful

as Eglinton Crosstown LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware and stay safe. Is there any place that you wanna go there that you haven't been? I wanna go to Brazil. I've never been to Brazil. Never been.

You've been? Yeah, I got a hooker there in Rio. Oh, you liked it? Yeah, God damn, those hookers are fucking nice. Well, I mean, that's the thing I've heard about South America is that they got the, I heard in Brazil. They treat you well.

I heard in Brazil that it's not that they're hookers, it's just that you treat them right and you give them some money and that's your girl for the world. Wow. And that's, it's like. Oh yeah, they have full hookers and then like people are like, oh, this is awesome.

Yeah, there's like hookers and then there's like non professional ones that just kind of like treat me right and we'll see what happens. Brazil's poor. So I could see that like, I'll get treat me right and we'll see what happens. Brazil's poor. So I could see that, like I'll get you a nice dinner, like I'm in, whatever you need then. Yeah, and I heard the women are just stunning. God, even the fat chicks are hot.

It's the wildest, you go to the beach and it's like, yeah, lezo types, but like thong bikinis and confident and the confidence is like, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, confidence. No shame and it's like. And they I'm in, I'm in. The confidence really changes things. Yeah, confidence. No shame and it's like. And they're pretty in the face and stuff. Yeah, yeah, and I'm scared to go to Brazil

because it's the two things I love the most in this world. Pussy and. Jiu-jitsu and fat asses. So I'd come home with a black belt and HIV. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh yeah, Brazil, but you should go there for sure. There's gigs there. We'll just go.

Well, my jujitsu teacher, Jean-Jacques Machado. Oh, Eddie's also. Eddie's also, Joe's also, he's also my son's godfather. Smart, he can protect him. Yeah, but Jean-Jacques is telling me he's trying to set up a gig for me out there. And then I said, I wanna go, but if I go, I wanna go's like, uh, he's telling me trying to say set up a gig for me out there And then I said I want to go but if I go I want to go train out there, too Just see what it's like to train jujitsu in Brazil when you leave the Airport, you know, sometimes like it'll be an airport like art like come in whatever it's

Two people and geese facing each other giant really so much part of the culture. Oh, that's awesome Yeah, yeah, you would love that part of it. And also the fucking DJ shit. But everybody says it's dangerous there, you know? They told us because it was like, it was there with Rogan for UFC companion ticket. So we just went for two days. They were like, don't go anywhere near the favelas.

You're fucked. You don't want that. You're a kidnapping threat, especially for the UFC people. They were like, go with bodyguards. And we talked to the bodyguard slash driver and he goes, no one's gonna fuck you. Two men. They're just looking to beat up an old lady.

John Jones went into the favelas for a party and just partied all night with him. Well, who's gonna fuck with John Jones, really? I guess. He's a big dude, John Jones. He is big. You know what's funny? I saw John Jones in Saudi Arabia in February.

And at this fight, so it was at the Zama May fights. And I see him, he's like, hey, hey, man. And I'm like, oh, fuck, John Jones knows me. And he's like, he's throwing punches at me. He's like, you still got it? And I'm like, how does he know I box? So I'm messing around, he goes, hey, Prince, you still got it?

And I'm like, wait, what? He's patting my belly, he goes, you still got it, Prince? And I'm like, he thought I was fucking Prince Nassim. I was so mad. I'm not fucking Prince Nassim. I never had it. Yeah, how did you know about my amateur career? Nobody knows about that.

Do you have any, is there anything that we're not covering in Beirut? Do you go to any of those like squat toilets, the hole in the ground? No, no, they're all over the world, those squat toilets. I wouldn't do them ever. My fear is slipping. You have to when you go to the squat toilets, the hole in the ground? You stand on the toes. No, no, they're all over the world, those squat toilets. I won't do them ever. My fear is slipping. You have to when you have to.

