Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPClassic: Marisa Peer on Conquering Bad Habits and Overcoming Self-Doubt | Part 2

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. 58 million people suffer from joint aches and stiffness in the US every day. Ignoring chronic joint discomfort can affect mobility and your quality of life. Advanced nutrition company Healthy Cell created joint health and mobility to support connective tissue, joint lubrication, and reduce joint irritation with curcumin, omega-3, conjointin,

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Starting point is 00:01:02 Go to HealthyCell.com and use code Upgrade for 20% off your first order. HealthyCell.com code Upgrade for 20% off. What is up my young and profiting family? Welcome back to another YAP Classic episode. Merse is the award-winning founder of Rapid Transformation Therapy, which helps people rewire their brain to overcome things like anxiety, stress, lack of self-esteem, and addiction to live an impactful, purpose-driven life. Mursa's clientele includes Hollywood celebrities, CEOs, and professional athletes.

Starting point is 00:01:51 She's also the best-selling author of five books and the creator of the iconic I Am Enough Movement. Today, Mursa and I are talking about the difference between arrogance and confidence, why you should speak to yourself in the present tense, and will uncover the dangerous habits that are harming our mental health. Mercer will also break down how to navigate overwhelming situations by paying attention to your language. If you didn't listen to part 1, go ahead and listen to that first and come back afterwards. We talked about parenting yourself, practicing affirmations, and understanding the ways

Starting point is 00:02:23 you were conditioned as a child so you know how they impact you as an adult. Were we playing both parts of this episode in honor of mental health awareness month? Without further ado, here's part two of my interview with Merse Abhir. As I was listening to some of your rules and guidance when it comes to speaking to yourself. There were some rules that I kind of wrote down. So being super repetitive, making sure you're in the present tense, using really exciting and descriptive words when it comes to our statements of truth. So could you talk to us about the right way and the wrong way that we should do this? Because I want to make sure that people have the knowledge to actually implement us in their lives. We're all told this will hide. The mind is so complicated. It's incredibly complex. It takes a lifetime to understand your mind. No, it doesn't. The mind isn't complex. It's actually

Starting point is 00:03:17 incredibly simple. It does what it thinks you want it to do. So when you understand the rules of your mind, you could put them into practice. And here's a rule that we should all remember. Every word you speak is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche work to make real. So how do you understand the mind? Very simply, the mind only works in the present time. Just like the kid who doesn't understand what tomorrow is. You can't say to the mind, next year I'll be a millionaire, next year I'll have a beach body, next year I'll find love because the mind doesn't know what next year is. So you have to make your statements today, I'm becoming super loveable right now. I'm becoming wealthy right now, I'm becoming successful.

Starting point is 00:04:04 I am successful. So it must be in the present tense, that's really important. And secondly, your words must make a clear picture. I'm okay, I'm not bad, life is good. That's not dynamic. I am magnetically lovable. I go out in the world and I have this magnetic lover. I track people that love me and I love them. So the words must be really, really exciting and very descriptive.

Starting point is 00:04:35 It's not enough to go, I'm okay, I'm not bad, and it's definitely not good to go. I'm not fat. I'm not insecure. I'm not nervous because the mind only picks up words that make a picture. I don't eat cake. I don't want cake. I'm not interested in cake. Is making you think about cake. I'm not nervous in front of clients. I'm not scared of selling. I'm not anxious about presenting. You're picking up the words nervous and anxious. So you have to flip that around and go, I am a phenomenal seller. I give amazing presentations. When I speak at work, everyone understands what I'm saying. They like me. They listen to me. I ask questions. I answer them, my boss loves me,

Starting point is 00:05:27 they're noticing the power of me. So present tense, really exciting word, descriptive words, your words must be relevant up to date and descriptive and put words in. I I'm freaking awesome. I'm powerfully good at speaking. I'm amazingly magnetically loveable, make it exciting, dramatic, dynamic, in the present tense. And the reason I emphasize that, I see so many people who go, yeah, I now tell them, I'm not scared. I'm not scared of speaking. I'm no longer going red and blushing and startling over words. You have to do the opposite. I speak clearly. I pronounce words easily. A breath correctly. My energy level is phenomenal. And, you know, it's not hard to dialogue with your mind when you understand the rules, it must be in the present tense. It must make a picture.

