Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPFirmations: Learning to Love Inspired by Nicole Moore

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first!  Welcome to YAPfirmations! A new series brought to you by the YAP Media team aimed to help brighten up your days and boost your self-esteem so you can rock and live your best young and profitable life!  What is a yapfirmation? it's anything you say to attract a young and profiting lifestyle - so you can be profiting in all aspects of your life: financially, personally, professionally and even in your relationships! Consider this series your positivity boost on demand. Replay this episode anytime you want to reset and get in the right mindset for success!  This week our yapffirmation is inspired by Nicole Moore. Nicole is a life coach, podcaster, and celebrity love expert. She helps highly influential people find their soulmates, and uses her growing social media platforms to showcase her views and methods on creating love. She’s been featured on Netflix, Forbes, Money Magazine, People Magazine, and Inc.com. I talked to her in episode #102 about how to navigate relationships, specifically during the COVID-19 pandemic. And as Valentine’s Day quickly approaches, who better to ask about improving your relationships than Nicole?  In this yapfirmations episode, we’re going to talk about how to both strengthen your interpersonal relationships, and how to heal from your past ones. After all, it’s hard to find the love you’re looking for without healing from the love that hurt you most.  This episode is sponsored by Athletic Greens, Hubspot, BrandCrowd, Real Vision, Blinkist, and Ritual   Social Media:   Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at [e-mail] Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Follow Hala on ClubHouse: @halataha Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Shopify. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can focus on successfully growing your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com-profiting. You can crush your fingers and all your toes during a data center migration. You can knock on wood, pluck a dozen for leaf clovers or look to your lucky stars for a successful office expansion.

You could hold your breath, shut your eyes, and say all the well wishes to help avoid cyber attacks. But none of that truly helps you. Because next level moments need the next level network. With the security, reliability, and expertise to take your business further. AT&T Business. The network you can rely on. Welcome to YAP Formations. A new series brought to you by the YAP Media team aimed to help you brighten up your days

and boost your self-esteem so you enter the world confident, head up with strong belief in yourself and live your best young and profiting life. What's a YAP Formation? It's anything that you say that attracts a young and profiting lifestyle, so you can be profiting in all aspects of your life, financially, personally, professionally, and even in your relationships. Consider this series, Your Positivity Boost On Demand. Replay this episode anytime you want to reset and get in the right mindset for success.

So here's how these episodes will work. I'll first start out with some clips from a past episode to help us get inspired and get in the mood and in the right state of mind to say our affirmations and to feel the power about the exercise we're going to do together at the end of the show. To conclude the episode, we'll go through an interactive exercise where I'll say a series of affirmations

one by one and then you'll repeat them after me. Preferably out loud but in your own mind is okay too. This week our app formation is inspired by Nicole Moore. Nicole is a life coach, podcaster and celebrity love expert. She helps highly influential people find their soulmates and uses her growing social media platform to showcase her views and methods on creating love. She's been featured on Netflix, Forbes, Money magazine, People magazine, and Inc.com. I talked to Nicole back in episode number 102 on how to navigate relationships specifically during the COVID-19 pandemic. And as Valentine's Day quickly approaches,

who better to ask about improving your relationships than Nicole? In this Yap Formations episode, we're going to talk about how to both strengthen your interpersonal relationships and how to heal from your past ones. After all, it's hard to find the love you're looking for without first healing from the love that hurt you the most. Our relationship with the concept of love actually begins with our parents. When you were growing up, did you feel loved? Did your parents tell you that they loved you? And if they didn't say it, did they show it?

A 2019 study from Harvard looked into the science behind parental warmth. It found that parents who regularly show their love to their children actually enable their children to succeed. Parental warmth is positively associated with flourishing in midlife, and it's inversely related to drug use and smoking. And Valentine's Day is all about spreading love, and that's love to everyone in your life, not just your romantic partner. So a great place to start is spreading the love in your family. Nicole tells us about how her

childhood was affected by her lack of parental affection and how that drove her to pursue the industry of love. Yeah, it's like the game chose me, you guys. Because this time felt as a kid. the game chose me, you guys. Because this time felt as a kid. So obviously my mom had her own issues. My dad had his own issues. It's not their fault, right? But they did not express, like I didn't hear I love you, but there wasn't affection.

