Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 171-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

If someone weighs 600 pounds and they want more food, give it to 'em! Extreme weigh gain has a profound impact on you physically and psychologically - and also on those who see you. If you're sick of being where you're at, listen to CT Fletcher spit encouragement. Tina loves to ride her BIKE! (BIKES!) and she wears her helmet like a good girl. If you ride a bike, please obey the rules of the road, fartknocker. Tommy is pushing hard to lease a LAMBO for business purposes. Will Tina approve of the deal??? The SHAHS are back on Bravo and we talk about episode 1 of the new season. We give our heartfelt advice to a Mommy in need and we update you on our Brown. Would You Rather and more. Wipe until you bleed!

Yeah, I'm ready. I just took a sip of that ginger ale. We got to pour wine jeans. I brought in the blue bill. Yo, yo, yo. Keep it right now, y'all. I'm at Hartford Funnybone, Hartford, Connecticut, November 14th or 17th. And then November 22nd, I'm with the jeans machine. We're doing your mom's house live.

Yeah, at the Pasadena, the ice house, Pasadena. And here's the best news of all is that if you're not in Pasadena, if you're not in California, if you're somewhere crazy like Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia. Lafster, that's where you can watch it, right? You can go to lafster.com. That's spelled the funny way. L-A-F-F-S-E-R.

What if you're in Chile? Absolutely. You can stream it. You can watch it streaming live from Chile. Go now and sign up. Get your account all ready so you don't get frustrated. South Africa? Absolutely. I love South Africa. You can watch from there. Go sign up, watch us there.

And we're also going to do a cool thing where we're going to give away prizes. You can bid on stuff where we will call you from the show. The bids are what's being donated. Yeah, we're going to donate that to the Wounded Warrior Project. Yeah, so there's the streaming thing that you just have to pay to watch it. That's just part of the deal of doing this with Lafster. It's just part of life.

Yeah, but the bidding on the special prizes, that's going to be donated. So please keep that in mind. It'd be fun to send a nice check to the Wounded Warriors. I'm excited about that. That's right. That's for real. And then after that, shoot, I lost my place. After that, you guys, the 20 is right again.

There we are. It's going to be the Alliantay Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on the 23rd of November. Then December 5th, back with my jeans, doing the podcast live at the American Comedy Company in San Diego, California. That's what's up. December 19th through 22nd, I'm in Atlanta at the punchline. And then if you don't have New Year's plans and you're in the D.C. area, come see Buns and I, co-headline the D.C. improv December 27th through 31st.

And that's it. That's 2013 jeans. That's 2013 shows. Can you believe it? Shit is hot. What a crazy year. And it's all going to start over. Our calendars are going to be updated. By now, 2014 should be up on my website.

Are you putting yours up? I haven't put it up yet. I need to. I'm almost afraid. I have like, um, damn near four months of stuff to put up for 2014 already. Great. What a blessing in the skies. What's up in the skies? Anyways, listen, if you don't follow us on Twitter, I know some of you are like, dude, I'm too old for Twitter.

I don't care. Here's why you should. Tom and I post our live show dates on that thing. And if you don't, if you're not up to date on the podcast, sometimes it's great just to follow us on Twitter, because then you can see where we are. Cause we keep that current at Christina P at Tom's to girl. Definitely don't forget the day after our San Diego show,

yeah, which is the fifth, which I'm looking forward to going to San Diego and doing the podcast for real. The next day I am in Northern California at the Calusa Casino doing a show with Joey Coco Diaz, the Calusa Casino and then the very next day we go to Eugene, Oregon. And for some reason I don't have the link for that, but the Calusa one, you can get it now. Very much looking forward to that working with my uncle Joey. I'm saying your uncle, my uncle, everyone's uncle Joey.

There's not a lot of Canada, but besides that, not a lot of places Lawrence. I got one stop dog. We have a fun show for you. We hope you wear your jeans up over your motherfucking head. And that is that. Are you ready to start the fart show? Uh, yeah, let's do it. Okay.

Okay. Rain down pain, rain down pain on their motherfucking ass. Merciless, relentless, attack, assault, abuse your motherfucking arm. This ain't for no weak heart and wet new lads, Captain Crunchy, motherfuckers like you. Who is Ramsey? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo mama in the fucking stand.

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Don Segura. Don Segura and Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, there's a thief. All right. All right. Oh, what?

What up? I gotta tell you, this dog looks so cute since he was groomed. You know what's really sweet is that he's supposed to weigh 10 pounds, but he like everybody else in this house fluctuates up and down. So when this dog weighs like 11 or 12, it really shows. It does. One pound shows on him. Yeah, he's got like a bulge in his little belly right now

because we just love him and treat him up too much. What do you think he is at now? 11? Yeah, he's pushing 12, which for him is, you know, the doctor will caution you at 12 pounds but like, come on guys, quit making your dog so fat. Isn't that crazy that one pound, they're like, this is serious. You put on a pound. Remember when we brought Rocket?

God rest his soul. Oh, yes. That was horrible. We took, we took my parents Beagle and the lady was like, whoa. She was like, look at this gargantuan enormous monstrosity of a stomach. And I, we had pointed out, I pointed out to my parents for years and they're like, he's fine. And I was like, she goes, this is the most morbidly obese dog I've ever seen. Because Rocket was really disfiguredly fat.

Humongous. Like he didn't even look like a Beagle anymore. It looked like one of those dogs that like a frat house took in as a joke. They fed it beer and donuts. That's what he looked like. He had a distended stomach, swollen and distended. And the best part was my parents really love their dogs. She said, here's what you got to do.

He can eat all the green beans he wants, all the carrots he wants, like people. It doesn't, doesn't make you fat. She was like, just give them bowls of it until he can't stop eating it. She goes, it's fine. Yeah. Went home and told my parents and they're like, okay. And then like, I would call and check it. Like, I'd be like, Hey, how's that going with?

Yeah. No, we're not doing that. But I mean, like you were given a death sentence by the vet. We told you. Right. Poor Rocket. Nah, we'll just let him get fatter and more bloated. Denial.

Yeah. Well, that's what humans do. It's exactly what humans do. That's what I do, right? We all do it. Push past that logic, get straight into emotional eating. The really the bad are the, um, you know, the super fat. They just are like, you know, you're like, just you got to change their people.

