Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - Marisa Peer [Part 2]: You Are Enough | E135

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

Looking to gain more confidence or ease your worries? In this episode, we are talking with Marisa Peer, globally acclaimed therapist, best-selling author, and award-winning speaker. Her mission is to... spread the message that there are simple, rapid, and effective techniques everyone can use that can truly change lifes. Having helped her clients, including Hollywood celebrities, CEOs, royalty, and sports stars for over 30 years, she created her multi-award-winning Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) to make these techniques available to everyone. RTT® now trains thousands of therapists each year, creating a ripple effect of transformation worldwide. She also dedicates her time to developing powerful self-hypnosis programs designed to release common blocks people face in every area of their life, from self-confidence, weight, relationships, finances, and much more. A best-selling author of five books, she also started the I Am Enough movement. In today’s episode, we discuss how we can better take compliments from the people around us and how that affects the way we speak to ourselves. We also talk about some of the most dangerous habits that we can fall into in today's world, and how to counteract those habits. Finally we talk about the Marisa's 3 P's and how you can redefine any problem in your life to more easily overcome it! Sponsored by -  Gusto. Get three months free when you run your first payroll at gusto.com/YAP ZipRecruiter. Try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE at ziprecruiter.com/yap Social Media:  Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at Hala@YoungandProfiting.com Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Follow Hala on Clubhouse: @halataha Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Timestamps: 9:03 - Right and Wrong Ways to Treat Compliments 13:47 - Can We Be Over-Confident? 22:59 - Counteracting Dangerous Habits 35:53 - Reframing Problems and the 3 P’s 38:57 - Why ‘You Are Enough’ 42:44 - Marisa’s Secret to Profiting in Life Mentioned In The Episode: Marisa’s Website: https://marisapeer.com/ Marisa’s Training Website: https://rtt.com/ I Am Enough: https://iamenough.com/i-am-enough-homepage/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, Join Uba 1 and save $0 delivery fee and percentage off discount subjects to older minimums and participating scores. Taxes and other fee sell apply. There are some things in life that I like to pick out myself. So I know I've got the one that's best for me, like my mattress, my shoes, and even my
Starting point is 00:00:37 wine. Some things are worth deciding just yourself. What if you could do the same thing for hiring? That's where Zippercuders invite to apply comes in. It lets you pick out your favorites from the best candidates. How does it work? Zippercuders sends you qualified candidates and you can easily invite your top choices to apply for the job. In fact, people rave about Zippercuders invite to apply feature because it has a much higher fall through rate. See for yourself. Go to zippercouter.com slash YAP to try zippercouter for free.
Starting point is 00:01:10 That's zippercouter.com slash app. You're listening to YAP, Young and Profiting Podcast, a place where you can listen, learn, and profit. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Halataha, and on Young and Profiting podcast, we investigate a new topic each week and interview some of the brightest minds in the world.
Starting point is 00:01:34 My goal is to turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your everyday life, no matter your age, profession, or industry. There's no fluff on this podcast, and that's on purpose. I'm here to uncover value from my guests by doing the proper research and asking the right questions. If you're new to the show, we've chatted with the likes of XFBI agents, real estate moguls, self-made billionaires, CEOs, and bestselling authors.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Our subject matter ranges from enhancing productivity, had to gain influence, the art of entrepreneurship, and more. CEOs and bestselling authors. Our subject matter ranges from enhanced and productivity, had again influence the art of entrepreneurship, and more. If you're smart and like to continually improve yourself, hit the subscribe button, because you'll love it here at Young and Profiting Podcast. Welcome to the second and final episode of our two-part series featuring Marissa Peer.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Marissa is a therapist, best-selling author and keynote speaker. Her mission is to spread the message that there are simple, rapid, and effective techniques everyone can use to change your life. She is the best-selling author of five books and the starter of the iconic I Am Enough Movement. In part one, Marissa talked about how she often felt emotionally neglected when she was
Starting point is 00:02:45 a child and how her upbringing led her to the statement of, I am not enough. As she got older, Marissa realized that she could change her mindset by talking differently to herself. After all, the most important words out there are your own words. If you missed our conversation in part one, make sure you go back and give that a listen before you continue on to part 2. Now in this part of the series, we'll touch on the difference between arrogance and confidence and how to celebrate your strengths with others.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Marissa teaches us how to take on a new perspective to our problems using her 3Ps, which will help us alleviate unnecessary self-doubt. Then we'll learn about the birth of Marissa's radical. I am enough movement and how once we change our thoughts, we can change our life. If you want to join us on our journey to self belief, keep on listening. I think what you're saying is brilliant. And I want to, you know, of course, I studied for this interview. And as I was listening to some of your rules and guidance when it comes to speaking to
Starting point is 00:03:45 yourself, there were some rules that I kind of wrote down. So being super repetitive, making sure you're in the present tense, using really exciting and descriptive words when it comes to our statements of truth. So could you talk to us about the right way and the wrong way that we should do this? Because I want to make sure that people have the knowledge to actually implement this in their lives. I think I created like 32, 26 rules of your mind. You can find them on YouTube because you see we're all told this little high. The mind is so complicated. It's incredibly complex. It takes a lifetime to understand your mind. No, it doesn't. The mind isn't complex. It's actually incredibly simple.
