You Be Trippin' - South Africa w/ Big Jay Oakerson | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

SPONSORS: - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin, all lowercase. - Upgrade your wardrobe instantly and save 20% off with the code TRIPPIN at https://www.publicrec.com #publicrecpod On this episode of You Be Trippin', Big Jay Oakerson gets caught cheating and escapes to South Africa where he stays at an elite hotel, skips out on Table Mountain, and buys rounds for the bar. On the show, he and Ari discuss the exchange rate, townships, an uncomfortable moment in a car, and a feud with the cricket team. Other topics include: horrible T.V., Seal Island, and how his ex got revenge. Geniet jouself! You Be Trippin' Ep. 33 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee up to five percent off orders and five percent uber cash back on rides Not whatever you think university is for get uber one for students with deals this good Everyone wants to be a student joined for just 4.99 a month savings may vary eligibility and member terms apply You know where the ashtray is from. Oh, let's just start Okay, okay big joker sent well do your insurance a second that ashtray is from uh, the amazon this guy this fucking Early hotel we were staying in, no names, was making it out of a can. Yeah, he made it out of a can. He goes, look, and then he did fire dancing,

but he was new to fire dancing. And he was like kinda chucking it up lightly and scared. And then he finished, and I think I was the first one to realize, I think he's done, and I was like, and then he's like, thank you. He was so, kind of chucking it up lightly and scared. And then he finished and I think I was the first one to realize, I think he's done. And I was like, thank you. He was so proud of himself. Oh, you couldn't believe he did it? Yeah.

I call that one. He felt his eyebrows were still there. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today.

It's UB Trippin', yeah. Big Jay Okerson. Yeah, buddy. One of my best friends. Yes, sir. My oldest friend in New York. Not a great traveler. Not a great traveler.

But that's great, because I like having all types in here. We've been to some places together. We have. Toronto was fun, Montreal was fun. And you made me do some fun things, like having all types in here. We've been to some places together. We have. Toronto was fun, Montreal was fun. And you made me do some fun things, yeah. Blind eating in Toronto. Blind eating was great.

We've done some wild things in Montreal, Canada. Our adventures are Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you can drive to it. It's not as grassy as adventures. You remember when we went on that wild adventure, six hours drive away? One hour from Hulu working. As grass adventures. You remember when we went on that wild adventure six hours drive away?

One hour from Hulu working? But this one is very far away. Jay, you know from his podcast, Legion of Skanks, SDR show, The Bonfire, which is not a podcast, it's a radio show. Radio show. With Bobby Kelly, who will be on here too. Also available though as a podcast.

It is now also a podcast. You were so adamant before about it. It's not a podcast, it's a radio show. Well now the first hour of it is a podcast, every week a podcast. But if you want the full version, of course you have Series XS. Jay was on a former podcast called

R.H. Schaffer's Skeptic Tank, possibly more than anyone else. Yeah, fun show. Fun show. Jay, where are you taking us today? What are you gonna tell us about? I'm telling you about my trip to South Africa, Cape Town Comedy Festival.

It's wild that you went there. That you go fucking nowhere, and then you went the furthest. Yeah, it was, the leading up to it was so bad. One, I was excited to go, but the only other comic from America, or the two other comics that were going from America,

were Todd Lynn, who were the late Todd Lynn. Late blind, dead? Not blind, yet. Oh. Probably had diabetes already. He could've had it from fat or black. Yeah, you never know. You never know with him.

Never know. You just didn't know. Wonky arm and just an all around terrible, terrible personality. And there's no one I met that has died that people refuse to even be like, nah, he's a good guy. I do. I do that always, because it was weird.

He was one of the first deaths, Toddlin, that I'll say that like, and also dealing with him on this particular trip, which you'll hear in this particular trip, is being able to, and I've always loved this, is why I always thought like barbecues were great. What barbecues? Like comedian barbecues and stuff were always great like in my old place

Yes, because it gets people Out of their judgmental like comedy World yeah, do you know I mean and there start just like becoming dudes talking about football or whatever growing up in whatever city and the games used to put you know, I mean like you stopped going like This guy never puts me on his shows at his thing. Those things were important. And me and Todd did have that in South Africa. Really?

Interestingly enough. That is the cool thing about comedy festivals. You do have to be like, we're just in this together. And then the Nasty Show in Montreal was like, it's two weeks. You're a team, yeah. You're a team. And like you're in this thing together.

People who later ended up online fighting with. At the time we're like, this is great, it's just us guys right now. And the other comic from America who was going was Alu Bell. Ah, Alu Bell. Who by this point seemed to have already cracked. What? And I really don't mean that in a mean way,

but Alu Bell was like a dapper, very handsome, very funny. You can clearly hear one? Yeah, very funny comic when he was younger. David Letterman, like. A lot of people said he was over and over. He was their favorite, over and over. I mean, he was a suit comic, you know what I mean?

But just like, I said like a handsome guy kind of had it together, and then he just became like a long hair, like he almost looked homeless. It was a weird switch he did. Yeah, I don't know, but I don't know if something happened or what, but either way he was the other guy going. And no disrespect to his God, a very funny guy.

It's just these two people, Todd and Alou Belger, like damn dude, not like one friend, you know, Kurt Metzger or something. It's not the same style as you in any way, comedy wise. Probably, probably, Lynn was, Todd Lynn was probably closer to your style. Yes. Yeah.

I worked with Todd Lynn often in the city. It's why I knew he had a bad personality. My interaction with Todd Lynn first time ever when I met him was me and Dean Edwards met at the black comedy club in Philly, the laugh house before I ever really came to New York. And I said something to Dean. Dean had a joke where he mentions West Side Story and like, uh, sings like a tune to one of the songs of it or something.

It wasn't the same concept as my joke and my joke where I mentioned West Side Story, I also sing a thing at the end, like learning how to fight from watching West Side Story. They weren't the same joke at all. We both mentioned West Side Story and both sing a different part of it, like a different song part. And it was cool about the tiny overlap?

I brought it up to him that I said this thing, no, this is to Dean Edwards. Oh, okay. I'm telling you, so we had already had this thing, it's like, oh yeah, those things aren't alike at all. Yeah. And I was like, oh, oh good, thanks. I'm like, this guy's clearly higher than me.

No, I mean, if he was like, yeah, it's kind of close, I would have just had to get rid of my thing. But it's good, like, hey, no drama, great, perfect. Yeah. And I went to go do this black show one day in New York, my first sort of come to New York, at a place called La Bar Bat on 57th Street. It doesn't exist anymore, but they would do an after work comedy show hosted by talent. It was black comedy shows. This is like the black people in sweaters

and suits after work. Again, they are there to hook up, meet chicks and fuck. Comedy is happening very in the background. They loved talent because he was famous in the world. And whoever else went there, good, good comics, like who was it, Donnell Rawling, these guys would go up there and murder because they knew how to get that crowd. I didn't have the forward punch

to really do that kind of thing. But I was doing it and I'm like, oh, my last bit where I sing the song will do good. You know what I mean? And I did it and it gets interrupted by a voice going, yo, that's my roommate's joke. That's my roommate's joke, motherfucker. That's my, and I'm like.

You dancing? And I'm like, huh, huh, huh? You dancing? I was singing the West End story song, yeah. Yeah. And I go, I'm like, what? He's like, that's my room. I'm like, this fucking guy, you know, whatever. Half cocked way.

Kind of like a black room, yeah. Cocked way I get out of it. Trying to sound sort of tough. I just get off stage and I go over and I'm like, who is that? You know what I mean? I'm like, what's, who's this guy? You want to go? Good, uh-huh.

I was like, do you want, I'm like, what's the problem? And he's like, my roommate, he's like, Dean Edwards, man, that's his joke you took. And I was like, I actually spoke to Dean Edwards in Philadelphia, and we discussed these jokes, and he said he had no problem. That's my first-

Actually, sir, you're incorrect. Yeah, yeah. Let me hear you with some reason. I'm sure it's how it sounded, for sure. No, okay, are you ready to listen to Reason now? Now that you've been crazy. Yeah, really. But like, whatever, I explained it.

I have a general education diploma, do you? And that was, I think we didn't, we had to be separated at the cellar from getting into a fist fight one night, me and Todd Lynn. Wait, so, but let's go to Africa though. Yeah, I'm saying, no, I'm not gonna tell that whole story, I'm just saying like we've had this tumultuous thing. And he's one of the people going to Africa.

Okay. I'm like great, now, also before, the week I'm going to Africa, I get caught cheating on my ex before we were married. So bad, my daughter was young, she was a baby still. So bad. Is this when I met you? Maybe, no, it was a little after this I think.

No, it was after. This is before I met you, yeah, for sure. Okay. I met you when you were like, well go ahead. What was it, go ahead. I remember and you were like, yeah my ahead. I was good. I remember and you were like, yeah my chick caught me cheating and it was bad. She was really mad and then she was like,

trying to forgive me. It might be. She was like, trying to forgive me and she's like, well just promise me you'll never do it again. And you were going, so first time in my life I realized I was definitely gonna do it again. So I was like, I can't promise you that.

