You Be Trippin' - Somalia w/ Tommy Tiernan | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Follow Tommy on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/officialtommedian/ SPONSORS: -Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin, all lowercase -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with Mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo TRIPPIN at https://ShopMando.com! #mandopod On this episode of You Be Trippin, Tommy Tiernan decides he wants to do something good and joins a “third world agency” to speak against the government in Somalia. On the show, he and Ari talk about the shanty towns, famine, terrorists, and body odor of a trip that he is still processing. They also discuss pirates, patriarchy, faith, women, teenagers with guns, and being afraid of dogs. Other topics include: games being banned, having a religious structure throughout the day, trauma staying in the bones, and suffering being God’s will. It’s an eye opener. Ari’s the captain now! You Be Trippin' Ep. 37 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alright, sorry buddy. No worries. I'm an unprofessional. Thank God. How long have you been doing stand-up? Have we started? Sort of, but not really though. No, I'll do an intro to it, but I just wanted to know how long. I've always been telling stories. Okay. But I've been doing stand-up since about 95. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show. Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin'. Yeah.

Hello everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin'. It's the only podcast on the internet that's had a bidding war for it from Wawa to Buc-ee's. Every week we go to a different place in the world. And from a guest who's been there and today it's fucking the legend Tommy Goddamn Tiernan. Bro, I'm gonna go ahead and start the video. I'm gonna start the video. from Wawa to Buckeyes. Every week we go to a different place in the world and from a guest who's been there and today it's fucking the legend Tommy Goddamn Tiernan. Bro, I'm so excited you came in today. That's my confirmation name.

Goddamn. He's doing a fucking, sorry, I'm crossing too much already. He's doing a US tour and you gotta see him, he's hilarious. So I'm looking at the map here behind us and we're, we're going to Africa, but I lived in Zambia when I was a kid. That's where you were born? That's where people are from?

When I was born up there in Donegal in Ireland, and then we moved down to Zambia, which is there just above, between, see where Angola is? So Angola, so Tanzania, so yeah, that town there, Cabuí, K-A-B, that's where we lived. Why? My dad was working with farmers, so the Irish government and the Zambian government must

have had some sort of a deal where people who knew about farming would travel over to Africa and I don't know what they got in return. Copper or something. And yes, we lived there. So the trip I'm gonna tell you about is the one to Somalia, which happened a year and a half ago. These countries, by the way, are so weird to me. Central Republic, Chad, the landlocked, like inside, inside the continent with no ocean on them. It's, and you know, those are the most uprising. Even to refer to Africa as a single place is kind of a travesty because

there's people, you know, African people or say black people talk about racist about racism towards Africans. Yeah, but when you're there, they're racist towards people from other parts of the continent. Right, which is nice. So when I was in Somalia, and Somalia, their skin is so, it's the color of coffee, and they're so beautiful. I think David Bowie's wife might have been from, it's just a beautiful, so they have a story about how

when God was making people, he put them into the oven and the first time he put them into the oven he didn't cook them long enough and they came out as Egyptians. And then he tried again, he put them into the oven, he left them in too long and they came out as Nigerians. So then the third time he got it just right and they came out as Somali people. Wow. So yeah, so it was an amazing place. I mean, when was this? How long were you there? When I went to Africa I was three okay Zambia when I was three years of age and I stayed there for three years I don't remember a fierce amount about it I was talking to another woman who'd spent her

childhood in South Africa and I was saying to her every time I see the African sky on television it triggers something in me where I just, just the expanse of it or the type of blue that it is or the kind of the textual thing of African clouds. It does something to me. And she says, that's because in Africa, the sky is mother. So I kind of, you know, we're imaginative beings

and we can't help but exist imaginatively. So someone hands you a story like that and says the sky is your mother. Okay, that's gonna affect you for an hour or two. I don't know if in New York you can even see your mother. No, we can't even see stars. There's too much butt sex going on here. God won't let us see it. Yeah, so, but Somalia was about 18 months ago. Oh really? Yeah. They, so, but Somalia was about 18 months ago. Oh really? Yeah. By the way, this reminded me when you said the way

people describe Africa, there's an article on, I think a Kenyan writer, and it's How to Write Africa. And it's just making fun of how everybody writes about Africa. It is one country, it is not many countries. The elephant is pure, poachers are the evil. There's always a fat jovial mother who wants you to eat. Sure. Yeah.

Eat up your food now. Yeah, and I gotta find out who that is, I'll say it in the outro, but like, yeah, it's interesting now to hear about different places. Why'd you go to Somalia? So it's a roundabout way of getting there. I was talking to a friend of mine who nearly died from a heart attack.

He said it forced him to look back over his life and to wonder had he done any good. And I started to think, Jesus, I mean, have I done any good? Like, you know, people say that making people laugh is a service, but it's also a self-serving thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, nobody understands that. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of, you do it for whatever, you know,

twisted, dysfunctional blessings you were given as a child. We're doing it for ourselves. We don't give a fuck about them. Like, it's nice you're laughing, but if you died tonight, it'd be fine. No, and making an individual laugh is as rewarding as making a crowd laugh. So, you know.

But I started to think then, okay, what the hell have I actually done? In my own mind, very little. So I contacted, they used to be called third world agencies. So do you remember, I don't know if you got this growing up, contacted, they used to be called third world agencies. So do you remember, I don't know if you got this growing up, that there was the first, second and third world. So the first world was mainly the America and Europe

and Canada and Australia. We were the first world. This was the kind of the best place to be. The second world was the communist world. All of Russia and China and I guess Cuba and places like that. And the third world was fucked. It wasn't even communist, like they were just poor and broken. And again, it's an imaginative trope that helps people classify certain situations easily. So, and we were always encouraged as children to give money to the third world and how are we going to help the third world and this kind of stuff.

So I contacted this, they're not called development agencies. I contacted this development agency and I said, how can I help? And so I was offering my services as a kind of a well-known loudmouth that I would go to a place and then come back and complain on their behalf. Oh wow. Is the idea. What a bargain. You know what I mean?

So I'm not gonna, you know, obviously I can't, I don't have, I wasn't gonna bring food to Somalia. I'm not a doctor or... But if you do a joke to 10,000 people about Somalia, people are like, oh, maybe we'll go visit Somalia. Well, it was more to come back and harangue the government. Oh. And harass them about their policy

towards underdeveloped countries. So, this third world development, whatever they're called now, they're called trochura, which is the Irish for Mercy, I think and They said I phoned up this lady. I was in a car park in Ireland And I said hi, it's Tommy here bloody bloody blah how can I help and

She ran the organization and she said Come with me to Somalia Next week There I want what? And she says come with me to Somalia next week. I'm going out there and the country's on edge of a famine You can come out and the Irish government are about to announce their budget for the following year and you can hassle them on our behalf. So I phone my wife and I says can I go when she said yeah and I went. In a week's

notice? And there's an Islamist terrorist organization there called Al Shabab. I've heard of that. They killed a load of people in Mogadishu last week or whenever, you know, recently. So I had to go on a program, a day's course of what to do if you're kidnapped and if the convoy you're in is attacked by militia,

what to do if you're kidnapped, and if the convoy you're in is attacked by militia, what to do, where to hide, the type of things that you need to say if you're being interrogated after being kidnapped. Like what would they tell you to say? I can't remember, but it was all stuff like, I remember one of them was, if they say this, you're fucked.

It's like, you know. They're like, you're not coming out. You're not coming out, yeah, so make your peace with that. They said it's unlikely that's gonna happen. It's like that you know, you're not coming out. You're not coming out, yeah. So make your peace with that. They said it's unlikely that's gonna happen. It's like that scene in Oppenheimer where Matt Damon asks Killian Murphy, could this go wrong? And he says, well, there's a 1% chance it could go wrong.

