Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 315- Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 28, 2015

If you’re feeling hungry we have just the thing for you - a very special PICNIC. Make sure you bring your appetite because this is the kind of picnic that lets you keep on eating!  Did Christina come up with an expression that is very popular in our vernacular or has it been around for more than a decade? It’s time to break it down. Plus Tommy has seen Christina flirt for long enough with the mailman and the Whole Farts check out boy. Could he be getting to know a super market girl as more than a friend??!?!?  Diego AKA Thursday Lane set the podcast world on fire, but some people are saying “Too Much!” What will YOU say when he marries a fart?  Guess My Brown debuts and an NFL players has something to say about the Cincinnati Fart , you know what I’m saying?

It's almost time, Jeans. Thursday. The Brea Improv. That's right. October 29th. You're getting busy there. Yep. Eight o'clock show.

One show only. I originally was going to do a whole week, but decided against that, and it's one night only. I hope you guys can make it. It's going to be fucking rad. One night only is the best, man. I really am into them. I think so, because then it keeps all the riff-raff out.

You're just doing the fans. Yeah. It's people that want to go. Yeah. People that have tight jeans to wear. People that enjoy things about jeans. Yeah. I'm totally into it, man.

People who are aware of the denim problems. Go see her this Thursday, Brea Improv. Christina Pajinsky. Hey. You know who you're bringing? Anybody coming with you or no? Pat Keen. Oh, nice.

That's great. It's the best. I'm hitting the road again next week. Tuesday, one night only Orlando Improv. Wednesday, one night only Tampa Improv. And I should have done that right. Tuesday, Orlando Improv. Oh, good one.

Wednesday, Tampon Improv. Oh, really good. And I'm really excited about this. Thursday, Fart Louderdale. Oh, come on! Somebody tweeted me that. I feel like we've been missing that this whole time. For years.

It's Fart Louderdale. Man, that is genius. Yeah. Yeah. So that's Thursday. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, New York. Wow. I am there the 6th, 7th, and 8th. Get your tickets now. I told you, New York City, I'm coming November 13th at the Skirball Center, Friday the 13th.

Very excited to be going there. Please get your tickets. And finally, the John Lyman Center for the Performing Arts in New Haven, Connecticut. Connecticut. That's November 14th. And then I don't do another, you know, big show until New Year's Eve in Brea, California. By the way, I got a word that my Denver shows are already selling in January. So it's Comedy Works Downtown.

Those tickets are on sale at TomSigura.com. Denver is just that strong. Buy tickets three months in advance. Great city. You know why? Because they're smart people with good weather and outdoor activities. All that fresh air. It's great.

It really is. It might be the best comedy city, you know, in America. I think so. It's that good. But I'm really stoked about all these places. So that's that, Jeans. That is that. Also, guys, if you will, check out my other podcast, That's Deep Bro.

This week, I'm doing Halloween and what really scares people, like fears, like real talk fears. Not this horseshit of like, oh, spiders and ponies, like real. Spiders and ponies? Ponies are the scariest. I didn't know that. Yeah. So that's that's Deep Bro.

So on Mama's on, I hope you've done your shopping on Amazon in the past. If not now's the time holidays are coming. Please use our banner on your momshousepodcast.com. Click on that. Do your shopping as you normally would and it helps to show out tremendously. Yeah. Please do. Thanks, Jeans.

You got it. You got that. It's going to be a big episode. It is. Man, there's a lot to cover. I know. I just picked my nose. I just got a good one.

Where I'm putting it. That's not cool. You do it all the time. No, I don't. I'm never doing that. Just following your lead, Tom. I don't do that. Yeah.

I've seen you roll them on the show as we're doing the show. Yeah. That's different. How? Because I throw it in the trash can. You don't make it. You just went like that. Yeah.

Because it goes on the carpet. Who cares? It's really nice. It's my side. Are you ready? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure if it's opener, but I think this is the one.

Okay. All right. I think it follows in line with what this show is about. Okay. I'll say what you're doing. Tom Segora. Okay. Okay.

Yes. Here we go. Peace. And I want you sitting on this cute little picnic bench with your face deep inside of my ass. Enjoy your picnic. Enjoy your picnic in my ass. Eat it real nice and deep.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stands. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segora. And Christina Pazitzin.

Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. So that clip came in and I filtered it. I got it. And I was like, this is something Tom's really going to appreciate. How did you know that I would appreciate that? Because it's got everything working for it.

It's got a girl who sounds really damaged. She doesn't know what's up. That's sad sex workery. And you think this is what my husband will like? Broken spirit type of funny thing. And type of funny thing. Yeah. You like it when the girls are broken.

That's horrible. Well, it's true. That's not true. It's totally true. No. Why do you like the hooker math so much? It's just good math. I love math.

Good math. I like to make money and make math money. What about the girl where the guy was like, what's your birth control? And she's like, plant B. He's like, all right, we got to get you some of that. Hey, look, look at you smiling. Can I tell you that this you never smile like this? I think I told you I was pregnant.

You didn't smile. Oh, stop it. The birth of our child will not rival the smile on your face right now. That is so ridiculous. That's hurtful that you say it like that. It's true. You never get this excited. That is not true.

You're making up a porn clip, man. Could you say anything worse than what you're saying right now? Yeah. God. You think I'm wrong? I'm saying you're totally wrong. That is not right. You're making me sound like just a sadistic.

You are. Really? No. You there's two things you like broken porn girl clips and murder. Last night we were watching. What was that movie? We said The Barber. The Barber.

The Flicks. Yeah. And you were smiling ear to ear the whole time. No, I was not smiling ear to ear the whole time. People thought it was a comedy. You thought it was a comedy. It wasn't a comedy. No, I did not.

I did not. I was not smiling ear to ear the whole time. It was a decent one. I went to Walgreens, got the candy pills. I thought they gave you extra for that, didn't they? Yeah. They gave me an extra hundred dollars for that. And plan B pills only like 40 something bucks.

So that's 60 bucks that I get to keep. Why not? Plan A always works I guess. I don't know. Cool. Smart business lady. It's like the time on my mark. So what did you think of The Barber though?

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. It was pretty cool. It's really hard to pull off an awesome thriller. A couple of hokey moments. One of the hokeyest kind of things that was actually the end. I don't want to give away the movie, but the end when things get kind of flipped around, it was like...

Yeah, it's funny. When I picture you talking, I just see you on the toilet. Really? Yeah. When I'm talking? You should do the show on the toilet. Why? I don't know.

I just feel like it's funnier. I'm like, on top. This is my toilet podcast. That's a whole thing that someone should be doing. Yeah, the toilet cast. Yeah, but hemorrhoids, man. You're going to get real bad hemorrhoids during the toilet that long. Yeah.

I agree with you with The Barber. There's some moments. And also, he's like an old ass man. Yeah. And he's kicking everybody's ass. You're like, you're old, dude. Well, that's supposed to be his, you know, hook, right? You think he'll shell in Master?

No, no, that he plays like he's weaker than he is. Oh, sure. Now we're giving him things in the movie. Oh, shit. But, you know, it was pretty good. And Scott Glenn, that's the guy, the older guy in that movie. He was a great actor. He's always good.

Was he in Silence of the Lambs? Yes. That's the best movie ever. Yeah, he tells a... Clarice. Yeah, Clarice. Clarice. Clarice.

He's like her boss. Yeah. That motherfucker's been old for a while. That motherfucker, he always old. There's actors like that. Yeah. That guy's been old for fucking 30 years, right? Anthony Hopkins.

