You Be Trippin' - Portugal w/ Adrienne Iapalucci | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Adrienne’s special is out now!! Watch “The Dark Queen” on Netflix today! Follow Adrienne on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/adrienneiapalucci/ SPONSORS: -Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code TRIPPIN at https://hellotushy.com/TRIPPIN -Upgrade your wardrobe instantly and save 20% off with the code TRIPPIN at https://www.publicrec.com/TRIPPIN #publicrecpod On this episode of You Be Trippin, Adrienne Iapalucci goes to Portugal with Louis CK where things are relatively cheap, the subways are beautiful, and the food is so-so. They also talk about guys lying about their height, politicians being full of crap, and having BDE makes you lazy in bed. The two also discuss Tony Hinchcliffe’s MSG joke, having sex with unattractive people, and Ari getting Tony fined $100k. Other topics include: petting people’s dogs, school shooters, Ukraine, parking feuds, and Ari producing Adrienne’s special, which is on Netflix now so go check it out. Divirta-se! You Be Trippin' Ep. 40 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. That guy the next day that dropped us off in that fucking bus station. You thought he was gonna kill us. I mean, he took the keys, he left the windows down.

Me and you were in like some transient, I was like, they've all conspired against us and now we're dying. And this guy just had to take a fucking shit. And you're like, I don't hate the Lakers. I'm like, I don't even care about the Lakers. You'd be like, they're on training days. Like, wasn't me, wasn't me. I'm like, it was so crazy.

And we were like running late I think. You were running late. The guy's like, no, I just gotta stop. He took a dump in a gas station bathroom. I don't know where we were. Why pick us up in the, just say, no, I can't. Those guys. I don't know where we were. Why pick us up and just say, no I can't. Those guys. I don't know, but I thought that that guy

knew something we didn't know. I was like, oh, we're getting this shit kicked out of us. You had to think about it. When I went home that day, I landed at the airport here. Are you taping this? Oh, yeah, this would just be a bonus, like in the beginning. But I landed and the guy's like, did you hear about Kobe Bryant?

I was like, yeah. He goes, how come they don't care about the other people? They just care about him and his daughter. I was like, and then I realized he didn't recognize him. I'm like, yeah, right bro? That's my whole point. We overvalue celebrities. And he's like, yeah.

Some immigrant goes, I don't know this guy. Why only two, there's nine people, two names only. But they only care about the famous people. Yeah, and their loved ones. Remember you were getting your haircut at a black barbershop, I think? And you thought he knew or something? And he didn't care at all?

Did not care. When I got back from Ecuador, all these black cars, like, oh my god, and they ran like Kobe, Kobe. I was like, ooh, and they're like 19, though. So we never saw them play. We just thought it was hilarious. My father's really mad at you. My father, if you go to Cambodia,

my dad's gonna beat you up. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Well, everybody, welcome to a brand new episode of UB Trippin for November 12th, 2024. I never have the date. I never know what the date is.

I never know what the date is. But today is November 12th, 2024. And that day, sorry for the delay, we had to pull it back because Adrienne Apolucci is the guest today. She's one of my best friends, she comes on the road with me. A lot. A lot. I help produce her special that is on Netflix right now. Go watch it.

Yeah. The Dark Queen, you named it too. What do you think of the name? How do you, how do you? It's good, I mean that is my moniker now. Everyone just calls me The Dark Queen. The Dark Queen, I love it, it should be your nickname. It should be my nickname.

Without you leaning into it, let them lean into it for you. It's interesting though, because if you don't know and I get a noun site that people think I'm gonna be black. They think it's gonna be a black queen. That's why I'm with an amazing racist credit. And people are like, what is that?

I'm like, oh, that's not, it was a sketch I did a long time ago. Those sketches resurface once in a while and I love them. They're pretty good. They're so funny. They're pretty great. And people getting re-mad over them is also great. The re-mad part is good. Some people say comics shouldn't get people mad,

and I'd like to say we don't want that. No, but when it happens, some of it's fun. But if it's gonna happen, wouldn't mind enjoying them walking out because they don't get it. Sure, yeah, but you do want people to find it funny. Yeah, that's 99% of it. Right, and then the 1% is just people walking out.

As long as they're not gonna be here. It's like American, we didn't wanna get attacked by terrorists, but Cheney was like, well, if they're gonna do it, let's pull back a lot of fuckin' rights. Election's over, congratulations. Your team won. Who's my team?

I don't know. We recorded this before. So I don't know. That's true. We have no idea. Congratulations. Oh, we gotta do a lay in. Congratulations to

Kanye West. Congratulations to whoever won. Yeah. I can't believe Manhattan's burning right now. Wow. It's crazy. The whole thing was burned down. The whole thing was burned except for this apartment. The World thing was burned down. The whole thing was burned down except for this apartment. The World Trade Center burned up instead of down this time.

Weren't they gonna build it again? We're gonna build the exact same one again? Agent, we're here to talk about travel. Well, just think of how far the terrorist traveled to make that happen. That's not bad. Oh, dude, if I could have got some of those, did they even get away with it?

No, they all died, huh? I think they all died. That would have been died, huh? I think they all died. That would've been a great guest. I think they all died. So how's your trip to America? Buddy, buddy, habibi, it was so good. I fucked the hookers. I had to go to the strip club.

I take that terrorist attack on the plane. Yeah, they're all dead. They're all mega dead. Or maybe in heaven I can record them. Maybe. Or maybe they're in hell. Yeah. What is it like in Afghanistan?

Well, I stopped in Doha on the way over. They're doing nothing. Yeah. The whole city's burned except for this one block. Except for here. Adrienne, where should we go today? Oh, every week on this podcast, I guys, we go to a different place in case you don't know.

So, it's just somewhere where the guest has been. And you've been some places now. I've been some places now. Did you grow up going traveling? No. Not at all. We went to Pennsylvania several times. That's where we went. That was the, I mean, we went and watched my aunt

basically die. That was our vacation. Really? Yeah. That's pretty nice though. We were like, well at least we're not her. Yeah, at least we're not her. And then she, she paid for us to one time go to Florida.

Cause she was like, please don't come visit us. In Pennsylvania. Please don't come visit us in Pennsylvania. The counter offer, go to a nicer place. I'll pay for it. You left the end game, what happened? We saw a guy, it was game, I can't forget, it was game three that we lost or game four that we won,

but we're all like, the series is over after both of them. And we were leaving and we saw a guy in a wheelchair, but like one of those all heads, you know, little like snubby arms. Okay, so none of his body's working. It was bigger than most of those little potato heads, but you know, but like he'd be a giant among them, but still.

He'd be the ruler. He'd be the ruler. He goes, I can witch slap you with two hands. He'd be able to, you know, they talk that way. Maybe that's more like. I think that's cancer. No, that's, but, but then like, not Brad Williams, but that some of the Brad's family.

Brad Williams is just short. I know, some of them like, ah, they talk that way. I think that's if you're short and have cancer. No, not this way, but it's like, the shelves are too high over here. I don't know what that is. It's a little person. That's not how little people talk.

The shells are too high. How do they talk? I don't know, I don't think they have that voice. I think that's when you get cancer. I'm pretty sure that's cancer voice, not midget voice. But we saw this guy who's selling, he was selling candy outside on the way out. This guy?

Yeah, selling stuff, and we're like, we'll be back next year. Things aren't that bad. This guy, not only does he have a no working body. His arms are working now. How's he selling the stuff? Like probably, how's this guy not getting robbed?

And then it's like Swedish, yeah, I get robbed. It's the Bronx, he's got 20 minutes to get out of there. But it's not like he's like, well, he's born with birthday effects, so he uses mine, he designs new cars for Ford. He goes, no, he's selling gum outside Yankee Stadium. Yeah, and he's probably not selling it very long. He's gonna get robbed.

He's gonna get robbed also. Those people don't care about disabilities. No, not in the Bronx. Nobody cares about anything. Best he might get like, hey man, I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna need that money. Before I rob you? Yeah, it's like.

Here's an apology before I rob your money. I understand, you're going through hard times, but. I'm also going through hard times. Yeah, and the guy's like, fine, fine here. That's. And then he gives it to him, and the guy's like, my friends are watching, I do have to turn your wheelchair over.

I'm really sorry, but they're watching. But I'm not gonna take it though. I'm not gonna take it. I'm not gonna take your wheelchair. I'm not gonna take it, but I'll kind of hold you so you don't scrape yourself, but I'm gonna have for the watch. But I'm not gonna take it though. I'm not gonna take it. I'm not gonna take it, but I kinda hold you so you don't scrape yourself, but I'm gonna have to knock you down. That's tough, man. To be like.

Am I recording the back up? Paralyzed. Oh, that would be tough. I know, you just shut something off. Yeah, that's sad, it's okay. Oh, okay. To be paralyzed and be selling that candy. Yeah, at least paralyze full, candy. Yeah, he's paralyzed full full

Hmm. Anyway, where are we going today? No, so you didn't grow up. So tell us first where we're going We don't even know that you know what hold it now. They'll know on the fucking preview Alright, where do you want to go? Portugal? No, he's first one in Portugal It's gonna be close to Spain yeah, it's right there from Spain. Yeah, it's right there, right next to Spain. It's a few miles from there. Yeah, it's right there. Oh, look at that. It's you, bruh.

It's me, bruh. You look like I just took my dick out. And you're like, Ari, not in my taping. That actually would've been fine if you did. If I came up like, just get the lights right. I don't even think I would be shocked if you did do that. I'd be like, yeah, I expect this. Yeah, like this guy. Portugal, right there. What a tiny little cute country. Very cute.

Doesn't seem like it should be, to be honest. I mean, it really just should be, it should be Spain. It should be all Spain. Yeah, it should be part of Spain. And if it's like a language thing, well, let me ask you a question. I think Portuguese and Spanish, I think it's two different languages.

Two different languages, but it's a different country. It's a different country. It's a different country. It's a different country. It's a different country. It should be all Spain. Yeah, it should be part of Spain. And if it's like a language thing, well, I think, I think. Let me ask you a question. Portuguese and Spanish, I think it's two different languages. Two different languages, but they also have Basque and they have something else in Spain, and they're always fighting for independence

based on the language. They didn't fight hard enough. Portugal did, I guess. I mean, Spain could just take over Portugal, like Russia and Ukraine. I'm surprised they have not. Do you think they're more civilized? Spain? Spaniard. Russia and Ukraine. I'm surprised they have not. Mm-hmm. That's a great point. Do you think they're more civilized?

Spain? Spaniard. Does that sound racial? That sound like a... So, growing up, I had people, I had neighbors who were from Spain, and me and my family had like a war with them because I went with this girl.

