Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - Marisa Peer: Learn to Love Yourself | E134

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Looking to gain more confidence or ease your worries? In this episode, we are talking with Marisa Peer, globally acclaimed therapist, best-selling author, and award-winning speaker. Her mission is to spread the message that there are simple, rapid, and effective techniques everyone can use that can truly change lives. Having helped her clients, including Hollywood celebrities, CEOs, royalty, and sports stars for over 30 years, she created her multi-award-winning Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) to make these techniques available to everyone. RTT® now trains thousands of therapists each year, creating a ripple effect of transformation worldwide. She also dedicates her time to developing powerful self-hypnosis programs designed to release common blocks people face in every area of their life, from self-confidence, weight, relationships, finances, and much more. A best-selling author of five books, she also started the I Am Enough movement. In today’s episode, we discuss Marisa’s upbringing, how to find those who believe in you, and how to self-soothe. We’ll also talk about the importance of loving yourself, the power of hypnotherapy and why statements of truth, also known as affirmations, can change lives. If you’re looking to shift your perspective and the way you talk to yourself, you won’t want to miss this. Be sure to keep an eye out for Part 2! Sponsored by -  The Jordan Harbinger Show. Listen to the show here jordanharbinger.com/start Gusto. Get three months free when you run your first payroll at gusto.com/YAP Social Media:  Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Follow Hala on Clubhouse: @halataha Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Timestamps: 00:57 - Marisa’s Childhood and It’s Effects on Her 08:12 - How to Find Those Who Believe in You 11:49 - Stopping Negative Conditioning with Children 17:12 - How To Self-Soothe 21:43 - Why You Need To Love Yourself 27:31 - What is Hypnotherapy? 36:33 - Affirmations and Statements of Truth 43:16 - Implementing Statements of Truth Mentioned In The Episode: Marisa’s Website: https://marisapeer.com/ Marisa’s Training Website: https://rtt.com/ I Am Enough: https://iamenough.com/i-am-enough-homepage/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash profiting. You're listening to YAP, Young and Profiting Podcast, a place where you can listen, learn, and profit. Welcome to the show.

I'm your host, Halla Taha, and on Young and Profiting podcast, we investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world. My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday life, no matter your age, profession, or industry. There's no fluff on this podcast, and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests

by doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of XFBI agents, real estate moguls, self-made billionaires, CEOs, and bestselling authors. Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity, had to gain influence, the art of entrepreneurship, and more. If you're smart and like to continually

improve yourself, hit the subscribe button because you'll love it here at Young and Profiting Podcast. This week on YAP, we're chatting with Marisa Peer, therapist, bestselling author, and keynote speaker. Her mission is to spread the message that there are simple, rapid, and effective techniques everyone can use to change their life. As the award-winning founder of Rapid Transformation Therapy, or RTT, Merissa created a complete solution-based treatment therapy that's changed the lives of tens of thousands of people via its training program. RTT draws out the principles of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy,

neuro-linguistic programming, cognitive behavioral therapy, neuroscience, and neuroplasticity to deliver fast, effective, and long-lasting results. MRSA also dedicates her time to developing powerful, self-hypnosis programs designed to release common blocks people face in their every area of life, from self-confidence, weight, relationships, finances, and so much more. Merse is the best-selling author of five books and the creator of the iconic I Am Enough

movement. This is part one of our two part series with Merse. In today's episode, we discuss Merse's upbringing, how to find those who believe in you, and how to self-sude. We'll also talk about the importance of loving yourself, the power of hypnotherapy and why statements of truth, also known as affirmations, can change your life. If you're looking to shift your perspective and the way you talk about yourself, you won't want to miss this episode. Be sure to keep an eye out for part two releasing later this week, where we'll talk about the difference between arrogance and confidence, how to overcome

self-doubt, and so much more. Hi, Marissa. Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast. Hey, how are you? Great. I'm so happy to have you. Okay, so you are really an exciting person that we are super looking forward to talking to because you are one of the most famous therapists that are out there. You are the therapists, therapists.

And we like to start back in the beginning. We like to start from people's childhoods. So from my understanding, you had a bit of a lonely childhood. You were one of the middle children. Your father was a headmaster or a principal. Your mother was sick quite often. And you ended up feeling really alone.

So I'd love to start off with understanding what your childhood was like. And how that built your mindset up as a young adult and how that impacted you as a young adult and the stories that you told yourself because of the way that you grew up. Yeah, you know, if you looked at my childhood from the outside, it looked amazing. We literally lived in the house with a white picket fence.

My father was a head teacher, stroke principal. My mother was very beautiful, but that was on the outside and the inside. It was a strange childhood. My father blesses heart because he was a good person. He was just so interested in everyone else's kids. He was an amazing head teacher. He's one of those typical people where he was busy, busy looking after everyone else's children. And we were sort of emotionally neglected, I guess. And my mother was another story. She was beautiful, completely unfulfilled.

