Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - Dean Graziosi: The Underdog Advantage | E68

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

An underdog mindset can turn your disadvantages into superpowers! Today on the show we are chatting with Dean Grazioisi, real estate investor and trainer, tv personality, motivational speaker and multiple NYT best-selling author. You may recognize Dean from his late night infomercials on real estate training. In fact, he was on TV. everyday for 17 years straight and is known for being the #1 real estate trainer in the world. Dean has started or has been involved over 13 companies that have resulted in over 1 billion dollars in revenue and his net worth is reportedly 43 million dollars. But like many successful entrepreneurs, Dean started off with humble beginnings. His family faced many financial difficulties and he moved more than 20 times by the age of 19. Dean is an incredible example of how you can turn your life around and take control over your financial destiny. In this episode, we’ll discuss Dean's key underdog mindset principles like being relentlessly resourceful and using desperation as persuasion. We’ll also dive deep into his personal life, and get an understanding of how he overcame his anxiety of getting divorced and maintained a healthy relationship with his ex-wife.   Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. You can crush your fingers and all your toes during a data center migration. You can knock on wood, pluck a dozen for leaf clovers or look to your lucky stars for a successful office expansion.

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each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world. My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday life, no matter your age, profession, or industry. There's no fluff on this podcast, and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests by doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of XFBI agents, negotiation coaches, world famous cartoonists, self-made billionaires, CEOs, and best-selling

authors. Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity, how to gain influence, the art of side hustles, and more. If you're smart and like to continually improve yourself, hit the subscribe button, because you'll love it here at Young and Profiting Podcast. Today on the show, we're chatting with Dean Graziozi, real estate investor and trainer, TV personality, motivational speaker, and multiple New York times bestselling author. You may recognize Dean from his late night

info marshals on real estate training. In fact, he was on TV every day for 17 years straight, and he's known to be the number one real estate trainer in the world. Dean has been involved in over 13 companies that have resulted in over $1 billion in revenue and his net worth is reportedly $43 million. But like many successful entrepreneurs, Dean started off with humble beginnings. His family faced many financial difficulties and he moved more than 20 times by the age of 19. Dean is an incredible example

of how you can turn your life around and take control over your financial destiny. In this episode, we'll learn about how to get into an underdog mindset to turn your disadvantages into superpowers. We'll discuss his key underdog principles like being relentlessly resourceful and using desperation as persuasion. We'll also dive deep into Dean's personal life and get an understanding of how he overcame his anxiety of getting divorced and maintained a healthy relationship with his ex-wife. Hey Dean, welcome to Young & Profiting Podcast. Good to be here, good to be here.

We're very excited to have you on the show. You are such a huge star in the self-improvement space and I can't wait to pick your brain. So my first question to you is really about your journey to where you are today. So from my understanding, we do lots of research here on Young and Profiting Podcast. And you had humble beginnings.

Before you were 19, you moved 20 different times. You grew up with a single mom. You guys had financial struggles. You lived in a trailer park. You had super humble beginnings, but then by the time you were 25, 26, you were already a multi-millionaire. You had made it in the real estate business.

You had 20 to 30 apartments under your belt. So take us back to then. Like how did you get from struggling 19 year old, didn't go to college, single parent, to multi-millionaire in your mid 20s? Yeah, first off, I wanna say congrats on all the research. Everybody says they do, but you really did. So thanks.

And secondly, I wanna congratulate you for being a leader and getting information out to the world. And I mean, this is a time in history. What everything that's shifted in 2020 has really exposed how much we need knowledge. We need to get more educated and so many different levels to help us grow. And I just want to commend you for choosing this path

because the world needs more of people doing that, right? And if you're not sharing your own knowledge, what you surely do, you help bring other knowledge to the world. So, you know, here's the thing, there's a million different reasons, right? We all have different circumstances. And please know, if I share a little bit about my past, I want to share only, so it gives you context so you can use it in your own life. I don't like podcasts sometimes, and someone goes on for 45 minutes about their life story. If it doesn't feel relevant to me. So I just wanna tell you, no matter where you are in your life right now,

as you listen to this, if you're in your 20s, yeah, I'm 51, but I can remember being 20 and hungry five minutes ago. I can remember being 20 and 18 and not knowing, what I was gonna do in my future. I didn't feel that smart because I struggled with dyslexia. So I decided college wasn't even an option for me and we didn't have money and I

didn't have an example in my family but I knew there was more. I watched my parents work so hard to have nothing and I just didn't want to follow their path. I didn't want to follow their path in the work environment. They're amazing people but in the work it's like they always struggled with money. They always worried about money and they the work, it's like they always struggled with money. They always worried about money. And they both worked hard. And it caused them to be not so happy in their personal life, right?

And overflowed into that. So I just want to let you know, I know what that feels like. And I know when it's like to have that hunger to go and do something on your own, but where the heck do you start? And then besides where do you start, then you feel like it imposter. Maybe you have never felt that way,

but I was like, you didn't go to college, you're not that smart. No one in your school, no one in your family's doing well. You don't live in a big thriving town. You live in a small little upstate New York town. So I remember feeling all those feelings, but what I wanna share with you today, and I'm excited to dig in anywhere you want.

No question off the table, but I also know what it's like to use that pain of running away from tough circumstances as my fuel. I know what it's like to fail and try again. I know what it's like to fail 10 times and try again and get that first sale, that fifth sale and get momentum and get people to believe in you and you start gaining confidence.

