Young and Profiting with Hala Taha - YAPLive: Detecting the Truth with Ex-FBI Agent Dr. Jack Schafer | Uncut Version
Episode Date: May 14, 2021Join Hala for a Live Young and Profiting Podcast Episode with Dr. Jack Schafer Former FBI Agent. They will discuss his experience with domestic and international criminals and the tactics he used to e...xtract the truth. Â Social Media: Â Follow YAP on IG: www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting Reach out to Hala directly at Hala@YoungandProfiting.com Follow Hala on Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Follow Hala on Instagram: www.instagram.com/yapwithhala Follow Hala on ClubHouse: @halataha Check out our website to meet the team, view show notes and transcripts: www.youngandprofiting.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Okay, so you guys are listening to a live episode
of Young and Profiting Podcast.
We are a number one education podcast across all apps.
My name is Halataha.
I'm your host.
And today we are speaking with Dr. Jack Schaefer.
He is a former FBI agent known as the Spy Catcher.
Jack spent 15 years conducting counterintelligence
and counterterrorism investigations
and seven years as a behavioral analyst
for the FBI's National Security Division.
Jack today is a psychologist, he's a professor,
an intelligence consultant, he's authored six books,
including the smash hit, The Like Switch,
which is my all-time favorite book.
I've listened to it and read it over ten times.
I covered it on Young & Profiting Podcast twice. Jack was my first ever guest on episode one.
It was called First Impressions. And I also interviewed him on episode number 64
as well. And I would highly recommend if you guys enjoy this episode to go back
and listen to those episodes again. That's number one and number 64. Jack has a
new book called The Truths Detector
and essentially can be used as a guide to obtain truths
from friends, family members, co-workers,
even total strangers, without them ever realizing
what you're trying to do.
And using his techniques, you can get people to tell you
the truth about subjects they would normally keep a secret
or lie about.
To me personally, this is an extremely important topic,
no matter where you are in life,
how we act, how successful we are,
even our survival and us thriving
is prevailing impacted by our ability to determine
if information is true or false.
So this is why all of this is so impactful and relevant.
So stay tuned to this conversation
to uncover the truth during an elicitation, which is the key technique that we're going to learn
about today. We're going to learn about bracketing, third party perspectives, presumptive questions,
and more. It's going to be a super interesting conversation. We're also going to dig into why
elicitation works psychologically and how to ensure you can create the perfect environment
for elicitation to work effectively.
So with that, we're gonna get this podcast episode started.
Jack, thank you so much for joining me
for the third time on Younger Profiting Podcast.
You are the guest who has been on the show
the most officially in this moment.
So thank you so much for joining me once again.
Well, thank you for having me back.
Yes, well, you are a very fascinating and interesting guy. I love speaking with you.
I think people are going to really enjoy this conversation. So let's dive into your latest
topic. And that's truth detection. As I mentioned in the intro, we cover the like switch extensively
in the last two interviews. So the main technique is called elicitation. And when I was first studying about this topic and
getting ready for this interview, when I heard the word elicitation, it was so overwhelming and
it sounded so complicated and intimidating and complex. And I really like glazed over the
information because it was hard for me to grasp even just that word like elicitation.
It was just very intimidating to me.
But as I studied more, I realized it's really simple.
It was an approach designed to elicit
a truthful response from people.
That's why it's called elicitation.
It's called elicitation because it elicits
a truthful response.
So it's not that complicated.
And so I'd love for you to explain this further.
And I know that you have an analogy
about an automobile tracking device.
So I thought that'd be a good way to start
if you could explain that analogy
and help us just understand elicitation
and make it less fearful for all of us to understand.
Well, what elicitation is,
is basically you're trying to get
at some privileged information
because a lot of times this
is the privilege information that keeps us from getting the best deals, the best sales
deals, and the best negotiations.
So what you want to do is find out this information and you don't want to ask a direct question
because when you ask direct questions you have a tendency to put the person you're talking to
on guard and what you want to do is put them at ease and then create an environment
where they're psychologically predisposed to tell you sensitive information and
the elicitation is so powerful that the people who are giving you that sensitive information don't realize that
they're releasing privileged information.
That's really helpful. So I guess to even make it stick more and help us understand it more,
can you talk to us about the traditional approaches when it comes to determining if people are lying
and why it's better to get the truth before the lies?
The more traditional method is to ask them direct questions
and then you challenge them and then you go out
and you seek additional information.
All the time that you ask these questions,
the fences go up and when their defenses go up,
they're going to ask themselves,
why does this person want the information,
how are they going to use it against me,
and why in fact are they targeting me for this information?
So they're going to be on guard, and they're going to guard everything they say in order
to not reveal information that you may be seeking, or they think you may be seeking.
So that's the more traditional approach with elicitation is that it's non-confrontational. Typically,
don't ask any questions and the people who you are talking to
will like you and they will ask you and invite you back to
talk to them again. And can you help us understand like how
effectiveness is like what kind of information would people give out using
elicitation and and give us some examples because I know you teach a class and you know you have
your students go to the mall and people are giving out their pin numbers and crazy things
using this technique. So help us understand how powerful this really is.
It is it's extremely powerful because what we do is when we teach our intelligence officers to go to foreign countries and get information from our enemies and sometimes our friends, what we do is we give them a four hour block of instruction in the morning and then in the afternoon we go out to a mall and then we randomly, the instructors will randomly select or target
a person in the mall and assign that student to approach the target and obtain their pin
number for their bank accounts for their computers for their anything that they have a pin
number on and also social security numbers and other sensitive information, bank account
information, how much their debt to income ratio is, mothers made names.
And the students can do that typically within three to five minutes of meeting a stranger.
And I'll give you a good example.
At Western Illinois University where I teach law enforcement, I had a class and I was explaining illicitation to one of the classes and I explained how I got a social security number from one
of our intelligence officers who was in training and I was able to use these illicitation techniques
to get his social security number and he didn't realize he'd gave it up.
The students were a little skeptical so they they asked me to, in fact, five students had back-to-back classes with me. So they asked me
to demonstrate the elicitation techniques in the next class. And I said, okay, and I said,
you pick the target, and they picked a student. And within five or ten ten minutes I was able to get the students social
security number. And after he gave a social security number out, the student started
laughing and he looks around and he said, what's so funny? He says, you just gave up your
social security number. And he kind of chuckled and said, yeah, I guess I did give out my
social security number. I didn't even realize I did it. So what elicitation techniques do, it kind of gives you access
to more sensitive information.
And you can also find out what people truly think about a topic
or a feeling they may have.
And one of the techniques you can use is something
called a third-party perspective.
And that is, that founds on the premise that humans have a natural tendency to talk about other people
rather than themselves. So if you framed something in a third person, they tend to look into their
themselves for the answer. And if you ask somebody a direct question,
they tend to look to social norms.
For example, if one of the female students wanted to know
if her boyfriend was predisposed to cheat on her,
and he asked her, of course she asked him a direct question,
would you cheat on me?
And of course he reaches out to social norms
and says, of course I wouldn't cheat on you. And that's he reaches out to social norms and says,
of course I wouldn't cheat on you.
And that's kind of natural because you's not gonna say,
well, I would cheat on you.
I'm pretty supposed to cheat.
So what she did in turn was,
she said, all my friend Mary Beth had a boyfriend
and he was caught cheating.
What do you think of that?
And she's looking for the answer wall.
That's wrong.
You should never cheat on your significant other.
And unfortunately she didn't get that answer.
She got some answers like, well, if she wasn't paying attention
to him, she wasn't giving him the right attention,
then he has a right to cheat on her.
So that gave her a little insight into what he really felt about cheating,
by asking that third party perspective question.
Let's talk about what makes this automatic behavior work so well.
Like what is the scientific and biological explanation of all of this?
Why does this elicitation process work?
Well, humans have some psychological predispositions
and all we're doing is tapping into those
psychological predispositions. One of
one of the strongest psychological predispositions
people have is the need to correct
to others. So if you hear something
that said that's wrong, people have a tendency to correct that
statement and then add a little bit to the statement.
There's just this overwhelming need that people want to be right.
And when somebody else is wrong and you're right, now that puts you above them.
And so you feel a little superiority to the person who's making that mistake. But what
people don't realize is that in the process of correcting a false statement, people are releasing
a lot of information that probably they shouldn't. Yeah, 100%. So you talk about an analogy in your
book about an automobile tracking device. And essentially, you compare a
dissertation in terms of this analogy with an automobile tracking device. I
feel like it will really help stick in people's minds if you give that analogy, if
you could share it. Yeah, what what happens with these new devices? I in fact, I
have one from my insurance company and they say that, you know, I'll get a little discount and then you
take this thing into your car and it will track everything that you do, the braking, the turning,
the acceleration, when you stop, how fast you're going, how slow you're going, and it'll track
just about everything you can do in that car. But what happens is I'm not even aware that it's there. I was aware of
the first couple days and then I forgot about it. But all the while that tracking device is
collecting information from me without me being aware that it's collecting information.