My father and her couldn't have been less suited if they tried. And she just was always sick. And I understood something very early in my childhood because now I don't regret any of it, is that we pick a role. My mother picked the sick one, it met all her needs. My father picked the brilliant one, it met all his needs. And I became the caring one. I was always trying to get my parents to love me by tidying up the house, being good, being academic. My brother was also the brilliant one. And my sister, little sister, was the cute, pretty one. So I guess I learned something very early,

which is what I call four play. The four roles we play in order to belong. And there's only four. You're either sick, you're brilliant, you're caring, or you're the very rebellious one, which my brother became later, because you can change roles. And that stood me in great stead as a therapist, because I often say to my clients,

look, which one of you, there's only four, they go, wow, I never knew that. I was the sick one, and my sister, I hated her, but now I see that she was the competitive one and most therapists of the caring one. So that was interesting for me. And something else was very interesting. I had a grandmother that loved me. She thought I was a genius and I realized something else. You need one person in your life to believe. And if you have that one person, you'll be okay. And I often think I

would have been a juvenile delinquent if I hadn't had my grandmother. So my childhood taught me a lot. It taught me something else too, which is that the most important word you'll ever hear come from yourself. And not so much in my childhood, in my young adulthood, I learned something else, which is whatever is going on around,

you have to choose a little letter in or not. So when I was only like 17 or 18, I remember being told, look, you can never have children and you have to accept that. I know how to voice them, I don't let that in, do not let that in, that's not up to them, that's up to you. And that voice came back many years later

when I was told I have cancer twice. And I heard the voice again, don't let that in, That's not up to them, it's up to you and they say that well you know this is the terror time and my doctor actually did this, he went it has your address, it knows where you live, it's probably going to come back and say wow what a thing to say but I thought no no you're not going to me that. I'm going to make a decision. And so my childhood wasn't horrible. I mean, I see people every day with the most dreadful appalling,

horrific childhood. My childhood was a middle class, but a nice house, we had nice stuff, we got fed every day, we had heating, we had food, but it was an emotionally slightly neglected childhood. But I don't regret any of it because it made me, I guess, understand people. But I did, it was a lonely childhood.

I didn't feel special, I didn't feel smart, I didn't feel attractive, I didn't feel interesting, I didn't feel anything. But that also led me to what I now believe is the core of most people's problems, which is that I'm not enough, I'm not smart enough. I'm the head teacher's daughter, I'm supposed to be brilliant, I'm definitely not pretty enough.

I'm not interesting enough, but I realized that I could change all of that by changing what I said to myself. And then I went from feeling like this geeky, freaky, hideous kid to someone who thought, no, I'm pretty good, actually, I'm smart, I'm interesting, I'm attractive, I understood, and I wish we were all taught this in schools that the most important word you'll ever hear are your words. And you can't go through, I'm going,

hey, could you out there make me believe I'm attractive or interesting or worthy, we have to do it ourselves. So now I'm glad I had that childhood because I learn what I teach other people do not give anyone else agency over your life or your thoughts or your beliefs, you make your beliefs beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you and you get the choice of making your beliefs. But I get the most interesting thing for my childhood, although, was this scene that was

played out on my mother tried to kill herself several times. She would throw herself down the stairs. She was in many ways hysterical. She was a lovely person, but she was so unfulfilled. And my father would just pick up his briefcase and go to work and I remember thinking, oh that's what you do. When you're in this creation relationship, you need a great career because it fulfills you. And I remember thinking that, but my brother told me that he looked at that scene and thought you never marry someone beautiful because they're hysterical.

My sister said she looked it and thought, wow, you must marry someone who loves you more than you love them. And then they won't leave you. They won't pick up their briefcase and go to work. So three kids saw the same scene played out every week. We each formed a different belief. I believed you need a great career. My brother believed it, Mary, anyone. Beautiful. My sister believed Mary, someone who loves you more than

you love them. And that was probably one of my key learnings that it isn't events that affect you. It's the interpretation you put on them, which you are free to change at any time. And so for years I had relationships that were deeply unfulfilling, because I had a belief. Relationships go wrong. It was never, if it was always, when you need a great career for when they go wrong. And the day I changed that belief, everything changed.

So I really believe that what happens doesn't affect you as much as what you believe about what happens and yet you'll believe so yours to change. I think so many parts of that story are super interesting. The first one that's like my big takeaway is the fact that you said, you just need one person to believe in you

and your grandmother was that one person for you. For me, it was my father. I mean, I was always, I was a black sheep growing up. All my siblings went to med school and I was, you know, everybody thought that I was gonna be a failure, trying to be in radio and all these things and turns out I was completely fine,

but I just didn't fit in with my family. And so I know what you mean. When you have that one person, I can really help push you along. What about if people don't have one person? What do they do if there's nobody who believes in them? I guess you've got to find that one person. I met a girl recently, whose father was a drug dealer

who's sister drowned in the pool because he was, and she said, you know, I had a teacher. I used to go to school early in the morning and I hated the holidays, and that teacher believed in me. One of the reasons I became a therapist because I wanted to be that person and I have many kids who come in suicidal teenagers, you know, kids that are cutting themselves and I would say listen, I believe in you, you're smart, you've got something to offer the world.