And then all of a sudden, you know, you get scared again, but you look back, go, I've already done this, let me try more. So I did, I started a firewood business in high school. I started fixing wreck cars before I was 20. I bought my first run down apartment house for no money down at 19 or 20 years old. I ended up having a tow truck company,

a collision shop, apartments, then I started, like just like you said, I started building houses, buying raw land and subdividing it by 25, failing miserable in between, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of just hustle, a lot of people doubting you and say, slow down, you're not going to make it, family thinking you're crazy. I was able to get to, you know, my network, I didn't have a million dollars in the bank at 25, but I had over a couple of million dollars in real estate by the time I was 25 and multiple different businesses. That's so incredible. It's so cool that you didn't have a college education, but you just went out

and did the work, you hustled, you learned things on your own. How did you change your mindset about money? Because if you grew up with parents who struggled financially, they probably put it in your head that it was really hard to be rich and that it kind of... I agree. Yeah, how did you change to a mindset of abundance? Yeah, first off, I want to take a good... I like... This is going to be a fun interview.

I like to... Because it's a true story. I remember my mom and my mom was one of the sweetest women I've ever met in my life. But my mom, if we passed somebody with money or a big house or a Mercedes went by when I was a kid, I remember my mom being like, oh, it was like disdain because they had it and we didn't, right? Yeah. And I just remember, it seems even look back

and sometimes I don't even know if this is exactly where I felt at the moment, but I can judge it from this point looking backwards. And I realized that money is an evil, money solves problems. And I remember, it's this point looking backwards. And I realized that money is an evil, money solves problems. And I remember, it's like, I guess this is a silly analogy, but neither one of us were sitting here talking. We didn't think about the air or breathing.

You didn't think, oh, I got another breath. I didn't think about it. But if someone clamps, put their hands around your neck, and you couldn't breathe, the only thing you would think about is air. And when I look back at my parents, they didn't realize since they didn't have money and they didn't have the ability to do things, all they ever thought about was the lack of money they had

and the pain caused them without even realizing it. And I just remember thinking, if I could get money out of the way, I could retire. My mom was probably my biggest muse because she worked three jobs to make nothing. And if I make money, I can retire her. She doesn't have to come home at nine o'clock

at night tired with her hands hurting or back hurting. So I just remember thinking money can solve problems. Now, I was probably a little naive back then, but I still feel that, right? I still feel money can solve problems. We just, as a family, we realized how many kids go to bed at night in America hungry. When we realized that as a family of the last two years, we provided seven million meals.

We put money, allowed us to provide a solution, right? We do a lot of stuff in charity, but it also helps my family. I retired my parents, both of them. By the time I was 30, I retired both my parents, but it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. So I think money is one of those things. It's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing.

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But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. But it's amazing. family and I wouldn't feel so out of control. You know, when you don't have money and you got to move, we lived in an apartment house and had a lead because we didn't have money to stay there. It's like, it was all this disruption. Yeah. And the other thing I'll share before we, and you know, if you want to go deeper and move on, but the other thing and maybe some of you can feel this, is lack of money to me.

And this is one of my core wise and my life, lack of money to me means I'm not in control of my time or my decisions. Money made my parents make certain decisions. They couldn't come to my baseball games or plays because they were both working. That was a decision made because of lack of money. We had to move certain areas.

My mom, we had to live in my grandma a lot. We made bad decisions because of lack of money and someone else was in control. And I remember, if I can now that we're talking about the number one thing I remember is if I have money, no one's gonna tell me how to live, where to live, and I still feel that way. Wow, I think you said so many different gems,

so many great insights. I love that money allows you to be in control, and that was sort of like your drive to help your parents become financially free, and for yourself to be more in control of your life, I love that. So you are super successful. You're a best-selling author, you're a real estate guru, you do masterminds with Tony Robbins, your huge Instagram star. I can go on and on about your accolades and you know you rose to success like pretty quickly. And I know in today's world,

the hot topic right now is like race-based, privileged, and systematic racism and things like that. And I couldn't help but wonder, you know, if Dean Graziozi was a person of color, like, would he have been so successful so quickly? And I wanted to hear your thoughts about that. Yeah, that's a really interesting question because I've never, you know, the times that we're in right now pose questions like that. And here's how I would answer it. Listen, I had my own issues and divorce parents and all that, you know, lots of stuff, abuse of my family, crazy stuff. But with that said,

I can't, I'm a white man, right? I can't hurt myself in the shoes of a black man or a black woman. I don't. But here's the part where I think we change the world is when we just have the deepest level of compassion and open heart and just try to understand. Like the difference is understanding and listening and learning. And, I guess, who's mom's talking about it, but all of us have some limiting beliefs or certain beliefs that were given to us by a teacher, a relative, a friend, an experience, a TV show. And I think it's times like these,

and I don't want to get too far away from your question. I'll answer that. It's times like these, we really got to dig in and do two things. We got to really search our beliefs and see if there's anything that's not allowing our heart to be completely open to assess on solutions, to not just like listen, right now it's all over the media. It's trendy to try to help.

I'm just being honest. Where we're going to make real change is when no one's watching. Yeah, and all of this. I want to be the generation. I mean, I mean, generation, I mean, from your age to my age, I want to be the generation where we finally come together as a human race, where we lock arms and just solve this, no matter what it takes. And I have to tell you, I see that happening now more than ever.

It lights up my family, it lights up my food, like they are just completely wearing shock of what happened because they're young and it's new to them, but they're loving to see all this noise, right? And I really believe we're the generation that can shift that. So the only thing I'm saying is, if we really want to change this though, if my quick little message is here,

is when the media stops talking about it and they're onto a presidential election or something like this, let's not stop talking about it. Let us continue the momentum. Let's do this when no one's watching. So your question, I don't know that answer. I don't know that answer.

I feel like I'm a hustler, but I don't know that experience of being a different color. Yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah, I think that's fair. And I totally agree with you. I feel like now we've got the air time. We've got the air time for change. I think people are ready for change.