That was that trip. She was like, what are you talking about? You were like, so honest, like, yeah I'd love to say I'm not gonna do that again but. I think I'm gonna promise you that. That was that trip. She was like, what are you talking about? And you were like, so honest, like, yeah, I'd love to say I'm not gonna do that again, but I think I'm gonna do it again. I think I'm probably gonna do it again. Yeah. I couldn't believe this guy.

I was like, you told her that? He goes, she didn't take a while, no. That's this trip, ultimately. Wow, okay. Oh, yes! I met you shortly after this. You were telling me about this trip. Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, because it did. Wow. So I get caught me about this trip. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, because it did. Wow. So we, so I get caught really, really bad. Okay. And I feel fucking terrible. I'm one night, so that girl, the side girl, I did, she had for the first time ever seen in my phone that her name was in there as like just like a

guy like Larry or something weird Larry doesn't make her feel great and she was like what the hell that I was like oh I said the first time the first night I ever the first I ever got your number I didn't remember your name I knew so within else so I just place held it as Larry. It was such a bad, whatever. I think she was just born today. As if she had never met any man. She didn't buy it.

Yeah. Needless to say, she didn't buy that, this girl. So, but then, so I'm trying to, you know, in so many ways like, well, you know, I'm just young, dumb as shit. Maybe like 24th time, 25th. Yeah. And I'm like, what? I'm like, I don't, you know, I'm just young, dumb as shit. Maybe like 24th time, 25th. And I'm like, what? I'm like, I don't know what you mean.

I go, I'll prove to you so much how I'm not doing that to hide your number from somebody. From my kid's mom, you know what I mean? I say it's not my girlfriend. I put her name in as her first name, my name. Oh just like look that's how little I am worried about this There's a good excuse by the way. It seems like cuz it seemed like by the way It's not even a good let me tell you what's not a good solution

It was a dumb a solution You just know where now you know where it's headed and Mike it's the worst possible thing well force both same But like just that that last name thing doesn't prove, it's almost like easy. You should put everyone you're cheating with as whatever. No, even if it's a girl, their first name and your last name, because they'll think like, oh, this must be like a cousin or something or whatever, an aunt, who knows?

You wouldn't think twice about it. But my long-term, so that night I go home and I. Your aunt, Las Vegas stripper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Stri your aunt Las Vegas stripper. Yeah From Las Vegas Oakerson, yeah So I go I Go home that night and what I would do I was so worried about getting caught and shit all the time that I would I Would turn my phone off. It's like a T-mobile sidekick. I would turn my phone off, it was like a T-Mobile sidekick, I would turn my phone off completely and put it in my-

She got a side piece, get a sidekick. Yeah. Yeah. And I'd turn it off and put it in my pillowcase. Wow. Oh, that didn't look suspicious. I did it every night and I don't know why, I don't know, it was just like young dumb shit I guess,

but like it is a weird thing to make to normalize. So she, so that morning, now that night, you know, I went to bed, me and the side girl were kind of fighting. And I, you know, and I thought I turned my phone off and put it in the pillowcase. But I left it on. And she had tried calling me in the morning

a bunch, the girl. I don't even know if it was to be like, let's make up. You left it on through his buzzing. Non-stop. So you were ignoring it. It didn't go away as well. I'm asleep.

I'm dead asleep. It was early. It must have been early because then what happens is my, you know, I was reading so much like my ex thinks it's an emergency. Fair to her, you know what I mean? She's like, oh shit, this is probably something important. And then she sees the girl's name, Okerson,

and being like, I've known this guy. You know what I mean, I've met his family, we have a child together, like who the fuck's Lauren Okerson? And why is she calling nonstop? Yeah, like what is this emergency thing? Oh, buddy. She answers answers the phone and I'm asleep and they have three full hours of really catching up on all of it.

Wait, the girl and your ex, yeah. What? Talking to each other? Three hours. While you're asleep? Dead asleep. Dave Temple told me a story. Sugar Plums Dancing.

He was in Philadelphia when they called the lockdown of Philadelphia, but he was like four blocks over from the riots, so he was just having a nice day. And he was just walking, and he goes, they'd already called a curfew. He was unaware. He was just blissfully, like you, asleep. Yeah.

Just like, ugh. Just like your life is already done. Sick of the world going on. Like that chick that went to South Africa. The AIDS lady. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, her life was done, and she was like, can I get some more peanuts?

This is, this AIDS lady. Yeah, her life was done and she was like, can I get some more peanuts? This is great. So then I wake up a couple hours, when their phone call's done, I wake up with, my ex is in law school at the time still, with a nice law book straight to the face, well deserved, well deserved, well deserved. Well deserved.

She hit you in the face? Threw it. And law books, dude. I mean, I was a real wake up. Yeah, if there was ever evidence that I'm never going to like hit a girl, it was the, what I caught that day, I caught a nut shot that day too. She gave me a good old fashioned like kick. Yeah, and a real like, it was really like,

damn man, like she's frightfully so furious. There's a way to find all this out. Guys, I gotta break in real quick to tell you about Big J.R. Orksey. He's a comedian, he's one of the best comedians in the world, I'm not joking. So much so that I produced his special on YouTube called Dog Belly Millions belly millions of views check that out

We recorded at skank fest and it's fucking really showcases his talent He's one of the best riffers one of the best crowd work guys in the fucking world In my hall of fame in my Mount Rushmore of this not happening storytellers. He's great at everything. He's ugly though And he's fat and he's fat and that's why he's on this week. Yeah, there's a five. It's a five Monday September So I decided to go themes you get it all fatties start with Sean Patton fat Cuba then Shane Diaz fat Spain then Joey Diaz Shane Gillis then Joey Diaz America fat he fills up on edibles you think it's just got drugs got sugar too and now Big Jay Okerson South Africa and who will be the final fat of the month the fattiest

fat of them all Leave your guesses in the comments below. Please subscribe. I'm almost at a hundred thousand subscribers. That is cool. It's going well I'm having fun with this. I Already know it's gonna be I'll tell you in the outro. Here's what big Jay is gonna be You can get all of his tickets at bigjaycomedy.com slash live. Starting, well he's in Skankfest with me at the end of September, but starting in October, Spokane, Poughkeepsie, St. Louis, Buffalo. Then in November, Oklahoma City, Austin, Louisville, Houston, and Philadelphia. His hometown, moving on to December, Providence,

Palm Beach, Boston at the Wilbur Theatre. I'm excited for Jay to finally do that his first time. And then January is at Cleveland. Get tickets at bigjaycomedy.com slash live for myself. I'm finally starting another tour. It's time to put it on sale. It's going on sale in October 16th will be the presale possibly 23rd. I'll keep you updated. Um, these are the cities.

I need a name. If you can help me out with a name in the comments below if you're watching on YouTube I really need a name It's so the deal is it's the only cities I'm gonna do I'm not adding any cities and I'm only really touring I mean Austin and maybe Tahoe in December but mostly only on touring January February March and the first week of April and Then one gig in June in Alaska and then that's it till late 2027 so it's like the see me now or see me never tour I don't know help me come up with a name but here is

gonna be the cities the pre sale will be October 16th or the 23rd Austin Tahoe Pittsburgh Providence Salt Lake City Brea Nashville New Jersey Tampa Denver at the Commonwealth, doing another best of week, Schomburg, Illinois, Atlanta at the Tabernacle Theater where Joe Rogan taped a special and I'm excited to go there, Jacksonville, San Jose, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary and then maybe I don't know yet a version of, oh and Anchorage, Alaska in June, maybe some a couple of

these Portland Dallas San Antonio Spokane and Boise I don't know which ones yet but I will know before the pre sale on October 16th so set a date in your counters I will not be adding shows I'll not be adding anything closer to your town until late 27 possibly 28 I'm not. I'm gonna go join my life. Sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com slash you be trippin. The R.E. Schaffer one's dead. I imported all the travel based ones to patreon.com slash you be trippin. Once I get to 2,000 subscribers, I'm sending a fan or just somebody around the world. Won't be a patron. It'll just be somebody. Could be a patron, but it's just be somebody. We're gonna have a contest.

I'm gonna use all that money that you guys are gonna be in on this stream. We're gonna send them around the world. We're gonna wanna check in once a month. I figure out a way that I won't just blow all the money in the first week. I'm gonna keep putting money on a credit card. Send them out there, just check in,

let us know how you're doing. We'll talk about it on the Patreon, and I'll probably do it on outros of these podcasts too. It's cool. It's a fun thing. It's a fun thing. I have fun. Patreon.com slash you be tripping three episodes a month. People have been sending in their travel postcards. I read them and talk about the countries are in all the fucking experiences you have. It's been fucking cool getting a postcard from somebody saying you may be travel. I like it. It's fun. travel. I like it. It's fun. Also I got vinyls are all shipped out now. You probably have them in your hand already. If you didn't get one of the signed ones, get one and get them signed at one of those gigs. Grinders are on there. Some t-shirts I believe. The R.A. Schiffer cat shirt. I'm sure you think what else. I gotta get passport holders. Any good idea? Anyway that's it. Let's get back to the

episode. Please subscribe. Please leave a comment for the algorithm. Things are going great. I love life. Get off the news. Let's get back to Big J. Oak is it on a wild tale of South Africa? This is a cool version of South Africa. All right, let's start. And you have a child with this person. Do you know what I mean? Like this guy's a dildo dummy and I have a kid with him and it's a law book. It's like proving to you that she's in the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think that's how poetic that is.