It's a real shame that your parents on board with you, but you know, you come through your parents not from there. If your life was like a clock, your childhood is only the first five or ten minutes and you've got all the rest of it. And you have to find someone that believes in you, you know, we have a belief that it's always family, but it isn't. It could be a teacher. It could be a therapist. It could be a friend's parent. I have an amazing friend and she's taken in other people's kids and raised them and she's just the most extraordinary. She was adopted herself and she really has a great heart for children. And so I believe

that we have a whole tribe and it's a matter of where can you find someone, can you join a group, can you find them, maybe you can find an old person in your community who can be like your mother people right to being a hey You're like my mom. I feel like you're my mom Give me like I love that because actually I would have loved to have more children I had one and I'm thrilled with my daughter. She's amazing in every possible way But I love the fact that I'm now mom to lots of people So I think you have to first of all believe there is someone out there to believe in you and then go out and find them.

And I think what people do is go, I need a wife, I need a husband, I need a girlfriend, a boyfriend. And we put all our energy into finding someone to love us. We try so hard to make someone love us. When, in fact, all you have to do is put the energy into loving yourself. Wake up every day, look in the mirror, hey, I'm matter. I'm amazing. I'm lovable. I'm enough. If you could say every day just these four phrases, I'm lovable, I'm enough, I'm matter, I'm significant, say it, say it, say it, because your mind will let it in, it doesn't care.

I don't even know what you tell it is right or wrong. When you fill yourself up, then the inside then go out with that sense of, I matter, I worthy. You'll find lots of people who want to be in your life and support you and believe in you, but it's hard for someone else to believe in you when you don't believe in you. So the easiest thing in the world is take a minute and think about the words you'd love to hear. We all have a vision of something. You're the one, you're everything and start saying it to yourself.

Start saying those words to yourself. It doesn't matter who says them. They sink in anyway. And then you'll go out in the world and find people who believe in you, but you have to also believe in you to make that happen. So when we're growing up, a lot of people say negative things around us that end up shaping our own internal stories. Whether your parent might have said that you were a mistake or that your parents seem stressed out or talk negatively to you and then you grow up believing all these negative things about yourself. So to some of the new parents that are out there, how do you recommend that we stop this negative conditioning with our children? recommend that we stop this negative conditioning with our children. Yeah, you know, it's the saddest thing of all because when a parent is mean to the child,

down on the child, hard on the child, the child doesn't stop loving the parent, they immediately stop loving themselves because the child is very simple. It's like, I'm nice to my mommy. So therefore she'll be nice to me, but she's not nice to me, she's shouting, she's angry. So it must be my fault. You know, children must idealize their parents. They don't have any choice. They understand it lately. I'm here. I can't look after myself. So I got to make you love me. And then all my needs are met. And it's scary for a child to work at all my mums mentally ill, my dad's depressed, my mums are an alcoholic, and what the child does is they blame themselves. It's my fault,

dad's always at work, it's my fault, mums are always crying. I got to be better, and they begin this huge effort to be perfect, which is impossible. So as a parent, understand that your children have to idealize you, and when you're hard on them, they blame themselves and own it. Go up and go, you know, darling, today mommy was not nice mommy. Today mommy was cross, today daddy lost it. I'm so, so it was nothing to do with you. It was, it was my little, little, little, little, little, little one day mommy. Have you got your pyramid today? Because you're very cranky, because I see you're no darling, Mummy, wasn't nice today, Mummy.

Had her period, it made me a bit cranky. I'm really sorry, it was not your fault, you're a great kid. And I would always own it and apologize, not all the time. I say, I'm sorry, today I was a bit mean, today I was distracted. One of my friends had a little girl said, Mummy, can I have a meeting with you? Because you have meetings all the time.

And I want to have a meeting with you. Saying, can I spend some time with you? And then you have to say to your kid, the thing they need to hear, you know, Mommy goes to work. And I love work, but I don't love work more than you. It's, when you say I've got to go to work to pay the bills,

because you're so expensive, you can say, I love my job, but I don't love anything more than you. And when you grow up, you'll love your job. And then when you have a fight, you go, you know, mommy and daddy had a fight today, but hey, kids fight, it doesn't mean we don't love you. And if you break up, you say, this is nothing to do with you, we love you so much.