I interviewed Mark Manson, I don't know if you've heard of him, he's a really big author. And we talked about this concept of anti-fragility. And basically what it means is is like out of despair, out of destruction, out of pain, you can actually grow from it, you grow from pain. I think that's what's happening to our country.

Like we're going through all this pain, all this destruction. 2020 seems to be like the worst year, but maybe it's actually the best year because maybe we're going to grow from this and maybe we're going to be better than ever and humanity essentially is going to be saved. And we just

had to go through these pains in order to get there. Yeah, I mean, if you think it's Tony Robbins says it all the time. So I have to quote him there, but what if life happens for us, not to us, right? If we really think about that, what if 2020, if we look back at a hundred years, they go, God, the universe, whatever you believe in, made 2020 exactly the way it was, like you

said, because people can't look away anymore. Yeah. You can't just go, well, I don't see it. I don't want to do anything. You can't look away anymore. First, COVID put everybody home and people got to really analyze their lives. Like, I don't want to go back to my old life. Do you know what people are talking about?

I am not going back to my old life. I know. I can't imagine it. Right? It's like, they don't want to go back to what they were doing. They're going to find a way to do something different, to live into their heart. I mean, I think we've, through COVID. I think we were virtually connecting. I think our hearts were opening up.

I think people had a moment to slow down and actually analyze their life, not just be on the hamster wheel. And then on the list of that, when we're open in our hearts and we're home, one of the biggest tragedies and horrific events happens and we have to face it. It's in our face, There's no looking away.

I think that combo could be the ideal scenario for actual long lasting change. So I think this is a perfect segue into your latest book. I think you put it out in 2019. It's called The Underdog Advantage. I thought it was a great book. And you know, I think that everybody right now is an underdog where we're dealing with COVID, we're dealing with police brutality, we're all underdogs right now. So tell us, what is this concept of the underdog advantage?

So I think if you really look out, look through history, right? It's the biggest people we respect in sports or in freedom for countries, freedom for people. They've been the quintessential underdogs, right? At every level, from George Washington and America to Martin Luther King to Mother Teresa to LeBron James and Michael Jordan

and everybody in between, if you really dig into their past, they weren't supposed to make it. So how the heck did they? Right, so when I decided, when I have this concept, I'm really obsessed. My last two books, Millionaire Success Abuts and this one are really about going upstream. That's the analogy I use in my head

and really helping people with the foundation for success. So many times people want success and they're looking, should I do Amazon? Should I build a course? Should I write a book? Should I sell products? And they're looking for the tools and the tactics. But if they don't have the mindset and the skills

and the habits for success, it'll never work. They'll dabble forever and have envy that other people are getting ahead and they're not. So I really started obsessing on, how do I really help people in a simple way, anchor in a foundation? I started looking into my own life, right? I feel like I'm the quintessential underdog,

didn't have money, didn't have resources, didn't have family support, didn't have an education, all those things, right? Not for me, just part of it. And I started really analyzing and I geeked out on research on successful people throughout time. And there was seven core habits of people

who turned their disadvantages into their advantages. I mean, think about this. Most people, when they think about starting your own business or scaling your business, they say, and I get DMs like this all the time, hey if you lend me a hundred grand, we can be rich. If you lend me the money, if you give me the money, but think about it. How many people hit Lotto and go broke? They had the resources. Yeah. But they were lacking resourcefulness, right? Think about how many people, if you know anybody, that's a trust fund adult.

Was a trust fund kid, now they're adult, I know a bunch of them, and I have to say, I don't know any of them that are really happy or really hungry or are attacking life. I know a lot of them that struggle. Some people who just raise money for businesses and they're like, and you probably have some friends like that, not friends, people you know,

they're on their fourth raise of money, and the business feels they just go raise money again. So that's for example, also, a resources, but not the sourcefulness. So if we go back to that, what if life happens for us? What if God, the universe, whatever you believe in, set these obstacles in your way to see if you are worthy

to gain the success you desire, and to get over those obstacles, you have to be resourceful. You have to figure out solutions. Listen, I've been blessed to start over 13 companies. I've done more success than I could ever imagine possible. I never had anybody lend me money, give me money. I didn't know what it was like. I wasn't smart to raise angel and have angel investors and get my, I had to go in business and I had to make it profitable in the first month or I'd go out of business. Right?

So, taught me how to be a hustler, taught me how to market, taught me how to influence, taught me how to bring good people together because my butt was on the line. If it didn't work, I'd go broke. So, it was like, poor you, no one let you money. No, not poor me. I know how to start businesses and make them cash flow now because I had to be resourceful. That's just a whole new, you know, seven things that you realize successful people are massively resourceful. Young and profitors, do you have a brilliant business idea but you don't know how to

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on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I love that, that you have to be resourceful. I think that's super interesting. So let's say a lot of my listeners, including myself, we have like cushy corporate jobs, right? And we're comfortable now. So how do we get that resourcefulness, that fire under our butts, that you're speaking about if we already kind of made it to a certain level?

Yeah, I love it. What a great question. And that's why there's a whole section of the book about adopting an underdog mindset, right? Because if you don't attack things in a hungry way, you can get complacent. And here's what I would share is it's great to have a cushy job and you've got some money coming in. But if you looked back, if you had the chance to fast forward your 97 years old and you're sitting with your maker, whoever you believe your maker is, and you're having a conversation. And you just fast forward and what you're doing now is what you did for the rest of your life would incremental raises.