Actually, the people that enabled the super fat, like the bedridden who are like, and they can't get up to eat. So they're like, what are you feeding them? And he's like, I feed him right. Uh, just like sausage and cheese and he eats like six pizzas a day. Like you got to stop giving him that. It's what he wants. So he likes, he likes it.

There was a documentary about a morbidly obese bedridden man and his caregiver was like doing what you just said, like, well, I got to cook bacon and eggs for him five times a day. And then the interviewer was like, but why? Well, cause if I don't, he just keeps asking for it. Okay. Right. Yeah, let him let him like a toddler or a dog.

Like the dog wants to eat all day. That's what dogs do. Right. But you can't feed the dog all day, every day. Yeah. Die. Right. You big, stupid asshole, which is what you're doing to that person.

You're killing it. Yeah. Killing. Cause you know, a lot of people have emotional problems. Of course. Addiction to food is very real. I feel it. I have it.

I have. Everybody does. I have a, I think a lot of us have what we have is like, we have it, but to a degree, we have it in check. In other words, right? You have a point where you're like, I got to do something. And the difference is that people that get like to the five and 600 pounds and everything is that they're, the thing doesn't kick on for them to go like, you got to do something.

Which to me is like, I mean, I've been a smoker, a heavy smoker in the past. And I think what allowed me to smoke for so long is that you don't see the effects. Right. And if you feel them, you would, you, it hurts. Like I remember I would push past the pain of smoking and just keep on smoking. Like even though it hurt my chart, my lungs get sick more. Yeah. Like you cough more, but with, with obesity, it's like, you, you even see it.

Like it changes you physically and you're like, nah, I got to push past. And everybody else sees it too. And they all treat you differently. They're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. Give or stay.

Well, you've never been like fat like me, but like I, I've gone through, cause I've gone up and down dramatically in my life, in my life I've gone, I've, I would say what I've had, let's see, two significant weight losses and two significant weight gains. One as like a lead, like significant, pretty significant going out of eighth grade, right? I wasn't huge or anything, but I lost a bunch of weight and you see the way people look at you. I'll treat you differently. For sure.

Then I gained a bunch of weight in high school, a lot. And then my sophomore year in college, I lost all of it. And that again, you see this like, holy shit. Or like you're a person. Yeah. People really look at and treat you differently, but the crazy thing is if you saw somebody, if you met somebody like I did when I had lost the weight. So that's how they associate you being, that's their physical representation of you.

And then you gain weight and they don't see you gradually gain weight. They just remember you and then they see you gain much and then they go like, what happened to you? And you're like, and if you're not thinking about the time, you're like, what do you mean? What happened about what? And they're looking at you. What happened to you physically? You've very much changed.

You look like something has rotted inside of you and gone bad and it's pretty bad. And then you see the shock in their face. Wow. Wow. You're a real fucking pig, man. You're like, how are you doing? Hi. Hello.

That hurts feelings and such. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. I can't even imagine. I can't imagine because everyone has triggers. Everybody has stuff that you, uh, you medicate, you take care of. Yeah. But pizzas.

Oh man. Pizzas are good. That's a problem. Is that it's, dude, it's so easy to, I, I could weigh like a thousand. No problem. I really could do it. I really, it's not that hard. It really takes, like I, we just started fitness plan, you know, like the last few months,

like really getting into fitness and do like, it takes some days, everything inside of me to will myself to just get up and put on a pair of like exercise pants. Just put the pants on and then at least you've done that, you know, like, oh man. You feel so much better when you do it though. Yeah. It's a little, it's a better, well, here's some exciting news. Uh, you know, I've been riding a bicycle for like the last year. Oh, what?

You know, a BICY CLE. Oh, I see what you're saying. You mean bikes. Yeah. Bikes. Bikes. Dude, do you know how much fun it is to ride a bicycle as a grownup? No, because I haven't had one as a grownup.

You got to get one with me. We got to do this together. I keep talking about it, but I haven't done it. Dude, riding a bicycle is probably one of the greatest joys a human being can have. And you forget how joyful and silly it is to ride a bicycle. Like it's the most juvenile thing. I get on that thing, my bike, and I fucking, I own the streets. Like I'm back to being 10 years old and just owning the streets and like, I fucking fly

like the wind man. Do you ride it on the sidewalk? I do sometimes. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. That's opposed to. It's dangerous on the streets. Okay.

I don't need to get a concussion. I don't need to get run over by some fucking douchebag. Do you wear your helmet? Well, funny you should mention, at first I was, I was all, fuck a helmet. It's super lame. And who was telling you to get one? You did? Yeah.

Well, here's the thing, because I looked at all the other people riding bicycles in the neighborhood. Yeah. And I was like, oh, there's those nerds wear helmets. So I broke down. I finally got a helmet on Amazon.com through your mom's house podcast.com. It arrived. I got a cool black one, like just old school looking black.

I didn't get no fucking fancy. I don't like all this shit that makes you look like a super nerd. You know, like the, the bullet kind, like what's his name? Armstrong. Lance Fartstrong. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Louis Armstrong, a douchebag.

You know, they always, I'm not, I'm not on the tour de France. I'm a leisurely bicycle rider. I hear you. I just prefer it. I'm not going all the way with like wristguards and shit. You know, the thing that something happened, something happened with bicycle helmets and that is that now I feel like after so many years of the casual bike rider wearing them, now they don't look as goofy.

Oh, you mean like the nerd is the new norm? The nerd, that's a good way of putting it is the new norm. Now you look at it, you still go like, but it's not the, it's not the same thing as like when you're younger, you're like, that's fucking so lame. Don't wear that. So good. Yeah. But now, now I kind of like it.

Yeah. It still feels lame dude. I judge people hard. I was just thinking that today, I'm super judgmental towards strangers. Yeah. I talked to my shrink about that. Like sometimes I just have pure disdain for strangers and what they're doing at the moment.

Like, I saw some guy doing pushups, but at the beach today, I was like, it's a fucking even put like the middle of fucking cement, everybody's around and he's like, like, you know, really making a dramatic thing. That becomes people's gym, especially where we are. I saw when I walked down there today too, and like, there was a guy, I'd never seen this before. So you know, if you could walk down on the board, not the boardwalk, the on the beach, that path has the bike path and the pedestrian path near us, there's one that is, it's right

near stairs. It's like a hundred stairs. So a lot of people will run up the stairs and either run down the stairs or go down the pathway. And it's obviously, it's a really hard workout to do. Oh yeah. This guy. Oh my God, I have a story too.