That motherfucker's always old. Yeah. He's never been old. You haven't not old, man. You've always been old. That's so true. Just old ass people. Well, you remember the guy, he's in the...

Okay, Scrooge. Yeah. Do you remember Murray's boss with the head of the network? That guy's always been old, too. That guy's been old forever, man. He was old in old movies. Like, if you watch a movie from the 50s, he's the old guy in that movie. Dude, I totally know what you're talking about.

Yeah. There's some actors like that. Vincent Price. Yeah. He's dead, but he was always old. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go.

But yeah, ass picnic. That was something I saw and I immediately thought you would enjoy. Just the title was Gucci. Yeah. Ass picnic. I like that it's shot. I mean, she's in her porn gear. Yeah.

And she's sitting on a picnic bench in a backyard. Like you see in a suburban backyard. And not like when you see Pornos where it's like the Hollywood backyard. It's like a Nebraska backyard. It's not glamorous. No. It's like a tractor. This is a pretty low budget.

Pornos. See, I thought it was actually a public park because it was like a park table. Well, yeah. I could be wrong. I don't know. There's not that much I can see in this shot. I don't know if you can see. No.

It's just a big ass vagina in my face. Yeah. Yeah. That was neat. Pretty cool. You know, I just remember jeans when we went to Traders Joe and you farted in the aisle. As I was behind you. And then you try.

Yeah. You just smiled at me and then you walked ahead. But it didn't hit you for a while. No. And you know what you did? You were really cool. You went, oh my God. Oh my God.

And I turn around. There's a guy behind me. So you said it with him right there. He definitely felt it, right? He walked into it. Everybody walked into it. It was bad. That fart was, it went viral.

But then you had to take a dump there. That's true. I hate when you do that. Cause you abandoned me and you go. Well, there was. You lied to me. You always go, I gotta go pee. And I'm like.

Well, I did go pee when I got there. And brown. No, no. When I got there, I went pee. When we were checking out, I said, I think I gotta go again. And you were like, are you kidding me? You made it like a big thing. I was like, no, I gotta go.

Why? I made fitness. Right. And then I ate and then I had a coffee. What did you eat? That day. I think I had sushi that day. You made fitness and sushi and coffee.

Yeah. Okay. Can I guess what kind of brown you had? You want to guess my brown? Yeah. Yeah. Let's play. Let's play a new game called guess my brown.

And then you give me what you ate and what you did that day. And then I'll tell you what kind of brown you had. I like, by the way, how much fun you've had just learning that Cleveland's NFL team is called the Browns. So appropriate. That is so silly. They let that shit happen. If I were Cleveland, I wouldn't let my team be called the Browns.

All right. You want to guess my brown? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So walk me through your day, though, because I think there's a lot of factors that go into this game. It's not just what you ate.

It's what you did, your life. Yeah. Is it a travel day? That day was not a travel day. But I tell you, and you've known this being around me, if I make fitness, especially if I run, it changes my brown that day. Oh, it loosens your brown. I know that.

Yeah. Yeah. And I can count on an extra brown coming. Multiple brown. Yeah. Like I came from the gym here. Oh, boy. And you gave me that carne asada.

Barit. Barit with beans. Mm-hmm. I mean, something's going to happen in the next couple hours. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But walk me through that day. That day, I'm trying to remember in detail.

I know I made fitness. Okay. In the morning? Yeah, like 11 a.m. I had an 11 a.m. Okay. Did you eat before? Did I eat before?

If I did, I had something really small. I ate more after. I should have. I remember getting there and being like, I should have eaten more than this for this workout. Okay. And then, yeah, I think I had like yogurt, you know, and then maybe like a plane. The fudge.

Not the plane. No. The other kind that's in there. At the cafe. I think. Okay. I had that. And then I didn't have much more.

I might have had like a hard-boiled egg or something. Okay. Well, that's something, you know, hard-boiled egg. I'm gonna tell you exactly what causes that kind of fart. That hard-boiled egg makes your mouth taste like farts, too. That's true. It's the worst. So I take that and I go to the, to the workout and it's a fucking retarded workout where,

you know, poor stuff, weight, and then it takes me out to the field. I do sprints and I'm pushing that sled and I feel like I'm gonna die. And then I feel like I, you know, have a heart. So it's a lot of cardio on top of weightlifting. That's really the kicker. The cardio is really what gets the digestive system going, I think. Yeah. Sure.

You've said that. You can do weights all day. Feel exhausted. Yeah. Something about that elevated heart rate and the breathing hard from sprinting that gets your, also gets your stomach moving, you know. The engine's going. Right?

So after that, yeah, I think that's when I had my sushi, my sushi lunch, right? I left there and I had like a bunch of sushi. I don't remember exactly, but I had some shishimi. I had some sushi. Any rolls? I kept it pretty chill on the rolls. I did more just actual, but I did have a roll. Was it fried?

No fried roll that day. Cause I know with you, the fried part will do the spicy part to spicy to any part. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have any spicy tuna? Yes. Okay. I already know where this, I already know what the real kicker was that I had coffee afterwards.

You're crazy. Okay. So you're asking me to get your brown from that. All right. We hung out and then we went to the grocery store together. The Traders Joe. Right. And that's where that happened.

It was probably three hours later. So I was probably home by like two and then we were at that grocery store probably two or three hours later. Okay. So can I guess what it was like? If you'd like, you can guess my brown. I can tell you exactly what causes that kind of fart. Go ahead. I'm going to go.

Now it's interesting. I'll walk you through my logic. I'm vacillating between a really loose seven. Seven is almost. Seven is all liquid. That's, it's basically ill. Seven. It is.

No, seven is like Mexico. It's sick. Third world. It's liquid. It's all liquid. No solid pieces. It's just water works out of your asshole. Okay.

So it's not a seven. It was not a seven. But. You did not guess. No. Brown. I'm not guessing yet. Hold on.

I'm walking you through my logic. You failed. Guess. No. My brown. I'm done. I'm going to say it's somewhere in between five and six, five being runny. It was definitely hot.

It was runny and there were some solid pieces and liquidy. I'm going to go with both because I know you. I know the exercise gets you going. Spicy tuning. No good. Raw fish. No good. And then coffee after you're out of your fucking mind.

Yep. And guess what? What? You nailed it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That was my asshole. I showed something fierce there. At Trader Joe.

It was, it was basically a five and a half six. Wow. It started like I nailed it, huh? Loose. It was a loose stool that became a disaster zone. A catastrophe. Yeah. But it wasn't, it was, there was solid.

Oh, there was always solid pieces in there, but a lot of mush. Yeah. Do you think they like what we talk about in the office next to it? The best part is that our doors, doors open. She can hear everything. Of course. I can't believe this. We're conducting serious business here.

This professional building. She's like, let me count. Yeah. I like the part that I guessed of between the five. So you're being serious though that I really. You did. You guessed my brown. Now how was cleanup and how did it go at Trader Joe?

Well, you know, they don't have the best toilet paper. No, they have low quality paper, of course. Trader Joe. And the pressure of somebody knocking on the door. That's the, that's the worst problem. That's the anxiety. You know what I don't like? Those bathrooms that have, all the bathrooms that have just a push lock that it doesn't

really go quick. Yeah. It's like a soft click. You go like, and then you test it. Yeah. You're like, oh, is this really locking? You need the slide bar. You need a latch too.