Starting point is 00:06:31 It must excite and turn on your mind. And once you get that, it becomes easy and it must be repetitive, the mind learns by repetition and make what is unfamiliar familiar. So if it's unfamiliar to believe in yourself, make it familiar because here's a rule of the mind, the mind allows what is familiar and would like to run back to what's familiar and run away from what is unfamiliar, that's a fact. But here's another fact, you can make anything you like familiar. And if you make believing in yourself and growing your self-esteem familiar, and you're making not believing in yourself unfamiliar, and it doesn't take long at all to make self-believe familiar,

Starting point is 00:07:18 just praise yourself. There is nothing, nothing on the planet that will grow your self-esteem like self-praise. Praise actually grows yourself a steam in any way, but if I say someone, you're so great, I love you, you're amazing, I may have an agenda, I may want something from them, but when I say it to myself, there's no agenda except

Starting point is 00:07:40 growing self-esteem and self-esteem means after what I think of me, if I say, I hold you in the highest esteem So what I think of you but self-esteem is what you think of you and you can grow that It's not arrogance. It's not being big headed. It's that kind of quiet Assurance that radiation on the mix. I think oh, I feel great in your company. It's just something about you. So, like yourself, like other people grow yourself as female, it will make you so much happier and it will make you a healthier, better person too.

Starting point is 00:08:16 Something that you just said sparked my interest and that's when somebody gives you a compliment. What's the right way and the wrong way to treat a compliment so that we can Expand our minds instead of contract it. I'm so glad you asked that because here's the thing We want to expand we want to expand out you know the mind you have an incredible potential and you have no idea What your potential is because your potential expands and as you meet it expands more and more and more when your mind expands when you dimension it never goes back. So imagine someone says, oh, I love that talk you gave and you went, oh, it's terrible. Didn't you notice? I said the word wrong. I stumbled. I went over

Starting point is 00:09:01 time. I got bright red now. You're diminishing it. If someone gave you a gift, you would accept it. So when someone praises you, say thank you. Someone says to me, hey, I love your book, I say thank you so much. I wrote it for that reason. I don't have to go, actually, you know, really wasn't very good. And it has some terrible reviews. And it's not actually doing that well. Do not diminish praise.

Starting point is 00:09:26 When someone praises, they thank you, and even better, once you got used to saying thank you, add to it, hey, I love your jacket. I've had it for 10 years, got it in target, it's got a hole in it, so thanks, I love it too. It's my favorite, it's my favorite color. So the first thing is, do not reject praise. When I go to Spain a lot and I notice when the waiter comes up and I say, thank you,

Starting point is 00:09:50 they're going, no, no, don't mention it. When someone says, thank you, accept it. So the first thing is accept it. The second thing is, I had two. It go, I'm so glad. One of my clients was a movie director. I love your movies. It was terrible.

Starting point is 00:10:08 I said, we've got great reviews. No, no, it was all, we got one in Oscar. They were no good nominations. But your second movie was, they were even worse nominations. That is, oh, you're somebody who can't let him praise. I want you to say, when I go, I love you, maybe thank you so much. I loved making that movie. This was somebody who was suicidal, who could not let him praise.

Starting point is 00:10:31 And although it sounds always too good to be true, making him say thank you. I love making movies. It gives me pleasure, gives other people pleasure. It is important. The second thing is, if someone comes up and goes, hey, I love to talk to you. I love yours too, because now you're giving it back. Say, thank you so much. Let it in and maybe after five or two minutes go by the way.

Starting point is 00:10:53 I also happen to love your talk. If someone says, I love your shoes, I love yours. That sounds normal, but no, because you're giving it back. You want to expand and not contract. When you're expanding and someone says, I love your business, I love the products you make, I love something, I love your hair. Don't go, oh no, my hair, I haven't washed it for a week, because now you're contracting. And also when you go, I love your hair. You're also contracting expand. When someone says, I hear you're an amazing selling you go, well, not really. It was just a

Starting point is 00:11:32 flute. There's a much better selling in our company, but he was sick that week. You're contracting, can expand into greatness by seeing praise as a gift. You wouldn't go, oh, I don't want that gift. Let me give it back. Thank you so much, is the first step. And then add to it, yeah, I love selling. I'm, yeah, apparently I'm really good at it because I really like it. And don't say, but you're also good at selling. That's how you expand and not contract.

Starting point is 00:12:02 We all want to keep expanding and praise you. So, but also praise other people. You know, when I'm in a store, I love saying to the check out person, oh, I love your voice. So, your nails are really nice. So, you smell lovely. Or thank you so much. I love going around the world, praising people, saying you did a great job. Oh, your kid is so lovely, a great parent, because it builds people up, but there's no point in doing that, if you're not also doing it to yourself. So praise will boost your self-esteem and criticism will wither it, so let him praise, praise yourself,

Starting point is 00:12:39 and don't let in criticism. I love that. Would you say that there's any chance that somebody can be overconfident? Because there's a whole movement now where people want to be humble and I'm somebody who's very confident. I've been studying law of attraction for a long time and so I feel no problem to praise myself and accept compliments, but then sometimes I think people take it as arrogance. So how do we make sure that we don't come across as arrogant and can we be overconfident? When you see arrogance is trying to convince someone else,

Starting point is 00:13:16 I'm amazing me, I'm better than you, I've smarter, I've got a better education than you, and they have to diminish you and elevate themselves for that time, but they really want back to happen. So an arrogant person is not confident. Confident people don't brag, they're like, hey, I've got more money than you. My job's better than yours, my car is better than yours.