Is crazy. He had his baby in a stroller. He covered up the baby so that it wasn't in the sun. The baby's sleeping and he would run the stairs, leave the baby alone in the stroller and then come back down and check out to make sure, but we're not like, he wasn't running 20 stairs. He was literally running a hundred so that there was a, you know, a time where like you would just walk by and that's how I first noticed and see a stroller and you're like, is there a baby?

Oh, yeah. There is a baby in that stroller and there's nobody around and then he would come back on his baby. Yeah. Babies are and he would keep doing his stairs mortifying. If we have a baby and you did that, yeah, I'd fucking throw you in the streets. Why? But I got to the stairs.

It's so irresponsible. I can't do the stairs with the baby. Dude, it's so irresponsible. I saw a woman go up those same stairs and I was walking down them as she was doing her exercise, running up them and she had like earbuds in every now and then she would go, oh, like she would, like to herself like I'd do it and you're like, yeah, they all coach each other up there. But it was her alone.

Yeah. Yeah. And then there's that cool older black lady who wears, she wears her earbuds and she listens to music and then she dances. This is her right here. So today we're going to train on you say it's impossible to get 22 arms, 22 inch arm without taking steroids. I'm going to tell you how I did it and it ain't no motherfucking secret.

So that was CT Fletcher. That's who we played an opening clip and of course some of you remember him. He had a new video posted very recently. So we were playing that for you. Let's see. This is his one of one of his more recent videos. No, every motherfucking thing, everything, you know, every motherfucking thing about being yo, except how to do it.

You know, all the motherfucking details, you know, every motherfucking part of the car, but you can't put that motherfucking gift. You don't know how to put the gift. He's so right about that. Here's your wine. Thank you. I don't know. Actually, I don't know shit about growing your arms.

So tell me what the fuck he's talking about. No, he's saying what he's saying right here in this video is so true. And that is that he's talking to the, the person who, who basically is like knows everything about getting yoked, like getting, you know, super muscular. And he goes, you know, all the details, except you don't fucking know how to do it. So it's the person goes, Oh, you want to get, I know how to get fucking huge arms. I know how to do fuck, get you crazy pecs and six pack. You just got to eat this and you got to do this and it's like, yeah, but you don't do

it. You, so we're talking about the top of the show, right? That's this whole thing of like, you know what you have to do, but humans just cannot get over that. CT just has a different way of putting it. You know, every motherfucking part, everything, every motherfucking muscle, every capital, every motherfucking thing, by every motherfucking itself, how to be yoked, they just figured out every motherfucking macros and fucking all every scientific angle, you know, by these motherfuckers know

it all. They examine them up under microscopic terms and break it down to microscopic tiny dimensional terms of your motherfucking ass, but they still look like a fucking scarecrow. So explain that to me. That's what I want to say. You know, every fucking thing, but your ass feels as fucked up. How did that happen? So, so right, CT.

Yeah. And also a metaphor for life, not just exercise. I think it's, you know, that book, The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield that Tom and I have read this, but it's about 50 pages, it's nothing. It's probably the best book about life and doing shit that you can read. Yeah. Basically, it's like, just fucking do it, like overcome your internal resistance, overcome the voice that tells you you're too lazy, you're too fat, you're too whatever and just

do shit. That's what this guy's saying, right? Well, he is. And he's also saying like, because you, you basically don't know how to act on what you think you know, I'm going to show you, right? That's what he's saying to, you know, it's the person that goes, I mean, in this case, you know, you know, you just got to curl, you got to do 10, 6, 8, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2 and do that a few times a week and you got to have more protein and he's like, shut the

fuck up. Let me show you. Right. And just do some shit too. That's his message. He's the hard work approach too. This guy trains like seven days a week, fucking four hours a day. Like he's a maniac.

This guy's a maniac. He doesn't stop to celebrate things. You know what Tina, mediocre people don't like overachievers and overachievers don't like mediocre. That's what's up. I like this guy's racket. I'm down. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. You got a bad case of bad motherfucking syndrome. Just a bad one. Everybody knows how to wiggle their toes.

Everybody knows how to wiggle their fingers. Before you can wiggle your fingers and toes, your mind must tell them to wiggle. Your mind is in control of your motherfucking physical actions. Isaac Newton didn't tell me that motherfucking shit. I think that I don't fucking know. We got to have him on the show. I love to. He's right.

Your mind controls all of this shit. Isn't that interesting? All of life is what your mind makes of it. What your mind chooses to think about. What you choose to think about essentially is what your whole life is. It's a very crazy thing. Very fragile thing actually. Every week I sit on my shrink's couch and it's all about that dude.

You can think one way and you can fucking ruin your life or you can think another way and you can hopefully have a happier existence altogether. Yeah. One thing about these guys like CT here and Nick Saban, when it comes to the physical, it is totally, I mean, as long as you're physically healthy, it's all in your head. You got to tell yourself to do it. You got to. Push past.

Get up and do it. You just got to. If you want to run a marathon, you can do it. That's so crazy. You can do it. Of course you could. If you wanted to. If you wanted to, you can do it.

You got to just push yourself. Push yourself. Speaking of running and marathons, when I'm riding my bicycle at amazing speeds that I do, there's a thing called a fucking bike path and then there's a thing called the walking path. Walking path is smaller, yeah, but I don't want to see fucking assholes walking in my bike path. I don't disagree.

I'm sure that's a very upsetting thing. Super upsetting. Yeah. Fucking really upsetting. Dude, it says bikes on the path. It doesn't say people and bikes and it's dangerous and luckily I have my bell and I ring, ring, ring. I make sure to let them know like you're in my way asshole.

Let them fucking know. Yep. It's upsetting. Yeah. It's rude as shit. It's almost like the person who drives a car and sees the bike person on your road. Oh, what do you do to that? You give them their ride away.

No, I know, but I'm saying when the bike rider is the kind of cocky asshole on the road that belongs and I've known the argument about bike riders have the right way and all that stuff and have all the rights to use the road at the motorist. I get it, but when you're obnoxious about ignoring the rules. Right. Some people are very reckless. Yes. Yeah, I've seen that too.

And then they still want the benefit of like, but this is, for me, you're supposed to obey those stop signs and the stop lights. I do. I do as a bicycle rider. I do. Right. But a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't.