Oh, a latch. Yeah. I like that. I like like the double lock, like the click and the latch. Of course. Yeah. So that one was just like a soft, soft click. So you have extra diarrhea on your, like your anxiety with people walking in on you.

Of course. Yeah. And then there was quick wipes. And then I actually. Panic. Yeah. Panic wipes. And then I take, I always, in, in restrooms like that, I always take a bunch of paper

and I wet it. I soak it in the sink. Okay. And then I, I try to clean up more with that. So you get up with your pads around your ankles all over? No. Cause usually I can just reach over. Yeah.

Oh, you reach over on the toilet. Yeah. I lean over, I soak it and then I wipe with that so you get like some wet back there. Wow. Yeah. And then it's just go, it's like time to go to the picnic. Real nice and clean. Come on.

I got my ass spread real nice. And why? She's beautiful trees in the background. Taste it. Taste it. I want you to lick it all. Okay. All around.

She's a good performer. Strong performer. Stick your, your picnic. Stick your tongue in my ass. Mmm. We, um, we actually brought this up at our dinner party. Yes. Do you remember that?

Of course. We had a, Of course. We decided to go against the norm, against the grain, if you will. And we had a, um, it's like, you know, we've been to baby showers. Yeah. And I kind of, they're kind of, I don't know, man, it's fine if you have a baby shower. You know, I also feel like there's like this kind of weird competition going on.

About the gifts. Yeah. I mean, we've made this announcement that we're going to, we're going to have a dinner party. Yeah. In celebration of having a baby, but we said we don't need anything because we don't need anything. We have all our stuff already.

Yeah. We got everything. And I, you know, I didn't want to go through the hassle of putting together a fucking thing or, you know, the truth is my mom, when my mom died, it took up two months of my life just dealing with her estate and everything. Yeah. So I kind of started to panic cause that's nice. Thank you.

Thank you for showing me that as I'm telling the story. Um, I didn't get to start on our nursery until I was like seven months pregnant. So I got panicky and I just bought, we just bought everything. Yeah. So we're like, and it was fine. And it was more fun to do it this way. Yeah. So we had a group of 15, it was the total.

Yeah. It was super fun. We went to a restaurant that we love and we had my cousin Bri Bri, his wife, my cousin Yannette, Alan, our hairdresser, Alan, uh, the full charge, sickle cell and his wife, um, in bags, wife, Carrie and, uh, my best friend, Shawnee, Shawnee Jean, Sarah Burns, and then Julie and her husband. Yep. And we all just had a great time.

And during the dinner, wow, this is hard to look at actually, it's brown, it's real brown and purple. It's the ass picnic and it's just spread wide open on my computer. It's hairless though. She doesn't have a single hair. Well, she's a working person. I mean, she uses this every day. Sure.

Um, don't think about spreading a butchie too. It's true. Yeah. It's a lot, right? Remember the, the spread I used to do when we started dating and you're like, don't spread my cheeks. Spread it. Oh yeah.

Menacingly spread your cheeks. You would do with like two fingers. You just pull my butt cheeks apart. It's so rude. Yeah. It's so rude. I can't marry you. You're such a savage.

If I started dating you today, I don't know if this would ever air. Well, you would. You couldn't resist. So we talked about, um, you know, it's obviously been a topic on the show about butthole licks and we put it out there and you know, a lot of people have come up to me and said, I'd lick your butthole even though you won't. So at the dinner table in a pretty nice restaurant, we, at the restaurant where they only know us as like polite, nice guests were like always like, hi, those food was delicious.

We were like, guys, long table, who here, which ladies here lick their man's buttholes regularly and like the looks that some of the people gave us at the table and we made everyone answer. Individual. We took it in formal Paul. And basically it was struck out 0.0. Didn't happen. It didn't happen.

Although I feel like there was a couple people that were holding back. Yeah, they were. And, um, two people in particular, I'm not going to out them, but I will say that one of my cousins said, um, if you're open, there are years of discovery in a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. If you're open to things, there's years of discovery in a relationship. Yes.

Where did he hear that? I don't know. I think he just comes up with stuff like that. Pretty amazing. Yeah. So, but the, the, excuse me, the, the jury is that not a lot of women do that. It's not a common practice rather. It's not, it's not on the menu.

It's like a, it's a special item. It's, you know, it's special. It is special. It's a very special, but they all, they pretty much all shot it down. Um, a couple of people look genuinely appalled. A couple of people, those people are, my belly's now. It's like moving. Like I just felt like a hand or something come out and hold my hand.

It's really crazy. It's a little, it's kicking you hard. Almost there. Um, wait, one thing I want to go back to with Traders Joe is, um, I just want to bring this up on the show. It's like you're shameless flirting. Excuse me. With the cashier, like you accused me of having a Whole Foods boyfriend.

You do have a Whole Foods boyfriend. You've got a whole thing going with, who reminds me how lucky I am to have you. Ridiculous, ridiculous, like just gratuitous thing you do. Grituitous. Yeah. Well, first of all, you're totally shameless with it. Whatever. So we're, we're in line.

This is before you run to take a shit. Is this before your shit? This is, um, this is a different, a different time. We went, we went twice this week. Okay. So we're on the line. I forget some crackers. I go to get crackers and I leave you alone with this hot Trader Joe's babe.

Really? Really? Did you like her, um, that here when she goes like, there's a gray streak right down here? My favorite thing. So he just jaded her. He just gave her an eye roll. So, and I realized too, you didn't realize, you didn't know why that conversation started. No, I can tell you.

Can I tell you what I just, let me tell you what I witnessed. And then you can explain the way you're flirting. So I came back and I just hear her like, oh, you're so funny, your husband's so funny. She did not say that. As a comedian. No, she did not say that either. You were like, you were like, and then this lady, then it's like you were working out like a bit on her.

Uh-huh. You were like, let me try this. Let me try to dazzle her with this new material. New material. It was like the Starbucks incident that you had had and you'd like, you're telling her and you're really what you're punching up the punch lines for her. Oh my God. You really trying to get her in there, you know, are you done with this fucking song

and dance? Well, tell me. I didn't see what I saw. So scary. You she was like. So funny. It's not wet. What?

What? She's all wet. She's all open for you. I was like, all right, bitch, your husband was telling me things and my pussy's tingling. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's what it was. Okay.

Here's, here's what happened. Okay. Okay. Nerd to the nerd teens. All right. The day before I went to Trader Joe, yeah, and when I went there, my God, I got two items a bottle of water and flowers for her. I like that.

Thank you. And I got into the, the short, the, you know, the express line and this fucking lady in front of me had four items, which you go, that's not that many items. You're right. It's not. And she asked the cashier if she could, well, too, excuse me, there's two people. So the first lady in front of her paid and then she goes, the lady, I remember the lady said, whatever in 22 cents and the lady reached into her purse, held out, change and goes,

can you find it and showed the lady a handful of change? And she was like, I'd rather you just find the exact way, like made someone do it, which is ridiculous. But the next lady who had the four items paid with a debit card and asked if she could ring up each item individually. No, no. So she swiped her card and it was debit, so she'd put in her passcode and then wait for that, you know, that transaction to kind of go through clear.

Here's your receipt. Great. Can you ring up the next item? Scan, swipe, passcode. So anyways, I stood there like, like my brain was about to explode. Okay. Just, I have no idea why someone would do that, but whatever, she did that. When you went to get those crackers, the lady goes, how are you paying for this?