So, elicitation is the same way. What you're doing is you're collecting information and the person that you're collecting it from doesn't realize that you're monitoring the information and getting it from them
without their knowledge. I think that's super helpful. Let's give some historical perspective on this
Dr. Jack and feel free to loosen up and really get into this conversation because I know that you
bring so much to the table. you've got so much knowledge.
You literally are one of the most widely recognized FBI agents
out there, and this is your expertise.
So I'm really excited for this conversation.
Let's get some history.
Can you share a bit about, I'm gonna butcher this name,
Hans Joachim Shariff, and he was a pioneer
in this elicitation style strategy.
And he had this really cool approach called Change of Scene.
Can you talk to us about this great story?
Yeah, Shariff is, he was a German interrogator during World War II, and he used a different
approach.
In fact, he's like the grandfather of the elicitation model.
What he did, instead of using the tactics
like the Gestapo did with torture and stress positions, all he did was he took the airmen
and he would walk outside the camp. In other words, he would change the venue so they're
no longer in a prisoner situation. They're more like on a stroll with him outside
the camp. And what he did was, he just started a general conversation with them, got them
feeling very comfortable, and then he would start using these elicitation techniques.
And what he's doing is he's taking advantage of human predisposition. Because when we stroll number one,
we're predisposed to talk to people.
Because anytime we usually stroll
with somebody or take a walk with somebody,
we're always in conversation.
So we're predisposed to talk when we're in conversation
with somebody and we're strolling with them.
And the other thing is, if they're outside
that prisoner environment,
then they become more relaxed.
Yeah, that's super interesting.
So basically what you're talking about is like getting people into the right environment
and the right mindset.
So what are the key things that we have to do to make sure that people are comfortable
to start talking to us and telling the truth?
Like, what are some of the foundational things that we need to do?
There's basically three, what I refer to as friend signals.
And when you approach somebody,
they will typically eyebrow flash you as they approach you.
And as you approach the other person,
they will typically eyebrow flash.
You will typically reciprocate the eyebrow flash.
And all that eyebrow flash means it's a quick 164thxty-fourth of a second, and it's just
a quick up and down movement with the eyebrows.
And all that does is tell the other person that I'm not a threat.
And you almost do this subconsciously, because people don't realize it until I bring the
eyebrow flash to their attention.
They realize that they eyebrow flash hundreds of times a day when they approach people and they can recognize that when people approach them now
With the with the knowledge of the eyebrow flash they'll recognize and see the eyebrow flash and what typically happens is when you're walking down the hallway
in the
Morning and you first see somebody you what you typically do is say, hello, how you're doing. And when you see
that person the second time, you don't have to say anything, but what you typically do
is eyebrow flash one another, or you stick out your chin and do a chin job. And that's
just another signal that says, I'm a friend. The other one is the head until when you approach
somebody, you want to tilt your head, because when you tilt your head, what you approach somebody you want to tilt your head because when you tilt your head what you do is you expose your carotid artery and
That is one of the most vulnerable parts of your body and what you're letting that person know is I trust you
And I'm exposing my carotid if anybody has any dogs
And you go when dog owners go home typically what their dogs will do is sit there and tilt their head and
Why they're tilting their head is there letting the owner know that the dog is not
a threat.
And a lot of times what they do is football around their back, expose their stomach,
which is another friend signal that says, I'm exposing the most vulnerable part of my body.
The last thing is a smile.
Because when we smile, we release endorphins.
And if we smile at somebody, it's very difficult for them not to smile back.
So they get a shot of endorphin and makes them feel good about themselves and
then that kind of taps into the golden rule of friendship was or which is if you want to get people to like you you make them feel good about themselves.
So if you are approaching somebody and you want to
So if you are approaching somebody and you want to use elicitation techniques, you've got to make sure these three
friend signals are visible.
You'll let the other person know that you're not a threat.
And if you guys want more information on that, my first
episode was called First Impressions.
And me and Jack talked extensively about how to get people
to like you through things like friend signals,
through things like the golden rule of friendship
and empathetic statements.
So if you guys are interested in that,
check out episode number one, and we also covered it
in episode number 64 pretty recently.
So if you guys want to refresh our on how
to get people to like you, which is part of a listation,
check those episodes out.
I'm going to quickly just reset the room.
You guys are listening to a live episode
of Young and Profiting Podcast.
I'm your host, Talata.
I'm joined on the panel with Dr. Jack Schaefer.
He is an XFBI agent.
He is also the author of a recent book called Truth Detector
and the Light Switch, which is my all-time favorite book.
I'm really excited for him to be on this panel today.
I also have my friends, some of them podcasters,
some of them clubhouseters, some of them
clubhouse influencers, Caroline, Melissa, Paulina, and Molly, who may be asking questions
in the future. Okay, so keeping on the topic of environment and getting people to like
you, I know that rapport is extremely important when it comes to elicitation and getting in
the right mindset of using these elicitation techniques with your quote unquote target.
So what is rapport exactly? How do you define rapport?
Report is just developing a positive connection between two people.
And it's very easy to develop using a few techniques.
One of the techniques is finding common ground with somebody.
Common ground is probably one of the quickest ways to establish rapport.
And there's three ways to get common ground.
The first way is something that we share together.
If I'm from Chicago and you're from Chicago, we have instant common ground because we
share something in the present.
There's something called temple common ground.
You may be from New York and I may be from Chicago,
but in the past, I visited New York several times.
So over time, then, we have shared experiences.
And the last one is vicarious, which means
you live through somebody else.
I've never been to New York.
I live in Chicago.
You live in New York, but I know my daughter lives in New York.
So through my daughter, I can get common ground with that person.
Got it. So it's really important to get people to feel good about themselves, right?
Yeah, that's in rapport is one way to make them feel good about themselves. Because if you're
with somebody and you feel good, or if you're with somebody, you make them feel good about themselves,
they're gonna wanna come back and see you again.
In fact, they may even think of excuse
to come back and see you
just so they can have that same good feeling again.
Awesome.
Okay, so let's move on to some tactics and tools,
so to speak, in our toolbox,
when it comes to
elicitation. We've been doing a lot of like foundation. What does it mean? What's
the environment that we need to have people be in or the mindset that people need
to be in and what we need to do to get people to like us, which is all important
to kind of start the conversation. But when we're actually in the conversation
with us, what are some of the things that we can do and with some of the tactics that you suggest we do
to have an effective elicitation?
Well, the first thing you want to do is
you want to start with a general topic
and talk about something benign for a minute or two
and then you want to insert an elicitation tool
and then you want to talk about something benign again because most people remember the first thing they said heard or did and they
remember the last thing they said heard or did the things in the middle have
a tendency to be forgotten. So if you put the elicitation technique in what we
call that elicitation sandwich then it will be less recognized.
So the first thing you need to do is have that elicitation sandwich.
Awesome. So let's maybe do a quick fire type of a thing where I can
trigger something and you can help explain what it is.
So let's talk about the presumptive statement.
Maybe you can give us a real example of how to use the presumptive statement. And maybe you can give us a real example of how to use the presumptive statement,
because from my understanding, this is really important when it comes to
an elicitation, is to use these presumptive statements.
So can you explain what that is?
And then maybe give us a real example of a student or yourself
when you've used a presumptive statement to elicit the truth from someone.
Yeah, what a presumptive statement does, it founds on the need to correct.
So what I'm going to do to set up an
elicitation technique using the presumptive,
I'm just going to make a statement
that statement can be either true or it can be false.
If the statement's false,
people have a strong need to correct you
and then we'll add a little information.
If it is correct, people will affirm that the information is correct. people have a strong need to correct you and then we'll add a little information
if it is correct people will affirm that the information is correct. I use this a
lot when I go into jewelry stores and I want to buy a piece of jewelry for my
wife and I want to make sure I get the best deal I can on that jewelry. So what I
will do is say to the clerk, gee, you must get like 5% or 10% commission on that.
And the clerk will say, well, no, I don't get 5% or 10%,
I get like 3% or 4%.
And then I'll say, oh, so you must have an automatic discount
then you have some flexibility here.
No, I don't have any flexibility.
My boss is the one.
And he generally won't give this more than 20%. So what's he doing? I'm making a statement and
he's correcting me and then giving me that sensitive information. So what I did in
the case of buying my wife that ring, I went to the boss and I said, tell you what. And
then I calculated 20% reduction. I said, tell you what, and then I calculated a 20% reduction.
I said, if you can give me that ring at this particular price,
I'll buy it right now.
And he said, okay, you can have it.
Because I knew that I had an advantage
how much the commission was and I knew how much the
the discount the boss was willing to give.
Yeah, that's really helpful.
And then can you help us understand why
negative presumptive questions
helps bring out the truth more than asking
a positive presumptive question?
Okay, the negative,
we already talked about the positive and that is saying
there's no problem here, right?
And the person is likely to say,
no problems at all.
A negative presumptive is, so you're
having problems with the noise at McDonald's.
And that's why these people are moving out
because of the noise at McDonald's.
So you're asking a very negative question.
What people have a tendency to do then
is to try to correct that.
And they think, because of the way you ask the question,
that you already know that there's a problem.
When, in fact, you don't know if there's a problem or not,
but the person you're asking assumes the problem.
Gotcha, so that's why negative is better than positive.
Okay, so let's talk about a couple of their tactics
to use during an elicitation.