I found the thing for me was to say to my daughter there's nothing you could do in the whole world ever that would stop me loving you. If you did something bad I would be upset, but I will always love you, I will never ever not love you. And as my daughter grow up I had so many kids would turn up at my house. My mom's thrown me out because she found me smoking. My mom's kicked me out in the middle of the night because she discovered I was having sex with someone. And I'd always said, I will never, ever kick you out

of the house no matter what you do. If you go to jail, I come to visit you. Obviously, I didn't want you to go to jail. But I think children have to know that you're their safe place. And I also think it's really important not to make them like you, hey, or we're academic, why aren't you a whist party, why aren't you a sport? You know, you can't say to get what's wrong with you, you're not supposed to give birth to yourself, your children challenge you. I don't tell my daughter, you know, you're my teacher because you're teaching me because

you're so different. You're teaching me how to be with someone who isn't like me. And I was a single parent. And that's difficult because, I mean, in many ways, it's wonderful, but it's also difficult because you don't have another person. When I'm having a bad day, my little girl didn't have another parent to go to, to go, mommy's just having a bad day let you and I hang out. But it's a great thing to be a parent. You just have to understand that children are fragile and they get very damaged by shouting, screaming and blaming. But they don't need to live in a perfect world. And as long as you can own it and say this was nothing to do with you, you're great,

you're amazing. You are a source of joy. It's my greatest pleasure to be your parent. Being your parent is my joy. It's amazing. I love raising you. And then say, you're so funny, you're so interesting, you're so cute. I love you because you're you. So you can read the most important thing as a parent is not to give your kids organic broccoli, it's to give them high

self-esteem. And you do that by making them feel good about themselves, not excessively, but just loving them for who they are. I can tell you, I make so many failures a pair and so many, but you just got to pull it back and be great with your children. It's never too late to sit down and say, you know, I make so many mistakes. None of that was your fault. It was my fault. And you are the joy of my life, and I'm so glad I had you. And it really makes a difference. I've heard you say before that we can be our own parent. If we didn't have the parent that said the right things to us,

or if our parents passed away or whatever it is, you can go and be your own parent. What do you mean by that? What can we do to kind of self-south? I actually believe two things. It's never too late to have a happy childhood, and it's never too late to be a parent to yourself. And again, I had very emotionally absent parents,

but I began to understand what I need from a parent. And you know, what you need from a parent is reassurance. I love you. You're amazing. I'm so glad I had you. You're smart. You're interesting. My world is a better place just because you're in it. So again, think of the words you want to hear and it's very simple. Starts saying them over and over and over again because again the mind doesn't go what were you saying that it doesn't count. You know, if you put lotion on your skin, your mind doesn't go, what were you saying that? It doesn't count. If you put lotion on your skin,

your mind doesn't go, hey, is that lotion from product must be really good? I did you get it free on a plane? In which case, it's rubbish. It lets the lotion in and lotion nourishes dry skin. And I believe that words are a lotion for a chapsule. And that when you say the right words, they sink in. They do the most amazing things. Words can heal. You've heard that. Things to extend may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me. That's so wrong. Words can be so damaging. Also incredibly healing. So, being a parent yourself means saying what you want to hear. I was never told I was smart, that I was told I would never. My parents told me to become a nanny because they thought I was so lacking in intelligence. Nothing wrong with being a nanny by the way, because I was also told I could never have children. I thought, oh, that's a great job for me. Be a nanny because I can't have children and I'm not very bright. And that's a good job.

And now I think, wow, I'm so glad I, another voice in my head went, no, you can do something better. So be a loving parent yourself every day and that simply means imagining what you want. Here's what I call the missing bit. If you, what are the words you'd love to hear? And don't go searching for someone else to put them in you because that makes you needy put them into yourself. I always wanted to hear I was the favourite.

And I was my grandmother's favourite. But I began to say one day as an expert, I'm the favourite. I'm my parents' favourite. It was very peculiar because I really wasn't. My sister was my mother's favourite. And my brother was my father's favourite. It was very peculiar because I really wasn't. My sister was my mother's favourite and my brother was my father's favourite. My mum loved the cute, pretty, last little baby and my dad loved having a son and my son went to a private school and I didn't because I wasn't smart. But when I said it, what was so amazing, it was how quickly it became

all of a sudden my father was like, holding me like a lazy girl, you're amazing and I'm so proud of you. And I thought, wow, it's almost scary how fast this works. And then I realized that actually I didn't really like that because my father, my mother both started to hone in on me more than my brother and sister. So I stopped saying that. And I don't actually need it. And when my father began to say the things I'd wanted to hear my whole life, I'm so proud of you.

You're done. So, well, I thought, it's just weird. I've wanted this forever. Now I've got it. So, I don't even need it, because I've done it myself. I didn't need my father to say it, because I've said it to myself. And so, if you've heard your mother or father say, you know,

you were a mistake, we wanted a girl and you were the fourth boy or vice versa, we really wanted a boy and you were the fifth girl, start saying, I was meant to be the fifth girl, I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to be a girl in here and my parents are thrilled that I'm the fifth girl. Even if it's not true, keep saying it. My parents are so proud of me. My parents are so supportive. Even if it's not true, you may find that they change, but even if they don't, it won't matter because it will be that bond for your soul.