Did you conquist the door of their house? No, we were all poor. We were all living in apartments. But we went to the store and I didn't have pockets. I asked her to hold my three dollars. So then I once couldn't get my three bucks back and she lied and said I didn't give her any money. And that started a family war.

Three dollars, yeah. Like my dad. You know if you gave it to her or not. She's like I don't really prove it. Yeah, it's three dollars. So my dad would see her dad, we had alternate street parking it's three dollars. So my dad would see her dad, we had alternate street parking, which is a nightmare, and my dad would see her dad coming,

and he would just sit in his car for like an hour, not moving his car. Just so that guy couldn't get it? He would just keep circling and, I mean like this started a war. He was like, I have to leave, but I'll wait till this guy is gone. I don't know, I think he probably didn't leave.

I think he probably changed his plans to spite him. I've done that before. Spite runs deep in the Bronx. Do you ever, yeah. I've never not gotten out of a spot when someone's waiting, but I have, you know, you get in there, you're like, all right, let me set my map. I gotta put my stuff down.

And they're like waiting, and you're like, yeah, yeah. And then they honk, you're like, yeah, yeah. I'm not zooming out of here though. Right, if you want the spot, you have to wait. Plug my thing in. But you wanna be like, okay, hold on one second, but it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm not zooming out of here though. Right, if you're on the spot, you have to wait. Plug my thing in. But you wanna be like, okay, hold on one second, but it's like, hey man, it's gonna be like three minutes. Yeah. Cool.

Cause I'll be like, okay. Sure, I'll wait. But also, they're waiting and they're like, is this guy leaving or just doing work? Well, sometimes I'll be like, hey, are you getting out? If they say no, I'll just move on. And if they're like, hey, it's gonna be five minutes, I'm like, okay.

Now it's up to me, let me know. Sure, yeah, if I wanna leave, I'll leave. War, Spaniard though, that sounds like a derogatory. So anyway, what we used to do to upset them is we'd call them Puerto Rican. And they hated it. Prey on the racism. Stav said you do that here in Greece.

The ones that are from this island here, near Turkey. You call them Arab and they'll lose their minds Interesting because they are a little bit and it tears them up. Yeah Well, yeah, they did not like that Today's episode of you be sure was brought to you by hello to she calm guys. I've used bum guns I've used water buckets and like in like East Timor and I've used like five bidets in France. I'm telling you the Tushy bidets are the best. Give it as a holiday gift this

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When did you go to Portugal? 2022. 2022, post pandemic. I guess, was it kind of the pandemic? I mean, I had to get up. It was in it, but yeah. Yeah, I had to get a bunch of vaccines to go, vaccinations. Oh yeah.

That seems like a fucking two decades ago, but it was right around the clock. So that was six weeks too. I went to open for Louis and that was a six week tour. Oh yeah, you had to call me. You had to say like, hey. What'd I have to call you for? You're like, I got an offer to do a six week tour

with Louis, but it means I have to leave. It was something so light where it was like, hey, so I couldn't do Sunday in Denver. Should I turn down Louis for six weeks or should I just leave Sunday morning? It wasn't quite that, I think you had to miss a whole week, but I'm like, yeah, I'm jealous. Oh yeah, I forget what that was.

Go on the road with Louis. Yeah, but that's when we were supposed to go to Ukraine, but that was later in the tour. We went to Portugal. You would have been the first one on here talking about Ukraine. Well, I'd probably be dead. We were supposed to go to Ukraine

the day it got bombed, Kiev. We had, I think, six a.m. flight, and then at four in the morning, they were like, your flight's been delayed to three o'clock. But like. They weren't figuring it out. No, they had already gotten bombed.

So I was like, yeah, no one's going there. Right, wow. We almost went there, though. I rememberbed. So I was like, yeah, no one's going there. Right, wow. We almost went there though. I remember that week we were like, I don't know, it seems like it's fine. Louie told a story on my renamed story telling show about it, were you there for that one? I wasn't there for the story telling show,

but we were, that's the trip though. Yeah, I just remember him talking about it and he goes, I wanna go to Ukraine, and then he's just like, it's cool, because I wanna go, I don't know, it's cool. It's cool to go to Ukraine. And then all this stuff happened and he's just talking about it and he goes, I wanna go to Ukraine because, and then he's just like, oh, it's cool, because I wanna go, I don't know, it's cool, it's cool to go to Ukraine. And then all this stuff happened and he's just talking about how he's like, I gotta pull out and the guy's like, I'll be ruined,

I put all my money into the show, you gotta do it. And he goes, all right, all right, all right. And then like- Well, Luda's also making it seem like it's fine there. And we were like- That's what the guy was telling him at first. Right, and then when we were like, because then I started looking up and like,

there was, I guess, warnings from the United States, like hey, if you go there, we're not coming to get you. I was like, hey then I started looking up and like, there was I guess warnings from the United States like, hey if you go there we're not coming to get you. I was like, hey I think this is bad. And then when. It's tough when they're like, we're not getting you. When they're not coming to get, because they were like, we're not flying private in there. Like when rich people can't be saved, that's not good.

Yeah, you gotta be 20, 20. And then when he was like, hey we're not coming, the guy was like, yeah I'm getting out of here. It's like, it's been tense. The guy, the promoter. Oh, he said when Louis said he finally had to tell him. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't tell this.

Maybe this is a Louis story, actually. Whatever. I'm gonna err on the side of not telling someone else's story. Okay. Yeah, it's more your story. I did like what you were like when the reports are like, Louis is going to Ukraine, and you go, no, we weren't. I'm on the tour, we didn't go.

That was funny, they're like, I can't believe you went to Kiev to do a comedy show. I'm like, we're not there, I'm on tour. Yeah, we didn't go. You're going off a website that never got changed because they're dead. They're so crazy, yeah, they're so crazy. Well, Google still shows it as like.

It's like, okay, we're there. We're at the show right now. Yeah, and also like, don't they want entertainment? It's so funny with like, who, we're there. We're at the show right now. Yeah, and also, don't they want entertainment? It's so funny with who's the players in this, and like, all right, now I'll write the story based on that. Because you know if, I don't know who, who's their darling. Sarah Silverman went so beautiful.

She's uplifting people with her charitable voice. Perky tits and great legs, fucking perfect Jew hair. So you went to Portugal on this trip? Yes. Were you excited about it? What'd you know about it going in? Nothing. Oh, I guess I did one time date a Portuguese guy

and his name was like Manny Rodriguez or something. I was like, you're also just Puerto Rican. He also got mad. I'm like, your name is Manny Rodriguez, you're not not Puerto Rican. You're not not Puerto. He goes, I'm from Puerto, I like Puerto Rico. So Portuguese people are very short

and I guess I didn't realize that until I got there. Oh, to Manny's house? No, Manny was also very short. You got there and noticed it. First of all, this is the kind, I keep saying first of all, this is the kind of observation I want for a place. Everyone's very short.

It's short. It's not gonna be in Lonely Planet. But be prepared. Everyone's very short. Wow. Tiny. Everyone's very friendly and I don't know if it's because they're so tiny. Is that hard going to a place that's friendly? That's funny.

Going from the, coming from one of the least friendly places in the world? No, it's crazy. Cause you almost feel like they're tricking you and they're not, they're just nice. Also, everything is very cheap. Anyone here that goes like, hi, like, scam, beat it. You're like, nice try, how does this work? Get away from me.

Other places are nice, that's why it works. No, no, no, yeah, everyone there is very nice, and I think they also love tourism, because they must make a lot of money off of it. But everything's very cheap there. It was like one of the cheapest places. Really? Romania was also pretty cheap, but not as nice.

We had the same promoter in Romania. Well, you and Louis, not me and Louis. Not me and you, Louis. Yeah, but you there. Yeah. So where'd you go first? I think we went to Listcom first. Like how cheap?

How cheap is cheap? What are we talking about? I don't know, I feel like things were like $7. Things. Like a meal. Like a car to a milkshake. Like a meal. A meal of $7, okay, that's a decent range.

Like everything was pretty cheap there. Yeah. I think we went to Lisbon, I don't know if we went to Lisbon or Porto first, but they were both really nice. What did you, did you get out? Cause Louis, like, you know, you don't really, Louie said you don't really get out of the hotel.

Okay, that's not even true. I did all the stuff. Louie did almost none of the stuff. I think we were in Lisbon. Me and him walked all day. Yeah. And we kept going to these different shops and he was like buying all this stuff and eating it.

And he got so sick. Then that night for the show, he was like buying all this stuff and eating it and he got so sick. And then that night for the show, he was like, I think I'm gonna shit my pants. And like he did not, but like he was like, I almost shit my pants the whole show. He was not having a good day. But yeah, we like they're- Louie eats, like he's fat, but he's not like so fat.

He's not really fat. He's just overweight. I guess, but he goes through periods where he's like thinner, heavier, but yeah, he'll just eat a bunch of stuff. And then he's like, I don. He's not really fat. He's just overweight. I guess, but he goes through periods where he's like thinner, heavier, but yeah, he'll just eat a bunch of stuff and then he's like, I don't know why I'm sick. He's a brain, he's like a child. He's like a chubby child.

Dude, we went into a DraftKings booth at Yankee Stadium two playoffs ago. And not a great one, it wasn't like a giant, like the Delta Lounge, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in any of those, but it was just like some burgers that come out and that's those slider things and hot dogs that come out and like ice cream and soda and stuff, that's it.

And it was like raining, we're like, let's go and see the lounge. Did I tell you that? I don't know if I told you this, but he walks in and he sees that there's free hot dogs and hamburgers and then he like looks at it and he turns to me and goes, hey man, you're about to see me

get really disgusting. Just be prepared for it. He was like, oh I can't stop this. It's almost like a sexaholic seeing hookers. I'm like, hey I'm gonna see you later. We were in Australia and me, I was with Ronan I think, or no, my girly, and we ran into him because he was doing his own thing

and he was eating ice cream and it was all over. It was all over his arm, on his shoes, and you're like, this guy is like one of the best comics ever. One of the best of all time. It's just ice cream is everywhere. I saw him at the cellar a long time ago, 2015 or something, and he was like talking, and he was just like, it was like an out belly time, you know?

So he goes straight down, no tits, but then just out. And he looked down, he had crumbs on his belly, and he goes, the fuck is wrong with me? Because I just have food on my shirt, just crumbs. When is that even from? And then he went on with his bit, and it was like such a real moment. That's pretty funny, that's pretty funny.