If you're a consign with your maker and say, oh my God, I was an amazing life. I felt it. I lived my full potential. Then you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. If you love it and you feel, but if you feel any part of your heart, you're meant for just something different. Not just more money, not just upgrade the five series

beamer to the big beamer or go to the bigger cut. I'm talking about something where you feel like it's calling you. Like you get out of bed in the morning and you feel like you have a calling where you could be a role model where you can tap into another level of potential. We all, I don't care where you are, there is another level of potential and when we reach that one there's another level. Stretching your mind, stretching the ability to learn, stretching the ability to impact other people's lives, if you have any of that, then what I believe is you have to get disturbed

within action. You have to get disturbed with complacency. And that's just it. And even when it comes to entrepreneurs, there's lifestyle entrepreneurs and achievement entrepreneurs. I have some people that I know that got to a certain level, 20 grand, 50 grand a month in revenue, and they live the life they want, and they want to just be level, 20 grand, 50 grand a month in revenue, and they live the life they want,

and they want to just be on autopilot. They don't want to make more, they don't want to wait. They got their lifestyle they want. And there's a accomplishment based on Shippooners. It's like, I accomplished this, but there's a bigger mountain. There's more to learn, there's more to grow. I want to get and navigate my territory. And it never ends, because it's not about the money,

it's about the ability to keep growing. So I would just say, you have to really reflect and spend a little time and say, if you're good with it, don't let anybody disturb you, stay good with it. But I would bet today, if you're listening to this podcast, are you listening to any podcast, are you reading any personal development books or success books, you know there's like a, you might be on 3.0, there's a 4.0 version of you. And what I'd say is find a way to be disturbed and Find a way to have an underdog mindset like a packet like you're not comfortable a packet like you have no money

Attack it like people are gonna make fun of you when it doesn't work a packet that you have to be this Incredibly resourceful because all I know too is being resourceful brings you alive because you have to think through problems Yeah, right? You don't let's go out and cut a check. It's like no, I got to make this happen know too is being resourceful brings you alive because you have to think through problems. Right? You don't let's go. I'll let me cut a check. It's like, no, I got to make this happen. Well, you have incredible drive. I feel like I also have this incredible drive.

That's why I started my podcast on the side of having a job and it really does wake me up and it makes me feel so passionate about life. And I can't wait to see where it goes. But you have like this extraordinary drive that doesn't seem to stop where it goes, but you have this extraordinary drive that doesn't seem to stop. I wanted to take a look at your content journey. So I scrolled through all your YouTube videos all the way from 2011, very old videos,

maybe even 2007, I want to say. And some of them had 30 views, 70 views. And then it would jump from 70k views to 200k views. And I was thinking like, how did you maintain that drive where sometimes people were paying attention and sometimes people weren't paying attention at all? How did you like maintain that grid, that drive to where now you have I think three million followers on Instagram? How did you do that? Yeah, so here's what it is. First off, there was a time where I realized that, and this is something any of you that

ever want to, if you're already in it or you want to go into something on social media to make more of an impact to get a channel going, if you just look at it that there might be just one person in the universe right now that means what you're going to share. If you look at it through those eyes, then you don't have to say, wow, I don't have millions of followers, I don't have millions of followers. I don't have tens of thousands of followers. But what if it doesn't take 10,000 followers?

What if one person tomorrow, if you shared a message, had two views? And one of the two, we've got to course correct their life or help solve a problem or allow them to feel better about themselves or gain knowledge to make them go faster. And like, if you start looking at it through that, then it becomes about the impact. And the byproduct is more revenue and success. So I would bet to say, I know what

I want out of life. I truly understand what success means to me, to me a long time to dial that in. And of course, it was different in my 20s and my 30s and my 40s. But I know what success means to me. I love giving people capabilities to go faster, because I wish I had them, right? And I would have had the right knowledge. And my 20s, I got a lot of advice. But it wasn't until I really started digging in and learning from people who had already been there

to I got the right advice. So I love giving advice. I love course correcting people's lives, not because I'm brilliant, not because I have all the answers. And I don't give people advice in areas that I don't know of, right? I would never, like, what's going on in the world right now? I'm brilliant, not because I have all the answers. And I don't give people advice in areas that I don't know up. Right? I would never, like, what's going on in the world right now?

I'm not going to give advice. I just want to be an active participant in the fix, repair of it, right? In the solutions. I'm not going to give my advice. People way smarter than me. But you want to know how to start a business, market, influence, persuade, right, best selling books, build relationships with people you like, that's my expertise and I want to give that to the world. So when I know I want that and

the only way to give it is through enthusiasm and I mean, if I came on here with you today, I was like, yeah, I've been blessed to do a lot of cool stuff. I'm going to listen, right? I know it's so, so just for me. And this is one thing I think everybody should take away from this is, well down like the four or five things that are real success in life. So one for me, I love making an impact. Maybe it wasn't always that. When I first started this business,

I just wanted to make more money while I was helping people right now. It's an obsession to make an impact. Number two, I love being a father and a husband. I'm married to one of my dreams. I have three amazing children. One's only eight weeks old. And I've-

I'm a graduation. I'm eight week old and 11 and 13. Like, that's my life. And I want to be a present dad. When my kids are with me and I pick them up from school every single day, I go to baseball practices, not just the games. Being a dad and being a husband is important.

My team is extremely important. They're my family. There's 85 of us, I think it's like an extended family. And four, I want to grow and contribute. And that's really the four things in my life. And I really say, I know the sounds, I say no to everything else. I don't feel much else out of those four things, but I fight for that. And each one of them light me up like this.