Your manager, 1%, Jesus. So there's about a 1% chance of me being kidnapped and shot. But it did exist. I didn't tell my wife. Were they saying that if you did get kidnapped, they're probably gonna ransom you, or is it gonna be like, no, no, political prisoner, you might kill it?

I don't know, Islamic terrorist organizations, what do they do? They're not reasonable. They behead you. They either keep you for a long time, and then you're released to great fanfare or they kill you. But I kind of committed to this anyway. So I said, I'm going to do it. Mogadishu.

So I flew from Dublin to Nairobi in Kenya, which is just beside it there. I stayed a night there there, was looking forward to walking around Nairobi, because I heard it's a very kind of European type city. Got into the hotel, they said, you're not allowed to leave. And I said, how come? And they said, because you're white. That's an amazing feeling.

They said, if a white person is walking on their own around here, you will be attacked. What? Because you represent money. It's not because they hate white people. It's not a racist thing. It's just a target? It's a target.

You have money. So you will be mugged. So... So that's the first time I've ever experienced that. Nairobi? Nairobi. So in Nairobi you just can't leave after dark? This is during the day. Oh what? So what were you supposed to do? I stayed in the hotel. What? This was a particular, now this was a relatively, the agency wanted to protect me. Yeah. So

they were doing stuff that maybe they normally wouldn't do. So they were putting me in a hotel that maybe they wouldn't normally stay at. But it was in a posh, supposedly a kind of a posh part of Nairobi. And I said, I got there, I said, I want to walk around and have a, you know, I've drink a lot of coffee. So like a Kenyan coffee and some Kenyan coffee shop and big, brilliant, generously book some African women walking around the place. Yeah. Who would not want that? Yeah, who would not want to see that? And they said, no, you are not allowed to

leave the hotel. Oh, both. So I stayed in the hotel. The following day, we flew from Nairobi into Mogadishu. Again, we're not allowed outside the airport compound and it's a UN airport. Is it because they're worried about just like their responsibility if something happens to you or are they legitimately worried? No, this was not personal. Now this was because of the threat of Al Shabaab in the town of Mogadishu. Okay, so this was a huge UN compound. This was like a UN airport. So you had all types of military planes, you had all types of agency planes. It was

like an African mash. Does that make sense? Yeah. So landed there and then flew out into the country. And Mogadishu is Islam? Islamic? Oh yeah, there are fiercely, all of Somalia is fiercely Islamic. Yeah. Okay. Guys, I gotta break in real quick to tell you about Tommy Tiernan. He's not all doom and gloom. No, he's a storytelling comedian in the tradition of Irish's finest.

He's Tommy Ternan. I saw him first time in Montreal. Me and Mark Maron went over to watch a show. Man, that guy's the best. And then we watched the show together. Somewhere we were both like laughing about how this one comic just did a bunch of crowd work. It didn't go anywhere. We're like, I came to see his show. That was in Toronto. The guy rules. He's this high level Irish comic. I remember the first time he goes, hey, I saw you once in Montreal.

Weren't you doing that joke about like jerking off two guys? That was so lovely. This Irish accent, I forget. Comics are just comics. And Tommy's on tour right now in America. You can find all his tour dates at tommyternan.ie. I-E is for Ireland-y. T-O-M-M-Y-T-I-E-R-N-A-N. Toronto's already sold out but he's in Philadelphia, Boston, New York is sold out

in November. Moves on to Chicago, Minneapolis, Calgary, Victoria, Vancouver, Vancouver again, Seattle, Irvine, Los Angeles, San Jose. Then he's in San Francisco at the Palace of Fine Arts in December January February he's back to Ireland Caroney Killarney excuse me Galway. I said that pretty good clarity that sounds like a good accent clarity I blew it Galway Castle bar Dublin. He's doing a residency there Galway, Luthe Nah, I messed that one up Antion Belfast

Now I'm really bad. Limerick and Derry, go to officialtommedian on Instagram, that's T-O-M-M-E-D-I-A-N, officialtommedian on Instagram, and go to his tour dates, tommyturnin.ie. Myself, I'm on tour everybody. I got my new Farewell to Arms tour. Farewell to Ari's tour, nah that didn't work. It's a farewell tour. I'm on tour everybody. I got my new farewell to arms tour. Farewell to Ari's tour. That didn't work. It's farewell tour. I'm leaving. I'm only doing gigs the first quarter of the year. Then I'm gone. Then I'm gone until all through 2025, all

through 2026. You won't be able to see me. So here's where you can see me. It starts in Austin in December and Tao also in December and then pretty much January, February, March. We got Anchorage, oh no, Anchorage is the last gig in Alaska. It's the last gig in Alaska, that's in June. But everything else is here. Atlanta, huge one. Austin, I think already sold out to be honest.

Brea, Calgary, tickets low in that, almost sold out. Schomburg, Denver, doing a best of week at the Denver Comedy Works, my favorite room in the world. Edmonton, Fort Lauderdale, Nashville, Orlando, Pittsburgh, the first week of January. Portland, one night only. Providence, Salt Lake City, San Antonio, San Jose, Seattle, big show, one night only in April.

Tampa, Vancouver, I think that's it. Get tickets right now at AriShafeer.com. Pre-sale is over, the on sale is now. The best tickets are going, if they're not already gone. Tampa's almost sold out as well. I don't know, it's all going fast, you guys. That's it, that's all for me, and then I'm done. Let's get back to this episode

and some horrors of the Somalian life. Also don't forget to subscribe here. We have fun podcasts and unfun podcasts. It's all about experiencing new places in the world. I've almost had a hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube. Also subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts wherever you're listening. Now let's get back to Tommy Tiernan telling us about a place no one's been. By the way if anybody has any Somalian money, do they even have that? I can use it for the wall. Really bad.

I doubt I'll be able to get replicas of that. Maybe I'll ask Tommy if he has any leftover. Doubt he handled much money there. Anyway, let's get back to the episode. And then so I flew out then from Mogadishu out into the Somalian countryside. To see it, to see poverty, to see famine. Well, and it was so I don't know what it was like in America, but in Europe.

So our first the first visual data we got of famine was around 84, 85, just before Live Aid and Band Aid and all that type, We Are the World and that kind of stuff. And that was the imagery from back then was desert landscape and people in malnourished people in rags. malnourished people in rags. Gaunt, swollen bellied, you know, and there's very, very famous footage of this baby dying and a vulture in the background. You know, to just kind of startling,

yeah, startling imagery. So that's what I had in my in my mind in terms of the famine but it wasn't like that. What it was was the towns were functioning, now when we say towns this isn't like some place in the midwest or some place in Ireland. These are African towns. They're shanty towns. They are. There's no paved roads. It's all, they're dirt tracks. There's no, nothing is level. There's no. Do you have any sort of like, is like, is this at all like any part of Ireland? Not at all. It's, it's, it's, it's, no, it's not. It's, it's, it's almost prehistoric. And they're funny words to be using, but I'm trying to find words that are, that have associations for us here in the West. So prehistoric is what, is the kind of the broken place, a kind of, so shanty town I think is the closest, but you know people

sitting outside in plastic chairs and there's a kind of a, it's kind of a Mad Max country, you know, broken chairs and plastic stuff and people selling stuff. We arrive in the compound and what happens is that the towns are functioning relatively okay and the people who live in the towns have access to food. The people in the country, their crops are dying, their animals are dying, their children and old people are dying. So they come in their hundreds of thousands to these camps on the edge of town. You have a town with 20,000 people and a camp with 250,000 people

outside it and they're all starving and they're all coming in. The men are coming in to the town looking for work, getting paid a couple of, it might have even been in American dollars or something, I'm'm not sure but and then they can buy bits of food and bring them back out so that was that was what I went out to see so though it must be such desperation on there's how many people we're like don't amazing thing was what I was blown away by their fate that it's gonna get better that it was all God's will so a very clever man told me he said that famine is political what he meant by that anytime there's anybody anywhere in the world starving to death there's the food there to feed

them it's a political decision to not get it there. So this was around the start of the war in the Ukraine and the Russians I think had blockaded some of the, Ukraine is the biggest grain manufacturer in Europe, so a lot of Ukrainian grain would make its way down to Somalia but that wasn't happening. So I'm talking to this guy who had come from the country, he'd walked for three weeks to get from his ex-farm to this famine camp and two of his kids died on the way so he's, they're Muslim so I think there's something that'd be buried before the sundown, I don't know what it is.