Can you explain what bracketing is and how we can use it and maybe an
example?
Yeah, bracken is when you want to get information that contains
numbers, typically.
And if you want to know a price range, you could say, so your
commission or the markup on this jewelry is what 50 to 60%.
So what you want to do is make one bracket high and the
other one low and then people will have a tendency to correct you and give you the correct number.
If you want to know somebody's age, I can say, oh, you look like you're maybe 35, 40.
And if they're not 35 to 40 years old, they're going to correct you and give you the right age.
And if they are, then they will typically give you the exact age that they are.
I think that's super, super powerful to know. So basically throwing out a range will make
somebody want to correct you again and give you the correct closer number.
Okay, so we just talked about bracketing, which is really interesting.
It's basically involving numbers or dates in order to give a range and hope that somebody
will correct you to give you a more accurate version of that range.
All right, so let's talk about status manipulation.
Jack, if you want to help explain to us what
status manipulation is, I think it's an excellent way to get
people talking and get their true intentions.
Yeah, what how I came across this technique is my son and I
were at the bookstore and we saw an author over there and she
was selling a book. There was nobody at the table. So we just
walk over there and talk to her a book. There was nobody at the table, so we just walked over there and talked to her.
And I thumbed through the book and I said,
your writing style is Jane Austen-esque-like.
And what I did was I elevated her status
to the status of Jane Austen.
And what she did was, she knew she wasn't at that status.
So what she did was, she had to explain why she
wasn't Jane Austen in doing so. She gave us a lot of information about her home life and
her husband and the fact that she had three kids and started telling me all this information
about her personal life, that she probably wouldn't have given me if I asked her a direct question. That's awesome. I do want to allow an audience member who came up here
who has an amazing question ask that to Jack. Kizzy, you're here on stage. You've
got a great question. I'd love for you to ask Jack your question. Well thank
you for this conversation. I'm thoroughly enjoying it and I don't want any
professionals to get mad at me because I work in the profession as well. But for
Dr. Jack, how do you elicit the truth at a person's or professionals when they
work in industries where it's lying is acceptable, I.e. psychiatry, lawyers,
politicians, because we're kind of trained already to look at body language, to
X and direct questions, to ask non-leaning questions, and they already have heart and belief systems. We're trained to look at cynicism.
And so they're going to always give you the p.r. answer even when you know it's not the truth.
So how do we like go even further and get that information out of the person?
Well, what you can do in that situation, and I recently ran into this situation where
an employer wanted me
to question a possible employee to find out if they were loyal and trustworthy. So instead
of asking them, are you loyal and trustworthy? Of course, they're going to say yes. So what
I did was I said, okay, what if one of your colleagues you overheard them releasing
proprietary or confidential information to their friends,
what would you do in that situation? So what you did, you set up that third party perspective,
ask them about the friend situation and not themselves. So what happens is they will come and talk
about their real, they talk about a third party. That's the same thing you can do with politicians.
You can ask them about a situation,
and they're more likely to give you a more straightforward answer, but sometimes politicians
are extremely well trained, and they stick to points, and they won't drift from those talking
points. So if you run up against somebody that is extremely polished and well practiced,
it may be more difficult.
I think that's brilliant. So using that third party perspective tool on somebody who's really trained to lie and comfortable with lying,
to try to get the real truth out of them. I love that. So Molly, I know you have sort of a similar question in terms of clubhouse and how you can detect a lie.
Do you want to ask your question?
Absolutely. Thank you so much. With an audio app like clubhouse, what are some verbal cues or clues we
can look forward to detect if someone is lying or not being forthcoming when they are speaking?
Well, the first thing you look for is simple declarative sentences because when people give you anything but a simple
declarative sentence, it tends to signal that they may be hiding something.
So if you want to appear truthful on any kind of social platform, what you want to do
is use simple declarative sentences.
The second thing, audio, what you want to look for is latency. You can ask a question and if there's a big,
that pause gives that person time to think of the answer they want to give you.
And most of the time, truth people don't have to pause to give you an answer.
And I'm going to share with you one technique that is extremely
detecting deception in the verbal realm. And that is the well technique.
If you ask somebody a direct yes or no question and they respond with the word well, it means
they are about to give you an answer.
You know they're not that you're not expecting.
So we'll give you an example.
If I send my kid off to the bedroom to do his homework, and I hear nothing but shenanigans going on
and there are no homework.
He exits his room and I ask him,
did you do your homework?
He says, well, I've stopped on there
and send him back into his bedroom to do his homework,
and he's left wondering, how did Dad know I didn't?
So let's examine that a bit closer.
I ask him a
yes or no question about his homework. He thinks I'm expecting the answer
yes. When he says, well, it means anything but yes, which is
no. So if you ask your boss, am I getting a raise? And he goes,
well, that means you're not getting a raise boss. Can I get the
day off that I asked for? Well, that means you're not getting a race. Boss, can I get the day off that I asked for? Well, that means you're not getting the day off because he thinks you're
expecting the answer yes and both occasions when in fact, you're not getting it.
So he answers with the word well first. And that's kind of a tip off.
I love that. That's so good. That's such a great way to know like what is coming
next. I think that's great. So I think for me, I don't know why this third party perspective rule that we've been talking
about is so powerful to me because I feel like it's so obvious, but it's something that
I never kind of put two and two together.
And I know that there's even more advanced techniques, like storytelling, using the third
party perspective.
Can you tell us about storytelling using the third party perspective. Can you tell us about storytelling
using the third party perspective?
Why that's so powerful, how we can use it?
I like storytelling because humans like stories.
And the story has to have a moral and a course of action.
What I typically did, if I'm interviewing a teller
who happened to embezzle money,
I would say, let me tell you a story about my sister and I would parallel that she was a teller who happened to embezzle money, I would say, let me tell you a story about my sister and I would parallel that she was a teller and she took some money expecting
you know on Friday to pay some bills and she expected a return, a check that was going
to come on Saturday, it didn't come. And then on Monday she couldn't of course replace
the money because the check didn't come.
So what I tell her is my sister lied to the her boss, to the bank examiner, and then
when the FBI agent came in to talk about it because there's a federal offense that it
was too late.
She called me and says, can you help me?
I said, no, I can't help you.
It's too late once it gets to the FBI.
There's nothing I can do to intercede at this point.
So I would break in the eye and say, don't be like my sister.
So I told that story.
The moral is it's better to tell the truth up front.
The course of action, tell the truth immediately before you get too deep into it.
That's super interesting. So we talked a lot about the different tools in our toolbox when it
comes to elicitation and some of the tactics that we can use. Let's talk about the ways that
this can backfire on us. And I think for me, as I was reading your book, I think the number one
way is not being able to pay attention and actually listen to what people are saying.
So if you use all these tactics
and you aren't able to actually pay attention
and actively listen to people,
you're gonna miss the truth
because you're not paying attention.
So talk to us about the importance of active listening
and how we can become better active listeners
so that when we do employ some of these strategies,
we actually gain something out of it.
That's interesting.
I sent two students into a store and asked the one student to get the date of birth from
the clerk.
And the person happened to be an extrovert.
Extroverts like to talk a lot and they don't give people a chance to talk.
And then when people do talk, extroverts have a tendency not to listen to what they're saying
because they're too interested in what they're about to say.
So as it turned out, the clerk did give up their data birth
and the person that went in with that extrovert left the store
and the extrovert came out and told me, says, wow,
I tried everything I could, but I didn't get the information.
And the other person with him said, yeah, you did.
You got the date of birth and here's the date of birth.
And he says, why didn't even know that?
I said, that's because you're too busy talking and you're not listening.
So a good way to listen is to formulate an empathic statement.
You find out what that person said and you want to mirror back to them and
using parallel language, what they said. And that lets that person know that you want to mirror back to them using parallel language
what they said and that lets that person know that you're in fact listening to them and
that builds rapport.
Can you give us an example of an empathic statement and how we can structure one?
I always like to say if you're going to use beginning statement, classic examples, I'm
an elevator at school and one of the students on the elevator was really smiling and she was very happy. And I said,
so things must be going your way today. And what that is take, I'm taking her physical status and her emotional, the emotions that she's showing. And I'm just mirroring it back to her. So you must have had a good day because people who smile and look happy
usually have good days.
And she said, yeah, I just passed a very difficult test.
And I said, oh, so your hard work and study paid off.
And so what I did was I just mirrored back to her
what she was thinking.
In addition to that, I allowed her to flatter herself.
I didn't give her a direct compliment, but, I allowed her to flatter herself. I didn't give her a direct
compliment, but I did allow her to flatter herself because she was thinking to herself, yes,
that hard work did pay off, and I got a good grade on that test. And what happens is we have a
tendency to flatter ourselves, and it makes us feel good about ourselves, and if we feel good about
ourselves, we're going to like the person who makes us feel good about ourselves. And if we feel good about ourselves,
we're going to like the person who allowed us to do that.
This is actually really, really important for everybody
to understand.
So what he's saying is that he used an empathic statement,
which demonstrated that he was listening to the person
because he's basically repeating what that person is saying.
He's not saying exactly what that person is saying back
because that seems deceptive.
