Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 370-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 16, 2016

We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show!  So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine.  Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T.  AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead! Many Masterful Accents in this one!

I'm on, I'm on, kiss my pussy, kiss that, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on I got a million dollars, half a million is motherfucker, I'm on, I'm on, kiss that Down, walk, look, walk, I want my goddamn money, money, money You say you're American, you Chinese motherfucker, I'm on, down, walk, look, walk I want my goddamn money, money, money You say you're American, you Chinese motherfucker, I'm on, kiss my pussy, kiss that, I'm on, I'm on I got a million dollars, half a million is motherfucker, I'm on, I'm on, kiss my pussy, kiss that, I'm on, I'm on I'm on, kiss my pussy, kiss that, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, down, walk, look, walk

I want my goddamn money, money, money You say you're American, you Chinese motherfucker, I'm on down, walk, look, walk I want my goddamn money, money, money You say you're American, you Chinese motherfucker, I'm on You got my goddamn money, I told you to kiss my pussy You got my goddamn money, get it done now I told you to kiss my pussy It's one of the all-time great drops from the show

The Kiss My Lady, The Kiss My Pussy Lady This was just the original Wells Fargo commercial? This was from Wells Fargo, yeah She was there and She's the original spokeswoman She had half a million and they didn't give it to her and Half a million, half a million You Bank of America, you Chinese motherfuckers

Joe Murphy made this It's really good Thanks Joe This is how my mom would get mad and she would say things like that too Not kiss my, she would say kiss my pussy It's the kind of thing if you're the person and you're like Your mom probably didn't know how that came across to everybody in the room, right? No, it's just part of the fun of being with her

It's part of the fun of having a cool mom Having an eccentric mom It's kind of weird Yeah Can I hear myself more? You can Is it one or two? I think you're this one, right?

That's good, yeah You like it there? A little lower A little lower? I like your voice, it's very masculine Thank you, I've been told that I've been told Yeah, you have a real man's voice

People are fans I'm not a fan this morning You did in the hotel We celebrated our Banna Smurfany last night The Banna Smurfany of not just being married But also a raw dog in it That's right And we're hoping to get more raw dog

We got some raw dog tweets We did I didn't get any You must have just gotten them They tell me the raw dog stuff Yeah Guys generally don't tweet me about their raw dog joys That's just for you

But we went back to the same hotel that we raw dogged in That's right How many years ago was that? Yeah 12 years ago Yes Around yesterday About that, yeah

And we got a couples massage Which you're not a fan of So I was really surprised that you... Babe, I booked it Right, but remember last time I asked you a while back Do you want a couples massage and you went God What?

No, no, I didn't ask you The woman did that worked at the spa She goes, would you like a couples massage? And your level of disdain for the very idea Can I tell you something though? Can I tell you something though? That was a huge upcharge yesterday Really?

It was really Just to have two and one In the same room? Aw, that sucks But I mean like, I think it's because The illusion of that being a thing Like the marketing of it Is something that's not compatible with the reality

Like we're just in the same room Yeah, it's stupid Nothing special Except that I can hear your lady going like Is that comfortable? And you can hear my lady going Is that temperature right? Right

There's nothing happening Now, so how did you feel about it? Because I didn't ask you Did you like the couples experience? Would you do it again? Or are you tensed? It just seemed like It seemed like the only thing that stood out about it

Was that I'm hearing a conversation going on Yeah That's it I mean, literally we walked in the room They leave, we both get at our tables And then I get to hear your lady say And then is this pressure good? Pressure

And then do you want the music louder? Right Well, and I heard that you don't like loud music You asked her to turn it down Now, I prefer loud music I like to space out I like to get weird Which is another argument for separate rooms

I agree Well, that's one way When we went into the massage spa And she goes to for a couples massage I literally looked at her and went Fuck you, no Yeah, I booked it And you booked it that way

And then she goes, wait, I'm confused And I go, all right, I guess we're doing it Yeah, well, I thought like, you know, it's our band It's Smurfony You do that We should try it But I'm saying in retrospect to pay more for that It's foolish

It seems silly to me Foolish, they didn't do anything special Like rose petals Yeah, there's no champagne in the room Nobody masturbated No brostraries You to competition A lot of people, by the way, on board with the Shark Bites

Analysis They're like, yeah, movie's stupid There's no masturbation scene By the way, to everybody that always talks about Pre-show You know, there goes, commercials This is pre-show right now Right?

Yeah We're doing pre-show Yeah And you're already, you're breaking my balls Right You're breaking my balls right now Pre-show There's content

And you're saying there's no content And you're lying And your mom's a liar, too Yeah So Wow Fill her up, Delphia Has been

A promoted Date of mine for a long time And it's finally here I'm really excited to go, Jeans I've never been to fill her up, Delphia I've been to the Titsburg I'm doing four shows At the Kakadera Theater

And fill her up I'm real excited about it I want to thank everybody Who got tickets It should be four packed Really fun shows The great Josh Potter is joining me It should be a good time

Oh, Josh Potter Yeah, he's great He's great After that We have Thanksgiving We'll do an anti Thanksgiving Thanksgiving week Yeah Then I go to West Balls Beach, Florida

The improv Four shows only In West Palm Please come out If you dare We're gonna have a lot of fun there I'm home a lot in December But I do get New Year's Eve

In Mom Lando, Florida The improv there That should be fun And then I start a Crazy tour Throughout the first quarter Of 2017 And in January

I had Kansas City, Oxnard New origins New origins Atlanta Clear brown water, Florida And It's a good one Tallahussey, Florida as well

It's my first weekend of the big tour I'm doing Really excited about it Jeans, I know you're going to Washington, Dick Come to welcome our new president And that's gonna be in December That's right President Camacho

He's gonna be racing dirt bikes On the lawn And I'm gonna go watch that happen December 9th and 10th 2017, TBA guys Still working on it Just had a call with the agents today So let's see

Yeah So That'll be a fun week for you That club is so great Yeah, I know We doing two nights? Yeah, uh-huh Yeah, two nights only

Which is great In and out Get your tickets Get your tickets Get your tit-tits ThousandRanch.com TomSegura.com And your Mom's House podcast.com

Don't forget The holidays are getting closer Also, thanks to CoolEd For the, you know, instrumental here Holidays are getting closer Which means Don't forget to do your Amazon shopping Shop for your Christmas presents

I'm sorry, your mom is on Yes I believe you're saying Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com Click on the mom is on banner And do your shopping there Have it gift wrapped And have it shipped

Yeah, dude Don't get on a plane with gifts And cray-cray Kwanzaa Christmass Han Chanukah Ju-stuff Yeah, I forgot it

Nobody celebrates Kwanzaa in America I've never known one person I've known a couple brothers Here and there to do it Oh, bullshit Yeah Couple fist in the air guys, yeah That white rapper from last week

Jay Love You know what I'm saying Cornball, motherfuckers You know what I'm saying You know what I'm saying He was ridiculous So retarded Cornball

Is that a new word? Cornball? No I've been hearing that a lot I mean, it's not a new word Maybe there's a resurgence of it Right But I feel like, you know, he's

