Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 167-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Don't be SCURRED! It's just your mom and your other mom. Spooky, isn't it? Listen, you no talent piece of S**T! You need to work on your craft! We finally get to the TRUMPET FIGHT that so many of you pointed us to. We read your comments on Tapatio vs Cholula, Lou Reed vs Jodeci and the ICP and whether or not they love God. We revisit some of our favorite scary movie moments and Tom auditions to do voice over work for movie trailers. We're back to FILLING HER UP AND SEALING HER SHUT - super creepy edition. Who will you fill? Be VERY careful listening to this episode because it is VERY scary! Dump Cakes. 

right back your race is scary out there hold back your hatred of the time and i just thought we had each other right now we don't need to learn a lot you know what well you're a peruvian you know piece of what it's very scary and uh... if you make it through halloween

you'll be at saturday i don't know how it works here's the deal friday at flappers our little show is sold out it's christina p it's me and our good friend matt fulshron

uh... we still have two shows on friday we're doing the little room there's two rooms at flappers is the big room we're doing the little room called the you who room uh... if you're still around in l.a. on saturday and you want to come to our show it would be awesome uh... so there's two shows which i'm sure that i think it's seven thirty and nine thirty i'm not just enough and i should not bother it is seven thirty

and nine and nine okay so that's saturday but then the friday show sold out there is already sold out so they would come to that so saturday seven thirty and nine please come to the shows uh... if you're around and then next week of course minneapolis i'm shooting the special there very excited about it to buy your new jeans for that i'm gonna go get new jeans you know what you should do

you should dress like eddie murphy did in uh... in raw or delirious like an entire leather outfit like a purple leather let me uh... can i just uh... something i just realized well you have all kinds of misinformation on the site saturday seven thirty and nine thirty of five seven thirty and nine thirty tell us what the death get there at seven and nine right but either way you'll be but i'm looking at the text from the

manager today okay says seven thirty and nine thirty again flappers and burbank saturday seven thirty and nine thirty uh... then i go by new jeans for the special in minneapolis and then from there i go straight to winnipeg and i go to rumors so there's that

uh... in the following week christina p and i are doing alive your mom's house in pasadena at the ice house so please uh... you can get tickets to all these shows you go to if you go to my site thomsegar dot com uh... you go to my live shows you will uh... be able to get tickets any one of these shows but there's more uh... christina p where will you be

all jeans i'll be with you this weekend and then i uh... and shut my ass over to jackson bill to do the comedy zone in jackson bill florida november seven through ninth november fourteen through seventeen the heart for funny bone in hardford or fartford connect it's fartford in in the almanac so i thought so i don't know if i say it with my husband again we're doing

podcast live the ice house here uh... in november twenty-third i liante casino i'm doing like a chelsea lately show with uh... the other broads that show december fifth we do the podcast in san diego live at the american comedy company also if you don't have near z plans i highly recommend coming come to washington dc by a ticket

put yourself up in a hotel and come see tom and i at the dc improv at the best club in the country is the best club in the country it's gonna be fantastic i'm excited me too buddy new year's great way to start off the new year is in the nation's capital that's right looks to be awesome that's right the nation's capital tell me about what we're listening to

this is for halloween this is a scary scary song it's by tom wade sits on the album black writer and it's called russian dance it's one of my favorites it's very it's very a hungarian sounding like this can you hear my ancestors dancing murdering yeah children and women absolutely setting them on fire

he got it there is no toilet paper i have one orange for christmas once a year here's your your ancestors interesting was that like my grandfather my nudge papa

it was him yeah it sounded like i got audio from him that's interesting uh... let's start this holiday show halloween scary in here you suck you're no talent

if you really have talent go practice and then get yourself a gig instead of ruining the end of the day for everybody down here you disgrace you are everything that's got wrong in this world you are still consumed no talent mediocre piece of shit

and i've earned my right to say it who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this no mom in the fucking stand welcome welcome to your mom's house with tom segura talking to susan christina positsis

christina positsis welcome to your mom's house was that i think that was me talking to myself in the mirror before i go on stage was that me in my green room that's every comics pre-show speech jesus also add you'll never get your mother's approval yes she'll never love you the way you want to

don't forget that these are all good points jesus men uh... so that clip was no shit sent to us two weeks ago about fifty or sixty times maybe more uh... it's

it's on the streets of new york uh... a man catches another man playing his trumpets in the street in the not in the street but like you know outside in the latter part of the day

and he has words you know for this man disrupting i don't think if you've seen this one you you have this i wasn't on twitter last week a lot you got you gotta i mean this this stuff is just incredible he's chastising him for ruining the silence get the fuck out of my neighbor this is why new york is great