And a law book. So, yeah, that's a whole ordeal. So I feel terrible. I feel terrible because I can't even overly worry about the other girl who is also upset and I feel bad. I'm like, oh, I've lied to her so much. It wasn't like she was- You told me you were broken up with him.

She wasn't complicit in like fucking over my ex. Do you know what I mean? So I've made her do that. You're being faced with all the friends you've brought in on it by like, you know, making it like it's not a weird thing to them that they're like at my house having dinner and then- Dude, I hate it.

And then being out with them. When you had somebody ask you to lie for them, but then they broke up and you're like, hey, they might find out that I lied to them. Can you just not involve me? Exactly. So it's like, I didn't realize how you're doing it until it happens, you know, and someone does it to you.

But like, so I was feeling so much guilt and then at home was terrible. So I'm going out and like rare for me, outside of like opening for a towel at the time, when he still drank, I'm getting obliterated every night. Yeah, dude, I'm getting obliterated. And yeah, every night.

So I have about three nights before I have to go to South Africa for three weeks. And how many nights removed from this day? From being caught. Yeah. Yeah, three. Three, wow. So part of me is also-

Not dealing with it, dealing with it by not dealing with it for three days, and then I gotta leave around the world. Actually, I wanna hear something crazy. Sure, yeah, buddy. About that story, I'll tell you this. When I got caught, in my mind, I was like, maybe this is for the best.

I'm actually leaving tomorrow. I think I got caught like on a Sunday or something. You know what I mean? To make it, whatever it was, I thought I was leaving for South Africa the next day. And then when I woke up in that morning, it was like, I just had the, I just assumed it was Monday,

not really looking at the date. And it was like, we're leaving Wednesday actually. Do you know what I mean? So it's one of those like, oh man, I got two more days. I have to sit in this and it's so bad. It's so, so bad. Did she kick you out?

Was she like, you gotta get out of here? Or was like, I mean, he got the kid. No, there was no kicking me out of there, but I was going, I'm out til like late night doing clubs anyway, but I go to the club and I was getting obliterated. And then the night before I was leaving, I went, got hammered, and woke up in the morning in the bed,

and I move and I get hurt my fucking elbows, right below my elbows or above, depending how you're looking at it, hurt. And there's a stingy feeling, because I feel like they're stuck to the sheets. And I was like, ow, you know, almost like tape was ripping off. I look down, there's blood on the sheets,

and I go, and I got the star tattoos the night before on Sixth Avenue somewhere with Mike Vecchione and Joe DeRosa said I like dragged them to this place, and they stopped me from getting, they said I was asking to get 666 tattooed on me somewhere. Yeah, I was feeling, it was pretty depressing times. Depressing times, they were like, and I was like, well, I always kinda like

when those stars are on the elbows, and they was like, well I always kinda like when those stars are on the elbows and they were like, okay, sure, we're not gonna stop you from doing something. So. That's just lame. Do they? Yeah, yeah, like you have a tattoo that 50,000 people have, of course. So.

We can live with lame, yeah. Woke up that next day, go to the airport to find out I have, and this is so many years ago, I said it wasn't like, you know, like tickets now, you have it all on an app and this is so many years ago, I said it wasn't like tickets now, you have it all on an app and you know where the thing, I didn't even pay, I was in a fucking middle seat for 26 hours, man.

An 18 hour flight and an eight hour flight, or 18 hours and eight hours. With bloody elbows? Yeah, bloody elbows and like you know, just in the middle seat, dude, it was brilliant. You can't even swap it, so you can't even go on an app and just change it, you're just like, that's your seat what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell?

I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell?

I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell?

I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like an aisle window? And they go, let me check for you. And then other times they're like, can I have an aisle window? They go, no, it's packed. Yeah, we're about to ask 10 people to not go on the flight.

So, I know, it sucks, the difference. But, so, I get to the airport, I go and I'm like, I'm getting away from all this stuff now. I go to the first night, I remember we land, and like when we pulled into this place, it really was like, it looks like another planet. It was crazy.

The Cape Town Airport? Cape Town Airport. Just land, you know when you're landing, you're looking out the window. It was night when we landed already, but like it was just like, you still see, it was just like earth, you know what I mean? It didn't look like fucking buildings and shit.

You know what I mean? Like when you're coming down, it's like wow. And they transport us and they take us to. What do you mean, just like flat buildings? Not buildings, just like the plains and stuff. Just like Africa, you know, it just looks very Africa. Like, you know, the shanty towns when you're coming down. It was dark, so I see you couldn't see much,

you know what I mean? But it was just like, that's almost what I'm saying. It's like you're landing in this like pitch black, just like it said you couldn't see much you know but it was just like that's almost what I'm saying it's like you're landing in this like pitch black just like it says like nature earth you know I mean and we landed and the first thing I was surprised by which I don't know what why we weren't like I guess maybe they figure if you know anything about the world or we're world leader all you would know this but I was blown away right away I'm like white people people, it's British mostly. It's a British.

Oh yeah, you pictured black. I pictured like jungle black, you know like coming to America, you know what I mean? Like dancing ladies on elephants and shit. Yeah. Which by the way, I made that joke to Todd Lynn when we landed, and he told it on stage every night. What?

Yeah, that was pretty weird. I made that joke because I did the thing where I made him laugh over it because I was doing the coming to America dance thing, and I'm like, nah, I'm just like the British white people. And then he does that, wow. Yeah, but he, so we go and I said, I'm going through all this shit at home, but I will say, just he um, so We let me go and I said I'm going through all this shit at home But I will say just these moments like we drive into the table

Table Bay Hotel. Yeah, how far away from the airport was it? How like how far did you have to drive? I don't remember was it dangerous. No, okay. No, they were but they were pointing out they were like Some strange things. I thought they were like, during the day, they said, definitely during the day, it's like during the day you should go take they do, they didn't say safari, but it's so, because it would be so shitty to say, because it's basically what they're saying though,

they go, you should take, they do tour buses that go through the ghetto, but they're called the townships. Yeah. They go through the townships, and that's like where they're, that's the place where they, first of all, they call the people who live there colored

because I think they're like discarded half black, half white and they call it colored. I think that's what Trevor Noah ultimately says, like his thing is, they call them, that's not full black. Oh. Like dark black is black. I thought you've been colored.

It's very bizarre, but that's the people who live in those, at least in South, in Cape Town, that's the people who live in the houses that are made of shit and garbage and discarded newspapers. District nine, whatever it's called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, absolutely, that was Joburg,

which is not crazy far from there either. Oh, okay. But so. Oh yeah, that was South Africa anyway. Oh right, right, right. We get to Table Bay Hotel Resort, I guess, which is, I forget what they're called, but maybe this is different now,

but it was like this is one of like the 10 most elite like hotels in the globe. They put you up with that? That's what they put you up. This changed the next year, actually, apparently. Whatever we did. You were responsible for it. I heard the Cape Town Festival was no longer

Table Mountain, Table Bay Mountain Hotel. Oh, yeah. Table Bay Mountain Hotel? Or no, Table Bay Hotel, I think. West Quay Victoria? Yep. That one? I'm sure.

Oh yeah, Victoria, I thought, nope. That's not it. Is it? No, no, is it? I mean, it looks like it could be. Yeah, yeah, then it's definitely right there, yeah. Zoom in where it was again. Yeah.

Yeah. Protected. This fucking place. It's wild, man. Yeah, take a look. Wow, that's real, bro. Yeah, I remember that road that goes up. I mean, and I'm telling you this,

the breakfast there, Yeah, yeah. It was a, and I mean this, three rooms of buffet. No, really? And then also they did like, Fuck, they put in comics up in a place like this. And again, only, and again only,

whatchamacallit, only hoods I've ever seen. Look at this backdrop, it's my backdrop. Other many nights sitting in that bar. You know what's funny? In that bar, you know what I remember about that bar? Did we steal it from the future? What? Do you know what I remember from that bar?

What? Was sitting in the corner of it, and hearing, this was a weird, this was before again, like internet could figure everything out in a heartbeat. You know what I mean? Just like, you know, it seems not long ago, it's 20 years ago or whatever. I remember seeing that, and like being able to ask

the person what the song was playing, because it was a song I've been chasing for a couple years. It used to play in the showroom. It was this guy's personal mix. He'd play in the front bar at Caroline's Comedy Club. And when he stopped working there, that guy, I never asked him who that was. You could never just get it.