Starting point is 00:04:26 It does what it thinks you want it to do. So when you understand the rules of your mind, you could put them into practice. And here's a rule that we should all remember. Every word you speak is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche work to make real. So how do you understand the mind very simply? The mind only works in the present time. Just like a kid who doesn't understand what tomorrow is. You can't say to the mind, next year I'll be a millionaire, next year I'll have a beach body,
Starting point is 00:04:56 next year I'll find love, because the mind doesn't know what next year is. So you have to make your statements today. I'm becoming super lovable right now. I'm becoming wealthy right now. I'm becoming successful. I am successful. So it must be in the present tense. That's really important. And secondly, your words must make a clear picture. I'm okay. I'm not bad, life is good, that's not dynamic. I am magnetically lovable. I go out in the world and I have this magnetic love of it. I attract people that love
Starting point is 00:05:36 me and I love them. So the words must be really, really exciting and very descriptive. It's not enough to go, I'm okay, I'm not bad and it's definitely not good to go. I'm not fat, I'm not insecure, I'm not nervous because the mind only picks up words that make a picture. I don't eat cake. I don't want cake, I'm not interested in cake, is making you think about cake. I'm not nervous in front of clients, I'm not scared of selling, I'm not anxious about presenting. You're picking up the words nervous and anxious, so you have to flip that around and go, I am a phenomenal seller. I give amazing presentations. When I speak at work, everyone understands what I'm saying. They like me, they listen to me, I ask questions, I answer them, my boss loves me, they're noticing the power of me.
Starting point is 00:06:38 So present tense, really exciting word, descriptive words. Your words must be relevant up to date and descriptive and put words in front of you. I'm freaking awesome. I'm powerfully good at speaking. I'm amazingly magnetically lovable, make it exciting, dramatic, dynamic in the present tense. And the reason I emphasize that, I see so many people who go, yeah, I now tell them, I'm not scared. I'm not scared of speaking. I'm no longer going red and blushing and startling over words. You have to the opposite. I speak clearly. I pronounce words easily. A breath correctly, my energy level is phenomenal. And, you know, it's not hard to dialogue with your mind when you understand the rules, it must be in the present tense. It must make a picture. It must excite and turn on your mind.
Starting point is 00:07:42 And once you get that, it becomes easy and it must be repetitive. The mind learns by repetition and make what is unfamiliar familiar. So if it's unfamiliar to believe in yourself, make it familiar because here's a rule of the mind, the mind laughs what is familiar and would like to run back to what's familiar and run away from what is unfamiliar. That's a fact. But here's another fact, you can make anything you like familiar and if you make believing in yourself and growing yourself esteemed familiar and you're making not believing in yourself unfamiliar and it doesn't take longer to make self belief familiar. Just praise yourself. There is nothing, nothing on the planet that will grow yourself a steam like
Starting point is 00:08:33 self praise. Praise actually grows yourself a steam in any way. But if I say someone or you're so great, I love you're amazing. I may have an agenda. I may want something from them. But when I say it to myself, there's no agenda except growing self-esteem and self-esteem means after what I think of me. If I say, I hold you in the highest esteem, that's what I think of you but self-esteem is what you think of you and you can grow that. It's not arrogance, it's not being big-headed, it's that kind of quiet assurance that radiates on the mix. I live with it. Oh, I feel great in your company. It's just something about you. So, like yourself, like other people grow yourself as female, it will make you
Starting point is 00:09:18 so much happier, and it will make you a healthier, better person too. Something that you just said sparked my interest, and that's when somebody gives you a healthier, better person too. Something that you just said sparked my interest and that's when somebody gives you a compliment. What's the right way and the wrong way to treat a compliment so that we can expand our minds instead of contract it? I'm so glad you asked that because here's the thing. We want to expand. We want to expand out. You know the mind, you have an incredible potential and
Starting point is 00:09:45 you have no idea what your potential is because your potential expands and as you meet it expands more and more and more, when your mind expands when you dimension it never goes back. So imagine someone says, oh, I love that talk you gave and you went, oh, it's terrible, didn't you notice? I said the word wrong, I stumbled, I went over time, I got right, you gave and you went, oh, it's terrible, didn't you notice? I said the word wrong, I stumbled, I went over time, I got bright red now, you're diminishing it.
Starting point is 00:10:12 If someone gave you a gift, you would accept it. So when someone praises you, say thank you. Someone says to me, hey, I love your book, I say thank you so much, I wrote it. For that reason, I don't have to go, oh, actually, you know, really wasn't very good. And it has some terrible reviews. And it's not actually doing that well.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Do not diminish praise. When someone praises, they thank you. And even better, once you got used to saying thank you, add to it, hey, I love your jacket. I've had it for 10 years. Got it in target. Got a hole in it. So thanks. I love it too. It's've had it for 10 years, got it in targets, got a whole note. So thanks, I love it too. It's my favorite, it's my favorite color. So the first thing is
Starting point is 00:10:50 do not reject praise. When I go to Spain a lot and I notice when the waiter comes up and I say, thank you, they're going, no, no, no, don't mention it. When someone says, thank you, accept it. So the first thing is accept it. The second thing is add to it. Go, I'm so glad. One of my clients was a movie director. I love your movies. It was terrible. I said, we've got great reviews.
Starting point is 00:11:16 No, no, it was all, we got one in Oscar. There were no good nominations. But your second movie, there were even worse nominations. That is, oh, you're somebody who can't let him praise. I want you to say when I go, I love you, maybe thank you so much. I loved making that movie. This was somebody who was suicidal, who could not let him praise, and although it sounds always too good to be true, making him say thank you. I love making movies. It gives me pleasure, gives other people pleasure. It is important.
Starting point is 00:11:48 The second thing is if someone comes up and goes, hey, I love to talk to you. I love yours too, because now you're giving it back. Say thank you so much. Let it in and maybe after five or two minutes go by the way. I also happen to love your talk. If someone says, I love your shoes I
Starting point is 00:12:05 love yours that sounds normal but no because you're giving it back you want to expand and not contract when you're expanding and someone says I love your business I love the products you make I love love something. I love your hair. Don't go, oh no, my hair, I haven't washed it for a week because now you're contracting. And also when you go, I love your hair. You're also contracting, expand. When someone says, I hear, you're an amazing cell and you go, well, not really. It was just a fluke. There's a much better cell than in our company, but he was sick that week. You're contracting, expand into greatness by seeing praise as a gift.