and he's like urinal he really lays into this guy this is just a build-up this isn't even the need of it because the audio sounds far away and he's shouting he's throwing out his his uh... stats to his credentials all throughout the thing which is interesting to me like this guy's really angry he's like you're not an artist he's shit on the and he's like i've been playing forty one years

i'm a left-handed guitarist like he's dropping these little you know i mean like little uh... gems about what he's done on top of the shit yeah i mean he must have really been pissing him off was he playing under the sky's window or something he's just it looks like he's playing like in the like in a nook of a building like you know like near but he's just walking by i think oh it's not like this is this is my hell

well listening to this asshole play day in day out i don't think so it looks like he's passing by but i the truth is you can't tell but he really fucking lights this guy up you go get the fuck out so the guy starts playing in his face where the guy that's getting verbally assaulted with the trumpet is just like leaning against the wall like

i don't know if i was taking it yeah but he eventually now you're gonna hear clear audio so the trumpet player starts to walk away from their conversation which is actually his walking away is walking towards camera okay they're both going to walk towards camera in the audio will get much more clear and the man will really go into his tirade great but what do you know

you should look at this guy to look at one he is a real fucking gem he is he looks like a hobbit uh... his pants are very high which we approve of i'd like him to be a little tighter uh... you can't tell if he's a man or a woman for a minute and uh...

yeah maybe what the alan s he sounds real neboshi like a real he's coasty he's really disgusting looking uh... you can look this up on youtube it's called trumpet fight that's the name of the video here's him really really going off though

when he caught on anybody know who you are maybe anybody else wants to join the peace of quiet this is one of the most important places in all of north america who are you who are you you miserable presumptuous no talent you know artist an artist respects the silence it serves the foundation of creativity

obviously don't have the talent you don't have enough respect for yourself or other people or what it is to express yourself in music we're in the form of creativity his pants are far above his navel and he has a hunchback how old is he

uh... i would say he is in his late fifties early sixties you know he does have a point about silence being the birthplace of creativity i love silence it's hard to find almost impossible in new york city forget it right i don't think i would uh...

yell at this guy the way he does i think something else is happening he might be uh... going through some shit misdirected anger jesus and i'm an NYU film school graduate in the academy of art university yeah that was too good we're in the form of creativity

and i'm an NYU film school graduate and the school of visual arts in the academy of art university he's dropping the f**king credentials yeah he's doing the resume from the beginning i mean it was forty one years left hand guitars new york's film academy

i mean jesus christ he's telling him hey man i got the skills to s**t on you right i have the credentials to s**t on you which is so bad but if you saw this guy you'd be like you have the skills to eat out of the gutter you look f**king horrible man you're right you're homeless weirdo you suck you're no talent

oh my gosh if you really had talent go practice and to get yourself a gig instead of ruining the end of the day for everybody down here you're disgrace you are everything that's gone wrong in this world you're a s**t consumed no talent

mediocre piece of s**t oh my god and i've earned my right to say it okay i had trust he just he has like a magazine bag like black bag with magazines it looks like and he just threw it down the ground

to continue this who's bill graham in 1975 i want bob dillon up on stage who the f**k are you i knew the graceful death was 1966 who the f**k are you you nothing

you nothing you are nothing and you will never be anything he's pretty harsh well something tells me somebody talked to him like that growing up you think so yeah it's pretty bad

never they pulled his phone out what the f**k are you doing with your phone how dare you now he's exhausted yeah where do you go from this shame on you you crack stupid little smile

you little pimp go where to play go where to play you're flat you can't even carry a f**king note i don't care if it's your little like horn lip it doesn't mean that you know how to play you're flat

i'm trained classically i'm trained contemporaneously don't wait no no there you go i think that's called player hating isn't it yeah i mean

you hate the f**king player the trumpet player trumpet player hating it really is trumpet player hating i got it you know in woody allen's defense here it does kind of annoy me when i used to walk in the dog park

in our old neighborhood and some guy would be out there playing the trumpet in the middle of the day and you're like what i mean i understand if you have roommates it's probably really hard to find a place to practice trumpet but it really is a menace when they're like

you're like what i just came here to get the piece of quiet and now you're f**king trumpeting near me bro i never and also i never lived really live next to a guy like that i can imagine if you live there yeah especially like if it's your

afternoon off and you're like you just want to relax we were in starbucks before going into jujo's show you're taking a sh** of course of course looks at how you say that they're playing jazz music

over the speaker is it it was the most chaotic sounding on this jazz is so sometimes so disconcerting it's so like not soothing it was like it's a lot

schizophrenic like it hurts your brain yeah perfect time to bring up we got a lot of feedback from our last episode a lot of emails a lot of tweets and people commented on a lot of different