Coming back More fuckers, man Corn, man I feel like that's You look just like him When you said it If I trim his beard Yeah

The way mine, the way his is I could probably You should I could be Jay Love for For hollow jeans next year You should I really wish you'd shave it I know

It looks good I know, man Looks good Yeah, but real talk Don't get on an airplane With packages You know, you're going to travel For Christmas and all that

No, that's all stupid Don't do it Because at TSA They're going to go through it And they're going to unwrap Everything And you're really going to regret it Just have it sent directly

To where you're going Have it sent in advance Then you don't have to pack A goddamn thing And the other thing is Don't you even consider Not checking out our store We have a new store

There's a lot of stuff on there Well, mainly the one stuff That matters is the water The water championship, yeah Which I am the water champ This is my flask I found it You hit it last week

Water champion shirt Is a hot seller It's a great Christmas gift A great Christmas gift Especially if you're friends Or dating or married to someone Who's a your mom's house fan It's also the DJ dad mouth thing

Which I have a hilarious comment From one of the YouTube videos Let's get into it Okay I was going to say You were saying that If you are in a couple yourself Listening

And you guys are debating Who's the water champ It's a great shirt to get To prove that you really are Yeah Absolutely Is that my favorite? Do you have pain?

Yeah We got all kinds of pain stuff Oh I was so excited for this interview I was sweating out of anticipation Yeah I don't care I mean, like I said

We have interviewed Major celebrities like Brace from Gigalos Yeah Gloria Stephon Has been on the show Jules Ventura Okay, Jules Jules

Mm-hmm And by far, Dampena has been the most Super exciting Amazing interview We loved having him We loved having him I'm just so thrilled Let's start the show

Let's go Well, one of my favorite things Is to suck up your fucking pantyhose You cunt Yeah Wow Did you start to use cunt more As you, when you moved to the UK

Because I love it No, no, no, no No Actually, I've transitioned From cunt to vagina Oh Because cunt's not soaking enough now This shit is big time

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this No mom in the fucking stand Welcome Welcome to your mom's house With Don Segura Talk to Su-su-su Christina Pazitzik

Christina Pazitzik Welcome to your mom's house Yeah Yeah Yeah Cunts and vaginas So many cunts He switched to vagina, he said

Because cunt wasn't crazy enough Yeah Oh, and now you turned my ears down I turned your ears down? Yeah, I got it Yeah What a treat What a...

And look, he's even wearing his suit He's wearing his suit With his little pocket square So adorable He's in full paina mode, man Full paina So why don't you talk about How did exactly you line this up?

Okay So As it happens I subscribed to Dan Pena's QLA Like newsletter Okay So I get emails from

His center or whatever Once a week And we had just done Joe Rogan's podcast Where we briefly mentioned Dan But we couldn't get into it Because Joe didn't want to You know, get into any kind of

Trouble playing the guy's clips Right Anyways My people's head off and shit down their neck Yes So I get this random thing And it just says, hey Dan Pena focused

Featured Featured On the Joe Rogan podcast With Tom Segura and Christina Pajutski And I I'm like, oh my god That's me Like it was one of those spam emails

It wasn't directed at me I've never made communication with him before So I immediately just right back To this like spammy email And I go, hey I'm Christina Pajutski Huge fan of Dan's We would love to have him

On your mom's house And not a few minutes later I get a direct message From Dan Pena Like, hey I heard you want to Get in touch with me And then Dan and I started DMing on Twitter

And we I got in touch with his assistant On email And we arranged this interview But what a wonderful world we live in That he just Like he hears us on Rogan And I say, no

And also just If you want to follow The trajectory of the whole thing So crazy Do you know how Like we were What was the story I told you I brought up something a few weeks ago

And you go, no It's not that weird Because the internet Like the internet just connects Because of the internet Because you brought up The Bikes Kid Oh, the Bikes Kid

Right, right And he ends up having His ex-girlfriend In your audience But like For this What stood out to me was I was just

On Instagram Yeah And Happened to Click A video With him Doing the

Like your Why your fucking poor thing Yeah And that's how you found him That's how I found him That's how I found him, Pena I sent that To BlueBand

And I go In The show Breakdown next week Yeah Then like when I saw his name I go I'm gonna look him up on YouTube

Yeah And that's when I found Remember I go The first episode I was like I can't wait to play it for you Yes Because I knew how much

And that's the one where he was like Show me your friends Yeah All your friends You know why you're Fucking losers Yeah Because you have fucking

Bumps you're hanging around So and you were laughing Like Those are things I just Typed in And I go Yes I know this will be great

For our show Then We talk about him On Rogan That reach is so massive That it gets back to him In England Then you see

Your name In a piece of spam mail Just like a Yeah newsletter Because you know Yeah because he obviously He blasts out stuff about it So crazy

Then we reach out And now he's on our show It's amazing It's just It is and it isn't Right Like because the world now Has shrank

Because of the interwebs It's pretty It's pretty rad Yeah And we could Skype with him Shrunken Shrunken? Is that the right way to shrank shrunken?

I don't know I don't know actually I just thought it was fun This is rad And we could Skype with this guy In England Who's eight hours I think behind

Right Yeah Yeah So first you try to set up A Skype session at 6am Our time We're like No thanks

Not happening But yeah But first of all Sorry Okay So we sent them to the massage story We didn't really finish Yeah

What happened Right So On the pre-show Sorry On the pre-show You may have skipped it But there's already the origins of a story

Right Go ahead So we have a couples massage Which Tom's vehemently opposed to That's an exaggeration In the past And we do it No one has set it up

You set it up And we tried it And You fell asleep And started snoring Which was so typical And I started kind of giggling to myself And as you're snoring

I thought Wouldn't it be funny When Tom wakes up To tell him That while he was asleep He farted so loudly That everybody started laughing Well I can tell you exactly

What causes that kind of fart So we both were done With the massage And I sit up And I go Oh my god You farted so big And you're like

What? I did I'm like Oh my god You were laughing You didn't hear it You didn't hear it Well

Then I go No I got you But you sold it so hard And you're like You fell asleep And I go Yeah

And you're like I heard you snoring And I go Yeah And you go And you farted And I laughed so hard And then I was like

Oh shit Did I really? And And you actually convinced me Only because I remembered when it started Oh I got a fart in here Oh

So the seeds were planted And you were crying Well I'm saying Like I fell to fart But you know when you You clamp down You go I'm not gonna fart

And then sometimes it'll just go away But I was like I must have fallen asleep Where does the fart go? And then And I've asked therapists before And they're like Oh farts happen

All the time Yeah And I go What do you do They're like We're so used to it They just let the biscuits fly Yeah

They go You know It just happens That's what you're describing There's someone's pushing on you Yeah and you just You're relaxed You rip one

But I got you good I was getting ready to apologize I was getting ready to mention it Not apologize But I was getting ready to go Like oh I heard about what happened I couldn't let you do that So then I told you what happened

Oh You got me good You really sold it good Good Yeah I really didn't think And then And then we fell off our primal wagons

Oh my god Pretty fucking hard Well it was Bannis Murphrey Bannis Murphrey You convinced me to go for it Yeah Had alcohol