No, I can't do it. I'll end up shitting on the back of my feet. Yeah, that's a real risk. Yeah, and growing up, when I'd go to my grandmother's, when we're in Go To India, my grandmother lived out in the fucking jungle. So that's all they have, right? No, they had a wooden, there was no plumbing.

So it would have a wooden seat with a hole in it and a cup at the bottom. You would shit in it and then the servants would come and empty the shit and clean the cup out. Wow. But I was a little kid and then you would, because I was a little kid, I was six, nine years old, and they'd wash your ass for you.

Yeah, they'd come with a bucket and wash your ass for you. The royal penis is clean. Yeah, but I'm a kid, so I'm like, I'm used to people washing my ass at that point, you know what I mean, I'm six years old, they wash my ass. Wow. Because I didn't know what else to do,

I didn't know how to handle it. When you first got successful and you're like, there's a bunch of ass kissers, like I know what this is. Yeah, you're an ass kisser, you're not an ass washer. You need to step your game up. So I tell everybody, I guess, before we go, like where you want to go to, that's Brazil for sure. I want to go to other parts of Brazil too, not just Rio.

Rio's like the tourist part. Yeah, you want to go to Rio, you want to go to... Florida or something. There's Fortaleza. Fortaleza. It's a big place, man. It's massive. I don't even know where it is. It goes deep a big place, man. It's massive.

I don't even know where it is. It goes deep into the Amazon. It cuts in so much space. And then you hear about all those crazy Amazon stories. I'm like, I'm not going in the fucking Amazon. What do you mean, like animals? Yeah, like those anacondas and shit. Like, oh hell no. You know, my dad grew up in the jungle in India,

so I already know what that looks like and what it can be like. Just tiger alert all the time? My dad shot seven tigers growing up. This whole family were hunters. Wow. The last tiger shot was in 1962 when it was illegal already. But he didn't do it illegally.

There was a tiger eating people in the village next to my dad's. So the mayor of that village came to my dad because they knew my family were hunters. And they said, we need you to get this tiger because it's killing people in our village. Because once a tiger eats a human, that's all they're gonna eat.

It was like a chick, you know. So they contracted him and come and fucking take it. And they said, yeah, take this and we'll give you 15 bucks. And my dad was like, what? Wow. Because how about you let me keep the skin and you keep the 15 bucks. And he goes, deal.

Wow. And so I have that skin. Really? Yeah. That deal. Wow. So I have that skin. Really? Yeah. That's fucking badass. I have that skin. That's badass, tiger hunting. I have some great pictures of like,

and there's one, I'm trying to find this one picture, I keep asking my brother for it, but there's one, it's a picture where my dad got a tiger, a leopard, and a python in one day. Wow. I got one in my bedroom where it was a tiger and a cobra. But that's a. It's so much different than hunting elk.

Oh yeah, very. Like when they could turn and come at you. Oh yeah, yeah, no, these are wild stories. I got one picture of a leopard. My dad shot a leopard. Got a bunch of different shit. Oh, send me that. I got it all here.

Really? Yeah. I could hold it up to the screen if you'd like. No, just send it to me. They'll put it in afterwards. All right, cool. I will, I it in afterwards. All right, cool. I will, I will in fact. All right, well before I go,

this is what I ask people too. You got any travel tips? You were a world-class traveler, you're right. You were going before anybody went. It's not just the Mount Rushmore, you're on top of it. Right. So what are you, like a tip of travel in general? Pack light's an obvious one.

For traveling internationally, always have your, don't assume that one of those converters for your electronics is the move. Like women make this mistake all the time. I'm gonna bring my blow dryer, I'm gonna bring my hair and my curling iron. Don't fucking do it. If it's not a dual voltage one, don't do it,

you're gonna burn it out and you're gonna be mad. So either get a dual voltage or buy an international one. Buy a 220 and keep your 110 at home. Or bring them both with you, whatever you like to do. But you can only use certain voltage in certain countries. That's not bad. I just burned out a hair clipper. Yep.