things but you realize talking about music and your preferences for music people really take it personally i mean i almost i liken it to with sports when people talk about like teams people take it's like you're talking about their family

we got a lot of feedback from people you know why though i think music at least for me i'm very emotionally connected to the bands that i like i think there are bands that have helped me get through specific times in my life even as a younger person

even recently i would say there's a song that gets you through a period of your life so when someone's like your f**king song sucks you're like oh you're saying that what i like sucks which means it's kind of like who i am sucks exactly that's how you take it here just real quick

i'm going to go through all of these but here's some feedback we got tom i'm with you 100% with the lou reed bullshit no one actually likes it they just claim to know they get cool hipster credit by claiming to

that was from dallas but then the immediate next message is that i'm with christina p with regard to dry rubs versus wet sauce very important you know something i'm not sure i like the phrase

dry rub it sounds like it's a bad leg a lot of people talk about that too dry rubs then somebody the very next tweet was tom from william you prefer a dry rub tom what an asshole people are emotionally connected

they're seasoning too they're seasoning and their music f**k you dry rub f**k you i've been eating barbeque for years listening to tom and christina discuss lou reed was like every dinner table

conversation between my parents were they huge hippies or punkers or what velvet underground then the next person writes i'm with you buns this is another thing that came up i'm with you buns chelula or get the f**k out because of course you chose

tapatio tapatio i pronounce that then there's a lot of comments let's see oh the next one dave keys writes tapatio smokes chelula f**k lou reed i'd rather listen to joe to see any day

you're welcome teanuts okay this goes on and on but then i do i do want to point out that somebody really lit me up over my comments regarding let's see

but are you surprised no i'm not surprised i just i think it's more i'm just saying it to point out what i was just saying about the fact that people are just so emotional about their preference in music

well we'll see when jodicy dies if anybody gives two f**ks you know that you are even you have the nerve to disrespect the greatest musical talent of our time yeah

the Beatles of our generation oh wow but i gotta be honest with you and i'm not just saying this because i took real talk a lot of f**k lou reed a lot hey man it's just what it is

some people don't get it it's fine you don't have to get everything you don't have to like everything of course not and a lot of people are really saying that jodicy's where it's at you

real great show that great joke about american style when she's like why does everybody have to sing like like this now oh yeah it's so funny so true why

you tell me why you why you jeez i really feel a mess i don't really get to hear your stuff that often anymore

i mean most their songs are about fucking right yeah yep not a lot of uh subtext or layering here it's mostly like girl let's fuck a wanna fuck you

if they could say that they would right they would they didn't want to get played on the radio yeah i'd be like let's get inside that pussy i think there's versions of that it's so great this is a very specific era in r&b when it was all about this oh here's the one that i wanted to read you

okay thank you please tom it's one thing to not get it it's another shit all over all over it because you don't you should comic should understand to rip lu yeah there he goes he sides with you uh you know we didn't get a lot of

people not a ton of people defending the insane clown posse no no which was weird because i was expecting some we got a couple people that were um upset one guy too i love it he was like first slip not now insane

i think we hit like his two favorites oh no but uh you know it's not personal one guy did tell me um this afternoon a lot of people um have some shit to talk about

uh the insane clown posse and uh you know no offense juggalos this was just you know a new clip that we played but this guy um do we openly i don't think we should we made fun of the guy who was ridiculous the fan but not the

band no and then we said we didn't know what they were we were yeah we just don't know yeah this guy said that uh listen to the dating game by insane clown posse okay um that it's do you want to hear right now i'd love to yeah why not let's give it let's try to understand it

yeah because we played we played a song that they were it's very well known um but i don't feel like we really got it like i don't feel like we really understood what they're all about uh and are they what's their story so they're like feel good band like it's not dead

you know kind of stuff they said it's like it's supposed we got different feedback like some people said that you know how we were saying how oh you could have like religious lines into this thing yeah they were saying that that's accurate that they are believers in god

and then some were saying no it's about like you know the uh like the carnival world like that kind of like you know carnival craziness or whatever carnival world yeah like carnies and such

um like the circus i don't know who the fuck is this you know let's listen to it let's give it a shake i don't know this is a song is called um dating game by the insane

clown posse let's meet contestant number one he's a schizophratic serial killer clown who says women love his sexy it doesn't sound like that let's find out of his charm we'll work on sharon sharon what's your question contestant number one

i believe first impressions last forever so let's say you were to come over to my parents house and have dinner with me and my family tell me what you do to make that first impression really stand let's see well i'd have to think about it i might show up in a tux

but i doubt it i'd probably just show up naked like i always do and let your mama in the eye and tell her fuck you hurry up bitch i'm hungry i smell spaghetti and tell her get my food ready your dad would probably start tripping