The song is Whispering Wind by Moby. How funny is that? It's mostly, it's instrumental. It's very... And you found it here? Found it at that... Was that your big souvenir from South Africa. That bar.

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Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It was, it was elite and crazy. It's also attached to, if you go to the map again, it's attached to a gigantic mall. It's on the bay. Yeah, it looks like it. So, it's on the bay, so you see the open air area there?

All down by those piers and shit, it's just exactly what you're hoping. It's like steel drum playing and little shops of people making real art stuff. It was fucking. What do you mean, like African? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, cool.

Wait, so what were they making? Like what kind of stuff? It's just like wood shit. I mean, it may be like the tourist trap thing of it, but I'll tell you, as a person who's been to a bunch of like the Bahamas port and the whatever shit and like all the, where you get a Jamaican hat and shit like that, that everybody buys, it's like the tourist trap thing.

It didn't feel tourist trappy. It felt real. It felt like how people make their money. It felt like busking more than it felt like, just people just performing music and stuff. Were you walking around and stuff and looking at it? So the first night I got there, that's when I said this place was so amazing,

I opened the window, I opened the window of the hotel and my room happened to have a view of Table Mountain, which if you could bring up that, you probably should. It's one of the nine natural wonders of the world. This mountain. Yeah. What? Table Mountain?

It's so... It's lit up at night. Type it in at night, yeah. Macler's Beacon? What? No, you just had it. Cape Town, what? Tape Mountain.

Yeah, there it is. I guess, yeah, I guess maybe it was what it's called. Maybe they named it. It's like FedEx Mountain now. USF and G Mountain. Yeah, that's it. Oh, look at it. No, that's named it. It's like FedEx Mountain now. U.S.F. and G Mountain. Yeah, that's it. Oh, look at it. No, that's definitely it.

And there's like, it's lit up at night. At night? And you take that, and that's what I was gonna say. There's a gondola that goes up to the top of it. Cool. Ask me if I did it. J, did you do it? I did not.

Damn it! I'll regret that one for, by the way, this wasn't a trip not filled with adventure, by the way. So this is one of the things I just didn't do. Hold on, Jay. Sit in for a second. You'll never do it.

I'll never do it. Yeah, and you regret. I regret it, yeah. Sit in it for 10 more seconds. You know what though? What? You didn't sit in it. I won't sit in it, but I'll tell you why.

Even reliving this, telling it, this is the most involved I've ever gotten in telling this story. They're looking at it at night. The green one. It's just so cool. What the fuck? And that's just out my window of the hotel.

What the fuck? What is this? Table mountain, dude. What are they projecting? Green light. Just for fun? Yeah, just to make it look cool at night. Mission accomplished.

And it was, and that was on my window, but I remember saying, that was the first time I saw it, because I was relatively young in comedy, you know, in hindsight. Yeah. And I remember looking at the window and saying, I was like, wow, man, this is like, I'm here because of telling dick jokes.

And by the way, seven year in comedy dick jokes, you know what I mean? Not even like that long in it yet. So like, I was blown away by that. But you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't say it's a lost cause, I say because again, picking the right kind of travel, the most comfortable possible travel,

if I had the money for it one day, to go back there and stay at Table Mountain, just for like a complete, like, maybe do shows, but I'm saying more just to go like take Christine and go like, yeah, we should go to the top of this mountain, because what I'll tell you here in a few minutes, like the stuff I saw out there was pretty wild. Yeah, here's some reviews of the gondola

on the Tabletop Mountain. Please. The cable car is amazingly smooth ride. I wasn't an overly windy uh, and the rotating floor allows everyone to get a full, wow. Wait, the floor rotates. Wow. Wow. So you never get a bad seat. Damn. You can't be so high. Can you see that would be wicked. Number one out of 14 things to do in Cape Town. Number one.

Wow. Wow. Get out of your ads. Number one, wow, look at that view. Yours that far up there. Yeah, it's nuts. Easily the city's most recognizable landmark, Table Mountain, Flares of Koi, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's one of the nine natural wonders. That mountain. Yeah. Wow. Oh yeah, yeah, no, that's what I was saying. It's why it's such a thing. It's like it's one of the nine natural wonders of That mountain? Yeah. Wow. Oh yeah, yeah, no, so I was saying, it's why it's such a thing. It's like it's one of the nine natural wonders of the world. Wow, and you watch it every night.

That view looks crazy with the green on it. It's crazy. Yeah. And I plugged in, and I plugged in my Xbox, and it worked. Oh no. And I started, no, no, this is good for this night, man. Let me tell you.

I didn't play a lot of video games there at all. I'm just saying that first night I hooked up and it worked and I laid on that bed and I started playing Madden and it was just like, you gotta remember, I've just been on a 26 hour middle flight, it was a very miserable flight. Very, very miserable.

Uncomfortable, also plenty of time, you're sitting there alone in a middle seat to think about the shit that I've left in the wake back home. Oh yeah. Nothing's resolved at home, nothing. I'm just away from it now for three weeks. So I go back to, yeah, so I go back, so I'm just enjoying, I'm like, you know what,

I can get away from all this tonight. Then the next day, the bummer starts sitting in, right away, and this know what I can get away from all this tonight then the next day like the bummer starts like sitting in Like right away and this is what I will say about the whole thing is Todd Lynn. Yeah For the remainder of this trip before you'll see what the change comes In this trip before the fur of the first week and a half two weeks of this trip a hundred percent of the days he would come into my room in the morning and knock on the door and be like, come on man, let's go outside and walk around that open air market. Let's

go get breakfast, man. Let's go. Because you knew you were going through it. Oh yeah. I told him the whole story. He was like, you're not just going to sit in the room and be fucking, like, come on, let's go. Let's go do something. Just me and him. Yeah, right? As I was saying, you have these moments that are like, it's like he's a real person there. You're like, okay, he's dropping the like, I'm this guy in comedy. I'm the mean motherfucker.

Everybody hates and just like, ah, shit dude, that's a crazy situation. And he's like, yeah, well don't just, you're gonna kill yourself in a room. He's like, don't just sit here and be depressed. Come on. I mean, good advice though. Oh yeah.

Because also you can't do shit about it. You can't even call, can you even call? Calling cards. Wow. So it's like you can't really correct it. It's just like, these might be your last days on earth. You might as well enjoy it. This is so great that this story,

I don't know, I didn't even think about when I said we would tell the story. It ties into my, one of my stories in, on This Is Not Happening. Really? Yeah. You'll remember how when I'll tell you,

when I get to the thing you'll remember this. Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Good thing we told all this shit going on at home, because that is important to us. So, I'm Toddlin' Yan, who takes me every night, and we do some crazy shit. Now here's what I thought, just like, just the stuff you see, I mean,

you see like loose monkeys, or just like in like, crossing the street when you're driving. You know what I mean? Like it's pretty weird, we're just, you know, going, getting the food there. Who's driving? A driver?

Yeah, a driver, yeah. Now, funny you bring that up, the first night of shows, we all meet up in the lobby to get in the transport they're gonna take us over to do the nasty show at this festival. Names I remember Ben Mar- Ben Norris is a comic from England London looks he looked to me exactly like Chris Martin from Coldplay and dressed like him too. He was out there really enjoying himself and I mean just like partying you know I mean like drinking and having fun yeah because he had and I don't know if he had them

already or if he was going home to very shortly have triplets born and that's like that's a lot. Damn. So I think he either just had him when he had it or she was gonna give birth shortly after he gave birth. It was one of those two I don't remember. One of the most hilarious long term things that came out of that to insane like where he's at and what he's become and what was Jim Jeffries was out there but this is Jim Jeffries lived in,

he had never been to America yet, ever. He was an Australian comic that was making a little bit of like, headway in London now. Him and Steve Hughes, his best friend at the time. And so I met Jim out there, and all of us, and the first night, we're all getting to know each other, shooting the shit, and having a good time talking, and there's transports, a little bit of a drive to the venue, I remember.

And George is our driver, George is a mild-mannered black guy, very sweet, you know what I mean, over-laughy and just like, you know, happy-go-lucky guy. And Todd. Who, the driver guy? The driver, George. Todd. How do you remember his name?

Todd Lynn, I think three weeks of like talking to him every day. Also, he's very interesting guy. Very interesting guy. Because it was so many, no, it was more than that. It was fucking. 15 maybe, 13? Oh right, it was right. 15 easy, 15 easy.

Wow. It's wild. Where was I at, I'm sorry. George the driver. So, I go, where was I at? I'm sorry. George's a driver. Yeah, George's a driver. We're driving to the venue. And while we're driving, Todd Lynn's in the back,

and I think I make a joke, cause Todd just ain't talking to nobody. He's just like looking out the window, and everyone's talking except Todd. And Todd is the only black person, oh no, I'm sorry, no, Luis Gola. Oh yeah, I like that rules. Yeah, he's great. That's why I've always stayed kind of like friendly with him, like when I see him and stuff.