And I said cash and she goes, thank God. And I go, why? She goes, we have new chip card readers and they're not working well at all. So like when you pay with a credit card, yeah, I use it. I just use it. My A max has a chip on there. So she goes, they're not working well. And I go, Oh, well yesterday, and I told her about the lady ringing up each and a butt.

And that's when her pussy got wet when I told her that story. Yeah. Cause you were really like, you were really setting the room on fire. Like, oh yeah. You were like, you know, headlining the tampon improv. I came up and. I'm checking out in line and she's got four items and she rings them all up individually. It was your big closer and you were really trying to romance her.

So whatever. She really liked you though. She asked for your number probably and you're like, Oh, no, my wife's here. Well, I asked her, no, she goes, I go, do you have a pen? And she goes, could you just take your hand in my pants real quick? Yeah. And then I was like, Oh yeah, there's a pen like that. Like that.

You know what's kind of interesting about this ass picnic video is that it's it's over nine minutes long. Yeah. And where does it go? Yeah. Because right now she's, she's ready saying, eat this ass. Yeah. Does somebody get into the picnic or is it just constantly showing it?

I didn't get that far. So we kind of, I'd like to see where the story goes. Oh, I don't care. Does this show up? I don't know. I don't care. Families show up. I don't care.

I don't care. Families show up. Okay, here we go. I'm skipping ahead. Maybe I should just sit on your face. Yeah. Time to take it from me to get comfortable. So I'm going to stretch myself out.

This is a park. Right here on this picnic table. And you know what? You're going to bury your face in here. Oh, good. So isn't anybody doing it? Oh, there's a little nap. Oh, there's a little nap.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So is anybody doing it? Oh, there's a little nap on her asshole. Like a little.

A nap? Like a little flea flu. Just crawling around her. Because she's outside. And it just flew in her ass. Well, because it smells bad. Yeah. My ass for your good little picnic.

Hey! Go ahead. You can get better mics for this. This is very... They need a wind guard. Yeah. Yeah. You want to send an email?

I'd love to help these people with their production. They don't need more. I want you to gr- I didn't have the balls to do this for you. She has a lot of like little freckles and like little moles. They always do. They always do. What'll do you have?

It looks like chocolate marks. Of course. I love making picnics. Oh, there you go. Oh, so it's a... That tongue. It's a whole... The whole video is just like her showing it and telling it.

That's the whole thing. Yeah. No one actually does it. You know? So it's one of those. Is that called POV? Yeah. Point of view.

So it's like you're the person, right? You're licking her ass. Fuck it. Real good. Dig it all in every inch. Taste it. All the count. Taste it real.

It's funny. They all sound alike. It's not the same person. No. It's the same damaged girl. It's all the count. All the count. Nice and clean.

It'd be so funny if a group showed up. An ass sledge. It'd be so funny if a group showed up right now during this. Excuse me. Or should I say picnic lunch out of my ass? I bet you this is the best picnic you've ever had. I'm going to have a good little picnic together. Wow.

It's long. It's long. It's a lot of commitment to ass picnic. How much do you think she got paid for that? Well, this I think is clearly, you know, this is amateur made. Maybe she has her own site or the guy filming this is like, what I do is I make ass picnic videos. I take girls to this one park and then they all do this and then, you know, so I don't

think it's as much. And then this is probably, I'm assuming something that is sold, you know, like a pay to view and then someone just ripped it off and something like that. Yeah. So like $300? I don't know. I really don't know. I wonder.

I would think so. I would think it's in the few hundreds to just show your ass and tell them to eat out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then see, my thinking is like, if you're... Tell me what you're thinking.

If you're going to do like a fetish, like an ass lick or something or any porn, better to go all the way than go part of the way because your life is ruined. I mean, if you want to have a normal, quote unquote, normal existence, right? It's ruined. Like everyone's going to see this. You can't pick your kids up from school. You know, it's over. Yeah.

Why not just go all the way? Hmm. Yeah. Make the bigger box. Make the bigger leap, you know? Yeah. It's true. It's true.

You think that you should just do real stuff? Yeah. I just pictured you doing that, sitting on the table and you're like, I want, I want you guys to lick my ass. I'm glad that muses you. Everybody's like, oh, fuck no. That's really cool. And you're on all fours, like we said at dinner, you're on all fours.

Yeah. But you have to look back over your shoulder at everybody. We were going to do that. Yeah. I go, hey, who's next? Yeah. Hey, speaking of asses and things that come out of them, did you know that you're being given credit for how well a certain NFL team is doing?

Really? Yeah. I mean, I had a feeling, but I didn't know. So a little while ago, I was introduced via Twitter to one AJ Hawke linebacker for the Cincinnati Bengals, longtime Green Bay Packer, national championship, Ohio State player. Really funny dude and great football player, 10 years in the league. He also has his own podcast, Hawke cast, which I did, which I talked to him for like, I don't know, an hour or so.

And it was fun. And then sometimes we, we messaged each other and, you know, they're six and oh, they're, they haven't lost yet this year. So I sent him a message and I said, congratulations on being undefeated. Like it's very impressive. And he said, thank you. I think it's, it must be the power of the Cincinnati fart that is propelling us to victory. And he's right.

That's AJ Hawke acknowledging. It's amazing. And you know what? The timing is beautiful because we were there in August in Cincinnati while they were in training camp. Well, then that's obviously the Cincinnati fart kind of launched the season. I mean, for him to acknowledge that, I feel like now, if the mayor of Cincinnati, John Clancy and city of Sinsey, which is the Twitter handle, if they can't just acknowledge us,

I know they're, I mean, we're trying to get the memorial up and the statue. I don't know what's going to happen with that, but yeah, I don't know where that's at. And I told him, I go, thank you for acknowledging it. I'll use that quote on the record. And he said, sounds good to me. That fart is infamous around Ohio. So he's giving you a lot of credit.

Wow. I, you know, I had a feeling it was an impact full. That's a big time plug, Jean. That's amazing. Well, the fart was a big time fart. I can't listen. I can only think I'm just a vessel. You know what I mean?

Yeah. God is the real source. Yep. I'm just a messenger. Well, I just think that that was worth, you know, celebrating. Now it was huge. I am so happy that I'm helping them win. Yeah.

Six and oh man. I think it's the third time in a franchise history they've been, they've been six and oh. Well, it's, it's the power of my farts. Yeah. And they're playing Pittsburgh next week, who they're now down, I think, to their third string quarterback. And then the week after Cleveland, the Browns, I can't believe that's really, it's unique.

Yeah. It really is. Nobody's mad about that. No. And wait, weren't we watching? I was like dozing off to sleep yesterday and some, somebody was like, the Browns are pushing hard. Browns are smearing everywhere.

Well, there's a, this isn't really the Browns, but this is something along the lines of, you know, hearing something and not really a sports commentator say something where you go, what's that? I think this is from a hockey game. Yeah. He's standing in front of the net with about eight inches of his shaft in his hand. He's standing in front of the net with about eight inches of his shaft in his hand. I know that feeling.

Just holding eight inches of my shaft. Eight inches of your shaft. Yeah. Yeah. Got you. They all weinered. Got you. I'm glad you acknowledged me for that because this weekend, I also invented a word.

A word? Like a saying. Uh-huh. And you were all like, oh, that's so 2008 or whatever on the internet and that's not true. I came up with it. Okay. What is that, babe?