And it was just running so fast, it started smoking. And I'm like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the cordless ones now. Yeah, that's smart. I travel those, and because the chargers on those are dual. So you can charge them in the bathroom. In the device? Yeah, it's in the device, so you're good to go there. That's a good one.

That's number one. Also, understand the laws of that place. Whatever you think is okay in America, erase it from your head. Americans are the reason that they have these fucking rules because Americans go certain places and act like fucking dickheads and then they think the American government's gonna come bail him out like that kid in Singapore who went did graffiti and Was like oh, I'm American they know they gave him the was a ten lashes the caning the caning and that caning is serious Business, do you know about? The caning in Singapore?

I thought that was the gum guy. No, it's anything you do legal over there. Okay, what do they do with the can? How do they get the cane? So it's a bamboo cane, and they have a professional guy who knows how to hit you with it. What's your job? I was talking for the cane whipping day.

I was asking somebody about that over there, and they said, the best you can ask for is if you know somebody who knows him. Please go easy. No, hit you in the same spot over and over. So that way it's only one wound to heal. Otherwise they just keep hitting you and it cracks your skin open every time they do it. And you'd end up with like fucking 10 cuts open on your ass and your back.

And it takes forever to heal every time one heals the other one not, you know what like fucking 10 cuts open on your ass and your back. And it takes forever to heal. Every time one heals, the other one not, you know what I mean? So he said you wanna get the person that's gonna get him to hit you in the same spot the whole run over. But you mean you get a law like that and people are like, oh, I'm not gonna do it. Then I'm not gonna do anything. It's apparently excruciating pain.

Yeah, I remember hearing about it. It's like just to hit with a cane. It's like, it's not that. It's not like, it's not this. It's with a bambooruciating pain. You'd be like. Yeah, I remember hearing about it. It's like, just get hit with a cane. It's like, it's not that. It's not like, it's not this. It's with a bamboo, like long bamboo shoe. It's a bamboo, it's designed to split your skin open. God damn. Ugh, well good tip.

Well, so what do you do? You look at the laws you should know. Well, find out what you know. Find out what's illegal and don't do that. Yeah. Find out what's acceptable and do that. Right. Don't raise your voice, don't get uppity.

I remember one time in Singapore, I raised my voice at a guy and I got mad and I knocked the stool over and I left and then like 10 people out of nowhere came to fucking beat me up. And I'm like, it never happened because I was like. You're like fucking Gregford Simmons, started fights with everybody.

No, no, it was like a long time ago, what the fuck is going on? This guy tried to rip me off and I'm getting in trouble. Never fight, you're still a foreigner. No matter where you go, it's either you're in the wrong, no matter if you're in the right. It's like, why would you take... And those guys you think are just sitting around the mall?

No, they're all working for these stores. They're like undercover guys. Ready to beat your ass. Well, Russell, thanks man, I appreciate it. Thanks Ari Shafir. You're on tour right now. I'll put some in the beginning. Yeah, the old relaxed, all your dates and stuff.

Relaxed tour dates, yeah please, let's do that. But yeah, yeah, one of the best comics of all time. You're laying the fucking law down at some point. How dare you? You've had a long career. 35 years? That's crazy. It's not bad.

That's crazy for something that should be, generally, five years while you're waiting to get your real job. Yeah, right, yeah, I said when I started in 89, I said I'd give myself eight years, and if I've done nothing in eight years, I'll get out of it. Eight years in, I'd done two specials already, I'm like, okay, I said, when I started in 89, I said I'd give myself eight years, and if I've done nothing in eight years, I'll get out of it.

Eight years in, I'd done two specials already, and I'm like, okay, I'm good, I'm in. I said I'll get five years to be on a late night talk show, and then at five years, I'm like, well, all right, I failed on that, but I'm gonna keep going. Then be giving it another five years. Yeah, I'm gonna keep going.