Starting point is 00:13:38 A confident person isn't a brag, and they're not to show off. They often, they just have that confidence themselves, so I'm okay at this. And so arrogance is just the other end of the scale of insecurity. I'm insecure, and I need you to make me feel better. I'm insecure, so I'm gonna brag and show off and convince you

Starting point is 00:14:01 that I'm amazing, because I don't really think I am. But right in the middle of the arrogant interview is what I call honoring your self. Telling your self is, but you don't walk around going, I'm great, me, I'm amazing. You just at home or in your head say, I'm okay, I'm doing a great job, I've got something to offer the world. I loved it when Snoop Dogg said, I'm gonna congratulate myself here. I have worked really hard. So while I'm thanking everyone, it's why don't I thank myself?

Starting point is 00:14:34 And I thought that wasn't arrogance. So you can't be overconfident. That's that fake it till you make it. Because real confidence isn't fake fake it's saying, oh, you're having a problem with your computer, I'm really good at computers, I can fix it. Oh, you've got a headache. I'm really good at massaging pressure points and I could help you. Oh, you're having problems.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Let me help you. This is my gift. I'm good at this, but no one's good at everything. So confidence is not showing off. It's that quiet self assurance. You know, many years ago, my previous partner had cancer, and he went to see his own oncologist, and he came back and he said, well, he's going to do his best. And I knew that those very words were, I said, let me take you to the best prostate cancer doctor. So I don't want to see him. I said, let me take you to the best prostate cancer doctors. I don't want to see him.

Starting point is 00:15:27 I said, no, he's just going to see him. And he said, I happen to be the best prostate cancer doctor in Europe. And I'm going to make you better. You're going to live. He said, oh, the other guy said he was going to try. I said, no, no, no, we don't try. We do.

Starting point is 00:15:42 Under my hands, this is a walk in the park, we'll remove it, you're gonna be great, your life will be normal, you're gonna live until you're 92. Was there arrogance? He said it in such a nice way. If you go to the school and they go, well, our gift is to take your kid

Starting point is 00:15:58 and to give you back in a couple of years, a really rounded person, smart, confident, outgoing, happy. Oh, yeah, that's so arrogant. I think I'll find a different teacher who says, well, we do the best we can, but you know, there's no guarantees. Who wants to go to a doctor who says, well, I do the best, but you know, who knows? It's a lottery here dealing with your illness. It's a lottery here dealing with your illness. When people say, I have got an ability to heal you, help you sort this out. You know, if I said to somebody,

Starting point is 00:16:32 might washing machines leaking, can you fix it? I'm like, oh, yes, we're the best washing machine fixtures in LA and we can be there in an hour. I don't want somebody to go to a try, but who knows? So confidence is that reassurance in who you are and what you have to offer, but also recognizing that other people are also good at things. There's many things I can't do. I love giving jobs.

Starting point is 00:16:57 I have a girl who works in me called Rosie who is the most amazing writer, much better than me. And I give her all our writing jobs because she's that, so I give, she's extraordinary. So a confident person doesn't go, I'm good at everything. They go, no, actually, that's not my gift. I'm not really good at it. Even I, Jennifer Lawson, who's amazing and amazing cook said, not really good at playing with children. I like cooking, but never being good at that. When people say I'm good at everything, that's arrogance. When they say my gift is X and someone else's gift is why, like my husband

Starting point is 00:17:34 is amazing at marketing, I'm not interested in what he's amazing at cooking. And he loves going, he loves wandering around shops looking at food and different spices I'm not interested in that at all but I love that that's his gift is certainly not mine but you're only supposed to have one so confident people do have a degree of humility as well and they also celebrate other people's wins you know natural leaders they celebrate everyone else's wins they make people feel part of a team. And so if someone is arrogant, I can promise you, that is not a confident person at all.

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Starting point is 00:21:12 Go right now for 50% off your no risk 2 week trial at trinom.com-shap. That's trinom-n-o-m.com-shap for 50% off, try num dot com slash yep. So I wanted to get into a quick fire segment. I know that you have some dangerous habits that you talk about, which could lead us to lose our success. So I was thinking I could rattle off a dangerous habit. And then you could give us some advice to counteract that dangerous habit. So dangerous habit number one, waiting for perfection.

Starting point is 00:21:50 Yeah, you see, waiting perfection is you've entered a race. Here's the race, here's the finishing line. And as you run towards it, it moves and it moves and it moves. And when you enter a race to be perfect, you can never even complete it. There is no perfect. Nature doesn't allow that. Stop trying to be perfect. You can certainly perfect your craft, but I could say, as a speaker, I'm always learning. As a writer, I'm always learning.