Why don't you tell the audience what you came up with? Well, I was talking about something and I was like, that guy's such a piece of shit. This piece of shit, fucking piece of shit thing, piece of shit. And I was like, you know what I should do is just abbreviate it to POS. And then I just started saying, dude, what a, that's such a POS. And you were like, when did you say it? When do you think you came up with that Saturday? Shawna was over and that's the day I came up with a Friday, Friday, Friday, I came

up with it Friday. I'm definitely, I've definitely been hearing POS for a pretty long time. Yeah. Right. From where? Well, I mean, just doing a simple Google search of POS, it shows that on Urban Dictionary, we posted there that POS is piece of shit in March of 2003. So that's like 12 years ago, but I came up with it as what I'm saying.

That's on the internet, but I say it in real life. That's different. Right. But they're saying that they've been saying it. Like there's quotes saying that like his new car is such a POS. That's the quote. And people say it in spoken or just in text, text language. People say it.

I have never heard anyone be like, that car is a POS. I've only, I understand like maybe in text messaging, like LOL, what a POS, but you've heard people say like, dude, what a POS. I mean, I hear what you're saying and it is hard to think of someone saying POS in conversation. So maybe I see your point there. Yeah. What I'm saying is that it's probably been done before Saturday. Okay.

Sure. So you're giving in that you didn't come up with it? No, I came up with it in my own brain is what I'm saying. Like in my brain, I thought. In your mind, you're going, I came up. I invented POS. Yes. I did.

I invented POS. Yeah. All right. I just, I just, it feels ridiculous that you're claiming that. Well, I am. So good luck. I don't, I've never heard anybody say POS except for me in my head and I came up with it.

Thank you very much. You can send me the checks. Okay. Yeah. I say POS now. It's my thing. Okay. That's, that's good.

We'll let people weigh in on that, if you will. Whatever. I know the people that are going to say like, oh, Christina didn't invent it. Those people are POS. Wow. Yeah. Do you think that you came up with LOL too or no? No, I don't never say LOL.

It's dumb. Yeah. Well, see, that's an example of one where no one really ever, people say, they, if they say it, they're saying that as, as a joke, you know, LOL, but no one's really, right. But that's, that's a strictly text messaging language. So are you acknowledging that people may have texted it before? Yeah. I'm saying that POS is, I can, I can see that that's like a texting thing, but I came up

with the spoken word version of POS, where I'm like, that guy's such a POS. Do you want to talk some shit? Okay. Well, this is news for sure. Let's see how you take it. I don't know how the audience is going to take it. Well, before you answer what kind of Braxton are you today, I have some pretty sad news to bring to you.

Um, Ryan, ran, ran, I think, sent us a message today. Hello, mommies. You probably know by now, uh, being so into the Braxton family, but Braxton family values that season, um, is being removed from Netflix at the end of the month. So I was Tony about three seconds ago, but right now I'm feeling like Tracy after that. You know, you're all kind of bloated and sad. I'm about to have a drink. Is that the drinker?

Tracy drinks. Yeah. But the way the other one, hold on, who's the big drinker team? Not to Wanda. No. The party animal. Tracy's a chunky one. Oh, I got it wrong then.

Yeah. It's got the weight issue. I forget. It's Trina. Trina is the drinker. Trina is the drinker. The booze bag. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm all Trina. I feel like having like eight vodka sodas right now. Yeah. It's really sad. I feel like Tamar a little bit. Like I'm bratty about it. Like I'm going to make a big deal about it.

Oh yeah. Like super. It's all about me. Oh, well, because I follow them all on Instagram and all of them. Yeah. But Tamar is on Dancing with the Stars? No. I know that I'm sorry to say this, but her face is like unrecognizable to me.

I know. She's had a lot of work done. Jesus. But she had it all done in like a year. Crazy nose, crazy, like that, the face that no longer has movement or lines or anything in it. Sad. Why the fuck do people think that looks good?

You look so fucked up. You look like a wax figure. I mean, like, I'm not against plastic surgery. I'm against making yourself look like a fake person. I know. Like you don't look real. You don't look like a real human being anymore. No.

It's like you look like a person that's just had a ton of plastic surgery. Yes. Like that person. Yeah. I know. It's so upsetting. Someone made a mockery of your face. I know.

Nobody, like everyone else in the room looks like a version of a person and then there's you and you look like a fucking lunatic. It looks crazy in the catch. Yeah. It really does look. I know. And it's sad because she wasn't fucked up to begin with. It's not like...

The nose too. The nose looks so fucking weird, man. Yeah. She had to thinned out too much. Yeah. It's bananas. It's not. And she's too shiny.

That's how you can tell when they get all shiny and stuff. Yeah. Old bitches do that here in Hollywood. Did you do that because, like, you got more famous? Is that why you do it? Yes. So you're like, what, now everyone's seeing me? So I need to look better.

And someone says to you, you know what you need to do? You need to get this done. You need to go do that. Or you read the comments about your pictures. And then you think, oh, I got a change. That's what it is. Yeah. So it's all sad.

It's people being mean to you and then you taking it in too much and then, you know... Yeah. She's looking at pictures of herself all the time. Yeah. I don't know, man. Would you ever do it? You think when you're, like, older? I think I may get my tits done later on.

What do you mean? Like, made larger, you know? Oh, yeah. Like, you want me to do? No, I'll get them lifted, but not like in London. There's no reason. So you take saggers and you pull them out? Because I've heard that when you breastfeed it, now they're going to be like real deflated

saggers. So I would just get them lifted, but not like, not have big old fake titties. That's dumb. I would do, if I were like, I don't know how old, but maybe in like the 60s when you see the under eye bag. I'm going to have those. And the eye flap. Yeah.

My dad has that too. I mean, you know, I've not really like planning it out, but I can see doing like a little thing that makes you feel better and really does improve the overall look. But when you see some of these fucking, it's like they took the skin from the face and a guy put it on like a swim cap, like pulled it over the back of your head and you're like, the face doesn't, it doesn't look like a face and no, and they get a chemical peel. So their skin's all shiny and weird and noses too. Unless you have a fucked up nose.

Yeah. Like she had whatever, man. She had a normal nose. I don't even remember her nose. She first, she had her first nose job when she was like 19. Oh, really? Yeah. Like I read about it because people would talk shit about Tamar in her face.

But her nose was fine. I mean, in the first few seasons, it was a little bigger, but not like, look at that nose. Right. No. But I don't know, dude. And also, I mean, we've discussed this before with Dennis Hoff of the Cat House show. Like when you're old, do not get big white veneer choppers.

You know? Big old Steve Harvey's in there. Yeah. You're looking insane too. They're cray cray. Like white in your teeth a little to keep yourself looking fresh. But if they're like chaching, like white, white, you look, especially when you're old, you look crazy.

Yeah. You look like the fucking crib keeper. Yeah. Yeah. You should just, at that age, you whiten them. Just a little. You don't whiten. You don't have to get all of your fucking shit in there.

Don't do the fucking white, white veneer. Oh my God. Billboards in your mouth. It's crazy. Yeah. You know who I will say has good veneers? Yeah. Is Miley Cyrus.

Hey, what do you have here? You haven't. Her teeth look good. And this thing it says, like, submitted nice intro music and there's no, there's no link. Oh, because you'd have to go into our Gmail and just Google the phrase I put there. You didn't. I don't know how to pull music into a Google doc. Why don't you just copy the link though and put it in there?

Because it's not a link. It's a downloadable MP3. Oh. Like he put the song in an email. What's the song called? Donkey. John Speaker, it says. Dookie.