Remember when Osama bin Laden was shot, not to throw him into the water that day or something, I can't remember what it was, anyway, so to have this as the idea that it has to be buried before sunset, so. So where they shot Osama bin Laden, they're like, let's make sure he gets a proper burial. Let's be respectful, though.

They shoot him in the face and then then pay our respects. Really was Italian mafia. Basically. So sorry for your loss. I'm so, so sorry. You shot him. I know. I'm so sorry. Sorry for your loss. I know he's really important here. I heard he did some, some great stuff. With his kids. So cute.

So Simon Jr. He's got his eyes. He's got his eyes. I have one of his eyes. You can have it actually, if you want. I'm onto this. Keep it in your pocket. So anyway, back to the famine. This guy had buried two of his kids by the side of the road and walked onto the camp. What's he hoping to get there? Food. Okay. Food. And menial labor in terms of, in terms of very new kids on the way. Yeah, and I swear to God He was smiling with me. He was laughing with me. What? And he says to me it's God's will It's God's will that we're going through this and it's God's will that

It's happening and and when God wants it will end. And you know that the Russians are stopping the grain but you're kind of going, you're amazed by it because the man is so light in himself and so full of decency and you're aware of what he's been through and if you met somebody over here who'd been through that, they'd be a wreck. They wouldn't be able to do anything. They'd be, you know, their whole life would be ruined forever. But this guy smiled smiling at me. And that was the main thing I took away from that was their unshakable faith. You know, God will send a solution. And it was, I mean, what are you supposed to say to that?

Do you know? So anyway, and I, so I spent a week traveling around all the different- Were you thinking while you were there we've taken many similarities between like Your guys's famine and how you came out of it to them Well again that in the family in Ireland was political because food has been shipped the English who were who owned the country at the time Crops were being grown and were being shipped over to England So it was a it was more of a starvation than a famine really

And over to England. So it was a it was more of a starvation than a famine really. And I don't know how you carry these things in your bones for a couple of generations. Any any tribe that goes through phenomenal trauma it it takes a long time for that to leave the bones. You know, people who are not physically connected to it, or it's a story, or nobody knows anybody who went through it. So the Irish family was 1840, 1845. Yeah, we got ours and everybody still talks about it, even though like, none of us were there.

You know, so it stays in the bone. Stays in the bone for a long long time. So that's the only, like Ireland is a lush country. Beautiful, it's green, it rains, things grow. There's ducks and rabbits and trees and rainbows. And sometimes you'd be standing in the west of Ireland in a beautiful valley, you know, and you just know and you're wondering, how did people starve to death here? Yeah, yeah, I just realized that. I was like.

How did that happen? In Africa, you don't know how to understand.? You know, it's in Africa, you can understand. Mm hmm. But in Ireland, it was because we were so poor that the only crop that we grew was was there was a it was called a potato blight. That was a kind of a for three or four years. The crop was poisoned, so we couldn't eat that. And everything else that was grown was taken out of the country

by the English and shipped overseas. So I mean, but the main and I tell you something that I still probably haven't processed and I'm probably able to talk about it because I haven't processed it. In the there was a small hospital in the town and this woman came in and it was like she was having a slightly out of body experience. She was a bit vacant, a bit numb, no crying, no pleading, no wailing, no hysteria, no panic. She had a severely malnourished child with her and she put the child down on the bed and the child was, you know, just gaunt,

a gaunt looking baby. We were asked to leave the hospital and found out later that the baby died. and found out later that the baby died. And what I'm struck by is just the kind of, when that, there was no screaming. There was no, she was in a ward, like this isn't a private room in a posh hospital where, and you have bereavement counselors,

and you know, this was just in a rundown hospital on the edge of a town and the ward is full of other women with 12 kids and two have died and all this type of stuff. And they just have a, it's just a different, I wouldn't call it stoicism, but it's just. How? How do they, how? It's just not our way. It's just not our way of dealing with stuff. We, it's not in our, we're a lot more, we're pampered emotionally probably.

And we're also. You think it's just they're used to that amount of pain so that they can handle it better? No, I don't think, I don't think they're used to it. We're a lot more, we're pampered emotionally probably. And we're also. You think it's just they're used to that amount of pain so that they can handle it better? No, I don't think we can define it. I don't think that we're able to, being an individual doesn't matter as much. It's more who you are and your family,

what you can do for the family, what the family can do for the clan, and what the clan can do for the tribe. That's where everything fits in. That's your reason for being. That has dark stuff too, because if you shame the family, you know. You gotta do something about it.

They gotta punish you in some way. Were there like tribes there? Oh totally, yeah, yeah. It's all tribe, it's all clan. It's like little villages of people? Yeah, but it's, and I met some of the tribal leaders and you do stuff like, you know, you go to meet some of these tribal leaders

and there's a hierarchy. This guy will talk first, then this guy, then this guy will talk, then this guy will talk. And it's almost like you're looking at, at fellas and it's like, it's, so the image that comes to my head is stuff that we may have seen of the Taliban. It was guys with the, those kind of Muslim guys with the big beers and they're sitting in the dust and they're just, they dust and they're just,

they're the king of the town like they're, you know. It's like that? It's a bit, it's stuff like that going on. Wow. And then you have young men, teenagers who have been taken into the Somali army, 15 years of age. Damn. Just lying sprawled across a wall with an AK-47 across their shoulder and their eyeballing you as you're walking past. A kid, you know, I passed by some sort of a donut shop yesterday. There was five teenagers with skateboards all eating pizza or something. A year ago in Somalia, same aged kids with guns, AK 47s. I mean they have no sense of right and wrong at 15. They have sense of power. Right. Yeah. Don't fuck with me. Yeah.

Don't even look at me. God damn. You know, and just, um, what did you eat while you were there? So the, I can't remember. It was all fried. It was all. Fried like KFC or fried like, is it like Somalian food? Fried like KFC but I'm not sure what it was. Okay. It was, I mean, maybe even chicken or fish or something.

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That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use code TRIPPIN at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. It's like a fire sale. Again, there was a compound for the development agency on the edge of town because they had doctors there and nurses and all types of health workers so they had to be kept healthy so that they could go into the camp and feed people and

attend to them if they were ill So they were all mostly Kenyans who got a job with the development agency and they were all mostly Even though the development agency is a Catholic one, they were all mainly Muslim. And what I was really struck by there was the way that the day has a religious structure. So you get up and you pray and then you pray again at lunchtime and then you pray again in the afternoon and you pray and there's no, it's not like, you know, people over here saying, oh, I meditate, you know, 20 minutes in the morning or Saturdays. I meditate on Saturdays. This is five days a week. Was it the bells go off and everyone just... A bell goes off or something and they all go. And I think that does them good, you know what I mean?

There's, I don't know, it's like whenever I heard about like the black experience in America and slavery and all the, they took on like the Jewish hymns of like Mosul and freedom. And it always struck me as like, that's what held you back from doing what you had to do, picking up a machete and using it the wrong way. Is this belief that like God's gonna help you in the end or there's all a point here?

Yeah, so you're more of a Che Guevara figure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like God's not helping you right now. Yeah, yeah, wow, I'm talking to the figure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this guy's not helping you right now. Yeah, yeah. Wow, I mean, that's a noble, brave sentiment, man. That is, there's strength in that, you know. Yeah. You're an agitator. Yeah, I'm a shit star.