It's very dangerous. And then they're like. Right. Right. Fuck you, man. You know, I do feel like riding in the street is not safe. It doesn't feel right as a bicycle rider. I don't, I don't like it because I know all it takes is one fucking asshole to come and

nail me and then I'm in the streets, broken bones. But then to ride on the sidewalk is a cool either because I know that's not nice. It's not. What you should do. I think you should do is what some bike riders do is you should ride as far to the edge that is safe and possible. You know, you should ride closer to the right. I try.

That's what I would do. I mean, luckily, our neighborhood's pretty suburban and there's not a ton of people. You know what I'm saying? I don't ride in traffic, but that's tough if you do. If you live in like Boston or San Francisco, like people, my friend Molly who rides her bicycle in San Francisco, she's like, Oh yeah, I've been nailed by cars constantly. Like a lot. You get hit.

It's terrible. It kind of scares me though. I wouldn't want to do that. Scares the shit out of me too, man. Our motorcycles. I tell you what, I'm in traffic here in LA. I cannot believe how these motorcyclists, they just zip zip zip right in between you and traffic.

I'm like, dude, you have to get nailed. It still blows me away. Every time they come by, when you're in bumper to bumper traffic, they fly and it's legal. It's legal in California. You can fly through in between cars on your motorcycle. It looks absolutely terrifying, but this leads me to the point. We got to get a Lamborghini. Yeah, you're, but wait a minute.

Aren't they expensive? They are, but there's different tiers. They're not all the same price, but there's kind of an introductory one. Yeah, it's like 270,000, but here's the deal that I've been able to work out. A three year lease, 8,000 miles a year. You put $35,000 down. You pay, what is it, like 5,000 or 5,500 a month and then wait a minute. What's the mileage on a gas, the gallon?

What is it called? Get about how many miles per gallon are we talking 13? And that's a highway driving or traffic 13 miles per gallon. I'm all in. I'm all in. Let's, I mean, here's what I feel like you're not seeing it. You're not understanding. Yeah.

Oh, you go, babe, I got a, I got a spot tonight in the city. Okay. Who's going to be there? Oh, a bunch of big shots, a bunch of talent, people, agents, managers, executive show business, executive show. The president of show business is going to be there. Yeah, guess what? Guess who's fucking getting attention, right?

Who's this when they pull up to their spot you are because you just pulled up in a fucking 2013 Lamborghini Gallardo and it's fucking purple and everybody's like, whoa, and you just make no thing about it. You just give it to the valet. I'm going to do my spot. I'll be back. Yeah. I'm getting eight bucks or 10 bucks for this spot and I'm paying out the

ass for this, right, but what is everybody thinking about you that this bitch is like Kenny Powers is a fucking bad bitch. Kenny Powers right here. Yeah. No, I agree. I mean, show business is about image and why, I mean, why should we waste our money trying to own a home or trying to build our careers when we can lease a Lamborghini and that can do way more for us in the long run, right?

Is that what you're saying? Yep. Now, should we get a really muted color like yellow or neon green? Hmm, I think it's got to be louder than that because they make, they make Lamborghinis and muted sort of any color you want. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Orange. It's a really nice soothing color, bright orange. Pink's really popular, right? Jeans. Pink is cool. Who, who has a pink one? I saw on this dot 60 minutes we were watching this women get their Lamborghinis to match their handbags and by women, I mean, gold diggers.

It's fucking awesome. It's so cool. How many is so ridiculous? It's such an extravagance to own a car, a Lamborghini. It's so ridiculous. Everybody should have one. Everybody should get one. And if you want to make an impression at work in dating, just like maybe, maybe

you're up for a new apartment, you know, you can, um, you can be like, Oh yeah, here's, check my, um, you know, my referrals, but also I drive a Lamborghini and then all of a sudden, Oh yeah, we do approve you for this place. Yeah. I mean, I have a lot of credit card debt from when I was featuring on the road stuff. Do you think they'll still lease me a Lamborghini? Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. Is it a stick shift or can I get that an automatic? You can get the paddles, the paddles by the steering wheel. Like race car drivers. Yeah. That's fun for traffic, I imagine. Like it's Lamborghinis are great for stop and go traffic, right?

They are phenomenal for stop and go traffic. Yeah. Okay. Computer just takes the clutch up nice. You can hear it engage, but it's really smooth. Really, really smooth. You don't really feel the car move at all. So what's the problem?

We're going to hit a speed bump. Didn't even know we hit it. It feels as solid as the coupe with the top off. I'm not stretching the truth on that either. It really actually feels as solid. There you go. Coming to do my spot at the comedy store. Was that as loud as I thought it was?

I got jokes. It's also a nice family car. I mean, how many kids can you fit? Well, we can be in it together. That's the whole point. Right. But if you have a child, don't think about that. It's the two of us hanging out about the dog.

Can the people, it's just now you can't bring your dog. It's two people. What about groceries? Can you pick up groceries? There's room for groceries, a few bags. Is there a trunk in this car? There's the hood of the hood in the front. That's a trunk and that's enough for like three or four grocery bags.

Three or four grocery bags. Yeah. What about a bike rack? I want to take my bike down the beach. You have a Lamborghini. Right. You're missing the point. You're not, you know, it does seem like when you have a Lamborghini,

that's all you have. This is, this is, you know, you need some of this. How many do I do? Are you the swallows muffle on the planet yet? No, whether you're not the swallows muffle on the planet. You got some old reps to do, son. Keep working. Don't stop until you the biggest side walk back and motherfucking dead.

Never be satisfied. There's never enough. God damn it. When will my set be over? Your motherfucking set will never be over. Never in this set. No matter what you do, it's still your motherfucking set. I've been doing it for 30 years and it's still my motherfucking set.

So if you got under 30 years in this set, it's still your motherfucking set. That's a great point. You know, it's very existential. I mean, just when you think it's over, it's never over. I like that idea. That's how I feel about comedy. Isn't that how you feel about being a comic? You're never good enough.

It's never over. No, it's never. It's it's like the approval from your parents. You're never going to get. Yeah, it's it's absolutely never over. No, you never get the approval that you want. Hey, speaking of Lamborghinis, we didn't talk about this yet, but we were watching the premiere of Shaws of Sunset.

Yeah. Yeah. The Shaws. They're back. My favorite Persian cast members. Yeah, that's right, man. Yeah. Um, the Shaws are back.