So I literally remember as a child looking around at other families and just thinking like, oh, well, they must have a loving family and we don't. So I believed as a child, that my parents just didn't love me, that they just didn't care about me enough. And of course, I believe that and I could pull stories to prove that. I'm sure through their lens, they could pull stories to prove that they did, but it doesn't matter. That's what I was feeling. That's what I was vibrating.

And it was a really big core wound for me. So of course, someone I went out to start dating. I was dating from a place of I need love, I need love, I don't have love. So I attract a lot of the wrong people. But I was always kind of interested in love, obviously, because I think when you have a big lack or a big wound in the beginning of your life, it makes you curious. So I was first seeking the wrong ways. I was seeking through other people to feel the void when I realized that didn't work.

Then I said, I have to figure out how to make love work. My company is called love works, right? And like, I got to figure out how to make love work. My company is called love works, right? And like, I gotta figure out how to make love work. I gotta fill myself up with this love thing. I have to figure out what it really means to love and be loved. And so the thing with my mom saying, I love you, I'd gone to a seminar called Blanmark Education. I think it was Blanmark Education.

And you know, they like make you do a lot of stuff with your family. And so that was a big moment for me of just telling her I love her. And because she never said big moment for me of just telling her, I love her. And because she never said it. And she literally said, me too. Now she does. I'm 36 now.

So 10, you know, now she'll say, I love you. I think having a grandchild also kind of helped her open up and she, because she loves my son so much. But it was a moment for me where I had to say it. And she didn't say it back. And I'm saying that because I think it's an important topic in terms of love. Like sometimes you got to risk and you gotta do it for you

and you can't expect the other person to reciprocate but you're taking that action. Me saying that to her, unloved a lot of stuff for me but I'm a love coach not because it went swimmingly for me. I'm a love coach because you better down believe I suffered if you're suffering, I get it. I can cry with you because I did those things too. I just put in a lot of time and energy

and to figure out how to make it work. Letting your children know that you love them is integral to their own developing perceptions of love. But that's not the norm in every culture. So for example, when I was growing up, my parents didn't actually say they loved me very much. I'm Palestinian, and my parents have spoken Arabic as their first language,

and the straight translation to I love you is actually strictly romantic in Arabic. And so my dad thought it was inappropriate to say I love you to his daughters. You may relate if you're from an immigrant family. However, my parents did love me, and they proved their love for me in many ways through their actions and they were very loving people and I always knew they cared about me even though they didn't explicitly say I love you to me. I always felt loved. So the same feeling that Nicole had, I didn't

have, even though my parents never said I love you Then, of course, when my sister and I were teenagers, we started telling them, like, hey, like I love you, it's not inappropriate. Say I love you when we hang up the call. Make sure you say I love you before we leave. And we kind of taught them that I love you was not inappropriate. And then, you know, they started saying,

I love you, and now we all say, I love you to each other. So it's really all about finding what works within your family, giving grace, especially for cultural differences, and make sure your family knows that you love them, even if it isn't customary to say those specific words. And there are plenty of other ways to show your affection

to your loved ones, like keeping in contact with them, giving them a call, a text, spending time with them, but that's gotten harder since COVID-19 hit. It's not easy to meet up with friends or even go on dates anymore, let alone. According to the American Family Survey, they found that the pandemic may actually be beneficial for couples that live with each other because they get to spend more time with each other than before. That goes for couples that get along with each other, of course. But then for couples that don't live together

or for singles trying to meet their soulmate despite all the chaos going on outside, they might not be so lucky. So how do you keep your relationships alive or even meet new people during the pandemic? Luckily, Nicole has cracked the code for COVID-19 dating. So number one, lower your expectations in the sense that, like, you gotta give people a break right now.