Fried food Just I'm bad Mack and cheat We did it We did desserts I'm back on the horse because I got to beat Bert in the fat challenge You got a lot of work to do

Yeah But it wasn't worth it Honestly It wasn't It's the funny thing I didn't care You think you're being bad Yeah

And having fun And you're just like I feel sick Yeah I felt sick all night I felt terrible And then That wasn't good But the good part about it

Is that you're really productive farts In the hotel with you Yeah And that made the Bannis Murphrey More special You were very gassy More special You were very gassy

I will say that And you did give me credit So I appreciate it It was really Really enticing Because nothing makes me Angrier Or sadder rather

When I fart And then you don't acknowledge it You don't give me credit for the fart Yeah I hate that It's like why do I live And you had a lot of thoughts to yourself last night That you really enjoyed

You were Like right now Like you're enjoying a thought I'm thinking about Whether I enjoyed them last night You did There was a few thoughts you had That you enjoyed at dinner

Where you zoned out And you were like Cause I don't know if they know that enough The audience Oh we've talked about this before with you That sometimes you think thought Like right now See

Caffeine Okay You think thoughts I've reset this thing I have no idea what to do I'm not kidding you This fucking thing I've downloaded it

I've used It's anti-sleep system It's on Alright I don't fucking know Well Can I Go ahead

You have thoughts That you don't share And you'll fully talk to yourself Like this And then you'll go If someone says That's a kind of exaggeration If someone says

You'll have to do a sound So that the audience just listening can hear You'll be like And you'll You'll laugh to yourself Like a crazy person And then I'll be like Did you just have a thought

That you didn't share It's true I know I don't deny it It's true But share the fun thought Cause I'm alone with you I don't want to

I know but if it's just you and me at dinner I keep telling you I don't want to But it's just you and me at dinner It's not fair Or today this morning We had having coffee in the lobby And then you were on your

I didn't have my phone And you were Reading fun tweets And you were like And I'm like Can you share the fun thing But you wouldn't share That one is a little different than what you're

Comparing it to though Cause that's reading something And enjoying it But when I have thoughts And you go Tell me what you just thought I don't want to I don't need to know all your thoughts

But the ones that give you laughter When you LOL basically Like how come You have to share If you're gonna LOL Like Then share the fun Never

No It's never gonna change Well you know what What I just had a fun thought And I didn't share I know That was a good one

Alright let's go to Dampania I'm so excited So we talked to Dampania Blue Band really turned these around quickly Thank you And here you go Here's some of our conversation with Pena We'll also upload it as its own

Longer form Just making sure you're recording I was like Are we not recording? No we are The red lights on I can't wait I can't wait

Here we go I just love them to pieces Dan this is This is so exciting to us You have no idea I know you've seen the footage of us Talking about you We're huge fans

And this is just Thank you Just a thrill for us And you look amazing today You do You look so dapper You look like you're about 6'1", 225 And you can kill a bear with your fucking knife

Yeah Well I can actually I know I know you can We know That's what he said in his video His report to Joe

He got really upset that Joe called a mold He did He did not like that at all Yeah It's really interesting He got really mad What is the back story of You being the 50 billion dollar man

Well basically I'll just summarize that one Go ahead Because I don't think it's I don't need to play the clip Right Basically So I was curious about it

I know a lot of people were Where are you the 50 billion dollar man You're not worth 50 billion dollars Where does the number come from? The number comes from That's how much mentees Have earned collectively Over his time

As a business and life coach For people Gotcha So in other words If you add up All the money Of the people Who have studied under him

What they've earned Over 50 billion dollars Cool That's why he calls himself that So it's pretty It's interesting and that's why He's called that I didn't tell people

That it was hard For me to make The money I did Because it wasn't I found it quite easy Because one of the questions I'm often asked is Dan

About fucking money for yourself And quite frankly As I told the kids at Oxford University A few months ago I found it pretty fucking easy So it wasn't any fun anymore But I thought If I could pull cuts like you

Across the goal line I mean That would be some fun But what I grossly underestimated Guys Is how fucking hard it would To get people with low self esteem No balls, no grit

No self confidence That have been raised By dipshit parents Across the goal line So what I've done now I'm less dipshit Love part I love this

Amen Yes That was one of the more fun parts Of the talk with him That was great And I don't know What you're gonna play next But Dan and I had a discussion

About how You kind of do have to unlearn A lot of the stuff That you were raised with There's a lot of stuff That your parents Just may have passed down to you That's what therapists teach you too

Yeah I'm learning the shit That doesn't really work In the real world Yeah And I'm learning You know The essentially

Brainwashing You're programming It is Well there's a lot of dumb things Like in the You and I grip in the Catholic faith Yeah There's a lot of stuff

Like Turn the other cheek If somebody hits you Give them the other cheek to hit Right The Jesus would give them Offer them the other side To hit as well

Which to me Is the dumbest thing To tell somebody No, if somebody hits you You fucking hit back Don't let somebody do that What are you fucking Steve Spurrier

Jesus And the meek Don't inherit the earth They certainly don't No But that's something you tell the meek So that they feel good about it Exactly, right

There's a lot of dumb shit You grow up on Anyway The only thing I do Is if you want to be metric By me personally You come to the castle And you pay

But 99.999% of everybody That had benefited from QLA I never met I never Skype buff Face buff Or tweet buff Wow, that's a lot of fucking Until now

Yeah Yeah He Skype fucked with us Yeah, he does Skype fuck And we've tweet fucked too Yeah We DM fucked And email fucked

I'm dying to know, Dan Why are people so fucking poor? Good question, Jeans Thank you Well, okay But wait a minute I want to try to do my best imitation Of Polish father telling his daughter

You heard what we're fucking doing My dad retarded Yeah You nailed it He did his research He did He listened to us He must have heard us saying it

That was great That is great Yeah, you're hanging out with fucking losers Oh, man And the reason being Tom sitting in hotels I didn't know that's what you did In hotels, Tom

Yeah But somehow I managed to stay I stayed productive, Dan Productive, you know It fuels my business It fuels my material But see, it's a very

It's a very smart Approach to a conversation I'll let the conversation begin Let the conversation begin Is knowing a little bit about the people you're talking to Can I tell you After you introduced me To the world of Dan Pena

Yeah I immediately got on his website I read all the material I listened to his podcast He's got a podcast called Ask the 50 Billion Dollar Man And it's hilarious He reads people

And he's like Check out my fucking site, you idiot He'll be like The fucking shit's all on the fucking website Okay Like, he gets upset Which is funny He gets agitated

But he'll tell you stuff He'll tell you He gives away stuff for free He says It's great Fucking hilarious He's such a wonderful treasure, Dan Pena He's delaying

Now, you wonder How much trouble could I get He's delaying a young kid Well Well, he was So he grew up and he grew up there Yeah His dad was a cop

So he grew up really hard knocks Plenty Before I got out of grammar school I had broken a kid's arm In several places on purpose Yeah I smashed a guy's glasses into his eyes And in those days

There was real glass in their eyes Fortunately, they lose his sight And the cootie-graw Was I dropped an aquarium From the second floor On my teacher And if he hadn't moved Six inches, they would've killed him