They are as crazy as ever. Fantastic as ever. Um, we watched the new season premiere. Yeah. So the coming back, one of them has a severe pill and alcohol problem, but she's in denial. And then this episode revolved around Lily, who's the 30 year old Persian girl who's a lawyer, has a bikini business and apparently just gazillions of dollars,

which is funny that they all have so much money, but they all live in two bedroom condos in West Hollywood. So I don't understand the money thing, but Lily decided for her 30th birthday to recreate the prom. The prom is one of the worst ideas I've ever seen. Yeah. Cause prom's not really fun when you do it in high school. At least I didn't really think it was fun.

She's like, I was weird. I didn't have a prom. So I want to make a prom now. It's kind of, you kind of want it to be like, well, you got molested. Cause this is, you're, you're really stuck in this adolescence thing. You don't not seem like a 30 year old at all. Yeah. No, she's got problems.

She has like a glam squad that makes her up before she goes out anywhere in LA. And for her party, she had four different dresses that she changed it to, which is like, you know what? Hey, if that, if you've got the means and that makes you happy, then, you know, totally by all means, knock yourself out, kid, cause you've got one life. Fuck it. Hey, do it. Who cares?

On the other hand, you go, Oh, this is why you're single. Because what dude wants to come to your 30 year old prom? Dude, she has no idea how obnoxious and unlikeable she comes across. She has no clue. Yeah. Like that's a deal breaker for, for dudes, right? Like, what do you think is a man when you see that's what I'm asking? Oh, like, first of all, yeah.

When I see a girl like her, I think a she's delusional as to like on what her as to like, I think she's delusional as to how she is coming across to everybody. Yeah, you look like a, you look like a teenager. You're 30 years old. You look like a little bratty teenager. Yeah. I think you're delusional as to what you bring to the table. Okay.

On different levels. Yeah. I mean, I don't think this is somebody who intellectually is bringing a lot to the table. Yeah. Um, not that that's everything, but let's be honest. Is she stimulating, exciting the way, um, somebody could excite you during a conversation? I mean, I'd say actually that's the most important.

If you're going to marry somebody, yeah, I'm talking, that's like at least 70 to 80%. Yeah. So you see her and you're like, holy shit. Um, I think high maintenance as shit for sure. Oh yeah, I do. Um, I think, um, yeah, I think this is not a, somebody who lives in reality. So I think it's going to be, she lives in a fantasy world. Yeah.

She's somebody who surrounds herself with people who go, you know what, bitch? You are fabulous. You are who that person, they can hate all they want. That's right. That is a hater. No, it's not a hater. Those are people who live in the real world. Yeah.

You live in La La land. Yeah, that's what that is. Unbelievable. Yeah. So when, when I see her, I just see a thousand red flags is what I see. Yeah, I do too. As a friend, even if I were, I don't think I don't want to be around that. I don't think I bet she's a terrible way to matter.

Yeah. I mean, I totally see her being like annoying as shit to hang around. Like she's one of those girls. It's like, I'm fat and you're like, you weigh 90 pounds. What are you talking about? I'm wrinkled. Like you, you're 30. You don't have anything wrong with you right now.

Like, what are you talking about? She's one of those broads too. Yeah. She, um, uh, she, she's all kinds of problems, man. Yeah. The, everybody wears you down in different ways. Yeah. I think, I think the thing about somebody, she has, she's the one who I think really

comes from real money. And what, what real money can do is it can let you exist and believe a kind of removed fantasy world from reality. It's the best. Yeah. I can't wait until I have a lot of money. Right. Cause we have a lot of money.

You don't have to play by anybody's rules, but the problem is when you have that money, very young, you don't develop as a person. No. So if you have it when you're much older, you can pick and choose. You developed as a person. I want to remove myself from this part of society because I can afford to now. Oh, I can't wait. When you grow up that way, you end up like her.

Yeah. Absolutely. You grow up so removed from what it is to be a normal, common person. Yeah. Common meaning how Tom and I, I don't mean that in a pejorative, uh, where I'm as common as it motherfucking gets, uh, but yeah, you, you fucking, I can't even imagine, dude. See, she's too, she's, and they showed her on the last season too.

She's too cool for a lot of things. Yeah. You know, she does herself up to an extreme for like, let's go have a drink. Let's go grab lunch. Yeah. All that is like her event. Yeah. And then she's like, I'm, you know, she's like, I'm sweating or I don't want to be

around people that are one of those things. I was like, well, yeah, you're a little too over the top with that. Perfectly. She didn't want to go yet dancing because other people sweat would touch her and her bag, she couldn't put her bag down to go dance and she didn't want to drink. She doesn't drink alcohol. Like, oh, she's too good for this, you know, like she's, she's the kind of person who's too good for this, you know, like.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love. Oh, my God. But to say, you last week and the response was just, it was incredible. We've been listening to it now. Nonstop. Oh, my God.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The farts are instruments. It's amazing. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean... That's a real talent, man. Max Newman. That's not bad. Not bad at all. Not bad at all.

Not bad at all. Max Newman. He really outdid himself. Wow. That is just... Great work, Max. I mean, like I said, we played it last week and the response was just bananas. A lot of people's favorite song.

Max, yeah, also, just so you know, in the mommy dome, if Tom and I wake up in the morning and we have to play it again, that's how you know... We played it in bed. We played it in bed this morning. We felt... We feel the way about the, oh, my gosh, song as we did about city connection. City connection took over our lives for a good couple of weeks and now it's, oh, my gosh.

My favorite part, it is the way he uses the farts. As instruments? He goes... It's on beat. Yeah, it matches up to the beat. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Oh, yay!

He's fucking adorable, actually. I'm looking at this video of Emmanuel Lewis and he was saying how one of the most annoying things in his fame was how people just come up and hug him and pick him up off the ground. I'm looking at this little perfect cute black bastard and I just want to reach into the screen and pick him up and hug him. Webster was the cutest motherfucker alive. He was so little and petite and he was smaller than a normal sized child. He was a miniature child.

He's like a mini horse. And he had a... Exactly. And he had, like, missing teeth. Yeah, he was a perfect storm. Those big doe eyes. And he had, yeah, the missing teeth and just so tiny, everything about him. He's like a little FIFO.

Absolutely. You know, we played that fart clip. Oh, sorry. But it takes me back to the fact that today... Oh. I have a story for you. Okay. I got up today.

You were very sweet. You made me a coffee. I drank that coffee. I'm sorry. What kind of coffee, though? A pumpkin spice latte. Homemade. Fuck Starbucks.