and get me pissed i'd have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips it's dinner time we're here in grace for your mother i'd pull a 40 out and force him for your little brother i'm steady staring at your sister i'll tell you this you know for only 30 she got some

yeah this is what i'd expect this kind of bratty like fuck your mom you know no i pictured it this more this than the other stuff we were hearing yeah this is alright yeah it's totally it reminds me of the far side a little bit

you know it's like silly fun yeah i still don't really like you know i don't know what the fuck they're supposed to be you know i think this is totally a time and a place kind of a ban like you had to get on board with this at the time

it came out yeah and then probably like you know in your mind people clearly did get on board with this yeah like this probably for the time it came out was dope and crazy yeah people fucking love them yeah they go like this description says

you know they're like wicked clowns gotcha gotcha supernatural four themed lyrics cool that's fun that's not a good time that sounds like a good time i'm not gonna you know get into any of this stuff there you go

hey speaking of religious overtones so tommy and i were sitting out as we do in our little patio area drinking our coffee i'm in my bathrobe tommy's in his box or shorts it's the first time this ever happened to me right

you've never had this okay so we're sitting out there in the morning just with FIFO like drinking coffee farting bullshitting and up comes like in our our where we live is kind of tucked back it's not really you'd have to you have to walk up

and to actively find our home like right now on trick or treaters probably won't come up so we were kind of startled to see two old ladies walk up and i fucking knew it man two seconds in she's like is that your car and like she's trying to make small talk i'm like oh

shit we're about to get witness to yeah because i fucking i didn't see it coming god damn it and i heard the doorbell ring next door and i was like oh the fucking doorbell ringers are here dude and of course they always start off with like the commonality the common ground pitch

is that your car we have a silver car yeah is that your dog and like oh fucking you can't be rude because they're old ladies and the next thing you know do you read the bible or like oh man i know it's like what and then she dropped they drop off their literature

and you're like great you can leave that here and just fucking go away now yeah you were better about getting rid of them than i was well because she's like it looks like we interrupted your gosh and i'm like you kind of did my husband's in his underwear and i'm in a bathrobe i mean get a fucking you know what that's called

social cues signals right but i think you can't read them don't you think that she can read them and that she just defies not acting on reading them because she's doing the lord's work in other words the lord knows what the social cues are

which is like i have to disrespect your social cue because i'm spreading the word of the lord it's so weird but how many people do you think they actively convert that way like it's beyond like you have to be so down and out

to like want to see them and be like well yeah like only like someone who's depressed crying just lost their wife job and dog and they're like you read the bible no yeah like she had a net she knew though she was like

i love that car say your car and then like she's like so um you read the bible at all lately i was like no and then she goes yeah a lot of this generation doesn't do they but check out this verse and she just opened up the bible

read the verse and i was like okay my fifa was barking at them like a good dog yeah and i had to pretend like i didn't want him to do that yep i was like oh no theo don't bark at the crazy johova's witnesses so he was barking at them and i got up

i grabbed a dog i fucking ignored her as much as i could yeah you were you were good about i liked that that i was a little cold i didn't want to be mean rude no but you know how to do it well you do it better than me you know how to blow off people that you feel are stepping on your i don't like it

i totally entertain them and like oh okay i don't like it i'd like to cut it but all i do is go okay thank you well is this your little great thank you thanks for coming by it is funny that you thank them thank you so much for your time and then the literature was totally like

do you have eczema do you have herpes are you depressed do you have anything wrong guess what we can fill that void yeah this is so scary the watchtower the watchtower how loving what a loving benevolent god

who watches you from the watchtower you look so fucking freaky dude yeah she um she freaked me out yeah there's not so many joe was with you know michael jackson's family was joe was witness too

yeah they were weren't they they didn't believe in presents so nobody ever got christmas gifts they don't believe in fun they don't believe in shit what about halloween that's a very scary episode we're gonna have um so tell me

what did you pull here this is uh what's your favorite halloween movie so i was thinking that we should kind of go through and just talk about our favorite halloween movie these aren't necessarily halloween movies but scary movies well yeah scary shit like scary so okay and i was thinking

like what's my favorite halloween time movie and here's my tops okay since i was goth for many years i feel like i'm an expert on this kind of definitely better much more than me okay i like the hunger okay kathryn denol okay uh that was a great vampire

movie uh i love um i just watched the nightmare before christmas i think is one of my favorites you've seen that one tim Burton um it doesn't sound did i see the night it's like uh it's like you know obviously for children

it's where jack skellington he steals christmas and he makes christmas like halloween no i didn't see it it's really good there's a great song about the oogie boogie man in it and then the scariest movie of all time for me personally i

walked out of the theater when i saw this you walked out had to leave i was 12 or 13 years old yeah my friend jenny p and i went to go see this movie we had to get up and leave it was that scary what was it hellraiser 2 it's actually called hellbound