You really have to give people a break right now because everyone is stressed. So lower your expectations of, if that person's having a bad day or you're having a bad day, I'm not saying let bad behavior slide, but do not expect perfection. Number two though is communicate. You know, it's so funny.

Like, even in couples, people could be going through stuff and they could be feeling a certain way but they're on their phone and they're not communicating with their partner. Like that a lot of people don't communicate with their partner. So have time set aside where you talk about what's going on. You share your feelings, you get real because that's gonna bring you closer and then the third thing is you have to find little pockets of time. Like for example, I had been on this app called Clubhouse all freaking week, but I talked about it with my husband.

And he, I'm like, I'm sorry, I know I'm not spending as much time with you right now. And we had that conversation about it. And he's like, okay, now I get it. I explained to him what it was. He's not on social media. I explained to him what it was, and I told him about it

And so there's he's giving me understanding right now I know you're gonna be on this a lot, but then this morning I said hey, can you pick a movie for us? Let's do a movie night tonight. I won't be on it, you know Tonight because I understand I have to put a little bit of time and attention there So you're in a relationship pay attention your partner, think about what they're needing, understand that they're probably going through more stress than you realize at the moment, just like you are. So really be conscious and aware of that and think, how can I brighten their day? How can I do something to make them smile? Even if it's just like a little thing, those moments will go really far right now. Let's hold that thought and take

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And the best part, they offer a money back guarantee. If your dog's tail isn't wagging within 30 days, they'll refund your first order. No fillers, no nonsense, just nom nom. Go right now for 50% off your no risk two week trial at trinom.com.shap. That's trinom and om.com.shap for 50% off trinom.com.shap. The pandemic has been tremendously stressful for all of us, so it's really important to keep

that in mind when you start dating. You don't know what someone is going through. Who they may have lost, how they may have been impacted financially, or what trauma they suffered during this period. Just be considerate and remember, honesty is always the best policy. Nicole also tells us about how we can use our body language and appearance to project positive energy while on a virtual date. She explains even when meeting online, we should visualize ourselves sitting in the same room as the other person using our body language to project the energy that we want. We kind of look good, you know? Like, when we go on a video, we have our lights, you know? Like, here's the thing right now. I think if you can get on the Zoom call and be a real person and create an emotional connection, that's what matters most. So the worst thing you can do is I have how's your day, right?

That's so boring. Get on with energy. People want people with energy. I'm not saying be a fake person, but when you're on video and people who are in front of camera know this, you have to project your energy. Because if I were to just do this in the real, I'm just talking like, same-eyes system walk in the room, hey, L, could you get me a match of latte? That's not a kind of, I had to say, hey, L, can you get me a match of latte? Like, you have to kind of project your energy on a Zoom call.

So you want to imagine that the person in front of you, you're trying to get them to feel your energy, you're trying to feel their energy. But talk about things that really matter, talk about the best things in your life, talk about experiences that a bulk emotion, that's what keeps us interested. Nobody cares about the weather unless the most beautiful snow happened today. And it reminded you of this time when you were five, when your mother did this one thing and it sparked the idea for your book and you know what I mean? Like that's what I care, not because it's knowing, that makes sense. And then how about body language or like facial expressions?

Is there something that we should be doing in particular on Zoom and then how about in person? Yeah, so you want to have your, don't cross, okay? Because that's going to communicate the wrong message. Okay, so confidence is really shoulder, you'll see if I walk I do the shoulders back So you wanna have your, don't cross, okay? Because that's gonna communicate the wrong message. Okay, so confidence is really shoulder, you're gonna see if I walk, I do the shoulders back and your head is up and you're revealing.