But if I was doing something that gave me that money, but didn't allow me to feel aligned, I don't think I could have this enthusiasm. So just balance that. No success really means to you. And if you're not, if success means a certain amount of money and you got it, but you're still getting up and not feeling so good,

then take a transition, start a podcast, do something that just intrigued you. Last thing I'll say about that is, if you don't know what else to do, then just be an investigative reporter. Just keep your eye open for anything that could give you that spark. Yeah. I think that's really interesting. Essentially, you're saying you just followed your values.

I had nothing to do with how many people were watching, or how many views you've got. It was more about your values and you just kept doing, you know, what you enjoyed to do, what you found passionate, what kept you enthused, and it just ended up working out. So that's what you're telling about broadcast. My schedule is really crazy. Life, 100 boys, three kids, and writing books, doing courses, doing videos, we put out a lot of content, and I still run my business. I'm still CEO of my company. So I make my little business decisions. But I told my team, you met who probably had a conversation with I told my team

four months ago. I said, because they were only booking me podcasts that were like the top podcasts. And I feel blessed with my partnerships and my, I've done all the top podcasts. And I feel blessed with my partnerships and my track. I've done all the top podcasts, but I said, let's do podcasts where you find somebody intriguing. You find something that's really working hard to make a message. You find somebody who's like got a heart to serve. I don't care if they're just starting. My team's like, what if they only have

5,000 listeners a month? I'm like, well, they're gonna grow and we can help them grow and I can deliver content. So I love making those decisions because I wish someone would have done more of that for me when we first started, right? So you're right. All your values and success follows that a lot faster. That's awesome.

So one more concept from the book I want to cover. You say the most powerful advantage an underdog has is using desperation as persuasion. What do you mean by that? I've seen some of the people who are best with, you know, people don't like the word sales and marketing, but listen, let's just say it. Nothing in the world happens unless you make a sale. If you don't sell someone to come and listen to your podcast,

they don't come and listen. It doesn't matter if you just put it out there. Like, an old movie with Kevin Costner called The Field of Dreams. And the whole movie I'm saying, if you build it, they will come. if you build it, they will come. If you build it, they will come. If you build a great restaurant, if you write a great book, they won't just come. Barnes and Noble, 95% of all books that are in Barnes and Noble don't sell over a thousand copies.

Do you know how many amazing books are in Barnes and Noble? People took years to write them. They put their heart, their soul, they did research. They obsessed. They had sleepless nights. They got done with the book and they're like, yeah, it's done. And they got a publishing deal. And they put it in Barnes and Noble and 800 copies sold. Why? Because they built it. And it was so good. They just thought people would go viral and do it on its own. That's the biggest misconception in business. I want to tell you right now, everybody listening. If you're going to start a business

or you want to even scale in the company you're at, you must influence and persuade the people that can allow you to go to the next level. If you're selling something, you must get people to say yes. Now here's the cool part. When you provide amazing value to you, the company you work with,

or you provide an amazing product that changes people's lives. Listen, I love selling my book to people, because I know if I read it, I get to change their lives. Right? Well, I just wanted to get selling out of the way. Like, we must sell. But if you're selling cigarettes or booze to an alcoholic or selling something bad, that's terrible.

But if you're delivering value to your company or value to the world, then I think we're obligated to sell. So that's that part. The turning desperation into persuasion is when you are an underdog or you adopt an underdog mindset, think about in a corporate world, right? Because you say you have a lot of people listening, it's got maybe a cushy corporate job. You have to influence and make enough impact so you could go to the next level. That's just the way it is.

If you look at it through the eyes of no desperation, it's like, you know, I'm kicking ass in this job. I'm doing a good job. Listen, I'm gonna go talk to my boss, and I want to recognize what I'm doing that is doing good. It will never work unless there's a feeling of desperation to want that next level, right?

So even if you're completely and you have a horrific childhood, it doesn't matter, adopt that mindset of I desperately want that, because here's what I know. The greatest sales people on the planet that I've ever met, and I've been blessed, I've traveled all over the world on live events, and I get to watch a lot of them on stage. Oh, so many of them have come from a struggling background,

and that desperation built passion and enthusiasm, right? I know before I had the intelligence and before I had the money, you know what I had? I had the authenticity and the enthusiasm and the desperation that converted into influence, right? I had to sell people to do business with me because I had no credentials. I didn't go to school. So I just found a way to turn desire and desperation into authentic persuasion. That's awesome. So I heard you also mention, I can't remember if it was a podcast or in your book,

talking about how like confidence is really important when you're selling something and how nobody can buy anything if you're insecure about what you're saying. Could you elaborate on that? Yeah, so I mean, I haven't listened if you're insecure about what you're saying. Could you elaborate on that? Yeah, so I mean, I haven't listened to you listening right now. Has anything ever good happened in your life when your confidence is down?

If you want to talk in your superior and you want to make a change, if you're not confident, if you're looking down, you feel a little nervous. You thought about it all night and you reversed what you were gonna say and you walk in there with lack of confidence, little cotton mouth. Do you ever get your way? Never works out.

You don't get the girl, you don't get the guy, you don't get the date, you don't get the bank to lend you the money, the partner to be with you. You don't get someone to say yes if you're in sales, if your confidence is down. If you don't believe in yourself, people don't believe in you. And the thing I want you to really listen to right now is confidence isn't like a one to a hundred scale. For me, if your confidence is at a 94 out of 100, you're not moving forward in life. I want you to think about, you have to protect your confidence.

And when it comes to selling, right, I watch people on stage a lot because I get the travel around the world. And I'll see somebody have so much energy and love and compassion and a great product or great service. They'll be on stage for an hour. And they'll deliver massive value. And I can tell, I'm like, oh, we're getting ready to sell something because I can watch their mannerisms change. I can watch their face go straight.