hellraiser 2 i i defy you to find a character scarier than pinhead that shit is fucking scary huh dude look at him he's got pins in his head and he's from hell and stuff oh no even the sound of it oh god this is the best scene too

oh are you scared no boxes a chatterbox no more delays kirstie no more teasing time to play time to play

oh god i'm so scared of me i don't like it no more deals kirstie is your flash you want to experience not your skill marketing no deals pinheads is scary motherfucker

just information just information go on but trick us again child your suffering will be legendary even in hell i don't like that guy the chatterbox guy so scary

oh that's the end of the clip this is so scary did you get scared i did i didn't get scared right then but i thought hellraiser was scary i thought candyman was really scary when i was a kid is that linear retard

yeah from la law oh but i'm saying candyman was that black guy the big black guy remember oh sorry i thought it was the fat white guy that played a retard on la law that was in candyman do you think that that's who the bad guy was yeah that's what i thought

i don't remember it so clearly you're younger than me yeah candyman was he was a tall i remember it was it took place in chicago they ended up doing like seven of them and you're like these all sucked but the first one i remember being really scared when i saw it so scary candyman you don't remember candyman no but hellraiser

do you know the premise of hellraiser i forget it what is it the premise to hellraiser that's this kirstie right and she has an evil stepmom named julia and julia and her dad well uncle frank actually anyway they end up going into hell

by solving these puzzle boxes so basically the smarter you are if you can undo a puzzle box you get punished for it and you go to hell so the moral of the story is don't be smart yeah okay oh my god it's horrifying

when you want to go back into hell you have to no no to bring the guy back to life they have to they put a body on the mattress and cut it up hey look in there you said his name five times oh no oh no

they whispered his name right candyman it's just a story candyman candyman i don't like it candyman

the key is seeing these movies as a child so it really burns into your psyche dude do you know what your movie fucked me up for years freddy kruger absolutely fucking poltergeist remember that shit

dude i saw that as a little girl i couldn't sleep in my bed for years literally it fucked me up so bad i was most convinced that there was ghosts in my house ghosts in the room you still believe in ghosts because of poltergeist man

i want to do these v-o's for movies you say his name i'm going to do those do it do it go let's see what the guy say the entire community starts attributing the daily horrors of their lives to a mythical figure the legend first appeared

in 1894 he was attacked and burned to death poor candyman hell and a woman died and they'll leave it everyone knows he isn't real everyone knows he isn't real

oh that was good that was right again though let's this time a little deeper everyone knows he isn't real oh i like that slow it down this time go ahead everyone knows he isn't real that was really that's the take

modern oral folklore everyone everyone except Helen Lyles except Helen Lyles oh that was really good yeah these trailers they would really spell it out to you yeah

saying the character's name like everyone except Helen she is this character right here this is an early 90s trailer it's a really difficult character who is candyman candyman it's always the same premise who is that

oh my god i came for you i came on you i came on you she's about to discover Helen she's about to discover no

no behind the mystery what's behind the mystery what's behind the mystery i think that's the only at least the first black um horror story figure

like at least in movies can you remember that one that's interesting very interesting point yeah generally black people are killed off really quickly they're used as extras they're never real people with real problems you know what scared me

here's candyman here's a clip from candyman there you go dude text of chainsaw massacre leather face man there's nothing scarier than that that shit's terrifying

i hated that i like those evil laughs i remember when it's not that scary of a film but uh the Dracula one with canoe oh beat heaven

no no when he goes Dracula and what's his name plays Dracula who's the guy Gary Oldman the best and Kianu cuts himself and then

he licks the knife with the blood he's the creepiest Dracula ever it's like perfect for that so good and then he says i forget what he says and he does his scary guy laugh

yes i love that that's a good laugh you sounded like Vincent Price just said hahahaha that's good you have a really good deep voice for that stuff it's good scary well you scared the shit out of me

i wanted it to be as scary as possible i can't wait to do that to our kids one day i know like when they're trying to go to bed just on a regular night not halloween that's horrifying you know just to see them cry like you like

yeah oh my favorite this is in a halloween movie per se but it's still my favorite i think favorite scary movie i'm not gonna hurt you stay away from me

darling light of my life i'm not gonna hurt you you didn't let me finish my sentence i said i'm not gonna hurt you i'm just gonna bash your brains i'm gonna bash him fuck him

stay away from me don't hurt me i'm not gonna hurt you stay away from me stay away please that's the shining of course jack neckelson

this movie is a masterpiece of course if you have not seen the shining i know there's some people listening that haven't please do yourself a favor it really was awesome i'm giving you a lu read style speech right now he was fucking it