Starting point is 00:12:51 You wouldn't go, oh, I don't want that gift. Let me give it back. Thank you so much. Is the first step. And then add to it, yeah, I love selling. I'm, yeah, apparently I'm really good at it because I really like it. And don't say, but you're so good at selling.
Starting point is 00:13:06 That's how you expand and not contract. We all want to keep expanding and praise you. So I would also praise other people. You know, when I'm in a store, I love saying to the check out person, oh, I love your voice. So your nails are really nice. So you smell lovely or thank you so much. I love going around the world, praising people saying you did a great job or, oh, you're a kid, so you love you a great parent,
Starting point is 00:13:31 because it builds people up, but there's no point in doing that if you're not also doing it to yourself. So praise will boost yourself a steam and criticism will wh it say let him praise praise yourself and don't let him criticism. I love that. Would you say that there's any chance that somebody can be over confident? Because there's a whole movement now where people want to be humble and I'm somebody who's very confident. I've been studying love attraction for a long time and so I feel no problem to praise myself and accept compliments but then sometimes I think people take it as arrogance. So how do we make sure that we don't come across as arrogant and can we be overconfident? When you see arrogance is trying to convince someone else. I'm amazing me. I'm better than you. I've
Starting point is 00:14:28 smarter. I've got a better education than you. I got more than you. See, if this was a little seesaw, this is where we start off. But an arrogant person believes that actually this is you. This is then the arrogant person sees life like that. And they have to diminish you and elevate themselves for that to happen, but they really want back to happen. So an arrogant person is not confident. Confident people don't brag. They're like, hey, I've got more money than you. My job's better than yours.
Starting point is 00:14:57 My car is better than yours. A confident person isn't a brag. They're not to show off. They often, they just have that confidence themselves, so I'm okay at this. And so arrogance is just the other end of the scale of insecurity. I'm insecure, and I need you to make me feel better. I'm insecure, so I'm going to brag and show off and convince you that I'm amazing because I don't really think I am. But right in the middle of the arrogant interview
Starting point is 00:15:29 is what I call honoring your self. Telling your self is, but you don't walk around going, I'm great, me, I'm amazing. You just at home or in your head say, I'm okay, I'm doing a great job, I've got something to offer the world. I loved it when Snoop Dogg said, I'm going to congratulate myself here. I have worked really hard, so what I'm thinking, everyone's, why don't I thank myself?
Starting point is 00:15:55 And I thought that wasn't arrogance. And I've seen many other people when we were giving certificates at my last RTT training in London, I've got one coming up in Berlin very soon but when people are coming up to get their certificates and RTT, who are you going to all thank this teacher, the students who want to say, I want to thank myself because I have worked so hard, I've saved up, I've worked hard, I've given this everything I've got and I've got this qualifications and I'm going to thank myself and I loved that. That wasn't arrogant. You did it in such a lovely way. So you can't be overconfident. That's that fake it till you make it because real confidence isn't fake. It's saying, oh, you're having
Starting point is 00:16:38 a problem with your computer. I'm really good at computers. I can fix it. Oh, you've got a headache. I'm really good at massaging pressure points and I could fix it. Oh, you've got a headache. I'm really good at massaging pressure points and I could help you. Oh, you're having problems. Let me help you. This is my gift. I'm good at this, but no one's good at everything. So confidence is not showing off.
Starting point is 00:16:58 It's that quiet self assurance. You know, many years ago, my previous partner had cancer and he went to see his own oncologist and he came back and he said, well, he's going to do his best. And I knew that those very words were nice. I said, let me take you to the best prostate cancer doctor. So I don't want to see him. I said, no, he's just going to see him. And he said, I happen to be the best prospect cancer doctor in Europe.
Starting point is 00:17:25 And I'm going to make you better. You're going to live. He said, oh, the other guy said he was going to try. I said, no, no, no, we don't try. We do. Under my hands, this is a walk in the park, we'll remove it. You're going to be great.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Your life will be normal. You're going to live until you're 92. Was that arrogance? He said it in such a nice way. If you go to the school and they go, well, our gift is to take your kid and to give you back in a couple of years, a really rounded person, smart, confident, outgoing, happy. And that's so arrogant. I think I'll find a different teacher who says, well, we do the best we can, but you know, there's no guarantees. Who wants to go to a doctor who says, well, we do the best we can, but there's no guarantees. Who wants to go to a doctor who says, well, I do the best,
Starting point is 00:18:08 but who knows? It's a lottery here dealing with your illness. When people say, I have got an ability to heal you, help you sort this out. If I said to somebody, my washing machine is leaking, can you fix it? Oh, yes, we're the best washing machine fixtures in LA and we can be there in an hour. I don't want somebody to go, like, try, but who knows. So confidence is that reassurance in who you are and what you have to offer, but also recognizing that other people are also
Starting point is 00:18:44 good at things. There's many things I can't do. I love giving jobs. I have a girl who works me called Rosie, who is the most amazing writer, much better than me. And I give her all our writing jobs because she's that's her gift, she's extraordinary. So a confident person doesn't go, I'm good at everything. They go, no, actually, that's not my gift. I'm not really good at it. Even I, no, actually, that's not my gift. I'm not really good at it. Even I, Gerald Lawson, who's amazing and amazing cook said,
Starting point is 00:19:09 I'm not really good at playing with children. I like cooking, but never being good at that. When people say I'm good at everything, that's arrogance. When they say my gift is X, and someone else's gift is why, like my husband is amazing at marketing. I'm not interested in what he's amazing at cooking and he loves going he loves wandering around shops looking at food and different spices I
Starting point is 00:19:35 don't interest in that at all but I love that that's his gift is certainly not mine but you're only supposed to have one so confident people do you have a degree of humility as well. And they also celebrate other people's wins. You know, natural leaders, they don't, they celebrate everyone else's wins. They make people feel part of a team. And so if someone is arrogant, I can promise you
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Starting point is 00:22:40 This episode of Yap is brought to you by Gusto. If you're a small business owner, you gotta listen up. Running a business is super hard. We all know that. There's endless to-do lists, employees to take care of, and your ever-present bottom line. So first of all, give yourself a pat on the back for staying on top of it all. Gusto wasn't just built for small businesses. It was built for the people behind them.