Starting point is 00:22:17 We are in that, it's like that can I constantly never ending improvement, but don't try to be perfect. People are trying to be perfect, are the unhappiest, but they't try to be perfect. People who try to be perfect are the unhappiest, but they're also the loneliest, because guess what? We don't like perfect people. They seem to shine so bright that we feel somewhat inadequate in their light, so please don't try to be perfect. Just be you. There's no prize of being perfect. It's a lonely world when you're perfect because we're all flawed, we're all imperfect. And actually our imperfections make us very,

Starting point is 00:22:52 very into it. We go, you know, I love the fact that I love it that my partner's got a little tummy because I can have one too. I love the fact that my mom isn't perfect. I don't have to be afraid. I love the fact that my father left't perfect. I don't have to be perfect. I love the fact that my father left my mother because when I wanted to leave college, I could go that and go, hey, dad, I know you want me to stay, but you know how you had to leave my mum no matter what. That's how I thought about leaving college.

Starting point is 00:23:16 I have to leave and I was so glad I had a flawed parent because it allowed me to be flawed myself. So rather than trying to be perfect, celebrate your flaws. It makes you human. And that's a wonderful thing. Love that. Okay. Dangerous habit number two, doubting yourself. It's okay to doubt yourself. Let's imagine you're going to be a speaker and you go, well, you know, I need to learn. So I need to learn, when I was first given a tech talk, I was the open of a tech and they said,

Starting point is 00:23:47 you must finish in 18 minutes, those were 15, you must be finished in 18. So I had to practice that. I've got to get really used to this speech so it starts and ends in 18 minutes. And I hadn't done that before and it was very good for me to time it and get it just right. So if a little bit of self doubt makes you think, hey, I'm going to go for this job, but I need to learn more that's okay.

Starting point is 00:24:13 But the negative is I'm going to give a presentation. I know I'm going to mess it up. I know I'm going to go right, ready, go over my mouth, go up and sound like an idiot. Don't do that. Say things like, I've got this, I can do it. This is amazing. Many years ago, I just literally had a baby a week before and I was going to do this television show and I'd recorded everything and just say how much cassette tape that's how long ago it was.

Starting point is 00:24:38 And I got in the car and I pressed rewind and I drove there and I said, oh my God, I forgot to play it. It was just the radio. I thought, well, you know what? That's a sign I don't need it. If I didn't play it back, I guess I don't need it. It's going to be just great. So when you say, well, this is going to be great.

Starting point is 00:24:56 I may not be prepared, but it's okay. I can do this. I've got this. This has got my name all over it. I want it. I love it. I've chosen it, and I've chosen to be a great reader. I find the magic words, I want this, I want it, I've chosen it, I love it, love it, love it. That will smash out, self-doubt for you, and that's a wonderful thing. I love that. Okay, dangerous bad habit number three, procrastinating and self sabotaging.

Starting point is 00:25:27 Well, you see, you know, I see people all the time. I've been a therapist for 30 years. I created our TT. We've trained 10,000 therapists all over the world. And you be amazing to come in with self doubt and self sabotage. And that is nothing more than the fear of rejection, innermost, most profound fear is rejection. If you reject me, I'll die. And actually, it wasn't that long ago that that was true. We had to live in a tribe. So if you are a self-sabotal, if you procrastinate, say, I'm doing this because I'm scared of rejection.

Starting point is 00:26:02 If I don't do the work, if I don't write that presentation, if I don't work on my website or weekend and put it off, and then it never gets built, then when my business goes, I go, well, you know what? Because I never built that website. If I sabotage myself, it's to stop myself feeling that I'm not enough.

Starting point is 00:26:23 And all of those habits stem from the real fear of rejection, but here's the truth, the only person you can reject you is you. So you could go, okay, I'm writing a book. It might fail. I don't know, but I'm giving it everything I've got. And if it doesn't get picked up, well, at least I wrote to you, I did everything.

Starting point is 00:26:41 That's better than saying, I could have written a book, I should have done, but I never did, or I started, never finished. So procrastination and self-sabotage are really nothing more than a fear of being rejected. The only person who has the real power to reject you is you. I've had manuscripts sent back many times, as so did JK Rowling, but you just pick it up and send it back again until someone accepts it. And if they never do you go, well, I tried that. It wasn't meant to be. And then I moved on to something else. So you can stop sabotage. By the way, you talk to yourself. You can stop procrastination

Starting point is 00:27:21 almost immediately by going, I want this. I've chosen to give it my all. That's what I've chosen. Because when you say that your mind goes, oh, right, you do have a choice. And you're choosing to give it all, but when you go, I'm dreading it. It's so boring writing. I hate spending all my weekends putting together

Starting point is 00:27:42 my business and my goes, you know what? I think there's a soft draw that needs really sorting out here because you're telling your mind, I don't want to do this. So when you go, I want it, I want it, I love it, I love it, I love it. Even when it's not true, it becomes true. So that is the magic word for saboteurs. I want it, I love it, I've chosen, I've chosen to feel great about it and I'm on it right now. I think that's great. This one is really important, especially in the day of social media. So, dangerous habit number four, comparing ourselves to others. You know, we have this whole thing, which I find so sad. We decide we are something to do with the numbers, the weight