Louis CK directed The Dark Queen, by the way. Shot at the legendary comedy cellar in New York, New York. Okay, so that's pretty funny. Louis C.K. directed The Dark Queen, by the way. Shot at the legendary Comedy Cellar in New York. That's true. New York. Okay, so, that's so funny. So, what did you like about it? About Lisbon and Portugal. Well, there are a lot of beaches.

It was kind of cold, so I didn't get to go to the beach, but everyone showed me pictures of the beach, and I was like, oh, it'd be so cool to go there, but it was like March. It was way too cold. Yeah, I remember you going. You're like, you'll get out of the cold of New York, but you won't really get into the warm.

I love castles, so Ferdinand's Palace is there. You have pictures of this stuff when you're there? Yes. Really? I have pictures of the castle, hold on. How do we get to it? How do you get to it? Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, I'll do that, let's see.

Two, two, boom, that's it? That's it, look at that that. Let's see. Two, two, boom. That's it? That's it, look at that one. Wait, go. This is, this is really it. There we go, there we go. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, and you get to go in and see everything.

It's really cool. Wow, that looks like, kind of like Disney-ish. It's so colorful. I can see that, yeah. And it was cold, it's like, kinda everyone's still wearing masks. Do you have a picture of you in front of this stuff? Probably somewhere. Well, what is that, what are these?

I don't know, this is a, I guess, their dinner table. Oh, at the castle. Inside, yeah. Wow. And everyone's thinking, you know, you can't touch it. I'm like, why, I'm just touching everything. I don't understand, why can't you touch it? They're like, no, because it'll break down. You're like, I'm not gonna be back.

But it's not gonna break down. Also, if it's gonna break down, don't you want it to break at some point? You gotta be touched by some Chinese immigrants coming by just touching it. They gotta make a rule for everybody. They can't, socially, they can't get away with a separate sign for Chinese and all else.

It's like I just wanted to touch it like this. You ever sometimes walk by a dog, I try and pet it without the owner knowing. You ever get yelled at for petting a dog or scolded? I don't think so, but I would probably get into a fist fight with somebody. I have, like you didn't ask, I'm like, it's not up to you.

Why would I have to ask you if I could pet your dog? She looked at me and I was standing right here, don't take it out. Don't touch my dog. What? Don't take it out. Why is it as a strand? I didn't feed it. That's hilarious.

I'll ask if I can give it a treat, but even that is like borderline, you gotta be like, hey no treats because they're allergic to fucking fun. They're allergic to fun? So you pet someone's dog and they yelled at you? Yeah, a few times. Once outside the park,

Wait, the same dog you pet? Different ones. Once at the light near here, she's like, don't touch my dog. I was like, and then once I was, they were leaving the the park, this fucking different ones. Once at the light near here, she's like, don't touch my dog. I was like, and then once I was, they were leaving the dog park, I was like, hey buddy, don't touch my dog. And it was one of these like fucking goth 24 year olds

trying to be difficult. I was just like, oh cool bro. Some chick who was so upset. Like I'm gonna pet your dog. It's not up to you. It's not up to you. It's up to the dog. That's true, they'll let you know.

And then once in a strand. Pretty presumptuous. Like, is it pretty presumptuous to pet a petable dog? Ben, I'm sorry I didn't ask for consent here. Ben, they're so cute. One, have you ever gotten bit by a dog? Yeah. I got bit right in the face.

By a dog that I just thought was cute. Is that why you're always frowning now? No, this was not that long ago. That was my childhood. Why would I bite you? I don't know, it was probably a rescue dog and maybe it was beaten or something, I don't know. I just had my face too close to its face.

It was like a Rottweiler mix and it just bit me. I had to get like a tetanus shot and then my friend was like, have you learned your lesson? And then later that day I was holding more dogs. I guess not. Guess the answer's no then. No, I was like, I'm gonna ride up to more dogs. I'm like, that one dog is gonna act like a rooter for me.

Tell me more about Portugal. Where'd you stay? Does he put you up in nice places or like, La Quinta's? No, nice places. Hold on, let me see. I feel like I have more pictures. Okay. Do you have you in any of these? I'll see.

Oh wait, are you gonna see all these on there? No, we won't cut to it until it's time to talk about it. By the way, Adrienne will be with, I should just do my inserts right now. What are your dates? Do your inserts. You got Cleveland, right? Cleveland, I'm doing all your dates with you. I know, but what do you have?

Cleveland and what? Oh, I don't know. I'll go to eight. I think that's it. No, no, no. Is there, I don't know. Hold on. Special Jobs November 12th Tour.

Here we go. Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, November 22nd, November 23rd. Irvine Improv, December 12th. Hilarities, Cleveland, Ohio, January 16th through the 18th. Tampa, February. I think there are a schedule on that. Why? Because I think I'm gonna go with you and then go later in the year.

I don't know. Seems dumb. Well, everything's fine. Seems like do your headline dates and then whatever. But she'll be with me on a bunch of stuff. I will tell you my dates. You can look to see. But she'll be with me on a bunch of stuff. I will tell you my dates. You can look to see which ones she'll be there for. My tickets are all available at aria-chapira.com.

Guys, this is the insert. There's no insert while she's looking up shit. What do you mean? I'm not supposed to be doing this? No, you are, but yeah, I said put it in a folder beforehand so this wouldn't be an issue. Oh, sorry. It's all right. Listen, I'm a little retarded. I don't really, oh, here's a picture put it in a folder beforehand so this wouldn't be an issue. Oh, sorry. It's all right.

Listen, I'm a little retarded. I don't really, oh here's a picture of me in a mask. I don't really have a lot of pictures. Damn, that sucks. That's way too close. That's just you in a mask. Oh, this was the best wine I've ever had. It was like $600.

We went to some fancy steakhouse. Barca Vella. It was the best wine. I hate red wine and it was so good. Did they have good wine? Was it a wine country there? That people like weigh into wine? Portugal, right?

They have wine. I would think so. I don't know. I just know we went to get steak and that. Damn. This was like a church. Just a church. Do you, when you walk around the streets

of like Portugal like this, is it like an old town or is it like old and modern, like back and forth? It's old and modern, but it's a lot of old stuff. There was like a guy, I don't think you see him there, he's like playing some bagpipe type of thing. Is that straight in the middle? Yeah.

Can you expand? What the? It looks like he's playing, it almost looks like he's playing it. It looks like he's calling up the devil. It looks like, I remember thinking that was a bed. I don't know why, but he was like playing that somehow. He looks like that lady of sexual abuse from fucking Virginia Tech who went to graduation

with a mattress on her back. I'm sure her parents were just like, I think he was doing something real annoying to it. I don't remember. This is not what we had in mind. Yeah, but like, look how cool this building is. He could go up those steps and then jump off and land on his back on that mattress.

He could try. He could try. But they have really pretty, look this was like some- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's see this food. What the fuck, is that just one egg? It's like this, this was I think- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's see this food. What the fu- Is that just one egg? It's like this, this was I think their dessert. An egg? It was all weird stuff.

Wow, what is this, like a fine restaurant? Yeah, and they just sent this over. Yeah, it was like kinda like- Foodie tourism is a nice kinda tourism. Of like, let me go to this- What is that? Easy! Flowers?

Stop shifting so much. Sorry, flowers. I don't know. I don't remember, this was like two years ago. Wow. God, you're bad at this. Yeah, I'm terrible at this. Look up while you're doing it.

Don't just look at your phone. Look what you're getting. There, all right, stop. It's like flying wide. Yeah, I'm not crying. How's this? It's like trying to fix the rabbit ears. Like, is that good?

Like, no. Like, well help me out. Give me some instruction. Like that, then back, and then like. You're right. You're right. I don't know what that is. That's dessert though.

Yeah. It's like something crispy, I guess. And like some flowers. Did you talk to any of the people there? Yeah. Most of the people spoke English. That was the hotel. That's your room? That looks like the King's Palace. It is the King's Palace. Oh my god. That's Leah. That's

Leah who also produced. Yeah, she was also on the special. Yeah, God, she's gonna handle shit so well. She's amazing. I'll get flustered and she'll just start like, wow, that's your hotel. I don't know. This might've been the hotel, I guess. I don't remember. That looks like a tourist, like something you're supposed to go take pictures of, like the king used to live here.

Go back to the bed. One more, okay. Did you fuck on that, be honest? Am I gonna fuck? What? I'm not like you that you just bang anyone on the road. That's disgusting to me. You should see the chicks.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. I have to fuck some pigs, bro. Oh man, I can only imagine. You ever get a guy show up and then not quite what he promised? He let it go or shorter than he said? Everyone is shorter than they say.

What do you do? Go with him anyway or? I guess it depends. Depends is the right answer, yeah. Like it depends how egregious the lie is. What if he's wearing depends. Because I know I said it was not incognito, but I am incognito.

I feel like this is probably a not match. Depends how egregious, yeah. I mean I've had- Most guys show up two to three inches shorter. That's not like, oh well this picture was taking a while. What do you think we need? No, I mean unless you shrunk. Not going up and down like the Milky Way.

I remember one time, this is back when you used to meet people in an AOL chat room. I met this guy, he told me he was missing a tooth. He said, it's not a front tooth. It was like this tooth right here, which is a front tooth. That is a front tooth. It's not a back tooth. No, and he also had connecty spit.

You know when someone's talking, and the spit connects on there? I mean this is like 20 years, 25 years ago. You still remember it? It scarred me. I hope he's dead. He probably is. I hope, yeah.

God takes care of. I hope so, but yeah, I was like disgusting. I can't, I have a trouble, if a chick shows up and she's, unless she's like a whale. You'll still fuck someone even if they look a lot different. It's, I'll feel bad. Why? You never feel bad.

You're such a dick. Not in the moment and in person. In the moment and in person. I remember doing a joke about like fat chicks once. And then I saw, it was a long, long time ago, and I saw some fat lady in the crowd. And I was like, oh, I didn't even consider that there's, that they'll be there and be heard.

I wasn't trying to hurt anybody. I was trying to like make fun of people that aren't around me. When I thought of the joke, it'll be there and be heard. I wasn't trying to hurt anybody. I was trying to make fun of people that aren't around me. When I thought of the joke, it's like me and my friends. Were you just thinking that fat people shouldn't be out? I mean, I'd love that so I could get back to that joke. It was about how they had the legs move around each other instead of straight forward because they're so fat. Oh my God, you're talking about really fat.

Yeah, and then I saw one and I was like, nah, I'm working. So, but then I saw one and I was like, nah, I'm working. So, but like if it's that, I'm like, I mean, nah, you're obviously taking advantage. You didn't just gain 20 pounds over the holidays. No, that's a lot of weight. But if it is where I'm like, I wouldn't have done this if this was you,

if they're at the door, I don't have it in me to tell them. But like now you're meeting someone for the first time at your door? Hotel room. That's crazy. I mean, that's a guy thing I guess. What are they gonna do?