Is it Dookie Love? No, it just says John Speaker submitted nice intro music. Yeah. So you have to just kind of Google it in Gmail because I can't, I don't know how to put an MP3 in a Google doc is what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Yeah.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? Magic happens. The huge is, what is this? Is this more porn? Those are porno clips that I didn't want to look through. I saved it for you. Is this, did we play this last week?

I don't remember. This says go to the 3015 mark. I don't know. That's from last week's show rundown that you're looking at, but I don't think we played it. But what happens at 3015? I don't know. I haven't looked.

It was for you to look through. Okay. Oh, I see what's happening before 3015. What's happening? Let's see. 30. Okay. Here we go.

Can I see yours again? Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn right here. Just right here.

Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around.

Okay. What am I looking— Oh, yeah. Now we found it. All right. Now what do we look—okay. That's what somebody said. Thank you.

You know what I noticed the last week when we were talking to Bridget is how much cooler fetish people are than mainstream porno? 100 percent. Do you remember we saw that documentary on Netflix? Yeah, the kink documentary on Netflix about the fetish community. The kink documentary. Yeah. There's so much cooler.

They really—I think they're more humane about it. Yeah. You know, she kept saying that thing that stuck with me about what she wanted Diego, aka Thursday, to experience, which is she's like, I want them to have a good experience. Right, which is huge in the fetish world. But that's not what they say in the straight porno world. No. They don't want to talk about your experience.

No. She's like, I want them to have a good experience and be safe. There really is—and that documentary, that was the whole thing. That kink thing—I think what happens is they realize that you can't fake these kinks. Yeah. They've done it before. Because people in the community will know. It reads.

Yeah, they'll be like, that's not— You're making a fart porn and you hired just someone to smell farts. It's not going to re—if they don't really like it, it's not going to be the same. So that's what they said that they even—you know, they're like, I don't know. They bring their talent in on that documentary and they sit there and they make sure they're into the thing that they're going to shoot. Which is so cool. Of course.

And makes everything better. And it's better for you as the viewer, right? If you're watching that thing. Yeah, I mean, I kind of always straight porn did that more too. Yeah. Where they could be like, do you like this person? Mm-hmm. Do you mind this person ejaculating inside of you today?

You're going to get $100. $60 of which are you going to keep? You don't want that? You don't want that? $60? Yeah. If you can straight porn, they just throw anything against the wall. We should talk about, by the way, kind of this thing that happened this past week.

Which is? Which one? Well, we had a segment last week where we interviewed Bridget from HotMoviesForHer.com because she interviewed Diego, the fart seeker, aka Thursday Lane, and they're trying to get him into a movie, right? Like into a fart fetish movie, which is his dream. You know, we spent probably 20, 25 minutes on that last week. And overwhelmingly, people were like, this is, you know, the greatest thing, podcast

gold. And then I got one tweet from a guy who was like, please stop playing Diego stuff. I was like, what? I go, well, let's see what people say. So I put that out there on Twitter and I don't know. I think I got 50 or more responses. I would guess that 45 were really positive. And five were like, yeah.

Meaning they like hearing Diego and the story and all that stuff. But then, you know, we talked about it, it's like you can never make everyone happy on any of these things. No. You know, and I think with such a polarizing character as Diego is, you want those strong reactions either way. And it does mean that we've hit a nerve with our community here. Yeah.

If there's strong reactions either way to him. So yeah. It was just interesting to me because I thought, man, what better marriage is there than Diego and your mom's house? I'm porn. Yeah. I mean, like it's the perfect, yeah, well, it was made for us this kind of story. Yeah.

You know, one guy said he read all the responses and he goes, sorry to say this, but I can't listen anymore. Oh, no. You know, pull your, have your jeans up. Geez. Well, I tell you, if he's going to stop listening over that, his jeans were never that high and tight to begin with. They were very, they might have been ankle high.

They were low and loose and maybe they weren't really on. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, some people were citing that, you know, there's too many crazies on this show. I don't think there's that many crazies on the show. No. We like our crazies though. That's the thing.

That's the fun. That's one of the fun things that we enjoy. Yeah. It feels weird to try to even try to defend it. You know, it's like, that's what the show, it's one of the elements of the show. Yeah. But of course it's what we enjoy, it's what we laugh at. And I mean, I say, I say crazy lovingly.

I think more often than not, crazy on this show is just kind of eccentric, you know. Yeah. Well, and I don't think we're ever disrespectful to our guests. I think that we try to honor what they are into and... We celebrated one Shane Lee, pretty well, I thought. A little bit of high falling there when he was doing Mariah. I mean, that was beautiful. We encouraged him to...

It was very polarizing though for the audience too. Yeah. I mean, Shane really upset some people. I think, you know, we definitely gave Shane a lot of air time. We may have too much to reply for. But I don't think we went overboard with DAGF. I really don't. I don't think so.

We played his videos to give you the story and then we dug into the story. You talked to him and... Yeah. I mean, look, if anything, your mom's house is about current events, about people and their dreams coming true and we support dreams coming true. So maybe some people don't want other people's dreams to come true and they're a little bit jealous. Yeah.

Maybe you hate dreams. Yeah. Or maybe some people are a little bit concerned that they might like a fart or two in their face. I think so. I think someone might have some hidden desires. Yeah. They're not facing.

By the way, when the good people at hotmovies.com, hotmoviesforher.com and gayhotmovies.com, when they interviewed Thursday Lane, they had him marry a fart. So I think there's like rings on this table and he is sitting there and this is online. We'll put this on the site, but this is Thursday and they get one of the guys that came with them to like video or interview him to fart in his face. Oh, does this dream come true? Yeah. Beef cream, chicken cream.

If you're a guy with a cock, picture me marrying your farts where you're like the beef chicken farts with spicy cream. Can I marry your farts for life? Please, please, please. All right. Take the camera. The time is now. It's the cameraman.

The time is now. The time is now. And Thursday puts his face right in between. I mean, this guy's wearing pants, but that dude's face is right there, man. I just married a fart for life. Thank you. These are the three rings I got. Yep.

I will see the three rings. I just married a fart for life. Thank you. He's so happy. Three rings. I don't know. There's just rings. That is really nice that he found his soulmate.

Take the camera. The time is now. The time is now. Wow. He's so happy. Oh, I'm stoked. He's jumping up and down and dancing. Now I'm happy.

I'm not happy. They're playing slow mo. It's pretty great. Yeah. I mean, hey, I'm glad he found his love and that's a huge, you know, and I have to admit something to our listeners I'm not proud of. What's that? Well, I feel like you've been a little into Diego lately.

Like, didn't you fart the other day and you're like, oh, I wish Diego were here to smell that one. Did I say that? Or just you've been really interested in the story and saying things like, wow, if only he knew. Anyway, I'm starting to get a little jealous of your farts in Diego. I feel like you feel like just getting jealous. It's like you're saving all your love for him.

But I mean, I've never been. I mean, are you? I don't understand. Like, what did I do? I just I feel like lately I've been sensing that you've been giving Diego all your fart love. That's definitely not the case. That is definitely not the case.

I've definitely not given him my fart love because you're like, if Diego only knew what a package I am, your beef cream, your brunette, your beefy bear. Yeah. And all you do is fart. Yeah. I see what you're saying. I mean, the jealousy is real is what you're saying. Yeah, I feel like you saving all your farts for him.

I was very flattered, I guess, by last week when we talked to him. And I mentioned that I was having a real farty day. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, hmm. Right.

Yeah. I haven't having like real serious farts thing. He paused. Yeah. He audibly paused and went, oh. He went. That sounds delicious. Mm-hmm.