He's saying something very similar to what that person said to demonstrate that he's
listening.
So that makes the person feel good about themselves because people want to be the center of attention.
People want the conversation to be focused on themselves.
So when you're trying to get the truth out of someone, when you're trying to get somebody
to like you, you don't want to make it about you. You want to make it about them. So
that's what an empathetic statement does. It basically gets people to say what they're feeling
and they're true feelings without you. How do I say this? It's basically you're getting them to
say it by not saying much, just kind of rephrasing
what they already said to keep going with the information, right?
So you don't wanna give an opinion either way
or insert yourself in it.
You wanna just, so if somebody's saying,
you know, if somebody looks sad, you say,
so you're having a bad day,
and then they could just be like,
well, you know, yeah, I had XYZ happen and this happened.
And you don't say like, yeah, go ahead, Jack.
I know how you feel.
I know how you don't want to say I know how you feel
because they know you don't know how they feel
because only they know how they feel.
And what you want to do is you make an empathic statement.
And then they'll say, yes, I am having a bad day and they'll usually
give you a reason.
So what you want to do is change, ease into another empathic statement and then they'll
give you more information.
And I'll give you a good example of how it works when I was younger.
I wanted to practice this technique and I was on an airplane and I was sitting next to
this woman and I said, you know, I was sitting next to this woman and I said,
you know, I'm not going to use any questions. I'm just going to use empathic statements.
And we talked for like an hour and I found out a lot of things about her and all I did
was repeat back to me what she said. She added something to it and the part that she
added, I used turn path statement and she added more. And in the end, it was kind of funny.
She says,
I said, wow, you're certainly a very interesting person. I'm glad I met you and I called her
her name. And she turned to me and she said, well, you tell me I'm glad to meet. She's,
you know, I don't know anything about you. And the reason she did is because I allowed
her to talk about herself.
And the key to all this, the golden rule of friendship is to make people feel good about themselves.
People will be your friend,
and we'll tell you things
when you make them feel good about themselves.
The other key to the empathic statement
is to your point, Jack,
you were talking about compliments.
So tell us a bit more about compliments.
What's the right way and wrong way
to give a compliment?
Most of the time when we give compliments,
they're very direct
compliments. I like this about you. I like that about you. And typically, people get a little
leery about that, especially if they're not really good friends. A good example of that is when
students come into my office and they say, oh, Dr. Schaefer, you're the best professor. I've ever had in my college career.
And I just asked them, what do you want?
Because I know they're trying to flatter me
to get me to do something for them, a favor.
So that puts my stuff up.
So what you want to do instead
is to allow that person to flatter themselves.
And like I did with that girl in the elevator, I said,
hey, that hard work really paid off.
And she said, yes, it did.
And she gave herself a little pat on the back.
So that's what we want to do.
The correct way is allow people to feel good about themselves.
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you get your podcasts. So if you walk away with anything from this conversation, when you're
talking to someone, trying to be friends with somebody or get information from someone, you want to make them feel good about themselves. You do that by demonstrating that you're talking to someone, trying to be friends with somebody or get information from someone,
you want to make them feel good about themselves.
You do that by demonstrating that you're listening
to them with empathic statements.
And another way that you do that
is by not interrupting and by talking less.
So Jack, tell us the importance about not interrupting
and being okay with silence.
A lot of times silence is good
because what happens is,
especially if you're talking with an extrovert,
extroverts have a tendency to fill silence,
and we're in a turn taking society,
and we give each other signals
that it's still your turn to talk.
So during an elicitation, you wanna nod your head up and down,
that's a non-verbal signal that says,
keep talking, it's your turn, and you wanna maybe add a verbal nbal signal that says, keep talking. It's your turn.
And you want to maybe add a verbal nudge like, go ahead, uh-huh, go on.
And they found out through studies that these nonverbal nudges and verbal nudges increase
people's speech production by four to five times.
Because you're giving them that signal, it's still your turn to talk.
Because in normal conversation, we look at these non-verbals and we tell each other,
no, it's my turn to talk. And then you give the signal, it's your turn to talk now.
Yeah, I think this is super, super interesting stuff. So sticking on like red flags and things that
we should stay away from when it comes to elicitation. Can you talk to us about why questions
are like the worst thing that we can do?
Like asking a direct question is the last thing
you should do when you're actually trying
to get information?
It sounds so counterintuitive,
but why shouldn't you actually ask questions?
Because what questions do is they set up
defense mechanisms because if somebody
asks me a question, I'm going to say,
why are they asking me the question? What do they want to know? How are they going to use
that information against me? Should I reveal the information? And what should I say instead
of answering the question, what should I say that makes it look like it's the truth when
in fact it's not the truth? So direct questions cause people to go on their defenses and their
shields go up. So what you want to do with elicitation
is you want to keep questioning to a minimum
and you just want to make them psychologically
predisposed to want to tell you the information.
And the other thing that we have to remember
with these elicitation techniques is it works both ways.
If you learn how con men get information from people, and they use the same techniques,
these elicitation techniques.
So what you want to do is use it as a defense mechanism.
So what you want to do is recognize these techniques.
So when somebody does come up to you, a stranger, and starts talking with you, you want to be
able to recognize that they're using elicitation techniques. And then once you can name it, then you can claim it,
and you can stop them from getting the information that they want to take
advantage of you.
I love that. That's super helpful. I'm just going to quickly reset the room
here. You guys are listening to a live episode of Young and Profiting
Podcast. On stage with me, I have Dr. Jack Schaefer. Dr. Jack Schaefer has
been on Young and Profiting Podcast. Now, three times, he is my all-time favorite author.
He's the author of the Like Switch, and also the Truth Detector.
I must have listened to the Like Switch 10 times.
The Truth Detector just came out.
You guys definitely have to go grab that book
if you're enjoying this conversation.
His books are honestly jam-packed with so much information.
I feel like one of the reasons why I'm successful
is because of Dr. Jack Schaefer and the things that I've
learned and how it's helped me network and really build solid relationships knowing these
different tactics and using these tactics that he used as an FBI agent for good, not for
bad, you know, that I think there's definitely, and we can get into this, if anybody's interested,
but there's definitely some ways that people can manipulate people using this stuff.
But there's also a lot of good that you can do.
So speaking to that, Jack,
what are the ways that people can use
these tactics for good?
And not just only to get information,
but also to improve relationships.
Like, how does elicitation actually
improve our relationships?
What it does is it makes people feel
number feel comfortable and the more
information you share with somebody,
especially more secretive information
that you don't share with everybody.
The more likely and intense that relationship
is going to develop because relationships
are based on trust and if you can build
that trust, then you will develop a better
relationship that makes that other person comfortable opening up to you. are based on trust. And if you can build that trust, then you will develop a better relationship
that makes that other person comfortable opening up to you.
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So we've got some folks on stage.
We have Cat, Chris and Ahmed.
We are going to open it up for Q&A in just a bit.
So Cat, Chris, you guys can DM Caroline your question.
You guys can put your question in your bio,
but I got to know your question before I throw it to you guys.
So make sure you are sending us your questions.
I'm also going to bring up Christopher now.
Before we get into that, let's talk about
why elicitation works a little bit more.
We touched on it a bit,
but I'd love to dive a little deeper into it
because it's so interesting to me. So some of the reasons why this stuff works is because people
have a need to, they like to talk about other people, they like to gossip. So Jack,
why psychologically do we love to gossip? And how can we play on that trait to get the truth out
of people? I think people like to gossip because number one, they're not in the spotlight.
Number two, it's a third person.
And number three, typically when we gossip, it's not about good things, it's about bad
things.
So we elevate ourselves above the person we're about.
And that tends to make us feel better about ourselves is when we could say, well,
you hear about that person unbelievable what they did. And it makes you look good and makes
them look bad. So I think that's why we like the gossip, it elevates us over the person that
we're gossiping about. And all you have to do is say, did you know, and then you add the person's name, and then you could say anything about
that person. And if the person something about them, then they will certainly chime in and
contribute to the gossip. When in fact, you may not have known that information. So you're
again using a productive with gossip.
Yeah. And I think it's also because people like to feel like they're in the know and
it's kind of like almost like a power thing gossiping about other people because it means that they
know more information and people like to seem like they're really in the know. In fact, what that
does it plays into that knowledge is power and if I know something you don't, I'm more powerful than
you are. And it makes me feel good about myself
because I am in a position
that no more about you, more than you do.
Something else that I want to,
we touched on it again,
but I definitely want to drill it home,
especially because we are having
so many technical difficulties,
so I want to make sure everybody knows about this.
Oh, this is what I wanted to talk about.
People wanting to correct,
having the need to correct others, because I think this is what I wanted to talk about. People wanting to correct having the need
to correct others.
Because I think this is one of the most
foundational pieces of all of this is understanding
that people love to correct other people.
And when you know that people just have to correct
other people and it is such like an innate thing
that's like hardwired into our brains
that when we hear something wrong,
we wanna correct people.
So first of all, you know,
making sure you don't have an ego.
So if you are trying to get something
truthful out of someone that you're okay
to actually say something that you know might be wrong
because you actually want the person to correct you
with the right answer.