What are they gonna do? Fuck me against my will. What are they gonna do when they're in there? No I guess I'm just saying like, how are you meeting them? Is it like a fan? Yeah it was online, it was like that stuff. Oh okay.

Oh yeah I'm not out of the bar. Right and then you're just like, hey we're in the same city, come over. Yeah. And it's like now you're disgusting. The one I'm thinking of was a long time ago, I forget which city it was, Boston, D.C. or Philadelphia, but it was just like, and then it was like a quick check

of your, like I can't say, you gain weight, you have to leave, I can't, that's not in me. So you just have unrewarding sex. Have you ever had sex with somebody that you thought was like gross but it was good sex? Oh yeah, no. They bring it. They bring it because they know.

They know. They're not resting on their laurels. Do you know who Johnny Manziel is? I know the name. Mr. Football player, I think Texas or somewhere. Okay. But I mean, all American in high school, just like all American football.

You fucked him. I mean. And he brought it. He never practiced because he was like I'm the king All American in high school, just like, all American football. You fucked him. I, I. And he brought it. He never practiced, cause he was like, I'm the king. And they got to the NFL and it was like, nope. You suck. The level just went up and he was out real quick.

Cause he didn't do the hard work. Right. Tom Brady gave up strawberries for 40 years, you know, to be the best. So like, these hot chicks, they don't have to work hard. It's kind of like when you bang a guy with a big dick. They just have this big dick and that's it. Is big dick energy lazy?

I think big dick energy, I don't think all guys with big dicks do that, but a lot of guys with big dicks just have a big dick I think. Right, right, right, right. And then they're just like, that's what I'm presenting to you and that's it. I'm presenting as big dicked. Yeah, and then you're just like, that's what I'm presenting to you and that's it. I'm presenting as big dick.

Yeah. And then you're like, well, that's nice, but like what else? It's like, no, that's just it. No, that's it. It's big dick. You're like, well, I'd rather actually somebody with a smaller dick that like knows how to do other stuff

besides just pipe you down. That's essentially what they're doing. You're just drilling away. Pipe you down. What do you want? Do you want a guy, you don't want that, right? That's high school shit. No.

Or you want that for a minute and then. No, I mean like what a huge dick? Oh right, I mean. I mean it's just like, it's like hey, I tap out pretty quick. That's just like too much. It doesn't go that far. It doesn't.

It's like when you're like parallel parking, you hit somebody's car and you're still trying to move forward. And you're like, no, there's a car. It's stopping, they're off their wheels now. Yeah, you gotta stop. Did you meet anybody out there? Look how beautiful this place is. I mean, I didn't meet like guys to hook up with.

No, no, and people in the streets. Yeah, sure. I went to get my nails done, we walked around. I spent a lot of time with Leah doing stuff. Did you go to a nightclub there or somewhere else? Or was that like Eastern Europe? No, I think we went to a nightclub in... Hungary?

No. Brussels. Brussels. No. Come on, Antwerp. I think we went to a place in Antwerp. Really? Yeah, we got drunk. We were in some club.

It was just techno. Yeah. That sounds like Eastern Europe. Yeah. Antwerp, oh really? I think it was Antwerp. Antwerp. And some guys were putting,

I remember some guys were putting cans of beer on a thing and I just knocked it over and they got so mad. What do you mean cans of beer on a thing and I just knocked it over and they got so mad. What do you mean cans of beer? Like you know when you take empty cans and you're trying to almost Jenga it? And I just knocked them all over

and they were just so shocked that I would do that. What'd you do? You just went up there and just. I don't like that. It was a real Ari moment. Oh, what a great one. They were not thrilled. They were shocked. Would They were like shocked.

When you do it lightly too, it's not violent, but it's so disheartening. They're so upset. I just know. You do that at poker sometimes, somebody's like just beat you out of a hand, bad beat. They're stacking, talking shit, and they stack all their stuff,

you're just gonna go. Yeah. Like you still get it all, but clean it up now. That'll start a fight. I bet. They couldn't fight you though. I don't know, can you hit women in Eastern Europe? Oh, Eastern Europe, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's actually, I wouldn't say required, but what's the opposite of frowned upon? Looked highly. Happy? I don't know, but like there's a three. Frowned upon, it's preferred. I don't know, they did not hit me. Do you have any money from Portugal left? No. Okay.

I'm gonna put it on the wall. So, did you meet anybody here in Portugal? I mean, you met a lot of people there, but it's not like people you were gonna keep. Is everyone to the laundromat? We went to a laundromat, so we're on the road for six weeks, we're going to a lot of laundromats,

and in the laundromat, there's a. Laundromat, is that what you're saying? Yeah, what is it? Laundromat? Yeah. I say laundromat. Whatever, the place you do laundry. Free country.

Nobody there really speaks English, they're not cultured. At the laundromat. Yeah, and like. Who speaks English here at the laundromat? Right, but at least I speak a little Spanglish. But yeah, the laundromat here, no one speaks English. I have to go in there with my phone.

It's just like, what are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? Nobody knows any language here. How'd you get your stuff done? I like these little tasks you gotta do when you're in places. You gotta keep asking people until you get somebody that can help you. Everything is also in another language too,

so you're just, you're waiting for your laundry, everyone's in there, it's all just poor people in the laundromat too. It's never like a good group of people at the laundromat. I don't know, I think me and Leah. Who does it, who does it, the poor? I think me and Leah want to take out someone's laundry, we've gotten to a fight.

Well, because you're just waiting there, so people will leave. There's like three laundry, like three washers and dryers. I remember us getting into a fight, but they didn't speak English, so we didn't even know what they said. I kind of prefer it like that, when you don't know what someone's saying to you

in another language and it's bad. It's like, I'd rather not even know what you're calling me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, uh, you're with the cusses. Whatever it is, it's not gonna be great. So whatever you said. What'd you say, what kind of fights you get in? We weren't supposed to say,

I guess we didn't realize somebody else was there and we wanted to take their laundry out, to put ours in. And they're sitting right there and they're like, what the fuck, man? Maybe, I don't know. Blaine Capatch had a joke a long time ago. Who?

Blaine Capatch. I don't even know who that is. I think he's friends with Louis actually, but he's a writer, coming to alt comic back then. I don't, that's just the way he performed it, I don't know what he's like,

genre wise, but I think it was him, and he goes, when someone takes your clothes out of the washer or dryer and puts it on the counter, that's the gentlest form of. takes your clothes out of the washer or dryer and puts it on the counter, that's the gentlest form of. That's a funny joke. That's a funny joke.

It's very funny. It really is like a violation. It is a violation. But. But also you get it. Yeah. Where you're like, I needed to get my own stuff in there. You're like, oh, who touched it?

But sometimes you just have to, because people leave their stuff in there for days. So one time in the laundry mat that I go to now, I dropped off my stuff and I went to pick it up and I was missing my blanket, I was missing bras, so I go back there, no one speaks English. And I'm like, hey, I'm gonna open all these bags up. Yeah.

I was like, can you open the bag just so I could see through the plastic bag of my stuff? And then they're like, can you open the bag just so I could see through the plastic bag of my stuff? And then they're like, no. So I'm like, okay, well I'm gonna open every bag up. And they're like, we're gonna call the cops. I was like, call the cops, I'm a white lady, I love the cops. I open every bag up, I don't find my stuff in there,

and then as I'm walking out, they left my stuff in one of the dryers. And you saw it? Yeah, and I got my bras, and I got my comforter. But I opened every bag up, I folded it the wrong way. Just to spite them? No, I didn't know how to fold, I can never fold it as nice as they do.

And they were not thrilled. Also, the cops never came in, I was there an hour. I have to trash. You were there for an hour? Where was this, here? This was in the Bronx. God, it fucking sucks, this life. And then I still continue to drop my stuff off there.

You do? I do. It's worth the risk of not having to, it's worth losing something to not have to do your own laundry. Yeah. The problem is, it's worth losing something to not have to do your own laundry. Yeah. The problem is, like, it does suck here, but, like, you know pretty quick,

like, hey, there's no better alternative, so you're doing it. It's brutal. Did you, sorry, let me clear this up. Tell me more about it, like, what'd you do there? Went to get our nails done. In Portugal? Where-hmm where? Porto is there a difference in Porto and Lisbon. Did you notice they're two different cities? I mean, I don't know

It's the same people. No Romantic town not really there their subway system or it like was beautiful Yeah, I know I have pictures somewhere but like It was just gorgeous My god, are you gonna have all this in there? Oh and then they have this kind of music Turn it up. Called Fado This girl's voice is like amazing it's called F-A-D-O F Bar too. But it's a type of singing that they do when you go out. Like the food.

Wait, that's just like at a restaurant? You go out to see this type of music. Their food in Portugal I thought was gross. Let me hear it. ["Fado"] I'm sure like maybe you can do that. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure.

I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure.

I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure.

I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure went for the singing. I thought the food was kind of gross unless you go to a really nice place. Interesting. I'm sure maybe.

Like street food, like the stuff you would eat. Like their version of pizza. Or like tender greens, whatever it's called. Tender greens? I don't know. Okay, this was the view from one of the hotels. This is a different hotel. Ew, it's garbage.

It's nice in the back, but garbage in the front. But this is their subway. Wow. Wow, look at those murals. Look at everyone with their mask on. What a time. Yeah, it was so nice. God, it feels like everyone's a spy.

Look at that murals, that's such good. There's something about train stations, America too, where you're like, they really go all out. Like Penn Station in DC, Grand Central here. And it's like, this is gorgeous, the ornateness of it. You know that room in Grand Central where you can whisper and hear someone across the room, you know that one? I never take the train.

Right. But it doesn't look nice like this. The middle of Grand Central does. Does it? It's gorgeous, it's gorgeous. Maybe I'll have someone drive me there. I'll have someone drive me, let me in, then I'll go back in.

Let's go one time if we're in between spots. We'll go over there. It looks nice like this? Yeah, bro, hold on. I forget where I was. I think if we're in between spots. We'll go over there. It looks nice like this? Yeah, bro. Hold on. I forget where I was. I think maybe we were in London. So I had like this 50 pound bag of luggage with me and they didn't have the elevator

or escalator wasn't working there. And you had to go down like three really big staircases and everyone's carrying the luggage. I go clear the road. I just threw my luggage all the way down. Everyone was like, what are you doing? I was like, well, I didn't have to carry it down. That's crazy.