these films are really amazing because you know what he would do if you really want to break down like his films he would obsess on one element of the human psyche so eyes wide shut

is like sexuality lust it's just a focus on a story built around that you know this one would be maybe you could say isolation and fear and madness and then full metal jacket

war each one that he examined he did it so brilliantly is he apocalypse now too no that's francis ford i like that one too who now makes a very tasty wine yes you're right

the only thing with cubrick i would say they were always long they are long oh my life that's a hard one to watch but i mean it is really the shining

it's a psychological thriller masterpiece it's not as clockwork orange that obsession and that film is violence he's obsessed with what violence does

to man it's pretty awesome and stylistically really fucking cool too he knows how to make shit look cool but listen this is my dad stop swinging the bat put the bat down give me the bat

you know that he would do famous for making his actors do like 70 takes he had this girl shelly duvall like losing her mind for real she didn't want to do movies after this

but you watch the movie she's so good this scene alone is she's climbing upstairs trying to get away from him he's got a bat and imagine your husband that he's mad

she's just discovered the typewriter with all work and no play before that when he's starting to crack and he's like walking around and he's like he's like getting mad and there's nobody there and he walks in that's when he first sees the bartender

or the mater dean he's like what's up kind of straightens himself out he's like he's fired up he's really fired up I love Jack Nicholson so much

I love that so many times I'm alone in hotel rooms for some reason I watch as good as it gets once a month or twice because it's always on it's always on Netflix and it's only for his character because I love how

mean he is my crotch I love his dialogue how do you write for women he's like well I take away accountability remember last night we were talking about that accountability, reason and logic and they're like

wouldn't you hear that some sucky sucky bar in Panama those lines are just fantastic sell crazy somewhere else we're all full here I love missing throbs man that's my favorite you could fucking try and eat fast

him and fucking James Gandolfini in the Sopranos they're still hooked on Sopranos then I can watch his insults all day every day another movie that you pulled aside there's more shining I just thought you'd find this funny

it's funny give me the bat stop swinging the bat give me the bat ready give me the bat got it there you go

it's a funny comedy for you that was funny now this isn't scary right well you pulled aside this is my favorite you know scary slash this scary to shout at me as a kid

did it really? yes very pivotal age this came out when I was 8 years old so the opening scared the piss out of me but it's also one of my favorite silly jokes in a movie and we had Kat in here, Catherine Reitman this is her dad's fucking masterpiece

as far as I'm concerned oh my god without question this movie is a masterpiece play the first clip that it goes with it it's so stupid look this is hot right symmetrical book stacking just like the philadelphia man's

turbulence of 1947 you're right no human being would stack books like this Bill Murray Bill Murray's the shit he can make everything funny and he's sarcastic and misanthropic that's why his shit's amazing

oh I love that one Peter Beckman right Dr. Beckman great character so funny yeah and then there's the other one I pulled too it's with him when his girlfriend has turned into Zool I love this fucking part

was it in one or two that the guy that's the Hungarian guy that's two that's two that guy was scary I remember being a kid and thinking that guy was really scary especially when he was turning into the the demon or whatever he was that was scary but it's different than Hellraiser you know

that's really scary Dana it's Peter there is no Dana there is only Zool oh Zoolie you nut come on I want to talk to Dana just relax Dana Dana

can I talk to Dana there is no Dana only Zool what a lovely singing voice you must have so good what a lovely singing voice there was no Dana it's funny it's good

good stuff man I love that shit Ghostbusters is one of the best movies of all time that question dawg yeah can I pull something else or no no that was it that was fun

there you go and I also have for our Halloween a special edition of fill her up and seal her shot you never let me know when you're going to drop these on me out of nowhere I don't understand why it would be so hard to say

we're going to fill her up it's time to fill her up and seal her shot Halloween style creepy style alright what are we going to get so I was thinking for creepy people

we should do the creepy creeps creepy dudes first creepy dudes fill up and seal shut here it is Willem Dafoe oh he's a real creep so creepy

or Javier Bardem I know who you fucking chose it can be surprisingly creepy if you've seen him was it a Bond movie where he plays I think it was the last Bond movie he can be creepy in a lot of stuff but you know what the thing is about creeps I feel like especially men

and I'll say this is to women's credit women will look at a creepy guy who's super talented like Willem Dafoe or Javier Bardem that guy is sexy and awesome he's super at the signs yeah but they also are like you know what if you're talented

and a creep will give you a pass yeah like that fucking guy who was banging 13 year olds the film director what was his name I'm not Jackson Pollock that's an artist I'm talking about the one that was banging yeah I know exactly what he's talking about

he's a Pollock right he lives in France he's Nicholson's buddy he would love that guy why the fuck can't we think of his name now it's killing me look it up I know I have to now you know Corey Feldman's sidebar