So you wanna be revealing this part. So don't be crunched on yourself, don't be like this. Ladies, if you can, if you're able to, I think you're showing her like test her neck. Yeah, I'm not saying you have to have cleavage, but it's literally like, I'm exposing myself to you to have cleavage, but it's literally like I'm exposing myself to you. Don't wear a turtle neck unless that's your thing and you happen to look exceptional in turtle neck and as part of your personal style, you know, but if it's a guy, I would say

women really like it when a guy makes an effort. So don't come on with a rumbled hoodie, like Don't come on with a rumbled hoodie, like make it special. Like, many to understand. I hate to say this, but women's standards are typically so horrifically low. They're so disappointed that men sometimes don't have to do that much. If you show up, he'll be a great thing for a guy to do. Have a single rose and show her.

I got this rose for you. That's so much. But you know what I mean? It's like, hey, I know we're meeting on Zoom for the first time, but I wanted to give you this rose. What girls not going to smile when they have that? So anything you can do to bring a little bit of a special touch, you know what I mean?

If you're like a comedian, for example, in your picture on Zoom before you get on, you could make your picture a joke for her to read. There's little things you can do that have you stand out. Like, nobody wants to get on a boring Zoom call. So think about that. What can I do to display my personality and stand out a little bit more? And at the very least, have energy and be excited, even if you never want to talk to this person again. Putting forth positive energy into online dating will yield better results.

Trust me, people love it when you express genuine interest in them. It's a turn on. Plus, even if it's taking place online, there's nothing more exciting than a new relationship and to meet new people. So channel that excitement into every online date that you go on.

Relationships are a lot of fun, but they can also be really scary, especially when we may not be seeing our potential partners in person very often. Additionally, we often overlook the impact our past relationships can have on our present or future relationships. Like how can you fully invest in your new relationship if you still have bottled up pain from your last relationship? Up until recently, I was chronically never single, since I was 16 years old. My pattern was to just rush into one long-term relationship

after the other. I'm really easy to love, so I think I get into these relationships easily, but right now, I'm technically the most single I've ever been in my life. I'm not dating at all because I'm healing and trying to move on in the healthiest way I know how. I'm a grown woman, I'm an experienced adult, and I'm not going to just rush into the next relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend of over 10 years last year, and while we just started couples therapy, I'm not sure if we're actually going to get back together. We're starting couples therapy to either move on in a healthy way or get back together in a really healthy way.

Leaving behind a broken relationship is not easy. That pain doesn't just end when the relationship ends. Unhealthy relationships can serve as a form of trauma. We often tend to think that trauma is only a violent attack or a death of a loved one. But according to medical news today, trauma is defined as a kind of psychological wound that can result from any distressing experience, like a loss, danger, or even deep embarrassment. So that toxic relationship totally counts. If it caused you a lot of pain,

it can absolutely count as trauma. And the tricky thing about relationship trauma is that if you don't actively work to heal from it, it will manifest itself in your future relationships. And that's not the kind of manifestation we're looking to do. This becomes extremely difficult when you're trying to strengthen your current relationships

because you're still scarred from the pain of the past ones. Luckily, there are ways to heal from your past relationship trauma so you can have successful fulfilling relationships in the future. Nicole has developed her own action plan to heal from toxic relationship partners based on her own experiences with emotionally abusive people. Here we can learn about how to effectively work through those painful emotions and leave them in the past. Step one is you have to feel all pain. So when I had my break up with my narcissist, I played this Kelly Clarkson song addicted.

I put it on repeat on Spotify. So I'd play like 20 times over in a loop because that was the emotion I'm addicted to you. Like the song meant something to me. I put that on in the morning and I would cry. I would move my body. I would get the emotion out. Like you have to release the emotion.