But I was like, everyone move, cause it went, pshh. I mean, this doesn't look too nice actually. That's not that nice, it looks like trash. The ceiling though. That's not, that doesn't look like what I would. Yeah, that really doesn't even look close to what I would. I mean, the station in Paris is amazing too.

How about Penn Station? That's a nice one, right? Is it? I have no idea. I assume it's also garbage. It might be garbage. It might be just everything Penn Station can see. Everything in New York is disgusting.

Or is that Union Station? I don't know. This, look, that's nice. I guess that's nice. Yeah. I mean, it's nicer. But not as nice as the one in Portugal. No, the one in Portugal, they had like those stained glass,

like, it was so pretty. They built it for horse carriages and then they added trains. I don't know. It's still really nice, not like this, this looks gross. What kind of food was there? I don't know, I don't remember it being good like this. This looks gross. What kind of food was there? I don't know. I don't remember being good.

I mean, one to that really good steakhouse, that was good. But like. Pastel de nata. Oh, did you have those? I don't even know what that is. Probably not. Pastel de natas? These things?

I don't think so. I've heard of those for sure. I feel like we had salads and stuff, but it was ordinary. I didn't think it was great. Yeah. You were on a weird trip too, because you're really not there for that, and you have to be somewhere at night. Were the shows okay?

The shows were great. The shows were actually amazing. Yeah. In Portugal, yeah. They definitely got like the, like, a lot of them speak English. Wow. The shows were amazing. But yeah, I don't know,

I don't remember the food being particularly good. Would you go back? For sure, but I would want to go to the beaches. What are they like? I think there's like Algarve or something, that's supposed to be one of A-L-G-A-R-V-E. Like everyone says the beaches there are beautiful. It was just too cold to go.

Oh, at the southern tip? Wow, look at that. Like that's beautiful, it was just too cold. Yeah. And it's very cheap. It just too cold. God damn, yeah. And it's very cheap. It's very what? It's very cheap. Like, Jews?

No, like the prices are very cheap. God, look, I love a cliff. Look at all these people. Having a blast. Yeah. Look at this too, it's like built right into the fucking thing. I would definitely go back there.

Yeah? But I'd go when it was warmer. When you were what? When it's warmer so you could go to the beach. Yeah. Wait, let me do my tour dates real quick. So let me do yours again too. Tampa probably, all tickets are at adrianaappalucci.com,

I-A-P-A-L-U-C-C-I.com slash tour. Hilarities in January, probably Tampa. Wait, in December I'm gonna go to LA, I'm doing a couple of shows. Oh, oh yeah, Irvine Improv, December 12th, nice. And then I'm doing the Belly Room too, I don't remember when. How many works in November, this is next week.

How many works? Saratoga Springs? November 22nd, 23rd. That'll be after the special. Right after the special. That'll be, see you. That little area is trash people and they're great. You're gonna add stuff before,

no, I gotta leave. I'm going to Cuba. I'll be right back from Cuba when this comes out. Wait, I got my dates real quick. Austin, Tahoe, December and December. December and December. Austin's already sold out. Then January, I got Pittsburgh.

You'll do that with me, Pittsburgh. I'll do, let's see, Pittsburgh, Providence. Not Salt Lake City, I'll bring a skier there. Right. Rae'll bring somebody from LA. Nashville, San Antonio. San Antonio. I might be going back and forth skier there. Right. Braille brings me from LA. Nashville, San Antonio. San Antonio. I might be going back and forth to Austin there.

Okay. But Tampa, we'll see. Either I'm a week before you or that week. Denver's a skier. Schomburg? Yeah. Okay. Atlanta.

Atlanta. Portland? Uh-huh. That's a flight. We got a flight day of show, March. San Jose. I'll do those dates with you. Orlando, Florida, okay, well anyway,

get tickets at reshafere.com. Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and wrapping up at Anchorage in June. You will not be there for Anchorage for sure. Wow, wow. And then that's it, the farewell tour, on sale now, reshrevere.com. Okay, wait, what would you do?

So you'd go to the beaches. I would go to the beaches. Yeah. And I would just hang out. Hang. What does that mean, hanging out in Portugal? Like describe that. I guess like sightseeing, going to see stuff.

I feel like there's not much of a nightlife there because even when we went out at night it seems like everything closes pretty early. It seemed pretty safe too. I mean listen, I- You might have just been there because it was 2022. Yeah, it might have not have been in the party area. There's that too.

I fucking hate this kid upstairs. That old guy was so quiet. And then he died? The landlord hated him. Why? I don't know, they had a fight for 30 years. Where they can't bury the hatchet. They can't bury the hatchet, but then he died

and she was just like. And now she got this annoying kid upstairs. He had an occasional cough, that's all he ever did. Or what were you talking about Portugal? Were you still saying something about it? No. If I had to go back, I'd go to the water. The beaches, yeah.

The beaches. That does seem like the way to go. That's kind of just what I want to do. I want to retire. Seems like a retirement place. Like buy a place in Portugal. That seems like a stereotype, right? Maybe, but I'm for it. How are the bathrooms all normal like the first world?

Yeah, I don't remember them being weird. Okay. I think they were normal. Yeah, it's just two years ago, but I remember them being normal It's not that long ago. What? Where else do you want to go? What like give me another spot? Like what's on your radar now not says I do comedy but but let's say you had a man, which you don't. Single. That's right, I am single. Come at her. Her Instagram is Adrienne Appalucci.

Oh God, please don't do that. A-D-R-I-E-N-N-E-I-A-P-A-L-U-C-C-I. But, you have 32,000 followers? That's gotta go up to like 100. We'll see. After the Netflix thing. Guys, everybody go follow her right now. I already posted something.

She mostly just posts, she posts an occasional picture of her dates, which is only five of them ever. Five. And then. Videos. Just videos, just stand up clips from before. And now.

No, this is some new ones that people are upset about. Amala Trump. I gotta be logged in. Don't log in. Yeah, these are all fucking good bits. That's you with a... Bridget.

Bridget Everett, yeah. Not Bridget Everett. Bridget Phetasy. Phetasy. Palestine, freedom of speech, protesting, Trump, Kamala. These are divisive topics. Sure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's, you're not wrong. Look at Charlibe's so small and like, they're all so funny. They're all so funny. Both of them are so funny. They're just so petty and they're running for class president. It's just like shut up you dorks.

But that's the thing, even when you were class president, you said a bunch of stuff you never did. No one ever got a new vending machine. I'm gonna put vending machines. There was never any new vending machines. Nobody ever got like casual Wednesday or whatever. Nobody did any of that stuff. You just lied.

We all know that. I mean, after Biden was like, I'll never sell arms to the Saudis. And within like three months, he told them like more arms than ever. He's like, well, how else am I gonna make money? And then it's like, well, they all lie. And they're all like, well, their side lies worse than mine.

I'm like, guys. You're all lying. You're just like, my husband only beats me on Thursdays. Yours beats you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Right, it's like I'm only getting beat once a week and you're getting beat twice a week. I'm so in with mine. Yeah.

What's interesting that, when Marlene was talking about my manager, she was saying that like, Obama, when he was in, he could have codified abortion where they couldn't have taken it away. So like it's, so like they- He was still knocking chicks up, so he was like, he could've codified abortion where they couldn't have taken it away. So like it's, so like they- He was still knocking chicks up, so he was like, can't do that.

But I'm saying like he could've done it so that they couldn't have taken it, so Trump couldn't have taken away or whatever they did. So it's like all of them are full of crap. They're all full of crap, they're all full of crap. Somebody just show me, we're not getting political on this. Yeah, I don't even know enough about it. That's the thing too.

Like when people wanna argue- I just know enough to go, that doesn't seem right. I'm like. Yeah. And then you like say something you've heard and they go, where'd you hear that? I'm like, oh, I heard it, I have no idea. I read it on the internet.

I need you to disprove me. I need you to show me facts. Yeah. I'm not providing any facts. Yeah. Most of the things I'm saying are a lie. So I heard Joe Rogan hates black people, and you're like, what?

What'd you hear that? And you look it up, and you're like, no, that's Hulk Hogan. He just likes being called the N-word while he's fucking. That's a different thing. Wait, where else do you wanna go in life? What's calling you? The Dark Queen is available on Netflix right now.

I produced it, Lucy Hay directed it. I mean, I would like to go to Ukraine one day. Like if it ever. Kiev, right? Kiev is, yeah, that's the city. I mean, look at this, right on this nice, beautiful river. I mean, it makes sense why they want it, but it's also like Russia, you have all of this. There's so much, but everything up there,

look how few cities there are up there. Same as this part of China. There's no, there's not even, there how few cities there are up there. Same as this part of China. There's no, there's not even, there's like anyone there? Probably not. But yeah, Ukraine would be cool. That's interesting you want to go there. I would like to go to Ukraine.

I don't know if we'll ever be able to go. What's interesting is, I think we will. We went to Israel and everyone was like, ooh, I don't know if you should go to Israel. That wasn't the issue. It wasn't, but it was not that, what was it, two years later?

Not even a year and a half later. Just had it in full war, but standard, normal war. Right. Yeah. But that was nice. We stayed at a hotel that was across the street from the water, remember? I called you, I FaceTimed you in the morning, on the beach.

In Tel Aviv? Yes. Wow. Tel Aviv was nice, I did like it. Tel Aviv rules. And I love Mediterranean food. It really brings together the Arabs and the Jews too, because Yafo and Tel Aviv, their parts are kind of right next to each other.

So all this divisiveness. If they can get past this one little thing, it'd be so great. Yeah, yeah. Who's God is right about how many women we should own? It's like, just own as many as you can. Just a crew. Damn it, that went out too.

Is all your things going out? Yeah, you'll put this one back in. What is going on? I cleared this one. I think you took huge shit on me. I just wonder, you're so successful, and I just wonder how you do all this stuff. I don't even know what half this crap is.

Well, this is a camera. I know that's a camera, but one thing is empty, then another thing's full. What is that you have on there? What do you mean? It looks like something you would wear like if you're a Sherpa. Yeah. I would like to go back to Switzerland because we didn't get we didn't stay there very long but everything there is very expensive. It's not working so forget the two shot we're

going singles. We're going singles. We're going singles. Which is the camera that we're looking at? We're going singles. You got that one, I got that one. Wait, I got this one, you got that one. What? I think I got this one, you got that one. Yeah, you got that one, I'll get that one.