I think I got Conan like 13 years in. I never got Conan. Yeah, what's up? They rejected me. Really? Yeah. Why, too ethnic. I don what's up? They rejected me. Really? Yeah. Why, too ethnic. I don't know what it was, whatever.

And then I never got Letterman either. It's too late. They said he's too broad. I go, what do you mean he's too broad? It's Letterman. Yeah, I'm trying to give a New York experience. I go, what the fuck does that mean? It's all tourists in the audience.

I know, I know. And people watching are all over. The excuses were all this wack. I won the year for new faces. They were like, now you're too old. And then I was like, Duncan got it this year. We're the same age. And they're like, oh well.

I mean just. Duncan's got a different voice. What they wanted to say is, we don't think you're funny. Yeah. It's like they can't say that. So it's like, make up something. Well buddy, thank you very much. It was great to see you. I'm so glad the mushrooms kicked in while we were talking.

Like my nose is cold right now. You know what? My nose is frozen. That's why I keep putting my fucking hand on my nose. You ever do this when you're on mushrooms, like out in the woods, something like I got to walk and you walk like 11 feet and like, that's good. You just like plop down. Oh shit. I was supposed to go pee before I went here. I forgot to pee. Yeah, you can pee now.

Wow, I just remembered I forgot. I gotta pee too. What the fuck is going on with me? The mushrooms made you forget to pee. It did. It does everything. Wow, these are magic. Can you play me out to Olivia Newton, John magic?

It's about this experience. All right, buddy. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Sorry. The only straight guy know who can wear a rainbow and not make it look gay. Thanks. I can make it look good. It's a challenge. Well, that's the episode everybody. I hope you enjoyed it. Russell Peters getting into fights in Lebanon. I mean wild, dude! Russell lives his life guys. It is cool. You see a guy like that and I don't like to use the word inspired much, but it is inspiring.

It does. It makes you want to go to these places. I don't want to punch a guy in the stomach in Lebanon. That's Fucking crazy Russell doing that. I mean I don't do that in America Don't do that in Canada we either we're I think you're like the the king there But definitely don't do it there But man, it makes me want to go there. I just want to eat the food and just like it seems safer than I than I know it as it seems cool seems like I could get into a discussion with some academics you know just like meet someone and talk about the music in Beirut kind of want to go that's the point of this podcast guys keep leaving

in the comments if you're watching on YouTube about podcast guests you might want. I reached out to Sturgill Simpson. He said maybe. Reached out to the lead singer of the Postal Service. He said maybe. All on your recommendation. Next week will be Toby McMullen. Formally from the RU Garbage podcast. Now he's doing his own thing. He's coming on to talk about, he also helped me build the studio. He's coming on to talk about Scotland, which is one of my favorite places on the planet.

Today's episode is produced by Your Mom's House Network and edited by Alan Caffey. Please subscribe to the UB Trippin' Pod Instagram. We put carousels of pictures if the guests have them. The Harlan Williams ones was the best. Let's talk about who the Mount Rushmore of traveling comedian is. I think it's Gaffigan, Russell, Tom Rhodes, and now I gotta say Harlan Williams and maybe me. There's got to be others though that I'm gonna think of.

Julio Golarati, career is not there but man his stuff is fucking crazy. He gets out there. Iraq, Afghanistan, he is seeing shit. Please subscribe to the YouTube or to the Spotify or wherever you listen to this. I'm already at 96,000 almost at 100,000 subscribers on YouTube inside my first year. Adrian Apoluchi will be coming on the podcast November 12th. That week will be a day late. Don't forget to come see me on tour. My tour dates are available at REShopper.com. Austin is sold out. Lake Tahoe December 21st. Then in January 3rd through the 5th is Pittsburgh Providence is almost sold out Salt Lake City is two-thirds sold out Brea California January 31st and

February 1st Nashville February San Antonio February Tampa and February 20th through the 23rd those tickets I think one shows already sold out Denver Colorado the last weekend of February of February doing greatest hit shows we're gonna leave maybe pieces of paper tell me all your the best bits from my career. That's what we're doing. We're having a fun time. Then Schomburg, Illinois which is nowhere near Chicago. Atlanta, the Tabernacle. First time back in Atlanta in over five years. I'm gonna blow that place out. Portland, Oregon. San Jose. Orlando, Fort Lauderdale. And then in April, big theater.