And I tell you, if Africa gets angry, the rest of the world better fucking watch out. Yeah. Because you have a, if Africa, say with stuff to do with the Western way of life and the way we release things into the atmosphere that heat up the world and the place that heats up the most is Africa and the people who suffer the most have nothing to do with the way of life that's creating the heat. And if young African men and women, the way the whole Malcolm

X, Black Panther thing happened in the States here in the 60s, if young African men and women just all of a sudden, because they're enthralled to the white man at the moment, parts of Africa still feel as if the white man is superior. But if they go, hang on a fucking second here now, we've been shot on from a great height. If Africa gets angry, if Africa declares war on the Western way of life, as they're entitled to do.

Yeah. Luckily, it's, I mean, it's God doing it, and not like colonialism. Well, you know. So it's like, wait, where'd you go? What city did you go to, do you remember? I can't remember the names. So was there a place called Dugort?

D-U-G-O-R-T. I think that's where I went. Dugort, yeah. No, that's in Ireland. That's in Ireland. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. I got that wrong. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I feel like I know it. Dugort is in, but I can't remember. I can't remember the names of the towns. Yeah.

Um. Where did you go to? Were there restaurants there that you'd go to in Mogadishu or anywhere? No, no, you're in- So you just got the food that this age group got you? I was in the compound. In the development agency compound. Spend the day in the camp. Just kind of, you know, you're the white man walking around to the white people.

And you know, uh, were they thankful they were there? The kids were, uh, no, I'd say they were thankful. I mean, they were just looking at me like, oh, well, none of these gringos, would they speak Somali? I think is the language they speak. The kids were playful. You know, the kids were up for development. And I remember I saw, there's a great movie

out called Timbuktu. And it's about an Islamic organization that they take over this village. And they, they're, what's the proper phrase for ISIS and things like this is it Islamic terrorists not just Islamic it's kind of they want to establish a caliphate is that the right phrase but in Timbuktu I don't know if you want to get it up there in the thing. They play a game of football with an invisible ball. No, really? God damn, that is fucking famine. Right. You don't even have a fucking

ball but you're still playing. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't in Somalia. This was in Timbuktu, which is in Morocco. But the Islamists terrorist organisation had taken over the village. They had band music. Stunningly choreographed, having all the grace and skill of a real match. What? That's wild. So that, to me, do you see it there now? Yeah, oh football, oh real football.

What? When the dog in the pail. Just play it there, can you play it, stuff on a podcast? Yeah, sure. Here, oh, you do, okay. This one here, look, will you see it? Oh, this one here. Look, will you see it?

Oh, this is so cool. Well, they got a ref and everything. They're rewarding free kicks and. How do they all decide where that ball's going off the head? Look at them. How are they? Do you tell me how they're deciding? The fake ball comes off somebody's head and they all took off that way instead of one, you think one guy's like, I scored. Well, wait till you see. There's some sort of communal agreement.

Yeah. So the reason they're doing that in the movie is because the ISIS or whatever have banned all games. Have banned fun? From the village. I thought they weren't cool before. They're very uncool. So I had a game of football with the kids

in the famine camp with an invisible ball. That was the only thing I could do. Could you keep up with them? Well, I juggled it and I passed it to them and they got it like that. They juggled and then passed it back to me. Whoa. And I'm beautiful.

Yeah, and you're like, okay. I mean, you're probably better with an invisible ball than with the real one, which is nice. Ain't that the truth? Yeah. There's something about where you're traveling, especially in places where you don't speak the language at all, the kids,

there's like a meeting area with children that you can kind of connect with them mentally or something. Yeah, yeah, totally. Just like a high five as your currency. Yeah, that's good. But anyway, so that was, I spent about a week there and then flew back to Ireland and started talking about it publicly.

And that was my job, that was my, What, you spoke to like the Irish government? Yeah, so that was my job. That was my. What you spoke to like the Irish government. Yeah. So that was a funny thing. So in 1974, the Irish government made a pledge to give 0.7 percent of the gross national product to the developing world. OK. 1974, the pledge was made. It was a kind of few of the European countries did it as well, made the pledge. And to this day only Germany, Norway, Sweden and Denmark have fulfilled the pledge. And each

successive Irish government since 74 has made the pledge, but we're still on just 0.3% or 0.29%. So I started making a public noise about this and saying- That's what you gotta do. That's your job, really, because you weren't flown over for the good of your health, you're there because you're a mouth. So work it when you come home. So that's what I did.

What was interesting was the Irish Prime Minister was over here and he was about to go into a meeting in the UN building in New York. And you know there's always press people outside these things and he's about to go in to talk about what was happening in the Ukraine. to talk about what was happening in the Ukraine and a member of the press says what do you think about what Tommy Turen said about your reneging on your promise of 0.7% and then he gave an answer and then I gave an answer to that What do you mean how how? In the news and then the news? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he said, well, you know, bladdy, bladdy, blad, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers. And then the minister for finance said something. And then I went after him. Whoa. And he replied, and then in the budget, they increased it. They didn't go to the 0.7% but they went up to like 0.5%. So you could never say, a government will never say it was because of

the, what's the word for it? It's not activism, I can't remember what the word is but- Protests or- Something like that. A government will never say that we did this because we were being hassled. Right, the way that we decided we wanted to. So we were gonna do that anyway. So you'll never know if what you have done has had any effect.

But you can say this was happening and they increased it a little bit. They do that here. There was a bunch of, just one day there was a line around the block of the blackest black people outside this church. It was a processing center. And then they just wouldn't, they just showed up one day in the park,

hundreds of them. And then we found out kind of what it was. The community gardens were like, well, let's help them. Let's build bathrooms and stuff. The government's not gonna do anything. And one person wrote an article, and then it was like, oh shit, we're embarrassed.

Now we gotta do it. Advocacy. Yeah, advocacy. So that's great. Yeah. I mean. And then the following year then, they said, why don't you come to Malawi with us?

Where's Malawi? So Malawi is kind of in the center somewhere. Yeah, Malawi is, it's near it's, it's near Rwanda and the Congo and Tanzania. What the same aid group? Yeah. Yeah. That's another landlocked one. Yeah. And they said, uh, we want you to come there and see the effects of climate change on the country. I mean, is this what you want to do? Well, I kind of live in suffering.

Well, no, but you kind of, it's goes back to that thing of what have you done? Right. How have you chipped in? You know, how have you chipped in either on a local level by giving somebody some money on the street or. I mean, you've done very well. I get, I get why you would. So, but, but, so, so I went to Malawi and I saw the whole, that thing we talked about earlier on about how, you know, the world heating up

and the places heating up the most have had fuck all to do with the process of heating up. Oh, right. So I went there and again, they said the temperate is the same, we want you to go over and then we want you to come back and complain to the government about their fossil fuel consumption, their emission targets.

But that really wasn't successful because that's a much, if you're saying people are dying because they have no food and how dare we do this to them? Can we please fulfill our obligation of 0.7%? That's a real easy argument to make. They'll be like, yes, sure. I didn't realize. Okay. Yes. You know, if you go over and you say, uh, there are people whose way of life has been affected,

who can't grow crops anymore, who are on the verge of hunger because of our way of life. Can you please change our way of life? No way. Yeah, no way. Yeah, I get it. We're like, Hey, can everybody stop driving so much? Yeah. So that was, that wasn't as successful in terms of if that's the barometer, the metric you use, but yeah, they're, they're the two things. They're the kind of what a, what a, in Somalia, what would like, like what were the bathrooms like?

Were they normal sit down shitters or just holes? Or do you remember? Oh man. I'm sure in the aid camps maybe they set up their own. I think there must have been holes in the ground. Remember Red Fox? He had a great album called You Gotta Clean Your Ass? And you kind of there is in it was remember Red Fox, the great album called You Got to Clean Your Ass. I have that one. It's great.