What is this for? That's just a fucking prop now. It's just holding up that Sherpa thing. I like it. My super got it for me from Ecuador. Oh nice. Brought it back. I connected with him on it,

because I was like, right when I got here, we got our place, and it was like, he was like talking, I was like, yeah, he was like, Ecuador, I'm like, oh. Is he from Ecuador? Yeah, I used to live there, I'm like, what city? He goes, it's a small city, you wouldn't know it,

but in Spanish, and I'm like, no, I mean, I've stayed there for a long time, half a year. And he was like, I think El Troncal, and I was like, oh yeah, I said that one night. He goes, what? And I get scribed, I mean, it was just there, so I described the side street and the main area,

he goes, what? Well, because there's no way that he thinks this Jew is in Ecuador. And knows it enough. And knows it enough to explain it. He's like, I said, why kill? I'm like, why kill sucks, what else? And he's like, El Toro and Carl.

I'm like, oh, El Toro and Carl is beautiful. And he goes, oh. And so now it's like when he goes. When you were there, didn't you say that like, you couldn't, everyone needed to, what was the rule there about the toilet paper? Oh yeah, you gotta throw it in the trash can. Right, cause it'll back up.

Yeah, they said the toilets can't handle it. So you didn't have that problem in Portugal? No, that's like a third world country thing I think. I did have a boy from when I was younger who would wipe his butt and then put it in the trash can, like not in the toilet. Where's he from? I don't know, New York.

He was born here. But I guess his grandmother was Greek. My abuelita. I think that's Spanish. Did you see some of these actresses and actors shitting on Tony Ingegliff? No. And they're all now invoking

their slight Puerto Rican heritage? Some of it was funny because they were talking about how J.Lo came out against him and was like, don't vote for him, and then everyone was like, your whole tour got canceled. Everyone hates you. They're like, what are you talking about? You have nothing.

And like, J.Lo's against it, right? It was like, well you're taking that out of context, she's a nobody. But also like, and I guess- You sold 300 tickets at Madison Square Garden, you're not swaying a boat. Bad Bunny also came out against it. Let me tell you something. Bad Bunny also came out against it. Let me tell you something.

Bad Bunny wears a dress on stage. Do you think he was voting for Trump before this? No, probably not. Yeah, he was already on the side. All of the Hispanics I know are still voting for Trump. I love how they make it seem like, look what they did. And then they're gonna be like, I can't explain how it was.

Although, guess who won? Kanye West. I still wonder who's gonna win. Who do you think is gonna win? But I just love them all invoking their, I think, I really don't know. They say it's seven states. I'll tell you what I'm rooting for, to be honest.

Ian Laura broke it down for me. Cause all the things like, hey, it's Nazi uprising, or like open borders, we're all doomed. And I'm like, you guys are all fucking lunatics. We just did four years of the one regime, after four years of the other. Neither one was the end of the world. Everyone's still here, unfortunately.

Unfortunately. It's like everyone is still here. Some of them should be gone. They're not. So all this bitching about end of everything is like ridiculous, it's like no. It's not the end of anything. So it's just like you guys are just acting.

Nazis and fascism, cucks, everybody's gonna get their dicks chopped off, whatever. For what, getting their dicks chopped off? In prison if you're a refugee, you get your dicks chopped off for free on your dime, comes out of your salary. Wow, actually I support that. But.

Less. Yeah, I just like, but what Ian said was like, during Trump, it was hard on comedians. Not because of Trump, but in response to Trump, they took it all out on us. All the alt comics were the best writers, completely stopped writing, they just made statements. The problem with Trump for me is that he's saying

a lot of dumb stuff and then all you hear is those sound bites on everything. So that is like if he could be in office and just be chill, I wouldn't care. But like it's everything. But he's not gonna, because the left needs him. So they'll keep showing his stuff. So that's the real issue. Yeah, so Ian was like, the society is mad or a con.

When they go to you and they go, I can't tell which side you're on, you know? Or these jokes are like, I don't know. It's because, not Trump, but because the left is so outraged by him that they're like, it's like a day after a school shooting, and it's a day after, people are like, hey, I can't hear this right now. Because I'm so worked up.

Give me a day, give me two days. Give me two days so I don't care about those kids anymore. Yeah, and they care so much about this that when you make a, I don't know, a trans joke or any race joke or anything really, even money joke, like what's that supposed to mean? They're so worked up over him that society keeps coming after us.

And so in that sense, I'd rather we go the other way where they just censor us publicly online and say you can't say. But I just don't want to hear talking about him. Like that's the worst part for me. Yeah, bleep both those words out because if Kamala won that'll definitely get taken down. For sure. Yeah.

What other words won't they be able to use? Let's just say them right now. B is taken out. B is gone. Not even gonna say the end word because I don't really want to. I'm in private, you know. You can't say anything.

Yeah, I mean it's different if like one of them drops the ball on fourth and two, you know, then you can say it. Maybe, maybe you can, I don't know. Everything is so crazy right now. Any travel tips? My mom always tells me whenever I'm traveling, so she gave me, I mean, I don't really do it,

but she's like, keep your money in different places in case you get robbed. She's like, so like have, you know, a fanny bag like underneath, and then maybe put money in a bag. So she's like, in case you get robbed. She's like, so like have, you know, a fanny bag like underneath and then maybe put money in a bag. So she's like, in case you get robbed, don't let all your money be in one place. Which is not a bad idea.

It's like if you have 150 bucks in your wallet, don't put all of it there. Put 50 in your sock. Put 50 in your sock or have like a fanny pack under your shirt. My mom makes me so paranoid though, cause she's worried about me getting robbed and everywhere.

I mean, it's so crazy, this woman. She also thinks she's gonna get everywhere. But that's how she is. So that's one thing, if you have money here, put it in your pocket. Yeah, spread it around. Yeah. I always have hand napkins, everything's disgusting.

Everything's disgusting. The toilet's gross, everything's gross. Have a full phone too, like a full battery. Like, I've done it before where I rented a car in Austin, and the car that I had, it didn't have the char, the charger didn't work, the outlet. So then I had to like go to a Starbucks for an hour to charge my phone.

So it's like, if my phone was just charged, I would have been fine. So it's like if my phone was discharged, I would have been fine. So it's like just always have a charged phone. Yeah, that's it, because once you're gone, you're like, especially with different, they don't use the same plugs, right, in Portugal? No, you have to bring plugs with you too. And then some of the plugs change,

but doesn't change quite right. Like I use a shaver in somewhere and it goes. And then it dies. And then it dies. Yeah, I'm like, what is this? I used the, I know I had a hair dryer, I did the same thing, it does that, and then it's dead.

And it's gone. And it's dead. It's just smoking. It's gone, it's dead, yeah. It got hot. You almost would have to buy a razor there. It's cheaper than throwing away my razor that I brought. No, it's.

Because I used like half my beard. No, you can't do it. I gotta trim this now that the Yankees lost. It was a fucking Yankees beard. Well, they lost. Well, I'm going to Cuba. I'll be back now when this is out, but I won't be back if they're,

but this episode will go up. I've recorded my intros and outros beforehand. Okay. Because there's no wifi on there. I usually do them on Wednesdays before, Wednesdays and Thursdays. There's no wifi in Cuba? No wifi, no signal.

What are you gonna do, just read? Me and Bobby, smoke cigars, walk around, maybe go on a hike, beach, more cigars, rum. What are you gonna do before you go to sleep, though? I mean, that's what I do. I'm on my phone for an hour before I go to sleep, and that's why I can't go to sleep. I'll probably just sleep better.

Yeah. You ever decide, like, I'm not gonna do this today, and you feel it calling you? Like, ah, let me just do this. I'm like, no, no, you know you'll have sleep better. Yeah. You ever decide like, I'm not gonna do this today, and you feel it calling you? Like, ah, let me just do it. I'm like, no, no, you know you'll have trouble sleeping. Yep. And you're already well out doing whatever. I'm still doing it.

And then you convince yourself like, oh, do you have to send that one email? And as long as I'm there, I'll check Instagram. I'll check Instagram, and I'll see everyone that hates me, and then everyone that commented, I hate you, and I hope you die. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, there's a routine thing,

that email, Instagram, whatever it is. God, it sucks. That's one thing I would advise. Get off my phone. When you're traveling. Remember when you were, only had a flip phone? And you were gonna just have a flip phone, and then you ended up getting a regular phone.

Shortly after that, I got in trouble for tweeting a joke about a beloved celebrity. And if you just had that flip phone, you'd have been fine. Would not have even heard about it, it wouldn't have been disconnected. I would have been able to find where the stadium was and the soul food place I went to later. By the way, I was sitting at a soul food place

as I was getting threats and doxing from the black community. I was at a soul food place. And none of them knew you. And Charlotte was like, oh yeah. I think that's the same thing with Tony Angecliffe. People are like, I fucking hate him. And if he was there on the subway holding the door,

they were like, thank you sir, you're a nice young man. Yeah, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't even recognize him. What I was gonna say is all these actors and actresses who were never Puerto Rican before, but can now be, they all wanna make it about themselves. Sure. They can be like, well my grandfather's father

was from Puerto Rico, so I can be like, thank God my abuelita is no longer here today to be so offended by this. Somebody wrote and said, how do you feel about this as a comic and a Puerto Rican? I was like, I'm not even Puerto Rican. Yeah, you're like, well, you're trash. Yes, trash transcends.

Oh my God, and it's just so funny to see everybody yelling about it because it's like half of it too is like, this is long over now that it'll be like the elections over. They're just using us upon. But it's like a bunch of Puerto Ricans are like, I'm not offended by that. Also people are like, he's making fun of the land,

not the people. You guys are making fun of the people. Yeah, and also they're like, I'm still voting for him. I don't actually care. Like, oh you think a comedian's joke was gonna get me to go, you know what? No. This guy is bad. I love too that everyone's like, he bombed,

but he's racist and this crowd's racist. I'm like, well, wouldn't the crowd? Not be racist if he bombed? Right, they're not, or he did well and they're racist, or he bombed, that just means they're cool people. And I think- Also, I listen to it. Didn't bomb. He didn't bomb. But I think- Just bad audience,

audience, audio. Sure, and also, you're putting a bomb, just bad audience, audience audio. Actually did quite well. You're putting a comic up first, it's like crazy. It's dumb. Yeah, it's dumb. But he did well. Yeah, he did well. Once you realize how far away the mics are

from the audience, you're like, get the line up. Also, I'm sure the audience isn't mic'd. They're not mic'd. Right, it's not like a comedy thing. Every set you put up from the stand, I heard they got a better system now, people are like, oh man, this crowd sucks. And it's like, no, it just not mic'd right.

So I wouldn't put it up if the crowd sucks. Do you think I'm gonna put it up if I'm bombing? I could be killing it, everyone is still saying I'm bombing. I'm only putting it up because it was a killer set, and then you get there and you're like, damn, it sounds bad. So that's what they're judging him off. Like, this doesn't sound right.