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Starting point is 00:24:24 at gusto.com slash app. So I wanted to get into a quick fire segment. I know that you have some dangerous habits that you talk about, which could lead us to lose our success. So I was thinking I could rattle off a dangerous habit. And then you could give us some advice to counteract that dangerous habit. So dangerous habit number one, waiting for perfection. Yeah, you see, waiting perfection is you've entered a race. Here's the race, here's the finishing line. I know she run towards it. It moves and it moves and it moves and when you enter a race to be perfect, you can never even complete it. There is no perfect.
Starting point is 00:25:05 Nature doesn't allow that. Stop trying to be perfect. You can certainly perfect your craft, but I could say, as a speaker, I'm always learning. As a writer, I'm always learning. We are in that, it's like that can I constant and never ending improvement, but don't try to be perfect.
Starting point is 00:25:24 People are trying to be perfect. People who try to be perfect are the unhappiest but they're also the loneliest because guess what? We don't like perfect people. They seem to shine so bright that we feel somewhat inadequate in their light. So please don't try to be perfect. Just be you. There's no prize of being perfect. It's a lonely world when you're perfect because we're all flawed, we're all imperfect. And actually our imperfections make us very, very and doing, we go, you know, I love the fact that I love it that my partner's got a little tummy because I can have one too. I love the fact that my mom isn't perfect. I don't have to be perfect. I love the fact that my father left my perfect. I don't have to be perfect. I love the fact that my father left my mother
Starting point is 00:26:06 because when I wanted to leave college, I could go back and go, hey, Dad, you know, I know you want me to stay, but you know how you had to leave my mom no matter what. That's how I feel about leaving college. I have to leave. And I was so glad I had a flawed parent because it allowed me to be flawed myself.
Starting point is 00:26:23 So rather than trying to be perfect, celebrate your flaws, it makes you human. And that's a wonderful thing. Love that. Okay. Dangerous habit number two, doubting yourself. It's okay to doubt yourself. Let's imagine you're going to be a speaker and you go, well you know, I need to learn. So I need to learn when I was first given a tech talk, I was the open of a tent and they said, you must finish in 18 minutes, those were 15, you must be finished in 18. So I had to practice that. I got to get really used to this speech. So it starts and ends in 18 minutes. And I hadn't done that before and it was very good for me to time it and get it just right.
Starting point is 00:27:05 So if a little bit of self doubt makes you think, hey, I'm going to go for this job, but I need to learn more that's okay. But the negative is I'm going to give a presentation. I know I'm going to mess it up. I know I'm going to go right, ready to open my mouth and go up and sound like an idiot. Don't do that. Say things like, I've got this, I can do it, this is amazing, many years ago.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I just literally had a baby a week before, and I was going to do this television show, and I'd recorded everything you just say on a cassette tape, that's how long ago it was, and I got in the car, and I pressed rewind, and I drove there, and I said, oh my God, I forgot to play it. I was just the radio.
Starting point is 00:27:46 I thought, well, you know what? That's a sign I don't need it. If I didn't play it back, I guess I don't need it. It's going to be just great. So when you say, well, this is going to be great. I may not be prepared, but it's okay. I can do this. I've got this.
Starting point is 00:28:01 This has got my name all over it. I want it. I love it. I've chosen it and I've chosen to feel greater but I find the magic words are I want this. I want it. I've chosen it. I love it. Love it. Love it. That will smash out self-doubt for you and that's a wonderful thing. I love that. Okay. Dangerous bad habit number three, procrastinating and self sabotaging. Well, you see, you know, I see people all the time. I've been a therapist for 30 years. I created our TT. We've trained 10,000 therapists all over the world. And you'd be amazing to come in with self doubt and self sabotage. And that is nothing more than the fear of rejection, in a most profound fear is rejection.
Starting point is 00:28:47 If you reject me, I'll die. And actually, it wasn't that long ago that that was true. We had to live in a tribe. So if you are a self-sabotal, if you procrastinate, say, I'm doing this because I'm scared of rejection. If I don't do the work, if I don't write that presentation, if I don't write that presentation,
Starting point is 00:29:07 if I don't work on my website or weekend and put it off, and then it never gets built, then when my business goes, I go, well, you know what? Because I never built that website. If I sabotage myself, it's to stop myself feeling that I'm not enough. And all of those habits stem from the real fear of rejection, but here's the truth, the only person you can reject you is you. So you could go, okay, I'm writing a book. It might fail. I don't know, but I'm giving it everything I've got.
Starting point is 00:29:37 And if it doesn't get picked up, well, at least I wrote to you, I did everything. That's better than saying, I could have written a book. I should have done, but I never did, or I started, never finished. So procrastination and self-sabotage are really nothing more than a fear of being rejected. The only person who has the real power to reject you is you. I've had manuscripts sent back many times, as so did JK Rowling, but you just pick it up and send it back again until someone accepts it. And if they never do you go, well, I tried that. It wasn't meant to be. And then I moved on to something else. So you can stop sabotage. By the way, you talk to yourself,
Starting point is 00:30:19 you can stop procrastination almost immediately by going, I want this, I've chosen to give it my all. That's what I've chosen. Because when you say that your mind goes, oh, right, you do have a choice. And you're choosing to give it all, but when you go, I'm dreading it. It's so boring writing. I hate spending all my weekends putting together my business.
Starting point is 00:30:42 And I go, you know what? I think there's a sock drawer that needs really sorting out here because you're telling your mind, I don't want to do this. And when you go, I want it, I want it, I love it, I love it. I love it. Even when it's not true, it becomes true.