You have to get it out of your body. You have to let yourself cry. You have to let yourself be upset. But then after that step two is, you really have to sit there and look at what are all the ways this person has failed to love me, what didn't they give me that I needed, how are the ways they hurt me. So you create an emotional stack of all the bad things they did to you. Why? When we have a breakup, this is what happens. We have a moment of pain and I'm alone and what's gonna happen in my love life and I'm never gonna find love

and that feels really bad. And so the mind says, it felt better. The good times with this person felt better. So let me go over there. So we compare our crappy breakup feeling to the good times we have with this person, even if they're a psycho, we compare it to the good times and we say the good times with them felt better than this and I can't handle this so let me go back with them. You need to not do that, okay? You need to emotionally

stack the negatives of that person so you feel an aversion to them. So look at that list of the bad things they did. Remember that because your mind just been trying to get you away from the pain. And so it's going to fantasize about that person and you have to stop that process. After you do that, then you want to look at, well, what do I really want and need? Create the picture. What if you could have somebody who had the good things with your acts? Because we're never with an avoidant or an abuser or narcissist because they're entirely horrible. There are good things about them. There's a connection. We see the good in them. We see the potential. So the good qualities from your ex. I want you to write those down on a piece of paper and

then I want you to write down next to it. Well, what were the things that we're missing that you needed? I start to envision and feel what if I could have this person, all the all the positives minus the negatives, plus the things that we're missing that you needed. And start to envision and feel, well, what if I could have this person, all the positives, minus the negatives, plus the things that I didn't have that I need, and you kind of have to start to attune yourself, but then you have to ask yourself, okay, why don't I believe I can have this kind of person,

what limiting beliefs do I have about love, what do I need to change within myself to feel confident enough to receive that person? So when I talk about love, I'm always talking about what I call love alignment. This idea is that your mindset and your heart and the energy that you're projecting, that creates what you're attracting in your love life. So you want to look at those pieces and then shift it. So focus on the good you're attracting. Don't focus on the X because it's likely that you're not going to get

back with them. Or if you do, it'll be a repeat of the same kind of relationship over and over again. The single most important thing you can do after ending a broken relationship, whether it be with a significant other, a friend, or a family member, is to heal. Process what happens, reflect on it. Even though it feels better to push these painful feelings aside or return to what seems comfortable, it's really important to move through these emotions and heal from them. After a failed relationship, you need to remind yourself about who you are. You're a wonderful person who deserves the absolute best, but it's very hard to come to that

realization if you don't go through the healing process. Once you have a newfound sense of self-worth, you can show up in your current relationships stronger than before. You're no longer go through the healing process. Once you have a newfound sense of self-worth, you can show up in your current relationships stronger than before. You're no longer plagued by the pains of your past. Instead, you're able to love without fear, and that's beautiful. Nicole gave me another awesome piece of advice

on how to show love to yourself. It almost feels too easy. Drink more water. Let's hear what she has to say about how water can be used as a healing agent. I feel like people who don't drink a lot of water and they don't take care of themselves if you could tell in their energy and it gets contracted. I feel like so many people have a really contracted energy that's not attracted and they're not really realizing it. It's like, sounds so basic, but you need enough water for the cells

to be flowing in your body for you to not be all contracted. So that's like one thing that you can do before you get on the Zoom call. Like, make sure you're hydrated. Put a little moisture on your body. Just so the energy's flowing in your body. Yeah, and you have something called love water, right?

I read that and I was like, love water. Can you tell us about what love water is? Yeah. So basically, what's his name? I can't remember his name, but there's a guy that studied molecules and water and he realized that if you talk into it, lots of water and you say, I hate you, then the molecules look really bad and like dirty. If you talk into the water, you say, I love you, then the molecules look really pretty. So the idea is that water holds energy in emotions. So you can do this. You can talk into your coffee or water. You can say, confidence, I love you, love, beauty, power, whatever it is. You literally imagine you're speaking that intention into the water. And then when you're drinking it,

the water will literally, this is scientific, it'll have a different vibration. So every cell of the water is gonna go into every cell of your body and you've kind of spoken beautiful words over it and it impacts you. How cool is that? If you speak loving affirmations into your water before you drink it and then visualize those affirmations soaking into every cell of your body,

you'll be operating on a higher vibration after drinking this water because you're showing yourself acts of pure love. And this is huge when it comes to healing from relationships. If you align yourself with the vibration of self-love, you will, by default, attract people with the same vibration. Your light shines so much brighter when you know that it's there, and people with the same light will find their way toward you. I hope Nicole has gotten you feeling inspired and ready to say your YAP formations. We'll start after the short break to support our sponsors. And if you'd like, feel free to get a glass of water to speak these affirmations into.