Like, oh, you're used to a special, it's not a special. It's not a special. He's doing well, those jokes are funny. The rock, paper, scissors joke. Great. It's a great joke. The's doing well. Those jokes are funny. The rock, paper, scissors joke. Great. It's a great joke. The O.J. Simpson joke is great. O.J. Simpson joke was great.

The investment Nancy Pelosi joke was really good. People just don't like, people just want to argue. They want to be mad about something. And they're just like, well, I didn't like the one joke. So I'm like, you take a 12 minute set. And you don't like one joke and now the whole set you hate. And that's the only thing you can think about. But that's how people are.

Amazing nachos, but like a little too much sour cream. Like, just move them off to the side. I reposted that thing you posted and people were, like some people were like clapping and then other people were like, gross, unfollow. Unfollow. Fuck you. I liked what I said, but you know what I seem to get?

It was like, you only found out about this from a social media post telling you, here's something to be mad about. And that is not the proper introduction for standup. It's not. You're like, oh, this will be shitty, watch this. And you're like, oh, oh, I can't wait. You're right, I am mad.

I'd love to see someone who just happened to, who's watching a Trump rally, a political rally of any kind? I've never watched any of the rallies. I also love people going like, you shouldn't have comedy at a rally. And they go, there's two other rallies, they've never watched any of the rallies. I also love people going like, you shouldn't have a comedy at a rally, and they go, there's two other rallies, if I had comedians on the other side, they go, fuck, well that's different.

They weren't doing racial jokes, this guy was, fuck, well that's different. It's like actually, I believe in none of what I'm saying. You could just change it at any moment. If it was me, I would just pull my dick out. Yeah, I mean that's probably why you don't get asked. That's what, honestly, that's my biggest problem with Tony Hinchcliffe.

Trump would have got it okayed. To take your dick out? Yeah, Tony had to pay a fucking $100,000 fine. Did he? You guys are all mad at him. I cost him $100,000. Yeah, $100,000. For what?

I guess my ball came out the side of my fake pussy. MSG They have starter posties for wannabe transes. Okay, and so there's a little cup holder like here and a pussy in the front Okay, so you put your dick in here and that holds it up It's got little like tendrils to like keep it it doesn't quite because it's still gravity is working pretty hard Sure, but you got what looks like a pussy When harlem-willlan Williams went like this, he tried to finger it, what he doesn't know is

that hole that was in the fake pussy goes right to my dick. He was just rubbing my dick. I never told him that. So wait, he had to be $100,000 for that? Because the side of my ball came out and they had to blur it afterwards. I was like, ah, I thought I had it good. He's like, it's not your fault,

but it did cost me $100,000. That's crazy. Yeah, so the next one, I was fucking around with the venue at Skankfest, and he was like, if there's a fine, you're paying this. And I'm like, fine. But that venue was like, we don't care. We don't care.

Yeah. Like, we'll send a stuff. That is hilarious. He had to pay $100,000, and then Harlan Williams was fingering your dick. Did you get hard from it? I got aroused. And it's not because it's him,

it's just because someone's touching it. Anyone. Oh you think because he's one of the best Riff Comics of all time I would get harder? It's only him or TJ could get me hard. No, because someone's touching it. Did another camera go out? What are we doing?

What is that, your Yankees hat for the Yankee losers? Oh, Kyl Tony, hilarious. It's just so funny seeing the reaction. It's so funny. $100,000 is crazy. All these comics who don't really do stand out much anymore are extra mad. I don't know, being extra-

What happened to comics just gossiping to ourselves about it? But being extra mad about what, you just didn't think it was funny? I saw one, it was like, I could see the joke coming from a mile away. I'm like, and this is the first time that's ever happened? So, but you don't react this way to other ones. I thought somebody, like,

I liked when people were like saying stuff but not saying it, you know, where they're like foreshadowing it and you're like, what are we doing? What do you mean? Well, they'll be like. You see me some bats at stuff's gonna happen? No, well, maybe that's not the right way to explain it.

Well, they'll be like, I don't know if a comic does X, Y, and Z, and you're like, we know what you're talking about. So just stop. Just say it. Yeah, if it's so. Comics attacking other comics to me is weird because it is supposed to be like keep it to us. Like you said.

I'll write them directly and go what are you doing? What are you doing? Right or just be like hey man. I'm not even gonna go like look at this fucking male Karen writing this or this guy right. It's like no. It's just like we're gonna talk about you behind your back. Also it's like we're in an experimental business.

So it's like sometimes it's gonna miss. Yeah but now they're like, sometimes it's gonna miss. Yeah, but now they're like, he shouldn't even be there. Okay, well, remember I did those charity shows and I keep getting taken off stage and I'm like, hey, I'm probably not right for this. And they're like, okay, you could go and then they're mad. And they take me off stage and it's like,

well, maybe don't have me there. You can't be upset that I showed up and did what I do. Like, that's kind of Tony too. He went and did what he does because they're like, well, he shouldn't have told these jokes, but that's what he does. Don't book me. It's like when I get asked, I know better now,

when I get asked to do a Jewish fundraiser, I'm like, oh, I appreciate it. You're looking for Avi Lieberman or Modi. It's not me. Those are your guys. I will get you fired, because I don't even know what the thing is that I'm doing wrong. Everything you're doing is gonna be wrong.

Everything I'm doing is gonna be wrong too. Yeah, so it's like, you just shouldn't book me. But that being said, people act like, last time we were talking about Trump versus Hillary Clinton or whatever, and it was like, Trump won because of this, I was like, it was like a 50-50. So if like 50 or 100,000 people had voted differently,

you'd be like, here's why Hillary Clinton won, and you make these overarching statements, really just a tie. It's like a basketball player took the last shot, it bounces around and then goes in and everyone's like, here's why the other team lost. But if it had gone out, they'd be like, here's why that team lost.

Like, no, it's pretty much a tie. They're saying they played kinda evenly or a Miss Field goal with one second left. It's like, you played to a tie. They played to a tie. Everyone wants headlines. Yeah, so people are like, here's what Tony did wrong. And then you watch it and you're like,

guys, he actually did well. He didn't know that the left-wing media would take it so out of context that Alexandria Cortaz-Cortazio is sitting there watching, waiting to find- I don't even know who that is. She's a congressman, a woman here in New York, waiting to find something to be mad about and then go, here it is!

And it's like, you guys aren't really watching. You're shown this to be mad, you're obliging them, you're taking it out and you're offering up a, you guys aren't really watching. You're shown this to be mad. You're obliging them. You're taking it out and you're offering up a comedian in the worst thing, saying he's a racist. Just to prove your point. But they know he's not racist.

They know he's not. And now some of them though don't know. And they go, fuck him. What a character to hate. And you wanna be like, guys, I don't even think you know I just think you believe everything you're just believing everything that you say I want to tell them to like you know when they got mad at the at the Olympics opening ceremony for what I don't even watch the Olympics sure no one did but

they still got mad about it about it was so trans are trying to shove in the face of Christianity by using trans person the Last Supper and they're all so mad then you watch it you and you're like, it's literally 22 seconds out of a five hour broadcast. And I'm like, guys, you're all talking about these 22 seconds. And that side is the same as the side mad at Tony. It's like you're presented a thing that's supposed to make you mad,

and you're just doing it. They both get mad, both sides. They both have their like woke moments. And not over something you've decided yourself. You've been told what to get mad about. Also, if nobody got mad about like you're saying the trans person for 22 seconds, it would be a non-issue. It would go away.

It's 22 seconds. Yeah, you guys keep promoting this horrible thing. Now more people are finding out that Puerto Rico is trash. I don't know, I've never been there. I've never been there, but if it's like the Bronx. I won't know, because of Tony, they're gonna hurt. I'm gonna say, you know what I will do? Guess what, now, my people,

we're sending another hurricane. Wow. Yeah, racial stereotypes do agree to exist. That's crazy. And you should have fucking helped out Tony. I'm gonna go there. I'm gonna go to Puerto Rico. Bring the hurricane with you.

Tell me when you leave, I'll send the hurricane right after. I'm gonna bring some paper towels with me. Anyway, Adrienne, I'm very excited for your special. Me too, thank you for doing it. Yeah, it was fun, I feel a responsibility and a camaraderie with the special itself because it took two years to make really, of trying to find different people.

Pat and Oswald wanted to do it for a while, couldn't get any traction. Well no then, we had the pandemic. Then we had the pandemic. It was just like, couldn't get it done, he couldn't get a bite on anybody. No. And then eventually I'm like,

Adrian we just gotta do it. We just gotta do it, and it almost just went on YouTube. Yeah, we'll put it on YouTube, and then like, let's see, let's try with Netflix, but either way, it's gonna be great. People are gonna see, I think, and I know you don't like this,

but I think there's a lot of men being presented, women that aren't ready. So it'll be like a 25 year man comic on a three person show, then a six year woman, and then a 22 year man. And they go, women aren't funny. And it's like, no, it's because the women that are doing it, Nikki Glase, are so successful. They don't have-

Right, she's not in the clubs anymore. I'm not doing this with you guys. She's touring. Right, so they don't understand, they don't have the whole context to know, no, no. More developed comics are better than less developed comics, that's what you mean. Of course, yeah.

But they have this thing where they don't like it, but they say they don't wanna see women aren't funny. Some guys do, but like a large percentage of the population is just really nice and they go, I'd love to find a woman who's hilarious, not sexual. I mean, most of my fans are 75% men. Yeah, and I think you're the one.

I think when Patton Oswalt saw you, you got an opening gig and he was like, oh, this is who I'm looking for. Dark, hard-hitting, non-sexual, just fucking mean-spirited and a rotten person. Is it mean-spirited? Rotten person on the inside and just hilarious. And every time you opened for me on the road,

there was these three minutes of like, what the fuck is this lady? And then like, oh, she's not serious. And then it would start chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, then dying laugh, those last 20 of 25. Yeah, but they don't know at first. And now you're gonna get your crowd. You guys should all go see her. She's fucking crazy good.

That Parkland joke that you did the day after Parkland, it's in the special. I'm not gonna ruin it. You'll see it. I wonder, I mean that was years ago. I wonder what it would be like if I did it now. What do you mean? Because I did it that night at Parkland.

If Parkland just happened today. If Parkland just happened now in 2024 and I did that, I wonder what the reaction would be. Because that night everyone was like, oh, and then people went nuts for it. And then they started laughing. They started laughing. But I had no idea how it was going to go.