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If your dog's tail isn't wagging within 30 days, they'll refund your first order. No fillers, no nonsense, just nom nom. Go right now for 50% off your no risk 2 week trial at trinom.com.shap. That's trinom and o m.com.shap for 50% off trinom.com.shap. I think that is such incredible advice. So let's talk about how you built up your confidence because from my understanding, you were pretty insecure growing up. You mentioned before, you felt lonely, you felt unattractive, you were told you couldn't have children at a young age. That probably was a big blow to your self-esteem, especially back then when women were just supposed

to get married and have kids. So you probably felt insecure about that, turned out to not even be true. So how did you rebuild your confidence? What was the turning point in your life? You know, I definitely felt less than. I felt less, I felt less interesting, less attractive, less everything. And I don't know the turning point.

I just began to say the words I needed to hear. You know, I went to college, I was asked to leave college. My father was devastated by that, but I actually wasn't. I thought it was a great thing. I ended up going to LA and teaching aerobics for Jane Fonda. I was a bit of a renegade by then. I started off being the real caring kid and then I became slightly rebellious like what I'm just going to do what I want. And I loved teaching aerobics for Jane Fonda, but that was also a turning point because I saw all these amazing women, famous, beautiful, stunning women who'd go,

well, you know, I'd got fat ankles, or a bit of fat on my knees. And they were so down on themselves. And I think I understood again, wow, you know, they're all believing that if I had a perfect body, if my hair was perfect and they were perfect, I would be happy. And that was another example of, wow, they're looking outside themselves. I just need to be five pounds lighter.

I just need bigger breasts, smaller thighs. I've got to have big hair and a small butt, but I seem to have a big butt and thin hair, so therefore I don't count. And it was seeing how people were so hard on themselves and realizing that the answer was to go, yeah, you know, magazines say big hair, thin thighs, but I've got big thighs and thin hair, so I don't count. You do, you've got to stop just loving who you are. And I think what I also saw then was women who decided, I hate my body. So I'm going to punish it, I'm going to starve it,

I'm going to deprive it of food, I'm going to force it to work out really hard for a long time. And it never worked, what worked was going, I love this body. Yeah, I've got big thighs. I love them. I've got a big butt. I love my big butt. I love everything about myself. And it was this seeing how if you could love your body and go, I love all the things it does,

that it would then it would change it. I love my body. So I'm not going to fill it with donuts and garbage. I'm going to give it good food and it was really this turning point of wow when you can love who you are you start to treat yourself with respect but when you come at it from self hatred it doesn't make you change it makes you hate yourself more you know one of the fascinating things about the mind is whatever you look for, you will find whatever you focus on, you get more. So when you start to look for the flaws, I got cellulite or I don't have a six pack, I don't have a great job, I don't have a great car. When you look for that, you find, well, when you look for what's great, wow, you know, I do have

a little fat tummy, but my partner loves that. I do have not perfect skin, but who cares? It's really important to love all the things your body does, and when you fall in love with yourself, sounds very arrogant, but it is, and it's a lifelong romance. It never forgets your birthday, never disappoints you. You don't have to wax everything off, snip things off, inject things in. There's nothing to be taken away or added to make you love you. And falling in love with yourself is easy. It just starts with saying, you're a great person. You're kind, you're warm, no one goes, hey, I love you, because you got thin thighs, I go, I love you, because you're a good person, because you're funny, you're compelling, you're interesting.

No one ever says, I love you, because your skin is perfect, and if they did, who wants to be with someone like that? So it's so important to love ourselves, to help our kids love ourselves, and to get away from this self-hatred, forcing your body to be something else, forcing you to be someone else, forcing yourself to be what other people want, rather than just going, hey, I'm me, and if you love me, that's great. If you don't, well, that's okay, because I love me, because when you become someone else to make someone else, which I did a lot when I was growing up, I pretended to be this really confident, sparky person, which really wasn't me at

all. But then when someone loves you, you think, yeah, but they don't even know who I am. I've played a whole game here. I've faked all of this. And now I don't know how to show this person who I really am. But when you start from who you really are, I'm a flawed person. And I'm going to have a great flawed relationship with another flawed person. Because that's the best. You can never be a flawed person having flawed relationships with flawed people.

And it's so you can actually start to breathe out and you go, yeah, you know, I'm not perfect. Neither are my friends or my partner. But I'm having a great time because people love me, not the me. I think I've got to pretend to be to get through life. I think what you're saying is super important. It's so important to speak positively to yourself,

to boost yourself up, to love yourself, and not to try to find love and other people. I think all the advice that you're giving is so great. So I know that when you're working at Jane Fonda's Fitness Center, you met a pioneer in hypnotism. What did you learn from him? And what is hypnotherapy for people who may not know?