It is out of this world. Thank you. I drank it. It was the dog's tits. Delicious. I looked up, by the way, that expression. You asked me about it. Do you know where it comes from?

During World War II. I do. I'm sorry. Go ahead. A lot of the farms would go down. Like they were bombed in Britain. So a lot of the farms were no longer operating. And so there was less access to cow milk.

And they started milking other animals to use the milk. And they even milked dogs. So a lot of times when they would... A milk substitute would come from the dog. And then the Brits would say, this is the dog's tits. But they would say, this is the dog's tits. Exactly. This is the dog's tits.

It's the dog's tits. Like that. Oh, mighty. And that meant like, you know what, it's as good as it's going to get is what that means. Right, right. No, I figured it had something, either that or it was maybe from Shakespeare. Or maybe in the Canterbury Tales. Maybe it originated there and then it came back during World War II.

Yeah, I think Chaucer actually came up with that. It's the dog's tits. Yes, because then it's also in a Churchill speech I looked up. Oh, I know what you're talking about, the teat of the dog. But that's what they called it back then. Absolutely. Yeah. All of our British listeners flooded the email with, oh, I say dog's tits every day.

I bet they're going to flood the emails now, knowing that we know their history. Yep. Yeah. Didn't take a lot of work. But anyways, I drank that delicious pumpkin spice latte. It's homemade. Thank you. I shit.

No. I did. Oh, well, wait a minute. That's the story. I sat down and it was like nothing. It was just like a pop tart coming out of the toaster. Ready to go. Wow.

How many logs? Two or three. Two or three. Like that. Done. Didn't think twice. Then I went on a long walk by myself. I went on a walk separately.

We were doing our thing. I ended up walking five miles. Oh my goodness. And I was just chilling. I had my headphones on. I was having a good time. I walked by the beach. When I got back, you had prepared a delightful lunch.

A succulent lunch meal. Now, at this point, my stomach's growling. Right. It needs fuel. What do I put in there? But this absolutely delicious and healthy salad that you made with so many vegetables. So many. It had spinach leaves.

There was cucumbers. There was yellow peppers, green peppers. Here's the secret. At Trader Joe's, you can buy pre-cut vegetables in a bag. It's so easy. Go ahead. Go ahead. And it was a massive bowl of this.

I'm just shoving vegetable after vegetable. And then we made some tuna and water on the side. So there's some protein and there's just vegetables and protein. And I tell you what. What? When that was done processing, the poop patrol came right back. Choo choo. And I shit again.

You're kidding. How about that for a story? Two dumps in one day. Now, the second shit you're speaking of, walk me through it. Um, it's a subtle build. I fart. Then I go, oh, there's something there. And I then I gradually, I didn't run.

I just, I walked into the kitchen. I think I had another bite of the salad. I was like, this is so good. It's clean. It's healthy. It's just cleansing the palette, the digestive tract. I then, um, I sat down and it was pretty much immediate. I didn't have to work for it.

I'm used to grabbing the side of the bowl and really straining and grinding and bleeding until I get a little pebble out. But this was really easy. That is such a neat story. Thank you. You know, I have a similar story. First of all, I want to backtrack a few days ago. I was sitting in a living room and you came in from outside.

I don't know what you were doing. You came into the kitchen. Yeah. You pick something up and you took two bites. You put the bowl down and then you just, you walk into the bathroom and you're gone for like 10 minutes. I'm like, what is he doing? Like it's just rare that somebody casually walks in from

outside, picks up a bowl, takes a couple of bites and then immediately goes to take a shit. It happens. It doesn't. Not to me. Because if I come in and knowing I have to dump, I go straight to the toilet. I don't stop to eat before I shit.

This is exactly what I did earlier today. I knew I had to shit. I still stopped for a bite. Right. Yeah. How do you do that? It's just like when you, you act, what happens is you act out and you're a diva.

So like when we were in Santa Barbara. Yeah. And you made it a big scene about how you had to shit so bad. That was very diva-ish behavior. Whereas I would have been like, oh, cool. Thanks for showing me this stuff. I'll shit in an hour or two when we get back. An hour or two.

Right. Dr. Oz says that's very bad as we learned before because the liquid gets sucked out of the poo, just leaving the toxic part in your bowel. We know that. We fucking went over this, man. Like a couple episodes ago. I don't, I don't think so.

You got to hold it. Whenever you get the urge to shit, you have to hold it. For as long as you can. As long as possible. That's what doctors say to do. And then once you've hold it long enough, also when you finally sit down, push as hard as you can. You have to push as if your life is on the line and someone's

trying to kill you. Unless you, what'd you do? I don't know. I hit my glass against the microphone. Yeah. You always do something. Always do something. Stupid fucking bitch.

We got an email asking for advice. Did you read this email? No. It's pretty serious. Okay. Came in today. No, I didn't see it. It says hello mommies.

They're asking for serious advice. Okay. You ready for this? Yeah. I mean, I was just thinking about my poo story that. Oh, I cut you off. Yeah. It's kind of unfair.

Like you had your poo story. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't. Well, okay. It's long story short. I didn't poo again today.

I felt, I felt like. Oh. I actually walked around and I felt a tug and I ignored it. Yeah. And then I farted a lot today. I went to Mary Lynn's house and then I farted a lot there. And then I came back. Okay.

Oh, that's tough. Yeah. It's really stuck. It's stuck. Yeah. It's really stuck. I can't take it. It's so.

Oh my God. It's so funny. Oh, I can't take it. Oh my God. It's so funny. Why the breathing? He has to breathe hard. I don't like that.

Oh, you motherfuckers. You prick ass like this. I'm farting on you haters. So that was you today. That was pretty much me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was you today.

That was pretty much me. Yeah. Really? Merlin. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'm farting on you haters.

Yeah. That's a really good thing to do. Okay. So what's this advice to speak of? Oh yeah. You nasty fuckers. Oh. So this is serious.

Okay. From farts to serious. Okay. This begins. This is like the news when people are like, 10 to 20 people died in Sri Lanka. Yeah. Anyways, have you seen the cutest pets in the world? This goat looks like it just wants to come up and say hello.