So I'd love for you to really, really drive this home, Jack,
in terms of why people loved
correct other people, maybe some examples of people correcting other people, and how
we can use these tactics and elicitation to get the truth out of people.
Yeah, the power to correct is extremely powerful, because in class, I talked to a student,
and I remember this one particular occasion, she was a senior and she said something and I said well
that's pretty intuitive for a sophomore and
I had just gotten done talking about the power to correct and she just grand and bitter lip and
She says I know what you're up to and I said okay, and then I started to move on and she says I'm a senior and I said
Why did you tell me that?
She said, I just had to correct you.
I couldn't let that go.
So that's how part, even when you know that the technique
is being used against you, it's very difficult
to resist that need to correct.
And that's what makes it so powerful.
It is one way that we can get people predisposed to talk.
And the thing that hurts people that elicit is,
like you say, their ego then is diminished.
If they have to say something that's wrong intentionally
and then they have to be corrected,
which is a counterintuitive to what they know
they should be doing.
I think that's super helpful and super powerful.
And I think a lot of people are enjoying this conversation.
We have over 240 people in this room, guys.
So another reason why this works is people have a need
for recognition.
So in addition to people loving to talk about other people,
loving to gossip, also loving to correct other people,
the reason why elicitation works is because people
also have a need for recognition.
So Dr. Jack Schaefer, why don't you talk to us about why recognition is so
important in all of this to understand? Because most of us have our identities and males
in particular have their identities wrapped up in their profession or what they do. And
females, more so are getting that way, but typically their tendency is to be wrapped up in family issues.
So what we want to do is recognize what people do.
And I remember one case I had where there was a high school
and I wanted to get somebody on the inside that could help me get information
about some students.
And I chose the janitor because he walks around school
and he talks a lot of people.
And what I did with him is I talked to him and I said,
so what do you do?
He says, well, let me tell you what I do
is I clean the building and do this.
And I said, take you a long time to do that
because there's a lot of stuff here
and you get it done in eight hours.
I invented this new technique.
I just pathway through school, make it very efficient and the steps and I
wow, that takes a lot of ingenuity to be able to come up with a strategy
to efficiently clean the building.
So, and I said, once he, I recognized that what he was doing was very good,
which in fact it was very good,
that he liked me and I gave him my card
and I said, if you ever see anything, you let me know.
And so he gave me information about what's going on
at the school and all I did was allow him to get some
recognition for a job well done.
And I don't think that many people
would give them the opportunity to be recognized.
I love that.
Okay, so we're gonna open it up to Q&A and just a bit.
Before we do that, Jack, I would love for you
to give us a great example of using some
of the elicitation techniques that we talked about today.
I know you have a great story about one of your students
who actually convinced
somebody to give them information that would allow him to rob a jewelry store. I thought
this was such a great story, so and I think it's a great example. So can you give us some
detail in terms of this story and really drill home in terms of the different techniques
that he used, you know, to get this information so that we can tie everything all together. It was kind of amazing because I,
I told one of my students to walk into a jewelry store
and get all the information that would be required
as if he were casing the joint to rob it.
So the student, I walked in with him
and I was listening to how his elicitation techniques went
and I was kind of amazed myself because he walks in.
He notices that there's cameras all around the store.
So he opens up.
He wants to buy a trinket for his girlfriend.
And he's looking at the trinket.
And he says, wow, be pretty tough to steal anything
in this store with all the cameras here.
That's a presumptive statement.
And the guy goes, nah, those cameras are just for show don't worry about them
You know they don't even work. It's just something to scare people away and he goes well at least you have the the mall
Police to come security that comes by and checks on you and he says that's another presumptive and he says
No, those people don't come by at all because because they're too busy, you know, doing other stuff,
so they don't come by.
And I said, I was still listening,
and I'm starting to get amazed, and he goes like,
and besides what we do is we have a policy
that we don't even report, shop,
or certain amount of dollars in merch.
So I think it was around $1,200.
And the kid goes $1,200.
And that's, he was just feigning amazement.
And he's going like, holy smokes.
You mean, I can walk out of here with this ring
and you wouldn't even report me to the police.
He goes, yeah, it's a store policy.
And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I can't
believe it. He says, well, at least you won't get robbed because all your money is going
to be in a safe, and you probably drop it every hour to make sure that there's no money
at hand to be robbed. And he goes, yeah, that would be, that's what we typically do, but
right now, the safe's broken. And it's sitting over there across the room and there's $2,200 in their cash and
the safe broken, it won't even lock. So the guy goes, you mean I can walk over there right
now and take that money and the guy goes, well yeah, if you just open it up, I'm not, you
know, just walk out with it. I was like, I was amazed that the guy just revealed all this really sensitive information.
We left the store and we're still shaking our heads. And I thought about going back and telling them,
Hey, you better stop giving out all that information because we were under,
we were under you doing an exercise in the intelligence, you know,
realm and we decided just to let it go.
People will just give you tons and tons of information.
If you give them the opportunity and predispose them
to want to tell you the truth because they like you.
Yeah, and I think part of it is also
because he felt very disconnected from the repercussions,
right?
I think it goes with that recognition piece
because he was like low on the totem pole. He felt like, well, it doesn't really impact me and I want
to seem important and in the know. So I'm going to tell these strangers this really sensitive
information because in the moment, I want to seem powerful and like, I know things.
Yeah. Knowledge is power and what all we're doing is allowing people to express themselves
under conditions that we set up.
Yes, and then again, giving that presumptive information, I think that's the other
key there, is that they were saying things like, what was that security comment, like basically
saying, well, you guys have security cameras, right? And then he's saying, well, no, we don't,
actually, they're broken. You must be protecting your cash. Well, no, have security cameras, right? And then he's saying, well, no, we don't. Actually, they're broken.
You must be protecting your cash.
Well, no, we're not.
So he wants to correct you, right?
So it's so interesting.
Yeah, you can do a lot of things with this.
And you know what's nice about elicitation is,
if you do it properly, people won't know
that you're using these techniques
on them.
So what you can do is practice and if it doesn't work, it doesn't over time.
You can practice a few of these techniques just to see if it works and you'll find out
that it does.
I used to practice initially in the grocery store and there was people in front of me and
typically I would select the person right in front of me and I would try to list it there data birth before we got to the cash here and
I was able to do that quite effectively and
get people's trees and pin numbers and that kind of thing
Yeah, and the best part is because you're not asking direct questions
Which is gonna flag people that you're not asking direct questions, which is gonna flag people that you're being strange, right?
And that you're trying to get information since.
You're just using an empathetic statements,
you're kind of mirroring what they're saying,
since you're kind of playing dumb,
where you say things that aren't necessarily true
to try to get the right information,
you're not triggering anything that will cause alarm,
and so nobody will ever know that you're practicing, right, Jack?
So can you give us some more advice in terms of how to practice,
and then we're going to open it up to Q&A?
Yeah, I'll give you a real good story.
I was quite impressed with student walk into a telephone store
and wanted to buy, you know, I told her,
I want to get that clerk's date of birth.
No, get her pin number. I actually, I want to get her pin number.
So she walked up to the clerk.
She developed a little report in the beginning.
And then she said she pivoted towards, you know, I'm having difficulty with
passwords and this girl, the clerk, and I saw her do this.
She goes, I use a four letter word that is close to me, that has meaning for me.
And she touched her chest when she said that.
And I saw four letters.
And then the student was thinking, I asked her what she was thinking.
And she said, the first thing I thought was hard, but that's five letters.
And she said, love.
I bet it's love.
So she said, and this is another reciprocal elicitation technique. She says, I use the word
love from my password, and she got a big smile on her face, and she was giddy and going, I use
the same one. I can't believe it. I use it for everything. Oh my gosh, we have the same password.
And then they left. And then the other clerk walked over and said, what was that all about?
And I'm listening to see if she understood she gave her password away.
She's, no, no, we have the same password.
Isn't that amazing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing tonight at the work?
And she just didn't realize that she gave away her password.
It's so crazy.
People will give away the craziest information and everybody who's tuning in now, be mindful
of these tactics so that they're not
kind of played on you, right?
So we're gonna move along to Q&A.
You guys are tuning into a live, young and profiting episode.
I'm your host, Halataha.
We're here with Dr. Jack Schaefer.
He's the author of the Like Switch
and the Truth Detector, which just came out.
It's an amazing book.
I just read it, I loved it.
You guys should go get it.
So we're gonna start off with Need He.
What is your question for Dr. Jack Schaefer?
Thanks, Hala.
This is Nidhi speaking Jack.
It's what a great conversation that thus far.
You spoke a lot about using empathy and emotional connection
as a way to disarm people.
And I'm a therapist and I, you know,
sometimes I've worked with people
that maybe diagnosis sociopathic or psychopathic.
They may not respond to empathy, emotions, and connections with others. So I was just curious to hear your thoughts
on how you could tell if they're telling the truth and is there a way to perhaps disarm
that population so that you can elicit the truth from them?
Well, that's a tough one because they don't have empathy and they don't feel remorse or regret and they only look out for themselves.
So the third party perspective may be a way to tap into that empathy.
And I typically interview psychopaths and the way to interview them is you kind of back them up
into a corner verbally and then give them three options.