But it only broke his collarbone Now My mother knew That if I was just getting started Yeah I was still in grammar school God only knows what I'd do By the time I got out

So she pressured my dad And we moved to the valley There you go That's my story, too That is your story I grew up on the hard streets And then we went to the valley You also grew up partially

In the rough streets of Windsor, Ontario Windsor, Ontario Not far, right? Well, one of my favorite things is Suck up your fucking pantyhose, you cunt Yeah Wow Did you start to use cunt more

As you when you moved to the UK? Because I love it No, no, no, no No I actually had a transition From cunt to vagina Because cunt's not soaking enough now Man, he's too funny, dude

I don't even know what the... It's crazy Like, now you can't even dress Your boy up in blue Because that's considered A form of child abuse Because he hasn't decided his gender preference yet You know, stuff like that

And it's... And I fear how he's going to turn out Under this kind of world Well, I also thought it was not funny But ironic That your nanny wanted to give him a rakey A rakey We fired her

We fired her We fired her immediately She got the boot Yeah, I mean, you know... I'm not into hitting women But I might have been an exception I think we almost did, too Man, I almost...

I really did almost blow a gasket on that one You know what's funny, too? By the way, this is a total separate from this I just realized that I reacted the same way now That I did in this video at the same moment Yeah, we both... And I also saw you react the same way Isn't that...

Like, in the moment, too Like, exactly the same moment It's like the video, the mirror We're watching the mirror The video of the mirror Yeah, that's because we're genuine I know, I always think about that When we play that clip

It's so great to see you make him laugh That was great He was like, ha! And you could tell, like, can you imagine If you worked for him And you're like, I'm going to do rakey on your baby What he would do He would, yeah, fire me, hit me

He just said he would like to make an exception to it Lastly, because I know we don't have you much time As always, you look incredible We wanted to know what's your position on jeans, first of all Well, I have jeans And contrary to what the kids' dependence Write me an email me about Is that, you know, they say

Being there is all about jeans And the being there guys And I don't know I may be on a half a dozen or seven or eight guys That I know I can say that I know Yeah And they don't wear jeans There you go

Dampena does not wear jeans They don't do it For all the success I've had I have the least amount of followers Right On Twitter Kills me Yeah, it's weird

You should have more LinkedIn And there's a reason for that What's that? Because I tell the cops Because you're a cunt? Because you're a fucking cunt, Dan? Well

Well, his answer was There's two definitions for a cunt Most people call people a person a cunt If they're obnoxious, etc Right See, when I call you a cunt It's because you're a fucking coward Okay, okay

Okay You're afraid to do what's right Because you want to be liked By some other cunts Right Absolutely Okay There you go

Yeah Just so you guys If you do want to know the answer I think he said The reason he's not Is popular in social media Is because he calls people cunts I mean, basically

He calls you out on being a pussy Right And tells you to fuck yourself He doesn't tell you It's okay to be weak and shitty Yeah Which is really necessary We should, by the way

I know it's been a week We have a new president Of the United States Coming to office That's right And this isn't a political show By any means But I do feel like

It's necessary to say something And it's pretty simple And we'll move on Everybody gets so fired up And hot-headed And you can't even talk to people It's a very personal thing Politics and religion

And people get too fired up And you can't have conversations What I was going to say, though Was that, you know I don't know It's not really a mystery I didn't I was not a fan

Not a fan of Trump Okay Never wanted him I didn't know that Never wanted him to be president And never thought it'd be possible But I will say That I think it's important

To Now that he's won You know, the rig system Came together Kind of worked in his favor And he won You know, I feel like you have to give Your

For the benefit of your country Give him a shot And Just, you know Like I'm saying You could be disappointed But you gotta give him a shot And see what happens

So Yeah, I mean I agree It's not the end It's not the end of the world yet Let's see Let's not panic And everybody's

And their initial reaction is Some of us Or panic A lot of people are really depressed And anxious But let's see Absolutely So

We'll move I do have I did think I'll give him credit I thought he gave a very nice Victory speech When he came out I have a small clip from that

And then we'll move on This is him Moments You know After accepting That he is the president-elect Of the United States Shut your monkey eyes there

Chill out There we go Shit I know she's bad right now But all that starving bullshit And the dust storms And we running out of French fries And burrito covers

Yeah But I've got a solution That's what you said last time, dipshit I've got a solution You're a dick Top Carolina, what's up? There you go So that was a beautiful moment

From that speech And let's hope that America I think America is great again That sounded like we've returned to greatness We're all great, thank you We're back How long before he does Start shooting rifles in the air

During speeches I don't know It could be the most entertaining Four years ever That we're about to embark on It's definitely going to be great For comedy I think so

It's going to be great for Saturday Night Live It'll be great for the arts in general Yeah I think we're going to have another renaissance If you will With the artists I do Freakin' out

God knows the comedy world Is losing their mind right now Yeah, they're fired up So Do you remember a while back Jeans we had I love you You love me

Can I just say that I love you Thank you I do, I love you I think you're a wonderful man I'm glad we've been married For so long Let's just hit you right now It just hit me because look

If the world is going to fall to pieces Yeah Because of President Camacho Then I just want you to know I love you Thank you And we've got a compound Built underground

We can survive the nuclear holocaust And we can love each other Oh yeah, there's no problem And our two dogs We're all set up It's going to be fine Our bunker is solid We got our water supply

We got our backup generator When the nuclear bombs hit It'll be fine It'll be great You guys have our podcast to listen to I love you too, Jeans I love you too Yeah, it's the end of the world

So Here's what I wanted it to play So do you remember a while ago We played this British Hooligan fan Who was like saying blood and femme Yeah, that was a good one He's back

Oh good And there's an interesting I think note about this guy Okay Blood, femme, blood, femme Yeah, that's a good one That one stuck to me for a while This time

We're talking to After he lost Tottenham Which used to be a shitty team But is now much better Tottenham I think it is Tot

Is it Tottenham? How do you spell it? T-O-T-T-T-N-H-A-M Tottenham Tottenham Blast it This guy anyways He has a pretty great accent

But he also has the slang That you don't get to hear I mean I've mentioned femme I've heard But I've never heard it like Used a hundred times in two minutes Blood, I don't hear a lot

Blood I've heard it before Blood isn't like an old jive Shanglu's blood It's like an old 70s black guy thing There you go Okay, well It's back

What's your medicine? It's back But it was a bit disappointing In the end from awesome It was just dead, man It was dead, Rob It was dead There was no passion

There was no desire The only man showing passion Was cockling blood This is a North London derby femme You understand? It's the biggest game of the season So far, blood And look what they go and do, blood

Look what they go and do Even blood I'm a bigger lobby femme But blood Are you missing them opportunities, blood? You threw one on one, blood You had so much time, blood To pick your corner, blood

And you hit it straight Keep a blood Even Mustafi He was getting ripped blood You know I love Mustafi blood Rip This guy's had a blind Blood

Blood Blood He's a little tiny There was no shape, blood Man went all over the gaffe There was nothing there, blood Bellarine Got ripped