Yeah, it is. It is. It is great. It's always like two. You can almost hear like two fat black ladies up front. Just like, wow, just on every joke. Yeah, you got to wash your ass. You got to wash your ass. So they're big into that in, uh, in Muslim countries. Oh, washing ass. I thought red. Yeah. It's a big thing. So each toilet would have like a tap beside the thing for you to clean your

butt. So I remember that. Uh, yeah, that's it. You got to wash your ass. Yeah. It was a really solid album. The balls on Red Fox. There was, okay, so they just take water and like wipe it out. You wipe it, yeah, and isn't there that thing of you don't, you eat with your left hand, you keep your ass with your right or something.

I can't remember what it was. I don't remember too much about that, but I think the one thing that I took away from it, one of the things, was their faith. I was floored by that idea of it's God's will, floored by it. Absolutely just, it wasn't that,

it was a sense of surrender to, kind of a fatalistic surrender, but not an abandonment of hope. Because they were saying when it turns around, it's God. And it actually did turn around the following year, it started raining the following year. Really? Yeah. So I'm sure that they're kind of going, God is good. How did we ever, you know,'s not the history I think of I'm not sure about this and I'm sure some of your listeners will know but the history of doubt in Islam I'm not sure is the history same as the history of doubt in Christianity and we mean the history of doubt? As in, there's kind of, you know, in Europe now,

well, I'm not sure, do I believe in God? Well, you know, we've had kind of 200 years of rational thinking, we've had the whole, we've had scientific thought, we've had, it doesn't make sense that there's a man in the sky who loves us. It doesn't make rational sense. I'm not really sure if I go into that God's will thing. I mean it's possible but I'm

not sure. I'm not sure they've had the same adventures in African Islam. I don't know. These guys were just, you know, say the most believing people here in the states are probably the fundamentalist Christians. Do you mean they're the ones who kind of go you know this is the way it is it's all. But there's no doubt in them that that's right. I grew up with really religious Jews. Okay. And the same thing like do the women care that they're in the house? It's not even a thought of other options. You don't even think about that.

It's just the way of life. So I don't know where doubt comes in there. Yeah, right, okay. If it's gonna turn around, it's gonna be God, of course. Totally. So anyway. Did they have a government there in Somalia? Yeah, it's a government that is trying to accommodate Al Shabaab.

It's trying to in some way live with them, but it's a very fractious relationship. Is Al Shabaab like a type of the government? No, Al Shabaab is the kind of, is the Al Qaeda, ISIS of that particular part of the world. But like ISIS is the government sort of. No, no, no, no, no, no. In some parts of the world. Like they become the ruling class. Sure, it califats you, but not in Somalia just yet, you know. Was there any stuff about the pirates and stuff when you went there? Were they talking about that or is that just like people trying to make money on their own? Yeah, that's more.

Are the pirates more kind of off the, they are, isn't it? It's kind of, yeah, it's around there, it's around that ocean, yeah. Not too much. That's what I know of Somalia, not this fam and stuff at all. Yeah, yeah.

That's the press they got. From Tom Hanks, that movie? Captain Phillips. Captain, no. Yeah, yeah, they really put him on the map. There's another Danish movie, which is about the same story but it's much better, I can't remember the name of it.

But yeah, I don't know if I'd been, I loved being in, the thing that kind of struck me was how at home I felt there in terms of the heat. What do you mean? Like I'm a man, I'm a man for damp shelter. I love, like it's slightly, yesterday was hot in New York and I was very unhappy. But today is a nice, it's a kind of, it's a drizzly. It's perfect for my people. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. How did you and your Irish skin do out there? That's great. That's a death sentence

for you. It should have been. Yeah. But I loved it actually. Really? Yeah. It was just, it was so hot. I gave up. Does that make sense? Yeah. I went to Glastonbury for the festival and I was hanging out on the Wednesday with an Irish and it was a good, it was just a really good weather one. Yeah, yeah. And it was like mid 20s, 22, 23, 26, 27

and this guy was like, ah fuck. And I'm like, no, it's nice out. And he's like, ah, really in the shade. This Irish guy was hanging out with. We had a heat wave in Ireland last year where I think it was 31 degrees yesterday here in New York. Oh yeah. So we had a heat wave in Ireland where it was 31 degrees

and we were being warned for days it was about to happen. We were told to check on all the old people, to make sure the dogs have water. It was like some kind of end of the world event. A blizzard of sun. Oh, you know, the whole country is going to get a heat stroke. Um, but, uh, yeah, so I, I was really surprised. I felt so solid in the heat. Uh, and it goes back like the women there

are like the ones that weren't in the Famine camp. Even some of them. Hot. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, like, it's that coffee colored skin thing. It is. Iman is her name. Oh my God. The boy's wife, yeah.

It's like, it's not like. She's single now, isn't she? She's supposed to push each other to go make a phone call to her. That's a joke. Yeah. So. I'll call her, yeah. Oh, she's. So.

I just got it. Ha ha ha ha. Do you think she's, do you think the breathing process is done? Yeah. Is she immune to a bit of Jewish Irish charm, the two of us double acting? We can't handle you alone,

but we can split up our time. Together. Yeah. We're half a man. Yeah, it is a coffee, it's a different. So beautiful. And they also, they're mad into the hand tattoos. So they get these, these.

The henna stuff? The henna stuff that if they're going to a wedding or if some big event is coming up, they have this, they're so beautiful and intricate and gorgeous and they last for three or four months. So they have this kind of, there's a kind of sultriness to them. I've always been attracted to religious women.

Damn. Isn't it amazing? Wow. Wow, and it's like colorful too. Yeah. Damn, bad ass. And they last three or four months like. Really?

That's why I need a tattoo that lasts like that long. What is that from? Is that religious or is that just like cultural? Tribal I'd say, but it's also, I think they have. And now they go modern. Yeah. Any tattoos?

Religious women won't flirt with you. Oh yeah? So they have this inner seriousness, this discipline that I find really attractive. It's like, you know, sexy nuns. So such a thing. Take your word for it. I ain't even heard of them.

Other women would flirt with you? I just think, I think we live in a flirtatious culture. I think everybody's trying to look good and is proud of looking good. And you know, everybody tries to make themselves attractive. So they are going to attract. And it's kind of like it's part of someone's power. And it always seems more beautiful in women than it does in men.

But say a woman is, you know, she puts on her makeup and dresses in a way that that she kind of feels strong. But it's part of it is connected to display. Isn't it part of it's kind of kind of look, you know, makeup, bright. It's like you always look like a joker. And of course, in every culture, there's the opposite. There are women who don't play by those things at all.

But, you know, it definitely exists in our culture, that idea. Yeah, I mean, in in Islamic countries, that is not part of the deal at all. So the women, because it's a kind of a brutal patriarchy. Just operate on a different level. It's a different level of... they still have power, but it's expressed differently. I'm putting this together in a very kind of ham-fisted type of way, but there is a difference. I can't separate it from patriarchy, but I can testify to its strength. So it's a funny thing that's going on,

but they're so, my God, they're beyond gorgeous. You'd follow them into war like, you know, they're just amazing, amazing. There's a lot of the hijab there? No, not many, no. No, okay. No. Different kind of Islam. Yeah. Although the

hijab must have been somewhere, but no, it was mainly open-faced stuff, you know. I'm very serious women as well, but great. Very good. Yeah. And did you, when you go out to Mogadishu, when you went back, you stayed for a day and then flew home? No, flew into Mogadishu and stayed for just two or three hours in the compound. Oh. Like I took. Totally unsafe to go around wherever you want by yourself.

Sometimes they bombed the compound. So you're seeing, it's a military, it was a kind of, not a fully fledged Taliban military situation, but it was a military tension. So they had guards everywhere, they had lookout towers, they had like holes in the runway from bombs and stuff like that.