Starting point is 00:30:57 So that is the magic word for saboteurs. I want it, I love it, I've chosen, I've chosen to feel great about it. And I'm on it right now. I think that's great. This one is really important, especially in the day of social media. So, dangerous habit number four, comparing ourselves to others. You know, we have this whole thing which I find so sad.
Starting point is 00:31:22 We decide we are something to do with the numbers, the weight on the scales, the number in my clothes, the number in my bank, the number in my birthday, the number, how many followers, how many likes have I got? And we're now judging ourselves by numbers, you are not a number, you are not your ears, your weight, your shape, your size, you are not your followers. Do not allow yourself to believe that that matters. What matters is that other people in your life who love you are happiest moments that
Starting point is 00:31:57 always are interactions with others and interactions on social media are very nice, but they are not real. I mean, I can say that having people who are so lovely to me on social media, and say, oh, I love you, somebody said to me, you want you know, you're the only person in my whole world that says something nice to me every day. And I love that, but that was a shame that that person didn't have somebody in the flesh who did that. But maybe by hearing me say it, she could believe she was worthy and go out and find real flesh and bone people to do that too.
Starting point is 00:32:32 So don't allow yourself to read that you are the number of your followers, that that is real. The social media world is not real, it's quite fake. You may have a thousand followers. When you have the flu, are they turning up with chicken soup and some orange juice? I don't think so. So don't be deluded. It's great to have it. I've got lots of followers. They're lovely. I love having them. They make me feel great about myself, but I also understand that if I have a bad day, it's my husband, my daughter, my sister,
Starting point is 00:33:05 my wonderful friends, or turning up to say, let's say when I was sick, you know, it was my friends who turned up in hospital to boost me up and we got to really, really, realize it's real people that you can hug and hold hands with. And I sometimes take on parents and say, you know, yeah, I read my daughter a story every night
Starting point is 00:33:26 on Zoom. I'm like, no, you need to be there. It's okay if you're traveling, but every night, I mean, that's not quality time. If someone said, hey, we'll have a daton Zoom. You go, well, that's not the same. I don't want a daton Zoom. And if you wouldn't't Dayton Zoom, don't believe you can parent on Zoom. It's in addition to it's not instead of, and social media friends should be in addition to, never instead of real friends, and social media dating. That's just to get you to the part where you meet.
Starting point is 00:34:00 If you never meet, that's not dating at all. 100%. Okay, let's do one more for dangerous habits, overwhelming ourselves. Yeah, I was like, you are a human being, not a human being. And I have pets. And they sleep a lot. They have a bit of activity. They spend ages doing absolutely nothing, lying in the sun, having a wonderful life.
Starting point is 00:34:24 I've spent a lot of time with tribes who do the same. They hunt, they cook, they hunt and gather, but they spend a lot of time sitting around the fire too and just being. And you're supposed to be and not do. And I think we've got this whole thing about I'm busy. I'm so busy, that makes me important. I'm busy, busy, busy. You're actually like a battery. And a battery must be recharged. And I think we should all go, hey, now I'm lying on the sofa now, and I'm recharging like a battery.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I've been to work, I've given a lot, and I'm gonna come home and do nothing. And there's no guilt, because I'm recharging. Like if I just kept charging my phone for five minutes here and there, it would keep dying. I use that phone and then overnight I give it a rest, I give myself a rest and I recharge it and I recharge myself. So when you're feeling overwhelmed because you've taken on too much, don't feel guilty about doing nothing, don't believe that you must be busy. But if you don't have
Starting point is 00:35:25 any choice but have on too much because you're a parent with a career and maybe you're learning something new as well, decide it's okay. I've got this, this too will pass. I can write about, raise a family, go to college, even work out, it's a lot. But I'm just doing this for now. This is not my life, it's just my life for this next year. So when you are in overwhelm, you can say, this is how I am today. This is not my life. This is just my week or even my weekend or maybe this day. Overwhelmed is okay if you get it into perspective and decide, I can do this for now, but it's not forever. I can go to college and I am going to be studying for three years and it's a lot, but this
Starting point is 00:36:11 two will pass. So overwhelm, really get to a cycle, p, p, p personal, pervasive, and permanent. And that really means that you think, it's me, I can't cope, it's here all the time. And it's always gonna be here all the time. If it's not permanent or pervasive, it means going all the time. If it's not permanent, it's not, you can deal with overwhelm.
Starting point is 00:36:39 So see it as temporary. You can do everything you can to lessen it. And don't be perfect. Hey, I could make a perfect dinner, but I can also just make this dinner. I could try to make my presentation perfect. I could go, you know, it's good enough right now. Overwhelming is this needing to be perfect. You're not supposed to be perfect. You're supposed to be a flawed human. Having flawed relationships with flawed humans, it's the best you can ever be, it's great. So, overwhelm comes from this drive to be perfect and that drive
Starting point is 00:37:13 is a lane that will take you to unhappiness, sadness and loneliness to get out of that lane and get into the flawed lane, there's great company there and you'll be much, much happier. I'm really glad you brought up those three piece because I was hoping that you were going to cover it and I'd love for you to just repeat that because I want my listeners to really understand that that any problem is not really a problem if it doesn't fit in one of these three piece and it will help them reframe and kind of live a happier life. So if you could just stress that a bit. So next imagine you've got a really horrible ghost, a very difficult client, or indeed a very difficult teenager and we go, this is ruining my life. It's killing me. For it to get you, it has to have three piece. It has to be personal. But it's not personal. You're all teenagers
Starting point is 00:38:01 to their mothers. They're awful. Your boss is horrible to everyone. It's not personal. You're all teenagers to their mothers. They're awful. Your boss is horrible to everyone. It's not personal. Is it all pervasive? Not really. When you're at home having wonderful sex or having a nice dinner, is your boss in your house making you feel bad? No. Is it permanent?
Starting point is 00:38:17 No. One day your boss will retire. You'll leave. Your difficult kid will leave and you'll wish they were back in your house. So if something isn't permanent, isn't all pervasive, meaning it's going on all the time, 24 hours a day, and it isn't personal, then it will hurt you less. So it's just a good way of looking at whatever's going on in your life. I've got all this work.