You understand? He was getting ripped, blood The man was getting ripped Left right of centre Left right of centre, blood Ozil didn't do his thing Alexis was running man down But there was nothing really to the game, blood

It was dead People talk like this? Yeah Really? All the time? I don't know I'd never heard, blood I've heard that this might be a clip here

From this guy For the master of accents So just let me Let me just Sorry, master Put your headphones on Let me get my Alright, let's see

If I'm ready Fuck that, blood Real talk, fam Fuck that I don't give a shit about the Lee Cup, blood That'd be real Obviously if we win it Yeah, cool

But I don't really care for that I got my eye on that, blood I don't look at the fidgeting thing Oh, when we play talk them in the Lee Cup I think when we play them in the league, blood Come on, blood We Derby games are tough games

Derby games are tight games But why do they always turn up And we don't recently, blood Why is that, fam Why are these players not up For this fucking game, blood Even the fans, blood I'm a big supporter of the fans

But today was shit I'm walking up and there's no fucking songs There's no banter The embassy was dead That wasn't hard to... I understood all that Yeah I feel like you're mad about the teams

Yeah, they said that this clip here The interviewer tries to suggest That the team that they lost Who was good And that Oh Maybe upsets this guy Tottenham, we've got to give them a lot of credit

No Give them no credit Nah, man Nah, man Listen, listen Look how long we ain't beat them We have to give them, listen Whether we like them or not

We have to give them respect That they are not a shit team They are Hold on a second They are a good team It's as simple as that It's as simple as that We don't want to have men

Sports do that Sports are like politics too It's so much like it Like that team's bullshit, man They get so upset Get so fired up I know Here's the blood fan

Super cut Excellent, I love that It was this dead man blood fan You understand blood Blood Blood Blood Blood

You understand blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Blood Even the fans blood It's good

It's so much It's so many It's so many, yeah It's such a weird drop You know what I always love is when Somebody like that is being interviewed And he has to really treat that person Like somebody of intelligence

That has a valid opinion I know I know what you're saying in general sense I think he knows who that guy is though Oh, he's at home Yeah, he knows that this guy's a good interview Like good in the sense that he's entertaining Yeah, and he has to be like

How do you feel? Blood fan Blood fan No fan Get on with that Nothing like the soccer Juligans They really love their soccer Speaking of accents

In the U.K. We have a full tour Of U.K. accents right now Oh, I love it, so let's do it This is something as a master People have asked me Can you do this one, can you do that one And the answer is always yes

But now to educate us further We're going to take this tour of And I lived in England For a year in the 90s So I feel like I can contribute to this discussion Absolutely I mean, I'm no master Yeah, right, but I mean

I certainly am I an apprentice Oh, sure May I? Of course, of course Received pronunciation is the great communicator As soon as you deviate from that And you go into London's speech, for example Then you lose a little bit of the communication

Cockney is based on East Anglian Suffolk, Norfolk, Cambridgeshire This is often by actors Confused with the West Country Where the R's come in And then you get Dorset and Somerset Get into Cornwall Dab them slightly different

It goes into the nose a bit more like that Then you go up north to Yorkshire It's nice if you get a word That's got one of the predominant That sounds very doubting Downton Abbey Where was downtown? Well, the way he said Yorkshire

I'm a good Yorkshire lass Yeah, he said Yorkshire Like they would say on the show a lot The aristocracy They ought to talk like Because they would always take the train into London Right, they were country people Downton

So maybe that is Yorkshire I do know that the royalty They tend to talk This is true With the chin out And a bit of a more nasal And then, you know

The cockney people They tend to talk back and forth Yeah It's nice if you get a word That's got one of the predominant sounds In it like Yorkshire Then you cross the Pennines Into Lancashire

Much more That sounds like the way he just said that That Yorkshire Sounds like the farmers On Downton Abbey Yeah The people that worked But the actual

So it didn't sound like the The sheep farmers Yeah, the people The actual working class Sounds like The downstairs people, if you will Yeah, but that's exactly how they would say things Definitely

I wonder Lancashire I wonder where Lancashire Sectionally or not Does that take place We can look it up On this thing called the interwebs

Oh, the two, the Google machine Where does Downton Abbey take place? Where? Where did the porno take place? Remember the season finale Was so crazy I mean the series finale When they all had sex with each other

Upstairs and downstairs It's in Hampshire Hampshire About five miles south of Newbury Berkshire Berkshire That doesn't really help me either Like where the fuck is that?

Now are you Googling Where the actual building Downton Abbey is? Well, yeah You should see where the show Takes place Yeah Let's see

Goddamn Goddamn, it's a lot of cum Is that what you're saying? It's a lot of cum And then bam-ing-em, bam Bam Okay, let's see Where does Downton Abbey

I love it when our internets never work We've installed about four different lines In this house It's an official Yorkshire county Yes, I just read that Fuck your mother Yorkshire country estate Okay, so it's Yorkshire

So that's exactly what we were talking about North Yorkshire right there York See how the master picked it up though So quickly You did Yeah A word that's got one of the predominant sounds in it

Like Yorkshire Then you cross the Pennines into Lancashire Where it gets much more flexible And fluid in the mouth Liverpool is there too You know, it's Scouse It's a mixture of all kinds of sounds One of those is Northern Irish

With the raising inflections But you don't get the raising inflections Down on Dublin Where it has that poetic quality Which is sometimes thought of as being Not different from Highland's speech Which is also quite poetic And almost Scandinavian

And then you come down to Glasgow And into the lowlands of Scotland Where you get global stops and things like that And then you come down the west coast And you're in Wales North Wales Where it's breathy like that And down into south Wales

Where you get much heavier And Welsh people who sometimes Even sound a bit drunk This guy is so good That I feel like he could be He could sign up for my My master's program Where he comes and stays in the house

In your castle And we just practice accents Yeah You know Yeah, you should invite him to your lair Well, he's got to pay But I'm saying he's really He's getting ready

I feel like to take the course Can I tell you the Welsh accent Is in my opinion the hardest To understand of these people That shit is bananas hard And then you have a few pints of beer in you You can't understand what the fuck These people are saying to you

And by the way Trainspotting 2 is coming out Yeah, talk about some accents I'm super stoked There's whole chunks of that movie I don't understand a fucking word Francis Begbie says In that whole film

I'm Gareth Jameson I'm an actor and a voice coach From www.londonvoiceless.com Harrison Do you Can you believe that 20 years later though It went by so fast I mean I was in college

When that movie came out And it was like my favorite movie Do you remember like Beats The first time Where you're like wait what What did you just say Beats Like Beats in the movie

Moments Oh that's what I'm saying Francis Begbie That sociopathic guy That throws the beer I don't understand Most of what he says in that film It's incredible

There's an entire scene Where he's talking to like He's telling a story To spud or something And I don't understand a fucking word I know this guy I know this guy And he throws the pint of beer

And someone screams And then like There's real lunatics in that movie Whatever It's such a I can't wait Yeah Some tips for working on your voice

On your voice On your voice I like the music Yeah it's real cool Really cool Real cool The key to any accent Okay

Is to isolate the sounds that are specific To that accent Yeah So in the Welsh accent Quite often you'll hear people saying That it's a very sing song Sort of sounding accent The reason for this

Is that In Welsh accent What tends to happen Is that Val sounds are stretched out And stressed And there's a huge glide From high pitch to low pitch

The accent I'm talking about Is the south Wales accent There's actually quite a huge difference Between south and north Okay We'll focus on the south Wales Let's see So listen to this sentence

John What are you doing? John John What are you doing? What are you doing? John What are you doing?