Corey Feldman's book is coming out you were saying this and Corey Feldman was saying how Roman Polanski how so many directors in Hollywood and producers these huge guys are pedophiles and how they were sexually molesting Corey Haim and Corey Feldman

I'm really interested are you gonna read it or are you gonna read the shit out of it I'm gonna read the fucking shit out of it alright so here you go Willem Defoe yeah we had a bother I would say that Willem

gives me the real heebie jeebies yeah Bobby Peru Javier Javier you get a double whammy with Javier I just realized cause you get Javier who I know you like

and he's married to Penelope Grooth oh my god who is the original fill her up candidate so you get Javier who you like and you get Penelope's Coochstains on his dick oh so lucky

thank you yeah I'm gonna take Javier as well wow just for my Spanish roots maybe talk about Paella and um El Clásico and just have a nice time I think he would be

I think Willem might time me up do things that I don't really want to not consensual stuff yeah I think he would really and I think Javier would be a little nicer hmm you know something though I think if we're if we're gonna go I kinda wanna go creepy for Halloween

I'm gonna take Willem Defoe there's this great scene in a Twin Peaks movie I think it was Wild at Heart and he's around the fire camp if I can't fire sorry and he's got like silver crazy teeth and his his name is Bobby Peru and he's like my dog

barks some mentally you may picture my dog you have not told you what type dog hey it's like almost crazy monologue yeah and that's when I misinterpret the signs and I'm like he's kind of attractive you find him attractive there

I also like the what's his name Vincent Gallo oh he's so creepy yeah I like Vincent Gallo too I like your Elman too I like the creepers man I like creepy dudes yep there you go

you're a creep so do you wanna hear for the ladies of course that's what we're all waiting for okay here's my I mean look I feel like these two rods are creepy like Louis she's really she's creepy

in a in a charming way like she wore corn rows to some awards show in the 90s I think she's off a rocker definitely yeah creepy and then Rebecca de Mornay who was in rock the hands

rock the cradle hand the rocks the cradle Rebecca I remember that why can't I picture her she's blonde as she was yeah I know why is it not happening there's a hand that rocks the cradle and she plays like the creeper fucking nanny she's got like really dead fish eyes kind of

like she's really pretty though I shouldn't say that but her so something about her there's something about her eyes where you're like oh Rebecca de Mornay can murder me Rebecca de Mornay I think twice about it oh Rebecca de Mornay yeah I mean she's kind of a milf now right

dude I would take Julia she's she looks like a dirty little suck pig to me she looks like she gets down she eats your ass she's like sexy in like

this is my last fuck before I do 20 years in prison kind of way yeah I see maybe because using natural born killers we see her as like a prisoner type well just in a lot of things yeah but she's got the attitude of somebody who's like give me the juice put the jizz inside of me

like she'd really work for it oh yeah and you wouldn't be like here's what I like she'd be like no here's what I like and that's what we're gonna do I like the abuse and she would like be like lift your legs behind your head I'm gonna change your diaper with my mouth that's what we do

like Sam Tripoli had a joke last night where he's like I like a five because then they have to work extra hard yeah who does he say to be 10 or something I like that he's like she'll do everything she'll be your fucking cum cum zombie or dick zombie so funny

dick zombie yeah yeah I'm gonna take fucking I don't like Rebecca DeMorne there's something about her fish face her fish eye is a terrifying fish she does have kind of dead eyes yeah it's weird it's not even like I'm not saying it's an ugly thing it's just

soulless like there is no soul wow you're really shit on Rebecca DeMorne well just you know just the impression I get I don't I don't really know her I'm gonna go with Juliette Lewis on this I liked her and what's eating Gilbert Grape she's very skinny very

slight I mean I think it's out there now if anybody knows Juliette Lewis the two of us are down yeah okay to give her the business let her know well are we not down anymore I thought we were down for a second

I didn't say we were down to really do this in real life Tom it's Halloween let's play a little let's have some fun let's have some fun let's let's do some things let's get in there Juliette Lewis oh so stupid

so also we got this great audio that you have not heard yet but I think something tells me you're gonna like delicious homemade desserts but recipes can be complicated and take so long to make hi Kathy Mitchell here with my new dump cake cookbook

forget measuring now you can easily make homemade desserts in minutes it's as simple as dump and bake for delicious desserts every time guaranteed watch this start with fruit dump on your favorite cake mix and finish with a can of soda or you can use diet

for a guilt-free dessert then just bake it in the oven for a delicious peach dump cake oh so scrumptious look your kids will devour this some more chocolate cake and skillet and easy here's the cake mix just up on the good stuff chocolate chips marshmallows