Starting point is 00:38:42 It's killing me. Well, that's not permanent. You'll get through that work. And then you can say, I'm not ever going to take on that work, living, I'm got all this work, it's killing me. Well, that's not permanent, you'll get through that work. And then you can say, I'm not ever gonna take on that work, and I'm gonna learn to say no. So that's not permanent, it's not personal because the work isn't personal, and it's not all pervasive, you still get to sleep.
Starting point is 00:38:57 And if you'll say to me, you know, I eat all day, I'm out of control, I eat non-stop, I say, really? Even when you're in the toilet, well, no, not when I'm in the toilet. Do you sleep, do you eat when you're sleeping? No, I don't eat when I'm sleeping. So you're not really an out of control train wreck eating 24 hours a day like you just said.
Starting point is 00:39:14 No, but you know, my legs are the size of a house, really because you're in my house and you wouldn't have got through the door if you're legs are the size of a house. So I just get people to really pay attention to their language and to stop putting themselves down. Big yourself up, be nice to yourself, and realize that most of our problems are not permanent,
Starting point is 00:39:38 not personal, and guess what else? There's someone else's fantasy dream or someone on the floor, I'd love for your problem. I'd give anything to her husband with bad breath, a kid that left pants on the floor. I would love a baby that kept me up when I'd love to have that chance of giving a TED talk. I'd love to be in the traffic on the freeway, going to a job that pays the bills. So the PPP is a good one, but also to realize that your problem is someone else's fantasy dream come true. And also, what you've given for your problem 10 years ago, 10 years ago, you'd love to have had a kid that kept you up a partner that challenged you, a job that stretched you. It's something that's actually good, because
Starting point is 00:40:23 it means you're growing as a person, and that's always a good thing too. Your dog is an important part of your family. Don't settle when it comes to their health. Make the switch to fresh food made with real ingredients that are backed by science with nom nom. Nom nom delivers fresh dog food that is personalized to your dog's individual needs.
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Starting point is 00:41:47 He used to be pretty sluggish and sleeping all the time, but I've definitely noticed a major improvement since I started feeding him nom nom. In the best part, they offer a money back guarantee. If your dog's tail isn't wagging within 30 days, they'll refund your first order. No fillers, no nonsense, just nom nom. Go right now for 50% off your no-risk two-week trial at trinom.com-shap. That's trinom.nom.com-shap for 50% off trinom.com-shap. Hear that sound, young and profitors?
Starting point is 00:42:22 You should know that sound by now, but in case you don't, that's the sound of another sale on Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform that's revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you sell edgy t-shirts or offer an educational course like me, Shopify simplifies selling online and in person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Shopify is packed with industry leading tools that are ready to ignite your growth, giving you complete control over your business and brand without having to learn any new skills in design or code. And Shopify
Starting point is 00:42:54 grows with you no matter how big your business gets. Thanks to an endless list of integrations and third party apps, anything you can think of from on-demand printing to accounting to chat bots, Shopify has everything you need to revolutionize your business. If you're a regular listener, you probably know that I use Shopify to sell my LinkedIn secrets masterclass. Setting up my Shopify store just took me a few days. I didn't have to worry about my website and how I was going to collect payments and how I was going to trigger abandoned cart emails and all these things that Shopify does for me was just a click of a button even setting up my chat bot was just a click of a button. It was so easy to do. Like I said, just took a couple
Starting point is 00:43:34 of days. And so it just allowed me to focus on my actual product and making sure my LinkedIn masterclass was the best it could be. And I was able to focus on my marketing. So Shopify really, really helped me make sure that my master I was able to focus on my marketing. So Shopify really, really helped me make sure that my masterclass was going to be a success right off the bat. It enabled focus and focus is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship. With Shopify single dashboard, I can manage my orders and my payments from anywhere in the world. And like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do every day is check my Shopify dashboard. It is a rush of dopamine to see all those blinking lights around the world showing me where everybody is logging on
Starting point is 00:44:11 on the site. I love it. I highly recommend it. Shopify is a platform that I use every single day and it can take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com Sush Profiting. Again, go to Shopify.com Sush Profiting all lowercase to take your business to the next level today. Again, that Shopify.com Sush Profiting, Shopify.com Sush Profiting all lowercase. This is possibility powered by Shopify. Yeah, bam, if you're ready to take your business to new heights, break through to the six or seven figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people, look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Kelly Roach is a best-selling author, a top-ranked podcast host, and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of NotOne, but 6th thriving companies, and now she's ready to share her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client. And I remember when she came on Young and Profiting and she talked about her conviction marketing framework, it was like mind blowing to me. I remember immediately implementing what she taught me in the interview in my company and the marketing
Starting point is 00:45:25 efforts that we were doing. And as a marketer, I really, really respect all Kelly has done, all Kelly has built. In the corporate world, Kelly secured seven promotions in just eight years, but she didn't just stop there. She was working in I to five. And at the same time, she built her eight figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made her full-time hustle. And her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made her full time hustle and her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 award for the fastest growing business in the United States. She's built an empire she's earned a life changing wealth.
Starting point is 00:45:56 And on top of all that she maintains a happy marriage and a healthy home life. On the Kelly Road show, you'll learn that it's possible to have it all. Tune into the Kelly Road show as she unveils her secrets for growing your business. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out in your career or if you're already seasoned entrepreneur. In each episode, Kelly shares the truth about what it takes to create rapid, exponential growth. Unlock your potential, unleash your success, and start living your dream life today.
Starting point is 00:46:20 Tune into the Kelly Road Show available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you for digging deep around that. Okay, as we close out, I heard you say many times that we should tell ourselves that we are enough and you're very famous for a movement. I am enough. So talk to us, why is that phrase so important and why is that so much of the crux of the things that you teach? Well, the common denominator of all of our issues, I mean, I can say having been a therapist for so many years, all my adult life, the common denominator of all our issues is I'm not enough.