Starting point is 00:28:25 on the scales, the number in my clothes, the number in my bank, the number in my birthday, the number, how many followers, how many likes have I got? And we're now judging ourselves by numbers, you are not a number, you are not your ears, your weight, your shape, your size, you are not your followers. Do not allow yourself to believe that that matters. What matters is that other people in your life who love you are happiest moments that always are interactions with others and interactions on social media are very nice, but they're not real. I mean, I can say that having people who are so lovely to me on social media, and say, oh, I love you, somebody

Starting point is 00:29:10 said to me, you know, you're the only person in my whole world that says something nice to me every day, and I love that. But that was a shame that that person didn't have somebody in the flesh who did that, but maybe by hearing me say it, she could believe she was worthy and go out and find real flesh and bone people to do that too. So don't allow yourself to read that you are the number of your followers, that that is real. The social media world is not real, it's quite fake. You may have a thousand followers.

Starting point is 00:29:44 When you have the flu, are they turning up with chicken soup and some orange juice? I don't think so. So don't be deluded. It's great to have it. I've got lots of followers. They're lovely. I love having them. They make me feel great about myself. But I also understand that if I have a bad day, it's my husband, my daughter, my sister, my wonderful friends, or turning up to say, let's say when I was sick, you know, it was my friends who turned up in hospital to boost me up. And we got to really, really, it's real people that you can hug and hold hands with. And I sometimes take on parents and say, you know, yeah, I read my daughter a story every

Starting point is 00:30:25 night on Zoom. I'm like, no, you need to be there. It's okay if you're traveling, but every night, I mean, that's not quality time. You can't, if someone said, hey, we'll have a datons Zoom, you go, well, that's not the same. I don't want a datons Zoom. And if you wouldn't date on zoom, don't believe you can parent on zoom. It's in addition to it's not instead of, and social media friends should be in addition to never instead of real friends and social media dating. That's just to get you to the part where you meet. If you never meet, that's not dating at all. 100%. Okay, let's do one more for dangerous habits, overwhelming ourselves. Yeah, I was like, you are a human being, not a human being.

Starting point is 00:31:14 And I have pets. And they sleep a lot. They have a bit of activity. They spend ages doing absolutely nothing, lying in the sun, having a wonderful life. I've spent a lot of time with tribes who do the same. They hunt, they cook, they hunt and gather, but they spend a lot of time sitting around the fire too and just being. And you're supposed to be and not do. And I think we've got this whole thing about I'm busy. I'm so busy that makes me important. I'm busy, busy, busy. You're actually like a battery. And a battery must be recharged. And I think we should all go, hey, now I'm lying

Starting point is 00:31:49 on the sofa now. And I'm recharging like a battery. I've been to work, I've given a lot, and I'm going to come home and do nothing. And there's no guilt because I'm recharging. Like if I just kept charging my phone for five minutes here and there, it would keep dying. I use that phone and then overnight I give it a rest, I give myself a rest and I recharge it and I recharge myself. So when you're feeling overwhelmed because you've taken on too much, don't feel guilty about doing nothing, don't believe that you must be busy, but if you don't have any choice, but have on too much because you're a parent with a career and maybe you're learning something new,

Starting point is 00:32:31 as well decide it's okay. I've got this, this too will pass. I can write a book, raise a family, go to college, even work out, it's a lot, but I'm just doing this for now. This is not my life, it's just my life for this next year. So when you are in overwhelm, you can say, this is how I am today. This is not my life. This is just my week or even my weekend, or maybe this day. overwhelm is okay if you get it into perspective

Starting point is 00:33:01 and decide, I can do this for now, but it's not forever. I can go to college and I am going to be studying for three years and it's a lot, but this two will pass. So, overwhelm really get you, I was like, all p p p personal, pervasive and permanent, and that really means that you think, it's me, I can't cope, it's here all the time, and it's always gonna be here all the time. If it's not permanent or pervasive, it means going all the time. If it's not permanent, you can deal with overwhelm.

Starting point is 00:33:39 So see it as temporary, you can do everything you can to lessen it, and don't be perfect. Hey, I could make a perfect dinner, but I can also just make this dinner. I could try to make my presentation perfect. I could go, you know, it's good enough right now. Overwhelming is this needing to be perfect. You're not supposed to be perfect. You're supposed to be a flawed human, having flawed relationships with flawed humans. It's the best

Starting point is 00:34:05 you can ever be. It's great. So, overwhelm comes from this drive to be perfect, and that drive is a lane that will take you to unhappiness, sadness, and loneliness to get out of that lane and get into the flawed lane. There's great company there, and you'll be much, much happier. We'll be right, much happier. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. Hear that sound, young and profitors? You should know that sound by now, but in case you don't, that's the sound of another sale on Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform that's revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you sell edgy t-shirts or offer an educational course like me,