even chocolate cookies bacon voila the best dessert ever now here's one of my favorites just dump syrup sugar cinnamon and nuts in a pan and then just layer in some biscuits for fresh warm sticky buns just like grandma used to make

even get speedy mug recipes crushed pineapple angel food cake makes one minute in the microwave and yummy pineapple upside dump cake it really is mistake you just dump and bake I never knew homemade desserts could be this easy you don't need to spend hours to make homemade cakes get my dump

cake cookbook today for only ten dollars and you too can make five star desserts in a flash but wait call now and get my amazing dump dinner cookbook dump dinner cookbook I'm not sure somebody should have told her that the marketing

is really bad oh that made me laugh oh my gosh I'm fucking eight years old it's in a flash but wait call now and get my amazing dump dinner cookbook easily make meals in minutes

in minutes like my deeply delish pizza or my hearty beef and pasta dump dish don't even brown the beef dump it in cooked pasta and sauce talk with cheese and cook your family will want a second helping I made the caramel apple dump cake in just

twenty minutes it was the best dessert ever you'll get both cookbooks dump cakes and dump dinner for just ten dollars with over two hundred and fifty dump cakes and dump dinners that sounds like a dream fuck man

that is so gross that is so disgusting get my dump dinner dump dinner Jesus Christ I don't know if we should call something that get our dump dinner suck up

it's like when I went to some city and they had garbage balls on the menu you gotta be kidding me who the fuck were you talking about garbage you have to rename that sir my dump dinner oh shit babe from uh we're talking about Kubrick

great director, great movie clips where are you from anyway private sir Texas sir holy dog shit Texas only steers and queers come from Texas private cowboy and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down do you suck nicks

are you a Peter pupper I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damn common courtesy to give him a reach around I'll be watching you I'll be watching you that guy's the best fuck, I love him

what did I just see him in I just saw him in another film the other day that was on oh I think it was Mississippi burning was on that's a fun little movie huh well yeah light little light theme light before you go to bed kinda calms you down

well everything's right in the world I can sleep at peace that's a heavy one to watch oh my goodness I wanna see Oprah's new movie you wanna come with me Oprah's new movie? she has a movie out she acts in it no I don't wanna see it

I'm not interested I'm disappointed about movie after movie every movie I see I'm disappointed in really? yeah I haven't seen a good movie in so long well we watched a paranormal activity three the other night that was dog shit that was absolute fucking dog shit yeah

really fucking sucked what else what else have you seen lately um I'm trying to remember the Sad Whale movie which I haven't had chance to watch yet the Blackfish yep I have that recorded mm-hmm that was dog tits that was good

okay ah okay what's the last movie we saw in the theater I feel like we haven't seen the theater movie something that we fucking were like this sucks we went to the movie a little while ago the movies we did? yeah I don't remember man

I clearly didn't leave a mark no I know I agree I think people are so afraid to take risks it's just the same shit it's the same shit over and over I know I wanna see that space movie with Sandra Bullock though oh gravity

Sandra and Clooney Pals those two together yeah I've heard a lot of good things about that I would see that I'm not gonna lie yeah I do feel like Hollywood is so terrified to make anything with real balls on it you know a full metal jacket couldn't be made today

because everybody would be up in arms how uh it's so mean and politically incorrect bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep mm-hmm Jango came out and that was like a big controversy and but even though there was clearly a pro

you know African American movie he was the hero he ended up being the savior the hero it's true we need to see a good movie again yeah jeans

America needs to make a good movie again why don't they make the webster movie that'd be a great movie mm-hmm hey I lost it all but now I need to be a kid again yeah that's what I'm saying and he gets to relive his childhood why can't we pitch that to HBO

we can yeah let's do it it's a great HBO series alright we gotta get out of here okay let's make some ribs we love you guys love you jeans make sure on this Halloween

to hug and kiss and love each other don't get scared it's okay no one's gonna hurt you right I'm not so sure about that with you mm-hmm this is nice

yeah I wanted the other version though oh there we go Bobby Caldwell nice we love you happy halloween happy halloween see

well I'm in the days from your love you see I came back to let you know I've got a thing for you and I can't let go

see you go around your world for love I can't make it ever find love what you won't do to do for love

you tried everything but you don't give up in my world only you made me do for love what I would not do my friends wonder

is wrong with me well I'm in the days from your love you see I came back to let you know I've got a thing for you

and I can't let go see you go around your world for love I can't make it ever find love what you won't do

to do for love you tried everything but you won't give up in my world only you made me do for love what I would not do made me do for love

what I would not do make me do for love what I would not do make me do for love what I would not do I've got a thing for you and I can't let go see you go around

your world for love what I would not do to do for love what you won't do to do for love what I would not do to do for love what I would not do

to do for love what I would not do to do for love