So you had military cargo coming in and you had small little planes and heading out. So it took me about six flights to leave Somalia. What do you mean six flights? So say, so wherever regional part of the country I was in, small plane, land, pick people up, small plane, land, you know, that kind of, you're just flying from town

to town, picking people up, then got to Mogadishu. But it's also, you know, that thing of when I was in Nairobi, I've been told it's not safe for you to leave the hotel because you're white. Yeah. That's an interesting place for a white person to be in. Yeah, well yeah. And because you kind of feel, hang on a minute,

my skin color shouldn't matter. And you, I mean, Irish, you never, it's just that. You're the same skin color as everybody. Would you even think about it? Your skin color until then? No, not, well no, but no. I, I was never conscious of myself as an outsider in that way.

I mean, I supported DL Hughley in Caroline, so I was aware of myself as an outsider in that way. I mean, I supported DL Hughley in Caroline, so I was aware of myself as an outsider to that crowd. Yeah. Did you really? I did, yeah, yeah. He flew you over to fucking feature for him? No, no, no, I just, I was in town and somebody asked, would you mind if Tommy did

10 minutes in front of you at Caroline's? And he says, no problem. And that was, I do think there's a connection between tribes that have suffered. So I would see a connection and would have a desire to make contact with Jewish people, with black people, with any tribe, basically that with South American, Mexican people, Aboriginal people. Because I think once, once suffering is in your bones, you kind of have something in common with people.

You know, I wouldn't have, I have no time for the Swedes or the Norweigians or Protestants. I have no time for any of those people. But generally speaking, tribal cultures I would have, you know, you'd share stuff with the Italians and the Spanish through Catholicism. As an Irish person you wouldn't share too much with the Germans you'd start to share stuff now with the Eastern Europeans because what have they've been through. You know nobody really is too informed on the Russians. There would be a natural affinity between Irish people and Palestinians because of the history of the state. There's always been a link up there huh? There's always been a link between the Palestinians and the Irish. Totally, and it's funny because there would also be a link between Irish people and

Jewish people in terms of suffering. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a funny, it's a kind of odd one. But anyway, that was, Nairobi was the first place where I was to know you you cannot leave the hotel And I says why not man said because when they see you they will attack you I said what you will be mugged on the street. You will not last five minutes. You must stay here. I Was going dude. I just want to go for a cup. I will send coffee to your room. You sit there and you do not leave. Whoa.

So that's, I mean, what white people get to experience that, you know? So anyway, yeah. You feel lucky to be able to go there? Was it like, you're back seeing all the suffering, telling people about it, but is it like, that was a fun trip, I feel more fulfilled, or more worldly? No, not fun, not fulfilled.

And do you know sometimes when you, say you're being chased by a dog, okay? And you come to a 12 foot wall with broken glass and barbed wire on the top of it, right? And in the adrenaline, you make it over, you don't give a fuck, you cut yourself, and then you jump into a river and you swim across and you're safe. Okay. And you're full, you go, wow, it was amazing. I'm full of adrenaline. And then someone says to you a year later, hey, do you want to do that again? You go, no, no. So that's the way I feel about Somalia is that I

was, I was swept up in the adrenaline of the moment with the rocks it all happened so quickly But I Would probably find the second trip tougher because I know what's in store for me I Did I had no idea what I was gonna see? Yeah, I'm which means that the people who work there on behalf of the development agencies are remarkable people because they work there

for six months and they go home for three weeks and then they know what they're going back into for six months. So was it hard to sleep and stuff? Like just seeing it all or you just like? No, it was too much information. I'm still processing stuff about it. And I never really talk about the kids

that were dying because I still that's like. I don't know how to do that. So it's easier for me to hang on to the to the faith thing and go that guy kept pointing towards God and, you know, I can talk about that because it's comfortable for me. But there's other bits that I don't, I don't have nightmares about it, I don't have anything. Maybe a kind of a self protective thing

of not actually absorbing it. Maybe, you know, I don't talk about it in my standup. It's not funny. Yeah. But I mean, it would be great if you could make it funny, but you have to make people relate, like see it and then, yeah, then move away from, that's a tough one. Um, so that's, that'll be inappropriate unless the joke was on me. Yeah. Uh, but, uh, there's a thing in storytelling of if you, and it's kind of,

it's declared in storytelling, I've never heard it declared in standup, which is if you bring people to a dark place, it's your responsibility as a storyteller to get them out of there. You can't leave them there. You can't talk about death and go, goodnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's gotta be some happy ending.

Yeah. So I feel a responsibility now in this podcast. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, this is what I usually ask everybody that we'll do something like that. First of all, was there any last thing, but was like, did it have a smell there? Was there any last thing, though? Did it have a smell there? Yeah. The smell was, you get really used really quickly to the smell, the comfortable smell of body odor.

Oh yeah. Now, in New York and in Ireland, that is a cultural offense. Yeah. That if somebody gets a whiff of your dirty body, like what the fuck's with this guy, get him off the train. He has no manners or respect. But over there, the first day I noticed it went, Oh wow, Jesus, everyone is humming. Everyone is humming here.

And then you just get really, it just becomes, this is the way people are supposed to smell. This is the way we smell. Yeah. It's not like- I mean, if there's no fucking apples growing, there's definitely not rye card growing. Yeah. It's not like farting in bed where you can cope with it. It was more like this is, you kind of in a weird way found it very comforting. You know, it was a human smell.

You're part of the herd. You've got your western nose and the way it's been protected and over-puncified. That went after a day. protected and overpunctified. That went after a day. So that's the smell. I remember the wonderful smell of people. Did you put the ear around? I think I did for the first day or two.

Yeah. And then I just got... What's the point? These are my people. These are my new people. That wants me freeing. All right. This is what I ask everybody too. What's the point? These are my people. These are my new people. All right. This is what I ask everybody to, if you have any tips for travel in general, and then also like what,

what country's calling you, but do you get any tips? You travel a lot. I think the main thing is travel light. That's the big one, isn't it? That just go light as light as you possibly can. I have two pairs of jeans all around Southeast Asia until I realized it's been two months. I haven't worn one of them. And I just like, just give it to a fucking thrift store. Yeah, yeah.

To put it over packing, it's just sucks. You're just carrying shit. Yeah. For something you could just buy when you get there. I think that would be the key. There's a huge thing now. I don't think you guys have it over here, but in Ireland now,

School shootings? We have those. School shootings, no we don't have them. No, no. We have plenty if you need any. It's kids traveling cheaply. So once kids hit the age about 17 or 18, they're finding all these cheap flights from,

like my daughter last week, 22, I don't know if the flight cost her 100 euro to fly from Dublin to somewhere in Croatia. So they're traveling all the time now because the flights are so cheap. But I think to travel light is the key, really, I think. Yeah, that's good. So yeah, now what's calling you?

Someone to go back to or somewhere to go for the first time you've always wanted to go. You know what I'd love to do, and it keeps coming up, there's this kind of tradition in India where once your children are reared, your job is done as an earner and a provider and as the head of the household. So your job is done, now you have to concentrate on your soul. So wander, wander. Say farewell to everybody. Have an owl cloak and a pair of sandals and a stick for beaten bad dogs and one.

That would be bad. Yeah. And I'm very much in love with the idea of that. What are you going to do? I will. I would love I'm it's never going to happen, but can I indulge in the fantasy of it? Yeah. Yeah. I want to walk across America. I want to walk from Ireland to India. Tommy Gump. I want to have a gun instead of a gun. Tommy to India. Tommy Gump. I want to have a gun

instead of a gun. Tommy Gump. That's what I want to do. You want to walk across America? Yeah. How long would that take? What is it about 3,000 miles? About six months maybe. I'd love that. That would be very cool. You know I'd love to walk across, I'd love to walk from Ireland to South Africa. I mean, you can do that. Yeah, of course you can. You get the boat to London, and then you... And then the train to there. And once you hit mainland Europe, you're all the way down.