Like you aroused him in the moment. Yeah. Let's see if I can. It was so real. It's, I think it's. Mm. Yeah. Mm.

Is it here? Beef cream. Nails with critters. I like to consider pasta males, if I make sense. That pasta thing is crazy. Yeah. Because when it comes to the balls in the cup and when y'all had that man smell, it's like, all right, prepare that for sandwich.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like noodles and gravy together when they had that man smell. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I got a lot. Here we go. I feel like I have a lot of beef cream today.

You know? It was a travel day for me. I don't. Mm-hmm. That's amazing. Mm. Mm. He really gave it to you.

Yeah. But see, that's what I'm talking about. Like you're flirting with him at that point. Yeah. You kind of flirted with him too. Damn. What's going on? Wow.

I guess I put it out there. Well, I mean, look, I just feel like we're kindred spirits. You know? I kind of think you are. I feel like if you two came together, our marriage might be threatened. Wow. Wow. You might marry your farts.

I don't know. Yeah. You already married. Can you tell him that? It is kind of, I mean, it is funny to me that I could, that there's another human being after that. I feel like if I met him, he'd be like, whatever you want, anytime. And I could just be like, I got a fart.

And I fart all day. So I could be like, hold up. And he'd be like, please, please, please, please, Tom, please. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. It's so real right there. That was super real.

Hmm. Send me a, somebody has sent me a comment, but I mailed with the critters. Yeah. It's like noodle and grape. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. It's very beefy today. Yeah.

So are you telling me to tone it down? I don't know what I'm saying. You know, I'm noticing. Oh, okay. I'm just noticing. But I need to get a grip basically. Get a hold of yourself. I mean, rain it in a little.

I know you're interested. Right. Right. All right. I'm sorry about that. Oh, Jesus. How is that? She is here.

Of course. Climbing like a Clydesdale. Of course. Climbing, clomping, clomping. She's always clipping and clomping and talking. Yeah. She's talking on speaker for a while. Oh my God.

Who does that? I want to say you want everyone to hear your conversation. It's so rude. I know. Gotta hate everybody. You really do, huh? Yeah. Of course.

Except for my friends. You know. It's not how everybody is. You just hate everybody that you don't know. Yeah. And then you know them and you like them. So you know that Slim Jesus guy? Yeah.

She's a big number. I fuck with savages. You a fuck boy. You can't hang. You can find me. Post it up. He's that little white dude with the Walgreens in Ohio. What is a fuck boy?

Just so I'm sure. Just so you're sure? Like it's a fuck boy. It's like dragatory towards gay men. Is that what that is? I've always heard it more dragatory towards just like you're a bitch. You know. A fuck boy.

Yeah. Like but who fucks you? Other dudes? I mean I guess you could say. Fuck boy. It's like a just a fucking jackass. You know. Fuck boy.

Yeah. A guy that like you know. Guy that maybe like kind of cock blocks a dude and then tries to get someone else on you know his side. It's just a jackass. That's all I've ever heard it out to be. Okay. I don't think it's necessarily homophobic.

Let's see you want to hear it like the actual stuff online says. Yeah. A special type of bitch. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Ghetto slang for a bitch. This says it's prison slang for the guy that takes it up the ass.

Yeah. I feel like I intuitively would go with that. Yeah. But this says also you know male equivalent of a basic bitch. This says an annoying hipster douchebag. Okay. I've always just thought of it as like a like a two faced asshole you know. Like a.

Fuck boy. Yeah. Fuck boy. Fuck boy. I think it's like a guy who is playing himself you know. Playing yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Fuck boy. I never really thought of it as homosexual slur. Yeah. Okay. That's a fuck boy. Anyways. So this kid who worked at Walgreens and Hamilton slim Jesus you know he got a lot of a lot

of press a lot of airtime with this song and then people called him out and they were like are you really a thug and he was like nah I've never done anything and then this weekend it says I don't know if this is true or not but that he was attacked on stage and he made a run for it because a Chicago rapper named A. O. K. D. He said he went to one of his shows and he that he made a run out and supposedly this guy A. O. K. D. shot a video for one of his songs in front of this kid's mom's house. Super disrespectful shit but I don't even know who that guy is. I know you don't know who it is.

Are you a fan of A. O. K. D.? Of course. I don't even know if I'm saying his name. A. O. K. D. Do. Do. K. D. This might be his big song right here.

Okay. Okay. Good song. Jesus. Was it the phone ringing too? I don't know man. That was really cool. Here's another one of his.

Let's see if this one's any better. That's not his. Oh he's. Oh he's. Oh this is his diss. His Bobby Smerda diss. Okay. Alright I'll give him the second horn.

Uh oh. Oh Jesus. Jesus. Alright. Alright. I kind of like that. Is that derivative? Does it sound like a lot of songs?

No, he's using the beat of a song that's very popular. Oh, that's why it sounds familiar. And he's dissing the guy that made that song. Yeah, I like the original beat then, I guess. The beat is ridiculous. That's one of the best beats that came out that whole year. But that dude is now locked up. It's a fresh beat.

It's a very fresh beat. That Bobby Schmurder, he's locked up now. I think he's locked up for murder. Oh my god. I think so. This is the original. Yeah, that's nice. Nice.

Sounds pretty. See, in the comedy world, when you take someone's shit and then remix it, it's called stealing. But in the hip-hop community, it's just called... Giving it back to you. Yeah. So let's see, what's he say? He's been charged yet with conspiracy to commit murder, multiple weapon possessions, and reckless endangerment as part of a 15-person, 69-count indictment that included his brother and fellow GS9 label mate, Rowdy Rebel. He pled not guilty.

Yeah, he's in some real trouble though. Hmm. Yeah, I guess they're all, I think they're all Crips or something. That GS9 squad is all... I think they're Crips. Anyways, yeah. Kids in trouble though, man, for real. And Slim Jesus, I don't know if he's ever gonna do this again, but that little white kid, he's in some trouble too.

Well, he laid down with dogs, he get the fleas. He was looking for trouble, kid. Yeah, you can't rap about like... At least in hip-hop, you can't be like, I shoot motherfuckers all day, because then people can be like, really? Yeah. You can't do that in rap, that's, you know... I guess people really get shot and killed in rap. Right, right, like the guy that we were just talking about.

Yeah, it's scary. Oh, we had a beef cream? Beef cream just came out, yeah. Can I guess what kind of brown you're gonna have? Okay. What did you eat before you went to work out? What did I eat? I had, oh, I had some kefir, which we need some more.

Yeah. And I had scrambled three egg whites with soy riso. Oh, okay. And a whole wheat toast. Okay, okay. And then I came here, and I had that beef, the asada burrito with some beans in it. Okay, but you worked out. Yeah, but no coffee.

Well, I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen to you. I'm gonna get a caffeine withdrawal headache soon. Seriously, you haven't had any today? I had, like, half a cup at the house, but that's really low for me. Yeah, okay. But because of your fitness, and you made such strenuous fitness... Yeah. You're gonna have a loose brown, because we're probably gonna eat again.

Yeah. Later in the evening, midnight. Midnight? I'm gonna go... So this is gonna be a follow-up episode about this, right? I just made a note of it now for next week. You need to remember this brown, so we can report to the listeners. I just realized something.

We have to come back here this week, because I'm gone next week. Right. Holy shit. Okay, so we'll come back and record another one, and let's follow up. So here's my prediction. I think you're gonna make one brown after dinner, and then another midnight brown. Wow. It's gonna be a two brown series, a two-parter.