They turn more like a robot. They physically back up from the edge of the stage. And that's when you, maybe you guys have seen it or saw it online and that's when they go to slides and say, now if you like that today, if that was the tip of the iceberg, I have more. And they go to the slide and they put the robot and they don't sell anything

because they were, they lost their confidence to sell or maybe they didn't believe in what they were selling or if someone taught themselves were bad. So confidence is so important on every level and if this is cool with you, I wanna share a couple of things to really think about confidence. Of course, you won't make the decisions you want if you don't have confidence. If you're in a job and you want to raise and you've been thinking about asking for it, if your confidence is down, you're not asking,

right? There's a difference between cockiness and confidence. Confidence comes from purely in your soul. So here's where I want to share with you. Protect your confidence. And there's lots of ways that rob your confidence. One is over, like, you know, right now it's hard. We're all going on in the world. But watching the news on a regular basis will rob your confidence. Once the last time you ever watch the news and thought,

oh my god, the world's in such a good place. You watch the news. You say watch the news, then you say, oh crap, this world, America's going to hell in a hand basket. Maybe I should be lucky that I have this job. Maybe I shouldn't have asked for that raise. I should just be happy I have the job I got. Let me think safe, let me say secure,

and then you shrink, right? How about hanging out with someone in your life that tells you to stop being a dreamer? You really shouldn't start a podcast. You got this great job. Why would you want more? Why do you want to ask for the raise? Why do you want to start their own business?

You hang out with someone like that. You might be powered and strong. You might have the Superman logo on your shirt, but when you hang out with that person, you button it back up. You go back home and go, maybe I should be happy with this life. These things are cumulative.

Watch the news, hang out with your negative friend, and then the last thing, there was a bunch of Michael Cher, but the last one, I wish someone told me this, and gave me this gift when I was younger, even in your career, your job, your business, whatever it is that you do, stop working on your weaknesses, and stop feeling inferior about the things you're bad at.

Like today, stop it. When you work on your weaknesses, all it does is make you feel bad about yourself. And here's a gift I wish someone gave me. Figure out what you're good at and get amazing at it. And let the stuff you suck at or you're insecure about or rob your confidence, let someone else do it or pay someone to do it.

When you can see, I don't care if you've been in a corporate job, if there's something that you hate doing, pay someone to do it. And when that time is being done by someone else, obsess on the things that you love that can actually move the needle in your life and watch your ROI go through the roof. Your dog is an important part of your family. Don't settle when it comes to their health. Make the switch to fresh food made with real ingredients that are backed by science with

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Wow, I think that is absolutely incredible advice. I think your points about kind of like changing your environment, making sure you're hanging out with the right people, making sure that you're not getting consumed by the news and letting that take over your feelings and how you feel about yourself. I think that's wonderful advice. One other thing that you often talk about is self-education.

So I know that you didn't go to college. You're not really a proponent of traditional education. You sell a course with 20 Robbins about how to put on your own mastermind. So tell our listeners, help us understand why you think self-education is the future of learning. You know, here's the thing. I don't like bag on advanced or traditional education just because I didn't go. I just think it doesn't serve people at the level it used to. Right? The world has exponentially grown and colleges have not kept up.

And this is people way smarter than they sharing this as well. But I see it from the outside. I mean, you know, there's a saying I heard that if you went, if you went back 40 years and you grabbed somebody, just 40 years ago, not 400, and you showed them what an iPhone can do and Google and the world, they're like, oh my God. And then if you brought them into a classroom,

they'd be like, oh yeah, it used to be a blackboard now as a whiteboard. This makes familiar. This is familiar, like what's really changed? But wow, the book is the same now as the one. In fact, that's the same exact social studies book. Wow. Right?

The world is growing like this and education is growing like this. And it's not me just saying it. The world is realizing it. You know, the knowledge industry, according to Forbes, is heading towards a billion-dollar a day industry. And what the knowledge industry really is is people are saying, I'm not going to go to school, I'm not going to go back to school to get where I want to go. I don't want to learn through my own trial and error because that takes so long. So I'm just going to find someone who's already done it and paid them to allow me to go faster, allow me to start

off where they left off. Right? And people say, explain self-education. You know what I'd say? Is what would it be worth to you to go back? You had five days to prepare, and then you could go back and spend one full day with your 20-year-old self? What would that be worth? And there's only two answers. People say, priceless or millions, right? Yeah.

And that's what self-education is. Find someone who's already done what you want to do for the last five years, ten years, two decades, and find someone willing to extract that knowledge so you could start off where they left off. That's just self-education that spests them and we all have knowledge and value in our brains that we need to extract and share with people. Yeah. And I really think that's a win-win for everyone. Like, for example, with myself, I have 10 interns that work on Young and Profiting

podcast and I get to teach, I used to interns that work on Young and Profiting podcasts. And I get to teach, I used to be in radio, I started off my career in radio. And so I teach them everything about production and social media and I teach them all these things. And then in return, I get, you know, people who can help me scale. And so I think it's definitely a win-win for everyone. And that's probably why you started your mastermind course, right? Because for me, just on a personal note, I did feel, listen, one and that's probably why you started your mastermind course, right? Because it is.

Because for me, just on a personal note, I did feel, listen, this is not for me, but I did feel, I didn't know the right word. Like I felt that had no intelligence that I was dumb in school because reading was really tough. I couldn't comprehend the way other kids seem to be comprehending. And then I remember in 11th grade, I go down to my guidance counselor and she's getting ready to prepare for next year, like SATs and tests.