Seattle at the Moor, Vancouver at the... Vancouver, I remember this one. Vancouver is the Vogue Theater. Calgary, April 5th, Edmonton, April 6th. Finishing it off June 18th in Anchorage, Alaska, and then I start my sabbatical. Don't worry, this podcast will keep going because I can bank as many as I need to because these are evergreen I'll just tell you what that means Russell Peters chapter Beirut has nothing to do with right now can we done anytime I'm getting ahead I'm getting guys like wanton Don from your suggestions getting all these people Julia Gala Roddy obviously somebody said Che Durena he's coming on all these different people Julio Galearati obviously. Somebody said Che Durena.

He's coming on. All these different people coming on because he suggested. Also I need someone to help me put clips out. Also anybody got a lead on fucking Yankee tickets, they're 1500 bucks apiece. I've gone to every playoff game and I will go to every playoff game, but I'm going to have to go alone. And I don't want to. Does anyone have a lead on just face value tickets probably not

right I called in every fucking favor I'm nowhere in this business San Maril also came out empty that makes me feel better Sal Volcano also came up empty Chris D said he might bring his father what's your father ever done for you don't forget to watch Russell Peters and all this stuff all over Australia in March It's Perth Melbourne Brisbane Sydney Auckland. I know that's not Australia. He's in Nevada. He's in Honolulu. He's in Los Angeles, New York at the Beacon Theatre February 7th Houston those are Philadelphia that's those were all Houston, Philadelphia, those are all clubs. Chevalier Theater and the Wilbur Theater in January in Massachusetts.

He's a wise guy, just like I am, Salt Lake City. He does crazy, he does the Scotiabank Arena in Toronto. And then he's doing Wise Guys. His next gig, two weeks later, it's crazy. London, Ontario, Ottawa, Ontario, Montreal at the Bell Center. Or the fucking whatever they're called. The Habs, could be. Brompton, Winnipeg, guys see them everywhere.

God damn, plays cool spots, man. Off the Hook Comedy Club, always wanted to do that in Na spots, man. Off the hook comedy club. I always wanted to do that in Naples, Florida. Victoria, British Columbia, Vancouver, the Rogers Arena. I mean, my shows got delayed when the Canucks are in the playoffs at the Rogers Arena. That's where Russell's doing comedy. Dude, I want to fucking,

I mean, it's a wrap up, so I'll just do this. I went to Shane's show at Wells Fargo in Philadelphia. It was so cool. It was so cool. Shane, DeRosa, Big J, and O'Connor. Not in that order. And just to see four of my friends rocking out, the most,

sorry Sebastian, the most tickets sold for any comedy show at the Wells Fargo Center, sorry Sebastian. It was crazy, it was so cool. They gave us a tour of the place. I didn't masturbate. Should've masturbated somewhere there. Didn't, it's a mistake. I'll live with it. I'll live with it. Anybody got tickets for Yankees?

If they don't, I mean they gotta win. I'm going to Zabatica. It's my last year in New York. Don't worry. This podcast will keep going. Don't worry about that. Keep sending me suggestions. Keep making. You won't miss a beat. Don't worry about that. We're doing from far off crazy places. Ari Matty, you're gonna have him in. Next time I go to Austin, record with him. Anybody who lives in Austin, anybody who lives in New York, any touring people, suggest it in the comments below.