You know, hypnotherapy is people think it's about going to sleep. It's actually a sleep of the nervousness. You have a subconscious mind and a conscious mind. The subconscious runs the show. And you know, we, again, we keep trying to make these changes come to the imagine if you're scared of dogs, terrified of dogs. You need to remember the little tiny, shawawa in that. I was going, well, you know, this is a little cute thing.

And look, it's so lovely. And I'm holding it. We'll never hurt you. That's all logic. But the emotion is no, no, no. That dog's going to bite me and attack me. So fears are emotional. Here's a rule of the mind.

And a battle between logic and emotion, emotion always, always, always wins. And so hypnosis doesn't do logic changing. Let's talk about your feelings. Oh, you're scared of mice. Let's maybe draw a picture or talk about mice and understand mice or indeed spiders. Because logic doesn't work, the emotional mind is going to run the show. And so what hypnosis does is takes you back to a place in time

and you're required of fear, show you what was going on, and then change the perception. You know, you were talking a bit before about language, so was I. And here's the thing, you can choose to be negative, and you can choose to be positive. But what you cannot choose is the damage you do to your body when you use negative language. My job is killing me. This kid is driving me insane.

My partner makes me want to kill myself. I'm the size of a house. I've got a butt, the size of a compton. We say these crazy things and don't understand that the subconscious mind is always listening. It's always on record and it believes everything you tell is when you say, of one more person goes,

and I'm gonna kill myself, the subconscious mind believes, oh, you're gonna kill yourself with one more person, don't you? My job is to keep your lives. I'm just going to turn you into a really cold, hearted solitary person. And now you can never be dumped. When you say to the subconscious, this commute is going to be the death of me.

Your mind goes, you know what? Why don't I give you chronic diarrhea, panic attacks? Because I can't have you go on that commute that you keep saying is killing you. So we really need to understand the subconscious mind is emotional and not logical. And to realize that when we say these things like, oh, I'm losing my shit, I will say that all the time.

You're such a crazy expression because it's not true, but your mind starts to believe it's true. I met this amazing doctor who said, you know, my favourite expression, it's very British, this is doing my head in it, doing my head in it's doing my...

I got a brain tumor and I knew that it was what I was saying. And then somebody wrote to me and said, you know, I listen to you talking and what I say every day, I just can't me and said, you know, I listen to you talking and what I say every day, I just can't stand it. I can't stand it when my kids don't put the lives on jars. I can't stand it when my husband leaves his clothes

all over the floor. And the arches of my feet had collapsed and I was in immense pain. And I stopped saying those words in the evening, guess what happened? My foot arch just just went back to normal. How weird is that? Well, that's actually not weird,

because your mind uses your words to work out what's going wrong. You know, I have it men who will say, oh, you know, this is getting on my nerves and it's driving me crazy. And then they say, and I've got, um, itchy skin or irritable bowel or chronic digestion. And we see a lot of autoimmune diseases now where their body is turning on itself.

And a lot of people think, I'm crazy for saying this, but I believe that this self-hatefied we have of ourself, this belief that I've got to look like someone in a magazine, which is all airbrushed and not real. If you go through this cell but wait a minute, look at this, oh look at this, stay to me, look at my hair, look at my skin, I look terrible, I look old or tired. It isn't surprising that when you're practicing self-hatred you might just get an autoimmune disease and before you dismiss that out of, doctors now say that 70% of patients turning up

at A&E have real physical problems that are caused by disease thinking. So many of our modern issues, the panic attacks, the anxiety, and not that your organ is diseased, but your thinking is diseased. You know, we think we're machines with broken parts, but we're people with broken experiences. And so hypnosis is, I think, the most profound way of going back and saying, let's take a look at this. I mean, I give you a great example. I met a girl.

She, I met her online because she couldn't leave the house because she had this hypersensitivity today like to some like any UVA rays would burn her skin. And so she was condemned to staying in the house. She was a coach. She worked from home. And she didn't go out at night. And that was a horrible life for her, but she wasn't born like that. And when we went back and had a look at when this began, she said, oh, I was being really bullied at school. And I said to my mum, I don't want to go to school anymore. My mum said, don't be ridiculous. You have to go to, I have to go, I hate my job, I've got to go to work, you've got to go to school, suck it up. And I asked her, and I said, my mum, I'm being really badly bullied, please,

can I say him? And she said, no. And she said, you know, I long to stay at home. It seems so seductive to stay at home. And then I got this skin issue and I couldn't leave the house. And so what's so interesting is your mind is like the genie and your wish is it's no matter when a child goes, I just I'd never want to leave the house. I want to stay at home. I don't want to leave the house. The mind goes, okay, I don't want to leave the house, the mind goes, okay, that's the direct request. In fact, it's a command and my job is to make that real. So now I'm going to create a way of you never leaving the house. That's an extreme exam.