I said, I'm not taking my SATs, there's no chance I'm going to college. And I remember her sitting there looking at me and she's like, wow, so what are you gonna do? I'm like, I'm gonna work with my dad in his collision shop. And she's like, well, you know, maybe you can fix cars or there's a factory that's only one factory,

my whole little town at Gruppin' she goes, you know, the factory's always hiring and they only hired at minimum wage. And I remember this and here's the thing why I'm such a proponent and my dear friend Tony Robbins were the same because he has the same kind of story. Is she didn't say to me, wow, college, it was like college, yay, and the sun, the clouds parted and heaven sang. And no college was like, oh, blue collar, not there's anything wrong with blue collar,

but like blue collar broke minimum wage. Yeah. She didn't say there was this middle route of finding people who have already done what you've done, read books, go to masterminds, be a mentor for someone, go work for someone for free for a year, and let them teach you,

like you're teaching your interns. There was no middle of the road. It was like black or white. And yes or no success or failure. And I know what self education did for me. All of it is self education. I learned from people who've already done it. I listen to a book every 10 days.

I attend masterminds. I attend workshops. I am a voracious learner now. I mean, I study history. I study personal growth, marketing, success, business. I write the, like, and it shifted my life so much and Tony so much that we just decided, we wanted to help the rest of the world get into this

and see how they can go faster. That's really cool. And you guys have obviously achieved so much success. So congratulations. Well, thank you. I'd like to switch gears to something a little bit more personal. From my understanding, you grew up with divorced parents. I think at a young age your parents got divorced and then between them they divorced like nine times. You seem like a very mentally stable

person. Somebody who's really got a good head on his shoulders. So how did their divorce impact you and how did you not get traumatized by that experience? Actually, I did get traumatized. So how did their divorce impact you and how did you not get traumatized by that experience? Actually, I did get traumatized. So I'm really good question and I'll be completely transparent. I am. It wasn't, and again, when I share, I just want you to know I'm sharing an experience. I'm not sharing because I want any sympathy or empathy for it. So, but my father couldn't really handle the divorce. My father was the youngest of 12. He was sexually and physically abused, like most of his childhood. And he didn't ever repair that. So we had this inner anger.

And now with my dad's in a great space, and I love him dearly, but my dad struggled with that, and he pushed his family away and kind of terrorized us in a way without realizing his father physically beat him. And he decided I'll never hit him on anybody in my my family but he came out in other ways right yeah so there was a lot of back and forth and my mom She got married in divorce five times my dad for so marriage didn't seem like a thing like it didn't seem like it worked and I have to say I I went through a divorce and I never thought I would because of that. But I have to say I know a lot of the reasons why and I'm responsible. I have to take responsibility

from my part in that. But when I was going through my divorce, when I knew it was an absolute thing that was happening, there was no way around it. And I'm not an advocated divorce. I'm just saying this was the decision for us. It caused a lot of anxiety. In fact, if I'll go into this anyway you want, but the truth of the matter is it opened up wounds from my four or five six year old self. And for the first time in my life, I had real anxiety attacks. Like I didn't know what an anxiety attack was at, you know, my late 40s, I popped the sand ex two days a week just so I could sleep and I don't even take aspirin. I don't drink a lot. I don't take any, like I just don't like put anything in my body.

And I was taking Xanax just so I could get two nights a week sleep. Like, had crazy panic anxiety. Not from the divorce because my ex and I had already figured that out. We were working on a friendship. We already living in different places. We had already lived in different bedrooms for three years before we got a divorce. That was fine, but all these old worries of my children came back. And it was a really brutal time. And tell me what part, I'd love to share what I did

to come out of that, what I shifted how I'm in the best relationship my life, how my kids are thriving, my ex-girlfriend. What part could I help your audience with? I'm interested to understand how you, like, first of all, you're your friends with your friend. What partner did I help your audience with? I'm interested to understand how you, first of all, you're friends with your ex, so I think that's relatable to everyone. How did you maintain a healthy relationship with your ex while also getting married to somebody else starting a little new family? So here's what I just said. I'm just going to say it like it is out hold. I'm not going to hold

anything back. It was freaking me out. And freak out is just a fun way to put, like losing my mind, journaling at night. And I started doing all the things, like I am friends with Tony and great people, my buddy, Dr. Daniel Aiman. I went and saw Tony for a couple days and Daniel Aiman for a couple days.

And I read books on it and I was meditating and I was waking up in the morning and doing yoga and I was journaling every day. I could not, and this is just something for everybody to think about. I did this in business, but I didn't do it in my personal life, and I'll tell you what that is in a minute. I couldn't stop the feelings I had. Nothing seemed to be working.

I just kept going back to this younger version of myself and I felt like I was going to put my kids through the same trauma I went through. That wasn't the case, but that's the way my brain was telling me that was going to happen. And I started thinking, what is one, and this is something I want everybody to take away. If you take nothing from this podcast, take this. When you can have exponential results, when you can solve one problem that solves many, that's how you grow your career, that's how you grow your income, that's how you grow your business. I do that all the time in my business. What's one thing I can solve that solves multiple things? And I just, I started getting this frame of mind like nothing

seems to be working. I'm losing my mind. And I started thinking what's one thing and the one thing was because I was worried my kids wouldn't respect me. I wouldn't seem as much. I travel a lot. What if it's not my day when I come back? What if all the values and core beliefs I put worried my kids wouldn't respect me. I wouldn't seem as much. I travel a lot. What if it's not my day when I come back? What if all the values and core beliefs I put into my kids go away? Like I do Sunday meetings with my kids. I pick them up every day from school. I cook my kids breakfast.