Don't forget to subscribe. I'm almost at 100,000 subscribers on YouTube. I'm at like 97,000. If I can get to 100,000 inside my first year. That's a coup. That's a win for me You don't know how bad I need this when the Juan Soto hit that home run man I was just it took me a second. I was like yeah, and then I rose Oh shit We're going to the world city around the list from cellar and we just started fucking slapping each other

Just slap each other. What the fuck? What's so dough? And judge can I get a ticket Can me and sal volcano if anyone from the yankee organization is listening to this can me and sal volcano come on monday? today Or it's me and sam morel on Tuesday or me Sam and Sal Balkano on Tuesday I can't afford none of us can afford these tickets anyone from the Yankees organization hook us up, please. We'll sit anywhere We can't afford I can't I gotta I gotta sell my car I'm going to the games I don't want to sell my car Alright guys until next week when we go to the Scotland go from Lebanon to Scotland

It's hot in here until this week I assume it is salaam alaikum alaikum salaam Leheat road, he's a good buy in Arabic Lihitra Ode? No, that's a new one. He said goodbye in Arabic. Do they speak French? What language is in Lebanon? It's Lebanese. Lebanon's official Arabic. However, English and French are widely spoken. Did you see that, um... Who's that guy? He's always kind of snarky.

Bill Maher going off on Chaperone. And he said, Chaperone and he said, the Chaperone, I know you're like, he's just an idiot. It's like some, definitely some intern told him what she said, all she said was like, no suffering, no occupation of any country. Everybody at war is terrible. He like agrees with her, but he's so snarky

that he can't do it. And he goes, they would throw you off a roof if you were a drag queen in Iran. And then let's, let me just look at this. Drag queens in Iran. Persian drag show, Iranian drag show. Iranian drag queen Amir Vashhtani's life gets a documentary. Are there drag queens in some transgender people dress up according to their own sexual identity

but drag queens and drag kings are different. They dress up donning the clothes associated with the opposite sex without necessarily being gay or transgender. Iranian drag queen Miss Salam has a growing online presence yes there are drag queens in Iran and some are also activists and artists miss Salam Amir Vastani Gigi Lu MK Prince of Persia so Bill Maher just say you're sorry you never actually know anything about Chaperone. She's actually pretty fucking interesting. Cool, on the cutting edge, she's not having the fucking hot tour girl on your podcast

to sell ads. You don't even like her, bro. Who's talking you into getting fucking dumb fucks that you don't care about? Remember when you did Stand Up? What happened to you? What happened to you? You're just a snark fest now. It's like, I like your takes sometimes,

but it's like you do one minute of funny and then five minutes of just like incorrect serious. Boo! Anyway, oh, I forgot to look up how to say goodbye in Arabic. I got it. What other places, by the way, should we go to? I gotta get myself back on this podcast.

I think I'm gonna do Guatemala in like a few weeks with my friend. Who went with me to Guatemala. Ma al-Salamah, ma al-Salamah. How do Muslims say goodbye? Seven ways to say goodbye in Arabic. Oh, this is interesting. Let's see no get out of here the cut their con ma salami my salam

bill is in my soups con be care if you want to play it cool and be cool casual hey dear o'buck listen guys what the on in contrast former farewell implies you Casual, okay. Dear Belk- Listen, guys. Wada'an. In contrast, formal farewell. That implies you don't expect to see them again. No, I do expect to see you guys again. Dear Belkhan Ah-Ah-Halcon. This phrase is a nice way to tell your friends, take care of yourself. You can also use this as a warning if you want it to sound dramatic. Take care of yourself.

That's a bad one. By permission. Which one do I want? This is the most popular way to say goodbye. Masalam. Masalam. I think that's that right? That's what I said before. Yeah. Masalam is here. Masalamati. Masalamati. Oh, a T is to you. Anyway guys, now we learned something. In addition to don't punch people at a bar in Beirut. Although, no, we didn't learn that because he got away with it. So keep doing that. Masalamati. Until next week. Bye! Go Luchs! Give me your ticket!