We've all done this thing where we go, oh God, what I'd give for a week lying around on the sofa, doing nothing and learn how do we get the flu. We've often said things that are dreading, dreading next Wednesday I've got to give a presentation or a speech. I'm taking this exam and as next Wednesday comes along we wake up with chronic diarrhea or the flu or a headache because our mind listens and acts to the words we tell it and all you have to do is change the words. Next Wednesday got a meeting. Just challenging but I'm going to be amazing. I know what to say. I'm really good at my job. This commute is a

challenge but hey I can listen to great audiobooks. I can take time for myself and my problem this commute to work on the 405 freeway, someone else's fantasy dream come through, my kid keeps me up and I someone on the other side who would have given anything to have a kid like that and it doesn't last long. So you've got to stop the negative and accentuate the positive and then your mind doesn't think, wow, you keep saying, this job's killing me, my kids driving me crazy. Now I've got, I'm excited, I can't have another kid. Because you keep telling your mind, it's killing you. So be aware of how you talk to yourself and

understand that although you're choosing the negative, you're not able to choose how that impacts your health. Change your dialogue. Change the way you talk to yourself. Change the words you use. And it really does change everything. Just something as simple as changing nervous to excited. I'm terrified. I'm excited. This is a nightmare. This is a challenge. This is killing me. This is stretching me. This is driving me and saying, well, my kids just age appropriate. They're awake all night. When they're 15, I wish they were home in bed keeping me up. They leave smeary, peeing up by the stands all over the counter, but in 10 years they won't even be here and I wish they were. So, look at the word you use

and change and because it really does change everything. And it's easy and it's free and it's kind of almost instant too. Oh my gosh, this is such a good stuff Marissa. I'm really enjoying this conversation. So, let's stick on mindset a bit. Let's talk about affirmations, which you actually don't call them affirmations. You call them, I think, truth statements or statements of truth. So why don't you call them affirmations? What's wrong with that word?

There's nothing wrong with affirmations except many of my clients are gonna go, hey, I've got an affirmation. I've got a little poster and it says, life is a beautiful walk in the park and the sun is always shining and that's actually not true. Sometimes, you know, the sun isn't shining and you tread in dogmas and it's not what you think it is and I think statements or two should be about you. You see the words that follow, I am follow you.

And so the same truth is say I am and then go, I am positive, I am lovable, I am worthy, I am enough. I am an amazing person. I have something incredible to offer the word. You know, we present something to the mind and it turns around and presents it right back. So when the words that follow, I am, or I am inadequate, I am useless, I am a failure, I am not enough.

You present that and then sadly you become it. And so, statements of truth are really, what do you want to say about yourself? And it's not an affirmation, it's the truth. Here's the truth about you. You're amazing, you're unique. There's no one else in the world. You have something amazing to offer the world. Even if you don't know it, you have a gift. You're meant to be here.

You're meant to be you exactly the way you are. And so when you can begin to go, I am. You know, I love this so about Meryl Streep. She went up for the part in King Kong, the Jessica Lang was given. And after her addition, the director said, Meryl, I'm going to tell you the truth. You're not pretty enough for this part.

And you're never going to make it in the movies. And you need to go home and do something else. And she said, you know what? That's your opinion. In a sea of opinions I think I'll go away and find a better opinion and I love that about her because when he said no she said I'm not letting that in and if you ever saw one of my favorite films out of Africa where Robert Redford was washing her hair in the bath she looked so beautiful in that. But you know, being a great actress is not about just being beautiful.

And I love the fact that when he said no, she didn't let that in. So he had a statement of truth. And she said, oh, I've got a different statement of truth. I am going to be a phenomenal actress. Someone said to me, Naomi Campbell, Naomi, you'll never get on the cover of Vogue. That door is shut to black model.

She said, shut. I'll kick it open. And that's a statement of truth. It's like, it's not your statement. It's my statement. The director's story was that Merrill wasn't pretty enough. The Vogue story was that aeryl wasn't pretty enough. The vague story was that a black girl couldn't be on the cover, but that was their story.

It wasn't your story. Your mother didn't love you, that's her story. It's not your story, your story is your amazing. My parent's story was, our son is amazing and our daughter's a disappointment, but that was wasn't my story that was their story so that was their statement truth it wasn't mine it was for a while then I thought well I can have a

different statement I'm amazing got something to offer the world and I'm here for a reason and so a statement of truth is, don't pick up someone, as when some person goes, oh, I don't love you anymore. You're not what I want, that's their story. It's not your story. Your story is, well, that's your loss. I'm amazing.