Starting point is 00:46:57 You know, I've worked with thousands and thousands of addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics, people who are addicted to food or self-harm. I've never met one who ever believed they were enough. You see, when you think you're not enough, you need more. If I'm not enough, I need more cake, more alcohol, more drugs, more shopping. I'm very needy, I need you to praise me because I'm not enough. But if I just take them not to go, I am enough, then I don't need something else to fill me up. And so the not Enoughness is an epidemic that's got worse and worse because we feel we're judged by again what we look like, how many followers
Starting point is 00:47:38 we've got. Are we doing something worthy? And the not enoughness society's really done a number on us. It's made women feel they've got to be supermodels. Mums feel they've got to be perfect. Men feel they've got to be earning a lot with a six pack. And I think the media magazines, and it's like when I used to watch friends, who knows a waitress that lives in Central Park? I mean, that's, it was a great show,
Starting point is 00:48:05 but that's just creating waitresses don't live in Central Park. I mean, this is just not real, but we look at someone with a baby, just like a baby who's perfect, we look at people like the Kardashian, oh my God, that's not real. And so when you compare yourself, you feel not enough.
Starting point is 00:48:24 And the transition from I'm not enough to I'm enough is amazing, because here's the thing. Imagine you start your day with, I'm not enough, that's a thought. But that thought makes you feel inadequate, makes you feel sad, might make you feel angry. So you have a thought, you have a feeling, and then you have an action, the action you have from a non-nive is often no action, I'm not going to take a risk, I'm not going to ask for that pay or I'll ask that person out. So your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, create your actions and your behaviors and you just to find them again. Well of course I didn't take a risk because I'm not enough. Take away the not, I am enough. Now you think well I'm enough. Well that's the whole lot of different feelings, I feel,
Starting point is 00:49:07 able to take risks, I feel good about myself, I feel worthy. I can ask someone out, I ask for a pay rise, and now my behaviors change, and my actions change, and I justify that because I'm enough. So thoughts create feelings, create behaviors, create actions, and they're justified by going back to the thought. Change the thought. It changes your entire life, and that's why I created the I'm Enough movement.
Starting point is 00:49:36 And it's an amazing movement, because people say, oh, over what you know, I just began to say that. And I was stunned by how it changed my life. I'd been depressed for years or anxious, or I started to say that. And I was stunned by how it changed my life. I'd been depressed for years or anxious or I started to say it. And in no time at all, I met someone, I'm now married, I managed to have a baby, I got to pay rise, I got the job of my dreams. It's a game changer, knowing you're enough. And if you want help, join the I'm enough. We've been going to I'm enough.com. We give away all these bracelets. It's I'm enough. I have it on cushions, on fridges. I have it everywhere because it's not a word. It's a statement I let in. So tell
Starting point is 00:50:18 yourself you're enough. Go to I'm enough.com. I promise you I guarantee it will actually change your life. I love that. And the last question I ask all my guests on young and profiting is what is your secret to profiting in life? Well, I've got a new book coming out in October and it's called Tell Yourself A Better Lie. And I guess that's one of my secrets. I realize that all my clients tell themselves lies. My job is killing me. This commute is killing me. My bum is the size of Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I'm falling apart. This is a lie. If you are prepared to lie to yourself, tell yourself a battle. I'm smart. I'm amazing. I'm loveable. I'm matter.
Starting point is 00:51:01 I've got something. I'm a good person. I'm love, well I'm mad, I've got something, I'm a good person, I'm significant, so I think it, and we all lie to ourselves, oh my life is a mess, I'm a hot mess, I'm a train wreck, it's just about understanding that your mind lets it in, so I think what stood me in very good stead is telling myself things that were probably seen as life Starting off as an insecure kid was asked to leave college and then saying I'm smart. I am matter I am loved one. I'm worthy of a loving relationship. I'm worthy of someone adoring me. I'm worthy of
Starting point is 00:51:41 earning a lot of money That was alive, but you know when I said it, it became true, I have an amazing marriage. I wouldn't have even, my life now, I couldn't have imagined that life when I was 17 or even 28. I couldn't have imagined having two homes and the life we have, the love we have,
Starting point is 00:52:00 the impact we make on people. And that's all because I began to tell myself a better lie than the first lie, which is, I don't know, to I'm a geek, I'm stupid, can't even have a baby. That was the first lie, but I told myself a better lie. And it's an amazing thing. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:52:19 Tell yourself a better lie. Where can our listeners go to find more about you and everything that you do, Marissa? Well, if you go to Marissapier.com, we've got tons of free audios. We don't ask for your credit card. We have audios on wealth wiring, love wiring, health wiring, money blocks, love blocks, they're all free. If you would like to train in RTT and do what I do do and there's no background in therapy required go to RTT.com. So RTT.com if you want to find a therapist will become me in a way but the version of me doing what I do because it is I think the best job in the world.
Starting point is 00:52:56 You can find me at marisapair.com, RTT.com and I'm enough.com and you can find my books on Amazon. You can find lots of my talks on YouTube and Instagram and I'm so glad I was called for a disappear because there's only one of me which is good. I used to keep my name but I love that now too because I'm so glad my parents didn't call me James Smith. So, Marisa, you can find me anywhere. And I have to say, you know, just studying for this interview was so enjoyable because I just love hearing you talk. I love the say, you know, just studying for this interview was so enjoyable because I just love hearing you talk. I love the things that you say. It's super positive. I just
Starting point is 00:53:30 feel like it's so healthy for people to talk about these things and it's not talked about enough. So thank you so much for your time and for going over. We'll put this out as a two-part episode and I think my audience is going to love it. Thank you so much, Marissa. Thank you so much too. I've loved it. You know, when you do it, you love. You feel that you've never worked today in your entire life. And I do work hard. I also feel like I never work hard, because I'm so lucky.