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Yet media blew up so fast. It was really hard to keep everything under control, but things have settled a bit, and I'm really focused on revamping and improving our company culture. I have 16 employees, so it's a lot of people to try to rally and motivate. I recently had best selling author Kim Scott on the show. After previewing her content in our conversation,

I just knew I had to take her class on master class, tackle the hard conversations with radical candor to really absorb all she has to offer. Now I'm using her radical candermethod every day with my team to give in solicit feedback, to cultivate a more inclusive culture, and to empower them with my honesty. And I can see my team feeling more motivated and energized already.

They are really receptive to this framework, and I'm so happy because I really needed this class. With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. And we all know that profiting in life doesn't just mean thriving in business. With masterclass, you can brush up on your art skills or your cooking skills or even your modeling skills. With over 180 classes from a range of world class instructors, that thing you've always wanted to do better is just's just a few clicks away. On Masterclass you'll find courses from many app-a-all-star guests, like Chris Voss and Daniel Pink. I've been taking their sales and negotiation classes and I've

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and my personal favorite way to learn is their audio mode to listen on the go. That way, I can multitask while I learn. Get unlimited access to every class and right now as the app listener, you can get 15% off when you go to masterclass.com-profiting. That's masterclass.com-profiting for 15% off an annual membership. Masterclass.com-profiting. Alright, so let's say some love affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to reprogram your brain. When you intentionally internalize a phrase, you're setting an intention

for yourself. For example, if you say the affirmation, I live a healthy lifestyle, your brain will subconsciously guide you to make healthier decisions. I've broken down these love affirmations in a specific way to help you gradually build up to where we want to be. Love is a very high vibration. It's not really possible to jump straight to the high vibrations of love from common feelings like shame, unworthiness, and guilt that are amongst the lowest vibrations. After each affirmation I will pause,

allowing you to repeat them to yourself out loud if you can or in your head if you're out and about. I also recommend inhaling deeply before saying these your head if you're out and about. I also recommend inhaling deeply before saying these affirmations and then breathing out these words. Alright, so let's begin and feel free to rewind, reflect, and meditate as we go along. I am at peace with where I am. I am perfect just as I am. I am constantly growing, evolving and becoming my best self. I am at peace with my past.

I forgive those who hurt me. I let go of my past beliefs that no longer serve me. I am creating my own love. I am proud of who I am becoming. I am learning to love myself more and more every day. Real love starts with me. The more I love myself, the more love I have to give to others. I am more than worthy of love. I am now open to give and receive love. I attract loving, supportive, and committed partners. I deserve to be and desires effectively.

I am attracting my true love. I spread love wherever I go and it returns to me in abundance. The people in my life love me unconditionally. I welcome all love with open arms. Love is all around me. Love is always flowing to me. My love is infinite. Well, I hope you guys take the time to replay that little YAPations exercise about three to five times. Thank you so much for doing these YAP Formations with me. If you like this series, please let us know by writing us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

You guys can chat with me on Instagram at YAP with Hala or LinkedIn, just search for my name, it's Halitaha. If you guys have an idea for our next YAP formation episode, be sure to tell us. Big thanks to the YAP team as always. This is Halet signing off. Are you looking for ways to be happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best-selling author of the Happiness Project, and every week we share ideas and practical solutions on the Happier with Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co-host and Happiness Guinea Pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore fresh insights

from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, pop culture, and our own experiences about cultivating happiness and good habits. Every week, we offer a try this at home tip you can use to boost your happiness without spending a lot of time, energy, or money. Suggestions such as follow the one-minute rule. Choose a one-word theme for the year, or design your summer. We also feature segments like know yourself better

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