And all three options are bad,
but there's one that's really bad,
one that's less bad, and one that is bad.
And all three are acceptable to me as an interviewer.
So I would get them to admit
to the one that gives them the most advantage.
I would think probably they have big eagles too.
See, you might want to use some ego enhancing tools
to enhance their eagles' flattery.
I bet if you allowed them to flatter themselves,
they would not be shy about opening up to you,
especially in a third-party situation.
Hi, this is Paul.
Do you mind if I add something to that, Jack?
Yeah, go ahead. I did what you did for many years. I was mind if I add something to that, Jack? Yeah, go ahead.
I did what you did for many years. I was a hostage and gochieter international peacekeeper and a detective for many, many years.
I totally agree with what you're talking about the psychopath feeding into their egos and just,
it's almost like you make yourself look smaller than them.
And you just can't believe how they got it over you.
And it's amazing how their
minds just shift over because they need that power and they love that power. So that really kind of
smooth things out. And I just, I love that technique. I've used it many times on psychopaths and it
works beautifully. So thank you for sharing that. Okay. Good.
Awesome. Thank you, Paul. And if you have a question, Paul, put it in your bio because I know that you're an expert in this field as well. So I'm sure you
have an excellent question. Paulina, I know you have a question for Dr. Jack
Shefer. What's your question?
Hi. Thank you so much for an amazing conversation. How can these techniques be
used in the business world? Not to manipulate anyone, but maybe to get a better
insight when you're negotiating a deal
or a gauging a certain situation
to see if it's something that's in alignment
with you specifically in business.
Well, the first thing I would do
is develop good rapport with the person I'm negotiating with.
And then the second thing I would do,
let's just take an example,
you have a large order and you need an on-time delivery.
And if you ask the person you're negotiating
with, if they have any problems meeting the delivery goals, you know, you could ask them a direct
question. Are you going to have problems making delivery with your manufacturing? And they'll say,
of course, not, we'll make delivery. So if you want to elicit the information, you could say, I've read that you guys are having some difficulty with
your manufacturer, with your new equipment, and you're running a little bit late on your
deliveries.
And that's a presumptive using another thing called quoted facts.
I read somewhere that you're having problems.
So what that person is likely to do is to say, well, no, we're're having problems. So what that person is likely to do is to say,
well, no, we're not having problems.
Or, well, we're getting over those problems.
And we've worked through them because they don't know
when you come up with that presumption,
they don't know if you really know that there's problems
or not, and if there are problems,
they will probably admit to some of the problems.
And if there's no problems, you say,
where did you read that? Show me where you read that, That's not right. That's wrong. We have no problems. We haven't
had problems for years. So using that presumptive, either get an affirmation of that presumptive
or they're going to correct it, knowing that you may know something more information than you
really do know. Again, going back to people love to correct other people.
And so you can get the truth out of other people
by using a presumptive statement that will get people
to try to correct you because they love to show
that they're smart and that they have the right answer.
So super, super interesting stuff.
We're going to move it along to Dimple,
who has a question for Dr. Jack Sheifer.
Thank you, Paula and Jack.
This is an amazing room.
I'm enjoying it so much.
I'm definitely going to have to get Jack's books.
Okay, so my question is,
how do you deal with manipulative managers at work
and get them to admit to their wrong doings indirectly?
And it doesn't, I mean, it can be a manager at work.
It can be a coworker, it can be, you
know, a law firm, colleague, but just, you know, someone who's in an authority position
over someone else who is manipulative, how do you get them to admit their wrongdoings
that they're doing things that are questionable, that are not appropriate?
You know, just off the top of my head, what I probably do is set up a third party
perspective and I would tell a story and say, you know, I work for this company once and I had a manager and I would parallel
the problems you're having with that manager. Maybe they're being manipulative. I'd say, you know, I had a manager in another company
I worked for, there was very manipulative and they tried to do this and that and and what you take on all that and
manipulative and they try to do this and then and what you're taking on all that and if they agree with all that
They're gonna kind of indict themselves because they're thinking to themselves. Wow. I act like they just describe or
They'll have a tendency to correct you and then you realize that maybe they're not aware that they're very manipulative when in fact they are
Thank you so much. Thank you guys so much.
I'm going to go to my my because she followed the directions
and I love her question, my my,
what is your question for Dr. Jack Sheifer?
Thank you, Halal.
My question is about discernment.
So what are your thoughts on how to discern
and what do you look out for as far as like discerning
whether a person, I mean,
I know that ultimately it takes time, but any quick thoughts on a person's behavior and
how to discern whether they're authentic or a good person or have genuine intentions.
Thank you.
I think it takes time.
And I think you're right about that.
I mean, somebody can fake something for a certain amount of time,
but if you see them in different environments
under different stressing conditions,
then their true cells will come out.
You can use elicitation techniques
and find out perhaps what they're really feeling.
But I think it takes time to know somebody
well enough to know if they're being sincere or not.
Thank you so much, Jack.
I think you just reaffirmed my thoughts
because either in any aspect of my life,
whenever I get in any sort of relationship,
whether it's a business relationship,
a friendly relationship or a romantic relationship,
I always think that it just takes a long time to really get to know the
person's intentions and with the real person and you just have to be patient and you have to kind of have, you know, those not really have expectations and just really
kind of see day to day and see them in other rounds. And I also think that about like when you go out on dates
with people, you should maybe do things
that are experiences rather than like face to face,
a kind of coffee interview,
because if you do experiences,
you kind of get to see how they react
in their behaviors toward others.
So thank you so much, Jack, I really appreciate you.
Yeah, others.
And the other thing you should be careful
of in new relationships is we want a data dump
everything with the person that we're very interested in.
And that newness then leaves the relationship because we know a lot about that person right
up front.
A better way to do it is to just release information bit by bit over a number of months.
And that way it always keeps that relationship new and exciting because, well, I didn't know
that about you.
And then you waited another couple weeks and dropped another piece of information by yourself.
I didn't know that about you.
So that keeps that relationship fresh longer.
So that's one way.
Be careful not to the data dump on somebody when you first meet them. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Mai Mai, that was such an excellent question.
Okay, we're going to move along to Christoph,
who has an excellent question for Dr. Jack Shefer Christoph.
Can you ask your question?
Yes, hi, all. Thank you.
Been great subject so far.
And my question pertaining to human behaviors, not my domain.
My domain is more cybersecurity and illiciting. I'm going to talk about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the
issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about.
I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about. I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about. I've been talking about the issues that I've been talking about. with that and with eliciting information or statements from somebody, what is your estimation of the impact of that?
And it could be, I guess, from my understanding a lack of sleep or substance abuse, I mean,
just old age people get dementia, of course, right?
And maybe sometimes outright delusions, regardless of age.
So what is your experience with that?
Well, my experience with a false memory typically comes and it typically happens
a bank is being held up and we interview the teller and the teller during a traumatic event, we have a
tendency not to process information because we're too worried about being alive and surviving the event.
What happens is there's blanks in our memory if we're in automobiles and there's blanks in our memory. If we're in automobiles and there's blanks in our mind.
So our body wants to, our brain wants to fill those memories.
So we ask other people about those memories, false memories,
because your memory is blank, but you've talked to somebody else,
and then what that other person says now becomes your memory, which is a false memory.
And that's why it's very critical when we interview, especially witnesses in a traumatic event that we separate all the witnesses so that we don't get any interference from other people's memories. should we just want to know what they remember. So false memories, it can be planted
if there's a lack of memory, you can't plant false memories.
And the other thing is we have to remember
that when we remember something,
we're pulling it out of our brain.
And then when we get finished with that thought,
we re-remember it.
And if we re-remember something that's not true,
that now becomes what we consider
our true memory which in fact it's not. Awesome guys. Great question, Kristoff and great
response Dr. Jack Schaefer. Cool. So we're going to move it along to the next audience member
who's on stage and has a question Eli. What is your question for Dr. Jack Schaefer?
So my question is how do you deal with a narcissistic partner who always lie or doesn't admit to the around the wings?
Do you have to stay with them?
That's a great answer. I'm gonna give you a full of a answer right now.
I'm going to give you a full of a dance, all right, now. I'm just saying, if you don't have to stay with the person, then maybe it's best to find
somebody you're more compatible with.
But if you have to stay with that person, you're going to have a rough go of it if they
are narcissistic because their whole world is about them and not you.
So you're always going to have a feeling of being left out.
Interesting. Interesting. So Dr. Jack's giving you the real cold shoulder
Eli. He's saying leave, leave that person. Don't bother. Don't bother with it.
Hopefully that helps answer your question Eli. We're going to move it along to
admit who's got a question as well. What is your question for Dr. Jack Shaffer?
Hey, Hala and hey Dr. Jack Shaffer. Thanks so much for going a little over time here.
I have absolutely loved this listening in. So thanks. My question is about body language and what kind
of weight or importance do you assign to it? And it just had me thinking when you were mentioning
the story of, you know, the woman who put her hand to her chest said, my password, you know,
it's a four letter word. And I had the same reaction.
I was like, wait, no, love.
And how she gave away her password.
But I was in a training with a former hostage negotiator
in London a few years ago.