So it says hello, mummies. I don't know how to begin exactly. I've heard you give relationship advice before. Oh good. And I thought what you both had to say in those instances was insightful and astute. So here it goes. I am in the closet. Because I am gay, but because I have reached the firm conclusion that I'm an atheist and

I don't foresee any way I can ever be honest to my husband and kids about it. I'm reticent about full disclosure of this because I have considered myself agnostic for a period and have been vocal about my crisis of faith. And it went over like a fucking lead balloon. I am not the type of person to live with secrets and I can't live the rest of my life pretending to believe in a fairy tale, trying to keep from rolling my eyes whenever anyone says to pray and thank God so things will keep going well. I try to live by the ideal of as long as you aren't harming anyone, do what you do,

which may be the part of the reason I can't abide the blatant hypocrisy of religion. I strive to be as free of judgment as possible, but of course I am deeply flawed and fucked up an individual. I am deeply flawed and fucked up individual, excuse me. So just trying to make my way in the world and not fuck up my children too irredeemably. I know I am rambling, but the bottom line is I am scared of being honest about this to my husband as I am 99% sure it will affect our relationship adversely. I also don't know how much longer I can live closeted.

It's eating me up inside. Wow. Well, that's a very honest question. Yeah. Well, first of all, what's the, what faith is she in right now? Like that's kind of a, are we talking? We don't know. Right back to us.

Okay. So no, seriously, what's the severity? What's the faith that her husband's in? Correct. Like, are you in, are you enmeshed in like the dudes that capture snakes? And what are those considered fundamentalists? Yeah. Are we talking like Pentecostal faith?

Are we talking like the occasional Christian? I think here's the thing. You know, there's, there's a part of you that has to keep the peace when you are in a family. Usually though, that's keeping the peace with people that are kind of secondary family members, not immediate family members. In other words, grandparents, uncles, and you can, you can, you know, behave the way you have to when you're around them. Even parents, once you're older, you go like, all right, I'll, I'll play the game for these

two days and I'm visiting them or something. Right, right. But if it's your spouse, that's what she's, you know, that's why this is a much more serious issue. And the fact, I think the real telling thing here is that you end this by saying it's eating me up inside. To me, my own take on this is that if there's something like that, no matter what it is, no matter if it's this issue about being honest about how you feel religiously, it could be

sexual, it could be, you're feeling about anything. If it's eating you up inside and you feel like you have to get it out there, you almost have to trust your instinct to go ahead and do it. Now, I think the best case scenario is you sit with your husband and you prepare him that you have these feelings that you're going to share with him and you have to get them off your chest. If you're saying that by sharing them like this could send the whole world to shit, it's almost something you have to approach doing because of the fact that it's affecting you

so deeply. Yeah. I agree with you. However, the reason I asked is like, what level are we talking? Is he a minister in the Pentecostal church? Are you guys deeply in, you know what I'm saying? Are you an Orthodox Jewish family? Do you not use electricity on Saturday?

What is your lifestyle and why is it so damaging to come clean about this? That's kind of what I need to know more information on this. Can I tell you my take on it? Yeah. I don't think she's part of a very religious family, but I think that she's at the point where she mentions children that they're, you know, the kids are probably of an age where they're asking things and they're being told by friends, parents and teachers and stuff that like, well, you know, pray about it.

And there's a lot of kind of religious stuff being said to the kids, maybe also coming from the husband. And she's at the point where like, I don't feel comfortable doing this. This doesn't feel right because she's lying. Yes. Yes. Yeah, man. You know, I got to tell you as somebody who I identify culturally as Catholic, excuse

me. And then I would say in our personal lives, I'm not a practicing Catholic. Am I, I'm new age spiritual. I love me some Oprah. Yeah. This whole Sunday spirituality. Religious. Not really.

No, I was raised traditionally Catholic. But however, when you and I do have a kid, I'd like to think that we're going to tell some white lies and put some fear of God into a kid because to some extent, that's not such terrible thing. That's all about the comfort of each person. Yeah. In other words, that works because I like you identify culturally as Catholic. I never go to church.

No. All definitions, not a good practicing Catholic, but I can tolerate doing what you're describing. And the reason that's okay for us is that like we both, that works for us. But if one of us were really opposed to that approach, no, I know. Yeah. Well, she's even making the distinction between atheist and agnostic, exactly, meaning at one time it was maybe a potential to believe in God and now she's closed the book on that entirely.

Right. You know, it's a tough call. Given your circumstances, you know, there's kids involved, you don't want to mess with your kid's head. So maybe leave the kids out of the discussion for the moment. Yes. You know, kind of let that rest a moment. Don't go to your kids and be like, guess what?

Hell no. God doesn't exist. But maybe you can come to an agreement with your husband that you'll, like for instance, you will tolerate some of these, like some telling the kids of this stuff, like if it's coming from him or somebody else, you don't have to take the lead on a lot of these conversations. And maybe you'll agree and he'll agree to the point that at a certain age, you guys can present them with how you both feel. Yeah.

Because I think that's a natural progress around adolescents, kids go, wait a minute. What's this shit about this guy walking on water? What's this about? Yeah. Fishes and bread and all crucifix. I mean, kids naturally will question at a certain age and that's the time you can kind of hold the court with that. But I agree with Tommy on this.

If it's really weighing on your soul and it sounds, well, you won't believe in a soul, but it's weighing down on you and it's affecting you, you got to sit down. You have to. And the way to do it, by the way, it'll build up and it'll seep out in other ways. But the way to do it is, I believe, to not be accusatory of his beliefs. The way to do it is to put it on you, what you feel, how it's just not right for you. And try not to make it about what he likes sucks. You know what I'm saying?

It's a great point. This is an excellent point. Thank you. It's three and a half years of therapy. It's an excellent point. And it's almost, you can almost lead with the point of I respect the fact that you believe A, B, and C. And I respect the fact that this is meaningful. All of what you are into, I'm cool with you being into that because that's you.

And also, I mean, you said that you flipped from agnostic to atheist. So you know what, you don't know where you'll be in another 10 years. So I would say to your spouse, you know what, for now, I'm going to give this a rest. This is where I'm at right now, you know, because he may go, wait a minute, why didn't you tell me you didn't, you know, maybe to avoid that, I would just go, look, I questioned a lot of stuff. And for now, this is where I'm at spiritually because believe me, when I was in college, I studied philosophy.

I studied every proof for the existence of God. Okay. I spent an entire year doing this and I came out of it. I came out of it extremely atheistic and very angry. But since then I've changed in the last 15 years and you don't know where you're going to be in 15 more. So I just say, Hey, for now, this is where I'm at. And you guys can discuss what you'd like to do with the kids and stuff.