I cook them like I'm an engaged dad. I'm thinking I'm just a picture of all that and it's going away. That their mom's gonna talk bad about me. And all of those things, and I'm like, what's one thing I can do? And I have to tell you, my life changed when I realized, if I can be friends with my ex, like real friends, not just fake, like someone, I made a list of 10 things I could do and I sent it to her on how I could be a real friend. And what I

said is, you know, things like, I will listen when you talk. I will never disparage your kids and when you're not around no matter what, when I meet somebody, they have to accept that I'm friends with my ex and that I don't talk about. I will never say a bad thing about you in the entire universe anywhere you never hear. And I just declared these 10 things and said, if I can be friends with my ex, all the other worries go away. She's never going to talk bad about me.

She's not going to try to steal and have more custody than 50-50. It shall be flexible when I travel. And when I found the answer, not even when it happened, all the anxiety was almost like a ship coming out of a storm. Like rocky, crazy, and all of a sudden, boom, it was like a flat surface. And then when that worry was off me, and we saw we could do that, my kids saw the respect. And one more thing they remember, this is a hard one, and this relates to what's going on in the world right now.

I just decided to replace anger, guilt, worry, frustration, with compassion. Might have been the hardest thing I've ever done, and every time I go, why does she want that money? I'm gonna look through the eyes of compassion. And when I started doing it and became a habit, and within six months, I just always replaced all of those emotions that do nothing but

hurt, destroy, with compassion. Long story short, built a friendship I had the ability to work on me. I decided I looked internally for the first time on relationship side on a deeper level and said, how can I become a better man? I don't want to just find a woman that can fill me up. It's like, how do I become a man that attracts a woman where I can find the relationship in my life? And I did a lot of work on me and I got coaches and red and I interviewed people and great couples and I realized some of those old beliefs

from my family's divorces were lingering inside of me and I got to purge those out. And then Tony made me make a list of everything I wanted in a relationship and everything that wasn't acceptable. And he said, look at that every single day. And I did. I wanted someone who would love my children like their own, someone who was into health and personal growth.

I wrote all these things down. I wrote all the things that were unacceptable people that were negative people that were racist or people like, I had all this list of what I didn't want. And I manifested it. And I'm married to the woman. That's amazing. I'm married to one of my dreams. You guys look so happy.

You are. Every day. And it's that for Instagram. We're three years in my dreams. Like beyond it. You guys look so happy. You are. Every day. And it's not for Instagram. We're three years in. We're happy as hell. We have a eight week old. My wife already wants to go for number two.

Like we're none of that happened. And this is the last big lesson. And if I took too long to share that, I'm sorry. But here's the last thing. Your next level of life. And you've heard this before. But I want you to hear it for the first time. Lives on the other side of the thing you fear the most. I fear leaving my children.

I didn't fear getting a divorce. I feared leaving my children. It caused pain and anxiety. Think about this last analogy, is you're in a ship. And your ship's okay, you're in the bay. And there's other ships around. And maybe your ship's a little bigger than everyone else's or the same size, and you're comfortable,

but you're just not happy. But the only way out of that bay is a tornado and it just stays out in the bay and it's always there and the only exit is through the tornado. You can stay in the bay, you can look back in your life and go I lived an okay life. I wasn't ready for okay. My ex and I hadn't held hands in 10 years. We hadn't slept in the same bed. My kids didn't see what love was. I felt empty on the inside. I'd go on stage in front of 20,000 people. They'd all cheer and love me and I'd go backstage and be alone.

And I'd feel alone, right? I had all those feelings. The only way I could find love, happiness, abundance was on the other side of the storm. And a couple of times I started going to the storm, I got scared, I went back, like picture that visual. And finally, enough was enough. There was no going back and I took my ship through that storm and it was hell and I had

anxiety attacks and worry. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm a better person. I'm a better version of me. I'm navigated new territory and I can see through a deeper level of empathy and compassion and I'm a better dad, I'm a better ex, I'm a better husband to my wife, I'm a better leader. You know, I have so much respect for you that you found a new woman, but you didn't just like leave your family to the side

and you prioritized your ex and your children and that's really respectable. My last question to you and I know we're really close on time. What is your secret to profiting in life? This is a question we ask all of our guests. I said this already, so I don't want to beat it up, but really identify what happiness is

because it changes all the time. Listen, if I asked you what happiness was, just four months ago, before COVID, before all the things going on in America, you'd say happiness was different than it is right now. And the one is what true happiness is, what true success means to you and fight for it every single day. That drives me. That's my greatest success.

That's my greatest profit is I know what I love. I love being a family man. I love impacting lives. I love my team and I love growing as a human and I will fight for that to the end. That's amazing. And where can our listeners go to learn more about you and everything that you do? Sure, you can.

My podcast is doing great right now. We didn't put much time in it and how we are. And I think it's in the top 100 business podcasts is the Dean Graziosi Show. I do a story on Instagram every day, Instagram is growing like crazy. And if you want to grab my latest book, you can go to Amazon or you can go to deansbook.com.

That's the underdog advantage. Awesome, Dean. I think this is an incredible conversation. Thank you so much for your time. Oh, you're awesome. Thank you. Pleasure meeting you. Pleasure meeting you too.

Thanks for listening to Young and Profiting Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or comments on YouTube, SoundCloud, or your favorite platform. Reviews make all the hard work worth it. They are the ultimate thank you to me and the YAP team. The other way to support us is by word of mouth. Share this podcast with a friend or family member who may find it valuable. Follow YAP on Instagram at Young & Profiting and check us out at YoungandProfiting.com. You can find me on Instagram at Yab with Hala or LinkedIn just search for my name, Hala

Ta Ha. Until next time, this is Hala, signing off. you Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project. And every week, we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences

about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time energy or money Suggestions such as follow the one minute rule choose a one word theme for the year or Design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an Underbuyer? Morning person or night person abundance lever or simplicity, and every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happiness. Listen and follow the podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. Office Depot Office Max has great deals on everything you need to succeed, like stylish

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