You know, from South Africa. Yeah. Wow. I know from Switzerland. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. But so he was on there too. He didn't say anything about this either, but Todd's in the back and I go, sorry guys. He goes, Todd's, he's just like the angry guy. Like you'll get to love him in a day or two, like playfully.

And I think it was Jim Jeffries or something. He was like, why are you so angry? I mean, he goes, why am I angry? Because I'm a black man living in America, that's why I'm mad. And everybody in that transport got weirdly uncomfortable. I didn't get uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable more in how uncomfortable they got just thinking I was like,

man, what a bad first impression. I wasn't thinking. Wait, wait, wait. The whole ride he was thinking about his blackness. That's he was standing out the window thinking about his blackness the whole time. I was cooking the whole time. Yeah, he had a meltdown in his head and then he was like waiting for someone to say something.

He was like, I should be this, I should do, yeah. It's wild. I'm a black man living in America, that's why. And then we stop at a gas station and George gets out. This is South Africa. George gets out, Todd gets George gets out Todd gets out and a couple of them I don't remember who yeah I remember Jim Jeffries and that Ben Nars were both still in the car with me when I was like when you get out I was

like sorry about Todd guys I'm genuinely like he's an alright guy and they go no mate it's just like fucking weird to say I'm angry because I'm a black man living in America when I'm like, George was like 11 years ago, was still technically like a slave. Like apartheid ended here 11 years, 11, when we were there, so you could do the math on I guess how old I was in that way, it was 11 years removed from apartheid. Wow.

So, and I was like, oh yeah, I'm like fuck, that's right. I'm like that's like. It's so, fuck, that's right. I'm like, that's like. It's so much worse, 1990, so this was 2001. It couldn't have been that early. So they were wrong about how many years it was. It was probably, this is probably 2007. Oh, it went into effect, yeah, okay. But whatever, I'm just saying the point is,

they were like, whatever, if it's under 100 years ago. Yeah, right, right, they remember is the point is like, it was like, they were like, it's like whatever, if it's under a hundred years ago. Yeah, right, right. They remember is the point. Yeah, yeah. They remember like. This guy's like, I have it tough. And you're like, shut the fuck up. Crazy, crazy.

Yeah. So that was the first impression. Are you out of your mind? They cut my finger off. It's just. And George was also. You're on a trip to South Africa. And literally, George was the sweet, you know what I mean?

He was like a guy that's like, and by the way, George was a guy like, he would do, like you can go, hey George, also our money there at that time was fucking insane. What do you mean, making? No, not what we were making, what we were making was fine. 13 to one. So everything was cheap.

13 to one of our dollars. Europe, the quid, I guess, wherever you called it. The Europe. Yeah, but that's what I like. The quid? Jim Jeffries always called it quid. Whatever, that was like 20 something. To one. To one.

It was wild. So I started having like a good time in South Africa because I'm going to the bar every night. Like down the pier there was a bar and like me and Jim Jeffries would go, and you could become the hero of the bar because, and I mean this, did this multiple times. You buy a round for the bar.

Really? 50 bucks. What? 50 bucks. And? 50 bucks. And you did it? Several times. That's so cool. You walk in and you go, you know, get it right.

Cause some people would know we were the comics and stuff. And so the few people that knew, now you became like, people were talking about it, it's like, get it out of here. And you just go run the card, cause the card does the automatic transaction. You just get like card response. Like, I mean, nights where we would go out

and get hammered and not buy around for the bar. Like automatic transaction. You just get like card response. Like, I mean, nights where we would go out and get hammered not buy around for the bar, like 13 bucks. It was crazy. Really? I thought it'd be close to the same. That's awesome. It's probably changed a thousand times over. It's went at a good time.

Yeah. Oh, so you're living like a fucking king. To some degree, yeah. You're like feeling good. I'm not killing at any of the shows. I don't remember the shows ever being great, but whatchamacallit's murdering Jim Jefferies. Todd Lynn's murdering,

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And they were like, they go, no, no, no, you should go take this opportunity, and I was like, okay, okay, but he's like, why? But I don't want to go down there, I feel like I'm a fool, like, when am I going down there to meet, like, should I give him like the, should I give him like the, you know, wow, nice to meet you,

should I fake that I know him or something? And they go, he's the captain of the national cricket team. I was like, oh. And they go, no, go take the picture because he was one of the producers of the festival. They go, yeah, cricket. Anyway, oh wow, yeah, look at that. So, yep, that's him.

So they go, you should go take a picture with me. I go, it's like taking a picture with Barry Bonds in America. And I went, well, that's not true. And they go, yes it is because you know who Barry Bonds is. I don't know, Gramsmiths. You've heard of baseball, what the fuck's cricket? There's no place to come up when you put this guy and you're together.

So, yeah, I'm sure of it. Absolutely. Yeah, no way. Yeah, I don't think I took the picture. I don't think I went down. Graeme Smith, Big Jay O'Kerson. So that was an interesting thing down there. And then, so what's going on while I'm there. I could actually tie this.

This ties in. Someone please make some sort of Photoshop of Big J's stats in cricket compared to Graham Smith's lifetimes. Lifetime stats. Yeah. So, and here's where the tie-in comes. Cricket, shut the fuck up.

Here's where the tie-in comes to, it's not happening. Oh, yeah. So again, this isn't like phones that have your email on it and blah, blah, blah times. This is flip phone using calling cards if you're calling home. So I went to the internet cafe or whatever, you know, at the business center of the hotel, because like once in a while, you could spend some

money and use the internet, check your email. Okay. Oh, yeah, by the minute, I check my email. At one point, it's the girl, the only thing I have is it's the girl who, I was, you know, the other girl, the side girl, telling me, she's just always so funny too, like, I think I probably showed that I was jealous one time, that she like said she, I don't know if she said she thought Dove Davidoff was funny or hot,

whatever it was. Yeah. I'm sure I reacted jealous in some way, and she was like, blah, blah, blah, and by the way, I'm gonna go fuck Dove David off or something like that. And I was like, I never even asked him if that happened at all because like, one, he could.

Go for it. Yeah, it's like not my business to intervene. So I thought the cooler thing was just like, like I'd hate that, but like, you know, you're, I fucked up with everybody. So like, sure, you know, whatever it takes to get back. Stopped late on the law right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're gonna what? Um, so I was like, I don't know. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't, but there's that going on. You imagine just getting some girl running angrily up to you, it's like, I wanna fuck you. You're like, I don't know what happened before this, but all right.

And then I get a calling card, and I call to check my messages. Your phone messages that are stored up. This would be your code and it would tell you messages. And from this not happening, you have 19 messages. First message, Wayne, our buddy Wayne Rada, saying that he just flagged and is letting me know that there's an ad on Craigslist, Men Looking for Men, with a naked picture of me,

my dinger hanging out. Tiny as all hell, fresh out of a shower. Just sitting there with my TV credits, like the few TV credits I had at the time, I think up to that time maybe the most was Bad Boys a Comedy, P. Diddy. Might have been the biggest thing. Damn, there's no way it's up here anywhere.

What? The picture. No, Bobby says he thinks he has it on an old thing. Well, if you recall, when that story ends, what I found out, so it was 19 messages, first one was Wayne telling me. It was Wayne, yeah, go ahead, sorry. The next 18 were dudes, not 18 different dudes,

not 18 different dudes, but like several dudes calling back home, because I guess she's communicating with a few and saying like, he's like, because he's saying things like, well how come you keep emailing with me, but you won't answer the phone when I call Bear but they're hearing my voice when they call the voicemail so it does it seems real you know yeah so like so that's what I found and then what I found out later to tie it into the this is not happening story was that what Wayne did was he did

get it flagged oh Oh, he did. Before I even got a chance to see the ad or anything, he did have it flagged. But I found out the hard way that how he got it flagged was he informed all the big dogs in our circle of comedy, the Bobby, Kelly, Patrice, Keith. He told all of them to go flag it so it would get pulled down. But everybody flagged it,

but they fucking took a picture of it first. And I said, I'm pretty sure when Patrice died, his computer still, if you touched the mouse when it was asleep, the desktop computer, it was a picture of me with my wiener out. It sucked. But I always said to that girl, she never really got full revenge on me. There was no real thing she could have done to get back at me other than anything.

Me and Carla clearly stayed together, got back together. We worked it out. We have a kid, blah, blah, blah. There was no course of action. So my thing, I've always even looked back on that. I'm like, good. If it was today, I'd probably sue her for revenge porn because the way that would circulate right now would be very, very fucking different though, I'm saying. That picture circulating. You can't put it on a naked picture of it anymore.

You know what I'm saying, but it also back then. I'm on Team Hurt. Fuck it, it ruled. But back then it would have gone, I'm saying now it would have just been everywhere. She put it on Craigslist, it's like, you really can't find it. Yeah.

If you can, God bless you, what are you gonna do? You know what I mean? But like, the point is like, yes, but either way, like, I look, reflect back on it, I was like, you know what though, for the timing, So did you talk to her anymore or no? No, that was the time that it was, already Fuqua one it. I was like, you know what though, for the timing. Did you talk to her anymore? No.