And maybe you don't have to actively lie to them, but you can kind of just bite your tongue on stuff with the kids. You're good. You're good. Jeans. Send us. I like doing this. If you guys send us your advice questions.

I really like answering them. It's easier via email because I feel as though we're not rushed or if can they leave voicemails yet? Do we have that capability on the, on the number? Yeah. Yeah. They have, they have a lot of voicemails. Oh shit.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry guys. My apologies. I promise to do that very soon. Much apologies. We'll get to them. But good luck to you sister. And I understand that's got to be very tough.

Yes. Good luck. And please let us know any other information in PS. This is not to in any way scold you for your decisions. But Dr. Laura does make a good point and I kind of agree with this is that when you do choose to marry, I fucking, I think it's very important to marry somebody that shares your faith background. Just fucking, it's way easier.

I'm not saying it can't be done. Enter faith. I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm just saying it's a lot easier when you guys are on the same page of this crap, especially when kids get into the picture. I think that's really heavy. Right? It's a lot.

It's just why, why make your life more complicated? Sure. You know what I'm saying? That's all. Yep. Oh, we know what that means. All right. What you got for me?

This came from Josh. Oh, he says, would you rather have the cure? The cure for a disease that kills thousands by the day, slow and horribly, not allowing the public to receive the cure while they know you have it, or be the one who brainwashes the world and changes all forms of education to Jaden Smith's tweets. Oh my God. I had the cure to something and I don't share it. Is that the first one?

Yeah. Yeah. The cure. Right. To a horrible disease and you don't allow them to receive the cure while they know you have it. Oh, geez. Or you're the one who changes the world's education to basically Jaden Smith's tweets.

The world? Yes. Like North Korea? Yes. I'm going to do Jaden because I can't withhold, I can't kill people actively. I would be the Jaden Smith Minister of Education. So would I. And then you know what?

There would be like a subculture that would come and tear that down anyways. Some Julian Assange organization would come and Anonymous would come and destroy us anyway. They would, right? Yeah. Would you rather have a sign in your front yard that says, I hate all n-words or I love all n-words? That's hilarious. Oh, shit, man.

What do you got to make me answer that? Just reading the fuck. The ones that come in. I'm going to go for love. That way people might have a sense of humor about it. That's from Orion. Thanks, Orion, for ruining my life. It's on your front yard.

I know. It says, I love n-bombs. Hey, you know what? All right. Shit. At least maybe somebody will have a sense of irony if you're like, I love niggers. They'll be like, what? What the fuck?

All right. What are you going to do? I'm just going to leave that one to you. You're the only one. You jerk. I would take love, of course. At least you have a fighting chance. If you're like, what?

I love them. You can play dumb. Oh, my God. What's wrong? I'm saying I love them. Right. You can play the dumb race this part. If you say hate, there's no getting around it.

No, I know. Love. You can switch it out. I might switch it out the next day, but I love chinks. There you go. You're like, I just love them all. There you go. I love gooks.

I love crackers. Yep. Yep. What's the slang? Kike. I like the kikes. No, love. I'm sorry.

I love kikes and that's a picture of Ari. Yeah. Yeah. Picture of Ari. Ari Schaefer. Oh, Ari Schaefer. Yeah. Okay.

Would you rather your grandmother walks in and in on you masturbating as you hit your vinegar strokes or... Oh, geez. Or you have to rent a hardcore porn and watch it in its entirety, plotline and all, with your parents sitting on either side of you on the couch. Oh, my God. Get your own life. Grandmother.

You know why? Why? She's going to die sooner. Fuck her. She's seen shit before. She probably saw my dad and his brothers do that. Yeah. Sitting through all of that porn and having to sit through the plotlines and all that

stuff. It's just too much. So embarrassing. Yeah. I choose my grandmother because she was a real fucking asshole anyways. Yeah. So I don't care. Fuck her.

Yeah. That's a good... I like that short but sweet, concise explanation. She was a real turd. That was from Chris Morkout. Oh, the artist. The artist, yes. Yeah.

Ooh, this one. Really? This is a good one. From Chris Kolek. Would you rather have a permanent itchy asshole? Oh, no. Ooh. Ooh.

Or permanently have gnats flying around your face. Oh, God. The kind that always fly in your ears. Oh, I hate that. Oh, fuck. Or your ass just itches all the time. I would take the itchy asshole. Oh, I think I would too.

That's how bad those gnats are. I don't like the gnats. Because I would just get the point where people would be like, oh, that's Tommy. He's the guy that scratches his ass all the time. Right? Well, and you could put some cortisone cream on that itchy ass. But itches right through it, babe. Yeah, but there's like temporary relief.

Right. Wow. So many conundrums today, huh? So many. No. Okay. I thought you were about to rewind. No.

All right. Well, not today, guys. I'm just, I appreciate other people sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes the artist has to appreciate other artists. That's right. That's right. All right.

Well, we got to get out of here. Oh, let's see. If you do not know, let's see. This song reminded me. Somebody said, just so you know, my jeans are up so high and tight. I cannot even swallow the soup I'm eating. Wow. Here's a song.

It reminded me. That's really high. Yeah. Oh, it's rock and roll McDonald's. We've heard this before. Rock and roll McDonald's. Yes. It's a good song.

It's a good song. McDonald's will make you fat. Yes. Here's another song. Let's see. How many dicks did I suck? Hmm. When I went down to Mexico.

This is a song from a listener. All right. Oh, God damn it, babe. It's blue band. He's really fucking up today. I love you guys. We love you guys. Love you jeans.

We'll see you soon. Yeah. That's when I got myself into a bar. How many dicks did I suck when I went down to Mexico? How many coughs did I blow away down in Juarez? How many men did I put in Guadalajara? Well, I don't care what anybody says. Winded and weary, I made my way down an alley.

My throat, it was bruised and my hands were gnarled with pain. A man approached and asked me to pass for some pleasure. I asked lips or hips and got on my knees again. How many dicks did I suck when I went down to Mexico? How many coughs did I blow away down in Juarez? How many men did I put in Guadalajara? Well, I don't care what anybody says. I met somebody and he stole my heart in Mexico.

He climbed on his horse and rode into the night in Mexico. He stroked my hair and said that we'd be married in Mexico. I gave myself, I didn't put up a fight. How many dicks did I suck when I went down to Mexico? How many coughs did I blow away down in Juarez? How many men did I put in Guadalajara? Well, I don't care what anybody says. Well, I don't care what anybody says.