And so many people go, yeah, you know, I was dumped. And their story is, I wasn't enough for that person but the real story is, everything they loved and you want, so still in you, they didn't pack it in their bag when they left and took it with them. So don't make someone else's story so your dad left before you were born? That's his loss. That doesn't mean you're not amazing and incredible and meant to be here. So the statement of truth is not making someone else's story your story. It's deciding what you want to hear and saying it as a statement of truth. So when you say it, you say it with unshakable conviction.

You say it with certainty. You don't just write, I'm enough on a little post-it note and stick it on your fridge. You read it. You say it. You go, I am enough. And you say it in a way that's convincing and powerful. You use that unshakable, unwavering conviction and certainty in your voice.

So if you want to believe something about yourself, make it a statement of truth, own it, say it, affirm it, state it. Because what's so amazing is that when you do it so quickly, it stops being what you say and it really becomes who you are. I've been a therapist my entire adult life. And I've become a come-up who don't have a voice, can't speak, or is crying, and in half an hour, there was a different person they go, wow, I never knew that I could hold my head up and say, I'm matter, I'm significant, I'm lovable, and I'm enough, and it would become real. So that's why I call it statements. I find affirmations are not always,

they can't be wishy-washy, the sun's always, every day in every way I'm getting better and better is an affirmation, but that's very vague. What does that even mean? An author, a statement of truth is every day, I wake up knowing I'm matter. I feel great about who I am. I've got a purpose.

I'm here for a reason, don't know what that is, but I know I'm going to find it and live it and live my best life. So I think statements are just more powerful and more clear than affirmations. Affirmations can be clear Sometimes they're not. I don't believe in them. I just prefer statements. Hear that sound, young and profitors. You should know that sound by now. But in

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Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks for listening to Young and Profiting Podcasts. I am so happy to have had that conversation with Marissa. I feel so inspired. I learned so much about the power of our words and how they affect our subconscious. Marissa told us that she had an emotionally neglected childhood. Her father was often away, her mother was always sick and having meltdowns, and Marissa realized from a young age that we all take on different roles. Her mother took on the role of the sick one. Her father took on the academic role, and she took on the caring role.

During this time in her life, she realized that we are only needing one person to believe in ourselves. For me, that person was my father. For her, that was her grandmother. If you don't have that, we can try to find that one person who will believe in us. This might sound intimidating, especially if you have nobody in your life, but the only way to attract that person is to start loving yourself. We try so hard to make people love us instead of focusing on our own self-love and care.

Marissa said, it's hard to find someone who believes in you when you don't believe in yourself. To love ourselves, we have to forget about the statement I am not enough and start speaking positively into our lives. We are the ones that tear ourselves down the most. We all have life experiences that have damaged our confidence or self-esteem. It's never too late to have a happy childhood, to be a parent to yourself or to recover from the past. Marissa reminded me that the most important thing

that everyone wants is reassurance. Ask yourself what are the words that I want and I need to hear and then say them to yourself over and over and over again. Marissa knows that emotion always wins the battle over logic. When our emotions are high and we tend to start speaking negativity into our lives. You cannot choose the damage that you do to your body when you use negative language. Our subconscious mind is always listening. When we say horrible things like I'm losing it or you're killing me, our mind starts to believe that it's true. Your mind can't tell the difference between a truth and a lie. To negate these negative thoughts, we have

to say affirmations and statements of truth to ourselves instead. Compliment yourself and shut out all that unnecessary noise around you. The statement of truth is not making someone else's story your story. It's saying what you want to hear with unshakable certainty in a way that is convincing and powerful. Tune in next week to hear the second part of this amazing and inspiring interview with Merce Appear and we'll continue the conversation about being enough and accepting self-praise. Now, as always, I want to end this episode giving a five-star review to one of our Apple

podcasts reviewers. And if you didn't know, Apple Podcast reviews are the number one way to think us here at Younger Propagnie Podcast. It is a free and effective way to support the show. It impacts our social ranking. It impacts people listening to the show and feeling motivated to listen. And it's a great way to show your support. It is the best way to think as honestly. It is my favorite thing to read your reviews. It keeps me motivated. This week's shoutout goes to Greta Cimo and she says, Queen Halla Taha. I love Young and Profiting Podcast so much.

Halla is a dedicated professional who has such a fascinating background and career journey. She truly cares about giving back to her listeners and she is such a role model to me. Wow, thank you so much Greta for your amazing review. I'm so happy to hear that you believe that I'm your role model and I hope to continue to inspire you. I hope that you continue to listen to Yatt podcasts to level up your life and to everybody out there tuning in. If you find value in the Young and Profiting Podcast, take a moment.

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Let me know what you're thinking. Let me know what you think about the show. If you listen every week, I want to shout you out on the podcast. Take time to leave a review. And you guys can also find me on social media. You can find me on Instagram at Yapathala or LinkedIn. Just search for my name, Hala Tah-Hah. And speaking of Instagram, go ahead, take a screenshot of this app uploaded to your Instagram

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