You might have to... You have to have, yeah, all the way to Syria, Jordan. And that's... It's never gonna happen, you know, but that would be my dream. But it's a nice fantasy. Just keep walking, just like David Carradine. Yeah. Kung Fu. What a dream. We were so influenced by those programs. Bill Bixby. Yeah. The Incredible Hulk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't make alone. He just walked alone. Don't make me angry. Please. I'm telling you, it's not gonna be good for anybody. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

I'm telling you, it's not gonna be good for anybody. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Yeah. That was so, and Kung Fu and what was the other one? They shaped our imagination. Didn't so much buy the whole Michael Landon coming back from heaven to help people. What was that one called? The angel or something?

He was an angel. Yeah, he was an angel. Stay with the heaven. Stay with the heaven. No, it wasn't. It was touched by angels or is that a? No, not, all right, that's what it was. Is that a court case? Yeah, wait, what was it? Do you know? What was Michael Landon, Michelle?

He was a guy with the beard from Little House in the Prairie. He followed him. Heaven. Highway to heaven. That's it. So yeah, walking, uh, you've great walks here. I know you did Appalachian trail and you have that. It's a great one on the west coast. It's different though to walk town to town. That's like a different vibe walking town to town and just seeing what adventure hits you.

Yeah, but it's best to do it off road because the roads are dangerous. I'm afraid of dogs as well. I was bitten when I was in Africa as a kid. I remember my dad, so we lived at this place called Ben Kapufi Avenue in a town called Kabwe. And I remember, so we would have six months of good hot weather, and then we'd have six months of monsoons. So in the hot weather, you went to school. School started at 6 a.m., finished at 12,

because it was too hot to be in school in the hot weather you went to school. School started at 6am, finished at 12am because it was too hot to be in school in the afternoon. And then like all the other white people you go to the swimming pool for the afternoon, like some kind of scene from an awful movie. And then I remember one day, the monsoons had just started and I remember my dad coming out the front of the house and I I was down the bottom of the road and he shouted, Tom. Tom. The Lone Ranger is on. He wanted me to come back to the house. Yeah, I want to get there as quickly as possible. So I started running through the neighbors front gardens and hopping over the little

fence and two doors down from us, there was these Swedish who owned an Alsatian and when I ran through their front garden their Alsatian came after me and attacked me. Oh no. So I've been afraid of dogs ever since so I wouldn't be able to walk from Tanditown for the fear of walking past dogs but the trails would be okay wouldn't? Yeah, I guess so. I was in Vietnam in the South South, and there's some mountain, you could look up into Cambodia, and I was walking down, my cab driver said he'd be back in a few hours, and then he was just like, I'm gonna meet this guy, and so halfway up the mountain,

he's on the road, and I see him, and he's like, oh yeah, come here, I'll give you a ride. He goes, what's a stick for? And I'm like, I don't know. He goes, you're afraid of dogs? And I'm like, yeah man, I'm afraid of dogs, they And I'm like, I don't know. He goes, you're afraid of dogs? And I'm like, yeah, man, I'm afraid of dogs. They run right at you. I don't know when they're gonna stop.

And he just started laughing, but some of them are nice. Some of them are fucking. I met this guy one time in Dublin. I'm walking down the kind of slightly well-to-do part of the city. And there's this guy standing with his back against a wall. And he says, he's not homeless or anything, he says, can you help me?

And I says, I'll try. He says, could you walk with me just 20 yards down the road? And I says, yeah. I says, how come? And he says, I'm afraid of birds and that seagull is looking at me on the road fucking staring at him he's like this one is afraid imagine that to be

afraid of birds he had his back to the building and he wasn't he was frozen so we couldn't get him from behind so that It's a bit should not go to Australia and magpie season when they fucking swoop at you. Oh really? Yeah, yeah They had that's so funny. Did you get him? Okay? Of course I did I said I would have walked him halfway there Then I went to my friend's house to watch Cujo when I was little, and then there was a dog in between his, it's a two minute walk to my house, and there's a dog in between in a yard, and I walked an hour and a half around, so I didn't have to walk past that thing.

Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, yeah, you got attacked, so you're fully afraid of them. Yeah, yeah, totally. We have two dogs now. Oh, you do? Yeah. I was gonna bring my dog here today,

I'm glad I did not. Yeah, so I don't know what it is, it's not, it's it is, it's not, it's real, but I have that exact same thing. I would walk long way around home, walk through fields, because there's this bastard of a dog that Joey Gorman owned that would come for me. They know it, they know if you're upset.

And the stupid thing people say, oh they know if you're afraid. So not only am I afraid now, I'm paranoid about being afraid. Yeah, and I'm doing it wrong, I also feel like a failure. Yeah, yeah. But we survived.

Anyway, Tommy Tiernan's fucking long awaited United States United Tour is on, starting right now. It's October I think we start in Toronto, that's still in America isn't it? And then we go east coast, west coast. If it starts in the back, okay. Boston, the Wilbur rules, bro.

You're gonna love that. Town hall. Oh, I got a concert that night. All right, go. I'm going to see fucking Cindy Lauper for the first time. She said, MSG, that night you're at town hall. Tell me about that. Cindy Lauper? Yeah.

She's a musician. No I know but what's the... I've never seen, I'm trying to cross these people off my list that I loved when I was little. That I got once to see The Cure last year, Dolly Parton last year. I'm just trying to get these people before they go. That you loved when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah slow dance into True Colors. Oh my gosh. to get these people before they go. That you loved when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah, slow dancing to True Colors. Oh my god.

You know, like this with a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With great. Yeah. Shining through. The Vic rules. Oh, you got some great fucking venues. Minneapolis, Calgary.

What do you got, I don't know that one. The Vogue in Vancouver is great. The Aladdin, I was just talking about how cool the Aladdin is in Portland. The Neptune, hell yeah man. Nice tour isn't it? Palace of Fine Arts was one of the favorite shows I've ever done. You're doing two days there. Bro, you gotta walk around. It's so pretty. It was like in Vertigo, like all the stuff in Vertigo was out in front of the Palace of Fine Arts, you gotta walk around there. Well, let me know if when you're back in New York if you want to go like take a schvitz or something. Take a what? A schvitz. What's that?

It's a Jewish tradition of going to sweat in a sauna. Oh I went to a Russian one. It was phenomenal. Yeah. The self-loathing was... Oh yeah. There's no sun but I feel like there's sun. So my Irish is... Oh Oh, it's fantastic. A Russian bathhouse. And just where you sit on the steps of the dungeon and you sweat and then there's a bucket of cold water that you're, oh wow. Yeah, it's a slight reprieve

and then back to just like raising your body temperature. Oh wow, that would be a pleasure. Yeah, all right. All right. Okay, well buddy, thank you, I appreciate it. Ari, so glad you took the time out to listen to me. Yeah, no, O'Brien's always sending me, or all these people are like,

how would you feel about this guy? I'm like, I don't know, I don't know. And then he's like tearing it, and I'm like, oh, yes. Let me, I will clear my schedule, for sure. Thank you, thank you. We gigged together years ago, either in Montreal or in New York or someplace, but I remember we did stuff together way back.

No, I remember going to see see I was telling somebody about crowd work comedy or something and I was like in the Toronto festival I went to go see this this big English comic and we I got a shuttle you went on it too. This guy I'm not gonna say who but he just did crowd work the whole time. We're sitting next to each other in the back of like the comedy bar or something in Toronto and he was like how'd you like it? It was like, yeah, all right. It's just fucking crowd work though. I wanted to see his act. I'm like, yeah, I want to see his fucking act. He didn't even do his act.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, all right, this guy gets it. Yeah. Anyway. Um, all right. Thanks buddy. Thank you. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it. Everybody. All right. Thanks buddy. Thank you. Yeah. All right Well, that's it everybody That's the episode and what a good one what a good one and what a good time to be alive as a New York Yankee fan at this point. We should know already if it's a subway series obviously the Yankees are in it It's our year. No doubt about that. I'm rooting for the Mets I'm rooting for the Mets because I want to see the city come alive and I don't mind Mets fans and I don't mind the Mets. Good three wins in the World Series. I'm rooting for you guys. Get your three wins. But everybody else.