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Starting point is 00:35:10 anything you can think of from on-demand printing to accounting to chatbots, Shopify has everything you need to revolutionize your business. If you're a regular listener, you probably know that I use Shopify to sell my LinkedIn secrets masterclass. Setting up my Shopify store just took me a few days. I didn't have to worry about my website and how I was gonna collect payments and how I was gonna trigger Abandoned cart emails and all these things that Shopify does for me was just a click of a button even setting up my chat Bot was just a click of a button. It was so easy to do. Like I said, I just took a couple of days. And so it just allowed me to focus on my actual product and making sure my LinkedIn masterclass

Starting point is 00:35:50 was the best it could be. And I was able to focus on my marketing. So Shopify really, really helped me make sure that my masterclass was going to be a success right off the bat. It enabled focus. And focus is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship. With Shopify single dashboard, I can manage my orders and my payments from anywhere in the world. And like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do every day is check my Shopify dashboard. It is a rush of dopamine to see all those blinking lights around the world showing me where everybody is logging on on the site. I love it.

Starting point is 00:36:23 I highly recommend it. Shopify is a platform that I use every single day and it can take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. Again, go to Shopify.com-profiting all lowercase to take your business to the next level today.

Starting point is 00:36:40 Again, that Shopify.com-profiting Shopify.com-profiting all lowercase. This is possibility, that Shopify.com-sash-profiting, Shopify.com-sash-profiting, all lower case. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Yeah, bam. If you're ready to take your business to new heights, break through to the six or seven figure mark or learn from the world's most successful people, look no further because the Kelly Roach show has got you covered. Kelly Roach is a best-selling author, a top-ranked podcast host, and an extremely talented marketer. She's the owner of Not One, but six thriving companies,

Starting point is 00:37:09 and now she's ready to share her knowledge and experience with you on the Kelly Roach show. Kelly is an inspirational entrepreneur, and I highly respect her. She's been a guest on YAP. She was a former social client. She's a podcast client, and I remember when she came on Young & Profiting and she talked about her conviction marketing framework, it was like mind blowing to me. I remember immediately implementing what she taught me in the interview in my company and the marketing efforts that we were doing. And as a marketer, I really, really respect all Kelly has done, all Kelly has built. In the corporate world, Kelly secured seven promotions in just eight years, but she didn't just stop there.

Starting point is 00:37:47 She was working in nine to five. And at the same time, she built her eight-figure company as a side hustle and eventually took it and made her full-time hustle. And her strategic business goals led her to win the prestigious Inc. 500 award for the fastest growing business in the United States. She's built an empire, she's earned a life-changing wealth,

Starting point is 00:38:05 and on top of all that she maintains a happy marriage and a healthy home life. On the Kelly Road Show, you'll learn that it's possible to have it all. Tune into the Kelly Road Show as she unveils her secrets for growing your business. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out in your career or if you're already a seasoned entrepreneur. In each episode, Kelly shares the truth about what it takes to create rapid, exponential growth. Unlock your potential, unleash your success, and start living your dream life today. Tune into the Kelly Road Show, available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, ya fam! As you may know, I've been a full-time entrepreneur for three years now.

Starting point is 00:38:41 Yet media blew up so fast, it was really hard to keep everything under control, but things have settled a bit and I'm really focused on revamping and improving our company culture. I have 16 employees, so it's a lot of people to try to rally and motivate, and I recently had best selling author Kim Scott on the show. And after previewing her content in our conversation,

Starting point is 00:39:02 I just knew I had to take her class on master class, tackle the hard conversations with radical candor to really absorb all she has to offer. And now I'm using her radical candor method every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team feeling more motivated and energized already. They are really receptive to this framework and I'm see my team feeling more motivated and energized already. They are really receptive to this framework, and I'm so happy because I really needed this class. With master class, you can learn from the best to become your

Starting point is 00:39:34 best anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. And we all know that profiting in life doesn't just mean thriving in business. With master class, you can brush up on your art skills or your cooking skills or even your modeling skills with over 180 classes from a range of world class instructors. That thing you've always wanted to do better. It's just a few clicks away on masterclass. You'll find courses from many app all star guests like Chris boss and Daniel Pink. I've been taking their sales and negotiation classes and I've been feeling like a real shark lately. I've totally leveled up my sales skills. How much would it cost you to take a one-on-one class from the world's best? A lot. But with masterclass annual memberships, it just cost you $10 a month.