It was one of the coolest things I've ever been able to do
for learning about business and that type of thing.
And he basically went on to say, like,
the long and the short of it was,
he didn't really care much for body language.
So I was wondering if that's a shared principle or what.
Thank you.
No, I think body language is very important
because the numbers differ,
but it's about 70% of all our communication is nonverbaly.
So if we take that nonverbal aspect away
from our communications, we're handicapping ourselves.
That's what happens on the internet.
We don't have the nonverbels.
So then we have a tendency not to be more circumspect on what we're saying.
And we have a tendency to say a lot of things that we wouldn't normally say.
Because we don't have the verbal signals that say's safe enough to not. So it's very important. And that's why if you have an
internet relationship with somebody, it's best that you meet
them in person. So you can go back to using your your nonverbal
skills. The humans are really good with nonverbal skills. And
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Jack, I have a question because actually I was going to ask you this question and I'm so
glad that it brought up body language.
What are some like misconceptions
about body language and lying? Because the one thing that I always hear is like if somebody
like scratches their nose while they're talking, it means like they're saying like a white lie
or they're saying a lie. Are there some key ways to tell if somebody's lying through their
body language or is that like just hype? Well, unfortunately, there's no one nonverbal cue
that will indicate whether you're lying.
In your example, person scratches their nose,
it's because their nose is itchy and they scratch it.
Doesn't mean they're lying.
But what you can do with nonverbels
is you can establish a baseline.
So what you do is the first 20 minutes of a conversation,
typically when we interview
people, we just ask benign questions and the person has no reason to lie. So we will count
their eye blink rates, we'll count their head tilts, we'll count, you know, the times they
cross their legs or across their arms. And what we do is we get a baseline of that person.
And then when you ask a sensitive question and they break
the baseline, it means that a question caused anxiety and perhaps that anxiety was caused
by lying, not necessarily, but could be caused by lying. And that gives you kind of a little
red flag that says, maybe we should get into that topic a little deeper.
Interesting, very, very interesting.
Thank you, I met for that amazing question
about body language.
We didn't get to cover that topic.
And usually we talk about that extensively.
If you guys loved this conversation with Jack Schaefer,
this is my third time having him on Young & Profiting
Podcast.
He actually came on episode number one.
Dr. Jack was my first guest ever on Young & Profiting
Podcast. And my, my, have we grown in three years and so
funny to think about when I first interviewed you to where we are now as a
podcast, you know, on the cover of Podcast Magazine, January of 2021,
200,000 plus downloads a month, hundreds of thousands of subscribers,
and it's all thanks to Dr. Jack Schaefer, giving me a little chance back in the day
because you were a bestselling author
when I reached out to you and I was a nobody
and you came on my show.
So I'll be forever grateful and you know,
always have you back on the show.
So love speaking with you Jack.
And thanks again for all your time.
No problem, you put a lot of work into it
and that's what causes people to be successful.
Thanks Jack. I have worked with my ass off. Cool. Cool.
What technique did I just use? Say that I... Okay, so let me think about this. You use an empathetic
statement. Was that an empathetic statement? And I allowed you to.
Pat myself on the back. And you said, I worked my butt off. I fell right into your little
trap. So, and the reason I did that is because I just wanted to demonstrate that this is
what we're talking about. And I'm using the technique and everybody knows what the technique
is because we explained it and we talked about it. You showed examples of it and then I use
it and nobody picks up on it. And that's because it's one of those natural things that people
just don't pick up on right away unless they're aware of it.
Yeah, I love when you point those little things out. It's excellent. So we're
going to move on to the next question on stage. And then we're going to start to wrap this up.
And so LIDA, you're up next. What is your question for Dr. Jack Shafer?
Hi, good afternoon. Thank you for taking my question. It's actually lead up, but no worries. It's just a
non-common name. But my question is when it comes to strangers and their
embellishment of experiences and life in general, how do you practice the
muscle that allows you to shed those white lies or just to ration out, you know,
if it's like salaries and what have you to know the real back end just because
it is a stranger trying to brag about their personal life. Well, you could do is use a presumptive and say they have an inflated salary.
You'll say, well, that's interesting.
I read a report that is and then you can use a bracket between 50 and 60,000.
Your salary is significantly more than that.
And that's unusual. What they're going to do is to try to explain
why they have such a high salary.
But then you don't want to hurt their ego, though, right?
Well, if you don't want to hurt their ego,
you agree with them and say, it's wonderful.
You make a lot of money.
I'm very happy for you.
Oh, that's great.
Thank you.
So you use the bracket technique there, Jack,
can you just dig a little deeper on using that bracket technique and why that works?
Yeah, what happens is if you bracket something and you say you must be between 20 and 25 years old
and if you're anywhere near that bracket, they will actually insert the correct age. No, I'm 22.
And I made the mistake.
You talk about mistakes.
I made a mistake.
I was trying to demonstrate to a student how to get an age
off somebody using bracketing.
I walked into a store and I was like, wow,
watch me.
I'll show you how to do it.
And I went up to the lady and I said, well,
you must be about my age, 50 to 55.
She says, I'm 42.
And we got our age, but we didn't develop a lot of report
along the way.
So I turned that into a learning experience
for myself and the student.
When you bracket, it has to be within range.
It can't be too far off.
I love that.
I can't wait to use that in something,
because it's something brand new that I never knew about that. I can't wait to use that in something because it's something brand new that I never
knew about that. I can't wait to use that. We're going to jump to Kat who's been on stage for
really long time and she has her question here and it's actually super relevant. So Kat Eli,
I'd love for you to ask your question to Dr. Jack Sheifer. Thank you so much. I've actually stayed
up for this because it's 2.40 am in the UK and it's been so interesting and I find it all fascinating because I've been
super interested in like criminal minds and all that stuff for years. I was wondering Dr. Shaefer
in regards to like presumptive questions and statements. We see them commonly when people want
to see if someone is single so they say say something like, are you waiting for your husband
or your girlfriend is lucky to have you?
And they're waiting to have it confirmed or corrected.
Are people usually aware of how powerful this form of questioning
or statements are when they do it?
Or is it learned subconsciously?
I think a lot of people intuitively
can use these techniques and the
example you use was was perfect about how somebody intuitive used it. The
thing is it's important that you recognize the technique you know how to use
the technique and therefore you don't have to rely on intuition you can
intentionally use the technique rather than relying on intuition.
So that gives you more power.
It's a powerful technique because it
founds on that need to correct others.
And if you can intentionally use the tool,
then it's going to be a more powerful technique to use.
Thank you so much.
Does that mean that we aren't aware that we, like, where, where could we pick
it up from?
Is sort of what I'm getting at. Well, we we pick it up from is it's sort of what I'm getting at?
Well, we we can pick it up from a number of ways you you don't want to ask that person. Do you have a
girlfriend? Are you married? That's that's kind of personal and you're intruding into that person's
life. So you want to soften it up by going like like you like you said your your girlfriends
lucky to have you and of course if that's not the case, they're gonna immediately correct that.
And that's kind of a softer way to do it
versus being rude.
That's like asking somebody how much money they make.
You want to know how much somebody makes.
You can't say how much money you make
because that's rude.
What you want to say is, you know,
if the person's an engineer,
why I heard engineers make, you know, like,
upward of $1,000, and they'll just maybe roll their eyes
and go like, ah, not really, maybe closer to 100.
And then you can say, what, 105, 110,
and then you could use listation techniques
successively to kind of narrow in what they make.
And you get the same information
without asking that direct question
and they won't realize that they're giving that information up.
Thank you so much.
That's brilliant.
Let me explain.
Thank you.
Okay, guys, we are going through Q&A.
I see there's a lot of hands raised.
We have about 500 people in the room.
I see that Dr. Jack Schaefer has over 200 followers, but I want that to hit 500, see that Dr. Jack Schaefer has over 200 followers,
but I want that to hit 500 guys.
Dr. Jack Schaefer has spent almost two hours with us.
He might be spending two full hours with us.
So do me a favor if you're not yet.
Follow Dr. Jack Schaefer.
Follow him on Clubhouse because we want him to come back
and host more rooms with us.
We want to make it worth his while.
So make sure you follow Dr. Jack Schaefer
right here on Clubhouse.
Make sure you follow Melissa Paulina, Molly,
Needy, Dimple, Mark.
All these folks here on stage, give them a follow.
They've been contributing to this conversation
and show your support.
That's Clubhouse etiquette is to follow the people on stage,
especially if they're giving their time.
A lot of us can be charging money for all of our time.
Make sure you follow and support everybody.
We're going to kick it over to Mark.
I know you have a question for Dr. Jack Shafer.
What is your question for our amazing guest tonight?
Hey, Holly.
Thanks so much for the opportunity to ask questions.
So Jack, one of the things I've noticed about social media is that everybody is an expert.
Everyone knows everything.
They've got thousands of followers.
Everyone's an expert.
Some of them back in my mind is telling me that probably some of them are full of crap,
so to speak.
Jack, are there any red flags we should be looking for on social media to see if a coach,
a business owner, an influencer is actually legit?
Any red flags?
Just by looking at their social media without interacting with them might be a little difficult.
Well, how about if we interact?