That was it. Artie Fuqua one time when I was on stage like a year or two later, also knowing what happened. I mean it was pretty public what happened in the comedy world. Because everyone was like, oh yeah, I guess Jay got caught with that side girlfriend finally. You know what I mean?

I mean that was pretty obvious. Something was going to happen. And Artie Fuqua when I was on stage one time walked her into the club and he was like, he's like Jay look, look and I was like, okay, I was like hi, how are you? And she was just kinda like hi and then like awkwardly like just left.

Which is why we didn't even talk after I got off stage. But like, she was already gone. But like, no but she, I said in the time, with the repercussions that it brought, which is basically just laughs to my friends and a couple of funny phone calls and a good story handle the well It's no I'm just saying she like yeah, I'm like I deserve that one. I deserve that level of punishment from it I don't deserve to have had that be all over the world You know, I mean, yeah. Oh, right that picture like you're going forever. Yeah, it died where it died. So it's not a big deal

but like um Yeah, it died where it died, so it's not a big deal. So I got the gay things, and I'm like, oh no. And I'm also talking to Carla back there, and my grandmother, rest in peace. My mom, I was talking to her at one point, and she wasn't like a wealthy lady at all, but she had like, if anybody had owned six figures of money because my grandfather

had like a wrongful death suit when he died. Like, so she had like, she wasn't a millionaire or anything, but like she was able, yeah. But he, so she had like, you know, a couple of dollars, enough to like, she lived very like meagerly, you know what I mean? She didn't live like big at all. And so she was like, you know, you and your ex, like my ex-wife,

you guys have to figure something out, because it was a kid, you know what I mean, it was Isabella, my daughter, and you have to sort something out. You have to stay together. Who said this? My grandmother. Oh right, yeah.

And I was talking to her from, because she called me up to be, it was funny because I was kind of like, and it makes sense, I was almost like- In Cape Town, she called you? Yeah. Wow, I told her, you gotta prepare for this. Well, I was in the rhythm, and it makes sense, I was almost. In Cape Town, she called you? No. Well, I told her, like, you gotta prepare for this. Well, I was in the rhythm, if it makes sense.

Like, I remember being in the rhythm of like a week and a half or so, of like, oh, you know, I don't have to deal with any of this. Like, Carla doesn't really wanna talk to me even, so it's like, I don't have to talk to her. You know what I mean? Almost like, it was like, I didn't like hook up or anything out there, but like,

it's almost like pure escapism. How long were you there for? Three weeks total. Three weeks. Yeah. Oh yeah, you,'s almost like pure escapism. How long were you there for? Three weeks total. Three weeks. Yeah. Oh yeah, you escape, I mean pure escapism. So a week and a half in, I'm not even feeling depressed anymore

because I'm just kind of like, well this is life now for a year. That's a whole nightmare going back to. And I called my grandmother one day, the first time I spoke to her was probably about a week and a half in and she, when I just heard her voice hit me, was like, are you okay? I think I just started crying. You know what I mean? I was like, oh no, it was probably about a week and a half in, and she, when I just heard her voice hit me, it was like, are you okay?

I think I just started crying, you know what I mean? I was like, oh no, it's right, everything like home. Soaked back in, yeah. And also, I'm like, oh, my grandmother also knows, so it's like, she knows what's happened. So, my grandmother, who loves me, and is like, you know, you're a great person always, it's just been informed also, she knows that I'm not,

I've done the same thing my dad'm not, I've done the same thing my dad did and I've done the same, you know what I mean? Like whatever the cycle is, you know? But she was just like, now, well, you guys have to figure something out. You do have a kid together. You have a kid together and blah, blah, blah. So she goes, if she wants to do it,

I'm gonna fly Carla, my ex, out there. To South Africa? You can't afford that. I can't. My grandmother said, I'll do that. To save her out there. Damn, let's play the rules. So you guys could at least, you're away from the world.

She goes, you get to solve this without everybody in your ears. You know what I mean? Just you and her can flush this out. And when I called Carla, I was kind of like, do you want to do this? She was like, you know. I was like just you and her can flush this out And when I called Carla, I was kind of like do you want to do this? She was like, you know, I was like you're coming out here though. Look we have to be like civil immediately Because we're sharing a room. We're doing it. You know, I mean, it's like so this has to be discussed and like, you know We have to so we talked a little bit on the phone

Leading up to it. Yeah him out when I saw her. I was so thrilled to see her really. Oh Yeah, it was just like just a hugger. I mean look this last time when I saw her, I was so thrilled to see her. Really? Oh, it was just like, just a hugger. I mean, look, the last time I saw her, she was like throwing a bucket of coconut. She came out? Yeah. Wow. She came out, yeah, and we had right out of the gates,

like, for the last week, she was there for the last week. In South Africa. South Africa. She came out for the first couple days. This is all Cape Town? Pretty much. All Cape Town. So while she gets there, I'm even more now,

let's go do the things. And we drive through the township, and we go to Seal Island, which is the one place, I think, in the whole world where the sharks breach the waters to get the seals. Yeah Like the seals are just kind of on this little pad like the sharks will jump out seal islands called And we went there and looked at all that shit and like where they take the fresh fish out of the water and cut them up

We went to a a dinner. Yeah We went to a dinner at this fucking beautiful place. I mean, we ate, it was like carpaccio and all this like fucking like, it was like this crazy fish that comes on a thing and swords and you know, they present the food and everything, like 25 bucks total for us.

Wow. To eat there, cause you know, cause it's like, it's a couple hundred bucks or something. You know? You saw the sharks jump up and grab at seals? No, we didn't see it happen We went where we went on a whale watching trip Jim Jeffries and his girlfriend at the time

Came on that with us 100% of the people on the boat besides me and the person driving. Yeah got seasick Oh really? I mean down for it and And I was the only person that was fine. And there was no whales, just some penguins we saw. That was kind of a bummer. I was like, oh, I thought that you could like that. I was like, maybe we should have done the shark cage if we're gonna do that.

You would have done the shark cage? Probably, it was too expensive. I couldn't afford it is what it was also though. Even with the exchange rate, it was like pretty expensive. You would have done it? I think so. Get in a bathing suit and go in a fucking cage? Sure, I think so. I think that'd be something go in a fucking cage? Sure, I think so.

I think that'd be something to see, man, like a shark coming at you. They can't hurt you, so like. I guess, but except you see videos of them that can. Well, if I saw those videos, I probably wouldn't do it. It's the fucking, if their feet could get through, it's like kinda open and then they'll getcha. Yeah, if you put your foot down, it goes through.

Yeah. Yeah, the holes are too big. Make those rails tighter. You shouldn't be able to get a toe through. Why are the goddamn holes so big? The fucking mesh. So, we went to Cape Point, where the two oceans meet and you see,

it's almost like it creates, it's pretty neat. You walk up these crazy old steps to get to it. So we're seeing all this cool stuff. We went to a real street fair. Like we went into like the township areas and bought like gifts for home. Like that I think were borderline illegal. Like we bought like, like they weren't even that expensive.

Dex's exchange rate was good there. And you could barter. Angelo Sorakis, you know who he is? Yeah, the Greek guy? Yeah, he was out there also. And I met him out there. He was doing a different, he wasn't doing a nasty show. He was just on the festival too.

And I became like, he was very friendly guy. So we became friendly with him. And he took us to the, he took us to his place because he's been there a lot. He travels like that a lot. So he knew how to barter and like, we got like for gifts for people. And I'm broke at the time.

Multiple ivory chessboards with chess pieces, ivory, like illegal. For sure. I got like, Vecchione, a cool, like a couple of those, like the wooden mask, but you're just watching them make them, like there. Yeah, dude, I love that kind of shit. That was neat.

So I was able to, we did all these cool things, and then one night. You're gonna get yourself a whites wall. One night, like one of the last couple nights we were there, you know, my ex was with me and we go to the bar, I go, watch how cool this is. So, round for the whole bar, and we get the bar, and we're drinking, we're having a good time,

and that good time just devolved that night. That's what I was telling you that night about. We started talking about it drunkenly, which definitely shouldn't have happened. And it just went insanely terrible. And then, like I said, when that conversation went bad, it was like, are you ready to stop doing this? And I was like, I don't think I am.

But I was like, but why don't we both? We could do stuff together maybe and try some wilder shit. And then she was like, yeah, but like I quickly just discovered like she was just doing that sort of for me. You know what I mean? Like she didn't, I don't think she was really into doing that.

You went from hell to vacation, to a honeymoon, then to a, whatever. Back to a breakup, yeah. Back to life. Oh man, that was the other, another guilt thing that laid on while I was out there. She worked at the comic strip at the time. And the comic strip, she was going there upset.

Cause of me, you know what I mean? It's me, it's my fault. This one's like, there's no, I can't put any of this on her. If she would have done this better, this wouldn't. You know, this is like all me. And she's just bummed and sad at work. And it works also her social world.