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Starting point is 00:40:49 15% off when you go to masterclass.com slash profiting. That's masterclass.com slash profiting for 15% off an annual membership. Masterclass.com slash profiting. I'm really glad you brought up those three pieces because I was hoping that you were going to cover it. And I'd love for you to just repeat that because I want my listeners to really understand that that any problem is not really a problem if it doesn't fit in one of these three pieces and it will help them reframe and kind of live a happier life. So if you could just stress that a bit. So next imagine you've got a really old books

Starting point is 00:41:27 or a very difficult client, or indeed a very difficult teenager. And we go, this is ruining my life. It's killing me. For it to get you, it has to have three piece. It has to be personal. But it's not personal. You're all teenagers, tell their mothers they're awful.

Starting point is 00:41:43 Your boss is horrible to everyone. It's not personal. Is it all pervasive, not really? When you're at home having wonderful sex or having a nice dinner, is your boss in your house making you feel bad? No. Is it permanent?

Starting point is 00:41:56 No. One day, your boss will retire. You'll leave. Your difficult kid will leave and you'll wish they were back in your house. So if something isn't permanent, isn't all pervasive, meaning it's going on all the time, 24 hours a day, and it isn't personal, then it will hurt you less.

Starting point is 00:42:15 So it's just a good way of looking at whatever's going on in your life. I've got all this work, it's killing me. Well, that's not permanent, you'll get through that work. And then you can say, I'm not ever going to take on that work, living on a learn to say no. So that's not permanent. It's not personal because the work isn't personal and it's not all pervasive. You still get to sleep. And if you'll say to me, you know, I eat all day, I'm out of control. I say, I eat non-stop. I say,

Starting point is 00:42:40 really, even when you're in the toilet, well, no, not when I'm in the toilet. Do you sleep? Do you eat when you're sleeping? No, I don't eat when I'm sleeping. So you're not really an out of control train wreck eating 24 hours a day like you just said. No, but you know, my legs are the size of a house really because you're in my house and you wouldn't have got through the door if you're legs are the size of a house. So I just get people to really pay attention to their language and to stop putting themselves down. Big yourself up, be nice to yourself and realize that most of our problems are not permanent, not personal, and guess what else? There's someone else's fantasy dreamer, someone on the floor, I'd love to have a problem. I'd give anything to her husband with bad breath, a kid that left pants on the floor.

Starting point is 00:43:28 I would love a baby that kept me up when I'd love to have that chance of giving a TED talk. I'd love to be in the traffic on the freeway, going to a job that pays the bills. So the PPP is again, but also to realize that your problem is someone else's fantasy dream come true. And also, what would you have given for your problem 10 years ago? 10 years ago, love to have had a kid that kept you up a partner that challenged you, a job that stretched you.

Starting point is 00:43:59 It's something that's actually good because it means you're growing and as a person, and that's always a good thing too. Thank you for digging deep around that. Okay, as we close out, I heard you say many times that we should tell ourselves that we are enough, and you're very famous for a movement, I am enough. So talk to us, why is that phrase so important and why is that so much of the crux of the things that you teach? Well, the common denominator of all of our issues,

Starting point is 00:44:30 I mean, I can say having been a therapist for so many years all my adult life, the common denominator of all our issues is I'm not enough. You know, I've worked with thousands and thousands of addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics, people are addicted to food or self-harm. I've never met one who ever believed there were enough. You see, when you think you're not enough,

Starting point is 00:44:52 you need more. If I'm not enough, I need more cake, more alcohol, more drugs, more shopping. I need, I'm very needy, I need you to praise me because I'm not enough. But if I just take the not to go, I am enough, then I don't need something else to fill me up. And so the not-enoughness is an epidemic that's got worse and worse because we we feel we're judged by again what we look like, how many followers we've got, are we

Starting point is 00:45:20 doing something worthy? And the not- societies really got a number on us. It's made women feel they've got to be supermodels. Mums feel they've got to be perfect. Men feel they've got to be earning a lot with a six pack. And I think the media magazines, and it's like when I used to watch friends, who knows a waitress that lives in Central Park? I mean, that's, it was a great show, but that's just creating waitresses don't live in Central Park. I mean, this is just not real, but we look at someone with a baby, just like a baby who's

Starting point is 00:45:55 perfect, we look at people like the Kardashian, oh my god, but that's not real. And so when you compare yourself, you feel not enough. And the transition from I'm not enough to I'm enough is amazing because here's the thing imagine you start your day with I'm not enough that's a thought but that thought makes you feel inadequate makes you feel sad might make you feel angry so you have a thought you have a feeling and then you have an action, the action you have from my nine hours often, no action, I'm not gonna take a risk,

Starting point is 00:46:28 I'm not gonna ask for that pay rise or ask that person out. So your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions and your behaviors and you justify them again, well, of course I didn't take a risk because I'm not enough. Take away the not, I am enough. Now you think, well, I'm enough. Well, that's a whole lot of different feelings. I feel able to take risks. I feel good about