It's about George Gooshe. Aaron Gooshe. That's the episode. Don't forget to check out Tommy Tiernan on the road. He's in America right now. Toronto, the Americas. Toronto, Philadelphia, Boston, New York. That sold out in November. We got Chicago, Minneapolis, Calgary, Victoria, Vancouver, Seattle, Irvine, Los Angeles, San Jose, and finishing up at San Francisco at the Palace of Fine Arts,

which was my favorite show of last tour. What a fucking glorious time there. San Francisco, you're coming back. I know. Tech went in there, changed who your city was, they abandoned you and left you for dead. But I believe in San Francisco and I believe it's coming back. Now that all the tech bros are gone, fashion, style, class can regroup into San Francisco and it can become the city it once was. An American city, an amazing place, an amazing bar hopping city. San Francisco will be back. I believe in it. Don't believe the hype. It's going through a rebuilding. Sure. Stunned the Rangers a few years ago and now they're in the title hunt. San Francisco will be the title hunt for

best cities in America in just 10 years. That's my prediction. Don't give up on it. Buy real estate. Go to TommyTiernan.ie for all his tickets. He's doing a residency in a well he's going off to Ireland December January February. Kelearny, Galway, Castle Bar, Dublin. He's doing a whole residency in Dublin. Galway, Luth, Athlone, Belfast, Limerick and Derry. Official Tom Medium on Instagram. Today's podcast was produced by Your Moms House Network. It was edited by Alan Caffey and the boys

over there. Chad and Chris helped as well. They rule. This podcast rules. Please subscribe. I'm almost at 100,000 subscribers which I thought was unreachable in the first year of a new YouTube account and I'm at over 95,000 subscribers, which I thought was unreachable in the first year of a new YouTube account. And I'm at over 95,000, so I'm right there. Will this be the episode? Next week's episode, Russell Peters, who is on the Mount Rushmore of Traveling Comedians. I'll tell you who they are as I see it now. Russell Peters, for sure. Jim Gaffigan, for sure. Please, Jim, I gotta get you on this podcast. It's incomplete without you. Without you and Russell. Now Russell's doing it. Now it's

you buddy. Me? But I've been on the podcast before. Who else is a great traveler comedian? You gotta be a good comment too. I mean Gio's up there and he's coming on But you don't know him so can you put him on the Mount Rushmore if you don't really know his stand-up He's great stand-up, but you don't know him like, you know, Gaffigan or Russell not Rogan. It's me Those are three how many people on Mount Rushmore? I Guess you don't have to follow those rules. You can carve your own note Oh Tom Rhodes, sorry maybe probably the greatest.

Tom Rhodes and he's got to come in too. So this podcast is incomplete without Tom Rhodes, Gaffigan and Russell Peters will be last week. Guys my on sale for my tour, the final tour I'm doing for two years. It's pretty much just January, February, March. A couple gigs in December. I've got Austin, which I already sold out. And Lake Tahoe on December 21st at Bally's Casino in Tahoe, Nevada. And then in... I'll go in order. Pittsburgh. Let's see if I know the whole thing. That's off. Pittsburgh, Salt Lake City, these are all December ones. Providence I believe. I don't know. I'll go in alphabetical. Well here's the theaters. Atlanta, the Tabernacle, that's at the end of March. Then Portland, that same weekend, big theater. These are the theaters. Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton. I don't know if it's up or down.

That's the first weekend of April. And then I'm done. I got Anchorage, Alaska in June. That'll start me off on my sabbatical. You won't see me for a while. This podcast will keep going. Don't worry about that. It's going strong. The whole dates all available at rechefier.com right now. Anchorage, Atlanta, Austin, Solabrea, Calgary, Chicago, not Chicago, Schomburg, Denver, that's a best of week in Denver, Edmonton, Fort Lauderdale, Nashville, Orlando, Pittsburgh, Portland, Providence, Salt Lake City, San Antonio, San Jose, Seattle, Tahoe, Tampa, and Vancouver. And then I'm gone, you won't see me. So if I'm gonna be nearby,

or you go ahead and wanna get a ticket, there'll be no cities at it. There'll be no cities at it. It's possible I might do one more gig in Austin, but that city's already on there. The Farewell Tour for Ari Shafir. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

When I'm gone, when I'm gone. That's it. Please subscribe. Don't forget to sign up for the Patreon. Patreon.com slash UBTrippin. I've decided to do something new. I'm gonna bring in some other people. Colum is gonna help me.

Hopefully Sagalo, hopefully Ken, we'll see some other people. The one on one alone is not quite there but I am still reading out your postcards on air. Regardless if it's me or with somebody, I'll still do plenty alone but we'll read them together. Just something to riff off and that's it. Three a week, three a month, every month. I got nothing else to say oh I do have one recommendation before we go new specials out by Sam Tripoli Ryan Long Paul Verzee go check those out but what you really want to check out is a new album by Billy Strings oh it felt fucking good I forgot the name of it already it's so

fucking good it's perfect dude it's. It's exactly what you want from a Billy Strings album Billy Strings artists Highway Prayers. God damn. It's good. I'll tell you my favorite tracks First of all, I've never heard someone play the bong as a musical instrument before that's a first That's a first Where was it this whole time playing the bong as a musical instrument? It's party music, it's weed music, it's fucking woods music. Tell you what they're gonna be a cabin song will be an anthem for people going to the woods. That's my that's my prediction.

Be Your Man is a great one. Leadfoot obviously. Lead foot, lead foot. Richard Petty's a great one. Let me see what else. I think the one right before Captain Captain's song. Anyway guys, it's great. Go out and listen right now. You can go to Spotify if you want. If you have the album, if you find it, the vinyl, send it to me along with all your postcards and your money. Of any place we've been, send me your money, or any place we probably will go. Please mark it. The guy who gave me a stack of bills,

I went through them before I read your notes saying that they were stacked in order. So I'll be looking those up. But I got a few new ones. I need a Somalia. I need a, for next week, Russell Peters is on talking about Lebanon. If anybody has any Lebanese money,

please send it to 151 first Avenue number 49, New York, New York One zero zero zero three the deal is the postal box is about that thin So if it can fit in that thin it'll get in there if not, they do return to senders, but that then is any letter Definitely any postcard go on the road for whatever you're're traveling. I wanna live vicariously through you, the way the listeners do, to the guests on this episode. Like Tommy Turner, not all of us can go to Somalia on an aid trip. By the way, Ireland, do your part, bro.

Do your fucking part. Do what you pledged. That's it, let's go Yanks. Next time, I do this podcast with Russell Peters from Studio West Will the Yankees be World Series champions? My last fucking season in New York Root with me, root with me. Don't root against me, root with me. It's a dream. I've been here for ten, twelve years. They've never gone this far. They didn't even make the playoffs last year. I'm going to every single home game. I'm going broke doing it. Please sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash ubtrippin. I'm literally going broke. It's costing me way

more than I have. Anyway, that's it. Please get tickets for my tour right now. Anchorage, Atlanta, Austin, Brea, Calgary, Chicago, Denver, Edmonton, Dania, Nashville, Orlando, Pittsburgh, Portland, Providence, Salt Lake City, San Antonio, San Jose, Seattle, Tahoe, Tampa, Vancouver. I'll see you later. Till next week, goodbye. How do you say goodbye in Somalian? I don't know.

I'm gonna have to start looking these up ahead of time. Bye everybody! Yes! How about the video? Alright! GOOJ! It's our year! GOOJ!