Like she knows all those girls forever. They work there. Comics trip at the time. And they fucking fired her. Almost in a way of like, well we can't have her here like crying all the time. And Jay's gonna be working here. So I was like, so then I went to the club

and I got shitty with the club, like I cursed the club out. Like what are you doing? Yeah, dude, it was so bad. That doesn't help me to fire her. They brought her back, I think, but it was just like a weird, it was all going so haywire. But no, then we went home and it was like,

look, it was definitely Rocky. And I said, and then it just like, you know, you just went, but I'm happy about what we did for sure together well, I think, is we raised our daughter, you know what I mean? Because that would have been the difference. But that would have been the difference of, what'd you say?

I think that's actually the only thing I think you did wrong. You did wrong. I think she came out rotten. But what you, but what she, because that was her as a baby and me as a kid. Oh, right. You know what, I mean like I'm 24 She's one it's so retarded that you could actually have get even into that situation. So I think just So she's she Isabella was one. Yeah, and me and Carla were like in our super early 20s so that's I'm saying it's a thing where like

You know, what would that how bad that was, I'm so happy like the time it bought Isabella having like her family like together in there. Cause that bought, it was 12 more years almost. 11 more years that I was there until I left. Which was still difficult when I left, but I'm saying she at least like, she had a child, like you know,

most of her school years was coming home to me getting her from the bus or her mom or whoever. You know what I mean? Like, everyone was together. Yeah. It saved her. South Africa, it bought us 11 fucking years. I've like, by the way, great years,

some great years in there. If not for the Black Uprising, none of that would have happened. If it wasn't for the Black Uprising. Yeah, then that wouldn't have happened. Yeah, yeah. It would have just stayed broken up and your daughter would have had a tougher upbringing. Who knows what she'd be into now. Who the Christ knows. Look at these side effects

of a great... I remember in my Mennon of Depression, me and Todd Lynn sitting in a room debating, calling prostitutes, and then really having a come to Jesus sitting there talking moment, he goes, wait, I think this is where AIDS is from. Let's not dance the most dangerous dance at HQ. You know what I mean? AIDS, HQ. Let's wrap this up. Hell yeah. That was a great trip.

Okay. I mean, it was a great trip. I kept wanting to go like telling them about South Africa, but this was the fucking trip. It's really, it's really what I was going through through that and the things that like, tell me more about South Africa, but this was the fucking trip. No, it was great. It was really what I was going through through that and the things that like, I said, going through that amazingly terrible time, and then but also like going outside

and watching a person like make these fucking dolls with like their children also like making them and like they're just cool, you know what I mean? Yeah. That was the first time I saw, I went, whatever. You can look this up, I actually looked this up, I'm curious to see. Yeah. What's, is it Fever Pitch? Is that the Jimmy Fallon? saw, I went, whatever. You can look this up, actually look this up, I'm curious to see. Is it Fever Pitch, is that the Jimmy Fallon?

Yeah, Fever Pitch. With Drew Barrymore? Look up what it was called in other countries. It was a different name. The Perfect Catch. The Perfect Catch, boom, there it is. That's what it was called out there. I saw it on the thing, I was like, wait, isn't this,

because it just came out in the theaters, but I was like, wait, that's the Fallon and Drew Barrymore. Like, that's, I go, it's not called that. I remember seeing that. Do you know what, do you know what Groundhog Day was called in Israel? Uh-uh. Because they don't have, in this they don't have pitching.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So they're like, I don't know, make it about something else. In Israel they don't have the Groundhog Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see you again tomorrow. Really? Yeah.

That's a better name. Yeah, it's not bad. It's not a better name. Well, thanks for having me, man. Yeah. It's always so fun. Yeah, it's not bad. It's not a better name. Well, thanks for having me, man. Yeah. It's always so fun. Yeah, yeah. You got any travel tips?

Travel tips. They don't have the most mind changing. No, the dumbest thing I say, like, have a lot of chords. You need chords. That's not bad. Prep. That's not bad.

It's to me, it's prep. It's the dumbest prep. When I started going on tour buses even, the most powerful guy was the guy that goes I have a cord for that. I have the spray or a cream or If you get this. The different plugs. It was like let me just get one ahead of time so you're not stuck. Just half. Because by the way the first time I went to Australia, I plugged my Xbox 360 in and it exploded. They have like a surge protector on that that popped and sparked and made a little flame,

it was crazy. So prepared. Okay, not bad. I also ask people about regrets or if you can tell anybody but I'll just read these for you, these are your regrets. The Cape Town gondola, this is a must if you're in Cape Town, the view is extraordinary, caps. The ride is very fast out the mountain,

the other option up the mountain. The other option is the hike. We need more time and good physical condition to climb up. The Cape Away is a very short ride at the top, but it's amazing up there. Damn. Yeah. Damn.

There's a little food and drink restaurant at the top. No. Yeah. Oh wait, read more, because is that what it says? We plan to walk up the top, whatever. The beautiful views, the entire ribbon, still excellent opportunity. There is, there's a beautiful food, I didn't know that.

Yeah, food and buffet. But I'll say also that Table Mountain Hotel, Table Bay Hotel is the only hotel I've ever seen that included in the thing where I said there's that breakfast buffet. You can go back down, there's like a 5 p.m. like lunch one also, that's like a full. And it's just like if you're staying at the hotel.

Like, by the way, it's a buffet, but also the menus, but it's included in your stay in the hotel as that restaurant's part of your stay. It was the most, what they had the worst of in the world, TV, horrible, horrible TV. They have their own channels. Or bad channels, okay. Channels, they have a prank show that was called the sucker squad.

Sucker squad, and they do pranks that go nowhere. And then they look at you and they point at a camera and go, you suckers. So it would be like, they'd be like a guy walk up with a trench coat and go like, would you like to buy some tea? And it's like tea bags and it's like, wait, do I want to buy tea?

Would you like to buy some tea? And they're like, why would I buy tea off the street from you? And they're like, suckas! And it wasn't ironic, it was like, that was the comedy. So needless to say, they didn't get me there. I ain't gonna play Sun satay. That sounds fucking awesome All right, good one. Go follow big j oaks and comedy comm no big comedy big j comedy comm

Watch dog special dog belly. Sorry here if you're watching this it'll be the same platform if you're listening It's an on the internet. Hell. Yeah dog belly produced by our issue fear You spy rush fear and I need a better credit. Helped made by? I say executive produced by. Yeah, I know, but it's different though. No, but that's good, that's like the Michael Bay. It is.

Where Michael Bay's name's before the movie almost. Right, right, oh yeah, maybe I'll get like first five minutes of specials from now on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my name. It's like, get your drinks ready, watch this. What you really should do, which would be funny for your future production endeavors,

is you should make an obnoxious, do you know, Family Guy's made fun of it before, but do you know like the, like an Amble Entertainment like has become eventually like the kid actually walks to the creek and sits on the thing and throws a fish around, and then it becomes Amble Entertainment picture? Like you have to just, like the longest,

like a day in the life of Ari, and then at the end, be like, and just like look at the camera last second, it's like, Shafir, you know, whatever, it's like, what, it's just five minutes of something. Oh, this wasn't the thing? Yes, this isn't the show. Oh, all right, well guys, that was the episode. That was very interesting.

That's a kind, that is is I told next week's guest about this this episode as a version of like, Hey, it doesn't have to be just like places and foods and stuff like that. It's be like, how'd you get there? What'd you legitimately do there? The J getting to South Africa in this way and experiencing this way is kind of what this podcast is about. If you're going for like, Oh, now I'll know what to do in South Africa. You're not going to get that. It's not about that, it's about his trip. Today's episode is edited, I think by Chris Larsen did this one. Could be Alan Caffey, I think it's Chris Larsen though. It's produced by

Your Moms House Network. It's a friend of mine who was so successful, he started a whole network and so successfully, he give his degenerate friends who never buckle down an opportunity his name is Tom Segura he's Latino how come he isn't on the show will he be the final fat no he's not fat anymore sorry Tom I know you wanted to do the last week of a fat September but you can't because you're not fat anymore you blew it you blew it you blew it while your friend who stayed fat blew a 1.2 on the breathalyzer when he got pulled over and he told the cops, hey let me off the hook because I can get you free tickets to one of my arena shows.

Big J don't forget he's in Spokane, Poughkeepsie, St. Louis, Buffalo, Oklahoma City, Austin, Louisville, Houston, Philadelphia, Providence, Palm Beach, Boston and Cleveland. Get tickets at bigjcomedy.com slash live. God, can you imagine getting caught cheating and then fucking leaving the fucking free world? I mean with no access. What a time and just seeing him relive it. Some of these guys have these stories that are like, it's like when Joey Diaz was talking about skiing and I'm like, I've known you for 20 plus years. How have I never known you skied?

And not just you skied, but he was a bum, a ski bum. Shane Gillis, nobody's heard that version of Spain from him and no one's heard this version of fucking Big J about South Africa, it's a wild fucking tale. My presale, don't forget, we'll start, sign up. And no one's heard this version of Big J about South Africa. It's a wild fucking tale. My pre-sale, don't forget, we'll start. Sign up, subscribe to this podcast. Do me a favor, subscribe to this podcast.