Starting point is 00:53:52 I do what I love, and I love what I do. And I can tell by your voice that you do too. Thanks for listening to Part 2 of my series with Marissa Peer on Young and Profiting Podcast. If you haven't yet, make sure you subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. I'm so happy that Merse join me to talk about competence and the outlook we need to reframe our problems. Merse taught us how to expand when we take a compliment versus contract. I know so many of us out there struggle taking compliments, but remember when somebody is giving us a compliment or words of encouragement, we should accept that praise.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Accepting praise expands our minds. Merissa also touched on the difference between arrogance and confidence. Ericant people brag and compare themselves to others. Confident people know that they have something to offer to the world. It's all about recognizing your own hard work and what you're
Starting point is 00:54:45 truly good at. Confidence is quiet self assurance. When Marissa's previous partner was diagnosed with cancer, they visited a doctor who said he was the best cancer specialist in Europe. Instead of saying he would try, he said he would do. He's not practicing arrogance. He was providing reassurance because he always tried his best, he always gets good results, and does a good job. To provide that reassurance and appear more confident to others, don't be shy to own what you're good at. Tell other people that you are the best of the best when it comes to what you do. I also love Tamarisa taught us about the strategy to reframe all of our problems using the three P's. I think this is super effective. So when
Starting point is 00:55:25 you're hurt, upset or angry, remember these three P's. Think about if the problem you're having is permanent, personal or pervasive. If something isn't permanent, personal or pervasive, it can't hurt you. Sometimes when a minor inconvenience comes along, we think it's the end-all-beal. But going But going through these three piece again, that's permanent, personal or pervasive, that can help you weigh the gravity of your situation. And then you realize that this problem is really not even a problem. It's not permanent. It's not personal and it's not pervasive. It's not going to last forever. And you realize that your problems can also be somebody else's fantasy. It'll make you feel more gratitude and you'll get over it more quickly.
Starting point is 00:56:08 Marissa also started the radical I am enough movement. We judge ourselves as not enough in so many ways. We think that we're not enough, we think we need more of something. The not-enoughness is an epidemic that people are going through. It is a game changer to start believing that you are enough. This is a statement I encourage all of you guys to let in and say every single day. By just saying those three words, I am enough, we can change our brains, thought patterns, and come to a place of self-love.
Starting point is 00:56:40 If you like this episode and you want to learn more about building self-confidence, go check out Episode 56 creating confidence with Heather Monahan. When we're babies and children, we're born just stepping into fear and seeing it as excitement and evolution. Like a baby doesn't lay there and say, well, I've never crawled before. I don't know if I should give this a shot. And then once they're crawling, they don't say, well, I don't know if I should give this a shot. And then once they're crawling, they don't say, well, I don't know if I should try to stand up. They just do.
Starting point is 00:57:09 They step into the fear. And when you look back on your life before people put limitations on you and you accepted them, before people told you you shouldn't try this, before people told you to go get in one lane, we innately knew continually to step into the fear, step into the unknown and that's how our life would accelerate. And so it's interesting, you know, based upon who you surround
Starting point is 00:57:34 yourself with, if you follow your passions or don't, you know, what story you tell yourself, you could be the one that's holding you back or you could be surrounding yourself with people holding you back or you could be in a situation where, you know, or you could be surrounding yourself with people holding you back, or you could be in a situation where, you know, you're not tapping into your real talents, but what I've learned is that in the past two years, I've grown more as a person, as a professional, than I ever had in the last 14 years at that company.
Starting point is 00:58:00 And that's really sad for me to understand that now, because I can imagine how much further I would actually be in life if I had been leaning into the fear, if I had been going to the next level every time that I got up to bat, you know, but I hadn't been, I had been doing the opposite. I was holding myself back so I could continue to fit into an environment that I had really outgrown. So it ends up being a real gift to say,
Starting point is 00:58:25 listen, if you're not scared today, you're not pushing the envelope, you're not growing. We were not built or born to just sit somewhere and be stagnant or even really to shrink. So why not step into that fear? Why not ask that person on the day? Why not write that book? Why not launch that show? Again, if you like this episode and you want to learn more about building confidence, go check out episode 56 creating confidence with Heather Monahan. Now as always, I want to shout out a recent Apple podcast reviewer and this week's shout out goes to Jaden Teal.
Starting point is 00:58:57 Jaden says, love this podcast. Hala is an amazing interviewer. She always finds the best experts to discuss a range of topics from social media, to mental wellness, to finance tips. I really enjoy every episode because Hala breaks the topic down and makes it digestible for everyone to truly listen, learn, and profit. A must listen podcast for anyone looking to improve themselves. All thank you so much, Jaden, for your amazing review.
Starting point is 00:59:26 I am so glad that you like our range of topics. I personally love to learn a new topic each and every week. It makes my job so satisfying. I get to continue learning and it is so rewarding. And it's especially rewarding to hear your guys' feedback. I love to read your reviews. So if you're out there tuning in, if you find value in this podcast week over week,
Starting point is 00:59:47 take a few moments to subscribe to this podcast, drop us a five star review, and then share young and profiting podcasts with your friends and family on social media. You guys can find me on LinkedIn, just search for my name, it's Hala Taha, or Instagram at Yap with Hala. Big thanks to the Yap team as always. This is Hala signing off. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive and more creative? I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project. And every week we share ideas and practical solutions
Starting point is 01:00:21 on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time, energy or money. Suggestions such as follow the one minute rule.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Choose a one word theme for the year or design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an under buyer, morning person or night person, abundance lever or simplicity lever, and every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happiness. Listen and follow the podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. You're getting a diploma. You can't eat a diploma, but you can eat wings and charlis. Get 23% off any order of 30 or 50 piece wings when you use promo code 23grat at charlis.com.
Starting point is 01:01:32 That's promo code 23grad at charlis.com. Charlis has wings. Weeds.

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