That's good, do it again That huge John John What are you doing? Can I do it? John What are you doing?

John John What are you doing? That's good John What are you doing? You notice that huge glide on John

John That's much more common in Wales Than it is in other parts Of the United Kingdom John But it's not exclusive to Wales Okay John

What are you doing? John Notice that at the end as well Do when Do when Rather than an E sound Do when If we get in pit

Do when And hit And pick It becomes more like an E E So that's Do E

And bit Can I have a bit of that please Does he do an American accent? I'd be great if this guy did American Oh this guy? Yeah He does how to do a Scott He does American

Dude let's hear it You want to hear it? Yeah Okay He's all California bros Talk like this Bro I bet he's like

Valley girls So Fucking stupid Like this Hey Hey man Hey man Just dropped her IQ

About 80 points Hello I'm Gareth Jameson I'm an actor And a Here's his intro music Well there is He's kidding music

You want to go to McDonald's Now you might want to do an American accent Because you're in a play Or a film Or maybe you want to impress your friends You just want to be done Or maybe you want to try and fit in Better in the USA

Whatever the reason That's a weird thing to do To try to fit in better On the US side Try to adapt an accent On a vacation Like Lindsay Lohan Playing with accents is a great way

To stretch your voice And exercise your speech Oh Now the key to doing any accent Is to isolate the specific sounds That occur in that accent Now today I can only give you a brief Overview of some of these sounds

Of course the USA is huge And there are many different accents So we're going to go for one That's called General American Okay let's start Okay With the sound Americans use For the letter R

Now listen to this sentence Are there more birds Totally Are there more birds Are there more birds Are there more birds Are there more birds He's right

I feel like I said it more American By listening to him Yeah Are there more birds He cleared He cleaned it up for you He did He really did

Are there Now listen to this sentence He's right Are there more birds Are there more birds Are there more birds You notice that every time There's a letter R

It's pronounced And that's a good general rule for American Every letter R in the word gets pronounced Are there more birds Oh Also it's a very dark sound It might help you to think about this R sound Coming from right at the back of the throat

Back here Back here Are there more birds It sounds terrible There Now on next It does only sound terrible Compared to the beautiful

Yes UK That sounds We sound fucking retarded Look I have to work On what I've been working on You can be here for it But

You You You You You That's your front Enchanté Enchanté

Enchanté That's Bien sûr Bien sûr That's terrible Do that again Bien sûr No

No You need to practice Bien sûr Bien sûr Bien sûr Pardon Pardon Pardon

Please Merci beaucoup Merci beaucoup I'm so much better Non Non Non I did really well

So you're learning French now on the airplanes Yeah I do it to occupy my time When do you have time in between the strip clubs I don't Well what happens is I'll go into a strip club with headphones on And you'll throw And then sometimes they'll go like

Hey man Don't you want to take those out And I'll be like I'm working on my friends Non I'll say non Pardon Pardon

Merci beaucoup Merci beaucoup No Beyonce Here's what Can I tell you why I did this So people know So I finished Spanish In high school

As a sophomore Yeah I took the AP Well yeah It was a little advantage I had a little advantage Right And I passed

I had like As with everything So they go You should take a second language Oh boy So what I did was I signed up for French And

I got a D And I was always really disappointed in it Then A few years later I I forget Online or something

I found A French tutor And I go I'm going to try to do this again And I met with her a couple times She gave me tapes This is when there was cassette tapes Listen to these tapes of practice

I gave up in I don't know A week or two Oh I bet Then I signed up for this online course About Somewhere between 15 and 18 months ago

And I did it for A couple days And then I The reason I never mentioned it Was like Because I quit again And the reason I mentioned it to you at this time

Is that I've gone further Good for you So You know when you're like It's like a diet Where you're like I'm not going to say anything Until I know I'm doing it

Yeah So how far are you in here I'm in the beginner stages But I've done Four or five beginner things You know it's hard when you're not immersed I think in the language You're not forced to show up to a class

Or Live In France Yeah For a while But that's good Good for you Yeah

I studied German in college And I almost failed By the time I got to German 3 Yeah Almost failed out I think I got like a D I think I'm going to try to do A few of these

You know Yeah With the languages that come More naturally You know it'd be cool You can incorporate it in your D-Jing You can yell out You can be like the European

D-J dad mouth You know There's that There's also You gave me this great idea To try to be a retarded comedian And I was thinking What if I did that

But in multiple languages That's a slam dunk They're not going to hold me To the same vocabulary That an able minded person would have Right So what if I did I'm retarded

But I do this in French, Spanish Portuguese and Italian Then you can appeal to All retarded people In all cultures It's such a beautiful idea On your part I wanted to credit you with that

Thank you It's the retarded people of the world It's a global act now You can go ahead And your agent can thank me For that idea Yeah Well

You know You can give me a call I'll definitely give you credit Also Don't forget By the way Today I was

We share a booking agent Yeah And we were talking about For Well He corrected me And said Oh, you mean

Fart Lauderdale Wow And I go You just turned your commission on Yeah That was a good one Are you going to go to Fart Lauderdale? We'll see

We'll see We'll see We'll have to work out the deal, Tom Okay It's all about the deal Um Don't forget I'm standing there

And I smell What smells like Somebody just dumped An entire Container of coffee In the shower Like somebody took I don't know what that is

Like Do you think You can drink water today, Dad? First of all I've always been a big water drinker Oh, both shit I have And your pee is like brown

We should measure Who drinks more water in a day I do in a second I think It's me More than two to one Why don't we do a water challenge? I'll fucking challenge you right now, bro

Okay Okay, let's do this Let's do it It's so ridiculous It's ridiculous And it's not accurate Trying to get into the So much water after set

Practice of playing some more songs During the show Oh yeah, good idea There's so many great ones I think This one is of course About the water championship Me

It just says About me being the water champion Me I'm the water champion And they can see the manipulation You could never drink this much water Here's online support Instagram, Twitter

Tom is the best And if they fat liar Here's the evidence 808, remember Ooh Wow That is so false Look at my manipulation

Hello, Yana That wasn't a lot It's so great So, um Again, that's Watergate, a mommy diss track Watergate Uh

God, that felt good too You know, we had that chorizo Momlet this morning And I really liked it I forgot how much I enjoyed chorizo Actually, you got me to enjoy Soiriso Yeah, that's a good old song

To enjoy soiriso Yeah, that's a good alternative To the nastiness of real chorizo Um So We were sent a A comment That's on one of our YouTube videos

Joe Goody You know, YouTube comments are the Usually most flattering That's where people really let you know How much they like you Well, this is Actually, this made me laugh so hard This is from a DJ dadmouth video