I'm gonna keep talking while I go get one of the postcards that I've gotten and I'm gonna not read it here, but I'll read it there. Yeah, I'm getting all these fucking postcards and I'm gonna read them all in the fucking air. I know this is unprofessional. Oh, you know what? I got some fucking money too. I got some money. People send me all this shit guys. This is just the latest one. You can send anything to you be tripping. One five one first Avenue number one 49 New York, New York, one zero zero zero

three. This one's a thank you for wrecking Sean Patton. It's just a love rocket s Amy I don't know it's Gettysburg. I'm not gonna do that one on the patreon because Gettysburg is in America and I try to do foreign ones. Actually you know what I'll do stuff from fucking America too for stuff like Gettysburg. You know what? Yeah. This is iconic enough. I'll decide later, actually.

So I do these on the outros. No, I'm sorry. I'll do this on Patreon. Patreon.com slash ubtrippin. Let's see here. Let's get a good one. Well, tell you what. Hey, I watched the Greece episode on my way to Greece. Yo, Ari. Greetings from Florida. Well, okay.

I watched the Greece episode on my way to Greece. It was awesome. Sorry I didn't buy a postcard there. Yeah. What the fuck, bro? I didn't know. I'm from New York but live in st. pete Florida I saw you at Prospect Park once from Veronica you'd be tripping 1 5 1 first Avenue number 49 New York New York 1 0 0 0 3 now guys some people

scratch from out there in the world I've decided now this ain't going up and that one ain't going up I do appreciate it I put stickers on it that's nice still not going up on the wall. I have a whole wall you can see in the UB trip and Patreon. Um, have you guessed yet who's the final fat is? No, wait, I thought I had, I thought there was money in one. Money in one of these? Guys, this is too disorganized.

Jap Japan! The Japans! Wow. Japanese currency, 50 yen, 10,000 yen. Oh, this is badass. Have so far. I'd love to share. This looks like a second second one Anyway, where was the money? I want to put it the money up on on there I'll tell you who next week is. How about that? But I just fucking tell you Can't find it

It's Davros Stavros Halkas I can't find it. It's Stavros. Stavros Halkias. Going to Greece, of course. And that was in a similar vein to this episode where it's not so much the travel guide, which he actually was my travel guide in Greece when I went. It's more experiential as shit for him. Did somebody send me money?

I really would like to start putting bills up. It's not about the cash, by the way. Yes! Yes! Bank of Korea. Oh, bad ass. Bad ass. Oh, bad ass! Bad ass! Oh, that's going on that wall.

Look at this fucking warrior dude. Look at this fucking warrior dude. Bank of Korea, that is fucking cool. Oh, that's going up on the wall there. Okay, that'll be on the behind the guest's fucking head. Java, a postcard from Java, the Garden of East Java. That's Indonesia. I know where that is. The land of eternal summer. This is also cool. Look at this fucking thing. You be tripping. 151 First Avenue, number 49, New York, New York, 1003. This warrants reading on the podcast.

Oh, I want to fill up that whole fucking wall with bills from everywhere. Especially places we've been, which means I got a Korea episode. Is this North or South? It's gotta be South, right? Who's been to South Korea? Anybody? Any comics been to South Korea? Any big names been to South Korea? Please let me know. Oh, leave your fucking guest suggestions in the comments below. They've really helped. I'm trying to get John Ronson on. A great writer and a fucking podcaster. John, if you're listening,, we can bank it. I'll put it out when your book comes out.

Um, hope you get my Japan postcards with bills taped in between. Oh, same fucking dude. The bills. We got a Japan episode coming that I did in Romania. Maybe that'll be soon. I gotta get Hamilton Morris his episode out. I gotta get Julia Galarotti. I got a Rolf Potts, Mark Agnion. Soda's got another one coming. We're getting some good ones. Hope you get my Japan postcard. 26824. They sent it weird.

Hope you get my Japan postcard with bills taped in between and an Indo postcard together in between tan Indo postcard together. Love's a bit rude. I was a bit rude. You were an inspiration through your work. Jokeys of this podcast. What? your work, jokies of this podcast. You were an inspiration through your work joke

and this podcast jokes and this pocket central Java was a new experience with the Muslim cult of prayer every AM 5 AM every day with multiple something a day. Most of these are easier to read. Derek. I'm trying my best buddy. We went to a mass human puppet show in the Java at Museum Sono Badoeo and it was an intimate 150 person room. Performers had a live symphony. Wow, that's fucking cool. I've never been to Java.

I've been through Indonesia. I've been through Indonesia. I'm looking at it right now. Indonesia is this crazy island country and it's made up of a bunch of they know the name of it's like a hundred and hundred and seventy and then now it's less every every kid in Indonesia learns how many islands there are and then the government Jacobi I think his name was that could be wrong that's crazy if, um, sold off a bunch to, uh, to China. So now there's a new number.

Every kid learned the same number. Islands in Indonesia, 17,508 islands. Ooh. Indonesia is the largest country made only of islands with previous census identified between 13,000 and 25,000 islands. Some of the islands go away with the high tide and low tide. 17,508. But I didn't go to Java.

I did not go to Java. Damn. I'd like to. Because it's different. I went to Start in in on Bali on Bali and get the map out real quick I'm not gonna ask you guys to edit this but if if this were up one of the patrons I you'd have the map up on screen. You'd have everything on screen This is definitely going up on the fucking wall in the podcast room

Indonesia Okay, so I started in on wall in the podcast room. Um, Indonesia. Okay. So I started in on Bali. Let's see. Pandang Indonesia, central Sulu. We see where's Bali. Oh damn. It's down there. Okay. Okay. Started in Bali. Where's Java is Java to the left. Yeah. Java is a giant one to the left and that's what Jakarta is. I avoided it. Um, started on Bali.

Then I went to Lombok, which... Man, I'd like to say it's my favorite. Everyone was my favorite. I had some great experiences in Lombok. I fucking started a fire like over this fucking beautiful. God damn, I should save this because it's so fucking great. I mean, I'll do this on an episode when somebody interviews me about Indonesia. And then I took a, uh, I took a 46 hour ferry. I got, uh, it's a fucking florist.

I got hood winked. I thought it was a fucking four hour thing. It was 46 hours a bus to a ferry to a long bus driving all the way through West Nusa Tenggara. Finally, finally ending up on, uh, on, uh, Flores. Where's Flores? Flores there right near Komodo. And I saw Komodo dragon. God damn, but never went to Java. And each of these things are different because in Indonesia, it starts off really. Christian, I believe then the middle islands are Hindu and then it gets Muslim as you go further West.

So as you go further East, I'm sorry, as you go further east, you cannot find, this might be reversed. You cannot find pork. They won't do it. So Baba Gulling is like suckling pig. So fucking good. God, are you coming with the names? I smoke weed in two days. Um, you couldn't get it on, on, uh, on, on Flores on, uh, on, uh, Lombok. You could, you could get it in Bali and I don't know about over there in Java. Anyway, uh, because I had a live symphony of guys sitting crisscross with, with

stunning women in traditional centuries old outfits, some rad masks. Dude, this sounds fucking so cool. What an experience. I gotta get to Asia. I got to get back to Asia. Fuck. It's like, I'm, I'm, I'm going through South South America now. And it's like, I gotta get to Asia.

Dude's barter for princess with some comedic Indo banter, dude's battle for the princess with some comedic endo banter couldn't understand a word but so worth it to stumble upon love derek derek buddy this is a fucking great one this is going up on the fucking podcast wall the uh patreon wall this money will now be i gotta do the fucking warrior side right not it says it's a bank of korea on the other side but nah it doesn't matter Warrior side right now. It says this bank of Korea the other side, but now it doesn't matter. That's gorgeous Smells not expensive Wait, it's just reminding me of something

Oh, they're not knowing I was in I was in. I went to an outdoor theater and, uh, couldn't find anything to watch. And there was a, there was a film noir, uh, in French, and they had Greek subtitles. Still enjoyed it. Didn't understand a word. Another one I went to in a, on an Island off, um, Croatia, outdoor theater, outdoor theaters are fucking chill. Drink smoke smoke rollies it was a it was a cartoon about like ducks flying south and one duck they left behind the fucking movie was that anyway he was in

fucking Croatian because they just dubbed the whole thing so it's not even subtitles see if I see see it. Migration? Yeah, maybe. Migration. I wouldn't know. Saw it out there and it was fucking great. Go to shit, guys. Go to shit you don't understand. You don't have to know the words.

It's just experiencing the shit. Anyway, that's the episode. Please hit subscribe and... Chris, sorry for the late extra work to do. Shit Thursday. I got to upload this shit right now so you can get it done by Friday. So we can go out on Monday. This podcast is going great.

People ask how your podcast doing. They want to know about numbers or ads, but it's not about that. It's about how fun it is and it is fun. And now I gotta go do, I'm going to go record a fucking Patreon right now. Cause I'm so fucking juice off this shit. fun.