Why do you think this is gonna happen? I feel like there's a work to be done, and because you haven't had coffee, it's backed up. You're not gonna dump at all at once. You're gonna do a two-part series, and it's gonna come in the middle of the night or something. You do that every now and then. I'm just now starting to blow some farts out. From the breed? Yeah.

Can I say that my stomach is such a dumpster, a garbage dump now. I just put everything in there. Not even a fart. I haven't even broken one fart from that breed, and I had the same breed you did. Wow, that's pretty. Yeah. That's something. It's like my body just uses every morsel of that food to grow this kid.

Yeah, it really is crazy. It's pretty amazing. By the way, we only got a fucking thousand messages asking us if we saw South Park with our dear friend Steven Seagal. And we did. We saw it. It's very funny. Those guys are fantastic.

They've done like a million seasons of that show, and it's still really consistently funny. I think this season 16 or is it 19? It's craziness. It's absolute mayhem. Yeah. And it's the shittiest, cheapest animation to produce. They just fucking make a fortune. It's brilliant.

Yeah. Well, they're so tuned in. Yeah, they know how to do it. And the voices are shitty because they all do them. They do them all. Trey and Matt. It's so smart. Yes.

They don't spend a dime on production. God. But yeah, we saw it was good. It was really good. It was a good episode. I liked my Steven Seagal a bit better than the episode. I think so too. Yeah.

You know, I had to chew my own horn. Toot toot blow the whistle. But it was good. The show's always good. What do you think he... Why do you think he wears yellow shades? It's just part of the look, man. Did you see that the guy that he claimed to...

He was like, I taught Anderson Silva how to do a front kick. That his camp is making fun of Seagal now too. Good. On video. One of the guys puts like two pillows under his shirt and shows up and does like a... Like shows the guy like a kicky punch. Kicky putting. Yeah.

And then that guy loses his mind laughing his ass off. Yeah. He's getting it now. Yeah, he's gonna get it. He's coming around. He's gonna get it. Oh, Steven, I... I don't hate the guy.

I don't want to see him get humiliated. I don't know. Okay. You want to see some... You want to read some dad jokes we got? I'd love to. They're Halloween jokes. Oh, it's the Happy Halloween jeans.

Yeah. Oh, I forgot his Halloween jeans. It's the Saturday jeans. Are we gonna party? Of course. I think we should watch Hellraiser 2 together on Saturday because that movie scares the shit out of me. Yeah.

Okay. You watch scary movies with me? Any candies? Of course. Of course. Let's see. So, do you have them? Do you have some jokes?

Oh, you want me to read them? Sure. Hold on. Sure. Let me open up my computadora. That's Spanish. Okay, here we go. Are you ready?

Of course I'm ready. What is a ghost's favorite cereal? I don't know. Scream of wheat. Scream of wheat. Okay. You hear that? Wow.

What is the ghost's favorite magazine? I don't know. Good House Creeping. Oh, Jesus. I don't even know if I can play it for that one. Why are graveyards so noisy? Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.

Okay. I'm gonna read one to you. Yeah. These just make me sad. Don't they make you sad? Of course. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? What?

Spelling. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating? Why? They have no body to go out with. It's like...

Walkable trolley. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright. Jesus. It's always the button pushing that gets me with that clip. He gets me, too.

He gets me, too. He likes that. I know I'm saying submission came in. Everybody in rap should be unified. We all rapping, you know what I'm saying? So what I'm saying is why don't we just build a badass force? You know what I'm saying? Not like we ain't got to be totally down with each other.

You might not like somebody, you know what I'm saying? But that don't mean you should hate them, you know? Or none of that, you know what I'm saying? Who's with a box and stuff, you know what I'm saying? That's not cool, you know what I'm saying? That's 20 seconds. That's really good. That's a lot.

That's Del Defunkey Homosapien. Homo... Homosapien. Del Defunkey Homosapien. What I'm talking about is hip hop is one, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I like that. I'm like...

You know what I'm saying? That's a good one. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I don't... I do believe it. That's a long interview. I don't know how long this goes on for.

You know what I'm saying? So check this out. How long have you been rapping? How long have you been rapping? How long have you been rapping? Seriously trying to get out of Del. Because before that I might have wrote rhymes. It's the freestyle.

Okay. But yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. That's really good. But that's what you want. That's what you want. And then you know what I'm saying? You want it to be substantial.

You want them to come with it. And you want it to never really dip down too much. You want it to reappear as often as possible. Right. And I think the essence to a good... You know what I'm saying? Submission is if they say it a lot within the first 30 seconds of the clip. Yeah.

If I got away from that, you know what I'm saying? It's not really... You know what I'm saying? Contestant. Contender. Yeah. I'm trying to... You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm like... No. What privacy? No. You know...

You know... She's the best. No. You know what I'm saying? I still think that... I think it's Safir. Safir did the all time one. I think you're right about your...

Yeah? How's that smelling right now? It doesn't smell good. And it doesn't smell better than it used to. Phew. You just farting yourself? You're just doing it on your own? I know.

I got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's right at the top, you know? Yeah. They open with it at the strong open. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Jeans. Yeah. Are you still wanting it? Yeah. It's bad. Why don't you swat it away? Don't let it just stew in your face. You can't really, you know?

Mom, this thing ain't man. No. I don't feel comfortable here. Did you get what I'm saying? You got eight hangers? Okay. You know what I'm saying? There's one shower.

There's two bathrooms with a curtain. No mirrors in it. Man, it's just... You know what I'm saying? It's no privacy. You hear me? It's no mother f***ing privacy. It's just so good.

Privacy. No. No. No. Okay. She really means it. This is the greatest. Yeah, check it out.

You know what I'm saying? It's a fear, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm telling you, I'm talking about mother f***ing... Oh, boy. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I mean? You know the hell we don't. You ain't saying anything yet. Right out of the gate. That guy came strong right out of the gate. That's how you know it's a good one. That farts stinks. Yeah.

I don't know what you're saying. What? It's only his manners. Okay. It's only his manners. All right farts. You ready to wrap this up? Yeah, James.

I'm hungry again. Me too. Never not hungry. Always hungry. We played it last week, but there's no reason. We want to get totally dark in here. It's pitch dark. We can't play it again.

That is the Son of Nothing chicken cream song. Of course. That a lot of people, whether or not they like Diego, they love this song. It's a good tune. Thank you, Son of Nothing. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening to your mom's house. Please go to your mom's house podcast.com.

Check out the clips shop through the Amazon banner. And of course, Tom Segura.com for tickets to my shows. Thousand Ranch.com. Go see Christina Thursday, October the 29th at the Brea Improv in Brea, California. And we'll see you next week. Right, James? Yeah. I'll be predicting what your brown's going to be like.

I have an answer for you next week. The only time I kind of want a man is the only time I want a man. The only time I want what I like about... He's just struggling with this part. I'm sorry, white guys, but I'm addicted to your farts. I'm addicted to your smells. And I'm addicted to what y'all suck. No matter what y'all eat, when y'all fart, it just come out the rosy.

Drop a little magic. I want a group of white guys to fart in my face. Yes. I would love to lick your butthole. Please. Please. Please. Fart in my face.

I would love to lick your butthole. I have so many to give. You have blind hair. I like to think you have chicken cream. Beautiful guffies. Beautiful guffies. Beautiful guffies. Beautiful guffies.

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