Okay So this dude Trone wrote This nigga gay as shit He can say he's non-numeric or whatever Not numeric But if you suckin' dick, you gay as fuck The fuck kind of a name is DJ Dadmouth DJ Dadmouth, bruh

The fuck Also, he's mad corny But really thinks he's really fly With that dead squirrel around his rusty ass neck This is what hip hop has turned into We've let too many white people in And now they've brought that weird shit There you go

That's the best thing that I've read all day You've Donald Trumped the hip hop world You've ruined it Broke in the system, man The fact that this dude thinks this is a real DJ It's the best It's really, really fantastic Yeah, it's just

It's great that no one Like, he can't pick up on the irony Of bad jewelry or fur Or all the crazy stuff you're saying Or the fact that you're a stand-up comic Who's really well known Um, well I just think it's great

That he's like, this dude's ruining hip hop Yeah, you're ruining it You're ruining the game, Tommy So funny, man Um I'd agree with him, though I think DJ Dadmouth is ruining hip hop Here's an email that came in

I've been listening to the classic jeans And much to my dismay I found out during a would-you-rather Turns out mommy Tina is the water champ Thank you The would-you-rather consisted of eating a week's worth Of your bathroom trash Um, or only being able to bathe once a month

And then having to drink the bathwater Mommy Tommy, much like a true berry Chose to eat the trash Floss and all Yeah But mommy Tina, like the true water champ She is Took drinking the dirty-ass bathwater

Like a true champion Love you all Please come back to Go Bananas And do a live podcast Keeping them high and tight My big words, moi, Dan Thank you Dan, sounds like you

Are not smart So, let's move it along It's not true, Dan Thank you for being a real champion fan Thank you Jeans, do you remember this? This is in our breakdown Oh, my God

The Christina P. Fan site Yeah, that's like one of the first websites ever made Yeah, it's got that real HTML Kind of built to it It's old This website, someone made back in my road rolls It's 20 years old And they still pay to keep it up?

They still pay for it? Aw, that's sweet This is the one and only true dedicated Christina P. site Okay Wow Christina P. is thankful for being rescued Thank you

This nice person put together this site They took photographs of the television That's how old this is And they put it up Thank you for bringing this to my attention again after 20 years It's in the breakdown I didn't know I couldn't do that No, you can

It's silly Yeah It's really sweet that that person kept it up this long It's an angel-fire website, too Hardcore Hard fucking core Hard fucking core That was a very flattering

And there's a guest book there where people write things This is before comments Yeah, that's really great Yeah Old school guys You know what's really crazy is that there's generations There's like people that were children watching me on road rolls now Who they came out to my shows

And they'll be like, I've been watching you since I was a kid Like, oh no, I don't know if I like that I mean, I'm thankful, but Well, you're thankful that you did it No, I'm thankful that they followed me for so many years But it makes me feel really old You're like, how fucking old am I? I'm only 40

Yeah How were you a child when you started watching me? Oh, no Somebody wrote about Lion Tina He said, how long do we have... Do we give it until Tina says She saw Cuba Gooding Jr. Breakup of Fight in New York City Chris

I saw that, that's so funny, that is my story, how funny I saw it in San Francisco, though That's so fucking funny Yeah, it's funny for you, Tom And somebody weighed in on the Tom vs. Burr psycho debate He says, Tom is 150% more psycho than Bill Thank you First, let's be clear, Tom is definitely the water champ and stuff like that

Right But laughing your buns off to a guy's reaction to getting his legs crushed by a car Is Ted Bundy level craziness So, Christina, I'm with you on this one Thank you Tom has that bloodlust boiling up inside and needs to go hunting with powerful Joe Rogan Yes To release all that before the body start piling up

Yes Bigger than the poo pile Thanks for being awesome and helping me when I'm feeling bad You guys are a fun couple, peace and love, Daniel Daniel, finally, thank you, I appreciate that You're absolutely right My husband is a murderous lunatic who needs to get that side out Just for a little balance here, another email

I've listened to Burr's podcast for a while It's actually how I got turned on to your mom's house It takes about five minutes of listening to that show to realize what a psychopath Bill really is Tom is not even close to that level Jay Fizzle, Jay, you seem like a really, really sharp guy And I'm 100% in agreement with you, he is out of his fucking mind So, somebody wrote, what did they say here? Couldn't help but notice the moose spotting noise that Hunter made and a great idea

Could this sound be in the rotation of chips in a bowl and the cat keep the cat eating? Which sound, sorry, when he goes... The glass and... The glass and... I think right before the glasses, you know? Yeah, like he's... He's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, could he get so excited? Jeans, what was the other one we talked about this morning?

The guy was super stoked Oh, he goes, that's a big bite I got a really big bite Bad bite, I got a bad bite I got a bad bite I got a bad back, a bad bite Bad bite, bad bite Just glassin', just glassin'

That must have been... That was amazing Just glassin' Is this it? Such a dad boner She's gonna go down right there No way No way

Yes Have you ever seen a move go down that quick? Holy cow Holy cow is right That is awesome Oh my god So much joy I just love that guy's enthusiasm

Yeah I think this dude's right Yeah Good suggestion I love it Great idea Yeah Just glassin'

I'm just glassin', just glassin' I got a bad bite I got a bad bite We've been slippin' along here Just glassin', just glassin' We're just glassin', let's glass Let's glass, let's glass I'm glassin', I'm like

Yeah It's amazing, right? Just glassin', just glass What should I call it? Hunter Sound? Sure, whatever You'll remember, because That's your thing

The dad moose Dad moose? Dad boner moose? Dad boner moose Good for him What a life Just glassin' Just glassin'

Glassin' Yeah, just glassin' Let's just keep going Let's glass, let's glass, let's glass I'm glassin', I'm like Holy smokes I got a moose I got a moose

And I'm like Oh man, it's a bull It's a bull And I'm like, no, it's a cow We got a cow right there That is, that is the It's a really good idea Yeah, it's funny

Who sent that in? I gotta give him credit Good suggestion, bro Nice, nice set, man Let's see Just glassin', glassin' The idea came from Mommy Austin Thank you, Mommy Austin

Yeah, really good, man Mommy says, watch Patreon number seven It looks to me like Mommy Tina is sabotaging Tommy's hydration Okay She sits there With an open La Croix

La Croix Next to her Yet she is drinking Tom's Perrier I call fuckery If you see something, say something Sean Well, that brings to our attention That Patreon has been

Off the fucking chain lately Yeah, it's been really fun It really has been So, first of all Thank you, Sean And she does pull a lot of bullshit Bullshit When it comes to hydration

Whatever, dudes I have my own fucking flask She's not cool She doesn't share And she's selfish And that's just, you know That's just kind of what I have to deal with So, there you go

Happy anniversary, Tom Happy anniversary Now you know Look Gave you the eyes Sometimes you give me the eye roll Which we learned Oh!