Starting point is 00:46:50 myself. I feel worthy. I can ask someone out. I ask for a pay rise. And now my behavior has changed. And my actions change. And I justify that because I'm enough. So thoughts create feelings, create behaviors, create actions, and they're justified by going back to the thought, change the thought, it changes your entire life, and that's why I created the I'm enough movement. And it's an amazing movement, because people say, oh, over what do you know, I just began to say that. And I was stunned by how it changed my life. I'd been depressed for years or anxious or I started to say it. And in no time at all, I met someone, I'm now married, I managed to have a baby, I got to pay rise, I got the job of my dreams. It's a game changer, knowing you're enough. And if you want help, join the I'm enough, we've been going to I'm enough.com. We give away all these bracelets, it's I'm enough. I have it on

Starting point is 00:47:49 cushions, on fridges. I have it everywhere because it's not a word, it's a statement I let in. So tell yourself you're enough. Go to I'm enough.com, I promise you I guarantee it will actually change your life. I love that. And the last question I ask all my guests on Young and Profiting is what is your secret to profiting in life? Well, I've got a new book coming out in October and it's called Tell Yourself A Better Lie. And I guess that's one of my secrets.

Starting point is 00:48:22 I realize that all my clients tell themselves lies. My job is killing me. This commute is killing me. My bum is the size of Los Angeles. I'm falling apart. This is a lie. If you are prepared to lie to yourself, tell yourself a better lie. I'm smart. I'm amazing. I'm lovable. I'm mad. I've got something, I'm a good person, I'm significant. So I think, you know, we all lie to ourselves, oh my life is a mess, I'm a hot mess, I'm a train wreck. It's just about understanding that your mind lets it in. So I think what stood me in very good stead is telling myself things that were probably seen as life

Starting point is 00:49:08 Starting off as an insecure kid was asked to leave college and then saying I'm smart. I'm mad to I am Love well, I'm worthy of a loving relationship. I'm worthy of someone adoring me. I'm worthy of earning a lot of money That was a lie, but you know when I said it, it became true. I have an amazing marriage. I wouldn't have even my life now. I couldn't have imagined that life when I was 17 or even 28. I couldn't have imagined having two homes and the life we have, the love we have, the impact we make on people. And that's all because I began to tell myself a better lie than the first lie, which is, I don't matter, I'm a geek, I'm stupid,

Starting point is 00:49:52 can't even have a baby. That was the first lie, but I told myself a better lie. And it's an amazing thing. That's awesome. Tell yourself a better lie. Where can our listeners go to find more about you and everything that you do, Marissa? Well, if listeners go to find more about you and everything that you do, Marissa?

Starting point is 00:50:06 Well, if you go to Marissapier.com, we've got tons of free audios. We don't ask for your credit card. We have audios on wealth wiring, love wiring, health wiring, money blocks, love blocks, they're all free. If you would like to train in RTT and do what I do, and there's no background in therapy required, go to RTT.com. So RTT.com, if you want to find a therapist, will become me in a way, but the version of me doing what I do, because it is, I think, the best job in the world. You can find me at marisapier.com, RTT.com, and I'm enough.com. And you can find my books on Amazon, you can find lots of my talks on YouTube and Instagram.

Starting point is 00:50:48 And I'm so glad I was called for a disappear because there's only one of me, which is good. I used to keep my name, but I love that now too, because I'm so glad my parents didn't call me James Smith. So, Marisa, you can find me anywhere. And I have to say, you know, just studying for this interview was so enjoyable because I just love hearing you talk.

Starting point is 00:51:08 I love the things that you say. It's super positive. I just feel like it's so healthy for people to talk about these things and it's not talked about enough. So thank you so much, Marissa. Thank you so much too. I've loved it. You know, when you do what you love, you feel that you've never worked today in your entire

Starting point is 00:51:23 life. And I do work hard. I also feel like I never work hard because I'm so lucky. I do what you love, you feel that you've never worked today in your entire life. And I do work hard, but I also feel like I never work hard because I'm so lucky. I do what I love and I love what I do and I can tell by your voice that you do too. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive and more creative? I'm Gretchen Ruben, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project. And every week we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and happiness guinea pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me Elizabeth Kraft,

Starting point is 00:52:07 TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights from cutting edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness

Starting point is 00:52:22 without spending a lot of time energy or money. Suggestions such as follow the one minute rule. Choose a one word theme for the year or design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better where we discuss questions like are you an over buyer or an under buyer? Morning person or night person, abundance lever or simplicity lever. And every episode includes a happiness hack, a quick, easy shortcut to more happy. Listen and follow the podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin. At Carvana, we're in the business of driving you happy, and with the widest selection of used cars under $20,000, you're bound to find a car that'll put a smile on your face. Carvana gives you control by letting you customize your down and monthly payments. You can browse tens of thousands of cars online to find one within your budget and you won't

Starting point is 00:53:09 get surprised with any bogus fees. Visit Carvana.com or download the app to shop for a vehicle. Carvana, we'll drive you happy. you

Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPClassic: Marisa Peer on Conquering Bad Habits and Overcoming Self-Doubt | Part 2

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