Everyone came down to watch to see if I was going to like swim or die. Because you didn't know and I closed with that joke because I was like, I don't know what's going to happen and then you know the host is going to have to clean it up. It was the joke of 2018? Whenever Parkland was 2018 I guess. Yeah and maybe was the joke of 2018? Whenever Parkland was 2018, I guess. Yeah, and maybe 2019, I think 2018. I think it was 2018. Yeah, and I remember when Netflix,

like we can't show those in the degenerates, it was like, I got in a real fight with them. I was like, it's the best joke of the year in New York. Well, I remember when they wouldn't let me do it too, and I was like, can I fight for this? And Marlene was like, no, they're not gonna let you do it. It's crazy. But now they-

But I was like, you have to please do it for me, we'll just use this clip. I did do it for you. And it killed, even then years later. It killed. And then it's like, okay, so we're putting it in, we're leaving it in. It's so good. But imagine, when you watch it,

imagine this, the day after a bunch of kindergartners just got slaughtered. Elementary kids. And so the real feeling was like, It sounds so bad. Shit, this is really bad. And then you come with that joke that you guys should all watch, come back and comment on this YouTube

when you've seen it. The, oh my God, you can't be talking about this. Everyone was like, huh? You should be talking about it. But then they left. And then analyzing what you said. And then they left. And they go, oh, this isn't really taking a side at all.

No, I mean, no one thinks school shootings are good. It's a release. School shooters love it. School shooters, yeah, but like the other people. You don't wonder if there's a school shooter like about to be, you know, like someone planning it now for like three months from now. And then he's like,

oh thank God they haven't made this illegal yet. Thank God there's no special extra crime. Ooh, it's just guns. Crazy. Yeah. Buddy, I'm proud of you. Proud of you, you did a great job. Without you, this would never have happened.

Thank you. I do feel like an ownership over the production of this. And this is the part when I make my own. You do. Mine will be out in January. I should be able to announce by now on Netflix as well. I gotta be able to announce this. I'll tell them to cut it if I can't.

I don't have an exact date yet, but. Soon, January. January. Two months. But it's in the editing and the set design and the production of it feels more like building a table and chairs. Like really working with your hands.

Versus the jokes. Yes, well there's so much, right? Because you were involved in like, I mean every comic is going to want you to produce their special because you're so, you wanna know how many seats they're killing, you want them to lose the least amount of seats. The lighting, I mean Louis did like a great job

with the lighting. Thank God Louis was there. I have directors fighting me all the time. Not really. Right, but both of you together did such an amazing job that I was so lucky to have both of you. It's so funny going to a director, I mean, Eric Abrams and I work really well together. He knows me by now. Right.

And he gets why I'm right on this stuff. He's also fighting for me. But it's like, so Louis I never worked with, I don't know. So I'm like, hey buddy, there's 144 seats down there. I got, I'm right on this stuff. He's also fighting for it. But it's like, so Louie I never worked with, I don't know. So I'm like, everybody, there's 144 seats down there. I got, I'm telling you. You wanna kill the least amount of seats? I wanna lose 14 is the max. And he's like, yeah, Wes.

I'm like, oh, you're on my side. Yeah, well, because you're used to fighting people who are like, we need 40 seats. And you're like, for what? For what? Well, I build a video village in there, have some agents show up. Because everyone's like, well, what is the director doing?

I'm like, well, they create the whole atmosphere for the show. Louis didn't even watch. He was upstairs listening, because there's no room for him. Yeah, and also just like what he did with the lighting and like just adding the six inches to the stage and then turning that light off. It does look different than the regular comedy cellar.

He wanted it to mimic this Bruce, Lenny Bruce special from a long time ago. Where it's just like him against a brick wall. Yeah, I think he did. Still recording this. Hold on, I think I have a picture too. Oh really? Well I have a picture of

the lighting and how it looks, cause the lighting, all the comics were like, the lighting is beautiful. It really is. The lighting is beautiful. He really did such a good job with that. I made him take those lights out afterwards. I was like, no one's gonna make clips in my fucking stage.

He's like, that's what I want. That's the look I'm trying to mimic. He did it with Bobby Kelly. He's a really good director. He did it with Bobby Kelly's special where he's like, that's yours. That's mine, yeah. But like the lighting is so cool.

I mean, my face looks retarded, but mine, yeah. But like the lighting is so cool. I mean my face looks retarded, but like yeah. It's kind of the similar thing where the comedy seller light is off. Yeah, right. And then a lot of times you can't even see that because I'm like so close to the stage. Yeah, I'm really proud. It looks great, and it's amazing.

I'm proud of how it came out. And even just like deciding on the location was like, first we're like, maybe the mothership, we needed to fill it up and you don't have that big a draw. I have no draw. Not yet, now you will. So it was like, how can we fill it up? We don't wanna give away free tickets,

that's not the best audience, but. Sure. But we're like, maybe the mothership, and then I was like, why don't you come feature for me at the mothership so you can see what it's like, cause you hadn't done it really. And then you were like, nah, it's gonna take me like 10 tries to really figure out this room.

It's a good room, but it's different. It's a great room now. Like I would be able to film there now because I've been there a couple of times. You've been there, right. And you're like, I'm not positive. I'll be able to get it my next set. There's a little give and take with this.

So like, okay. And then like, Louis didn't wanna do there two nights. You only wanna do one night there. But then he came up with this idea, like, well, and then like, Louis didn't wanna do there two nights, he only wanted to do one night there, but then he came up with this idea, like, well, where's she the most comfortable in the world? Where's she performed more than any other? I mean, the Comedy Cellar, the Comedy Cellar. And not the VU, the Little Room.

The Little Room, which no one films there. Aziz and Rembrandt are filmed there. Aziz and Rembrandt are filmed there. Feeney did a little part of it, but no one made it look this good. No, it looks amazing. And Judah did who? It's what an iconic room.

But yeah, he was like, let's do it there. We'll do two nights, fills up, of course. Man, what a fucking killer, the whole thing. But I do like that, it really feels like sawing and building rather than creativeness. Well, cause you were on a different end of it. You're usually on the creative side and doing some of that, but you were really on that end.

Yeah, but I want the comic to be like, hey, I know what you have to worry about. I'm only gonna bring that to you. The rest, I just want you to focus on your jokes. But if it's like, hey, a month out, hey, so we're doing the lighting, I need to know what you're wearing. I'm not gonna bother you for anything,

but now it's time, I need to find out. Hey, in a month, lighting, I need to know what you're wearing. I'm not gonna bother you for anything, but now it's time, I need it by now. Or hey, in a month I'm gonna need to know what you're wearing, black, blue, green, so we can know how to match this, or whatever. And I won't bother you until it's time. And if it's like, hey, if like. Well it was crazy too, they wanted me to show up really early to get makeup and stuff,

and I was like, I'm gonna be so tired if I get there at three o'clock, and the shows are like nine and 11. Exactly. And Louie's like, no, let her come in late. Yeah. And I was like, yes. Absolutely.

Because you're just, all day you're just nervous anyway. Like, you know, anxious and nervous. Yeah, and he'd be going like, yeah, I know, I'm a comic too. We don't want to wait around all day. We're not writing equipment. Not all day. We're comics.

No. You think people are gonna be mad about Louie being on it? I don't know, I thought so, but it seems like no one cares. You think people are gonna be mad about Louis being on it? I don't know, I thought so, but it seems like no one cares. I think, they still got the election, they're more mad about that. But when it comes out, especially if Trump wins, I think they're gonna willfully ignore the fact

that Louis is helping a female performer achieve her potential, and they're just gonna go, fuck Netflix for hiring Louis. As if they didn't just license a special that we all made on our own without anyone's help. They're gonna ignore that. Well what's weird about that too is like, I had a friend that, she used to do stand up

and she lives out in Seattle and we met up and she was like, you know, something about like, if I think that he was like using me as a woman, I go, do you know that me and him were friends before all this stuff happened? He was gonna me as a woman. I go, do you know that me and him were friends before all this stuff happened? He was gonna do a TV show with me. So it wasn't like that happened,

and then he's like, hey, I need a woman. I was like, no, he was working with me for a while before that. And then she was like, oh, I didn't know that. But people don't know stuff. They just make their own narratives up in their head. Rogan did that once with Bandit. I went to the bathroom in his studio,

and Bandit followed me to the bathroom, then the door closed and he was waiting for me outside and Joe came in and I left and he was like, you got her from a shelter? I'm like, yeah. He goes, was she pretty abused? I'm like, oh no, no, her mom was adopted when she was pregnant, so she was born

into a nice shelter. I adopted her within a few weeks. That lovely family raised her. They had the whole litter. And he goes, oh, so no, he goes, no. He goes, oh man, her just sitting outside the door, I invented this whole narrative around that. I'm like, oh, she's just a homo. She just loves you.

Yeah, she just loves me and wants me to come out. It's not scared of the world. In your apartment, you have a picture of her real mom in a frame by her bed, and it's like the cutest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, it's his mom. Yeah, we knew the mom. It's very, very cute.

Yeah, dad is a deadbeat. We have no idea, didn't stick around. Yeah, the narrators will be interesting. Not just like, I made one for Bobby Kelly, he's my friend, I made one for Adrian, she's my friend. They'll be like, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it'll be interesting anyway. It'll be interesting.

And I think it'll be interesting to see how many people fucking go, wow, she's great. And just buy these tickets in Cleveland. Upstate New York. I'm gonna open for you, come see me with Ari. Come see her with me. Help me to help Ari sell a lot of tickets out for the person that's helped me so much in my career.

Sell these tickets out. Remember the Pittsburgh show before Jew got canceled and you're like, oh, why didn't we record that one? It was so good. So good, Pittsburgh is such a fun city. Yeah, well let's come with me to that, January 3rd through 5th. I'm going to almost all those dates.

Okay, okay. I already sent you the things. Should we drive or, I know I didn't look at it. Pittsburgh's like eight hours. Yeah, we did it once with Column and Nate Marshall. I mean we can. That was a mistake. It's far though, it's a far drive.

Because also you gotta stop for lunch, where it's like nine hours. You gotta keep stopping, it's like, oh, it's actually way longer. It's far though. It's a far drive. Because also you gotta stop for lunch, where it's like nine hours. You gotta keep stopping. It's like, oh, it's actually way longer. It's probably like an hour flight. Yeah, we'll just fly. All right, Adrienne. I love you.

Everyone go to follow her on Instagram and follow this. We just got over, or right now because of this episode, it was one or the other, to 100,000 subscribers. It was either the Toby one last week or this one. That's awesome. Pretty cool, under a year. Under a year. Yeah.

All right, guys, thank you. All right, go do your comedy sets. Go do my comedy sets. ["Travel Show"] Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna go on a journey today and See what there is to see in this big world. We're exploring different places.

Seeing all different types of faces. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin'. UB Trippin'. UB Trippin', yeah.