If you interact with them, then you could use some elicitation techniques to try to get
them to explain.
Like if you, well, I'm trying to think of an example how you could do that
I mean one of the things that I've noticed which is interesting is you know
I'll follow someone on Instagram and one day they're getting thousands and thousands of likes on their posts
And then the week the next week that all of a sudden they just start getting 10 likes on their posts, right?
Like they're paying for followers. They're paying for likes
You know it's in it's it's often very difficult to tell who's legit or who's not, you know, so I'm just looking for more
ways to get right into who someone actually is.
Oh, that's difficult. You're going to have to talk to them and find out if they are in
fact being truthful or not. You know, your situation with a ton of likes on one week
and ten the next week that tells you something because the more people you have that listen to you, the more people that are experts and
they can either affirm what you're saying or say, no, this guy doesn't always talking
about.
And so if that's the case, then they're not going to like you anymore.
So that may be a indirect way to determine if somebody is being truthful or not.
Because if you're truthful, and people are going to want to continually follow you,
and if you're not truthful, then they will break off and go elsewhere for information.
Awesome. Thanks for the question, Mark.
Okay. So we're going to move this Q&A along.
We're going to move it along to Laura.
What is your question for Dr. Jack Shefer?
Hello. Thank you for allowing me on the stage. So Dr. Jack Schaefer, I have, I just want to
know how could you deal with the Eagle Miniac and especially if they get hostile towards you.
What was the last part of it? Oh, I'm sorry, especially if they get hostile towards you.
Well, if if somebody gets hostile towards you, you can use something called breaking
the anger cycle. And if somebody's hostile, what you can do is you can take the essence
of why they're hostile, and they'll typically tell you, you want to formulate an empathic
statement, and then you want to allow them to vent again, and then they'll vent again,
and then you could use another empathic statement, and you can just allow them to vent again and then they'll vent again and then you could use another empathic statement and you can just allow them to vent without throwing fuel on
the fire because if somebody is in a parking lot all by themselves and they're
angry and hostile then it's very difficult to maintain that unless somebody's
sitting next to them throwing fuel on that fire. So the main thing you want to do
is using pathic statements to allow them to vent.
And then when they get to inventing,
you can suggest a course of action
that will resolve the problem that they're having.
Okay, how would that work in like a classroom setting?
Because I am actually having this issue
with someone in a classroom environment.
So I don't think I will have the opportunity to allow them to vent.
Oh, okay.
Um, you know, and I've run into that situation, not very often, but the one or two
times I ran into that, I would always tell that person, why don't we discuss this,
uh, after class and not make it a classroom event, make it an after class
room event because a lot of people like an audience and that's class serves as an
audience and then they will put themselves in a position where they feel they
have to live up to what the audience expects them to do which is to confront
the instructor. So I would always say,
you know, I know you have some strong feelings about this. Why don't we talk about this after class
in my office, and that way you take the audience element out of it. And then
then you can start using the controlling the anger cycle technique.
Okay, thank you so much.
The last thing you want to do
is give somebody an audience
because then they're gonna feel they have to live up to
what they think the aspect of them.
And the last thing they want to do
is lose face in front of their fellow students
and you can't allow them to do that
because then they won't budget all,
they'll just keep being defiant.
So I would just put it off and tell them that we
should meet in my office after class.
Okay, thank you. That was way better than what I had in mind.
You helped me out so much.
Yeah, I love to hear that.
That's what clubhouse is all about.
We're going to go to the last question of the night.
Samantha, you were the last question of the night. What is your question
for Dr. Jack Schaefer?
Thank you, Hala. So, Jack, first
I love listening to you. So,
thanks so much. My question is,
if someone lies repeatedly, is
this something that they can
recover from? Or is that the
kind of behavior that just repeats
throughout a lifetime?
Yeah, a compulsive liar. I've run into several compulsive liars and once you call them out,
then they'll lie to cover the lie. And then if you call them out on the second lie,
they'll do a third lie to cover the lie to cover a lie. And a lot of times, in this case,
I had to work with this person. I just Recognized that every time that person
Talked I would have to question his veracity and I would not call him out on it because I know that a second lie was coming
So what I generally do is if I understand how a person acts and what they're doing if I understand that then I can deal with it
It's the people that I don't understand how their behavior
occurs, then I get frustrated with those people. But with a liar like that, if you have to work with
them, then you're just going to have to call in the question and verify everything they say.
And that's what I did in this case. And it worked out well for me because I didn't make an end,
but I knew that anytime this person said something,
I'd have to verify it.
Awesome.
Samantha, great question about a liar.
So that brings us to my last and final question
the night for Dr. Jack Schaefer to close this out.
Kind of helps summarize everything that we learned
in this amazing podcast episode that almost ran two hours
long.
Again, if you guys want the link to the full replay, DM me the word
reply, we'll send you the link.
That will be the link to Younger Profiting Podcast where you guys can get
amazing interviews just like this.
I have two excellent interviews each and every week.
We do so much research.
I have a team of over 40 people who make sure that we have an amazing show
each and every week.
So make sure you guys DM me the word replace
so that you guys can get a link to this amazing podcast.
Dr. Jack Schaefer, the name of your new book
is called Truth Detector.
When I first saw your book, I was like,
well, why didn't he call it lie detector?
It makes a lot more sense to call it lie detector
instead of truth detector, but it turns out there's
a big reason why you called it truth detector not lie detector.
If you can explain that, and then just give us an overview about why elicitation is so powerful,
and some of the key things that we learned today on today's podcast episode, I think that
would be a great way to close out the show.
Well, first elicitation is powerful because people don't know that they're reviewed into the information.
And what you're doing is you're creating an environment
where people are predisposed to talk with you.
Number one, you're gonna develop rapport with them.
People who, like other people, will communicate
with other people.
And if you give them an opportunity to answer
or correct, you know, tap into one of these human predispositions
like to correct one another, to bracket, and to maybe seek recognition. If you can use
those techniques that people want and crave to be the center of attention, then all you're
doing is create an environment where they feel comfortable talking to you. And when
people feel comfortable talking to you, they when people feel comfortable talking to you,
they talk a lot.
And typically, when people talk a lot,
they say things that they don't realize
are sensitive information.
So this breaks us to the basic point is that we want
the best out of life, we want the best deals,
we want the best relationships,
we want the best negotiating positions that we can get.
And what we do in this case is use these solicitation techniques to get that privilege information
so that we can achieve the best we can out of life.
And there's no better way to get to know somebody than to allow them to talk about themselves
and learn details about them that they wouldn't tell other people.
Because when people share secrets and they share privilege information, it makes the relationship
closer because there's trust built there. So elicitation is great in any aspect of life and the
beauty of it. People don't realize that you're using those techniques.
And that's, it allows you to number one practice and number two, it allows you to get the best
things out of law.
Most of the time, the best things are the comfort privileged information.
Try some of the techniques.
Don't take my word for it.
Well, it's very is to use these techniques and
almost becomes natural. Like we talked about earlier, some people instinctively do it.
Now you'll have a name for the tool. You know how the tool operates. You know why it operates.
And they're in gives you the power to get the knowledge you need to get the best out of
life. Thanks so much for that, Dr. Schae and you know I know that I personally am so excited to try out some of these tactics and techniques. So I
want to thank you and thank Hala for hosting this conversation. A really
exciting moment happened during this room. Hala hit 10,000 followers here on
Clubhouse. So I hope that everyone can give her some mic taps because she comes
here every Tuesday and puts down these incredible conversations. So I just
want to thank you, Hala,
and everyone here on the stage for this amazing discussion.
Thank you so much, Need, here.
I love when you join these rooms,
and I think we're having you on a panel
about mental health soon.
So we're gonna have you up on here as a guest very soon,
which is really exciting.
Guys, this was such an amazing episode.
I really wanna thank Dr. Jack Schaefer again
for being my first guest,
everyone, young and profiting podcast,
for coming on again for episode number 64.
And then now, I don't even know what episode
this is going to be number 100 something.
And Dr. Jack Schaefer is back again with a new book,
The Truth Detector, Amazing Insights.
I'm sure I'm going to have you on again,
because there's so much material on this.
And I feel like
the stuff that you say is not in any other books, you know, it's all things that you can't really learn anywhere else
which is why I love studying your work. So I'm sure I'm going to have you on again to talk about
truth detection and how to really understand this stuff better. So thank you again so much Jack for all your time.
This was a live episode of Young and Profiting Podcast.
I'm your host, Halataha.
We are a number one education podcast across all apps.
I've interviewed people like Matthew McConaughey,
Ryan Sirhont, Robert Green, Chris Voss.
You name it, they've been on my podcast.
So check us out, you won't regret it.
And thank you to everybody here on stage,
Melissa Paulina, Molly, Neathee, Dimpo, Mark,
my, my, Laura, Samantha, all the people who came up
and asked questions who were brave enough to ask questions.
And with that, this is Hala, signing off, and friends.
Thank you so much, Dr. Jack.
And thanks everybody.
Have a great night.
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Jessica, this is the happiest day of my life. Right up there with the day I bought my RV and insured it with progressive. Man, I love that thing. There are a million fish in the sea,
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