It's contempt It's contempt And we saw a documentary Where a therapist A marriage therapist said That's a sign of contempt If you see that And contempt is a sign of bad

And contempt means you're going to divorce He said that's a huge indicator of divorce It's contempt And you went And sometimes you give me a triple eye roll I don't give you a triple eye roll You do eye rolls Don't act like you don't do eye rolls

Yeah, oh my god You have so much contempt in your eye rolls So much Really? Do I roll you a lot? Yeah I had this clip from your Stand-up show that you were at last week

Okay I ain't the man for making videos I don't post videos on Facebook But this is for you Because the last time a video was posted You was meant to have been at my place No such thing I waited for you twice

And I'm here again today Where you asked to meet me And where are you? Where are you? I'm with you And my lesbian crew is not here No one's here There you go

Okay I love that it's actually that the gypsy Calling out videos for fights Has expanded to women I didn't know that's what this was I didn't know that So there are a bunch of gypsies Which you openly are racist against

Oh, the Roma Quitanos a la mierda Everybody hates the gypsies We know that And so that's what she's doing You're talking about squatters? They are squatters Yeah, they are squatters

They are gypsies I didn't know that's what So she's calling out the bitch For not being there again She's like, hey bitch Just like the dudes do You know, the dudes are like Right, I'll fuck you over

Yeah, they're silly But now it's a woman The woman makes it way more exciting Why more? A woman fighting is more exciting Only in that you go This is such a departure From the normal

Yeah Yes, of course It's bizarre when a woman fights physically But way worse That's from the gypsy show That is right She's gone Why worse?

Why worse? So very interesting So this is an English gypsy Yup That's the pub, look Where you asked to meet me again today I'm here again today To fight you again

Charmaine Mitchell Preacher Man's Maffodite Come and fight me Any place, any time, anywhere with anyone Bring them Bring them to me Go girl Look at her crew

Yeah, they're kind of They're good I like her Yeah, I think she's dressed A little too nicely for a fight For a fight I wouldn't wear white to a fight It's going to get red

Yeah Whether you win or lose And it's also, it's kind of track-suitish, isn't it? It's like a zip-up Her crew's alright though, man They're okay Yeah Good-looking moms

Yeah, I don't know about that Yeah Women fighting is bizarro I guess we're not I'm not Even like Ronda Rousey Who I love Yeah, when it was introduced

Into MMA At first In MMA It was a slow ascension And then they got a superstar out of her Yeah Which she helped the business Of female fighting really grow

You know Yes But I remember when at first started People were like, no, I don't know If I could see a woman A woman fight Now it's become a thing Where people are just as excited to see

Yes People want to see stars They want to see high-level If you're good at it And there's some high-level fighters Well, just like female tennis players In the beginning, right? But on the streets

When two women fight It's like Yeah, but can I tell you Yes Having grown up here I actually saw more girl fights Than I did dude fights Yeah

Between gang bangers And public school Like the cholas Would get real Like cholas get 100 And fucking fight each other Way, way more Way more

Oh, yeah Than dudes I saw Oh, yeah The girls, yeah Oh, yeah Oh, yeah She's gonna get wide works Wide, wide works her

She's calling them out Just like the dudes do On this There's the pub I'm gonna fucking Fuck you up Yeah Oh, oh, oh

I'm here You know why I live that Because she was there last night Weren't you? So, yeah Wow My cousin's jewelry Took her money out of her place

Because she's just low-lifes And you can't get shit Because your rich millionaire My dad won't give you bread As a matter of fact He makes you get pizza On Christmas day Wow

Was that even a diss? That was a diss, yeah First of all This first bitch that came up Yeah, it's a lot She was intense Yeah Oh

That's a true gypsy look, though That's usually How they rock it, you know With the hair Yeah, I just thought that other lady Was like a soccer mom But she's a real She's a real Romani

Romani shale I'm a Romani jail How about those beefies? Oofa, oofa, oofa She's got She's got a totally perfect smile Perfect smile Perfect smile's in right there

See? She put it in right Are we making the video? Hold on a second We're gonna make a video right now Yeah, get your perfect smile I'm gonna put my perfect smile on Here we go

There you go Perfect smile Man, that first lady's a savage Oh my God You know I live there Yeah, cause you there last night She's crazy Yeah

Jory took her money out of her place Cause she's just low-lifes And you can't get shit Cause your rich millionaire My dad won't give you bread As a matter of fact He makes you get pizza on Christmas day Yeah

Bye Her voice is like pills Smokes Smokes Yeah, smoke, smoke, smoke She loves that real Romani shale lifestyle Yeah, a lot of hard booze

And hard living We party all fucking day Yeah, dude I'm gonna give a fuck about shit I'm gonna give a shit Give a fucking shit Fucking shit Jeez, man

These broads got a lot of time Who's got that kind of time To call out fights with people I mean, you really gotta have no life Man Jesus You know what a motherfucker is That we're doing right now?

Furniture shopping You really? Or is it stressing you out? Well, it's just one of those things Where you don't think about it That you're, when you move Sometimes you go like Oh, yeah

If I don't get something This room will just stay empty I know And you know what? We really don't have a lot of furniture No We don't have anything We don't have anything

Really small apartments Yeah And so when you move into a house You're like Oh, there's nothing for this house No And we also buy like Frat boy furniture

We have Electric What are those called? Recliners Recliner chairs Here's how bad we were with that Burt Kreischer Told us

That it was a Frat boy chair When you have Burt going like Hey What's up with your chair? Yeah Are you gonna frat? That's, you know you're

Well, the problem with you and I Is that we like Comfort over fashion I know Burt Kreischer's fat I know So, you know I can't fucking

I can't buy something that I can't use It makes me crazy It's true It's such a bummer Yeah It is It's such a bummer I like the perfect smile

I just want it to be set up I know jeans It's all, you know I know you get You want everything Done Done But it takes a little time

I gotta call this fucking asshole now too I just remember Which fucking asshole One of the baby safety gate people I know It's a process And it fucking sucks, dude Yeah

It's moving Listen There's no hell worse than moving Yeah Point blank period Point blank period You just get your life And you suck it up

And it just sucks for like a month, dude It's true You know what I'm saying I know what you're saying I know what you mean And I know what you're talking about I know it Yeah

Anything else, Jeans? That's it I love you Happy Banner Smurfany Thank you for listening to our show Come see us Do you stand up live? Yeah

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Here is a closing song It's Six Butts By Jason B Okay All right See you next week Bye, guys Bye, mommies

I have two butts Not six I have six butts I'm squeezing my titties right now I have two butts Six butts I have two butts Six butts

Guess what Six butts I have two butts Six butts Butts Six butts I have two butts Six butts

Yeah Two butts I have two butts Six butts Butts Power up They're gonna get it They're gonna get it

They're gonna get it They're gonna get it Butts Get up and watch it Guess what Two butts Six butts Butts

Two butts Six butts Are you touching that it right now? Watch it Two butts Checking you guys out Oh, wait a minute Wait a minute

Two butts Butts Butts Do you have any girlfriends that you fuck? Sean Brennan And guess what And guess what And guess what

Guess what And guess what I have two butts Six butts I have two butts Six butts Butts Two butts

Six butts I have two butts Six butts Oh, yeah, I do, baby And guess what And guess what Guess what And guess what

Now I'm found as a cow Now I'm found as a cow All right Oh, now I don't think I should touch it Two butts A lot of money In a book I'm the executive director

All right